control (to get what i want)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/27151661.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Relationship: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren/Rey
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Consensual Non-Consent, Rape
Roleplay, Light Dom/sub, Bratty Sub Rey, Mention of Previous Use of
Safe Word, safe words, Praise Kink, degradation kink, breath play,
Glove Kink, Spanking, Pussy Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex,
Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Facials, Hurt/Comfort, Aftercare, No
Pregnancy
Collections: Pepsi and Pals' Hardcore Kinktober Challenge
Stats: Published: 2020-10-25 Words: 4368

control (to get what i want)

by literallynoonecares

Summary

“And maybe you’ll like it too. Maybe you’ll like being in control like that. Channeling your
anger,” she continues.

“You know I like to control things like that. It makes me feel better about the shit in my life
I can’t control. All my mistakes,” he says sadly.

“And I don’t want it. See? Match made in heaven,” Rey laughs a bit, trying to lighten the
mood.

“I’ll do it,” he says.

Notes

Alexa play Control by Janet Jackson.

please mind the tags! this is a completely consensual dynamic but it absolutely could still
be triggering. take care of yourselves + don't feel bad if you enjoy this.

thank you so much to Cecilia for being the best beta for this fic!

See the end of the work for more notes

Rey flops on her bed after a particularly difficult day at work. She’s sick of her boss screaming at
her for everything, especially the things she doesn’t even have control over. And even if she does,
would it kill her boss to speak to her like a human being for once?

Apparently, it would. She orders herself expensive take out and turns on a sad movie on Netflix.
She lets herself wallow for a bit and then she just gets angry.

She’s spent her whole life being treated like nothing and when she works her way up and has a
decent job and career, it feels like the same thing again. Her boss will never give her a break.

She needs a distraction, so she ends up watching videos on YouTube for far too long. She comes
across a video and it gives her pause. It’s someone talking about how their friends don’t understand
their kinks of choking and slapping. In the comments, there’s people commenting, “oh that’s it?
Let’s get into CNC and bloodplay” with other people talking about how great CNC is.

Rey’s never even heard of this, so she opens a new tab and googles it.

Consensual Non-Consent.

Rape roleplay.

She looks into it more. There’s always a safe-word involved. It’s just as if the person doesn’t want
it. All control is taken from them. They just have to exist. They just have to take it or fight it. Until
it’s over or until they don’t want to anymore.

After hours of reading blogs, she realizes it’s nearly two A.M. and she has to go to bed so she’s not
dead on her feet at work in the morning.

She’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t dream about it that night.

When she gets home from work, she dives back into research. She finds more TikToks about it and
is fascinated.

There’s always something that has been freeing and exciting to her about breath play and dom/sub
things, but this feels more and exactly what she needs to get out of her mind so completely. What
she wants to feel desired for. What she wants to experience. How she wants to let loose. How she
doesn’t want to be in charge anymore. She doesn’t want to make a single decision for herself.

Except for this. This is what she wants.

And she just hopes her best friend who she hooks up with will be in, too.

It’s not like they’re not rough right now. He punishes her. He chokes her. He slaps her. She’s his.
This would just be another level.

But her stomach flips the next time he comes over.

It’s not so much fucking that night. Instead, he savors her. He eats her out through two orgasms and
then slides inside her. His thrusts are slow and deep, and he kisses her neck and makes out with her
as he fucks her.

It’s so intimate she thinks she could burst.

But it’s good for her, too. She feels warm and appreciated and cared for. He always seems to know
what she wants. There are days he’ll come in commanding her to get on her knees and suck his
cock.

He’ll pull her hair and punish her. He’ll make sure she knows she was being a brat and what brats
get. She does it on purpose. They both know this. She loves to push his buttons. She loves to see
how she can ignore his requests until he makes her.

And then there’s days like this. When he knows how fragile she’s feeling even if she doesn’t, and
takes care of her. Tells her how good she is. How much he loves being inside her.

Truth be told, Rey prefers the former. She can get out of her head more, pretend like she’s not
really Rey. But she’d also be lying if she said she didn’t crave his gentle touch and his praise.

And that’s why Ben Solo’s the best she’s ever had. And that’s why they’re still fucking.

But they’re not together. Rey can’t do together. She needs to be alone.

And he gets that.

She thinks, at least.

