Relationships

Father: I’ve never felt close to my father. From the moment I was born he treated me
like trash, spoke to me like trash and would make me wear trashy pieces of clothing like rags
or even skimpy pieces of underwear like the thongs. He hit me, bruised me and raped me
since the age of nine. He told me I was trash, that I was unloved and unworthy of being on
this planet, and I believed him. His is the reason I am who I am today, and I will never
forgive him for that. I’ve never had a real conversation with my father, I’ve often been
scared to, or he’s just never given me the chance. I remember one time however, it was
before I left home, that I asked him to come and see my work at school like all the other
parents were doing, I guess I just wanted him to love me like a daughter and appreciate
what I do, he even said yes, but he didn’t come and when I came home, I found him passed
out on the sofa with a couple of cans of bear. That’s when I knew he didn’t or never loved
me.

Mother: My relationship with my mother has always been kind of complex. She’s never
told me she loves me or hugged or even kissed me. She say’s I’m one of her biggest regrets
in life, and as a seven-year-old kid who got told that, I took it very personally and never
really spoke to my mum since then because I thought that me being a burden to her, she
wouldn’t want to hear or see of me that much. I think my mum REALLY hated me, especially
since the day I told her my dad had sexually assaulted me. She didn’t believe me, but I knew
deep down she did, I just don’t understand what held her back of being there for me,
protecting me like what a mother should do. I never got a single birthday or Christmas
present from her, she was always out, probably selling herself to make money, I don’t know
much about my grandparents, but from what I heard from my big sister, the same thing
happened to her with her father as it did to me, so maybe there is a psychological reason as
to why she views me differently. But yeah, I’ve never felt loved by my mother, or as I refer
to her now as my birth mother.

Sister’s: I’ve never been that close with all of my sisters, I guess because we were all so
scrammed and messed up in our own ways we didn’t really connect, which is something I
regret not doing because if we had, then maybe we would have gotton through those tough
years a lot better. I was close to my biggest sister, she was always there for me whenever
our father sexually assaulted me, and there was a time where she pushed him off of me
when he was trying to have sex with me, he punched in the face and locked her out of the
room. However, I haven’t spoken to her since I went into care, I tried contacting her when I
came out, but I never heard from her, I’ve always felt lie she hated me for that, for leaving
her to deal with the other sibling’s and father alone. As for the other two sisters, we were
close in a way, but not too close. I would help get them ready for school and play hide and
seek with them in the park, but apart from that we weren’t talkative, which is another thing
I regret, because like I said before, if I had relationship with my sibling’s it could have turned
out to be a different person and not an introvert. I feel like because I was so obedient and
terrified of my father that it silenced me from the world and that has stayed with me till
today.
Daughter: From the moment my daughter was born I had a special connection and
bond to her. It was the strangest but most exhilarating experience of my life. I had never
experienced the feeling of love, pure love until my daughter was born, and that day I made a
promise. A promise to never hit her and tell her every day that she was loved, and I have
done that ever since. She was such an easy child, she loved playing and going to the park
and I would take her out for ice-cream after school, her favourite is Orea flavoured just like
mine. I would read her bedtime stories, get her anything she wanted for her birthday or
Christmas, I guess you could say I spoiled her as a child, but why not, I gave her all the things
I wished I had as a child, and a BIG part of that was love. I remember would time I was
reading a bedtime story and just before she fell asleep and walked out the door she said
“mummy, I love you, more than harry potter” and that just made me feel so special and
loved, I love her so much. She’s turned out to be the most beautiful, kind and loving person I
know, she married a very nice and respectful man who treats her well and is a good father
to my grandchildren, and I did that, and knowing that I did that tells me I did something
right in my life, that I was brought here for a purpose.

Ex-husband: This man is the love of my life. He was the first person to ever make me
feel special and loved. He cared for me, he told me he loved me, and more importantly he
treated me with respect. There was not one time he hit me. Before my anxiety levels got
worse and our relationship started to struggle, we had the time of our lives. We would go on
holidays, spend Christmas together, sleep on the beach and watch the stars, he bought
magic into my life, and I’ll always love him for that, but then we started arguing, and it was
my fault because I was letting my past get in the way of my future, of our future and he
didn’t want to be part of my past. Once we had our daughter, we went our separate ways
because we knew we had to be the best for our daughter and I wanted her to be in an
environment where she constantly felt loved and safe. We didn’t much after that, only
when she would go and stay with her dad, but a couple years later we decided to meet up
before she went to Uni and we mended our friendship over a cup of coffee. We still talk and
walk the dogs sometimes, but apart from that we have our own separate lives.

Further develop relationship with:

Daughter
Father
Ex-husband

Write poem about them.