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    Phantom Tollbooth PDF

    Uploaded by

    Kaamini Bhati

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
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    of 30
    STAGE EFFECTS ‘The following are some suggestions as to how to ‘orente certain stage effects: 1, ‘The movement of MILO’s CAR. can be simulated by setting the car in a permanent or fixed position having the charaders pantomime the move- ment of travel, They can sway, awing back and forth, and bump up and down to erente the ides of riding in « car. 2, The appearance of the AWFUL DYNNE can oveur in the wagon, s0 that Dynne merely pops out after ‘the explosion. Or smoke ean actually be used s0 that Dynne steps forward from the smoke, 8, All the SOUNDS or DR. DISCHORD can be re- ‘corded on tape. ‘The Attack of the Demons exn be staged by usin the herves through the audie fence; or by projecting shdes all over the walls of ‘the theatre, accompanied by recorded sound effects; or through a pantomimed reaction by the heroes to what they see; or any other way the director con Snvent. The more invention in thie play, the more The Phantom Tollbooth ACT ONE Sonne 1 ‘The stage is completely dark and silent Suddenly the sound of someone winding an alarm clock ts heard, ‘and after that, the sound of loud ticking 1s heard. LIGHTS UP on the Ctoce, a huge alarm clock. The Cuoce reads 4:00, The lighting should make x appear that the CuooK 18 suspended in mid-air (xf possible). The Cuo0K ticks for 90 seconds Crook. Seo that! Half a minute gone by Seems like 1 long time when you're waiting for something to hap- peo, docen’t 1? Funny thing js, time ean pass very slowly or very fast, and sometimes even both at once ‘The time now? Oh, little after ‘our, but what that means should depend on you Too often, we do some~ thing simply because time tells us to Time for school, lume for bed, whoops, 12:00, time to be hungry. It-can get a ttle ely, don’t you think? Time is important, but i¥’s what you do with ab that makes it 20. So my advice to you is to use st. Keep your eyes open and your ears perked Otherwise it will pass before you know it, and you'll cortainly have rosed something! ‘Things have a habat of domg that, you know Being here one minute and gone the next, 9 10 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH act In the twinkling of an eye. Ina pifly. Ima flash! L know girl who yawned and missed a whole suromer vacation, And what about that caveman who took @ nap one afternoon, and woke up to find himself com- pletely alone, You see, while ho was sleeping, someone hhad invented tho wheel and overyone had moved to the suburbs And then of course, there is Milo, (LIGHTS UP to reveal Mito's Bedroom. Tho Guocx ‘appears to be on a shelf rn the room of a young boy— a room filled with books, toys, games, maps, papers, pencils, a bed, a desk. There 18 a dartboard with num- bers and the face of the Mermemaciciax, a bedspread made from KiNG Azz’s cloak, a kite looking like the Srmu.ina Bes, a punching bag with the Humnva's face, az well as records, a telovinon, a toy car, and a large box that is wrapped and has an envelope taped to the top. The sound of FOOTSTEPS ia heard, and then center Muto doyectedly. He throws down his books and coat, flops into a charr, and sighs loudly.) Who never knows what to do with himself—not just sometimes, Dut always. When he's in school, he wants to be out, ‘and when he's out, he wants to be in, (During the fol- lowing speech, Mito examines the various toys, tools, ‘and other possessions in the room, trying them out and rejecting them.) Wharever he 1s, he wants to be some- where else—and when he gets there, so what, Every thing is too much trouble cr a waste of time. Books— hs alrendy read them, Games—bormng. T-V.—dumb. So whats left? Another lorg, boring afternoon. Unless he bothers to notice a very large package that hap- pened to arrive toda ‘Mato, (Suddenty notices the package He drags him- acti THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH I salf over to it, and dieinterestedly reads the label ) “Por Malo, who has plenty of time.” Well, that's true. (Sighs and looks at wt.) No. (Walks away.) Well (Comes back. Rips open envelope and reads } ‘A Voice, “One genuine turnpike tollbooth, easily assembled gb home for use by those who have never traveled in lands beyond.’ ‘Mito Beyond what? (Continues reading.) A Voice, “This package contains the following itenie:”” (Mito pulle the stems out of the box and sels them up as they are mentioned.) “One (1) genuine tumpile tollbooth to be erected according to diree- ns, Threo (3) precautionary signs to be used in a precautionary sorted coins for paying tolls One (1) map, strictly up to date, showing how to get from hero to there. One (2) book of rules and traffie regulations which may not be bent or broken, Warn- ing! Results aro not guaranteed. If not perfectly satis- fied, your wasted time will be refunded.” “Mito, (Skeptically.) Come oft it, who-do you think ‘you're kidding? (Walks around and examines toll- booth.) What am Tsupposed todo with this? (The ticking of the Ciocx grows loul and impatient) (laxo gets into Is toy ear and drives up to the fret sign. MOTE: The car may be an actual toy car propelled by pedals or a mall motor, or simply a cardboard imitation that Mo can fit into, and move by walking.) Voice, “HAVE YOUR DESTINATION IN MIND.” Mu. (Pulls out the