RESEARCH ON A

Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause
GING / SELF-FORGIVENESS 10.1177/0164027504274122

Self-Forgiveness
A Component of Mental Health in Later Life

BERIT INGERSOLL-DAYTON
NEAL KRAUSE
University of Michigan

For older people, self-forgiveness may play an important role in diminishing guilt and
enhancing self-acceptance. In particular, self-forgiveness can result in a more congru-
ent view of the self. This study explored the components of self-forgiveness in a sam-
ple of 129 White and African American individuals aged 65 and older to whom reli-
gion was at least somewhat important. Qualitative methods were used to identify the
reactions of older adults after committing transgressions. Analyses of the partici-
pants’ responses illuminate cognitive, behavioral, and emotional reactions integral to
self-forgiveness. The findings also provide insights into the types of older people who
may find self-forgiveness most problematic.

Keywords: life review; religion; self-acceptance; self-schemas

Self-acceptance is generally considered to be a crucial aspect of men-

tal health (Erikson 1964; Kaplan 1986; Ryff and Essex 1991). How-
ever, for some individuals, self-acceptance remains elusive because of
feelings of guilt resulting from past transgressions. These transgres-
sions serve as roadblocks to self-acceptance because they force indi-
viduals to realize that they are not the kinds of people they want to be.
For older people, memories of past transgressions accumulated over
lifetimes can result in considerable guilt (Knight 1996; Tait and Silver
1989). The ability to forgive themselves for such transgressions may

AUTHORS’ NOTE: This research was supported by two grants from the National Institute
on Aging (“Religion, Aging and Health,” RO1 AG14749, Neal Krause, principal investigator;
and “Public Health and Aging Program,” T32 AG00134). We gratefully acknowledge Tina
Meltzer for her assistance in data collection and data management as well as Terri Torkko for her
editorial assistance. Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Berit
Ingersoll-Dayton, School of Social Work, University of Michigan, 1080 South University, Ann
Arbor, MI 48109.
RESEARCH ON AGING, Vol. 27 No. 3, May 2005 267-289
DOI: 10.1177/0164027504274122
© 2005 Sage Publications

267

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268 RESEARCH ON AGING

play a pivotal role in diminishing older people’s guilt and enhancing

their self-acceptance. In this article, we focus on self-forgiveness as an
important pathway toward mental health and illuminate the reactions
of older adults to their own transgressions.
Self-forgiveness is a surprisingly overlooked concept within the
mental health literature (Enright and the Human Development Study
Group 1996). Therefore, a necessary first step in integrating self-
forgiveness into mainstream research in gerontology involves care-
fully reviewing literature in three areas. The first pertains to the life
review. The second addresses the role of self-schemas in the life
review process and explains why self-forgiveness may be especially
salient for elderly people. The third focuses on existing studies of self-
forgiveness.

THE LIFE REVIEW

According to Erickson (1964), a final stage in maturation is the

development of ego integrity as opposed to despair. The development
of ego integrity necessitates “the acceptance of one’s one and only life
cycle” (p. 168). One way in which many older people strive to achieve
self-acceptance is by reviewing their pasts (Butler 1963; Coleman
1999). For some, the life review is successful and leads to personal
growth and development. However, for others, the life review tends to
trigger feelings of hopelessness and despair. It is necessary to identify
clearly the factors that promote one outcome over the other. Although
several factors are undoubtedly involved, a central premise in the pres-
ent study is that self-forgiveness is a key component of a successful
life review.
Confronting and working through painful memories are integral
parts of the life review process. The experience of confronting painful
memories can either diminish or enhance an older person’s mental
health. Confronting painful memories can result in “obsessive remi-
niscence” (Wong 1995:24), which is characterized by persistent rumi-
nations about problematic past events and accompanied by feelings of
guilt, shame, and despair. Older people may, for example, ruminate
about the pain they caused their spouses or children (Erickson,
Erickson, and Kivnick 1986). Alternatively, they may feel guilty and
obsess about their transgressions during a loved one’s death (Knight
1996).

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 269

On one hand, ruminating about transgressions may have serious

mental health consequences. In a study of negative life events among
older adults aged 60 and over, Tait and Silver (1989) found that study
participants described events that had occurred an average of over 22
years earlier. A fifth of the sample indicated that they had difficulty
dispelling ruminations about these negative events at least sometimes,
and a third of the sample reported that they continued to search for
ways to understand such events. One widowed respondent described
her remorse about the way she had treated her dying husband 10 years
earlier. These empirical findings are consistent with Knight’s (1996)
clinical observations. He reported that regrets concerning transgres-
sions during the death of close family members and friends are com-
mon among elderly clients. Such regrets result from their inability to
provide sufficient care to dying persons, unfinished business that was
never sufficiently addressed, or not being present when the individu-
als died. The self-recriminations involved in this kind of reminiscence
may become obsessive, resulting in feelings of hopelessness and
despair.
On the other hand, confronting painful memories can result in
greater opportunities for self-acceptance and mental health. When
older adults participate in “integrative reminiscence,” they admit their
past mistakes, acknowledge both their successes and their failures,
and develop revised views of themselves (Wong 1995:24).

