Holy Matrimony and Celibacy for the Sake of the Kingdom of Heaven:

An Analysis of The Complementarity of Marriage and Celibacy

A. Introduction

Marriage and celibacy are often seen as contraries. Misunderstandings about

celibacy still exist among many people who do not fully understand the meaning of holy

matrimony and celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Celibacy is understood

merely as a pessimistic, negative rejection of marriage life and conjugal love. For

example, the media urges the abolition of celibacy simply as a solution to the problem of

sexual abuses by priests against minors. The media easily points to celibacy as the cause

of the sexual abuse problems. They raise critical questions such as: Is marriage contrary

to celibacy? Is marriage a higher and better state than celibacy or is celibacy a higher and

better state than marriage? Does marriage confirm celibacy or, on the contrary, devalue

it? If it confirms celibacy, how does marriage confirm it?

In the scriptures, Pauline texts assert that matrimony is good, but celibacy for the

kingdom of heaven is better.1 Paul wrote, “So then, he who marries his fiancée does well;

and he who refrains from marriage will do better.” 2 What does this mean? Are marriage

and celibacy complementary, or is one superior to the other?

1
Celibacy in this paper is understood as celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven (Matt.
19:12). This term needs to be clarified since there are many reasons for celibacy, for instance, impotency,
transcending gender, cultic celibacy, coerced celibacy, celibacy to conserve semen. See Elizabeth Abbott,
A History of Celibacy, (New York: Scribner, 2000), 7-12.
2
1 Cor 7:38

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 In this paper, I shall argue for the complementarity between holy matrimony and

celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven as a response to those questions

mentioned above. Following my argument, I shall present the contributions that holy

matrimony and celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven bestow on each other. In

general, I shall base my argument on the complementarity of marriage and celibacy on

John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, the collection of his general audiences, and his three

apostolic exhortations Familiaris Consortio (1981)3, Pastores Dabo Vobis (1992)4, and

Vita Consecrata (1996)5.

B. Family and Celibacy Vocation

In addressing the families who live the state of holy matrimony, and also the

priests and the men and women religious who live celibacy for the sake of the kingdom

of heaven, John Paul II echoes the ecclesiological insight of Lumen Gentium by stressing

the importance of the family as ecclesia domestica.6 This understanding of the families as
3
John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, [document on-line]; available from
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-
ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio_en.html; accessed on April 28, 2005.
4
John Paul II, Pastores Dabo Vobis, [document on-line]; available from
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-
ii_exh_25031992_pastores-dabo-vobis_en.html; accessed on April 28, 2005.
5
John Paul II, Vita Consecrata, [document on-line]; available from
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-
ii_exh_25031996_vita-consecrata_en.html; accessed on April 29, 2005.

6
Ecclesia domestica means domestic Church. This terminology comes from Lumen Gentium 11,
which states, “From the wedlock of Christians there comes the family, in which new citizens of human
society are born, who by the grace of the Holy Spirit received in baptism are made children of God, thus
perpetuating the people of God through the centuries. The family is, so to speak, the domestic church. In it
parents should, by their word and example, be the first preachers of the faith to their children; they should
encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each of them, fostering with special care vocation to a
sacred state.” This terminology is often connected to another terminology, namely, seminarium primum
(initial seminary) which is derived from Optatam Totius 2: “The duty of fostering vocations pertains to the
whole Christian community, which should exercise it above all by a fully Christian life. The principal
contributors to this are the families which, animated by the spirit of faith and love and by the sense of duty,
become a kind of initial seminary.” John Paul I, for example, intertwined these terminologies in his address

2
a domestic church echoes in some of John Paul’s apostolic exhortations. In addressing

families, John Paul writes, “The Christian family constitutes a specific revelation and

realization of ecclesial communion, and for this reason too it can and should be called the

domestic Church.”7 In another exhortation to priests, he writes, “The Christian family,

which is truly a ‘domestic Church’ has always offered and continues to offer favorable

conditions for the birth of vocations.” 8 In the different nuance, John Paul calls men and

women religious as “a new family” that is ready to do the will of God.9

John Paul II affirms the significance of marriage and family life in addressing the

celibate life of priests and religious, and vice versa. This means that there is a very close

relationship between marriage and celibacy. Marriage and celibacy are closely connected,

although they are different ways of living vocations from God. It can be compared with a

tree and its fruits. Jesus says, “Every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad

fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can bad tree bear good fruit.” 10 Celibate

persons come from families. A good family tree can bear the fruits of good celibacy. In

turn, the good fruits shine forth the goodness of the trees as well. Thus, holy matrimony

and celibacy for the sake of the kingdom contribute goodness to each other. How they do

this will be elaborated in the following sections.

during the ad limina visit of a group of American Bishops in 1978. See

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_i/speeches/documents/hf_jp-i_spe_21091978_us-
bishops_en.html; accessed on April 27, 2005.
7
Familiaris Consortio 21.
8
Pastores Dabo Vobis 41.
9
Cf. Vita Consecrata 41.
10
Mt 7:17-18.

