as SEPTEMBER Tuesday = First of all, let me_ get sells straight: this is Lege hot.a_diary, T know what it _ onthe cover, but when Mom went out to ing T SPECIFICALLY told her +o get one that didn say “diary” Bib eerie 2 Great. AIL T need is for some jerk to catch me carrying this book around_and get the wrong, idea. hg seen cleat di aay is that this was MOMs idea, not mine. But if she thinks Tu yet weeks ae a “feelings” in here or whatever, shes crazy. So _— just don’t expect me tobe all.“Dear es this — and “Dear Diary” that. Ts — 1The only reason T agreed to do this at all is because I. figure later_on. when Tim rich and _ famous, Tl have better things to do than : answer peoples _stupid_questions all day long. ce this book is_gonha_come.in handy. dl Leese Tbe fanous one day, bet fr how Tim stuck inmiddle school_with.a bunch of morons.—Let me just say for the record that T think middle_school_is the dumbest idea ever invented. You've get. kids like me who havent hit their. growth spurt. yet mixed in_with these gorillas who need to_shave twice_a at And then they wonder: oh bing sh a hs en ae school. te it was_up tome, grade levels ‘woald ee on height, not_age. But then again, T guess that would mean kids like Chirag Gupta would still be in the first grade. aToday is the first day of school,ahd_right now were just waiting around for the teacher to huery up-and finish the seating chart. So T figured T right as_well_write in this book to pass the time, 4 the way, let me give you some good advice. On, e-first-day_of school, youve getto be real carefy| whe it. You_walk into the classroom_and jest ~_WHERE YOURE SITTING, | BECAUSE THESE ARE YOUR PERMAN Soin. this. class, J get stuck with Chris Hosey in front of me and Lionel James at the back of me- 4Jason Brill came-in late and_almost sat +o m ight, but luckily T_stopped_ that from = eng at the last second. eet Next period,. als should sist ae middle. ie a bunch of hot-girls as soon as step in the — room. But I guess if T do that, it just _proves— T didn’t learn anything from_last-year-vlan, don’t know WHAT is up-with girls these days. Tused to bea whole lot simpler. back in elementary “school. “The-deal was, if you were the _ fastest runner in_your class, you got all the girls. dnd nthe £fth grade, the fastest conver was Ronnie McCoy. — esi eee f Nowadays, it's whole lot more complicated. Now — its about the kind of clothes you wear or_how_tich rif. you have acute butt or whatever. — And_kids like Ronnie McCoy are scratching their — heads wondering what the heck happened. See he nr ppl boy jeepeee Popular boy in.my grade is Bryce ee thing shel aly stinks-is that— T have ALWAYS been into girls, but kids like Se er come around-in the last couple of years. oe 6Loremember how. Bryce used to act back in elementary. school.. 2 sini But-of course now T_don’t get any credit for sticking with the girls all this time. ue Like T said, Bryce is the mast popular kid in our grade, so that leaves all the rest-of oy scrambling forthe other spots. The best T can figure_is that Tm somewhere around_52nd_or 53rd_most popular this year. But the-good_news-is that I'm about +o move — up-ohe. spot because Charlie Davies is above me, — atnd_he's_getting his braces next week. __L try to explain all this popularity stuff +o friend Rowley. (who is. probably hovering ight around the 150. mark, by the way), but T think it just goes-in_one_ear_and_ out the other with hin, ZA. = Wednesday Sa Eas Sie, Today we had Phys Ed, so_the first thing els did_when T-got outside was sneak off +o the — basketball court to_see if the Cheese was still there. And sure enough, it was.That piece of Cheese has been sitting on the court since last spring, ef: guess. it must ve dropped out-of someone's sandwich or something. Aftera couple of days, the Cheese started getting all mouldy and would play basketball on oa ea Set eae Sn ey Theston a day, + “this kid ag Dink. Walsh ao touched the Cheese with his finger, and_that's — what started this thi T+'s basi th ty -pass— it_on_+o_someone else _____ The only way. +o protect yourslf Tok the Cheese. Toc is to Cs fingers.