RED MAGAZINE AN Ea il i Vit)VOL, 5+ NO. 34 EDITOR’S NOTE ate Pleasurable Pain FERDZ GODINEZ ‘not simaly fathom what kind of pleasure these people get in inflicting or receiving physical. ie ‘Speaking of trip, you're in for one helluva sexual journey as RED brings you other in- Promo on vents maser yOu think sex and women are just too much to take, then take a breather with our PaoLo Buena ther interesting features and regulars. But we know very well that you'l go back to sex vents oncetar and women because we know your breed - the same as ahyone who reads RED, ast Grn tt Ove ron ERWhe SANTIAGO RONALD ROBINA Editor-in-Chief Suna hows unig ‘Nba of ws ogame ero puis eeesn ay ate ed es onestiogan cn If you're single, 18-23 ys. ol stands atleast 5'2", and have the look, ody and attitude, send in your photos (1 close-up and 1 whole body wearing two-piece outfit; 4R size) ‘and personal data to: ‘The Search for RED Cover Girt c/o Prom & Events Department [/F New Rosaria Ortigas Arcade Ortigas Ave. Ext., Rosario, Pasig City cover: FAMPASMITH | ea puotocrar: “Tal sta. Maria , ‘CREATIVE — DIRECTOR: - Joser Oumbrique2006 + VOL.5 NO.34 CONTENTS2006 - VOL.5 NO.34Oo OOP etctor ween aie cexryet ox neste brovaed & and found met bung 2 copy. The Peeren ceased ta eegemia he nee Saree an ae cuey Vee ecertea oe Saw what bought and ated wy nt buythe other age she whic tue ince at the Your mageinn better and since ten, became a equa reader RED may not be as big a the other me's magazine but substance-wise, You are at pr with them and cheap, to. tine Pascal Talon is as Pas City Thanks for the nice words and we hope to always live up to your expectations. Og rusannen eres N\A wecoriret e Cause of another test fue {Re0 199), Cove po ag, anep na ce, mas matiind pa ang } protceng nents, EM ‘a interesting nf ang mga articles. Talagang naglliyab ang RED! Just keep doing ‘what you're doing, Good job, guys! ‘Menen Dumagull Bangkal, Makati Wow, those are very strong words. But we'll take it anytime. Thanks Y Fees er ec) Se eetdetcan ie ol per name ae We always try todo what's best for our readers We really work hard so we can come out on time ‘and gradually, our release dates are improving Until the time that we really come out before the fue months Just one question: Where in God's ‘name do you get all the women you feature in RED? Whew, they al ook so hot. If ony all women in this country Look ike them, hindi na siguro aais ng Pilipinas ang lahat ng Pinoy para magtrabaho sa abroad. Kidding aside, your girls may not be as popular asthe other Bris of other men’s magazines, but they Surely are sights to behold. Asie fom that, I'm impressed with how your ar ticles are written, i's dane intelligently ‘and with taste, Great job! ‘Jonas Excoreal Sta. Ana, Manila The credit should goto our talent Scouts who really make ia point to find women who are net only beautiful but Sexy as well. You Just don’ know how har it i but we will continue to search Jor them because of people lke youARE, pang-romansa nana: ‘man sounds ng erpat ko," my ‘good friend back in college ‘would often utter each time Trop by every morning at their house before heading te school, He was referring ta the Kenny ‘G music that consistently blares through their old radio speaker every morning. “Oo nga," | would ready reply. "Koya loging nasa sexual mood ang totay mo, eh,” | would add, and we both would Taugh hard lke two crazy hyenas stationed in the living oom, ‘uch remark and reaction is of caurse a product of adolescent hurnor or perhaps ‘youthful sarcasr ut make no mistake About it, music does play a huge part in ‘everything we do. ‘Musi, as they say encourages mood and emotions ean be inflamed or soothe with the help of music. Have you ever wonder why movies make use of music or Sound effects? The answer is because mu: sic ean greatly ada more drama to a scene rat least save a mediocre plot from total ruin. The same thing goes for our beloved orn flicks: whether its those soaring §axophone nates mirroring sweet flirtation or those thumping electronica loops bull ‘ng up in time for that gushing climax, “And since we're talking about porn, or quite directly, sex, and we Filipinos are ‘innately music lovers, we went araund and asked on some unsuspecting individu als about their fantasy soundtrack while humping it up. ‘Question of the Month: What song