map.) . name; Iomight'as Well go-there: (Begins to move, fol~ lowing map, Drive of) Ciao. See what T mean? You never know how 12 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH —acr 1 things are going to get started. But when you're bored, what you need more than anything is a rude awakening. (The ALARM goes off very loudly as the stage dark- ‘ens. The sound of the alarm is transformed snto ‘the honking of a car horn, and is then joined by the blasts, bleeps, roars and growls of heavy high= way trafic. When the lights come up, Mivo's bed- room is gone and we see a lonely road im the ‘middle of nowhere.) ACT ONE, Scene 2 ‘THE ROAD TO DICTIONOPOLIS. ENTER Mao in hie car, AND BLOW HORN. (Muto olows horn.) (Warermee Maw: (A little man wearing a long coat and carrying an umbrella pops up from behind the sign that he was holding, He speaks very fast and excitedly.) Weleome, weleome to the Land of Expectations, Expec- hese days; we certainly dor't get. many travelers, sor THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH 1B ‘Muo: (Referring to map.) Uwe vis this therxights ‘Muo, What kind of place is Expectations? ‘atin he pce You mt sys ots bel fow what else can I do for you? (Opene his umbrella.) ‘Mu. I think I ean find sy own way. Warrnex Max. Splendid, splendid, splendid! Whether or not you find your own way, you're bound to find some way. If you happen to find my way, lease return it. I lost it years ago I imagine by now it must be quite rusty You did say it was going to rain, didn't you? (Escorts Maio to the car under the open umbrella ) Ym glad you made your own decision. T'do so hate to make up my mind about anything, whether it’s good or bad, up or dowa, rain or shine Expect everything I always say, and the unexpected never happens. Goodbye, goodbye, gcodbye, good . . (A loud CLAP of THUNDER 1 xeard.) Oh dear! (He looks ven at the sky, puts out his hand to feet fo 4 THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH — scr rain, and RUNS AWAY. Muto watches puazledly and drives on) st ‘Talking to 0 guy like that ail day would get me no- owhereforsute, (ie tries to speed wp, but finds mnstead that he % moving slower and slower.) Ob, oh now what? (He can barely move, Behind Mato, the Lr- ‘TIANCARIANS begun Co enter fro all parts of the stage, They are dressed to blend in with the scenery and carry small pillows that look tike rocks. Whenever they fall asleep, they rest on the plows.) Now I really ‘am getting nowhere. I hope I didn't take a wrong tum. (The car stops. Ho tries to sturt xt. It won't move. He gets out and begins to tinker with i) T wonder where aN 1. You're... in... the... Dol +. drums... . (Mito looks around.) Loruancanan 2, Yes... the... Dol... drums + (A YAWN is heard.) ‘Mus, (Yelting.) WHAT ARE THE DOLDRUMS? Letitancanan 3. The Doldrums, my friend, are where nothing ever happens and nothing ever changes, (Parts of the Scenery Stand Up or Siz People come out of the scenery colored it. the came colors of the trees or the road, They move very slowly and as soon as they move, they stop to rest again.) Allow me to introduce all of us, We are the Lethargarians at your service, Mio. (Uncertainly.) Very pleased to mest you, T think Lm lost, Can you help me? Leruancantan 4. Don't say think, (He yawne,) 10 ‘against the lew. Lernancantaw 1. No one's allowed to think in the Doldrums. (He falls asleep.) acer THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH 6 ‘Lernancawtan 2. Don't you have s rule book? It's local ordinance 176989-J. (Jfe falls asleep.) ‘Mino. (Pulls out rule book and reads.) Ordinance 175380-3: "Te shall bo unlawil, illegal and unethical to think, think of thinking, surmise, presume, reason, ineditate or speculate while in the Doldrume. Anyone breaking this law shall be severely punished,” That's fe ridioulous law! Everybody thinks, ‘Aux rap Letuancanians, We don’ Letmancantax 2. And the most of the time, you don't, that’s why you're here. ‘You weren't thinking fand You weren't paying attention eisher. People who don't pay attention often get stuck in the Doldrw Face it, most of the time, you're yuet like us, (Falls, snoring, to the ground. Mio laughs.) @ TLeviarsanian 5. Stop thet at once. Laughing is ‘against the lave. Don't you have a rule book? Its local ordinance 574381-W. ‘Mito, (Opens rule book and reads) “In the Dol- drums, laughter is frowned upon and smiling is per~ mitted only on alternate Thursdays.” Well, if you ean't laugh or think, what ean you do? TLenaancancax 6. Anything as long ee ive nothing, and everything a8 Tong 0s it isn't anything, ‘There's Jote to do, We have a very busy schedule « Lermanoanian 1. At 8:00 we get up and then we spend from 8 to 9 daydreaming, Letaancanian 2. From 9:00 to 6:30 we take our early midmorning nap “Levitanoanian 3. Foro 0:20 to 10:30 we dawdle and datey « ‘Lenixanoantan 4, From 10:80 to 11:30 we take our Ite early morning nap . . « Laniancantan 5. From 11:30 to 12:00 we bide our time and then we eat our Tunch. 