The Bed Uncovered

Practical steps to an amazing sex life in marriage

By Mrs. Bridget Emenuwe

The Bed Uncovered

© Bridget Emenuwe 2019

ISBN: 978-978-976-119-7

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise,
without the prior permission in writing from the publisher and the
author.

Contact the author via:

Email: sexcoach@familyliving.com.ng
Website: www.familyliving.com.ng
Telephone: +447832283599; +234 803 713 8526; +2348037015526

Printed in Nigeria by
MagicWand Publishing (A Wumfab Strongholds
Company) 1, Bamisile Street, Egbeda Lagos
info@booksbymagicwand.com
08059864322, 08022879183
Table of Contents

I. Dedication
II. Foreword
III. Comments on The Bed
Uncovered IV. Introduction
V. Part 1 – Basic Foundations
• Chapter 1 – What is Sex to you?
• Chapter 2 – Chamber affairs
• Chapter 3 – Healthy Benefits of Sex and why
you should always make love
VI. Part 2 – The Art of Pleasure
• Chapter 4 – Is there any limit?
• Chapter 5 – Bad Boy, Bad Girl: How to turn
your spouse on
• Chapter 6 – Orgasms: How to mutually hit
CLIMAX every single time!
VII. Part 3 – Overcoming Roadblocks
• Chapter 7 – Common Issues In The Bed
• Chapter 8 – How to last longer in Bed
• Chapter 9 – How to overcome sex brakes
VIII. Part 4 – Adventures in Love
• Chapter 10 – How to keep your sex life ablaze
• Chapter 11 – Sex during pregnancy
• Chapter 12 – Amazing sex ideas for you
• Bonus Chapter – Personal Secrets I use that
works wonders
IX. Conclusion
X. References
DEDICATION

“A man can receive nothing unless it has been given to

him from heaven” – John 3:27 (NKJV)

This book is dedicated to God the Father, God The

Son, and God The Holy Spirit from whom the title and
inspiration to write this book came. To Him alone be
all the glory
FOREWORD

I am highly honoured and privileged to present this book which I

see as a veritable material for married couples longing for good
sexual relations.

Bridget has presented the subject in a very easy to understand

manner and demonstrated her in-depth knowledge on issues
confronting marital sex by providing solutions to them. She
represented her views and cautiously dealt with core marital
confrontations and issues that hamper couples from having a
fulfilling love life as designed by God.

This book is very rich in substance with information on how

married couples can have good sex and in turn, manage sex crisis
at home. There is no doubt that it will be of immense value.

I recommend “The Bed Uncovered” as a must read book for all

married and intending couples.

Mark C. Orgu
Editor-in-chief,
Afrikanwatch Magazine, Nigeria.
COMMENTS ON “THE BED
UNCOVERED”

“When my wife told me of her plans to write this book, my

response was “Finally!” Based on her in-depth knowledge of this
subject matter, the book was long overdue and not writing it
would have been a disservice to humanity and to marriages. This
book is surely a must read for all couples. Irrespective of what
you know about marital sex, there is a lot to learn from this
book.”

- Emenuwe Emmanuel

“The Bed Uncovered is a well-articulated thought provoking, very

insightful, and inspiring marriage saving book. Honestly, much as
I count myself honoured to be deemed fit, I do not think I have a
word good enough to sum up this book because firstly, I am one
of your big students in this subject of discuss. It's not a matter of
age or exposure. I have read through your book and it is very
loaded. It would make sense to anyone who understands that
marriage is made to work and is to be enjoyed and not to be
endured. I highly recommend it to every couple willing to make
their marriage and love life enjoyable. I am up this early morning
to declare over this book that it shall bring healing to many
marriages; through it the foundation of many homes shall be
established. It will go places and will announce you to your
world. Congratulations dear sister.”

- Mrs. Esther Hambolu

(Winners Chapel International)

“I want to salute the courage of Bridget Emenuwe for coming out

to write on this very important topic. This has been one of the
major factors responsible for most crises in marriage over the
years. Lots of people with this insight are timid and afraid to
come up openly to share their revelations and experiences. I
highly recommend this book for couples willing to have the best
of pleasure and mutual satisfaction that God has designed for
them in marriage.”

- Pastor Ben Daramola

(Royal Diadem Chapel International)

“Bridget Emenuwe is a master coach when it comes to sex in

marriage and health talk. Her powerful principles are finally
available in this amazing book. Please read and do what she says
to do. Your marital love life will turn around for good!”

- Mrs. Olukemi Olufunmilola

Oluwatubo (Daystar Christian Center)

The subject is not a common topic on marriage, relationship and

sex. It is an answer to questions of singles in relationship and
those already married. It is also a cure to marriages at the verge
of collapse. I therefore recommend this book for singles
preparing for marriage and the married for a successful home.

- Pastor Paul Olubo

(Winners Chapel International)

“Good job! Bridget has touched most areas where couples have
issues in this book. I can't think of anything she has missed out
and highly recommend you read it.”

- Mrs. Adenike Oluwafemi

(Daystar Christian Centre)

Marriage is intended for pleasure and bliss among other

purposes. At such, the marital bed is ordained to be warm,
active, and vibrant by design but wrong or inadequate
knowledge makes it otherwise. Cold, inactive or boring marital
bed has been one of the major causes of jerky and dead
marriages.

A lot of Christian couples are void of the requisite knowledge on

the subject of conjugal pleasure as a result of the prevailing
orthodox views on sexual relations in marriage which slams the
brakes on their appetite to learn. Little wonder, most couples
hardly discuss and review the quality of their bed life together.

This revolutionary, passionate and practical bold work will no

doubt increase the knowledge of how blissful the bed life among
married couples should be and inject a new order of well-
deserved fun, excitement and pleasure into their marriage and
harmony in their homes.

I want to suggest that couples study the book together as it will

create the necessary platform to sincerely address areas of
concerns and frictions. Knowledge on its own changes nothing,
but the discretionary application of the same changes everything.
I hope married readers will do the needful.

This timely revolutionary work of Mrs. Bridget will resonate with

‘marital-healing’ virtues everywhere, even into the ageless future.

- Daniel Abejirinde
Lead Missionary/Pastor
(Greenwoods Ministries International, Lesotho)
INTRODUCTION

Sex or lack of it has resulted in many broken homes. A lot of

marriages have been destroyed due to sex related
problems. Couples usually do not experience this at the
early stages in marriage but over time, sex will become the
“devil” standing between the man and the woman as sexual
feelings and urge for each other gradually wane until they
disappear completely.

What is responsible? Who is to blame – the man, the

woman or both?

The sex life that you usually enjoy and always looked
forward to has become something you dread with complete
loss of interest.

God created us to be passionate and one of the ways He did

that was to create sex. Sex ultimately is you knowing your
partner physically, emotionally and spiritually. The
challenge here is that it is not automatic. God made women
to take a little longer to warm up so that men would have to
learn to woo their wives and women in turn would have to
communicate to their husbands what feels good.

If God made sex between couples to be incredible, why

would you want to miss out on that? God created you for
passion; don’t ever settle for less. If you have still not
attained that sexual satisfaction in your marriage, do not
worry.

As you take time to study this book and practice all the
principles outlined in it, get ready to turn up the heat in
your marriage and fulfillment in your bedroom. No matter
how terrible your marital sex life may be, reading this book
will help you resolve any sex related issue in your marriage.
This is the book you have been waiting for to finding a
lasting solution to your sexless marriage and re-igniting the
initial love and intimacy that brought you and your spouse
together.

Bridget Emenuwe
17th September, 2019.
Part 1

BASIC FOUNDATIONS
 18
“ Your sex life will be blessed as you take joy and pleasure
19
in the wife of your youth. Let her breasts be your
satisfaction, and let her embrace intoxicate you at all
times. Be continually delighted and ravished with her love!”

– Proverbs 5:18-19 (The Passion Translation)

 Chapter 1
WHAT IS SEX TO YOU?

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I had just returned

from my clothing store when a call came in. “Hello ma”,
came the frustrated voice of a friend of mine I had been
counseling, “I can’t take it anymore”. “What’s the issue
dear?” I asked settling down to engage in what I sensed
would be a long conversation. “All he just wants to do is
fuck! He is not even romantic at all”.

I had heard those lines before and knew they were coming
from a sincere place of love for the spouse and resentment
for their actions – Two things that never complement each
other.

Sex, as simple and amazing as it sounds, is a very

complicated subject we need to talk about especially in the
confines of marriage. Sex can be a difficult subject for some
people, and the idea of talking to your spouse about sex
might make you feel awkward. It can feel even more
difficult when talking about what your sexual needs are,
especially if you feel they aren’t being met.

The first step to understanding what sex means to us is to

first understand why we want to engage in it in the first
place. Your spouse may come up with a dozen excuses to
say "Not tonight dear," but how many reasons can the two
of you name for wanting to have sex?
From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness,
today's reasons for having sex seem to vary as much as the
terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review
of sex motivation studies states that people are offering "far
more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than
in former times." And we're doing it more often too. It’s a
stark contrast from historical assumptions, which cited only
three sexual motives: To make babies, to feel good, or
because you're in love.

Primarily speaking, asking why people have sex is like asking

why we eat. It may sound strange because we seem to be
wired for sex. The question however still needs to be asked.

Why do we seek sex?

Over time, I have found out that our motivations generally

fall into four main categories;

• Physical reasons: Attraction, pleasure, stress relief,

exercise or sexual curiosity.
• Goal-based reasons e.g. to make a baby.
• Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, or gratitude.
• Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep our
spouse from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a
sense of duty or pressure (for example, our spouse
insists on having sex)
The Difference Between The Sexes

Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it

feels. Women, although they very well may also derive
pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the
relationship enhancement that sex offers. Researchers
describe these differences as body-centered versus person-
centered sex.

• Body-centered sex is when you have sex because

you like the way it makes your body feel. You aren't
concerned with the emotions of your spouse.
• Person-centered sex is when you have sex to
connect with your spouse. You care about the
emotions involved and the relationship.

The first path to a satisfying sex life is through increased

knowledge of your spouse's sexual mindset. Every healthy
sexual relationship requires constant communication. It is
important to focus on both your needs and the needs of
your spouse. It’s a good idea to be open about what your
needs are and to always keep the communication open.
The place of Intimacy in having Great Sex

When we talk about intimacy, we usually refer to sexual

intimacy. Indeed, there are many articles published about
how to enhance your physical intimacy, how to bring it back
when it starts fading, how to make it pop and sizzle. But
there is another very important connection to pay attention
to in your marriage, and that is emotional intimacy. Less is
written about this essential bond, which is unfortunate
because these two types of intimacy work hand-in-hand to
keep a marriage vibrant, rich and meaningful.

Let’s look at each one and then see how, when combined,
they create a symbiotic alchemy to keep you both healthy
and happy.
The need for physical intimacy

Physical or sexual intimacy is an urge for a sexual

connection. It doesn’t necessarily require an emotional
component for it to be performed or be satisfying. We are
programmed with an “urge to merge” sexually so that the
species will perpetuate itself and reproduction takes place.
Not only do we yearn for physical intimacy, but we also
enjoy, even without emotional intimacy, the touch and
presence of another person as we give into all the
sensuality that physical intimacy provides.

Physical intimacy involves a certain degree of vulnerability

and trust – for some more than others, and in some
scenarios more than others. It does not, however, require
complete vulnerability and trust for it to take place. Have
you ever had or heard from people that had a one-night
stand? You would realize the physical relationship was
enjoyed without a deep sense of trust between the people
involved. Sex alone does not make us closer to a person.

Emotional intimacy is also essential

Contrary to physical intimacy which can take place with

little or no love-connection between couples, emotional
intimacy is a link that grows and deepens between two
people who are in love. A healthy, mature love relationship
cannot exist without the presence of emotional intimacy.
The couple needs to feel safe, to trust each other
completely, and to have the ability to reveal their
vulnerabilities and their needs to each other while being
confident that they would always be there for each other.

Emotional intimacy is the foundation for a rich and loving

relationship, and should continually be tended to. A
relationship cannot survive without emotional intimacy; it is
what helps love to survive through the toughest of times,
and makes us continue to want to love and be loved by our
spouse.

How do we grow emotional intimacy?

• Communication

An essential ingredient in emotional intimacy, we often

communicate superficially about family life as we talk about
the work day, discuss domestic duties, strategize over
money and organize the kids. Sometimes we even use
humor, sarcasm, and activities to fill up our time together
thus intentionally or unintentionally avoiding the very
vulnerability and transparency that we need to thrive as a
couple. Emotional intimacy is deepened when you and your
spouse have a genuine discussion where you are both
present (no distractions e.g. cell phones) and truly seeing
each other.

• Exposure

Emotional intimacy is enhanced when you share your

moments of doubt, fear, sadness, and pain and you feel the
arms of your husband around you and his voice telling you
that he understands and that everything you are
experiencing is normal and legitimate.
 • Trust

While many of us may feel that sex is the glue from which
communication (and intimacy) will flow, others may deem
emotional intimacy the prerequisite to a fulfilling sex life.

Emotional intimacy requires a high level of transparency

and openness which involves a degree of vulnerability that
can feel uncomfortable or anxiety-producing to many of us.
What if that sort of vulnerability is a “No Go” area? What if
our spouse is unwilling or unable to communicate in a
deeply personal way? Even if the sex is fabulous, will an
unsatisfying degree of emotional intimacy leave you
languishing? The answer is yes!

Now I realize the fact that there are people that are simply
more comfortable with revealing less. We may be married
to a spouse who doesn’t provide the confidences that we
want or need, much less the acceptance of ours. The
resulting void is a lack of intimacy that often leads to an
emotional affair which may in turn lead to infidelity. There is
a need for 100% trust and openness in order for us to grow
intimate emotionally. The best way to do this is by allowing
enough time to pass so trust is well established as what we
each need in terms of intimacy will vary: my “deep sharing”
may not be yours and yours may not be mine.

The bottom line however is that marriage needs intimacy.

We need both physical and emotional intimacy to develop a
relationship that is truly adult, healthy and satisfying for
both spouses. One thing we have to keep in mind though is
that intimacy isn’t a “destination” but rather, an experience
or set of feelings. At such, intimacy is not something we
arrive at but something we grow in.

Sometimes the balance is not perfect. There will be times in

a marriage where one person needs more of one type of
intimacy than the other. At the beginning, most couples
want the physically-intimate part of this balance to weigh
heavily. As we age together, a natural tilt will occur,
favoring the emotional connection. This is especially true as
we move through life’s stages of childbirth, childrearing,
empty-nest-syndrome, menopause, illness and other events
that can impact how often sex occurs.

If you are looking to construct a long-term relationship, you

must have both types of intimacy. Without them, the
relationship is rather hollow and you will have a sense of
insecurity. Together they serve to create a “glue” that will
hold you together during tough times. If one of these is
missing, there is no foundation to rely on and the
relationship will crumble.
So ask yourself:

Are we making love in our marriage or just having sex?

I remember having a friend several years ago in the

university. She always came around my room after lectures
and stayed back as late as possible. I challenged her at
several points knowing she was a married woman but she
never bulged. One day she opened up while we were having
a chat.
“Bridget I am tired oh” she began.

“What is it again?” I asked

“It’s my husband” She responded. “Once he gets home from

work, he will just tap me on the shoulder and tell me to
kwanta!” (A way of telling someone to lie down in Northern
Nigeria)”

I knew what she meant and saw the deep frustration and
resentment she had for her husband for his lack of affection
and care for her will and emotions.

Love making is what you do as a couple to please each other

beyond Sexual Intimacy. It is a way of life that exists
between a couple that strengthens and deepens the love
life of a couple. It binds you together and eventually
impacts positively on your sex lives. Most sex issues in
marriages exist due to absence of love making.

There are two main components of love making.

They are 1) Intimate Gestures and 2) Intimate

Communication.

1. INTIMATE GESTURES

Intimate Gestures is the use of Body Language to have a

Better Romantic Relationship. A great relationship doesn’t
need expensive shows of affection. Although that has its
place, what matters more are the sweet romantic gestures
that make your love for each other become stronger.

Sometimes, a sweet gesture can make your spouse’s day,

even if it’s done in the smallest way. It doesn’t matter if
you’re the husband or the wife, such gestures should come
from both. What matters is that you care enough to create
little ways to remind your lover that you’re still madly in
love with him/her.

Below are some intimate gestures that can strengthen your

relationship:

• Pray Together – Make it a conscious habit to always

Pray and Study the Word of God Together. Never
neglect your Family Altar for anything because that is
the Foundation of your intimacy.

• Create some funny moments. Take a sexy picture of

yourself wearing your husband’s clothes and send it
to him. You can drive back home shortly after leaving
the house to tell your wife that you forgot to kiss her
goodbye.

• Be your partner’s maid for a day. Treat your partner

like royalty for a day or even a few hours if your
partner doesn’t allow you to play the maid for an
entire day.
• Always hold hands when you’re walking on a street.
Wrap your arms around your lover when you’re
standing close to each other, and don’t keep more
than a feet’s distance between each other unless you
have no choice.

• Be interested in each other’s area of interest as long

as it is lawful. Spend time with your spouse, if not
always, but regularly when he/she is enjoying his/her
favorite hobby – like sports among other hobbies,
even if it is something that doesn’t interest you
much. You can force yourself to love what your
partner loves.

• Take your bath together and also cook together as

occasion permits. Surprise your Spouse by doing
something “mischievous” either when he or she is in
the kitchen, bathroom or on the phone. Husbands
should occasionally spend few minutes in the kitchen
while the wife is cooking. He can occasionally cook
for the wife and wash the dishes.

• Don’t go pass each other in the home like strangers

without a Touch, a Nudge or even tickling each
other. Do it countless times a day. You don’t need to
wait for a time and place, simply steal a moment.
 • Sleep together on the same bed. The habit of
sleeping apart or in different bedrooms is a sign of
disunity and disaffection.

• Hangout with your spouse. Please dear wives, it is

important for us to know that we must not always
wait for our husbands to take us out. We can also
take them out. Take your partner out sometimes, to
eatery, cinemas or shopping malls. What’s more
fulfilling is the fun of togetherness rather than the
cost. While in a restaurant or eatery, if your partner
isn’t enjoying their food, switch plates and give them
yours.

• Always create atmosphere for play and fun in the

home. Try as much as possible to keep your spouse
happy. Know when your partner is in a bad mood
and care to know why.

Other things you can do include; sitting on the same seat

regularly while at home and even when you have visitors,
giving your spouse a foot massage when both of you are
relaxing on the couch and playing games like scrabble
together alone or with the kids sometimes. You can also
stop on your way back home sometimes and pick up your
spouse’s favorite dessert or just to get surprise gifts. It
doesn’t have to be something costly.
Love making is not about having sex seven times a week.
And it is not about expensive gifts. It is more about bringing
a smile on each other’s faces for no reason at all. It is more
about letting your spouse know you’re still in love with little
affectionate gestures.

2. INTIMATE COMMUNICATION

When was the last time you gave each other undivided
attention, just the two of you making eye contacts and
conversing without any interruptions from your phone or
watching television?

Communication is all about creating intimacy outside the

bedroom which will help you connect inside the bedroom. If
your dream as a couple is to have a healthy, happy and
satisfying relationship with your partner, you probably must
look for ways to improve your communication and maintain
a strong and secure bond.

You need to learn how to keep the Love Alive in your

marriage and also nourish it. To achieve that, below are
some intentional things you can do to take your
communication to a more intimate level.

i. Be Curious

If you ask couples that seem to know each other in and out,
from their favourite food, colours and their deepest darkest
secrets, you will realize that they will never have known
them completely without constantly communicating and
asking different questions.

A great way to improve on your communication level as a

couple is to get to know about your partner’s world in and
out by asking intimate questions. For instance, instead of
asking your spouse “how was work today?” Try to make it
deeper by asking questions that required a detailed
response such as:

• What was the best part of your day at work

today?
• What is do I do that gets you excited?
• What are the areas of our relationship that I need
to improve on?

ii. Intentionally Touch Your Spouse While You

Communicate When At Home Or In A Function

There is what is called “The Healing Power of a Good

Touch”. Hugging and Touching are one of our most intimate
ways of connecting with our Spouse.

Hold hands, give each other Foot Rubs while you talk about
your day, place your head on your husband’s chest as a
woman and tell him how much you love him.
iii. Always End Your Conversation With A Kiss.

Not every conversation with your Spouse ends with a

solution, therefore when you find yourselves in the midst of
a difficult conversation; the best way to end it is with a Kiss.
This shows that even though both of you may disagree on
some things Love is still there.

iv. Express Your Love

Show your love every single day, tell each other how much
you value the union and also how much you love and
appreciate each other.

Always strive to do something sweet or different for your

Spouse. For Example, your husband can write “I LOVE YOU”
on your Bathroom Mirror for you his wife while you the wife
can slip a small note into his pocket or lunch pack. Writing
this now reminds me of those days in high school when we
used to pass love notes as teenage romantics. You would be
amazed at what the power of a written down affirmation of
your love will do to your spouse.

v. Maintain Eye Contact

Cultivate the habit of looking into each other’s eyes when

you are talking. This makes your Spouse understand that
you are listening and are interested in the conversation

Summarily, Physical intimacy is often the “driving force”

that first puts two people together. But it is emotional
intimacy that is the secret behind long-term relationships
and mind-blowing sex. It means that you communicate well,
establish concrete connections of trust and openness.

In a love relationship, emotional intimacy is what lays the

groundwork for compassion, passion, attachment and
commitment because it’s based on a foundation of trust,
truth and mutual respect, and the promise of security.
Romantic couples who are successful at expressing their
emotions enjoy much-happier marriages and longer lives
than those where one partner is uncomfortable or flat-out
refuses to share his or her emotional temperature.

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL

NEEDS

Like I said initially, sex can be a difficult subject for some

people, and the idea of talking to your spouse about sex
might make you feel awkward. However, being open about
your sexual needs with your spouse is a sign of a healthy
relationship, and communication is a part of sex. It’s also
normal in any relationship to find that you need to have this
conversation.

Problems with sex and intimacy are probably more common

than you think. If you want to have this conversation, here
are some things to consider so that both you and your
spouse can be comfortable discussing this issue.
1. Picking the right time

While the temptation might be to have this conversation as

soon as possible, it’s best to think about when the right time is
and where the right place might be to talk about this.
Try and pick a time when you know there will be few
distractions, and avoid trying to talk about it right before
bed. It’s not a good idea to discuss these problems before
you’re about to have sex or after you’ve just had sex.
2. Where to have the conversation

It’s better to keep conversations about sex out of the

bedroom or any other places where you are normally
intimate with your spouse. Think of somewhere neutral
where you can talk about this. You could consider going for
a walk to somewhere quiet where you can talk privately, or
sit down in a room other than the bedroom. Try to make
sure there won’t be any other people around, because it
can bring the conversation to a halt if someone else is there
to hear what you’re saying.

3. How to start the conversation

Once you’ve decided to discuss this with your spouse, it’s a

good idea to think about how you’ll approach it.

• Make a plan

Try not to suddenly jump the conversation on your spouse,

because they could be thrown off if they’re not expecting it.
Instead, you could tell them that you’d like to talk about
your sexual intimacy and ways to make it better for both of
you, and suggest a time, such as “tomorrow after work”.
That way they know what to expect, and they’ll be prepared
to talk about it. This might make them nervous, so reassure
them that it’s nothing bad, you’ve just been thinking about
ways to make things better.
 • Start with the positives

Instead of jumping straight into what you feel is wrong, try

to tell them what it is you like about your sexual
relationship, and ask them what they like about it. For
example, you could tell them that you love the touch of
their hands when you’re intimate together. What this does
is that it makes your spouse relaxed and more open to what
you have to say as they may have probably been thinking
you want to criticize them.

• Avoid blame

The conversation is not likely to go anywhere if you try to

blame the other person for these problems. Acknowledge
that you’re both in this together, and you can find a solution
together. It can be helpful to use ‘I’ statements instead of
‘you’ statements to avoid making the other person feel like
they are being blamed. Respect and feeling respected are
key aspects to a relationship. Using so-called I-statements is
a communication technique that helps emphasize the
speaker’s experience, without shaming, blaming, or
complaining about the other person.

For example, instead of saying “you never seem to care

about what I want to do”, you could instead say “I would
like it if we could try doing some of the things I like when
we have sex”. This helps you pass across your wants
without your spouse putting up a defense. :

If you love to be kissed, touched or licked more, you could

say “I notice we seem to be having less foreplay before we
have sex. Can we talk about ways to spend more time
making out first?”

Maybe you love it when your spouse rides you; you could
begin by saying “I really liked it when you were on top of
me. Is there anything I can do to get more of that?”

You may be surprised that your spouse doesn’t even know

what you love when you have sex together.

