Pure Evil

CHARACTERS

BRUCE(CJ)- He’s a burly strong silent (literally) type creature. (Think of the
Hulk/Curious George)
COUNT OMNIOUS(Tarun)-He’s hyper, maniac type of character but has a softer side to him.
(Think Robin Williams)
IGOR(Pranay)-loyal sidekick. A harmless worm-tongue like character.
SUPER EVIL GUY(Vivek) - a dynamic actor, with ability to feign many accent
WONDERFUL MAN(AK) - Very enthusiastic, your typical cheesy hero, complete with deep
cheesy hero voice.
ANNA(Richa) - Lady, not easily impressed, except by Wonderful Man.
NARRATOR(Ajit) - Reminiscent of Stan Lee from the old spider man and incredible hulk
cartoons. Must appear on stage.
POLICE OFFICERS/GUARD – Buff, but more important, idiots.
(Sudipto – Police chief, Jayanth – bank guard, Srinivas – car driver, Pranay – clerk)
LOST DRIVER and CLERK- McDonald's at 3 am comes to mind(for the clerk).
Total: 11

INT. SECRET LAIR

Shrouded with darkness except for a spotlight on a grotesque looking hump with an idiot
on it pacing up and down in anger and frustration.
Narrator: Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman. Call me Narrator and I shall be your
narrator for tonight. Metro city, a city of peace, happiness and 24 hour disco bars.
All in the city is quiet. except...
IGOR: Oh I’m sick and tired of him!Igor do this, Igor do that! Igor those trousers make
you look fat! Oh I’ll show him! I demand respect! I will stand up and him and say… my
evil lord Excellency.
(IGOR cowers and OMNIOUS appears from the shadows, walking along with commanding
presence. He tries to sweep his long cape around majestically, but gets caught in it.)
OMNIOUS:Argh crap! Some help?
(IGOR straightens up the cape.)
OMNIOUS:(Snaps)That’s enough Igor.
(IGOR stumbles away. OMNIOUS resumes his posing.)
I am Lord Ominous, the greatest and darkest villain in the world!
No one can surpass me, not even Elmo…
IGOR:If I may, what’s that, and what’s in it my lord?
(IGOR points at the mysterious black box in OMNIOUS’s hand.)
OMNIOUS:Oh this is my mystery box! You see it’s a mysterious object, with a mysterious
history. Even I don’t know what’s inside! But it must never be opened! The result could
be catastrophic!
(OMNIOUS places the box down carefully.)
You know what Igor?(Beat) I have a hunch…
IGOR: (Hurt)What?
OMNIOUS:Oh right, I forgot your sensitive about your hump. But I am in the sinister
mood to take over the world! We shall start tonight! Igor, bring me my army of evil
minions!
IGOR:Oh spiteful one, we don’t have an army of evil minions.
OMNIOUS: (Turns around)What? Don’t we have any zombies? Vampires? Werewolves? Oompa
Loompas!
IGOR:None my lord.
OMNIOUS:Never mind. (Beat) Ah-ha! I have just the thing for this. Igor, did you get
that book I asked for?
(IGOR rushes off to grab the book and comes back. OMNIOUS takes it and opens it.)
OMNIOUS: Ah now it says here in Page one of ‘World Dominance’ for dummies, that you
must wear something fashionable and evil. Check. Next you must have a hunch-backed
side-kick freak. Check. It also says you must create a monster to assist world
domination. (Turns to Igor) Now that would normally take 5-6 years, but luckily I made
one in my spare time.
(OMNIOUS shoots a look at the audience as if he is in a cooking show. LIGHTS ON
revealing a vast laboratory full of test tubes and incomplete inventions. OMNIOUS and
IGOR move to a white clothed table.)
OMNIOUS:All it needs now is a few finishing touches. Now leave to bake for 45 minutes.
IGOR:The monster?
OMNIOUS:No these chocolate chip muffins!
(OMNIOUS reveals them proudly from behind the table and puts them to the side. Igor
goes in to grab one, but Ominous slaps his hand. )
OMNIOUS: Now to the monster, which must be filled with ingredients of evil. 4 and a
half cups of werewolf blood, a dash of menace to taste, and the essence of Bill Gates.
IGOR:But my darkness, Bill isn’t evil.
OMNIOUS:Obviously you haven’t seen the outrageous license of Windows Vista! It is
complete! Rise Frankenstein!
IGOR:That is highly unoriginal my twisted one.