THE ROLE OF SELF-SCHEMAS

To help explain the process of integrative reminiscence, life review

theorists (Watt and Cappeliez 1995; Wong 1995) implicate self-
schemas, a conceptualization borrowed from cognitive psychology.
Self-schemas are the ways in which individuals organize information
about themselves (Markus 1977). They have been characterized by
Fiske and Taylor (1984) as a “verbal self-portrait” (p. 156). Individu-
als have multiple self-schemas (Markus and Herzog 1991; Markus
and Nurius 1986), two of which are particularly relevant to integrative
reminiscence: ideal self-schemas (i.e., how individuals want to per-
ceive themselves) and real self-schemas (i.e., how they actually
perceive themselves).
These two kinds of self-schemas can be either congruent or incon-
gruent. An example of the incongruence that can occur between one’s

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270 RESEARCH ON AGING

real and ideal self-schemas is illustrated by an older woman quoted in

Butler’s (1963) seminal article on the life review who said, “Some
nights when I can’t sleep, I think of the difference between what I’d
hoped for when I was young and what I have now and what I am” (p.
69). Wong (1995) theorized that integrative reminiscence results in a
revision of self-schemas such that the disparity between ideal self-
schemas and real self-schemas is reconciled. Watt and Cappeliez
(1995) suggested that integrative recollections change negative self-
schemas by reinterpreting past events and emphasizing their positive
components.
Although revisions of self-schemas offer a fruitful explanation
for how individuals achieve integrative reminiscence and self-
acceptance, a more fully developed conceptualization of how individ-
uals build congruent views of themselves is needed. Here, we suggest
that the construct of self-forgiveness enhances understanding of the
process by which older people revise their self-schemas and thereby
develop greater self-acceptance and improved mental health.

SELF-FORGIVENESS AND MENTAL HEALTH

A growing body of research suggests that forgiveness has a salubri-

ous effect on mental health (McCullough, Pargament, and Thoreson
2000; Scobie and Scobie 1998). This literature focuses primarily on
forgiveness in relation to God (Marty 1998) or in relation to other peo-
ple (Enright, Freedman, and Rique 1998; Hargrave and Anderson
1992). In a groundbreaking study, Hebl and Enright (1993) found that
when older people participated in a forgiveness group intervention,
they were able to forgive the people who had hurt them and were will-
ing to consider “forgiveness as a social problem-solving strategy” (p.
666). However, few researchers have examined a third form of for-
giveness: self-forgiveness. Enright and the Human Development
Study Group (1996) defined self-forgiveness as “a willingness to
abandon self-resentment in the face of one’s own acknowledged
objective wrong while fostering compassion, generosity, and love
toward oneself” (p. 116). Their definition highlights the emotional
processes involved in self-forgiveness.
Although not focused on older people, two articles are particularly
pertinent to understanding the mechanisms associated with self-

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 271

forgiveness. The first, a study by Bauer and colleagues (1992), used an

open-ended interview format and qualitative analysis to examine self-
forgiveness among a small sample of seven young and middle-aged
adults. On the basis of these interviews, they identified several succes-
sive steps in the self-forgiveness process. For their interviewees, the
process started with acknowledgment that they had been hurtful to
others and that the denial of their fallibilities had resulted in a sense of
estrangement from themselves. Confronting their own mistakes led to
a flood of feelings, including self-recrimination, remorse, sadness,
and loneliness. The nonjudgmental acceptance of another person (i.e.,
a friend, family member, therapist, or priest) often helped these indi-
viduals diminish their self-critical thoughts. Another important com-
ponent of self-forgiveness was faith or determination that healing
would result from this painful introspection. Some study participants
described moments of divine intervention (e.g., the presence of Jesus)
that strengthened their faith. During such times, the interviewees were
able to release their previously held beliefs and expectations about
themselves and to grieve over what might have occurred if they
had not committed their transgressions. The final step in the self-
forgiveness process involved the honest appraisal of their responsibil-
ity for previous mistakes and ownership of negative aspects of them-
selves that had previously been denied. The resulting feelings of self-
acceptance were accompanied by a sense of integration and ease with
themselves.
In a later theoretical article, Enright and the Human Development
Study Group (1996) proposed another model of self-forgiveness, such
that self-forgiveness requires a cognitive reframing of one’s view of
the self. This reframing occurs after individuals experience the emo-
tional impact of their transgressions and examine their context. In so
doing, they can understand better the factors that affected their behav-
iors at the time. For example, when people focus on the pressures they
were under when they committed transgressions, they may be able to
diminish their self-criticism and forgive themselves for their actions.
Because the concept of self-forgiveness has been virtually over-
looked by gerontological researchers, we have limited knowledge
about the reactions of older adults to their own transgressions. This
gap is particularly significant given that many older adults review
their lives and, in so doing, may confront memories of transgressions