• Listen to what they say

Try to really listen to what your spouse is saying when they

respond to what you’ve told them. It can be easy to get
carried away in your head, especially if you feel that this is a
difficult or uncomfortable conversation for you.
Communication is a two way conversation. They may have
some issues that they would like to bring up with you, so it’s
important to be open and to pay attention.

4. What to talk to your spouse about

You may already have an idea about what it is you would

like to change or discuss with your spouse. On the other
hand, you might be unsure about what the problem is, but
you just know a conversation is needed. Here are some
topics that you might want to discuss with your spouse.

• Frequency

Everyone is different, and many couples might feel

differently about how often they would like to have sex, if at
all. This can be difficult to navigate, but if you talk to one
another, you will be able to find a solution.
If you would like to have sex more often, ask your spouse
how they would feel about this, and what you could do to
help them feel more comfortable. See if you can come to a
compromise – being sexually active does not mean having
penetrative sex all the time, and being sexually active can
mean something different for each individual or couple.
Make sure your spouse is comfortable with the idea of
trying something different.

If you would like to have sex less often, try to frame the
conversation in a positive way. Let them know that you like
to be close to them, but that you don’t have the same
sexual drive as they do. You could try suggesting how often
you would prefer to have sex or be intimate, and see if you
can come to a compromise.

• Talking about what you like and don’t like

Is there something your spouse did in the past that you

really enjoyed, but they haven’t done since? Is there
something your spouse always does in bed that you don’t
really like, but never really told them?

Talking about your likes and dislikes when it comes to sex

can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but if you are
open about what you want in bed, you will both enjoy sex a
lot more. Part of this is about communicating during sex by
giving a verbal or physical reaction that tells your spouse if
you like something. Another way to approach it is to sit
down and say what it is you would like, and ask if you could
try it next time. The more you communicate, the easier it
will be to discuss these things.
 • Dealing with differences in what you like

You might find that you and your spouse have differences
when it comes to what you like. This is normal, because not
everyone is the same. You can try to use a metaphor to
understand that not everyone likes the same things, for
example: “Sex is like food - I may like sugary things and you
don’t. It’s okay to like different things.”

Try to be open about what your spouse likes, and be curious

about it. Ask them why they like something and how it feels.
This could help you to find a compromise.

Always make sure your spouse is fully comfortable with

whatever decision you make.
 Chapter 2
CHAMBER AFFAIRS

When we meet someone for the first time, we notice how

good or bad looking a person is as well as how stylish, classy
or youthful looking they are when it comes to external
assessment. One thing that hardly crosses our mind at such
time is where he/she stands when it comes to the hygiene
level.

We almost assume that because a person is well-dressed,

wearing branded clothes and sporting branded perfume,
the person must be aware of how important cleanliness is.
But believe it or not, many newly married couples have had
a rude awakening because they discovered the “dirty” side
of their spouses.

Take the case of Lolade and Obinna (not real names), who
had been dating for almost two years before they got
married. But during the honeymoon period, Lolade got a
shock of her life when she discovered her husband’s smelly
side.

“At first I couldn’t figure out why there was a stale smell in
the room that almost bordered on stench. To my disgust I
found that my husband had this terrible habit of not
changing his socks for days. He would wear them again and
again till they were so dirty that they could not even be
washed. He would then throw them away and wear the
next set of socks for days again,” she said.

“I felt miserable and even told him that his feet smelt as did
the whole room for hours after he took off his shoes. But it
made no difference to him, even though I told him that
even the bed smelt,” she added.

“That was what our first fight was about. There was a lot of
tension but I stood my ground. Finally, he agreed to change
his socks and our marriage was saved,” says Lolade.

While Lolade was lucky that her problem could be solved,

there are many such hygiene issues in spouses that sometimes
are very difficult to negotiate without the relationship being
affected. This is what happened with Ibrahim and Susan (not
real names). Their marriage had been fixed by common family
friends but the two had ample time to meet and get to know
each other before saying yes.

“What I was excited about was that we shared a good

physical chemistry and I couldn’t wait to sleep with her. She
had an amazing figure and carried herself really well,”
recalls Ibrahim. He was however in for a major
disappointment when they got married and went for their
honeymoon.

“The first time I found out that she had such a strong body
odour I was really upset. I didn’t know what to do and how
to say that to her without embarrassing her. It became a
torture for me,” he said.
I have realized that many people do not attach much
importance to personal hygiene, but what they don’t realize
is that the lack of it can impact a marriage in a drastic way.

It is not only newly-married couples who face the hygiene

demon. Sometimes, a spouse starts demonstrating lack of
hygiene over the years, as happened in the case of Tiwa and
Maxwell (not real names).

“Things were fine initially but with time I realized that he

started neglecting his personal hygiene. He would often
forget to brush his teeth and it became a major problem for
me,” she said.

“I just couldn’t bring myself to bear the breath, and I

couldn’t tell him either because I knew he would not take it
nicely,” she confesses. Soon distance started creeping up
between them and ended up in alienating Maxwell from
her.

If lack of hygiene is leading to a situation where it looks like

your marriage might disintegrate, I strongly suggest that
you take the risk of letting your spouse know what and
where the problem is. Though they may not take it with a
smile, the risk of upsetting your spouse is much less than
the risk of losing them and breaking your marriage.

It’s funny that two people who are engaged in a sexual

relationship, spending time together naked and giving each
other orgasms, would hesitate to talk about certain subjects
— hygiene often falls into this taboo category. The worst
thing you can do in this type of situation is say nothing and
avoid physical contact. Your sex life would eventually crash
and that might lead to the entire marriage falling apart.

One thing I’ve come to realize from personal experience

and from counseling couples is that a lot of us ignore the
fact that marriage is a partnership and at such, a lot of
personal norms we don’t find discomforting have to be
dropped or improved upon for the betterment of our
spouse and marriage as a whole.

Like I said in the beginning of this book, effective

communication is necessary for us to have an amazing
sexual and love life in marriage. Hygiene is one of those
topics we need to lovingly discuss and grow in as couples.

Hygiene is important. Schedule some time each day to take

care of things. I usually do my hygiene tasks the moment I
wake up, and I have a litany of things that I go through as
part of the routine. If you don’t have an established routine
that is simply a fundamental part of your day, start one.
Literally make a list of things to do and do them every day.
That time you invest will pay off in the long run because
you’ll be constantly providing a subtle positive cue to your
spouse about yourself – and you’ll feel better, too.

There are basic hygiene practices however that you can

implement right now that will give your sex life a
tremendous boost in the long run. .
1. Keep The Cleaning Process Private:

A lot of women become so comfortable with their husbands

over the years that they forget men are moved by what
they see. Now I am not saying you shouldn’t be free around
your Husband (I believe that’s the whole essence of
marriage), there are things we must however learn to stop
doing in front of them. One of them is the cleaning process.

I remember visiting a dear friend at about the time she was

experiencing her monthly flow. To my utter amazement,
she was about changing in front of me! Realizing it as an
opportunity to share some nuggets with her on this matter,
I jokingly chipped in;

“I hope you don’t change in front of him oh”.

“Who?” She asked.
“Your husband” I replied.

”Hmmm, Aunty B, I do oh. In fact he is even the one I send

to buy me my pads and tampons”.

As shocking as that sounds, that’s the case in many

marriages. Dear wives, we have to understand deeply the
fact that our husbands are moved by what they see.
Whether you wax, trim or shave down there, our tried-and-
true rule is to leave the entire process to his imagination.
Just as you might not be wild about seeing your guy in the
thick of man-scaping, it stands to reason that this is a time
to lock the bathroom door. Let him appreciate the results of
your upkeep without the visuals running through his mind.

There are exceptions though. Some men fancy watching

their wives shave and even offer to help them with it. If
your husband is that kind of man, you can give him the
pleasure of the show. If not, make yourself neat always but
keep the cleaning process away from him as much as you
can.
2. Take a bath or shower and clean thoroughly.

A lot of us just stand under the shower for a few minutes,

rubbing a bit of soap lather on ourselves, rinsing it off, and
getting out. If that sounds like your average shower, you
need to start scrubbing a bit more. Lather up your sponge
with a lot of soap and use it to scrub down all of your body.
Rub vigorously everywhere, then rinse. If the place
produces significant odor, do it two or three times. Trust me
– at the end of the day, this will leave you feeling much
fresher than if you just take an ultra-quick shower.

When showering however, I advise that you don’t use

antibacterial soap. Antibacterial soap might kill off some of
the bacteria on your skin, but that’s bad for two reasons.
First of all, it lowers your own resistance to a variety of
bacteria, making you more susceptible to bacteria-borne
illness. Second, if a soap kills off 99.9% of bacteria, the 0.1%
that’s left is going to be resistant to that soap and will
thrive.

Dousing everything we touch with antibacterial soaps and

taking antibiotic medications at the first sign of any ailment
can upset the natural balance of microorganisms in and
around us, leaving behind only the superbugs (a bacterium
that has become resistant to the antibiotics normally used
to treat it). Use some quality soap, but don’t use
antibacterial soap – it has no real benefit and may in fact
make you sick over the long haul.

3. Genital Hygiene:

I remember the story of a man who decided to try out oral

sex with his wife for the very first time and was appalled by
the odour he perceived. Oh yes. Your pussy can smell if you
don’t take care of it.

A woman needs to clean her outer genital areas and anus.

Cleaning of genitals need to be done to prevent yeast
infections as well as bad odour. Wash your genitals both
before and after sex to prevent any infections but do not go
overboard by vigorous flushing or douching it with scented
liquids as it affects the pH balance of the genital area and
can make you prone to infections. When you want to dry
your vagina, simply pat them with your hand and not by
rubbing with a towel.

When menstruating, it is best you change your tampons and

sanitary pads every three to six hours depending on the
menstrual flow. Keeping them for a long time may let
bacteria thrive causing bad odour and infections. Basically,
every vagina has a scent, and it’ll probably change
sometimes. But if you notice other symptoms or think you
might have an infection, be sure to talk to your
gynecologist.

Men also need to clean their genital areas. If you are

uncircumcised, you need to pull back your foreskin as far as
it is possible, without causing any discomfort. The pulled
foreskin will expose both the glans, which need to be gently
cleaned with lukewarm water. Ensure cleanliness of the
glans and the inner side of the foreskin as a white substance
called smegma may be present here. Smegma consists of
dead skin cells, oils, body fluids and bacteria. The presence
of this substance can cause infections and foul smell.

Circumcised men too need to maintain hygiene, as the

absence of foreskin can cause the tip of the genital area to
come in direct contact with sweat and bacteria. Clean your
genitals both before and after sexual act to prevent
infections.

4. Keep Your Pubic Hair in Check

Both men and women should ensure removal of pubic hair

which can be done with a simple shaving stick. Not only is it
ghastly to have a bush down there, it is also an invitation to
various problems. Since privates are not exposed to fresh
air, it becomes literally a boiling pot of all infections as heat
and sweat makes the area a perfect breeding area for
bacteria.

Except your spouse is a fan of bushy hair, it is advisable

health wise to keep it clean. Trimmed pubic hair not only
gives a clean appearance, but also reduces itching and bad
odour.

5. Brush your teeth, floss, and get dental checkups.

One of the first things I notice about a person is whether

their breath smells badly. For some people, this is a medical
condition; for others, it’s a side effect of too much garlic.
Either way, you can go a long way towards preventing it by
practicing good oral hygiene. Brush your teeth every day
and floss them, too. Flossing is simply using a thread (dental
thread most preferably) to remove food and plaque from
between the teeth.

You can also, visit the dentist (I recommend once a year at

least) to make sure your teeth are still in good shape and if
they are not, having your teeth fixed is a wonderful
investment. Most dental corrections are simple and very
cost effective investments for improving your personal
appearance, so seek them out. You can also get dental or
orthodontic work done, if necessary.

A clean mouth and clean teeth give you a nice smile and
fresh breath, both of which are major positives for one’s
personal appearance. All it takes is just a good scrubbing in
the morning so don’t skip over brushing your teeth.
6. Clean Underpants

You should change your underwear daily. This can help

avoid infections, irritation, and odor. If you’ve engaged in a
particularly sweaty activity, a midday change may even be
warranted. Cotton is a good choice to let your manhood
breathe but not such a smart one for athletic situations,
where something with moisture-wicking and good support
is recommended.

Choosing to remain in your sweaty clothes and underwear

after a workout is unhygienic. Even if your sweat drenched
clothes have dried, they still pose risk for you as bacteria
and yeast flourish in sweat and yeast infection is not far.
Sweat and dust can block the skin pores around your
private
area and cause folliculitis, which are inflamed and infected
hair follicles.

Do not wear tight underwear or tight fitting jeans for a long

time as they trap sweat and attract breeding of bacteria.
Prefer natural fabrics, such as cotton instead of synthetics
for your innerwear.

7. Wear nice perfume and for heaven’s sake, use

deodorant!

A scentless odor-blocking deodorant, preferably one that

does an effective job of absorbing moisture, can do
wonders for both minimizing any potential body odor and
for keeping any moisture from appearing on your clothing.
Most deodorants work pretty well for the average person –
don’t overthink it, just apply it. The same goes for perfume.
Perfumes fall in two strength categories – Eu De Parfum and
Eu de Toilette. Eu de parfum is made with aromatic oils and
therefore leaves long lasting scents (even after you shower).
Eu de toilette on the other hand is mixed with alcohol and
as you guessed correctly, its scent quickly wears off after a
while.

8. Keep your hair and beards clean and trimmed

evenly, at the very least.

I included beards here because almost every man goes

through a beard phase – some for longer than others.
Again, a fairly obvious tip: keep your hair clean, combed,
and trimmed. The important thing is to keep it clean. Clean
hair, even if it’s a bit disheveled or not cut perfectly, does
wonders for a person’s appearance. When you take a
shower or bath, give your hair a thorough scrubbing.

9. Sexual Hygiene

Quality communication between married couples is a big

part of sexual hygiene. It may be uncomfortable but talking
about STDs and sexual health issues from the start can
make a big difference down the road. You can care for one
another by checking each other for signs of infections or
other sexual health problems.

Oftentimes, husbands are the ones who find lumps and bumps
that could use attention from a medical professional. Just as
with women, dear men, please notify your wife of any
redness, lumps, blisters, or warts you find around your genital
area. It’s important to note, however, that many of these
infections do not show any visual symptoms. So, that yearly
test is still warranted, even when all looks well.

It’s recommended that everyone gets a routine physical

exam once a year. The general idea is to have rapport with
your doctor. With a whole year’s worth of living to catch up
on, it’s vital that we are open and honest about our physical
and sexual health history as well as our concerns during
these visits.
Tips to follow after sexual intercourse

Sex, while pleasurable can also cause some unwarranted

infections, leaving behind horrible traces of that sweet
moment of lovemaking. So instead of regretting later, it is
best to learn the right way to clean-up to ensure maximum
hygiene.

• Urinate: Never hold on the urge of going to the

washroom to urinate, especially before practicing
sex. Urinating makes your bladder get rid of bacteria
and toxins that thrive in the urinary tract. Delaying
urination speeds up breeding of bacteria, which may
lead to infections. It always advised to urinate both
before and after sexual intercourse.

• Wash Your Hands: Even before you hop into bed,

make sure your hands are clean and after sex, give
those hands another good scrubbing. Hands are
bacteria magnets both before sex and during sex,
which means you’re going to want to make sure
you’re not transferring bacteria to your genital area
during sex or from your genital area after sex.

• Wipe your privates with water: Washing your vagina

with soap or disinfectants can ruin its pH balance so
it is best to clean your private part with plain water,
preferably lukewarm. Just about everyone has some
kind of odor going on down there, no matter how
 much they clean. Follow the rules of cleaning once a
day and after sweaty activities such as sex and you
should be fine. Soap and water is all that’s needed
for the job (even soap is a questionable choice for
women), so don’t go hunting for any special products
or deodorizers which could simply create irritation
without helping a whole lot. The vagina is self-
cleaning so you don’t have to stroke in to clean the
deeper areas. Anything beyond basic washing is
unnecessary.

• Drink Water: A lot of people find comfort in eating

after sex but the best thing to have right after sex is
water. Try having at least 2-3 glasses of water. It
helps you relax and renew your energy.

• Change your underwear: When you are done having

sex and relaxing with your husband, it is always
advisable you take a bath and then put on a clean
pair of underwear to avoid the remnants in the old
one exposing you to infections. Alternatively, you can
decide to just wear something light for the night so
your pussy can have some fresh air.

• Change Your Sheets: Your bed sheets should be

changed after every sexual encounter — particularly
if any bodily fluids got on them. The best rule of
thumb is to wash them every time if possible.
Washing your sheets will help get rid of any bacteria
 if sex was messy, especially with anal and Period sex
i.e. sex during menstruation, can also be a reason to
strip the bed after stripping down. If you’re feeling
abnormally lazy — or don’t want to get stains on
your nice sheets or bedspread — you can get a
specific ‘sex sheet’ you lay on top of your other
sheets. You can also get medical disposable pads that
you can lay down on the bed and toss afterward.
There are many of them in the market.

• Use Mouthwash: If you’ve engaged in any oral

action, I suggest washing out your mouth. Using
mouthwash after oral sex can help inhibit the spread
of any bacterial infection.

10. Dress well, usually a touch above what is

considered the norm.

A lot of married couples loose guard in this area once they

settle down in marriage. Dear wives, the same way you
were packaging yourself before you got married to your
husband should be the same way you should after you’ve
said “I do”.

I am not saying that you should dress as if you are going to a

party. But do your hair, stop wearing the same tattered
pajamas and T-shirt to bed (men should also not wear those
smelly, sweaty singlets and boxers to bed in the name of “l
want to be free in my own house”). Why do you think men
get turned on when their wives are dressed for a party? The
wife dresses and smells so irresistibly and alluring that the
husband’s hunger for sex rises. At a minimum, make sure
what you’re wearing is clean and presentable.

Stop tying wrapper up and down in the house. Your

husband may not complain about it but it reduces your level
of attraction in his mind subconsciously. There are sexier
alternatives to that. Wearing a light cotton or silk robe for
example, is way better than just tying wrapper. If at all you
still feel like wearing just wrapper, wear it in a very
fashionable way!

Wives, we need to always remember that our husbands

would always meet beautiful, well-dressed ladies, who also
smell like flowers, in the course of the day. As wise women,
we should make an allowance for this by upping our game.
For example, the breasts of a wife are the second objects of
attraction after her face. Why do we spend little time on this
important endowment?

Product manufacturers understand the power of good

packaging, even when the product’s content is nothing to
write home about so they spend a fortune to give their
products a befitting wrap because they know the power of
good packaging. Even if the two breasts have gone
pendulous, the use of good brassieres will help to bring
them back to shape. The brassiere helps to display the
breasts more prominently, emphasizing its sexual
symbolism. It also prevents premature stretching of the
fibrous supporting tissues. With a good brassiere, flat
breasts become pointed when enclosed.

While packaging the breasts, always put the nipple of your

breast at the joining of the cup of the brassiere. Nursing
mothers should always breastfeed by bringing out their
breasts from the upper part of the brassiere near the chest
and not from beneath the base of the bra close to the
tummy. The odour of breast-milk stains on brassieres can
be extremely nauseating – they make sex non-appealing. If
your breast must satisfy your husband at all times as the
Bible enjoins, then spice it up with a good odour, pack it
well, keep it firm, and make it clean, shapely and appealing.

Same thing applies to you dear men. A lot of husbands

forget that it was their smart-sharp dressing that got us
tripping in the first place. We wives still want to see you
look your best for us.

Here’s the bottom line: keep yourself clean and

presentable, dress well, and interact positively with your
spouse. It takes time, effort, and a bit of money to pull that
off, but if you do, you’ll create an overall positive
impression of yourself with everyone you interact with, and
that positive impression is something very valuable to have.

Most of us think that love, money, adaptability and many

more highly discussed topics are the only things important
for a happy relationship. No! Lots of neglected and often
overlooked qualities add up to the happiness of your
marriage. Concentrate on your personal cleanliness and
hygiene. You will be amazed how much it adds satisfaction
to your marital happiness.
 Chapter 3
HEALTHY BENEFITS OF SEX AND
WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE LOVE

A lot of couples over the years make out very little time for
sex and the end result of that most times is a sexless
marriage that is embedded in a lot of frustration and
confusion for both partners. A lady once shared with me
how she doesn’t really see the importance of sex. I was
totally flabbergasted!

Apart from pleasure (which we would soon be looking at),

there are several other benefits of sex that many of us don’t
know. Trust me, most of the stress and anxiety we go
through can disappear into soothing relief when we have
good relaxing sex with our spouses.

Women! You can now save money from expensive anti-

aging creams. Turns out just having sex with your husband
can do that as research has proven that sex can take at least
seven years off your face! For men also there are plenty of
benefits of sex in marriage; it can help you burn calories,
sleep better, promote happiness, longevity, great health
and well-being.
Making love regularly is very, very good. Let me give you
some health benefits of having sex frequently that I have
experienced myself.

1. It slashes stress

You can cope better with stressful situations by just having

sex on a regular basis with your spouse. During sex our
bodies produce dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin – all
these help in de-stressing, elevating moods and promoting
desire. Cuddling after sex also reduces the body’s level of
cortisol, the hormone that is secreted whenever you’re
stressed.
2. It lowers your blood pressure

Forms of physical contact or intimacy can improve your

blood pressure outstandingly. Frequent intercourse – even
if it’s a quickie – can reduce diastolic blood pressure & keep
you healthier.
3. It cuts the risk of Cancer

Regular sex reduces the chances of developing cancer,

particularly prostate cancer among men. This is mainly
because it clears the prostate of toxins that could otherwise
linger in and trigger cancerous issues later on. This is a good
reason to have frequent sex with your spouse.
4. It boosts your immunity

I can tell you this as a matter of fact. Antigens like

immunoglobulin A are released during sexual activity which
can fight common colds and even flu. More antigens
released means stronger immunity and a healthier body.
5. It helps you sleep better

Suffering from insomnia? You know what to do! Sex, like

exercise, increases your heart rate which then helps your
body to relax. Feel-good hormones are released promoting
better sleep and rest. This is one of the major benefits of
sex in marriage.

6. It helps you get regular periods and erase cramps

Dear wives, if you face irregular periods, it could be due to a

hectic lifestyle. Reduced levels of stress (which sex gives)
can have a positive impact on your menstrual cycle too.
More good news: it can even help period pain diminish
considerably.
7. It can prevent a heart attack!

Sex helps your body burn calories thereby improving the

overall health of your heart. Having sex at least three times
a week could lower your chances (by half) of having a heart
attack or stroke.

8. It helps drive away depression

Having good sex regularly with your spouse generates some

positive effects on your mind. It causes your brain to release
feel-good chemicals that lift your moods. By good sex I
mean sex where you both are present physically and
mentally to savour each other. The body’s key
antidepressant chemical (or happy hormone) Serotonin that
makes people happy, joyous and relaxed is released during
such sexual activity. More sex equals to more Serotonin &
no depression.

9. It makes you look younger and attractive

Having regular sex can make you look younger than your
age. Couples with an active love life enjoy many youth-
enhancing effects & appear at least 7 years younger than
they really are! Additionally, it even enhances your appeal.
Frequent sexual activity makes your body release a chemical
called pheromones that increase your appeal & makes you
look attractive.

10. It helps spur your self-esteem

Sex improves your self-esteem and makes you feel great.

Couples who have sex regularly feel more confident about
themselves and their bodies which is a key benefit.
HOW TO KEEP YOUR SEX LIFE HEALTHY IN MARRIAGE

Sex does not have to get boring in a long-term marriage. As

the years go by, your intimate relationship should get
better. Sex with your spouse can become more satisfying
because you know each other's likes, dislikes, habits, and
preferences.

I know life can get in the way with chores, kids, finances,
and other issues that can put a damper on romance. These
everyday factors can interfere with both your desire for sex
and finding the time to put in the effort. But don't put sex
last on the to-do list. There are ways to prioritize sex and
keep it exciting.
What You Need for a Healthy Sex Life

Building and maintaining a good sex life with your spouse

requires both of you to put in time and effort. These are the
ingredients that can help you keep your intimate
relationship satisfying:

• Productive and meaningful communication

• Love for each other
• Physical attraction
• Willingness to make time for each other
• Date nights, fun, and playfulness
• Acceptance of each other's flaws and quirks

There is no reason why you can't have an active and healthy

sex life for many, many years. Try the strategies listed below
to keep these key ingredients in your marriage.
1. Good Communication

Communication is the key to a healthy and active sex life in

a marital relationship, so talk with one another more!
Chatting about superficial things can be fun, but remember
to go deeper in order to really establish intimacy. Share
your innermost thoughts and feelings with one another
regularly. Sexual intimacy is a continuing process of
discovery. True intimacy through communication is one of
the things that can make sex great.