OMNIOUS:So?
IGOR:Well if you want to be set apart from the other villains out there, don’t you want
an original name for your creation?
OMNIOUS:Oh you’re right…Rise Vader!
IGOR : Taken.
OMNIOUS:Rise the HULK!
IGOR:Taken too.
OMNIOUS:What is there then? I need a strong and diabolical name. A name that brings
fear to others!
IGOR:How about Eugene?
(OMNIOUS stares at IGOR blankly.)
OMNIOUS:No no, aha! I have it! Bruce! Rise Bruce!
(OMNIOUS pulls the white cloth off. Slowly and surely this giant makeshift creation
begins to wake.)
That’s it Bruce! Rise from your slumber!
(BRUCE looks around confused and stares at his creator.)
OMNIOUS:It’s me! Daddy! I made you! Come along. That’s right.
(BRUCE approaches him. Ominous holds a globe of the world in his hand.)
See this Bruce. This is the world, and with you by my side, it will all be ours.
Muahahahahaha…
(OMNIOUS continues to laugh as he and BRUCE strolls off. IGOR shakes his head in
embarrassment and follows.)
INT. SECRET SCENARIO ROOM
(Ominous walks with Bruce closely by his side.)
OMNIOUS:Now today Bruce you’re going to be put through a rigorous and sinister test, to
test your evil. I’ll let Igor introduce it to you.
(IGOR dressed in an immaculate suit steps in)
IGOR: (Appears)Welcome to Evil deed 101. Here are Some rules to ensure you’re safety
and enjoyment of this exercise. Please keep hands close by your sides to avoid injury,
and please stay calm in an event of a fire. In an event of a fire, go to the exits that
are located here, and here…
OMNIOUS: (Annoyed)That’s quite enough Igor! (Watches as Igor stumbles off) Your evil
scenario today is very simple. Terrorising a child at the park and making them cry!
It’s like taking candy from a baby, Quite literally!
(OMNIOUS steps back into a director’s chair and barks his orders through a microphone.)
Now I want to see a lot of wickedness from you. Ready? Lights, camera and action!
(IGOR skips along in a ridiculous childish outfit, humming to Sunshine and lollipops.
BRUCE watches him as he sits down at the park bench, getting out candy, but
‘accidentally’ spills it on the ground. BRUCE peers down and inches closer. He picks up
the bag and gives it to him.)
IGOR:Oh why thank you.
OMNIOUS:CUT!
IGOR:Something wrong my lord?
OMNIOUS:What the hell was that? I asked for evilness, not happy bubblegum, sugar
on top niceness! And Igor, that’s the most ridiculous outfit I’ve ever seen.
IGOR:But you chose it…
OMNIOUS: (Ignores)Right from the top! And action!
IGOR:Oh golly, look at all these chocolates I have in my bag. No way, no ones
going to get these. To think of the horror if they were stole and used
to pummel me mercilessly.
(OMNIOUS waits in anticipation for Bruce’s next move. BRUCE hands a cheerful IGOR a
bunch of flowers.)
OMNIOUS: (Angry)CUT! Oh my god that’s even worse! Bruce, I asked for Michael Corleone
not Forrest Gump!
IGOR:How about me master?
OMNIOUS:Fix the hump. And action!
IGOR:Oh my god they’re on the ground and ruined. I think I’m going to cry.
(BRUCE looks at him and then the candy. He then wanders off and Re-appears with an ice
cream and a balloon)
IGOR: (Happy) Oh why thank you. Would you like to sit down, and share this beautifully
bleak day with me?
(BRUCE happily obliges and sits down with him.)
IGOR:In fact, let’s play tag! Tag, you’re it!
(they start chasing each other until OMNIOUS erupts with frustration and anger.)
OMNIOUS:Argh! I can’t take it any more!
(They stop.)
OMNIOUS:(Points at Bruce)You’re atrocious!
IGOR:How about my performance master?
OMNIOUS:Oh please, you’re hump can act Better than you can!
(IGOR slowly disappears off stage, as OMNIOUS edges closer to BRUCE menacingly. BRUCE
is forced back, into a corner, frightened.)
OMNIOUS:You…YOU! You were meant to be evil! And to think my greatest creation is
nice? I’ll be the laughing stock of the council of villains! You’re a worthless failed
experiment that should never have been! I’ve failed (Slowly in realisation, and calming
down) I’ve failed…Oh how miserably I’ve failed.