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272 RESEARCH ON AGING

about which they feel ashamed or guilty (Coleman 1999; Erickson

et al. 1986; Knight 1996). The present article expands our understand-
ing of self-forgiveness among the elderly in four important ways.
First, we focus our examination on older adults. The empirical study
by Bauer and associates (1992) and the theoretical work of Enright
and the Human Development Study Group (1996) illuminate the pro-
cess of self-forgiveness. However, neither study concentrated on older
adults, which is a population for which self-forgiveness may be
particularly crucial.
Second, we examine several distinct reactions to people’s own
transgressions to shed light on the ways in which aging adults might
resolve the disparity between real and ideal self-schemas. Previously,
researchers working on conceptualizing self-forgiveness (Bauer et al.
1992; Enright and the Human Development Study Group 1996) have
emphasized its emotional and cognitive components but have pro-
vided minimal insight into its behavioral component. We address this
limitation by borrowing from the theoretical work on interpersonal
forgiveness (Enright et al. 1998), which distinguishes among cogni-
tive, behavioral, and emotional reactions associated with forgiveness.
Third, we examine self-forgiveness within the context of religion.
Religiosity can assist older adults to cope with age-related changes
and develop greater acceptance (Idler et al. 2003; Krause 1995). It is
possible that older adults also draw on their religious beliefs when
attempting to forgive themselves for earlier transgressions. Indeed,
Scobie and Scobie (1998) described a Christian model of forgiveness
that requires an unconditional forgiveness of others identical to God’s
forgiveness. Although this model has been applied to examining the
ways in which older Christians forgive others (Krause and Ingersoll-
Dayton 2001), there is minimal information on how older Christians
forgive themselves.
Finally, consistent with the approach of Bauer and colleagues
(1992), we used qualitative methods to enhance our understanding of
self-forgiveness. By asking open-ended questions, we encouraged
participants to describe the process and meaning of self-forgiveness in
their own words. This approach is particularly effective for illuminat-
ing new research domains (Miles and Huberman 1994; Siegel, Dean,
and Schrimshaw 1999), such as self-forgiveness.

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 273

Method

STUDY PARTICIPANTS

To enhance our ability to characterize self-forgiveness accurately

among older people, we followed the recommendations of Patton
(1990) and selected the participants in our qualitative study by using
random probability sampling procedures. The sampling frame was all
the older people living in a county in the Midwest who were on the
Health Care Financing Administration’s Medicare Beneficiary Eligi-
bility List. This sampling strategy was used to generate a diverse sam-
ple with a broader range of experiences than is typical of qualitative
studies.
The eligibility of sampled interviewees was established via a letter
and follow-up phone call using the following criteria: (1) aged 65 or
older, (2) White or African American, (3) living independently, (4)
Christian, (5) neither a clergy member nor living with a clergy mem-
ber, and (6) considers religious faith to be at least somewhat important
in his or her life. The resulting sample consisted of 129 older people
whose average age was 74.36. Within this sample, 67% were female,
and 33% were male. With regard to race, 61% were White and 39%
were African American. The interviewees had completed an average
of 13.79 years of education.

INTERVIEW PROCESS

Interviews were conducted in participants’ homes and generally

lasted for approximately one hour. The interviewers were all female,
and their races were matched to those of their interviewees. Our study
of self-forgiveness was based on data drawn from a larger study that
included various topics relevant to religion and aging, including reli-
gious coping, religious doubt, changes in religiosity over the life-
course, and forgiveness. This last topic emphasized forgiveness in
relation to God, in relation to other people, and in relation to oneself.
The present analyses focus on the following questions: “Do you for-
give yourself for the things you have done? If not, why not? How does
religion help you forgive yourself?”

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274 RESEARCH ON AGING

DATA ANALYSIS

The qualitative data were analyzed in several discrete steps. First,

we both listened to the audiotaped interviews or read transcripts of
them to identify segments relevant to self-forgiveness and independ-
ently organized these segments into themes. Second, we compared
and reached consensus on the themes. Next, following the qualitative
analysis methods of Miles and Huberman (1994), the first author
developed a data matrix (i.e., a chartlike form) to organize the self-
forgiveness themes in relation to three kinds of reactions: cognitive,
behavioral, and emotional. Subsequently, the second author reviewed
the data presentation and choice of illustrative examples to ensure that
the themes were adequately represented within the organizing frame-
work.
The present article represents the discovery phase of empirical
research. According to Dey (1999), the discovery phase is the first of
two scientific inquiry phases; the second is the verification phase.
The discovery phase is crucial to a new area of inquiry, such as self-
forgiveness, because it maps the content domain of this under-
examined topic. By identifying the key components of self-
forgiveness first, we can engage in subsequent verification research to
ascertain their relative prevalence.

Findings
The question “Do you forgive yourself?” evoked several strong
reactions from participants. Although interviewees had spoken com-
fortably about forgiveness in relation to God and other people (Krause
and Ingersoll-Dayton 2001), their responses to the questions about
self-forgiveness represented a dramatic shift. Sometimes, a long
silence followed the question concerning whether they could forgive
themselves. The struggle to find words to describe their experiences
suggested that self-forgiveness was a topic our older respondents
rarely discussed or found difficult to describe. However, once the
interviewees started talking about forgiving themselves, the intensity
of their responses indicated the importance of this process in their
lives.

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 275

Here, we analyze the interviews in relation to the three forgiveness

reactions identified by Enright et al. (1998): cognitive, behavioral,
and emotional. In the sections that follow, several quotations are pro-
vided to portray older people’s reactions as they attempted to forgive
themselves. Names and identifying information have been omitted to
protect the confidentiality of our research participants.

