How to make someone to love you

Do you believe that love can’t be controlled?

Do you believe that if a person doesn’t love you from the outset, there’s no
chance?

Do you believe that it’s impossible to make a person fall madly deeply in
love with you?

If you’ve answered yes, it’s also highly likely you believe in chance and
fate. Its ok, a lot of people do! The majority of people are under the
impression that love is something that can’t be changed, and they also
believe it’s something that can’t be manipulated.

I guess I was also guilty of this once.

But extensive research carried out over the years has proved that you can
indeed control love. And it can all be done through the power of the mind.
It’s all a matter of learning how to use your mind correctly.

You see, love is no different to other psychological emotions that you

might experience on a day-to-day basis such as:

• Fear
• Stress
• Jealousy
• Self-pity
• Anxiety

The above emotions can be controlled, and as love falls under the category
of “psychological emotions,” it can also be controlled. Controlling love as
an emotion is just as easy as controlling fear, excitement or stress etc. The
problem lies in what we’ve been taught to believe. Over the years, we’ve
been conditioned to believe that love is something that “just happens.” It
all depends on “fate.”

The reality however is far different. With the right knowledge, you can use
the psychology of love to make him or her fall in love with you and never
look back. Now, nothing’s foolproof, which means this won’t work 100%
all the time, but you’ll improve your chances dramatically. If you could
triple your chances at making someone genuinely fall in love with you,
why wouldn’t you try?

1. How we fall in love and the psychology behind it.

Before even thinking about going down the road of learning how to make
a person fall madly in love with you, you need to take a look at the
psychological aspect of it, and no, it has nothing to do with magic potions
and midnight under the moon chanting sessions.

Without even realising it, you and everyone else you know has a checklist
stored in the back of your mind. On this list there’s a set criteria, a criteria
that your potential love interest must meet before you will be able to fall in
love with them. Psychologists call this list a ‘Lovemap.’

If someone doesn’t match one or more of the points in this list, they’re
automatically disqualified as a potential love partner and they’re likely to
just remain your friend, this is why you might fall in love with one person
while others will just be your “friends.”

Of course each person’s checklist is different and unique. The items on

your list depend on your:

• Values
• Beliefs
• Past experiences
• Background
• Previous relationships

This is also the reason why your friend might fall in love with a man that
you consider ordinary and nothing special. This man matches her own
unique ‘Lovemap,’ not yours. Calculating matches to see if a person lives
up to our checklist is not a conscious action on our part, it’s done
subconsciously, without thinking about it. The mind does it all on its own.
Just like your mind is telling your heart to beat as your reading this page
…even though you weren’t consciously aware of it. This is why it’s
possible to fall in love with a person and have no idea why you fell in love
with them in the first place. Your subconscious is responsible.
This is why love is such a “mysterious phenomenon” and many people put
it all down to their own personal destiny. But in reality, it has nothing to
do with fate, it was all related to your subconscious, which was quietly
figuring out whether the person matches your checklist or not. The truth of
the matter is that if you’re able to grow more aware of your subconscious
mind’s specific criteria, you’ll be able to quickly determine why you fall
for some people and not for others.

Below is an example of Jamie’s checklist. Jamie is a 26-year-old man with

a couple of serious girlfriends behind him. He’s been out of university for
2 years and works in London. He’s tired of dating women on and off and
is looking for a more serious partner. Jamie’s checklist begins with the
following 4 conditions:

1. She must have the same level of education as me.

2. She must be a brunette (Jamie’s was once dumped by a brunette he was

in love with and as a result his subconscious has included it in his checklist
to help him make up for his past relationship failure with brunettes).

3. She must be close to her family and family-orientated. (Family and

children are important to Jamie, and he’s looking for someone who would
potentially make a great mother. You see, we’re attracted to people who
have what we want and need, which is why Jamie included this in his list).

