CINDERELLA Book and Lyrics by Kate Hawley Music by Gregg Coffin Kate Hawley (831) 429-8228 katehawley@cruzio.com Peregrine whittlesey Agency PAWAGY@aol .com 279 Central Park West New york, NY. 10024 212-787-1802CINDERELLA CAST OF CHARACTERS GOOD FAIRY (DOUBLES CINDERELLA’ S MOTHER) KING ‘THE KING QUEEN ‘THE QUEEN KNICKERS CHEEKY SERVANT BUTTONS CINDERELLA’ S BEST FRIEND PRINCE CHARMING THE PRINCE DANDINI PRINCE CHARMING’ S CONFIDANTE, CINDERELLA CINDERELLA, REGAN CINDERELLA’S STEP SISTER GONERIL CINDERELLA'S STEP SISTER MRS. BADEN-ROTTEN CINDERELLA'S STEP MOTHER BARON HARDUP CINDERELLA'S FATHER LITTLE BO PEEP A SHEPHERDESS BEAR BEAR ENSEMBLE SHEEP, GUESTS AT THE BALL, MAJOR CATASTROPHE, CORPORAL PUNISHMENT, PRIVATE PARTSCINDERELLA SCENE ONE The lights go down slowly as mysterious, Heavenly sounds and voices can be heard. VOICES Cinderella, Cinderella, Cinderella! The voice of the GOOD FAIRY fades in as the others fade out. GOOD FAIRY’S VOICE The time has come, the hour is at hand So come with me into a distant land! The lights are dimming and the world you know Is disappearing in the darkness, so Be quiet as a mouse and hear the sound A pin makes when it falls upon the ground. (Ping!) The GOOD FAIRY appears to the audience, looks around with satisfaction. Good! Greetings all, and welcome to the show! I’m Cinderella's Godmother, you know, The one who waves a magic wand around, Finds silver linings when they can’t be found, Rewards the gallant, virtuous, and bright, Upbraids the wicked, mean, and impolite, In short, I do a lot--but I digress Poor Cindereila’s in an awful mess! She’s terribly unhappy-you’ll soon see Her life’s about as grim as it could be. Her mother died a year ago today, She lost her father also, in a way. He cracked up, went to pieces, off the rails And married someone horrid, hard es nails With two horrendous daughters! He can't see But they treat Cinderella horribly. T/11 help her if I can, and you help, too, ogether there’s a lot that we can do! But just for now 1/11 hide here in the wings And see what tidings this new morning brings: A little fairy dust will change the sceneAnd hail the entrance of the King and Queen! She vanishes.SCENE TWO: THE PALACE A young servant, KNICKERS, appears and plays a very long and very loud FANFARE along with the other trumpeters. Enter the KING and QUEEN. The fanfare finishes. QUEEN Come on, Knickers! No skimping! Deep breath, an-n-n-d--~ (He gives her one more blast.) All right, that will do (He collapses against a wall, exhausted.) Now, Pinkie listen up. I have a very serious matter to discuss with you. (The KING is oblivious.) Pinkie! I’m talking to you! Are you wearing those earplugs again? Take them out She mimes taking out earplugs. KING It’s the trumpet I can’t. bear— QUEEN Well, it’s finished now so take them out. He reluctantly does QUEEN Now. It’s about Prince Charming. KING Our son, Prince Charming? QUEEN Well, of course, “our son, Prince Charming”! who else would be called Prince Charming around here? KING Only asking, dear. QUEEN I’m worried about him. He’s so moody. Enter PRINCE CHARMING (with a book) and his friend, DANDINI. DANDINI is wearing a cap with a few pheasant’s feathers. DANDINIOh, come on, Sir. Give it another shot. PRINCE CHARMING Don’t badger me, Dandini. All T want is a quiet place to read. DANDINT QUEEN There you are my darling! How is it that the clouds still hang on you, anyway? PRINCE CHARMING Morning, Ma. Morning, Pa. QUEEN Hello, Dandini. Smashing hat. Now why don’t you two go get some fresh air? Your father and I need to talk. PRINCE CHARMING I'm going to the ramparts to finish my book DANDINT We could go hunting, of course-- QUEEN That’s a marvelous idea. Go hunting PRINCE But I hate hunting! QUEEN That’s absurd. You're a royal prince. All royal princes adore hunting. PRINCE But-- QUEEN Off you go! (She relieves him of his book, holds it as if it were a dead mouse.) PRINCE CHARMING, defeated, and DANDINI, elated, exit. The KING is about to sneak off with them——QUEEN Not you! (He returns resignedly.) There, you see? He’s depressed. He needs a wife. KING I don’t think he wants to get married, dear’ QUEEN Naturally he doesn’t want to get married. No man ever does. You-didn’t want to get married until T turned on my girlish charms. (Suddenly grotesquely girlish.) I knew how to get a man’s attention. KING You sat on my chest until I proposedQUEEN Exactly! Girls today don’t know the first thing about flirting. We're going to have to help. Look. Here’s a listing of all the eligible girls around here. (Hands him a scroll.) KING (reading) “Sleeping Beauty. Single White Female. Pricked her finger on 16th birthday, fell into deep sleep. Caused the whole palace to fall asleep whereupon the castle was covered with treacherous