Trigger warning: In this letter, lies the raw and unpolished truth about me.

To my future self,

From being that energetic forever happy person to a sad, self-reserved and almost
non-existent human being, life takes a toll at times. I know I am losing myself day by day and
yet all I can do is watch it as a mute spectator since I believe things are out of my control. I am
bound to go on being someone who I never wanted to be.

Is it that expectation people have towards me that I've fail to match up to and end up
overburdening myself with thoughts of guilt? Or is it love that forces me to let someone flee with
a part of me? Or is it simply I not being able to find a way out of this severely entangled life.
Reasons and explanations can vary. At the end of the day, what counts is I have lost an
important part of myself and I am not what I always wanted to be anymore. And trust me,
existing doesn’t just mean surviving. Not being who you once were or wanted to be is another
way of vanishing or not existing. Sometimes in life, I run out of ideas to gather myself. All I see
is a darkness hovering around me. I am weak physically but more emotionally. I can’t stabilize
myself. And the worst is with this sadness and tiredness surrounding me, I hardly ever manage
to think of the good things in the world. All I see are gloomy faces, tired people with no dreams,
shattered confidence etc.

Many a times, people simply ignore you saying it’s all in your head. But trust me, it’s
not. May be it’s a phase but it’s a reality. And reality hits me hard. I can’t Imagine happiness
comes knocking at my day some day and instead of finding you, it finds a sad depressed
someone else with my face but not your heart and emotions. You see, things are really hard for
me right now. The valley I’ve been walking through is just so dark that sometimes, I am tempted
to doubt if this will ever end. I’ve been going through unimaginable pain in this valley for the
longest time. I know this season hurts like hell and just looking back may inflict on you the very
same pain I am feeling now, but I am writing you this letter to remind you that don’t eradicate
this from your memory. Remember these hard times and how it humbled you. How it brought
you closer to God. How it made you realize that He is all you need. How you found your worth in
him, and how you identified who you really are.

I hope you bounce back stronger.

From,

Your current self.