4. She must like to travel.

If Jamie’s currently single, but looking for a partner, and met a wonderful
woman with red hair, the chances are he’s not going to fall in love with
her. Although he might think of her as nice, he’s not going to really
understand that the thing that’s stopping the attraction …is his
subconscious list of different criteria he’s looking for.

It’s only when another person ticks the boxes on the majority of the
criteria (which are usually the most important points on your criteria list)
will you be able to fall in love with that person. Your subconscious will
then help you to remain in love with this person to ensure you get with
them and maintain a good relationship with them. Because your
subconscious attaches itself to this particular person like this, that’s why
it’s often so difficult to forget a person you’re in love with even years after
you’ve separated from that person.

2. How to manipulate the mind to ensure they love you back.

Here are a number of tried and tested methods that can help make another
person fall in love with you:

1. Meeting the different criterion. We all have this list (or Lovemap) in
our minds. This list has all the basic criteria what we expect to be met
before we even think about falling in love with someone. It’s not a given
that if a person does meet these criteria that we’ll fall in love with them,
but if they don’t meet any, it’s almost certain that we could never fall in
love with them. Some examples of such criteria could include: “He must
love dogs,” “He must be active,” “He must be educated”, and so on.
Before trying to make a person fall in love with you, do some research.

Find out all the basic information about their background and interests –
the more you know the better, and then try to meet their criteria this way.

2. Fulfill their unmet need. When people are looking for a new partner,
they’re trying to look for another person who’s similar to them in many
ways. They look for their own personal strengths in a person, and also the
opposite of their weaknesses. For example, a person who tends to feel
inferior, but is also smart, will look for a partner who’s also smart, but
instead of inferiority, they’ll seek confidence to help create a better
balance. If you were trying to make someone fall in love with you who
you know has an inferiority complex, making yourself appear confident to
the person would be very effective at inducing feelings of love in them for
you. When you take on the role as the more confident person, you’re
subconsciously sending them a message telling them “I’ve got what you
need!”.

3. How hard do you try? Many people often wonder whether persistence

and constant chasing actually works. If the person you’re chasing is
externally dependent, it’s highly likely chasing will work. Being externally
dependent means that a person relies on something or someone to make
them feel better or to escape a bad place in their life. If a person falls into
this category, it’s highly probable that they’ll jump at any opportunity to
get into a new relationship. In this case, the chances of making the person
in question fall in love with you are much greater. In short, when people
are more vulnerable and need being cared for, there’s a greater chance
they’re going to fall in love with you quicker.

4. Use your mutual friends. If you and your heart’s desire have friends in
common, you can and should use this to your advantage. The main reason
behind this is because the subconscious is programmed easier when trusted
sources (such as friends) are backing up what they are being programmed
with. If their friends think you are great, chances are they will agree. If
their friends think you’re an idiot, chances are they will agree. In a way
it’s a subtle form of brainwashing – the more your mutual friends talk to
them about how wonderful you are you’ll have a greater chance of
establishing a place in their mind.

5. Manually wire their mind. The more you repeat something to

someone, the more likely you will manipulate the person into thinking that
particular thing. Why? It’s simple, continuous repetition can influence
greatly the subconscious mind into accepting something. This by no means
gives you license to call them every ten minutes – that would just suffocate
them and essentially scare them off. You can easily programme their mind
by subtly reminding them of your presence. Stay within sight, allow them
to see you as much as possible, it doesn’t matter if you rarely talk or not,
just stay where they can see you and you’ll be able to enforce your
position on their mind.

6. Associate yourself with positive things. When your name is mentioned

in a crowd, what’s the first word that’s likely to come to peoples’ minds?
How do they see you? Do they think ‘strong-willed’, ‘happy’, ‘confident’,
or is it something more negative like ‘needy’? The better you position
yourself in peoples minds, the better people will perceive you. It doesn’t
matter what you are (we all have negative qualities), it’s all about how
they perceive you. And you’ll only want them to perceive you in a positive
light.

