I stare blankly at the white shinny counter top until my medicine and glass of water appear.

I’m Shannon
and according to my parents I need this medicine because without it I’m unstable. The whole time I’m
thinking to myself not as unstable as their relationship is. I don’t even look at my mom when she sits the
nasty and deadly white pill in front of me. This pill makes me feel terrible, like I can’t operate fully.
Maybe they want me to shut up.

“Shan, take your medicine.” I can feel my mom staring down on me with her perfect little suit. My
mother is a social worker, however her social life sucks.

“It’s Shannon and I don’t need it.” I reply looking up into her face.

“Shannon, take your medicine now.” She says grimly.

I pop the pill in my mouth and put it under my tongue. I’ll dispose of it later. I take a gulp of water.

“Open.” I open my mouth for her viewing. Who does she think she is anyway?

“Happy?” I reply hoping off the stool I was sitting on.

“Are you?” She replies.

“Not until I can leave this hell-hole.” I reply under my breath.

“Shannon!”

“I’ve e got to get ready for school now; honestly I don’t understand what you want from me.” I turn
around and tell her.

She stares at me glaringly.

“Stop sending mixed messages mom,” I turn toward the kitchen sink, turn on the garbage disposal. I take
the pill out from under my tongue; her expression is classic. Then I drop the little vile of poison. “Isn’t that
what Dr….oh what’s his name….Dr. Perverted said…?” I turn the garbage disposal off and walk toward
the stair case to get ready for school.

“Shannon! You are going to take another one. The more you don’t take the more you need.”

I barely hear her as I slam my bedroom door shut. I mumble some not so nice words just to turn around
and see my 4 year old sister Hannah sitting on the edge of my bed trying to tie her shoes. Our regular
morning ritual. If anything made me happy it was her.

“Here kid,” I move her hand away. “Let me get that for you.” I say as I finish tying her shoe.

Hannah…I hear mom calling her, it’s time for her to go to preschool. “Alright Hannah-banana, time to go
girly.” She wraps her arms around me and I lower her to the floor. “Bye babe.” She gives me a fist pump
and walks to the edge of my door, and then runs back to me.
“I love you.” She gives me a big kiss on my forehead like she does our dog Sam and gives me a pat on the
head. I move her stubborn colic hair out of her face and swipe my finger across her nose.

“I love you too. Have a good day alright?”

“You got it dude.” I laugh as full house was her favorite show to watch with me before her bed time and
Michelle looked just like her. She barely gets the door open when mom swings the door open wide and
nearly kills her.

“Mom! She was coming! You almost hit her!” I yelled in fear for Hannah.

“I’m okay.” Hannah says calmly.

“See she’s fine.” Mom said retaliating.

I lie back on my bed and take one last peak at my favorite person in the world Hannah walk out the door
as her ponytail flops.

Well time for school. I wonder what madness awaits me there. I open my eyes to find myself dressed
and ready for school. I still don’t know how I do it. And then another person calls my name. My dad. He’s
much more tolerable than mom. Except I hate his guts just because he denies the fact of cheating on my
mom. This makes me realize my hate for him is worse than Mom.

“Shannon! Let’s go your going to be late.” He is always worried about me being late.

“I’m coming!” I pick up my old ragged messenger bag that I refuse to get rid of. I take a look at myself in
the mirror. I’m wearing my favorite converse and a pair of old holy jeans with an old too small 9 th grade
band tee shirt. Gross. Perfect. I walk down the stairs and this is the first thing I hear.

“What are you wearing?” Dad asks looking me up and down.

“You have eyes don’t you?” I ask with all sincerity with all the sarcasm I can muster.

He sighs. “Hannah, our relationship isn’t going to get any better if-“We walked into the kitchen.

“I don’t want a relationship with you, besides you seem to have enough of those by yourself.” I fumbled
the apples in the fruit bowl and tossed my bag onto the counter.

“Hannah! You better stop it! You don’t know about grown up things!” He raised his voice like he was
yelling at his co-worker and pounded his fist into the counter. Mom walked in.

“Good morning to you too dear…?”

I picked up an apple, bit a chunk out of it and tossed it into the place right in front of his hand. I’m going
to stop calling him dad, his name is Charles.

“Good bye Charles.” I grabbed my bag from off the counter and walked out the back door.
I decided to walk today. I hate driving. It’s way to earlier in the morning and right now I’d probably try to
run over my da-, I mean Charles.

