1

there will come

a time for vengeance

by Eliyahu Meyer ben Eleazar v’Leonora

(Eric Marlin)

© 2020 Eric Marlin Agent:

ericconnermarlin@gmail.com Katie Gamelli – A3 Artists Agency
EricMarlin.com 350 Fifth Avenue, 38th Floor
01/14/20 Draft New York, NY 10118
katie.gamelli@a3artistsagency.com
646-486-4600
 2
CHARACTERS
THE JEWS THE CHRISTIANS
JESSICA PORTIA
ABIGAIL LORENZO
SHYLOCK MATHIAS
THE RABBI LODOWICK
THE WANDERING JEW THE ABBESS
ERIC MARLIN (ELIAHU BEN ELIEZER) THE GOVERNOR
RHODA MARLIN (RIVKA LIBBY)
GOLEMS

TIME
the thirteenth century
& the sixteenth century
& the nineteenth century
& the present day
all at once

PLACE
the christian imagination

NOTES ON CASTING
ERIC MARLIN is played by JESSICA
RHODA MARLIN is played by the WANDERING JEW
the GOLEMS can be played by the actors playing the ABBESS and the GOVERNOR
please avoid Ashkanormative casting
(casting only white people to play Jewish characters)
Jews come from a variety of backgrounds
while the there is flexibility in casting around race/ethnicity
please pay close attention to who occupies which role
be mindful about who you are asking to perform which actions/dynamics/relationships
i suspect the play is best if all the performers identify as Jewish
they can be religiously culturally or ethnically Jewish
it’s not a requirement but it is the ideal

NOTES ON TEXT
(-) indicates an interruption or an unfinished thought

(/) cues the next person’s line

ALL CAPS does not necessarily indicate yelling

line breaks do not necessarily indicate a pause

they are simply a break in thought

when a line is indented it is a continuation of the line above it

[lines in brackets] are meant to be performed not spoken

 3

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

with the exception of a few small adjustments for clarity

all of Rhoda Marlin’s text comes from her book From Whence You Came
Rhoda wrote this book as a record of her memories
it was distributed to family members as a historical record for future generations
i thank her deeply for lending her words to this play

thank you to Marguerite Feitlowitz

under whom i first studied The Merchant of Venice and The Jew of Malta

thank you to the artists whose work this play takes deep inspiration from:
Adrienne Kennedy
Haruna Lee
Heidi Schreck
and Sarah Kane

thank you to Kim Marra and Miriam Gilbert for guiding my research

thank you to James Shapiro

whose book Shakespeare and the Jews informs this play substantially

obviously this play is inspired in large part by Shakespeare and Marlowe

but i don’t want to thank them
 4

0.
a bloody neon cross is raised over the stage
cloaked figures pray at the base
the WANDERING JEW enters
dressed like a traditional stage Jew – hook nose, fake beard, red wig
the WANDERING JEW slits the throats of the cloaked figures
she taste the blood of her victims

1. THE CRUSADES
the Rhineland
open field
two christians in medieval garb are munching giant turkey legs
at their feet lies a dead Jew with a sword sticking out of his chest

MATHIAS
we should probably be getting back soon

LODOWICK
where?

MATHIAS
Spain

LODOWICK
ohhh
…
i don’t wanna

MATHIAS
c’mon

LODOWICK
i don’t wanna it sounds boring

MATHIAS
we gotta

LODOWICK
Spain is soooo boring

MATHIAS
we gotta go back

LODOWICK
when?

MATHIAS
 5

after dinner i think

LODOWICK
like right after dinner?

MATHIAS
yeah like right after dinner

LODOWICK
whyyyyy?

MATHIAS
the crusades are over

LODOWICK
says who?

MATHIAS
we’ve been pillaging and plundering and raping and slaughtering for ten years
it had to come to an end eventually

LODOWICK
but i was having so much fun

MATHIAS
i know

LODOWICK
i was having so much fun and like
like it was the best time ever

MATHIAS
sometimes the best times have to come to an end

LODOWICK
but doing the crusades
i felt like i had a purpose like a real fucking purpose

MATHIAS
but we gotta go back to Spain

LODOWICK
my wife lives in Spain

MATHIAS
exactly

LODOWICK
 6

my wife sucks

MATHIAS
i like your wife

LODOWICK
then you marry her if you like her so much

MATHIAS
i can’t marry her you’re married to her
…
are you sulking?

LODOWICK
nooo

MATHIAS
you are you’re totally sulking

LODOWICK
shut up you are

MATHIAS
oh c’mon

LODOWICK
i’m not sulking

MATHIAS
we couldn’t go crusading for the rest of our lives

LODOWICK
i know
…
but why not?

MATHIAS
because we having to be grownups eventually
and grownups can’t be crusading forever
they can’t spend all their time killing Jews and Muslims and pagans
they can’t spend all the their time impaling kikes and disemboweling hebes and gouging out the
eyeballs of yids
although that stuff is fun don’t get me wrong
but eventually we gotta
eventually we gotta grow up
settle down
marry some nice christian women
have some nice christian babies
 7

baptize the nice christian babies we have with the nice christian women
send the nice christian babies off to sunday school
to learn about christ
to study the bible
it’s important we do things like that

LODOWICK
yeah but that’s lame

MATHIAS
being a grownup is lame

LODOWICK
i just wanna kill more dirty dirty haters of christ

MATHIAS
i know but hey guess what

LODOWICK
what?

MATHIAS
i got good news

LODOWICK
what is it?

MATHIAS
we can still kill Jews back in Spain

LODOWICK
…
yeah?

MATHIAS
yeah

LODOWICK
you promise?

MATHIAS
i promise we can
we can keep on killing Jews forever and ever

LODOWICK
the weird thing about Jews
is that they’re nothing
it’s weird to kill nothing
 8

MATHIAS
well we can keep killing nothing as long as it pleases us

LODOWICK
can we still disembowel them?

MATHIAS
we can still disembowel them

LODOWICK
can we their guts on our heads?

MATHIAS
you bet

LODOWICK
can we even kill the babies?

MATHIAS
you can even kill the babies
as long as they’re for sure Jew babies

LODOWICK
oh come ON

MATHIAS
i’m just saying-

LODOWICK
you’re never gonna let that go

MATHIAS
don’t know what to tell you dude
it was a bit of a fuck up

LODOWICK
i killed one christian

MATHIAS
it was a BABY

LODOWICK
well i didn’t know it was a CHRISTIAN baby

MATHIAS
you should’ve asked!
 9

LODOWICK
who?
the baby?

MATHIAS
no but like i don’t know the people around the baby

LODOWICK
all those people were like either screaming or dead or both

MATHIAS
i guess

LODOWICK
it was just one baby dude let it go

MATHIAS
we should get going

LODOWICK
fine
they pack up their stuff
hey bro?

MATHIAS
yeah?

LODOWICK
thanks for a great crusade

MATHIAS
right back at ya’

LODOWICK
shall we mark our territory?

they open the shirt of the dead Jew in front of them

MATHIAS take out a very scary knife
carves a cross into the Jew’s chest

MATHIAS
dumb kike

2. POUND OF FLESH
London
SHYLOCK and JESSICA in their home
 10

SHYLOCK
Jessica
set the table for Shabbat

JESSICA
oh the black curse i bare

SHYLOCK
let’s use the nice china

JESSICA
the dark dark Jew stain on my heart

SHYLOCK
the sun is setting
would you please help me get ready?

JESSICA
vile heathen

SHYLOCK
ok even if you just grabbed the wine that would be great

JESSICA
why do i have to help?

SHYLOCK
Jessica you’re my daughter

JESSICA
well i don’t wanna be your daughter!

SHYLOCK
i don’t have time for this
stop being a pain and fucking help me out

JESSICA
no

SHYLOCK
why not?

JESSICA
i’m a conscientious objector

SHYLOCK
to what?
 11

JESSICA
to Jewish devilry

SHYLOCK
stop it

JESSICA
i won’t be a party to it

SHYLOCK
you used to love lighting the candles

JESSICA
well i also used to love dolls but i grew up

SHYLOCK
are you saying Shabbat is childish?

JESSICA
if the satanic shoe fits

SHYLOCK
i’m your father you need to listen to me

JESSICA
i feel my skin burn with the sin of Jewry

SHYLOCK
ok if you’re not gonna help could you at least leave me alone?

JESSICA
i’d rather chop off my own hand

SHYLOCK
Jessica-

JESSICA
i’d rather chop off my own hand than be a Jew

SHYLOCK
ok but you are a Jew

JESSICA
but i’m saying-

SHYLOCK
chopping your hand off won’t do much
 12

JESSICA
but i’m saying if given the option between being a Jew and chopping off my hand-

SHYLOCK
you’d chop off your hand?

JESSICA
yes

SHYLOCK
i don’t believe you

JESSICA
try me

SHYLOCK
Jessica you wouldn’t
JESSICA pulls out a knife
holy shit Jessica

JESSICA
just try me

SHYLOCK
i don’t wanna try you

JESSICA
i’ll cut my hand off

SHYLOCK
don’t

JESSICA
i’ll cut my hand off
i’ll cut my hand off to cut the Jew out of me

SHYLOCK
Jessica
you have to learn to love yourself

JESSICA cuts her hand off

she stifles a scream

JESSICA
no i don’t

3. ASYLUM
 13

ABIGAIL and the RABBI at the synagogue

RABBI
so you’re from-

ABIGAIL
Spain

RABBI
oh where?

ABIGAIL
just outside of Madrid

RABBI
Madrid’s supposed to be lovely

ABIGAIL
i guess

RABBI
did you not find Madrid lovely?

ABIGAIL
it was fine
lot of cathedrals

RABBI
do you not like cathedrals?

ABIGAIL
do you?

RABBI
i can appreciate their beauty

ABIGAIL
well a group of men held a knife to my throat and threatened to slit it so…

RABBI
right
and what brings you here?

ABIGAIL
here?

RABBI
to England
 14

ABIGAIL
what brings me to England?

RABBI
yes

ABIGAIL
well a group of men threatened to slit/ my throat

RABBI
right i’m sorry
i mean
it’s not like it’s easy for Jews here

ABIGAIL
i’m not a Jew
i’m a Marrano

RABBI
a Jew by any other name

ABIGAIL
no one knows i’m a Jew

RABBI
i’m assuming the men who threatened you knew

ABIGAIL
well they found out

RABBI
but they must’ve known you used to be a Jew?

ABIGAIL
i was never a Jew publicly
my grandparents
but they converted
we’ve been practicing christians as far as they’ve ever known

RABBI
except in secret

ABIGAIL
in secret well yes in secret we were still Jewish

RABBI
and these men found out
 15

ABIGAIL
yes
…
including my husband

RABBI
oh

ABIGAIL
his name is Lodowick
he’s balding and likes horses but only fun horses
he’s a blacksmith and he thinks the color purple is ugly

RABBI
he sounds lovely

ABIGAIL
well he was till he found out i was a Jew

RABBI
i’m sorry

ABIGAIL
he thought i’d pass on my devilishness to our children

RABBI
are you pregnant?

ABIGAIL
i am

RABBI
oh dear

ABIGAIL
and it’s not his

RABBI
oh
dear

ABIGAIL
that’s why i’ve come here
where no one knows i’m a Jew

RABBI
i know
 16

ABIGAIL
well that’s because you’re a Jew
as far as anyone else needs to know i’m a good christian girl

RABBI
then why come to me
why seek a rabbi?

ABIGAIL
i don’t trust priests

RABBI
nor should you

ABIGAIL
and i figured you’d be sympathetic
won’t you?

RABBI
i’ll do my best

ABIGAIL
thank you rabbi

RABBI
you’re name is Abigail yes?

