NATALIE MERCHANT

SAN ANDREAS
BELOVED WIFE FAULT
CARNIVAL
RIVER WHERE
THE LETTER
SEVEN
I GO
I MAY KNOW THE WORD
COWBOY ROMANCE
JEALOUSY

WONDER YEARS

To my amazement, within a few years of its release, over five million people found this
vulnerable little album and were moved by what they heard. There was something sympathetic
and reassuring in it. They took it home and it became a part of their lives. Tigerlily created a
bond between us, and twenty years later those same openhearted people are still listening.
They’ve trusted and followed me in every direction that I’ve taken with my music ever since.
I decided to make Paradise Is There, this album and film, for them, to honor the journey that
we, and these songs, have all taken.
I remember needing to touch every part of my first solo project; Tigerlily had to be mine alone.
I frustrated a lot of people with my quiet defiance, resisting nearly every effort that they made
to help me. I produced the album myself and worked with a young band of musicians with
even less experience than I had. The recording process was frustrating and exhilarating. The
album has its imperfections but it was a heartfelt, honest effort. Listening to it now, I can
hear all the stumbling I did in the studio but I also hear the magic that was in the room. I was
finding my way and I think that’s what people responded to in the album.
Although I love making albums, there is a bit of tyranny in trapping a song inside a single
performance. Songs have new life breathed into them every time they are sung. Time has
changed these eleven songs as much as it has changed me. When I place Tigerlily and
Paradise Is There side by side, the most obvious difference is my voice. I hear so much
The act of “going solo” is usually described as a “departure” or an
“embarkation.” I like the journey metaphors. When I released Tigerlily,
in 1995, I launched my little craft from the deck of the SS Maniacs
into a deep, uncharted sea. I set out alone, feeling a bit daunted but
determined, with just my voice and a handful of songs. These songs were
small, courageous things that spoke about being human, about being
flawed, betrayed, devoted, and bereaved. They were about certainty and
confusion, pride and shame, memory and regret, about being in conflict
and being at peace. After twelve years as the member of a group I was
finally speaking with my own voice, about my own experiences. They
were my message, the one I needed to deliver to the world.
hesitancy in my younger self, compared to the ease and confidence in my vocal delivery today.
All the experience I’ve gained in the studio over the past two decades is apparent. The new
arrangements are well balanced, the music is more nuanced, textured, and restrained, mature.
I’m in possession of the process in ways that were beyond my reach in 1995.
There are several songs from Tigerlily (“Carnival,” “Wonder,” “Beloved Wife,” “River,” and
“Cowboy Romance”) that remain at the core of my live shows. They still have relevance to me,
and by the response they receive I can tell that they still resonate with my audience. I’ve been
told over and over that these songs speak to people, they comfort and console, and they bring
happiness. I understand because music serves the same purposes in my life; it has that power.
I’ve spent a full year preparing this album and film. The process gave me a chance to take the
measure of everything that’s happened because of Tigerlily. The distance this music gained
once it left my hands is impressive, and it touched so many lives along the way. I’m excited to
see how much further it might travel now.
—Natalie Merchant
Annandale-on-Hudson, NY
Summer 2015
SAN ANDREAS FAULT
BELOVED WIFE
CARNIVAL
RIVER
THE LETTER
WHERE I GO
I MAY KNOW THE WORD
SEVEN YEARS
COWBOY ROMANCE
JEALOUSY
WONDER
1 . SAN ANDREAS FAULT
Go west, paradise is there; you’ll have all that you can eat
of milk and honey over there.
You’ll be the brightest light that the world has ever seen,
sunbaked, slender heroine of film and magazine.
Go west, paradise is there; you’ll have all that you can eat
of milk and honey over there.
You’ll be the brightest light that the world has ever seen,
the dizzy height of a jet-set life you could never dream.