2. Share Desires and Expectations

Talk openly and share your sexual desires. Be open and

honest about what you want. You don't want to use this
time to be critical of your spouse. Just assert what you want
in the bedroom and what makes you feel good. You should
also tell each other your expectations concerning
lovemaking. False or unmet expectations can hurt your
marriage. If your expectations are not being met by your
spouse, communicate this tactfully and sensitively.

Sex in a long-lasting relationship can deepen and become a

richer experience. No matter how many times you have
made love to each other, the wonder and awe of mutual
attraction can still be there.
3. Make a Plan

When life becomes busy and schedules are hectic, plan for
sexual encounters with one another. Some people may find
scheduling undesirable, but it all depends on how you look
at it. You can make plans just as exciting as spontaneous
sex. Flirting throughout the day or specifying a "sex date"
can build anticipation.

Try to set the mood in advance. If you want to have good

sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning. Let your
spouse know you care and are thinking about them
throughout the day with notes, e-mails, texts, phone calls,
hugs, or other flirtatious gestures.

4. Initiate More Often

Don't expect your spouse to be the only one in your

marriage who is responsible for romance. You both need to
take responsibility for having an intimate and successful
relationship.
Hold hands and show affection often. Women particularly
need to feel loved and connected in order to have the
desire for sex. Make time for date nights and other novel
activities together and be open to trying new things!
Final Tips

Of course, even with careful planning and genuine effort,

you might run into occasions when sex with your spouse
doesn't meet your expectations. Keep these tips in mind.

• Being grouchy or ignoring your spouse during the day

hurts your chances of having a positive lovemaking
experience that evening.
• Remember that sex is not going to be perfect each
time; don't compare your sex life to the portrayals
you see in movies or on television.
• Recognize that abstinence now and then can be
beneficial to your relationship. You may find that it
builds anticipation and start to lust after one another
more.
• Take good care of yourself. A healthy sex life
intersects with your overall physical, emotional, and
mental health.
 Part 2
THE ART OF PLEASURE
16
“ Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon
my garden that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my
beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.”

– Songs of Solomon 4:16 (KJV)

10
“ How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much
better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine
11
ointments than all spices! Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as
the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and
the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.”

– Songs of Solomon 4:10-11 (KJV)

 Chapter 4
IS THERE ANY LIMIT?

It was a cool Sunday evening. We were just rounding off the

weekly house fellowship in my house when a dear sister
called me aside. “Madam B”, she began, “Please there is
something that has been bothering me for a very long
time”. Wondering what it could be that made her suddenly
want to see me, I offered to give her a listening ear by
inviting her in. Nothing prepared me for what I was about to
hear.

“Madam B”, she began, “Is oral sex a sin?”

“What makes you think so?” I asked. “I came around for one
of your trainings where you taught that for us to mutually
enjoy sex as couples; we have to find out what we want
from each other”. I quickly concurred. “Well, I took your
advice. My husband asked me to suck his dick – something I
have always refused to do and I saw him moan in
excitement like never before”.

She went ahead to tell me how her husband reciprocated

the gesture and she enjoyed the experience so much that
she had an orgasm for the very first time. There was an
issue however; she felt they had sinned against God by
having oral sex thus her question. What then is “God’s view
on sex?”

I want you to know that sex is a good thing. God created

sex. Not only did God design sex for reproduction – for us to
make babies – he created sexual intimacy for our pleasure.

Hebrews 13:4 says,

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed

kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the
sexually immoral."

The first point the Bible makes very clear is that sex - all
types - is designed specifically for married couples. Non-
married couples are not to practice premarital sex. Sex is a
way for a husband and wife to express their love to one
another. God created it to be a beautiful and enjoyable
expression of love between married couples. We can see
that from the following scriptures:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God

he created him; male and female he created them. God
blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in
number.”

– (Genesis 1: 27-28, NIV)

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” –
(Genesis 2:24, NIV)

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the

wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her
breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by
her love.”

– (Proverbs 5:18-19, NIV)

“How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your
delights!”

– (Song of Songs 7:6, NIV)

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the
wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives
authority over her body to her husband, and the husband
gives authority over his body to his wife.” – (1 Corinthians
7:3-5, NLT)

The Bible never indicates exactly what a husband and wife

are allowed to do in their sexual relationship. However,
there’s a sexual principles that we can consider.

Mutual Consent:

"Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual

consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves
to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not
tempt you because of your lack of self-control." – (1
Corinthians 7:5, NLT)

This verse indicates that each sexual activity should be

mutually agreed upon i.e. whatever is done, it should be
fully agreed on between the husband and his wife. Neither
spouse should be forced or coerced into doing something
he/she is not completely comfortable with. If oral sex is
done within the confines of marriage and in the spirit of
mutual consent, there is not a biblical case for declaring it
to be a sin.

There are a few things, though, that are never allowable

sexually for a married couple. The practice of “swapping,”
or "swinging/swingers," or “bringing in an extra”
(threesomes, foursomes, etc.) is blatant adultery (Galatians
5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3).
Adultery is sin even if your spouse allows, approves, or even
participates in it. Apart from that, engaging in sex with
someone other than your wife gives an open door for the
devil to come into your marriage and home. I remember a
woman sharing how her husband subtly coerced her into
desiring engaging in such. At first it was fun for the both of
them but they never knew the mess they had gotten into.
Three years down the line, their marriage is shattered, she
is emotionally broken and is finding it very difficult to
forgive her husband.
There are varying opinions on the subject of pornography in
marriage. If you are watching an intimate video of your
spouse or the two of you together, I don’t consider that to
be pornography. If it is however clips and images of other
people, then it is pornography and this appeals to the “lust
of the flesh and the lust of the eyes” (1 John 2:16) and is
therefore condemned by God as well. A husband and wife
should never bring pornography into their sexual union. It
causes you both to expect a lot of unrealistic things from
each other as a result of wild fantasies which leads to
frustration and tension in the long run.

Other than these two items, there is nothing that Scripture

explicitly forbids a husband and wife to do WITH EACH
OTHER as long as it is by mutual consent. I emphasized
“with each other” because once you bring in a third party
into your love life, you are not only sinning but you have
also literally opened a doorway for the devil. Don’t be
deceived by what you see on TV, social media or all those
pornographic sites. These are all tools used by the devil to
make you think it is normal and there is no harm in it.
 Chapter 5
BAD BOY, BAD GIRL:
HOW TO TURN YOUR SPOUSE ON

I know so many great guys who have one thing in common.

The women they are married think they are boring. These
guys are not boring, but they are giving out boring vibes.
They are trying to be attentive, sensitive, and in so doing, let
their wives take the lead. What usually happens in this sort
of marriage is the woman complains and tells the guy with
her words or actions that he is boring her.

FOR THE MEN

If you have been hearing 'I'm tired' or 'I have a headache'

way too often, I want to share with you some of the things
you can do to make yourself more attractive to your wife
and get her in the mood for sex.

1) Bring back the young romantic within you

If you find yourself complaining 'Sex isn't how it was when

our relationship started. Everything has become dull now',
ask yourself, 'Are my as romantic as I was when I first
started seeing my wife?'
To get your wife in the mood for sex, bring back the young
romantic within you. Bring her flowers without reason,
randomly give her a small gift, shower her with
compliments and keep doing the teeny romantic things that
you used to when you started dating her. All these things
will make her feel wanted all over again, and she will want
you even more.

2) Play mom to the kids for a day or two

Mothers love to look after their kids but once in a while

they like it if they get a break from the mundane routine of
waking up, fixing breakfast, dropping the kids off to school,
picking them up and so on.

If you really want your wife to reciprocate positively in bed,

take over some of her mommy duties for a few days. It will
ease the burden of responsibility from her shoulders.

3) Groom yourself and put some effort into staying fit

and looking good naked

Some women like body hair on their man while some others
don’t. Find out which one your wife prefers and keep
grooming yourself regularly. A decent shaving pack is a
small investment to make if you want to turn on your wife.

Just like you expect your wife to be womanly and get rid of
unwanted body hair from time to time, it would be fair on
her side to expect you to indulge in some manly grooming
too. Show her that you want to look good for her and take
off that excess body hair.

Add to your own sex appeal by staying fit, working out and
doing the best you can to look good naked. If you think you
need to lose a few pounds, find motivation to lose weight
and hit the gym to burn off a few calories.

4) Treat her to a day full of fun: Shopping, dinner and

movie

Picture yourself in a situation where someone grabs your

arm and says 'I am going to take you to the mall and buy
you anything you want. Then I'm going to take you to the
movies and we are going to watch your favorite film.' How
would you feel? Presumably, you would feel excited and
happy like a small child who has just been given a present.

Similarly, surprise your wife and treat her to a fun filled day
of shopping, followed by a nice meal and a movie. The
combination of shopping, movie and dinner was just an
example. If your wife is an art enthusiast and likes to go to
galleries, take her there. The point is to get her in the mood
for sex by being a true gentleman, and treating her to a day
full of fun and happiness.
 5) Go on a short weekend trip with your wife: Kids can
come along

The best way to turn on your wife on is to plan short

weekend trips so the both of you can take a break from the
rut of life. Even if you take the kids along, you two can
spend some quality time together and enjoy romantic
kisses, hugs and cuddles in a lead up to a sizzling
rendezvous in bed.

Remember that you don't necessarily need to spend a lot of

money to travel. These short weekend trips can be as
simple as driving down to a neighboring state and sharing a
glass of wine while the kids are asleep after a day of play.

6) Utter sweet nothings in your wife's ear all day long

When was the last time you held your wife by surprise and
said I Love You? When was the last time you called your
wife from work and said I Miss You?

If you haven't been showing the true face of your love and
affection for your wife, how is she supposed to know?

Keep uttering sweet nothings and shower her with love all
day long. She will get goose bumps every time you hold her
in your arms and whisper something in her ear as you
breathe down her neck. Your tender show of love will go a
long way in building up the momentum to naughty times in
the bedroom.
 7) Make her life easier, smoother and better

As silly and naïve this sounds, it is probably the best piece of

advice when it comes to learning how to turn your wife on.
If your marriage, your kids' activities, your wife's job and all
the other elements that make up her schedule are going
great, sex life is likely to be good.

But if there is a dent in the things driving her happiness and

satisfaction, it is likely that there is going to be a lack of
action in the bedroom. Getting your wife in the mood for
sex is simpler when you make her life easier, smoother and
better.

8) Be successful at work and make your wife want you

more

Your success will elevate your image in your wife's eyes and
she will feel happy to be married to a successful person like
you. Remember, being successful does not only mean being
rich. In this context, being successful is all about being the
man you've always wanted to be. Women drool over men
who can just go out there and achieve their dreams.

FOR WOMEN

Your man would love it when you take charge once in a

while. While he may not say it, he would really love it. The
truth is that men get tired of always initiating sex, and
would want it if their women took the lead in the bedroom.
Get on top and show him that you’re the boss. Rip off his
clothes and give him commands of what to do. He will be
really aroused.

Would you like your husband to gaze at you with the look
he had when you first met? Or would you like to get your
heat back and fire up your marriage? Do you want to see
sparks to fly each time the two of you connect? Then follow
the tips below.

1. Start With Foreplay

Foreplay is just as important for men as it is for women

even though men are able to climax with a lot more ease.
Since you are able to make him climax faster, it doesn’t
mean that you should cheap out on giving him arousal
methods to work with. You should still do everything in your
power to make him want you passionately.

To arouse your husband sexually with foreplay, you should

start off slow. Most men like things down quick and easy
but when you spend a little time with him, you force him to
savor things at the moment. He is then able to feel your
every touch and feel all of the stimulation that you offer to
him. He can feel the warmth of your breath on his skin and
he can feel your fingertips dance on him.

When you slow things down sexually, he is able to focus on

the little things more and this gets him very aroused.
Showing your man you want intimate sex with him is
surprisingly simple. All you need to do is touch him more
than you normally would, especially in his more intimate,
erogenous places. Making prolonged eye contact with him
as well as letting him watch you looking at his lips, bum, and
crotch is another way to show him how much you want it.

2. Talk Dirty

Talking dirty will help turn on your husband sexually and

have your man salivating for you. Many people believe that
dirty talk involves you using various expletives and bad
language on your spouse. They believe that the crazier they
sound the better. This, thankfully, is not true. It is much
easier than that! Yes, we all know that men are turned on
mostly by what they see. But what you may not know is that
if you want to vastly arouse your husband sexually and
increase his sexual satisfaction when you are in bed
together, then you need to learn how to talk dirty to him.
Talking dirty to your man takes a little practice and work but
is quite easy. But once you master it, you will have another
skill in your sex toolset that you can unleash any day any
time to give him maximum pleasure.

The first stage when talking dirty to your man doesn’t

actually involve words. It simply involves you getting louder
and louder during sex. You need to accentuate your moans
and groans. This is quite easy. Many women don’t ever even
get to the second stage. So if you do, you are already ahead
of them! Getting dirtier is actually pretty easy if you have
mastered the first 2 stages. You just need to start telling
your man what you enjoy about him and what he is doing
e.g. “I love how big you feel”• or “Keep hitting that spot” or
“Keep going, harder” or “You feel so good inside me”. Dirty
talk during sex is however only a start!

Don’t forget that you can talk dirty to him during the day as
well as through text if you want to turn on your husband
sexually and keep him satisfied. Words are a powerful, often
underused, tool when it comes to sexual shenanigans! So
next time you are in his arms, make your way to his ear and
tell him what you want to do to him, or, what you want him
to do to you! This will definitely turn on your husband
sexually and make him happy as well.

3. Find Out His Kinks, Fantasies, And Fetishes.

There are certain things that can help turn on your husband
sexually. It could be when you wear an extra tight pair of
jeans or a pair of sexy heels or that top that reveals your
cleavage more than usual. But with that being said, it could
perhaps be something a little more wildly.

If you are serious about satisfying your husband sexually in

the bedroom, then the most powerful thing that you can do
is find out what his kinks, fantasies, and fetishes are and
then do them with him. Doing them with your man is
actually the easy part. Finding them out and getting your
man to open up is the hard part. Often your man may be
slightly embarrassed or reluctant to talk about them with
you. To get him to relax and open up to you is not that easy,
unfortunately. One way to approach it is to tell him some of
yours first.

Being the first to share is a great way to get him to

reciprocate. Another way is to just say that you want to try
lots of different things with him. As you explain to your man
each thing that you want to try with him, try to judge his
reaction. Obviously, he is going to look more keen and
excited about certain ideas than others and this will turn on
your husband sexually any day, anytime!

4. Massage him

Massaging your man’s scalp is one of those forgotten

foreplay tips that will turn on your husband sexually within
seconds. You can do it while you are just sitting down
beside each other, when you are lying in bed, when you are
kissing each other or even while making love, too. But don’t
just scrape his head with your nails! To massage his scalp,
start from the bottom near the back of his neck or just
above his ear.

Make your man lie down on the bed and apply warm oil on
his aching body. Use lingering sensuous strokes along his
back and down his legs making sure his body relaxes. If you
are on the couch together, just slip behind him and start
rubbing his shoulders. Then you can slowly give him soft
little kisses on the back of his neck and take his shirt off! You
will see how your little massage session will turn on your
husband sexually and get you two in the mood in no time!

5. Strip before him

Another ultra-seductive way to turn on your husband

sexually is to strip before him. He might have seen your
naked form a myriad of times, but you may have been
missing the chance to make it sensual. One of the sexy
foreplay tips to turn on your husband sexually is by making
him stimulated by what he sees. You don’t have to remove
all of your clothes all at once. Start by removing the sexy
night dress to the bra and finally to the panties or thongs as
you move your body in a suggestive manner. Do it like the
way they do it in the strip clubs. Create some imagination in
his mind.

You can also go bra-less! It might seem a bit crazy, but if you
can afford to do every once in a while, you will be sure to
get his immediate attention! And by the way, I am not just
talking about taking your bra off in bed, I am talking about
not wearing a bra underneath your clothes during the day,
so that your nipples show through and there is a bit of extra
bounce when you walk past him! Go bra-less when he takes
you out for dinner, sit up straight and let those nipples
tease him, this will definitely turn on your husband sexually
immediately.
 6. Wear perfume

You can seduce your man by the way you smell. There are
so many perfumes out there that claim to arouse your
husband sexually. They contain notes of lavender and
pumpkin that are even said to enhance his sex drive. Go get
yourself some. Scents can have a powerful effect on
memory. Try digging out an old perfume or shampoo you
used to use when you and your husband first started dating.
The familiar scent is sure to trigger a few memories and get
him reminiscing about your first exciting months together.
Remember that a familiar scent works like a sensory time-
machine. Use them when you want to turn on your husband
sexually.

7. Change Something Radical about Yourself

A man is more likely to notice and feel attracted to a change

in your appearance if it is obviously different to your usual
look. Change is exciting because it is new and it makes him
feel like he has discovered a new facet of your personality.

If you want a change and you want to take advantage of the

chance to turn on your husband sexually and grab his
attention while you are at it, drastically change your hair color
and you will feel and act like a different person. He will
immediately sense the sexy difference in your personality and
the sexy confidence, and be turned on by the sexual
implication of dating let’s say, a redhead! If you don’t want
to go as far as a permanent change then look to your
wardrobe and put together a sexy new look. Some
noticeably high heels should do the trick if you normally
wear flats. Change can arouse your husband sexually in a
matter of seconds!

8. DRESS SEXUALLY!

Surprise him by getting all fixed up and hot without any

special occasion. To turn on your husband sexually, you can
wear tighter clothes, or show off a little more skin than
usual, or get some really sexy underwear behind a short
skirt and then bend down pretending to pick something up.
Do something a bit out of the ordinary and on the sexy side
anytime you are feeling like it.

Our men are visual by nature. They get turned on by what

they see. So, taking care of how you look is a high priority if
you want to turn on your husband sexually and arouse him.
Think of this as a foreplay tip to use before you even begin
touching him. If you are both going to a party together,
dressing up in something sexy and hot is going to start
turning your man on hours before you start getting
physically intimate. This is great for building sexual tension
with him.

9. Get in the shower

Men just love making out in the shower. Kissing under a

shower is a sure fire way of getting your husband sexually
fast. Work up lather and sensuously wash each other’s
bodies. It will leave you feeling fresh for the real action to
follow. Just imagine the picture – You two naked with the
shower running and the bathroom getting steamy – he will
go with the natural flow! So, pop in, smile mischievously,
don’t say a word and just kiss him. He will be stunned at
first but he will switch to being aroused in a matter of
seconds!

10. Lighten up!

Don’t forget to enjoy yourself as much as possible and let it

show. The happier you are, and the more you smile and
laugh, the more beautiful you are and the more you arouse
your husband sexually. Be fun, laugh, do fun things! Too
many times, we get bogged down by life and responsibilities
that we forget to take care of our intimate and love life.

When your husband met you, you were likely a fun person.
Get back there! Just shift your focus from your to-do list and
focus on the things you love to do. Don’t worry so much
about planning the perfect date or the perfect romantic
activity. You can have the most fun seeing a movie at the
cinemas, hanging out at the mall, or taking an impromptu
trip to the beach. Practice your enthusiasm, take it up a
notch; start getting excited about things and wear happy
colors too if you really want to turn on your husband
sexually!
 11. Access his heart through his stomach

It is an old saying that works like magic if you want to

arouse your husband sexually. All men appreciate good
food, but if you want him to sit up and take notice then you
have to make cooking for him into a bit of an occasion. This
doesn’t mean a fancy seven-course meal every single time.
It means cooking normally in general so that when you do
cook a lavish meal, it will seem like a special event and your
man will think you are amazing. Once you appeal to his
appetite, he will be craving more of that yummy food, and if
you are choosy about how often you cook for him, then his
cravings will increase dramatically, and his appreciation will
be displayed much more prominently.

Also, if when you cook great food it leads to great sex, he

will begin to associate the two, so that every time he thinks
of your great food he will also start to think of how much he
wants to ravish you! When you mention that you might be
cooking tonight, it will arouse your husband sexually and he
might even start disturbing you for sex before you start
cooking.

12. Blindfolding

No guy minds having his woman be in control, especially, if

you usually are not that way! Of course, you know him well,
so you know how far you can go but a blindfold and a little
light bondage never hurt anybody! If you just grab him by
his tie the minute he walks home from work and usher him
to the bedroom or actually tie him to something in that very
same bedroom, this will surely turn on your husband
sexually.

When you take away one of his senses, it heightens all of

the rest. Therefore, if he is not able to see what is
happening to him, he will concentrate more on feeling it
and on receiving it. I guarantee you that this will turn on
your husband sexually more than anything else. Having you
blindfolding him and taking control of him will be something
that he will crave again and again.

13. Don’t forget to touch

This is something that I can’t emphasize enough. If you want

to arouse your husband sexually, you need to touch him!
Yes, guys certainly do get aroused by what they see, but if
you want to take it to the next level, then you absolutely
must touch him! You may think that you need to only touch
him only on his most intimate erogenous zones. Don’t touch
him only there. The funny thing is that even touching your
husband on his arms, back, hands and neck are very
powerful when trying to arouse him sexually.

You can also get touchy in unexpected places. I am talking

unexpected and unprovoked. Just touch him for a quick
second and then shy away, make each touch last at least a
few seconds. There is just something totally arousing about
acting a bit inappropriately somewhere where you are not
supposed to be doing something naughty! You can reach
into his trouser pocket without asking and his attention will
immediately be on the fact that your hand is so near his
penis. Team it with a knowing smile or kiss and you have
caught him.

When you touch him or brush by an intimate place on his

body, especially in public situations, you immediately pull
his mind away from what is going on around you and get his
focus 100% on you! Of course, you don’t want to make it
distasteful and you don’t want other people to catch you so
keep it light but allow yourself a little playtime if you are
feeling playful! This does 2 things: it arouses your husband
sexually and also lets him know how you feel about him.

Alternatively, slip your hand into his back pocket while you
are walking down the street, to give him a sexy sense of
feeling possessed. He will also enjoy the erotic sensation of
his bum being stroked while he is walking. Placing your
hand on his inner thigh when you are sitting on the bus is
also a good one, and a little squeeze won’t go amiss!

14. Dirty dancing

Erotic slow dancing or twerking is a great tool to turn on

your husband sexually. Enjoy a sensual dance which is the
perfect appetizer for some raunchy bedroom antics. If you
really want to get his heart racing and to make his thing
grow down there, then you should really consider giving
him a lap dance. Not only does this make him aroused in
record time, but it also helps you to get more comfortable
and confident in your sexuality.

You can actually get really turned on by doing this to your

man. One way to spice this up is to tie his hands behind his
back on the chair. As you dance with him, prevent him from
touching you, the sexual tension is literally going to become
unbearable in his body. These are a great ways to turn on
your husband sexually, show him how much you want him,
and remind him of all those beautiful curves you are going
to share with him later in bed! Don’t worry, it is not as
difficult to achieve as you might think!

15. How you move

One of the easiest ways to arouse your husband sexually is

to make a few simple changes to how you move. The
easiest thing that you can do with your body language is
simply changing how you move. Slowing your movements
down when you are talking to your man is the simplest and
easiest way to change things up.

Another way is by accentuating your movements i.e.

drawing attention to it so that your man can clearly see all
of your best assets. There are a few things that can help you
to accentuate your movements like wearing heels and
wearing clothes that show off your curves.
 16. TRY NEW SEXUAL POSITIONS

If you want to turn on your husband sexually, then you can’t

do the same old thing every time. You should be willing to
experiment and to try new positions as long as you feel
comfortable doing it. If you are always kissing in the same
position, with him on top of you, try switching it around so
you are the one on top and the same goes for sex. Not
every new thing you try will feel great at first but be open to
the process. You can go back to your old favorite positions
and try new things in the middle.

One of the things that I strongly believe in is the use of

variation if you want to keep your husband sexually satisfied
in the bedroom. Everybody (both men and women) have
certain things that turn them on way more than anything
else. But if you focus solely on the same few things and use
them over and over, you will inevitably end up getting
bored of them. I strongly advocate that every woman
should constantly try new things in the bedroom with their
man and combine these new things with what already
works well. That way you will slowly but steadily build up a
large database of killer sex moves that are highly
pleasurable to your husband.

17.MAKE HIM ANTICIPATE HAVING SEX

Sex doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. You have to learn

how to make him crave for your body before you get into
the act with him. Arrange for a romantic dinner for instance.
Touch him in a suggestive manner when you are out with
him or give a sexy look. Better still you can give him a kiss
on your way home. This will create the necessary sexual
anticipation. In a nutshell, this arouses your husband
sexually and gets him in the mood before you get to the
house.