ABIGAIL
yes
it’s my christian name

RABBI
Abigail
comes from the Torah

ABIGAIL
i know
my parents really fucked that one up

RABBI
do you have a Hebrew name?
a Jewish name?

ABIGAIL
i don’t tell anyone that

RABBI
 17

i’m not anyone

ABIGAIL
…
Ruchel
for my grandmother

beat

RABBI
we’ll keep you safe

4. VOWS
LORENZO and JESSICA hiding outside her home

LORENZO
you’ve cut off your hand

JESSICA
it’s fine

LORENZO
are you
ok?

JESSICA
i was making a point

LORENZO
was the point made?

JESSICA
unclear

LORENZO
i still want to marry you

JESSICA
i want to marry you

LORENZO
although i liked you better with two hands

JESSICA
i still have my other hand

LORENZO
 18

you’re such a pretty Jewess

JESSICA
i don’t want to be a Jewess anymore

LORENZO
but i love my little Israelite minx

JESSICA
i don’t want to be a minx
i want to be a christian

LORENZO
really?
you’re ready

JESSICA
i am

LORENZO
i want that for you

JESSICA
i want to remove my quivering shame

LORENZO
you could finally meet my mom

JESSICA
i need to escape my father’s house

LORENZO
with me?

JESSICA
yes with you who else?

LORENZO
i love you so much

JESSICA
i love you Lorenzo

LORENZO
tomorrow i’ll return with a plan for our engagement

JESSICA
kiss me
 19

kiss my Jewish mouth

LORENZO goes to kiss JESSICA

LORENZO
owww

JESSICA
what what is it?

LORENZO
you bit me

JESSICA
i didn’t

LORENZO
you did you bit me

JESSICA
i didn’t mean to

LORENZO
that really hurt

JESSICA
i’m sorry i didn’t mean to
JESSICA feels her teeth
she pricks her finger on one
she looks at the finger
huh

5. NEW CHRISTIAN IN TOWN

ABIGAIL and the RABBI with SHYLOCK in his home

SHYLOCK
i can’t take her in

RABBI
sure you can

SHYLOCK
she’s a liability

RABBI
but you have political clout
 20

SHYLOCK
for a Jew for a Jew i have political clout
it’s relative

ABIGAIL
you have a nice house

SHYLOCK
thank you

ABIGAIL
how do you pay for it?

SHYLOCK
i swindle christians

ABIGAIL
i respect that

SHYLOCK
aren’t you supposed to be a christian?

ABIGAIL
more or less

SHYLOCK
you should probably be better with your cover then

ABIGAIL
i’ve been covering myself in christianity my whole life

SHYLOCK
i don’t buy it
you don’t seem christian

ABIGAIL
yes i do

SHYLOCK
prove it

ABIGAIL
i love jesus so much he’s my favorite
beat
is that better?

SHYLOCK
that was/ terrible
 21

ABIGAIL
well i don’t know how to just be christian on the spot

RABBI
it’s just for a few days until i can set her up somewhere permanent

SHYLOCK
what if her husband comes looking for her?

ABIGAIL
he doesn’t know where i am

RABBI
and he doesn’t know where she is

SHYLOCK
i don’t like this

RABBI
do it for the community

SHYLOCK
i don’t like the community

RABBI
do it for me

SHYLOCK
i don’t like you

RABBI
do it because you owe me

SHYLOCK
it’s not a good time
Jessica is in a bad place emotionally

RABBI
you owe me Shylock

SHYLOCK
i don’t

RABBI
you do
for your last four deals you owe me
your current income is because of me
 22

beat

SHYLOCK
sighs
do it again

ABIGAIL
what?

SHYLOCK
say you love jesus again

ABIGAIL
i love jeehzus

long silence

SHYLOCK
work on that ok?

6. CHILD’S PLAY
the WANDERING JEW comes in with a giant stuffed doll
the doll has a cross painted on it
the WANDERING JEW cuts the doll’s stomach opens
blood pours from the doll
the WANDERING JEW holds the doll aloft
lets the blood pour into her mouth

7. GOOD PUPPY
SHYLOCK JESSICA and ABIGAIL

SHYLOCK
we have a new guest

JESSICA
who’s this yid?

SHYLOCK
we’re all yids here
her name is Abigail be nice

JESSICA
you have frizzy hair

ABIGAIL
thank you?
 23

JESSICA
makes you look Jewy

ABIGAIL
we can’t all look as goyishe as you

SHYLOCK
i have business to tend to
Jessica can you please show Abigail around?

SHYLOCK exits

JESSICA
why are you here?

ABIGAIL
i’m on the run

JESSICA
from where?

ABIGAIL
Spain

JESSICA
i don’t like Spain

ABIGAIL
me neither
it’s why i left

JESSICA
i hear you’re posing as a christian

ABIGAIL
i am

JESSICA
are you any good?

ABIGAIL
at posing as a christian?

JESSICA
yes

ABIGAIL
 24

i’m getting ok at it

JESSICA
prove it

ABIGAIL
prove what?

JESSICA
prove you can pose as a christian

ABIGAIL
ummm…
i love jesus

JESSICA
i don’t believe you
i don’t believe you can pretend at anything

ABIGAIL
i can so

JESSICA
i don’t believe it

ABIGAIL
i’ll prove it

JESSICA
yeah?

ABIGAIL
try me

JESSICA
get down on your knees
ABIGAIL complies
make the sign of the cross
ABIGAIL tries
that’s not how you do it
try again
ABIGAIL tries
try again
ABIGAIL tries
try again
ABIGAIL does it successfully
good
now imagine i’m a saint
 25

ABIGAIL
you’re a saint

JESSICA
imagine i’m holy

ABIGAIL
you’re holy

JESSICA
imagine i’m dead

ABIGAIL
you’re dead

JESSICA
kiss my shoe

ABIGAIL
what?

JESSICA
kiss my shoe
c’mon
if i was a saint you’d kiss my shoe

ABIGAIL
but you’re not a saint

JESSICA
says you

ABIGAIL
you’re not even christian
you’re not even dead

JESSICA
is that a threat?

ABIGAIL
i don’t want to kiss your shoe

JESSICA
prove you can do this
supplicate yourself
ABIGAIL kisses her shoe
now lick it
 26

ABIGAIL licks her shoe

JESSICA tosses her a dog collar
put this on

ABIGAIL
no

JESSICA
do it

ABIGAIL
i’m not gonna wear a dog collar

JESSICA pulls out a knife

holds it to ABIGAIL’s throat

JESSICA
yes you will

ABIGAIL
i…
i uhh…

JESSICA
put it on
put it on or i slice
beat
ABIGAIL puts the dog collar on
bark
ABIGAIL barks
bark again
ABIGAIL barks
say you’re a dog

ABIGAIL
i’m a dog

JESSICA
say you’re a cockroach

ABIGAIL
i’m a cockroach

JESSICA
say you’re a rat

ABIGAIL
i’m a rat
 27

JESSICA
bark again

ABIGAIL
bark like a rat?

JESSICA
bark like a dog

ABIGAIL barks

JESSICA
this is a better disguise don’t you think?
if they come looking for you and your disguise is a christian you’re fucked
but as a dog i buy it
you can pass better as a dog than as a christian
i can pass for christian
people seem my white skin and my light hair and they can’t even tell i’m a Jew
i can pass
you can’t

ABIGAL
i can pass

JESSICA
how?

ABIGAL
i can pass as i want
i can be christian

JESSICA
your skin’s too dark
your hair’s too curly
there’s no way

ABIGAIL
i can pass

JESSICA
you can pass as a dog
not as a christian
bark again

ABIGAIL barks
JESSICA drags her around the room by the collar
ABIGAIL continues to bark
 28

good Jew dog we’ll make you a christian yet

8. SALVATION
a church
SHYLOCK knocks on the door
PORTIA answers

PORTIA
i’ve been expecting you

SHYLOCK
my queen

PORTIA
put this on
PORTIA hands him an enormous cross around a silver band
SHYLOCK puts it on
put it in your mouth
SHYLOCK puts the cross in his mouth
you know what to do
SHYLOCK fellates the cross
do you feel you’ll be saved?

SHYLOCK
i want to crawl under your skin
on the underside of your flesh i want to live

PORTIA
i’ll save you Shylock

SHYLOCK
i love you Portia

PORTIA
come in

9. THE ART OF CRUELTY

the GOVERNOR and the RABBI at the synagogue

RABBI
you can’t do this

GOVERNOR
you can’t tell me what to do
i’m in charge here
the state can do as it pleases
and i’m the state
 29

so i can do as i please

RABBI
that’s a shakedown not a state

GOVERNOR
oh please calm down
i don’t like confrontation

RABBI
calm down how?
how would you like me to calm down?

GOVERNOR
i don’t know just find a way

RABBI
i’ve run this synagogue for twenty years without any argument

GOVERNOR
it’s nothing personal please don’t take it personally

RABBI
you’re taking everyone’s wealth

GOVERNOR
not everyone’s wealth
just every Jew’s wealth

RABBI
that’s everyone to me

GOVERNOR
we owe the Turks money

RABBI
how much?

GOVERNOR
not that much

RABBI
how much is not that much?

GOVERNOR
ten years tribute

RABBI
 30

you’re a fucking horrible governor aren’t you?

GOVERNOR
don’t say that

RABBI
you are

GOVERNOR
no c’mon don’t say that that’s mean

RABBI
Jews are mean

GOVERNOR
i’m doing my best ok just be nice

RABBI
i don’t wanna be nice

GOVERNOR
how are you so cruel?

RABBI
practice

GOVERNOR
i wish i could be cruel
then i’d be better at my job

RABBI
you’re stripping my people of their wealth
that’s pretty cruel

GOVERNOR
yeah but it’s not cruel cruel

RABBI
what’s cruel cruel?

GOVERNOR
Jews
Jews are cruel cruel

RABBI
suppose we are

GOVERNOR
 31

how do you do it?

RABBI
we ape what we know

GOVERNOR
teach me
teach me cruelty
the RABBI slaps the GOVERNOR
owwwwweeeeooowww

RABBI
try it
try it on me
the GOVERNOR hits the RABBI
weakly
c’mon do better than that
slaps again
a little stronger
try harder
slaps again
try harder
slaps again
try harder
the GOVERNOR slaps the RABBI so hard he knocks him to the ground
good

the RABBI pulls out a pair of scissors

GOVERNOR
what are those for?

RABBI
you want to know cruelty?

GOVERNOR
i
i
i

RABBI
you said you wanted to know cruelty

GOVERNOR
i do

RABBI
you wanna get better at your job don’t you?
 32

GOVERNOR
yes
yes
yes

the RABBI sticks his scissors down the GOVERNOR’s pants

RABBI
here’s the lesson
the RABBI cuts the GOVERNOR’s cock off
the GOVERNOR screams in agony
i learned that from a christian

10. TRAINING
JESSICA and ABIGAIL
ABIGAIL is sitting in the corner drinking out of a dog bowl
JESSICA feels her teeth

ABIGAIL
what’s wrong?

JESSICA
nothing

ABIGAL
tell me

JESSICA
my teeth hurt

ABIGAL
let me see

JESSICA
sit in the corner you dog

ABIGAL
i’m not a dog

JESSICA
i don’t want to hear from you again

ABIGAL
let me see your teeth

JESSICA
 33

shut up

ABIGAL
what’s wrong let me see

JESSICA takes a newspaper and hits ABIGAIL with it

JESSICA
I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP
bark

ABIGAIL
…

JESSICA
I SAID BARK

ABIGAIL
[bark]

JESSICA
lick my feet
go on lick them
ABIGAIL begins licking JESSICA’s feet
a knock at the door
JESSICA kicks ABIGAIL off of her
JESSICA answers the door
it’s LORENZO
my savior!

she kisses him passionately

LORENZO
my darling Jewess i’ve come back from you
sees ABIGAIL
who’s your friend?

