INTRODUCTION

I am very excited to do this week's assignment as I perceive it as an opportunity to

understand and set attainable goals for myself to become a good communicator. In
this assignment, I will talk about the 10 goals I have selected for myself to make
myself an efficient communicator, as well as the reason I selected those goals - their
importance ; I have also talked about the methods I will adopt to attain these goals.

Goal 1
Engaging in Dual perspective (Ch- 1 & 4 ; pg - 36)

The first goal I would like to work on is to develop the habit of engaging in dual
perspective.
Dual perspective means, the understanding of our own as well as another person's
perspective, thoughts, feelings or beliefs. Adopting a dual perspective can help me,
understand the ways in which others think and feel about certain issues. This will
help me consider their thoughts and allow a meaningful conversation between the
two of us. Additionally, this will also help me respect others and gain their respect in
return.
In order to develop the ability to engage in dual perspectives I will practice the
following steps :-
1. I will try to be mindful about my habit of viewing things only from my
perspective, so that I can resist this habit in a conversation
2. I will try to properly listen to the ways others express so that I can understand
the way they feel about things and situations.
3. I will also ask others more about how they feel regarding a topic, so that I can
understand them better from their perspective and also engage in an active
and meaningful conversation.

Goal 2
Monitoring my communication (Ch -3 ; Pg - 37)

My second goal would be able to monitor my communication.

Monitoring is the ability to to understand and regulate one's communication. This
helps in bringing up a touchy topic and communicating in a sensible way by
reminding oneself to not get defensive and argumentative during a conversation
which will help the individual to communicate in an effective way without hurting the
feelings of others. Not monitoring one's communication can lead to not just hurting
others, but also representing us negatively in front of others. It can prevent
meaningful conversations with the same people in the future and most of the time
make us regret the things we said.
To develop the habit of monitoring my communication, I will consciously try to think
about the possible scenarios of a communication before initiating it. I will try to
assess the effect my words will have on others and whether I want it to have that
effect or not. This will help me alter my words everytime I realise they will not lead to
effective communication or bring about conflict. I will be alert before and during any
conversation so that I am able to analyse and edit my thoughts whenever and
however necessary.
Goal 3
Setting realistic goals (Ch - 2 ; pg - 66)
My third goal for the development of my personality, is to set realistic goals for
myself.
Setting realistic goals is important is it implies that we come in terms with the fact
that we cannot achieve everything, we are not ideal or perfect. If the goals we set are
not realistic, we will aim for something we cannot attain be it terms of developing
communication skills, completing a task or getting a job, ultimately leading us to
failure. Setting realistic goals helps an individual achieve positive things, set long
term goals along with short term motivation. Additionally, by setting realistic goals,
one can organise tasks properly and utilise time effectively which automatically
increases the chances of success.
In order to set realistic goals I will follow the given steps :-
● I will set specific and clearly defined goals that I know can be achieved by
myself and avoid setting any vague goals.
● All of my goals will have a time frame or a deadline. This will help me to
measure how effective my progress is, along with pushing me to work on my
goal without procrastinating.
● Setting realistic goals does not mean that I will set goals that are too easy to
attain. I will aim high but only till the level, which I know is possible for me to
attain.
● I will also develop a plan of action to proceed in a proper manner.

Goal 4
Distinguish between facts and inferences ( Ch - 3 ; pg - 94)

My fourth goal is to be able to distinguish between inferences and facts.

The ability to distinguish between inferences and facts is very important to develop
meaningful interpersonal communication. Inferences are the interpretation we make
which goes beyond facts, which are knowledge based on observations. Individuals
often confuse inferences and facts, leading to faulty information or biases. If one is
not able to distinguish between facts and inferences the risk creating and using
misperceptions which is an obstacle in the way of meaningful communication. It is
necessary that one is not carried away by their own faulty and subjective
interpretation, in order to be a good communicator.
In order to be capable of distinguishing facts and inferences properly, I will try to
develop a proper understanding of the two concepts. Additionally, I will practise
distinguishing between the two. For instance, reading and editorial and marking off
the facts and inferences in that paper can help me practise and further develop this
skill. Apart from this, I will also be careful about the words I use and how I use them,
so that I don't confuse facts and inferences in my speech.
Goal 5
Guard against self serving bias ( Ch - 3 ; Pg - 94)

My fifth goal would be, to guard myself against creating and using biases that are
self serving.
Self serving bias has the ability to distort perceptions which will make everything
convenient for the individual. The habit of creating self serving bias needs to be
monitored as it prevents us from truly perceiving our faults and the actions of others.
Not monitoring one's self serving bias can make them judge others harshly. By
monitoring these biases properly, an individual can focus on his mistakes and
improve those to be a better communicator and a person. Additionally, he or she will
also be able to understand others objectively. It can be said that monitoring self
serving bias can help in developing a dual perspective.
In order to guard myself against self serving bias, I practise the following habits -
● Finding 5 reasons or people behind my victory so that I am able to appreciate
the efforts others put in.
● Always assess the results of failure in a way that I can find scope for
improvement and learn from my mistakes. If needed, I will give myself some
extra time to evaluate the situation.
● I will try to make myself understand from before that I am a human being
capable of making mistakes and in terms of success, most of the time I will
need assistance from others to attain my motive. Realising and accepting
these will help me develop the proper mindset to guard myself against biases
that are self serving.