would you fike to hear while having sex? “Gusto ko ‘yung Purp up the Jam! Vince, 28, Call Center Agent “Finally Found Someone ni Bryan Adams and Barbra Streisand. kos! parang ang kinky nung line na (Begins to sing) This is ohhh. Greg, 42, Account Executive “why Don’t We Do It n The Road ng Bea tles. Malibog din pola si Paul McCartney.” “oper, 48, Palaboy-turned-taone grasa and a self-confessed Beatles fan Pagdating ng Panahon kas! il kos Aa (Seguerra)" Winnie, 24, Phand a lesbian “Yung sayaw ba ng Ocho Ocho kinopya so og style? "Yun gusto ko ‘yon." Edgar, 35, Security Guard “Zsa Zsa Pailla’s Hiram. Nokoka-relate kasi ako (Begins to cry)" Mildred, 28, Mistress “Siguro ‘pos virgin ‘yung ko-sex ko, Re member Me ni Renz Verano.” Jeff, 20, Student “Dominante ako sa lahat ng bogay, kahit sa sex haya gusto kong sounds My Way. Hehehe! Machong-macho. David, 48, Sales Director “Mr Suave. Bigote ko pa tang, solb na sila.” Anton, 19, Tambay and haven't shaved for three years already “Anu ba “yung kanta ni Tuesday Vargas? Ah, "yung. Kya “Wag Po.” Dit, 22, Maid “Heaven ni Bryan Adams. Heaven kas! ong feeling ‘pag nagssiping.” July, 24, Saleslady trny. Need say more?” icky, 22, Teue-biue simikera “Tonight Give In by Angela Bofil.” Lizza, 25, Seeretary and sil a virgin “Light ly Fire by The Doors, Pwede ‘ring Backdoor Man ‘pag kailangan ko ng ppang-load (laughs)." (Note: Backdoor Man ‘was Jim Morison’s ode tothe gay-anak lovemaking act) Mark, 23, Former drug addict: turned: guitarist “Jumbo Hotdog. Bakit? Gusto ma bang ppotunayan ko pe?” (politely said no to his offer) Tan, 24, Macho dancer “sithouette by Kenny G. Nokakalibog, ef.” Rollen, 30, Magazine editor ~batang-bata ka Pa. Favarite ko kasi APO, eh, lalo na si Buboy, ang cute a'ya kasi” Chris, 27, Sales Agent and a discreet pedophile togay Mo Na." Rodney, IT Specialist and a hustier at ight>: ey abe Talk eae cgr cay Pela wou ar arene eae ee Bee ae ee Pcsracrecters amas peels B cog so well but sornetines, i's ar E rnore cruet to be kind for all the weong B reasons, As harsh 23 | may sound, | mean well don't want you to end up lke the Bobby, people marry for lots of & men whose lives are an MTV for the Dan reasons, There are baé reasons like peer ® and Coley song it's Sad to Belong. Marry Pressure, family pressure, money, poi- for love because nothing more of less Will tics, social status, a change of ciizen- evee make you the happly married man Ship, and yes, even companionship and that you tridy want ta be. Lots of lick! good sex. | won’t goin depth as to why these are all bad reasons because I can already spot what’ really keeping you from tying the knot with your wonder: ful girlfriend. keep i simple. I you must marry, please marry for lave 1 keaw you tke your gitrien. Sut do you lave her? Truly, madly, and deeply? You don’t love someone because they're witty oF sexy of 35 you putt “organized, sweet, and understanding.” ‘am weting a column on love and relation ‘hips (and not sex) in the Ast pace, There are people who equate sex as ove and vice versa. even Wwing-n as @ form of trial marriage, I all seems ike such a fantastic, convenient idea but in reality, no amaunt of ming-blow: ‘ng sex can take the place of true love. No duration of tving-in together can pass fora marriage, ether. YES, t's fun in the beginning. And because i’ so much fun, It's very popular now for young couples to shack up. Fora while, tt wil feel ke heaven, Blame it on the hormones. But eventually, you'l both come down: fom that physical high and start to see the bigger picture Sad to say, the reason why you are having all these doubts is quite simple. Both of you aren’t married and so neither ‘of you have the assurance or commitment that matried couples do. In short, there is absolutely nothing to stop her from walk ing away after sna had her fll of you. It isthe risk you both took by beginning a sexual relationship, ‘Apart of me is happy for yo, Alvin You want your gitfriend to love you, kad you can sense that she doesnt. Love fs nck ‘something you can define because itis 2 feeling and must therefore be felt. Ifyou ‘camot fee it from her, chances are, she really doesn't love you, That's sd stua- tion because she won't bother with getting to know your folks and bonding wth your siblings. She might et even bother with the litle things tke wondering what your favorite dish