kawaii

not,
too
cute gets badder

meghan murphy
 Acknowledgments
Thanks to family and friends and fans and fellow cartoonists.
Thanks to the celebrators of silliness and the appreciators of puns.
Thanks to the lovers of weird, and the weird lovers. And extra
thanks to you. (Don’t tell the others… but you’re my favorite.);D
 Introduction

Okay everybody, put on your swimsuits and slap on some SPF

Awesome, ‘cause it’s Kawaii Not Swim again. Time to dip your toes
in the waters of dainty charm. Be careful, though; as always, there is
the undercurrent. A strong, swift, dark (and slightly sticky)
undercurrent. I’d suggest keeping your nose and mouth shut if at all
possible.
You can start with a refreshing paddle through 95 all new comic
strips. (Well, unless you read some of them on the Kawaii Not
website before. But that was like ages ago, and I’m sure you’ve
forgotten most of them by now. But to be absolutely certain, maybe
bang your head against the wall a couple times to dislodge any
stubborn memories.) Then perhaps you can float over to study the
“Anatomy of a Kawaii Lover” diagram, or the surprisingly useful
“Where Creepy Meets Cute” chart. Knowledge is powerful, after all.
Even when that knowledge is useless. And finally, dive deep into
cute-infused literature with the beauty of a simple kawaii-ku (or
two), or try the cautionary tale of “The Cupcakes and the Muffins.”
It has been known to make grown men weep. (Or at least sniffle
during allergy season.) Good luck. We’re all counting on you.
 The Cupcakes and
the Muffins
(A TALE OF SPRINKLES AND VIOLENCE)

The bakery shelf is harmonious

Not a teaspoon acrimonious
At least, it has most often been so
But even in a pastry fashion
There can be over-toasted passion
The scorching kind that leads to woe
There the cupcakes sit, all frosted neat
Their wrappers bright, each sprinkle discreet
Proud and flashy, like fancy peacocks Muffins congregate across the
case
Perched quiet and cozy on their paper lace
A moist and soft and quite toothsome flock Simmering tensions,
steady, growing
Under surfaces where sugar flowing
Mostly tempered bitter eruptions But not forever the lid can hold
Explode the bubbling resentments of old
In rich fillings can hide corruptions For a slur never before uttered
Once from the cupcake side was muttered
A tasteless thought… a bad mistake Seven words to crystallize the
strife
Seven words sharper than a bread knife:
A muffin is just an ugly cupcake
 First a silence deceptively deep
Perhaps the muffins were all asleep
Maybe good fortune would clean the mess Then a flash of sharpness
in the dark
A hungry smile like a starving shark
Delicious vengeance did coalesce When the deed was all finished
and through
Every cupcake had one bite or two
And there were some that ended quite burned And each muffin had
a keen grin
And time spins on like a rolling pin
And pastries stay polite, lesson learned
kawaiiku
 sprinkles on cupcakes are
essential elements…
like wings on angels

to make flossing fun,

i summon murderous rage
and strangle each tooth loud hawaiian shirts
don’t want or need your respect.
just your attention finishing my list,
the one i’ve had since high school:
robot army done automatic door
makes me doubt my existence.
why won’t you open?

potato salad
sitting out in the hot sun—
my picnic roulette

cupcakes seem too small.

expand their horizons, though…
they would be just cakes when i get pissed off
i’m a velociraptor
and you’re a meat sack food wrapped with more food:
wontons! dumplings! ravioli!
presents to my mouth
 incontinent clouds
warm drizzling all day long
unhappy… and moist

i hear squirrels squeaking:

furry plots and nutty plans.
must stay vigilant if there’s a problem
that rainbow sprinkles can’t solve,
i don’t want to know massacre on hold.
can’t afford to fill fuel tank.
got the chainsaw blues sad start to the day:
i dreamt of cinnamon rolls,
i awoke to none caramel apple heart,
a sticky sweet condition
—you just attract nuts when i’m feeling down,
i make voodoo dolls of all
and prick myself up
 damn circus peanuts!
your orange horror haunts my mouth;
my taste buds still weep

poor sad appendix,

dangles lonely in the gut,
searching for purpose

wee goldfish crackers

a whole bowl of smiling snacks.
i like happy food
 i want a ray gun.
it will fix all my problems
one *zap* at a time

no waltzes for them.