JESSICA
this is Abigail

ABIGAIL
pleased to meet you

LORENZO
another Jewess

JESSICA
 34

what makes you say that?

LORENZO
i can tell

JESSICA
i told you you couldn’t pass

LORENZO
you’re more exotic than my Jessica

JESSICA
she’s my new pet

LORENZO
i love pets
i’m a real animal lover

ABIGAIL
my knees hurt

ABIGAIL starts to get up

LORENZO
get back down

LORENZO smacks her and she falls to the ground

JESSICA
listen to Lorenzo

LORENZO
my dear innocent
have you ever kept a pet before?

JESSICA
once i had a bird
but he was just a pigeon who got trapped in the house

LORENZO
i’ll show you how to care for a dog
he goes over to ABIGAIL
get up
get up
get up
get up

he raises his foot to kick her in the stomach

 35

ABIGAIL
STOP IT
I’M PREGNANT

LORENZO hesitates

LORENZO
you’re pregnant?

ABIGAIL
yes

LORENZO
whose it’s father

ABIGAIL
i…
i don’t know

LORENZO raises his foot again

JESSICA
LORENZO STOP

ABIGAIL
stop i’m lying i know who the father is

LORENZO
a Jew is it?
did you lay with another Jew?

ABIGAIL
no

LORENZO
a Muslim?

ABIGAIL
no

LORENZO
the devil is it?
is the devil the father?

ABIGAIL
he’s a christian
the father’s a christian
 36

beat

LORENZO
well thank christ for that
LORENZO lowers his foot
at least you’re worth something
don’t have to splatter you on the carpet
LORENZO goes back to JESSICA
i’ve arranged for us to be married

JESSICA
really?

LORENZO
i promise i would didn’t i?

JESSICA
when?

LORENZO
tomorrow

JESSICA
that’s wonderful

LORENZO
we’ll need money of course

JESSICA
money?
where would i get it?

LORENZO
your father where else?
is he home?

JESSICA
no he’s off with Portia again

LORENZO
so you could grab the money

JESSICA
the problem is he keeps most of his money in the counting house

beat
 37

LORENZO
he does?

JESSICA
yes
i mean there’s some in his bedroom
but most of it is in the counting house
and i don’t have a key

LORENZO
i didn’t know that

JESSICA
he hides it in there so if the state tries to tax him
he can feign poverty

LORENZO
this palace is poverty?

JESSICA
he thinks so

LORENZO
well gather up what you can
we’ll meet tomorrow evening

LORENZO exits
ABIGAIL is still recovering in the corner

ABIGAIL
help me
i ache
help me
she touches her head
there’s blood
i’m bleeding

JESSICA considers helping her

but does nothing
ABIGAIL exits
JESSICA sees a spot of ABIGAIL’s blood on the ground
she bends down
and licks it up

11. BE THOU MY VISION

SHYLOCK and PORTIA
 38

SHYLOCK
i want you to sing me a song

PORTIA
what kind of song?

SHYLOCK
something sacred

PORTIA
i don’t think so

SHYLOCK
i love you Portia

PORTIA
i know that

SHYLOCK
how do you want me to love you?

PORTIA
who said i wanted you to love me?

SHYLOCK
don’t you?

PORTIA
you’re a dirty kike

SHYLOCK
i am

PORTIA
say it
say you’re a dirty kike

SHYLOCK
i’m a dirty kike
i’m a dirty kike
i’m a dirty kike

PORTIA
good

SHYLOCK
will you sing for me?
 39

PORTIA
no

SHYLOCK
you have such a beautiful voice

PORTIA
i don’t want to sing for you Shylock
you stink

SHYLOCK
so?

PORTIA
you stink

SHYLOCK
all Jews stink

PORTIA
you stink particularly strongly today

SHYLOCK
make love to me

PORTIA
no

SHYLOCK
bless me with your virginal body

PORTIA
i’m not a virgin

SHYLOCK
yes but metaphorically

PORTIA
you always come begging at my doorstep

SHYLOCK
how could i not?

PORTIA
is it because my skin is white?

SHYLOCK
yes
 40

PORTIA
is it because my hair is straight?

SHYLOCK
yes

PORTIA
is it because my eyes are blue?

SHYLOCK
it’s because christ burns in your heart

PORTIA
and he doesn’t burn in yours?

SHYLOCK
make love to me

PORTIA
you stink

SHYLOCK
i know

PORTIA
you’ll have to bathe
bathe the Jew stink off you and maybe
maybe i’ll consider-

SHYLOCK
what?

PORTIA
maybe i’ll consider loving you
undress

SHYLOCK
why?

PORTIA
undress so i can bathe you
SHYLOCK strips to his underwear
all the way
SHYLOCK takes his underwear off
i always forget your mutilated cock

SHYLOCK
 41

yes

PORTIA
it’s disgusting

SHYLOCK
it is

PORTIA
is it your time of the month?

SHYLOCK
what?

PORTIA
are you menstruating Shylock?

SHYLOCK
i’m not a woman

PORTIA
i thought all Jewish men menstruate

SHYLOCK
not all of us

PORTIA
you’re special?

SHYLOCK
i hope so

PORTIA
come here
SHYLOCK approaches PORTIA
she pulls out a pitcher of water
holy water

she pours it on SHYLOCK

SHYLOCK cries out in pain

SHYLOCK
AAAAHHHHH

PORTIA
don’t scream

SHYLOCK
 42

it burns

PORTIA
don’t scream
let it purify
don’t scream

she continues pouring water on him

she finishes
SHYLOCK takes time to recover

SHYLOCK
sing to me

PORTIA grabs a microphone

she begins to sing a hymn
but she sings scratchily forcefully and off-key
SHYLOCK shivers as he watches

PORTIA
singing
BE THOU MY VISION O LORD OF MY HEART
NAUGHT BE ALL ELSE TO ME SAVE THAT THOU ART
THOU MY BEST THOUGHT BY DAY OR BY NIGHT
WAKING OR SLEEPING THY PRESENCE MY LIGHT

BE THOU MY WISDOM AND THOU MY TRUE WORD

I EVER WITH THEE AND THOU WITH ME LORD
THOU MY GREAT FATHER AND I THY TRUE SON
THOU IN ME DWELLING AND I WITH THEE ONE

O KING OF GLORY MY VICTORY WON

RULE AND REIGN IN ME ’TIL THY WILL BE DONE
HEART OF MY OWN HEART, WHATEVER BEFALL
STILL BE MY VISION O RULER OF ALL

12. GOVERNMENT BUSINESS

LORENZO is meeting with the ABBESS and the GOVERNOR
a hooded figure is tied to a chair

GOVERNOR
i for one think it’s a splendid idea

ABBESS
it’s all right?
i don’t want to intrude
nuns shouldn’t intrude
 43

LORENZO
trust me
that old yid won’t be needing it much longer
he’s too busy trying to crawl inside the cunt of a christian

ABBESS
language please

LORENZO
sorry sister

GOVERNOR
and you’re still intent on marrying this Jewess?

LORENZO
Jessica yes
she really is the most marvelous woman
just a pity she is born of the devil

ABBESS
well we’ll be happy to fix that
in exchange for your generosity

GOVERNOR
Lorenzo i’ve always appreciated how helpful you are
the Jews have been squirreling away their wealth
which has made it that much harder to collect our tribute

LORENZO
i promise
seize the property
and in his counting house
you’ll have all the funds you need

GOVERNOR
excellent!
gosh
i think my tenure as governor is looking up wouldn’t you say?

LORENZO
i certainly would governor
the GOVERNOR stands
winces from his injury
are you all right sir?

GOVERNOR
nicked myself
 44

it’s fine

ABBESS
i’ll collect the other sisters
we’ll go about impounding the house at once
in the name of christ we go

ABBESS exits

GOVERNOR
splendid woman
excellent theology
implacable spirit

LORENZO
shall we finish the other matter at hand?

GOVERNOR
i follow your lead
i mean
you follow my lead
i’m the governor
i’m in charge
the rules say so

LORENZO removes the hood of the prisoner

it’s the RABBI
they ungag him

RABBI
couldn’t get your money elsewhere?

LORENZO pulls out a knife

holds it to the RABBI’s throat

LORENZO
careful

GOVERNOR
this is so much easier anyway

LORENZO
do you have a name rabbi?

RABBI
everyone has a name

LORENZO
 45

tell us yours

RABBI
you can call me rabbi

LORENZO
we want to know your name

RABBI
why?

LORENZO
congeniality

RABBI
i only give my names to friends
you can call me rabbi

LORENZO pushes down on the knife

a little blood drips

LORENZO
what’s your name?

RABBI
Avraham

GOVERNOR
i don’t like that name

LORENZO
me neither
we’ll name you John
that’s a strong Christian name
no Avraham
John
do you have horns John?

RABBI
what of it?

LORENZO
i’ve always been curious
do most Jews have horns?
my sweet Jessica doesn’t
but i presume because there is a purity in her soul
i’ve never seen her father’s head uncovered so i can’t go off him
but what about you?
 46

RABBI
sure
i have horns
i have horns and a forked tongue
i have a tail
i have the eyes of a rat
on my chest is a pentagram
i smell of sulfur
i menstruate like a woman
i drink the blood of babies
and when the antichrist comes to earth
i will stand at his side

GOVERNOR
i think he’s putting us on

LORENZO
we should be certain
they remove his kippah
they begin feeling his scalp
i don’t feel anything
do you?

GOVERNOR
not yet
they keep feeling around
oh found something

LORENZO
where?

GOVERNOR
right here

LORENZO
oh yes
definitely a bump

RABBI
it’s a bump a bump on my head

LORENZO
we must shave his horns down

RABBI
horns come in twos
this is just one
 47

one bump

GOVERNOR
we’ll get it out
no problem
we’ll get it out of you

LORENZO
it’ll all be better soon

the GOVERNOR takes the knife from the RABBI’s throat

and carves the bump out of the RABBI’s skull
the RABBI screams and bleeds and screams and bleeds

13. THE SPANISH INQUISITION

Spain
LODOWICK is weeping
MATHIAS watches

MATHIAS
bro
bro
you ok bro?

LODOWICK
NO I’M NOT FUCKING OK

MATHIAS
ok
sorry
just asking

LODOWICK
how could she just leave?
after all i’ve done for her?
how could she just leave?

MATHIAS
i know
it’s not fucking ok at all
but god will punish her
i’m sure of it

LODOWICK
because ok
because it feels like god actually actually is punishing me
because i’m the one who got stuck with a secret Jew wife
 48

and i had to find out while i was away at the fucking crusades?!
so we can’t even talk it out like husband and wife
and instead i have to ask my buds to talk to her about her deception?

MATHIAS
sounds like they maybe went overboard

LODOWICK
SHE WAS PREGNANT DUDE

MATHIAS
i know

LODOWICK
FUCKING PREGNANT DUDE
WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S FUCKING BABY

MATHIAS
i get it
i get it

LODOWICK
is her baby gonna be Jewish?

MATHIAS
i dunno
i guess?

LODOWICK
holy fuck is our fucking baby gonna be a Jew fucking baby?

MATHIAS
it’s ok

LODOWICK
IT’S NOT FUCKING OK

MATHIAS
think of it this way
now your baby will be like
chosen
or whatever

LODOWICK
chosen for what?

MATHIAS
aren’t Jews supposed to be The Chosen People?
 49

LODOWICK
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

MATHIAS
me neither

LODOWICK
am i gonna have to kill our baby?