is, if you've eaten already, i you're tired and need a massage or a back ‘ub. ltl things lke that. she won't care {to know your worst nightmares or weirdest ‘reams, even your fondest memories, You ‘can tell her tings at night and she won't remember a thing when she wakes up, It fe on't even matter to her you're in a good B job, she won't care what direction your ea B reer taking of you're happy with your lire. chances ate, her pillow talk conssts B “Honey, are my boob #00 smal”, “Am Bi geting rat?” and "Pass the Wbrican B instead of "Do make you happy ‘You love them because you do and no e's touching to nate though that you other woman, real or imagined, will o, =n think there might be something wrong, ‘Your doubts are not justified. Wonder. Alvin, ask her. t's simple. If you ‘ng whether there's someone better § haven't asked her at this point, maybe fut there isnot a question that a man. you have to face up ‘in love will entertain, Don't patron: to the reality that ‘ze your girfriend’s stellar qualities to you already know the cover up for the fact that you're really answer but you'ee not rot in ove with her. And don’t marry ready to hear I. | take simply because you fet it's about time = pride in writing a rated you setted down. This isan absurd and PG column for this very ‘egrading way t0 look at marrage. You sexy magazine. | us ‘with you, especialy if you mean your rowers in bed of sexual technique. But Vm nota sex guru. I'm here to teit you that you can’t expect your kifriend to love you just Because you're living in together or having a Sewual relationship, Best thing to-do right now isto x ig as wel ss coins and shove bing. ally dont tacie sues ea Serpent Don't waste her time and yours invavingpre-martal — the answers "No dont Go out and date, meet mare sex and ive-in partner: ‘women, and fnd someone who can ships. Not that I look down at people who change the way you see yourself and do but its just not my tart. However, your the world. Find someone who will move. problem right now isthe very reason why 1 love you,” then its up to you on whether you want to cut your loses {and part ways ar kick back and enjoy your relationship ona purely physical level PS. Email your questions to: babetalkehotmail.com & ssraras© yahoo.com or visit WebPages: http://360.yahoo.com/ssraros & http:/!profiles sms oc] RedBbabe Tala le, (loamy ‘T'S very surprising to receive emails from the females every naw and then. It only goes to show that we are also into peeping and keeping fur men entertained. No need to amit I, ane click at my inbox and hoah, iis elear that most women have at least one sex question that makes them {urn six shades of red just thinking about It. (Thank you so much for your feed backs; the male populace will get their requests next issue) To satisfy curiosity. Twrangled the experts into giving us the scoop on ur top secret wondering ‘your own tastebuds by eating something ‘Yury beforehand, like mousse or pus ding. “Urination during orgasm isnot unusual *"Yagnal walls aren’ skin 0 yes, they can 5 specialy after givin birth,” says Dr. absorb germs," says Dr. Joel Esguerra, Esguerra, "Childbirth ean cause the He doesn’t have one. Says Dr. Esguerra, Saynecologst. “However the chlorine = Muscles around the pelvis to relax, as well ™ “what he has is a walnut sized gland at as result in nerve damage.” Your body will m the base of his bladder, This secretes fluid and bromine in a tub or pat kl germs. . never be the same afterwards. So before mw found in the semen.” Some men like it ‘That's wy getting an infection Is very Unlikely 19 happen.” (However, the risk 5 Setting busy, | suggest that you pee rst, = fondled, some don't want you to go any (of getting caught in ahotel or resort is = otherwise, place a towel Beneath yourself ™ where near. So try experimenting ‘another story, 50 think again. when making ove "Only f you add ft t0 mashed potatoes,” says Bernard, “The average calorie con "No way" says Dr Esquerra, "Even if the IC ay well be his det. Has he been eating ™ tent ofa teaspoon of semen is less than ‘opening of you cervix aligtly dilated = Mote ich, fatty foods lately? Asparagus, —& that of a small sized candy, ftom entdbith, is still only about as wide onion and garlic can also result in a strong ‘2s pencl. Tha said, a tampon can get lost tasting semen. (F your guy drinks plenty