COGNITIVE REACTIONS

Consistent with the contention of life review theorists (Watt and

Cappeliez 1995; Wong 1995), we found that reconciling real views
and ideal views of themselves was a central issue for our older study
participants. Some individuals were still wrestling with forgiving
themselves many years after their earlier transgressions. For example,
a 71-year-old White man explained, “The bad things you’ve done stay
with you forever and they can perhaps be less of a torment on your
mind after a period of time. But, by God, they’re always there. And so,
you can’t forgive yourself.” Others were much more sure of their abil-
ity to forgive themselves, as indicated by their quick interjections
(e.g., “Of course” or “No problem”) when our interviewers asked
whether they forgave themselves. From the answers of those who for-
gave themselves easily as well as those who had difficulty with self-
forgiveness, we identified several cognitive reactions used to revise
their self-perceptions.

Discriminating among transgressions. Respondents sifted care-

fully through their transgressions to discriminate between minor and
major infractions. In so doing, the need to forgive themselves was
reserved for only the major transgressions. For example, a 67-year-old
African American woman appeared to evaluate each transgression
separately in relation to self-forgiveness. In contrast to the complete
forgiveness she extended to others, she was somewhat more punitive
in relation to herself. She acknowledged, “I forgive myself 90% of the
time.” Her response suggested that she differentiated among her trans-
gressions and that although most were easily forgivable, some were
not. This orientation to one’s own transgressions is important because
by concentrating on a few infractions that merit concern, older people
avoid ruminating about myriad previous transgressions and can

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276 RESEARCH ON AGING

selectively focus their self-forgiveness efforts on a more manageable

number of transgressions.

Changing evaluation standards. Another way in which people

tried to change their idealized self-schemas was by accepting their
own limitations. This reaction is consistent with Kaplan’s (1986)
notion that cognitions play a key role in self-acceptance. He argued
that one way in which people improve their self-esteem is to change
the standards by which they evaluate themselves. We learned about
this cognitive reaction by examining data from those individuals who
were unable to change their standards. Some of our interviewees
could not accept their own imperfections. Instead, they continually
found fault with themselves. This approach was expressed by an 81-
year-old White woman who stated,

I’m very critical of myself. I think it has a little bit to do with a long time
ago perhaps and the way you were brought up and the way things hap-
pened to you when you were a child and when you were in school and
how people related to you.

The insight provided by this woman helps explain why changing stan-
dards for evaluating the self may be difficult. In her case, these stan-
dards were forged during early childhood socialization and may there-
fore be relatively impervious to change.
Individuals who could not change their standards were more likely
to be haunted by ruminations about their mistakes. Their lack of cog-
nitive flexibility made it difficult to reevaluate their previously estab-
lished standards. Instead, they remained trapped by a rigid set of stan-
dards that were unattainable. For such individuals, the inability to
forgive themselves could lead to poor mental health outcomes, such as
confusion, uncertainty, and chronic guilt.

Focusing on positive intentions. Another cognitive reaction experi-

enced by our study participants was to focus on their intentions at the
time of the transgressions rather than the actual transgressions. For
example, a 71-year-old White woman described how she forgave
herself:

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 277

If I know I’ve done the very best I can do and I’ve made a mistake, I can
forgive myself. I know in my heart that it wasn’t something I could
help. I did the best I could do at the time.

Her method of self-forgiveness augments the previously mentioned

mechanism (i.e., changing evaluation standards). Here, she not only
changed her standards by accepting imperfect behavior but also
placed a strong emphasis on her intentions at the time of the transgres-
sion. By highlighting the purity of her intentions, this woman was
using cognitive reframing to accept her previous transgressions.
This cognitive reaction is consistent with research in the wider lit-
erature on coping with stressful events. Studies indicate that some
older people try to deal with adversity by relying on cognitive redefi-
nition coping strategies (Brandstadter and Greve 1994; Folkman et al.
1987). Cast within the context of our study, this means that instead of
taking overt steps to deal with transgressions, some older people try to
minimize their impact by convincing themselves that their behavior
was not so bad because of their positive intentions. Our participant’s
focus on her intentions sheds a new light on how cognitive reframing
can function. As mentioned earlier, Enright and the Human Develop-
ment Study Group (1996) described cognitive reframing as a process
by which individuals reexamine factors that affected their transgres-
sions (e.g., the pressures they experienced at the time) to develop more
realistic and less self-punitive appraisals of their actions. Here, we see
that individuals may also use cognitive reframing to reexamine and
emphasize their own beneficent intentions during transgressions,
thereby developing less self-critical views of their actions. By empha-
sizing their positive intentions, older adults can improve their real
self-schemas and experience enhanced well-being.

Acknowledging and learning from mistakes. Another cognitive

reaction was the appraisal of one’s own actions as wrong. A 69-year-
old White woman expressed this reaction quite simply when she said,
“To forgive yourself, you have to decide that what you did was wrong
and think about how to make it right.”
As suggested by this quote, a key component of self-forgiveness
included taking responsibility for previous mistakes. To do so some-
times required deep introspection, as described by a 66-year-old Afri-
can American woman, that led to revised understanding of

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278 RESEARCH ON AGING

themselves. Like some of our interviewees, her relationship with God

played an important role in the self-forgiveness process. She stated,

We are hard on ourselves. . . . And I think once we really, really

know . . . love ourselves, and know ourselves, we tend to put it be-
hind. . . . Lot of times, we . . . I said, “Lord, let me see myself.” You
know? Kind of bring me up. You know, there . . . because He said there
are secrets in our hearts that we don’t even know. Sins in our hearts that
we don’t even know about. And He’ll, you know, kind of let them ease
out every so often and, you know . . . that way. But I think we’re really
hard on ourselves. But He’ll just . . . He’ll forgive us, you know.