INT. COUNCIL OF VILLAINS

(The meeting point for evil of all sorts. The Evil Men/Women of the Universe are
sitting in a circle)
Narrator: The Council of Evil Men/Women/Other, chaired by the Supreme President,
affectionately called President Bush.
Everyone :Lord Bill,grant us the serenity to accept the things we can change, the
ignorance to change the things we cannot and the incapacity to know the difference...
OMNIUS:Hello everyone. My name is Count Omnius and I am an Evil Guy.
EVERYONE:Hello Count Omnius.
OMNIUS:I have been an Evil Guy for 400 years. Evil is not what it used to be. My
greatest plan has failed miserably and now I have nothing to look forward to. Evil is
dead in my world. Even my hunchbacked sidekick and my evil monster have left me to work
in a sandwich shop(Sits down)
SUPER EVIL GUY: Hello everyone. My name is Super Evil Guy and I am an Evil Guy. All
Evil is not lost and I still have hope. I shall prove it. I shall take over Metro City.
(Everyone claps and the support group disbands. There is a glow about Super Evil Guy.)

INT. METRO CITY

Super Evil Guy:[to himself] I must acquire capital to fund my dastardly doings, but
how? Where can I find enough? AHA! the Metro city bank, and I have the perfect plan!
MUHAHAHAhahahaa!
Guard:OH NO! It's Super Evil Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!]
Super Evil Guy: [In whiny fingernails-on-chalkboard voice] Wait, I'm not Super Evil Guy
[dun dun duuuunnnnn!], I'm Lenny!
Guard: Oh, so sorry, Lenny, did anyone ever tell you you look kind of like Super Evil
Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!]?
Super Evil Guy:No. Do I really?
Guard:Yeah. Well, Lenny, the bank is closed, can I help you with something?
Super Evil Guy:Well, I was wondering if I could get into the vault?
Guard:[very gung-ho] Sure!!
Super Evil Guy:[evil voice, to audience] Just as I had planned!!!
Guard:All right, come with me, Lenny. [pantomimes opening doors, vault, etc... they
enter vault]
Super Evil Guy:[gets all, then, in villain voice] AHA!! You fool!!! I am really Super
Evil Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!], MASTER of disguise, and now I have the money I need to
fund my dastardly doings!
Guard re-enters battle mode, Super Evil Guy advances on him, threatening viciously with
finger! Guard cowers back.
Guard:No! No please! No! don't hurt me!! NO!!!! Oh, Wonderful Man, where are you!?!?!
Oh no!
Super Evil Guy:Very well, I shall spare you, but soon, none shall be safe, from Super
Evil Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!]. Now, drop to the floor, and count to pi! [Exits with a
swoop, and a laugh]
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT
Narrator:Later that night, Super Evil Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!] was at it again.
Super Evil Guy: [pondering evil voice] And now, before I can carry on with my dastardly
doings, I must neutralize those who would stop me, but who? and how? AHA! The Metro
City Police Department, and I have the perfect plan! MUAHAHAHAHhahahah etc.
(Goes to police department, walks up to front desk)
Officer on duty:Super Evil Guy! [dun dun duuuunnnnn!; all other officers scramble
around]
Super Evil Guy:[backwood-ish voice] Well shucks, I ain't Super Evil Guy [dun dun
duuuunnnnn!]! I'm Jimmy-Jo-Bob [pauses] Luke.
Officer on duty:Oh, Whew! I was worried for a second! How can I help you Jimmy-jo-Bob
[pauses] Luke?
Super Evil Guy:Well shucks, I just got into the big city, and I was wonderin how many
of y'all police folk can fit into one of them jail cells.
Officer on duty:Why here in the big city, we have big jail cells. Well, I bet we could
fit the whole force into one cell. [to others] Let's show him, boys!
Others:[manly agreement] Yeah, etc.
Super Evil Guy:Oh boy!
[Officers cram into fake imaginary cell]
Officer on duty:See, what'd I tell you?
Super Evil Guy:[slams door] Ha HA! I have fooled you! I am really Super Evil Guy [dun
dun duuuunnnnn!], and now you have been neutralized! You followed my plan all too well.
[starts to walk away] Oh yes, and don't you use your keys to get out!
Officer:Oh no! our only hope for escape, foiled!! Where's Wonderful Man when we need
him?

