Remembrance of Things Past:

Swann’s Way

(À la Recherche du temps perdu:

Du côté de chez Swann)

Marcel Proust
Translated from the French by
C. K. Scott Moncrieff
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 Sw ann’s Way, by Marcel Proust

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1 . Ov er t u r e
2 . Com br a y
3 . Sw a n n in Lov e
4 . Pla ce-Na m es: T h e Na m e

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Last updated Monday, February 2, 2015 at 19:57
Sw ann’s Way, by Marcel Proust
OVERTURE

F
or a lon g t im e I u sed t o g o t o bed ea r ly .
Som et im es, w h en I h a d pu t ou t m y ca n dle, m y
ey es w ou ld close so qu ick ly t h a t I h a d n ot ev en
t im e t o sa y “ I’m g oin g t o sleep.” A n d h a lf a n h ou r
la t er t h e t h ou g h t t h a t it w a s t im e t o g o t o sleep w ou ld
a w a k en m e; I w ou ld t r y t o pu t a w a y t h e book w h ich , I
im a g in ed, w a s st ill in m y h a n ds, a n d t o blow ou t t h e
lig h t ; I h a d been t h in k in g a ll t h e t im e, w h ile I w a s
a sleep, of w h a t I h a d ju st been r ea din g , bu t m y
t h ou g h t s h a d r u n in t o a ch a n n el of t h eir ow n , u n t il I
m y self seem ed a ct u a lly t o h a v e becom e t h e su bject of
m y book : a ch u r ch , a qu a r t et , t h e r iv a lr y bet w een
Fr a n çois I a n d Ch a r les V . T h is im pr ession w ou ld per sist
for som e m om en t s a ft er I w a s a w a k e; it did n ot dist u r b
m y m in d, bu t it la y lik e sca les u pon m y ey es a n d
pr ev en t ed t h em fr om r eg ist er in g t h e fa ct t h a t t h e
ca n dle w a s n o lon g er bu r n in g . T h en it w ou ld beg in t o
seem u n in t ellig ible, a s t h e t h ou g h t s of a for m er
ex ist en ce m u st be t o a r ein ca r n a t e spir it ; t h e su bject of
m y book w ou ld sepa r a t e it self fr om m e, lea v in g m e fr ee
t o ch oose w h et h er I w ou ld for m pa r t of it or n o; a n d a t
t h e sa m e t im e m y sig h t w ou ld r et u r n a n d I w ou ld be
a st on ish ed t o fin d m y self in a st a t e of da r k n ess, plea sa n t
a n d r est fu l en ou g h for t h e ey es, a n d ev en m or e,
per h a ps, for m y m in d, t o w h ich it a ppea r ed
in com pr eh en sible, w it h ou t a ca u se, a m a t t er da r k
in deed.
I w ou ld a sk m y self w h a t o’clock it cou ld be; I cou ld
h ea r t h e w h ist lin g of t r a in s, w h ich , n ow n ea r er a n d
n ow fa r t h er off, pu n ct u a t in g t h e dist a n ce lik e t h e n ot e
of a bir d in a for est , sh ew ed m e in per spect iv e t h e
deser t ed cou n t r y side t h r ou g h w h ich a t r a v eller w ou ld
be h u r r y in g t ow a r ds t h e n ea r est st a t ion : t h e pa t h t h a t
h e follow ed bein g fix ed for ev er in h is m em or y by t h e
g en er a l ex cit em en t du e t o bein g in a st r a n g e pla ce, t o
doin g u n u su a l t h in g s, t o t h e la st w or ds of con v er sa t ion ,
t o fa r ew ells ex ch a n g ed ben ea t h a n u n fa m ilia r la m p
w h ich ech oed st ill in h is ea r s a m id t h e silen ce of t h e
n ig h t ; a n d t o t h e delig h t fu l pr ospect of bein g on ce a g a in
a t h om e.
I w ou ld la y m y ch eek s g en t ly a g a in st t h e
com for t a ble ch eek s of m y pillow , a s plu m p a n d
bloom in g a s t h e ch eek s of ba by h ood. Or I w ou ld st r ik e a
m a t ch t o look a t m y w a t ch . Nea r ly m idn ig h t . T h e h ou r
w h en a n in v a lid, w h o h a s been oblig ed t o st a r t on a
jou r n ey a n d t o sleep in a st r a n g e h ot el, a w a k en s in a
m om en t of illn ess a n d sees w it h g la d r elief a st r ea k of
da y lig h t sh ew in g u n der h is bedr oom door . Oh , joy of
joy s! it is m or n in g . T h e ser v a n t s w ill be a bou t in a
m in u t e: h e ca n r in g , a n d som e on e w ill com e t o look
a ft er h im . T h e t h ou g h t of bein g m a de com for t a ble g iv es
h im st r en g t h t o en du r e h is pa in . He is cer t a in h e h ea r d
foot st eps: t h ey com e n ea r er , a n d t h en die a w a y . T h e
r a y of lig h t ben ea t h h is door is ex t in g u ish ed. It is
m idn ig h t ; som e on e h a s t u r n ed ou t t h e g a s; t h e la st
ser v a n t h a s g on e t o bed, a n d h e m u st lie a ll n ig h t in
a g on y w it h n o on e t o br in g h im a n y h elp.
I w ou ld fa ll a sleep, a n d oft en I w ou ld be a w a k e a g a in
for sh or t sn a t ch es on ly , ju st lon g en ou g h t o h ea r t h e
r eg u la r cr ea k in g of t h e w a in scot , or t o open m y ey es t o
set t le t h e sh ift in g k a leidoscope of t h e da r k n ess, t o
sa v ou r , in a n in st a n t a n eou s fla sh of per cept ion , t h e
sleep w h ich la y h ea v y u pon t h e fu r n it u r e, t h e r oom ,
t h e w h ole su r r ou n din g s of w h ich I for m ed bu t a n
in sig n ifica n t pa r t a n d w h ose u n con sciou sn ess I sh ou ld
v er y soon r et u r n t o sh a r e. Or , per h a ps, w h ile I w a s
a sleep I h a d r et u r n ed w it h ou t t h e lea st effor t t o a n
ea r lier st a g e in m y life, n ow for ev er ou t g r ow n ; a n d h a d
com e u n der t h e t h r a ll of on e of m y ch ildish t er r or s,
su ch a s t h a t old t er r or of m y g r ea t -u n cle’s pu llin g m y
cu r ls, w h ich w a s effect u a lly dispelled on t h e da y — t h e
da w n of a n ew er a t o m e — on w h ich t h ey w er e fin a lly
cr opped fr om m y h ea d. I h a d for g ot t en t h a t ev en t
du r in g m y sleep; I r em em ber ed it a g a in im m edia t ely I
h a d su cceeded in m a k in g m y self w a k e u p t o esca pe m y
g r ea t -u n cle’s fin g er s; st ill, a s a m ea su r e of pr eca u t ion , I
w ou ld bu r y t h e w h ole of m y h ea d in t h e pillow befor e
r et u r n in g t o t h e w or ld of dr ea m s.
Som et im es, t oo, ju st a s Ev e w a s cr ea t ed fr om a r ib of
A da m , so a w om a n w ou ld com e in t o ex ist en ce w h ile I
w a s sleepin g , con ceiv ed fr om som e st r a in in t h e posit ion
of m y lim bs. For m ed by t h e a ppet it e t h a t I w a s on t h e
poin t of g r a t ify in g , sh e it w a s, I im a g in ed, w h o offer ed
m e t h a t g r a t ifica t ion . My body , con sciou s t h a t it s ow n
w a r m t h w a s per m ea t in g h er s, w ou ld st r iv e t o becom e
on e w it h h er , a n d I w ou ld a w a k e. T h e r est of h u m a n it y
seem ed v er y r em ot e in com pa r ison w it h t h is w om a n
w h ose com pa n y I h a d left bu t a m om en t a g o: m y ch eek
w a s st ill w a r m w it h h er k iss, m y body ben t ben ea t h t h e
w eig h t of h er s. If, a s w ou ld som et im es h a ppen , sh e h a d
t h e a ppea r a n ce of som e w om a n w h om I h a d k n ow n in
w a k in g h ou r s, I w ou ld a ba n don m y self a lt og et h er t o t h e
sole qu est of h er , lik e people w h o set ou t on a jou r n ey t o
see w it h t h eir ow n ey es som e cit y t h a t t h ey h a v e
a lw a y s lon g ed t o v isit , a n d im a g in e t h a t t h ey ca n t a st e
in r ea lit y w h a t h a s ch a r m ed t h eir fa n cy . A n d t h en ,
g r a du a lly , t h e m em or y of h er w ou ld dissolv e a n d
v a n ish , u n t il I h a d for g ot t en t h e m a iden of m y dr ea m .
W h en a m a n is a sleep, h e h a s in a cir cle r ou n d h im
t h e ch a in of t h e h ou r s, t h e sequ en ce of t h e y ea r s, t h e
or der of t h e h ea v en ly h ost . In st in ct iv ely , w h en h e
a w a k es, h e look s t o t h ese, a n d in a n in st a n t r ea ds off h is
ow n posit ion on t h e ea r t h ’s su r fa ce a n d t h e a m ou n t of
t im e t h a t h a s ela psed du r in g h is slu m ber s; bu t t h is
or der ed pr ocession is a pt t o g r ow con fu sed, a n d t o br ea k
it s r a n k s. Su ppose t h a t , t ow a r ds m or n in g , a ft er a n ig h t
of in som n ia , sleep descen ds u pon h im w h ile h e is
r ea din g , in qu it e a differ en t posit ion fr om t h a t in w h ich
h e n or m a lly g oes t o sleep, h e h a s on ly t o lift h is a r m t o
a r r est t h e su n a n d t u r n it ba ck in it s cou r se, a n d, a t t h e
m om en t of w a k in g , h e w ill h a v e n o idea of t h e t im e, bu t
w ill con clu de t h a t h e h a s ju st g on e t o bed. Or su ppose
t h a t h e g et s dr ow sy in som e ev en m or e a bn or m a l
posit ion ; sit t in g in a n a r m ch a ir , sa y , a ft er din n er : t h en
t h e w or ld w ill fa ll t opsy -t u r v y fr om it s or bit , t h e m a g ic
ch a ir w ill ca r r y h im a t fu ll speed t h r ou g h t im e a n d
spa ce, a n d w h en h e open s h is ey es a g a in h e w ill
im a g in e t h a t h e w en t t o sleep m on t h s ea r lier a n d in
som e fa r dist a n t cou n t r y . Bu t for m e it w a s en ou g h if, in
m y ow n bed, m y sleep w a s so h ea v y a s com plet ely t o
r ela x m y con sciou sn ess; for t h en I lost a ll sen se of t h e
pla ce in w h ich I h a d g on e t o sleep, a n d w h en I a w ok e a t
m idn ig h t , n ot k n ow in g w h er e I w a s, I cou ld n ot be su r e
a t fir st w h o I w a s; I h a d on ly t h e m ost r u dim en t a r y
sen se of ex ist en ce, su ch a s m a y lu r k a n d flick er in t h e
dept h s of a n a n im a l’s con sciou sn ess; I w a s m or e
dest it u t e of h u m a n qu a lit ies t h a n t h e ca v e-dw eller ; bu t
t h en t h e m em or y , n ot y et of t h e pla ce in w h ich I w a s,
bu t of v a r iou s ot h er pla ces w h er e I h a d liv ed, a n d m ig h t
n ow v er y possibly be, w ou ld com e lik e a r ope let dow n
fr om h ea v en t o dr a w m e u p ou t of t h e a by ss of n ot -
bein g , fr om w h ich I cou ld n ev er h a v e esca ped by
m y self: in a fla sh I w ou ld t r a v er se a n d su r m ou n t
cen t u r ies of civ ilisa t ion , a n d ou t of a h a lf-v isu a lised
su ccession of oil-la m ps, follow ed by sh ir t s w it h t u r n ed-
dow n colla r s, w ou ld pu t t og et h er by deg r ees t h e
com pon en t pa r t s of m y eg o.
Per h a ps t h e im m obilit y of t h e t h in g s t h a t su r r ou n d
u s is for ced u pon t h em by ou r con v ict ion t h a t t h ey a r e
t h em selv es, a n d n ot a n y t h in g else, a n d by t h e
im m obilit y of ou r con cept ion s of t h em . For it a lw a y s
h a ppen ed t h a t w h en I a w ok e lik e t h is, a n d m y m in d
st r u g g led in a n u n su ccessfu l a t t em pt t o discov er w h er e
I w a s, ev er y t h in g w ou ld be m ov in g r ou n d m e t h r ou g h
t h e da r k n ess: t h in g s, pla ces, y ea r s. My body , st ill t oo
h ea v y w it h sleep t o m ov e, w ou ld m a k e a n effor t t o
con st r u e t h e for m w h ich it s t ir edn ess t ook a s a n
or ien t a t ion of it s v a r iou s m em ber s, so a s t o in du ce fr om
t h a t w h er e t h e w a ll la y a n d t h e fu r n it u r e st ood, t o piece
t og et h er a n d t o g iv e a n a m e t o t h e h ou se in w h ich it
m u st be liv in g . It s m em or y , t h e com posit e m em or y of
it s r ibs, k n ees, a n d sh ou lder -bla des offer ed it a w h ole
ser ies of r oom s in w h ich it h a d a t on e t im e or a n ot h er
slept ; w h ile t h e u n seen w a lls k ept ch a n g in g , a da pt in g
t h em selv es t o t h e sh a pe of ea ch su ccessiv e r oom t h a t it
r em em ber ed, w h ir lin g m a dly t h r ou g h t h e da r k n ess.
A n d ev en befor e m y br a in , lin g er in g in con sider a t ion of
w h en t h in g s h a d h a ppen ed a n d of w h a t t h ey h a d look ed
lik e, h a d collect ed su fficien t im pr ession s t o en a ble it t o
iden t ify t h e r oom , it , m y body , w ou ld r eca ll fr om ea ch
r oom in su ccession w h a t t h e bed w a s lik e, w h er e t h e
door s w er e, h ow da y lig h t ca m e in a t t h e w in dow s,
w h et h er t h er e w a s a pa ssa g e ou t side, w h a t I h a d h a d in
m y m in d w h en I w en t t o sleep, a n d h a d fou n d t h er e
w h en I a w ok e. T h e st iffen ed side u n der n ea t h m y body
w ou ld, for in st a n ce, in t r y in g t o fix it s posit ion , im a g in e
it self t o be ly in g , fa ce t o t h e w a ll, in a big bed w it h a
ca n opy ; a n d a t on ce I w ou ld sa y t o m y self, “ W h y , I
m u st h a v e g on e t o sleep a ft er a ll, a n d Ma m m a n ev er
ca m e t o sa y g ood n ig h t !” for I w a s in t h e cou n t r y w it h
m y g r a n dfa t h er , w h o died y ea r s a g o; a n d m y body , t h e
side u pon w h ich I w a s ly in g , loy a lly pr eser v in g fr om
t h e pa st a n im pr ession w h ich m y m in d sh ou ld n ev er
h a v e for g ot t en , br ou g h t ba ck befor e m y ey es t h e
g lim m er in g fla m e of t h e n ig h t -lig h t in it s bow l of
Boh em ia n g la ss, sh a ped lik e a n u r n a n d h u n g by ch a in s
fr om t h e ceilin g , a n d t h e ch im n ey -piece of Sien a
m a r ble in m y bedr oom a t Com br a y , in m y g r ea t -a u n t ’s
h ou se, in t h ose fa r dist a n t da y s w h ich , a t t h e m om en t
of w a k in g , seem ed pr esen t w it h ou t bein g clea r ly
den n ed, bu t w ou ld becom e pla in er in a lit t le w h ile
w h en I w a s pr oper ly a w a k e.
T h en w ou ld com e u p t h e m em or y of a fr esh posit ion ;
t h e w a ll slid a w a y in a n ot h er dir ect ion ; I w a s in m y
r oom in Mm e. de Sa in t -Lou p’s h ou se in t h e cou n t r y ;
g ood h ea v en s, it m u st be t en o’clock , t h ey w ill h a v e
fin ish ed din n er ! I m u st h a v e ov er slept m y self, in t h e
lit t le n a p w h ich I a lw a y s t a k e w h en I com e in fr om m y
w a lk w it h Mm e. de Sa in t -Lou p, befor e dr essin g for t h e
ev en in g . For m a n y y ea r s h a v e n ow ela psed sin ce t h e
Com br a y da y s, w h en , com in g in fr om t h e lon g est a n d
la t est w a lk s, I w ou ld st ill be in t im e t o see t h e r eflect ion
of t h e su n set g low in g in t h e pa n es of m y bedr oom
w in dow . It is a v er y differ en t k in d of ex ist en ce a t
T a n son v ille n ow w it h Mm e. de Sa in t -Lou p, a n d a
differ en t k in d of plea su r e t h a t I n ow der iv e fr om t a k in g
w a lk s on ly in t h e ev en in g s, fr om v isit in g by m oon lig h t
t h e r oa ds on w h ich I u sed t o pla y , a s a ch ild, in t h e
su n sh in e; w h ile t h e bedr oom , in w h ich I sh a ll pr esen t ly
fa ll a sleep in st ea d of dr essin g for din n er , fr om a fa r off I
ca n see it , a s w e r et u r n fr om ou r w a lk , w it h it s la m p
sh in in g t h r ou g h t h e w in dow , a solit a r y bea con in t h e
n ig h t .
T h ese sh ift in g a n d con fu sed g u st s of m em or y n ev er
la st ed for m or e t h a n a few secon ds; it oft en h a ppen ed
t h a t , in m y spell of u n cer t a in t y a s t o w h er e I w a s, I did
n ot dist in g u ish t h e su ccessiv e t h eor ies of w h ich t h a t
u n cer t a in t y w a s com posed a n y m or e t h a n , w h en w e
w a t ch a h or se r u n n in g , w e isola t e t h e su ccessiv e
posit ion s of it s body a s t h ey a ppea r u pon a bioscope. Bu t
I h a d seen fir st on e a n d t h en a n ot h er of t h e r oom s in
w h ich I h a d slept du r in g m y life, a n d in t h e en d I w ou ld
r ev isit t h em a ll in t h e lon g cou r se of m y w a k in g dr ea m :
r oom s in w in t er , w h er e on g oin g t o bed I w ou ld a t on ce
bu r y m y h ea d in a n est , bu ilt u p ou t of t h e m ost div er se
m a t er ia ls, t h e cor n er of m y pillow , t h e t op of m y
bla n k et s, a piece of a sh a w l, t h e edg e of m y bed, a n d a
copy of a n ev en in g pa per , a ll of w h ich t h in g s I w ou ld
con t r iv e, w it h t h e in fin it e pa t ien ce of bir ds bu ildin g
t h eir n est s, t o cem en t in t o on e w h ole; r oom s w h er e, in a
k een fr ost , I w ou ld feel t h e sa t isfa ct ion of bein g sh u t in
fr om t h e ou t er w or ld (lik e t h e sea -sw a llow w h ich bu ilds
a t t h e en d of a da r k t u n n el a n d is k ept w a r m by t h e
su r r ou n din g ea r t h ), a n d w h er e, t h e fir e k eepin g in a ll
n ig h t , I w ou ld sleep w r a pped u p, a s it w er e, in a g r ea t
cloa k of sn u g a n d sa v ou r y a ir , sh ot w it h t h e g low of t h e
log s w h ich w ou ld br ea k ou t a g a in in fla m e: in a sor t of
a lcov e w it h ou t w a lls, a ca v e of w a r m t h du g ou t of t h e
h ea r t of t h e r oom it self, a zon e of h ea t w h ose bou n da r ies
w er e con st a n t ly sh ift in g a n d a lt er in g in t em per a t u r e a s
g u st s of a ir r a n a cr oss t h em t o st r ik e fr esh ly u pon m y
fa ce, fr om t h e cor n er s of t h e r oom , or fr om pa r t s n ea r
t h e w in dow or fa r fr om t h e fir epla ce w h ich h a d
t h er efor e r em a in ed cold — or r oom s in su m m er , w h er e I
w ou ld delig h t t o feel m y self a pa r t of t h e w a r m ev en in g ,
w h er e t h e m oon lig h t st r ik in g u pon t h e h a lf-open ed
sh u t t er s w ou ld t h r ow dow n t o t h e foot of m y bed it s
en ch a n t ed la dder ; w h er e I w ou ld fa ll a sleep, a s it m ig h t
be in t h e open a ir , lik e a t it m ou se w h ich t h e br eeze
k eeps poised in t h e focu s of a su n bea m — or som et im es
t h e Lou is X V I r oom , so ch eer fu l t h a t I cou ld n ev er feel
r ea lly u n h a ppy , ev en on m y fir st n ig h t in it : t h a t r oom
w h er e t h e slen der colu m n s w h ich lig h t ly su ppor t ed it s
ceilin g w ou ld pa r t , ev er so g r a cefu lly , t o in dica t e w h er e
t h e bed w a s a n d t o k eep it sepa r a t e; som et im es a g a in
t h a t lit t le r oom w it h t h e h ig h ceilin g , h ollow ed in t h e
for m of a py r a m id ou t of t w o sepa r a t e st or ey s, a n d
pa r t ly w a lled w it h m a h og a n y , in w h ich fr om t h e fir st
m om en t m y m in d w a s dr u g g ed by t h e u n fa m ilia r scen t
of flow er in g g r a sses, con v in ced of t h e h ost ilit y of t h e
v iolet cu r t a in s a n d of t h e in solen t in differ en ce of a clock
t h a t ch a t t er ed on a t t h e t op of it s v oice a s t h ou g h I w er e
n ot t h er e; w h ile a st r a n g e a n d pit iless m ir r or w it h
squ a r e feet , w h ich st ood a cr oss on e cor n er of t h e r oom ,
clea r ed for it self a sit e I h a d n ot look ed t o fin d t en a n t ed
in t h e qu iet su r r ou n din g s of m y n or m a l field of v ision :
t h a t r oom in w h ich m y m in d, for cin g it self for h ou r s on
en d t o lea v e it s m oor in g s, t o elon g a t e it self u pw a r ds so
a s t o t a k e on t h e ex a ct sh a pe of t h e r oom , a n d t o r ea ch
t o t h e su m m it of t h a t m on st r ou s fu n n el, h a d pa ssed so
m a n y a n x iou s n ig h t s w h ile m y body la y st r et ch ed ou t
in bed, m y ey es st a r in g u pw a r ds, m y ea r s st r a in in g ,
m y n ost r ils sn iffin g u n ea sily , a n d m y h ea r t bea t in g ;
u n t il cu st om h a d ch a n g ed t h e colou r of t h e cu r t a in s,
m a de t h e clock k eep qu iet , br ou g h t a n ex pr ession of pit y
t o t h e cr u el, sla n t in g fa ce of t h e g la ss, disg u ised or ev en
com plet ely dispelled t h e scen t of flow er in g g r a sses, a n d
dist in ct ly r edu ced t h e a ppa r en t loft in ess of t h e ceilin g .
Cu st om ! t h a t sk ilfu l bu t u n h u r r y in g m a n a g er w h o
beg in s by t or t u r in g t h e m in d for w eek s on en d w it h h er
pr ov ision a l a r r a n g em en t s; w h om t h e m in d, for a ll t h a t ,
is for t u n a t e in discov er in g , for w it h ou t t h e h elp of
cu st om it w ou ld n ev er con t r iv e, by it s ow n effor t s, t o
m a k e a n y r oom seem h a bit a ble.
Cer t a in ly I w a s n ow w ell a w a k e; m y body h a d
t u r n ed a bou t for t h e la st t im e a n d t h e g ood a n g el of
cer t a in t y h a d m a de a ll t h e su r r ou n din g object s st a n d
st ill, h a d set m e dow n u n der m y bedclot h es, in m y
bedr oom , a n d h a d fix ed, a ppr ox im a t ely in t h eir r ig h t
pla ces in t h e u n cer t a in lig h t , m y ch est of dr a w er s, m y
w r it in g -t a ble, m y fir epla ce, t h e w in dow ov er look in g
t h e st r eet , a n d bot h t h e door s. Bu t it w a s n o g ood m y
k n ow in g t h a t I w a s n ot in a n y of t h ose h ou ses of w h ich ,
in t h e st u pid m om en t of w a k in g , if I h a d n ot ca u g h t
sig h t ex a ct ly , I cou ld st ill believ e in t h eir possible
pr esen ce; for m em or y w a s n ow set in m ot ion ; a s a r u le I
did n ot a t t em pt t o g o t o sleep a g a in a t on ce, bu t u sed t o
spen d t h e g r ea t er pa r t of t h e n ig h t r eca llin g ou r life in
t h e old da y s a t Com br a y w it h m y g r ea t -a u n t , a t Ba lbec,
Pa r is, Don cièr es, V en ice, a n d t h e r est ; r em em ber in g
a g a in a ll t h e pla ces a n d people t h a t I h a d k n ow n , w h a t I
h a d a ct u a lly seen of t h em , a n d w h a t ot h er s h a d t old
m e.
A t Com br a y , a s ev er y a ft er n oon en ded, lon g befor e
t h e t im e w h en I sh ou ld h a v e t o g o u p t o bed, a n d t o lie
t h er e, u n sleepin g , fa r fr om my m ot h er and
g r a n dm ot h er , m y bedr oom beca m e t h e fix ed poin t on
w h ich m y m ela n ch oly a n d a n x iou s t h ou g h t s w er e
cen t r ed. Som e on e h a d h a d t h e h a ppy idea of g iv in g m e,
t o dist r a ct m e on ev en in g s w h en I seem ed a bn or m a lly
w r et ch ed, a m a g ic la n t er n , w h ich u sed t o be set on t op
of m y la m p w h ile w e w a it ed for din n er -t im e t o com e: in
t h e m a n n er of t h e m a st er -bu ilder s a n d g la ss-pa in t er s of
g ot h ic da y s it su bst it u t ed for t h e opa qu en ess of m y w a lls
a n im pa lpa ble ir idescen ce, su per n a t u r a l ph en om en a of
m a n y colou r s, in w h ich leg en ds w er e depict ed, a s on a
sh ift in g a n d t r a n sit or y w in dow . Bu t m y sor r ow s w er e
on ly in cr ea sed, beca u se t h is ch a n g e of lig h t in g
dest r oy ed, a s n ot h in g else cou ld h a v e don e, t h e
cu st om a r y im pr ession I h a d for m ed of m y r oom , t h a n k s
t o w h ich t h e r oom it self, bu t for t h e t or t u r e of h a v in g t o
g o t o bed in it , h a d becom e qu it e en du r a ble. For n ow I n o
lon g er r ecog n ised it , a n d I beca m e u n ea sy , a s t h ou g h I
w er e in a r oom in som e h ot el or fu r n ish ed lodg in g , in a
pla ce w h er e I h a d ju st a r r iv ed, by t r a in , for t h e fir st
t im e.
Ridin g a t a jer k y t r ot , Golo, h is m in d filled w it h a n
in fa m ou s desig n , issu ed fr om t h e lit t le t h r ee-cor n er ed
for est w h ich dy ed da r k -g r een t h e slope of a con v en ien t
h ill, a n d a dv a n ced by lea ps a n d bou n ds t ow a r ds t h e
ca st le of poor Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t . T h is ca st le w a s cu t
off sh or t by a cu r v ed lin e w h ich w a s in fa ct t h e
cir cu m fer en ce of on e of t h e t r a n spa r en t ov a ls in t h e
slides w h ich w er e pu sh ed in t o posit ion t h r ou g h a slot in
t h e la n t er n . It w a s on ly t h e w in g of a ca st le, a n d in
fr on t of it st r et ch ed a m oor on w h ich Gen ev ièv e st ood,
lost in con t em pla t ion , w ea r in g a blu e g ir dle. T h e ca st le
a n d t h e m oor w er e y ellow , bu t I cou ld t ell t h eir colou r
w it h ou t w a it in g t o see t h em , for befor e t h e slides m a de
t h eir a ppea r a n ce t h e old-g old son or ou s n a m e of Br a ba n t
h a d g iv en m e a n u n m ist a k a ble clu e. Golo st opped for a
m om en t a n d list en ed sa dly t o t h e lit t le speech r ea d
a lou d by m y g r ea t -a u n t , w h ich h e seem ed per fect ly t o
u n der st a n d, for h e m odified h is a t t it u de w it h a docilit y
n ot dev oid of a deg r ee of m a jest y , so a s t o con for m t o t h e
in dica t ion s g iv en in t h e t ex t ; t h en h e r ode a w a y a t t h e
sa m e jer k y t r ot . A n d n ot h in g cou ld a r r est h is slow
pr og r ess. If t h e la n t er n w er e m ov ed I cou ld st ill
dist in g u ish Golo’s h or se a dv a n cin g a cr oss t h e w in dow -
cu r t a in s, sw ellin g ou t w it h t h eir cu r v es a n d div in g in t o
t h eir folds. T h e body of Golo h im self, bein g of t h e sa m e
su per n a t u r a l su bst a n ce a s h is st eed’s, ov er ca m e a ll
m a t er ia l obst a cles — ev er y t h in g t h a t seem ed t o ba r h is
w a y — by t a k in g ea ch a s it m ig h t be a sk elet on a n d
em body in g it in h im self: t h e door -h a n dle, for in st a n ce,
ov er w h ich , a da pt in g it self a t on ce, w ou ld floa t
in v in cibly h is r ed cloa k or h is pa le fa ce, n ev er losin g it s
n obilit y or it s m ela n ch oly , n ev er sh ew in g a n y sig n of
t r ou ble a t su ch a t r a n su bst a n t ia t ion .
