The Roller Coaster

Submitted to: Mr. Costa

Submitted by: Lucas Morgani
ENG1D2-01
Due date: November 27, 2018
 Three hundred and six feet in the air, my heart beating through my chest, a whirlwind of

emotions flying through me. I will never forget that feeling, the feeling of going up the roller

coaster for the first time. In J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye Holden Caulfield goes on his

own roller coaster and experiences every ounce of fear that comes along with it. Fear of losing

his beloved sister, Phoebe. Fear of calling Jane, the girl who has his heart. Fear of disappearing,

and losing all that he has. In analyzing the character of Holden Caulfield, Salinger teaches us that

fear is inevitable, and the first step to overcoming fear is to understand that, but fear is not about

being afraid of what dies, it is about being afraid of what never lives.

The people I love make me who I am. Without them, I am nothing, for they give me a

reason to smile, a reason to love, a reason to live. I lost my grandfather when I was only eleven,

in a similar way Holden lost his younger brother Allie, but from our similar situations, we both

learned very different things. I learned that to overcome the fear of losing my loved ones, I

needed to focus on smiling, loving, and living with them. However, Holden’s experience only

made him more afraid, specifically of losing Phoebe, the one person he can still protect. Holden

has still not healed from the death Allie, and this has put a heavy weight on how he lives his life.

Allie’s death has crowded Holden’s vision to see the good in life, because Holden does not, “like

anything that's happening.” (Salinger 187). The only thing he speaks highly of still in his life is

Phoebe, and even those positive thoughts are overcrowded by the negative ones . Phoebe is still

there, but all Holden can think of is her not being there. Those are the same thoughts I had after

losing my grandfather. Everyone else I loved was still with me, but all I could think of was losing

them, and going through the pain and mourning all over again. It took me time to overcome that
fear, as it will with Holden, but sometimes all you need to overcome a fear is to find something

else that scares you.

Many of my fears in life are not real. I am not afraid of a specific thing, I am afraid of

overcoming that fear and engaging with it. Many of Holden’s fears are not real, and one of them

is calling Jane Gallagher, the girl who has captured his heart. Holden is not afraid of talking to

Jane, he is afraid of what will change if he does. Holden wants to place Jane under the glass. The

glass that prevents us from change. However, Jane is not like the Eskimo, or the birds or the deer

that never change under the glass case. If it were up to Holden, “Nobody’d move… Nobody’d be

different. The only thing that would be different would be you.” (135). Holden does not want the

young, conservative girl who keeps her kings in the back row to change because that is the girl

he loves. He does not know who is going to pick up the phone but he does know it probably will

not be that same girl. I was once afraid of change. In the fifth grade when I moved to a new

school I was scared and distant. Now, I thrive off of change and I made the choice to go to high

school alone because I desired it. Without change and the fear that comes along with it, we begin

to feel ourselves disappearing in life.

Sometimes I feel like I have disappeared. I feel alone, distant from reality, afraid, and

consumed by misery. These are the very things that Holden is living through because he is afraid

of disappearing for good. Disappearing like James Castle did when he jumped from the window

or like Allie did when his leukemia took over. The vision of the window was one Holden thought

about quite often, but those thoughts were often negative and were usually followed by thoughts

of death. “I got up and went over and looked out the window. I felt so lonesome, all of a sudden.

I almost wished I was dead.” (54). The vision of disappearing comes to Holden when he thinks
of the window, but the vision of living comes to him when he thinks of Allie. Although Allie’s

death is the thing that broke Holden apart, it seems to be the only thing keeping him together.

Every time I’d get to the end of a block I’d make believe I was talking to my
brother Allie. I’d say to him, ‘Allie, don’t let me disappear… Please, Allie.’
And when I’d reach the other side of the street without disappearing, I’d thank him.
(218).

Allie is the thing that keeps Holden from disappearing, and this shows the beautiful relationship

that the two shared because even death could not break the special bond they had. When I feel

like I have disappeared, I think of my grandfather, and those who keep me together, and it

reminds me that the things that make me feel so weak eventually make me stronger coming out

the other side.

The moment the roller coaster began to go down, is the moment I felt most alive. My

stomach in my throat, the wind in my hair, the beating of my heart. I have never been freer. In

J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, it is through Holden Caulfield that Salinger teaches us

that living in fear is far worse than facing those fears, for only after we do that will we be truly

free. Holden must overcome his fear of losing Phoebe. His fear of talking to Jane. His fear of

disappearing and losing his life. The moment I overcame my fear was quite possibly the greatest

moment of my life. I know that everyone has a roller coaster in their life, but what I hope for is

that they will have the bravery and courage to ride it so they too, can feel truly alive.
 Works Cited

Salinger, J.D. The Catcher in the Rye. New York: Bantam Books.
1951.