3. Is there really such a thing as love at first sight or is it just a

myth?
Love at first sight does indeed exist. If someone manages to meet your
criteria that are on your subconscious list from the beginning, you’ll most
likely fall in love with this person at first sight.
“Wait a minute though,” you say to yourself, “If I’ve never spoken to them
ever, how can I possibly know whether they meet my criteria or not?”
It’s easy. Your criteria may include things like the way they stand, walk,
talk or even interact with others. This might occur if the person’s
mannerisms, actions, appearance or something else reminds you of
somebody else.

The classic example is if the person reminds you of someone you once
loved before. We usually follow a pattern and fall in love with the same
type of person that we loved in our past. So if someone reminds you of
someone you once loved before, but you weren’t consciously aware that
they were reminding you of someone from your past …you might find
yourself falling in love at first sight with them and not really knowing
why. You’ll then just think it was “fate” that you fell in love with them. 

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About the author
John Alex Clark is a Relationship & Life Coach. He is the founder of the
website Relationship Psychology. Follow John Alex on Twitter or read
more articles from John Alex on Thought Catalog. 
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1. TV + MOVIES
2. SECOND CHANCES

The Best People To Surround

Yourself With Are Those Who
Inspire You
By Holly RiordanUpdated April 20, 2021
The best people to surround yourself with are those who inspire you –
strong, passionate people who will teach you how to reach your fullest
potential.

The more time you spend around them, the more their attitude is going to
rub off on you. If they’re optimistic, even when everything is going wrong,
it will teach you to look on the bright side of bad situations. If they’re
resilient, even when they suffer failure after failure, it will teach you to get
up and try again. 

Big Shot, the hilarious (and heartwarming) Disney+ Original Series,

emphasizes the importance of teamwork and surrounding yourself with
inspiring people. The series follows the journey of college basketball
coach, Marvyn Korn, who is played by John Stamos. After Korn is let go
from the NCAA, he enters a new chapter as a coach at an elite private high
school.

While he initially struggles with the transition, Korn soon learns how to
connect with his players through empathy and vulnerability. In order to
continue strengthening his team, he has to grow as a person. His story
highlights his path to becoming a better friend, teammate, and father.
Big Shot is a reminder you can’t get by on talent alone. You need to act as
a team. You need to root for each other, not tear each other down. When
your peers do better, everything will work out better for you, too.

Always remember, you deserve to be surrounded by people who support

and inspire you. These people should encourage you to chase after your
wildest dreams. They should push you to reach beyond your limits. They
should be the first ones to congratulate you when you achieve success and
the first ones to comfort you when you fail.

It’s always nice knowing someone is in your corner. Having people around
you who genuinely care about your well-being will push you to work your
hardest. It will remind you that you do have what it takes when you forget
about your worth. Everyone goes through moments of insecurity and self-
doubt, but when you have a strong support system, it will be easier to pick
yourself up again.
Remember, you’re allowed to walk away from people who discourage
you.These people will only make it harder to achieve your dreams. They
will only bring you down and enhance your self-doubt. You should strive
to surround yourself with positivity and encouragement instead. Divert
your energy toward people who want you to learn and grow.

When you connect with others who uplift you and inspire you, they will
help you improve in a million little ways. You will become a better person
by learning from them – and they will learn the same from you. Your
relationship won’t be a one-way street. You’ll both benefit from your
bond, just like Coach Marvyn and his high school basketball team.

When you surround yourself with teammates who inspire you, you will
feel motivated to make them proud. However, you can never forget it’s
even more important to make yourself proud. At the end of the day, you
owe it to yourself to try your hardest, to refuse to quit. You don’t want to
give up on your dreams because you can reach them at any age. If you put
your heart and soul into achieving your goals, you can do something
special. You can be a part of something special, something bigger than
yourself.