Thank you Or. Joel Esquerra and Dr. ifelde your body beyond your reach that. Of Water and eats fruts and veggies, "Bernard Salonga, Satan de Manila, Ora wil ease a foul dscharge, a minor infee- = 1S Way easier to neutralize his taste. Al- Pie Colayan for my skn care, forever? {lon or even a shock syndrome.” (your though I suggest that you can just control Galleria, Westwood orthodontics. tampon is n LOA, of leave of absence, go Sa see your gynecolagt.) ‘What you're hearing the air in your Tt eee vagina being pushed by your oytrend's ee Ree one tes thrusting penis. You can use a ubecant close & personal in a romantic date. Here's how stop it, But no need to freak because is Crake le lala ora meer ene thereat ‘She may be fibbing. “But it's possible, Pen wr it to the RED Editorial Team through the same although very hard to achieve,” says Sere i a at Bernard Salonga, a psychotherapist. If she ‘One winner will be chosen every month and will have a romantic date ‘can, good for her, that means she has the ith me i kind of focus that mast of us women lack,Want to fuck up your first date? Follow these suggestions from the RED Advisor... Be the cheap guy. invite a girlon adate and suggest you go Dutch. CChances are, you just ion't win a Second date but you also get a slap ‘on your face. Don't do that, dude, Even if you are tight on budget, yous need ta loosen your purse strings a litle. You don't need to splurge either. The point is choose a venue that Is not too cheap and net too expensive so that it doesnt (0k tke you're not trying hard {enough or trying too ha. ‘NOT get confused. | da not want you to screw things up on your date. Infact, I wish to save you, 145 from possible dismay and rejection from gi So there you go. You made it to the fst base: the fist date, You most probably made a fst good Impression that you have convinced her to go out on ‘a date with you. Now, what? What is she expecting? Don’t ever think that because you got her nod fora first date, you can keep the sweet music playing. There are certain date crimes which if ‘yeu mistakenly commit could ruin a potential romance. Fist things fst: Women are harsh critics, and we are critical on a first date. We're analyzing details: your outfit, your manners, what you say and what you don't say. We do gauge your actions so we can decide whether we want to see you again or (Of course, girls are all made different but there are unt versal standards that can advance you to a second date. Just ‘a women are attracted to certain man traits, there are also characteristics that they intentionally avoid. So if you want to lose your grt after the frst date, do these: Dress inappropriately. Women think about their dress on a fst ate 2 lot! So you better put a thought on what to wear. Unless you're bringing her to a ball game {which s not bad fora fst, date), Leave your cap and jersey at home. Do not overacces: sori. Forget about that Fock tar look far a while and give those metal chains and leather necklace a litle rest. But hey, we also do not expect you to come in tuxedo. Anice top would work with slacks or jeans. Do nat try to get away with dark shoes worn with white sports socks,Be a Prince Charm- ing. 1s the 21st ‘century. Wornen nowadays are not looking fora prince charming from a fairy land. We do not expect you to ride a charit full of roses and spread a red carpet. We Just wish you to make us feet Comfortable. So don't Bie a knight, just a entieman, Women an see right through you if you're exert ‘ng too much effort. We would love iti you take charge and ick us up at home Instead of meeting us Somewhere, open the restaurant door for us and assist us as we st. It's. a frst date; and although we know you don't normally open the door for girls, it's quite easy to ap preciate. More than that can be too good to be true ané trusted. dust be natura - Be. ‘a damn how much your paycheck is; well, a least for now. So ont show us the money. Show us your wort (natin a monetary sense), don't tellus about I Stare at the waitress. I's not your fault ifthe waitress looks hot. Sure, It's no sin to admire other git’ assets but never ever acknowledge that infront of your date. Thats foul and an obvi ts show of disrespect. Never attempt to take 2 glance, Because no matter how discreet you think you are in doing so, your date ‘wil stil notice. Your date