10 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH = act 1 Lertancantaw 6, From 1:00 to 2:00 we linger and loiter... Levianoania 1. From 2:0 to 2:30 wo take our carly afternoon nap . . . Leruanoanian 2. From 2:86 to 3.30 we put off for lomorrow what we could have done today.» « Lormancansan 3. From 3:3 to 4:00 we take our carly ate afternoon nap . . « Leruancanian 4, From 4:00 to 8:00 we lonf and lounge until dinner Lermancansan 5, dally... Leriranoantan’ 6. From 7:00 to 8:00 we take our ‘early evening nap and then fer an hour before we go to bed, we waste time. Levitancantan’ 1. (Yawning.) You eee, it’s really duite strenuous doing nothing all day Jong, and 80 once a week, we take a holiday and go nowhere. Leruiancaniax 5, Which is just where we were going when you came along, Would you eare to join us? Muto. (Yawning.) That's wiere I seem to be going, anyway, (Stretching.) ‘Tell me, does overyone here do nothing? ‘Larriancanan 3. Everyone but the terrible watch dog. H's slways sniffing around to see that nobody ‘wastes time, A most unpleneatt character. Muto. The Watchdog? Lericancamay 0, THE WATCHDOG! ‘Aut, tum LenitancaRians, (Yelling at once.) RUN! WAKE UPI RUN! HERE HE COMES! THE WATCHDOG! (They all run off and ENTER a large dog with the head, feet, and tail of a dog, and the body of « clock, having the same face as the character Tx Croce.) fom 6:00 to 7:00 we dilly- acti ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH a WaroHDoo. What are you doing herer Mua. olin much Just. aith time, You see... Wr Bnd enough nating ae ido RINGS in fury.) Mio, T think I was on my wey to Dietionopolis when I got stuok here. Can you help me? ‘Warcrno. Help you! You've got to help yourself " Leuppose you know why you got ruck. ‘Mrco, I guess I just wasn't thinking. ‘Waxenpoa, Previsely. Now you're on your way. Muo. I am? al . They wail.) Well? Muto. All right. i (Serews up his face and thinks.) Are we moving? Mato. I'm thinking as hard as T ean. ‘Muo, All right, all right, . . . m thinking of all the planeta in the solar eystem, and why water expands when it turns to ioe, and all the words that begin with and... (The wheels begin to move.) We're moving! We're moving! Muo. (Thinking.) How a steam engine works and how to bake pie and the difference between Faren- hit and Contigead ‘Werorrpoc. Dictionopolie, here we come. Muo, Hey, Watchdog, are you coming along? 18 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH — scr + ‘Tock, You can call me Tock, and keep your eyes on the rond, Mize, What kind of plac ie Disionopoi anyway? fook. It's where all the words in the world come Mazo, Rhyme and Reason? ‘Too. ‘The two princesses, They used to settle all tho arguments between their éwo brothers who rule over the Land of Wisdom, You se, Azas is the king of Dictionopolia and the Mathemagician is the king of Digitopolis and they almost never see eye to eye on anything, It wae the job of tho Princesses Sweet Rhyme and Pure Reason to solve the differences between the two kings, and they always did so well that. both sides uoually went home feeling very satisfied. But ‘then, one day, the kings had an argument to end all arguments, .- (The LIGHTS DIM on Took and Mu.o, and come up ‘on Kino Azaz of Dictionopotis on another part of the stage. Auat has a great siomach, a grey beard reaching to his waist, a emall crown and a tong robe with the letters of the alphabet written all over it.) Azaz. Of course, I'l abide by the deeision of Rhyme ‘and Reason, though I have no doubt as to what it will be, They will chose words, of course. Liveryone knows that words are more important than numbers any day of the week. (Tho Marnensaotorax appears opposite Azax. ‘Phe ‘Marumaracreran wears a long flowing robe covered entirely with comples mathematical equations, act THE PHANTOM TOLLGOOTH 1” and a tall pointed hat, He carries a long staf) with ‘a peneil point at one ond and a Large rubber eraser at the other.) ‘Mariexactca, That's what you think, Azae Poopla wouldn't even know what day of the week it fe ‘without numbers Haven't you ever looked at a calen- dar? Face it, Aras. 1t’s numbers that count “Azaz, Don't be ridiculous, (To axdionce, as xf lead- ing @ cheer ) Let's hear it for WORDS! Matueaorciax. (To audience, in the same man- ner.) Cast your vote for NUMBERS! Azaz, A, B, C's! Mariteasactcian. 1, 2, 3's! (A FANFARE 1s heard) ‘Azaz atin Marnpactoran. (To each other.) Quiet! Rhyme aud Reason are about to announce their decision, Rawr, Ladies and gentlemen, leters and numeral, fractions and punctuation marks—may we have your attention, please, After careful consideration of the problem set before us by King Azaz of Dictronopol (Azaz bows.) and the Mathemagician of Digitopohs (Marnenaoicran raises Ins hands ma victory salute ) ‘re have come to the following conclusion: ‘Reason. Words and numbers are of equal value, for in the cloak of knowledge, one is the warp and the other is the woot. important to count the sande tare, ‘Therefore, let both kingdoms, Dictionopolis and Digitopolis live m pence. 20 THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH act 1 (Phe sound of CHEBRING 1s heard.) ‘Azxz. Boo! is what I say Boo and Bah and Huss! Maruexaciciay, What good are these girls if they can’t oven settle an argument i anyone's favor? I think Lhiave come Wo a decision of my own ‘uaz. So bave I. Auat ano Mararaactoian. (To the Paixcessts,) You are hereby banished from this land to the Castle~ ancthe-Asr. (To each other.) And as for you, KEEP OUT OF MY WAY! (They stalk off wv opposite directions.) (During this time, the set has been changed to the Market Square of Dictionopolis, LIGHTS come UP on the deserted square) ‘Tock. And ever since then, there has been neither Rhyme nor Reason in this kingdom. Words are mis- used ond numbers are mismanaged. ‘The argument be ‘ween the two kings has divided everyone and the real Yalu of both words and numbers has been forgotten. ‘What a waste! ‘Mio, Why doesn’t somebody reseue the Princesses and set everything straight again? ‘Toce. ‘That is easier saud than done. The Castle-in- the-Air is very far from here, and the one path which Teads to it is guarded by ferocious demons. But hold ‘on, here we ate, (A fan appears, carrying a Gate and a small Tollbooth ) crx THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH a ‘Muto. I beg your pardon’ “You must have come here for’a reaton excuse, Muto. (Meekly.) Uh . ‘inatonbénpbeclshesediepliapypengeomnn (Pulls Sut an old suitease from the tollbooth and rummages through i.) Now se nO. = n0-.