When you surround yourself with others who are as passionate as you are,
their energy will be contagious. They will make you feel like you’re part
of a team. They will remind you you’re never alone. There are plenty of
people in your corner. You just have to discover them and be there for
them, too. You need to give as much as you receive. You need to pass on
your knowledge and inspire the next person who comes along.

If you put effort into your goals, and into surrounding yourself with the
right people, that hard work will pay off. Like Coach Marvyn says in Big
Shot, “If you try your very best, then you have the potential to be
great.”

Big Shot is now streaming on Disney Plus.

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Statement.
About the author
Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection. Follow
Holly on Instagram or read more articles from Holly on Thought Catalog. 
Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.
BIG SHOT DISNEY SECOND CHANCES
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1. ROMANCE
2. LOVE

The 5 Stealthiest Relationship

Threats And How To Defeat Them
 Cleyder Duque
During the Las Vegas renaissance of the early 90s, I worked as a room
reservations agent at one of the glitzy new resorts. That’s where I met
Amy — the confident, outgoing alluring woman everyone worshipped.

She liked rebellious guys, the kind where friends would ask, Are you sure
about him? Nobody had ever labeled me as a rebel, so it shocked me when
she invited me to a dance club with her friends.

After several sketchy mixed drinks, we slow danced to techno music. Yup,
we were that annoying couple. And then, as if to attract more attention, she
wrapped her hands around my cheeks and kissed me — a real kiss.

I couldn’t believe it. The super-cool, wild and crazy, most wanted by all
the guys, Amy. What the hell was she doing with boring old me?

It turned out she liked my dry humor, and I intrigued her with my
undeserved bad-boy reputation. I had gotten my job by way of a random
personal connection while most coworkers languished on a waitlist before
landing a spot. Everyone resented my networking craftiness, except for
Amy. She dug my resourcefulness.

We got along well, but I never felt good enough for her, so I compensated.
When we were out together, I’d get excessively drunk because I thought it
made me more fun. In reality, it made me just another drunken idiot. When
sober, I’d dial up my aloofness to enhance my cool-guy factor.

Throughout our entire relationship, that little voice in my head warned me

I was just a placeholder, a subservient guy to lug around until someone
better came along. Eventually, she confirmed my suspicions. She left me,
not for someone else, but because (in her words) I had gotten all weird.

It shocked me at the time. Years later, I realized our relationship began to

die right after that first kiss on the dance floor.

When romances end in movies, it’s often because of a dramatic event.

Someone cheats or commits a criminal act. A partner stumbles onto a dark
hidden secret.

Tragedies do happen, but often, relationships die a tiny bit each day, an
underlying flaw working its magic in stealth mode.

These five stealthy relationship killers are most common.

1. Unaddressed inadequacy beliefs

When Amy told me I had gotten all weird, I thought she had gotten to
know the real me and lost interest. But Amy never got to know the real
me. I felt inadequate, inferior, and tried to compensate by drinking too
much, pretending to like what she liked, and acting aloof.

There’s no telling what your brain will command of you when you
struggle with an inferiority complex. It’s a risk that mounts whenever self-
esteem suffers.

Still, it’s easy to fix.

First, admit to yourself that you feel inadequate. Then, ask yourself what is
it about the other person relative to you that makes you feel this way.
 For me, it was my appearance. I had thinning hair in my youth, and it
destroyed my self-confidence. By embracing the quality that triggered
feelings of inadequacy, I overcame my self-esteem issues. In my case, I
shaved my head and owned my flaw, turning it into an asset.

Second, in every relationship, one partner will excel in some areas while
the other thrives in different domains. In moments where inadequacy
overwhelms you, remind yourself of your strong points.

2. Nice men and woman shouldn’t

feel this way
Contempt for your partner.

We tell ourselves nice people shouldn’t feel this way, so we suppress the
feeling, burying it deep down. That’s what makes it so insidious.