He finishes inside her and she comes on his cock, clenching around him. She feels his come drip
down her thighs as she walks to the bathroom. It’s intoxicating.

They’re cuddling on the couch watching a mindless comedy on Netflix when she gains the courage
to ask him.

“Ben?”

“Mmm?” he replies, playing with her hair.

“I want to ask you something. And it’s okay if you say no. And it’s okay if you don’t want to. But
please don’t judge me,” Rey says meekly.

“I would never. What’s up?” Ben says, his voice flat and calm.

“There’s something I’d like to try,” she starts.

“In bed?” Ben interrupts.

“Yes. How’d you guess?”

“You have the same nervous energy as the first time you asked me to spank and punish you,” he
points out.

Rey chuckles a bit.

“Wow. Okay. Didn’t know I was so predictable,” she says.

“I just know you too well,” he says, kissing her forehead.

It’s almost too intimate and too personal. She considers not asking, but she presses on.

“Do you know what CNC is?” Rey asks.

“No,” he says.
Rey takes a deep breath.

“Consensual Non-Consent,” she clarifies.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s roleplay,” she says.

“Non-consent. So like...rape roleplay?”

Silence for a beat.

“Yes,” she replies.

“You want to pretend like I’m raping you?”

More silence.

“Yes,” she says.

“I already punish you some days. We already get pretty hard with each other,” he says.

“And I love that. I love every single type of sex we have. But I want more. I want something
different. I want this,” she admits.

“I don’t know if I want to hurt you like that,” he says.

“We’d have the safe words. I know when to use them. So do you,” she points out.

They’ve both safe worded before. Rey twice and Ben once. They use “yellow” and “red” -- yellow
to adjust, red to completely stop. They both know how to react with care. She feels comforted by
the knowledge it’s there if she needs it, and she knows he does too.

“What’s the real difference between choking you in bed and this? Why do you want to add this
element to it?”

“I want to have no control. I want to have no thoughts except my base pleasure and pain. Please,
Ben.”

He continues to play with her hair but doesn’t respond quite yet. She looks up at him and can
practically see the wheels turning in his head.

“I want to have my control taken from me. That’s what I want. And I want to fight. I want to know
I’m capable of fighting and not be fragile. I’ve been fragile my whole life. I want to be needed and
wanted if I don’t need anyone or want to be needed. I want to feel.”

She pauses. She looks off in the distance toward the kitchen, her eyes a little blank. He rubs her
shoulders and it grounds her.

“You know I’ve never let myself fail. I used to beat myself up if I got anything less than an A
because it meant that I’ve disappointed everyone. I’ve become my parents. I want to fail. I want my
control gone.”

She fidgets with her hands nervously, unable to sit still.

“And maybe you’ll like it too. Maybe you’ll like being in control like that. Channeling your
anger,” she continues.

“You know I like to control things like that. It makes me feel better about the shit in my life I can’t
control. All my mistakes,” he says sadly.

“And I don’t want it. See? Match made in heaven,” Rey laughs a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’ll do it,” he says.

“You will?”

“I get what you want. And I know what I want. I’ll do it,” he confirms.

She turns to face him more and kisses him.

“Thank you, Ben. You’re the only person I trust to do this. You’re the only person I trust to do a
lot,” she says, resting her hand on his chest.

“I will always make sure you’re safe. I may have the control, but it’s always for you,” he tells her.

“I know you will,” she replies.

“Can we talk about limits for this? And when you’d like to do it?”

“Same limits as usual. Maybe some time this weekend, if you’re okay with that. But I don’t think I
want to know the exact time.”

“So I could make you take me in your ass?”

She considers for a moment.

“Yes. Whatever you want besides what you know are my hard limits.”

“And you’ll fight back?”

“I think so.”

“Okay.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Of course.”

“And I can degrade you, too? I can get mad at you?” Rey asks tentatively.

“Do your worst.”

“Thank you, Ben. I just...I just want to try it. If we hate it we don’t have to do it ever again. I just
want to try.”

“I understand, Rey. Please don’t think I’m judging you,” Ben says, braiding her hair
absentmindedly.

“I don’t.”

“You have all the power here.”

“And I don’t want it anymore. Take it from me,” she pleads.

“I will.”

“I don’t want any power,” she repeats.

“I know. You’re such a good girl, Rey. You deserve to let go,” he whispers in her ear, laying kisses
on her neck.

She nuzzles closer to him.

