SEXH5205: Advanced Adolescent Sexual Health

Assessment 4: Essay - Youth sexual health promotion

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Question 6: Preventing sexually transmitted infections in young people

Briefly describe one sexually transmitted infection that is common among sexually
active young people, either in your country, another country or globally. Describe why
this STI might be common among young people, considering the biological and
microbiological, psychosocial, behavioural, cultural, political and/or economic factors
that might play a part, and how this knowledge can shape health promotion programs.
Make sure you balance your essay across all of these factors. Provide reference(s) for
the prevalence or incidence of the STI.

One sexually transmitted infection:

• Syphilis

WHY Syphilis might be common among young people?

• WHY: Do you agree or disagree that it is common.
o Using factual or scientific evidence, support your argument.

Considering the following factors: (With respect to each factor, why/why not is the STI:
syphillis so common to young people)
• Biological
• Microbiological
• Psychosocial
• Behavioural
• Cultural
• Political
• Economic

HOW this knowledge can shape health promotion programs?

• HOW: In what way, or to what extent
COMMENTS:

General Comments:
• I have included some side-notes comments
for you to refer in your essay. These will
include alternative word choices as well as
other general comments for your sentencing
for you to consider.
• At times as a reader (more importantly the
marker), I have trouble understanding your
expressions or the sentences have
ambiguity (not clear the point you are trying
to address). I have made comments for when that occurs.
• You should try to define or be specific with details whenever introducing a
concept or making a relationship.
• Try and focus on ANSWERING the question and refrain from introducing
irrelevant information.

• Referencing: When referring to a study or research or quoting a source, you

should try to reference the person/ author and if possible the year in the text. This
will provide authenticity and reliability to your argument and essay.
o E.g “According to a 20XX (year) survey conducted by Yu, X.M1… etc.
o Avoid using words such as recent/ recently and use dated works instead.
• Proper referencing for academic writing should use footnotes instead of
bracketed numbers (i.e. 2 3)

• Paragraphing: Generally you want to have one paragraph for each subject
matter aiming for sentences (4-5+ sentence per paragraph). This is so that you
do not overflow your reader with information as to avoid confusion.
o Each paragraph should mention or address the topic question you have
been asked to discuss (ie. Why this STI is common among young people,
and how can this be used to shape the health promotion programs for
individuals, health professionals, and researchers, etc.)

• Avoid using “and”.. for the start of a new sentence.

1

2

3

!!! HOW DOES THIS KNOWLEDGE SHAPE HEALTH PROMOTION PROGRAMS? !!!

• You have touched on this final part of the question in brief especially towards the
end of your essay with the political and economical factors. Perhaps you can go
into more detail about the health promotion programs based on the other factors
(or even interlink the factors together) and go into more detail on that matter.
• For example, health promotion programs can include:4
o Communication (eg. communication strategies include public service
announcements, health fairs, mass media campaigns, and newsletters)
o Education (eg. health education strategies include courses, trainings, and
support groups)
o Policy, Systems and Environments (eg. Making systematic changes –
through improved laws, rules, and regulations (policy), functional
organizational components (systems), and economic, social, or physical
environment – to encourage, make available, and enable healthy choices)

Essay Specific Comments:

Introduction:
• You may want to provide some background information as to what is syphilis.
o You should think of any form of academic writing to be directed towards
an audience who has no prior knowledge of the subject matter.
o What kind of effects does syphilis have on humans?
o Can syphilis be cured with medication or other forms of STI protection?
• It is good that you include some recent data to support your argument, however
you should also try and include data which are more relevant to recent years
o (2004 data perhaps you can compare it to recent years data in 2020?)
• In your introduction, you will want to briefly outline what the body of your essay or
analysis will be discussed. (ie. the listed factors that give syphilis its prevalence/
incidence)

Factors:
• From your discussion, syphilis has been eradicated (meaning to wipe out) since
1960 (which has been 60 years). Later in your discussion you address the factors
stating that Chinese adolescence are more vulnerable to syphilis (however that is
only the case if the disease was to re-emerge again). You may want to reword
these sentences to avoid confusion.

4
https://www.ruralhealthinfo.org/toolkits/health-promotion/1/definition
Biological:

Microbiological
• You mention at the end that syphilis has not been active in China “in the past 20
years,” however at the introduction you quote that Syphilis has been absent since
1960 (60 years).
o Could you confirm this information?

Psychosocial

Behavioural
• “after unprotected intercourse, adolescent teenagers will have vaginal douching”
o Adolescent females WILL or they MAY douche their vaginas?
You have discussed the behavioural factors behind as to why STIs are more likely to be
transmitted among adolescents however you should make mention as to the specifics of
the essay question “WHY this STI (syphilis) might be common among young people?

Cultural
• What does Confucianism teach about sex-related matters? Perhaps if there is a
relationship, you can elaborate on it.
• The older generation have a far greater stigma towards the topic of sex. Newer
generations are deviating away from this stigma. You can comment on how
present generations can improve safe-sex practice and STI prevention through
education programs or other health promotion programs.

Political
• Valid points you have made here in regards to Chinas promotion and
surveillance of safe-sex practices.
o Perhaps you can go into further detail and include a study or survey of the
percentile of adolescents that use condom use in China now compared to
before?
• In some countries, if you intentionally expose someone else to an STI knowingly,
it can be a criminal offense. Would imposing a law or promoting condom use help
in such way.

Economic
• Again, you may want to be more clear in respect to how economic expansion can
lead to STI revival. This has to do with your wording of your sentence which can
make it confusing for a reader.
 • Be careful with the wording of your statements. You make contradicting points
between how an economic expansion will result in an increase in sex workers
resulting to an increase in cases of syphilis, however before you state that that
due to the illegalisation of commercial sex, there will be less sexual activity
among young adolescents.

Conclusion:
• A conclusion should summarise all your key findings or arguments that you have
outlined in the body of your essay. You should make a concluding remark as to
whether you agree or disagree with the statement and support with brief
mentions of all the main factors described before and HOW this helps to support
health promotion programs.
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Below is the HD grading criteria which you should be aiming for as per your PGPSRH.

HIGH DISTINCTION (85- 100%)

Grading Criteria:
A. Use and appraise evidence to support a conclusion (70%)

A1. Coverage of information All relevant information is included, systematically reviewed and presented in a skilful
relevant to the assignment manner. All assessment tasks are addressed thoroughly.

A2. Quality of sources Sources are high quality, thoroughly analysed and interpreted.

Extensive critical appraisal of appropriate evidence.

A3. Interpretation of evidence Original insights into the topic and application to theory and/or practice and
application/utility to theory and/or practice.

A4. Deduction and

Well-synthesised, strong and coherent conclusion.
conclusions

B. Written Communication (20%)

Excellent structure.
B1. Structure and
organisation
Information is well-organised and logical.

B2. Quality of academic Excellent use of academic writing and terminology. Excellent written communication,
writing grammar, spelling and punctuation.

C. References and referencing system (10%)

C1. Referencing when

All sources used are referenced perfectly.
appropriate

C2. Application of referencing

Flawless use of referencing system.
system