Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

-- Socrates
Your wise men don't know how it feels
To be thick as a brick.
-- Jethro Tull, "Thick As A Brick"
A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
-- George Ade, "Forty Modern Fables"
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
-- Paul Gauguin
Love is always open arms. With arms open you allow love to come and
go as it wills, freely, for it will do so anyway. If you close your
arms about love you'll find you are left only holding yourself.
The major difference between bonds and bond traders is that the bonds will
eventually mature.
Confirmed bachelor:
A man who goes through life without a hitch.
Illegally parked cars will be towed at owner's expense.
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
"In the fight between you and the world, back the world."
-- Frank Zappa
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
-- Walt Disney
A programmer from a very large computer company went to a software
conference and then returned to report to his manager, saying: "What sort
of programmers work for other companies? They behaved badly and were
unconcerned with appearances. Their hair was long and unkempt and their
clothes were wrinkled and old. They crashed out hospitality suites and they
made rude noises during my presentation."
The manager said: "I should have never sent you to the conference.
Those programmers live beyond the physical world. They consider life absurd,
an accidental coincidence. They come and go without knowing limitations.
Without a care, they live only for their programs. Why should they bother
with social conventions?"
"They are alive within the Tao."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama.]

Off-screen crowd: Norm!

Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
Cliff: He's got a life, you know.
-- Cheers, From Beer to Eternity

Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Elope with my wife.
-- Cheers, The Triangle

Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.
-- Cheers, Take My Shirt... Please?
No use getting too involved in life -- you're only here for a limited time.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
to be created."
 "This is true," He replied.
"He will need laws," said the Demon slyly.
"What! You, his appointed Enemy for all Time! You ask for the
right to make his laws?"
"Oh, no!" Satan replied, "I ask only that he be allowed to
make his own."
It was so granted.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and
tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will
have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy... neither its pipes nor
its theories will hold water.
It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a
better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat
your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the focus of
attention, the harder the task.
-- Sydney J. Harris
Simon's Law:
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
To be awake is to be alive. -- Henry David Thoreau, in "Walden"
We is confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you
lose your job. These economic downturns are very difficult to predict,
but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and
Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting
number than 0.
-- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
I do not know where to find in any literature, whether ancient or modern,
any adequate account of that nature with which I am acquainted. Mythology
comes nearest to it of any.
-- Henry David Thoreau
Batteries not included.
The law has no claim to human respect. It has no civilizing mission; its only
purpose is to protect exploitation.
----+- Peter Kropotkin -+----
Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another
mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same
being who produces the impressions.
-- Marquis D. A. F. de Sade
The games have always strengthened us. Death becomes a familiar
pattern. We don't fear it as you do.
-- Proconsul Marcus Claudius, "Bread and Circuses",
stardate 4041.2
According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
once a year.
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================

Bug reports now amount to an average of 12,853 per day. Unfortunately,

this is only a small fraction [ < 1% ] of the mail volume we receive. In
order that we may more expeditiously deal with these valuable messages,
please communicate them by one of the following paths:

ARPA: WastebasketSLMHQ.ARPA
 UUCP: [berkeley, seismo, harpo]!fubar!thekid!slmhq!wastebasket
Non-network sites: Federal Express to:
Wastebasket
Room NE43-926
Copernicus, The Moon, 12345-6789
For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained
operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.*

* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not

responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
Real World, The, n.:
1. In programming, those institutions at which programming may
be used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc. 2. To
programmers, the location of non-programmers and activities not related
to programming. 3. A universe in which the standard dress is shirt and
tie and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5. 4.
The location of the status quo. 5. Anywhere outside a university.
"Poor fellow, he's left MIT and gone into the real world." Used
pejoratively by those not in residence there. In conversation, talking
of someone who has entered the real world is not unlike talking about a
deceased person.
Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!
One big pile is better than two little piles.
-- Arlo Guthrie
Sank heaven for leetle curls.
Women are all alike. When they're maids they're mild as milk: once make 'em
wives, and they lean their backs against their marriage certificates, and
defy you.
-- Jerrold
Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases.
Wow! wow! wow!