“I’ll take care of you after. So deeply. I’ll do anything you want,” he tells her.

Her heart beats faster with anticipation.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

She yawns, exhausted by her day and Ben’s cock and the emotional openness she’s had today.

“Do you want to go to bed?” he asks softly, jostling her up a bit.

She nods sleepily, and he helps her up and into bed.

“Do you want to stay?” Rey asks him.

“I have to wake up early. I’ll see you soon,” he says, kissing her goodnight and turning out the light
for her.

She checks her phone when she pulls into her apartment’s parking lot. She sent a long venting text
about the latest of complaints about her boss to Ben and her friends Kaydel and Rose, but no one
has responded yet. She scrolls through Instagram before she gathers her things and walks into her
apartment building.

She opens her mailbox and gathers the mail in her hands, and walks up to her apartment door. She
fumbles with the key and as she’s turning the door handle, she jumps.

She drops some mail and her purse when she feels a gloved hand snake around her face and covers
her mouth and Rey struggles against it.

She feels the other hand creep onto her hip. She struggles against the hand and tries to pry it away
from her hip and the gloved hand captures hers, holding it against her back.

She grunts and pleads for the man to let her go against his hand covering her mouth. He tightens
the grip and pushes his hand toward her mouth more.

“Don’t fight it, I’ll only make it worse for you,” Ben says menacingly in a low gravelly voice.

“Please,” she pleads and tries to dislodge herself from his grip. She tries to kick him and he twists
her arm harder.
“I told you not to fight it, slut.”

He uses her body to push the door open and kicks in her purse and the mail that fell. He pushes her
down on the ground as he locks the door.

She scrambles up and starts kicking his legs and swinging hits at his stomach and chest. He slaps
her and she stumbles back before attacking him once more. With ease his gloved hands wrap
around her body and holds her close to him as she struggles against his grasp.

“Stop fucking fighting me,” he commands. He pins her down against her kitchen island, face down
and and she cries out against the cold marble on her cheek. She hears him unzip something and
then she feels rope around her wrist, securing her inability to fight.

With her hands behind her back, he pulls at her hair and she cries out again.

“Be quiet or I’ll gag you,” he tells her.

“No,” she still writhes against him.

“You’re a bad slut, aren’t you?”

He spanks her. Hard. She whimpers. He does it again. And again.

“You’re a fucking loser,” she spits out.

He turns her around, his hand on her throat now. He slaps her. She feels her face sting and she
wishes she could run her hand over and soothe the pain.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” he admonishes.

He pushes his hand back covering her mouth and takes the other hand to lead her toward her
bedroom. She bites hit.

“Fuck,” he says and he throws her on the couch. She kicks and tries to hit him with her feet but he
stays at arms length away. He pulls out a gag from his backpack and comes from behind to tie it.
He pulls on it tightly and she whines.

Her ass and her face sting. But she won’t stop hitting back.

She tries to hurl insults at him but they’re lost behind the gag.

“That’s better. Can’t hear your fucking whining now,” he comments and pulls her up by her dress,
stretching it out and then he grabs her hands again dragging her to the bedroom.

He tosses her on the bed like she’s a rag doll. She tries to shuffle away but he holds her down.

“If you’re not good I’ll tie you to the headboard,” he threatens.

She tries to get off the bed, but he holds her down.

“God, I thought you’d be a good whore. But you’re not,” he says and she struggles again and tries
to speak.

He removes the gag.

“What do you want to say to me?” he goads her.

“I will never be good for you. You’re awful,” she says.

“In that case,” he says and straddles her, her legs pinned down between his and she can’t struggle
against him. His thighs hold her so tight she can’t move.

She’s not sure what he’s going to do. But her heart rate is through the roof and she feels like she’s
on fire.

He grabs her chin almost violently. He pries open her jaw and holds it open. He positions his
mouth over hers and spits into it. It’s a slow movement and she feels frozen in time. He closes her
jaw.

“Don’t swallow it yet,” he commands.

Her eyes grow wide.

“I want you to know you’re my whore. And that’s what you are.”

He pushes up at her chin and tightens his grip.

“Do you understand?”

She nods as best she can with his tight grip and he lets go.

“Swallow,” he says.

She does.

“See? It’s easier when you comply.”

She shakes her head and whines again, afraid to say anything more. She looks down and she
realizes her knee is forming a bruise and there’s a scrape down her leg. Her arms are starting to go
numb behind her. She recognizes the pain but it’s just in flashes.