This woman’s description reveals the arduous process by which some

individuals slowly acknowledge their fallibilities. Further, it reveals a
major stumbling block to self-evaluation: honestly appraising one-
self. Clearly, religion and prayer played a key role in this woman’s
ability to see her mistakes clearly. Although Bauer and colleagues
(1992) observed that individuals may seek divine intervention as part
of self-forgiveness, they did not articulate the process by which divine
intervention leads to self-forgiveness. From this woman, we learn that
her relationship with God provided her with the strength to acknowl-
edge her transgressions honestly, which is a crucial step in the self-
forgiveness process.
Related to this awareness of wrongdoing was a purposeful remem-
bering of transgressions so that they would not be repeated. A 67-
year-old White man eloquently described the importance of learning
from his mistakes:

If I take on something about myself that’s imperfect or frankly wrong,

then that’s the first step to being forgiven. And sometimes I would
think about very painful things and it causes me a little pain. I’m emo-
tional about that. But I don’t think forgetting about it is what I want to
do. . . . I don’t want to forget it because it’s part of my learning.

The observations of this man are important because they suggest that
one step in the self-forgiveness process is to develop an accurate
appraisal of the self. This new awareness is similar to what Bauer
and colleagues (1992) described as a confrontation with one’s own
mistakes and an acknowledgment of fallibility. For this man, self-
forgiveness entailed a process of deep reflection in which he remem-
bered and analyzed his transgressions to avoid repeating them. His

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 279

approach illustrates how individuals seek to learn from their trans-

gressions in an effort to improve their real self-schemas; and, if suc-
cessful, they may ultimately experience improved mental health.
Indeed, making a plan for behavioral change was a central compo-
nent of this mechanism. Individuals who attempted to learn from their
mistakes were engaged in thinking about ways in which they could
make changes in themselves to approximate their ideals more fully.
The next step in this process was to decide to behave differently in the
future. Some talked about the necessity of making promises to them-
selves that they would change their behavior. For example, a 97-year-
old White woman said, “I tell myself I won’t do it again and I keep, I
keep . . . I try very hard to keep that promise to myself.” This promise
of improved behavior was, for some, a crucial part of self-acceptance.

BEHAVIORAL REACTIONS

Although the importance of cognitive processes involved in self-

forgiveness has been highlighted by others (Bauer et al. 1992; Enright
and the Human Development Study Group 1996), behavioral pro-
cesses have received less attention. Our analyses uncovered several
behavioral reactions experienced by respondents to help address the
disparity between their real and ideal views of themselves. Whereas
the previously mentioned cognitive reactions addressed this inconsis-
tency by revising both real and ideal self-schemas, the behavioral
reactions focused exclusively on changing real self-schemas to
approximate ideal self-schemas more closely.

Making reparation. Some of our interviewees emphasized the need

for behavioral changes before they could forgive themselves. A
sequence of steps that started with a promise to change his behavior
followed by actual behavioral change was described by an 87-year-
old African American man. He observed, “You really don’t forgive
yourself unless you promise yourself not to do it no more and then
don’t do it no more.” This notion was further elaborated by interview-
ees who felt that they needed to make some kind of reparation before
they could forgive themselves. In the words of a 76-year-old African
American woman, “I can forgive myself if I do something to make it
right.” One way of making it right was to express remorse to the

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280 RESEARCH ON AGING

person who had been hurt. A 66-year-old White woman observed, “I

need to apologize to somebody.”
These cases indicate that some older people can forgive themselves
only after they have changed their behaviors. Such change may entail
stopping the negative behaviors or engaging in positive behaviors that
compensate for their transgressions. Consistent with Kaplan’s (1986)
notion that self-acceptance may require behavioral change, our older
respondents sometimes needed to engage in prosocial behaviors
before they could forgive themselves for their own transgressions.
Indeed, making reparation may be one of the most potent forms of
self-forgiveness because it holds the potential for being forgiven by
the victim. The experience of being forgiven by one’s victim may, in
turn, alter the negative self-evaluation of the transgressor, resulting in
positive mental health outcomes such as relief and well-being.

Reading the Bible. Because the present study was based on a larger
study of religion and aging, one of the questions we asked was “How
does religion help you forgive yourself?” One response from our
interviewees was that reading the Bible facilitated self-forgiveness.
For these individuals, reading biblical passages that pertained to self-
forgiveness provided inspiration for forgiving themselves. A 74-year-
old African American woman illustrated this method by describing
how she turned to the Bible when she felt guilty about something she
had done: “Sometimes it’s something that you beat yourself up for
awhile. And then, finally, you read the Scripture for forgiving and
things that’s going to make you grow and therefore you forgive your-
self.” This woman’s remarks suggest that reading about forgiveness in
the Bible helped individuals perceive self-forgiveness as a source of
spiritual development. This association with spirituality helped
motivate our older participants to forgive themselves.
An extension of this approach was to gain inspiration for self-
forgiveness by reading about biblical characters who had sinned but
were forgiven by God. An 82-year-old African American man stated,
“The Scripture is the blueprint for the good life.” He explained how
reading the story of David provided him with a sense of renewal. He
elaborated on how even though David was a devout man and a great
king, he had sinned and needed God’s forgiveness. Like this man,
other participants also talked about how Bible stories helped serve as
models of how people obtained self-forgiveness.