Also, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Make a big deal
out of planning a short holiday away with the kids or your
girlfriends. He will begin to miss you before you have even
parted! Then while you are away, keep in touch, but make it
brief. Don’t give away too many details about what you
have been doing, let his imagination do the talking, and
feed it with sexual tit-bits to get his sexual desire for you
churning. You can tell him you miss his kisses and cuddles –
that sort of thing. Soon you will arouse your husband
sexually and you will notice that his texts get a little bit
sloppier because he is missing you. When it is finally time to
come home, he will be all over you, because of all the
anticipation you have built up.

18. Start with yourself

Since you are the only person you have total control over, this
is a very good place to start. And the sky is the limit for where
personal changes will take you! Fish out a journal and pen and
make a list of all the reasons why you are amazing. You will
find yourself writing so many things in no time.
Every time you feel down in your spirit, check in with your
book, read over the old points, and add new ones. Make a
list of compliments you have received even as far back as
kindergarten: this will help bolster you further and turn
your husband sexually in the bedroom.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SEXUAL TENSION

As I conclude this chapter, I must also emphasize that

SEXUAL TENSION IS THE KEY to getting your husband turned
on.

There is a massive difference between being sexual with

your man and building sexual tension with your man. Sexual
tension is incredibly effective at slowly arousing your
husband sexually while also keeping him turned on and
constantly thinking about you. Being overtly sexual with
your man is not nearly as effective. Being extremely sexual
may turn him on for the moment, but it is not going to keep
him thinking about you. Hopefully having practiced these,
you will find flames all around you when you and your
husband come in contact! It is an on-going thing: if a fire is
not given fuel it does die out. You cannot make an effort
one day and expect it to last all your life. Yes, you can get
your heat back and yes, it is contagious!

You should take a little more time and spend a little more
effort on arousing your husband sexually and get him going
in the bedroom to the point where he cannot take it
anymore and where he has to have you right then and
there!
 Chapter 6
ORGASMS:
HOW TO MUTUALLY HIT CLIMAX EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Okay! This particular chapter is going to probably be the

longest in this book because it is dealing directly with the
main menu. Everything we have been discussing before
now is to make sure there are no obstacles to you having
the time of your life every single time you make love with
your spouse.

If you are sincere, you would have probably noticed one or

two places you need to work on to better improve your sex
life and grow in your marriage as couples. That is exactly
what God wants.

Having said that, let us go on now to the practical physical

aspect you have been waiting for.

SQUIRTING 101

Have you ever been afraid that you were going to pee
during sex? You may have been close to squirting.

What Is Squirting? Contrary to what a lot of people think,

female ejaculation also known as squirting is not just peeing
during sex. Although the liquid that is ejaculated does
contain trace amounts of urine (3-7%) it is closer to the
male equivalent (but without the sperm) containing sugars,
electrolytes and water. Some people have also said that
squirting is just incontinence (accidental peeing) but as
you’ll learn in the next section, this has also been disproved
because Kegels, which strengthen the vaginal muscles
actually increase our ability to squirt.

An important note needs to be made about the difference

between peeing and squirting. Most women get the feelings
confused and hold back from climaxing for this reason.

A lot of women have been afraid they were going to pee

during sex when as a matter of fact, they were close to
squirting. Try to go to the toilet before becoming sexually
aroused so that you are confident that you don’t need to
pee and that your bladder is empty. Kegels, as discussed
earlier, will give you more confidence that you won’t pee.
As you practice your Kegels you’ll notice that it is easier to
stop peeing mid-stream.

This also highlights another important point when it comes

to squirting. It’s important to have a loving husband who
you trust and is willing to come on this adventure with you.
When you’re not afraid, and you wouldn’t be embarrassed
to release in front of him then you’ll be able to let go and
enjoy squirting.
If you are finding it difficult to get easily aroused to the
point of ecstasy or you just want to get there faster, then I
recommend you ask your husband to give you the orgasmic
potential massage.

The Orgasmic Potential Massage

Orgasms can be incredibly healing for your body. During an

orgasm, hormones are released that reduce stress and
increase dopamine sensitivity meaning life will seem just
that little bit brighter after a squirting orgasm.

So what is the Orgasmic Potential Massage, and why is it

important for squirting?

Throughout the body there are muscular tension spots. It’s

normal that these tension spots arise because:

• We have stressful lives

• We have sedentary lives and probably don’t do as
much exercise as we should
• We have bad posture and are often sitting down most
of the day
• We have feelings of shame and guilt surrounding our
body and our body image and our sexuality
• We’ve become out of touch with ourselves, and what
we experience in our body.
Unfortunately, these tension spots, which are found in
certain areas around the body, drastically reduce the flow of
sexual energy around the body.

Because these tension spots stop the sexual energy flowing

around the body, it makes it much harder to have an
orgasm. When you eventually do, the orgasms you have
won’t be as strong as they could be. Instead of the orgasm
taking over your entire body, running up your spine, making
your whole body shake and wriggle with pleasure – your
orgasm will be localized to just the vaginal area.

This is because your sexual energy can’t flow to the vagina

(which helps you orgasm) and it can’t flow back to your
body (which helps you have full-body-squirting orgasms.)

Just imagine a pond.

Drop a pebble in at one side of the pond and the ripples

travel over to the other side, reflect of the edge and come
back with little loss of energy.

But now imagine there is a bunch of pond weed in patches

across the pond. You drop the pebble again but this time
the ripples are stopped by the pond weed absorbing the
energy. The energy soon dies out – it can’t travel
throughout the entire pond.

Well those bunches of weeds are like the tension spots in

your body – they stop sexual energy flowing.
And this stops your orgasms being 10% of what they could.
Your orgasms have so much more potential. You have no
idea how much pleasure your body is capable of producing.
You have no idea how much wonderful, healing orgasmic
energy you are missing out on because of this tension in
your body.

This is what the massage helps with – it removes the

tension spots using intense massage on very specific places
of your body. And it does take time – the tension spots
didn’t get their overnight – so they can’t be removed
overnight.

But it’s well worth the time to get rid of them so that you
can have the kind of powerful (full-body) squirting orgasms
you deserve.

The reason that this massage is so important for learning

how to squirt is that a squirting orgasm is a powerful
orgasm. The more sexual energy that flows to your pussy –
and the stronger your muscles are, the easier it will be to
squirt.

In this diagram, the tension areas are highlighted with dots.

Show your husband the diagram and let him focus on these
areas during the massage.
These are the areas that when the tension is released, you’ll
be able to have such powerful orgasms that it will almost be
unbearable. Your orgasms will also last much longer – just
think back to the ripples in the pond reflecting on the edges
and bouncing back and forth.

Overcoming Psychological Barriers

Female ejaculation is mainly psychological. Almost every

woman is physically capable of squirting so if it is just not
happening for you then you really need to work through the
psychological issues why this might be. This is the biggest
barrier and is even more important than the physical side.
Unfortunately, our culture has a tendency to shame women
who are sexually open and experimental.

There are certain reasons why the culture has been shaped
this way but that is outside the scope of this book. Just keep
in mind that female ejaculation is looked down on by many
people.

We need to get rid of those fears and think about it

logically; squirting is fun, healthy and healing, so why not
make it part of our pleasures as couples for a great sex life?

On all accounts, female gushing is healthy and healing. It is a

way to relax, ‘blow off steam’ and add another dimension of
pleasure to the standard female orgasm. It also promotes
the release of regenerating and emotionally bonding
hormones into the bloodstream.

Mutual understanding as couples is however needed here.

It is not much good if you are open and willing but your
spouse is judgmental and close-minded.

If the physical side of things is taken care of and you are still
not cumming, then consider the possibility that you have
deeper feelings of shame surrounding sex and make an
effort to overcome them. We don’t need those feelings
anyway.
TIPS TO SQUIRTING MORE FREQUENTLY

1. Physically Prepare Your Body For Squirting.

Physical preparation is the second most important aspect of

wet orgasms, emotional preparation being the first. Just like
any other muscle, the walls of the vagina can be trained and
strengthened and this is a crucial part of the ejaculation
process. Training these muscles results in not only the
ability to ejaculate more easily, but more powerfully. You
will also limit your ability to have multiple and stacked
squirting orgasms if you don’t exercise your PC muscles.

2. ‘Give Birth’ To Your Orgasm.

This expression essentially means ‘as you feel the orgasm

coming, don’t try to hold it in, instead push it out.’ If you’re
holding it in then that’s really going to limit the intensity
and quantity of female ejaculate that you can produce.
Don’t Hold Back – Let Go.

Most women ‘hold back’ during orgasms because we are

afraid of losing control. This is especially true with squirting
orgasms where holding back is a sign that you aren’t truly
comfortable, either with your spouse or with yourself. It
also probably means you are in a logical frame of mind, and
not an emotional one. If you instinctually find yourself
holding back during orgasms then remember to ‘let go’ and
push out. Plenty of women would have ejaculating orgasms
naturally during the course of foreplay and intercourse,
however we have been taught by society to remain ‘prim
and proper’ which makes us hold back.

Sometimes the trick is as simple as letting go and not being

afraid. This is why it is important for you (the husband) to
be a trustworthy, non-judgmental and caring partner.

We also hold back because women who are unfamiliar with

how to ejaculate to mistake the feeling of wanting to pee
with the feeling or a gushing orgasm.

3. Be Hydrated So You Can Squirt Multiple Times

It sounds silly I know, but it’s easy to get dehydrated when

you’re coming buckets. Staying hydrated may sound trivial
but it does help.

4. Limit your Wearing High Heels

This is another strange point but is something interesting to

consider. Though some men find seeing their woman on
heels to be sexy, wearing high heels can actually diminish
the intensity of your orgasms by causing an unnatural
rotation of the pelvic bone.

Because the pelvic bone rotates during intense orgasms and

whilst wearing high heels there is less of a physiological
difference and therefore your orgasms may be less intense.
I personally don’t think it’s that significant but it might make
a small difference.

THE ANATOMY OF A WOMAN’S PALACE

It’s important to know the female sexual anatomy to be

able to pleasure your wife properly. If you understand her
pussy’s structure, you will not have a hard time giving mind
blowing orgasms.

Steps to Eat Her Pussy Out – For Maximum Pleasure

Giving the woman you love the true sexual pleasure that
she CRAVES is not that difficult. In this section, I will show
you exactly how you can make it not only EASY, but
effortless.
Contrary to what most people think, women think about sex
more than men – they are just better at hiding it. Women
dream about a guy who can give them a heart-pounding,
body-shaking orgasm. Women dream about a guy who
knows exactly how to eat her pussy out the right way!

Women are obsessed about sex and are constantly looking

for a guy who knows how to eat her out until she has one
dripping orgasm after the other.

Do you want to give her an orgasm that ‘runs up her spine’

and makes her ‘toes curl up’ just thinking about it? Eating
pussy is an art form – and it’s something every guy should
learn how to do.

Warning: Be careful when applying what I am about to

show you – your wife will squirt her juices all over your face
when you do.

If you are ready for or want your wife to tremble with

dripping orgasm after dripping orgasm then read on.

Step 1 – The Art of Foreplay & Arousal

Getting your woman in the right frame of mind is one of the

most crucial aspects of being able to give her an orgasm.

Women are emotional creatures, and it’s literally impossible

to give her an orgasm while she remains in a logical frame
of mind (like when she’s just finished work or is stressed
out.) It is your duty and responsibility to get her relaxed,
and turn her on so that she forgets about the stresses and
worries of life – this is what foreplay is all about.

And unlike men, women take much longer to get in the

mood. Maybe you can get an erection and get ready for sex
within 10 seconds, for women it could take half an hour or
more.

This is when the sexual energy and arousal builds up.

Step 2 – Teasing & Anticipation

Imagine you have a huge bucket at the top of a ladder. The

bucket holds water, but first you need to fill up the bucket
with water. Your aim with the bucket is to make the biggest
and most dramatic explosion possible when you finally
decide to push the bucket of water off the ladder.

You could just put a little bit of water in the bucket and then
push it off. But the explosion of water wouldn’t be very big.
You could spend more time filling up the bucket and when
you finally push the bucket off the ladder, the explosion will
be huge.

Teasing and foreplay is where the power of the orgasm

comes from. The water is like female sexual energy. It needs
time and foreplay to build up, but the longer you take to
build up her energy, the bigger the orgasm explosion will be
at the end. Try some of this to get her going.
 • Use a Blindfold to Increase Anticipation

One of the best ways to increase anticipation and

excitement is to use props. Because women can also be
very self-conscious about sex, and especially about when
they get their vagina licked out, a blindfold can be a great
way to make her feel less self-conscious and just enjoy the
sensations instead.

Using a blindfold on her also has the extra effect of reducing

one of her senses. When her sight is switched off her
perception of touch will massively increase. She will feel the
sensations and stimulation from her pussy so much more.

It’s also slightly scary wearing a blindfold. You will have

complete control over her (which women love) and her
sense of excitement and anticipation will increase.

• Using Handcuffs/Belt/Tie to Make It Exciting

You can take her level of excitement and kink to even

another level by handcuffing her to the bed. You can either
use prop handcuffs, of for a more spontaneous feel, use
your belt or a tie to tie her hands to the bed.

This, in combination with the blindfold and what I’m about

to teach you is the beginning of what will be one of the
most exciting, powerful, sensual and loving orgasms she will
ever have.
THE BASICS TECHNIQUES OF CUNNILINGUS

Cunnilingus is simply the sexual stimulation of a woman's

genitals using the tongue and lips. There are 5 different
ways to stimulate her pussy with your mouth. Each
technique has its own advantages and sensations, so you’ll
want to use all methods at different stages or arousal.

You should also study her reactions to know which method

she likes the most. Some women have very sensitive vaginas
so they prefer the lighter methods. Some women need a
stronger sensation to have an orgasm, so you will need to
start with methods 1 and 2 before going on to the rest.

Don’t go straight to her vagina. Start by kissing her body and

then work your way down. Tease her. Make every single
nerve in her body come alive with sexual tension.

Method 1: Blowing

Blowing on her pussy is a great form of arousal, foreplay

and teasing. The light, subtle sensation will begin to create
sexual energy and tension (which gets released in an
orgasm). The blowing is very light, it teases and tickles her.
It draws her attention and focus on to the subtle sensations
she feels in her pussy.

This is exactly what you want. You want her in a state of

hypersensitivity. Every never in her vagina will start tingling
with sensations. This is setting the stage for the other
methods that will eventually tip her over the edge and into
a body-trembling orgasm.

Method 2: Licking

Licking is next. You can now start to use your tongue in light
motions across her sensitive parts. It’s important to make
your movements light and unpredictable to start with. You
still want to tease her. You still want her to be waiting in
anticipation as her sexual energy continues to build. Keep
her guessing about when and how you will lick her next.

As her level of sexual arousal continues to rise, now you can

begin to really start licking her out (and most importantly
her clit).The up and down motion, softly across her clit is
usually the best option.

You can also vary your strokes – From slow and soft to fast
and hard. Always look for her reactions so you can see or
hear what she likes best.

Method 3: Kissing

Kissing her pussy is a great way to show how much you care
about her. You shouldn’t kiss her vagina for too long
though. It should be mixed in with the other methods.

Method 4: Sucking

Sucking is the next stage of pleasure and most women LOVE

having their vagina sucked. Now you can start using your
whole mouth to stimulate not just her clit, but the rest of
her vagina too.

As her arousal levels climb higher and higher she’ll soon be

ready for orgasm but you should continue building more
and more before increasing the speed and intensity of the
sucking.

Always remember to tease and go two steps forward, one

step back. Suck on her pussy for a while, then step back and
kiss, lick and blow before carrying on.

Method 5: Motorboating and Humming

Motorboating is the final method that you’ll use. It is

perhaps the most powerful. Here’s how to do it:

Rest your lips gently around her pussy so they are just
lightly touching and then blow out so that your lips vibrate
back and forth.

This is called Motorboating and it sends vibrations down

through her pussy. These act like shockwaves that can
trigger an orgasm to take place. Your wife will really love
this.

You can alter the speed, power and frequency of the

vibrations by holding your lips tighter or blowing harder.
Don’t go crazy though and start going too fast – Slow down,
be firm and yet gentle.
With the Motorboating method you’ll want to hold your lips
over her clitoris and the opening to her vagina, although
you can move it around and see where provides the best
stimulation.

Humming is similar to Motorboating but instead of actually

letting your lips move, you simply rest your mouth against
her vagina and hum softly. This sends vibrations directly
into her pussy that are extremely pleasurable.

For the best results, go back and forth between the

methods. Mix it up and keep her guessing. However, when
you feel like she is very close to orgasm, then stick to the
method that got her there and don’t change it too much.

Other Things You Can Do

• Put Your finger In Her Mouth

This is a great little trick that can really drive your woman
wild, and can be a great way to learn exactly how your wife
likes to have her pussy eaten.

As you continue to eat her out, take your thumb or index

finger and slowly insert into her mouth. Tell her that you
want her to lick and suck on it exactly how she wants it on
her female parts.

As she begins to lick and suck on your finger, copy that

motion exactly on to her pussy. She will know what she likes
and she will show you. Copy her motions as she licks, sucks,
massages and swirls your finger.

This is a neat trick to learn how your spouse likes it. But
don’t use it too often. Women like the man to take control,
and they like to relax as you do the work.

• Put 1 Or 2 Fingers inside Her

Eating her out with your mouth is one thing, but now you
need to add another sensation to the mix.

This will involve inserting a finger or two into her so that

you can stimulate her g-spot at the same time as her clit
(short for clitoris).

As you can imagine, stimulating her g-spot and her clit at

the same time will give her twice the amount of pleasure
and the ‘simultaneous orgasm’ that will happen as a result
is extremely powerful and intense for her.

A woman once told me she loved the idea of getting

fingered by her man only that he never seemed to get it
right. If you’re in that situation currently, worry not. Right
after this section on how to eat her pussy, I will be sharing
with you how to also her give her the fingering of her
lifetime any day any time!
Positions to Eat Her Pussy From

The most common position and one that I have described

these techniques from is the missionary position where she
is lying on her back with knees bent and you sitting or lying
by her legs. There are plenty other positions that you can
eat her pussy from.

You can have her sit on your face. This is a very good
position that makes her feel like she is fucking your face as
she bounces or glides up and down on your tongue. You can
also try with her on all fours (doggy position) and eating her
out from behind.

Another way you can eat her out is by spicing it up with the
Oral Choke.

With her on her back and you eating her out, extend one
arm up and lightly grip around her neck. This is a test to see
if she responds positively. If you get the feeling she likes
being choked while you go down on her, you can continue
and potentially tighten your grip.

Some women find the sensation of being choked (lovingly)

enjoyable. It can be an effective and novel way to heighten
the sensation of your mouth on her clit.
Listen to What She’s Not Saying

Generally, your woman will very rarely tell you exactly what
she wants. It’s just not sexy for her to have to tell you.

But … She will give you clues about what she wants most.
This is super important because, at the end of the day, her
maximum satisfaction is your desire.

What you can do is to try a few different techniques and let

her body do the speaking for her.

If she moans like crazy when you do one particular

movement across her clit – DON’T STOP! If you find the
perfect rhythm, keep going at the same pace and don’t
change it up.

One of the biggest reasons women give for not being able
to orgasm with their guy is that just before she orgasms, she
will start moaning louder and louder and this will cause the
guy to change his movement or rhythm which then causes
her to stop moving towards her climax and preventing her
orgasm.

Become a master by listening to what her body is telling you

so she doesn’t have to say a word. Become good at this, and
your wife will be amazed that you ‘just know what to do.’

You’ll be able to read her like a book.

HOW TO FINGER YOUR WIFE

If there were one sure way to become a master of orgasms

in your bedroom then that way would be learning how to
finger your wife in just the right way until she explodes with
pleasure. Unlike penetrative sex, your fingers can give you
complete control over how you stimulate her.

Guess the result?

She will have orgasms that send waves of orgasmic pleasure

through her body. Pleasure that makes her toes to curl and
causes her to have feelings of love, admiration and
attraction towards you for truly knowing how to unlock her
pleasure code.

In this section, I am going to teach you how, using just your

fingers, you can give your wife all kinds of orgasms - Clitoral
orgasms, G-spot orgasms, Fully body orgasms, Squirting
orgasms etc. Some of the things I just shared with you will
be repeated here to show you their importance and how
much variety they bring.

The Art Of Sexual Foreplay

Foreplay is important – You should know that by now if you

didn’t before. Foreplay is important for fingering her. You’re
going to need her pussy to be wet before you insert a
finger, build her arousal up to its highest possible level
before slipping a finger in. To do this;
• Rub the outside of her pussy with her panties still on.
Suck on her ear whilst you do it.
• Slowly slip your hand under her panties – touch,
tease and escalate is the perfect formula. Two steps
forward – one step back.
• As her arousal builds and her pussy gets wet, you can
now begin gently rubbing her clit from side to side.
Now take one step back and kiss her body.
• Tell her how sexy she looks – how wet her pussy
feels, how turned on you are. Women love passion in
the bedroom. The more passionate, confident and
enjoying the moment you are – the more this rubs
off on her and she starts to feel the same way.
• When you finger her – you must enjoy it (even more
than her).
• At this point, you don’t want to feel rushed. The
main reason women have trouble coming (having an
orgasm) is that they feel rushed and under pressure.
They feel like if they didn’t come they would
disappoint you. Plus – giving a woman an orgasm
takes time – lots of it. It’s like bringing a huge bowl of
water to boil. If your wife feels any pressure to have
an orgasm – this will most likely stop it from
happening.
Fingering Technique Basics (Orgasmic ways to finger your
wife)

1. Prepare Your Fingers

It may sound obvious, but it’s important that your fingers

are properly groomed before you use them to finger her.
This means trimmed and neat fingernails that are not sharp
in anyway. Her pussy is an extremely sensitive place with
more nerve endings than any other part of her body, so if
you scratch her in anyway then it’s pretty much going to be
GAME OVER.

Trim your fingernails and keep them clean. Also, avoid

having any cuts or wounds on your fingers. You may have to
put fingering on hold if you do so you don’t pass of bacteria
into her as the female vagina is quite sensitive.

2. Use Lubrication when necessary

Some women can become extremely wet, very easily in

which case it’s fine to start using your fingers if your wife is
like that. Others may not get wet so easily, in which case
you may need to make her hornier first – Or if she is
definitely turned on already, you can use some extra saliva
or a synthetic lube if she doesn’t like saliva. Grape seed oil
also works well for a lube.
You can also use some of her pussy juices before inserting a
finger and suck on your finger first to make sure it is
perfectly lubricated.

3. Wet hands before fingering

The point here is that friction, caused by dryness will kill

your chances of her having an orgasm because it will hurt
more than it feels good. So, whatever you do make sure
your wife is nicely lubricated before fingering her.

Getting her Pussy Dripping Wet

There’s one way to make her pussy drip so hard that she
practically begs you to finger her.

Sexual Teasing!!

Giving her a taste of what she wants and then taking it away
(in a loving way.)

The art of sexual teasing is the quickest and most effective

way to get her dripping wet and begging to be penetrated.
Let me give you one specific technique right now.

The trick is to build her arousal as high as possible, getting

her turned on, gently rubbing her clitoris (clit for short),
kissing her entire body, talking dirty – that when it comes to
inserting your fingers – she’s practically ready to explode
with pleasure.
How To Stimulate Her G-Spot

At first you may want to use just one finger slowly inserted
inside her with your palm facing the roof.

Make sure the finger is body temperature i.e. warm. A cold

hand will sharply reduce her arousal, and you will have to
build her arousal back up again.

There are 3 basic motions that can be used to stimulate her

g-spot with your finger(s).

The 1st motion (and most important one) is the come here
motion. The fingers are curled upwards and moved in and
out towards your palm. This is what can quite often make
her have a squirting orgasm.

The 2nd motion is the windscreen wiper motion. The curled

fingers are moved from side to side across the g-spot,
essentially wiping her g-spot as the tips of your fingers
move from left to right.

The 3rd motion is to do a barrel roll inside her. Use the tips
of your fingers to make a circular motion inside the vagina.

You can use the 3 motions with either one or two fingers to
stimulate her g-spot.
The Ultimate Double stimulation

Double stimulation means stimulating the clitoris with one

hand and the g-spot with the other hand. This can bring
about more powerful and pleasurable orgasms, and help
her reach orgasm more quickly.

When you have a rhythm that she enjoys, keep with that
rhythm.

Speed-up as she gets more turned on, when you feel her g
spot start swelling up it will put more pressure on your
fingers, this is the sign she is really turned on and almost
ready to start ejaculating, maintain the rhythm or increase
the speed and pressure slightly with the come here motion.

Advanced Fingering Techniques

Here’s an advanced fingering technique you can use tonight.

With her lying on her back, slide your hand under her
buttocks, just far enough so that your thumb can reach into
her pussy.

Gently insert your thumb into her pussy, whilst at the same
time erotically massaging her clit with your tongue. The
thumb is slightly thicker and stronger than a finger, and the
downward pressure can be a new sensation for her.