I kick some leaves along the way and stuff my hands into my pockets. The walk to school wasn’t that
long. I’m there within 10 minutes. First class of the day study-hall aka nap time.

“Hey Shan.” I’m greeted by John. One of my best friends since second grade. “How was this morning,
anything new with the Connor Soaps?” That’s what we called my family drama. He gasped and walked
backwards in front of me. “Has Hannah finally learned how to tie her shoes?”

I smiled. “No Shannon is still tying Hannah’s shoes. As far as what’s new….Sleazy-Charley got all gorilla
on me today but that’s about it and a little sleazy might I add.”

We laughed until we reached our lockers. His locker is the exact opposite of mine. Reason? High School
wants to make my life miserable.

I put my books into my locker I wouldn’t need them for at least the first class. I’d have time to come
back. I slammed my locker shut and walked over to John’s locker. I slid myself right behind his locker
right when he opened it, so I was totally stealth.

When he closed it, it looked like he crapped himself!

“Dang it Shannon!” I laughed out loud and turned around to head to study hall.

I was late. Only by 10 seconds, my study hall teacher is a nut with no husband, so I’m guessing she
doesn’t know what it’s like to have someone who is never on time. I wonder if I should pair her with
Sleazy-Charley. He’d surely fix her right up.

On break, I pulled out my cell from out of my pocket and gave John a text.

Me: Hey.

John: Hey.

Me: I need to get away.

John: Fly away then birdie.

Me: Very funny. Skip 4th with me.

John: Sure thing. Picnic area?

Me: Bring your lunch.

John: Always.

A soon as next period came I was off to the picnic area, how we were going to get out of 4 th I don’t know.
Hopefully John had a plan.
“You have a plan?” that was the first thing I asked John.

“Yes, is it okay if I use your “mental illness” as a part of the plan?” He smiles.

“Sure thing.”

“Faint.” He says, I can hear loud clacking footsteps of the only person it could be. Miss Nut Job.

“What?” I ask half panicked half confused.

“Faint, now!” I faint halfway and John lays me down the rest of the way.

I can hear Miss Nut Job’s footsteps become louder as she runs our direction. I can hear the whole
detailed plan come into play as John explains that he saw me looking dizzy as I walked down the hallway
and that he’d stay with me until I came through. It was so perfect I tried not to smile. She walked away
fully convinced.

“Open your eyes sleeping beauty. Let’s go!” He helped me up and we were off.

“So you know I never really asked you Shan…” began our conversation in the picnic area. I looked up at
his anxious twitching.

“What?” I said with my mouth full of turkey sandwich.

“Do you really have a mental illness?”

“No.” I bit into my sandwich again.

He looked up at the morning sun. “I was just wondering because,” he took a sip of his coke. “You know of
everything, it’d be hard not to have one.”

“Yeah.” I took a sip of his coke. “I see where you are coming from. That’s not me though. The only way to
know I have mental problem, is if I don’t finish off this food and I’ve got that accomplished.” I laughed.

He laughed but not as hard as I did. “I’m serious…”

“Look,” I put down my sandwich and rolled up my sleeves to show my arms. “I don’t cut.” I laughed not
as hard this time.

He smiled but with some anger. “You're so stereo-typical. People with problems don’t have to cut. Shan
when are you going to grow up?” He didn’t even look at me.

“Whoa, John. I didn’t mean anything by it.” I looked at his downcast face with confusion. He was crazy.

“You know what forget I said anything alright. I’m going to class.” He gathered his books and his trashed
his lunch. I watched him walk back into the building with my sandwich sitting on my lap. I’m an idiot.
And since our class skip didn’t go as planned. I was forced to go back into school. Joy. I really don’t mind
school as long as people don’t get in my way. Everyone already thinks I’m crazy it shouldn’t be too hard.
At least I have something to look forward too. Today after school I’m going to see a friend. My best
friend next to John of course her name is Dora and Andy. I miss them so much and I really need to talk to
them. They are such a sweet girls.

So school passed quickly but I got in major trouble for skipping by my 4 th period teacher because I only
missed half of class. And yes they called home. There will be an ear full when I get home.

As soon as I walked through the door, guess who was waiting to talk to me in the den.

“Shannon, can I see you in the den please?” Charles called from around the corner. I sat my bag down on
the welcome mat and stepped out of my shoes. And walked to the den as slow as possible.

“Yes?” I said with a half trying smile and a half annoyed look. I didn’t fully walk around the corner, I just
popped my head in, and I didn’t want him to talk about our relationship.