wants to believe that you wish to be with her, and only her ‘That's wy you ask her out on a date. Dis: cipline yourself. Fit and you are dead. wy 4 Text all you want. Text can ruin a pe fect date. Unies it's offce-related, put off your texting till the end of the date. gl st Like when you take a peek at other ils, texting during a date only shows that she's not the Important person in your mind, If t's something really important or urgent, excuse yourself for a while but do it realy quick. However, its risk you will have to take. She ‘can have the impression that you can’t shut the world out for ‘only one date. The best option is take your precious Kokia or Sony Ericsson out of your sight Get loaded. Hey, t's a first date, not a boys ight out. If you ‘want to drink and be merry, save that for your friend's bachelor Party. Don’t give your high alcohol tolerance as an excuse. Be Feminded that you are under observation. Having a sass of wine ‘or two Is fine, Beyond two drinks doesnt look pleasant. And es: Propose a marriage. Of course, women ‘would want to be propased to; but not on the first date, not even on the second. It's okay co subtly express your feelings. “That would be romantic. But don’t be ‘overty emotional that you act as if you're desperate to have a girlfriend, and worse to settle down. Women want to have fun tana fist date; not to receive a marriage proposal So instead of pouring out too much of your emotions, relax and just try to keep the conversation going ‘Show me the money. Don't say anything and you will bore us, Talk too much and you'll turn us of; especially when you talk about yourself. Confidence fs sexy: Bragging Is Unforgivable. We don't care much about your last name so don’t name-drop. We don't sive ~ Decially when you are driving, don't ever ‘cansider more than two drinks, Better be safe than sorey Ask for a kiss. Women hate it when a guy asks permission fora kiss on a fest date, It's not being conserva: tive. it's just awkward, A peck on her cheek when you say your goodbyes. Would be cute. But asking straight for ‘kiss would seem that you only want to score. Just go with the flow. Who knows, you could be a lucky guy. But don’t push it. To sum things up, women want to have a nice time on a first date so make sure you give her one. Relax. Be ‘yourself, be comfortable and you'll make her feel comfortable, too. Keep Ft light, easy and simple. Make it fun ‘and you'll most likely get a second date.re rs Pm pry cof being the iad Cases search for EB Babes of the Sere is Ce ad Ci as oe er al eae el Pet al oe Cee ae the new all-female group | eto Cero Ri) Training Camp, Maiko got Sey Sua ota Rode Cm eet tid ‘eliminated that early,” she errs Conor oan Seta eR Kae Perereetee + act aaN ce ray Ss Ce Pei eee] Ce nerd hhad to move on. She came ener en eer net Cte i! ety ‘tings during my short stay Ps ions re ey talents ko in dancing and ®singing, Most importantly, Timet ne ako referring to her co-EB Babes hopefuls ‘ang hindi nokokas ‘maayos ‘pas dine gow ner feming 0 hatinggobi pa atago kas bn kumain after 12 midnight, she foncly calls the opportunity t part of @ popular all-female foun seen everyday inthe show but 18-year-old Naiko's future til bright ing the showbiz incty is nota far-erched idee owiz hopefuls 'stealy my chi dream,” she ades erring 19 belng showbiz personality, This 1m prising since acting also runs fn her blood being the niece fof character actor Renato Robles. wyCt ae ET She is in fact doing every thing to make this dream pos sible and that includes joining the artista search StarStruck “Wala naman sigurong masama on," she reasons aut ‘Given a chance, Maiko would ike to portray contra Vida roles which is very apt for her mestiza beauty and she mentions Jean Garcia and Eula Valdez as her role models wen ft comes to acting. Her Strong facial features somehow fives her an impression of be- Ing mataray. "So mga hindi no: kakakilala 52 akin, ang tinaln ila mataray ako kasi hind) ‘ako gaanong ngumingiti. But the truth isi'm a very sweet person,” defends Waiko But she admits that theses a little devi in he Sab pla posawey at maldita aw oko. Pera sa tingn k, polabad fang ako, Hindi ako bsta-beste paialamang. “Marunory'akeng lumaben ‘pos ‘tam Kooy tama ako,” Maiko points out Besides, who would not fallin love wth that beaut ful face that would remind you of