A n d, in deed, I fou n d plen t y of ch a r m in t h ese br ig h t
pr oject ion s, w h ich seem ed t o h a v e com e st r a ig h t ou t of
a Mer ov in g ia n pa st , a n d t o sh ed a r ou n d m e t h e
r eflect ion s of su ch a n cien t h ist or y . Bu t I ca n n ot ex pr ess
t h e discom for t I felt a t su ch a n in t r u sion of m y st er y a n d
bea u t y in t o a r oom w h ich I h a d su cceeded in fillin g
w it h m y ow n per son a lit y u n t il I t h ou g h t n o m or e of t h e
r oom t h a n of m y self. T h e a n a est h et ic effect of cu st om
bein g dest r oy ed, I w ou ld beg in t o t h in k a n d t o feel v er y
m ela n ch oly t h in g s. T h e door -h a n dle of m y r oom , w h ich
w a s differ en t t o m e fr om a ll t h e ot h er door h a n dles in
t h e w or ld, in a sm u ch a s it seem ed t o open of it s ow n
a ccor d a n d w it h ou t m y h a v in g t o t u r n it , so
u n con sciou s h a d it s m a n ipu la t ion becom e; lo a n d
beh old, it w a s n ow a n a st r a l body for Golo. A n d a s soon
a s t h e din n er -bell r a n g I w ou ld r u n dow n t o t h e din in g -
r oom , w h er e t h e big h a n g in g la m p, ig n or a n t of Golo
a n d Blu ebea r d bu t w ell a cqu a in t ed w it h m y fa m ily a n d
t h e dish of st ew ed beef, sh ed t h e sa m e lig h t a s on ev er y
ot h er ev en in g ; a n d I w ou ld fa ll in t o t h e a r m s of m y
m ot h er , w h om t h e m isfor t u n es of Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t
h a d m a de a ll t h e dea r er t o m e, ju st a s t h e cr im es of Golo
h a d dr iv en m e t o a m or e t h a n or din a r ily scr u pu lou s
ex a m in a t ion of m y ow n con scien ce.
Bu t a ft er din n er , a la s, I w a s soon oblig ed t o lea v e
Ma m m a , w h o st a y ed t a lk in g w it h t h e ot h er s, in t h e
g a r den if it w a s fin e, or in t h e lit t le pa r lou r w h er e
ev er y on e t ook sh elt er w h en it w a s w et . Ev er y on e ex cept
m y g r a n dm ot h er , w h o h eld t h a t “ It is a pit y t o sh u t
on eself in door s in t h e cou n t r y ,” a n d u sed t o ca r r y on
en dless discu ssion s w it h m y fa t h er on t h e v er y w et t est
da y s, beca u se h e w ou ld sen d m e u p t o m y r oom w it h a
book in st ea d of let t in g m e st a y ou t of door s. “ T h a t is n ot
t h e w a y t o m a k e h im st r on g a n d a ct iv e,” sh e w ou ld sa y
sa dly , “ especia lly t h is lit t le m a n , w h o n eeds a ll t h e
st r en g t h a n d ch a r a ct er t h a t h e ca n g et .” My fa t h er
w ou ld sh r u g h is sh ou lder s a n d st u dy t h e ba r om et er , for
h e t ook a n in t er est in m et eor olog y , w h ile m y m ot h er ,
k eepin g v er y qu iet so a s n ot t o dist u r b h im , look ed a t
h im w it h t en der r espect , bu t n ot t oo h a r d, n ot w ish in g
t o pen et r a t e t h e m y st er ies of h is su per ior m in d. Bu t m y
g r a n dm ot h er , in a ll w ea t h er s, ev en w h en t h e r a in w a s
com in g dow n in t or r en t s a n d Fr a n çoise h a d r u sh ed
in door s w it h t h e pr eciou s w ick er a r m ch a ir s, so t h a t
t h ey sh ou ld n ot g et soa k ed — y ou w ou ld see m y
g r a n dm ot h er pa cin g t h e deser t ed g a r den , la sh ed by t h e
st or m , pu sh in g ba ck h er g r ey h a ir in disor der so t h a t
h er br ow s m ig h t be m or e fr ee t o im bibe t h e life-g iv in g
dr a u g h t s of w in d a n d r a in . Sh e w ou ld sa y , “ A t la st on e
ca n br ea t h e!” a n d w ou ld r u n u p a n d dow n t h e soa k in g
pa t h s — t oo st r a ig h t a n d sy m m et r ica l for h er lik in g ,
ow in g t o t h e w a n t of a n y feelin g for n a t u r e in t h e n ew
g a r den er , w h om m y fa t h er h a d been a sk in g a ll
m or n in g if t h e w ea t h er w er e g oin g t o im pr ov e — w it h
h er k een , jer k y lit t le st ep r eg u la t ed by t h e v a r iou s
effect s w r ou g h t u pon h er sou l by t h e in t ox ica t ion of t h e
st or m , t h e for ce of h y g ien e, t h e st u pidit y of m y
edu ca t ion a n d of sy m m et r y in g a r den s, r a t h er t h a n by
a n y a n x iet y (for t h a t w a s qu it e u n k n ow n t o h er ) t o sa v e
h er plu m -colou r ed sk ir t fr om t h e spot s of m u d u n der
w h ich it w ou ld g r a du a lly disa ppea r t o a dept h w h ich
a lw a y s pr ov ided h er m a id w it h a fr esh pr oblem a n d
filled h er w it h fr esh despa ir .
W h en t h ese w a lk s of m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s t ook pla ce
a ft er din n er t h er e w a s on e t h in g w h ich n ev er fa iled t o
br in g h er ba ck t o t h e h ou se: t h a t w a s if (a t on e of t h ose
poin t s w h en t h e r ev olu t ion s of h er cou r se br ou g h t h er ,
m ot h -lik e, in sig h t of t h e la m p in t h e lit t le pa r lou r
w h er e t h e liqu eu r s w er e set ou t on t h e ca r d-t a ble) m y
g r ea t -a u n t ca lled ou t t o h er : “ Ba t h ilde! Com e in a n d
st op y ou r h u sba n d fr om dr in k in g br a n dy !” For , sim ply
t o t ea se h er (sh e h a d br ou g h t so for eig n a t y pe of m in d
in t o m y fa t h er ’s fa m ily t h a t ev er y on e m a de a jok e of
it ), m y g r ea t -a u n t u sed t o m a k e m y g r a n dfa t h er , w h o
w a s for bidden liqu eu r s, t a k e ju st a few dr ops. My poor
g r a n dm ot h er w ou ld com e in a n d beg a n d im plor e h er
h u sba n d n ot t o t a st e t h e br a n dy ; a n d h e w ou ld becom e
a n n oy ed a n d sw a llow h is few dr ops a ll t h e sa m e, a n d
sh e w ou ld g o ou t a g a in sa d a n d discou r a g ed, bu t st ill
sm ilin g , for sh e w a s so h u m ble a n d so sw eet t h a t h er
g en t len ess t ow a r ds ot h er s, a n d h er con t in u a l
su bor din a t ion of h er self a n d of h er ow n t r ou bles,
a ppea r ed on h er fa ce blen ded in a sm ile w h ich , u n lik e
t h ose seen on t h e m a jor it y of h u m a n fa ces, h a d n o t r a ce
in it of ir on y , sa v e for h er self, w h ile for a ll of u s k isses
seem ed t o spr in g fr om h er ey es, w h ich cou ld n ot look
u pon t h ose sh e lov ed w it h ou t y ea r n in g t o best ow u pon
t h em pa ssion a t e ca r esses. T h e t or m en t s in flict ed on h er
by m y g r ea t -a u n t , t h e sig h t of m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s v a in
en t r ea t ies, of h er in h er w ea k n ess con qu er ed befor e sh e
beg a n , bu t st ill m a k in g t h e fu t ile en dea v ou r t o w ea n
m y g r a n dfa t h er fr om h is liqu eu r -g la ss — a ll t h ese w er e
t h in g s of t h e sor t t o w h ich , in la t er y ea r s, on e ca n g r ow
so w ell a ccu st om ed a s t o sm ile a t t h em , t o t a k e t h e
t or m en t or ’s side w it h a h a ppy det er m in a t ion w h ich
delu des on e in t o t h e belief t h a t it is n ot , r ea lly ,
t or m en t in g ; bu t in t h ose da y s t h ey filled m e w it h su ch
h or r or t h a t I lon g ed t o st r ik e m y g r ea t -a u n t . A n d y et ,
a s soon a s I h ea r d h er “ Ba t h ilde! Com e in a n d st op y ou r
h u sba n d fr om dr in k in g br a n dy !” in m y cow a r dice I
beca m e a t on ce a m a n , a n d did w h a t a ll w e g r ow n m en
do w h en fa ce t o fa ce w it h su ffer in g a n d in ju st ice; I
pr efer r ed n ot t o see t h em ; I r a n u p t o t h e t op of t h e
h ou se t o cr y by m y self in a lit t le r oom beside t h e
sch oolr oom a n d ben ea t h t h e r oof, w h ich sm elt of or r is-
r oot , a n d w a s scen t ed a lso by a w ild cu r r a n t -bu sh
w h ich h a d clim bed u p bet w een t h e st on es of t h e ou t er
w a ll a n d t h r u st a flow er in g br a n ch in t h r ou g h t h e h a lf-
open ed w in dow . In t en ded for a m or e specia l a n d a ba ser
u se, t h is r oom , fr om w h ich , in t h e da y t im e, I cou ld see
a s fa r a s t h e k eep of Rou ssa in v ille-le-Pin , w a s for a lon g
t im e m y pla ce of r efu g e, dou bt less beca u se it w a s t h e
on ly r oom w h ose door I w a s a llow ed t o lock , w h en ev er
m y occu pa t ion w a s su ch a s r equ ir ed a n in v iola ble
solit u de; r ea din g or dr ea m in g , secr et t ea r s or
pa r ox y sm s of desir e. A la s! I lit t le k n ew t h a t m y ow n
la ck of w ill-pow er , m y delica t e h ea lt h , a n d t h e
con sequ en t u n cer t a in t y a s t o m y fu t u r e w eig h ed fa r
m or e h ea v ily on m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s m in d t h a n a n y
lit t le br ea ch of t h e r u les by h er h u sba n d, du r in g t h ose
en dless per a m bu la t ion s, a ft er n oon a n d ev en in g , in
w h ich w e u sed t o see pa ssin g u p a n d dow n , obliqu ely
r a ised t ow a r ds t h e h ea v en s, h er h a n dsom e fa ce w it h it s
br ow n a n d w r in k led ch eek s, w h ich w it h a g e h a d
a cqu ir ed a lm ost t h e pu r ple h u e of t illed fields in
a u t u m n , cov er ed, if sh e w er e w a lk in g a br oa d, by a h a lf-
lift ed v eil, w h ile u pon t h em eit h er t h e cold or som e sa d
r eflect ion in v a r ia bly left t h e dr y in g t r a ces of a n
in v olu n t a r y t ea r .
My sole con sola t ion w h en I w en t u pst a ir s for t h e
n ig h t w a s t h a t Ma m m a w ou ld com e in a n d k iss m e a ft er
I w a s in bed. Bu t t h is g ood n ig h t la st ed for so sh or t a
t im e: sh e w en t dow n a g a in so soon t h a t t h e m om en t in
w h ich I h ea r d h er clim b t h e st a ir s, a n d t h en ca u g h t t h e
sou n d of h er g a r den dr ess of blu e m u slin , fr om w h ich
h u n g lit t le t a ssels of pla it ed st r a w , r u st lin g a lon g t h e
dou ble-door ed cor r idor , w a s for m e a m om en t of t h e
k een est sor r ow . So m u ch did I lov e t h a t g ood n ig h t t h a t
I r ea ch ed t h e st a g e of h opin g t h a t it w ou ld com e a s la t e
a s possible, so a s t o pr olon g t h e t im e of r espit e du r in g
w h ich Ma m m a w ou ld n ot y et h a v e a ppea r ed.
Som et im es w h en , a ft er k issin g m e, sh e open ed t h e door
t o g o, I lon g ed t o ca ll h er ba ck , t o sa y t o h er “ Kiss m e
ju st on ce a g a in ,” bu t I k n ew t h a t t h en sh e w ou ld a t on ce
look displea sed, for t h e con cession w h ich sh e m a de t o
m y w r et ch edn ess a n d a g it a t ion in com in g u p t o m e
w it h t h is k iss of pea ce a lw a y s a n n oy ed m y fa t h er , w h o
t h ou g h t su ch cer em on ies a bsu r d, a n d sh e w ou ld h a v e
lik ed t o t r y t o in du ce m e t o ou t g r ow t h e n eed, t h e
cu st om of h a v in g h er t h er e a t a ll, w h ich w a s a v er y
differ en t t h in g fr om let t in g t h e cu st om g r ow u p of m y
a sk in g h er for a n a ddit ion a l k iss w h en sh e w a s a lr ea dy
cr ossin g t h e t h r esh old. A n d t o see h er look displea sed
dest r oy ed a ll t h e sen se of t r a n qu illit y sh e h a d br ou g h t
m e a m om en t befor e, w h en sh e ben t h er lov in g fa ce
dow n ov er m y bed, a n d h eld it ou t t o m e lik e a Host , for
a n a ct of Com m u n ion in w h ich m y lips m ig h t dr in k
deeply t h e sen se of h er r ea l pr esen ce, a n d w it h it t h e
pow er t o sleep. Bu t t h ose ev en in g s on w h ich Ma m m a
st a y ed so sh or t a t im e in m y r oom w er e sw eet in deed
com pa r ed t o t h ose on w h ich w e h a d g u est s t o din n er ,
a n d t h er efor e sh e did n ot com e a t a ll. Ou r ‘g u est s’ w er e
pr a ct ica lly lim it ed t o M. Sw a n n , w h o, a pa r t fr om a few
pa ssin g st r a n g er s, w a s a lm ost t h e on ly per son w h o ev er
ca m e t o t h e h ou se a t Com br a y , som et im es t o a
n eig h bou r ly din n er (bu t less fr equ en t ly sin ce h is
u n for t u n a t e m a r r ia g e, a s m y fa m ily did n ot ca r e t o
r eceiv e h is w ife) a n d som et im es a ft er din n er ,
u n in v it ed. On t h ose ev en in g s w h en , a s w e sa t in fr on t of
t h e h ou se ben ea t h t h e big ch est n u t -t r ee a n d r ou n d t h e
ir on t a ble, w e h ea r d, fr om t h e fa r en d of t h e g a r den , n ot
t h e la r g e a n d n oisy r a t t le w h ich h er a lded a n d dea fen ed
a s h e a ppr oa ch ed w it h it s fer r u g in ou s, in t er m in a ble,
fr ozen sou n d a n y m em ber of t h e h ou seh old w h o h a d pu t
it ou t of a ct ion by com in g in ‘w it h ou t r in g in g ,’ bu t t h e
dou ble pea l — t im id, ov a l, g ilded — of t h e v isit or s’ bell,
ev er y on e w ou ld a t on ce ex cla im “ A v isit or ! W h o in t h e
w or ld ca n it be?” bu t t h ey k n ew qu it e w ell t h a t it cou ld
on ly be M. Sw a n n . My g r ea t -a u n t , spea k in g in a lou d
v oice, t o set a n ex a m ple, in a t on e w h ich sh e
en dea v ou r ed t o m a k e sou n d n a t u r a l, w ou ld t ell t h e
ot h er s n ot t o w h isper so; t h a t n ot h in g cou ld be m or e
u n plea sa n t for a st r a n g er com in g in , w h o w ou ld be led
t o t h in k t h a t people w er e sa y in g t h in g s a bou t h im
w h ich h e w a s n ot m ea n t t o h ea r ; a n d t h en m y
g r a n dm ot h er w ou ld be sen t ou t a s a scou t , a lw a y s
h a ppy t o fin d a n ex cu se for a n a ddit ion a l t u r n in t h e
g a r den , w h ich sh e w ou ld u t ilise t o r em ov e
su r r ept it iou sly , a s sh e pa ssed, t h e st a k es of a r ose-t r ee or
t w o, so a s t o m a k e t h e r oses look a lit t le m or e n a t u r a l, a s
a m ot h er m ig h t r u n h er h a n d t h r ou g h h er boy ’s h a ir ,
a ft er t h e ba r ber h a d sm oot h ed it dow n , t o m a k e it st ick
ou t pr oper ly r ou n d h is h ea d.
A n d t h er e w e w ou ld a ll st a y , h a n g in g on t h e w or ds
w h ich w ou ld fa ll fr om m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s lips w h en sh e
br ou g h t u s ba ck h er r epor t of t h e en em y , a s t h ou g h
t h er e h a d been som e u n cer t a in t y a m on g a v a st n u m ber
of possible in v a der s, a n d t h en , soon a ft er , m y
g r a n dfa t h er w ou ld sa y : “ I ca n h ea r Sw a n n ’s v oice.”
A n d, in deed, on e cou ld t ell h im on ly by h is v oice, for it
w a s difficu lt t o m a k e ou t h is fa ce w it h it s a r ch ed n ose
a n d g r een ey es, u n der a h ig h for eh ea d fr in g ed w it h
fa ir , a lm ost r ed h a ir , dr essed in t h e Br essa n t st y le,
beca u se in t h e g a r den w e u sed a s lit t le lig h t a s possible,
so a s n ot t o a t t r a ct m osqu it oes: a n d I w ou ld slip a w a y a s
t h ou g h n ot g oin g for a n y t h in g in pa r t icu la r , t o t ell
t h em t o br in g ou t t h e sy r u ps; for m y g r a n dm ot h er
m a de a g r ea t poin t , t h in k in g it ‘n icer ’ of t h eir n ot bein g
a llow ed t o seem a n y t h in g ou t of t h e or din a r y , w h ich w e
k ept for v isit or s on ly . A lt h ou g h a fa r y ou n g er m a n , M.
Sw a n n w a s v er y m u ch a t t a ch ed t o m y g r a n dfa t h er ,
w h o h a d been a n in t im a t e fr ien d, in h is t im e, of
Sw a n n ’s fa t h er , a n ex cellen t bu t a n eccen t r ic m a n in
w h om t h e lea st lit t le t h in g w ou ld, it seem ed, oft en
ch eck t h e flow of h is spir it s a n d div er t t h e cu r r en t of h is
t h ou g h t s. Sev er a l t im es in t h e cou r se of a y ea r I w ou ld
h ea r m y g r a n dfa t h er t ell a t t a ble t h e st or y , w h ich
n ev er v a r ied, of t h e beh a v iou r of M. Sw a n n t h e elder
u pon t h e dea t h of h is w ife, by w h ose bedside h e h a d
w a t ch ed da y a n d n ig h t . My g r a n dfa t h er , w h o h a d n ot
seen h im for a lon g t im e, h a st en ed t o join h im a t t h e
Sw a n n s’ fa m ily pr oper t y on t h e ou t sk ir t s of Com br a y ,
a n d m a n a g ed t o en t ice h im for a m om en t , w eepin g
pr ofu sely , ou t of t h e dea t h -ch a m ber , so t h a t h e sh ou ld
n ot be pr esen t w h en t h e body w a s la id in it s coffin . T h ey
t ook a t u r n or t w o in t h e pa r k , w h er e t h er e w a s a lit t le
su n sh in e. Su dden ly M. Sw a n n seized m y g r a n dfa t h er
by t h e a r m a n d cr ied, “ Oh , m y dea r old fr ien d, h ow
for t u n a t e w e a r e t o be w a lk in g h er e t og et h er on su ch a
ch a r m in g da y ! Don ’t y ou see h ow pr et t y t h ey a r e, a ll
t h ese t r ees — m y h a w t h or n s, a n d m y n ew pon d, on
w h ich y ou h a v e n ev er con g r a t u la t ed m e? Y ou look a s
g lu m a s a n ig h t -ca p. Don ’t y ou feel t h is lit t le br eeze?
A h ! w h a t ev er y ou m a y sa y , it ’s g ood t o be a liv e a ll t h e
sa m e, m y dea r A m édée!” A n d t h en , a br u pt ly , t h e
m em or y of h is dea d w ife r et u r n ed t o h im , a n d pr oba bly
t h in k in g it t oo com plica t ed t o in qu ir e in t o h ow , a t su ch
a t im e, h e cou ld h a v e a llow ed h im self t o be ca r r ied
a w a y by a n im pu lse of h a ppin ess, h e con fin ed h im self t o
a g est u r e w h ich h e h a bit u a lly em ploy ed w h en ev er a n y
per plex in g qu est ion ca m e in t o h is m in d: t h a t is, h e
pa ssed h is h a n d a cr oss h is for eh ea d, dr ied h is ey es, a n d
w iped h is g la sses. A n d h e cou ld n ev er be con soled for t h e
loss of h is w ife, bu t u sed t o sa y t o m y g r a n dfa t h er ,
du r in g t h e t w o y ea r s for w h ich h e su r v iv ed h er , “ It ’s a
fu n n y t h in g , n ow ; I v er y oft en t h in k of m y poor w ife,
bu t I ca n n ot t h in k of h er v er y m u ch a t a n y on e t im e.”
“ Oft en , bu t a lit t le a t a t im e, lik e poor old Sw a n n ,”
beca m e on e of m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s fa v ou r it e ph r a ses,
w h ich h e w ou ld a pply t o a ll k in ds of t h in g s. A n d I
sh ou ld h a v e a ssu m ed t h a t t h is fa t h er of Sw a n n ’s h a d
been a m on st er if m y g r a n dfa t h er , w h om I r eg a r ded a s
a bet t er ju dg e t h a n m y self, a n d w h ose w or d w a s m y
la w a n d oft en led m e in t h e lon g r u n t o pa r don offen ces
w h ich I sh ou ld h a v e been in clin ed t o con dem n , h a d n ot
g on e on t o ex cla im , “ Bu t , a ft er a ll, h e h a d a h ea r t of
g old.”
For m a n y y ea r s, a lbeit — a n d especia lly befor e h is
m a r r ia g e — M. Sw a n n t h e y ou n g er ca m e oft en t o see
t h em a t Com br a y , m y g r ea t -a u n t a n d g r a n dpa r en t s
n ev er su spect ed t h a t h e h a d en t ir ely cea sed t o liv e in
t h e k in d of societ y w h ich h is fa m ily h a d fr equ en t ed, or
t h a t , u n der t h e sor t of in cog n it o w h ich t h e n a m e of
Sw a n n g a v e h im a m on g u s, t h ey w er e h a r bou r in g —
w it h t h e com plet e in n ocen ce of a fa m ily of h on est
in n k eeper s w h o h a v e in t h eir m idst som e dist in g u ish ed
h ig h w a y m a n a n d n ev er k n ow it — on e of t h e sm a r t est
m em ber s of t h e Jock ey Clu b, a pa r t icu la r fr ien d of t h e
Com t e de Pa r is a n d of t h e Pr in ce of W a les, a n d on e of t h e
m en m ost sou g h t a ft er in t h e a r ist ocr a t ic w or ld of t h e
Fa u bou r g Sa in t -Ger m a in .
Ou r u t t er ig n or a n ce of t h e br illia n t pa r t w h ich
Sw a n n w a s pla y in g in t h e w or ld of fa sh ion w a s, of
cou r se, du e in pa r t t o h is ow n r eser v e a n d discr et ion ,
bu t a lso t o t h e fa ct t h a t m iddle-cla ss people in t h ose
da y s t ook w h a t w a s a lm ost a Hin du v iew of societ y ,
w h ich t h ey h eld t o con sist of sh a r ply defin ed ca st es, so
t h a t ev er y on e a t h is bir t h fou n d h im self ca lled t o t h a t
st a t ion in life w h ich h is pa r en t s a lr ea dy occu pied, a n d
n ot h in g , ex cept t h e ch a n ce of a br illia n t ca r eer or of a
‘g ood’ m a r r ia g e, cou ld ex t r a ct y ou fr om t h a t st a t ion or
a dm it y ou t o a su per ior ca st e. M. Sw a n n , t h e fa t h er ,
h a d been a st ock br ok er ; a n d so ‘y ou n g Sw a n n ’ fou n d
h im self im m u r ed for life in a ca st e w h er e on e’s for t u n e,
a s in a list of t a x pa y er s, v a r ied bet w een su ch a n d su ch
lim it s of in com e. W e k n ew t h e people w it h w h om h is
fa t h er h a d a ssocia t ed, a n d so w e k n ew h is ow n
a ssocia t es, t h e people w it h w h om h e w a s ‘in a posit ion t o
m ix .’ If h e k n ew ot h er people besides, t h ose w er e
y ou t h fu l a cqu a in t a n ces on w h om t h e old fr ien ds of t h e
fa m ily , lik e m y r ela t iv es, sh u t t h eir ey es a ll t h e m or e
g ood-n a t u r edly t h a t Sw a n n h im self, a ft er h e w a s left a n
or ph a n , st ill ca m e m ost fa it h fu lly t o see u s; bu t w e
w ou ld h a v e been r ea dy t o w a g er t h a t t h e people ou t side
ou r a cqu a in t a n ce w h om Sw a n n k n ew w er e of t h e sor t t o
w h om h e w ou ld n ot h a v e da r ed t o r a ise h is h a t , h a d h e
m et t h em w h ile h e w a s w a lk in g w it h ou r selv es. Ha d
t h er e been su ch a t h in g a s a det er m in a t ion t o a pply t o
Sw a n n a socia l coefficien t pecu lia r t o h im self, a s
dist in ct fr om a ll t h e ot h er son s of ot h er st ock br ok er s in
h is fa t h er ’s posit ion , h is coefficien t w ou ld h a v e been
r a t h er low er t h a n t h eir s, beca u se, lea din g a v er y
sim ple life, a n d h a v in g a lw a y s h a d a cr a ze for ‘a n t iqu es’
a n d pict u r es, h e n ow liv ed a n d piled u p h is collect ion s
in a n old h ou se w h ich m y g r a n dm ot h er lon g ed t o v isit ,
bu t w h ich st ood on t h e Qu a i d’Or léa n s, a n eig h bou r h ood
in w h ich m y g r ea t -a u n t t h ou g h t it m ost deg r a din g t o
be qu a r t er ed. “ A r e y ou r ea lly a con n oisseu r , n ow ?” sh e
w ou ld sa y t o h im ; “ I a sk for y ou r ow n sa k e, a s y ou a r e
lik ely t o h a v e ‘fa k es’ pa lm ed off on y ou by t h e dea ler s,”
for sh e did n ot , in fa ct , en dow h im w it h a n y cr it ica l
fa cu lt y , a n d h a d n o g r ea t opin ion of t h e in t ellig en ce of a
m a n w h o, in con v er sa t ion , w ou ld a v oid ser iou s t opics
a n d sh ew ed a v er y du ll pr ecisen ess, n ot on ly w h en h e
g a v e u s k it ch en r ecipes, g oin g in t o t h e m ost m in u t e
det a ils, bu t ev en w h en m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s w er e
t a lk in g t o h im a bou t a r t . W h en ch a llen g ed by t h em t o
g iv e a n opin ion , or t o ex pr ess h is a dm ir a t ion for som e
pict u r e, h e w ou ld r em a in a lm ost im polit ely silen t , a n d
w ou ld t h en m a k e a m en ds by fu r n ish in g (if h e cou ld)
som e fa ct or ot h er a bou t t h e g a ller y in w h ich t h e
pict u r e w a s h u n g , or t h e da t e a t w h ich it h a d been
pa in t ed. Bu t a s a r u le h e w ou ld con t en t h im self w it h
t r y in g t o a m u se u s by t ellin g u s t h e st or y of h is la t est
a dv en t u r e — a n d h e w ou ld h a v e a fr esh st or y for u s on
ev er y occa sion — w it h som e on e w h om w e ou r selv es
k n ew , su ch a s t h e Com br a y ch em ist , or ou r cook , or ou r
coa ch m a n . T h ese st or ies cer t a in ly u sed t o m a k e m y
g r ea t -a u n t la u g h , bu t sh e cou ld n ev er t ell w h et h er t h a t
w a s on a ccou n t of t h e a bsu r d pa r t s w h ich Sw a n n
in v a r ia bly m a de h im self pla y in t h e a dv en t u r es, or of
t h e w it t h a t h e sh ew ed in t ellin g u s of t h em . “ It is ea sy
t o see t h a t y ou a r e a r eg u la r ‘ch a r a ct er ,’ M. Sw a n n !”
