TUKSDA COLLEGE WEDNESDAY STUDY

SEASONS OF LOVE
Last week we finished with a discussion of Davies, the heart broken brother who's still
scratching his head, not understanding why Michelle left him for simply pointing out his
displeasure with her dressing.
Several people weighed in with valuable counsels, which I can summarize as:
1. Giving and receiving correction: what attitude, when, and to what extent do we, or should
we, give corrections in the context of our relationships?
2. Criteria of choice: how did Davis settle on Mitchell?
Somewhere else mtu aliuliza, walikutania church gani?
Someone else asked, alianza kuvaa indecently lini (highlighting the problem of loving a
lady in her faults, when you do not agree with her faults)
3. Nature of affection: love or infatuation?
4. Need for compatible spiritual growth: if you yoke a strong oc with a weak one, either the
strong will tire the weak, or the weak will draw back the strong
The foundational problems highlighted here are:
1. What is love?
2. What is/should be our source of attraction?
Can we control what attracts us? How do we control it? Or rather, how do we decide what
attracts us?
Self control... Temperament... By this we control what attracts us
Which gives me a temptation to ask whether we (good, sola scripturist Adventists) are also
attracted by the wrong things. Can we be attracted by the wrong things as Christians?
Yeah, the difference is whether we give in to the attractions. It's there in us it's just that Christ in
us makes it suppressed.
Last week we saw that:
1. Love is the manifestation of holiness,
2. Relationships are contexts for us to manifest this holiness,
3. Therefore, our aim in entering relationships (up to this point, I consistently use
"relationships" not to refer to romantic relationships but to all form of human
interactions whether friendship, professional, academic, or romantic relationships)
should be to manifest holiness to each other, and
4. Our assessment of success in our relationships should be by checking on our faithfulness
to this high call.
Do you consider yourself successful in your relationships so far? In class? At home? In church?
In your neighbourhood? In your plot? With strangers?
What I want to infect you with is the constant conscious awareness of the need, and high calling,
for you to manifest holiness to everyone as a natural impulse remembering that “manifesting
holiness” is a synonym of “demonstrating true love,” which is selflessness... Esteeming others
higher than yourself; and to divorce from your head the idea that this is a preserve for your
romantic relationship. It is not.
We fail in marriage not because we do not love our spouses, but because we do not understand
what love is in the first place.
So we go into relationships copying with the best family life speaker, or your parents (if they
had a good relationship), or with the sweetest couple you've seen on instagram, and borrowing
bits here and ideas there of what we think was cute and sweet... And expecting that this will
count for love in the eyes of our spouse.
So we begin by googling proposal ideas, going to Pinterest to get birthday and anniversary gifts,
YouTube for wedding plans, and motivational books for how to run a marriage... But the
principles are not natural with us.
How then can we achieve true love, where "I love you to the sky?"

