End of Life Reflective Activity Page 1

End of Life Reflective Activity

Jasmine Avalos Barajas

California State University, Channel Islands

HLTH 348: Healthy Aging

Dr. Colleen Nevins

Fall 2019
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End of Life Reflective Activity

For this activity, I decided to plan a Death over Dinner discussion with my significant

other. We share a daughter together and have been in a monogamous relationship with for seven

years. Although, we have had numerous heavy conversations over the years, death was not a

topic that had been discussed a great deal. I decided to have this conversation in an intimate

setting, where we both would feel free to be open and honest. After my significant other and I

participated in a few activities such as listening to a podcast about death, watching a video of the

poem “The Only Reason We’re Alive” and reading an article “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”.

We discussed a few topics and found that both of us had experienced losses in different ways, yet

our ages (24 & 25 at the time of this activity) still leave us with limited experiences.

Death over Dinner

For this activity, I decided to plan a Death over Dinner discussion with my

significant other. We share a daughter together and have been in a monogamous relationship

with for seven years. Although, we have had numerous heavy conversations over the years, death

was not a topic that had been discussed a great deal. I decided to have this conversation in an

intimate setting, where we both would feel free to be open and honest. After my significant other

and I participated in a few activities such as listening to a podcast about death, watching a video

of the poem “The Only Reason We’re Alive” and reading an article “The Top 5 Regrets of the

Dying”. We discussed a few topics and found that both of us had experienced losses in different

ways, yet our ages (24 & 25) still leave us with limited experiences.

Our conversation shared over dinner began by both of us talking about instances where

we had a death in our immediate family. For myself the earliest death I had experienced in my

family was my older brother. His death was an accident and happened really sudden. I was just
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three years old when my family lost my brother, so for me personally, the loss didn’t have a

severe impact on me at the time. I wouldn’t experience another major loss in my family until I

reached junior high school.

I began to talk about how in seventh grade my maternal grandmother passed away. She

had lived in Michoacán, Mexico with my grandfather who had also passed away just six months

after her. With them living in another country, I didn’t get to spend plenty of time with them, but

I did have a few fond memories I shared with them. The next time I would experience a death in

my family was my senior year of high school. My first cousin was killed because of gun violence

at the age of 39. At this time in our dinner, I shared that this was the death in my family where I

really was able to feel the magnitude of the loss of a life.

The conversation shifted to my partners experiences with death. The first major loss that

he had in his family was the passing of his older cousin when he was eight years old, he

remembered being informed about it and collectively grieving with his family. Throughout his

adolescence he recalls distant family members passing away with two of his mother’s close

cousins dying, one being from pancreatic cancer and the other from a drug overdose. He shared

that it was tough seeing his mother go through the loss of her cousins so close together.

Hospice Care

Hospice was brought up when my partner began to talk about his grandmother’s aunt. He

remembered overhearing the conversations his family members had over choosing the best

options for their frail family member. The National Institute of Aging states that “Hospice is

provided for a person with a terminal illness whose doctor believes he or she has 6 months or

less to live if the illness runs its natural course.” (What Are Palliative Care and Hospice Care?)

This was the case with my partners great-great aunt, his family members decided that the best
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place for her to spend the rest of her time with them was in the comfort of her own home.

Hospice gave his family members the ability to take an active role in providing physical and

emotional support to their dying loved one. Research shows that hospice care at home helps the

whole family and aids in reducing feelings of helplessness, that is often the case with hospital

care. (Hospice Care)

Death Anxiety

As we moved on from our past experiences with losing family members, we began to talk

about the future. One thing that my partner mentioned was a conversation he had with his father

about his grandfather. His father confided in him that his grandfather was scared of death, having

recently lost multiple siblings within the span of a few years. His grandfather feelings of death

anxiety are fairly common. “Because death is different for everyone and we know so little about

what happens after a person passes, patients and family alike are often overwhelmed by fear of

the unknown.” (Authers, D.) Ways of easing this anxiety can be to find the root of what is

causing this fear, whether it be feeling pain or not getting closure with those who matter to you.

Conclusion

All in all, what I was able to take away from this End-of-Life activity was that

Death is universal. Everyone will ultimately be faced with a situation in which they will

experience death in one way, shape or form. Some individuals may experience death anxiety,

which can be diminished by exploring what exactly about death is scaring us. Hospice provides

palliative end-of-life care for individuals with a terminal illness who are expected to have 6

months or less live. Support from hospice is extended to the whole family as they are encouraged

to play an active role in caring for their dying loved ones.

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References

Authers, D. (2018, October 1). How to Console a Senior Who Is Afraid of Dying. Retrieved

from https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dealing-with-elderly-parents-fear-of-dying-

138570.htm.

Hospice Care. (n.d.). Retrieved from

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/caregiving/hospice-care.

What Are Palliative Care and Hospice Care? (n.d.). Retrieved from

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-are-palliative-care-and-hospice-care#hospice.