Spend 5 Magic Hours a Week

Every marriage, no matter how plagued it is by the horsemen, can be saved. Here are
a few tips on how to turn things around:
During his studies in the lab, Dr. Gottman sought to figure out the things that
happy couples do that unhappy couples do not. He found that those in strong
marriages spent only 5 extra hours a week doing things to strengthen their
marriage. But those hours, which he calls the “five magic hours,” were enough to
make a huge difference in the quality of their marriage. Here are the five hours
you should be investing in your relationship each week:

Connect before you leave. Before you and your wife part ways at the beginning of
the day, take the time to learn about one thing each of you have planned for the
day. Estimated time: 2 minutes per day x 5 working days, totals 10 minutes per
week.

Connect when you reunite. At the end of the day, spend at least 20 minutes talking
about the things that went on during your day. Chatting at the dinner table or in
bed helps you de-stress and reconnect with your partner. Estimated time: 20 minutes
per day x 5 working days, totals 1 hour, 40 minutes per week

Admire and appreciate. Every day, find ways to tell your wife that you love her and
appreciate all that she does for you. Be specific. Don’t just say that she’s
wonderful; tell her how beautiful she is, how she lights up a room, how her
meatloaf is a little slice of heaven on earth, ect. Estimated time: 5 minutes per
day x 7 days, totals 35 minutes per week.

Initiate affection. When you were dating, you were all over each other. If you want
to bring back some of that magic, that you need to start being more intimate with
one another. Cuddle, kiss, hold hands, spoon, and so on. The more time you spend
touching, the happier your marriage will be. Estimated time: 5 minutes per day x 7
days, totals 35 minutes per week.

Go on a weekly date. Establish that you will go out on one date a week, and make
this a non-negotiable commitment. If you have kids, get a babysitter. This is time
for just you and your wife. The date doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. But it
needs to provide time for you two to talk, so a movie alone won’t cut it. Discuss
what happened that week and your plans, hopes, and dreams for your future together.

Studies have shown that doing unfamiliar things together as a couple will bring
back the butterflies you experienced together at the beginning of the relationship.
((http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/health/12well.html)) So while I know how hard
it is to break from the Chili’s and TV watching routine, it’s important to make an
effort to get out and do something different. Seek out little hole in the wall
restaurants, explore a museum you’ve never been to before, take a hike on a new
trail, etc.