Elijah Cross

College English

College Application Essay

Friday September 8th, 2020

The Future

Time is running out for us kids, and it is time that we become adults. It is time to start

thinking about where we want to go to college, what we want to do with our lives, and what our

goals are. I always thought that time was taking forever; I couldn’t wait to be a teenager, be able

to drive, be able to vote, be an adult. Now that it’s here, I realize how fast times flies, and I

would do anything to be a kid again. As a kid I always had one main role model growing up, and

he taught me that my overall goal in life should be to help as many people as possible.I plan to

achieve this goal by joining the marines.

My interest in the Marines started about six years ago when my oldest brother joined the

Corps. Him joining made me interested in following in his footsteps and enlisting in the Marines

because of how much I looked up to him. I watched multiple videos about the life of Marines,

Marine boot camp, and how tough it really is. After watching these videos, my interest piqued. I

feel like joining the Marines is the easiest way for me to help so many people while at the same

time making my brother proud.

There are multiple steps I will take to become a Marine. After high school, I plan on

going to college in Virginia and getting a degree in science. I will do this because it will make

the life of being a Marine a lot easier on me and will help me make more money starting out. My

main goal is to become a captain, just like my brother, and hopefully go even further than that.
By the end of my time being in the Marines, I want to be able to know that I was able to help so

many people along the way by protecting millions of lives.

My biggest goal in my life is being the best person that I can be all the time, even when

no one’s looking. I want to help people every day, even if it is something subtle. My grandpa is

a great example of this goal that I have. He became my biggest role model because of his way of

life. He always puts everyone before himself and makes sure everyone else is happy before he

worries about his own problems. He is also the hardest worker I know and never takes a day off.

I believe the way that my Grandpa lives and acts is what every man should be doing. One day I

hope to grow up and be the man he is now.

The main goal in my life is to help as many people as I can in any possible way. As long

as my job involves helping others, it does not matter to me what it is. But I do believe the

Marines is right for me and I will help lots of people along the way and I will also get help from

lots of people along the way.

Rubric rating submitted on: 9/29/2020, 9:37:19 AM by fforbes@chillicotheschools.org

18-20--A 16-17--B 14-15--C 12-13--D 0-11--F

Focus on Fulfills Sometimes Fulfills Fails to fulfill all No signs of

Assignment/Au assignment fulfills assignment assignment addressing the
dience criteria; assignment and criteria at a criteria; does not prompt; does
18-20--A meets assigned formatting minimal level; meet assigned not meet
word limit; criteria meets meets assigned word limit; assigned word
shows clear assigned word word limit; little shows almost no limit; seems to
discernment of limit; effective or inconsistent awareness of a be writing for
distinctive and accurate sense of particular wrong audience
audience. awareness of audience. audience. or only for self.
 general audience

Organization Clear thesis; has Thesis is Limited Thesis is No thesis; no

14-15--C strong evident; attempts to unclear; no clear introduction and
introduction and competent organize around introduction conclusion;
conclusion; organization a thesis; and/or organization is
organization is with follows a basic conclusion; confusing and
sequential and introduction and structure, with organization is disjointed;
appropriate to conclusion; introduction and fuzzy or paper paragraph
assignment; competent conclusion; wanders; no structure is
ideas linked paragraph paragraphs evident weak; no
with smooth and structure; mostly stand transitions or transitions;
effective lacking in alone with weak planned inappropriate
transitions. effective or non-evident sequence. and/or illogical.
transitions. transitions.

Development Engaging and Competent and Thesis is weak, Mostly Thesis is

14-15--C full well-developed unclear, too simplistic and missing or not
development of thesis; offers broad; main unfocused ideas; discernible; lack
a clear thesis; support for main points are little or no sense of support for
main ideas are ideas, but may indirectly of purpose or main points;
supported with lack originality supported with control of thesis; frequent and
originality and and/or depth; general inadequate, illogical
depth; support is support is information; non-specific generalizations
consistent, valid, sound, valid, support isn’t support offered without support
and specific. and logical sufficient or or support is not
specific, but is clearly related to
loosely relevant the thesis.
to main points

Style Effective, Effective and Formulaic or Sentences show Simple

14-15--C powerful varied tedious sentence errors of sentences used
sentence sentences; tone patterns; some structure; little almost
structure; and language is errors in or no variety; no exclusively;
well-chosen occasionally sentence grasp of frequent errors
variety of inappropriate to construction; sentence flow; of sentence
sentence styles audience. Good ordinary repeated word structure;
and length; vocabulary vocabulary and usage errors extremely
exceptional range and mostly accurate limited
vocabulary and accurate word word usage. vocabulary;
effective word usage word choices
usage. indicate lack of
understanding of
correctness,
clearness, or
effectiveness
 Mechanics Strong A few errors in Several errors in Many errors in Excessive errors
grammar, grammar, grammar, grammar, in grammar,
spelling, spelling, spelling, spelling, spelling,
punctuation, and punctuation, punctuation, and punctuation, and punctuation, and
capitalization and capitalization; capitalization; capitalization;
throughout capitalization readability is errors interfere mistakes are
paper; but readability is occasionally with readability; distracting and
appropriate not affected; affected; weak formatting prevent
formatting few formatting inconsistent adequate
errors formatting understanding of
paper; no
formatting

Comments:
Focus on assignment/audience: 20
Organization: 14
Development: 15
Style: 15
Mechanics: 12