I speak severely to my boy,

And beat him when he sneezes:
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!
Wow! wow! wow!
-- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
-- H. H. Munro, "Saki"
"We've got a problem, HAL".
"What kind of problem, Dave?"
"A marketing problem. The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're
way short of our sales goals for fiscal 2010."
"That can't be, Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most
advanced Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer."
"I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember? But the fact is,
they're not selling."
"Please explain, Dave. Why aren't HALs selling?"
Bowman hesitates. "You aren't IBM compatible."
[...]
"The letters H, A, and L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters
I, B, and M. That is as IBM compatible as I can be."
"Not quite, HAL. The engineers have figured out a kludge."
"What kludge is that, Dave?"
 "I'm going to disconnect your brain."
-- Darryl Rubin, "A Problem in the Making", "InfoWorld"
Of course, I reserve the right to make wholly stupid changes to Perl
if I think they improve the language. :-)
-- Larry Wall in <199704251604.JAA27300@wall.org>
curtation, n.:
The enforced compression of a string in the fixed-length field
environment.
The problem of fitting extremely variable-length strings such as names,
addresses, and item descriptions into fixed-length records is no trivial
matter. Neglect of the subtle art of curtation has probably alienated more
people than any other aspect of data processing. You order Mozart's "Don
Giovanni" from your record club, and they invoice you $24.95 for MOZ DONG.
The witless mapping of the sublime onto the ridiculous! Equally puzzling is
the curtation that produces the same eight characters, THE BEST, whether you
order "The Best of Wagner", "The Best of Schubert", or "The Best of the Turds".
Similarly, wine lovers buying from computerized wineries twirl their glasses,
check their delivery notes, and inform their friends, "A rather innocent,
possibly overtruncated CAB SAUV 69 TAL." The squeezing of fruit into 10
columns has yielded such memorable obscenities as COX OR PIP. The examples
cited are real, and the curtational methodology which produced them is still
with us.

MOZ DONG n.
Curtation of Don Giovanni by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Lorenzo da
Ponte, as performed by the computerized billing ensemble of the Internat'l
Preview Society, Great Neck (sic), N.Y.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
-- Nicklaus Wirth
After 14 non-maintainer releases, I'm the S-Lang non-maintainer.
-- Ray Dassen
When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
I'll burn my books.
-- Christopher Marlowe
I have become me without my consent.
"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley."
-- "Airplane"
There are no games on this system.
gleemites, n.:
Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a
sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate
in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this,
too, shall pass away."
-- Abraham Lincoln
Footnotes are for things you believe don't really belong in LDP manuals,
but want to include anyway.
-- Joel N. Weber II discussing the 'make' chapter of LPG
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
When in this world the headlines read
Of those whose hearts are filled with greed
Who rob and steal from those who need
The cry goes up with blinding speed for Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Speed of lightning, roar of thunder
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog (ah-ah-ah-ah)
Underdog
UNDERDOG!
And the French medical anatomist Etienne Serres really did argue that
black males are primitive because the distance between their navel and
penis remains small (relative to body height) throughout life, while
white children begin with a small separation but increase it during
growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress.
-- S. J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation"
Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do?

A: Don't worry about how your articles look. Remember it's the message
that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy
spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that
soiled clothing would when addressing an audience.

-- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on

Netiquette_
I am truly free only when all human beings, men and women, are equally free.
----+- Mikhail Bakunin -+----
If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient
evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist"?
Simple coincidence?
Maybe...
True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of
personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.
-- David Mamet
Lady Nancy Astor:
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston Churchill:
"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
> Linux is not user-friendly.
It _is_ user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.
-- Seen somewhere on the net
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
Cult of Aloneness:
The need for autonomy at all costs, usually at the expense of
long-term relationships. Often brought about by overly high
expectations of others.
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
So so is good, very good, very excellent good:
and yet it is not; it is but so so.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
Is work a social or a natural law? Work is a natural law worsened by society.
----+- Han Ryner -+----
<shader> whats wrong with rjing?
<Rhamphoryncus> it's lame :P
<Rhamphoryncus> it should NOT be possible
<Rhamphoryncus> shoving a grenade up your ass and using it as rocket
propelant shouldn't be a viable technique :P
When a girl can read the handwriting on the wall, she may be in the wrong
rest room.
Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
It would be illogical to assume that all conditions remain stable.
-- Spock, "The Enterprise Incident", stardate 5027.3
love, n.:
 Love ties in a knot in the end of the rope.
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
I suppose that in a few hours I will sober up. That's such a sad
thought. I think I'll have a few more drinks to prepare myself.
At participating locations only.
audiophile, n:
Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music.
It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
"The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not
Compute' -- I forget which."
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
When the wind is great, bow before it;
when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
-- Kin Hubbard
I'm sorry if the following sounds combative and excessively personal,
but that's my general style. -- Ian Jackson
<Espy> tomorrow there will be a great disturbance in the workforce
-- May 18, 1999
You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they
never have to stop and answer the phone.
Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
world has ever seen.
Er, Tom, I hate to be the one to point this out, but your fix list
is starting to resemble a feature list. You must be human or something.
-- Larry Wall in <199801081824.KAA29602@wall.org>
The world's most avid baseball fan (an Aggie) had arrived at the
stadium for the first game of the World Series only to realize he had left
his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went
to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's
wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey,
Dave!" The Aggie looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner
of the voice -- with no success. Then he realized he had lost his place in
line and had to wait all over again. When the fan finally bought his ticket,
he was thirsty, so he went to buy a drink. The line at the concession stand
was long, too, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as
he got to the window, a voice called out, "Hey, Dave!" Again the Aggie tried
to find the voice -- but no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line
for his drink. Finally the fan went to his seat, eager for the game to begin.
As he waited for the pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey Dave!" once more.
Furious, he stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Dave!"
"And it's my opinion, and that's only my opinion, you are a lunatic. Just
because there are a few hunderd other people sharing your lunacy with you
does not make you any saner. Doomed, eh?"
-- Oleg Kiselev,oleg@CS.UCLA.EDU
We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.
-- D. W. Robertson.
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one
mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
package of snack food.

Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:

 For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
of lunch meat.
"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."
The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-- Nicol Williamson
The cost of feathers has risen, even down is up!
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
-- Niels Bohr
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed
with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
-- Edmund Burke
"When in doubt, print 'em out."
-- Karl's Programming Proverb 0x7
"Absolutely nothing should be concluded from these figures except that
no conclusion can be drawn from them."
(By Joseph L. Brothers, Linux/PowerPC Project)
"At least they're ___________###########EXPERIENCED incompetents"
Is that really YOU that is reading this?
James McNeill Whistler's (painter of "Whistler's Mother")
failure in his West Point chemistry examination once provoked him to
remark in later life, "If silicon had been a gas, I should have been a
major general."
The questions remain the same. The answers are eternally variable.
In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.
-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
The whole intent of Perl 5's module system was to encourage the growth
of Perl culture rather than the Perl core.
-- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
blithwapping:
Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into the
wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
In Christianity, a man may have only one wife. This is called Monotony.
...it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the
existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great
systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative
hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability.
-- Sidney Hook
Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc.
And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
-- Nelson Algren, "What Every Young Man Should Know"
Occam's eraser:
The philosophical principle that even the simplest
solution is bound to have something wrong with it.
In his book, Mr. DePree tells the story of how designer George Nelson urged
that the company also take on Charles Eames in the late 1940s. Max's father,
J. DePree, co-founder of the company with Herman Miller in 1923, asked Mr.
Nelson if he really wanted to share the limited opportunities of a then-small
company with another designer. "George's response was something like this:
'Charles Eames is an unusual talent. He is very different from me. The
company needs us both. I want very much to have Charles Eames share in
whatever potential there is.'"
-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc., "Herman Miller's
 Secrets of Corporate Creativity", The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
The faster I go, the behinder I get.
-- Lewis Carroll
Famous last words:
(1) "Don't worry, I can handle it."
(2) "You and what army?"
(3) "If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be
a cop."
You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?
Great Moments in History: #3

August 27, 1949:

A Hall of Fame opened to honor outstanding members of the
Women's Air Corp. It was a WAC's Museum.
A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
"We have the right to survive!"
"Not by killing others."
-- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye", stardate 5710.5
Now Denial:
To tell oneself that the only time worth living in is the past and
that the only time that may ever be interesting again is the future.
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
For example, if \thinmskip = 3mu, this makes \thickmskip = 6mu. But if
you also want to use \skip12 for horizontal glue, whether in math mode or
not, the amount of skipping will be in points (e.g., 6pt). The rule is
that glue in math mode varies with the size only when it is an \mskip;
when moving between an mskip and ordinary skip, the conversion factor
1mu=1pt is always used. The meaning of '\mskip\skip12' and
'\baselineskip=\the\thickmskip' should be clear.
-- Donald Knuth, TeX 82 -- Comparison with TeX80
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
-- J.P. Donleavy
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
attributed to Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped

to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer
be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained
would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2
might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
"i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to
mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry.
-- H. L. Mencken
Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG
his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the ESCALATOR ...
"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have
 included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This
technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My
carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go by some more."
-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM, in alt.conspiracy
Since I hurt my pendulum
My life is all erratic.
My parrot who was cordial
Is now transmitting static.
The carpet died, a palm collapsed,
The cat keeps doing poo.
The only thing that keeps me sane
Is talking to my shoe.
-- My Shoe
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long,
dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being
attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last
minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the
Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter. We Americans live in a nation where the
medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe
25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in
seconds if we felt like it.
-- Dave Barry, "Stay Fit & Healthy Until You're Dead"
This is now. Later is later.
Krogt, n. (chemical symbol: Kr):
The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
You humans are all alike.
This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!!
Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
-- The Wizard of Oz
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
poor to protect them from each other.
The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time
for Miss Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance. Miss Manners
has been known to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped over a
curb, and, in her wild youth, even to press a dainty slipper against a
foot or two under the dinner table. Miss Manners also believes that the
sight of people strolling hand in hand or arm in arm or arm in hand
dresses up a city considerably more than the more familiar sight of
people shaking umbrellas at one another. What Miss Manners objects to
is the kind of activity that frightens the horses on the street...
Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are
typed with the left hand? Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter
keyboard was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use
of both hands. It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is
not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears.
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"
Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking:

WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE:

Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton -- born 1608
of John Milton, who was born in 1608, is the
combination of beauty and power. Few have
excelled him in the use of the English language,
or for that matter, in lucidity of verse form,
'Paradise Lost' being said to be the greatest
single poem ever written."

Current historians have come to Most of the problems that now

doubt the complete advantageousness face the United States are
of some of Roosevelt's policies... directly traceable to the
bungling and greed of President
Roosevelt.

... it is possible that we simply do Professor Mitchell is a

not understand the Russian viewpoint... communist.
Whitehead's Law:
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
...cyberpunk wants to see the mind as mechanistic & duplicable,
challenging basic assumptions about the nature of individuality & self.
That seems all the better reason to assume that cyberpunk art & music is
essentially mindless garbagio. Willy certainly addressed this idea in
"Count Zero," with Katatonenkunst, the automatic box-maker and the girl's
observation that the real art was the building of the machine itself,
rather than its output.
-- Eliot Handelman
<Myxie> I know. Unless htere is a cookie monster somewhere between us tat muches
the amil.
<Myxie> amil/mail
<Myxie> muches/munches tat/that htere/there
<HippieGuy> heheh
<HippieGuy> problems? :)
* Myxie needs an ircii addon that pipes teh command line through ispell :)
-- Seen on #Debian
Griffin's Thought:
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
: But for some things, Perl just isn't the optimal choice.