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These findings suggest that biblical stories can serve as powerful

motivators for self-forgiveness. Such stories remind older adults that
they are not alone. They illustrate how even biblical characters who
committed serious transgressions obtained God’s forgiveness. Read-
ing these stories enables older people to feel worthy of self-
forgiveness and, in so doing, to evaluate their real self-schemas less
critically thereby enhancing their psychological well-being.

Praying for God’s forgiveness. Another religious reaction to one’s

own transgressions was described by those whose personal relation-
ships with God served as pathways to self-forgiveness. These inter-
viewees explained that a crucial step in forgiving themselves was to
ask for God’s forgiveness. For these individuals, feeling forgiven by
God enabled them to forgive themselves. Illustrating Knight’s (1996)
clinical observations that guilt is often associated with the death of a
loved one, a 67-year-old White woman described the excruciating
guilt she experienced when she was not present at her mother’s death.
She explained how she had tried to forgive herself: “I’ve asked God to
forgive me for that. And I know God has forgiven me, and I think I’m
finally able to forgive myself for it, and that’s when I think that I’m
truly forgiven.”
For individuals such as this woman, religious beliefs played a vital
role in their ability to forgive themselves. Consistent with the findings
of Bauer and colleagues (1992), these participants found that divine
intervention was crucial to self-forgiveness. Further, they provide us
with insight into how their beliefs in divine intervention helped them
change their perceptions of themselves. That is, feeling forgiven by
God helped diminish their critical self-evaluations, thereby narrowing
the gap between their real and ideal self-schemas. For these older peo-
ple, their religious faith helped motivate them to take the initial steps
necessary in the self-forgiveness process that led to improved mental
health.

EMOTIONAL REACTIONS

As they struggled with reconciling the disparity between their real

and ideal perceptions of themselves, our interviewees experienced a
range of emotions. The variation in responses suggested that cognitive
and behavioral reactions contributed to people’s ability to forgive

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282 RESEARCH ON AGING

themselves and resulted in positive mental health outcomes such as

relief and well-being. Others, who may not have experienced such
cognitive and behavioral reactions experienced poorer mental health
outcomes, including feeling of confusion, uncertainty, and chronic
guilt.

Relief and well-being. Consistent with Erikson’s (1964) view of

mental health, our respondents appeared to be striving for senses of
integrity and self-acceptance. Behavioral reactions (e.g., asking for
God’s forgiveness) and cognitive reactions (e.g., changing evaluation
standards) contributed to revised understanding of themselves. This
revised understanding appeared to diminish the guilt that they felt
about their previous transgressions. An 82-year-old African Ameri-
can woman said that when she could forgive herself, “I feels free.”
Such comments suggest that the release of guilt allowed our elderly
respondents to feel revitalized and hopeful. Similarly, a 71-year-old
White woman talked about the “well feeling” she experienced in rela-
tion to self-forgiveness. For such individuals, their revised under-
standing of themselves seemed to help diminish their ruminations
about past transgressions and resulted in a greater sense of calmness
and comfort.

Confusion and uncertainty. We learned more about the process of

self-forgiveness by examining the explanations of those for whom the
process was difficult. Confusion and uncertainty were manifested by
the ways in which individuals fumbled and tripped over their words as
they grappled with the question about whether they could forgive
themselves. An 83-year-old White woman said, “But I—I don’t know
if I really ever . . . I probably have, but things, you know, that I’ve don’t
and I . . . sometimes I just can’t, you know, forgive myself for what I’ve
done.”
Some respondents who expressed uncertainty were those for whom
self-forgiveness necessitated first asking for God’s forgiveness. The
interviewees who appeared most confused were those who believed
that God had forgiven them for their transgressions but could not use
this assurance to forgive themselves. The frustration resulting from
their inability to attain self-forgiveness was illustrated by a 69-year-
old African American woman, to whom it

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 283

seemed like something just said to me, “The Lord forgave you, but you
haven’t forgiven yourself.” And that’s the truth. And I—I just thought.
I said, “That’s right. What am I worried about? The Lord has forgiven
me.” And I had taken it back. The Lord didn’t because He said . . . He
said He throw [it] in the sea of forgetfulness. My problem is that I had
taken that baggage around with me.

The observations of this woman reveal subtle yet important aspects

of how emotional reactions are intertwined with cognitive and behav-
ioral reactions. More specifically, she indicated that believing in
God’s forgiveness does not result in emotional well-being. Perhaps
this gap arises from the fact that believing in God’s forgiveness is a
cognitive process. However, as theologians have argued, religious be-
liefs are most beneficial when they affect daily action and behavior
(Tillich 1957). If so, it would appear that the discrepancy between the
real and ideal selves is best reconciled through the combination of
cognitive and behavioral reactions.

