Family Relationships Change

As you enter college, it’s important to remember that your family members are going through a
transition too. If you lived with your family while attending high school, they are probably used to seeing
you more often than not, communicating with you frequently and knowing what you are up to most of the
time. If you’ve been living under the same roof throughout your childhood, you and your parents and family
haven’t had to try that hard to stay connected with each other. However, when you head off to college, your
relationships with people in your family are bound to change. This will be more or less challenging
depending on how much involvement your family wants to have in your college life and to what extent you
expect to stay connected to your family during your college years.
If you can think about some of these things in advance and anticipate some of these changes it will
make the adjustment, for you and your family, a little bit easier.
Talk to your family to define these changing roles and boundaries. Have conversations before you start
college to address how you’ll stay connected. Will it be email, texting, or regular calls? What types of
decisions will they be involved in, or what things will you handle on your own? Be patient as you and your
family members adapt to these changes, and keep the lines of communication open. Remember too that your
needs (and those of your family) will change during your first semester. You may need more frequent
contact and support in the first few weeks when things are less familiar and you know fewer people than you
will as the term progresses and you “settle in”.
Ways to Stay Connected with Family at College
If most of the time in college is not living with your family, staying in touch with them is very important,
especially in the first few months of college as you get adjusted and figure out the best ways to stay
connected to the people you care about. Check out these simple strategies for staying connected with loved
ones.
 Send photos or video. Show your family where and how you spend your days and nights.
 Regular calls and sometimes sending a text. It’s a great way to share with your family that you got a
good grade on your paper, finished that crazy-hard project, are feeling a little homesick, are nervous
about a presentation, or just that you are thinking about them. You should consider scheduling a weekly
call to ensure that you don’t go too long without checking in.
 FaceTime or video chat. Maybe you have a periodic call with your parents, family or siblings but
incorporating some “face time” where you can see each other adds a special component.
Keep in mind that as you settle in and feel more comfortable at school that your plan for staying in touch
with family might change. If your need for weekly calls or daily texts lessens it’s still important to find ways
to stay connected with the people you care about and who care about you. These relationships will be a
source of support during challenging and stressful times.
Changing Friendships
Making friends on campus isn’t always easy. It can feel like everyone else is part of a group and that
you’re the only one struggling to find your place. In reality, most students are in the same boat.  Most new
students have to work at establishing friendships and connections when they first arrive on campus. Don’t
get frustrated if it takes weeks or even months to start building a good circle of friends. Be patient and look
for opportunities to get out and meet new people.
While you are adjusting to your new college environment and possibly feeling a little insecure about
your social connections on campus, your existing friends can be a huge support network. Your friends from
home, who might also be new to their campuses (if they’ve gone away to school too), will probably be able
to relate to your feelings. Texting, FaceTime, social media and even phone calls every once in a while,
especially in those first few weeks, will help you through some of the adjustment period and offer
opportunities for you to tell people about your experience at school.
Once you start feeling more comfortable with your social circle at school, there’s no need to toss away
your friends from your high school – you can have both! Yet, it’s unlikely that you’ll have as much time to
stay connected with people from home in the same way as you did in the past. The classes, new experiences
and friendships that you get involved with at college will require a lot of your attention. These changes are
normal and many of your friends will be going through the same thing.
As you get more settled at school you might need to try harder to stay connected with your old friends.
If your schools are close enough, you and your friends can plan to visit each other’s campuses. Too far to
visit? It could be helpful to plan a time to catch up each week or couple of weeks. You can also stay
connected by planning a reunion when you are both back in your hometown. No matter what, you and your
previous relationships will go through some changes during this time. This might feel uncomfortable at first
but eventually you’ll learn to balance the old parts of your life with new activities, interests and
relationships.
Your New Circle of Friends
The worst thing about being away from home, maybe for the first time, can be the feeling that you’re
doing it all by yourself. While it’s true that getting established in college can sometimes be a bumpy ride, it’s
not a solo journey. Even if you can’t wait to head off to college, the change can end up being anxiety
provoking. While you are adjusting in your new environment, you might think that everyone has it figured
out and that you don’t. It’s important to know that this feeling is normal and almost all first year college
students are in the same boat when they arrive on campus. If you and your new roommates, people in your
dorm, and classmates recognize that you can be huge sources of support for each other, the adjustment might
feel easier and less lonely.
Even before you arrive, try to reach out to alumni from your high school who go to the college you’ll
be attending (perhaps your guidance counselor knows alumni who attend?), join the “Class of” Facebook
page at your college and attend a regional meet-up if there’s one scheduled in your area. Once you’re on
campus, get to know what’s happening in your areas of interest: theater, dance, hiking, academic clubs,
fraternities and sororities, intramural sports and more.
If it feels hard to make friends or you feel like people aren’t really getting to know the real you, you
aren’t alone or doing anything wrong. When you think about it, it’s impossible for a friend you met last
week to understand you in the same way that your parents or your best friend since childhood does.
Making friends on campus isn’t always easy. It can feel like everyone else is part of a group and that
you’re the only one struggling to find your place. In reality, most students are in the same boat.  Most new
students have to work at establishing friendships and connections when they first arrive on campus. Don’t
get frustrated if it takes weeks or even months to start building a good circle of friends. Begin your first year
at college on the right track by building a support network as soon as possible. By getting involved in
activities that you know and like you’ll be able to meet people who share your interests – this will be a
source of comfort. In the first semester of college, try to be patient with this process and remain open to new
people, experiences and opportunities to let people in and get to know you.
3. Getting Involved

 What you end up getting out of college has everything to do with what you put in to the experience.  This
goes beyond academics and the time you dedicate to coursework and studying.  Being involved on
campus leads to better overall college experiences, greater feelings of being connected to other people
and it often helps you learn very useful life skills. Just keep in mind that social activities, clubs and
campus groups offer many benefits, but they can also consume a lot of time and interfere with other
obligations. Balance is key.
 Think about your interests, background and goals to help identify potential organizations to join. Most
college websites have an area where you can browse through organizations and activities. Make a list of
the ones that interest you most and reach out to the leader for more information. Many organizations
allow prospective members to attend certain events or meetings to learn more. Most schools also have a
student activities fair at the beginning of each semester.
 Whatever activities or organizations you choose to be involved in, use them as an opportunity to learn
new things and meet new people. More than anything, college offers choices. This is your chance to
choose activities that interest you and support your goals.