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 A. Contributions of Holy Matrimony to Celibacy for the Sake of the Kingdom

of Heaven

a. Fidelity

Marriage is a covenant, that is, “the covenant of conjugal love freely and

consciously chosen, whereby man and woman accept the intimate community of life and

love willed by God Himself.”11 One of the important aspects of marriage as a covenant is

fidelity. When John Paul talks about marriage as the place of self-giving of men and

women, he underlines the important role of fidelity. He writes,

“The institution of marriage is not an undue interference by society or authority,

nor the extrinsic imposition of a form. Rather it is an interior requirement of the
covenant of conjugal love, which is publicly affirmed as unique and exclusive, in
order to live in complete fidelity to the plan of God, the Creator. A person's
freedom, far from being restricted by this fidelity, is secured against every form of
subjectivism or relativism and is made a sharer in creative Wisdom.”12

If marriage in relation to celibacy is like the relationship between a tree and its

fruits, a lifelong commitment to celibacy is learned in and from the fidelity in marriage

and family life. Within the context of the family as the domestic church and the initial

seminary, the will-be celibate persons can learn the value of fidelity while they are

children in the family. About this learning experience, Bernard Häring, a great moral

theologian, in his reflection on priesthood, writes, “I believe that a happy marriage is a

worthy image for a genuine and charismatically lived celibacy.” 13 Also, celibate persons

11
Familiaris Consrotio 11. Also cf. Gaudium et Spes 48, where the document calls marriage, “The
intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator and qualified by His laws,
and is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal consent.”
12
Familiaris Consortio 11.
13
Bernard Häring, Priesthood Imperiled: A Critical Examination of Ministry in the Catholic
Church, (Missouri: Triumph Books, 1989), 98.

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can always refer back to the fidelity of the husband and wife in the marriage, i.e., their

parents, while they are living their celibate life. John Paul adds, “Perfect conjugal love

must be marked by that fidelity…on which religious profession and priestly celibacy are

founded.”14

b. Total Gift of Oneself

The other aspect of marriage is the total gift of oneself. Man and woman give

themselves to each other totally. This includes the right to use each other’s body. St. Paul,

under the influence of his paternalistic society, expresses this total gift between man and

woman, saying, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject

to your husbands as you are to the Lord…In the same way, husbands should love their

wives as they do their own body. He who loves his wife loves himself.”15 And again, with

different nuance of his letter to the Corinthians, Paul advocates that, “The husband should

give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife

does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise the husband

does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”16 John Paul, confirming

this total self-giving of marriage, writes, “The first communion is the one which is

established and which develops between husband and wife: by virtue of the covenant of

married life, the man and woman ‘are no longer two but one flesh’ and they are called to

grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage

14
John Paul II, Theology of the Body: Human Love in the Divine Plan, (Boston: Pauline Books
and Media, 1997), 277.
15
Eph 5:21.28.
16
1 Cor 7:3-4.

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promise of total mutual self-giving…revealing in this way to the Church and to the world

the new communion of love, given by the grace of Christ.”17

This witness of husband and wife in their total mutual self-giving can be a great

example and inspiration for the celibate persons in their total self-giving to Christ and his

Church. In the context of the family as ecclesia domestica and seminarium primum, this

total self-giving of husband and wife (parents) out of reverence to Christ opens the door

to an authentic celibate vocation in their children, if later they are gifted by God to

embrace this celibate vocation. Thus, it makes it easier for celibate persons to embrace a

total self-giving to Christ and his Church, which requires the sacrifice of conjugal love, if

they experience the healthy and holy self-giving of their parents and the families with

whom they are living the faith.

c. Paternity and Maternity

In marriage and childbearing, husband and wife become father and mother. The

presence of a child in the marriage confirms the husband’s paternity and the wife’s

maternity. This paternity and maternity influence and shape the life of the child. William

Pollack, a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychiatry at the Harvard Medical

School, underlines the importance of maternity and paternity, for example, for boys. He

says, “Mothers help make boys into men…Far from making boys weaker, the love of a

mother can and does actually make boys stronger, emotionally and psychologically…