Your pale blue eyes, strawberry hair, lips so sweet, skin so fair,
your future bright, beyond compare, it’s rags to riches over there.
San Andreas Fault moved its fingers through the ground,
earth divided, plates collided, such an awful sound.
San Andreas Fault moved its fingers through the ground,
terra cotta shattered and the walls came tumbling down.
Oh, promised land, what a wicked ground, build a dream and tear it down.
2. BELOVED WIFE
You were the love for certain of my life; you were simply my beloved wife.
I don’t know for certain how I’ll live my life now alone without my beloved wife,
my beloved wife.
Oh, I can’t believe that I’ve lost the very best of me.
You were the love for certain of my life; you were simply my beloved wife.
I don’t know for certain how I’ll live my life now alone without my beloved wife,
my beloved wife.
Oh, I can’t believe that I’ve lost the very best of me.
You were the love for certain of my life, for fifty years, simply my beloved wife.
With another love I’ll never lie again.
It’s you I can’t deny, you I can’t defy, a depth so deep, into my grief.
Without my beloved soul I renounce my life, as my right,
now alone without my beloved wife, my beloved wife.
My beloved wife...
My love is gone. My love is gone and all the joy she gave to my life goes with her tonight.
3. CARNIVAL
I’ve walked these streets, a virtual stage it seemed to me.
Makeup on their faces, actors took their places next to me.
And I’ve walked these streets in a carnival of sights to see,
all the cheap thrill-seekers, vendors, and dealers crowded around me.
Have I been blind? Have I been lost inside myself, in my own mind?
Hypnotized, mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?
I’ve walked these streets in a spectacle of wealth and poverty.
In the diamond market, the scarlet welcome carpet they just rolled out for me.
I’ve walked these streets in the madhouse asylum they can be.
Where a wild-eyed misfit prophet on a traffic island stopped and he raved of saving me.
Have I been blind? Have I been lost inside myself, in my own mind?
Hypnotized, mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?
Have I been wrong? Have I been wise to shut my eyes and play along?
Hypnotized, paralyzed by what my eyes have found, by what my eyes have seen?
Have I been blind, have I been lost?
Have I been wise, have I been weak, have I been strong?
Have I been hypnotized and mesmerized by what my eyes have found
in that great street carnival?
4. RIVER
Young and strong Hollywood son, in the early morning light,
this star fell down on Sunset Boulevard.
Young and strong, beautiful one,
one that we embraced so close is gone, was torn away.
Let the youth of America mourn, include him in their prayers,
let his image linger on, repeat it everywhere.
With candles, with flowers, he was one of ours; he was one of ours.
Why don’t you let him be? He’s gone, we know.
Give his mother and his father peace.
Vulture’s candor, casual slander, you murder his memory.
He’s gone, we know and it’s nothing but a tragedy!
Lay to rest your soul, your body, lay beside your name.
Lay to rest your rage, your hunger and amazing grace.
With candles, with flowers, you were one of ours.
I saw cameras expose your life.
I heard rumors explode with lies.
I saw children in tears cry and crowd around the sight
of where you had collapsed that day,
7. I MAY KNOW THE WORD
where your last breath and word had been sighed, I may know the word but not say it.
where your heart burst and where you had died. I may know the truth but not face it.
I saw where you had died. I may hear a sound, a whisper, sacred and profound
but turn my head indifferent.
Let the youth of America mourn, include him in their prayers,
let his image linger on, repeat it everywhere. I may know the word but not say it.
I may love the fruit but not taste it.
I may know the way to comfort and to soothe a worried face
but fold my hands indifferent.
If I’m on my knees I’m begging now.
5. THE LETTER If I’m on my knees and groping in the dark
If I ever write this letter, the pages I could write. I’d be praying for deliverance from the night into the day.
But I don’t know where to send it, you have vanished, But it’s all gray here, it’s all gray here but it’s all gray to me.