+ this won't do ‘Mito. (To Tock.) Whave he looking for? (Toox an "Gassren Ak ‘Thinasfine. (Pulls out « Medal lion on a chain Engraved in the Medallion is: “WHY NOT?) Why not. That's @ good reason for almost ‘Welcome to Dictionopalis.” (He opens the Gote and walks of. CITIZENS and MERCHANTS appear on all levels of the stage, and Mno and Took find thenaclves in the middle of noisy marketplace. As sone people buy and Sal their wares, others hang a large banner which reads: WELCOME 10 THE WORD MARKET.) ‘Muto. Tock! Look! ‘Mencuant 1, Hoy-yo, hey-ya, hey-ya, step right up and take your pick. Juicy tempting words for sale, Get your fresh-pieked “it’s,” “‘and’s” and “but's!” Just take a look at these nice ripe “where's” and “when's.” 22 THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH scr 1 Mrnoxawr 2. Step right up, step right up, fancy, best-quality words here for sale. Enrich your voeabu- lary and expand your speech with such elegant items a8 “quagmire,” ‘Sabbergast,” or “upholstery.” ‘Msnoxaw’a. Words by tha bag, buy them over hore. ‘Words by the bag for the more talkative customer, A pound of “happy's” at very rensonable price... very useful for “Happy Birthcay,” “Happy New Year,” “happy days,” or “happy-go-lucky.” Or how about a package of “god's,” always handy for “good morning,” “good afternoon,” "good evening,” and “goodbye,” ‘Mu.o. I can’t believe it, Did you ever see so many words? ‘Tock. ‘They're fine if you have something to (hey come to a Do-It-Yourself Bin } Mio, (To Menouanr 4 at the Bin.) Excuse me, but ‘what are these? Menonavr 4. These are for peoste who like to make up their own words. You can pick any assortment you ‘ot buy a special box complete with all the letters and a book of instructions. Here, taste an “A.” They're very good, (He pops one into Mrto's mouth.) Mato, (Tastes it hesitantly.) IVs aweetl (He eats it) ‘Menonawn 4 I knew you'd like it “A” is one of our bestsellers. All of them aren't thet good, you know. Tho %” for instance—very dry and sawdusty. And the "XP" Tastes hke a trunkful of stale air. Bul most of the others aren’t bad at all. Here, try the “I.” Mu. (Tasting.) Cooll Tt tastes ity. Manouawr 4. (To Took.) How about the “O” for you? Its as crunchy as a bone, Mfost people are just too lazy to make their own words, but lake st from me, not only is it more fun, but its alé> de-lightful, (Holds Ye act THE PHANTOM ‘TOLLBOOTH 2% up a “D.") lating, (Holds up an “B.") and ex tremely usefull (Holds up a “U.”) ‘Miro. But sen't it dificult? Pm not very good at ‘making words. (Phe Seeuiaxa Be, @ large colorful bee, comes up {from behind.) See nee’ (The Thre turn around and satin) Son (Backing off, Took on his guard.) Can you spell goodbye? 110. Uh... ok. (At this pont, Mio may turn to the audience and ask them to help lnm chose a word or he may think of one on his own.) How about . » “Curiosity?” "Muawo. Just ten seconds. Count them off, Took. ‘Sreutina Ben, (As Tocx counts) Otedeaty dear, (Just at the last moment, quickly) Caveriossstey. ‘Mencuaste 4. Correct! (Alt Clcer.) Mio. Can you spell anything? Srnuuano Dao. (Prowdly,) 3 2% = THE PHANTOM TOLLROOTH ser ‘that T'd never amount to anything without an eduea- tion, 0 Ldevided that. “Hounwve, (Coming up in a beoming voice) BAL- DERDAGH (ie utry «tv eat sped pent checked vest, spats and a derby hat) Lot-me:repent) +. -BALDERDASH! (Surgs iis cane and clicks his Ihcets un the aur.) Welly well; wha have we here? Tsn't day’ Spatunro Bee, You've nover met the king, (Yo Muzo.) “Don't beove a thing he tells you. ‘Huavo” Bosh, my. boy, pure bosh. The Humbugs aro-an old and noble family, henorable to the core. Why, we fought in the Crusades with Richard the ‘catch: upyso'why bother? (Puts his arm around Mr.o } ‘Take my adviee, boy, and forget about it As my “great-preat-grent-grandfather George Washington ‘Humbug used to say... ‘Srevuino Bee, You, sit, are an imposter i-m-p-0-3- | act THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH % -direot nooess to the ear of a King? And the King shall ‘Voice 1. Did someone eal for the king? sonarch? Voice 3. Speale of Voion at Eatrent Voioe 5, Hail his highness? (Five tall, thin gentlemen regally dressed wn ealks and ‘satins, plumed hats and buckeled shoes appear as they speak.) Mio, Who are they? Seeitwa Bep The King's advisors Or in more form hus eabi ‘Muusrer 2. Salutations! ‘Mnusrer 3. Welcome! Maitsrex 4 Good afternoon! Mnuster 6. Hello! Mm. Uh. . . Hi. (AU the Masezens, from here on called by their num- bers, unfold their scrolls and rexd m order.) ‘Mnuisnex 1. By the order of Azaz the Unabridged . ‘Mnnsrex 2. King of Dicuonopolis ‘Mnvisten 3 Monarch of letters « ‘Mivisten 4 Emperor of phrases, santences, and mis~ cellancous figures of speech. . ‘Muusren 5, We olfer you the hospitality of our kingdom Munster 1, Country Muoren 2, Nation ‘Mmasrer 