Fathers are not male mothers…Fathers - through the warm, playful, emphatic

17
Familiaris Consortio 19.

6
relationships they forge with their sons – imbue boys with an important sense of safety

and well-being that bolsters a boy’s feelings of masculine self-confidence.”18

John Paul also sees the relationship between paternity and maternity in the life of

celibate men and women. Celibate persons cannot forget and reject “the conjugal

meaning of the body, which from the beginning has been inscribed in the personal

makeup of man and woman.”19 In this sense, celibate persons cannot reject that they are

created as sexual human beings, that is, as men and women carrying in themselves

paternity and maternity. Celibate persons are called to live their sexuality well by

developing spiritual paternity and maternity. This does not refute their celibacy; instead it

simultaneously confirms them as both sexual human beings and celibate persons. John

Paul asserts, “In spite of having renounced physical fecundity, the celibate person

becomes spiritually fruitful, the father and mother of many, cooperating in the realization

of the family according to God's plan.” 20 He then continues, “conjugal love which finds

its expression in continence for the kingdom of heaven must lead in its normal

development to paternity and maternity in a spiritual sense…in a way analogous to

conjugal love which matures in physical paternity and maternity.”21

Healthy parents generate healthy children. Healthy marriages greatly inspire

healthy celibate persons. Celibate persons can develop their spiritual paternity and

maternity healthily if they experience healthy paternity and maternity in their family from

which they come. Nemo dat quod non habet, nobody gives what they do not have.

18
William Pollack, Real Boys, (New York: Henry Holt and Company, 1998), 81, 113, 115-16.
19
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 278.
20
Familiaris Consortio 16.
21
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 278.

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Celibate persons cannot develop their healthy spiritual paternity and maternity, for

example, if they were greatly troubled by the grave lack of paternity and maternity from

their parents.

B. Contributions of Celibacy for the Sake of the Kingdom of Heaven to Holy

Matrimony

a. Celibacy not as a Devaluation of Marriage

Celibacy is not contrary to marriage; thus, it does not devalue marriage. Jesus in

the Gospel according to Matthew places the evangelical counsel of celibacy in the

discussion of the importance of the marriage, when he argues against divorce. 22 John Paul

confirms this in saying, “From the context of the Gospel according to Matthew (Mt

19:10-12), it can be seen sufficiently clearly that here it is not a question of diminishing

the value of matrimony in favor of continence, nor of lessening the value of one in

comparison with the other.”23 According to John Paul, Christ’s words on this point are

quite clear. John Paul continues, “He proposes to his disciples the ideal of continence and

the call to it, not by reason of inferiority, not with prejudice against the conjugal union of

the body, but only for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.”24

One, however, can argue, as it has been stated above, that for Paul marriage is

good, but celibacy is better. Yet Paul’s argument has to be understood in the context of

celibacy “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” This is the only reason for celibacy as

the counsel of the Gospel. Jesus gives this counsel, saying, “… and there are eunuchs
22
See Mt 19:3-12.
23
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 273.
24
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 276.

8
who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone

accept this who can.”25 Therefore, the reason for celibacy is not to devalue marriage, but

for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. John Paul compares Jesus’ and Paul’s arguments

clarifying that celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of heaven does not devalue marriage,

saying,

In his pronouncement, did Christ perhaps suggest the superiority of continence for
the kingdom of heaven to matrimony? Certainly, he said that this is an exceptional
vocation, not a common one. In addition he affirmed that it its especially
important and necessary to the kingdom of heaven. If we understand superiority
to matrimony in this sense, we must admit that Christ set it out implicitly.
However, he did not express it directly. Only Paul will say of those who choose
matrimony that they do ‘well.’ About those who are willing to live in voluntary
continence, he will say that they do ‘better’ (1 Cor 7:38).26

The conscious and voluntary renunciation of the conjugal love of marriage and

family life by celibate persons is not a devaluation of marriage, but it is a form of self-

sacrifice. John Paul writes, “Christ understood the importance of such a sacrifice…He

understood the importance of this sacrifice also in relationship to the good which

matrimony and the family in themselves constitute due to their divine institution.” 27 This

sacrifice, however, contains within it a profound understanding that marriage is

temporary and that human being’s eternal destiny that is the kingdom of heaven, not the

world. This I will elaborate upon shortly.

b. The Kingdom of Heaven as Human Being’s Destiny

25
Mt 19:12.
26
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 275.
27
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 274.

