Stand Up Comedy Routine

 Libraries
 Theaters
 Farmers Market 
 Cemetery 
 Working Out 
 College Professors
 Prescription Drugs
 Gum
 Trains

Joke: A convergence of two or more clearly identifiable ideas (a juxtaposition of two contrasting
ideas)

Two different types of Comedians/Comedy Writers:

1. Coincidental Comedian (waiting for something funny to happen to you) 
2. Comedy Manufacturer** (when you have nothing, put it together to make it funny) 
1. Don’t look for something funny… just look for something and make it funny!
Talk about sex in comedy
 I was staying at this hotel a few weeks ago and this housekeeper keeps bangin on the
door–like seriously BANGING! So, I finally had to open the door to let her out.
 I try to stay fit, I really do. I don’t want my health to be bad and one thing that’s really
been difficult is going to the gym with this coronavirus. So I’ve been visiting parks and
going on more walks recently. And most people go on walks with their dog, but instead I
like to switch it up and go on walks with my little sister. Yeah, I think the weirdest part
about that is I don’t have a little sister…
 I just recently started college. Just finished my freshman year, it’s so weird to think about
the thought process behind college. I mean, I wish I was at the board meeting where the
idea was pitched.
1: “Alright how do we wanna take advantage of these young 20 year olds in order
to pay off our mortgages? Any ideas?”
2: “What if we lock kids up in the prime of their physically active lifestyles and put
their heads into a textbook that costs half of their life savings and keep calling
them after they graduate saying they’ll never be good enough for God until they
give us more money?
 Go on to the 96 year old college story
 You ever get stopped by people on vacation to ask you a question? I got stopped three
times the other week on my vacation by some guys that just sat down next to me and
they were asking for food advice and they’re like “where should I go?” and I’m like
“There’s a good Chinese place down the street from here, you should check it out” and
they’re like “Aw I hate the asian world” and you’re like “damn” and they’re like “Yeah, I
killed like 4 of them”, “you like a serial killer or something”, “yeah.” Next thing you know,
you’re in an awkward conversation with a serial killer.
 Now, Trump speculates that NYC Hospitals are running low on masks for the
Coronavirus, that’s just because you let the seniors go shopping an hour earlier than
everyone else.
 Another article said that “No, America’s response to the Coronavirus isn’t the worst in
the world”. Oh good, I’m glad that’s our response to other countries at the UN Lunch
Table. I think Sweden and Italy may finally let us sit at the cool kids table (cool countries
table?)
 In a recent article, a renowned Heart Surgeon said that THIS is why you have low energy.
Really? This?! I thought it was because I was just a fatass
 Wrong Number bit