A s sh e w a s t h e on ly m em ber of ou r fa m ily w h o
cou ld be descr ibed a s a t r ifle ‘com m on ,’ sh e w ou ld
a lw a y s t a k e ca r e t o r em a r k t o st r a n g er s, w h en Sw a n n
w a s m en t ion ed, t h a t h e cou ld ea sily , if h e h a d w ish ed
t o, h a v e liv ed in t h e Bou lev a r d Ha u ssm a n n or t h e
A v en u e de l’Opér a , a n d t h a t h e w a s t h e son of old M.
Sw a n n w h o m u st h a v e left fou r or fiv e m illion fr a n cs,
bu t t h a t it w a s a fa d of h is. A fa d w h ich , m or eov er , sh e
t h ou g h t w a s bou n d t o a m u se ot h er people so m u ch t h a t
in Pa r is, w h en M. Sw a n n ca lled on New Y ea r ’s Da y
br in g in g h er a lit t le pa ck et of m arrons glacés , sh e n ev er
fa iled, if t h er e w er e st r a n g er s in t h e r oom , t o sa y t o
h im : “ W ell, M. Sw a n n , a n d do y ou st ill liv e n ex t door t o
t h e Bon ded V a u lt s, so a s t o be su r e of n ot m issin g y ou r
t r a in w h en y ou g o t o Ly on s?” a n d sh e w ou ld peep ou t of
t h e cor n er of h er ey e, ov er h er g la sses, a t t h e ot h er
v isit or s.
 Bu t if a n y on e h a d su g g est ed t o m y a u n t t h a t t h is
Sw a n n , w h o, in h is ca pa cit y a s t h e son of old M. Sw a n n ,
w a s ‘fu lly qu a lified’ t o be r eceiv ed by a n y of t h e ‘u pper
m iddle cla ss,’ t h e m ost r espect ed ba r r ist er s a n d
solicit or s of Pa r is (t h ou g h h e w a s per h a ps a t r ifle
in clin ed t o let t h is h er edit a r y pr iv ileg e g o in t o
a bey a n ce), h a d a n ot h er a lm ost secr et ex ist en ce of a
w h olly differ en t k in d: t h a t w h en h e left ou r h ou se in
Pa r is, sa y in g t h a t h e m u st g o h om e t o bed, h e w ou ld n o
soon er h a v e t u r n ed t h e cor n er t h a n h e w ou ld st op,
r et r a ce h is st eps, a n d be off t o som e dr a w in g -r oom on
w h ose lik e n o st ock br ok er or a ssocia t e of st ock br ok er s
h a d ev er set ey es — t h a t w ou ld h a v e seem ed t o m y a u n t
a s ex t r a or din a r y a s, t o a w om a n of w ider r ea din g , t h e
t h ou g h t of bein g h er self on t er m s of in t im a cy w it h
A r ist a eu s, of k n ow in g t h a t h e w ou ld, w h en h e h a d
fin ish ed h is con v er sa t ion w it h h er , plu n g e deep in t o t h e
r ea lm s of T h et is, in t o a n em pir e v eiled fr om m or t a l
ey es, in w h ich V ir g il depict s h im a s bein g r eceiv ed w it h
open a r m s; or — t o be con t en t w it h a n im a g e m or e
lik ely t o h a v e occu r r ed t o h er , for sh e h a d seen it
pa in t ed on t h e pla t es w e u sed for biscu it s a t Com br a y —
a s t h e t h ou g h t of h a v in g h a d t o din n er A li Ba ba , w h o,
a s soon a s h e fou n d h im self a lon e a n d u n obser v ed,
w ou ld m a k e h is w a y in t o t h e ca v e, r esplen den t w it h it s
u n su spect ed t r ea su r es.
 On e da y w h en h e h a d com e t o see u s a ft er din n er in
Pa r is, a n d h a d beg g ed pa r don for bein g in ev en in g
clot h es, Fr a n çoise, w h en h e h a d g on e, t old u s t h a t sh e
h a d g ot it fr om h is coa ch m a n t h a t h e h a d been din in g
“ w it h a pr in cess.” “ A pr et t y sor t of pr in cess,” dr a w led
m y a u n t ; “ I k n ow t h em ,” a n d sh e sh r u g g ed h er
sh ou lder s w it h ou t r a isin g h er ey es fr om h er k n it t in g ,
ser en ely ir on ica l.
A lt og et h er , m y a u n t u sed t o t r ea t h im w it h sca n t
cer em on y . Sin ce sh e w a s of t h e opin ion t h a t h e ou g h t t o
feel fla t t er ed by ou r in v it a t ion s, sh e t h ou g h t it on ly
r ig h t a n d pr oper t h a t h e sh ou ld n ev er com e t o see u s in
su m m er w it h ou t a ba sk et of pea ch es or r a spber r ies fr om
h is g a r den , a n d t h a t fr om ea ch of h is v isit s t o It a ly h e
sh ou ld br in g ba ck som e ph ot og r a ph s of old m a st er s for
m e.
It seem ed qu it e n a t u r a l, t h er efor e, t o sen d t o h im
w h en ev er w e w a n t ed a r ecipe for som e specia l sa u ce or
for a pin ea pple sa la d for on e of ou r big din n er -pa r t ies, t o
w h ich h e h im self w ou ld n ot be in v it ed, n ot seem in g of
su fficien t im por t a n ce t o be ser v ed u p t o n ew fr ien ds
w h o m ig h t be in ou r h ou se for t h e fir st t im e. If t h e
con v er sa t ion t u r n ed u pon t h e Pr in ces of t h e Hou se of
Fr a n ce, “ Gen t lem en , y ou a n d I w ill n ev er k n ow , w ill
w e, a n d don ’t w a n t t o, do w e?” m y g r ea t -a u n t w ou ld
sa y t a r t ly t o Sw a n n , w h o h a d, per h a ps, a let t er fr om
T w ick en h a m in h is pock et ; sh e w ou ld m a k e h im pla y
a ccom pa n im en t s a n d t u r n ov er m u sic on ev en in g s
w h en m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er sa n g ; m a n ipu la t in g t h is
cr ea t u r e, so r a r e a n d r efin ed a t ot h er t im es a n d in ot h er
pla ces, w it h t h e r ou g h sim plicit y of a ch ild w h o w ill
pla y w it h som e cu r io fr om t h e ca bin et n o m or e
ca r efu lly t h a n if it w er e a pen n y t oy . Cer t a in ly t h e
Sw a n n w h o w a s a fa m ilia r fig u r e in a ll t h e clu bs of
t h ose da y s differ ed h u g ely fr om , t h e Sw a n n cr ea t ed in
m y g r ea t -a u n t ’s m in d w h en , of a n ev en in g , in ou r lit t le
g a r den a t Com br a y , a ft er t h e t w o sh y pea ls h a d
sou n ded fr om t h e g a t e, sh e w ou ld v it a lise, by in ject in g
in t o it ev er y t h in g sh e h a d ev er h ea r d a bou t t h e Sw a n n
fa m ily , t h e v a g u e a n d u n r ecog n isa ble sh a pe w h ich
beg a n t o a ppea r , w it h m y g r a n dm ot h er in it s w a k e,
a g a in st a ba ck g r ou n d of sh a dow s, a n d cou ld a t la st be
iden t ified by t h e sou n d of it s v oice. Bu t t h en , ev en in
t h e m ost in sig n ifica n t det a ils of ou r da ily life, n on e of u s
ca n be sa id t o con st it u t e a m a t er ia l w h ole, w h ich is
iden t ica l for ev er y on e, a n d n eed on ly be t u r n ed u p lik e
a pa g e in a n a ccou n t -book or t h e r ecor d of a w ill; ou r
socia l per son a lit y is cr ea t ed by t h e t h ou g h t s of ot h er
people. Ev en t h e sim ple a ct w h ich w e descr ibe a s
“ seein g som e on e w e k n ow ” is, t o som e ex t en t , a n
in t ellect u a l pr ocess. W e pa ck t h e ph y sica l ou t lin e of t h e
cr ea t u r e w e see w it h a ll t h e idea s w e h a v e a lr ea dy
for m ed a bou t h im , a n d in t h e com plet e pict u r e of h im
w h ich w e com pose in ou r m in ds t h ose idea s h a v e
cer t a in ly t h e pr in cipa l pla ce. In t h e en d t h ey com e t o
fill ou t so com plet ely t h e cu r v e of h is ch eek s, t o follow so
ex a ct ly t h e lin e of h is n ose, t h ey blen d so h a r m on iou sly
in t h e sou n d of h is v oice t h a t t h ese seem t o be n o m or e
t h a n a t r a n spa r en t en v elope, so t h a t ea ch t im e w e see
t h e fa ce or h ea r t h e v oice it is ou r ow n idea s of h im
w h ich w e r ecog n ise a n d t o w h ich w e list en . A n d so, n o
dou bt , fr om t h e Sw a n n t h ey h a d bu ilt u p for t h eir ow n
pu r poses m y fa m ily h a d left ou t , in t h eir ig n or a n ce, a
w h ole cr ow d of t h e det a ils of h is da ily life in t h e w or ld of
fa sh ion , det a ils by m ea n s of w h ich ot h er people, w h en
t h ey m et h im , sa w a ll t h e Gr a ces en t h r on ed in h is fa ce
a n d st oppin g a t t h e lin e of h is a r ch ed n ose a s a t a
n a t u r a l fr on t ier ; bu t t h ey con t r iv ed a lso t o pu t in t o a
fa ce fr om w h ich it s dist in ct ion h a d been ev ict ed, a fa ce
v a ca n t a n d r oom y a s a n u n t en a n t ed h ou se, t o pla n t in
t h e dept h s of it s u n v a lu ed ey es a lin g er in g sen se,
u n cer t a in bu t n ot u n plea sin g , h a lf-m em or y a n d h a lf-
obliv ion , of idle h ou r s spen t t og et h er a ft er ou r w eek ly
din n er s, r ou n d t h e ca r d-t a ble or in t h e g a r den , du r in g
ou r com pa n ion a ble cou n t r y life. Ou r fr ien d’s bodily
fr a m e h a d been so w ell lin ed w it h t h is sen se, a n d w it h
v a r iou s ea r lier m em or ies of h is fa m ily , t h a t t h eir ow n
specia l Sw a n n h a d becom e t o m y people a com plet e a n d
liv in g cr ea t u r e; so t h a t ev en n ow I h a v e t h e feelin g of
lea v in g som e on e I k n ow for a n ot h er qu it e differ en t
per son w h en , g oin g ba ck in m em or y , I pa ss fr om t h e
Sw a n n w h om I k n ew la t er a n d m or e in t im a t ely t o t h is
ea r ly Sw a n n — t h is ea r ly Sw a n n in w h om I ca n
dist in g u ish t h e ch a r m in g m ist a k es of m y ch ildh ood,
a n d w h o, in ciden t a lly , is less lik e h is su ccessor t h a n h e
is lik e t h e ot h er people I k n ew a t t h a t t im e, a s t h ou g h
on e’s life w er e a ser ies of g a ller ies in w h ich a ll t h e
por t r a it s of a n y on e per iod h a d a m a r k ed fa m ily
lik en ess, t h e sa m e (so t o spea k ) t on a lit y — t h is ea r ly
Sw a n n a bou n din g in leisu r e, fr a g r a n t w it h t h e scen t of
t h e g r ea t ch est n u t -t r ee, of ba sk et s of r a spber r ies a n d of
a spr ig of t a r r a g on .
A n d y et on e da y , w h en m y g r a n dm ot h er h a d g on e
t o a sk som e fa v ou r of a la dy w h om sh e h a d k n ow n a t
t h e Sa cr é Coeu r (a n d w it h w h om , beca u se of ou r ca st e
t h eor y , sh e h a d n ot ca r ed t o k eep u p a n y deg r ee of
in t im a cy in spit e of sev er a l com m on in t er est s), t h e
Ma r qu ise de V illepa r isis, of t h e fa m ou s h ou se of Bou illon ,
t h is la dy h a d sa id t o h er :
“ I t h in k y ou k n ow M. Sw a n n v er y w ell; h e is a g r ea t
fr ien d of m y n eph ew s, t h e des La u m es.”
My g r a n dm ot h er h a d r et u r n ed fr om t h e ca ll fu ll of
pr a ise for t h e h ou se, w h ich ov er look ed som e g a r den s,
a n d in w h ich Mm e. de V illepa r isis h a d a dv ised h er t o
r en t a fla t ; a n d a lso for a r epa ir in g t a ilor a n d h is
da u g h t er , w h o k ept a lit t le sh op in t h e cou r t y a r d, in t o
w h ich sh e h a d g on e t o a sk t h em t o pu t a st it ch in h er
sk ir t , w h ich sh e h a d t or n on t h e st a ir ca se. My
g r a n dm ot h er h a d fou n d t h ese people per fect ly
ch a r m in g : t h e g ir l, sh e sa id, w a s a jew el, a n d t h e t a ilor
a m ost dist in g u ish ed m a n , t h e fin est sh e h a d ev er seen .
For in h er ey es dist in ct ion w a s a t h in g w h olly
in depen den t of socia l posit ion . Sh e w a s in ecst a sies ov er
som e a n sw er t h e t a ilor h a d m a de, sa y in g t o Ma m m a :
“ Sév ig n é w ou ld n ot h a v e sa id it bet t er !” a n d, by
w a y of con t r a st , of a n eph ew of Mm e. de V illepa r isis
w h om sh e h a d m et a t t h e h ou se:
“ My dea r , h e is so com m on !”
Now , t h e effect of t h a t r em a r k a bou t Sw a n n h a d
been , n ot t o r a ise h im in m y g r ea t -a u n t ’s est im a t ion ,
bu t t o low er Mm e. de V illepa r isis. It a ppea r ed t h a t t h e
defer en ce w h ich , on m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s a u t h or it y , w e
ow ed t o Mm e. de V illepa r isis im posed on h er t h e
r ecipr oca l oblig a t ion t o do n ot h in g t h a t w ou ld r en der
h er less w or t h y of ou r r eg a r d, a n d t h a t sh e h a d fa iled in
h er du t y in becom in g a w a r e of Sw a n n ’s ex ist en ce a n d
in a llow in g m em ber s of h er fa m ily t o a ssocia t e w it h
h im . “ How sh ou ld sh e k n ow Sw a n n ? A la dy w h o, y ou
a lw a y s m a de ou t , w a s r ela t ed t o Ma r sh a l Ma c-Ma h on !”
T h is v iew of Sw a n n ’s socia l a t m osph er e w h ich pr ev a iled
in m y fa m ily seem ed t o be con fir m ed la t er on by h is
m a r r ia g e w it h a w om a n of t h e w or st cla ss, y ou m ig h t
a lm ost sa y a ‘fa st ’ w om a n , w h om , t o do h im ju st ice, h e
n ev er a t t em pt ed t o in t r odu ce t o u s, for h e con t in u ed t o
com e t o u s a lon e, t h ou g h h e ca m e m or e a n d m or e
seldom ; bu t fr om w h om t h ey t h ou g h t t h ey cou ld
est a blish , on t h e a ssu m pt ion t h a t h e h a d fou n d h er
t h er e, t h e cir cle, u n k n ow n t o t h em , in w h ich h e
or din a r ily m ov ed.
Bu t on on e occa sion m y g r a n dfa t h er r ea d in a
n ew spa per t h a t M. Sw a n n w a s on e of t h e m ost fa it h fu l
a t t en da n t s a t t h e Su n da y lu n ch eon s g iv en by t h e Du c
de X —— w h ose fa t h er a n d u n cle h a d been a m on g ou r
m ost pr om in en t st a t esm en in t h e r eig n of Lou is
Ph ilippe. Now m y g r a n dfa t h er w a s cu r iou s t o lea r n a ll
t h e lit t le det a ils w h ich m ig h t h elp h im t o t a k e a m en t a l
sh a r e in t h e pr iv a t e liv es of m en lik e Mole, t h e Du e
Pa squ ier , or t h e Du c de Br og lie. He w a s delig h t ed t o fin d
t h a t Sw a n n a ssocia t ed w it h people w h o h a d k n ow n
t h em . My g r ea t -a u n t , h ow ev er , in t er pr et ed t h is piece of
n ew s in a sen se discr edit a ble t o Sw a n n ; for a n y on e w h o
ch ose h is a ssocia t es ou t side t h e ca st e in w h ich h e h a d
been bor n a n d br ed, ou t side h is ‘pr oper st a t ion ,’ w a s
con dem n ed t o u t t er deg r a da t ion in h er ey es. It seem ed
t o h er t h a t su ch a on e a bdica t ed a ll cla im t o en joy t h e
fr u it s of t h ose fr ien dly r ela t ion s w it h people of g ood
posit ion w h ich pr u den t pa r en t s cu lt iv a t e a n d st or e u p
for t h eir ch ildr en ’s ben efit , for m y g r ea t -a u n t h a d
a ct u a lly cea sed t o ‘see’ t h e son of a la w y er w e h a d
k n ow n beca u se h e h a d m a r r ied a ‘Hig h n ess’ a n d h a d
t h er eby st epped dow n — in h er ey es — fr om t h e
r espect a ble posit ion of a la w y er ’s son t o t h a t of t h ose
a dv en t u r er s, u pst a r t foot m en or st a ble-boy s m ost ly , t o
w h om w e r ea d t h a t qu een s h a v e som et im es sh ew n t h eir
fa v ou r s. Sh e object ed, t h er efor e, t o m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s
pla n of qu est ion in g Sw a n n , w h en n ex t h e ca m e t o din e
w it h u s, a bou t t h ese people w h ose fr ien dsh ip w it h h im
w e h a d discov er ed. On t h e ot h er h a n d, m y
g r a n dm ot h er ’s t w o sist er s, elder ly spin st er s w h o sh a r ed
h er n obilit y of ch a r a ct er bu t la ck ed h er in t ellig en ce,
decla r ed t h a t t h ey cou ld n ot con ceiv e w h a t plea su r e
t h eir br ot h er -in -la w cou ld fin d in t a lk in g a bou t su ch
t r ifles. T h ey w er e la dies of loft y a m bit ion , w h o for t h a t
r ea son w er e in ca pa ble of t a k in g t h e lea st in t er est in
w h a t m ig h t be ca lled t h e ‘pin ch beck ’ t h in g s of life, ev en
w h en t h ey h a d a n h ist or ic v a lu e, or , g en er a lly
spea k in g , in a n y t h in g t h a t w a s n ot dir ect ly a ssocia t ed
w it h som e object a est h et ica lly pr eciou s. So com plet e
w a s t h eir n eg a t ion of in t er est in a n y t h in g w h ich
seem ed dir ect ly or in dir ect ly a pa r t of ou r ev er y da y life
t h a t t h eir sen se of h ea r in g — w h ich h a d g r a du a lly com e
t o u n der st a n d it s ow n fu t ilit y w h en t h e t on e of t h e
con v er sa t ion , a t t h e din n er -t a ble, beca m e fr iv olou s or
m er ely m u n da n e, w it h ou t t h e t w o old la dies’ bein g a ble
t o g u ide it ba ck t o t h e t opic dea r t o t h em selv es — w ou ld
lea v e it s r ecept iv e ch a n n els u n em ploy ed, so effect iv ely
t h a t t h ey w er e a ct u a lly becom in g a t r oph ied. So t h a t if
m y g r a n dfa t h er w ish ed t o a t t r a ct t h e a t t en t ion of t h e
t w o sist er s, h e w ou ld h a v e t o m a k e u se of som e su ch
a la r m sig n a ls a s m a d-doct or s a dopt in dea lin g w it h
t h eir dist r a ct ed pa t ien t s; a s by bea t in g sev er a l t im es on
a g la ss w it h t h e bla de of a k n ife, fix in g t h em a t t h e
sa m e t im e w it h a sh a r p w or d a n d a com pellin g g la n ce,
v iolen t m et h ods w h ich t h e sa id doct or s a r e a pt t o br in g
w it h t h em in t o t h eir ev er y da y life a m on g t h e sa n e,
eit h er fr om for ce of pr ofession a l h a bit or beca u se t h ey
t h in k t h e w h ole w or ld a t r ifle m a d.
T h eir in t er est g r ew , h ow ev er , w h en , t h e da y befor e
Sw a n n w a s t o din e w it h u s, a n d w h en h e h a d m a de
t h em a specia l pr esen t of a ca se of A st i, m y g r ea t -a u n t ,
w h o h a d in h er h a n d a copy of t h e Figaro in w h ich t o t h e
n a m e of a pict u r e t h en on v iew in a Cor ot ex h ibit ion
w er e a dded t h e w or ds, “ fr om t h e collect ion of M. Ch a r les
Sw a n n ,” a sk ed: “ Did y ou see t h a t Sw a n n is ‘m en t ion ed’
in t h e Figaro?”
“ Bu t I h a v e a lw a y s t old y ou ,” sa id my
g r a n dm ot h er , “ t h a t h e h a d plen t y of t a st e.”
“ Y ou w ou ld, of cou r se,” r et or t ed m y g r ea t -a u n t ,
“ sa y a n y t h in g ju st t o seem differ en t fr om us .” For ,
k n ow in g t h a t m y g r a n dm ot h er n ev er a g r eed w it h h er ,
a n d n ot bein g qu it e con fiden t t h a t it w a s h er ow n
opin ion w h ich t h e r est of u s in v a r ia bly en dor sed, sh e
w ish ed t o ex t or t fr om u s a w h olesa le con dem n a t ion of
m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s v iew s, a g a in st w h ich sh e h oped t o
for ce u s in t o solida r it y w it h h er ow n .
Bu t w e sa t silen t . My g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s h a v in g
ex pr essed a desir e t o m en t ion t o Sw a n n t h is r efer en ce t o
h im in t h e Figaro, m y g r ea t -a u n t dissu a ded t h em .
W h en ev er sh e sa w in ot h er s a n a dv a n t a g e, h ow ev er
t r iv ia l, w h ich sh e h er self la ck ed, sh e w ou ld per su a de
h er self t h a t it w a s n o a dv a n t a g e a t a ll, bu t a dr a w ba ck ,
a n d w ou ld pit y so a s n ot t o h a v e t o en v y t h em .
“ I don ’t t h in k t h a t w ou ld plea se h im a t a ll; I k n ow
v er y w ell, I sh ou ld h a t e t o see m y n a m e pr in t ed lik e
t h a t , a s la r g e a s life, in t h e pa per , a n d I sh ou ldn ’t feel a t
a ll fla t t er ed if a n y on e spok e t o m e a bou t it .”
Sh e did n ot , h ow ev er , pu t a n y v er y g r ea t pr essu r e
u pon m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s, for t h ey , in t h eir
h or r or of v u lg a r it y , h a d br ou g h t t o su ch a fin e a r t t h e
con cea lm en t of a per son a l a llu sion in a w ea lt h of
in g en iou s cir cu m locu t ion , t h a t it w ou ld oft en pa ss
u n n ot iced ev en by t h e per son t o w h om it w a s a ddr essed.
A s for m y m ot h er , h er on ly t h ou g h t w a s of m a n a g in g t o
in du ce m y fa t h er t o con sen t t o spea k t o Sw a n n , n ot of
h is w ife, bu t of h is da u g h t er , w h om h e w or sh ipped, a n d
for w h ose sa k e it w a s u n der st ood t h a t h e h a d u lt im a t ely
m a de h is u n for t u n a t e m a r r ia g e.
“ Y ou n eed on ly sa y a w or d; ju st a sk h im h ow sh e is.
It m u st be so v er y h a r d for h im .”
My fa t h er , h ow ev er , w a s a n n oy ed: “ No, n o; y ou
h a v e t h e m ost a bsu r d idea s. It w ou ld be u t t er ly
r idicu lou s.”
Bu t t h e on ly on e of u s in w h om t h e pr ospect of
Sw a n n ’s a r r iv a l g a v e r ise t o a n u n h a ppy for ebodin g
w a s m y self. A n d t h a t w a s beca u se on t h e ev en in g s
w h en t h er e w er e v isit or s, or ju st M. Sw a n n in t h e
h ou se, Ma m m a did n ot com e u p t o m y r oom . I did n ot ,
a t t h a t t im e, h a v e din n er w it h t h e fa m ily : I ca m e ou t t o
t h e g a r den a ft er din n er , a n d a t n in e I sa id g ood n ig h t
a n d w en t t o bed. Bu t on t h ese ev en in g s I u sed t o din e
ea r lier t h a n t h e ot h er s, a n d t o com e in a ft er w a r ds a n d
sit a t t a ble u n t il eig h t o’clock , w h en it w a s u n der st ood
t h a t I m u st g o u pst a ir s; t h a t fr a il a n d pr eciou s k iss
w h ich Ma m m a u sed a lw a y s t o lea v e u pon m y lips w h en
I w a s in bed a n d ju st g oin g t o sleep I h a d t o t a k e w it h m e
fr om t h e din in g -r oom t o m y ow n , a n d t o k eep in v iola t e
a ll t h e t im e t h a t it t ook m e t o u n dr ess, w it h ou t let t in g
it s sw eet ch a r m be br ok en , w it h ou t let t in g it s v ola t ile
essen ce diffu se it self a n d ev a por a t e; a n d ju st on t h ose
v er y ev en in g s w h en I m u st n eeds t a k e m ost pa in s t o
r eceiv e it w it h du e for m a lit y , I h a d t o sn a t ch it , t o seize
it in st a n t ly a n d in pu blic, w it h ou t ev en h a v in g t h e
t im e or bein g pr oper ly fr ee t o a pply t o w h a t I w a s doin g
t h e pu n ct iliou sn ess w h ich m a dm en u se w h o com pel
t h em selv es t o ex clu de a ll ot h er t h ou g h t s fr om t h eir
m in ds w h ile t h ey a r e sh u t t in g a door , so t h a t w h en t h e
sick n ess of u n cer t a in t y sw eeps ov er t h em a g a in t h ey
ca n t r iu m ph a n t ly fa ce a n d ov er com e it w it h t h e
r ecollect ion of t h e pr ecise m om en t in w h ich t h e door
w a s sh u t .
W e w er e a ll in t h e g a r den w h en t h e dou ble pea l of
t h e g a t e-bell sou n ded sh y ly . Ev er y on e k n ew t h a t it
m u st be Sw a n n , a n d y et t h ey look ed a t on e a n ot h er
in qu ir in g ly a n d sen t m y g r a n dm ot h er scou t in g .
“ See t h a t y ou t h a n k h im in t ellig ibly for t h e w in e,”
m y g r a n dfa t h er w a r n ed h is t w o sist er s-in -la w ; “ y ou
k n ow h ow g ood it is, a n d it is a h u g e ca se.”
“ Now , don ’t st a r t w h isper in g !” sa id m y g r ea t -a u n t .
“ How w ou ld y ou lik e t o com e in t o a h ou se a n d fin d
ev er y on e m u t t er in g t o t h em selv es?”
“ A h ! T h er e’s M. Sw a n n ,” cr ied m y fa t h er . “ Let ’s a sk
h im if h e t h in k s it w ill be fin e t o-m or r ow .”
My m ot h er fa n cied t h a t a w or d fr om h er w ou ld w ipe
ou t a ll t h e u n plea sa n t n ess w h ich m y fa m ily h a d
con t r iv ed t o m a k e Sw a n n feel sin ce h is m a r r ia g e. Sh e
fou n d a n oppor t u n it y t o dr a w h im a side for a m om en t .
Bu t I follow ed h er : I cou ld n ot br in g m y self t o let h er g o
ou t of r ea ch of m e w h ile I felt t h a t in a few m in u t es I
sh ou ld h a v e t o lea v e h er in t h e din in g -r oom a n d g o u p
t o m y bed w it h ou t t h e con solin g t h ou g h t , a s on
or din a r y ev en in g s, t h a t sh e w ou ld com e u p, la t er , t o
k iss m e.
“ Now , M. Sw a n n ,” sh e sa id, “ do t ell m e a bou t y ou r
da u g h t er ; I a m su r e sh e sh ew s a t a st e a lr ea dy for n ice
t h in g s, lik e h er pa pa .”
“ Com e a lon g a n d sit dow n h er e w it h u s a ll on t h e
v er a n da h ,” sa id m y g r a n dfa t h er , com in g u p t o h im .
