Noting that millions have been exposed to the briefings, Fauci said that he had voluntarily submitted to a preliminary

trial.
View in browser | Update your preferences

Not the news.

Satire from The Borowitz Report

Dr. Fauci Reports That Alcohol

May Help People Survive
Coronavirus Briefings
Even as the virologist hailed the benefits of the new treatment, he
sounded a note of caution. “The effect of this medication is
temporary,” he said. “Sadly.”

By Andy Borowitz

Satire from The Borowitz Report

Trump Plans to
Destroy Virus with
Incredibly Mean
Tweet
Speaking to reporters at the White
House, Trump said that he was
already in the process of crafting
insults about the virus that would
obliterate it once and for all.

By Andy Borowitz

Satire from The Borowitz Report

Betsy DeVos Says

She Was Planning
to Close All Schools
Anyway
The Secretary of Education said
that, within days of taking office,
she had drawn up an ambitious
plan called No School Left Open.
 By Andy Borowitz

More Humor from The New Yorker

Daily Shouts
Radical Approaches
to Social Distancing
Avoid words like “please” and
“thank you”—they produce
airborne droplets.

By Carolita Johnson

Daily Shouts

A Selection of the
30 Most
Disappointing
Under 30
Oksana Iyovitch: purchased a
kitten after seeing a picture on the
Twitter feed Cute Emergency.
Tried to return it when it “got too
big.”

By Bess Kalb

Daily Shouts

New Fonts
Alanis, Alanis Jagged, Banister,
Casterplatz, and other new
designs.
 By Emma Rathbone

Back to the Real News . . .

Our Local Correspondents Comment

Performing Artists How the

and the Financial
Fallout of the
Coronavirus
New York’s cultural scene has
taken hits before—after 9/11,
during the recession that began in
2007, after Hurricane Sandy—but
its elimination for an indefinite
period of time is unprecedented.
By Emily Witt
Coronavirus
Shattered Trump’s
Serene Confidence
The virus is unimpressed and
unimpeded by the President’s
bluster. And the prolonged process
of his humbling has put untold
numbers of Americans at risk.
By David Remnick
Letter from the U.K.
My Mother Is
Under Quarantine,
but We’re Staying
Close
Amid the coronavirus crisis in the
U.K., the elderly are being asked to
self-isolate for twelve weeks. In the
most hopeful scenario, my family
won’t see its matriarch until June.
By Ed Caesar
Campaign Chronicles
The Dream of
Turning Texas Blue
Depends on Latino
Voters
Latinos are poised to become the
majority in Texas in a matter of
years, and many voting-rights
advocates are raising awareness
that they should make their voices
heard.
By Stephania Taladrid
 Sign up for more newsletters from The New Yorker.
Visit The New Yorker shop.

Question about your subscription? Contact Customer Care.

New Yorker digital subscribers get unlimited access to everything on

newyorker.com. Log in to your account here.

We’d love your feedback on this newsletter. Please send your thoughts and
suggestions to TNYinbox@newyorker.com.

This e-mail was sent to you by The New Yorker. To ensure delivery to your
inbox (not bulk or junk folders), please add our e-mail address,
NewYorker@newsletters.newyorker.com, to your address book.
 View our Privacy Policy
Unsubscribe

Copyright © Condé Nast 2020. One World Trade Center, New York, NY
10007. All rights reserved.