Topic: Completing business messages

Evaluating the first draft:

After you complete your first draft, you may be tempted to breathe a sigh of relief, send the
message on its way, and move on to the next project. Resist that temptation. Successful
communicators recognize that the first draft is rarely as tight, clear, and compelling as it needs
to be. Careful revision improves the effectiveness of your messages and sends a strong signal to
your readers that you respect their time and care about their opinions.
The scope of the revision task can vary somewhat, depending on the medium and the nature of
your message. For informal messages to internal audiences, particularly when using short-
message tools such as IM and email, the revision process is often as simple as quickly looking
over your message to correct any mistakes before sending or posting it. However, don’t fall into
the common trap of thinking that you don’t need to worry about grammar, spelling, clarity, and
other fundamentals of good writing when you use electronic media. These qualities can be
especially important in electronic media, particularly if these messages are the only contact
your audience has with you. First, poor-quality messages create an impression of poor-quality
thinking, and even minor errors can cause confusion, frustration, and costly delays. Second,
anything you write in electronic media will be stored forever and could be distributed far
beyond your original audience. Don’t join the business professionals who have seen ill-
considered or poorly written electronic messages wind up in the news media or as evidence in
lawsuits or criminal cases.
Particularly with important messages, try to plan your work schedule so that you can put your
first draft aside for a day or two before you begin the revision process. Doing so will allow you
to approach the material with a fresh eye. Then start with the “big picture,” making sure that
the document accomplishes your overall goals, before moving to finer points such as
readability, clarity, and conciseness.

 Evaluating Your Content, Organization, and Tone:

When you begin the revision process, focus on content, organization, and tone. Today’s time
pressed readers want messages that convey important content clearly and quickly. To evaluate
the content of your message, make sure it is accurate, relevant to the audience’s needs, and
complete.
When you are satisfied with the basic content of your message, review its organization by
asking yourself these questions:
 Are all your points covered in the most logical and convincing order?
 Do the most important ideas receive the most space and greatest emphasis?
 Are any points repeated unnecessarily?
  Are details grouped together logically, or are some still scattered through the
document?
Finally, spend a few extra moments on the beginning and end of your message; these sections
usually have the greatest impact on the audience. Be sure that the first paragraph is relevant,
interesting, and geared to the reader’s probable reaction. The opening should also convey the
subject and purpose of the message. For longer documents, the opening should help readers
understand how the material is organized. Review the conclusion to be sure that it summarizes
the main idea and leaves the audience with a positive impression.

 Evaluating, Editing, and Revising the Work of Other Writers:

At many points in your career, you will be asked to evaluate, edit, or revise the work of others.
Before you dive into someone else’s work, recognize the dual responsibility that you have. First,
unless you’ve specifically been asked to rewrite something in your own style, keep in mind that
your job is to help the other writer succeed at his or her task, not to impose your writing style.
In other words, make sure your input focuses on making the piece.

Revising to improve readability:

After confirming the content, organization, and tone of your message, make a second pass to
improve readability. Most professionals are inundated with more reading material than they
can ever hope to consume, and they’ll appreciate your efforts to make your documents easier
to read—and easier to skim for the highlights when they don’t have time to read in depth.
You’ll benefit from this effort, too: If you earn a reputation for creating well-crafted documents
that respect the audience’s time, people will pay more attention to your work.
Four powerful techniques for improving readability are varying sentence length, using shorter
paragraphs, replacing narrative with lists, and adding effective headings and subheadings.

 Varying Sentence Length:

Varying sentence length is a good way to maintain reader interest and control the emphasis
given to major and minor points. Look for ways to combine a mixture of sentences that are
short (up to 15 words or so), medium (15–25 words), and long (more than 25 words). Each
sentence length has advantages. Short sentences can be processed quickly and are easier for
nonnative speakers and translators to interpret. Medium-length sentences are useful for
showing the relationships among ideas. Long sentences are often the best way to convey
complex ideas, to list a number of related points, or to summarize or preview information.

 Keeping Your Paragraphs Short:

Large blocks of text can be visually daunting, particularly on screen, so keep your paragraphs as
short as possible. Unless you break up your thoughts somehow, you’ll end up with lengthy
paragraphs that will intimidate even the most dedicated reader. Short paragraphs, roughly 100
words or fewer (this paragraph has 78 words), are easier to read than long ones, and they make
your writing look inviting. You can also emphasize ideas by isolating them in short, forceful
paragraphs.

 Using Lists and Bullets to Clarify and Emphasize:

In some instances, a list can be more effective than conventional sentences and paragraphs.
Lists can show the sequence of your ideas, heighten their impact visually, and increase the
likelihood that readers will find your key points. In addition, lists help simplify complex subjects,
highlight the main points, enable skimming, and give readers a visual break.

 Adding Headings and Subheadings:

A heading is a brief title that tells readers about the content of the section that follows.
Subheadings indicate subsections within a major section; complex documents may have several
levels of subheadings. Headings and subheadings help in three important ways: They show
readers at a glance how the material is organized, they call attention to important points, and
they highlight connections and transitions between ideas.
Descriptive headings, such as “Cost Considerations,” simply identify a topic without suggesting
anything more. Informative headings, such as “Redesigning Material Flow to Cut Production
Costs,” give the reader some context and may point toward any conclusions or
recommendations that you offer in the section. Well-written informative headings are self-
contained, which means readers can skim just the headings and subheadings and understand
them without reading the rest of the document. Whatever types of headings you choose, keep
them brief and grammatically parallel.