Angel Locsin, Sheryl Cruz, Amanda Grifin or even Hollywood star Sandra Bullock epending on the angle of her face. But it’s Amanda that she ‘olizes most amoag her four oppelgangers. sta's very beautiful,” she says Tes also no wonder that she attracts men Uke a ag net. What's the usual pek-up lines does she gt from prying ‘Adams? "Yung mgo usual (org, like ‘Can I get your number? and ‘Ginik naman tayo,” Pero bina narnan ako sumigimk ‘madalas. do not turn them away naman, in-entertain ko pa rin sila but tell them na ‘may boyfriend na ako,” she expan.eet ert Baniarae ae eee Paneer tei nront eat teers Eanes fered ere permeates pessoa rps lies seemed aceti ome beeen ry ee eenrnaaicey Pcerteesmiogai ere oeey eet een arent cred ra ee ean ers Ree Wien it comes to men, Peer Athaugh she adits hving eee rere coor ener Uiieete peers able lips very sexy." > y es eee ere Serena eee) er se ars precrnar)MAN 8 THE CON HAN MART OR MARTER? ABI boyfriend meets smart girlfriend. Smart boy Go: 50 smart girtriend. Does it really matter? WHORES be smarter inthe relationship? Even ifthe stars, collide, you have to face the fact that nat everybody is cre: ated equal. Someane has got to give. Here are some opinions: "know some people that prefer to be significantly smarter than they're boy/sirfriend inorder to have an “up. per hand’ and so as to not be dumbfounded and corrected Constantly.” “I would definitely never tur Jessica Simpson down.” "Smart, but not smart enough to find a derivative on their calculator without the power rule.” he'l see right through your tricks into her pants." "gtk a smart boyfriend. Or atleast someone who | can routinely have semi-ntelligent conversations with,” “Considering that most of my past boyfriends have been not the brightest crayons in the Lolsheds, I'd nave to say that its time for a change. Here, here to nerds!” "dont ike going out with guys who are that much smarter than lam, oF actually, much better at anything than | am Which makes my perfection MOST convenient." "while mast people wouldn't admit that they're the ‘more intellectually challenged in the relationship, it doesn’t Feally matter who's smarter. The answer s simple: love Those who know how to keep the relationship strong against all odes are smarter and wiser.” Classic quote: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Albert Einstein New Rules For Men (Part 3) Don't belleve when they say they don’t lke it. Don’t let We can shave our heads and don’t really care. them get into your head. f you're a guy withthe right head TRAGER shape, never hes Wentworth tate. You might Miller in actually look bet "Prison Breok® te. My sitfiend albays says, don’t Care about what thers say. Care only about what say. So, doit unless, of course, your boss warns to fre you if you do, Speaking of smart, Prison Break’s crazy smart structural engineer Michael Scofield, played by Wentworth mle, 1s the smartest guy on telev son nowacays, For what might ‘appear to others as pain-dumb:the plot sucks - for breaking into pris only to break out of it but bringing along his brother, a death row convict, forthe biggest escape act on television Prison Break carefully ets us int his Bilan mind and out of a state penitentiary that holds a cast of characters that would make you crawl up ta the edge of your bed and right upfront your TV screen, Scofield was able to design a clever blueprint disguised in his body tattoo. But whoever thought breaking out of prison is ‘easy? He had to put on board other prisoners that makes the series worth the 22 episodes. His plan took an entire season to execute and will leave you breathless atthe end of each episode.CY a AN SP Oe Gis backbump and boys bodys. ‘What the hells Bodysuring? According to my Bible, Details, bodysuring is dangerous. It's so dangerous nobody even wants to ceansder ft sport, But we love danger like we love hat mamas in lavender lingerie, I's the danger that makes it fun. Read that article on that isue of Details in which Vin Diesel was on| the caver and you'll know haw bodysurfing beats the hell out of professional surtboarding, If you're hell-bent on what guys are raving about in that part of the world where everyone isbodybumping, try this seem: Inaly pointless but wxx-tremely gratifying sport, Let me teach you the ways 1... Figure out where the waves are breaking and position yourself