My m ot h er h a d t o a ba n don t h e qu est , bu t m a n a g ed t o
ex t r a ct fr om t h e r est r ict ion it self a fu r t h er r efin em en t
of t h ou g h t , a s g r ea t poet s do w h en t h e t y r a n n y of
r h y m e for ces t h em in t o t h e discov er y of t h eir fin est
lin es.
“ W e ca n t a lk a bou t h er a g a in w h en w e a r e by
ou r selv es,” sh e sa id, or r a t h er w h isper ed t o Sw a n n . “ It
is on ly a m ot h er w h o ca n u n der st a n d. I a m su r e t h a t
h er s w ou ld a g r ee w it h m e.”
A n d so w e a ll sa t dow n r ou n d t h e ir on t a ble. I sh ou ld
h a v e lik ed n ot t o t h in k of t h e h ou r s of a n g u ish w h ich I
sh ou ld h a v e t o spen d, t h a t ev en in g , a lon e in m y r oom ,
w it h ou t t h e possibilit y of g oin g t o sleep: I t r ied t o
con v in ce m y self t h a t t h ey w er e of n o im por t a n ce,
r ea lly , sin ce I sh ou ld h a v e for g ot t en t h em n ex t
m or n in g , a n d t o fix m y m in d on t h ou g h t s of t h e fu t u r e
w h ich w ou ld ca r r y m e, a s on a br idg e, a cr oss t h e
t er r ify in g a by ss t h a t y a w n ed a t m y feet . Bu t m y m in d,
st r a in ed by t h is for ebodin g , dist en ded lik e t h e look
w h ich I sh ot a t m y m ot h er , w ou ld n ot a llow a n y ot h er
im pr ession t o en t er . T h ou g h t s did, in deed, en t er it , bu t
on ly on t h e con dit ion t h a t t h ey left beh in d t h em ev er y
elem en t of bea u t y , or ev en of qu a in t n ess, by w h ich I
m ig h t h a v e been dist r a ct ed or beg u iled. A s a su r g ica l
pa t ien t , by m ea n s of a loca l a n a est h et ic, ca n look on
w it h a clea r con sciou sn ess w h ile a n oper a t ion is bein g
per for m ed u pon h im a n d y et feel n ot h in g , I cou ld r epea t
t o m y self som e fa v ou r it e lin es, or w a t ch m y
g r a n dfa t h er a t t em pt in g t o t a lk t o Sw a n n a bou t t h e Du c
d’A u dr iffet -Pa squ ier , w it h ou t bein g a ble t o k in dle a n y
em ot ion fr om on e or a m u sem en t fr om t h e ot h er .
Ha r dly h a d m y g r a n dfa t h er beg u n t o qu est ion Sw a n n
a bou t t h a t or a t or w h en on e of m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s
sist er s, in w h ose ea r s t h e qu est ion ech oed lik e a solem n
bu t u n t im ely silen ce w h ich h er n a t u r a l polit en ess ba de
h er in t er r u pt , a ddr essed t h e ot h er w it h :
“ Ju st fa n cy , Flor a , I m et a y ou n g Sw edish g ov er n ess
t o-da y w h o t old m e som e m ost in t er est in g t h in g s a bou t
t h e co-oper a t iv e m ov em en t in Sca n din a v ia . W e r ea lly
m u st h a v e h er t o din e h er e on e ev en in g .”
“ T o be su r e!” sa id h er sist er Flor a , “ bu t I h a v en ’t
w a st ed m y t im e eit h er . I m et su ch a clev er old
g en t lem a n a t M. V in t eu il’s w h o k n ow s Ma u ba n t qu it e
w ell, a n d Ma u ba n t h a s t old h im ev er y lit t le t h in g a bou t
h ow h e g et s u p h is pa r t s. It is t h e m ost in t er est in g t h in g
I ev er h ea r d. He is a n eig h bou r of M. V in t eu il’s, a n d I
n ev er k n ew ; a n d h e is so n ice besides.”
“ M. V in t eu il is n ot t h e on ly on e w h o h a s n ice
n eig h bou r s,” cr ied m y a u n t Célin e in a v oice w h ich
seem ed lou d beca u se sh e w a s so t im id, a n d seem ed
for ced beca u se sh e h a d been pla n n in g t h e lit t le speech
for so lon g ; da r t in g , a s sh e spok e, w h a t sh e ca lled a
‘sig n ifica n t g la n ce’ a t Sw a n n . A n d m y a u n t Flor a , w h o
r ea lised t h a t t h is v eiled u t t er a n ce w a s Célin e’s w a y of
t h a n k in g Sw a n n in t ellig ibly for t h e A st i, look ed a t h im
w it h a blen d of con g r a t u la t ion a n d ir on y , eit h er ju st ,
beca u se sh e w ish ed t o u n der lin e h er sist er ’s lit t le
epig r a m , or beca u se sh e en v ied Sw a n n h is h a v in g
in spir ed it , or m er ely beca u se sh e im a g in ed t h a t h e w a s
em ba r r a ssed, a n d cou ld n ot h elp h a v in g a lit t le fu n a t
h is ex pen se.
“ I t h in k it w ou ld be w or t h w h ile,” Flor a w en t on , “ t o
h a v e t h is old g en t lem a n t o din n er . W h en y ou g et h im
u pon Ma u ba n t or Mm e. Ma t er n a h e w ill t a lk for h ou r s
on en d.”
“ T h a t m u st be delig h t fu l,” sig h ed m y g r a n dfa t h er ,
in w h ose m in d n a t u r e h a d u n for t u n a t ely for g ot t en t o
in clu de a n y ca pa cit y w h a t soev er for becom in g
pa ssion a t ely in t er est ed in t h e co-oper a t iv e m ov em en t
a m on g t h e la dies of Sw eden or in t h e m et h ods em ploy ed
by Ma u ba n t t o g et u p h is pa r t s, ju st a s it h a d for g ot t en
t o en dow m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s t w o sist er s w it h a g r a in of
t h a t pr eciou s sa lt w h ich on e h a s on eself t o ‘a dd t o t a st e’
in or der t o ex t r a ct a n y sa v ou r fr om a n a r r a t iv e of t h e
pr iv a t e life of Mole or of t h e Com t e de Pa r is.
“ I sa y !” ex cla im ed Sw a n n t o m y g r a n dfa t h er ,
“ w h a t I w a s g oin g t o t ell y ou h a s m or e t o do t h a n y ou
m ig h t t h in k w it h w h a t y ou w er e a sk in g m e ju st n ow ,
for in som e r espect s t h er e h a s been v er y lit t le ch a n g e. I
ca m e a cr oss a pa ssa g e in Sa in t -Sim on t h is m or n in g
w h ich w ou ld h a v e a m u sed y ou . It is in t h e v olu m e
w h ich cov er s h is m ission t o Spa in ; n ot on e of t h e best ,
lit t le m or e in fa ct t h a n a jou r n a l, bu t a t lea st it is a
jou r n a l w on der fu lly w ell w r it t en , w h ich fa ir ly
dist in g u ish es it fr om t h e dev a st a t in g jou r n a lism t h a t
w e feel bou n d t o r ea d in t h ese da y s, m or n in g , n oon a n d
n ig h t .”
“ I do n ot a g r ee w it h y ou : t h er e a r e som e da y s w h en
I fin d r ea din g t h e pa per s v er y plea sa n t in deed!” m y
a u n t Flor a br ok e in , t o sh ow Sw a n n t h a t sh e h a d r ea d
t h e n ot e a bou t h is Cor ot in t h e Figaro.
“ Y es,” a u n t Célin e w en t on e bet t er . “ W h en t h ey
w r it e a bou t t h in g s or people in w h om w e a r e
in t er est ed.”
“ I don ’t den y it ,” a n sw er ed Sw a n n in som e
bew ilder m en t . “ T h e fa u lt I fin d w it h ou r jou r n a lism is
t h a t it for ces u s t o t a k e a n in t er est in som e fr esh
t r iv ia lit y or ot h er ev er y da y , w h er ea s on ly t h r ee or
fou r book s in a lifet im e g iv e u s a n y t h in g t h a t is of r ea l
im por t a n ce. Su ppose t h a t , ev er y m or n in g , w h en w e
t or e t h e w r a pper off ou r pa per w it h fev er ed h a n ds, a
t r a n sm u t a t ion w er e t o t a k e pla ce, a n d w e w er e t o fin d
in side it — oh ! I don ’t k n ow ; sh a ll w e sa y Pa sca l’s
Pens ées ?” He a r t icu la t ed t h e t it le w it h a n ir on ic
em ph a sis so a s n ot t o a ppea r peda n t ic. “ A n d t h en , in t h e
g ilt a n d t ooled v olu m es w h ich w e open on ce in t en
y ea r s,” h e w en t on , sh ew in g t h a t con t em pt for t h e
t h in g s of t h is w or ld w h ich som e m en of t h e w or ld lik e t o
a ffect , “ w e sh ou ld r ea d t h a t t h e Qu een of t h e Hellen es
h a d a r r iv ed a t Ca n n es, or t h a t t h e Pr in cesse de Léon
h a d g iv en a fa n cy dr ess ba ll. In t h a t w a y w e sh ou ld
a r r iv e a t t h e r ig h t pr opor t ion bet w een ‘in for m a t ion ’
a n d ‘pu blicit y .’” Bu t a t on ce r eg r et t in g t h a t h e h a d
a llow ed h im self t o spea k , ev en in jest , of ser iou s
m a t t er s, h e a dded ir on ica lly : “ W e a r e h a v in g a m ost
en t er t a in in g con v er sa t ion ; I ca n n ot t h in k w h y w e
clim b t o t h ese loft y su m m it s,” a n d t h en , t u r n in g t o m y
g r a n dfa t h er : “ W ell, Sa in t -Sim on t ells h ow Ma u lev r ier
h a d h a d t h e a u da cit y t o offer h is h a n d t o h is son s. Y ou
r em em ber h ow h e sa y s of Ma u lev r ier , ‘Nev er did I fin d
in t h a t coa r se bot t le a n y t h in g bu t ill-h u m ou r ,
boor ish n ess, a n d folly .’”
“ Coa r se or n ot , I k n ow bot t les in w h ich t h er e is
som et h in g v er y differ en t !” sa id Flor a br isk ly , feelin g
bou n d t o t h a n k Sw a n n a s w ell a s h er sist er , sin ce t h e
pr esen t of A st i h a d been a ddr essed t o t h em bot h . Célin e
beg a n t o la u g h .
Sw a n n w a s pu zzled, bu t w en t on : “ ‘I ca n n ot sa y
w h et h er it w a s h is ig n or a n ce or a t r a p,’ w r it es Sa in t -
Sim on ; ‘h e w ish ed t o g iv e h is h a n d t o m y ch ildr en . I
n ot iced it in t im e t o pr ev en t h im .’”
My g r a n dfa t h er w a s a lr ea dy in ecst a sies ov er
“ ig n or a n ce or a t r a p,” bu t Miss Célin e — t h e n a m e of
Sa in t -Sim on , a ‘m a n of let t er s,’ h a v in g a r r est ed t h e
com plet e pa r a ly sis of h er sen se of h ea r in g — h a d g r ow n
angry .
“ W h a t ! Y ou a dm ir e t h a t , do y ou ? W ell, it is clev er
en ou g h ! Bu t w h a t is t h e poin t of it ? Does h e m ea n t h a t
on e m a n isn ’t a s g ood a s a n ot h er ? W h a t differ en ce ca n it
m a k e w h et h er h e is a du k e or a g r oom so lon g a s h e is
in t ellig en t a n d g ood? He h a d a fin e w a y of br in g in g u p
h is ch ildr en , y ou r Sa in t -Sim on , if h e didn ’t t ea ch t h em
t o sh a k e h a n ds w it h a ll h on est m en . Rea lly a n d t r u ly ,
it ’s a bom in a ble. A n d y ou da r e t o qu ot e it !”
A n d m y g r a n dfa t h er , u t t er ly depr essed, r ea lisin g
h ow fu t ile it w ou ld be for h im , a g a in st t h is opposit ion ,
t o a t t em pt t o g et Sw a n n t o t ell h im t h e st or ies w h ich
w ou ld h a v e a m u sed h im , m u r m u r ed t o m y m ot h er :
“ Ju st t ell m e a g a in t h a t lin e of y ou r s w h ich a lw a y s
com for t s m e so m u ch on t h ese occa sion s. Oh , y es:

W h a t v ir t u es, Lor d, T h ou m a k est u s

a bh or !

Good, t h a t is, v er y g ood.”

I n ev er t ook m y ey es off m y m ot h er . I k n ew t h a t
w h en t h ey w er e a t t a ble I sh ou ld n ot be per m it t ed t o
st a y t h er e for t h e w h ole of din n er -t im e, a n d t h a t
Ma m m a , for fea r of a n n oy in g m y fa t h er , w ou ld n ot
a llow m e t o g iv e h er in pu blic t h e ser ies of k isses t h a t
sh e w ou ld h a v e h a d in m y r oom . A n d so I pr om ised
m y self t h a t in t h e din in g -r oom , a s t h ey beg a n t o ea t
a n d dr in k a n d a s I felt t h e h ou r a ppr oa ch , I w ou ld pu t
befor eh a n d in t o t h is k iss, w h ich w a s bou n d t o be so br ief
a n d st ea lt h y in ex ecu t ion , ev er y t h in g t h a t m y ow n
effor t s cou ld pu t in t o it : w ou ld look ou t v er y ca r efu lly
fir st t h e ex a ct spot on h er ch eek w h er e I w ou ld im pr in t
it , a n d w ou ld so pr epa r e m y t h ou g h t s t h a t I m ig h t be
a ble, t h a n k s t o t h ese m en t a l pr elim in a r ies, t o
con secr a t e t h e w h ole of t h e m in u t e Ma m m a w ou ld
a llow m e t o t h e sen sa t ion of h er ch eek a g a in st m y lips,
a s a pa in t er w h o ca n h a v e h is su bject for sh or t sit t in g s
on ly pr epa r es h is pa let t e, a n d fr om w h a t h e r em em ber s
a n d fr om r ou g h n ot es does in a dv a n ce ev er y t h in g
w h ich h e possibly ca n do in t h e sit t er ’s a bsen ce. Bu t t o-
n ig h t , befor e t h e din n er -bell h a d sou n ded, m y
g r a n dfa t h er sa id w it h u n con sciou s cr u elt y : “ T h e lit t le
m a n look s t ir ed; h e’d bet t er g o u p t o bed. Besides, w e a r e
din in g la t e t o-n ig h t .”
A n d m y fa t h er , w h o w a s less scr u pu lou s t h a n m y
g r a n dm ot h er or m ot h er in obser v in g t h e let t er of a
t r ea t y , w en t on : “ Y es, r u n a lon g ; t o bed w it h y ou .”
I w ou ld h a v e k issed Ma m m a t h en a n d t h er e, bu t a t
t h a t m om en t t h e din n er -bell r a n g .
“ No, n o, lea v e y ou r m ot h er a lon e. Y ou ’v e sa id g ood
n ig h t qu it e en ou g h . T h ese ex h ibit ion s a r e a bsu r d. Go on
u pst a ir s.”
A n d so I m u st set for t h w it h ou t v ia t icu m ; m u st
clim b ea ch st ep of t h e st a ir ca se ‘a g a in st m y h ea r t ,’ a s
t h e sa y in g is, clim bin g in opposit ion t o m y h ea r t ’s
desir e, w h ich w a s t o r et u r n t o m y m ot h er , sin ce sh e
h a d n ot , by h er k iss, g iv en m y h ea r t lea v e t o
a ccom pa n y m e for t h . T h a t h a t efu l st a ir ca se, u p w h ich I
a lw a y s pa ssed w it h su ch dism a y , g a v e ou t a sm ell of
v a r n ish w h ich h a d t o som e ex t en t a bsor bed, m a de
defin it e a n d fix ed t h e specia l qu a lit y of sor r ow t h a t I felt
ea ch ev en in g , a n d m a de it per h a ps ev en m or e cr u el t o
m y sen sibilit y beca u se, w h en it a ssu m ed t h is olfa ct or y
g u ise, m y in t ellect w a s pow er less t o r esist it . W h en w e
h a v e g on e t o sleep w it h a m a dden in g t oot h a ch e a n d a r e
con sciou s of it on ly a s a lit t le g ir l w h om w e a t t em pt ,
t im e a ft er t im e, t o pu ll ou t of t h e w a t er , or a s a lin e of
Molièr e w h ich w e r epea t in cessa n t ly t o ou r selv es, it is a
g r ea t r elief t o w a k e u p, so t h a t ou r in t ellig en ce ca n
disen t a n g le t h e idea of t oot h a ch e fr om a n y a r t ificia l
sem bla n ce of h er oism or r h y t h m ic ca den ce. It w a s t h e
pr ecise con v er se of t h is r elief w h ich I felt w h en m y
a n g u ish a t h a v in g t o g o u p t o m y r oom in v a ded m y
con sciou sn ess in a m a n n er in fin it ely m or e r a pid,
in st a n t a n eou s a lm ost , a m a n n er a t on ce in sidiou s a n d
br u t a l a s I br ea t h ed in — a fa r m or e poison ou s t h in g
t h a n a n y m or a l pen et r a t ion — t h e pecu lia r sm ell of t h e
v a r n ish u pon t h a t st a ir ca se.
On ce in m y r oom I h a d t o st op ev er y looph ole, t o
close t h e sh u t t er s, t o dig m y ow n g r a v e a s I t u r n ed
dow n t h e bed-clot h es, t o w r a p m y self in t h e sh r ou d of
m y n ig h t sh ir t . Bu t befor e bu r y in g m y self in t h e ir on
bed w h ich h a d been pla ced t h er e beca u se, on su m m er
n ig h t s, I w a s t oo h ot a m on g t h e r ep cu r t a in s of t h e fou r -
post er , I w a s st ir r ed t o r ev olt , a n d a t t em pt ed t h e
desper a t e st r a t a g em of a con dem n ed pr ison er . I w r ot e t o
m y m ot h er beg g in g h er t o com e u pst a ir s for a n
im por t a n t r ea son w h ich I cou ld n ot pu t in w r it in g . My
fea r w a s t h a t Fr a n çoise, m y a u n t ’s cook w h o u sed t o be
pu t in ch a r g e of m e w h en I w a s a t Com br a y , m ig h t
r efu se t o t a k e m y n ot e. I h a d a su spicion t h a t , in h er
ey es, t o ca r r y a m essa g e t o m y m ot h er w h en t h er e w a s
a st r a n g er in t h e r oom w ou ld a ppea r fla t ly
in con ceiv a ble, ju st a s it w ou ld be for t h e door -k eeper of
a t h ea t r e t o h a n d a let t er t o a n a ct or u pon t h e st a g e. For
t h in g s w h ich m ig h t or m ig h t n ot be don e sh e possessed
a code a t on ce im per iou s, a bu n da n t , su bt le, a n d
u n com pr om isin g on poin t s t h em selv es im per cept ible or
ir r elev a n t , w h ich g a v e it a r esem bla n ce t o t h ose
a n cien t la w s w h ich com bin e su ch cr u el or din a n ces a s
t h e m a ssa cr e of in fa n t s a t t h e br ea st w it h pr oh ibit ion s,
of ex a g g er a t ed r efin em en t , a g a in st “ seet h in g t h e k id in
h is m ot h er ’s m ilk ,” or “ ea t in g of t h e sin ew w h ich is
u pon t h e h ollow of t h e t h ig h .” T h is code, if on e cou ld
ju dg e it by t h e su dden obst in a cy w h ich sh e w ou ld pu t
in t o h er r efu sa l t o ca r r y ou t cer t a in of ou r in st r u ct ion s,
seem ed t o h a v e for eseen su ch socia l com plica t ion s a n d
r efin em en t s of fa sh ion a s n ot h in g in Fr a n çoise’s
su r r ou n din g s or in h er ca r eer a s a ser v a n t in a v illa g e
h ou seh old cou ld h a v e pu t in t o h er h ea d; a n d w e w er e
oblig ed t o a ssu m e t h a t t h er e w a s la t en t in h er som e pa st
ex ist en ce in t h e a n cien t h ist or y of Fr a n ce, n oble a n d
lit t le u n der st ood, ju st a s t h er e is in t h ose
m a n u fa ct u r in g t ow n s w h er e old m a n sion s st ill t est ify t o
t h eir for m er cou r t ly da y s, a n d ch em ica l w or k er s t oil
a m on g delica t ely scu lpt u r ed scen es of t h e Mir a cle of
T h eoph ilu s or t h e Qu a t r e Fils A y m on .
In t h is pa r t icu la r in st a n ce, t h e a r t icle of h er code
w h ich m a de it h ig h ly im pr oba ble t h a t — ba r r in g a n
ou t br ea k of fir e — Fr a n çoise w ou ld g o dow n a n d dist u r b
Ma m m a w h en M. Sw a n n w a s t h er e for so u n im por t a n t
a per son a s m y self w a s on e em body in g t h e r espect sh e
sh ew ed n ot on ly for t h e fa m ily (a s for t h e dea d, for t h e
cler g y , or for r oy a lt y ), bu t a lso for t h e st r a n g er w it h in
ou r g a t es; a r espect w h ich I sh ou ld per h a ps h a v e fou n d
t ou ch in g in a book , bu t w h ich n ev er fa iled t o ir r it a t e
m e on h er lips, beca u se of t h e solem n a n d g en t le t on es
in w h ich sh e w ou ld u t t er it , a n d w h ich ir r it a t ed m e
m or e t h a n u su a l t h is ev en in g w h en t h e sa cr ed
ch a r a ct er in w h ich sh e in v est ed t h e din n er -pa r t y
m ig h t h a v e t h e effect of m a k in g h er declin e t o dist u r b
it s cer em on ia l. Bu t t o g iv e m y self on e ch a n ce of su ccess
I lied w it h ou t h esit a t ion , t ellin g h er t h a t it w a s n ot in
t h e lea st m y self w h o h a d w a n t ed t o w r it e t o Ma m m a ,
bu t Ma m m a w h o, on sa y in g g ood n ig h t t o m e, h a d
beg g ed m e n ot t o for g et t o sen d h er a n a n sw er a bou t
som et h in g sh e h a d a sk ed m e t o fin d, a n d t h a t sh e w ou ld
cer t a in ly be v er y a n g r y if t h is n ot e w er e n ot t a k en t o
h er . I t h in k t h a t Fr a n çoise disbeliev ed m e, for , lik e
t h ose pr im it iv e m en w h ose sen ses w er e so m u ch k een er
t h a n ou r ow n , sh e cou ld im m edia t ely det ect , by sig n s
im per cept ible by t h e r est of u s, t h e t r u t h or fa lseh ood of
a n y t h in g t h a t w e m ig h t w ish t o con cea l fr om h er . Sh e
st u died t h e en v elope for fiv e m in u t es a s t h ou g h a n
ex a m in a t ion of t h e pa per it self a n d t h e look of m y
h a n dw r it in g cou ld en lig h t en h er a s t o t h e n a t u r e of t h e
con t en t s, or t ell h er t o w h ich a r t icle of h er code sh e
ou g h t t o r efer t h e m a t t er . T h en sh e w en t ou t w it h a n
a ir of r esig n a t ion w h ich seem ed t o im ply : “ W h a t a
dr ea dfu l t h in g for pa r en t s t o h a v e a ch ild lik e t h is!”
A m om en t la t er sh e r et u r n ed t o sa y t h a t t h ey w er e
st ill a t t h e ice st a g e a n d t h a t it w a s im possible for t h e
bu t ler t o deliv er t h e n ot e a t on ce, in fr on t of ev er y body ;
bu t t h a t w h en t h e fin g er -bow ls w er e pu t r ou n d h e
w ou ld fin d a w a y of slippin g it in t o Ma m m a ’s h a n d. A t
on ce m y a n x iet y su bsided; it w a s n ow n o lon g er (a s it
h a d been a m om en t a g o) u n t il t o-m or r ow t h a t I h a d lost
m y m ot h er , for m y lit t le lin e w a s g oin g — t o a n n oy h er ,
n o dou bt , a n d dou bly so beca u se t h is con t r iv a n ce w ou ld
m a k e m e r idicu lou s in Sw a n n ’s ey es — bu t w a s g oin g a ll
t h e sa m e t o a dm it m e, in v isibly a n d by st ea lt h , in t o t h e
sa m e r oom a s h er self, w a s g oin g t o w h isper fr om m e
in t o h er ea r ; for t h a t for bidden a n d u n fr ien dly din in g -
r oom , w h er e bu t a m om en t a g o t h e ice it self — w it h
bu r n ed n u t s in it — a n d t h e fin g er -bow ls seem ed t o m e
t o be con cea lin g plea su r es t h a t w er e m isch iev ou s a n d of
a m or t a l sa dn ess beca u se Ma m m a w a s t a st in g of t h em
a n d I w a s fa r a w a y , h a d open ed it s door s t o m e a n d, lik e
a r ipe fr u it w h ich bu r st s t h r ou g h it s sk in , w a s g oin g t o
pou r ou t in t o m y in t ox ica t ed h ea r t t h e g u sh in g
sw eet n ess of Ma m m a ’s a t t en t ion w h ile sh e w a s r ea din g
w h a t I h a d w r it t en . Now I w a s n o lon g er sepa r a t ed fr om
h er ; t h e ba r r ier s w er e dow n ; a n ex qu isit e t h r ea d w a s
bin din g u s. Besides, t h a t w a s n ot a ll, for su r ely Ma m m a
w ou ld com e.
A s for t h e a g on y t h r ou g h w h ich I h a d ju st pa ssed, I
im a g in ed t h a t Sw a n n w ou ld h a v e la u g h ed h ea r t ily a t
it if h e h a d r ea d m y let t er a n d h a d g u essed it s pu r pose;
w h er ea s, on t h e con t r a r y , a s I w a s t o lea r n in du e
cou r se, a sim ila r a n g u ish h a d been t h e ba n e of h is life
for m a n y y ea r s, a n d n o on e per h a ps cou ld h a v e
u n der st ood m y feelin g s a t t h a t m om en t so w ell a s
h im self; t o h im , t h a t a n g u ish w h ich lies in k n ow in g
t h a t t h e cr ea t u r e on e a dor es is in som e pla ce of
en joy m en t w h er e on eself is n ot a n d ca n n ot follow — t o
h im t h a t a n g u ish ca m e t h r ou g h Lov e, t o w h ich it is in a
sen se pr edest in ed, by w h ich it m u st be equ ipped a n d
a da pt ed; bu t w h en , a s h a d befa llen m e, su ch a n
a n g u ish possesses on e’s sou l befor e Lov e h a s y et en t er ed
in t o on e’s life, t h en it m u st dr ift , a w a it in g Lov e’s
com in g , v a g u e a n d fr ee, w it h ou t pr ecise a t t a ch m en t , a t
t h e disposa l of on e sen t im en t t o-da y , of a n ot h er t o-
m or r ow , of filia l piet y or a ffect ion for a com r a de. A n d
t h e joy w it h w h ich I fir st bou n d m y self a ppr en t ice,
w h en Fr a n çoise r et u r n ed t o t ell m e t h a t m y let t er
w ou ld be deliv er ed; Sw a n n , t oo, h a d k n ow n w ell t h a t
fa lse joy w h ich a fr ien d ca n g iv e u s, or som e r ela t iv e of
t h e w om a n w e lov e, w h en on h is a r r iv a l a t t h e h ou se or
t h ea t r e w h er e sh e is t o be fou n d, for som e ba ll or pa r t y
or ‘fir st -n ig h t ’ a t w h ich h e is t o m eet h er , h e sees u s
w a n der in g ou t side, desper a t ely a w a it in g som e
oppor t u n it y of com m u n ica t in g w it h h er . He r ecog n ises
u s, g r eet s u s fa m ilia r ly , a n d a sk s w h a t w e a r e doin g
t h er e. A n d w h en w e in v en t a st or y of h a v in g som e
u r g en t m essa g e t o g iv e t o h is r ela t iv e or fr ien d, h e
a ssu r es u s t h a t n ot h in g cou ld be m or e sim ple, t a k es u s
in a t t h e door , a n d pr om ises t o sen d h er dow n t o u s in
fiv e m in u t es. How m u ch w e lov e h im — a s a t t h a t
m om en t I lov ed Fr a n çoise — t h e g ood-n a t u r ed
in t er m edia r y w h o by a sin g le w or d h a s m a de
su ppor t a ble, hum an, a lm ost pr opit iou s th e
in con ceiv a ble, in fer n a l scen e of g a iet y in t h e t h ick of
w h ich w e h a d been im a g in in g sw a r m s of en em ies,
per v er se a n d sedu ct iv e, beg u ilin g a w a y fr om u s, ev en
m a k in g la u g h a t u s, t h e w om a n w h om w e lov e. If w e
a r e t o ju dg e of t h em by h im , t h is r ela t iv e w h o h a s
a ccost ed u s a n d w h o is h im self a n in it ia t e in t h ose cr u el
m y st er ies, t h en t h e ot h er g u est s ca n n ot be so v er y
dem on ia ca l. T h ose in a ccessible a n d t or t u r in g h ou r s in t o
w h ich sh e h a d g on e t o t a st e of u n k n ow n plea su r es —
beh old, a br ea ch in t h e w a ll, a n d w e a r e t h r ou g h it .
