Braden Maloy

Professor Paczynski

WGST 432

November 30, 2020

Interview w/ an Important Man in my Life

For my interview I chose someone a little unconventional. I chose the top best friend

I’ve made in college, Blake Martin. I know in the outline and examples it listed people such

as a dad, brother, or uncle but this friend has been just as important to my life as those

men have been. Blake is one year graduated from South Carolina and applying to medical

school as he is currently working through his gap year at Prisma Health in Greenville. I

met Blake as a freshman during the rush process of the medical fraternity I was joining,

Phi Delta Epsilon. We instantly hit it off. We found out we grew up 20 minutes from each

other, loves sports, were associated with some of the same organizations on campus, and

obviously where both wanting to be doctors (I have a change of plans since then). However,

it wasn’t just these superficial connections that brought us together, Blake basically

became my older brother. I am the oldest of three children, so I’ve had to be the first for

everything and help raise my siblings, coming to college and finding someone that could

help “raise” me and help me grow and succeed was a much needed blessing. Over his

senior year, we became the closet of friends. Hanging out almost every day, going to

sporting events, getting lunch, he was the leader of the organization I was a part of, he was

also a huge part of my decision to change majors. The way Blake opened his arms to me

and treated me with the kindness and love of a brother was incredible to experience so I

knew I wanted him to be the subject of my interview.

 In this class we have talked about men and how they are portrayed in every aspect

of society. This is how I started the interview. I asked some basic, general questions about

men and how society views them. We talked about the phrase “be a man” and the meaning

society as put around it but then followed that up with Blake’s account of what he believes

really makes a boy a man. It’s crazy to see the difference in the two responses. Society has

taught us “being a man” means to show no emotion. “Don’t cry” or “suck it up”, you’re

supposed to be the leader and rock for everyone to lean on, you can’t be the one to show

weakness. Blake believed being a man is sort of the opposite. When asked “What actually

makes someone a man?”, Blake responded, “The first thing that comes to mind is

Leadership. Someone with high character and is trustworthy, but can also show

vulnerability and the ability to seek accountability and help for the areas of weakness they

have.” Being a man doesn’t mean showing no weakness, it means accepting that you have

weaknesses, being able to acknowledge them and leaning on others to help you overcome

those weaknesses by using their strengths. “Don’t miss out of opportunities to build others

up for the sake of pride” as Blake summed it up. We talked about how this “idea” of man

was played out in college life. Seeing how he was a recent graduate, and I am in the middle

of my time in college we both had great insight to this take. Relating it back to the first

question of the interview I asked how society has molded and shaped the persona of

collegiate men. Blake’s response was “Work hard, play harder and do it alone.” He

mentioned common themes such as “you drink until your drunk”, “you have opinions and

are closed off to any other views on the topic”, “women are objects or games that you’re

trying to win or conquer”. All the “stereotypes” of a college male are played out daily
around these campuses because these males are being taught it’s the only way to survive

these campuses.

In the midst of men in the society, the part I wanted to mainly focus on was the

portrayal of toxic masculinity in sports. Blake played basketball (and a plethora of other

sports) basically his entire life, so he was able to give me a great first account of it. Due to

that reason my first question was simply “What are your thoughts about Toxic Masculinity

in sports?” Almost immediately he said, “Men are taught to view male sports as superior to

female sports.” I could’ve moved on to the next question right then and there. “Men are

taught to view male sports as superior to female sports”, what more do you want in an

answer to that question. He’s completely right and as we went on, we realized this was the

basically the root of the majority of the toxic masculinity presented. Why does the phrase

“you play like a girl/baby/sissy/pussy” carry so much weight? Because these boys are

taught from a young age that girls cannot reach the top athletic level boys can. Girls can

never be as good at a sport as a boy is. When boy’s think this and hear those phrases

coming from coaches, friends, or family they immediately view it as negative or derogatory.