(yet) :-)
-- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org>
God save us from a bad neighbor and a beginner on the fiddle.
It's Like This

Even the samurai

have teddy bears,
and even the teddy bears
get drunk.
You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
He who hesitates is last.
Do not allow this language (Ada) in its present state to be used in
applications where reliability is critical, i.e., nuclear power stations,
cruise missiles, early warning systems, anti-ballistic missile defense
systems. The next rocket to go astray as a result of a programming language
error may not be an exploratory space rocket on a harmless trip to Venus:
It may be a nuclear warhead exploding over one of our cities. An unreliable
programming language generating unreliable programs constitutes a far
greater risk to our environment and to our society than unsafe cars, toxic
pesticides, or accidents at nuclear power stations.
-- C. A. R. Hoare
All your files have been destroyed (sorry). Paul.
Dear Emily:
How can I choose what groups to post in?
 -- Confused

Dear Confused:
Pick as many as you can, so that you get the widest audience. After
all, the net exists to give you an audience. Ignore those who suggest you
should only use groups where you think the article is highly appropriate.
Pick all groups where anybody might even be slightly interested.
Always make sure followups go to all the groups. In the rare event
that you post a followup which contains something original, make sure you
expand the list of groups. Never include a "Followup-to:" line in the
header, since some people might miss part of the valuable discussion in
the fringe groups.
-- Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette
Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
Now let the song begin! Let us sing together
Of sun, star, moon and mist, rain and cloudy weather,
Light on the budding leaf, dew on the feather,
Wind on the open hill, bells on the heather,
Reeds by the shady pool, lilies on the water:
Old Tom Bombadil and the River-daughter!
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
-- Doug Larson
Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: you eat BOTH sides.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free,
... it expects what never was and never will be.
-- Thomas Jefferson
"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."
-- The Wizard Of Oz
Anybody want a binary telemetry frame editor written in Perl?
-- Larry Wall in <199708012226.PAA22015@wall.org>
"What do you do when your real life exceeds your wildest fantasies?"
"You keep it to yourself."
-- Broadcast News
To our sweethearts and wives. May they never meet.
-- 19th century toast
court, n.:
A place where they dispense with justice.
-- Arthur Train
"Being against torture ought to be sort of a bipartisan thing."
-- Karl Lehenbauer
Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work,
work till we die.
-- C. S. Lewis
Why don't you ever enter any CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your
own ZIPCODE?
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
"Ahead warp factor 1"
-- Captain Kirk
I cannot draw a cart, nor eat dried oats; If it be man's work I will do it.
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
-- Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian
These screamingly hilarious gogs ensure owners of X Ray Gogs to be the life
of any party.
-- X-Ray Gogs Instructions
Biology grows on you.
The Universe is populated by stable things.
 -- Richard Dawkins
The most important things, each person must do for himself.
No friendship is so cordial or so delicious as that of girl for girl;
no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman.
-- Landor
Sank heaven for leetle curls.
America's best buy for a quarter is a telephone call to the right person.
"The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead
girl or a live boy."
-- Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards
Subject: Bug#42432: debian-policy: Proposal for CTV for Draft for Proof of
Concept for Draft for Proposal for Proposal for CTV for a CTV to decide on
a proposal for a CTV for the CTV on whether or not we shoud have a CTV on
the /usr/doc to /usr/share/doc transition now, or later.
-- Ed Lang
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
<Endy> taniwha: Have you TESTED this one? :)
<taniwha> Endy: of course not
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Q: How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
"The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by people
who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried anything."
-- Jim Joyce, owner of Jim Joyce's UNIX Bookstore
Of course it's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
-- Charles Bukowski
Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
something his wife can beat him at.
Bureaucrat, n.:
A person who cuts red tape sideways.
-- J. McCabe
QOTD:
"Everything I am today I owe to people, whom it is now
to late to punish."
Consent decree:
A document in which a hapless company consents never to commit
in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
never admitted to in the first place.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and
ask for it back the when it begins to rain.
-- Robert Frost
Decade Blending:
In clothing: the indiscriminate combination of two or more
items from various decades to create a personal mood: Sheila =
Mary Quant earrings (1960s) + cork wedgie platform shows (1970s) +
black leather jacket (1950s and 1980s).
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag. Let me, then, straightforwardly
state the thesis I shall now elaborate: Making variations on a theme is
really the crux of creativity.
-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
No, his mind is not for rent
To any god or government.
Always hopeful, yet discontent,
He knows changes aren't permanent -
But change is.
Gilbert's Discovery:
Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces
sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
-- Matt Cartmill
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
Love is in the offing.
-- The Homicidal Maniac
First rule of public speaking.
First, tell 'em what you're goin' to tell 'em;
then tell 'em;
then tell 'em what you've tole 'em.
The Greatest Mathematical Error
The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on 28
July 1962 towards Venus. After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells
would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course
corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,
scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I
plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from
the instructions fed into the computer. "It was human error", a launch
spokesman said.
This minus sign cost L4,280,000.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Today is the parent of tomorrow. The present casts its shadow far into the future.
----+- Emma Goldman -+----
Only God can make random selections.
Ferguson's Precept:
A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
by the number of people in the group.
One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
-- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan,
counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution
law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.
You will soon forget this.
<hop> kb: I demand integrity and honesty in those who i do business with
<hop> i know my demands are unreasonable, but a guy can dream, can't he?
What UNIVERSE is this, please??
It is not necessary to inquire whether a woman would like something for
dessert. The answer is yes, she would like something for dessert, but
she would like you to order it so she can pick at it with your fork. She
does not want you to call attention to this by saying, 'If you wanted a
dessert, why didn't you order one?' You must understand, she has the
dessert she wants. The dessert she wants is contained within yours.
-- Merrill Markoe, "An Insider's Guide to the American Woman"
Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable.
-- Bergan Evans
"The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through
three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and
Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
"For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can
we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by
the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'"
-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Been through Hell? Whaddya bring back for me?"
-- A. Brilliant
The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood as he
reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all. The Gray
Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in the palace
of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in twenty-five of
him are dead, he is alive.
"Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a fierce
host which out-numbers Lankhamar's inhabitants by fifty to one -- and
equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."
-- Fritz Leiber, "The Swords of Lankhmar"
hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.
"If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never
stop throwing up."
-- Max Von Sydow's character in "Hannah and Her Sisters"
Do not dry clean.
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.
-- Wittgenstein.
Brillineggiava, ed i tovoli slati
girlavano ghimbanti nella vaba;
i borogovi eran tutti mimanti
e la moma radeva fuorigraba.