Beh old, on e of t h e m om en t s w h ose ser ies w ill g o t o m a k e
u p t h eir su m , a m om en t a s g en u in e a s t h e r est , if n ot
a ct u a lly m or e im por t a n t t o ou r self beca u se ou r m ist r ess
is m or e in t en sely a pa r t of it ; w e pict u r e it t o ou r selv es,
w e possess it , w e in t er v en e u pon it , a lm ost w e h a v e
cr ea t ed it : n a m ely , t h e m om en t in w h ich h e g oes t o t ell
h er t h a t w e a r e w a it in g t h er e below . A n d v er y
pr oba bly t h e ot h er m om en t s of t h e pa r t y w ill n ot be
essen t ia lly differ en t , w ill con t a in n ot h in g else so
ex qu isit e or so w ell a ble t o m a k e u s su ffer , sin ce t h is
k in d fr ien d h a s a ssu r ed u s t h a t “ Of cou r se, sh e w ill be
delig h t ed t o com e dow n ! It w ill be fa r m or e a m u sin g for
h er t o t a lk t o y ou t h a n t o be bor ed u p t h er e.” A la s!
Sw a n n h a d lea r n ed by ex per ien ce t h a t t h e g ood
in t en t ion s of a t h ir d pa r t y a r e pow er less t o con t r ol a
w om a n w h o is a n n oy ed t o fin d h er self pu r su ed ev en
in t o a ba ll-r oom by a m a n w h om sh e does n ot lov e. T oo
oft en , t h e k in d fr ien d com es dow n a g a in a lon e.
My m ot h er did n ot a ppea r , bu t w it h n o a t t em pt t o
sa feg u a r d m y self-r espect (w h ich depen ded u pon h er
k eepin g u p t h e fict ion t h a t sh e h a d a sk ed m e t o let h er
k n ow t h e r esu lt of m y sea r ch for som et h in g or ot h er )
m a de Fr a n çoise t ell m e, in so m a n y w or ds “ T h er e is n o
a n sw er ” — w or ds I h a v e so oft en , sin ce t h en , h ea r d t h e
h a ll-por t er s in ‘m a n sion s’ a n d t h e flu n k ey s in
g a m blin g -clu bs a n d t h e lik e, r epea t t o som e poor g ir l,
w h o r eplies in bew ilder m en t : “ W h a t ! h e’s sa id n ot h in g ?
It ’s n ot possible. Y ou did g iv e h im m y let t er , didn ’t y ou ?
V er y w ell, I sh a ll w a it a lit t le lon g er .” A n d ju st a s sh e
in v a r ia bly pr ot est s t h a t sh e does n ot n eed t h e ex t r a g a s
w h ich t h e por t er offer s t o lig h t for h er , a n d sit s on
t h er e, h ea r in g n ot h in g fu r t h er , ex cept a n occa sion a l
r em a r k on t h e w ea t h er w h ich t h e por t er ex ch a n g es
w it h a m essen g er w h om h e w ill sen d off su dden ly , w h en
h e n ot ices t h e t im e, t o pu t som e cu st om er ’s w in e on t h e
ice; so, h a v in g declin ed Fr a n çoise’s offer t o m a k e m e
som e t ea or t o st a y beside m e, I let h er g o off a g a in t o t h e
ser v a n t s’ h a ll, a n d la y dow n a n d sh u t m y ey es, a n d
t r ied n ot t o h ea r t h e v oices of m y fa m ily w h o w er e
dr in k in g t h eir coffee in t h e g a r den .
Bu t a ft er a few secon ds I r ea lised t h a t , by w r it in g
t h a t lin e t o Ma m m a , by a ppr oa ch in g — a t t h e r isk of
m a k in g h er a n g r y — so n ea r t o h er t h a t I felt I cou ld
r ea ch ou t a n d g r a sp t h e m om en t in w h ich I sh ou ld see
h er a g a in , I h a d cu t m y self off fr om t h e possibilit y of
g oin g t o sleep u n t il I a ct u a lly h a d seen h er , a n d m y
h ea r t beg a n t o bea t m or e a n d m or e pa in fu lly a s I
in cr ea sed m y a g it a t ion by or der in g m y self t o k eep ca lm
a n d t o a cqu iesce in m y ill-for t u n e. T h en , su dden ly , m y
a n x iet y su bsided, a feelin g of in t en se h a ppin ess cou r sed
t h r ou g h m e, a s w h en a st r on g m edicin e beg in s t o t a k e
effect a n d on e’s pa in v a n ish es: I h a d for m ed a r esolu t ion
t o a ba n don a ll a t t em pt s t o g o t o sleep w it h ou t seein g
Ma m m a , a n d h a d decided t o k iss h er a t a ll cost s, ev en
w it h t h e cer t a in t y of bein g in disg r a ce w it h h er for lon g
a ft er w a r ds, w h en sh e h er self ca m e u p t o bed. T h e
t r a n qu illit y w h ich follow ed m y a n g u ish m a de m e
ex t r em ely a ler t , n o less t h a n m y sen se of ex pect a t ion ,
m y t h ir st for a n d m y fea r of da n g er .
Noiselessly I open ed t h e w in dow a n d sa t dow n on t h e
foot of m y bed; h a r dly da r in g t o m ov e in ca se t h ey
sh ou ld h ea r m e fr om below . T h in g s ou t side seem ed a lso
fix ed in m u t e ex pect a t ion , so a s n ot t o dist u r b t h e
m oon lig h t w h ich , du plica t in g ea ch of t h em a n d
t h r ow in g it ba ck by t h e ex t en sion , for w a r ds, of a
sh a dow den ser a n d m or e con cr et e t h a n it s su bst a n ce,
h a d m a de t h e w h ole la n dsca pe seem a t on ce t h in n er
a n d lon g er , lik e a m a p w h ich , a ft er bein g folded u p, is
spr ea d ou t u pon t h e g r ou n d. W h a t h a d t o m ov e — a lea f
of t h e ch est n u t -t r ee, for in st a n ce — m ov ed. Bu t it s
m in u t e sh u dder in g , com plet e, fin ish ed t o t h e lea st
det a il a n d w it h u t m ost delica cy of g est u r e, m a de n o
discor d w it h t h e r est of t h e scen e, a n d y et w a s n ot
m er g ed in it , r em a in in g clea r ly ou t lin ed. Ex posed u pon
t h is su r fa ce of silen ce, w h ich a bsor bed n ot h in g fr om
t h em , t h e m ost dist a n t sou n ds, t h ose w h ich m u st h a v e
com e fr om g a r den s a t t h e fa r en d of t h e t ow n , cou ld be
dist in g u ish ed w it h su ch ex a ct ‘fin ish ’ t h a t t h e
im pr ession t h ey g a v e of com in g fr om a dist a n ce seem ed
du e on ly t o t h eir ‘pia n issim o’ ex ecu t ion , lik e t h ose
m ov em en t s on m u t ed st r in g s so w ell per for m ed by t h e
or ch est r a of t h e Con ser v a t oir e t h a t , a lt h ou g h on e does
n ot lose a sin g le n ot e, on e t h in k s a ll t h e sa m e t h a t t h ey
a r e bein g pla y ed som ew h er e ou t side, a lon g w a y fr om
t h e con cer t h a ll, so t h a t a ll t h e old su bscr iber s, a n d m y
g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s t oo, w h en Sw a n n h a d g iv en t h em
h is sea t s, u sed t o st r a in t h eir ea r s a s if t h ey h a d ca u g h t
t h e dist a n t a ppr oa ch of a n a r m y on t h e m a r ch , w h ich
h a d n ot y et r ou n ded t h e cor n er of t h e Ru e de T r év ise.
I w a s w ell a w a r e t h a t I h a d pla ced m y self in a
posit ion t h a n w h ich n on e cou ld be cou n t ed u pon t o
in v olv e m e in g r a v er con sequ en ces a t m y pa r en t s’
h a n ds; con sequ en ces fa r g r a v er , in deed, t h a n a
st r a n g er w ou ld h a v e im a g in ed, a n d su ch a s (h e w ou ld
h a v e t h ou g h t ) cou ld follow on ly som e r ea lly sh a m efu l
fa u lt . Bu t in t h e sy st em of edu ca t ion w h ich t h ey h a d
g iv en m e fa u lt s w er e n ot cla ssified in t h e sa m e or der a s
in t h a t of ot h er ch ildr en , a n d I h a d been t a u g h t t o pla ce
a t t h e h ea d of t h e list (dou bt less beca u se t h er e w a s n o
ot h er cla ss of fa u lt s fr om w h ich I n eeded t o be m or e
ca r efu lly pr ot ect ed) t h ose in w h ich I ca n n ow
dist in g u ish t h e com m on fea t u r e t h a t on e su ccu m bs t o
t h em by y ieldin g t o a n er v ou s im pu lse. Bu t su ch w or ds
a s t h ese la st h a d n ev er been u t t er ed in m y h ea r in g ; n o
on e h a d y et a ccou n t ed for m y t em pt a t ion s in a w a y
w h ich m ig h t h a v e led m e t o believ e t h a t t h er e w a s
som e ex cu se for m y g iv in g in t o t h em , or t h a t I w a s
a ct u a lly in ca pa ble of h oldin g ou t a g a in st t h em . Y et I
cou ld ea sily r ecog n ise t h is cla ss of t r a n sg r ession s by t h e
a n g u ish of m in d w h ich pr eceded, a s w ell a s by t h e
r ig ou r of t h e pu n ish m en t w h ich follow ed t h em ; a n d I
k n ew t h a t w h a t I h a d ju st don e w a s in t h e sa m e
ca t eg or y a s cer t a in ot h er sin s for w h ich I h a d been
sev er ely ch a st ised, t h ou g h in fin it ely m or e ser iou s t h a n
t h ey . W h en I w en t ou t t o m eet m y m ot h er a s sh e h er self
ca m e u p t o bed, a n d w h en sh e sa w t h a t I h a d r em a in ed
u p so a s t o sa y g ood n ig h t t o h er a g a in in t h e pa ssa g e, I
sh ou ld n ot be a llow ed t o st a y in t h e h ou se a da y lon g er ,
I sh ou ld be pa ck ed off t o sch ool n ex t m or n in g ; so m u ch
w a s cer t a in . V er y g ood: h a d I been oblig ed, t h e n ex t
m om en t , t o h u r l m y self ou t of t h e w in dow , I sh ou ld st ill
h a v e pr efer r ed su ch a fa t e. For w h a t I w a n t ed n ow w a s
Ma m m a , a n d t o sa y g ood n ig h t t o h er . I h a d g on e t oo fa r
a lon g t h e r oa d w h ich led t o t h e r ea lisa t ion of t h is desir e
t o be a ble t o r et r a ce m y st eps.
I cou ld h ea r m y pa r en t s’ foot st eps a s t h ey w en t w it h
Sw a n n ; a n d, w h en t h e r a t t le of t h e g a t e a ssu r ed m e
t h a t h e h a d r ea lly g on e, I cr ept t o t h e w in dow . Ma m m a
w a s a sk in g m y fa t h er if h e h a d t h ou g h t t h e lobst er
g ood, a n d w h et h er M. Sw a n n h a d h a d som e of t h e coffee-
a n d-pist a ch io ice. “ I t h ou g h t it r a t h er so-so,” sh e w a s
sa y in g ; “ n ex t t im e w e sh a ll h a v e t o t r y a n ot h er
fla v ou r .”
“ I ca n ’t t ell y ou ,” sa id m y g r ea t -a u n t , “ w h a t a
ch a n g e I fin d in Sw a n n . He is qu it e a n t iqu a t ed!” Sh e
h a d g r ow n so a ccu st om ed t o seein g Sw a n n a lw a y s in
t h e sa m e st a g e of a dolescen ce t h a t it w a s a sh ock t o h er
t o fin d h im su dden ly less y ou n g t h a n t h e a g e sh e st ill
a t t r ibu t ed t o h im . A n d t h e ot h er s t oo w er e beg in n in g t o
r em a r k in Sw a n n t h a t a bn or m a l, ex cessiv e, sca n da lou s
sen escen ce, m eet on ly in a celiba t e, in on e of t h a t cla ss
for w h om it seem s t h a t t h e g r ea t da y w h ich k n ow s n o
m or r ow m u st be lon g er t h a n for ot h er m en , sin ce for
su ch a on e it is v oid of pr om ise, a n d fr om it s da w n t h e
m om en t s st ea dily a ccu m u la t e w it h ou t a n y su bsequ en t
pa r t it ion a m on g h is offspr in g .
“ I fa n cy h e h a s a lot of t r ou ble w it h t h a t w r et ch ed
w ife of h is, w h o ‘liv es’ w it h a cer t a in Mon sieu r de
Ch a r lu s, a s a ll Com br a y k n ow s. It ’s t h e t a lk of t h e
t ow n .”
My m ot h er obser v ed t h a t , in spit e of t h is, h e h a d
look ed m u ch less u n h a ppy of la t e. “ A n d h e doesn ’t
n ea r ly so oft en do t h a t t r ick of h is, so lik e h is fa t h er , of
w ipin g h is ey es a n d pa ssin g h is h a n d a cr oss h is
for eh ea d. I t h in k m y self t h a t in h is h ea r t of h ea r t s h e
doesn ’t lov e h is w ife a n y m or e.”
“ W h y , of cou r se h e doesn ’t ,” a n sw er ed m y
g r a n dfa t h er . “ He w r ot e m e a let t er a bou t it , a g es a g o, t o
w h ich I t ook ca r e t o pa y n o a t t en t ion , bu t it left n o
dou bt a s t o h is feelin g s, let a lon e h is lov e for h is w ife.
Hu llo! y ou t w o; y ou n ev er t h a n k ed h im for t h e A st i!” h e
w en t on , t u r n in g t o h is sist er s-in -la w .
“ W h a t ! w e n ev er t h a n k ed h im ? I t h in k , bet w een
y ou a n d m e, t h a t I pu t it t o h im qu it e n ea t ly ,” r eplied
m y a u n t Flor a .
“ Y es, y ou m a n a g ed it v er y w ell; I a dm ir ed y ou for
it ,” sa id m y a u n t Célin e.
“ Bu t y ou did it v er y pr et t ily , t oo.”
“ Y es; I lik ed m y ex pr ession a bou t ‘n ice n eig h bou r s.’”
“ W h a t ! Do y ou ca ll t h a t t h a n k in g h im ?” sh ou t ed
m y g r a n dfa t h er . “ I h ea r d t h a t a ll r ig h t , bu t dev il t a k e
m e if I g u essed it w a s m ea n t for Sw a n n . Y ou m a y be
qu it e su r e h e n ev er n ot iced it .”
“ Com e, com e; Sw a n n is n ot a fool. I a m posit iv e h e
a ppr ecia t ed t h e com plim en t . Y ou didn ’t ex pect m e t o
t ell h im t h e n u m ber of bot t les, or t o g u ess w h a t h e pa id
for t h em .”
My fa t h er a n d m ot h er w er e left a lon e a n d sa t dow n
for a m om en t ; t h en m y fa t h er sa id: “ W ell, sh a ll w e g o
u p t o bed?”
“ A s y ou w ish , dea r , t h ou g h I don ’t feel in t h e lea st
lik e sleepin g . I don ’t k n ow w h y ; it ca n ’t be t h e coffee-ice
— it w a sn ’t st r on g en ou g h t o k eep m e a w a k e lik e t h is.
Bu t I see a lig h t in t h e ser v a n t s’ h a ll: poor Fr a n çoise h a s
been sit t in g u p for m e, so I w ill g et h er t o u n h ook m e
w h ile y ou g o a n d u n dr ess.”
My m ot h er open ed t h e la t t iced door w h ich led fr om
t h e h a ll t o t h e st a ir ca se. Pr esen t ly I h ea r d h er com in g
u pst a ir s t o close h er w in dow . I w en t qu iet ly in t o t h e
pa ssa g e; m y h ea r t w a s bea t in g so v iolen t ly t h a t I cou ld
h a r dly m ov e, bu t a t lea st it w a s t h r obbin g n o lon g er
w it h a n x iet y , bu t w it h t er r or a n d w it h joy . I sa w in t h e
w ell of t h e st a ir a lig h t com in g u pw a r ds, fr om Ma m m a ’s
ca n dle. T h en I sa w Ma m m a h er self: I t h r ew m y self u pon
h er . For a n in st a n t sh e look ed a t m e in a st on ish m en t ,
n ot r ea lisin g w h a t cou ld h a v e h a ppen ed. T h en h er fa ce
a ssu m ed a n ex pr ession of a n g er . Sh e sa id n ot a sin g le
w or d t o m e; a n d, for t h a t m a t t er , I u sed t o g o for da y s
on en d w it h ou t bein g spok en t o, for fa r less offen ces t h a n
t h is. A sin g le w or d fr om Ma m m a w ou ld h a v e been a n
a dm ission t h a t fu r t h er in t er cou r se w it h m e w a s w it h in
t h e bou n ds of possibilit y , a n d t h a t m ig h t per h a ps h a v e
a ppea r ed t o m e m or e t er r ible st ill, a s in dica t in g t h a t ,
w it h su ch a pu n ish m en t a s w a s in st or e for m e, m er e
silen ce, a n d ev en a n g er , w er e r ela t iv ely pu er ile.
 A w or d fr om h er t h en w ou ld h a v e im plied t h e fa lse
ca lm in w h ich on e con v er ses w it h a ser v a n t t o w h om
on e h a s ju st decided t o g iv e n ot ice; t h e k iss on e best ow s
on a son w h o is bein g pa ck ed off t o en list , w h ich w ou ld
h a v e been den ied h im if it h a d m er ely been a m a t t er of
bein g a n g r y w it h h im for a few da y s. Bu t sh e h ea r d m y
fa t h er com in g fr om t h e dr essin g -r oom , w h er e h e h a d
g on e t o t a k e off h is clot h es, a n d, t o a v oid t h e ‘scen e’
w h ich h e w ou ld m a k e if h e sa w m e, sh e sa id, in a v oice
h a lf-st ifled by h er a n g er : “ Ru n a w a y a t on ce. Don ’t let
y ou r fa t h er see y ou st a n din g t h er e lik e a cr a zy ja n e!”
Bu t I beg g ed h er a g a in t o “ Com e a n d sa y g ood n ig h t
t o m e!” t er r ified a s I sa w t h e lig h t fr om m y fa t h er ’s
ca n dle a lr ea dy cr eepin g u p t h e w a ll, bu t a lso m a k in g
u se of h is a ppr oa ch a s a m ea n s of bla ck m a il, in t h e h ope
t h a t m y m ot h er , n ot w ish in g h im t o fin d m e t h er e, a s
fin d m e h e m u st if sh e con t in u ed t o h old ou t , w ou ld g iv e
in t o m e, a n d sa y : “ Go ba ck t o y ou r r oom . I w ill com e.”
T oo la t e: m y fa t h er w a s u pon u s. In st in ct iv ely I
m u r m u r ed, t h ou g h n o on e h ea r d m e, “ I a m don e for !”
I w a s n ot , h ow ev er . My fa t h er u sed con st a n t ly t o
r efu se t o let m e do t h in g s w h ich w er e qu it e clea r ly
a llow ed by t h e m or e liber a l ch a r t er s g r a n t ed m e by m y
m ot h er a n d g r a n dm ot h er , beca u se h e pa id n o h eed t o
‘Pr in ciples,’ a n d beca u se in h is sig h t t h er e w er e n o su ch
t h in g s a s ‘Rig h t s of Ma n .’ For som e qu it e ir r elev a n t
r ea son , or for n o r ea son a t a ll, h e w ou ld a t t h e la st
m om en t pr ev en t m e fr om t a k in g som e pa r t icu la r w a lk ,
on e so r eg u la r a n d so con secr a t ed t o m y u se t h a t t o
depr iv e m e of it w a s a clea r br ea ch of fa it h ; or a g a in , a s
h e h a d don e t h is ev en in g , lon g befor e t h e a ppoin t ed
h ou r h e w ou ld sn a p ou t : “ Ru n a lon g u p t o bed n ow ; n o
ex cu ses!” Bu t t h en a g a in , sim ply beca u se h e w a s dev oid
of pr in ciples (in m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s sen se), so h e cou ld
n ot , pr oper ly spea k in g , be ca lled in ex or a ble. He look ed
a t m e for a m om en t w it h a n a ir of a n n oy a n ce a n d
su r pr ise, a n d t h en w h en Ma m m a h a d t old h im , n ot
w it h ou t som e em ba r r a ssm en t , w h a t h a d h a ppen ed,
sa id t o h er : “ Go a lon g w it h h im , t h en ; y ou sa id ju st n ow
t h a t y ou didn ’t feel lik e sleep, so st a y in h is r oom for a
lit t le. I don ’t n eed a n y t h in g .”
“ Bu t dea r ,” m y m ot h er a n sw er ed t im idly , “ w h et h er
or n ot I feel lik e sleep is n ot t h e poin t ; w e m u st n ot m a k e
t h e ch ild a ccu st om ed . . . ”
“ T h er e’s n o qu est ion of m a k in g h im a ccu st om ed,”
sa id m y fa t h er , w it h a sh r u g of t h e sh ou lder s; “ y ou ca n
see qu it e w ell t h a t t h e ch ild is u n h a ppy . A ft er a ll, w e
a r en ’t g a oler s. Y ou ’ll en d by m a k in g h im ill, a n d a lot of
g ood t h a t w ill do. T h er e a r e t w o beds in h is r oom ; t ell
Fr a n çoise t o m a k e u p t h e big on e for y ou , a n d st a y
beside h im for t h e r est of t h e n ig h t . I’m off t o bed,
a n y h ow ; I’m n ot n er v ou s lik e y ou . Good n ig h t .”
 It w a s im possible for m e t o t h a n k m y fa t h er ; w h a t
h e ca lled m y sen t im en t a lit y w ou ld h a v e ex a sper a t ed
h im . I st ood t h er e, n ot da r in g t o m ov e; h e w a s st ill
con fr on t in g u s, a n im m en se fig u r e in h is w h it e
n ig h t sh ir t , cr ow n ed w it h t h e pin k a n d v iolet sca r f of
In dia n ca sh m er e in w h ich , sin ce h e h a d beg u n t o su ffer
fr om n eu r a lg ia , h e u sed t o t ie u p h is h ea d, st a n din g lik e
A br a h a m in t h e en g r a v in g a ft er Ben ozzo Gozzoli w h ich
M. Sw a n n h a d g iv en m e, t ellin g Sa r a h t h a t sh e m u st
t ea r h er self a w a y fr om Isa a c. Ma n y y ea r s h a v e pa ssed
sin ce t h a t n ig h t . T h e w a ll of t h e st a ir ca se, u p w h ich I
h a d w a t ch ed t h e lig h t of h is ca n dle g r a du a lly clim b,
w a s lon g a g o dem olish ed. A n d in m y self, t oo, m a n y
t h in g s h a v e per ish ed w h ich , I im a g in ed, w ou ld la st for
ev er , a n d n ew st r u ct u r es h a v e a r isen , g iv in g bir t h t o
n ew sor r ow s a n d n ew joy s w h ich in t h ose da y s I cou ld
n ot h a v e for eseen , ju st a s n ow t h e old a r e difficu lt of
com pr eh en sion . It is a lon g t im e, t oo, sin ce m y fa t h er
h a s been a ble t o t ell Ma m m a t o “ Go w it h t h e ch ild.”
Nev er a g a in w ill su ch h ou r s be possible for m e. Bu t of
la t e I h a v e been in cr ea sin g ly a ble t o ca t ch , if I list en
a t t en t iv ely , t h e sou n d of t h e sobs w h ich I h a d t h e
st r en g t h t o con t r ol in m y fa t h er ’s pr esen ce, a n d w h ich
br ok e ou t on ly w h en I fou n d m y self a lon e w it h Ma m m a .
A ct u a lly , t h eir ech o h a s n ev er cea sed: it is on ly beca u se
life is n ow g r ow in g m or e a n d m or e qu iet r ou n d a bou t
m e t h a t I h ea r t h em a fr esh , lik e t h ose con v en t bells
w h ich a r e so effect iv ely dr ow n ed du r in g t h e da y by t h e
n oises of t h e st r eet s t h a t on e w ou ld su ppose t h em t o
h a v e been st opped for ev er , u n t il t h ey sou n d ou t a g a in
t h r ou g h t h e silen t ev en in g a ir .
Ma m m a spen t t h a t n ig h t in m y r oom : w h en I h a d
ju st com m it t ed a sin so dea dly t h a t I w a s w a it in g t o be
ba n ish ed fr om t h e h ou seh old, m y pa r en t s g a v e m e a fa r
g r ea t er con cession t h a n I sh ou ld ev er h a v e w on a s t h e
r ew a r d of a g ood a ct ion . Ev en a t t h e m om en t w h en it
m a n ifest ed it self in t h is cr ow n in g m er cy , m y fa t h er ’s
con du ct t ow a r ds m e w a s st ill som ew h a t a r bit r a r y , a n d
r eg a r dless of m y deser t s, a s w a s ch a r a ct er ist ic of h im
a n d du e t o t h e fa ct t h a t h is a ct ion s w er e g en er a lly
dict a t ed by ch a n ce ex pedien cies r a t h er t h a n ba sed on
a n y for m a l pla n . A n d per h a ps ev en w h a t I ca lled h is
st r ict n ess, w h en h e sen t m e off t o bed, deser v ed t h a t
t it le less, r ea lly , t h a n m y m ot h er ’s or g r a n dm ot h er ’s
a t t it u de, for h is n a t u r e, w h ich in som e r espect s differ ed
m or e t h a n t h eir s fr om m y ow n , h a d pr oba bly
pr ev en t ed h im fr om g u essin g , u n t il t h en , h ow
w r et ch ed I w a s ev er y ev en in g , a t h in g w h ich m y
m ot h er a n d g r a n dm ot h er k n ew w ell; bu t t h ey lov ed m e
en ou g h t o be u n w illin g t o spa r e m e t h a t su ffer in g ,
w h ich t h ey h oped t o t ea ch m e t o ov er com e, so a s t o
r edu ce m y n er v ou s sen sibilit y a n d t o st r en g t h en m y
w ill. A s for m y fa t h er , w h ose a ffect ion for m e w a s of
a n ot h er k in d, I dou bt if h e w ou ld h a v e sh ew n so m u ch
cou r a g e, for a s soon a s h e h a d g r a sped t h e fa ct t h a t I
w a s u n h a ppy h e h a d sa id t o m y m ot h er : “ Go a n d
com for t h im .” Ma m m a st a y ed a ll n ig h t in m y r oom ,
a n d it seem ed t h a t sh e did n ot w ish t o m a r by
r ecr im in a t ion t h ose h ou r s, so differ en t fr om a n y t h in g
t h a t I h a d h a d a r ig h t t o ex pect ; for w h en Fr a n çoise
(w h o g u essed t h a t som et h in g ex t r a or din a r y m u st h a v e
h a ppen ed w h en sh e sa w Ma m m a sit t in g by m y side,
h oldin g m y h a n d a n d let t in g m e cr y u n ch eck ed) sa id t o
h er : “ Bu t , Ma da m e, w h a t is lit t le Ma st er cr y in g for ?”
sh e r eplied: “ W h y , Fr a n çoise, h e doesn ’t k n ow h im self:
it is h is n er v es. Ma k e u p t h e big bed for m e qu ick ly a n d
t h en g o off t o y ou r ow n .” A n d t h u s for t h e fir st t im e m y
u n h a ppin ess w a s r eg a r ded n o lon g er a s a fa u lt for
w h ich I m u st be pu n ish ed, bu t a s a n in v olu n t a r y ev il
w h ich h a d been officia lly r ecog n ised a n er v ou s
con dit ion for w h ich I w a s in n o w a y r espon sible: I h a d
t h e con sola t ion t h a t I n eed n o lon g er m in g le
a ppr eh en siv e scr u ples w it h t h e bit t er n ess of m y t ea r s; I
cou ld w eep h en cefor w a r d w it h ou t sin . I felt n o sm a ll
deg r ee of pr ide, eit h er , in Fr a n çoise’s pr esen ce a t t h is
r et u r n t o h u m a n e con dit ion s w h ich , n ot a n h ou r a ft er
Ma m m a h a d r efu sed t o com e u p t o m y r oom a n d h a d
sen t t h e sn u bbin g m essa g e t h a t I w a s t o g o t o sleep,
r a ised m e t o t h e dig n it y of a g r ow n -u p per son , br ou g h t
m e of a su dden t o a sor t of pu ber t y of sor r ow , t o
em a n cipa t ion fr om t ea r s. I ou g h t t h en t o h a v e been
h a ppy ; I w a s n ot . It st r u ck m e t h a t m y m ot h er h a d ju st
m a de a fir st con cession w h ich m u st h a v e been pa in fu l
t o h er , t h a t it w a s a fir st st ep dow n fr om t h e idea l sh e
h a d for m ed for m e, a n d t h a t for t h e fir st t im e sh e, w it h
a ll h er cou r a g e, h a d t o con fess h er self bea t en . It st r u ck
m e t h a t if I h a d ju st scor ed a v ict or y it w a s ov er h er ;
t h a t I h a d su cceeded, a s sick n ess or sor r ow or a g e m ig h t
h a v e su cceeded, in r ela x in g h er w ill, in a lt er in g h er
ju dg m en t ; t h a t t h is ev en in g open ed a n ew er a , m u st
r em a in a bla ck da t e in t h e ca len da r . A n d if I h a d da r ed
n ow , I sh ou ld h a v e sa id t o Ma m m a : “ No, I don ’t w a n t
y ou ; y ou m u st n ’t sleep h er e.” Bu t I w a s con sciou s of t h e
pr a ct ica l w isdom , of w h a t w ou ld be ca lled n ow a da y s t h e
r ea lism w it h w h ich sh e t em per ed t h e a r den t idea lism of
m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s n a t u r e, a n d I k n ew t h a t n ow t h e
m isch ief w a s don e sh e w ou ld pr efer t o let m e en joy t h e
soot h in g plea su r e of h er com pa n y , a n d n ot t o dist u r b
m y fa t h er a g a in . Cer t a in ly m y m ot h er ’s bea u t ifu l
fea t u r es seem ed t o sh in e a g a in w it h y ou t h t h a t
ev en in g , a s sh e sa t g en t ly h oldin g m y h a n ds a n d t r y in g
t o ch eck m y t ea r s; bu t , ju st for t h a t r ea son , it seem ed t o
m e t h a t t h is sh ou ld n ot h a v e h a ppen ed; h er a n g er
w ou ld h a v e been less difficu lt t o en du r e t h a n t h is n ew
k in dn ess w h ich m y ch ildh ood h a d n ot k n ow n ; I felt t h a t
I h a d w it h a n im piou s a n d secr et fin g er t r a ced a fir st
w r in k le u pon h er sou l a n d m a de t h e fir st w h it e h a ir
sh ew u pon h er h ea d. T h is t h ou g h t r edou bled m y sobs,
a n d t h en I sa w t h a t Ma m m a , w h o h a d n ev er a llow ed
h er self t o g o t o a n y len g t h of t en der n ess w it h m e, w a s
su dden ly ov er com e by m y t ea r s a n d h a d t o st r u g g le t o
k eep ba ck h er ow n . T h en , a s sh e sa w t h a t I h a d n ot iced
t h is, sh e sa id t o m e, w it h a sm ile: “ W h y , m y lit t le
bu t t er cu p, m y lit t le ca n a r y -boy , h e’s g oin g t o m a k e
Ma m m a a s silly a s h im self if t h is g oes on . Look , sin ce
y ou ca n ’t sleep, a n d Ma m m a ca n ’t eit h er , w e m u st n ’t g o
on in t h is st u pid w a y ; w e m u st do som et h in g ; I’ll g et on e
of y ou r book s.” Bu t I h a d n on e t h er e. “ W ou ld y ou lik e
m e t o g et ou t t h e book s n ow t h a t y ou r g r a n dm ot h er is
g oin g t o g iv e y ou for y ou r bir t h da y ? Ju st t h in k it ov er
fir st , a n d don ’t be disa ppoin t ed if t h er e is n ot h in g n ew
for y ou t h en .”