slightly beyond them. 2. swim in the same direction as an approaching wave so that the wave overtakes you just before It breaks. Freestyle (raw) is the best stroke for this. 3. Decide which direction (right or left) yeu want to ride once you feat the wave begin to grab you. I's Ok to go straight but a much better, longer ride is achieved by heading away fram the breaking partof the 4, stop stroking, but keep kicking. Extend one arm forward (ight if you're going right, left if you're going let), with your palm down ‘and breaking the surface of the water. '5. Streamline your body and continue riding the wave as. {ong as desired = or until your face fs plowing through sand catles. Tips: Body suring can be done without wim fs, but ts much ‘easier and more fun with them, especially in larger waves, iyour ride is done anc te wave s beginning to pitch out, you can dive back down and into the wave to avoid being tossed But then again, is only water, and the crashes are often haf the fun, Try tucking up into the holow space beneath the ip of the breaking wave and looking down through the cur. Warnings Be very avare of the surface you are bag suing ver cc srt Yo dllow water nb very Gngerou: ou are Crore a a egw it yu fet yoursef beginning to pitch ot with the tp of tne wave, tuck your body im bal This the safest poston to renin Overall Warnings: Body surfing san here dangerous activity tat can ‘est in serous ry or deat, We recone that you seek. Drone aig and edupment before atiempting hs activity me Erection Problem ‘uy can't obtain an erection S50 he goes to the doctor. The ctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken ‘own and there's nothing he can o unless he's willing ta try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the ‘muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope forthe best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the ‘thought of never having sex again ‘seven scarier so go ahead. The ctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to “uy out his new equipment”. The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner While a dinner he stars feeling an incredible pres sure in is pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures ro one can see him sa he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner rol, and disappears back into his pants. is ailriend sts in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly lok on her face. She says, “That was pretty cool! Can you do ‘that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression ‘om his face, he says, “Probably, but | don’t know if can At nother dinner rollup my ass!” Use definitely in a sentence. ‘kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class ‘the definition of the word “definitely” to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use tina sentence, ‘The first student raised his hand and said, “The sky is def rttely blue.” ‘The teacher replied, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, be cause sometimes it's gray and cloudy.” ‘Another student says, "Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies, "f grass doesn't get enough water ‘ic turns brown, so that int really correct either.” Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher “Do farts have lumps?" “he teacher looked at him and sald “No... But that Isnt really a question you want to ask in class discussion," So the student replies, “Then I definitely shit my pants." Teacher vs. Student Dirty Little Matti sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, When the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?” he replies. "if there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers “Well, each, i | shoot ane of them with a shot: gun, the foud nose ts gonna make them all fy ff.” No, Matt, there wil be two left if you shoot one with a shot Jun, but! ike the way you're thinking,” the teacher responds "Well, teach, I've got question for you... There are three women that come out sf an ice-cream parr, one fs biting her ice-cream cone, one's licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one s married?” The teacher, alittle taken back by the question answers, "Well, ub, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice Matt replies, "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, But | ke the way you're thinking!”