MATHIAS starts cracking up

MATHIAS
wouldn’t be your first

LODOWICK
shut up it’s not funny

MATHIAS
it’s like a little funny
you’re like a professional baby killer

LODOWICK
shut up ok
that really
that really hurts my feelings

MATHIAS
you’re right
i’m sorry
snorts
dead babies

LODOWICK
FUCK
OFF
beat
i dunnot what to do

MATHIAS
they said she went to England

LODOWICK
guess we’re going to England

14. CONVENTION
JESSICA and ABIGAIL
 50

JESSICA has a bag of money

ABIGAIL lies on the ground with her collar on

JESSICA
that’s all of his cash
all he keeps in the bedroom at least

ABIGAIL
…

JESSICA
i’m hungry
what about you?

ABIGAIL
…

JESSICA
what about you?

ABIGAIL
…

JESSICA
you haven’t eaten all day doggie

ABIGAIL
…

JESSICA
you’ve gotta eat
gotta keep your Jew strength up

ABIGAIL
…

JESSICA bends down to pet ABIGAIL

ABIGAIL recoils

JESSICA
i’ll keep your baby safe
ok?
i’ll keep your baby safe
beat
Lorenzo wouldn’t hurt a baby

ABIGAIL
a christian baby
 51

JESSICA
what?

ABIGAIL
he wouldn’t hurt a christian baby

JESSICA
well then
…
you’re all right
beat
i’m hungry
i want blood
i mean bread
i mean blood
i mean
…
i’m hungry

ABIGAIL
are you ok?

JESSICA
i’m hungry
and my teeth hurt
and i’ve had odd cravings
and i’m hungry

ABIGAIL
you should see a doctor

JESSICA
i’m fine
just hungry
bark

ABIGAIL
i don’t wanna

JESSICA
bark for me

ABIGAIL
i’m tired of-

JESSICA
my care for you is still conditional Abigail
 52

ABIGAIL
Abigail isn’t my real name

JESSICA
fuck if i care

ABIGAIL
it’s Ruchel

JESSICA
ok dog

ABIGAIL
i want you to call me Ruchel

JESSICA
i’ll call you dog

ABIGAIL
what’s your name?

JESSICA
Jessica

ABIGAIL
your Hebrew name i mean

JESSICA
Jessica is Hebrew enough

ABIGAIL
but didn’t your father give you a Hebrew name?

JESSICA
of course

ABIGAIL
what is it?

JESSICA
it’s not yours to know

ABIGAIL
i want to know you

JESSICA
well you don’t get to
 53

bark

ABIGAIL
…
[barks]

a knock at the door

JESSICA answers
the ABBESS greets her

ABBESS
greetings my child
may the lord bless you

JESSICA
who are you?

ABBESS
i’m the abbess

JESSICA
abbess to what?

ABBESS
to this convent of course
we’re so excited to get to collaborate with you

JESSICA
i’m sorry what?

ABBESS
well not collaborate so much as forcefully repurpose
but we’re very excited about it all the same
what’s your name?

JESSICA
Jessica

ABBESS
what a lovely name
and what a cute dog you have
hello cute dog

ABIGAIL
[bark]

JESSICA
what do you mean convent?
 54

ABBESS
the state has decided to seize this filthy den of usury for its own purposes
also all your father’s wealth
we’ll be needing that as well if you wouldn’t mind dearie

JESSICA
he doesn’t have any wealth

ABBESS
he’s a Jew isn’t he

JESSICA
so?

ABBESS
and also a usurer

JESSICA
so?
so?

ABBESS
oh c’mon
he’s the only kike lending money in this town

JESSICA
we’re very poor

ABBESS
oh come on

JESSICA
we are
for dinner i am only allotted one loaf of bread
i wear rags every day
do you know how many shoes i own?
just one
just one shoe

ABBESS
don’t be a spoilsport
hand it over
c’mon
c’mon
c’mon

JESSICA
 55

or what?

ABBESS
or you’ll be executed
beat
and that sounds
yicky
i’d rather not do that

JESSICA
i can’t just give you his wealth

ABBESS
‘course you can

JESSICA
i can’t

ABBESS
hand it over

JESSICA
why?

ABBESS
the state owes money to a group of filthy Turks
and the only thing worse than a Jew is a Muslim
they’re like a double Jew

JESSICA
how so?

the ABBESS pulls a knife

ABBESS
the money
please
beat
JESSICA hands over a bag of money
good girl
the ABBESS puts her knife away
i grew up in France
horrible place everyone smoked
even me
i was twelve when i entered the convent
a small war broke out between my village and my neighboring village
all the chickens died
we had a funeral for the chickens
 56

it was surprisingly serious

after that my father sent me away
to protect me from the violence
and thus was i a nun
i’ve seen horrible things in this life
babies drowned in wells
women with no eyeballs and half their arms blasted off
a man trying to hold his guts after they’d been plucked out of him
but through it all i’ve always had Jesus
which is how i’ve avoided serious pain
i remember when i broke my big toe i worried i was being punished by my lord and savior
but then i realized he was just testing me
if you accept jesus i promise you will never see a chicken die again

JESSICA
are you kicking me out of my home?

ABBESS
it’s not your home it’s my convent
which you’re welcome to stay in

15. PISS PLAY

SHYLOCK and PORTIA
they’ve just finished having sex

PORTIA
what is it like to love me?

SHYLOCK
it makes me feel less than
to love you

PORTIA
do you enjoy that?

SHYLOCK
yes

PORTIA
you love to feel less than?

SHYLOCK
yes i do

PORTIA
and i love to make you feel less than
which makes me feel less than
 57

SHYLOCK
and i know you shouldn’t be with me
and i know i’m not a real man
and i’m not even certain i’m a real Jew
but i love you Portia
i want to be your nothing

PORTIA
i don’t like doing this

SHYLOCK
because i’m a Jew

PORTIA
because you’re nothing

SHYLOCK
do you love me?

PORTIA
i don’t think you can love nothing

SHYLOCK
but have you gotten close?

PORTIA
i think as close as is possible

SHYLOCK
then why make me nothing?
if that’s what you despise?

PORTIA
i have something for you
PORTIA pulls out a Torah
it’s your holy book right?

SHYLOCK
where did you get that?

PORTIA
i want you to spit on it
PORTIA throws the Torah on the ground
go on

SHYLOCK
i-
 58

PORTIA
spit on it

SHYLOCK
Portia i-

PORTIA
you can do it

SHYLOCK
i can’t

PORTIA
spit on it

SHYLOCK
Portia

PORTIA
do you want to be nothing for me?

SHYLOCK
yes

PORTIA
do you want to become oblivion?

SHYLOCK
yes

PORTIA
then spit on it
go on
spit on it
defile your holy text
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
 59

SHYLOCK spits on the Torah

again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
again
SHYLOCK spits on the Torah
now piss on it
SHYLOCK hesitates
PISS ON IT
SHYLOCK pulls his cock out
he pisses on the Torah
well done
SHYLOCK weeps
you’ve done well
SHYLOCK weeps
this is why i can’t love you Shylock

SHYLOCK
why?

PORTIA
because you’ll do this
no matter what i ask you do it

SHYLOCK
then why ask?

PORTIA
you’re becoming nothing
and nothing is better than a Jew
SHYLOCK weeps softly
PORTIA kisses his forhead
sometimes
you are so beautiful

16. GOLD RUSH

the WANDERING JEW in the forest
she drinks a pitcher of blood
smears it all over her face
she begins digging in the dirt
finds a gold coin
swallows it
keeps digging
finds a gold coin
swallows it
keeps digging
finds a gold coin
swallows it
 60

keeps digging
finds a pot of gold
swallows all the coins

17. WEDDING DAY

LORENZO and JESSICA in her home
ABIGAIL is in the corner

JESSICA
i don’t have any of it

LORENZO
it’s ok

JESSICA
i’m so sorry Lorenzo she just took it and she had a knife and i
i didn’t think i could say no

LORENZO
you couldn’t
you’re weak
you couldn’t
i understand

JESSICA
i tried i tried to keep the money but i i i just
do you still want to marry me?

LORENZO
of course

JESSICA
you do?

LORENZO
of course i do
and anyways
it doesn’t matter

JESSICA
it doesn’t?

LORENZO
not at all

JESSICA kisses him

 61

JESSICA
i knew you loved me for me
i knew it wasn’t for my Jewish fortune
i knew it was just for me

LORENZO
and i’ve been promised a cut

JESSICA
a cut?

LORENZO
of your father’s fortune
i knew if we ran with stolen money
we could get caught and thrown into jail
and i would not do well in jail
not even a little
i’m too pretty
so i figured it was better to just make a deal
to ensure i got a cut of the funds

JESSICA
so
my house was seized because-

LORENZO
i told the governor about your father’s secret stash

JESSICA
that
wasn’t what we discussed

LORENZO
sure it was

JESSICA
no we just discussed me stealing the little in his bedroom

LORENZO
we also discussed the money in the counting house

JESSICA
and that isn’t mine and anyways
that’s his
his whole life
that’s everything

LORENZO
 62

who cares?
you’re marrying me

the ABBESS enters

ABBESS
is she ready?

LORENZO
i think so

JESSICA
ready for what?

LORENZO
for your conversion

ABBESS
don’t worry
we’ve got a beautiful one planned for you

JESSICA
my-

LORENZO
this is what you wanted

JESSICA
i thought
i mean
i figured
we could arrange
at a latter date-

LORENZO
isn’t it so much better i’ve done this for you
i’m so considerate

ABBESS
i run the most beautiful conversions in the land
ask anyone!
there was this Scotsman i knew once
who was secretly practicing as a Muslim
as a MUSLIM
can you believe it?
so i cut off his ear

JESSICA
 63

is that
supposed to be the beautiful story?

ABBESS
yes
the GOVERNOR comes in with the RABBI
oh goodie!

GOVERNOR
we have your new charge

JESSICA
rabbi?

ABBESS
you can take him upstairs
we have his room ready

GOVERNOR
he’s a squirmy one

RABBI
desperate
Jessica please
they beat me
they beat me until i weep
they say it’s Christian
i don’t want to be beaten again
they cut into my skull and i don’t want to be beaten
they shove crucifixes down my throat and i am beaten and i am beaten
they say they’ll pray the kike away
they say this and beat me
they use christ to beat me
please help me oh god please please-

ABBESS
oh my god are all rabbis this talkative?

JESSICA
…
yes

ABBESS
take him up stairs governor!

GOVERNOR
excuse me!
i’m the governor
 64

you take me orders from me

ABBESS
fine

long beat

GOVERNOR
take him upstairs

ABBESS
excellent idea

GOVERNOR
i’ll do it

RABBI
no no please Jessica help please help please-

the GOVERNOR pulls the RABBI offstage

LORENZO
your turn Jessica

the ABBESS grabs JESSICA by the arms

JESSICA
Lorenzo i’m i’m
i’m not ready

LORENZO
you are

ABIGAIL starts barking frantically

she runs up to try to pull JESSICA back with her teeth

ABBESS
get off me you mutt

JESSICA
i don’t want this

LORENZO
you do

JESSICA
I DON’T WANT TO BE A CHRISTIAN
 65

LORENZO
who wouldn’t want that?

ABBESS
it’ll be quick dear
but if you keep fighting
it won’t be painless

JESSICA
STOP
STOP
LORENZO
ANYONE
STOP
STOP

the ABBESS pulls JESSICA offstage

LORENZO follows
slams the door shut

18. CONFESSION
PORTIA and SHYLOCK

SHYLOCK
you’re distracted today my love

PORTIA
i am

SHYLOCK
what is it?

PORTIA
i’m fine

SHYLOCK
you’re not telling me

PORTIA
i don’t tell you things Shylock
it’s not what we do
you confess
i absolve

SHYLOCK
i’m not seeking confession
 66

PORTIA
i’ll give you no part of me

SHYLOCK
i know
i know not to expect that

PORTIA
you lower yourself so willingly-
aren’t you ever disgusted with yourself?