Relationship expert John Gottman describes contempt as the most

destructive of all relationship threats. Gottman posits that long-simmering
negative thoughts about one’s partner fuel a feeling that they deserve scorn
and ridicule instead of love and respect.

Feelings of contempt simmer for months and years, making it a stealthy

killer. It builds under the surface, allowing anger to build without
resolution. When it overwhelms us, we erupt with personal attacks laced
with mean-spirited sarcasm.

We haven’t had sex in two months. Have you reverted into an asexual
being?
The car is still filthy. Just like our marriage, you do everything half-assed.

To subdue the contempt threat, follow these suggestions:

 Deal with problems as they arise.

 Gottman advises building a culture of fondness and admiration. Tell
your partner why you love them, why you’re proud of them, what quirks
about them turn you on. It’s not enough to tell them they’re wonderful.
You need to explain why.
3. The roommate syndrome
If you’re in a long-term relationship, ask yourself this question.

Does it feel like you lived the exact same day for 365 consecutive days?

If you answered yes, it’s because you’ve fallen into a routine — one with
no excitement to break up the monotony. It’s not the kind of threat you
notice day-to-day. It goes undetected until one day you wake up and
realize your romantic partner has become your roommate.

Routine, sameness, and predictability lead to boredom. When relationships

die because of roommate syndrome, there’s no dramatic ending with
slammed doors and luggage on the lawn. Instead, you die slowly until the
day comes when you both wonder, What happened? And when’s our lease
up?

When you feel the beginnings of roommate syndrome, take it seriously.

Don’t swat it away as routine relationship ups and downs. Recognize those
feelings as signals alerting you to blow up your routine, inject spontaneity,
or find other ways to reignite the passion.

4. Relationship loneliness
When I first came out of my shell after my 30th birthday, I dated Cara, a
woman I met at work. We hung out only once a week, spending the other
six days catching up with a smattering of two-minute phone calls.

Before Cara, I hadn’t been in a relationship for several years. While dating
her, I somehow felt even more lonely than during my long dry spell.

Cara and I talked, but our conversations were rushed and often superficial.
We connected physically, but those moments were brief. When we weren’t
together, I felt hamstrung, unable to seek the connection I needed because
of my commitment to Cara.

When we finally talked about the issue, I failed to articulate my frustration

until she asked, “Are you saying you’re lonely?”
From then on, our relationship improved. For a while, I thought we’d
make it, but time proved we weren’t cut out for each other.

It’s odd to think that loneliness can exist while you’re in a relationship, so
we neglect to use that word. Instead, we say, “We don’t talk enough.” But
that’s too vague and dispassionate. When you say you’re lonely to your
partner, it generates a more visceral reaction.

5. The ultimate distraction

Children won’t save a broken marriage. Worse, the added stress of caring
for children can fracture healthy relationships.

Priorities rearrange the minute that baby comes home: communication,

vacations, friends, fun, sex.

Years go by, and while you focus on your children, your relationship
suffers without either of you recognizing it consciously. You become
parents at the expense of being a loving couple, setting yourself up for
eventual empty nest syndrome.

Kids take priority. You can’t avoid that reality, but you can manage the
side effects.

No matter what age your kids, it’s essential you enjoy yourselves as a
couple. Schedule date nights. Go for walks together. Make time for
intimacy.

Kids offer a convenient excuse to ignore each other’s needs, an easy

distraction to mask marital challenges. Find the time to be both parents of
your kids and lovers of each other.

*
Some relationships end because of cheating, stealing, and other tragedies.
Others die slowly, falling apart under the pressure of stealthy threats. By
recognizing the warnings and addressing them proactively, you can
withstand these threats.

This article was originally published on PS I Love You. Relationships

Now.
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The Bestselling Book That Will Change The
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Brianna Wiest’s 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think has
moved hearts and minds around the world. Get your copy today.
The Bestselling Book That Will Change The Way
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Brianna Wiest’s 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think has moved hearts and
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