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 The human being’s destiny is the kingdom of heaven, not the world, which is

passing away. Therefore, human beings cannot become too attached to the goods that are

linked to a perishable world. Marriage is linked to this passing world. When Jesus

debates with the Sadducees who do not believe in the resurrection of the body, he asserts,

“You are wrong…for in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but

are like angels in heaven.”28 Based on Mt. 22:23-33, John Paul writes, “Marriage is tied

in with the form of this world which is passing away and therefore in a certain sense

imposes the necessity of being locked in this transiency.”29

On the other hand, the reason for celibacy is only for the sake of the kingdom of

heaven. Thus, this lifelong abstinence from marriage can be considered as being free

from that necessity of being locked in the transiency of the world. John Paul argues

further for this excellence of the celibate life, whose only purpose is to live for the sake of

the kingdom of heaven. In his apostolic exhortation to priests who live celibacy, he

argues:

This perfect continence for love of the kingdom of heaven has always been held
in high esteem by the Church as a sign and stimulus of love, and as a singular
source of spiritual fertility in the world. In virginity and celibacy, chastity retains
its original meaning, that is, of human sexuality lived as a genuine sign of and
precious service to the love of communion and gift of self to others. This meaning
is fully found in virginity which makes evident, even in the renunciation of
marriage, the ‘nuptial meaning’ of the body through a communion and a personal
gift to Jesus Christ and his Church which prefigures and anticipates the perfect
and final communion and self-giving of the world to come: In virginity or
celibacy, the human being is awaiting, also in a bodily way, the eschatological
marriage of Christ with the Church, giving himself or herself completely to the
Church in the hope that Christ may give himself to the Church in the full truth of
eternal life.30
28
Mt 22:29.
29
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 296.
30
Pastores Dabo Vobis 29.

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 In his exhortation to religious men and women, John Paul argues that by means of

the example of a chaste life, celibate persons can excellently testify to the world,

particularly to families. He writes, “The consecrated life must present to today's world

examples of chastity lived by men and women who show balance, self-mastery, an

enterprising spirit, and psychological and affective maturity. Thanks to this witness,

human love is offered a stable point of reference: the pure love which consecrated

persons draw from the contemplation of Trinitarian love, revealed to us in Christ.”31

Therefore, celibacy is a reminder or a witness that marriage is temporary, and that

the human being’s destiny is the kingdom of heaven. In the context of the eschatological

orientation of the human being, celibacy is understood as “better” than marriage. It is an

excellent witness for the world about the eternal life to come.32

The ones who live married life need this witness. Particularly, now, there are

many challenges to married life from a hedonistic culture, which separates sexuality from

all objective moral norms. This hedonistic culture often treats sexuality as a mere

diversion and a consumer good. With the complicity of the means of social

communication, this culture also justifies a kind of idolatry of the sexual instinct. The

consequences of the influence of this hedonistic culture are psychic and moral suffering

on the part of individuals and families. When John Paul addresses men and women

religious, he argues that celibacy offers a rejoinder this challenge. He writes,

The reply of the consecrated life is above all in the joyful living of perfect chastity,
as a witness to the power of God's love manifested in the weakness of the human
condition. The consecrated person attests that what many have believed
31
Vita Consecrata 88.
32
Cf. Mt 22:30

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 impossible becomes, with the Lord's grace, possible and truly liberating…This
testimony is more necessary than ever today, precisely because it is so little
understood by our world. It is offered to everyone - young people, engaged
couples, husbands and wives and Christian families - in order to show that the
power of God's love can accomplish great things precisely within the context of
human love.33

This celibate way of life is able to contribute more greatly to the realization of the

kingdom of heaven in its earthly dimension with the prospect of eschatological

completion. It is essential for the realization of the kingdom of heaven on earth and for its

preparation for future fulfillment.

c. A Particular Response to the Love of the Divine Spouse

The only key to understanding the sacramentality of marriage is the spousal love

of Christ for the Church.34 Celibacy for the kingdom of heaven is a particular response to

the love of the divine Spouse, that is, Jesus Christ. He is “Christ, the Son of the Virgin,

who was himself a virgin, that is, a ‘eunuch for the sake of the kingdom of heaven,’ in the

most perfect meaning of the term.” 35 Therefore, celibacy affirms the sacramentality of

marriage.