Editing For clarity and conciseness:

After you’ve reviewed and revised your message for readability, your next step is to make sure
your message is as clear and as concise as possible.

Editing for Clarity:

Make sure that every sentence conveys the meaning you intend and that readers can extract
your intended meaning without needing to read the sentence more than once. To ensure
clarity, look closely at your paragraph organization, sentence structure, and word choices. Can
readers make sense of the related sentences in a paragraph? Is the meaning of each sentence
easy to grasp? Is every word clear and unambiguous (meaning it doesn’t have any risk of being
interpreted in more than one way)? 
 Break up overly long sentences. If you find yourself stuck in a long sentence, you’re
probably trying to make the sentence do more than it can reasonably do, such as
expressing two dissimilar thoughts or peppering the reader with too many pieces of
supporting evidence at once. (Did you notice how difficult this long sentence was to
read?)
  Rewrite hedging sentences. Hedging means pulling back from making an absolutely
certain, definitive statement about a topic. Granted, sometimes you have to write
may or seems to avoid stating a judgment as a fact. However, when you hedge too
often or without good reason, you come across as being unsure of what you’re
saying.
 Impose parallelism. Making your writing parallel means expressing two or more
similar ideas using the same grammatical structure. Doing so helps your audience
understand that the ideas are related, are of similar importance, and are on the
same level of generality. Parallel patterns are also easier to read. You can impose
parallelism by repeating a pattern in words, phrases, clauses, or entire sentences.
 Correct dangling modifiers. Sometimes a modifier is not just an adjective or an
adverb but an entire phrase modifying a noun or a verb. Be careful not to leave this
type of modifier dangling, with no connection to the subject of the sentence.
 Reword long noun sequences. When multiple nouns are strung together as
modifiers, the resulting sentence can be hard to read. See if a single well-chosen
word will do the job. If the nouns are all necessary, consider moving one or more to
a modifying phrase
 Replace camouflaged verbs. Watch for words that end in -ion, -tion, -ing, -ment,
-ant, -ent, -ence, -ance, and -ency. These endings often change verbs into nouns and
adjectives, requiring you to add a verb to get your point across.
 Clarify sentence structure. Keep the subject and predicate of a sentence as close
together as possible. Similarly, adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional phrases usually
make the most sense when they’re placed as close as possible to the words they
modify.
 Clarify awkward references. Try to avoid vague references such as the above-
mentioned, as mentioned above, the aforementioned, the former, the latter, and
respectively. Use a specific pointer

 Editing for Conciseness:

Many of the changes you make to improve clarity also shorten your message by removing
unnecessary words. The next step is to examine the text with the specific goal of reducing the
number of words you use. Readers appreciate conciseness and are more likely to read your
documents if you have a reputation for efficient writing. 
 Delete unnecessary words and phrases. To test whether a word or phrase is
essential, try the sentence without it. If the meaning doesn’t change, leave it out.
 Replace long words and phrases. Short words and phrases are generally more vivid
and easier to read than long ones. Also, by using infinitives (the “to” form of a verb)
in place of some phrases, you can often shorten sentences while making them
clearer.
 Eliminate redundancies. In some word combinations, the words say the same thing.
For instance, “visible to the eye” is redundant because visible is enough without
further clarification; “to the eye” adds nothing.
  Recast “It is/There are” starters. If you start a sentence with an indefinite pronoun
such as it or there, odds are the sentence could be shorter and more active. For
instance, “We believe . . .” is a stronger opening than “It is believed that . . .”
As you make all these improvements, concentrate on how each word contributes to an
effective sentence and on how each sentence helps to develop a coherent paragraph.

Using Technology to revise your message:

When it’s time to revise and polish your message, be sure to use the revision features in your
software to full advantage. For instance, revision tracking (look for a feature called “track
changes” or something similar) and commenting show proposed editing changes and provide a
history of a document’s revisions. In Microsoft Word, for example, revisions appear in a
different color, giving you a chance to review changes before accepting or rejecting them.
Adobe Acrobat lets you attach comments to PDF files. Using revision marks and commenting
features is also a great way to keep track of editing changes made by team members. Both
Word and Acrobat let you use different colors for each reviewer, so you can keep everyone’s
comments separate.
Four other software tools and functions can help you find the best words and use them
correctly. First, a spell checker compares your document with an electronic dictionary,
highlights unrecognized words, and suggests correct spellings. Spell checkers are wonderful for
finding typos, but they are no substitute for careful reviewing. For example, if you use their
when you mean to use there, your spell checker might not notice because there is spelled
correctly (although a grammar checker might—see the next paragraph).
Second, a grammar checker tries to do for your grammar what a spell checker does for your
spelling. Because the program doesn’t have a clue about what you’re trying to say, it can’t tell
whether you’ve said it clearly or completely. However, grammar checkers can highlight items
you should consider changing, such as passive voice, long sentences, and words that tend to be
misused.
Third, a computer-based thesaurus (either within your software or on a website such as offers
alternatives to a particular word). The best uses of a thesaurus are to find fresh, interesting
words when you’ve been using the same word too many times and to find words that most
accurately convey your
Fourth, a style checker can monitor your word and sentence choices and suggest alternatives
that might produce more effective writing. Style-checking options can range from basic issues,
such as spelling out numbers and using contractions, to more subjective matters, such as
sentence structure and the use of technical terminology.
By all means, use any software tools that you find helpful when revising your documents. Just
remember that you can’t rely on them to do all your revision work, and you’re responsible for
the final product.