I w a s on ly t oo delig h t ed, a n d Ma m m a w en t t o fin d a
pa r cel of book s in w h ich I cou ld n ot dist in g u ish , t h r ou g h
t h e pa per in w h ich it w a s w r a pped, a n y m or e t h a n it s
squ a r en ess a n d size, bu t w h ich , ev en a t t h is fir st
g lim pse, br ief a n d obscu r e a s it w a s, ba de fa ir t o eclipse
a lr ea dy t h e pa in t -box of la st New Y ea r ’s Da y a n d t h e
silk w or m s of t h e y ea r befor e. It con t a in ed La Mare au
Diable, François le Cham pi, La Petite Fadette, a n d Les
Maîtres Sonneurs . My g r a n dm ot h er , a s I lea r n ed
a ft er w a r ds, h a d a t fir st ch osen Mu ssel’s poem s, a
v olu m e of Rou ssea u , a n d Indiana; for w h ile sh e
con sider ed lig h t r ea din g a s u n w h olesom e a s sw eet s a n d
ca k es, sh e did n ot r eflect t h a t t h e st r on g br ea t h of
g en iu s m u st h a v e u pon t h e v er y sou l of a ch ild a n
in flu en ce a t on ce m or e da n g er ou s a n d less qu ick en in g
t h a n t h ose of fr esh a ir a n d cou n t r y br eezes u pon h is
body . Bu t w h en m y fa t h er h a d seem ed a lm ost t o r eg a r d
h er a s in sa n e on lea r n in g t h e n a m es of t h e book s sh e
pr oposed t o g iv e m e, sh e h a d jou r n ey ed ba ck by h er self
t o Jou y -le-V icom t e t o t h e book seller ’s, so t h a t t h er e
sh ou ld be n o fea r of m y n ot h a v in g m y pr esen t in t im e
(it w a s a bu r n in g h ot da y , a n d sh e h a d com e h om e so
u n w ell t h a t t h e doct or h a d w a r n ed m y m ot h er n ot t o
a llow h er a g a in t o t ir e h er self in t h a t w a y ), a n d h a d
t h er e fa llen ba ck u pon t h e fou r pa st or a l n ov els of
Geor g e Sa n d.
“ My dea r ,” sh e h a d sa id t o Ma m m a , “ I cou ld n ot
a llow m y self t o g iv e t h e ch ild a n y t h in g t h a t w a s n ot
w ell w r it t en .”
T h e t r u t h w a s t h a t sh e cou ld n ev er m a k e u p h er
m in d t o pu r ch a se a n y t h in g fr om w h ich n o in t ellect u a l
pr ofit w a s t o be der iv ed, a n d, a bov e a ll, t h a t pr ofit
w h ich g ood t h in g s best ow ed on u s by t ea ch in g u s t o seek
ou r plea su r es elsew h er e t h a n in t h e ba r r en sa t isfa ct ion
of w or ldly w ea lt h . Ev en w h en sh e h a d t o m a k e som e on e
a pr esen t of t h e k in d ca lled ‘u sefu l,’ w h en sh e h a d t o
g iv e a n a r m ch a ir or som e t a ble-silv er or a w a lk in g -
st ick , sh e w ou ld ch oose ‘a n t iqu es,’ a s t h ou g h t h eir lon g
desu et u de h a d effa ced fr om t h em a n y sem bla n ce of
u t ilit y a n d fit t ed t h em r a t h er t o in st r u ct u s in t h e liv es
of t h e m en of ot h er da y s t h a n t o ser v e t h e com m on
r equ ir em en t s of ou r ow n . Sh e w ou ld h a v e lik ed m e t o
h a v e in m y r oom ph ot og r a ph s of a n cien t bu ildin g s or of
bea u t ifu l pla ces. Bu t a t t h e m om en t of bu y in g t h em ,
a n d for a ll t h a t t h e su bject of t h e pict u r e h a d a n
a est h et ic v a lu e of it s ow n , sh e w ou ld fin d t h a t v u lg a r it y
a n d u t ilit y h a d t oo pr om in en t a pa r t in t h em , t h r ou g h
t h e m ech a n ica l n a t u r e of t h eir r epr odu ct ion by
ph ot og r a ph y . Sh e a t t em pt ed by a su bt er fu g e, if n ot t o
elim in a t e a lt og et h er t h eir com m er cia l ba n a lit y , a t
lea st t o m in im ise it , t o su bst it u t e for t h e bu lk of it w h a t
w a s a r t st ill, t o in t r odu ce, a s it m ig h t be, sev er a l
‘t h ick n esses’ of a r t ; in st ea d of ph ot og r a ph s of Ch a r t r es
Ca t h edr a l, of t h e Fou n t a in s of Sa in t -Clou d, or of
V esu v iu s sh e w ou ld in qu ir e of Sw a n n w h et h er som e
g r ea t pa in t er h a d n ot m a de pict u r es of t h em , a n d
pr efer r ed t o g iv e m e ph ot og r a ph s of ‘Ch a r t r es
Ca t h edr a l’ a ft er Cor ot , of t h e ‘Fou n t a in s of Sa in t -Clou d’
a ft er Hu ber t Rober t , a n d of ‘V esu v iu s’ a ft er T u r n er ,
w h ich w er e a st a g e h ig h er in t h e sca le of a r t . Bu t
a lt h ou g h t h e ph ot og r a ph er h a d been pr ev en t ed fr om
r epr odu cin g dir ect ly t h e m a st er pieces or t h e bea u t ies of
n a t u r e, a n d h a d t h er e been r epla ced by a g r ea t a r t ist ,
h e r esu m ed h is odiou s posit ion w h en it ca m e t o
r epr odu cin g t h e a r t ist ’s in t er pr et a t ion . A ccor din g ly ,
h a v in g t o r eck on a g a in w it h v u lg a r it y , m y
g r a n dm ot h er w ou ld en dea v ou r t o post pon e t h e m om en t
of con t a ct st ill fu r t h er . Sh e w ou ld a sk Sw a n n if t h e
pict u r e h a d n ot been en g r a v ed, pr efer r in g , w h en
possible, old en g r a v in g s w it h som e in t er est of
a ssocia t ion a pa r t fr om t h em selv es, su ch , for ex a m ple,
a s sh ew u s a m a st er piece in a st a t e in w h ich w e ca n n o
lon g er see it t o-da y , a s Mor g h en ’s pr in t of t h e ‘Cen a colo’
of Leon a r do befor e it w a s spoiled by r est or a t ion . It m u st
be a dm it t ed t h a t t h e r esu lt s of t h is m et h od of
in t er pr et in g t h e a r t of m a k in g pr esen t s w er e n ot
a lw a y s h a ppy . T h e idea w h ich I for m ed of V en ice, fr om
a dr a w in g by T it ia n w h ich is su pposed t o h a v e t h e
la g oon in t h e ba ck g r ou n d, w a s cer t a in ly fa r less
a ccu r a t e t h a n w h a t I h a v e sin ce der iv ed fr om or din a r y
ph ot og r a ph s. W e cou ld n o lon g er k eep cou n t in t h e
fa m ily (w h en m y g r ea t -a u n t t r ied t o fr a m e a n
in dict m en t of m y g r a n dm ot h er ) of a ll t h e a r m ch a ir s
sh e h a d pr esen t ed t o m a r r ied cou ples, y ou n g a n d old,
w h ich on a fir st a t t em pt t o sit dow n u pon t h em h a d a t
on ce colla psed ben ea t h t h e w eig h t of t h eir r ecipien t . Bu t
m y g r a n dm ot h er w ou ld h a v e t h ou g h t it sor did t o
con cer n h er self t oo closely w it h t h e solidit y of a n y piece
of fu r n it u r e in w h ich cou ld st ill be discer n ed a flou r ish ,
a sm ile, a br a v e con ceit of t h e pa st . A n d ev en w h a t in
su ch pieces su pplied a m a t er ia l n eed, sin ce it did so in a
m a n n er t o w h ich w e a r e n o lon g er a ccu st om ed, w a s a s
ch a r m in g t o h er a s on e of t h ose old for m s of speech in
w h ich w e ca n st ill see t r a ces of a m et a ph or w h ose fin e
poin t h a s been w or n a w a y by t h e r ou g h u sa g e of ou r
m oder n t on g u e. In pr ecisely t h e sa m e w a y t h e pa st or a l
n ov els of Geor g e Sa n d, w h ich sh e w a s g iv in g m e for m y
bir t h da y , w er e r eg u la r lu m ber -r oom s of a n t iqu e
fu r n it u r e, fu ll of ex pr ession s t h a t h a v e fa llen ou t of u se
a n d r et u r n ed a s im a g er y , su ch a s on e fin ds n ow on ly in
cou n t r y dia lect s. A n d m y g r a n dm ot h er h a d bou g h t
t h em in pr efer en ce t o ot h er book s, ju st a s sh e w ou ld
h a v e pr efer r ed t o t a k e a h ou se t h a t h a d a g ot h ic
dov ecot , or som e ot h er su ch piece of a n t iqu it y a s w ou ld
h a v e a plea sa n t effect on t h e m in d, fillin g it w it h a
n ost a lg ic lon g in g for im possible jou r n ey s t h r ou g h t h e
r ea lm s of t im e.
Ma m m a sa t dow n by m y bed; sh e h a d ch osen
François le Cham pi, w h ose r eddish cov er a n d
in com pr eh en sible t it le g a v e it a dist in ct per son a lit y in
m y ey es a n d a m y st er iou s a t t r a ct ion . I h a d n ot t h en
r ea d a n y r ea l n ov els. I h a d h ea r d it sa id t h a t Geor g e
Sa n d w a s a t y pica l n ov elist . T h a t pr epa r ed m e in
a dv a n ce t o im a g in e t h a t François le Cham pi con t a in ed
som et h in g in ex pr essibly deliciou s. T h e cou r se of t h e
n a r r a t iv e, w h er e it t en ded t o a r ou se cu r iosit y or m elt t o
pit y , cer t a in m odes of ex pr ession w h ich dist u r b or
sa dden t h e r ea der , a n d w h ich , w it h a lit t le ex per ien ce,
h e m a y r ecog n ise a s ‘com m on for m ’ in n ov els, seem ed
t o m e t h en dist in ct iv e — for t o m e a n ew book w a s n ot
on e of a n u m ber of sim ila r object s, bu t w a s lik e a n
in div idu a l m a n , u n m a t ch ed, a n d w it h n o ca u se of
ex ist en ce bey on d h im self — a n in t ox ica t in g w h iff of t h e
pecu lia r essen ce of François le Cham pi. Ben ea t h t h e
ev er y da y in ciden t s, t h e com m on pla ce t h ou g h t s a n d
h a ck n ey ed w or ds, I cou ld h ea r , or ov er h ea r , a n
in t on a t ion , a r h y t h m ic u t t er a n ce fin e a n d st r a n g e. T h e
‘a ct ion ’ beg a n : t o m e it seem ed a ll t h e m or e obscu r e
beca u se in t h ose da y s, w h en I r ea d t o m y self, I u sed
oft en , w h ile I t u r n ed t h e pa g es, t o dr ea m of som et h in g
qu it e differ en t . A n d t o t h e g a ps w h ich t h is h a bit m a de
in m y k n ow ledg e of t h e st or y m or e w er e a dded by t h e
fa ct t h a t w h en it w a s Ma m m a w h o w a s r ea din g t o m e
a lou d sh e left a ll t h e lov e-scen es ou t . A n d so a ll t h e odd
ch a n g es w h ich t a k e pla ce in t h e r ela t ion s bet w een t h e
m iller ’s w ife a n d t h e boy , ch a n g es w h ich on ly t h e bir t h
a n d g r ow t h of lov e ca n ex pla in , seem ed t o m e plu n g ed
a n d st eeped in a m y st er y , t h e k ey t o w h ich (a s I cou ld
r ea dily believ e) la y in t h a t st r a n g e a n d plea sa n t -
sou n din g n a m e of Cham pi, w h ich dr a ped t h e boy w h o
bor e it , I k n ew n ot w h y , in it s ow n br ig h t colou r ,
pu r pu r a t e a n d ch a r m in g . If m y m ot h er w a s n ot a
fa it h fu l r ea der , sh e w a s, n on e t h e less, a dm ir a ble w h en
r ea din g a w or k in w h ich sh e fou n d t h e n ot e of t r u e
feelin g by t h e r espect fu l sim plicit y of h er in t er pr et a t ion
a n d by t h e sou n d of h er sw eet a n d g en t le v oice. It w a s
t h e sa m e in h er da ily life, w h en it w a s n ot w or k s of a r t
bu t m en a n d w om en w h om sh e w a s m ov ed t o pit y or
a dm ir e: it w a s t ou ch in g t o obser v e w it h w h a t defer en ce
sh e w ou ld ba n ish fr om h er v oice, h er g est u r es, fr om h er
w h ole con v er sa t ion , n ow t h e n ot e of joy w h ich m ig h t
h a v e dist r essed som e m ot h er w h o h a d lon g a g o lost a
ch ild, n ow t h e r ecollect ion of a n ev en t or a n n iv er sa r y
w h ich m ig h t h a v e r em in ded som e old g en t lem a n of t h e
bu r den of h is y ea r s, n ow t h e h ou seh old t opic w h ich
m ig h t h a v e bor ed som e y ou n g m a n of let t er s. A n d so,
w h en sh e r ea d a lou d t h e pr ose of Geor g e Sa n d, pr ose
w h ich is ev er y w h er e r edolen t of t h a t g en er osit y a n d
m or a l dist in ct ion w h ich Ma m m a h a d lea r n ed fr om m y
g r a n dm ot h er t o pla ce a bov e a ll ot h er qu a lit ies in life,
a n d w h ich I w a s n ot t o t ea ch h er u n t il m u ch la t er t o
r efr a in fr om pla cin g , in t h e sa m e w a y , a bov e a ll ot h er
qu a lit ies in lit er a t u r e; t a k in g pa in s t o ba n ish fr om h er
v oice a n y w ea k n ess or a ffect a t ion w h ich m ig h t h a v e
block ed it s ch a n n el for t h a t pow er fu l st r ea m of
la n g u a g e, sh e su pplied a ll t h e n a t u r a l t en der n ess, a ll
t h e la v ish sw eet n ess w h ich t h ey dem a n ded t o ph r a ses
w h ich seem ed t o h a v e been com posed for h er v oice, a n d
w h ich w er e a ll, so t o spea k , w it h in h er com pa ss. Sh e
ca m e t o t h em w it h t h e t on e t h a t t h ey r equ ir ed, w it h
t h e cor dia l a ccen t w h ich ex ist ed befor e t h ey w er e,
w h ich dict a t ed t h em , bu t w h ich is n ot t o be fou n d in t h e
w or ds t h em selv es, a n d by t h ese m ea n s sh e sm oot h ed
a w a y , a s sh e r ea d on , a n y h a r sh n ess t h er e m ig h t be or
discor da n ce in t h e t en ses of v er bs, en dow in g t h e
im per fect a n d t h e pr et er it e w it h a ll t h e sw eet n ess
w h ich t h er e is in g en er osit y , a ll t h e m ela n ch oly w h ich
t h er e is in lov e; g u ided t h e sen t en ce t h a t w a s dr a w in g
t o a n en d t ow a r ds t h a t w h ich w a s w a it in g t o beg in , n ow
h a st en in g , n ow sla ck en in g t h e pa ce of t h e sy lla bles so a s
t o br in g t h em , despit e t h eir differ en ce of qu a n t it y , in t o
a u n ifor m r h y t h m , a n d br ea t h ed in t o t h is qu it e
or din a r y pr ose a k in d of life, con t in u ou s a n d fu ll of
feelin g .
My a g on y w a s soot h ed; I let m y self be bor n e u pon
t h e cu r r en t of t h is g en t le n ig h t on w h ich I h a d m y
m ot h er by m y side. I k n ew t h a t su ch a n ig h t cou ld n ot
be r epea t ed; t h a t t h e st r on g est desir e I h a d in t h e w or ld,
n a m ely , t o k eep m y m ot h er in m y r oom t h r ou g h t h e
sa d h ou r s of da r k n ess, r a n t oo m u ch cou n t er t o g en er a l
r equ ir em en t s a n d t o t h e w ish es of ot h er s for su ch a
con cession a s h a d been g r a n t ed m e t h is ev en in g t o be
a n y t h in g bu t a r a r e a n d ca su a l ex cept ion . T o-m or r ow
n ig h t I sh ou ld a g a in be t h e v ict im of a n g u ish a n d
Ma m m a w ou ld n ot st a y by m y side. Bu t w h en t h ese
st or m s of a n g u ish g r ew ca lm I cou ld n o lon g er r ea lise
t h eir ex ist en ce; besides, t om or r ow ev en in g w a s st ill a
lon g w a y off; I r em in ded m y self t h a t I sh ou ld st ill h a v e
t im e t o t h in k a bou t t h in g s, a lbeit t h a t r em ission of t im e
cou ld br in g m e n o a ccess of pow er , a lbeit t h e com in g
ev en t w a s in n o w a y depen den t u pon t h e ex er cise of m y
w ill, a n d seem ed n ot qu it e in ev it a ble on ly beca u se it
w a s st ill sepa r a t ed fr om m e by t h is sh or t in t er v a l.
***
A n d so it w a s t h a t , for a lon g t im e a ft er w a r ds, w h en
I la y a w a k e a t n ig h t a n d r ev iv ed old m em or ies of
Com br a y , I sa w n o m or e of it t h a n t h is sor t of lu m in ou s
pa n el, sh a r ply defin ed a g a in st a v a g u e a n d sh a dow y
ba ck g r ou n d, lik e t h e pa n els w h ich a Ben g a l fir e or som e
elect r ic sig n w ill illu m in a t e a n d dissect fr om t h e fr on t
of a bu ildin g t h e ot h er pa r t s of w h ich r em a in plu n g ed
in da r k n ess: br oa d en ou g h a t it s ba se, t h e lit t le pa r lou r ,
t h e din in g -r oom , t h e a llu r in g sh a dow s of t h e pa t h a lon g
w h ich w ou ld com e M. Sw a n n , t h e u n con sciou s a u t h or of
m y su ffer in g s, t h e h a ll t h r ou g h w h ich I w ou ld jou r n ey
t o t h e fir st st ep of t h a t st a ir ca se, so h a r d t o clim b, w h ich
con st it u t ed, a ll by it self, t h e t a per in g ‘elev a t ion ’ of a n
ir r eg u la r py r a m id; a n d, a t t h e su m m it , m y bedr oom ,
w it h t h e lit t le pa ssa g e t h r ou g h w h ose g la zed door
Ma m m a w ou ld en t er ; in a w or d, seen a lw a y s a t t h e
sa m e ev en in g h ou r , isola t ed fr om a ll it s possible
su r r ou n din g s, det a ch ed a n d solit a r y a g a in st it s
sh a dow y ba ck g r ou n d, t h e ba r e m in im u m of scen er y
n ecessa r y (lik e t h e set t in g on e sees pr in t ed a t t h e h ea d
of a n old pla y , for it s per for m a n ce in t h e pr ov in ces) t o
t h e dr a m a of m y u n dr essin g , a s t h ou g h a ll Com br a y
h a d con sist ed of bu t t w o floor s join ed by a slen der
st a ir ca se, a n d a s t h ou g h t h er e h a d been n o t im e t h er e
bu t sev en o’clock a t n ig h t . I m u st ow n t h a t I cou ld h a v e
a ssu r ed a n y qu est ion er t h a t Com br a y did in clu de ot h er
scen es a n d did ex ist a t ot h er h ou r s t h a n t h ese. Bu t sin ce
t h e fa ct s w h ich I sh ou ld t h en h a v e r eca lled w ou ld h a v e
been pr om pt ed on ly by a n ex er cise of t h e w ill, by m y
in t ellect u a l m em or y , a n d sin ce t h e pict u r es w h ich t h a t
k in d of m em or y sh ew s u s of t h e pa st pr eser v e n ot h in g of
t h e pa st it self, I sh ou ld n ev er h a v e h a d a n y w ish t o
pon der ov er t h is r esidu e of Com br a y . T o m e it w a s in
r ea lit y a ll dea d.
Per m a n en t ly dea d? V er y possibly .
T h er e is a la r g e elem en t of h a za r d in t h ese m a t t er s,
a n d a secon d h a za r d, t h a t of ou r ow n dea t h , oft en
pr ev en t s u s fr om a w a it in g for a n y len g t h of t im e t h e
fa v ou r s of t h e fir st .
I feel t h a t t h er e is m u ch t o be sa id for t h e Celt ic
belief t h a t t h e sou ls of t h ose w h om w e h a v e lost a r e h eld
ca pt iv e in som e in fer ior bein g , in a n a n im a l, in a pla n t ,
in som e in a n im a t e object , a n d so effect iv ely lost t o u s
u n t il t h e da y (w h ich t o m a n y n ev er com es) w h en w e
h a ppen t o pa ss by t h e t r ee or t o obt a in possession of t h e
object w h ich for m s t h eir pr ison . T h en t h ey st a r t a n d
t r em ble, t h ey ca ll u s by ou r n a m e, a n d a s soon a s w e
h a v e r ecog n ised t h eir v oice t h e spell is br ok en . W e h a v e
deliv er ed t h em : t h ey h a v e ov er com e dea t h a n d r et u r n
t o sh a r e ou r life.
A n d so it is w it h ou r ow n pa st . It is a la bou r in v a in
t o a t t em pt t o r eca pt u r e it : a ll t h e effor t s of ou r in t ellect
m u st pr ov e fu t ile. T h e pa st is h idden som ew h er e ou t side
t h e r ea lm , bey on d t h e r ea ch of in t ellect , in som e
m a t er ia l object (in t h e sen sa t ion w h ich t h a t m a t er ia l
object w ill g iv e u s) w h ich w e do n ot su spect . A n d a s for
t h a t object , it depen ds on ch a n ce w h et h er w e com e
u pon it or n ot befor e w e ou r selv es m u st die.
Ma n y y ea r s h a d ela psed du r in g w h ich n ot h in g of
Com br a y , sa v e w h a t w a s com pr ised in t h e t h ea t r e a n d
t h e dr a m a of m y g oin g t o bed t h er e, h a d a n y ex ist en ce
for m e, w h en on e da y in w in t er , a s I ca m e h om e, m y
m ot h er , seein g t h a t I w a s cold, offer ed m e som e t ea , a
t h in g I did n ot or din a r ily t a k e. I declin ed a t fir st , a n d
t h en , for n o pa r t icu la r r ea son , ch a n g ed m y m in d. Sh e
sen t ou t for on e of t h ose sh or t , plu m p lit t le ca k es ca lled
‘pet it es m a delein es,’ w h ich look a s t h ou g h t h ey h a d
been m ou lded in t h e flu t ed sca llop of a pilg r im ’s sh ell.
A n d soon , m ech a n ica lly , w ea r y a ft er a du ll da y w it h
t h e pr ospect of a depr essin g m or r ow , I r a ised t o m y lips
a spoon fu l of t h e t ea in w h ich I h a d soa k ed a m or sel of
t h e ca k e. No soon er h a d t h e w a r m liqu id, a n d t h e
cr u m bs w it h it , t ou ch ed m y pa la t e t h a n a sh u dder r a n
t h r ou g h m y w h ole body , a n d I st opped, in t en t u pon t h e
ex t r a or din a r y ch a n g es t h a t w er e t a k in g pla ce. A n
ex qu isit e plea su r e h a d in v a ded m y sen ses, bu t
in div idu a l, det a ch ed, w it h n o su g g est ion of it s or ig in .
A n d a t on ce t h e v icissit u des of life h a d becom e
in differ en t t o m e, it s disa st er s in n ocu ou s, it s br ev it y
illu sor y — t h is n ew sen sa t ion h a v in g h a d on m e t h e
effect w h ich lov e h a s of fillin g m e w it h a pr eciou s
essen ce; or r a t h er t h is essen ce w a s n ot in m e, it w a s
m y self. I h a d cea sed n ow t o feel m ediocr e, a cciden t a l,
m or t a l. W h en ce cou ld it h a v e com e t o m e, t h is a ll-
pow er fu l joy ? I w a s con sciou s t h a t it w a s con n ect ed w it h
t h e t a st e of t ea a n d ca k e, bu t t h a t it in fin it ely
t r a n scen ded t h ose sa v ou r s, cou ld n ot , in deed, be of t h e
sa m e n a t u r e a s t h eir s. W h en ce did it com e? W h a t did it
sig n ify ? How cou ld I seize u pon a n d defin e it ?