Chronic guilt. For some participants, forgiving themselves

remained elusive even after decades of struggle. The chronic guilt
experienced by these individuals was exemplified most poignantly by
a war veteran. This 66-year-old African American man alluded to the
persistent guilt he felt over the atrocities he had committed decades
earlier as a soldier. He explained that after he came back from service
in the Army, “it took me a long time to forgive myself for it.” He elabo-
rated by recounting how he had tried to make reparation for his earlier
transgressions, but there was a tentativeness in this explanation sug-
gesting that he still struggled to forgive himself: “Now, I think . . . I’m
hoping, hoping that I’ve repaid the debt.”
The reflections of this former soldier demonstrate how unresolved
guilt can last a lifetime. For such individuals, the inability to forgive
themselves and find relief from obsessive ruminations can have pro-
found long-term effects on their mental health.

Discussion
The ability to forgive oneself represents an important, but over-
looked, stepping-stone to self-acceptance and mental health in later
life. Using qualitative methods, we sought to enhance understanding

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284 RESEARCH ON AGING

of self-forgiveness among the elderly in later life. By mapping self-

forgiveness, we illuminated the process by which individuals sought
self-acceptance as they reminisced about their lives, including their
previous transgressions. The findings that emerged from this study
provide several important insights. Three of these insights are
described here. The first pertains to specific forgiveness reactions to
one’s own transgressions. The second focuses on those individuals for
whom an inability to forgive themselves may seriously compromise
their mental health. The third involves the function of self-forgiveness
in the process of self-acceptance and improved mental health.
One of the contributions of the present study was to broaden the
existing conceptualization of cognitive reactions involved in the self-
forgiveness process. Although Enright and the Human Development
Study Group (1996) had already identified cognitive reframing as a
self-forgiveness mechanism, we discovered a more diverse set of cog-
nitive reactions experienced by our elderly respondents, including
discriminating among transgressions, changing evaluation standards,
focusing on positive intentions, and acknowledging and learning from
mistakes. The richness and variety of the cognitive reactions identi-
fied here may be partially attributable to the age of our study sample.
Markus and Herzog (1991) suggested that aging is accompanied by
considerable “self-definitional ferment” (p. 132), which results in
elaborated self-schemas. Perhaps this process of redefining them-
selves in the face of age-related changes serves as a catalyst for the
development of more elaborated cognitive reactions that enable older
people to forgive themselves.
Another important finding from this study was the discovery of
behavioral reactions relevant to self-forgiveness. Although this area
had been relatively unexplored, we identified three behavioral reac-
tions associated with self-forgiveness. The first of these, making repa-
ration, is consistent with Kaplan’s (1986) hypothesis that in an effort
to enhance their self-assessment, individuals engage in positive
behaviors that seek to remedy their transgressions either directly or
indirectly via prosocial behavior. Our study built on Kaplan’s work
concerning behavioral changes that enhance self-esteem by identify-
ing two additional kinds of behavioral reactions, both of which were
religiously oriented: reading the Bible and asking for God’s forgive-
ness. There are several reasons why these two reactions emerged as
salient behavioral pathways to self-forgiveness among our older

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 285

respondents. One explanation is that religious methods may become

more important as interpersonal methods become less viable with age.
That is, the people from whom our elderly interviewees might have
asked for forgiveness may have already died, thus leaving them more
reliant on religious processes. Another explanation is that the inter-
viewees selected for this study were all individuals for whom religion
was at least somewhat important. In addition, one of our interview
questions focused on how religion helped them forgive themselves.
Thus, the selection criteria for our sample and our interview protocol
may have led to the identification of religious methods of self-
forgiveness.
This study also provides important insights concerning the kinds of
older people for whom self-forgiveness is most problematic. We
found that some individuals who were incapable of forgiving them-
selves were extremely self-critical. The high standards to which they
held themselves were often developed during their childhood, and
now, in later life, they seemed incapable of accepting their own mis-
takes and limitations. Another group of individuals felt that they had
received God’s forgiveness but nevertheless were incapable of forgiv-
ing themselves. These people may be at particular risk for mental
health problems. They appeared especially confused and frustrated in
that despite their devotion to God, their religious beliefs could not
facilitate revisions of their real self-schemas. For others, the inability
to forgive themselves was related to the nature of their actions (i.e.,
transgressions that had been especially destructive). Some had strug-
gled much of their lives to forgive themselves for transgressions that
had occurred decades earlier. Like Coleman (1999), who described
the kinds of people for whom the life review process is problematic,
we found that former soldiers experienced considerable anguish over
the atrocities they had committed during wartime. Our findings are
also consistent with Butler’s (1963) observation that “those who have
consciously exercised the human capacity to injure others” are most at
risk for a negative life review because “these people, in whom guilt is
real, can see no way of reversing the process: they do not imagine for-
giveness and redemption” (p. 70). For individuals who have commit-
ted particularly hurtful transgressions, the inability to attain self-
forgiveness can have far-reaching effects on mental health.
Our study helps uncover the role of self-forgiveness in developing a
congruent view of the self. Life review theorists have suggested that

