For the Sake of One We Lo ve

and Are Lo sin g

A M E D I TA T I V E P O E M & J O U R N A L

P H Y L L I S C OL E - DA I
“Within the pages of this beautiful book, we have instructions for how to be fully present as we sit with the dying, then walk the path
of grieving. May everyone who reads these words have their heart opened in compassion. May they experience peace and light.”

— BARBARA CROOKER,
author of The Book of Kells (winner of Poetry by the Sea’s 2018 Best Book Award)
and Some Glad Morning

“With her exquisite long poem, Phyllis Cole-Dai offers an immense gift of truth and beauty to the world. When faced with the loss of
a loved one, so few of us know where to turn, but now we have this simple yet profound companion for the grief journey each of us
must face, doing our best to ‘embrace what we fear as if it were a lost child crying in our arms.’”
— JAMES CREWS,
editor of Healing the Divide: Poems of Kindness and Connection

“With exquisite sensitivity and great tenderness, Phyllis Cole-Dai brings us the impossible—a way to engage with the mystery of loss.
It honors the terrible aloneness and at the same time points us toward the gifts of loving and being alive. I wept with the truth of it.”

— ROSEMERRY WAHTOLA TROMMER,

author of Hush and Naked for Tea

“Phyllis Cole-Dai’s poem entered my heart as a balm, a gift that seemed specially crafted for my losses. But I know all who read these
words—that arrived from the dream world—will be moved deeply. This stunning book will serve as a life raft to carry you to the other
side of your journey of grief.”
— MARIANNE MURPHY ZARZANA,
poet
For the Sake of One We Love

and Are Lo sin g

A M E D I TA T I V E P O E M & J O U R N A L

P H Y L L I S C OL E - DA I
I wish to thank fellow writers Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, Ruby R. Wilson, Dana Yost, and Marianne Murphy Zarzana for
their encouragement and practical advice as well as their tender reading and insightful tweaking of the text. I’m also deeply
grateful to Tammie Mohr and her design team for their sensitivity and creativity. All of you helped me honor the dream.

For the Sake of One We Love and Are Losing

Copyright © 2020 by Phyllis Cole-Dai
All rights reserved.

Design & layout by Choke Cherry Design

ISBN 978-0-578-65306-8
Printed in the U.S.A. by 48 Hour Books
Bell Sound Books
Dedicated to all who grieve
For the Sake of One We Lo ve

and Are Lo sin g

For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will not be afraid.
 But when we are afraid
we will embrace what we fear
as if it were a lost child
crying in our arms.
 We will not walk away
from what needs to be seen
and cared for.
We will not walk away.
For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will praise.
We will speak words of light.
We will let our thoughts rise
 like a ring of smoke
widening into blue sky.
For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will let go the thing s
we do not understand.
We will set regrets like candles
upon the still waters
to float away
on their own time.
We will hang old wounds upon distant stars
whose light can absorb their weight.
All these will pass
beyond our need to see.
For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will not cling.
We will hold the hand gently.
We will wrap the body with fresh linens.
We will lay our head upon the shoulder.
We will bless the forehead
with tears and kisses.
 All that has gone unspoken
because it could not be said before
will be said by this.
 For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will suffer the final limits
of our devotion.
Death we cannot control.

32
Death we cannot fix.

33
This is the rock upon which we are split.
We cannot rise
 yet still we will rise
to do the one more impossible thing.
For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will ready ourselves
to be more alone.
This is not a betrayal of the beloved.
It is acceptance of the branching paths
on the journey shared.
Before the great farewell,
we will break bread together.

42
We will draw water from the well
and lift it to one another’s lips.

43
What we need is here.

44
Each day that we have
danced and endured,
every certain step
and stumble
has prepared us
for just this.
We will be present
within the goodbye
so long as it lasts.
 We do not know how
perfectly we can love
through our imperfections.
We cannot know what
we are made of
until they who have helped make us
leave us.
For the sake of one we love
and are losing,
we will go.
We will make our parting
not knowing how.

