Here's another way to upgrade your marriage (without hitting

your head). Neurosychologist Rick Hanson, author

of Hardwiring Happiness, taught me about how we have Velcro
for the bad, and Teflon for the good experiences in life. I think
that's a major reason that only 30% of all couples are
considered semi-happy. He's got a method to "take in the good,"
where you notice something good that happens, and you take it
in. 
 
1. Have a positive experience.This activates a positive
mental state. Choose a positive experience that happened
recently and consider it fully. Perhaps it was a physical
pleasure, like inhaling roses on a walk, or an emotional
pleasure, like feeling close to someone who matters to you.
 
2. Enrich it. Next, install the positive experience in your
mind. Get a feeling for how it affected you on a sensory level
— associated feelings of wellness, sights, smells, and how it
made you feel. Allow yourself to open to the feeling and let it
fill your body, mind, and spirit. As Dr. Hanson recommends,
find something fresh or novel in it. Recognize how it could
nourish you, which rewires your brain away from alcohol and
toward what is good for you.
 
3. Absorb it. Let the positive feelings from this experience
seep into you, providing soothing and calmness, filling you
with gratitude and positive emotions. Create the intention that
this feeling of being on your own side is sinking into you. Let
the good become part of you. Surrender to it— not in a
passive manner but in a way that serves your highest good.
 
This is self-directed neuroplasticity. You are rewiring your brain
for pleasure and happiness. Make it a habit by practicing it daily
for the next three days.