When combined with the tongue, this is something she’ll

really enjoy and keep asking you to do to her again.
Fingering Her While You Eat Her Pussy

So, you’re starting to understand a few of the simple ways

you can use your fingers to give her the ultimate sexual
pleasure but she’d be missing out if you only used your
hands.

To take your fingering game to the next level you’ll need to

learn how to stimulate her clit with your mouth whilst using
your fingers.

How To Finger Her To Squirt

A female squirting orgasm is one of the most intense and

satisfying orgasms a woman can possibly have.

The actual ejaculation process is like a massive physical and

emotional release. Imagine if you had sex and didn’t
ejaculate! So it’s something worth taking your time to learn
how to do.

The most basic way to make her ejaculate is to take your

two middle fingers, and gently insert them inside her with
your palm facing upwards. With the other hand, take your
first two fingers (make sure they are wet with saliva) start to
rub them back and forth gently against her clit.

Next, start moving the two middle fingers inside of her up

and down (not in and out) with the tips curled upwards
towards her belly i.e. come here motion. This should be
directly stimulating her g-spot.

How To Use Props When You Finger Her

Interested in making your fingering techniques even more

fun, naughty and pleasurable for her?

Good! Well listen up. Props can be simple but effective ways
to bring out her naughtiest side. Here are some easy props
you can use.

• Blindfold

Have you ever used a blindfold? Covering her eyes so that

she can’t see a thing will do a couple of things.

First, it will massively heighten her sensations. Think about

it – if she can’t see a damn thing then all her attention will
flow to the part of her body that is being stimulated – (her
erogenous zones). The result will be a doubling or tripling of
pleasurable sensations being sent straight from her pussy to
her brain.

Second, many women are insecure about their body image.

And who can blame them with all the photo-shopped
perfect models and Instagram girls these days. But when
she can’t see herself (because you’ve blindfolded her) she
simply stops worrying and starts enjoying the intense
sensation of a well-placed finger on her g-spot. Additionally,
it’s just super naughty and kinky.

• Handcuffs

Handcuffs are another prop that can be very effectively

used to make your wife orgasm using just your fingers.

Why?

It’s a control thing. Handcuff her before fingering her pussy.

She wants to give over control to you. Handcuff both of her
hands to the bedpost and blindfold her so she can’t see a
thing then use these amazing fingering techniques I just
showed you to stimulate her like never before. She is going
to practically pass out from pleasure overload.

Handcuffs are a symbolic way of you saying, “Baby, this is all

about you. You are all mine, and I don’t want you to do
anything but lie there and enjoy what is about to happen.”

There is something that women find extremely kinky and

exciting about being handcuffed and ‘taken care of’ by a
man who knows what he’s doing and this causes a surge of
adrenaline that adds to the neurochemicals being released
when you finger her. The result is a cocktail of pleasurable
chemicals flowing through her body. (And yes, those natural
chemicals being released by her own body can be highly
addictive – don’t say I didn’t warn you when your wife
comes begging for more and starts initiating sex at every
opportunity.)

By the way, you don’t need to use actual handcuffs for this
to work. A belt, a tie, a scarf or even her panties can do the
job. All work great to tie up her hands and give up control to
you.

The Female State Of Mind

So, you’ve learnt the basics of how to finger your wife.

You’ve learnt about preparation, techniques and positions,
but there’s still one very important piece of the puzzle
that’s missing.

And that is the ‘female state of mind.’ What do I mean?

Like I shared much earlier; ‘Don’t Be Goal Oriented about

Making Her Orgasm’.

It’s very important at this point to remember not to be goal

oriented. If she feels in the slightest that you will be
disappointed with yourself or with her if she doesn’t squirt
i.e. orgasm, it will make it much harder for it to happen.

Sometimes you can even tell her ‘don’t cum now,’ with a
smile. This completely removes any psychological pressure
to ejaculate but also has the hidden command of ‘squirt
now’. You relationship must be one where she knows you
are just being naughty and not serious with your command.
As you continue with the g-spot stimulation you will want to
transition into a stronger up and down motion, with your
fingers curled upwards (palm towards the roof.)

As she gets ready to squirt the pressure on your fingers

inside her vagina will increase as the skene’s gland fills and
the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles contract. The pressure is an
indicator that she is about to squirt and if you remove your
fingers now she may do so.

BLOWJOBS!

Men and women both have something in common that they

never talk about – the top of his penis i.e. the glans, is very
similar to the exposed part of your clitoris, the clitoral glans.
This is most true when you or your man is close to orgasm.
Here’s why:

As you get closer and closer to orgasm, your clitoris

becomes increasingly sensitive, until you reach orgasm at
which point your clitoris usually becomes too sensitive to
touch. Then after orgasm, your clitoris will usually remain
too sensitive to touch for a few minutes.

This time when your clitoris is too sensitive to touch is

called the “refractory period”. So if your husband has been
rubbing your clit, bringing you to orgasm, you may have
noticed how painful it is if he keeps vigorously rubbing it
during and after orgasm. It’s pretty painful, and I am
guessing you pushed his hand away for a moment due to
the sensitivity, right?

The funny thing is that the top of your man’s dick, his glans
is similar to your clit. As he gets closer and closer to
cumming, the tip of his penis gets increasingly sensitive.
Then as he starts to orgasm it will become almost painful if
you keep stimulating it heavily. If you do keep stimulating it
intensely, then don’t be surprised if your man tries to stop
you. Then after his orgasm he will enter a refractory period
where his penis will remain supersensitive.

Understanding this is vital to bear in mind when giving your

husband a blowjob. As he reaches orgasm, the top of his
penis is naturally going to become hypersensitive. If you
keep massaging and rubbing it vigorously, then you’re going
to make him uncomfortable and ruin his orgasm.

Equally, if you take his cock out of your mouth and stop
stimulating it altogether, you are also going to ruin his
orgasm. He still needs a tiny amount of stimulation.

The Solution – As your man climaxes and starts to ejaculate

slow everything right down to a snail’s pace so that you are
only softly licking, kissing and caressing his penis with your
tongue, lips and mouth. Slowing right down to a snail’s pace
is the best way to guarantee that his orgasm is super
powerful and not painful.
With this in mind, there are two other great techniques you
can use to give your husband “head” and completely blow
his mind.

1. FINISH WITH YOUR HANDS

Perhaps you are repulsed at the thought of him ejaculating

into your mouth. That’s no big deal. A great way to avoid
this when giving him head is to finish him off with a hand
job. As he reaches orgasm, simply take his penis out of your
mouth and use your hands to finish him off.

As you notice him getting closer to orgasm, take him out of

your mouth and softly grab his shaft near the head of his
penis and gently squeezing it as you rub up and down like
you want to milk him. You can also simply move your hand
in a fast up and down motion depending on which one he
prefers.

You can give him extra pleasure by using your free hand to
cup and gently massage his balls while giving him a handjob.
Alternatively, you can use your two hands on his shaft if he
is particularly well endowed.

As he gets closer and closer to orgasm, start stroking faster

and faster until he climaxes. Once he starts cumming,
loosen your grip until it’s almost featherlight and slow your
stroking right down so that it’s very slow. Loosening your
grip and slowing your stroking will give him maximum
pleasure and minimum pain.
 2. LOOK INTO HIS EYES

Making eye contact with your husband as he reaches

orgasm can be an intensely intimate experience, especially
when you consider the fact that men find oral sex more
intimate than women do.

There is just something incredibly sensual, connecting and

intense about staring deep into his eyes as he climaxes and
starts cumming. You may find it to be slightly submissive
being on your knees looking up at your man while you give
him head or you may just enjoy the feeling of sexual power
as you see him writhe in pleasure while you control him
completely using only your mouth.

HOW TO TELL WHEN HE IS CLOSE TO ORGASM

How do you know when your man is going to cum? It is

surprisingly straightforward!

If you are giving your man a blowjob but you don’t want him
to finish in your mouth or you want to time it perfectly so that
you can give him a facial or have him cum elsewhere on your
body, then knowing when he is close to orgasm is vital.

Here’s how to tell he is about to climax:

• Start by listening to his breathing. You’ll notice

that as he gets closer and closer to cumming, he’ll
start breathing faster and taking shorter breaths.
 • Additionally, his body will begin to tense up. So if
you have a hand on either his stomach or thigh or
even in his hand, you’ll feel it starting to tense up.
• Some guys start to get more vocal as they reach
orgasm, but others remain quiet. It depends on
your man.

You can probably notice that all these signs from his body
are very similar to what your body does as it reaches
orgasm. Once he begins to orgasm, his cock will start
twitching as he ejaculates.

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION,
COMMUNICATION!

Never overlook talking to your husband when giving him a

blowjob. Assuming that he likes this, hates that or is
indifferent to something else is a bad attitude to have.

Great communication as we learnt in part 1 of this book is

vital if you want to have a great sex life. Keeping this in
mind, it is vital that you communicate your own desires to
your man. If you don’t particularly like the idea of him
cumming in your mouth or on your face or even on your
body, then talk to him and let him know how you feel.

While I always encourage you to experiment and try new

things (as long as it’s safe and legal), if you aren’t
comfortable doing something, don’t ever feel compelled to
do it. You will only end up resenting your man in the long
run. What you can do instead is to find an alternative that
works for the both of you.

AMAZING SEX POSITIONS YOU CAN TRY OUT RIGHT NOW!

Want a new goal for this month? How about trying one new
sex position each day? No crazy positions here, just sexy fun
in different positions!

If you want an instant sex reboot, you will appreciate this

challenge. I am not talking about losing weight. I am talking
about spicing up your sex life, one position at a time. We’re
looking at sex positions you can try out all through the
month.

You will have tons of fun with this challenge. Not only are
you trying fun new positions and getting to have sex
frequently, you will also be bonding as a couple while you
do so. If you are starting to feel distant from your lover, sex
could easily be your problem – or a lack of it!

Sex feels great, especially when you’re with a spouse that

makes your sexual satisfaction their personal mission, but it
also connects you as a couple and builds intimacy and trust.
So start bonding again and have a little fun with these
positions you can try out right now!

1. Oral for her, lying down. Treat your wife to some

“her” time by offering up your tongue for her
pleasure. Sure, sitting on your face is fun, but nothing
 beats lying down and getting pampered, so lay her
down and give her the licking of a lifetime.

2. Doggy style. With your wife on all fours with her

back arched upwards, or her head down onto the
bed, enter her from behind. This position is fun
because you get to pound her deep and hard with
minimal effort. This also offers you a great view of
her butt.

3. Get in your favorite chair. Sit down in the comfiest

chair and get ready for a wild ride. In this position,
the woman mounts her man while he’s sitting down
and bounces or grinds her way to orgasm. She can
use the armrests as leverage if she starts to get tired.

4. Push her legs back. Entering in the missionary

position, push your wife’s legs up and towards her
shoulders. This position is great for G-spot
stimulation. Pay attention to her reactions though, as
it can start to hurt or can get difficult to breathe, if a
woman is in this position for too long.

5. Woman on top. Finally, it’s your wife’s turn to really

work it! Have your wife jump on top for a little
action. From here, your wife can either bounce on
your penis, rock back and forth for some perfect
clitoral stimulation, or lean forward so you can lick
her nipples while you thrust into her. No matter
 which way she chooses to go about it, this position is
fun, fun, fun.

6. Stand up and hold your wife. This position gets a lot

of criticism for only being accomplished by
bodybuilders. Yes, it requires upper body strength
but you can also do it. Lift your wife up while you’re
standing and place her over your waist so that you
can enter her. From here you can either thrust into
her, or lift her up and down onto your penis. If you’re
not into wearing out your muscles for the sake of
wild sex, tweak this position so that she’s sitting on
the side of the kitchen table. This way, you can thrust
into her without all the work.

7. Italian hanger. This position is one of the most

difficult on the list, but fear not, you won’t need
stretchable limbs to perform it! As the woman, lie on
your back and spread your legs. Next, have your
husband get on his knees in front of you as though
he were entering you missionary style. To complete,
have him grab your bum and lift you up to his waist
area and enter you.

8. Face to face. This rather romantic position seems

impossible physically, but it is simple to do. Face each
other while lying on your sides and lift her leg up
over yours, matching up your pelvises. Enter her and
enjoy the magic.
9. Reverse cowgirl. Some women love this, while
others just don’t get it. Position yourself on your
man, as if you were getting on top, but do it in
reverse so that you are facing his legs. Hold onto his
thighs for support and either bounce or rock away to
your heart’s content.

10. Him standing, her lying down. Veer over to the edge
of the bed and lay on your back, with your lower half
draped off the bed. Have your husband enter you
while standing up, using your legs as leverage, or
leaning forward and thrusting into you while holding
onto your torso.

11. Deep impact sex. This isn’t as scary as it sounds, we

promise. Kneel down and have your wife lay on her
back. Have her rest her legs on your shoulders and
enter her. See, that wasn’t so bad!

12. Blow him, kneeling down. Men, here’s the moment

you’ve been waiting for. Have your wife kneel down
in front of you while you stand and have her take
your penis in and out of her mouth. This position is
great for both parties, as she has free range to cup
your balls and reach around to pinch that cute little
booty of yours.

13. Woman on top, lying on her back. In this position,

have your husband lie on his back and get on top of
 him with your back to his chest. With some careful
movements, position yourself so that you can get his
penis inside you. From here, enjoy grinding and
moving up and down against his penis. This is a great
position that leaves his hands free to wander around
your breasts and clit.

14. Ride his face. Another oral technique for her! Sit on
top of your husband’s mouth with his tongue in
direct contact with your pussy. This is great for
receiving oral sex, or grinding against his face.

15. Dry humping. Sure, there’s no penetration… but isn’t

that the fun of foreplay? Pretend you’re teenagers
again and strip down to your underwear. Have your
wife get on top of you and start grinding against your
dick. This is the perfect clit-stimulating sexy workout
your wife needs to get off, and it’s no chore for you,
either!

16. Face to face, sitting up. Sit in front of each other and
align your pelvises, then have your husband enter
you and put your legs over his thighs. He’ll then place
his legs around your hips from beneath his thighs,
allowing you to rock against him for a high-intensity
orgasm.

17. Blowjob, lying down. Getting on your knees is fun

and dirty, but men love to be pampered too. Have
 him lie down and relax as you give him the BJ of his
life.

18. Coital alignment technique. In this position, enter

your wife in the missionary position. Once inside,
move your body above her so that she is face to face
with your chest. In this position, you won’t be
thrusting in and out of her. Instead, you’ll use
grinding motions to stimulate your wife’s clitoris
against your pelvis. This is a sure-fire way to have
your wife orgasm with you on top.

19. Book ends. Both of you should be on your knees,

facing one another in this sex position. As the man,
crouch a little lower than your wife so that you can
slip inside her. From here, raise yourself back up like
you were and start thrusting. This position works
best if you’re roughly the same height.

20. Bucking bronco. A bucking bronco is a wild horse

used in rodeos. In sex, it is another woman on top
position that adds a little more variety to an old
standby. Mount your man as you normally would,
and then lean backwards so that you are supporting
yourself with your arms. Move your legs towards his
face so that your feet are next to his chest then go
ahead and bounce like a bucking bronco.
 21. No Sex. Yes you heard right. On this special day, just
lie together or sit close to each other and tell
yourselves how amazing you both are. Try not to
have sex. The aim is to relax and reminiscence on
how your sex life has greatly improved while
refreshing for another amazing round of sex.

Congratulations, you’re officially a sex pro who has spiced

up a new month. Hopefully, these positions have aided in
making your month a little steamier and helped you bond
more with your spouse.
 Part 3
OVERCOMING ROADBLOCKS
 15
“ My son, share your love with your wife alone. Drink
16
from her well of pleasure and from no other Why would
you have sex with a stranger or with anyone other than
17
her? Reserve this pleasure for you and her alone and not
18
with another. Your sex life will be blessed as you take joy
19
and pleasure in the wife of your youth. Let her breasts be
your satisfaction and let her embrace intoxicate you at all
times. Be continually delighted and ravished with her
love!”

– Proverbs 5:15-19 (The Passion Translation)

 Chapter 7
COMMON ISSUES IN THE BED

In an ideal world, things should go off without a hitch every

time you have sex with your spouse. Unfortunately, reality
doesn't work that way. When it comes to problems you
might be having in your sex life, it's easy to believe that
you're the only person in the world having this experience.

Sex is just as psychological as it is physical. Your mood,

stress levels and even diet can all have effects on your
enjoyment in the bedroom. From personal experience and
several counseling sessions, I have identified some common
problems we face with regards to sex as married couples
and how you can overcome it.

1. "My mind won't stop wandering.

I have a lot of women tell me they are too distracted to be
in the moment during sex. This is especially true for many
moms, since the pressure of parenting can obstruct any
sexy thoughts. It may seem counterintuitive, but scheduling
sex may help. When you know something is going to
happen, you might be better able to adjust to it. Beyond
that, introducing something different or new sex positions
can help keep you present.
 2. Sex Drives Don’t Align
Sex is perfectly normal, and although lots of people are
having sex, many couples aren’t having as much sex as one
partner might have hoped. This is due to a number of
factors including misaligned sex drives.

Women and men often have different needs and desires

when it comes to sex, and it can be hard to get them to
match up. In the beginning, when marriage is “hot and
heavy,” it’s easy to want to hop into bed for a quickie but as
time goes on and you become bogged down with life’s
responsibilities, the first thing to go from the relationship is
sex.

I’ve been the virgin, the “technical virgin,” the lots-of-sex

newlywed, the no-libido wife, and the higher-drive wife.
Sometimes I wonder if God allowed me to be put in all of
these scenarios so that I can have compassion for people in
different circumstances.

As 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those
in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from
God.”
The usual story is that men are always the ones wanting sex
but then, there are times when that changes and it is now
you the wife that wants sex more than him.

As a high-drive wife, I remember having conversations with

other Christian women and feeling like I was the only one of
my kind and completely out-of-place. Was I the only wife
who wanted more sex in her marriage?

If you happen to be in the same situation, I want to let you

know that there are millions of women like you. You are not
alone. I want you to know that:

• You are normal. You cannot find me a Bible verse,

biology textbook, or a quality marriage expert that
says there’s anything wrong or weird about the
female having the higher libido. Frankly, I’m thinking
we should move away from talking about what’s
typical or normal versus atypical and abnormal. We
should instead be talking about what’s healthy and
unhealthy. And desiring your spouse sexually is
absolutely healthy.
• You are not a “nympho.” Well, admittedly, someone
out there might be. But overall, wanting sex more
than your husband doesn’t make you a crazed sex
“slut” or any of the other labels that might float
through your head from time to time. Would you
ever let a friend call herself such awful names? Then
why would you let your inner voice call you any of
 those wrong, hurtful names even one more time?
Speak the truth about who you are.
• You are not ugly. Given the ongoing messages about
men being driven to have sex, and women being less
interested, when you discover your situation is
different, the first question you’d most likely be
asking yourself is “What’s wrong with me?” You
wonder why he doesn’t want you the way you
expected any red-blooded male would dive into the
opportunity to have sex. I can literally count the
number of times I’ve heard of sexual rejection being
appearance-based and if your husband is rejecting
you because you gained a few pounds or whatever,
then you’ve got bigger issues than a mismatch in sex
drives. You might have to take up an exercise regime
or talk to a trusted counsel for help. If that is not the
case however, then know you are just a higher drive
and I will soon be showing you how to initiate sex
with your spouse.
• You are not alone. It’s not true that no one else in
the world understands your heartache. Other
women in similar situations need your
encouragement, and you need theirs.
• Your sex drive matters. In marriage, both of you
matter — his sex drive and yours. Ideally, you work
together to find physical intimacy that pleasures and
satisfies you both. If the lower-drive spouse isn’t
 there yet, it doesn’t mean you the higher-drive
spouse should crush your natural desire to be
sexually intimate with your beloved. You may have a
bigger hill to climb to get to where you want to go,
but start walking because your sex drive and your sex
life matters — to you and to your marriage. God
wants you to both enjoy satisfying sexual intimacy,
and that’s a goal worth pursuing. You will likely need
patience, wisdom, and perseverance, but aren’t
those qualities we always need when we’re stretched
to grow in our lives?

3. Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (I will be using ED for short) refers to

the inability to get an erection and have satisfying sex,
which can cause distress for couples. In order to have an
erection, there needs to be proper functioning of the
muscles, blood flow and nerves.

While erectile dysfunction can have psychological causes, it

tends to be a sign of underlying medical issues. It is
therefore very important to discuss ED with your family
doctor or an urologist.

There are many options to treat erectile dysfunction, but

there are also several ways to prevent it from happening in
the first place:
 i. Adapt your diet: The same foods that can cause
heart disease can also cause ED. As ED is caused
by insufficient blood flow to the penile area,
include foods that stimulate circulation by
incorporating leafy greens (nitrates), dark
chocolate (flavonoids), oysters and shellfish (zinc)
in your diet. Antioxidants like the ones found in
fruits and vegetables such as tomatoes, berries
and watermelon can also help prevent erectile
dysfunction as these lower your risk of heart
disease. A general rule of thumb is that any food
that is good for heart health and circulation will
also help prevent Erectile Dysfunction.
ii. Maintain a healthy weight: An unhealthy weight
can put you at risk for many chronic diseases
especially type-2 diabetes which can affect the
nerve system and lead to Erectile Dysfunction.
Extra weight can also result in an unhealthy heart,
causing unhealthy circulation, ultimately leading
to ED.
iii. Maintain healthy blood pressure and cholesterol
levels: Along with a healthy weight, it is
important to keep your vitals in check. Go for
regular check-ups to sort out any irregularities in
your blood pressure and cholesterol. Increased
cholesterol levels can limit healthy erections as
 the arteries become clogged, impairing healthy
circulation.
iv. Avoid anabolic steroids: Recreational use of
anabolic steroids (drugs that enhance muscle
growth) has been proven to be a cause of Erectile
Dysfuncion. It happens because anabolic steroids
literally shrink the scrotum, leading to lower
levels of testosterone.
v. Quit drinking, and if you must, drink moderately:
While there is no concrete link between alcoholic
beverages and ED, regular heavy drinking can
cause ED as it can lead to nerve damage and an
imbalance in the male sex hormones.
vi. Stop smoking ASAP: Smoking has a negative
effect on your entire body and increases your risk
for high blood pressure, heart conditions and
many other chronic diseases. And it damages
your blood vessels, ultimately leading to weaker
circulation, which, yes, you guessed it, can lead to
Erectile Dysfunction.
vii. Monitor your medication: There are several
medications out there that can cause Erectile
Dysfunction. If you are concerned that your
current medication might be causing ED, don't
hesitate to discuss this with your doctor. Several
kinds of drugs used for the treatment of high
blood pressure, as well as some antidepressants
 can have an impact on your sex drive and ability
to get an erection.

DEALING WITH WEAK ERECTION

In order to properly address this concern, the husband is

expected to be honest to his wife before going to see the
family doctor or a sex coach. Communication is the key here
as it will help the wife to understand his feelings. Some level
of patience is also required in the cause of the treatment as
some treatment may not work as fast as expected, it is
usually a progressive thing.

There is a degree of changes with age. An erection at age 30

cannot be the same at age 45 and age 60. The level of blood
flow to the organs at each stage of life determines the
firmness of the penis. Most men as they age may not have a
firm erection even when they are not suffering from erectile
dysfunction. It may be due to the level of the flow of blood,
but during intercourse, once they can be assisted by their
wife to penetrate a well lubricated vagina, the penis gains
some level of strength and becomes firm because of the
wetness of the vagina and the sexual urge.

Don’t be discourage or feel sad as a man if you fall into this

category. Just ensure you carry your wife along by freely
describing your present state and am sure she will be willing
to assist in finding a lasting solution so she could have
optimum satisfaction as well.
Please, don’t be in a hurry to resort to drugs as they also
have their adverse effects on the body generally. All you
need is to get enough rest, exercise regularly, do away with
anything that gives you stress, and watch your diet as well
as weight. When this is well taken care of, it becomes a
build-up of what happens during love making.

The man is not totally at fault when he is unable to have an

erection in some cases. Naturally, men are moved by what
they see. Personally, I feel if the woman keeps herself and
home attractive, stays in a right frame of mind and
sometimes initiate sex and take charge, the man will always
be eager to ‘go in’ and with that eagerness comes a firm
erection.

If you are temporarily going through erectile dysfunction,

there are certain fruits and vegetables you should put in
your diet. They include Watermelon, Banana, Avocado pear,
Chili pepper, Ginger, Fish and Whole grains.