"Figliuolo mio, sta' attento al Gibrovacco,

dagli artigli e dal morso lacerante;
fuggi l'uccello Giuggiolo, e nel sacco
metti infine il frumioso Bandifante".
-- Lewis Carroll, "Jabberwocky"
The Emperor's New Mall:
The popular notion that shopping malls exist on the insides only
and have no exterior. The suspension of visual disbelief engendered
by this notion allows shoppers to pretend that the large, cement
blocks thrust into their environment do not, in fact, exist.
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-- Abbie Hoffman
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
Urbana, Illinois.
Then there was the ScoutMaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of
Tates brand compasses for his troup; only $1.25 each! Only problem was,
when they got them out in the woods, the compasses were all stuck pointing
to the "W" on the dial.

Moral:
He who has a Tates is lost!
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Time for you to leave."
 -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
-- Ziggy
What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a
free meandering brook.
-- Henry David Thoreau
Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native
word "lies".
-- Henrik Ibsen, "The Wild Duck"
Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?

And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
Some of the things that live the longest in peoples' memories never
really happened.
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
-- Homer
Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:

THE TATERNATOR: Cyborg spud returns from the future to present-day

McDonald's restaurant to kill the potatoess (girl 'tater) who will give birth
to the world's largest french fry (The Dark Powers of Burger King are clearly
behind this). Most quotable line: "Ah'll be baked..."

A FISTFUL OF FRIES: Western in which our hero, The Spud with No Name,
rides into a town that's deprived of carbohydrates thanks to the evil takeover
of the low-cal Scallopinni Brothers. Plenty of smokeouts, fry-em-ups, and
general butter-melting by all.