3, State ‘Muusren 4 Commonwealth ‘Muster 5 Realm ‘Muvister 1 Empire ‘Miwisner 2, Palatinate Mnasroe 8, Principality. Mao Do ail those words mean the same thing? ‘Ministex 1 Of course. Mnusten 2 Certamly Muvisren 3. Precisely UUsat make a lot more sense? Mivisten 1, Nonsense! Muusrex 2 Rudiculoust Munster 3, Fantastie! Munoren 4 Absurd! ‘Mnuisten § Bosh! Muvisten 1. We'ro not interested in making sens It’s not our job Mnvisten 2 Besides, one word is as good as an~ other, so why not use then all? Moroes 3 Then you dewt have to choose which _Mnuasren 4, Besides, if one ie right, thon ten are ton times as right nine Olwaust, 8 don't know who we sre. tach presents himself and Mito acknowledges the introduction.) J na Masten 1 The Duke of Defnition, ‘Mawoten 2. Tho Minister of Meaning Mnusten 3 ‘The Earl of Easence. Minister 4, ‘The Count of Ccnnotation. Muster 5. The Undersecretary of Understanding. acer THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH a ‘Aun Five, And we have come to invite you to the Royal Banguet. Genuine Bex, ‘The banquet! ‘That's quite an honor, amy boy. A real heo-n-o-r ‘uunnve DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! Everybody goes to the Royal Banyuct these days Serine Bee (To the Huxcsuc ) True, everybody dows go. But some people are mvited and others simply push their way in whore they aren’t wented. Hunpvo HOW DARE YOU? You burning little ‘upstart, TL show you who's not wanted . . . (Feaises His cane threateningly.) fSeavun Bee. You just watch 1 ’m warning qeartncineg youl (A¢ that moment, an ear-shattering Piast of TRUMPETS, entirety off-key, is heard, and 4@ Paor appears.) Pact, King Azaa the Unabridged is about to begin tho Reyal Banquet All guests who do not appear promptly at the tablo will automatically lose their Mince (A huge Table ws carned out vith Kins Atas Fiating in a large chats, carried out at the head of the table.) ‘htat Places. Everyone take your places. (AIt the characters, including the Hustavo and the Srrtsiwo Gan, who forget their quarrel, rush lo sake their places at the table, Mazo and Tock sit near the Kno. Atat Tooks at Miso.) And just who is this? ‘ffroo, Your Hhghness, my name 1s Mo and this it ‘Tock ‘Thank you. very much for inviting us to your anquet, and I think your palace is beautifull “Munson 1 Exquisite, ‘Miniersn 2, Lovely Mnster 3 Handsome Minsren 4. Pretty. ‘Minveven 5. Charming. 38 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH = acr 1 “Ataz, SILENCE! Now tell me, young man, what ‘Mu. Lean't do any of those things. ‘Muo Well . . . ean count to a thousand. ate Oui se ten hee we aoe ane No “ert Sine you are the guest of Honor, you my pick “The menu, Mino. Met Well ub. . . Vin not very hungry. Can vo just have a light snack? “hess, A light sacl it ahall bel (Ataz claps his hande. Waiters rush in with covered trays, When they are uncovered, Shafts of Light ‘pour out. The light may be created through the use of battery-operated fashlighte which are socured in tho trays and covered with a false bottom. The Guests help themselves.) Hunava, Not a very substanial meal. Maybe you can suggest something a little more fill ‘Muto. Well, in that ouse, 1 think we ought to have a square meal... « (Waiters serve trays of Colored gs of all sizes ud serve themselves.) oo * reuuinc Bes ‘These are awtul, (I onda he Guests do wt cave for the food) "Ataze (Claps hie hands and the trays are removed.) ‘Time for speeches. (72 Mito.) You firsts acrt THE PHANTOM TOLLBCOTH 29 Muo. (Hesitontly.) Your Majesiy, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to eny that.» : Mu. mt t just Siartod to .ee / ‘Aras: NEXT ‘Hunaue. (Quickly.) Roast turkey, mashed potatoes, vauilla ico ezeam, Srauaane Bs, Hamburgers, corn on the cab, choco- Inte pudding p-u-d- 1-g. (Hach Guest names two dishes and a dewseré) wana, (The last.) ‘Pate de fois gras, soupe a l'oignon, ae claps his hands. Waiters serve each Guest ‘his Words.) Dig on. (Po Mito.) ‘Mario, I didn’t know 1 was going te have to eat my word: Aw “Ministes 1. Here, try some somersault. Tt improves the flavor. ‘Mivisren 2, Have a rigamarole. (Offers bread- basket.) ‘Munisrer 3, Or a ragamulfin, Mamoren 4. Perhaps you'd care for a synonym bun. ‘Muusren 5. Why not wart for your yust desserts? ‘Aaaz, Ah yes, the dessert We're having a special treat today |. . freshly made at the half-bakery. ‘Muto, The half-bakery? ‘zaz, Of eourse, the half-bakery! Where do you think half-baked ideas come from? Now, please don’t faterrupl “By royal commend, the pastry chefs have . « ‘Muvo’ What's half-baked idea? 30 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH = scr (Atax gives up the idea of speaking as a cart is ‘wheeled in and the Guests Lely themselves.) Honava, They're very tasty, Lut they don’t always agree with you Here's a good ene, (Huspuo hands ‘one to Mito.) ‘Muto. (Reads.) “Che earth is Bat.” Seou1aNe Bes. People swallowed that one for years. (Picks up one and reads.) "The moon is made of green cheese.” Now, there's a half-baked ides. (Bveryone choosee one and eats, They include: “It Never Rains But Pours” “Night Air Is Bad Au,” “—Buorything Happena For The Best;” “Coffee ‘Stunts Your Growth”) Azat, And now for a few olosing words Attention! Let me have your attention! (Hveryone leaps up and Esits, except Jor Mio, Tock and the Humpus.) Loyal subjects and friends, once again on thie gala occssion, we heve ‘Muto, Hxcuse mo, but everyboly left, Anas, (Sadly.) Iwas