SHYLOCK
all the time

beat

PORTIA
i’ve been to see the governor today Shylock

SHYLOCK
why?

PORTIA
we’re friends

SHYLOCK
i know that

PORTIA
and all Christians know each other

SHYLOCK
i’d always guessed

PORTIA
he asked me if i would help with a project of his

SHYLOCK
what’s the project?

PORTIA
a new nunnery
he’s looking for someone to help the abbess run it

SHYLOCK
why should i care?

PORTIA
 67

you should go home

SHYLOCK
don’t want to

PORTIA
you should go home

SHYLOCK
why are you saying this?

PORTIA
kindness i suppose

SHYLOCK
that’s new

PORTIA
go home

SHYLOCK
why?

beat

PORTIA
the nunnery is your home
they’re taking it
everything you have
your money
your home
they’re taking it all
and making it a nunnery

beat

SHYLOCK
i
i

PORTIA
go home

beat

SHYLOCK
thank you
 68

PORTIA
this means nothing

SHYLOCK
thank you
thank you

SHYLOCK quickly exits

19. HUSBAND AND WIFE

SHYLOCK’s home
ABIGAL runs around whining frantically
a knock at the door
ABIGAIL stops
pounding at the door
ABIGAIL looks at the door
more pounding
the door is knocked down
LODOWICK and MATHIAS stand in the doorway

LODOWICK
my darling
there you are

ABIGAIL
[cocks head]

MATHIAS
can i just say
i thought England was gonna be
like
so much cooler
it
is
not

LODOWICK
i’ve been looking everywhere
everywhere
i’ve traipsed across fuckall of Europe for you

ABIGAIL
[barks]

MATHIAS
that’s not fair
we came directly from Spain
 69

it’s not THAT far

LODOWICK
it’s still pretty far

MATHIAS
but not as far as like
Greece or something

ABIGAIL
[bark]

LODOWICK
i think there was a misunderstanding

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
because like i just told my guys to like
hold you
because when i found out you were Jewish well
well i just panicked
but i didn’t mean
i didn’t mean to frighten you

ABIGAIL
[barks]

MATHIAS
can i just say
and it’s so good to see you Abigail
can i just say
i’ve known this guy for years
through school and girlfriends and wives and fuck
now through the fucking crusades
and he is really just
a quality guy
just top notch

LODOWICK
it sounds like they went too far
i’m sorry
i miss you
i miss how you taste
i miss your hair and eyes and tongue

ABIGAIL
 70

[barks]

LODOWICK
too high class?
i can talk dirty if you prefer

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
you dirty filthy fucking slut

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
i think you’ll like me better now
i learned a lot while crusading
i’m a bunch better conversationalist for starters

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
you were always like “ugh you’re such an idiot you should learn to talk good”
well i learned to talk real good

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
i know a lot about the world and science and history
i’ve seen a lot of dick
don’t worry i didn’t see any pussy

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
and seeing all that dick didn’t make me gay or anything

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
you seem bummed out
wanna hear a joke?
 71

ABIGAIL
[growls]

LODOWICK
why is a Jew like a prostitute?
they both try to screw you over!

ABIGAIL
[growls]

MATHIAS
good one

LODOWICK
how about another?

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
how do you overpower a Jew?
cut them off at the nose

MATHIAS doubles over laughing

ABIGAIL
[growls]

LODOWICK
why is it so hard to have sympathy for Jews?
because there’s no such thing as a poor Jew

ABIGAIL
[growls]

MATHIAS
these are EXCELLENT bro

LODOWICK
i like you better like this
now listen
i need you to come with me

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
we have a baby together
 72

and because i’m so kind

i don’t even care that it’s not mine
we’ll make it mine
we’re gonna be a mom and a dad

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
i want our baby Abigail

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
you can’t take our baby from me
you can’t take it and pervert it

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
you gonna fuck it?
is that what you want?
you gonna give birth and fuck our baby?

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
i want my baby
it’s my baby
i want it

ABIGAIL
[barks]

LODOWICK
i want to baptize him

ABIGAIL gets on her hind legs

she pounces on LODOWICK
she rips his throat out with her teeth
she howls

ABIGAIL
not a fucking chance
 73

ABIGAIL locks eyes with MATHIAS who looks terrified

MATHIAS
umm
i’m gonna
i’m gonna uhh
just head back to Spain
good to see you Abigail

ABIGAIL
Ruchel
my name is Ruchel

MATHIAS runs out the door

ABIGAIL chases after him

20. MY DAUGHTER! MY DUCATS!

SHYLOCK’s home
one hour later
he observes the carnage

SHYLOCK
what the-

LORENZO walks in

LORENZO
hello Shylock

SHYLOCK
who are you?

LORENZO
who said you could come in here
you need permission

SHYLOCK
to enter my home?

LORENZO
not your home now

SHYLOCK
who are you?

LORENZO
doesn’t matter
 74

SHYLOCK
who are you?
where’s Jessica?

LORENZO
doesn’t matter

SHYLOCK
where is she?

LORENZO
she’s mine now

beat

SHYLOCK
where is she?

LORENZO
her baptism
she’s at her baptism
although it must almost be over by now
i came to fetch her things

SHYLOCK
her baptism?

LORENZO
yes

beat

SHYLOCK
what’s become of my home?

LORENZO
it’s a nunnery now
and we’ve taken your money
and we’ve taken your daughter
they’re mine now
your ducats
your daughter
your ducats
your daughter
your ducats
your daughter
your ducats-
 75

SHYLOCK
i don’t care

LORENZO
about your daughter?

SHYLOCK
about my ducats

LORENZO
liar

SHYLOCK
my daughter is
my daughter is

LORENZO
liar you’re a liar

SHYLOCK
my daughter is…
i want my daughter

LORENZO
what about your ducats?

SHYLOCK
keep it

LORENZO
what’s a Jew without ducats?

SHYLOCK
nothing i guess

LORENZO
i’ve won

SHYLOCK
yes you have

LORENZO
i’ve won congratulate me

SHYLOCK
i don’t even know your name
 76

LORENZO
it’s Lorenzo

beat

SHYLOCK
i hate that name

SHYLOCK exits

21. BARABAS
SHYLOCK and PORTIA

SHYLOCK
my daughter is gone

PORTIA
i didn’t know you had a daughter

SHYLOCK
will you hold me?

PORTIA
you shouldn’t trust me Shylock

SHYLOCK
i know that
will you hold me?

PORTIA
i don’t care about your daughter

SHYLOCK
i’ve made myself nothing for you

PORTIA
you have

SHYLOCK
doesn’t that get me anything?

PORTIA
no
that’s what nothing means

SHYLOCK
could we ever know one another Portia?
 77

i know you can’t love me

but could we ever know one another?

PORTIA
i know you Shylock

SHYLOCK
but could you know
what it’s like
to be a Jew?

PORTIA
i don’t think i’ll ever know that

SHYLOCK
you don’t even know my name

PORTIA
yes i do

SHYLOCK
you know my English name
the one i made for myself
to survive here
it’s not my real name

PORTIA
i don’t want to know your real name

SHYLOCK
why not?

PORTIA
i don’t want to know you
i can’t
i can’t bring myself to care for you

SHYLOCK
i hate the name Shylock
i miss my real name
the name of man who would never come crawling to you
the name of man who that told the world i was a Jew
the name of man who wouldn’t hide himself in English manners
the name of man who wore his blood proudly

PORTIA
we all loose who are eventually
 78

beat

SHYLOCK
Barabas
my name was Barabas

PORTIA
the one traded for christ

SHYLOCK
a good name to hang your hat on

PORTIA
you should leave Shylock
find your daughter

SHYLOCK
they took her
there’s nothing to find
they took her
she’s a Christian now

PORTIA
that’s good
she’s been saved Shylock

SHYLOCK
i didn’t want her saved
i wanted her to be my daughter

PORTIA
it’s better this way

SHYLOCK
i don’t believe you

PORTIA
i told you not to trust me

SHYLOCK
you’re so beautiful

PORTIA
i know

SHYLOCK
say you love me
i know you don’t
 79

but say it
say it
say you love me

PORTIA
you’d like me to lie?

SHYLOCK
i’d like you to love me
and in the absence of that lie yes lie to me

PORTIA
that’s so much crueler

SHYLOCK
lie to me
say you love me

PORTIA
i love the parts of you you carve out for me
and i want to say more
i want to say i love all of you
i want that
i want that

SHYLOCK
i gave you my name

PORITA
i didn’t want it

SHYLOCK
help me find my daughter

PORTIA
i can’t

SHYLOCK
please pity me she’s gone help me find her

PORTIA
…
all right
all right
PORTIA pulls out a knife
she slits SHYLOCK’s throat
he falls down dead
kike
 80

22. FAMILY REUNION

in the woods
the WANDERING JEW is feasting on flesh
JESSICA runs in
extremely haggard
the two look at one another
there’s a sense of recognition between them

JESSICA
they took me to the streets
they carted me as a fish to market
i begged for privacy a dark room a cell a chamber
they wouldn’t allow it
they brought me to a public square and screamed to the crowd
“this Jew girl will be saved”
the crowd cheered and cheered
“do you accept jesus christ as your lord and savior?”
i looked for an exit a quick escape
i saw none
“do you accept jesus christ as your lord and savior?”
i wouldn’t speak so they slapped my face and tore my dress
“do you accept jesus christ as your lord and savior?”
they called it religion
they doused me in water to drown the Jew out of me
but like a black devil she wouldn’t sink

the WANDERING JEW holds a hand out to JESSICA

JESSICA approaches
the WANDERING JEW holds JESSICA in a deep embrace

WANDERING JEW
my name is Rivka

JESSICA grows large vampire fangs

she bites the WANDERING JEW’s neck and drains her dry
she tosses the body aside
the neon cross goes up in flames
it burns and burns
PORTIA enters

PORTIA
i killed your father
i killed your father
dirty fucking kike
i killed him
 81

JESSICA
looking at WANDERING JEW’s corpse
why did i
why
why did i

ABIGAIL bounds in
covered in blood
howls at JESSICA

PORTIA
he gave me his name
what’s your name Jessica?

ABIGAL
[howls]

PORTIA
what’s your name?

JESSICA
my name

ABIGAIL
[growls]

JESSICA
i can’t

PORTIA
dirty filthy-

JESSICA
i can’t stop it i can’t

PORTIA
what?
what is it?

JESSICA
this is too much

PORTIA
what?

JESSICA
this is too much
 82

PORTIA
confused
it
what?
what is…

JESSICA
i’m sorry this is too-

PORTIA
wait
is everything-

JESSICA
this is all getting to be a bit too-

PORTIA
oh
are you…

JESSICA
i’m sorry can we
can we take a break?
looks out at us
can we take a break?
can we just take a short break?