I dr in k a secon d m ou t h fu l, in w h ich I fin d n ot h in g
m or e t h a n in t h e fir st , a t h ir d, w h ich g iv es m e r a t h er
less t h a n t h e secon d. It is t im e t o st op; t h e pot ion is
losin g it s m a g ic. It is pla in t h a t t h e object of m y qu est ,
t h e t r u t h , lies n ot in t h e cu p bu t in m y self. T h e t ea h a s
ca lled u p in m e, bu t does n ot it self u n der st a n d, a n d ca n
on ly r epea t in defin it ely w it h a g r a du a l loss of st r en g t h ,
t h e sa m e t est im on y ; w h ich I, t oo, ca n n ot in t er pr et ,
t h ou g h I h ope a t lea st t o be a ble t o ca ll u pon t h e t ea for
it a g a in a n d t o fin d it t h er e pr esen t ly , in t a ct a n d a t m y
disposa l, for m y fin a l en lig h t en m en t . I pu t dow n m y
cu p a n d ex a m in e m y ow n m in d. It is for it t o discov er
t h e t r u t h . Bu t h ow ? W h a t a n a by ss of u n cer t a in t y
w h en ev er t h e m in d feels t h a t som e pa r t of it h a s
st r a y ed bey on d it s ow n bor der s; w h en it , t h e seek er , is
a t on ce t h e da r k r eg ion t h r ou g h w h ich it m u st g o
seek in g , w h er e a ll it s equ ipm en t w ill a v a il it n ot h in g .
Seek ? Mor e t h a n t h a t : cr ea t e. It is fa ce t o fa ce w it h
som et h in g w h ich does n ot so fa r ex ist , t o w h ich it a lon e
ca n g iv e r ea lit y a n d su bst a n ce, w h ich it a lon e ca n
br in g in t o t h e lig h t of da y .
A n d I beg in a g a in t o a sk m y self w h a t it cou ld h a v e
been , t h is u n r em em ber ed st a t e w h ich br ou g h t w it h it
n o log ica l pr oof of it s ex ist en ce, bu t on ly t h e sen se t h a t
it w a s a h a ppy , t h a t it w a s a r ea l st a t e in w h ose
pr esen ce ot h er st a t es of con sciou sn ess m elt ed a n d
v a n ish ed. I decide t o a t t em pt t o m a k e it r ea ppea r . I
r et r a ce m y t h ou g h t s t o t h e m om en t a t w h ich I dr a n k
t h e fir st spoon fu l of t ea . I fin d a g a in t h e sa m e st a t e,
illu m in ed by n o fr esh lig h t . I com pel m y m in d t o m a k e
on e fu r t h er effor t , t o follow a n d r eca pt u r e on ce a g a in
t h e fleet in g sen sa t ion . A n d t h a t n ot h in g m a y in t er r u pt
it in it s cou r se I sh u t ou t ev er y obst a cle, ev er y
ex t r a n eou s idea , I st op m y ea r s a n d in h ibit a ll a t t en t ion
t o t h e sou n ds w h ich com e fr om t h e n ex t r oom . A n d
t h en , feelin g t h a t m y m in d is g r ow in g fa t ig u ed w it h ou t
h a v in g a n y su ccess t o r epor t , I com pel it for a ch a n g e t o
en joy t h a t dist r a ct ion w h ich I h a v e ju st den ied it , t o
t h in k of ot h er t h in g s, t o r est a n d r efr esh it self befor e t h e
su pr em e a t t em pt . A n d t h en for t h e secon d t im e I clea r
a n em pt y spa ce in fr on t of it . I pla ce in posit ion befor e
m y m in d’s ey e t h e st ill r ecen t t a st e of t h a t fir st
m ou t h fu l, a n d I feel som et h in g st a r t w it h in m e,
som et h in g t h a t lea v es it s r est in g -pla ce a n d a t t em pt s t o
r ise, som et h in g t h a t h a s been em bedded lik e a n a n ch or
a t a g r ea t dept h ; I do n ot k n ow y et w h a t it is, bu t I ca n
feel it m ou n t in g slow ly ; I ca n m ea su r e t h e r esist a n ce, I
ca n h ea r t h e ech o of g r ea t spa ces t r a v er sed.
Un dou bt edly w h a t is t h u s pa lpit a t in g in t h e dept h s
of m y bein g m u st be t h e im a g e, t h e v isu a l m em or y
w h ich , bein g lin k ed t o t h a t t a st e, h a s t r ied t o follow it
in t o m y con sciou s m in d. Bu t it s st r u g g les a r e t oo fa r off,
t oo m u ch con fu sed; sca r cely ca n I per ceiv e t h e
colou r less r eflect ion in w h ich a r e blen ded t h e
u n ca pt u r a ble w h ir lin g m edley of r a dia n t h u es, a n d I
ca n n ot dist in g u ish it s for m , ca n n ot in v it e it , a s t h e on e
possible in t er pr et er , t o t r a n sla t e t o m e t h e ev iden ce of
it s con t em por a r y , it s in sepa r a ble pa r a m ou r , t h e t a st e of
ca k e soa k ed in t ea ; ca n n ot a sk it t o in for m m e w h a t
specia l cir cu m st a n ce is in qu est ion , of w h a t per iod in
m y pa st life.
W ill it u lt im a t ely r ea ch t h e clea r su r fa ce of m y
con sciou sn ess, t h is m em or y , t h is old, dea d m om en t
w h ich t h e m a g n et ism of a n iden t ica l m om en t h a s
t r a v elled so fa r t o im por t u n e, t o dist u r b, t o r a ise u p ou t
of t h e v er y dept h s of m y bein g ? I ca n n ot t ell. Now t h a t I
feel n ot h in g , it h a s st opped, h a s per h a ps g on e dow n
a g a in in t o it s da r k n ess, fr om w h ich w h o ca n sa y
w h et h er it w ill ev er r ise? T en t im es ov er I m u st essa y
t h e t a sk , m u st lea n dow n ov er t h e a by ss. A n d ea ch t im e
t h e n a t u r a l la zin ess w h ich det er s u s fr om ev er y
difficu lt en t er pr ise, ev er y w or k of im por t a n ce, h a s
u r g ed m e t o lea v e t h e t h in g a lon e, t o dr in k m y t ea a n d
t o t h in k m er ely of t h e w or r ies of t o-da y a n d of m y h opes
for t o-m or r ow , w h ich let t h em selv es be pon der ed ov er
w it h ou t effor t or dist r ess of m in d.
A n d su dden ly t h e m em or y r et u r n s. T h e t a st e w a s
t h a t of t h e lit t le cr u m b of m a delein e w h ich on Su n da y
m or n in g s a t Com br a y (beca u se on t h ose m or n in g s I did
n ot g o ou t befor e ch u r ch -t im e), w h en I w en t t o sa y g ood
da y t o h er in h er bedr oom , m y a u n t Léon ie u sed t o g iv e
m e, dippin g it fir st in h er ow n cu p of r ea l or of lim e-
flow er t ea . T h e sig h t of t h e lit t le m a delein e h a d r eca lled
n ot h in g t o m y m in d befor e I t a st ed it ; per h a ps beca u se I
h a d so oft en seen su ch t h in g s in t h e in t er v a l, w it h ou t
t a st in g t h em , on t h e t r a y s in pa st r y -cook s’ w in dow s,
t h a t t h eir im a g e h a d dissocia t ed it self fr om t h ose
Com br a y da y s t o t a k e it s pla ce a m on g ot h er s m or e
r ecen t ; per h a ps beca u se of t h ose m em or ies, so lon g
a ba n don ed a n d pu t ou t of m in d, n ot h in g n ow su r v iv ed,
ev er y t h in g w a s sca t t er ed; t h e for m s of t h in g s,
in clu din g t h a t of t h e lit t le sca llop-sh ell of pa st r y , so
r ich ly sen su a l u n der it s sev er e, r elig iou s folds, w er e
eit h er oblit er a t ed or h a d been so lon g dor m a n t a s t o
h a v e lost t h e pow er of ex pa n sion w h ich w ou ld h a v e
a llow ed t h em t o r esu m e t h eir pla ce in m y
con sciou sn ess. Bu t w h en fr om a lon g -dist a n t pa st
n ot h in g su bsist s, a ft er t h e people a r e dea d, a ft er t h e
t h in g s a r e br ok en a n d sca t t er ed, st ill, a lon e, m or e
fr a g ile, bu t w it h m or e v it a lit y , m or e u n su bst a n t ia l,
m or e per sist en t , m or e fa it h fu l, t h e sm ell a n d t a st e of
t h in g s r em a in poised a lon g t im e, lik e sou ls, r ea dy t o
r em in d u s, w a it in g a n d h opin g for t h eir m om en t , a m id
t h e r u in s of a ll t h e r est ; a n d bea r u n fa lt er in g , in t h e
t in y a n d a lm ost im pa lpa ble dr op of t h eir essen ce, t h e
v a st st r u ct u r e of r ecollect ion .
A n d on ce I h a d r ecog n ized t h e t a st e of t h e cr u m b of
m a delein e soa k ed in h er decoct ion of lim e-flow er s w h ich
m y a u n t u sed t o g iv e m e (a lt h ou g h I did n ot y et k n ow
a n d m u st lon g post pon e t h e discov er y of w h y t h is
m em or y m a de m e so h a ppy ) im m edia t ely t h e old g r ey
h ou se u pon t h e st r eet , w h er e h er r oom w a s, r ose u p lik e
t h e scen er y of a t h ea t r e t o a t t a ch it self t o t h e lit t le
pa v ilion , open in g on t o t h e g a r den , w h ich h a d been
bu ilt ou t beh in d it for m y pa r en t s (t h e isola t ed pa n el
w h ich u n t il t h a t m om en t h a d been a ll t h a t I cou ld see);
a n d w it h t h e h ou se t h e t ow n , fr om m or n in g t o n ig h t
a n d in a ll w ea t h er s, t h e Squ a r e w h er e I w a s sen t befor e
lu n ch eon , t h e st r eet s a lon g w h ich I u sed t o r u n er r a n ds,
t h e cou n t r y r oa ds w e t ook w h en it w a s fin e. A n d ju st a s
t h e Ja pa n ese a m u se t h em selv es by fillin g a por cela in
bow l w it h w a t er a n d st eepin g in it lit t le cr u m bs of
pa per w h ich u n t il t h en a r e w it h ou t ch a r a ct er or for m ,
bu t , t h e m om en t t h ey becom e w et , st r et ch t h em selv es
a n d ben d, t a k e on colou r a n d dist in ct iv e sh a pe, becom e
flow er s or h ou ses or people, per m a n en t and
r ecog n isa ble, so in t h a t m om en t a ll t h e flow er s in ou r
g a r den a n d in M. Sw a n n ’s pa r k , a n d t h e w a t er -lilies on
t h e V iv on n e a n d t h e g ood folk of t h e v illa g e a n d t h eir
lit t le dw ellin g s a n d t h e pa r ish ch u r ch a n d t h e w h ole of
Com br a y a n d of it s su r r ou n din g s, t a k in g t h eir pr oper
sh a pes a n d g r ow in g solid, spr a n g in t o bein g , t ow n a n d
g a r den s a lik e, fr om m y cu p of t ea .

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/proust/marcel/p96s/chapter1.html
Last updated Monday, February 2, 2015 at 19:57
Sw ann’s Way, by Marcel Proust
COMBRAY

C
om br a y a t a dist a n ce, fr om a t w en t y -m ile r a diu s,
a s w e u sed t o see it fr om t h e r a ilw a y w h en w e
a r r iv ed t h er e ev er y y ea r in Holy W eek , w a s n o
m or e t h a n a ch u r ch epit om isin g t h e t ow n ,
r epr esen t in g it , spea k in g of it a n d for it t o t h e h or izon ,
a n d a s on e dr ew n ea r , g a t h er in g close a bou t it s lon g ,
da r k cloa k , sh elt er in g fr om t h e w in d, on t h e open pla in ,
a s a sh eph er d g a t h er s h is sh eep, t h e w oolly g r ey ba ck s
of it s flock in g h ou ses, w h ich a fr a g m en t of it s m edia ev a l
r a m pa r t s en closed, h er e a n d t h er e, in a n ou t lin e a s
scr u pu lou sly cir cu la r a s t h a t of a lit t le t ow n in a
pr im it iv e pa in t in g . T o liv e in , Com br a y w a s a t r ifle
depr essin g , lik e it s st r eet s, w h ose h ou ses, bu ilt of t h e
bla ck en ed st on e of t h e cou n t r y , fr on t ed w it h ou t side
st eps, ca pped w it h g a bles w h ich pr oject ed lon g sh a dow s
dow n w a r ds, w er e so da r k t h a t on e h a d, a s soon a s t h e
su n beg a n t o g o dow n , t o dr a w ba ck t h e cu r t a in s in t h e
sit t in g -r oom w in dow s; st r eet s w it h t h e solem n n a m es of
Sa in t s, n ot a few of w h om fig u r ed in t h e h ist or y of t h e
ea r ly lor ds of Com br a y , su ch a s t h e Ru e Sa in t -Hila ir e,
t h e Ru e Sa in t -Ja cqu es, in w h ich m y a u n t ’s h ou se st ood,
t h e Ru e Sa in t e-Hildeg a r de, w h ich r a n pa st h er r a ilin g s,
a n d t h e Ru e du Sa in t -Espr it , on t o w h ich t h e lit t le
g a r den g a t e open ed; a n d t h ese Com br a y st r eet s ex ist in
so r em ot e a qu a r t er of m y m em or y , pa in t ed in colou r s
so differ en t fr om t h ose in w h ich t h e w or ld is deck ed for
m e t o-da y , t h a t in fa ct on e a n d a ll of t h em , a n d t h e
ch u r ch w h ich t ow er ed a bov e t h em in t h e Squ a r e, seem
t o m e n ow m or e u n su bst a n t ia l t h a n t h e pr oject ion s of
m y m a g ic-la n t er n ; w h ile a t t im es I feel t h a t t o be a ble
t o cr oss t h e Ru e Sa in t -Hila ir e a g a in , t o en g a g e a r oom
in t h e Ru e de l’Oisea u , in t h e old h ost elr y of t h e Oisea u
Flesch é, fr om w h ose w in dow s in t h e pa v em en t u sed t o
r ise a sm ell of cook in g w h ich r ises st ill in m y m in d, n ow
a n d t h en , in t h e sa m e w a r m g u st s of com for t , w ou ld be
t o secu r e a con t a ct w it h t h e u n seen w or ld m or e
m a r v ellou sly su per n a t u r a l t h a n it w ou ld be t o m a k e
Golo’s a cqu a in t a n ce a n d t o ch a t w it h Gen ev ièv e de
Br a ba n t .
My g r a n dfa t h er ’s cou sin — by cou r t esy m y g r ea t -
a u n t — w it h w h om w e u sed t o st a y , w a s t h e m ot h er of
t h a t a u n t Léon ie w h o, sin ce h er h u sba n d’s (m y u n cle
Oct a v e’s) dea t h , h a d g r a du a lly declin ed t o lea v e, fir st
Com br a y , t h en h er h ou se in Com br a y , t h en h er
bedr oom , a n d fin a lly h er bed; a n d w h o n ow n ev er
‘ca m e dow n ,’ bu t la y per pet u a lly in a n in defin it e
con dit ion of g r ief, ph y sica l ex h a u st ion , illn ess,
obsession s, a n d r elig iou s obser v a n ces. Her ow n r oom
look ed ou t ov er t h e Ru e Sa in t -Ja cqu es, w h ich r a n a lon g
w a y fu r t h er t o en d in t h e Gr a n d-Pr é (a s dist in ct fr om
t h e Pet it -Pr é, a g r een spa ce in t h e cen t r e of t h e t ow n
w h er e t h r ee st r eet s m et ) a n d w h ich , m on ot on ou s a n d
g r ey , w it h t h e t h r ee h ig h st eps of st on e befor e a lm ost
ev er y on e of it s door s, seem ed lik e a deep fu r r ow cu t by
som e scu lpt or of g ot h ic im a g es in t h e v er y block of st on e
ou t of w h ich h e h a d fa sh ion ed a Ca lv a r y or a Cr ib. My
a u n t ’s life w a s n ow pr a ct ica lly con fin ed t o t w o
a djoin in g r oom s, in on e of w h ich sh e w ou ld r est in t h e
a ft er n oon w h ile t h ey , a ir ed t h e ot h er . T h ey w er e r oom s
of t h a t cou n t r y or der w h ich (ju st a s in cer t a in clim es
w h ole t r a ct s of a ir or ocea n a r e illu m in a t ed or scen t ed
by m y r ia ds of pr ot ozoa w h ich w e ca n n ot see) fa scin a t e
ou r sen se of sm ell w it h t h e cou n t less odou r s spr in g in g
fr om t h eir ow n specia l v ir t u es, w isdom , h a bit s, a w h ole
secr et sy st em of life, in v isible, su per a bu n da n t a n d
pr ofou n dly m or a l, w h ich t h eir a t m osph er e h olds in
solu t ion ; sm ells n a t u r a l en ou g h in deed, a n d colou r ed by
cir cu m st a n ces a s a r e t h ose of t h e n eig h bou r in g
cou n t r y side, bu t a lr ea dy h u m a n ised, dom est ica t ed,
con fin ed, a n ex qu isit e, sk ilfu l, lim pid jelly , blen din g a ll
t h e fr u it s of t h e sea son w h ich h a v e left t h e or ch a r d for
t h e st or e-r oom , sm ells ch a n g in g w it h t h e y ea r , bu t
plen ish in g , dom est ic sm ells, w h ich com pen sa t e for t h e
sh a r pn ess of h oa r fr ost w it h t h e sw eet sa v ou r of w a r m
br ea d, sm ells la zy a n d pu n ct u a l a s a v illa g e clock ,
r ov in g sm ells, piou s sm ells; r ejoicin g in a pea ce w h ich
br in g s on ly a n in cr ea se of a n x iet y , a n d in a pr osin ess
w h ich ser v es a s a deep sou r ce of poet r y t o t h e st r a n g er
w h o pa sses t h r ou g h t h eir m idst w it h ou t h a v in g liv ed
a m on g st t h em . T h e a ir of t h ose r oom s w a s sa t u r a t ed
w it h t h e fin e bou qu et of a silen ce so n ou r ish in g , so
su ccu len t t h a t I cou ld n ot en t er t h em w it h ou t a sor t of
g r eedy en joy m en t , pa r t icu la r ly on t h ose fir st
m or n in g s, ch illy st ill, of t h e Ea st er h olida y s, w h en I
cou ld t a st e it m or e fu lly , beca u se I h a d ju st a r r iv ed
t h en a t Com br a y : befor e I w en t in t o w ish m y a u n t g ood
da y I w ou ld be k ept w a it in g a lit t le t im e in t h e ou t er
r oom , w h er e t h e su n , a w in t r y su n st ill, h a d cr ept in t o
w a r m it self befor e t h e fir e, lig h t ed a lr ea dy bet w een it s
t w o br ick sides a n d pla st er in g a ll t h e r oom a n d
ev er y t h in g in it w it h a sm ell of soot , m a k in g t h e r oom
lik e on e of t h ose g r ea t open h ea r t h s w h ich on e fin ds in
t h e cou n t r y , or on e of t h e ca n opied m a n t elpieces in old
ca st les u n der w h ich on e sit s h opin g t h a t in t h e w or ld
ou t side it is r a in in g or sn ow in g , h opin g a lm ost for a
ca t a st r oph ic delu g e t o a dd t h e r om a n ce of sh elt er a n d
secu r it y t o t h e com for t of a sn u g r et r ea t ; I w ou ld t u r n t o
a n d fr o bet w een t h e pr a y er -desk a n d t h e st a m ped
v elv et a r m ch a ir s, ea ch on e a lw a y s dr a ped in it s
cr och et ed a n t im a ca ssa r , w h ile t h e fir e, ba k in g lik e a pie
t h e a ppet isin g sm ells w it h w h ich t h e a ir of t h e r oom ,
w a s t h ick ly clot t ed, w h ich t h e dew y a n d su n n y
fr esh n ess of t h e m or n in g h a d a lr ea dy ‘r a ised’ a n d
st a r t ed t o ‘set ,’ pu ffed t h em a n d g la zed t h em a n d flu t ed
t h em a n d sw elled t h em in t o a n in v isible t h ou g h n ot
im pa lpa ble cou n t r y ca k e, a n im m en se pu ff-pa st r y , in
w h ich , ba r ely w a it in g t o sa v ou r t h e cr u st ier , m or e
delica t e, m or e r espect a ble, bu t a lso dr ier sm ells of t h e
cu pboa r d, t h e ch est -of-dr a w er s, a n d t h e pa t t er n ed w a ll-
pa per I a lw a y s r et u r n ed w it h a n u n con fessed g lu t t on y
t o bu r y m y self in t h e n on descr ipt , r esin ou s, du ll,
in dig est ible, a n d fr u it y sm ell of t h e flow er ed qu ilt .
In t h e n ex t r oom I cou ld h ea r m y a u n t t a lk in g
qu iet ly t o h er self. Sh e n ev er spok e sa v e in low t on es,
beca u se sh e believ ed t h a t t h er e w a s som et h in g br ok en
in h er h ea d a n d floa t in g loose t h er e, w h ich sh e m ig h t
displa ce by t a lk in g t oo lou d; bu t sh e n ev er r em a in ed for
lon g , ev en w h en a lon e, w it h ou t sa y in g som et h in g ,
beca u se sh e believ ed t h a t it w a s g ood for h er t h r oa t , a n d
t h a t by k eepin g t h e blood t h er e in cir cu la t ion it w ou ld
m a k e less fr equ en t t h e ch ok in g s a n d ot h er pa in s t o
w h ich sh e w a s lia ble; besides, in t h e life of com plet e
in er t ia w h ich sh e led sh e a t t a ch ed t o t h e lea st of h er
sen sa t ion s a n ex t r a or din a r y im por t a n ce, en dow ed
t h em w it h a Pr ot ea n u biqu it y w h ich m a de it difficu lt
for h er t o k eep t h em secr et , a n d, fa ilin g a con fida n t t o
w h om sh e m ig h t com m u n ica t e t h em , sh e u sed t o
pr om u lg a t e t h em t o h er self in a n u n cea sin g m on olog u e
w h ich w a s h er sole for m of a ct iv it y . Un for t u n a t ely ,
h a v in g for m ed t h e h a bit of t h in k in g a lou d, sh e did n ot
a lw a y s t a k e ca r e t o see t h a t t h er e w a s n o on e in t h e
a djoin in g r oom , a n d I w ou ld oft en h ea r h er sa y in g t o
h er self: “ I m u st n ot for g et t h a t I n ev er slept a w in k ” —
for “ n ev er sleepin g a w in k ” w a s h er g r ea t cla im t o
dist in ct ion , a n d on e a dm it t ed a n d r espect ed in ou r
h ou seh old v oca bu la r y ; in t h e m or n in g Fr a n çoise w ou ld
n ot ‘ca ll’ h er , bu t w ou ld sim ply ‘com e t o’ h er ; du r in g
t h e da y , w h en m y a u n t w ish ed t o t a k e a n a p, w e u sed t o
sa y ju st t h a t sh e w ish ed t o ‘be qu iet ’ or t o ‘r est ’; a n d
w h en in con v er sa t ion sh e so fa r for g ot h er self a s t o sa y
“ w h a t m a de m e w a k e u p,” or “ I dr ea m ed t h a t ,” sh e
w ou ld flu sh a n d a t on ce cor r ect h er self.
A ft er w a it in g a m in u t e, I w ou ld g o in a n d k iss h er ;
Fr a n çoise w ou ld be m a k in g h er t ea ; or , if m y a u n t w er e
feelin g ‘u pset ,’ sh e w ou ld a sk in st ea d for h er ‘t isa n e,’
a n d it w ou ld be m y du t y t o sh a k e ou t of t h e ch em ist ’s
lit t le pa ck a g e on t o a pla t e t h e a m ou n t of lim e-blossom
r equ ir ed for in fu sion in boilin g w a t er . T h e dr y in g of t h e
st em s h a d t w ist ed t h em in t o a fa n t a st ic t r ellis, in w h ose
in t er v a ls t h e pa le flow er s open ed, a s t h ou g h a pa in t er
h a d a r r a n g ed t h em t h er e, g r ou pin g t h em in t h e m ost
decor a t iv e poses. T h e lea v es, w h ich h a d lost or a lt er ed
t h eir ow n a ppea r a n ce, a ssu m ed t h ose in st ea d of t h e
m ost in con g r u ou s t h in g s im a g in a ble, a s t h ou g h t h e
t r a n spa r en t w in g s of flies or t h e bla n k sides of la bels or
t h e pet a ls of r oses h a d been collect ed a n d pou n ded, or
in t er w ov en a s bir ds w ea v e t h e m a t er ia l for t h eir n est s.
A t h ou sa n d t r iflin g lit t le det a ils — t h e ch a r m in g
pr odig a lit y of t h e ch em ist — det a ils w h ich w ou ld h a v e
been elim in a t ed fr om a n a r t ificia l pr epa r a t ion , g a v e
m e, lik e a book in w h ich on e is a st on ish ed t o r ea d t h e
n a m e of a per son w h om on e k n ow s, t h e plea su r e of
fin din g t h a t t h ese w er e in deed r ea l lim e-blossom s, lik e
t h ose I h a d seen , w h en com in g fr om t h e t r a in , in t h e
A v en u e de la Ga r e, a lt er ed, bu t on ly beca u se t h ey w er e
n ot im it a t ion s bu t t h e v er y sa m e blossom s, w h ich h a d
g r ow n old. A n d a s ea ch n ew ch a r a ct er is m er ely a
m et a m or ph osis fr om som et h in g older , in t h ese lit t le
g r ey ba lls I r ecog n ised g r een bu ds plu ck ed befor e t h eir
t im e; bu t bey on d a ll else t h e r osy , m oon y , t en der g low
w h ich lit u p t h e blossom s a m on g t h e fr a il for est of st em s
fr om w h ich t h ey h u n g lik e lit t le g olden r oses —
m a r k in g , a s t h e r a dia n ce u pon a n old w a ll st ill m a r k s
t h e pla ce of a v a n ish ed fr esco, t h e differ en ce bet w een
t h ose pa r t s of t h e t r ee w h ich h a d a n d t h ose w h ich h a d
n ot been ‘in bloom ’ — sh ew ed m e t h a t t h ese w er e pet a ls
w h ich , befor e t h eir flow er in g -t im e, t h e ch em ist ’s
pa ck a g e h a d em ba lm ed on w a r m ev en in g s of spr in g .
T h a t r osy ca n dlelig h t w a s st ill t h eir colou r , bu t h a lf-
ex t in g u ish ed a n d dea den ed in t h e dim in ish ed life w h ich
w a s n ow t h eir s, a n d w h ich m a y be ca lled t h e t w ilig h t of
a flow er . Pr esen t ly m y a u n t w a s a ble t o dip in t h e
boilin g in fu sion , in w h ich sh e w ou ld r elish t h e sa v ou r of
dea d or fa ded blossom , a lit t le m a delein e, of w h ich sh e
w ou ld h old ou t a piece t o m e w h en it w a s su fficien t ly
soft .
A t on e side of h er bed st ood a big y ellow ch est -of-
dr a w er s of lem on -w ood, a n d a t a ble w h ich ser v ed a t
on ce a s ph a r m a cy a n d a s h ig h a lt a r , on w h ich , ben ea t h
a st a t u e of Ou r La dy a n d a bot t le of V ich y -Célest in s,
m ig h t be fou n d h er ser v ice-book s a n d h er m edica l
pr escr ipt ion s, ev er y t h in g t h a t sh e n eeded for t h e
per for m a n ce, in bed, of h er du t ies t o sou l a n d body , t o
k eep t h e pr oper t im es for pepsin a n d for v esper s. On t h e
ot h er side h er bed w a s bou n ded by t h e w in dow : sh e h a d
t h e st r eet ben ea t h h er ey es, a n d w ou ld r ea d in it fr om
m or n in g t o n ig h t t o div er t t h e t ediu m of h er life, lik e a
Per sia n pr in ce, t h e da ily bu t im m em or ia l ch r on icles of
Com br a y , w h ich sh e w ou ld discu ss in det a il a ft er w a r ds
w it h Fr a n çoise.
I w ou ld n ot h a v e been fiv e m in u t es w it h m y a u n t
befor e sh e w ou ld sen d m e a w a y in ca se I m a de h er t ir ed.
Sh e w ou ld h old ou t for m e t o k iss h er sa d br ow , pa le a n d
lifeless, on w h ich a t t h is ea r ly h ou r sh e w ou ld n ot y et
h a v e a r r a n g ed t h e fa lse h a ir a n d t h r ou g h w h ich t h e
bon es sh on e lik e t h e poin t s of a cr ow n of t h or n s-er t h e
bea ds of a r osa r y , a n d sh e w ou ld sa y t o m e: “ Now , m y
poor ch ild, y ou m u st g o a w a y ; g o a n d g et r ea dy for
m a ss; a n d if y ou see Fr a n çoise dow n st a ir s, t ell h er n ot t o
st a y t oo lon g a m u sin g h er self w it h y ou ; sh e m u st com e
u p soon t o see if I w a n t a n y t h in g .”