Why can’t boys show emotions in their sport? Because females show emotions in their

sport and they wouldn’t dare want to be like a female. Okay, well who is preaching this

message? “The coaches”, Blake answered. Coaches are in the position to lead a group of

men; strengthening their character, teaching them how to play a sport they love, and

setting the theme of the team. The coach is someone every player on the team looks up to

and learns from. What are they learning if the coach is constantly pushing the message, as

Blake put it, “no crying, no emotions, you play hard and don’t play like girls”? I followed

his response up with the question “you mentioned coaches are the ones preaching this
message, do the teammates on these team also contribute to the spread of toxic masculinity

and if so, how?” “Yes, through the egos of the players”, Blake said. These players’ egos are

“always looking to one-up someone, and if anyone gets in their way, they are quick to get

aggressive, judgmental, or disrespectful because they know the coaches have the same

mindset and will more likely praise then punish these actions.”

Wrapping up the interview I finished with another broader question; “What

expectations are men held to in relationships that you may or may not agree with?”

Though this was the last question it is probably the question we spent the most time one. I

could fill another 3 pages just on this answer alone, but I’ll keep it short. A big theme that

seems to appear in relationships is for the man to take the lead on pretty much everything.

“Saying I love you first, starting conversations, proposing to the girl, making the first

moves on dates, playing for everything.” However, guys have been taught by society girls

who take the lead are unattractive. It’s almost frightening and uncomfortable. So, there’s

this dilemma of men realistically wanting a balanced relationship that’s more 50/50 in most

aspects, yet they have shown to not really be able to handle that type of dynamic. In the

end, we finished talking about how our beliefs played a role in this. Blake and I are both

Christians and use our beliefs and learnings to guide us along in our lives. As Christians,

we are taught that the man should be the spiritual leader of the relationship. However, we

are meant to find these life-long partners to help pick up the slack where we’re slacking.

Not saying that is their only job in the relationship, the man has the same exact job.

“Society as just driven into our minds that a man is supposed to deal with their weaknesses

and areas where they slack on their own and that’s just not the case.”
Actual Interview (Questions and Answers)

Biggest issue is Pride and never wanting to seek help!

1. What does the phrase “be a man” mean to you?

1. Society has molded us to think “don’t cry, suck it up, no emotions. You’re

the rock that everyone needs to lean on; no room for weakness”

2. “Not allowed to show weakness”

b. What actually makes someone a man?

1. “First thing that comes to mind LEADERSHIP (high character, show

vulnerability, seek accountability and help for the weakness”

2. “Trustworthy, dependable”

3. Intrapersonal or dealing with women “be courteous, don’t be afraid to show

emotions to loved ones; don’t miss out on opportunities to build others up for

the sake of pride (ignore pride/love people)

b. Focusing on college life; What are the expectations of men in college?

1. “Work hard but play harder; party, drink until you can’t drink anymore

(expect you to be drunk.”

2. “So drugs”

3. “Expect men to be very opinionated air closed off to other social justice

aspects; taught to stand for something”

 4. “Look at women as object or like a game, view sex as just a Mondane

activity”

5. “Taught to not care, not be passionate; just go through the motions

(fraternity world)

6. “Not be a nerd, uncool to be succeeding”

b. What are your thoughts on Toxic Masculinity in sports?

1. “Taught to kinda look at male sports as supreme - female sports as lesser”

(don’t value female athletics)

2. “You play like a girl/baby/pussy” bc female athletes are viewed as lesser”

3. “Stems from parenting and coaches”. “If the coaches are setting the

precedents of no crying, no emotions, play hard and don’t play like girls”.

“Coaches are suppose to set the theme of the team

b. Why does the phrase “You play like a girl” carry so much weight to male athletes?

1. “Taught to not have the slightest respect for women’s sports”

b. How is toxic masculinity portrayed through teammates?

1. “Through the egos of the players”

2. “Ego is always looking to 1 up someone, if anyone gets in their way they are

quick to get aggressive/judge/disrespect”

3. “Creates divisions not unity”. “Showing emotions turn people always forms

sports playing and watching wise”

b. What expectations are men held to in relationships that they shouldn’t be?

1. “Saying I Love You first”

2. “Guys are supposed to lead and light the spark for everything, starting and

carrying all conversations” “if you don’t start the communication there is no

communication”

3. “Guys proposing to the girls”

4. “Paying for everything for the girl”

5. “Always make the first move”

6. “Girls that lead and take control are unattractive”

7. “It’s not okay for the girl to pick up the slack where the man is slacking”

8. “Have to have the tough guy mentality”