CULT OF PINK EYE 

THE MANIFESTO
Introduction
Are you tired of living in the dark? Since the
inception of man, we’ve been treading the same
questions again and again. Who created that first
spark of life? Where do we go after we die? And why
does anything exist in the first place? For millennia,
we have scrutinised our pitiful lives in the hopes of
finding some morsel of meaning to satisfy this deep
hunger. Thousands upon thousands of religious
establishments have sprung up and collapsed, each one
claiming to be the one true path to divine knowledge.

With that in mind, let me propose to you THE CULT OF

PINK EYE, the only one true path to divine knowledge.

Hey now, I’ve heard this schtick before, whats do you

gots that my local Sunday service don’t?
Didn’t you see me predict a bunch of celebrity deaths?
What’s Jesus done recently except delineate himself
onto a piece of burnt toast? You want miracles, we got
them right here baby.

What is the main tenet of your cult?

Like every other decent cult throughout history, we
believe that the day of judgement will come very soon
- the difference is we’re right. I will not reveal the
date just yet, but let it be known that on the eve of
this terrible night, we’re going to have a bangin
party. You won’t want to do judgement day sober.

👁
This isn’t one of them suicide cults is it?
Don’t worry, at PINK EYE we are very progressive,
and believe firmly that the archaic traditions of the
past just aren’t compatible with a trendy 21st century
cultist. There will be no suicide pacts or child
sacrifices. Our motto is “out with the old, in with
the new” - goodbye genital mutilation, hello
dress-down fridays.

But what about the ruthless animalistic group sex?

Although we decry the problematic practices of past
cults, we still recognise the value of tradition. The
bad practices we discard, but the good ones we keep.
You’ll still get your fix of ritualistic orgies, don’t
you worry!

How do I sign up?

If you wish to join the cult, simply type “I pledge my
eternal allegiance to the PINK EYE” into the discord
chat, and you will be initiated.

Keep an eye out for any updates, and you may join us
in any number of fun cult activities.