“I am not doing anything for you,” she says hotly, trying to kick at him again.

He flips her over and pushes her face into the comforter. He begins to untie her and she claws at
him. He pins one arm down with his knee as he ties one hand to the headboard. Once that arm is
secure, he does the same on the other side. She tries to kick again.

“If I had known how fucking bad you were I’d have brought more ties for your legs. You’re a bad
girl, aren’t you?”

She bucks her hips up in an attempt to get her legs free.

He laughs. It’s dark and twisted.

“Ah, so does that mean you want me, sweetheart?” he asks in the same menacing voice as earlier.

She shakes her head.

“No. I don’t. Please,” she begs.

“I think you’re lying to me,” he says and pushes up her dress. “Would a girl who didn’t want it
wear underwear like this? Hmmm?” he traces her black lace underwear with his hand. His hand
cracks on her ass with a hard slap. She yelps.
He does it again. She doesn’t yelp.

“You’re not even fucking good at this. You’re not good at anything,” she growls.

He does it again. Harder. Two times in a row in quick succession.

She yelps this time.

“What do you think about it now?”

He hits her again. Harder.

“I don’t want this,” she says.

Then he pulls off her underwear. She gasps.

He slaps her pussy this time.

She yelps in a different way.

“If you don’t want this, then why are you so fucking wet for me?”

She whimpers as he touches her folds.

“You’re dripping. You fucking want this,” he says.

“I don’t,” she insists.

He slides two fingers into her entrance. She clenches around him. He pulls out almost immediately
and opens her mouth, putting the fingers inside.

“Taste it. Taste how fucking wet you are for me,” he tells her, shoving his fingers down her throat
so she gags on them.

He takes out his fingers and then unbuttons his pants quickly, taking his pants and underwear off in
one go.

He lifts up her hips, so she’s on her knees and her cunt is easily accessible to him.

He pushes her head into the pillow and she cries out but he ignores it. Instead, he positions himself
at her entrance and slams in without second thought. He fills her to the hilt and thrusts hard and
relentless.

He pulls her hair and lifts her head, making her cry out.

“It feels good, doesn’t it, slut? You can’t fucking deny you like my cock. Your pussy is so wet for
me,” he whispers in her ear.

She mumbles something incoherently.

She becomes pliant. She lets herself be used. She becomes less of herself and more of a blank
canvas for Ben to fuck. To do with as he pleases.

He fucks her so hard all she can feel is his cock in her cunt and the silk ties around her wrists. She
feels her face pummel into the pillow over and over. She begins to get used to it. And when she
does, he takes out his cock.
She doesn’t know what to think of the loss of him.

Before she knows it, he’s spitting on her asshole. He takes out a bottle of lube from his backpack
and she can feel him squirt it on her hole and she hears him squirt it on --

-- his fingers, she realizes as she feels him begin to finger her.

“Your cunt was good to me. Now let’s try this,” he says sinisterly.

He removes his fingers and replaces them with his cock. He doesn’t breach her slowly, but instead
all at once. She grunts and tries to squirm away. Blessedly, he gives her a moment to get her
acquainted with the feel of him.

And then he fucks her ass just as hard as he did her cunt.

She feels one hand wrap around her throat and presses on the sides lightly so she feels heady and
faint. She moans into it.

“I knew you’d like my cock,” he says against her throat. “Are you finally going to be a good girl?”
he asks, pressing the sides of her throat again.

She chokes out a whine and feels hot tears hit the pillow.

“Maybe this will help you make your decision,” he says, still thrusting. He wraps a hand and starts
touching her clit. She’s dripping and he starts fingering her and can begin to feel her clench around
him. He returns to rubbing circles around her clit. She knows she’s about to come.

And she feels fucked up.

He takes her hand away, but she can’t help it. She’s already over the precipice. She comes almost
violently with his cock in her asshole. He stills inside of her.

“I didn’t tell you you could come, slut,” he says. He pulls out of her and unties her hands.

She can’t bring herself to fight back anymore.

He flips her body around with ease. He re-ties her hands. For a brief moment, she wants to tell him
he doesn’t have to.

She gives up.

She’s nothing.

She’s his.

But she stays silent, with the exception of the tears rolling down her face.