23. UNTITLED
work lights come on
JESSICA regrows her missing hand
she grabs a cup of water
sips it

ABIGAIL
you need anything or-

JESSICA
umm
maybe just
a moment alone would be-

beat

PORTIA
you sure
…
we could
 83

if you need-

JESSICA
no umm
just
a moment i think

PORTIA
yeah ok

ABIGAIL
let us know if you
need
…
whatever

PORTIA and ABIGAIL exit

JESSICA takes some for herslef
maybe lays on the ground with her eyes closed for a moment
maybe does some stretches
or maybe just sits quietly
when she’s ready she addresses us

JESICA
hello there
my name is Eric Marlin
i feel like i should say a few things

because you’ve all very kindly uhh

been sitting there
waiting for all of this to feel
like we might come to the other side of something?
like this might all
have a catharsis or a thesis or at least a cautious gesture of hope
and i just don’t have that yet
but everyone’s been doing the good audience thing and sitting there politely
so i feel i owe you uhhh…

we can start with my name?

i hate my name

Eric
Conner
Marlin

it sounds so
not-Jewish
 84

so not-anything
i mean it really isn’t anything
it’s a white chasm
and yes please extrapolate out from that all of the meanings of white
Marlin is a name my grandfather maybe made up
i mean there’s debate about who actually made it up
but the best guess we got right now is him

it goes like this

my family came through Ellis Island with a last name like Strowetsky or Sandrovsky
and we’re like “oh yeah can’t spell this in English”
and the guy checking us in was all
“ok then fuck off the guy in front of you is Markowitz so now you’re Markowitz”
this story is a bit of family legend
but also we don’t have reason to doubt it’s real
we just don’t have you know like a signed affidavit signaling it’s true
i like the word affidavit
my parents are lawyers
my dad originally was gonna be a doctor but then he realized he hated blood
so instead he decided to become a lawyer
and my grandparents stopped paying for college
because lawyer wasn’t good enough
do you realize how Jewish you have to be for lawyer to be a step down?
you can laugh
it’s a bad joke i just made
but you can laugh
please laugh

but anyways so we go through Ellis Island and boom we’re Markowitz

a name we keep for one generation
see my grandfather was spending a lot of time in the late thirties traveling
and this was still a time when “no Jew or dogs allowed” signs littered motel windows in America
so he figured we should goy our name up
and he changed it to Marlin
like the fish
like what the fuck
what the fuck is that?
what is the ethnic identity of Marlin
answer: none

but even if i wanted to change it back and i think parents would kill me if i did
even if i wanted to change it back what the fuck would i change it to?
Markowitz was basically a placeholder
and no one is a hundred percent certain what the name was in Poland
shtetls keep bad records
so my attempt at cultural restoration would be shaky
what if i changed it to Strowetsky and then twenty years later it turns out it was Goldstein all along
would that make me a bad Jew?
 85

is anyone a good Jew?

there’s this term “self-hating Jew”

which is like the ultimate psychological burn in the Jewish world
like there is nothing more terrifying
more debilitating
then being called a self-hating Jew
of course the trick is literally ANYONE can be called a self-hating Jew
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you don’t support Israel”
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you do support Israel”
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you still speak Yiddish”
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you can’t speak Yiddish”
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you don’t fast on Yom Kippur”
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you attend a Reconstructionist synagogue”
“you’re a self-hating Jew because you woke up”

i think the self-hating Jew entity is the reason the word “kike” never got reclaimed
like say the way “faggot” did by some gays
and i can say that word because i’m gay
secretly i really like the word faggot
but i can never get behind the word kike

it still cuts
it still debilitates

also i think the self-hating Jew insult is the reason anti-assimilation isn’t like
as big of a conversation amongst Jews
like it is for queers
queers can debate this point for fucking ever
should we assimilate into straight society or not?
do we assimilate all the way?
how much do we assimilate?
what counts as assimilation?
how can we resist heteronormativity?
what even IS heteronormative?
we’ll fucking have this out forever

but Jews don’t

for Jews it’s either assimilate into the country you’re in

or move to Israel

the closest we get to anti-assimilationist is the idea of diaspora Jewry

the idea of embracing the diaspora rather than making it a pit stop on the way to masiah
(that’s the messiah)
and like i know there are Jews who embrace being in the diaspora as like a radical fucking challenge
but i just don’t feel them being as present as say
 86

the anti-assimilation queers

maybe there are

maybe there’s millions and i just don’t know them
i’m not an expert
and i don’t even really feel like i know what the Jewish community is
i really have no right to speak for the Jewish community
who am i to speak?

my first name Eric is in honor of my great-grandmother Ethel

that’s the closest shimmer of Jewishness i’ve got in my name
Ethel
i never met her
in the Jewish tradition you have to name people for someone dead
it’s bad luck to name someone for the living

i bet great-grandma Ethel was like super Jewish

at least how i imagine her
like effortlessly Jewish

my Jewishness feels labored

it feels both genuine but also it feels performed
not performed in like a gender studies “all identity is performance” sorta way because fuck off
but like
if i don’t keep being visibly Jewish
like really Jewish in the face of everyone around me
i’ll loose my cred
i’ll loose the right to call myself Jewish

and that’s so gross

i mean i think all of this is gross i think this part of the play is so gross
but i don’t know any other way through it

but what i mean is

ok
if i’m in a cabin on top of a mountain
far far away
with nothing but food to live on
no books
no personal affects
nothing
(maybe i bring my cat
i probably bring my cat)
but put me in that cabin and i know
i know that i will still be queer
alone in a cabin on a mountain speaking to no one basically doing nothing
i will be queer
it will just be in me
 87

i worry that i wouldn’t stay Jewish though

is an unobserved Jew even a Jew?

and i bet Ethel would feel Jewish in that cabin on the mountain
i imagine her Jewishness as not being conditional
but rather just
being

i’m not exactly delivering earthshattering news

by saying that minorities usually have identities
in part constructed in opposition to the dominant power
so it becomes almost fucking impossible to conceive of yourself outside of an us vs. them binary

this feels like it’s steering towards a bad lecture

but please come down the bad lecture road with me

so
it’s Elizabethan England
shit is fancy
and the English are trying to figure out what makes an Englishman an Englishman
(i also don’t think i’m delivering earthshattering news by saying they were less concerned with what
makes an Englishwoman an Englishwoman)
and one of the convenient sociopolitical tidbits is that at the time the Jews have been EXPELLED
FROM ENGLAND
now let’s be clear
there are Jews
there’s just like not a lot of Jews
maybe 2,000 at most
but so they realize
oh hey
one of the things that makes us English is that we HAVE NO JEWS
so Jews are basically anti-English
or Englishmen are anti-Jewish

Elizabethan England isn’t the birthplace of anti-Semitism

but it’s where a lot of our contemporary images of it get crystalized

being Jewish is a photographic negative of English society

how do you build an identity with a photographic negative?

how can i be Jewish on the cabin in the mountain with no Englishmen (or Americans) to judge
myself against?

and of course let’s be so so so so honest here

i’m a white Jew
 88

were Ashkenazi Jews (that’s me that’s what i am) always racially white?
not the way we think of it
are all Jews today white?
absolutely not
but right now in this splotch of history i’m white
but also white supremacy hates me
i’m an interloper
i’m a disease
i’m an infiltrator
so i’m both of the dominant power structure and according to some a threat to to the dominant
power structure

i’ve never felt like being Jewish would get me killed

but there were multiple bomb threats at my synagogue growing up

i’ve had someone yell kike at me on the streets
i’ve been told my yarmulke made someone uncomfortable
that person referred to it as a “little hat”
someone i called a friend has said my religion is a cult
i’ve had friends subjected to much more vicious insults than a single “kike”
i’ve been called dirty and a parasite and told i must stink
i haven’t lived in a single place where swastikas weren’t painted on a nearby building
i’ve been told i would be cuter if i looked less Jewish
i’ve been told my nose is good for a Jew
i’ve legitimately been asked if i have horns
i’ve legitimately been asked if i control the weather
i’ve heard people tell jokes about Jews in ovens until they realized i was Jewish
i’ve heard people espouse conspiracy theories about Jews and money and world power
i’ve heard people espouse conspiracy theories about Jews and money and world power and not even
realize they were conspiracy theories
i’ve felt my religion was a burden
i’ve been screamed at for not denouncing Israel
not realizing that it’s just harder just a little harder for me to denounce it than for you to denounce it
even though i will denounce it i have and i will absolutely always denounce that human rights
clusterfuck that is the state of Israel
fuck Israel fuck it fuck it
but i’m never saying it loud enough
what’s important is i check my Jewishness at the door
i just have to make sure that even if i’m Jewish i’m not Jewish in the bad way

i’d like to end at the part where i’m yelling about injustice

this part feels good

the part that’s harder is admitting that sometimes i believe it all

sometimes i hate the part of me that’s Jewish

sometimes i think being Jewish is an infection and there is no cure
 89

sometimes it burrows so deep into me

the anti-Semitism i’ve fostered within myself
the anti-Semitism i’ve fostered so i can make jokes and blend in and not be a part of my people
the anti-Semitism i don’t know how to quash
it burrows so deep it’s completely inseparable from who i am at this point

i don’t want that to be true but i just do i just feel that sometimes

i get embarrassed by other Jews

i find Jews unattractive
i find them obsessive
i find them neurotic
i find them intense
i find them insensitive
they’re all too much
Jews are too much too much
so i can only imagine how it is for you

this kind of speech

this is what we would call “bad for the Jews”

this whole show is probably “bad for the Jews”

and for that i’m sorry

i really really really am

to any Jews watching

i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
 90

i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry

but honestly
i don’t know another way through this

the WANDERING JEW rises

brushes herself off nonchalantly
joins JESSICA
she sits in a chair

JESSICA
this is my grandmother
Rhoda Leonore Strauss Marlin
she is no longer alive
in case you were wondering
hello Nanny

the WANDERING JEW opens her mouth

only static is heard

JESSICA
can you hear me?

WANDERING JEW
[static]

JESSICA
how are you?

WANDERING JEW
[static]

JESSICA
did you take the bus to get here?

WANDERING JEW
[static]

JESSICA
did you walk?
you shouldn’t walk
your knees

WANDERING JEW
[static]
 91

JESSICA
talk to me

WANDERING JEW
[static]

JESSICA
to us
sorry i
i never had a
a great relationship
with my grandma
this is not interesting this fact
i just felt like this is important context
i don’t want to put too much on her but
my grandmother was my last connection to authentic Jewishness and i never knew her all that well
and now she’s dead
…
so

WANDERING JEW
[static]

JESSICA
how was it for you
being a Jew?

WANDERING JEW
[static]

silence

JESSICA
did it make you feel strange?

WANDERING JEW
[static]

silence

JESSICA
did it make you feel dirty?

WANDERING JEW
[static]

silence
 92

JESSICA
tell me about your name

beat
WANDERING JEW slowly looks at JESSICA

WANDERING JEW
my name?

JESSICA
yes

WANDERING
there’s two of them
my Hebrew name is Rivka Libby
when my mother was pregnant with me
it was understood that i would be named for my grandmother Raizl’s mother
Rivka
the name Libby is in memory of my father’s sister
naming a newborn for somebody binds one generation to another in love
and also gives honor to the life of the one for whom the child is named

JESSICA
where does my name come from?

WANDERING JEW
my mother’s Jewish name was Etel
when your cousin Elyssa was to be named in mom’s memory
the rabbi suggested the Hebrew name Elisheva
using the second syllable of the Yiddish name
for you then using this formula
i suggest Eliahu as your name in mom’s memory

JESSICA
my dad loved your mom
i think he maybe loved her more than you

WANDERING JEW
…

JESSICA
did it bother you he married someone who wasn’t Jewish?
my dad that is?

WANDERING JEW
…
 93

JESSIA
nanny

WANDERING
i mean
…
one’s religion is passed down through the mother
a child born to a Jewish woman is Jewish
this is an unequivocal truth
however
in this age of an ever-increasing percentage of intermarriage
the reform movement wisely has accepted children born to a non-Jewish mother as Jewish
if the mother makes a commitment
a valid promise
that she will raise her child according to Mosaic laws

JESSICA
i guess thank god my mom made that promise
and frankly she’s wound up being more Jewish than any of us
not that i know what that means

WANDERING JEW
…

JESSICA
was your family always religious?

WANDERING JEW
yes
very
when Pa would go off to shul for prayer services
he always rushed
when i once asked him why he rushed like that
he said that it was appropriate to rush to synagogue
to thank god for his blessings
and to return slowly indicated reluctance to leave god’s presence

JESSICA
what did you love most about being a Jew growing up?
what was your favorite part?

