ALLEGIENT

SP NKOSI
|@royalfoundation |@mynkosi_C.A|@net_tech_inc
You can learn to trust yourself again. To listen to that quiet whisper when she speaks to
you, to your intuition, your body, your heart. We repeat patterns that are familiar even if
they hurt because they feel safer than the unknown. Forgive yourself and bring
compassion to your hurt.

You are not broken or incapable of healing or creating conscious love. No matter how
many times you have lost yourself, the choices you have made and the path you’ve
walked has led you here. Layer by layer, shedding old skin, reclaiming what was lost,
remembering who you are.

Love is infinite within you and you do not have to work to earn it, you simply need to
remember that it is rightfully yours and then let it in.

No more choosing familiar pain over unknown happiness and bliss. No more holding
back or hiding from the true expression that begs to be birthed through you. No more
burying your essence beneath layers of guilt and shame.
You are waking up, and it is never too late.

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“There are no good ones left”, “no one wants to do the work, it’s better to be alone”, I
hear this all the time - even out of the mouths of spiritual teachers. Yes, the deeper into
“the work” you go, the smaller the pool. The more energetically attuned we are, the more
discerning we are going to be so of course we will not fall so easily into relationship. It
will have to be aligned on all levels.

But does that mean you are better off shutting down the idea of being in partnership all
together? Or could it be that deciding you are too evolved for anyone is just another way
for your ego to keep you at arm’s length from what your heart truly wants?

There are people out there who want what you want. There really, truly are. No one
knows why some of us struggle to find partners and some of us find ourselves in
relationship after relationship even when we plan to stay single. We each have our own
path to walk, and our own unique lessons to learn. Some of us are here to learn in
romantic relationship, and some of us are meant to learn how to be on our own. Neither
path is more superior or right - they both just are.

Relationship can be a spiritual path - the hottest fire there is to face our own inner-
demons, projections, fears and blocks. But if we are devoted to awareness and taking
ownership for what comes through us in our wounded moments, we can heal and grow
into a container of deep self-trust, intimacy, vulnerability, and ease. Relationships can be
peaceful, easeful and nourishing to us on all levels, including our spiritual growth.

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Holding reverence for the lessons another is here to learn does not always mean staying
connected. It simply means letting go of the need to fix, control or intercept. It means
truly embracing that your path is yours and theirs is theirs.

Each of us have an individual spiritual journey we came here to walk. Grasping is

Some say do not make meaning out of your experiences, things do not happen for a
reason. But what if you chose to believe that within this experience, lies divinity. A gift
from spirit, healing on the other side of loss, an integration of some part of you that is
waiting to be returned. You are not alone. You are a part of something greater.
Surrender.

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Feeling safe is not simply an experience someone can give us.

Our partners can absolutely contribute to whether or not we feel safe in a relationship,
and they can do things to reinforce or break a safe container. However, if we have
trauma or a broken attachment style they cannot just waltz in and magically GIVE us a
feeling of being safe.

Feeling safe happens in the nervous system and it’s linked to trusting connection,
knowing that if we fall someone will be there to catch us, and believing that it’s ok to be
vulnerable, let love in, and lean on others for support. Many of us didn’t have that initial
experience - whether it was separation early on as infants, losing a parent, going
through a divorce, or feeling emotionally neglected or abandoned, it’s often hard to really
surrender and trust love.

We may seek out a partner who’s going to “make us feel safe” and expect that when it’s
right, we’ll never feel like running, we’ll never question their love, we’ll never have an
internal freak-out about the relationship. But some of us must work a little bit harder at
the whole feeling safe thing than others, and that is ok. It is possible that we are in the
right relationship, with an incredibly loving human and still learning how to feel safe and
trust the love that is right in front of us. It’s possible that our minds are going wild and
telling stories when in reality, we are actually safe.

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Being a mindful partner means recognizing that it’s not all up to our partner to give us
safety or security, and that there may also be work for us to do as well. Somatic therapy,
inner-child work, boundary work, and other practices that help you learn to get into your
body and trust your emotions can slowly move you in the direction of safe and secure. If
you have a partner who is willing to communicate, work together on building safety and
trust, honors and validates your experience, there is a good chance that you can co-
create something beautiful and secure. Relationships are not always easy; choose
someone you want to do the work with.

What does this bring up for you?