heaven knows where you live, heaven only knows. I may know the word but not say it.
If I ever write this letter, bitter words it would contain. This may be the time but I might waste it.
Just an unrequited lover wishing she had never spoken your name, This may be the hour, something move me,
never known your name.But if I ever write this letter, all the truth it would reveal. someone prove me wrong before night comes with indifference.
Knowing you brought me pleasure, how I’ll often treasure moments we knew, If I’m on my knees I’m begging now.
the precious and the few. If I’m on my knees and groping in the dark
I’d be praying for deliverance from the night into the day.
But it’s all gray here, it’s all gray here, it’s all gray to me.
I recognize the walls inside, I recognize them all.
6. WHERE I GO I’ve paced between them, chasing demons down until they fall
in fitful sleep, enough to keep their strength,
Climbing under a barbed wire fence by the railroad ties, enough to crawl into my head with tangled threads
climbing over the old stone wall, I’m bound for the riverside. they riddle me to solve again and again.
I go to the river from time to time, ponder over these crazy days in my life.
I sit and watch the river flow.
Find a place on the riverbank where the green rushes grow,
see the wind in the willow tree, in the branches hanging low. 8. SEVEN YEARS
Well, I go to the river from time to time to ponder over these crazy days in my life. How did I love you? There was no measuring.
Watch the river flow, ease my mind and soul, where I go. Far above this dirty world, far above everything,
Well, I go to the river from time to time, ponder over these crazy days in my mind, in your tower over it you were clean.
watch the river flow where the willow branches grow So warm and insightful were you in my eyes.
by the cool rolling waters moving gracefully and slow. I was sure the rightful guardian of my life.
Oh, it’s so lovely, let the river take it all away, Damn, you betrayed and how you lied.
the mad pace, the hurry, the troubles, the worries, But for seven years, you were loved and I laid golden orchid crowns around your feet.
just let the river take it all away. And for seven years, I bowed down to touch the ground, so wholly your devotee.
You were all that I could see.
I’ve got my sight now, I see everything you hid.
So don’t you try to right now all the wrong you did.
I might forget you but not forgive.
But for seven years, you were loved and I laid golden orchid crowns around your feet.
And for seven years, I bowed down to touch the ground, so wholly your devotee.
And for seven years, you were so revered that
I made offerings of anything and everything I had.
You were all that I could see.
9. COWBOY ROMANCE
Well, it’s a drunken meet up in a crude saloon
in a poor Rocky Mountain town.
He’s a scoundrel and she’s no pearl;
together they are two lovers cruel.
Got her balanced on his knee
and he knows exactly what to say,
“You ain’t been born ’til you get out of town, and honey,
you might, you might come with me.
If you do, I’ll spare the innocent ones and take you with me
and together we will be drifters free.”
Got her tangled, tangled in his arms and she’s a lusting, trusting fool.
“There’s no man born that can rule me that I’ve sworn,
but stranger, if you do, I’ll belong to you.”
“If you do, spare the innocent ones and won’t you take me with you?
You know I want to wander too.
Spare the innocent ones and won’t you take me with you?
Why can’t you love the land and love me too?”
Now, as he grows sober, sees his love anew in the morning light so true
and then he gets, he gets on the move, on the move.
Would you spare the innocent ones and would you take me with you?
You know I want to wander too.
10. JEALOUSY
Oh, jealousy. Is she fine, so well bred, the perfect girl, a social deb
and is she the sort that you’ve always thought could make you what you’re not?
Oh, jealousy. Is she smart, is she so well read, are there novels by her bed?
Is she the sort that you’ve always said could satisfy your head?
Oh, jealousy. Does she talk in the way I do, is her voice reminding you
of the promises, the little white lies too?