WANDERING JEW
preparing for the Sabbath

JESSICA
really?

WANDERING JEW
 94

it truly was a special event every week

JESSICA
what did that look like?

WANDERING JEW
you want the whole breakdown?

JESSICA
yes please

WANDERING JEW
ok
Thursday’s special ritual was the cleaning and polishing of the Sabbath candlesticks
“up-shei-er-ehn de leichter”

first of all
at the close of the previous Sabbath
the candlesticks had been placed in a lined wicker basket
on the following Thursday
Bubbie spread newspapers on the table and on the floor
to catch any wax that might fall from the “leichter”
then she took her special knife from the basket
kept only for this purpose
and reamed out the hardened melted wax from the candle holders
when she was satisfied that they were clean enough
she poured Noxon on a soft cloth and rubbed and rubbed and rubbed
until her brass candlesticks shone like stars
she gathered up the soiled newspapers
and the candlesticks now were ready for the coming Sabbath

my grandparents were so poor

that their daily suppers might have consisted of a piece of salted herring
and a bowl of rice or kasha with milk
however
tradition teaches us that
if possible
every man should feel like a king on the Sabbath
therefore
preparing the Sabbath meal was a labor of love

the gefilte fish usually was prepared Thursday night

because making it took time
the flesh of the assorted variety of fish
(whitefish carp and buffalo or sucker)
had to be removed from the skin and bones
while the skin and bones were boiling
with sliced onions and carrots
 95

to make the stock

the fish flesh had to be finely chopped in a wooden chopping bowl
together with raw onions carrots eggs seasonings and water
when the chopped fish was the correct consistency
Bubbie would wet her hands
dip them into the mixture
and take out a handful of fish batter
pat that between her hands until it was the right shape
and drop the raw fish patting into the boiling fish stock
after all the fish mixture was in the pot
she lowered the flame
and let it simmer until it was completely cooked
when the fish was cool enough to handle
the patties would be removed to a large platter
and each piece was topped with a slice of cooked carrot
the stock would be strained
and after sitting in a bowl in the ice-box or refrigerator over-night
it jellied
often people like serving the jellied liquid over the chilled gefilte fish

also the Sabbath bread

the challahs
had to be baked
usually this was done early Friday morning

Pa would go to synagogue a few minutes early

so that he would be there at the appropriate time to say evening prayers
when the short service was over
he went home to have his Sabbath meal

carefully watching the time

Bubbie blessed the Sabbath candles before Papa came home
so that she struck a match to light the candles before the start of Shabbat
Papa made Kiddush over the kosher wine
and then made the h’motzi over the challah
now the Sabbath meal could be served

a typical Friday night meal might be

a piece of home-made gefilte fish or chopped chicken liver as the appetizer
chicken soup with noodles
rice or kreplach
and a small piece of chicken or brisket as the main course
served with potatoes
dessert might be a dried fruit compote or homemade sponge cake or cookies

(this sounds like a tremendous amount of food

portions however were not large)
 96

a small light was kept on Friday night

so that you could see how to get around the tiny apartment
sometime during Saturday morning
one of the Christian neighbor kids
(the Shabbos goy)
would come over to shut the light
after the close of Sabbath
one of my grandparents would give the child two cents for doing this chore

on Saturday night
to celebrate the close of the Sabbath and the start of a new week
Pa would “dahven Havdolah”
using a spice box wine and a twisted candle
as is traditional

JESSICA
that’s a good memory

WANDERING JEW
of course a historian would carefully check the historical facts
but i am relating these events as i remember it

JESSICA
did you speak Yiddish or Hebrew?

WANDERING JEW
i spoke Yiddish

JESSICA
would i feel more Jewish if i spoke Yiddish?

WANDERING JEW
…

JESSCA
can you teach me some Yiddish?

WANDERING JEW
it is difficult
almost impossible
to translate Yiddish sayings into English
so that they have the same import as in Yiddish

JESSICA
can you try?

WANDERING JEW
…
 97

let’s see
…
“foon nachos lebt men nisht
oon foon tsoris shtarbt men nisht”
the translation is
“one does not live because of joy nor die because of sorrow”
how true
such practical knowledge

“ven tzvay zugge shikker

zul der dritter zich laygen shluffen”
the literal translation does not mean much
“when two say you are drunk
the third one should go to sleep”
what it actually does imply
is that if a fault is pointed out to you
by more than one person
perhaps you should be introspective and make a change in your behavior

“men darf nit betten far der shayner tuchter

nuhr far der shatyner mazel”
“one should not pray for a beautiful daughter
but pray for her to have a fortunate life”

“men ken nisht tontzen oif ahleh chah-sen-ehs”

“you cannot dance at every wedding”

“oz men ken nisht krichen aribber

kricht men aroonter”
“if you cannot climb over the fence
climb under it”
this tells you to look for alternative ways to attain a goal

my mother and her parents believed that each of us has an allotted time on this earth
my grandparents would say
“oz men hut yuhr-ren lebbt men”
“if one has years he lives”
this implied that despite desperate trials and tribulations
one would survive if that was his destiny

“ba-shert” is another word for destiny or for an event that was pre-ordained
for example
two people from opposite ends of the country meet at a wedding
and then they marry
“ba-shert” means the meeting and the marriage were meant to happen

JESSICA
did you ever wish you weren’t Jewish?
 98

WANDERING JEW
never
i wish i had taken the time to study Hebrew the temple offered classes
i wish i had been more outgoing
and not so reticent and shy because of my appearance
i wish i had been involved ore with volunteer organizations
including working at the synagogue
i wish i had been more athletic or artistic or talented in even some small way
i wish i could set a table when entertaining so that it really looked beautiful
i wish i could wear pretty shoes
i wish i had more tact
i was my sense of humor was better
i wish i had a better sense of style
i wish i had the good fortune to have had a “gift of gab”
i wish my face had aged more gracefully
i never wished to not be a Jew

JESSICA
i have
not always
not often
but i have

WANDERING JEW
i am a Jew
i believe in the shema
which proclaims
“the lord our god the lord is one”

one of our ancient sages was asked to explain Judaism

and he responded by saying
“what is hateful to you
do not do to another
the rest is commentary thereon”

Jews are a monotheistic people

we believe that all peoplehood is created in god’s image
and all people therefore are to be respected

Judaism requires that each of us do something to repair the world

it does not say that we must complete the task
but each of us must make an attempt to do something for the betterment of mankind

JESSICA
i wish this helped
maybe it does
i don’t know yet
 99

WANDERING JEW
these memories are our stories
now they are your heritage

WANDERING JEW opens her mouth

static comes out
more static
more static
she gets up and walks offstage
JESSICA takes a moment to collect herself

JESSICA
we can go on with the rest of the play now
there’s not much left
but i felt like
i had to say these things
before we could finish
JESSICA stands up
whenever you’re ready

a hole opens up in the ground

JESSICA jumps in

24. BASHERT
a vast open clearing
a huppah stretches for miles and miles

the RABBI is performing a wedding for two GOLEMS

the GOLEMs hold one another
the GOLEMs kiss
they break a glass under their feet
the GOLEMs kiss
and break a glass under their feet
they kiss
and break a glass under their feet
the wedding rites become a dance
one of the GOLEMs gathers up the shattered glass
tosses the shards up
the huppah flies up to the heavens

it begins to rain

the GOLEMs build a sukkah out of golden twigs

they decorate with golden wheat and golden figs and golden pomegranates and golden dates
the RABBI sings Avinu Malkeinu as they work
 100

the GOLEMS and the RABBI move into the finished sukkah
the RABBI blows a shofar

JESSICA is summoned by the shofar

she crawls out of the ground out of the dirt out of a pine coffin with the lid cracked
the rain washes the dirt away
she stands shivering in the cold
in the distance she sees the sukkah
the GOLEMs gesture towards her
she runs into the sukkah
the GOLEMs hold her

the rain turns to photographs

the photographs are projected
pictures of my family
Moshe and Rivka Robey-ahs
Mordecai-Laib and Frahal Chmiel
Grandmother Raizl with Surkeh Metz
Avrum Selig and Itkeh Strauss
Ethel and Louis Strauss
Rhoda Marlin

the GOLEMs hold JESSICA till the rain passes

the RABBI hands the shofar
JESSICA blows the shofar
the whole world splits apart

25. ‫שבת‬
ten years later
the home of a very wealthy family
JESSICA and ABIGAIL are drinking coffee together
they both have on very fine clothing

JESSICA
i’m glad you came

ABIGAIL
as am i

JESSICA
it’s good to see you Abigail

ABIGAIL
you’ve done all right for yourself i can see

JESSICA
 101

i suppose
yes i
i have yes
how about yourself?

ABIGAIL
i’m all right
no actually i’m
…
i’m all right

JESSICA
do you still live in London?

ABIGAIL
no we
my husband and i we
we moved north actually
to Manchester

JESSICA
do you like it?

ABIGAIL
it’s all right
can’t get good seafood but
i own more sweaters now

JESSICA
didn’t know you liked seafood

ABIGAIL
i don’t

JESSICA
oh
beat
i suppose i don’t know much about you

ABIGAIL
i suppose

JESSICA
and you don’t know much about me

ABIGAIL
i don’t
but
 102

it is good to see you

JESSICA
tell me something

ABIGAIL
what?

JESSICA
tell me something about you
something i never knew

ABIGAIL
ohh
…
…
…
i can’t think of anything

JESSICA
it’s ok i’ll wait

ABIGAIL
…
i don’t like seafood

JESSICA
you said that

ABIGAIL
…
i’m really good at cards

JESSICA
cards?

ABIGAIL
shuffling them
not playing them
i don’t like games of chance
but i’m a good shuffler

JESSICA
that’s nice
that’s a nice fact

ABIGAIL
i guess
 103

JESSICA
…
…
…

ABIGAIL
you’re still in London?

JESSICA
yes
couldn’t imagine a better place to live
best place on earth
London

ABIGAIL
i never got to see much of it

JESSICA
you live with your husband you said?

ABIGAIL
yes

JESSICA
and your child?

ABIGAIL
my child?

JESSICA
yes you…
you were pregnant weren’t you?

ABIGAIL
i was
uhhh…
he died
…
stillborn

JESSICA
oh my god/ i’m so sorry

ABIGAIL
no you couldn’t have known/ what happened

JESSICA
 104

i’m such a fucking asshole i shouldn’t have-

ABIGAIL
it’s ok
it was a
long
long
long
time ago

JESSICA
but still
i can’t imagine

ABIGAIL
no
you can’t
hauling him out of me that was
…
that was unbearable

JESSICA
but you’re still married?

ABIGAIL
yes
to Lodowick

JESSICA
i don’t think i ever met him

ABIGAIL
oh that’s a shame you two would like each other

JESSICA
really?

ABIGAIL
why not?
…
and you’re married to…

JESSICA
Lorenzo

ABIGAIL
Lorenzo of course
did you two have children?
 105

JESSICA
yes

ABIGAIL
wow

JESSICA
three

ABIGAIL
woooow

JESSICA
yes

ABIGAIL
do you like being a mom?

JESSICA
i don’t know
i just am
it’s like asking if i like being English
i don’t know
i just am
…
do you wish you were a mom?

ABIGAIL
i
didn’t want that baby

JESSICA
guess it all worked out then

ABIGAIL
it didn’t

JESSICA
no
it didn’t

long silence

ABIGAIL
can i ask
…
did you
 106

convert?

JESSICA
umm
i was
converted
yes

ABIGAIL
does it make you happy?

JESSICA
it makes me Christian

ABIGAIL
i know you’d wanted it
for so long
does it feel
right?

