ARP 1 FINAL (1).

pdf
by Dawn Barriere

Submission date: 05-Feb-2021 06:31PM (UTC-0600)

Submission ID: 1502758706
File name: ARP_1_FINAL_1_.pdf (75.19K)
Word count: 1252
Character count: 6912
Great work! In general, this is well organized and well written.You mention some excellent points and seem to have a very good
grasp of the different sides of the debate. You could incorporate a bit more evidence to strengthen your arguments. You do well
to stress the big picture of the HOW and WHY with the Egyptologists and Afrocentrics but could also bring in the Classicists a bit
more. What about the Ancient Model and the Aryan Models? Bernal argues that, at one time, Classicists accepted the importance
of Egypt to Greece. He says that this began to change around 1800. Why? You also do well to discuss why Afrocentrism
developed. and how Roth suggests building bridges to it. See the attached rubric.

Try to come up with a title that gives the reader a better indication of what your essay is about and something to draw the reader
in.

Good but it
would help to
mention a bit
about the
Classicists
and the
Afrocentrics as
well to lay the
parameters of
the debate.

and the

era... √√
 Building
bridges....

√√

When did
Afrocentrism
arise?
√√
 √√

Proofread

These are my general comments for everyone (some of these do not impact your grade – because I am not a composition
teacher – but dealing with them will make you a better writer and, thus, allow you to present your arguments more cogently): •
You are expected to incorporate all of the readings, films, debates, etc. These include: Roth, Asante, Bernal (Black Athena
(video)) • Include an informative TITLE to guide the reader. • Avoid use of “You” and “I” in academic writing. Stick with third
person. • Use of “Apart” – “a part” – two very different words. • Use of “Their” and “There” • Avoid the use of contractions in
academic papers. • Avoid the use of Passive Voice in academic papers • Watch your use of “The African American” or “The
ARP 1 FINAL (1).pdf
ORIGINALITY REPORT

15 %
SIMILARITY INDEX
14%
INTERNET SOURCES
13%
PUBLICATIONS
13%
STUDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
www.sas.upenn.edu
Internet Source 11%
2
Submitted to Xavier University of Louisiana
Student Paper 3%
3
archive.org
Internet Source 1%

Exclude quotes Off Exclude matches Off

Exclude bibliography Off
ARP 1 FINAL (1).pdf
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

93
PAGE 1
/100

Text Comment. Great work! In general, this is well organized and well written.You mention
some excellent points and seem to have a very good grasp of the different sides of the debate. You
could incorporate a bit more evidence to strengthen your arguments. You do well to stress the big
picture of the HOW and WHY with the Egyptologists and Afrocentrics but could also bring in the
Classicists a bit more. What about the Ancient Model and the Aryan Models? Bernal argues that, at
one time, Classicists accepted the importance of Egypt to Greece. He says that this began to
change around 1800. Why? You also do well to discuss why Afrocentrism developed. and how Roth
suggests building bridges to it. See the attached rubric.

Text Comment. Try to come up with a title that gives the reader a better indication of what your
essay is about and something to draw the reader in.

Text Comment. Good but it would help to mention a bit about the Classicists and the
Afrocentrics as well to lay the parameters of the debate.

Comment 1
BODY/TOPIC SENTENCES

After the introduction, you need Body Paragraphs, each of them must have clear Topic Sentences
(first sentence of each paragraph). Here’s some examples (one for each potential paragraph) but,
remember these are examples only. Your organization could look very different from this and be even
more effective:

1. The publication of Bernal’s book seemed to rewrite the influence of history but, as he suggests, it
simply asked historians to return to a revised version of the Ancient Model that once existed but was
extinguished by rampant racism in the 1800s.
 2. Classicists did not react well to Bernal’s claims and deny the claims of racism and the
characterization of the Aryan Model.

3. Afrocentrics also have a stake in this argument and strive to emphasize the greatness of a black
Egypt as the foundation of Western Civilization.

4. Lastly, Egyptologists lay somewhere in the middle of these two groups, laying claim to be the
experts on Egyptian history but not willing to engage in arguments of racial identity.

Text Comment. and the era...

QM √√
Good point!

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article the.

PAGE 2

Text Comment. Building bridges....

Prep. You may be using the wrong preposition.

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

QM √√
Good point!

Text Comment. When did Afrocentrism arise?

Confused You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word.