INT. ELSEWHERE
Narrator: As the police are utterly neutralized, our hero is hard at work!
[traffic jam, people crouched in imaginary cars, beeping]
Wonderful Man: [leaps in among them] No need to fear, Wonderful Man is here! [directs
people in superheroy fashion, ad-libbing. Traffic starts to clear.]
Driver: Oh no! I'm lost, however will I find my way to cult street?
Wonderful Man: I know the way, I’ll save the day! [superhero stride of stage, in
front of car]
Driver: Oh, thank you, Wonderful Man, you are just [searches for word] Wonderful!

INT. Metro City Nuclear Facility/Deli

Narrator: Meanwhile....
Super Evil Guy: Now, for the final step in my dastardly doings. But what weapon would
allow me to take over the city and where shall I find it Aha! The Metro City Nuclear
Weapons production facility and all night deli! And I have the perfect plan
MUHAHAhahahaha etc.
[Super Evil Guy enters sales desk/deli bar]
Clerk/Sandwich Guy: Oh no! Super Evil Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!]
Super Evil Guy: [Russian voice] No, no, I am Boris! [clerk sighs with relief] I would
like small thermonuclear device and Italian... with extra pickles.
Clerk: [Ringing into cash register] OK.. that's one thermonuclear device [punches
nuclear weapon from memory] and one [resorts to consulting chart, and punches in the
sandwich slowly] Italian with extra pickles. That comes to.. 2.8 million, 2 dollars and
95 cents. Will that be to go?
Super Evil Guy: Oh yes, of course.
Clerk: You do know there is a five day waiting period on most nuclear devices.
Super Evil Guy: Oh please, I am in hurry, and I have the cash.
Clerk: Well, OK, I'll let it go this time, but only because my mother's name was Boris.
Super Evil Guy: [taking out one bill] Here you go. Keep the change.
Clerk: [hands Super Evil Guy stuff, smiles] Thank you, Boris, and have a good evening.
Super Evil Guy: Ha HA, you have been duped by my clever disguise! I truly am Super Evil
Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!] and now I can take over this city. And don't you tell anyone
about this.
Clerk: OH NO! The city is doomed, and now I can do nothing to stop it! I wish Wonderful
Man was here!
Super Evil Guy: [leaves and re-enters as clerk leaves] Now I have all I need to carry
out my dastardly doings tomorrow. [sees Anna] But before I rest for the night, I think
I shall thoroughly annoy that woman there.
[approaches Anna, jumps in front of her. Lady turns away, Super Evil Guy looks
perplexed, jumps in front of her and yells] Ha HA!
Anna: Here's a buck, go away.
Super Evil Guy: [Pockets dollar] Do you not know who I am? It is I Super Evil Guy! [No
dun dun duunnn!, but Super Evil Guy listens to its absence, and again, with great force
and presence] SUPER EVIL GUY! [again, no dun dun duuunnnn!]
Anna: [no recognition] Who?
Super Evil Guy: [perplexed (feel free to ad-lib)] Wha..? buh..? evil! I'm super villain
[almost pleadingly] people quake at my name! Time magazine's super villain of the year!
I'm always on the news, look, I even have a thermonuclear device to take over the city
[still no reaction from her. Super Evil Guy pauses, then gives a decisive look, pauses
and shouts] BOO!
Anna: [shriek of absolute terror] Help me! Can't anyone help me!? [Super Evil Guy has
look of contentment]
Wonderful Man: Hark! From the other side of the city, a damsel in distress, oh what a
pity! [bounds off super heroly]
[Lights down on Wonderful Man's side of the stage, and back up on Super Evil Guy's part
of the stage]
Super Evil Guy: No one can help you now!
[Enter Wonderful Man]
Wonderful Man: Here I come from out of the blue, I am here to rescue you. Super Evil