hoping no one would notice. happens every time ‘HUMBUG, ‘They've gono to dinner, and as soon es 1 finish this last bite, Csholl join theta, ‘Mo That's ridioulous, How can they eat dinner right after a banquet? ‘Azaz, SCANDALOUS! Welll put a stop to it at ‘onee From now on, by royal coumand, everyone must eat dinner before the banquet. ‘Mio. But that’s just a8 bed. Honus. Or jusb as good, Things which are equally bad are also equally good. “Try to look at the bright side of things. scr ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH él ‘Muzo. 1 don't know swhich side of anything to look at, Everything is 60 confusing, and all your words only make things wors ‘Aza How tru do about it. ‘Husemuc Pass a Jaw. ‘Azan. We have almost as many laws os words. Hemavo. Offor a reward. (Azaz shakes his head and tooks madder ct each suggestion) Send for help? ‘Drive o bargain? Pull the switch? Lower the boom? ‘moe the line? (de Azax continues to scowl, the Hunt ua loses confidence and finally gives up.) ‘Mato, Maybe you should let Rhyme and Reason rolurn. ‘Azaz, How nice that would be. Even sf they were a other at times, thinge always went se well when they ‘were here. But P'm efraid it can't be cone, ‘Honava, Certainly not. Can't be dane. ‘Mno Why not? unsva, (Now siding with Muto.) Why not, indeed? Azaz. Much too difficult ‘Humpua, Of course, much too dificult. Mrco. You could, if you really wanted to. Hunnvg. By all means, if you reall wanted to, you could. ‘Azaz. (To Husnus.) How? Muo. (Alo to Huxavs,) Yeah, how? Hiusmue. Why... ub, is a’ sicple task for a brave boy with a stout heart, a stendfast dog and & serviceable small automobile, ‘Azaz, Go on. Fruxcavo. Well, all that he would have to do 18 cross ‘the dangerous, unknown countryside botwoen here and Digitopobe, where he would have to persuade the Mathemagieian to release the Princesses, which we There must be something we ean 3 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH scr know to be impossible because the Mathemsgician will never agree with Azaz about anything. Onev achieving that, it’s a simple matter of entering the Mountains of gnorance from where no one has ever returned alive, fn effortless climb up a two thoxsand foot stairway, ‘without railings in a high wind at mght to the Castle~ in-the-Air, After a pleasant chat w:th the Princesses, all that xemaing is a leisurely ride back through those chaotic crags where the frightening fiends have sworn to tear any intruder from limb to limb and devour down to his belt buckle, And finally atter doing all that, a triumphal parade! If, of course, there is any- thing left to. parade . . . followed by hot chocolate and cookies for everyone. ‘Aras. I never realized it would be 60 eitaple, Mo. It sounds dangerous to ne. Toor, And just who is suprosed to make that journey? ‘Aras. A very good question. But there is one far more serious problena. Mito, What's that? Arar. Vim afraid I can't tell you that until you return. Muo, But wait a minuto, I didn't . . Auat, Distiouopolis will ‘always be grateful to you, my boy and your dog. (Azaz pats Tock and Mo.) "Toox. Now, just one moment, sire ‘Anas. You will face many dangers on your journey, but fear not, for I ean give you comething for your protection, (Azaz gives Muvo a tor.) Jn this box are the letters of the alphabet. With them you eon foria all the words you will ever need to help you overcome the obatacles that may stand in your path, All you ‘must do is uee thom well and in the right places. ‘Mao, (Miserably.) Thanks a lot, acti ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH 38 ‘Azaz, You will need a guide, of course and since he knows the obstacles so well, the Humbug has cheer fully volunteered to accompany you. Huss Now, see here . « ‘Azaz, You will find ina dependable, brave, resource ful and loyal Humnva (Flattered.) Oh, your Majesty. Miuo I’m sure helll be @ great help (They ap~ proach the car ) ‘Took. I hope 60 Tt looks like we're go.ng to need it (he tights darken and the Kina fader from’ viow.) ‘Azaz. Good luck! Drive carefully! (Phe three get into the car and begin to move, Suddenty a thunder« ously loud NOISE is heard, They slow down the car.) ‘Mu. What was that? ‘Tocx It came from up ahead. Homnos. It's something terrible, I yusb know st, Oh, no, Something dreadful 18 going to happen to us. I can feel it in my bones. (The NOISE is repeated. They all look at each other fearfully. As the ligats fade.) END OF ACT ONE | ACT TWO Scene 1 The set of Digitopolis ghtters m tho background, while Upstage Right near the road, a small color- ful Wagon sits, looking quite deserted. On its side in large letters, a sign reads “KAKAFONOUS A. DISCHORD Doctor of Dissonance” ENTER Muo, Tock and Huswve, fearfully They Wook at the wagon. ‘Toor, ‘There's no doubt absut it. ‘That's where the noise was coming from ‘Huusvc (To Mio ) Well, go on, ‘Muto Go on what? Hunpue Go on and see who's making all that noise in there We can't just ignore a creature like that, Muo Creature? What kind of creature? Do you think he's dangerous? Humva Go on, Malo Knock on the door, We'll be right behind you. ‘Muto. O:K. Maybe he can tell us how roueh further it is to Digitopotis. (Mito Gptoes ap to the wacon door and KNOCKS tinidly. The moment he knocks, a terribie CRASH w heard mside the wagon, and Mivo and the others jump back i fright ‘At the same time, the 34 aor. THE: PHANTOM TOLLROOTH 35 Door Flies Open, and from the dark interior, a