JESSICA
it feels
like an empty baby carriage
that i rock and rock and rock
and no cry comes
beat
you still practice?

ABIGAIL
what?

JESSICA
Christianity

ABIGAIL
oh
yes
i’m still
living as a Christian

JESSICA
but are you practicing?

ABIGAIL
i’m living as a Christian

JESSICA
me too
 107

silence as they sip coffee

ABIGAL
it’s great coffee

JESSICA
thanks

ABIGAIL
gonna be up all night though

JESSICA
i can drink and drink and feel no effect

ABIGAIL
i’ll be shaking in an hour
silence as they sip coffee
did you decorate this house?

JESSICA
no i
i don’t have an eye for those sorts of things
a friend did it

ABIGAIL
what a good friend

JESSICA
we’d been living in this house for
oh i don’t know
about a year
Lorenzo said we needed a bigger place to
help establish ourselves in society
or
whatever
anyways i’d slapped together some trinkets and old furniture
and one day this friend was over and said
“i just can’t stand it anymore i have to do something about this place”
and she took it on herself to redecorate everything

ABIGAIL
it looks lovely

JESSICA
it’s not my style
but now i can host
 108

ABIGAIL
sounds like a good friend

JESSICA
she is
we met in church
she come by for tea once a week

ABIGAIL
i don’t like tea

JESSICA
me neither
but i have to drink it now
British tradition and all
it feels good to share coffee with someone

ABIGAIL
can’t share coffee with your church friend?

JESSICA
she’s too
English
beat
she doesn’t know who i used to be

ABIGAIL
i suppose that’s best

JESSICA
Lorenzo prefers i not tell anyone

ABIGAIL
god forbid i so much as speak a word of Hebrew in front of Lodowick-

JESSICA
do you?
still speak Hebrew?

ABIGAIL
i’m…
forgetting

JESSICA
my father died

ABIGAIL
i’m so sorry
 109

how did he die?

JESSICA
no one knows actually
his uhh
his body was just found frozen in an alley somewhere

ABIGAIL
i’m so so sorry

JESSICA
when i found out
i tried to say Kaddish for him
and i couldn’t remember how
all my Hebrew vanished in an instant

ABIGAIL
the Kaddish is in Aramaic

JESSICA
what?

ABIGAIL
it’s in Aramaic it’s…
it’s not Hebrew

JESSICA
still
the point holds

ABIGAIL
yes

JESSICA
i couldn’t mourn my father properly
but i have memorized twenty-six new hymns
so
that’s a step up i guess

ABIGAIL
most would say so
beat
the hard thing is
you don’t want to be scared of them
your friends your neighbors your coworkers
you don’t want to be scared of them
but i see a crucifix around someone’s neck and i
i brace myself
 110

until i remember i’m wearing a crucifix as well

JESSICA
i wanted this for so long
i wanted to slip in
i wanted to walk amongst them

ABIGAIL
sometimes being hated is easier

JESSICA
do you feel you’ve
surrendered something?

ABIGAIL
sometimes
other moments i feel whole
those moments are so much worse

JESSICA
i’ve been carved into
i have
i had a body
they took pound of flesh and pound of flesh
they gnashed at me
unspooled me
i’ve flung bits of myself off in a bid for sanity
until there was just bone and brick
sanity never came
i go to church every Sunday
not once have i felt safe
i wait for the moment their eyes lock on me
see what’s inside
and drag me to the altar
i hover above the congregation in a paroxysm of paranoia
when will my reckoning come?
i’ve been spat on in pews
i’ve watched those i love kicked to death
and i smile and pray the rosary
my husband has tattooed a cross onto his right palm
so whenever he raises his hand to silence me
i see the goodness of christ emblazed on his skin

beat

ABIGAIL
i’ve lived with this much longer Jessica
hiding in the corners of their gaze
 111

i’ve lived this my whole life

JESSICA
sometimes i felt
to be a Jew
was to be nothing
but now i know nothing
not i really know what it is
and it is a much smaller feeling than i’d ever known

long silence as they sip coffee

ABIGAIL
it’s getting late

JESSICA
oh i’m sorry do you need to go?

ABIGAIL
no/ i’m fine

JESSICA
i’ve kept you too long

ABIGAIL
i’m just saying it’s getting late

JESSICA
well it’s winter
it gets late earlier

ABIGAIL
sun will probably set shortly
beat
and it’s Friday

JESSICA
yes
it is

beat

ABIGAIL
when will your husband be home?

JESSICA
an hour
 112

ABIGAIL
do you
i mean do you want to
…

JESSICA
what?

ABIGAIL
it’s Friday night
it’s Shabbat

JESSICA
oh
i’d forgotten

ABIGAIL
no
you didn’t

beat

JESSICA
what are you asking?

ABIGAIL
do you want to…
you probably don’t
don’t want to…

JESSICA leaves the room

a few moments of waiting
she returns with two Shabbat candles and a Kiddush cup

JESSICA
candles
Kiddush cup
i don’t have challah but we can use some fresh bread i bought this morning

she exits to grab the bread

ABIGAIL
you keep all this in the house?

JESSICA
offstage
in a locked cabinet
Lorenzo thinks it’s where we keep the fine china
 113

i’ve convinced him he’s too big a lug to go near it

JESSICA comes back in with bread wine a towel a bowl of water and matches
she arranges the table

ABIGAIL
is that safe?

JESSICA
probably not
do you want to start?

ABIGAIL
umm
yeah
…
it’s been awhile

JESSICA
it’s ok

ABIGAIL
and honestly i was never
really religious

JESSICA
neither was i
it’s ok

ABIGAIL
you’re sure your husband-

JESSICA
won’t be home for another hour

ABIGAIL
your kids?

JESSICA
they’re staying with their grandmother this weekend

beat
ABIGAIL tries to begin

ABIGAIL
i
i can’t
 114

JESSICA
it’s ok
here
JESSICA strikes a match
she lights the candles
she waves over them gesturing the flame towards her
‫ָבּרוּך ַאָתּה ַאָדָני ֱאלֵהינוּ ֶמֶלך ָהעוָֹלם‬
(barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam)
‫ַאֶשׁר ִקְדָשנוּ ְבִּמְצוָֹתיו ְוִצָונוּ‬
(asher kidishanu b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu)
‫ְלַהְדִליק ֵנר ֶשל תַשָבּ‬
(l'had'lik neir shel Shabbat)

ABIGAIL
‫ָאֵמן‬
(amein)

JESSICA pours a glass of wine

she hands it to ABIGAIL
ABIGAIL holds it up

JESSICA
‫ַו ְיִהי ֶﬠֶרב ַו ְיִהי בֶקר‬
(va-y’hee erev va-y’hee boker)
‫יום ַהִשִּׁשּׁי ַו ְיֻכלּוּ ַהָשַּׁמ ִים ְוָהָאֶרץ ְוָכל ְצָבָאם‬
(yom ha-shishi vay’chulu hashamayim v’ha-aretz v’chol tz’va’am)
‫ַו ְיַכל ֱאלִהים ַבּיּום ַהְשִּׁביִﬠי ְמַלאְכתּו ֲאֶשׁר ָﬠָשׂה ַו ִיְּשׁבּת ַבּיּום ַהְשִּׁביִﬠי ִמָכּל ְמַלאְכתּו ֲאֶשׁר ָﬠָשׂה‬
(vay’chal Elohim bayom hash’vi’i milachto asher asa vayishbot bayom hash’vi’i mikol milachto asher asa)
‫ ֱאלִהים ֶאת יום ַהְשִּׁביִﬠי ַו ְיַקֵדּשׁ אתו ִכּי בו ָשַׁבת ִמָכּל ְמַלאְכתּו ֲאֶשׁר ָבָּרא ֱאלִהים ַלֲﬠשׂות‬J‫ַו ְיָבֶר‬
(vay’varech Elohim et yom hash’vi’i vay’kadesh oto kee vo Shabbat mi-kol m’lachto asher bara Elohim la’asot)
‫ַסְב ִרי ָמָרָנן ְוַרָבָּנן ְוַרבּוַתי‬
(savri maranan v’rabanan v’rabotai)

ABIGAIL
‫ָבּרוּך ַאָתּה ַאָדָני ֱאלֵהינוּ ֶמֶלך ָהעוָֹלם‬
(barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam)
‫בּוֵרא ְפּ ִרי ןַהָגֶּפ‬
(borei p'ri hagafen)

JESSICA
‫ָאֵמן‬
(amein)
‫ָבּרוּך ַאָתּה ַאָדָני ֱאלֵהינוּ ֶמֶלך ָהעוָֹלם‬
(barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam)
‫ַאֶשׁר ִקְדָשנוּ ְבִּמְצוָֹתיו ְוָרָצה ָבנוּ‬
(asher kid'shanu b'mitz'votav v'ratzah vanu)
‫ְוַשַׁבּת ָקְדשׁו ְבַּאֲהָבה וְּבָרצון ִה ְנִחיָלנוּ ִזָכּרון ְלַמֲﬠֵשׂה תְבֵראִשׁי‬
 115

(v'shabat kad'sho b'ahavah uv'ratzon hin'chilanu zikaron l'ma'aseih v'rei'shit)

‫ִכּי הוּא יום ְתִּחָלּה ְלִמְקָרֵאי קֶדשׁ ֵזֶכר ִליִציַאת ִמְצָר ִים‬
ki hu yom t'chilah l'mik'ra'ei kodesh zeikher litzi'at mitz'rayim
‫ִכּי ָבנוּ ָבַח ְרָתּ ְואוָתנוּ ִקַדְּשָׁתּ ִמָכּל ָהַﬠִמּים‬
(ki vanu vachar'ta v'otanu kidash'ta mikol ha'amim)
‫ ְבַּאֲהָבה וְּבָרצון ִה ְנַחְלָתּנוּ‬S‫ְוַשַׁבּת ָקְדְשׁ‬
(v'shabat kad'sh'kha b'ahavah uv'ratzon hin'chal'tanu)

ABIGAIL
‫ָבּ ַאָתּה ַאָדָני ְמַקֵדּשׁ תַהַשָּׁבּ‬J‫רוּ‬
(barukh atah Adonai m'kadeish hashabat)

JESSICA
‫ָאֵמן‬
(amein)
JESSICA dips her hands in the bowl
she passes it to ABIGAIL who does the same
‫ָבּרוּך ַאָתּה ַאָדָני ֱאלֵהינוּ ֶמֶלך ָהעוָֹלם‬
(barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam)
‫ַאֶשׁר ִקְדָשנוּ ְבִּמְצוָֹתיו ְוִצָונוּ‬
(asher kidishanu b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu)
‫ַﬠל ְנִטיַלת םָיַד ִי‬
(al n'tilat yadayim)

ABIGAIL puts her hands over the bread

ABIGAIL
‫ָבּרוּך ַאָתּה ַאָדָני ֱאלֵהינוּ ֶמֶלך ָהעוָֹלם‬
(barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam)
‫ָהמוֹציא ֶלחם מן ץַהאר‬
(hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz)

JESSICA
‫ָאֵמן‬
(amein)

ABIGAIL tears off a piece bread

she hands the loaf to JESSICA who does the same

ABIGAIL
thank you

they sit in silence for a very long time

JESSICA
my husband will be home soon
 116

ABIGAIL
we should hide this then

JESSICA
yes
referring to the candles
i wish we could let them burn

ABIGAIL
me too

JESSICA
i wish we could keep the light going all through Shabbat
and let it burn till history ends

ABIGAIL
but we can’t
beat
i’ll help you clean up

ABIGAIL helps clear the table

brings items offstage to the kitchen
JESSICA looks at the candles
she blows them out

END OF PLAY
 117

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