4. Vaginal Dryness

Around half of post-menopausal women tend to notice

more vaginal dryness and discomfort when having sex. After
menopause, the genitourinary area (including the vagina
and vulva) may change and atrophy due to the decrease in
estrogen levels. Without higher levels of estrogen, these
tissues become thinner, less flexible, receive less blood
flow, and produce less natural vaginal fluids. Using a
lubricant helps decrease the discomfort of sex when
experiencing vaginal dryness, but does not prevent the
underlying problem of vaginal tissue atrophy.

Some people may experience vaginal dryness, which can

lead to discomfort or pain during intercourse. Every person
is different. People who are breastfeeding or are taking
medications may also often experience vaginal dryness. In
these situations, a lubricant can be helpful.

5. Premature Ejaculation

Timing can be everything in the bedroom. If you’re

climaxing sooner than you and your wife would like, sex
may not be satisfying for either of you. There is no set time
when a man should ejaculate during sex. But it’s probably
too soon if you have an orgasm before intercourse or less
than a minute after you start.

It’s a problem called premature ejaculation (PE). When you

ejaculate you lose your erection and can’t continue having
sex. You and your wife may feel there’s not enough time to
enjoy the moment. It can be frustrating, embarrassing and
can hurt your relationship too.

Sometimes PE can be a problem for men with erectile

dysfunction (ED). That’s when the penis does not remain
firm enough for sex. Men who are worried they could lose
their erection may develop a pattern of rushing to ejaculate.
It can be a hard habit to break. You don’t have to live with
it. There are certain things you can do right now to totally
reduce it or eradicate it completely. I share more on this in
the chapter on “How to last longer in bed”.

6. You are not in the mood

For most couples, if one person is not in the mood, the
default is no sex. But why? Who ever said that both of you
have to be in the mood at the same time in order to have
sex? Are you making a big mistake when you pass up an
invitation to get intimate? The answer is YES! A huge
mistake!

Think about it this way: It's not about putting out just
because it's expected or to keep the peace. A woman needs
to take responsibility for figuring out how to get herself to
want sex more often. Let me tell you some compelling
reasons why you should have sex with your husband even if
you're not feeling frisky.

• It Will Put You in the Mood: The female sexual

response cycle relies on direct physical stimulation
more often than not, unlike men, who tend to
become aroused without physical stimulation. This
means that it will be appropriate for women to
decide to have sex even when they aren't feeling like
it because their arousal generally kicks in after the
physical encounter begins.
• You will Feel Happier: Having sex releases the
hormones dopamine, which triggers feelings of
 pleasure, and serotonin, which triggers feelings of
happiness.
• You will Appreciate Your Spouse More: Those
happiness and pleasure hormones can change how
you see your man. They help you see and appreciate
the good things about him.
• You will Feel Closer to Each Other: Dopamine
hormones aren't the only hormones released during
sex. Sexual intimacy and orgasm release oxytocin, the
cuddle hormone. That hormone creates feelings of
connection and cements the bond between people.
• Your Relationship Will Feel More Stable: Sex also
releases vasopressin. This hormone is responsible for
the nesting instinct. It creates feelings of
protectiveness, so it helps create stability in
marriages.
• You will Handle Your Busy Life Better: What
happens when you finish making love and it's time to
get back to work? Having access to these hormones
helps you get along with your daily schedule. You're
a lot less likely to argue over whose turn it is to do
something when you're feeling close and connected
and warmly toward each other.
• You will Get Smarter: Sex hormones bring oxygen to
parts of our brain that affect memory. This is
especially true for women because we have more
 connections between the right and left hemispheres
of our brains.
• It is Good for Your Heart, as in, your actual physical
heart. Couples who climax together often have a 50
percent lower risk of death by coronary heart
disease. Conversely, the stress of bad sexual
relationships has been shown to suppress the
immune system, meaning that couples who have bad
sexual relationships are less healthy, less productive,
and make less money in their careers.
• Saying 'No' Every Time Will Cause a Rift: Saying no
to sex over and over again, and missing those
opportunities to be intimate, will eventually drive
you apart. When men are rebuffed frequently, they
stop asking. And once that happens, none of his
alternatives are likely to be good for your
relationship.
• It's Something Only the Two of You Can Do
Together: Sex is vital to your marriage because no
matter how much you love your family, your friends,
or your kids, and no matter how much time you
spend with them, you won't spend time like this with
anyone else. Sex is the one activity a couple has that
excludes other people. It keeps your bond unique
and strong."
• Your Husband Wants to Connect With You: It's not
just about them releasing. Men really want to serve
 and feel connected to their woman. Making their
woman happy in bed is how men keep score on their
identity. When you deprive him of that, he begins to
doubt himself.

I’m sure you may probably be like,” Okay, okay, okay! I get
it! I can’t just put sex off until I am in the mood. I have to go
for it. The question now is how?” Well, you don't have to
jump right into the struggle of a full-blown sexual
encounter. Start with an intimate connection. Touch each
other, snuggle or ask for a massage – no strings attached.
Say something like, “Honey, could we just start with a
massage and not promise anything after that?" It takes the
pressure of expectations off. Once you're more relaxed,
chances are your body will say, "Oh, I do think I want some
more of that."

If you still find yourself not wanting sex, I recommend

checking in with your doctor to make sure everything is okay
on the health front. Things like depression, hormonal changes,
and certain medications can all affect your libido. If everything
checks out, consider going to individual therapy to try to find
out what’s happening with you mentally. Also, have an open
dialogue with your spouse and be honest about how you’re
feeling. If you still want to be close to them, hold their hand,
kiss, and touch them, those are all great signs. If you don’t, it
could be a sign of a deeper issue.
WAYS TO INITIATE SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND

Sometimes we want to give our sex intimacy in marriage a

boost, but we don’t quite know how to get things going. As
women, we can have an even harder time initiating sex,
because it feels so awkward. There are so many ways to let
your husband know you want to make love. Here are some
approaches you can use right now!

Subtle Approaches

1. Greet him with a passionate kiss. Go above and

beyond your usual hello smooch and put more sexual
attractiveness into it.
2. Send the kids to your relative’s. Make space and time
for you two to be alone together and see what
happens.
3. Put on your intimacy playlist. Set the tone with
music.
4. Slow dance in the living room or your bedroom. Get
up-close and in each other’s arms and see where it
leads you.
5. Prepare the bedroom for intimacy. Clear the bed,
arrange the house and set the mood with special
lighting (blue light will do), silky sheets, etc.
6. Leave him a note. On the bathroom mirror, in his
briefcase, on your car’s dashboard, in his sock drawer
— wherever he’ll see it.
 7. Wear suggestive lingerie. Wear that revealing outfit
that makes his gaze linger.
8. Leave a “bread crumb trail” to the bedroom. Use
anything from flower petals to bite-sized candies or
love notes to draw him into the bedroom where you
await.
9. Take him lingerie shopping, and invite him to be
involved in your purchase. Choose something
together you’d like to try on, and take off.
10. Read Song of Songs together, trading off the male
and female parts and directing your words at each
other. It’s a sexy book, trust me, and yes, it’s in the
Bible.
More Direct Methods

1. Gift wrap a box, hand it to him and say, “This is what

I’m wearing to bed tonight,” then let him open up
the box to find it empty.
2. Flash him — your breasts and/or your pussy. Give a
subtle peek or display the goodies. Any of them
would get his motor running.
3. Cook his favorite dinner and, while you’re eating, tell
him you’re his after meal dessert.
4. Sext him. Sexting is simply expressing your sexual
feelings via texts. Send him a text that makes his
imaginations run wild!
5. Whisper into his ear what you want to do with him
sexually. You can go as much as being more specific.
 6. Wear a skirt or a dress without undies and let him
know you’re taking charge tonight.
7. Offer to give him a body massage. Have the massage
oil or lotion ready to go, and stroke his whole body
(especially his penis area) with your hands.
8. Ask him to give you a body massage. Turn the tables
and let him put his hands on you.
9. Book a hotel room. Getting away can free your minds
for a night of great sex.
10. Schedule sex on the calendar. That may not sound
sexy, but why not put on his and your calendars a
date and time for sexual intimacy?
Making It Clear You Want Him

1. Slip into bed naked. When he rolls over, he’ll know

what you have in mind.
2. Tell him you’re available for sex. This sounds blah,
but it can work to simply say, “Honey, if you want to
make love, I’m totally up for it tonight.”
3. Write him a sex poem. You’ve heard of love poems,
but how about one that’s a little steamier?
4. Purchase a new marital aid (lube, board game,
wedge pillow) and suggest trying it out.
5. Make a list of sexual positions and ask which one he
wants to try tonight.
6. Offer to play Strip
 7. Open the “Bad Boy, Bad girl” section in this book and
mark a page with a note saying “let’s try this
tonight,”
8. Ask about his sexual fantasy, or tell him yours. Even if
you don’t act it out, you get the conversation started
for what you want to do sexually.
9. Suggest a challenge, like “First one to make the other
climax gets out of washing dishes tonight.” This
works well when you have both created a playful
ambience in your relationship.
10. Give him a straightforward multiple choice of
foreplay options: So tonight, do you want a hand job,
a blow job, or to give me oral sex?
Getting Right to It

1. Say, “I want to make love with you. Right now.” No

mixed message there.
2. Take his hands and put them on the intimate places
of your body, inviting him to fondle.
3. Undress him. Bit by bit or tearing off his clothes —
find out which works best.
4. Kiss him in that place you know he likes. Behind his
ear? On his lips? Inner thigh? Find that special,
sensuous spot and start kissing.
5. Snuggle up to him and slyly begin massaging his
testicles. Gently, teasingly. This particular one drives
men wild!
 6. Reach over and touch, stroke, or squeeze his penis.
Many men like the direct approach — going right for
the good stuff.
7. Perform a strip tease. Slowly take off your clothes
and make him devour the whole process.
8. Press your bum against his hips, pressing into him
where it counts. It’s a strong taste of what could be
happening if you both got naked.
9. Get in the shower with him, and start soaping him
up.
10. Drop to your knees in front of him, unzip his pants,
and stroke his man-part with your hands or mouth.

That’s it! Several ways to initiate sex with your hubby! Now
go forth and give one a try. Then come back in a few days,
or even tomorrow, and choose another.
 Chapter 8
HOW TO LAST LONGER IN BED

Have you ever wondered how some men last so long?

Well, if premature ejaculation is something of a nightmare

to you, I am here to help. I will be sharing some tips with
you in this section that will help you to last longer and
control yourself better during sex with your spouse.

INTERCOURSE DOESN’T NEED TO BE THE MAIN COURSE

Most of the men who think they have problems lasting

longer actually don’t. Men think that they need to do one
hour of crazy pounding intercourse to be great lovers. But
this just isn’t true.

Most women you’ll meet actually wouldn’t even be able to

take 1 hour of constant sex. If you can consistently last
more than 10 minutes of actual intercourse, your woman
will be happy. If you last for 20 minutes she will brag about
you and will feel sore in the morning.

Making love can easily last for an hour or two, but it doesn’t
need to be actual intercourse!

One of the greatest sex myths is that it needs to be

penetrative. Don’t let your penis hardness be the focus of
the sex. You don’t need to be hard all the time during the
process, so don’t make it a priority. If you just prolong the
foreplay, you’ll never have problems in this area.

PRACTICAL STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO LAST LONGER IN BED

1. STOP The Bad Jerking Off Habits

One of the main reasons some men have problems with
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) or Premature Ejaculation (PE) is
because of lousy masturbation habits.

ED comes from porn overuse. If you want to fix this issue

permanently, stop watching porn. When you will stop the
porn, in a few weeks you will notice how attractive and sexy
your wife in real life is. Your sex life will be transformed
with this one thing.

However, if your issue is PE, the cause could be rooted in

your early years when you masturbated as quickly as
possible out of ecstasy or to avoid getting caught, thus you
developed a bad habit. How can you expect to last longer if
you can never last longer than a few minutes by yourself?

The answer to this issue is practice. I will soon show you

some exercises you can do to totally reduce or eradicate
premature ejaculation. The first step to change however is
awareness which leads me to the second practical step you
can take.
 2. Get Fit & Fix Your Health
Being fit can make an immense improvement to your
abilities (plus, the side benefit of being more attractive to
your wife). Remember, your penis gets hard when the blood
vessels open up and fill with blood. And this, in turn, is
closely affected by your cardiovascular shape.

Any exercise that will keep your heart rate elevated for at
least 30 minutes, 3 times a week will make a significant
difference. You’ll notice how you can stay physically active
for longer. Plus your metabolism will improve. This includes
blood circulation to your heart, lungs and most importantly
— your penis.

Also, it’s not only about the exercise — if you smoke, drink
and eat junk food — your sexual drive will be affected as
well! Start making better health choices and not only will
your love life improve, your overall life will as well.

3. Strengthen the muscles of your pelvic floor through

Kegel Exercises
Did you know you can also train your pelvic floor muscles as
you are training your overall body? Kegel exercises are also
called pelvic floor muscle training (PFMT) exercises. They
target the muscles of your pelvic floor also known as your
pubococcygeal muscles (I’ll be using PC muscles for short).
Both men and women have it. They help hold your pelvic
organ in place, promoting good bladder control and sexual
function.
Just as you can strengthen your arm or leg muscle through
regular workouts, you can strengthen your PC muscles
through Kegel exercises. Yes, you can learn to control your
penis hardness levels and eventually be able to even
achieve non-ejaculatory orgasms with the help of this
practice. It’s real and it helps incredibly with your self-
control in bed.

Here’s how you do the exercise:

• First, you need to learn to isolate your PC muscle.

It is the muscle you use to stop peeing.
• Every time you go to take a leak, stop yourself for
about 5 to 10 seconds by squeezing your PC
muscle as strong as you can. Then release.
• A pee taking time is a nice trigger to be able to do
the exercise regularly. In about 2 weeks you’ll
start noticing a significant difference in your
control.
• Start by squeezing your PC muscle for few
seconds and then releasing. Over time you can
increase the duration. The great thing is that you
can also do the exercise anywhere — while
driving, sitting at your desk or while having lunch.
Nobody will know.
 4. Make Her Orgasm First
As we learned in the beginning — intercourse doesn’t need
to be the main menu! A good rule to have is to always make
sure she comes first. This will only remove the pressure and
arouse both of you at the same time.

You cannot go wrong with this rule! From now on, think of
intercourse as 30% of the lovemaking process. 70% of it can
be kissing, cuddling, fingering, giving her cunnilingus (eating
her pussy) or receiving fellatio (getting a blowjob from her!)

Slow things down and tease each other for longer. This will
build the tension, increase the pleasure, and orgasms will
be so much more intense.

5. Communicate With Her To Fix Your Anxiety

One of the biggest arousal killers is stress. Think about it.
How can you then expect yourself to stay hard and excited
if you are worried about your performance? All those
thoughts in your mind are toxic.

Well, women also have the same anxiety issues! We worry

about things like — oh, do you find me attractive? Are my
breasts too small? I hope my pussy doesn’t smell down
there.

The best way to fix this is communication. Talk to your spouse.

Discuss your worries beforehand and it will help her to open
up and calm down as well. If things go wrong during the sex,
you can also just be honest and tell what’s going on.
Maybe you won’t fix your challenges the first time, but your
sex will improve over time!

6. Practice The “Drinking Her In” Technique

One cool trick to reduce stress or stopping yourself from
releasing too soon is to change the focus of the pleasure.
Instead of focusing on your own hardness, pleasure or just
her pussy or breasts — DRINK ALL OF HER IN.

Notice how your touch is affecting her, look deeply in her

eyes, appreciate her curly hair. Activate all your senses and
notice what gives her pleasure. Try to experience her
pleasure through you.

When you do this, the pressure will stop; your presence and
enjoyment will increase. Your woman will love this and
you’ll be able to last much longer!

7. Switch Positions & Mix Things Up

As you learn how your body works, you’ll also discover that
there are some positions that make you cum sooner and
some that make you less aroused.

Use this knowledge to your advantage! If you are finding

yourself to get too close to ejaculation, switch positions!

8. Change the tempo, angle — make the sex feel

totally different.
Also, there is no rule, that once you’ve penetrated her, you
have to stay inside. Actually, it can be a lot of fun to thrust
her for a few times, then withdraw and use your fingers to
keep going.

Teasing her this way will only increase the intensity of the
pleasure. Plus, did you know that you can also edge your
wife? Remember the edging exercise? Yep, that’s right!

If you want to achieve squirting or whole body orgasms, you

actually keep teasing her in levels (You could use an
intensity level of 1 to 10 for example) and then stopping at
9. When you eventually bring her to climax at level 10, she
will have a mind-blowing orgasm!

Plus, by mixing it up and making it fun you will be able to

last much longer

9. Practice Deep, Relaxed Breathing

If you observe yourself, you’ll notice that right before you
ejaculate your breath actually becomes shorter and shorter
until you hold your breath at the moment of ejaculating.

Knowing this, you can calm yourself down with long, deep
breathing through the diaphragm. If you practice this during
sex with your wife sessions, you will notice it gets easier and
easier to control yourself during the process. Mute the
sensation away from your penis, focus on the sound of your
breath and you’ll be able to calm down.
 10. Use a Thick Condom and Lube i.e. Lubricant.
This is a simple one. There are condoms that are thicker
than others. Use them to your advantage. If you have
trouble lasting longer, pick a thicker condom. If you have
trouble staying hard, use something super light.

Also, you may have noticed when it’s super wet down there,
you can last longer and sensations lessen. Well, use lots of
your own saliva and lube and you’ll last longer! A couple
once asked me “Why use lube?” to which I responded,
“Why not use lube?”

Lube is great! Using lube is nothing to feel shameful about

— it can be a great addition to your sexual experience. You
should not feel embarrassed to use a personal lubricant.
Also get one for your wife. Many women who produce
ample amounts of vaginal fluids still choose to use a lube to
further increase their sexual pleasure. Just do your proper
research and buy from a trusted store.

Bringing It All Together

Remember, practice makes perfect!

If you learn to control your body and change your focus to

“Drinking Her In”, you will NEVER have issues with lasting
longer ever again!

Here’s why learning how to give your wife massive sexual

pleasure EVERY TIME you have sex is important to YOU.
• It’s way more fun. I don’t know any man who
doesn’t love getting his wife off, feeling her go crazy
with desire, making her completely lose control and
leave her spent and shaking when he is done.
• It builds connection, loyalty, and love.
• It makes you more CONFIDENT in every sexual
interaction with your wife. There is something about
KNOWING that your wife is going to have an amazing
experience with you sexually that causes a change in
the way you approach her. Suddenly your cocky
smile comes from an authentic place because you
know that you are offering her much more. Women
can FEEL this so destroy your limiting beliefs and
start having more fun with your wife!
 Chapter 9
HOW TO OVERCOME SEX BRAKES

Women & men are very different when it comes to getting

turned on. A lot of things that turn guys on DON’T turn
women on and vice-versa. Many guys already understand
this, but what they don’t understand is how to take
advantage of these differences when it comes to turning
their wife on and giving her incredible sex.

To further illustrate my point, here’s the general process for

how men get turned on:

• They see something that they find hot

• Or they hear something that they find hot
• Or they think of something they find hot

And, they are turned on and ready to go. It’s often that
easy.

Here’s the general process for how women get turned on:

• They first need to have some Brakes removed to

allow them to get turned on (I’m talking about
things like stress, hormonal issues, shame, guilt,
the feeling of being unattractive, etc.).
 • Next, they experience something that turns them
on (it could be a romantic gesture, an act of love,
sexy memories, a bath, candles, massage, kissing
etc.).
• Finally, they are ready to go and eagerly want sex.

Breaking things down, you can clearly see that women need
three steps to happen in order to fully let go, get turned on
and enjoy incredible sex with their man.

HOW TO REMOVE THE BRAKES TO HER SEX DRIVE

Women often experience a number of Brakes that prevent

them from getting turned on in the first place. Removing
the Brakes to her sex drive is by far the most important step
to getting your wife turned on and hungrier for sex than
ever before, but …and it’s a really big BUT… It is the hardest
and (sometimes) the most boring part. If you do this step
correctly, then you’ll be having more enjoyable sex, more
often. But if you ignore it, then Step 2 & 3 are going to be
far less effective.

For most women, the first thing they need to get turned on
is NOT the kind of foreplay that most guys enjoy; they need
to get prepared to even be receptive to that. So, forget
about kissing, talking dirty, or sexting to turn her on through
text, and all that other fun stuff for now.

We all have sexual Brakes — everything that turns us off

from sex in the moment — and sexual Accelerators — all
the things that remind us we are sexual beings and turn us
on.

If your wife is like most men with more sensitive

Accelerators and less sensitive Brakes, you easily find her
turned on. But if she is like most women, her Brakes are
more sensitive (even if her Accelerator is pretty sensitive)
and it may seem like she has a low or no sex drive. The truth
is that she just needs help removing those Brakes. If you
want to know how to turn your wife on, you have to
understand this.

Sexual Accelerators are anything that gets you going. And

foreplay certainly can be an Accelerator for both men and
women. As I just mentioned, the problem is that women
usually have much more sensitive Brakes while men have
more sensitive Accelerators. So if you jump to things that
turn her on without first dealing with what might be turning
her off, it’s like putting your foot on the gas pedal while the
emergency Brake is still on. In short, you’ll get nowhere fast.

What are these Brakes? And more importantly, how do you

remove them?

1. STRESS

For women, stress is one of the biggest Brakes to their sex

drive and getting in the mood for sex. Stress can even dull
genital sensation and increase pain with sex. Stress comes
in many forms whether from work or from taking care of
family or even from dealing with friends. Your relationship
can also be a source of distress.

Often, it can be very obvious and clear that your wife is

suffering from stress. I’m talking about the obvious stuff
here like preparing for an exam or dealing with a sick
relative. However, most of the time it’s much more subtle…
perhaps someone said something bad to her at work, a
friend snubbed her or she didn’t earn as much as she hoped
she would by a certain period. The key to her overcoming
this Brake is by helping her to de-stress.

Perhaps the most effective way to lower stress is to

eliminate it from your lives. There’s no simple answer here
as there’s a near infinite number of stressors that can
combine to cause a person stress. However, switching jobs,
hiring help at home, reducing obligations outside of the
home and learning how to better manage finances may all
contribute to lower stress levels.

2. FEELING THAT SHE IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED

Everyone feels that they are taken for granted from time to
time. It’s not just unique to women, but in the case of
women, it becomes a serious Brake to her sex drive.

Now, you can read this and pretend that you are the perfect
man that never takes anyone for granted but the truth is
that we all do it from time to time. Just because your wife
doesn’t complain about it doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel
taken for granted sometimes.

Let’s pretend your wife is a stay at home mom, responsible

for looking after your kids and keeping the house running
smoothly. She is not getting a salary and benefits for this job
and it may actually be more stressful than yours. If you are
treating her like she has a charmed life while you are the
only one “working”, then I can guarantee you that she feels
taken for granted. Anytime she is trying to improve herself
for you or your relationship or even just for herself, you
need to acknowledge it. Anytime that you can see her
putting in a lot of effort without shouting about it,
acknowledging her for this is going to go a long way.

As well as acknowledging her for the effort that she puts in,
it’s also important that you are proactive about it by asking
her if she ever feels like she is taken for granted and then
genuinely trying to recognize what she does for you and
those around her. Doing this will go a long way to removing
this Brake.

Recognizing that she sometimes feels taken for granted

actually has a lot in common with the next Brake that you
need to address.

3. FEELING THAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HER

“Feeling understood” by their husband is a very important

aspect of a relationship for many women. It’s that feeling
that you have someone on your side that understands why
you feel good or bad about certain situations. For example,
you understand why she sometimes feels insecure about
something important to her like her body, level of
education, achievements to date or level of career success.

If she feels that you have no idea of what’s going on in her

head, then this is going to become a serious Brake to her
sex drive. That feeling that you understand her is going to
make her much more comfortable and more deeply
connected to you, making it much easier for her to become
turned on.

Of course, it’s impossible to understand everything about

your wife, but at a minimum, you should listen and TRY to
understand her point of view on things.

4. TRUST

A lack of trust can become a major Brake to your wife’s sex

drive. Trust is vital to making her feel comfortable, making it
easy for her to open up to you, be vulnerable and let go.

Telling you how to build trust is tricky because everyone

needs to see and experience different traits from their
spouse in order to trust them. These include everything
from:

• Being honest.
• Being transparent.
 • Being patient.
• Being consistent. I.e. Following through on what
you say you’ll do.
• Not playing games.
• Never trying to manipulate.
• Being open to talking about the difficult things
without rushing to judge or criticize.
• Trusting her.

When you remove this Brake and your wife truly trusts you,
it’s so much easier for her to relax which allows her to get
turned on more easily and therefore orgasm more easily.

5. UNDERSTANDING THE STAGES IN HER MENSTRUAL

CYCLE

Desire is usually lowest on the days before her period when

women experience PMS (Premenstrual syndrome). Cramps
and other physical pain definitely have a way of acting as a
Brake to her sex drive. Physical pain reduces the sex drive in
both genders but may do so more often in women.
However, women may experience pain that is specific to the
pelvic area, which can make sex physically impossible,
unlike a man.