t. rexes only step dance
and blame their stub arms

last chocolate in box:

it always comes down to this
mutual disdain
 oh jelly doughnut,
you are virgin with bare neck
and i am vampire

do i have a bruise?
today is throwing punches
…i forgot to duck

the cursor blinking—

eager for a brilliant post
…but resigned to crap should i be craving
something called a doughnut hole?
makes me feel dirty burnt toast in morning
taints whole day with bitter crust
and sharp blackened crumbs sneaky freezer burn,
cold-hearted flavor ninja,
you broke my tongue’s heart squirrel armies march,
furred heads full of dark intent.
time to hide my nuts all brussels sprouts yearn
for a quiet dignity—
not to be spit out unicorns are pervs.
why they so into virgins?
they think with their horns
 fear banana bread!
it’s dead fruit willed back to life!
a loaf of horrors!

poor dropped ice cream cone

dying on the hot asphalt:
summer casualty

tiny chocolate chips.

even the small have purpose
…cookies accept all

my fortune cookie
remains unopened for now
my luck is in flux
 pickles in a jar:
suspended animation
or a briny tomb?

this cake was so good,

i’m building a time machine
to eat it again impatient waiting
and time is being a jerk
…so i punched a clock for the holidays,
i’ve made my robot army
out of gingerbread

plastic christmas tree

why do i love you so much?
lack of squirrel attacks coconut texture:
like dry shredded flesh flakes for
tropical zombies so if i planted
ukuleles in the ground,
would guitar trees grow?

the patient blender

whirs its sharp blades playfully
at careless fingers the name “jawbreaker”—
confectionary boast? or
candy-coated threat?
 tiny ninja cat
on his silent kitten paws
stole my last chicken tender
 Want More Cute
Gone Bad?
CHECK OUT THE ORIGINAL KAWAII NOT!

If you’ve read this book, you already know what the first Kawaii Not
is all about. Get a double dose of snarky cuteness with this fun
collection of quirky comic strips. In this original classic, each strip is
perforated, so you can rip it out and give it to a friend or stick it on
your fridge. And there are more stickers, more poems, and more
laugh-out-loud comics.
 Find this book and many others
at MyDesignShop.com
or your local bookstore.

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 ABOUT THE

Author

Meghan has always been sure there was another layer under the
cute: hidden depths where a bright smile and wide eyes concealed
something else. Something darker. Or weirder. Or probably just
sillier. So she turned her back on a conventional life of painting
kittens in baskets (with bows on top of both, natch) and instead
strapped on the pencil of truth to begin her epic Chronicles of
Kawaii, which she later renamed Kawaii Not, because the former
sounded too much like a terrible disease from which Hello Kitty
might suffer. And that made her sad.
You can read the entire history of Meghan’s research at
www.kawaiinot.com, or escape the madness all together (well,
mostly) and look at all the pretty pictures at www.murphypop.com.
Kawaii Not, Too. Copyright © 2012 by Meghan Murphy. Manufactured in China. All rights
reserved. No other part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in
writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Published by HOW Books, an imprint of F+W Media, Inc., 10151 Carver Road, Suite #200, Blue
Ash, Ohio 45242. (800) 289-0963. First edition.

For more excellent books and resources for designers, visit www.howdesign.com.

16 15 14 13 12 5 4 3 2 1

ISBN-13: 978-1-4403-0920-5

Distributed in Canada by Fraser Direct

100 Armstrong Avenue
Georgetown, Ontario, Canada L7G 5S4
Tel: (905) 877-4411

Distributed in the U.K. and Europe

by F&W Media International, LTD
Brunel House, Forde Close, Newton Abbot, TQ12 4PU, UK
Tel: (+44) 1626 323200, Fax: (+44) 1626 323319
Email: enquiries@fwmedia.com

Distributed in Australia by Capricorn Link

P.O. Box 704, Windsor, NSW 2756 Australia
Tel: (02) 4577-3555

Edited by Amy Owen

Designed by Grace Ring
Illustrations by Meghan Murphy
Production coordinated by Greg Nock