I LOVE YOU TO THE SKY

Back to the last lesson:
Love is the manifestation of holiness. However, we saw that true holiness must be between two
persons, two thinking, feeling, willing, acting persons. It must be in the context of a
relationship. Unfortunately, many people miss that relationships are processes not products
No wonder justification (God calling you His child) is instantaneous, but sanctification (you
behaving like His child) is continuous and progressive. God does not expect you to be perfect
today.
Some people expect that you love them today and tomorrow you know their favorite meal, their
favourite colour, their favourite hymn and what offends them. Their vision of relationships is
heaven on earth: all joy and bliss, no fights, just dates, sundowners, 2.5 kids and a country
house in the village to do organic farming. Their vision does not include solving issues,
growing in understanding, facing faults, accepting faults, etc... The negative sides
And relationships demand existence of zones depending on: (1) depth, (2) duration, and (3)
nature of intimacy.
1. Some relationships won't go deep. There're guys who, three years later are still at the
"happy Sabbath till next Sabbath" relationship status. You don't know their course they
are studying, their place of stay, their second name (if you know the first) or any other
personal detail that you cannot read on their faces. There are also those who on their
first Sabbath you'll know who they are, what they do, what they like and don't like and
in a week you're calling each other bffs and wearing similar t-shirts. Depth of
relationships naturally differ (but may the latter be more common than the former if we
hope to have a church).
2. Relationships naturally grow deeper with time (we'll come back to this).
3. And there are different kinds of relationships: work, church, class, place of residence,
online etc relationships
Accepting this reality helps us regulate our expectation for the various relationships and allow a
natural progression into them. Have you ever seen people who one month after meeting want
to behave as if they are already married? Or people who (I don't know whether ladies or guys
are more guilty) you know each other and they immediately want control of your social spaces?
And not just in romantic relationships but in friendships too!
Let us remember that every relationship influences us (temporally, e.g a professional
relationship in a 1-day seminar, or permanently, e.g a romantic relationship) and shapes us (if
sustained), defining how we relate to them and to other relationships.
How does your current ones influence and shape you? To be more godly, or less?
A philosophical thought alert:
Being social beings, we derive our fundamental sense of belonging by our relationships to men
and, thank God for grace, to God.
The answer to the question, "Who are you?" will most likely be influenced by your
relationships:
 I'm someone's child,
 Someone's friend,
 Someone's fiancé,
 Someone's parent, and hopefully,
 A follower of the true God.
Get this important point from the point above: we, naturally, derive our value and identity,
from persons.
But problem is.... The world also has a counterfeit to God's natural wiring.
We, ARTIFICIALLY derive our value and identity from impersonal entities.
A simple experiment to make this point:
Ladies, what do you look for in men? Gents, what do you look for in ladies?
Often I've seen lists which include:
- looks (physical appearance),
- money (financial stability, with a misunderstanding of stability),
- reputation (how often have I heard someone say, "alipata daktari?!),
- pleasure (holidays, luxuries, etc)
And not only in romantic relationships... There are those who choose friendships based on
course/career, reputation/popularity, position in society (or in church), wealth, eloquence, etc.
That's because we are becoming more consumeristic with a shopping-mall existence ("unadhani
mapenzi itanunua sukari" kind of mentality).
And gadgets and cyber technology has just made it worse. We have depersonalized our
relationships. We see people's statuses and assume we have checked on them. We like their
Facebook posts and believed we've communicated with them. We are more connected, yet more
out of touch; real, human touch. And thus our social circles (friendships, families, churches) are
becoming colder and colder.
Let us focus on persons, both corporately and exclusively.
Personhood is defined by:
 Will: freedom to choose
 Intellect: ability to think
 Individuality: who you are
 Morality: sense of right and wrong
 Spirituality: your beliefs, thoughts and emotions
The summary of this study is:
Point 1.
Relationships are processes, not products. Unfortunately, technology wants to fasttrack the
proceeds to get to the product. You've known each other for a week, but because of Airtel's
Tubonge or Safaricom's free texts, or WhatsApp or zoom, you end up knowing too much too
soon that you start claiming privileges you should only get after time has earned you them.
Two things earn you more privileges and responsibilities:
1. Time, and
2. Knowledge.
And the progression of this two should naturally be synchronised. Even God expects much
from you after He has given you much; and He gives you much (that is, knowledge of Him, and
of right and wrong), and enough time to digest all of it (to be able to reproduce it in the form of
character change) before He asks for right action (righteousness). Technology increases
knowledge load while reducing time taken.
When love should have been classical music, our lusts and impatience makes it hard rock.
Point 2.
True relationships are hinged on our identity as persons (our choices, our intelligence, our faith,
our emotions, our morality, our being) independent of all impersonal attachments.
And thus a Christian will:
Not look for money but industry,
Not a house but a home,
Not physical muscle but strength of passions,
Not popularity and fame except being popular on God's tongue (like Job),
Not office and reputation, but dutifulness and diligence,
Not how many sermons he has preached but how many he lives...
The person. Who they are, not what they have.
Last point then we close...
The Psalms are wonderful books for they present the reality of living together with its emotions,
desires and longings. And David brings out some wonderful aspects of worship.
Let's do a survey of 5 Psalms and close.
Psalms 95:1-3, Psalms 96:1-4, Psalms 97:1, Psalms 98:1-6, Psalms 99:1-3, Psalms 100:1-5.
KJV Psalms 100
1 Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
2 Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3 Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his
people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him,
and bless his name.
5 For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.
Let's use this one (you'll notice the same thing in all the others).
The Psalms are not addressed to God, but to fellow men. These Psalms go beyond praising God;
the call fellow men to praise God. Worship is a corporate exercise.
True worship comes with deep yearning for assembling together to express our love and
gratitude to God... It's not enough to have personal Bible study all Sabbath, that's why we do
zoom and Google Meet and all these online videoconferencing platforms.
And this yearning should characterize all our relationships.
So, if you forget everything we've learnt today, remember this one thing:
Let all your relationships be calls to worship. If no one is calling you to worship, be the one
calling them (family, friends, classmates, hommies, church mates, WhatsApp statusmates who
just emoji your memes) to worship.
And when you're getting into a relationship, let it be with someone who will make the
relationship a mutual call to worship.
You call them to the Lord, they call you to the Lord.
I hope we will remember all the three points of today's study.
1. Relationships are processes not products.
2. Relationships are with who they are, not what they have.
3. Relationships are calls to worship.
These covers for all manner of human relationships in general, and romantic relationships in
particular.
I LOVE YOU TO THE SKY
This love will:
- care for the process more than the product, and
- care for who you are and not what you have; and
- ultimately take you to the skies (by faith) in true worship to our Creator.
May I, one day, say of all of you:
Starting as strangers and now being friends, having nothing on us but loving each other for
what is within us, and being each other's keepers, especially of each other's eternal destiny,
friendships such are ours are good examples of right relationships.