Sometimes, tell me, while she’s touching you, just by mistake,
accidentally do you say my name?
11. WONDER
Doctors have come from distant cities, just to see me.
Stand over my bed disbelieving what they’re seeing.
They say I must be one of the wonders of God’s own creation
and as far as they see, they can offer no explanation.
Newspapers ask such intimate questions; they want confessions.
Reach into my head, they try to steal the glory of my story.
They say I must be one of the wonders of God’s own creation
and as far as they see, they can offer no explanation.
I believe Fate smiled and Destiny laughed
as she came to my cradle; know this child will be able.
Laughed as my body she lifted; know this child will be gifted.
With love, with patience and with faith she’ll make her way.
People see me; I’m a challenge to your balance.
I’m over your heads, how I confound you and astound you to know
I must be one of the wonders of God’s own creation
and as far as you see, you can offer me no explanation.
I believe Fate smiled and Destiny laughed
as she came to my cradle; know this child will be able.
Laughed as my body she lifted; know this child will be gifted.
Laughed as she came to my mother; know this child will not suffer.
With love and with patience and with faith she’ll make her way.
NATALIE MERCHANT: VOCALS Special thanks to the following contributors, collaborators, and friends who made this album
GABRIEL GORDON: ACOUSTIC & ELECTRIC GUITARS, BACKING VOCALS possible:
URI SHARLIN: PIANO & ACCORDION
Thank you to all the musicians: Gabriel, Uri, Jesse, Allison, Scot, Shawn, Marandi, Stanley,
JESSE MURPHY: ACOUSTIC & ELECTRIC BASS
Sharel, Simi, Gail, and Elizabeth for creating such consistent beauty both in the studio and
ALLISON MILLER: DRUMS & PERCUSSION
on stage. Stephen Barber, Tony Finno, Randall Craig Fleischer, Sean O’Loughlin, and Uri
SCOT MOORE: VIOLIN
Sharlin, your lovely string arrangements are deeply appreciated. Elijah Walker and George
SHAWN MOORE: VIOLIN
Cowan, I’m so lucky to have such a talented pair of engineers, thank you for all the careful
MARANDI HOSTETTER: VIOLA
listening. Thank you to professor James Bagwell for years of inspired conducting and for
STANLEY MOORE: CELLO
introducing me to the Moore Brothers. Thanks to Paul and everyone at The Clubhouse.
SHAREL CASSITY: TENOR SAXOPHONE
SIMI STONE: VOCALS Thank you too for all the valuable help I’ve received from David Whitehead, Rosemary
GAIL ANN DORSEY: BACKING VOCALS (“WONDER”) Carroll, Rit Venerus, Tim Fox, Scott Clayton, Mrs. Jennifer McKinley-Roche, Summer Damon,
ELIZABETH MITCHELL: BACKING VOCALS (“RIVER” & “WHERE I GO”) and Carla Sacks.
BELLA BLASKO: BACKING VOCALS (“RIVER”)
Bob Hurwitz and David Bither, it’s a pleasure to be part of the Nonesuch family.
Thank you, Matthew Rankin, for your support and encouragement all these years.
ALL SONGS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MERCHANT
© 1995 INDIAN LOVE BRIDE (ASCAP) Bruce Weber, I’m still blown away by your generosity, thank you.
Ryan Roche, thank you for the beautiful clothing.
ORCHESTRATION FOR “BELOVED WIFE” BY RANDALL CRAIG FLEISCHER, ADAPTED FOR STRING QUINTET BY
TONY FINNO STRING ARRANGEMENT FOR “RIVER” BY STEPHEN BARBER STRING ARRANGEMENT FOR “THE LETTER” Heart Phoenix, thank you for your generosity of spirit and your blessings.
BY SEAN O’LOUGHLIN STRING ARRANGEMENT FOR “I MAY KNOW THE WORD” BY URI SHARLIN STRING
R.J. Palacio, your book Wonder is a gem, I’m honored.
ARRANGEMENT FOR “SEVEN YEARS” BY TONY FINNO
Jon Bowermaster, you are the rock.
Nancy Daley, there are no words.
PRODUCED BY NATALIE MERCHANT
RECORDED BY GEORGE COWAN & ELI WALKER
ASSISTED BY BELLA BLASKO
EDITED & MIXED BY ELI WALKER
MASTERED BY SCOTT HULL
RECORDED AT THE CLUBHOUSE, RHINEBECK, NY
MIXED AT THE ISOKON, WOODSTOCK, NY
MASTERED AT MASTERDISK, NEW YORK, NY

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN HUBA

PROJECT COORDINATORS: JENNIFER McKINLEY-ROCHE & SUMMER DAMON

MAINE ROAD MANAGEMENT: DAVID WHITEHEAD, ASSISTED BY BRIAN HULTGREN

FOR NONESUCH RECORDS:

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KARINA BEZNICKI: PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR
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