Hoarse Voice. inguires ) Voice Have you ever heard a whole set of dishes ‘dropped from thie celing onto a hard stone floor? (The Othere are specchlese with fright Muo thakes his ead Vorcn happily ) wearing fur slippers walle across a thick wool carpet? (Mito shakes hie head again ) Have you evor heard a bimdfolded octopus unwrap a celephane-covored bath- ‘tub? (Muto shakes hs head a third time ) Hat Tknew “WE (He hops out, a little man, wearing a white coat, with a stethoscope around hue neck, and a emall marror attached to his forchead, and with very huge ears, and a mortar and pestle in hus hands He stares at Mu ‘Toox ond Hunwvo) Nonesot-youtooke well at al? Taktaleynotrateall. (He opens the top ox ado of his Wagon, revealing a dusty ntoror resembling an old apothecary shop, with shelves lined with jaro and bozes, a table, books, test tubes and bottlss and mea- suring spoons.) Mito, (Timidly.) Are you 2 doctor? 'Yoroe ) CHORD, DOCTOR OF DISSONANCE! (Several small explosions and a grinding crash are heard ) “Hunava, (Stuttering with fear.) What doos Ube “A” stand for? ‘Disctiom AS “LOUD AS POSSIBLE! (Tuo screcchea and a bump it heard) Nowjcslepoaslittle closer and stick out your tongues. (Discetcrn examines them Suk Loenpated | (He opens. large. daty ook and thumbs through the pages ) You're all-sul= engin nese ake of oe ( fe ygcuonn begins running around, collecting bottles, reading the labels 36 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH = acr to himself az he goes along) “HoudvGries "Soft (As he reads them off, he pours a htile of each nto a large glase beaker and alsra tho mizturs with a wooden spoon. Ihe concoction smokes and bubbles) Beoready-uvyuat®! ‘moment Mno (Suspiciously ) Just what kind of doctor are you? _ Disexoxo. Well, you might say, 1'm a specialist, 1 {Eine ait amy ete es eee ‘Tomoler de overs eave! fot tert ot (Very loud CRUNCHING SOUNDS are heard ) ‘Muto (Holding his ears) But who would want all those terrible noises? ‘Disexon, (Surprised at the question’) Everybody eae file ea sve a abo tome. That's all people seem to want these days. ‘Years ‘ago, everyone wanted plersant sounds and business was terrible. But then the cities were built and there ‘was a great need for honking horns, screeching trains, clanging bells and all the rest of those wonderfully un- pleasant sounds we use s0 rauch today I’ve been work- ing overtime ever since aad my medicine here is in great demand. All you have to do is take one spoonful every day, and you'll never have to hear another Dequtaful sound again Here, try some Huntnvo. (Backing away) If it’s all the same to you, I'd rather not ‘Mino, T dost wanl lo be cured of beautiful sounds efulDynne? When you're playing in your room and scr THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH 37 ‘Tock. Besides, there's no such sickness as a lack of noise, Discord How true That's what males it so difi- cult to cure (Taker « large glass botile from the shelf) Very well, if you want to go all through Iie suffering from a noise deficiency, Vil just give this to Dynne for lis lunch, (Uncorks the bottie and pours the liquid into it, Phere is a rumbling and then a loud explosion accompamed by smoke, out of which Dewxe, 4 smog-like creature with yellow eyes and a frowning ‘mouth, appears ) (Smacking his lips.) Abbh, that was good, Master. I thought you'd never let me out. It was really “"Disenono. This is my assistant, the avfel Dynne You mut forgive hi appenance for he really doom fave any. ‘Muto. What is a Dynne? making a great amount of noise, what do they tell you to stop? Muto. That awful din. ‘turn down? ‘Toor. That awful din, Discuionp, And when the street on yeur blovk is being repaired and the drills are working all day, what does everyone complain of? ‘Honpva, (Brightly.) The dreadful row. ~~ Orps Cogn heghloay 38 THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH scr u le s (He gives a loud groan at the memory.) Discwonn He's night, you know. Noise 1s the most, valuable thing an the world ‘Mato King Azaz says wards are Discuonp, NONSENSE Why, when a baby wants food, how does he ask? Dunne. (Happily ) He sorewmst Discworp And when a racing car wants gas? Dywws. (Jumping for joy) Tt chokes! Discnonp And what happens to the dawn when a new day begins? “‘Dynnis, (Delighted) It breaks! Discitonp. You see how aimplo at 1s? (To Dvwwe,) Isn't it time for us to go? Mn.o. Where to? Maybe we're going the same way. (Prcking up empty sacks from the table.) ‘Disciton. Where are you gomg? Mno To Digitopolis. Discord Oh, there are a number of ways to get to Digitopolis, xf you know how to follow directions. Just ‘take a look at the sign atthe fork in the road ‘Though, ‘why you'd ever want Uo go there, I'l never know. Mito, We want to talk to the Mathemagivian, Hummus, About the release of the Princesses Rhyme ‘and Reason, ‘Disenone, Rhyme and Reason? T remember them. Very nice girls, but a litte too quiet for my taste, In ace in THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH 30 fact, P've been meaning to send them something that Dynne brought home by mistake and which T have absolutely no use for (He rummaces through the wagon) Ah, here itis or maybe you'd hike at for yourself (dfands Muto a package ) ‘Muro What 3 it? Discrionp ‘The sounds of laughter ‘They're eo un- pleasant to hear, it's almost unbearablo All those teigeles and snickers and happy shouts of joy, I don't, know what Dynne was thinking of