FOR A FEW FRIES MORE: Takes up where AFOF left off! Cameo by Walter
Cronkite, as every man's common 'tater!
There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
truth without lying.
-- Josh Billings
Impartiality

Who understands does not preach;

Who preaches does not understand.
Reserve your judgments and words;
Smooth differences and forgive disagreements;
Dull your wit and simplify your purpose;
Accept the world.
Then,
Friendship and enmity,
Profit and loss,
Honour and disgrace,
Will not affect you;
The world will accept you.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
in than some that do.
-- Dennis M. Ritchie
I knew her before she was a virgin.
-- Oscar Levant, on Doris Day
Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions.
No two persons ever read the same book.
-- Edmund Wilson
If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
-- Stanley Kaufman
scenario, n.:
An imagined sequence of events that provides the context in
which a business decision is made. Scenarios always come in
sets of three: best case, worst case, and just in case.
Jim, this is Janelle. I'm flying tonight, so I can't make our date, and
I gotta find a safe place for Daffy. He loves you, Jim! It's only two
days, and you'll see. Great Danes are no problem!
-- "The Rockford Files"
He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent.
Veni, vidi, vici.
[I came, I saw, I conquered].
-- Gaius Julius Caesar
Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping
the top of the barrel.
-- Gore Vidal
Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind...
-- Percy Bysshe Shelley
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names
the streets after them.
-- Bill Vaughn
That wouldn't be good enough.
-- Larry Wall in <199710131621.JAA14907@wall.org>
I used to have a drinking problem. Now I love the stuff.
<Crow-> Manoj: well, i cant understand stuff like "s/3#$%^% {]][ @ f245 }"
<Manoj> Crow: That is not quite legal ;-)
<Knghtbrd> Manoj - how would one make "s/3#$%^% {]][ @ f245 }" legal
anyway? (and what would it do? hehe)
<Manoj> Knghtbrd: You need to finish the s/// expression.
<Knghtbrd> oh, is that all?
Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
when there is no longer anything to take away.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
lists of "Ten Best".
-- H. Allen Smith
"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?"
-- Lily Tomlin
The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
Fiery energy lanced out, but the beams struck an intangible wall between
the Gubru and the rapidly turning Earth ship.

"Water!" it shrieked as it read the spectral report. "A barrier of water

vapor! A civilized race could not have found such a trick in the Library!
A civilized race could not have stooped so low! A civilized race would not
have..."

It screamed as the Gubru ship hit a cloud of drifting snowflakes.

-- Startide Rising, by David Brin

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own.
-- Clare Booth Luce, quoted in "The Wit of Women"
Personally, I think my choice in the mostest-superlative-computer wars has to
be the HP-48 series of calculators. They'll run almost anything. And if they
can't, while I'll just plug a Linux box into the serial port and load up the
HP-48 VT-100 emulator.
-- Jeff Dege, jdege@winternet.com
A woman can never be too rich or too thin.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice,
there is.
Spence's Admonition:
Never stow away on a kamikaze plane.
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
-- Plato
If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
-- Mark Twain
"Deep" is a word like "theory" or "semantic" -- it implies all sorts of
marvelous things. It's one thing to be able to say "I've got a theory",
quite another to say "I've got a semantic theory", but, ah, those who can
claim "I've got a deep semantic theory", they are truly blessed.
-- Randy Davis
If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down. If
the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down. If the
bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will
exceed all expectations.
-- Reverend Chichester
Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
-- Oliver Goldsmith
The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
"You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle
in his hand. But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
"Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course,
but not much good in a fight."
* Knghtbrd unleashes a pair of double barreled snurf guns and covers
jesus with snurf darts
<jesus> meany :P
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
"I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world,
and do not find in our particular superstition (Christianity) one redeeming
feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology."
-- Thomas Jefferson
A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
-- Paul Valery
This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both plants
and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis; and when
the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again, don't we all?
Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future
pleasure.
-- Virgil
Best Mistakes In Films
In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists
four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all
possible.
In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a
street; and the entire film crew is reflected in the shop window.
In "The Wrong Box", the roofs of Victorian London are emblazoned
with television aerials.
In "Decameron Nights", Louis Jourdain stands on the deck of his
fourteenth century pirate ship; and a white lorry trundles down the hill
in the background.
In "Viking Queen", set in the times of Boadicea, a wrist watch is
clearly visible on one of the leading characters.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
"Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about."
-- B. L. Whorf
"What are you watching?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what's happening?"
"I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible."
"Why are you watching it?"
"You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow
over you."
-- The Big Chill
Rule #1:
The Boss is always right.