He was sitting in his den chair reading a book. He didn’t even look up.

“I heard you skipped 4th period?”

“Wrong, I only skipped half until John got all mad.” I sat my stuff down in one of the chairs and sat.

“You knew what I meant. See this is the kind of stuff that-!!”

“Charles! Stop talking to me about our relationship! We don’t have one never will!”

“Shannon don’t you dare talk to me like that you ungrateful b-!”

“CHARLES!” my mom ran in with such an angry look on her face. “I want to know exactly what you were
going to say right now!”

“Joann it wasn’t...”

She turned around in the door way and held up a hand to him and looked at me.

“Did I hear you call him Charles? No I don’t care about that, but all this yelling has got to stop. You need
to stop talking to him like that! I don’t know who you think you are!”

“And you need to keep a tighter grip on your husband. HE’s the one who keeps talking about our
relationship.” I ran up the stairs before she could say anything and slammed the door shut. And again to
see my little sister stretched out on my bed this time she was covering her ears. I had hurt my little
sister’s feelings with my yelling. I walked to her side and uncovered her hands from over her ears. She
was so innocent and I terrified her. Her own sister. I felt really terrible.

“Shannon...” She said, she was looking at me so sadly.

“What’s wrong Hannah- banana” I lie down beside her and rest my hand under my head.

“I’m tired.”
“Take a nap goof ball.”

“Not of that Shannon.” She picked at a loose string on my comforter.

“Of what then?” She looked at me and I looked at her UN tamed head of hair.

“You and mommy and daddy. I want us to be happy again.”

“I am happy sweetheart.”

“But.” She was quiet.

“But what?”

“I’m not a neither is mommy or daddy.”

“I’m sorry you’re not happy pumpkin but I don’t think mommy or daddy is unhappy.”

“Yes huh.”

“How do you know?”

“I saw mommy cry.”

After that I didn’t say anything. So she shrugged her shoulders sat up and slid of my bed. Did I care that I
made my mother cry? Or maybe it wasn’t me? I don’t know. All I know is that it is 6 o’clock and it’s time
for me to go see Dora and Andy. I need to talk to them about all of this.

“Shannon, Dora and Andy are here! They are going to dinner! Come on.”

I nearly ran out of my bedroom to go see them.

“Hey Shan!” said Andy.

“Oh my gosh! I missed you” Said Dora.

I hugged them both. Grabbed my coat.

“Bye!” I yelled just before I closed the door to my house.

“Oh my gosh.” Started Andy in the car ride to dinner. Dora was driving.

“What? You know that’s like the third time you said that today?” I laughed.

“Yeah I know Shan, but I just I haven’t seen you in forever and I love you!”

“Me too Andy-Candy.” I smiled at her.

“How are you?”

“Uhmmm….”

“Uhmmm…..” she looked at me with a concerned look.

“Well my little girl is unhappy with me, John is pissed, and I’m still on meds.”

“Hmm sounds like an uhmmm situation.”

“Yes I know that, what do I do? Anyway! How’s ya know, your thing...”

“Better…”

“She hasn’t eaten today.” Dora interrupted.

“One step at a time…” Andy says hesitantly. “You?”

“Yeah, I ate half of my turkey sandwich but only because of John nothing else. I’m not like you Andy
.Sorry I didn’t mean it like that…”

“I know what you meant cutie, pipe down.” She smiled and hugged me the best she could through her
seat belt.

“Well that’s what we are going to do right now isn’t it, eat?”

“Right!” We all said in unison laughing.

I think my mental issues day are going to get better as long as I have these two around.

Although looking at Andy, I do think I realize what can help people stop saying I’m crazy. Getting smaller.

We arrived at Pubz which was Andy’s most hated place since her eating disorder. It was about to
become mine.

“What do yall want to order asked Dora.

“What are you ordering Andy?”

“uhm probably just their salad. What about you Shan?”

“Same, honestly it sounds pretty good.”

“Okay then I’ll make it 3 salads.”

“What’s up with you Shan? You NEVER eat salad?”

“Figure I’d give it a shot for my friend, speaking of friend, I bet she knows how many cals are in this.” I
laugh but kind of seriously.

Andy turns to me and smiles.. “57 and a half.”

“Wow I was just kidding.” I smile, mental note, 57.5 calories. Dang that seems like nothing at all. Watch
out world a new Shannon is about to emerge and she doesn’t care about anything anymore. Her mom,
Charles, John! All I cared about was my sister Hannah!