wien he coliested them Here, take them to the Princesses or keep them for yourselves, I don’t eare Well, time to move on Goodbye now and good luck! (Fe has shut the wagon dy now and gets in LOUD NOISES tegmn to erupt as Dine pulls the wagon offstage.) Muo (Calling after them) But wait! ‘The fork an the road . . you didn’t tell us where it 1s Tock Ivs too late He can't hear a thing Hunue, I could use a fork of my own, at the moment: And a krafe and a spoon to go with it All of ‘sudden, T feel very hungry. Mno. 80 do I, but is no use thmking about it, ‘There won't be' anything to eat until we reach Digitopohs. (They get into the car.) Husave. (Rubbing as stomach.) Wel, the sooner ‘tho better is what I say. (A SIGN suddonty appears.) Vorce, (A strange voice from nowhere) But which way will get you there sooner? That is the question. Toox. Did you hear something? ‘Muto. Look! The fork an the road snd # signpost to Digitopohs! (They read the Sign ) 40 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH ace 1 DIGITOPCLIS 5 Mile 1,900 Rods 8800 Yards 26,400 Feet 316,800 Inches 1639,000 ‘Half Inches AND THEN SOME Hunova. LeVs travel by mules, it's shorter. ‘Mrz, Lets travel by half iaches. It's quicker Tock But which road should we take? It must make a difference. ‘Muto, Do you think so? ‘Tock. Well, I'm not sure, bub . . . Hunova, He could be right. On the other hand, he could also be wrong Does 1t make a difference or not? ‘Youee, Yes, indeed, mdeed st does, certamly, my yes, it does make a difference. (The Dovecaneonon Appears, a 12-sides figure with a diferent face on each suds, and with all the edges labeled with a smalt letter and all the engles labeled with a large letter. He wears a beret and peers at the others with a serious face. Ho dofis his cap and recites:) sae arene — acti THE PHANTOM TOLLBOCTH 41 ‘Muto. What's Dodecahedron? (Turning around slovly.) See-for yourself. A Dodeeahedron is s mathematieal shape ‘With 12 faves, (AU Mus faces appear as he turns, euch Jace with a diferent expression. He points to them.) Mio Milo 0 {Changrng his amiting face to a frowning one.) fone face. Muo. (Making sure it as stilt there ) Is that bad? | ‘Mn.o. Oh, no. Some are called Billy or Jeflery oF Sally or Lisa or lots of other things. i ‘Mno I never thought of it that way. ‘Dopcanzonox. (With an admonishing face.) Then» ‘Muto. Then perhaps you can help us decide which oad we should take. a Dopecattepnon (Happily.) By all means. There's nothing to it. (As he lalks, the three others try to solve the problem on a Large Blackboard that is wheeled onstage for the occasion.) Now, if a small car carrying ‘three people at 30 miles an hour for 10 minutes along 2 ‘THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH ace ‘a road 6 miles long at 11:36 1n the morning starts at the same time as 3 people who have been traveling 19 ‘8 hitle automobile at 20 miles an hour for 15 minutes ‘on another road exactly twice as long as half the dis- tance of the other, while « dog, a bug, and a boy travel fan oqual distance in the same tnue or the same d ‘tance m an equal tune along a thurd road sn mid- ‘Ostober, then which one arrives first and which 1s the best way to go? ‘Hunvo. Soventeen! Mno, (Still figuring frontically.) Tm not sure, but. ‘Donecanronox. You'll have to do better than that. ‘Muto. I'm not very good at problems. Dopecartepnow. What a shame. They're s0 very use ful. Why, did you know that ifs beaver 2 feet long with a tail a foot and a half long can build a dam 12 feet high and 6 feot wide in 2 days, all you would need to build Boulder Dam 1s @ seaver 68 fect long with @ 51 foot tail? ‘Humaua. (Grumbting as his pencil snaps.) Where ‘would you find a beaver thot big? Donzearizonox. I don't know, but if you did, you'd certainly know whol to-do with him, ‘Muto. That's orazy. Domecannpsox. That may be true, but it’s com- pletely accurate, and as Teng as the answer is right, ‘who cares if the question ie wrong? ‘Tock. (Who has boon patiently doing the first problem ) All Unree roads atrive at the same place ab ‘the same time Doogeanenaon. Correct And Tit take you there: tmyself (The blackboard rolls off, and all four get into the car and drive of.) Now you see how irapor- cen THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH. 43 tant problems are. If you hadn't done this one prop- erly, you might have gone the wrong way. ‘Muzo. But if all the roads arrive at the eame place ‘at the same time, then axen’t they all the right road? Donscartmonox., (Glaring from hia upset face.) Cor- tainly not! They're all the wrong way! Just because you have a chouce, it doesn’t mean that any of them hhas to be right (Pointing in another divection ) That's the way to Digtopolis and we'll bo there any moment (Suddenly the lighting grows dimmer.’ In fact, we're here, Welcome to the Land of Numbers. ‘Hunauo, (Léoking around at the barren landscape.) It doesn't look very inviting. ‘Muo Is this the place where numbers are made? Dopecarrorow. They're not made, You have to dig for them. Don't you know anything at all about numbers? ‘Mato. Well, I never renlly thought they were very important, Dopecaitzonow, NOT IMPORTANT! Could you have tea for two without the 27 Or three blind sniee without the 87 And how would you sail the seven seas without the 7? Muto. All T meant was Dopeeansonox, (Continues shoutixg angrily.) If you had high hopes, how would you

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