Isabella Vaughn

IB LA 11

Mckay

The Expectations Men Have to Face in Society

Throughout the time of our existence as humans, distinct gender roles have developed and paved

the way for future situations dealing with these stereotype invoking parts. Women have been told to sit

still, look pretty, be sensitive, and be the caretaker for those around them. Men are expected to withhold a

strong front and be the hard worker for the people around them. These now apparent issues can be traced

back thousands of years when the world would be unrecognizable from what it is today, however, the

long-ago historical impacts of simple decisions turned into gigantic gender roles still last and leave a hard

impact on humanity and its inhabitants. Specifically, the pressures put on men to uphold their side of the

role is deteriorating, toxic, and unhealthy for all people. The incredibly hard expectations to be strong and

show no “weak” emotions can leave damage in relationships, and lead to mental health issues. Those

already confusing ideals then come with conflicting ideals, as gender roles and the fight for equality

progresses. These different expectations are not necessarily bad in themselves, like men being more open,

or doing more “traditionally-feminine jobs,’ however, it can be difficult for a man to adjust when he has

been told his entire life to be the complete opposite. Lastly, if a man doesn’t fit the standard image of

being manly, he is told to change himself, with no regard to how he is feeling. Men face incredibly

difficult expectations in society, and shouldn’t be expected to uphold the ideals forced on them.

To start with the largest part of it all, the idea of “manliness” comes with many guidelines, as one

could call it, about how an ideal man should live his life. This may include hiding emotions, doing jobs

“for men,” and being interested in stuff only for the fact that someone else is expecting you to. These

different factors start to create a capsule on someone’s life, and they may not ever be able to get out of

this bubble as it doesn’t appear to be an option. In ​Being A Man, ​Paul Theroux refers to the concept of

“manliness,” as, “. . .a hideous and crippling lie; it not only insists on difference and connives at

superiority, it is also by its very nature destructive—emotionally damaging and socially harmful.” (Page
1). These expectations are not only incredibly detrimental to a man himself, but to the people around them

as well, whether or not that is the intention, where it is usually not. Specifically, dealing with men not

showing emotions that are considered weak like sadness or vulnerability, and instead, being aggressive,

competitive, and angry creates controversy in one’s mind, as they would obviously not be feeling those

more dark emotions at all times. This creates insecurity over feeling emotions of any kind, and that can

affect things in a boy’s life surrounding his relationships or mindset over things. Teaching someone that

they shouldn’t feel a certain way or that they shouldn’t cry is one of the biggest ways that this happens in

society, and spreading awareness that all emotions are valid is a great step forward to improving this.

The next thing building off of this is that if you don’t fit the standard image of a man, you are

rejected in life. This is an incredibly scary thing to have to deal with, so a lot of the time, people conform

to what they think they need to in order to fit in. Rebecca Walker describes in her ​Putting Down the Gun

article how her son wanted to do sports because he thought that maybe girls would like him. Everyone at

his school talked about sports of video games, and since he did neither, he felt like an outcast. (Pages 1-2)

The key point in this story is that those were installed in his head that those were the things he needed to

be interested in in order to be liked by his peers, especially those of the opposite gender. This outlines the

way that young boys and girls take in so much information at a young age which affects their life going

on, and these things are often not positive things. This travels into adulthood, where the idea of being a

standard man is to be an alpha male, conform to gender stereotypes, being heterosexual, and more. Then

even if you are these things but are still able to acknowledge that there is a problem, you are still expected

to not stray out of this in things like the expression in clothing and personality. Men should be able to like

what they like without being told they shouldn’t, or that they should like something else more because of

their gender. Conforming to things is also a lot more complicated now because gender roles and society

are finally shifting into a more progressive view. Gretel Ehrlich points out the conflicting expectations in

​ here she speaks on how men are like cowboys, in which they may appear one way
her essay ​About Men, w

on the surface, but there is a deeper meaning for every action behind the scenes that no one sees because
no one is ever with him. (Page 1) Going forward, making it clear that you as a person should decide how

you want to live your life, not based on your gender, is fundamental.

In conclusion, the pressures put on men to be “manly” are draining and unrealistic and should not

be forced on someone with no choice. Hiding emotions, being an “alpha male,” and conforming to

interests that society tells you to conform to are a few of many ways that people, especially men, have to

turn to deal with the expectations. These things all sprout more complex issues that deal with acquired

mindsets in men that affect everyday things. These include being competitive, getting upset when

emotions are shown, proving yourself unnecessarily (although it seems necessary in the party’s mind),

and neglecting one’s own passion because of other people’s opinions. To take a step forward in relieving

some of this pressure from men’s shoulders, we can listen to the experiences and emotions of those who

are affected by this issue directly.

 Citations

Ehrlich, Gretel. ​About Men.​ 1984, file:///C:/Users/isabe/Downloads/About%20Men%20(1).pdf.

Theroux, Paul. ​Being a Man.​ 1985, file:///C:/Users/isabe/Downloads/Being%20a%20Man%20(1).pdf.

Walker, Rebecca. ​Putting Down the Gun.​ 2004,

file:///C:/Users/isabe/Downloads/Putting%20Down%20the%20Gun%20(1).pdf.