“That’s better,” he says, pulling her dress to expose her breasts. He takes one of her nipples in his
mouth and bites down hard. He growls.

“You’re mine, slut. All mine.”

He holds her down, pressing on the sides of her neck once more.

She continues to cry and lay there in stillness, her body only moving when he lets go of his hold
and straddles her chest.
He strokes his cock and comes over her face.

“Fuck,” he says so softly, so different from earlier. His come mixing with her tears and dripping
down her face and onto her dress.

He unties her hands and they collapse by her side. She’s still crying and if the come mixing with
her tears bothers her, it’s hard to tell.

“Rey?” Ben asks tentatively and softly.

“Mmm?” Rey responds. It’s heady and barely a response.

“I’m just going to run into the bathroom and get a towel to clean you off,” he says.

She doesn’t fully register that he’s gone for a few seconds, but then she’s crying even more.

He rushes back in and lifts her body so she’s sitting in his lap. He gingerly cleans off her face and
then she’s leaning into his shoulder and she can’t stop crying.

He soothes her -- rocking a bit and rubbing her back. He shushes her and lays kisses on the top of
her head and forehead. She stills after a bit.

“Rey, I don’t want to leave you alone coming out of subspace. But I want to get you water and an
icepack. And maybe some food? Do you want me to take you to the living room with me? Or do
you want to stay here?”

She barely comprehends his words.

She can’t make any decisions yet.

He realizes that.

He wraps her in a blanket and deposits her on the couch in the living room so she can see him. He
moves quickly. He doesn’t want to be apart from her for very long.

He helps the glass of water to her lips and she drinks it. He places one ice pack on her knee and the
other on her face. He takes a cotton swab of alcohol and cleans the scrape on her knee. He feeds
her part of a granola bar, but she waves it off. She can’t stomach it yet.

He puts on soothing music. He crawls on the couch and holds her close, kissing her again.

“Rey. Was that...?”

“It was perfect, Ben. It was exactly what I needed.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“I think I’m still coming down. I don’t know. I feel mostly okay, though. I always do when I’m
with you,” she admits.

He squeezes her tightly.

“Do you think you can stand? Do you want to shower?”

“I think so. My arms hurt more than my legs,” she says.

He winces.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Please don’t be. I asked for it. It hurts in a good way. A reminder. I promise,” she says.

“I’ll wash your body,” he says, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

He helps her up and raises her dress above her head, discarding it on the ground. He leads her to
the shower. Gentle this time. Languidly.

He turns on the shower and lays out two towels for them. He has her step in first once the shower
is hot. He washes his body quickly and then takes his time with her. He worships her body while
he lathers it with soap and water. He pays attention to every inch of her with care.

It’s a different type of needing and wanting he’s expressing for her now than before, she
recognizes.

She likes them both. She craves them both.

She winces at times, when he runs his hands over parts of her that are still sensitive. He adjusts his
touch and is delicate as he can be. She feels so meek and small in the wake of this. Once all the
soap is rinsed off of her, he wraps her in a towel and dries her off.

He leads her to the bedroom where he helps her into a large t-shirt and shorts. He throws on
sweatpants and shirt for himself.

They cuddle on the couch again after he makes her drink another glass of water.

“I’ll put on your favorite,” he says, throwing up her favorite sitcom on Netflix.

“Can you start in season five?”

“Already was going to,” he says with a smirk.

“Thank you, Ben.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. Can you get me ibuprofen?”

He grabs it out of the medicine cabinet and pours her another glass of water.

“Sorry I didn’t think of it earlier,” he apologizes.

“It’s okay, Ben. Could you get me another ice pack though?”

“Of course,” he trades out the ice packs and strokes her cheek, his thumb light on her skin.

“Was I too rough?”

“No, you were perfect. Really. You did everything exactly how I wanted you to. And I lost
myself.”

“I felt good, too.”

“Good,” she says.

 “Thai food? I’ll get all your favorites,” he says. She nods and smiles up at him.

“Okay.”

“That was more intense than before,” she comments after a while.

“I know.”

“Would you do it again?” Rey asks, timidly.

“For you?” he pauses. That’s not what he wants to say.

She laces his fingers in with hers.

“With you?” he corrects himself and squeezes her hand, “anything.”

End Notes

Comments + Kudos are greatly appreciated. I've never written CNC before so I hope you
enjoyed!

hang out with me on twitter

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!