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286 RESEARCH ON AGING

the revision of self-schemas is vital to late life self-acceptance (Watt

and Cappeliez 1995; Wong 1995). Although their notion that older
people must reconcile the disparity between their real and ideal self-
schemas has considerable intuitive appeal, there is limited under-
standing of how this disparity is reconciled. From the descriptions of
our interviewees, we identified at least three ways in which self-
forgiveness contributes to the revision of self-schemas: two cognitive
mechanisms and one behavioral. One cognitive mechanism is helping
individuals evaluate their real self-schemas more positively (e.g., by
focusing on their positive intentions at the time of a transgression,
thereby diminishing their negative self-evaluation). A second cogni-
tive mechanism is reassessing their ideal self-schemas more realisti-
cally (e.g., by changing their standards of evaluating themselves). A
third mechanism, a behavioral approach, revises real self-schemas
through behavioral changes (e.g., apologizing and making repara-
tion). We think that each of these mechanisms results in more congru-
ent real and ideal self-schemas that, as hypothesized by life review
theorists (Wong 1995), enhance self-acceptance.
Our research also provides some further clues about the pathways
between self-forgiveness and mental health. On the basis of the expe-
riences of our interviewees, it appears that various cognitive and
behavioral components of self-forgiveness contribute to emotional
reactions, such as relief and well-being. We hypothesize that the rela-
tionship between self-forgiveness and mental health involves a multi-
stage process that begins with cognitive or behavioral self-forgiveness
reactions. When successful, these reactions result in a reconciliation
of ideal and real schemas that, in turn, leads to self-acceptance and
improved mental health. We think that these cognitive and behavioral
reactions can operate separately or together. One way in which they
may operate together is that certain behavioral reactions (e.g., praying
for God’s forgiveness) may trigger cognitive reactions (e.g., chang-
ing evaluation standards), which, in turn, precipitates greater self-
acceptance and improved mental health. Alternatively, it may be that
cognitive reactions (e.g., acknowledging and learning from mistakes)
trigger behavioral reactions (e.g., making reparation), which results in
self-acceptance and enhanced mental health. We further hypothesize
that this process is not static and that emotional reactions (e.g., confu-
sion and uncertainty) may be attenuated at a later point in time by
behavioral and/or cognitive reactions. This preliminary framework

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 Ingersoll-Dayton, Krause / SELF-FORGIVENESS 287

can serve as a guide to future researchers as they seek to further

understand the mechanisms by which self-forgiveness leads to mental
health.
Although our research contributes several important insights into
the forgiveness process, there are limiting factors that should be
addressed in future research. First, this study focused on Christians for
whom religion was at least somewhat important. As others study self-
forgiveness, it will be important to incorporate individuals who repre-
sent various religions as well as those for whom religion is not impor-
tant. Second, the reactions identified in this study may represent only
a small subset of the ways in which older adults respond to their own
transgressions in an attempt to forgive themselves. We suggest that
future research seek to uncover additional reactions that are integral to
the self-forgiveness process. Third, we relied exclusively on a retro-
spective approach as we attempted to illuminate the fundamental pro-
cesses involved in self-forgiveness for the elderly. Future research
should augment our study by using longitudinal designs to examine,
for example, the extent to which self-forgiveness contributes to inte-
grative reminiscence and self-acceptance. Finally, our study focused
on people aged 65 and older. Additional studies should include a
broader spectrum of ages to address the issue of whether self-
forgiveness processes change with age.
As we pointed out earlier, one purpose of exploratory qualitative
research is to provide raw grist for subsequent empirical studies (Dey
1999). A key task at this junction is to use the insights provided by our
study to guide future quantitative research on self-forgiveness. Our
data suggest that people experience a variety of cognitive, behavioral,
and emotional reactions as they attempt to forgive themselves for pre-
vious transgressions. We must determine whether different cognitive
and behavioral reactions are equally effective or whether one
approach has better effects on mental health than another. It may be,
for example, that older adults who make efforts to provide restitution
as part of the self-forgiveness process are more likely to experience
relief and well-being. Also, efforts should be directed toward under-
standing the factors that impinge on cognitive and behavioral reac-
tions such that some people experience forgiveness whereas others do
not. This understanding will help us develop interventions that will
enhance people’s ability to forgive themselves.

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288 RESEARCH ON AGING

Theoreticians suggest that self-acceptance is a crucial aspect of

maturity and clinicians view guilt as an impediment to self-
acceptance (Erikson 1964; Knight 1996). To date, however, there has
been very little empirical attention on self-forgiveness as a process for
assuaging guilt and enhancing self-acceptance. This study represents
a first step toward establishing the significance of self-forgiveness for
the elderly and uncovering their reactions to their own transgressions.
We hope that others will be inspired to pursue this topic to better
understand the pathways toward self-acceptance and mental health in
later life.

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Berit Ingersoll-Dayton is a professor in the School of Social Work at the University of

Michigan. Her work examines support exchanges in later life as well as the evaluation
of intervention models that focus on older adults and their families.
Neal Krause is a professor in the Department of Health Behavior and Health Educa-
tion in the School of Public Health at the University of Michigan and a senior research
scientist at the Institute of Gerontology. His work focuses on factors influencing
health and well-being of older people, including stress, social support, and religion.

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