Goal 6
Respecting what others say about their feelings and thoughts ( Ch - 4 ; pg - 126)

My sixth goal is to be capable of respecting the feelings and thoughts of others in a

conversation.
Being capable of understanding and respecting others feelings and thoughts is
important because telling someone that their feelings are wrong tends to hurt as well
as disrespect them. This makes them angry and defensive in a conversation
preventing effective conversations. In order to be an efficient communicator one has
to validate the thoughts and feelings of others, even if they don't agree with it. Not
respecting other's views can lead us to making the effort to understand what they
want to say and we fail to apply the dual perspective that helps in a smooth flow of
meaningful conversation.
In order to be capable of respecting what others say and feel, I will try not to hastily
comment on their speeches without proper understanding. Even with the
development of my dual perspective skills, I will not assume that I know or
understand everything a person feels, or is facing. I will try to listen to what they have
to say and how they interpret the situation. By mirroring what they said, I can ensure
that I am perceiving that they are saying in a proper and correct way. I will listen to
their experiences and thoughts and try to validate them even if there are differences
in our opinions.
Goal 7
Monitoring my non-verbal communication (Ch - 5 ; pg - 153)

My seventh goal is to monitor my non-verbal communication effectively.

Words have meaning and weightage but it is not the only thing that is important
during interactions. The gestures we show while communicating is also important as
it makes the other person assume our motives. For example, if one is listening to
someone attentively and nodding or making approving facial expressions, they are
perceived as good listeners. However, if the same person is listening to someone
actively but looking everywhere else but at the speaker, they can come off as
uninterested. Therefore, in order to carry out meaningful conversation and appear
more approachable, it is important to monitor one's non-verbal behaviour.
In order to monitor and improve my non verbal communication, I will follow the given
practices :-
● I will establish eye contact while speaking with another person to show that I
am paying attention to whatever they are saying.
● I will be very of my facial expressions and not let them come off as
unwelcoming or unapproachable.
● I will make sure that while talking, with the other person standing, I will stand
up as well and in case of sitting I will maintain a straight posture to appear
more attentive.
● I will also maintain my tone in a way that it doesn't sound aggressive or
uninterested.

Goal 8
Be mindful while listening (Ch - 6 ; pg - 182)

My eighth goal is to develop the attribute of mindful listening.

We have all heard again and again about the importance of being a good listener to
become an effective communicator, mindful listening is one of the ways to enhance
the ability of a person as a good listener. Mindful listening can help a person in
developing empathy - the ability to put oneself in someone else's shoes and
understand their thoughts and feelings and also know more about the person. This
leads to building stronger connections with others because of the ability to
understand them better. When the other person realises that we have been mindful
about what they are saying, they are also motivated to maintain better relations with
us, this improves the quality of communication.
When someone is talking to me, I will practise mindful listening by giving all of my
attention to that person. This will include stopping everything else I was doing,
keeping my phone aside and just listening to the person. It will also include not
letting my mind wander off to other places and solely focus on what and how the
other person is speaking so that I am able to understand them better.
Goal 9
Respond sensitively when others communicate emotions ( Ch - 7; pg - 211)

My ninth goal is to be able to respond sensitively to others when they are

communicating emotions.
Often tend to respond with statements that are general, when someone is
expressing their feelings. Even though our intentions are not wrong and we only
want to provide assurance, what it actually does is make the other person feel that
they are not supposed to feel the way they are feeling, or everything will be better
once they stop feeling that way. This makes things worse for the other person and
they feel like they cannot depend on us. Most of the time, these people are in need
of expressing their feelings and want them to be validated by someone before they
can start working on them. Responding to them sensitively without hurting their
emotions or giving off the wrong idea, we can assist them better.
In order to develop the skill of responding sensitively to other's emotions I will try to
assure them that I am open to listening to what they want to express. I will also use
occasional encouragement like "Go on" or "I understand" to make them know that I
am listening to them and trying to understand their feelings which will help them to
communicate and express themselves freely. I will also use the technique of
paraphrasing or mirroring back what they say, in order to confirm what they said.
Along with making them feel that I'm genuinely interested in how they feel, I will also
have a clear perception about their feelings.

Goal 10
Look for points of agreement in conflict (Ch - 9 ; pg - 268)

In order to manage conflicts in relationships, my tenth and last goal would be to look
for points of agreement in conflict.
Practising proper conflict resolution is very important for maintaining healthy relations
and continuing effective communication. Effective communication, active listening
and having a dual perspective are important habits that can help an individual help in
better conflict resolution. Trying to look for points of agreement during an argument is
another step towards that conflict resolution. The common point of agreement
becomes the middle ground which is helpful in resolution of the conflict, in an
effective manner without hurting each other.
In order to develop and practise this skill, I will try to understand the perspective of
the other person, it will help me assess the feelings and needs of the person. By
doing so, I can compare it with my own feelings, needs and thoughts regarding the
current issue. When I am able to understand differentiated opinions and respect
them, it will become easier for me to search the remaining common ground between
the two of us, to which both of us will agree. This is a practice that requires
mindfulness which I will try to develop within myself.
Reference

Julia T. Wood 2016, Interpersonal Communication, Ch - 1 - 9