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Chelsea Kakac

Professor Caroline Reynolds

Eng 1201

28 March 2021

Do Kink, BDSM and other unconventional sex practices affect how we view sexual acceptance

and consent?

BDSM and other kink practices have been a part of human history dating back to the

renaissance era. The third wave feminist movement has opened up a big conversation on sexual

liberation, not just for women but for men as well. But what happens when you add

unconventional or sometimes violent tactics into that sexual experience? Where is that line

drawn between erotic experience and blatant abuse?

It is often believed that attraction to BDSM is a trauma response and due to abuse or

unwanted sexual trauma in childhood or they are not good with attachment in relationships. A lot

of BDSM practitioners have reported though that they faced more abuse in adulthood than they

did in childhood. Therefore concluding that BDSM is not a coping mechanism in response to

early childhood trauma and it has been concluded that BDSM practitioners have more secure

attachment styles. (Ten Brink).

With the rise in conversation surrounding kink/BDSM there is definitely some side eyes

and negative conversation. With movies like 50 shades of grey leading the forefront of the
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conversation, when it is not an accurate portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle due to actual abuse

taking place, it is understandable as to why people are weary. BDSM practitioners are often in

the scene because they feel like outsiders with their unconventional desires and feel safe in a

BDSM environment. (Scott).

When acts of sexual misconduct are brought forward, the accused often try to play it off

that the other party did consent and try to pin it off as an act of consensual BDSM. With the rise

of talk and openness in regard to BDSM, it makes it easy for abusers to hide under the extremely

broad label to shake off assualt allegations. Trying to compare sexual assault with consensual

kink is as far off as comparing rape to consensual sex. (Sloan).

What separates BDSM from abuse is consent. Before engaging limits, safe words, and

conversation are all negotiated between partners to ensure all parties are safe and comfortable.

Players follow the mantra “Safe, Sane and consensual” to ensure that no boundaries are crossed

or harm is inflicted. People who are not necessarily interested in kink practices often have a hard

time understanding how someone can get pleasure from things such as pain, emotional/physical

challenges and other extreme sensations (Safronova).

There is also many healing properties that can come with BDSM. With survivors of

sexual assault, these kind of sexual practices that require an ultimate level of trust help survivors

reclaim their sexuality and achieve a healthy relationship with sex and relationships (Drain).

Being able to take back a part of you that has been taken or violated and open up with a partner

about what you are and aren’t comfortable with and knowing that your limits are respected and

listened can be transformative (Barrett-Ibarria)

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Works Cited

Ten Brink, S., et al. “The Psychology of Kink: A Survey Study into the Relationships of Trauma

and Attachment Style with BDSM Interests.” Sexuality Research and Social Policy, vol.

18, no. 1, 2021, p. 1. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s13178-020-00438-w.

Scott, Catherine. Thinking Kink : The Collision of BDSM, Feminism and Popular Culture.

McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers, 2015. EBSCOhost,

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&db=cat01128a&AN=scc.b1857961&site=eds-live.

Sloan, Kate. "BDSM IS THE NEW RAPE MYTH." Herizons, vol. 33, no. 1, Spring 2019, p.

40. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A586903787/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=fb35c424. Accessed 28 Feb. 2021.

SAFRONOVA, VALERIYA, and KATIE VAN SYCKLE. “Unlike Abuse, B.D.S.M. Knows

Boundaries.” New York Times, vol. 167, no. 57972, 24 May 2018, pp. D1–

D7. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?

direct=true&db=f5h&AN=129747705&site=eds-live.

Kakac, Chelsea J, and Cameryn L Drain. “How BDSM Has Healed You.” 27 Feb. 2021. 

Barrett-Ibarria, Sofia. “BSDM Can Provide Profound Healing Experiences.” VICE, 27 Aug.

2017, www.vice.com/en/article/nee9yg/bsdm-can-provide-profound-healing-

experiences. Accessed 21 March 2021.

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