58
The road ends just ahead

59
but the land goes on.
The land goes on like mercy,
out and around forever.
 AUTHOR’S NOTE

In February, 2020, I left home for a 10-day personal writing retreat to work intensively on a novel. One night, about a week in, I was awakened from a profound
dream by a poem demanding to be set down. The room was pitch-black. Fearing that turning on a light would wipe away the fragile web of words, I wrote in
darkness, scratching with my cold pen until I could feel ink flowing on the page. Little by little, I began to see, just enough to scribble by. I scratched down as
much of the text as I could remember, in whatever order the lines came. The light grew until it made: This.

In the dream a dying relative had asked family members to gather and unite our voices in reading a book. That book was this poem, though what I’ve been able
to recollect is but a faint shadow of the original; the rest is lost. Yet I can still remember the depth of love expressed by our reading that book together. I can still
feel the texture of the book’s paper. I can still see its rich turquoise color.

The dream had the power of a visitation. It broke through as from beyond. I’ve felt responsible for honoring the dream and the poem it brought by creating the
book you now hold in your hands.

I’m not surprised that the poem came when it did. My elderly father was (and still is) suffering through an agonizing decline due to dementia and complications
from diabetes. My mother was (and still is) grieving the gradual loss of the man to whom she’d been married for more than 60 years. How could I be present to
them, living half a continent away? I also shared my husband’s worry about his nearly 90-year-old father and so many others in his native China, where the novel
coronavirus epidemic had shut down much of the country. How to be present to them, living half a world away?

Whoever you are, reading this, I know that your life, too, has been touched by the anguish that attends suffering and loss. Grief is an inescapable part of being
human. Being universal, it can also serve to bridge our differences. When we acknowledge and understand one another’s heartbreak, when we support one
another through despair and sorrow, we build greater empathy and stronger community in our corner of a hurting world.

I dedicate this poem to you and all who grieve. Read it for solace. Contemplate its lines. Use it as a keepsake journal, attaching photographs, jotting down
reminiscences and reflections. Share it during gatherings of farewell and remembrance. Offer it as a gift of compassion. However you choose to use it, may it
bring you consolation.
 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Phyllis Cole-Dai began writing on an old manual typewriter in childhood and never stopped. Her work explores things that
tend to divide us, so that we might wrestle our way into deeper understandings of one another. In addition to publishing four
music albums, she has authored or edited ten books in multiple genres, including historical fiction, spiritual memoir and
poetry. A native of Ohio, she now lives with her scientist-husband, teenage son and two cats in a cozy 130-year-old house in
Brookings, South Dakota. Get your free sampler of her music and writings by joining her mailing list at phylliscoledai.com.
 OTHER RECENT WORKS

Beneath the Same Stars: A Novel of the 1862 U.S.-Dakota War

Poetry of Presence: An Anthology of Mindfulness Poetry

(co-edited with Ruby R. Wilson)

The Emptiness of Our Hands: 47 Days on the Streets

(co-authored with James Murray)

Practicing Presence: Insights from the Streets

 This book will help you say
what you want to say
when someone you love is dying
FOR THE SAKE OF ONE WE LOVE AND ARE LOSING is a meditative poem dedicated
to all who grieve. Read it for solace. Use it as a keepsake journal, attaching photographs, jotting
down memories and reflections. Share it during gatherings of farewell and remembrance.
Offer it as a gift of compassion. However you choose to use it, may it bring you consolation.

“Within the pages of thi s beautif ul book, we have instr uc tions for how to be f ully
present as we sit w ith the dy ing, then walk the path of g r ie v ing. May e ver yone who
reads these words have their hear t opened in compassion.”
— BARBARA CROOKER

PHYLLIS COLE-DAI has authored or edited ten books in multiple genres, including historical fiction,
spiritual memoir, and poetry. A native of Ohio, she now lives with her scientist-husband, teenage son, and
two cats in a cozy 130-year-old house in Brookings, South Dakota. Learn more at phylliscoledai.com.

$18.95
ISBN 978-0-578-65306-8
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