PAGE 3

QM √√
Good point!

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. You may want to revise it using the active voice.

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article the.
 Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article the.

Possessive

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article the.

Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks.

PAGE 4

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article the.

QM √√
Good point!

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article the.

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks.

QM Proofread
This part of the sentence contains a grammatical error, an omission, or a misspelling that makes your
meaning unclear.

Text Comment. These are my general comments for everyone (some of these do not impact
your grade – because I am not a composition teacher – but dealing with them will make you a better
writer and, thus, allow you to present your arguments more cogently): • You are expected to
incorporate all of the readings, films, debates, etc. These include: Roth, Asante, Bernal (Black
Athena (video)) • Include an informative TITLE to guide the reader. • Avoid use of “You” and “I” in
academic writing. Stick with third person. • Use of “Apart” – “a part” – two very different words. • Use
of “Their” and “There” • Avoid the use of contractions in academic papers. • Avoid the use of Passive
Voice in academic papers • Watch your use of “The African American” or “The African…” – make
these plural instead • Your paper should have a sound Introduction, Thesis, Body paragraphs, and
Conclusion • Within each body paragraph, you should have a STRONG TOPIC SENTENCE • Need
to build arguments and use evidence / expand your arguments • History is about people – must use
voices to strengthen your argument. • Always try to integrate a few quotes (not too long in a short
paper such as this) • Instead of going through articles one by one, try and synthesize them around
common theme or themes. • Statements v. Evidence (support) • Avoid “I think…..” or “I believe….”
Instead, state it as fact and then back it up with evidence. Issues that must be addressed in this
essay (these DO have an impact on your grade): • Parameters of Black Athena debate? - Define the
arguments of Afrocentrism v. Classicists v. Egyptologists – Present evidence of all sides? • How has
this debate chanted over time? • To whom and why is this debate important? • Ancient Model v.
Aryan Model. HOW, WHEN and WHY did it change. • Analyze the debate over who the Ancient
Egyptians were? • What was the extent of their influence on Ancient Greece? • Analyze the evidence
presented by the various sides and make an argument as to which side is the strongest. • Where
does Bernal stand in this debate? • Provide evidence to back up all of your arguments. A few other
general remarks: These papers must include an introduction with a thesis, body paragraphs with
topic sentences, and a conclusion. The required length is 2-3 full pages. Many of you went well over
that. A little bit is ok but let’s not make these into full-length research papers. Writing tersely is a skill.
When I write, I often end up writing much more than I need. When I then
RUBRIC: REACTION PAPER_NEW 0/0

ALL READINGS (25%) 0/0

Thoroughly covers all the assigned readings.

5 = EXCEEDS
EXPECTATIONS
(0)

4=ABOVE AVG.
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(0)

3=MEETS
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(0)

2=FAIR/NEEDS
IMPROVEMENT
(0)

1=POOR/NEEDS
IMPROVEMENT
(0)

ANALYSIS (25%) 0/0

Does not just repeat what is written but analyzes the information to come up with new inferences.

5 = EXCEEDS
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4=ABOVE AVG.
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(0)

3=MEETS
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(0)

2=FAIR/NEEDS
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(0)

1=POOR/NEEDS
IMPROVEMENT
(0)

HISTORICAL (20%) 0/0

Uses historical context gained from secondary readings to understand the primary sources and strengthen the
analysis.
5 = EXCEEDS
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4=ABOVE AVG.
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3=MEETS
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2=FAIR/NEEDS
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1=POOR/NEEDS
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SYNTHESIS (20%) 0/0

Identifies overriding theme or themes from the collection of sources and weaves the discussion and analysis into
a cohesive essay.

5 = EXCEEDS
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(0)

4=ABOVE AVG.
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3=MEETS
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2=FAIR/NEEDS
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1=POOR/NEEDS
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(0)

WRITING STYLE (10%) 0/0

Organizes the essay effectively into paragraphs with topic statements and transitions. Has an introduction and
conclusion. Writes with proper grammar and spelling. Accurate proofreading with few if any obvious errors.

5 = EXCEEDS
EXPECTATIONS
(0)
4=ABOVE AVG.
EXPECTATIONS
(0)

3=MEETS
EXPECTATIONS
(0)

2=FAIR/NEEDS
IMPROVEMENT
(0)

1=POOR/NEEDS
IMPROVEMENT
(0)