Guy [dun dun duuuunnnnn!], it had to be you!
Super Evil Guy: [French accent, shoots out hand to cover Anna's mouth] Mais non, I am
Francois, come here from la grande France.
Wonderful Man: So sorry, Francois, I thought you were someone else.
Super Evil Guy: Oh but I understand. Could I see your wallet? I am a wallet inspector.
Wonderful Man: Why certainly, here you go.
Super Evil Guy: HA HA! My plans always work so well! I am really Super Evil Guy [dun
dun duuuunnnnn!], and now I shall use your voice to run up your credit card bills and
cash your checks, because everyone will think I am [examines license, does double take,
takes third look to be sure] Corky Verschnitzel? [giggles] Corky Verschnitzel! [laughs
outright, Anna giggles, tries to cover]
Wonderful Man: YOU FIEND!
Super Evil Guy: [starts to recover from laughter]Yes! And now that you are here, I can
unmask my devilish plans! Tomorrow at 1:40, I have an appointment with the mayor!
Wonderful Man: No, not Ed!
Super Evil Guy: Yes! And when I am there I will pretend to be the president, and I will
order Ed to give the ownership of the city to me, Super Evil Guy! [dun dun duuuunnnnn!]
Wonderful Man: Ed will never believe you! He won't fall for your disguise!
Super Evil Guy: Ha HA! No-one can see through my disguises! You people are all such
idiots! Even you believed me! [Wonderful Man cringes, defeatedly] But if this is not
enough, I have devised the most diabolical disguise ever! [takes out pair of glasses,
Wonderful Man and Anna cringe in fear] And even if he does see through this cunning
disguise, I will have this city yet! With me I have a... THERMONUCLEAR BOMB which I
will put in Ed's office if he refuses, and blow it up when I am safely away!
Wonderful Man: Ed won't let you get away! And he'll call the police to disarm the bomb!
Super Evil Guy: You think I would have overlooked such a trifling matter? I will tell
Ed to stay in his office until the bomb goes off! And as for the police... They are all
locked in jail! MUHAHAHAhahahahaaaa!
Wonderful Man: NO! You can't!
Super Evil Guy: Who will stop me? There are none who can prevent me from doing this! I
will rule Metro City!
Wonderful Man: [after pause of reflection] I will stop you!
Super Evil Guy: [caught completely off-guard, has not foreseen this] What?!
Wonderful Man: I will take your bomb, and I will tell Ed's secretary to cancel your
appointment with the mayor!
Super Evil Guy: NO! [Wonderful Man advances on Super Evil Guy, and they begin combat.
during fight, someone stands below or behind them and raises signs reading: BIFF, POW,
WHACK, etc. Each punch produces incredibly unbelievable reactions.. Each time a punch
is thrown, the person hit has short delay, and reacts as though hit in the opposite
direction, etc. Fight continues until Super Evil Guy is defeated.]
Super Evil Guy: [cringing] DEFEATED! Curses, all my plans, foiled! [runs off]
Anna: Oh thank you [sultry] Wonderful Man.
Wonderful Man: It's all in a day's work, Mrs.. [eagerly] Miss?
Anna: Anna. Miss [all too assuringly] Anna Scent Bystanda. Thank you once again.
Anna: Oh wonderful.. [as an afterthought] man! But... But what about the bomb?
Wonderful Man: Ah yes, the bomb. No need to fear, I shall disarm it, my darling dear!
[picks up bomb, looks at it.] Hmm. This large red button marked ˜Destruct” should
destroy the bomb.
[countdown begins from 10]
Anna: Oh, Wonderful Man, you're so smart!
[Lights go out at countdown = 2. Lights go up on Narrator, who is surprised at the
sudden attention, but lapses back into eating, stay on him for about ten seconds, while
he is eating the Italian sandwich with extra pickles. (would be nice if narrator has a
radiation suit) ]