Note that some women are especially horny just before

their periods and some experience increased desire during
their periods. Stopping her period is not practical, but being
aware of this natural Brake to her sex drive will help you
plan around it or to help her better deal with pain on the
worst days.

6. MENOPAUSE

In most cases, women going through menopause will

experience a marked reduction in their sex drive.
Menopause is defined by the reduction of the sex hormones
– estrogen – in the female body. This acts as a serious Brake
to the sex drive of most women as they will experience a
reduced sensitivity to touching and decreased blood flow to
erogenous zones, creating a more difficult arousal process.

After menopause, regular sex is the best natural way to

keep blood flowing to the sexual organs and maintain
ongoing arousal.

7. EXERCISE

Exercise improves sex drive in women of all ages as sex is all

about blood flow and the mind/body connection. Exercise
also helps improve self-esteem and the physical aesthetic of
the body.

A sedentary lifestyle is a dangerous Brake to her sex drive.

However, too much exercise can also be a problem as well.
A program that is too intense leaves the body with no
energy for sex, as it redirects all of the body’s resources to
physical recovery. The ideal exercise level for most women
is just over 20 minutes of moderate-intense exercise per
day with muscle-strengthening activities twice weekly.

8. PAST TRAUMA

Experiencing, or even witnessing, a sexual assault can cause

a woman to feel uncomfortable with her husband. Nervous
energy acts as a Brake to her sex drive as it inhibits blood
flow to erogenous zones. It also keeps the brain from
releasing serotonin, a hormone that increases feelings of
happiness and also triggers the body to release estrogen. A
non-sexual assault may have the same effects on the female
sex drive, although not as pronounced.

Patience and professional therapy are the two keys in

overcoming both sexual and non-sexual trauma. Begin a
program of professional treatment, and lead your spouse
slowly into comfort with you by first making her feel
comfortable in non-sexual situations.

9. SEXUAL SHAME

Sexual shame in women can come from many sources, or

multiple sources and act as a very hard Brake to her getting
turned on. As mentioned above, sexual trauma may be a
source of sexual shame. However, religious beliefs, personal
beliefs, and social pressures may also play a part. In many
case, shame leads to physical anxiety which leads to a lower
sex drive.
If sexual shame comes from a violent trauma, it is usually
best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist. Shame in
other respects can be dealt with similarly or approached by
introducing alternative perspectives to your spouse. It is
important that your spouse makes her own decisions about
sexual behavior – never attempt to force a new belief on
her. This often has a reverse effect and may cause her to
hold on more tightly to her current beliefs.

10. BIRTH COMPLICATIONS CAN BECOME A BRAKE TO

HER SEX DRIVE

7 to 15% percent of women experience postpartum

hemorrhaging after birth. Hemorrhaging is most likely to
occur after a C-section (cesarean birth). Postpartum
hemorrhaging may occur because the uterus loses its ability
to contract. This may also be connected to weakened
vaginal muscles. Prolapsing is another condition that may
occur because of the weakened state of the body after
giving birth.

Keep in mind that a woman may experience a lower sex

drive even if there are no medical complications with a
birth. “Baby blues” also known as postpartum depression
(PPD), from hormonal fluctuations may be the cause of
decreased libido. Although PPD is common enough to affect
1 out of 9 women, many women are reluctant to admit
their mood after having a baby. Untreated postpartum
depression can seriously impact both of you — and the
baby.

The female body also loses estrogen after the birth and
during breastfeeding, which may cause a drying of the
vagina and less pleasure during sex. If a woman’s physical
appearance changes drastically after a pregnancy, this can
lead to a loss of self-esteem which translates into a major
Brake to her getting turned on.

If any of the conditions above are present, talk to a doctor

immediately. Both hemorrhaging and prolapsing may
escalate into more serious conditions if left untreated and
postpartum depression has led some women to end their
lives. If the doctor does not recommend an intensive
treatment program for physical complications, the best way
to improve sex drive is Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic
muscles.

OTHER FACTORS

There are several other brakes that can prevent your spouse
from getting turned on. They include;

• Excessive focus on the outcome of sex – If your

spouse has an excessive focus on her
“performance” during sex instead of just enjoying
it, then this can act as a Brake to her getting
turned on. However, if you help her focus more
on her own pleasure, then she is going to enjoy
 herself a lot more. Of course, men are not
strangers to the concept of performance anxiety
or sexual anxiety in general – anxiety can also
make it difficult to get and stay hard.
• Body confidence – If she doesn’t feel comfortable
with her body, then it’s quite understandable if
this becomes a Brake to her arousal and she
closes up. To overcome this, help her realize that
positive body image must come from within
irrespective of how she feels at the moment and
continuously tell her how beautiful she is over
and over again.

I have covered the main Brakes to your spouse getting

turned on and I have tried to offer solutions in each case.
Once you have identified any that affect your spouse and/or
marriage, it’s then a simple case of addressing each so that
they are no longer an issue. When you do, you will notice
that she gets turned on a lot more easily and quickly.
 Part 4
ADVENTURES IN LOVE
 2
“ I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my
beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my
love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with
dew, and my locks with the drops of the night.”

– Songs of Solomon 5:2 (KJV)

 Chapter 10
HOW TO KEEP YOUR SEX LIFE ABLAZE!

The number one sign of a sexless marriage is the absence of

sexually related activity between the husband and wife.
Lack of sex in marriage doesn’t just happen. A lot of factors
are responsible, which could be spiritual, physical,
emotional or financial factors. I have talked about some of
them in previous chapters but I would like us to go over
them again before I share with you practical steps you can
take to keep your sex life ablaze.

CAUSES OF A SEXLESS MARRIAGE

• ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
Have you ever tried to have an erection and failed or
probably you were already having sex and suddenly your
penis collapses or refuse to rise again? This is a sign of
erectile dysfunction.

Libido can be affected by a number of things like

medication, stress, infection and depression. Erectile
dysfunction is a factor for some men especially over the age
of 40. This can cause some unpleasant moments and if
allowed to linger for long, can lead to a Sexless marriage or
divorce.
I advise all men above the age of 40 to go for a prostrate
test just to ascertain their real state of health and also avoid
any doubt of prostate cancer being the cause.

• ABSENCE OF LOVE MAKING

Most men don’t see the usefulness of their wives unless
they have the urge for sex. They only get closer to the
woman just to satisfy a sexual urge, after which they retire
to themselves. When there is no friendship and intimacy
between husband and wife, the urge for sex naturally dies.

• INFIDELITY
Infidelity can be defined as a violation of trust. It is when
either the husband or wife derives sexual satisfaction
outside the matrimonial home and may not see the need
for regular sex with their spouse at home. It is organized
around a secret and can be very hurtful when discovered.
When situations get out of hand, the other spouse tends to
get revenge by depriving the other sex which eventually
leads to a sexless marriage.

• DEPRESSION
Depression is an illness that can stop you from living your
life to the fullest and from having a healthy and happy
marriage. Irritability, stress, oversleeping and insomnia are
some symptoms of depression to watch out for. It is a
common and severe medical illness that affects how you
feel, think and act. It causes feelings of sadness or loss of
interest in activities once engaged, including sexual
activities

If you find yourself in this condition, it is necessary to talk

with your therapist about the possible cure or lasting
solution to avoid conflicts at home.

• PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION
Pornography has been a very big issue in many marriages, it
is hard to live with someone who portrays innocence
outwardly but engages in illicit acts secretly.

Pornography addiction refers to a range of behaviors that

are done in excess and negatively impacts one’s life.
Watching Pornography interferes with normal daily
behavior, it could lead to loss of relationship, loss of job,
excessive masturbation and sexual dysfunction e.g.
premature ejaculation or impotence. Pornography
Addiction occurs when seeking sexual pleasure becomes
excessive. To find a lasting solution to this, talk to your
spouse about it and both of you should go see a doctor and
seek spiritual and emotional counseling.

• CONTRASTING SEX DRIVES

Mismatched Sexual Libidos is when both partners are not at
the same frequency sexually. A low Sex drive is when one
partner has decreased desire for compared to the other.
The spouse with low Libido feels inadequate, guilty and has
a feeling of resentment if pressured to constantly have Sex.
This many times makes their partner feel neglected.

Men naturally have a stronger Libido and think about Sex

more often than women. Communication is very important
here. Talking about it and trying to find a solution together
can strengthen your bond as a couple. One way to handle
this is to find other ways to be intimate that does not
necessarily involve intercourse like cuddling, play together,
exchange love notes etc.

• SUSPICION AND NAGGING

Too much nagging and suspicion can kill sex drive in any
marriage. Husbands tend to always avoid nagging wives for
peace to reign in the home and thereby creating a gap in
the relationship. Some husbands deliberately stay back in
the office or arrive home late for fear of being harassed by
their nagging wives. Also, where there is lack of trust and
you are always suspicious of each other’s action or inaction,
it can cause hatred for each other and eventually affect
your sexual relationship.

• EXCUSES OF TIREDNESS
Are you too tired of Sex? Most couples are guilty of this
especially with having to balance work and family life. When
you get home after having a full day at work to be greeted
by house chores, dinner to prepare, clingy kids, I can go on
and on. You retire on the bed completely tired and not
prepared for Sex, your spouse gives you that look, but you
are not just in the mood, he/she gets upset and complains.
If this becomes a regular scenario, a gullible spouse will seek
sexual satisfaction elsewhere

• NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS YOUR SPOUSE

This can be as a result of lack of respect for one another,
lack of submissiveness, lack of communication and the
feeling of insecurity or lack of trust or betrayal in the past.
Paying attention to your spouse in a new way can add a
spark to your marriage especially if you have been together
for over 5 years. Has your spouse done something hurtful to
you? Get to the root of the problem, forgive one another
and find a lasting solution to it so that your prayers are not
hindered and your love life bounces back to normal.

• CHILDBIRTH
Most mothers go through a period of depression after
childbirth. The husband needs to understand her and be
more supportive at this phase of their marriage; he also
needs to know that when his wife spends too much time
with the baby, she is just doing her job as a mother. She
may not desire sex right after the baby is born, her body has
to resume its normal state after the changes it has being
through. This should not be prolonged to avoid extra
marital affairs.

• BOREDOM
Sexual passion declines over time in intimate and long
relationships. In order to avoid being bored with your sexual
life, I advise couples to be dynamic in bed by being creative
and working towards changing things. For instance, if the
husband is the one always initiating Sex, the wife can once
in a while take the lead and also explore different sexual
positions instead of the famous “Missionary Style” most
couples are used to. Make a sex calendar, with that your
mind and body is programmed and expectant to a night full
of fun, excitement and orgasm.

STEPS YOU CAN TAKE RIGHT NOW TO REKINDLE THE

FLAME

i. Recognize the signs of a low or sexless marriage.

Identify together the real cause(s) of your sexless
marriage.
ii. Talk with each other about it no matter how difficult
it seems. There is no point hiding anything from each
other no matter the sin either has committed. Your
marriage will crash if you don’t open up in case one
of you has information that the other doesn’t have.
iii. Decide on ways you both think you can rekindle your
sex life. You can take a cue from the chapter on
“Overcoming Sex Brakes”
iv. Let sex be on your schedule, you both will have
something to look forward to.
v. If the problem of a sexless marriage is health related,
see your medical doctor to address the issue.
 vi. Learn to always declutter before engaging in sex with
your spouse i.e. removing work and life tensions. It
may be tough at first but constant practice of
rebooting of your mind away from the hustle and
bustle of life before being intimate with your spouse
will do wonders for your marriage.
vii. Take up a new activity together e.g. going to the gym
or attending a salsa class together.
viii. Attend marriage seminars or retreat together or see
a marriage counselor together.
ix. If you feel you are not getting it to your satisfaction,
teach your spouse how to give it to you. This will go a
long way to save your marriage instead of seeking
sexual satisfaction outside your marriage.
If your spouse doesn’t agree that there is a problem in your
marriage and doesn’t want to change, as a Christian wife or
husband, go on your knees and trust God for full restoration
of your marriage. Never take any decision to betray your
spouse and become unfaithful as a way of handling your
frustration of a sexless marriage.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR SEX LIFE ABLAZE

One very effective way I have found to keeping your sex life
ablaze from counseling sessions with other couples and
personal experience in my own marriage is to really
understand your love language and that of your spouse.
Do you ever think about all the ways you can show your
love to your spouse? In his book, The Five Love Languages,
Gary Chapman examines that concept and illustrates five
different ways to show your love:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch
When we learn our Love Languages, we gain a useful tool to
understanding not just ourselves but also our spouse. That
said, each love language has its own “needs” that, if not
perceived, can cause misunderstandings or resentment in a
relationship. Identifying with your spouse's love language
can also make a huge impact on knowing what brings each
other pleasure when it comes to sex and intimacy.

DISCOVERING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE:

A person whose primary love language is Words of

Affirmation seeks verbal affirmation. They need to be told
they are appreciated. They need to hear things like, “Thanks
for washing the plates,” or “You are amazing.”
Complimentary, kind, and loving words matter to a person
whose primary Love Language is Words of Affirmation.
These words really register and make an impact.
Conversely, someone that has Words of Affirmation as their
lowest Love Language will often disregard such statements,
take them for granted or assume the words are said in
order to manipulate them. As you can imagine, saying
hurtful things to Words of Affirmation people hurts them
more than you can imagine.

Quality Time is the primary Love Language of those who

measure love in time spent and experiences shared
together. A person whose primary Love Language is Quality
Time simply needs to spend good focused time with the
people they love. The cry for help from these people will
sound like, “We never do anything together,” or “You are
always too busy with the kids (or your work) to pay
attention to me.” A Quality Time person will appreciate a
night sitting together just talking or watching a movie. On
the other hand, someone for whom Quality Time is their
lowest Love Language will think of such an evening as, “Well
we didn’t really do anything; we just sat around.”

We may all know someone who has giving and receiving

Gifts as their primary Love Language. These people are the
ones who show up with a present and never miss a gift-
giving opportunity. If your spouse has Gifts as their primary
Love Language feels special when he or she gives or
receives gifts. It is not the size of the gift that matters; the
sentiment behind the gift illustrates the love. A person that
has Gifts as their lowest Love Language tends to see gifts as
manipulation or being materialistic.
The Love Language of Acts of Service involves doing things
for others. Washing the dishes, changing the baby’s diaper
or a burned out light bulb, cleaning the house, or making a
special meal (when you can easily order it) are all examples
of Acts of Service. Someone with this primary Love
Language feels truly loved when his or her spouse puts forth
the effort to perform helpful tasks. On the other hand, a
person for whom Acts of Service is the lowest Love
Language may tend to see all that activity as avoidance of
the real issues.

Having Physical Touch as your main Love Language means

you desire physical contact with a loved one. A Physical
Touch person will value holding hands, hugs, playful
punches on the arm, and other physical contact. A
handshake is significant to this person, as is sexual
intercourse. A Physical Touch person will place high value
on any type of touch and physical contact. Those for whom
Physical Touch is one of their lowest Love Languages tend to
see physical contact as insignificant. They would rarely
agree to engage in a Public Display of Affection (PDA) e.g.
holding hands or kissing in the public with their spouse. A
Physical Touch person who has suffered past abuse or rape
will struggle to trust anyone due to this heightened
violation. As I stated in the chapter on “Overcoming Sex
Brakes”, a skilled counselor can help here.
Let me share a story to illustrate the usefulness of knowing
your Love Language. Imagine a husband (John) and wife
(Nene) who are struggling in their marriage. John feels like
he puts forth the bulk of the effort to keep the marriage
going and resents Nene for not trying harder. Nene also
believes she puts most of the energy into their relationship
and is angry at John for not noticing.

John works all day at a marketing company and then comes

home to help clean the house, do the laundry, wash the
dishes, and coach his estate’s teen football team. At the end
of one of these busy days, when he feels a little horny, Nene
rebuffs his romantic advances. John lies in bed and seethes,
wondering why Nene appreciates him so little and has
become such a selfish person (or sentiments to that effect).

Nene, on the other hand, stays home with the three

children in the mornings and works as a waitress in the
evening. She tries to be a good mother by reading to each
child and spending time with them; she does the bulk of the
housework and she waitresses to bring in extra money.
Nene enjoys the waitressing because her regular customers
tell her how wonderful she is – something she rarely hears
at home any more. She falls into bed at night, physically and
emotionally exhausted, and then John complains when she
does not feel like having sex. She wonders how she married
such an insensitive man.
Do you see the Love Language clues in this scenario? They
are right out there in the open, just as they are in most
relationships. John’s primary Love Language is Acts of
Service with Physical Touch coming second. Words of
Affirmation, Gifts and Quality Time are the last things on his
mind. John does things other women complain their
husbands never do. John feels that he puts forth so much
effort and is not appreciated by Nene, and he feels
particularly upset about this issue at bedtime.

Nene’s primary Love Languages are Words of Affirmation

and Quality Time. Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Gifts
are not especially important to Nene. When John comes
home from work and rushes right out coach the estate’s
teen football team, clean the house or do the laundry, Nene
wishes he would just sit down with her and talk about the
day. Nene knows she should appreciate all the work John
does, but instead she finds herself resenting the work and
John. Then she feels guilty. She knows they are growing
apart, and it scares her.

Like many married couples, John and Nene have different

Love Languages. If they don’t address the issue, they will
probably continue to drift apart. Perhaps John will find
temporary comfort in the arms of a co-worker or a mom to
one of the footballers he is coaching, and their marriage will
go down in flames. Perhaps nothing dramatic will happen,
but their sense of love and closeness will just fizzle away to
nothing. However, John and Nene could decide to take
action and turn their marriage around.

When John realizes that time and encouraging words truly

matter to Nene, he will begin to see that sitting and talking
with her or giving her a compliment is an act of service and
not as a waste of precious time. These efforts on John’s part
will be emotionally rewarding for both of them. Nene will
hear the Love Language she understands, and John will see
the effort as an act of service, a Love Language he relates
to.

Nene will strive to do little extra things for John that she
knows he appreciates. She may still get more compliments
as a waitress than she gets at home but she knows John is
trying, and that helps her feel loved. Their love-making will
improve as their love grows and this aspect of their
marriage will motivate John more than Nene can ever
imagine.

The same thing can apply to you and your wife.

Understanding and using the Love Language concept can
help your marriage become stronger and happier.

I remember telling my friend about this concept of love

languages. She became intrigued and decided to try it. Her
husband had a week of vacation during which he planned to
get some things done around their house. She correctly
guessed that Words of Affirmation was her husband’s
primary Love Language, though they were not that
important to her. She spoke encouraging words to him each
day whenever she saw the opportunity.

After only a few days, the husband told her how much he
appreciated her encouraging words. As a couple, they had
nourished their love. A strong marriage just grew a little
stronger.

If you want to learn to use the love languages, sit down with
the list above and think about what your own Love
Languages might be. You can take the quiz via
www.5lovelanguages.com/profile to help you discover what
yours is. Write them in order and do the same for your
spouse. Try to put this knowledge into action over the next
few days by seeing your spouse through the lens of Love
Languages. As you continue making the effort to grow in
your marriage, you will begin to notice great improvements
in your sex life.
 Chapter 11
SEX DURING PREGNANCY

Sex during pregnancy for most women feels different; some

find it enjoyable while others don’t for part or all of the
pregnancy. There is usually an increased blood flow to the
pelvic area which leads to fuller and sensitive breasts. This
sensation may add to your pleasure during sex.

Pregnancy causes more vaginal discharge which could also

make sex pleasurable for most women. In some cases, some
pregnant women feel completely uncomfortable with the
changes that take place in their body and this reduces their
desire for sex.

Your breast may feel tender and sensitive to touch

particularly in the first trimester; the tenderness may
subside as you progress but your breast may remain more
sensitive to touch and thus increases your desire for more
sex. Most pregnant women find this sensitivity as a turn on
while others will prefer that their breast not to be touched
at all by their husbands.

As a pregnant woman be open to your husband and

communicate your fears and how you feel during and after
sex at each phase of your pregnancy. Make some
adjustment as a couple to make sex relaxing and
pleasurable for both of you.

There is more to intimacy than actual sex so if you don’t feel

like having sex or you have been advised by your doctor due
to certain health reasons or complications, you can still
caress, hug and kiss each other.

THINGS TO NOTE ABOUT SEX WHEN PREGNANT:

1. Sex during pregnancy does not harm the baby.

This is because the penis doesn’t go beyond the vagina and
as a result, it won’t reach the baby. Also, the strong muscles
of the uterus among others, protects the baby.

2. Sex does not trigger labour

If you have a normal low risk pregnancy, having sex with

your spouse will not trigger labor. Orgasm or sexual
stimulation can also not trigger labour or cause a
miscarriage. While in some cases, orgasm might cause mild
uterine contractions, the contractions are mostly harmless
and for a short duration.

3. Pregnancy and Sex drive for the Man

Men are generally scared about having sex regularly with

their wives during pregnancy because of the fear that it will
hurt the baby. Once your wife is having a normal pregnancy,
both of you can have Sex right up until her last week of
delivery or when the “Water Breaks”. There are exceptional
cases though that requires some abstinence for part or all
of your pregnancy; your doctor or mid-wife would be in a
better position to offer advice.

Most husbands find their pregnant wives more attractive

but it is only natural for him to feel uninterested in sex at
some point. He may just be concerned about the stress the
woman is being through and may see sex as additional
burden to the woman which can affect his sexual drive.

Learn to talk to each other about your worries and anxieties

as well as your needs. Tension will be released when there
is open communication. Also couples should adjust
themselves to the phase that they are in and find ways to
be intimate with each other whether or not you are having
intercourse.

4. Pregnancy and Sex drive for the Woman

As a woman, when it comes to sexual desire during

pregnancy, there is a wide range of individual differences.
Some women’s sexual libido increases during pregnancy
while others discover that they are less or not just
interested in Sex. For some women, their libido fluctuates;
it’s unstable depending on how they feel per time or at
every trimester.

In the first trimester, most women feel nauseated and tired

to even make love but as they progress their libido tends to
return in the second trimester. Their desire for Sex may also
go down again in the third trimester especially in the last
month. At this point, she may feel too exhausted or too big
to make love comfortably.

It is very important for couples at this stage to keep the

communication line open, let your husband know how you
feel so he can offer the best support you need throughout
the pregnancy.

WHAT SEXUAL POSITION BEST SUITS A PREGNANT

WOMAN?

Finding a suitable position for sex becomes more

challenging as your pregnancy advances.

The Missionary position becomes more difficult as your

belly grows but if you must use this position especially after
the first trimester, put a pillow under you and make sure
your husband’s weight is not on your abdomen. On the
other hand, if you and your husband feel like getting
creative, both of you can try the following sex positions:

i. MISSIONARY POSITION: “Missionary” is simply

having your husband laying on you to penetrate. If
you try missionary after the first trimester, put a
pillow under you so you are tilted and not flat on
your back. Also make sure your husband supports
himself so his weight is not on your belly
 ii. YOUR WIFE BEING ON TOP: This position is near
perfect throughout your pregnancy, your husband
lies on his back while you stay on top. This way you
can control the depth of penetration and there will
be less weight on your abdomen.
iii. SIDE BY SIDE FROM THE BACK (SPOONING):
Penetration is also shallow as your husband’s penis
may not go deep down. Both of you should lie down
side by side and let your husband enter from behind,
as your pregnancy progresses, use some pillows
under your knee for extra support.

iv. SIDE BY SIDE AT AN ANGLE: You each lie on your

side, your bodies creating a V-shape. Wedge a pillow
under your back for support as you face your
husband and rest both legs over his hip. This position
allows him to keep most of his weight off your belly.
v. ON A CHAIR: Straddle your spouse as he sits on a
sturdy chair. Position on the chair near a wall or
another piece of furniture to lean on when you want
to get up from this position.

vi. THE EDGE OF THE BED: Lie down with your knee
slightly bent while you shift your bottom to the edge
of the bed. Your husband equally kneels or stands in
front of you (depending on the height of the bed)
and lifts your knee slightly to trust in his penis. Put a
 pillow under you so you are not completely flat on
your back.
vii. DOGGY STYLE: Doggy style also known as “from
behind” is the most comfortable for most pregnant
women. Go down on your knees and elbows while
your husband also kneels from behind having free
access to your bum and breast, caressing them at the
same time while slowly penetrating into you. This
style is also most enjoyable for both. Ensure you use
a pillow as well for your tummy support.
viii. NO INTERCOURSE: If due to one medical reason or
the other and you were advised by your doctor to
abstain from sex for a while or all through the
duration of your pregnancy, you and your husband
may want to find other ways to be intimate by
caressing each other, hugging and kissing.
Finally, it is important to state that pregnancy is not a
sickness; it is a stage of life and therefore the sexual life of
you as a couple should not be made to suffer.
Picture: Best Sex Positions during Pregnancy
 Chapter 12
AMAZING SEX IDEAS FOR YOU

Remember the various sex positions I showed you in

chapter 6 i.e. “ORGASMS: HOW TO MUTUALLY HIT CLIMAX
EVERY SINGLE TIME”, I have put together some amazing sex
ideas for you to incorporate these sex positions in.