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We spend far more time fixated on changing ourselves than we do on accepting
ourselves.

Far too much energy trying to let go before we are ready and not enough on allowing
ourselves to feel. Recounting all the ways we missed the mark and dismissing all of the
ways we’ve showed up for ourselves. Call forth your inner-healer and ask the inner-
judge to quiet down. Do not be so hard on yourself. You are a living breathing miracle.
You have overcome great struggle, you have survived, you are here. You are healing.

The healing journey is long, there is no place to get to. We never “arrive”, we are always
traveling - reclaiming new parts of ourselves, releasing others. It does not have to feel so
heavy all the time, remember to celebrate your life. Perhaps the true goal of the healing
journey is to simply arrive at a peaceful death in the end. To release attachment from
this world with a sense of deep recognition that we are love itself.

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Messages can show up in human form. Sometimes a person is in our life for a short time
simply to show us something - an area we are ready to heal or to reflect how we’ve
grown, or even to help us clarify what it is we do and do not want in relationship.

We can grasp so tightly to our ideas of what our relationship outcomes “should” look like
with a person that we believe something went wrong If it does not play out our way,
rather than asking the real question: what message is here for me?
.
What does this bring up for you?

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The end of the honeymoon phase is the beginning of a deepening of friendship.

It takes maturity to accept that the honeymoon phase always ends. Long term
relationships are not always full of hot and steamy passion. Do they need to be boring
and lackluster? No. But will they be that way sometimes? Yes.

True partnership means two people living their lives together and sometimes navigating
difficult times and real-life challenges. Building a healthy partnership means working on
a friendship. Be with someone you genuinely like. And be that someone for them.

At the end of the day, our partnerships are meant to be a safe place to land at the end of
the day so we can go out into the world and be of service.

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The honeymoon phase is lovely, but it is also rooted in illusion. We do not yet know the
person beyond that initial hit of passion and desire.

We have not yet seen the raw, the messy, the vulnerable. As my spiritual teacher used
to say, “From a distance they look like Diamonds and Rubies, and the closer you get,
they turn to Tears and Blood”.
The depth of True Partnership is beautiful beyond measure, because it is a love rooted
in truth. True Partnership is a journey, we must move through the phases of illusion and
fantasy, the struggle and projections, the disappointment and discovery to finally arrive
at True partnership.

This is where we become clear that there will be hard days, mundane days, times we
feel like giving up, but that those days are worth it because the essence of the
relationship is friendship. People who are committed to embodying their best selves, to
practicing good self-care and boundaries so they can show up for each other as whole
people - not looking to simply take energy or validation, but to engage in reciprocity. To
encourage one another, to cheer each other on, to support one another in the evolution
that is the path of Spiritual Relationship.

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Feeling judged or misunderstood is painful. It taps into our most primal need for
acceptance and belonging.

But you are not responsible for shaping the realities of other people. You cannot control
their judgements, perceptions, assumptions or stories. You cannot make them see your
heart if they are committed to holding onto their judgements of who they think you are.
Most of our judgements are projections from the past. Characters who have long played
a role in our ongoing movie script.

If we were bullied, we might find a self-directed leader threatening and paint them as a
bully for taking up space rather than owning the fact that we aren’t currently claiming our
own voice. The antidote would be to step up, claim our voice, and pursue our chosen
path. If we feel jealous of someone’s art or expression, we might blame them for our
blocked creativity or say that we simply cannot shine because they are in our way. The
antidote would be to stop comparing or attempting to mirror someone else’s form of
creative expression and begin to unapologetically express from a true place within.

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In this life, we will all be too much or not enough in someone's book. Part of being self-
aware is taking ownership for our own energy and giving people the right to have their
experience without the need to fix or manipulate. Trying to change people’s minds
constantly, perform for validation or prove ourselves as “good” grows tiring. Eventually,
we must accept that some people are committed to painting us with a certain brush, and
let it be. This means trusting that life will provide us with the people who are meant to
love us, but also trusting in ourselves.

Trusting that we can remain in our hearts even when challenged. Know yourself and put
your energy in the right places. Be true to yourself and stay loving and honest even if
you are not being acknowledged for it. If you know who you are and you live by your
core values, your life will reflect that commitment. Some relationships have seasons, not
all are meant to last. But every relationship can teach us something, even if it is simply
how to stay true to ourselves.

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