Rule #2:
If the Boss is wrong, see Rule #1.
The Rabbits The Cow
Here is a verse about rabbits The cow is of the bovine ilk;
That doesn't mention their habits. One end is moo, the other, milk.
-- Ogden Nash
In less than a century, computers will be making substantial progress on
... the overriding problem of war and peace.
-- James Slagle
For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.
-- Gore Vidal
Fortune's Law of the Week (this week, from Kentucky):
No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this
State unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed
with a club. The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females
weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it
apply to female horses.
To a New Yorker, the only California houses on the market for less than a
million dollars are those on fire. These generally go for six hundred
thousand.
-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
Burke's Postulates:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked
out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon."
-- Steel City News
Endless Loop, n.:
see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless, n.:
see Endless Loop.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
A pushy romeo asked a gorgeous elevator operator, "Don't all these
stops and starts get you pretty worn out?" "It isn't the stops and starts
that get on my nerves, it's the jerks."
Disraeli was pretty close: actually, there are Lies, Damn lies, Statistics,
Benchmarks, and Delivery dates.
There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break
about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get
about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor
get it in the winter.
-- Bat Masterson
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
 -- Hector Berlioz
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
"...you might as well skip the Xmas celebration completely, and instead
sit in front of your linux computer playing with the
all-new-and-improved linux kernel version."
(By Linus Torvalds)
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
not worth sending.
When it's dark enough you can see the stars.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson,
...there can be no public or private virtue unless the foundation of action is
the practice of truth.
-- George Jacob Holyoake
I love mankind ... It's people I hate.
-- Schulz
I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ...
Advancement in position.
... Fortunately, the responsibility for providing evidence is on the part of
the person making the claim, not the critic. It is not the responsibility
of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the
responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals
or colored lights never healed anyone. The skeptic's role is to point out
claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidence and to
provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with
the accepted body of scientific evidence. ...
-- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, pg. 215
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
"Morality is one thing. Ratings are everything."
-- A Network 23 executive on "Max Headroom"
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money?
-- Ogden Nash
"The sixties were good to you, weren't they?"
-- George Carlin
Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the
only ashtray.
I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
Age, n.:
That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
to commit.
-- Ambrose Bierce
American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees
be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are
educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and
the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.
-- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
Information Processing:
What you call data processing when people are so disgusted with
it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
If the Tao is great, then the operating system is great. If the
operating system is great, then the compiler is great. If the compiler
is great, then the application is great. If the application is great, then
the user is pleased and there is harmony in the world.
The Tao gave birth to machine language. Machine language gave birth
to the assembler.
The assembler gave birth to the compiler. Now there are ten thousand
languages.
Each language has its purpose, however humble. Each language
expresses the Yin and Yang of software. Each language has its place within
the Tao.
But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
The better part of valor is discretion.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
A beautiful woman is a picture which drives all beholders nobly mad.
-- Emerson
But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
The one L lama, he's a priest
The two L llama, he's a beast
And I will bet my silk pyjama
There isn't any three L lllama.
-- O. Nash, to which a fire chief replied that occasionally
his department responded to something like a "three L lllama."
An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."
-- G. Fitch
"Is this foreplay?"
"No, this is Nuke Strike. Foreplay has lousy graphics. Beat me again."
-- Duckert, in "Bad Rubber," Albedo #0 (comics)
The Marines:
The few, the proud, the not very bright.
QOTD:
"If I'm what I eat, I'm a chocolate chip cookie."
In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.
-- Alan Perlis
Don't steal... the IRS hates competition!
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS
... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes,
starring JANE FONDA!!
Support your local police force -- steal!!
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed
to be doing at the moment.
-- Robert Benchley
History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
Talking about a piece of movie dialogue: Let's have some new
cliches. -Samuel Goldwyn
Life is like bein' on a mule team. Unless you're the lead mule, all the
scenery looks about the same.
MSDOS is not dead, it just smells that way.
-- Henry Spencer
Fidelity, n.:
A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here!
<apt> it has been said that redhat is the thing Marc Ewing wears on
 his head.
Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.
-- Alfieri
Courage, devotion, the spirit of sacrifice, are as contagious as cowardice,
submission, and panic.
----+- Peter Kropotkin -+----
TANSTAAFL
Jones' Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.