1. Have sex at a time other than before bed. Lunch time

romp, morning sex, or after work workout.

2. Pick a few new positions from the list I gave to try. Be

sure to tell your spouse what you think looks
enjoyable and why.

3. Have sex twice in a day.

4. Shower sex. Oh yes you heard right!

5. Full body massage before initiating sex.

6. Quickie – 10 minutes or less. Try someplace or time

that is fun. Example: while preparing breakfast
standing in the kitchen. Bonus Play: Have it two or
more times in a day.
7. Sex while seated on chair or sofa, facing each other
and facing away.

8. Sensual oil massage before sex. Towels or old sheets

recommended

9. Oral Sex only. Tell your spouse what works and keep
at it until you both have orgasms using the 69 sex
position.

10. Let her dominate. Tell your spouse what you want.
Bonus Play: Your hands can be tied with Ropes or
handcuffs if she so pleases.

11. Bring him to orgasm without intercourse – hands,

mouth, and body only. Bonus Play: You can use your
breast or feet to bring him to orgasm.

12. Find a new place in the house for sex. Kitchen, bath,
living room, chair, sofa, floor, etc.

13. Each person brings self to an orgasm seated in front

of each other on bed. Same time is ideal. Share what
you are feeling. Use what you like. Observe and
learn.

14. Go through the chapter on Orgasms: “How to

mutually hit CLIMAX every single time!” Find two or
three challenging positions to try. Just ensure you
mutually agree to it and avoid injury.
15. Watch a romantic movie together. One that reminds
you both of the importance of love. You can have sex
while watching.

16. Sex without intercourse. Hands, body and mouths.

You can take turns but both of you must orgasm.

17. Share fantasies today by email. (do not use work

email) Pick one to play out. Bonus: You can include
costumes e.g. nurse uniform, military dressing etc.

18. Take turns massaging each other.

19. Her alone. Bring her to orgasm without intercourse.

Hands and mouth only.

20. Slow sex. Make love at one-quarter your usual speed.

This is a marathon so go slow and steady for 45
Minutes or more or until you both have had one or
more orgasms.

21. Let him dominate. He’s in charge, do what he says.

Bonus Play: Your hands can be tied with Ropes or
handcuffs if she so pleases.

22. Multiple Orgasm Day. Have a few minutes cool down

with caressing after an orgasm then try to start it
back up again, or just keep going!! For this day, one
orgasm is never enough!
23. Tell your spouse “Do what you want to me”, but be
sure to have a safe word e.g. Stop. Try and push the
limits of you and your partner’s comfort level.

24. Stay up all night—or as long as you can, having sex.

Have as much sex as possible and try to have either 5
orgasms or sex 5 times.

25. Relax and caress each other while you talk.

 Bonus Chapter
Personal Secrets I use that works wonders

I run a blog with www.familyliving.com.ng where my

husband and I share sex and finance tips to help couples
have a lasting and more enjoyable marriage. I recommend
you check it out or follow us on social media by liking our
page www.facebook.com/familylivingng to get our updates.

I once published a post that got almost all our male readers
commenting nonstop on its validity. A lot of them requested
I share it wherever I go to help other couples out there. It
incorporates some of the secrets God opened my eyes to
and has helped me in keeping my man asking for more. I
believe it could also be of help to you so here it is:

ROMANTIC SECRETS OF HUSBAND SNATCHERS AND HOW

TO COUNTER THEM

Lots of women are losing their husbands to strange women

out there and most women are yet to know what these
men really see in these women that make them to get glued
to them despite the facts that they know that these women
are more expensive and most are full of sexual transmitted
diseases.

Hi wives, you need to know the sexual secrets of these

faceless women, sorry they are better than you in the bed,
you need to step up to match up with them and beat them
in their dirty games. Take your time to read this and get
your husband back, these are their secrets:

1. THEY UNDERSTAND THE SEXUAL WEAKNESS OF

MEN:
They understand that one of the weaknesses of most men is
sex and they make good use of this. Wives are careless
about this, instead of using sex to create intimacy with their
husbands; they use it to create animosity, anger, bitterness
between them and their husbands.

WHAT TO DO:

Use sex as a tool of love to create intimacy in your marriage,

don’t use sex to destroy your marriage, use it to build it.

2. THEY KISS LIKE MAD:

In a report I read recently, most married men reported that
their wives hated kissing; they said it was difficult to get a
decent kiss from their wives. Strange women are experts in
this area and they use kissing as a weapon.

WHAT TO DO:

Don’t turn kissing to wrestling in your marriage, stop being

local. Kiss your husband even when he is not expecting it.
Better still, you can ask him to show you how he would like
it to be done and both of you can keep practicing until you
master what makes him tick.
 3. THEY USE KILLER UNDERWEAR:
A man once said he hates to see his wife in panties because
according to him, she always looks like a wrestler. Lots of
wives are like this, they are fond of wearing pants whose
colours are different from their bras, looking like a rainbow,
with dirty pants, and outdated bra that looks like tarpaulin,
wearing of boxers that are meant for men, wearing of
knickers and tying of wrapper to bed. Strange women are
creative in this regard. They are fond of using neat, sexy
panties and bra. They always balance colours under there.

WHAT TO DO:

Wives wake up! Fashion starts form under, not from your
head gear or Gucci bag. The real fashion is looking sexy
when you undress before your husband.

4. THEY USE KILLER NIGHTIE:

Strange women not only wear sexy underwear, they also
wear killer nighties. While wives dress to bed and look like a
soldier in bed, strange women dress to capture the man
even before getting to bed

WHAT TO DO:

When you are going out, dress up, when you are going to
bed, dress down. Dress to capture the imagination of your
husband, get very sexy, nasty nightie for your husband’s
eyes only. Men are moved by what they see so let your
husband see the angel in you.
 5. THEY SEE SEX AS A SERIOUS BUSINESS:
You see it as a chore, you see it as dirty, it hardly cross your
mind and you even wish it is removed from marriage. These
strange ladies on the other hand see sex as a serious
business and do everything to keep their clients and
customers. They use all marketing strategies, branding,
product packaging and advertisement. You name it.

WHAT TO DO:

Begin to see sex as a serious business, rebrand and

repackage yourself because you are the real product.

6. THEY TREAT SEX AS FOOD OF MEN:

Wives are fond of saying “Is it food?” What a foolish
statement! It’s not just food, it’s more than that. In fact the
Bible says it is water (Proverbs 5:15-19). Strange women are
aware of the fact that men see sex as food and they serve it
hot and better.

WHAT TO DO:

Get into the fray; treat it as the food of your husband. Serve
it better than before, never say, “is it food?”, it is more than
that!

7. SEX IS IN THEIR MIND:

Babies, house cleaning, cooking, and washing are in the
mind of wives; sex is hardly ever in their minds. Most times
they never think of it, but not husband snatchers. Away
women have it in their mind always and keep their body
ever ready no wonder they hardly look tired for it.

WHAT TO DO:

At least two or three time a week, put sex in your to-do list
and make conscious efforts to put it in your mind too. You
will be surprised at the turnaround your marriage will take.

8. THEY PLAN FOR SEX:

Strange women plan for sex the way you plan for your
cooking. They look forward to it and carry their prey along
in their plans.

WHAT TO DO:

Plan for sex in your marriage; don’t make it your husband’s

affair to plan for sex in your marriage. Let it be part of your
schedule.

9. THEY SET THE TABLE FOR SEX:

Strange women do set the table for great sex – soft music,
blue light, candle light, perfumed bed, velvet bed sheet,
sexy outlook, slippery fingers etc. Do you still wonder why
men are running to them?

WHAT TO DO:

Begin to set the table for sex in your marriage, be creative.

Start by welcoming your husband with sexy outlook when
he arrives from work instead of that plain look you always
carry. Hug him by the door and kiss him on the lips. When
you look “Smashing” after the children are already in bed
and the whole house looks romantic with soft music and
dinner with candle light, who says your husband will not
rush home tomorrow?

10. THEY ARE VERY ROMANTIC:

Romance is a strange thing to some women when the away
women on the other hand don’t joke about it and are
experts in this. A whole lot of wives are romantically
bankrupt but strange women are professional in it. Men
love romantic women and strange women know this.

WHAT TO DO:

Become romantic; Marriage is a love affair so don’t allow

motherhood and wifehood destroy your girlish instinct. Be
romantic!

11. THEY FLIRT WITH THEIR MEN:

Strange women are not only romantic, they are flirty. They
give the “sex invitation” eye contact and if you sit with them
on a table as a man, they make sure their legs touch yours
and put their hands on your shoulders as they discus. They
greet men with a good smile and laugh excessively to their
dry jokes. All these are signals immoral men understand
perfectly and they quickly take the invitation.
WHAT TO DO:

Get flirty with your husband! Hold his hands in the public,
place your head on him when in a bus, touch his legs as you
talk, sit close to him and make sure your body touches his
own. You can also hold him longer when hugging him. He is
your husband girl so get flirty with him.

12. THEY ARE SEDUCTIVE:

Strange women are not only romantic, they are flirty. And
they are not only flirty, they are also seductive. They dress
seductively, expose their cleavages and wear very tight
clothes that show their pant lines and curves. They open
their Laps for careless men to see what is there. This is what
your husband faces daily. He may not tell you what girls in
the office are doing to him but you need to know this and
get it right at home

WHAT TO DO:

Use what I call holy seduction. You counter them by doing

everything they are doing but just for the private eyes of
your husband. Get seductive with your husband; stop
pretending that you hate sex. Work round the house half
naked when you are alone with him, bath with bathroom
door open when alone with him, go ahead win your
husband spirit soul and body.
 13.THEY MAKE GREAT USE OF PERFUME:
Strange women use expensive perfumes, they smell nice to
attract men.

WHAT TO DO:

Make sure you smell nice too. Men have a very good sense
of smell so take advantage of this and capture your
husband.

14. THEY MAKE MEN FEEL WANTED:

Strange Women do make men feel wanted, honored and
welcome by their attitude, cooperation and involvement in
the bedroom. The opposite is the case with wives; they
make their men look foolish for asking for sex by making
them fight or struggle for it. What a mistake!

WHAT TO DO:

Treat your husband with honour, let him feel wanted,

accepted and loved. If he touches you encourage him and
touch him too.

15. THEY USE THEIR BREASTS TO THE MAXIMUM:

Most wives are fond of fighting their husbands for touching
their breast but strange women will never do that because
they know that most men can be captured by women’s
breast. They make good use of this to capture men so they
dress to show half of their breast, they wear clothing that
shows their nipples, they go for breast enhancement, and
some even go out braless. You see, the women that are
after your husband are very desperate. You can’t afford to
be careless.

WHAT TO DO:

Don’t ever fight your husband again for touching your

breast. Some women use the excuse of saying it’s for the
baby. No. It is not for the baby; it’s for the Daddy – your
husband! The baby is just a tenant. Your breasts are not for
decoration so make use of it to keep your husband no
matter how small or big they are.

16. THEY COOK GREAT MEALS:

Strange women also know how to cook great meal for men
before sleeping with them. They know that men love food
and if a man loves your food he is likely going to like your
body.

WHAT TO DO:

Never commit your husband’s meals totally into the hands

of your maids; you will likely regret this later. Be a great
cook if you don’t want to cook your marriage. There is a
balance to this though.

In as much as I am emphasizing you be a great cook, don’t

ever get to the point where you are always cooking and
then too tired to have sex. A man will rather have fast-food
and sex than great food and no sex. Your husband can
testify to this.

OTHER SECRETS I USE

• While on the bed with him, I get hold of his scrotum.

Most times in the middle of the night just hold and
massage it gently. You can even sleep off with your
hands around it. This increases the bond between
the both of you, helps him concentrate and keeps
him looking forward to coming home to be with you.
• Some times while he is at work, I just snap a naughty
picture and send to him. I then tell him to delete it
immediately because of the children. What you have
done is to send him a message of what’s waiting for
him. You can actually distract him by sending a
picture per hour and immediately he returns check
to be sure it has been deleted.
• Let your life be about the both of you. Irrespective of
your schedule, you can never be as busy as God who
created you so learn to create time! Dear husbands,
you can’t say because you are a pastor and people
are coming for counseling you now leave your wife
always lonely at home. Before you know it, the devil
will begin to minister to you or to her.
• Use oil or your wet hand to massage under his feet. It
gives some relaxing and yet tingling kind of
sensation. You can ask him to do the same for you.
• Area of squirting or cumming: Being horny works
with your brain. See yourself orgasming at your
husband’s touch and it will happen.
• Learn how to make Natural Viagra. Viagra is an
aphrodisiac men use to stay hard during sex. On our
blog familyliving.com.ng I made a short five minute
video explaining how you can prepare a natural
Viagra with just watermelon and lemon. We can send
you the video if you just send us a message on
facebook.com/familylivingng.
• Understand your love language and that of your
husband. It will do wonders for you.
• Men, learn to appreciate us women. If after seeing
everything she has been doing for you and you don’t
appreciate her, don’t expect her to respond easily
when you touch her. Appreciate her cooking even if
it is salty. Eat the food first and then after lovingly
correct later. You will be amazed at the impact. Most
men have unconsciously killed their wife’s desire for
them with their instant complaints. You too as a wife
must learn to stop nagging. If he is doing something
you don’t like, help him adjust if you can.
• Be open about anything you are going through and
seek help. A woman once told me in tears how her
marriage was falling apart. Upon further enquiries, I
found out it had been two years since she last
allowed her husband sleep with her. She said when
 she gave birth she went through trauma and fell into
depression that she just lost sexual urge. This is
something that could happen to any woman but she
never really knew why she lost sexual desire all of a
sudden. After several attempts of getting it with her,
the man gave up and went outside. In case you
notice any change you can’t explain, be open with
your husband and tell him how you are feeling. He is
not GOD that knows you inside out so you have to
tell him so you can find a solution together as a
couple.
• Learn to deepen your bond emotionally. As you
continue to grow in your marriage, one of the best
ways to remain happy and peaceful is to deepen your
connection with each other emotionally and
openness is the best way to build it. Secrecy on the
other hand breeds suspicion and is the strength of
sin.
 CONCLUSION
Most people say sex is not the way to a man's heart, it is
respect. I tell you I can debate that any day any time. The
major need of a man is sex, not respect. He can get respect
from anybody. If you disrespect him as a wife in the home
and he goes out to get respect, he has not committed any
sin against God. But if you deny him and he goes outside to
get sex, he has committed a sin against God and who
pushed him? You the wife!

It is fine and good when we talk about respecting our men

but it has nothing to do with spirituality, just common
manners. But when we talk about sex, it is a different ball
game. If you don’t do your part as the wife and cause him to
go out, something has been tampered with and it takes
ages to get back.

I am not exonerating the men completely because it's

common now to put all the blame on the women. No, in as
much as the women are trying to make them feel
comfortable and all, they should also reciprocate.

If your sex life is suffering, then so is your marriage. Women

complain that the men in their lives are not faithful. While
this may be partially true, it is also true that not all men
cheat. Women are often clueless about the reason why men
cheat. Men have insecurities and when they are not shown
sufficient attention, or if they are emotionally or sexually
dissatisfied, they may cheat. It is also true that some men
cheat because they are always looking for excitement, but
many men also choose commitment and faithfulness. If you
are committed to turning on your husband sexually and
showing him that he is the only one in your life and take
care of him, there are fewer chances that he will leave you
to chase someone else.

There is a rampant recent trend in the world where you see

some married women now going outside to satisfy
themselves sexually citing the fact that their men didn't play
their card well and pushed them to the wall by not
satisfying them.

I want you to understand that the way the world thinks and
acts should not be the same way you think or act as a
believer. That your man didn't play his card well by not
satisfying you is not reason enough for you to go outside. As
a marriage and sex coach sent to the body of Christ, I can
tell you I've seen a lot. When you think like that, it's like you
telling God, “Since I can't get this man back, let me go and
do my own”. No. The Bible says we should never repay evil
for evil.

God has deposited in us wives divine wisdom to manage our

husband and home. That is why we are the neck, we can
control the head. It's just about you knowing your man by
studying him in to know how to please him. That's why we
are help meets. You cannot be a help meet if you don't
understand him.

What is that thing that is making him go out? Make it

available in the home. Except his own has become
something that is a curse and he needs deliverance from,
any right thinking man that a woman has devoted all her
time and attention to should be able to reciprocate on a
normal setting. You don't have to go out.

If you're going out, you have lost your pride as a woman in

the first place. Where is your self-worth as a woman? It's all
about you, not about the man. I can't imagine me allowing
somebody even see me naked or touching me. When you
do that, it means you've lost your sense of belonging in
Christ. If you're really made in the image and likeness of
God you wouldn't do that because the Bible says that you
are fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are his
works (Psalms 139:14). If you know you're the marvelous
work of God, you won't do that.

You're God's temple. Before your husband came, you were

in your own unique world as a daughter of God. Why would
you now let his actions cause you to change? Lack of
wisdom brought about by being shallow minded and not
rooted in God’s word can cause you to want to also go
outside which would be a very bad example for the kids.
I remember a friend discussing with me about one of the
women she happened to be counseling. The woman in
question felt her decision to go out was justifiable citing
several things the man had done. Whatever it is the man
may have done, the lady's decision to go outside is not
justifiable. Just leave him with his creator. Hand the man
over to God – There is no point even arguing.

There are so many things we need to understand as

women. When he starts misbehaving, just assume that it
doesn't matter. Assume he is out working somewhere and
it's just you and the kids. Ignore him. Some men love to
chase. Ignore him. He will come back. Stop complaining and
you keep being moody as if he is your all in all. Remember
you had your life without him; you were existing before he
came. It is only when you don't have anything doing i.e. no
plans or vision of something great to keep you busy; that is
when you just sit down and say you're looking forward to
your husband coming back.

Ignore him, he will come chasing you. That is why every

woman should have something doing. By the time you have
something doing, you'll hardly think of sex and
opportunities to go outside. No woman should be idle no
matter what. Even if you don’t have a business, find a way
of influencing people in your neighborhood, in your church
etc. through your service. Once people can see you as a
value carrier, they will want to patronize your business or
help you in whatever way they can.

Being a woman of value is essential. You begin to lose your

respect when your husband goes and comes back every day
and meets you in the same position – just waiting for him to
bring something home and you are not contributing. Even
when he calls, there is nothing you can contribute. No.
Make sure you are contributing something. You can advise
him in certain things that improve the affairs at home and
helps him in taking strategic decisions.

If you're not doing anything, what do you expect? He will go

out there and see a learned girl who might not even be as
beautiful as you are. Men get attracted to intelligent
women. It's not just about attraction anymore. You should
have something upstairs. If you check the life of a man you
see with any girl outside, you will find out that there's
something she's adding to him that he's not getting at
home.

Every woman should package herself and have something

upstairs. Study and read wide. There is nothing I don't read.
I can finish a whole newspaper word to word. Be current.
When you do this, your husband can never be bored with
you at home. My husband hardly takes any decision without
asking me my opinion because he knows I will have
something meaningful to contribute to it.
Most women are not working on themselves. They are just
there complaining their man doesn't like them anymore.
Check yourself! Where you like that when he met you? If
you were like that he wouldn't have married you. He
married you because he saw something in you. Where is
that thing now? Why are you not developing it? Learn to up
your game by investing in your personal development.

AN ADVICE TO OUR MEN

Christian sex is the union between a husband and wife

within marriage. It entails the complete consummation of
body, soul, and spirit as the couple fully becomes one.

4
“ Honour the sanctity of marriage and keep your vows of
purity to one another, for God will judge sexual immorality
in any form, whether single or unmarried.”

– Hebrews 13:4 (The Passion Translation)

Marriage is honourable when the bed is not defiled i.e. has

not being corrupted. The only set of people authorized by
God to indulge in sex are legally married couples i.e.
husband and wife.

Sex is pure and meant to be enjoyed when done within the

confines of marriage. It is a gift from God to the married and
that is why in Genesis1:28 after God created male and
female, He gave instructions that they should be fruitful and
multiply and that can only be achieved through sex.
Sex is not to be used to secure a relationship between a
man and a woman having a wrong notion that it will lead to
marriage after pre-marital sex. No. Marriage is honourable
and the bed should remain undefiled until after the
wedding.

Money and sex tend to be the top two areas for marital
strife. Of the two, sexual problems usually have a more
devastating impact that can rock a marriage to its core. The
sexual temperature within marriage, defined as the level of
mutual sexual satisfaction, usually reflects the overall health
of a marriage. If a marriage is healthy and connected, both
partners typically report relatively frequent and fulfilling
sex. However, if a marriage is unhealthy and disconnected,
one or both partners usually report infrequent and
unsatisfying sexual contact.

Sex is also usually one of the first things to enter a romantic

relationship when things are going well and one of the first
things to disappear when things turn south. Unfortunately,
many men feel sexually unsatisfied in their marriages while
women tend to feel used just for their bodies. Obviously,
learning how to have fulfilling Christian sex within marriage
is essential.

Wives need to have emotional sex before they can have

physical sex and emotional sex is anything that helps a
woman feel special, cherished, and emotionally close.
During the dating phase, men usually wine and dine their
girlfriend through lots of quality time, conversation, fun
activities, love letters, etc. However, most men stop these
activities after marriage yet expect to have sex regularly
without realizing how important those behaviors are for
women to feel open to sexual intimacy.

Married men tend to be ready for sex after about ten

seconds of visual stimuli from their wife, such as her getting
out of the shower, changing into her nightgown, etc.
However, most women tend to be ready for sex after ten
points and a point is anything that makes her feel special
and close, such as having an intimate conversation, making
them a cup of coffee, calling them during the day to see
how they’re doing, etc. Therefore, the best way for you as a
man to cultivate sexual intimacy in your marriage is to
cultivate the emotional intimacy first.

God is clever and it’s no coincidence that if a husband is

doing his part by courting his wife in these ways, his number
one need for sexual intimacy is often fulfilled. However, if
he becomes complacent and stops courting his wife, there’s
an immediate natural consequence with her turning away
from sexual contact, which is a perfectly built-in
accountability system.
I would like you join me say this prayer.

“Lord Jesus, I thank you for my marriage. I thank you for my

spouse and the home we have established. I realize I have
made mistakes in the past and I ask for forgiveness for all
the times I have walked contrary to your word and will. Help
me start afresh Lord.

I ask for grace and enablement to put into practice

everything I have just read in this book.

Precious Holy Spirit, you know me more than my spouse or

anyone ever can. I rededicate my life to your leadership and
ask that you guide me to be like Christ in ever thing I do in
my marriage and home in Jesus Name. Amen.”
I would love to hear from you.

In case you have any questions or you want more

information regarding some of the marriage seminars we
organize, please feel free to visit our website
www.familyliving.com.ng or send us an email via
sexcoach@familyliving.com.ng

Better still, you can give us a call on +447832283599;

+2348037015526 or +234 803 713 8526 if you would like to
receive some direct counseling with any challenge you are
going through.

I am praying for you and I wish you all the best in your
journey of happily ever after with your amazing spouse.

Remain a blessing.
 References
3. www.goodmenproject.com
4. www.marriage.com/advice/intimacy/emotional-
vs-physical-intimacy/
5. www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-
partner-communication#topics
6. www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/the-
early-years/
7. www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/facts/sex/intimacy-
and-relationships/
8. spunout.ie/life/article/shr-how-to-talk-to-
your-partner-about-your-sexual-needs
9. www.thesimpledollar.com/investing-in-yourself-
personal-appearance-and-hygiene/
10. www.gotquestions.org/sexually-allowed.html
11. pairedlife.com/physical-intimacy/
12. badgirlsbible.com/how-to-turn-a-girl-on
13. www.relationshiptips4u.com/21-amazing-ways-
to-turn-on-your-husband-sexually/
14. hotholyhumorous.com/2016/10/40-ways-to-
initiate-sex-with-your-husband/
15. www.relationshiptips4u.com/21-amazing-ways-
to-turn-on-your-husband-sexually
16. thestir.cafemom.com/love/179596/not_in_mood_fo
r_sex
17. www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/
18. www.babycentre.co.uk/l25017307/sex-positions-
for-pregnancy-images
19. ttc.ng/t/best-sex-positions-for-pregnant-women/87
20. www.babycenter.com/101_pregnancy-sex-
positions-illustrated_10408539.bc
21. www.christianfriendlysexpositions.com