vines and xazor sharp thorns. Inquire within.” QUEEN Good heavens! SONG: WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS THAT? WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS THAT? APTER ONE TINY PRICK ON HER FINGER SHE DOES NOTHING BUT SNOOZE AND MALINGER IT’S FRIGHTFULLY BORING THE PALACE IS SNORING NOW WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS THAT? KING and QUEEN (and TRUMPETERS)} IT’S SIMPLY ALARMING TO THINK THAT PRINCE CHARMING WOULD MARRY A GIRL LIKE THAT! KING She’s out. QUEEN Who's next? (Takes the list.) “Snow White. Ran afoul of her stepmother, was taken into the woods to be chopped into little pieces, escaped, and is now living in a cottage seven short men. KING Seven short men! QUEEN Dwarves, actually. Taking the list, staring with disbelief.Dwarves! KING WHAT KIND OF GIRL 1S THAT? TO AGREE TO SUCH ODD HABITATION NO REGARD FOR HER OWN REPUTATION SHE MIGHT AS WELL STAY AT THE YMCA NOW WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS THAT?KING AND QUEEN (and TRUMPETERS) IT’S SIMPLY ALARMING TO THINK THAT PRINCE CHARMING WOULD MARRY A GIRL LIKE THAT! QUEEN Next! KING ’Rapunzle. Lives locked up in an very high tower with one window, no doors, spends her days gazing at the forest below. Hasn’t had a haircut~-(He unrolls the scroll further.) -ever. QUEEN Ever? WHAT KIND OF GIRL 1S THAT? LOOKING DOWN ON THE WORLD AND MY GUESS IS SHE’S PROB‘LY OBSESSED WITH THOSE TRESSES AND SHE MUST GO THOUGH A TON OF SHAMPOO NOW WHAT KIND OF GIRL TS THAT? KING AND QUEEN (and TRUMPETERS) IT’S SIMPLY ALARMING TO THINK THAT PRINCE CHARMING WOULD MARRY A GIRL LIKE THAT! QUEEN Is that all? KING That’s the lot. QUEEN I mean, really! What a collection! Lazy, loose, self- centered and spoiled. (She glares at the list.) There must be someone we’ve overlooked. Someone who’s got brains and a heart and knows how to throw a successful jumble sale! KING and QUEEN THERE MUST BE A GIRL LIKE THAT WHO'S LIFE 18 NOP QUITE SO CHAOTIC WHO'S NOT AN ACCOMPLISHED NEUROTIC tOA GIRL MUST BE FOUND WHO WARRANTS A CROWN THERE MUST BE A GIRL LIKE THAT KING A GIRL WHO IS TENDER WELL-MANNERED AND SLENDER \\QUEEN A GIRL WHO WON’T JUMP AT THE SOUND OF A TRUMPET KING A GIRL WHO'S BEGUILING SOFT SPOKEN AND SMILING, QUEEN WHO KNOWS HOW TO WEAR A GIGANTIC TIARA KING LIKES SHOOTING AND HUNTING LAWN TENNIS AND PUNTING QUEEN WHO KEEPS HER ROOM TIDY KING (LOOKS GOOD IN A NIGHTIE) BOTH WHO'S SWEET AND DISARMING AND LOVES OUR PRINCE CHARMING (Add Trumpeters?) THERE MUST BE A GIRL, MUST BE A GIRL, MUST BE A GIRL LIKE THAT! KING I know. What about having a big ball—— QUEEN Wait a minute--1'm getting an idea. why don’t we hold a ball--a big ball! And then--(she’s stuck.) KING We could invite all the eligible young women-- QUEEN We could send out invitations to all the eligible young women in the kingdom! And-- XING And the Prince would get a chance to see them all-- laQUEEN (She’s got it.) And the Prince could see them all, and dance with them all and by the end of the ball he’1l have fallen in love with someone. KING Excellent, my dear. 1’11 organize the whole thing. \3QUEEN Don’t be silly. You know nothing whatever about big balls. Ill handle this. (She adjusts her formidable bosom, ready for action.) Knockers! I mean, Knickers! KNICKERS nearly jumps out of his skin. QUEEN I feel an exit coming on-- KING Please, dear, not this time. It’s only an exit after ali. QUEEN Every exit is an entrance someplace else. Now pull yourself together. A-n-n-n-n-n-d- Trumpet blares. The KING claps his hands over his ears. KING and QUEEN and KNICKERS exit. SCENE THREE: THE FOREST Hunting horns are heard. Distant gunshots Enter BUI'TONS, nervous, carrying a large rolled up canvas. BUTTONS Oh, dear, oh dearie me! These woods are so scary. Scary anid spooky and--and--creepy. I feel as if hundreds of eyes are watching me somewhere out there in the dark. (He looks all around, suddenly sees the audience.) Oh! Thank goodness, it’s you! Hi, Kids. My name is Buttons. I said, “Hi, Kids!” Is that an oil painting out there? One more time. Hi Kids! That’s better. Speaking of paintings, here’s one I did for my friend, Cinderella. Have you met her yet? No? Oh, you have to. She’s the best. Her mother’ died a year ago and her father, Baron Hardup, married a horrible woman called Mrs. Baden-Rotten with two absolutely ghastly daughters and she spends all his money and the Baron’s taken to drink and now Mrs. Baden- Rotten makes Cinderella do all the housework and sleep on the hearth, practically in the fireplace if she wants to stay warm so she’s literally covered with ashes and soot and cinders and that’s why she’s called Cinderella. (Pause.) Did you follow that? I’m just on my way to-see her. I'd like to give her my painting, but it isn’t framed yet Hy