This particular response to the love of the divine Spouse supposes that there is

intimacy between the celibate person and the divine Spouse. Michael H. Crosby clearly

describes the meaning of intimacy in celibacy. He writes, “When we speak of sexual

intimacy we refer to relationships which, given the natural course of things, are open to

possibility of genital expression. When we speak of celibate intimacy we are describing

33
Vita Consecrata 88.
34
Cf. Eph 5:22-23.
35
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 286.

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relationships which, by the mutual consent and commitment of the persons involved, are

not open to future genital expression.”36 Crosby describes further that the intimacy in

celibate life is a contemplative intimacy. It means a life that is fully absorbed in the love

of God. It is absorption that makes, for example, St. Therese of Lisieux in her suffering

joyfully exclaim, “O Jesus, My Love, I have found my place in the bosom of the Church:

in the heart of my Mother, I will be love.” 37 This response to the divine Spouse’s love

embodies a unitive love. “The unitive love which consecrated celibacy symbolizes is

what the great religious figures of our tradition have called contemplation. As a charism,

celibacy is the public face of contemplative experience making visible in this world the

absolute freedom, the captivating beauty, the supreme generosity, and the ultimate

fidelity of that divine love that moves the sun and the other stars.” 38 Bernard Häring sees

this response to the love of the divine Spouse as an act of trust in God alone. He writes,

“To live celibacy and to love celibately in today’s world is a venture that can be

reasonably undertaken only when we place our trust, not in ourselves, but in God alone,

and remain open to the guidance of Holy Mystery at all times.”39

John Paul sees this particular response to the love of the divine Spouse of the

celibate person as a contribution to marriage and the family life. Emphasizing the

importance of faithfulness/fidelity of the celibate persons to God, he argues, “Christian

couples therefore have the right to expect from celibate persons a good example and a

36
Michael H. Crosby, Celibacy: Means of Control or Mandate of the Heart?, (Ave Maria Press:
Notre Dame, 1996), 156.
37
Trans. John Clarke, O.C.D., Story of a Soul: Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, (ICS
Publications: Washington, DC, 1996), 194.
38
Crosby, Celibacy, 188.
39
Häring, Priesthood Imperiled, 99.

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witness of fidelity to their vocation until death. Just as fidelity at times becomes difficult

for married people and requires sacrifice, mortification and self-denial, the same can

happen to celibate persons, and their fidelity, even in the trials that may occur, should

strengthen the fidelity of married couples.”40 This also means that the celibate life as a

particular response to the love of the divine Spouse affirms marriage. Uniquely, celibacy

affirms marriage by renunciating it. John Paul concludes:

The realization of this call serves also in a particular way to confirm the nuptial
meaning of the human body in its masculinity and femininity. The renunciation of
marriage for the kingdom of heaven at the same time highlights that meaning in
all its interior truth and personal beauty. We can say that this renunciation on the
part of individual persons, men and women, in a certain sense is indispensable.
This is so that he nuptial meaning of the body can be more easily recognized in all
the ethos of human life and above all in the ethos of conjugal and family life.41

C. Conclusion

In the context of family as ecclesia domestica and seminarium primum, on one

hand, married life contributes to the celibate life the example of fidelity, total gift of

oneself, and paternity and maternity. On the other hand, in the context that celibacy is an

affirmation of marriage, the celibate life contributes to the marriage life the characters of

the life orientation to the kingdom of heaven and genuine, pure intimacy of human

being’s love to God and fellow human beings.

It can be concluded here that holy matrimony is able to be a source and

inspiration of a healthy celibate life, and genuine celibate life for the sake of the kingdom

of heaven affirms the holiness of marriage. Therefore, holy matrimony and celibacy for

the sake of the kingdom of heaven are complementary.

40
Familiaris Consortio 16.
41
John Paul, Theology of the Body, 286.

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 This elaboration is about the idealistic meaning of marriage and celibacy. The

question now is how to develop a holy matrimony and thus a holy celibacy. There are so

many challenges and problems in married life. The statistical rate of divorce continues to

increase. Single parents seem to be a characteristic of a modern society. How can holy

matrimony be fostered so that it is also fruitful for the celibacy for the sake of the

kingdom of heaven? There are also many problems in the celibate life, whether in priestly

celibacy or religious celibacy. Infidelity to this vocation occurs everywhere. Many grave

cases of sexual abuse storm the Church. The problems of homosexual activity in the

seminaries and among the priests also occur everywhere. How, then, can a healthy and

holy celibacy be fostered that is able to encourage the holiness of married life? These are

both practical and pastoral questions that would require further discussion that goes

beyond the scope of this paper. This paper needs further research to make its idealistic

tone more practical and applicable.

In closing, St. Augustine advises us, “Love and do what you will.” Beyond the

differences between marriage and celibate life, they are two ways to respond to God’s

vocation to love. Both married couples and celibates are called to love genuinely. St.

Therese of Lisieux makes us aware that our vocation is love, since “love comprises all

vocations, that love is everything, that it embraces all times and places…in a word, that it

is eternal.”42

*******

42
Cf. Clarke, Story of a Soul, 194.

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Rev. Benny Phang O.Carm
1600 Webster St, NE
Washington, DC 20017

16