Fr a n çoise, w h o h a d been for m a n y y ea r s in m y
a u n t ’s ser v ice a n d did n ot a t t h a t t im e su spect t h a t sh e
w ou ld on e da y be t r a n sfer r ed en t ir ely t o ou r s, w a s a
lit t le in clin ed t o deser t m y a u n t du r in g t h e m on t h s
w h ich w e spen t in h er h ou se. T h er e h a d been in m y
in fa n cy , befor e w e fir st w en t t o Com br a y , a n d w h en m y
a u n t Léon ie u sed st ill t o spen d t h e w in t er in Pa r is w it h
h er m ot h er , a t im e w h en I k n ew Fr a n çoise so lit t le t h a t
on New Y ea r ’s Da y , befor e g oin g in t o m y g r ea t -a u n t ’s
h ou se, m y m ot h er pu t a fiv e-fr a n c piece in m y h a n d
a n d sa id: “ Now , be ca r efu l. Don ’t m a k e a n y m ist a k e.
W a it u n t il y ou h ea r m e sa y ‘Good m or n in g , Fr a n çoise,’
a n d I t ou ch y ou r a r m befor e y ou g iv e it t o h er .” No
soon er h a d w e a r r iv ed in m y a u n t ’s da r k h a ll t h a n w e
sa w in t h e g loom , ben ea t h t h e fr ills of a sn ow y ca p a s
st iff a n d fr a g ile a s if it h a d been m a de of spu n su g a r , t h e
con cen t r ic w a v es of a sm ile of a n t icipa t or y g r a t it u de. It
w a s Fr a n çoise, m ot ion less a n d er ect , fr a m ed in t h e
sm a ll door w a y of t h e cor r idor lik e t h e st a t u e of a sa in t
in it s n ich e. W h en w e h a d g r ow n m or e a ccu st om ed t o
t h is r elig iou s da r k n ess w e cou ld discer n in h er fea t u r es
a disin t er est ed lov e of a ll h u m a n it y , blen ded w it h a
t en der r espect for t h e ‘u pper cla sses’ w h ich r a ised t o t h e
m ost h on ou r a ble qu a r t er of h er h ea r t t h e h ope of
r eceiv in g h er du e r ew a r d. Ma m m a pin ch ed m y a r m
sh a r ply a n d sa id in a lou d v oice: “ Good m or n in g ,
Fr a n çoise.” A t t h is sig n a l m y fin g er s pa r t ed a n d I let
fa ll t h e coin , w h ich fou n d a r ecept a cle in a con fu sed bu t
ou t st r et ch ed h a n d. Bu t sin ce w e h a d beg u n t o g o t o
Com br a y t h er e w a s n o on e I k n ew bet t er t h a n
Fr a n çoise. W e w er e h er fa v ou r it es, a n d in t h e fir st
y ea r s a t lea st , w h ile sh e sh ew ed t h e sa m e con sider a t ion
for u s a s for m y a u n t , sh e en joy ed u s w it h a k een er
r elish , beca u se w e h a d, in a ddit ion t o ou r dig n it y a s
pa r t of ‘t h e fa m ily ’ (for sh e h a d for t h ose in v isible bon ds
by w h ich com m u n it y of blood u n it es t h e m em ber s of a
fa m ily a s m u ch r espect a s a n y Gr eek t r a g edia n ), t h e
fr esh ch a r m of n ot bein g h er cu st om a r y em ploy er s.
A n d so w it h w h a t joy w ou ld sh e w elcom e u s, w it h w h a t
sor r ow com pla in t h a t t h e w ea t h er w a s st ill so ba d for
u s, on t h e da y of ou r a r r iv a l, ju st befor e Ea st er , w h en
t h er e w a s oft en a n icy w in d; w h ile Ma m m a in qu ir ed
a ft er h er da u g h t er a n d h er n eph ew s, a n d if h er
g r a n dson w a s g ood-look in g , a n d w h a t t h ey w er e g oin g
t o m a k e of h im , a n d w h et h er h e t ook a ft er h is g r a n n y .
La t er , w h en n o on e else w a s in t h e r oom , Ma m m a ,
w h o k n ew t h a t Fr a n çoise w a s st ill m ou r n in g for h er
pa r en t s, w h o h a d been dea d for y ea r s, w ou ld spea k of
t h em k in dly , a sk in g h er en dless lit t le qu est ion s a bou t
t h em a n d t h eir liv es.
Sh e h a d g u essed t h a t Fr a n çoise w a s n ot ov er -fon d of
h er son -in -la w , a n d t h a t h e spoiled t h e plea su r e sh e
fou n d in v isit in g h er da u g h t er , a s t h e t w o cou ld n ot t a lk
so fr eely w h en h e w a s t h er e. A n d so on e da y , w h en
Fr a n çoise w a s g oin g t o t h eir h ou se, som e m iles fr om
Com br a y , Ma m m a sa id t o h er , w it h a sm ile: “ T ell m e,
Fr a n çoise, if Ju lien h a s h a d t o g o a w a y , a n d y ou h a v e
Ma r g u er it e t o y ou r self a ll da y , y ou w ill be v er y sor r y ,
bu t w ill m a k e t h e best of it , w on ’t y ou ?”
A n d Fr a n çoise a n sw er ed, la u g h in g : “ Ma da m e k n ow s
ev er y t h in g ; Ma da m e is w or se t h a n t h e X -r a y s” (sh e
pr on ou n ced ‘x ’ w it h a n a ffect a t ion of difficu lt y a n d w it h
a sm ile in depr eca t ion of h er , a n u n let t er ed w om a n ’s,
da r in g t o em ploy a scien t ific t er m ) “ t h ey br ou g h t h er e
for Mm e. Oct a v e, w h ich see w h a t is in y ou r h ea r t ” —
a n d sh e w en t off, dist u r bed t h a t a n y on e sh ou ld be
ca r in g a bou t h er , per h a ps a n x iou s t h a t w e sh ou ld n ot
see h er in t ea r s: Ma m m a w a s t h e fir st per son w h o h a d
g iv en h er t h e plea su r e of feelin g t h a t h er pea sa n t
ex ist en ce, w it h it s sim ple joy s a n d sor r ow s, m ig h t offer
som e in t er est , m ig h t be a sou r ce of g r ief or plea su r e t o
som e on e ot h er t h a n h er self.
 My a u n t r esig n ed h er self t o doin g w it h ou t Fr a n çoise
t o som e ex t en t du r in g ou r v isit s, k n ow in g h ow m u ch
m y m ot h er a ppr ecia t ed t h e ser v ices of so a ct iv e a n d
in t ellig en t a m a id, on e w h o look ed a s sm a r t a t fiv e
o’clock in t h e m or n in g in h er k it ch en , u n der a ca p
w h ose st iff a n d da zzlin g fr ills seem ed t o be m a de of
por cela in , a s w h en dr essed for ch u r ch g oin g ; w h o did
ev er y t h in g in t h e r ig h t w a y , w h o t oiled lik e a h or se,
w h et h er sh e w a s w ell or ill, bu t w it h ou t n oise, w it h ou t
t h e a ppea r a n ce of doin g a n y t h in g ; t h e on ly on e of m y
a u n t ’s m a ids w h o w h en Ma m m a a sk ed for h ot w a t er or
bla ck coffee w ou ld br in g t h em a ct u a lly boilin g ; sh e w a s
on e of t h ose ser v a n t s w h o in a h ou seh old seem lea st
sa t isfa ct or y , a t fir st , t o a st r a n g er , dou bt less beca u se
t h ey t a k e n o pa in s t o m a k e a con qu est of h im a n d sh ew
h im n o specia l a t t en t ion , k n ow in g v er y w ell t h a t t h ey
h a v e n o r ea l n eed of h im , t h a t h e w ill cea se t o be
in v it ed t o t h e h ou se soon er t h a n t h ey w ill be dism issed
fr om it ; w h o, on t h e ot h er h a n d, clin g w it h m ost fidelit y
t o t h ose m a st er s a n d m ist r esses w h o h a v e t est ed a n d
pr ov ed t h eir r ea l ca pa cit y , a n d do n ot look for t h a t
su per ficia l r espon siv en ess, t h a t sla v ish a ffa bilit y ,
w h ich m a y im pr ess a st r a n g er fa v ou r a bly , bu t oft en
con cea ls a n u t t er ba r r en n ess of spir it in w h ich n o
a m ou n t of t r a in in g ca n pr odu ce t h e lea st t r a ce of
in div idu a lit y .
 W h en Fr a n çoise, h a v in g seen t h a t m y pa r en t s h a d
ev er y t h in g t h ey r equ ir ed, fir st w en t u pst a ir s a g a in t o
g iv e m y a u n t h er pepsin a n d t o fin d ou t fr om h er w h a t
sh e w ou ld t a k e for lu n ch eon , v er y few m or n in g s pa sed
bu t sh e w a s ca lled u pon t o g iv e a n opin ion , or t o fu r n ish
a n ex pla n a t ion , in r eg a r d t o som e im por t a n t ev en t .
“ Ju st fa n cy , Fr a n çoise, Mm e. Gou pil w en t by m or e
t h a n a qu a r t er of a n h ou r la t e t o fet ch h er sist er : if sh e
loses a n y m or e t im e on t h e w a y I sh ou ld n ot be a t a ll
su r pr ised if sh e g ot in a ft er t h e Elev a t ion .”
“ W ell, t h er e’d be n ot h in g w on der fu l in t h a t ,” w ou ld
be t h e a n sw er . Or :
“ Fr a n çoise, if y ou h a d com e in fiv e m in u t es a g o,
y ou w ou ld h a v e seen Mm e. Im ber t g o pa st w it h som e
a spa r a g u s t w ice t h e size of w h a t m ot h er Ca llot h a s: do
t r y t o fin d ou t fr om h er cook w h er e sh e g ot t h em . Y ou
k n ow y ou ’v e been pu t t in g a spa r a g u s in a ll y ou r sa u ces
t h is spr in g ; y ou m ig h t be a ble t o g et som e lik e t h ese for
ou r v isit or s.”
“ I sh ou ldn ’t be su r pr ised if t h ey ca m e fr om t h e
Cu r é‘s,” Fr a n çoise w ou ld sa y , a n d:
“ I’m su r e y ou w ou ldn ’t , m y poor Fr a n çoise,” m y
a u n t w ou ld r eply , r a isin g h er sh ou lder s. “ Fr om t h e
Cu r é‘s, in deed! Y ou k n ow qu it e w ell t h a t h e ca n n ev er
g r ow a n y t h in g bu t w r et ch ed lit t le t w ig s of a spa r a g u s,
n ot a spa r a g u s a t a ll. I t ell y ou t h ese on es w er e a s t h ick
a s m y a r m . Not y ou r a r m , of cou r se, bu t m y -poor a r m ,
w h ich h a s g r ow n so m u ch t h in n er a g a in t h is y ea r .” Or :
“ Fr a n çoise, didn ’t y ou h ea r t h a t bell ju st n ow ! It
split m y h ea d.”
“ No, Mm e. Oct a v e.”
“ A h , poor g ir l, y ou r sk u ll m u st be v er y t h ick ; y ou
m a y t h a n k God for t h a t . It w a s Ma g u elon e com e t o fet ch
Dr . Piper a u d. He ca m e ou t w it h h er a t on ce a n d t h ey
w en t off a lon g t h e Ru e de l’Oisea u . T h er e m u st be som e
ch ild ill.”
“ Oh dea r , dea r ; t h e poor lit t le cr ea t u r e!” w ou ld
com e w it h a sig h fr om Fr a n çoise, w h o cou ld n ot h ea r of
a n y ca la m it y befa llin g a per son u n k n ow n t o h er , ev en
in som e dist a n t pa r t of t h e w or ld, w it h ou t beg in n in g t o
la m en t . Or :
“ Fr a n çoise, for w h om did t h ey t oll t h e pa ssin g -bell
ju st n ow ? Oh dea r , of cou r se, it w ou ld be for Mm e.
Rou ssea u . A n d t o t h in k t h a t I h a d for g ot t en t h a t sh e
pa ssed a w a y t h e ot h er n ig h t . In deed, it is t im e t h e Lor d
ca lled m e h om e t oo; I don ’t k n ow w h a t h a s becom e of
m y h ea d sin ce I lost m y poor Oct a v e. Bu t I a m w a st in g
y ou r t im e, m y g ood g ir l.”
“ In deed n o, Mm e. Oct a v e, m y t im e is n ot so
pr eciou s; w h oev er m a de ou r t im e didn ’t sell it t o u s. I
a m ju st g oin g t o see t h a t m y fir e h a sn ’t g on e ou t .”
 In t h is w a y Fr a n çoise a n d m y a u n t m a de a cr it ica l
v a lu a t ion bet w een t h em , in t h e cou r se of t h ese m or n in g
session s, of t h e ea r liest h a ppen in g s of t h e da y . Bu t
som et im es t h ese h a ppen in g s a ssu m ed so m y st er iou s or
so a la r m in g a n a ir t h a t m y a u n t felt sh e cou ld n ot w a it
u n t il it w a s t im e for Fr a n çoise t o com e u pst a ir s, a n d
t h en a for m ida ble a n d qu a dr u ple pea l w ou ld r esou n d
t h r ou g h t h e h ou se.
“ Bu t , Mm e. Oct a v e, it is n ot t im e for y ou r pepsin ,”
Fr a n çoise w ou ld beg in . “ A r e y ou feelin g fa in t ?”
“ No, t h a n k y ou , Fr a n çoise,” m y a u n t w ou ld r eply ,
“ t h a t is t o sa y , y es; for y ou k n ow w ell t h a t t h er e is v er y
seldom a t im e w h en I don ’t feel fa in t ; on e da y I sh a ll
pa ss a w a y lik e Mm e. Rou ssea u , befor e I k n ow w h er e I
a m ; bu t t h a t is n ot w h y I r a n g . W ou ld y ou believ e t h a t I
h a v e ju st seen , a s pla in ly a s I see y ou , Mm e. Gou pil w it h
a lit t le g ir l I didn ’t k n ow a t a ll. Ru n a n d g et a
pen n y w or t h of sa lt fr om Ca m u s. It ’s n ot oft en t h a t
T h éodor e ca n ’t t ell y ou w h o a per son is.”
“ Bu t t h a t m u st be M. Pu pin ’s da u g h t er ,” Fr a n çoise
w ou ld sa y , pr efer r in g t o st ick t o a n im m edia t e
ex pla n a t ion , sin ce sh e h a d been per h a ps t w ice a lr ea dy
in t o Ca m u s’s sh op t h a t m or n in g .
“ M. Pu pin ’s da u g h t er ! Oh , t h a t ’s a lik ely st or y , m y
poor Fr a n çoise. Do y ou t h in k I sh ou ld n ot h a v e
r ecog n ised M. Pu pin ’s da u g h t er !”
 “ Bu t I don ’t m ea n t h e big on e, Mm e. Oct a v e; I m ea n
t h e lit t le g ir l, t h e on e w h o g oes t o sch ool a t Jou y . I seem
t o h a v e seen h er on ce a lr ea dy h is m or n in g .”
“ Oh , if t h a t ’s w h a t it is!” m y a u n t w ou ld sa y , “ sh e
m u st h a v e com e ov er for t h e h olida y s. Y es, t h a t is it . No
n eed t o a sk , sh e w ill h a v e com e ov er for t h e h olida y s.
Bu t t h en w e sh a ll soon see Mm e. Sa zer a t com e a lon g a n d
r in g h er sist er ’s door -bell, for h er lu n ch eon . T h a t w ill be
it ! I sa w t h e boy fr om Ga lopin ’s g o by w it h a t a r t . Y ou
w ill see t h a t t h e t a r t w a s for Mm e. Gou pil.”
“ On ce Mm e. Gou pil h a s a n y on e in t h e h ou se, Mm e.
Oct a v e, y ou w on ’t be lon g in seein g a ll h er folk g oin g in
t o t h eir lu n ch eon t h er e, for it ’s n ot so ea r ly a s it w a s,”
w ou ld be t h e a n sw er , for Fr a n çoise, w h o w a s a n x iou s t o
r et ir e dow n st a ir s t o look a ft er ou r ow n m ea l, w a s n ot
sor r y t o lea v e m y a u n t w it h t h e pr ospect of su ch a
dist r a ct ion .
“ Oh ! n ot befor e m idda y !” m y a u n t w ou ld r eply in a
t on e of r esig n a t ion , da r t in g a n u n ea sy g la n ce a t t h e
clock , bu t st ea lt h ily , so a s n ot t o let it be seen t h a t sh e,
w h o h a d r en ou n ced a ll ea r t h ly joy s, y et fou n d a k een
sa t isfa ct ion in lea r n in g t h a t Mm e. Gou pil w a s ex pect in g
com pa n y t o lu n ch eon , t h ou g h , a la s, sh e m u st w a it a
lit t le m or e t h a n a n h ou r st ill befor e en joy in g t h e
spect a cle. “ A n d it w ill com e in t h e m iddle of m y
lu n ch eon !” sh e w ou ld m u r m u r t o h er self. Her lu n ch eon
w a s su ch a dist r a ct ion in it self t h a t sh e did n ot lik e a n y
ot h er t o com e a t t h e sa m e t im e. “ A t lea st , y ou w ill n ot
for g et t o g iv e m e m y cr ea m ed eg g s on on e of t h e fla t
pla t es?” T h ese w er e t h e on ly pla t es w h ich h a d pict u r es
on t h em a n d m y a u n t u sed t o a m u se h er self a t ev er y
m ea l by r ea din g t h e descr ipt ion on w h ich ev er m ig h t
h a v e been sen t u p t o h er . Sh e w ou ld pu t on h er
spect a cles a n d spell ou t : “ A li Ba ba a n d t h e For t y
T h iev es,” “ A la ddin , or t h e W on der fu l La m p,” a n d
sm ile, a n d sa y “ V er y g ood in deed.”
“ I m a y a s w ell g o a cr oss t o Ca m u s . . . ” Fr a n çoise
w ou ld h a za r d, seein g t h a t m y a u n t h a d n o lon g er a n y
in t en t ion of sen din g h er t h er e.
“ No, n o; it ’s n ot w or t h w h ile n ow ; it ’s cer t a in t o be
t h e Pu pin g ir l. My poor Fr a n çoise, I a m sor r y t o h a v e
m a de y ou com e u pst a ir s for n ot h in g .”
Bu t it w a s n ot for n ot h in g , a s m y a u n t w ell k n ew ,
t h a t sh e h a d r u n g for Fr a n çoise, sin ce a t Com br a y a
per son w h om on e ‘didn ’t k n ow a t a ll’ w a s a s in cr edible a
bein g a s a n y m y t h olog ica l deit y , a n d it w a s a pt t o be
for g ot t en t h a t a ft er ea ch occa sion on w h ich t h er e h a d
a ppea r ed in t h e Ru e du Sa in t -Espr it or in t h e Squ a r e on e
of t h ese bew ilder in g ph en om en a , ca r efu l and
ex h a u st iv e r esea r ch es h a d in v a r ia bly r edu ced t h e
fa bu lou s m on st er t o t h e pr opor t ion s of a per son w h om
on e ‘did k n ow ,’ eit h er per son a lly or in t h e a bst r a ct , in
h is or h er civ il st a t u s a s bein g m or e or less closely
r ela t ed t o som e fa m ily in Com br a y . It w ou ld t u r n ou t t o
be Mm e. Sa u t on ’s son disch a r g ed fr om t h e a r m y , or t h e
A bbé Per dr ea u ’s n iece com e h om e fr om h er con v en t , or
t h e Cu r é‘s br ot h er , a t a x -collect or a t Ch â t ea u du n , w h o
h a d ju st r et ir ed on a pen sion or h a d com e ov er t o
Com br a y for t h e h olida y s. On fir st n ot icin g t h em y ou
h a v e been im pr essed by t h e t h ou g h t t h a t t h er e m ig h t
be in Com br a y people w h om y ou ‘didn ’t k n ow a t a ll,’
sim ply beca u se, y ou h a d fa iled t o r ecog n ise or iden t ify
t h em a t on ce. A n d y et lon g befor eh a n d Mm e. Sa u t on
a n d t h e Cu r é h a d g iv en w a r n in g t h a t t h ey ex pect ed
t h eir ‘st r a n g er s.’ In t h e ev en in g , w h en I ca m e in a n d
w en t u pst a ir s t o t ell m y a u n t t h e in ciden t s of ou r w a lk ,
if I w a s r a sh en ou g h t o sa y t o h er t h a t w e h a d pa ssed,
n ea r t h e Pon t -V ieu x , a m a n w h om m y g r a n dfa t h er
didn ’t k n ow :
“ A m a n g r a n dfa t h er didn ’t k n ow a t a ll!” sh e w ou ld
ex cla im . “ T h a t ’s a lik ely st or y .” Non e t h e less, sh e
w ou ld be a lit t le dist u r bed by t h e n ew s, sh e w ou ld w ish
t o h a v e t h e det a ils cor r ect ly , a n d so m y g r a n dfa t h er
w ou ld be su m m on ed. “ W h o ca n it h a v e been t h a t y ou
pa ssed n ea r t h e Pon t -V ieu x , u n cle? A m a n y ou didn ’t
k n ow a t a ll?”
“ W h y , of cou r se I did,” m y g r a n dfa t h er w ou ld
a n sw er ; “ it w a s Pr osper , Mm e. Bou illeboeu f’s g a r den er ’s
br ot h er .”
“ A h , w ell!” m y a u n t w ou ld sa y , ca lm a g a in bu t
slig h t ly flu sh ed st ill; “ a n d t h e boy t old m e t h a t y ou h a d
pa ssed a m a n y ou didn ’t k n ow a t a ll!” A ft er w h ich I
w ou ld be w a r n ed t o be m or e ca r efu l of w h a t I sa id, a n d
n ot t o u pset m y a u n t so by t h ou g h t less r em a r k s.
Ev er y on e w a s so w ell k n ow n in Com br a y , a n im a ls a s
w ell a s people, t h a t if m y a u n t h a d h a ppen ed t o see a
dog g o by w h ich sh e ‘didn ’t k n ow a t a ll’ sh e w ou ld t h in k
a bou t it in cessa n t ly , dev ot in g t o t h e solu t ion of t h e
in com pr eh en sible pr oblem a ll h er in du ct iv e t a len t a n d
h er leisu r e h ou r s.
“ T h a t w ill be Mm e. Sa zer a t ’s dog ,” Fr a n çoise w ou ld
su g g est , w it h ou t a n y r ea l con v ict ion , bu t in t h e h ope of
pea ce, a n d so t h a t m y a u n t sh ou ld n ot ‘split h er h ea d.’
“ A s if I didn ’t k n ow Mm e. Sa zer a t ’s dog !” — for m y
a u n t ’s cr it ica l m in d w ou ld n ot so ea sily a dm it a n y fr esh
fa ct .
“ A h , bu t t h a t w ill be t h e n ew dog M. Ga lopin h a s
br ou g h t h er fr om Lisieu x .”
“ Oh , if t h a t ’s w h a t it is!”
“ It seem s, it ’s a m ost en g a g in g a n im a l,” Fr a n çoise
w ou ld g o on , h a v in g g ot t h e st or y fr om T h éodor e, “ a s
clev er a s a Ch r ist ia n , a lw a y s in a g ood t em per , a lw a y s
fr ien dly , a lw a y s ev er y t h in g t h a t ’s n ice. It ’s n ot oft en
y ou see a n a n im a l so w ell-beh a v ed a t t h a t a g e. Mm e.
Oct a v e, it ’s h ig h t im e I left y ou ; I ca n ’t a ffor d t o st a y
h er e a m u sin g m y self; look , it ’s n ea r ly t en o’clock a n d
m y fir e n ot lig h t ed y et , a n d I’v e st ill t o dr ess t h e
a spa r a g u s.”
“ W h a t , Fr a n çoise, m or e a spa r a g u s! It ’s a r eg u la r
disea se of a spa r a g u s y ou h a v e g ot t h is y ea r : y ou w ill
m a k e ou r Pa r isia n s sick of it .”
“ No, n o, Ma da m e Oct a v e, t h ey lik e it w ell en ou g h .
T h ey ’ll be com in g ba ck fr om ch u r ch soon a s h u n g r y a s
h u n t er s, a n d t h ey w on ’t ea t it ou t of t h e ba ck of t h eir
spoon s, y ou ’ll see.”
“ Ch u r ch ! w h y , t h ey m u st be t h er e n ow ; y ou ’d
bet t er n ot lose a n y t im e. Go a n d look a ft er y ou r
lu n ch eon .”
W h ile m y a u n t g ossiped on in t h is w a y w it h
Fr a n çoise I w ou ld h a v e a ccom pa n ied m y pa r en t s t o
m a ss. How I lov ed it : h ow clea r ly I ca n see it st ill, ou r
ch u r ch a t Com br a y ! T h e old por ch by w h ich w e w en t
in , bla ck , a n d fu ll of h oles a s a cu llen der , w a s w or n ou t
of sh a pe a n d deeply fu r r ow ed a t t h e sides (a s a lso w a s
t h e h oly w a t er st ou p t o w h ich it led u s) ju st a s if t h e
g en t le g r a zin g t ou ch of t h e cloa k s of pea sa n t -w om en
g oin g in t o t h e ch u r ch , a n d of t h eir fin g er s dippin g in t o
t h e w a t er , h a d m a n a g ed by a g elon g r epet it ion t o
a cqu ir e a dest r u ct iv e for ce, t o im pr ess it self on t h e
st on e, t o ca r v e r u t s in it lik e t h ose m a de by ca r t -w h eels
u pon st on e g a t e-post s a g a in st w h ich t h ey a r e dr iv en
ev er y da y . It s m em or ia l st on es, ben ea t h w h ich t h e
n oble du st of t h e A bbot s of Com br a y , w h o w er e bu r ied
t h er e, fu r n ish ed t h e ch oir w it h a sor t of spir it u a l
pa v em en t , w er e t h em selv es n o lon g er h a r d a n d lifeless
m a t t er , for t im e h a d soft en ed a n d sw eet en ed t h em , a n d
h a d m a de t h em m elt lik e h on ey a n d flow bey on d t h eir
pr oper m a r g in s, eit h er su r g in g ou t in a m ilk y , fr ot h in g
w a v e, w a sh in g fr om it s pla ce a flor id g ot h ic ca pit a l,
dr ow n in g t h e w h it e v iolet s of t h e m a r ble floor ; or else
r ea bsor bed in t o t h eir lim it s, con t r a ct in g st ill fu r t h er a
cr a bbed La t in in scr ipt ion , br in g in g a fr esh t ou ch of
fa n t a sy in t o t h e a r r a n g em en t of it s cu r t a iled
ch a r a ct er s, closin g t og et h er t w o let t er s of som e w or d of
w h ich t h e r est w er e dispr opor t ion a t ely sca t t er ed. It s
w in dow s w er e n ev er so br illia n t a s on da y s w h en t h e
su n sca r cely sh on e, so t h a t if it w a s du ll ou t side y ou
m ig h t be cer t a in of fin e w ea t h er in ch u r ch . On e of t h em
w a s filled fr om t op t o bot t om by a solit a r y fig u r e, lik e
t h e k in g on a pla y in g -ca r d, w h o liv ed u p t h er e ben ea t h
h is ca n opy of st on e, bet w een ea r t h a n d h ea v en ; a n d in
t h e blu e lig h t of it s sla n t in g sh a dow , on w eek da y s
som et im es, a t n oon , w h en t h er e w a s n o ser v ice (a t on e
of t h ose r a r e m om en t s w h en t h e a ir y , em pt y ch u r ch ,
m or e h u m a n som eh ow a n d m or e lu x u r iou s w it h t h e
su n sh ew in g off a ll it s r ich fu r n ish in g s, seem ed t o h a v e
a lm ost a h a bit a ble a ir , lik e t h e h a ll — a ll scu lpt u r ed
st on e a n d pa in t ed g la ss — of som e m edia ev a l m a n sion ),
y ou m ig h t see Mm e. Sa zer a t k n eel for a n in st a n t , la y in g
dow n on t h e ch a ir beside h er ow n a n ea t ly cor ded pa r cel
of lit t le ca k es w h ich sh e h a d ju st bou g h t a t t h e ba k er ’s
a n d w a s t a k in g h om e for h er lu n ch eon . In a n ot h er , a
m ou n t a in of r osy sn ow , a t w h ose foot a ba t t le w a s bein g
fou g h t , seem ed t o h a v e fr ozen t h e w in dow a lso, w h ich it
sw elled a n d dist or t ed w it h it s clou dy sleet , lik e a pa n e t o
w h ich sn ow fla k es h a v e dr ift ed a n d clu n g , bu t fla k es
illu m in ed by a su n r ise — t h e sa m e, dou bt less, w h ich
pu r pled t h e r er edos of t h e a lt a r w it h t in t s so fr esh t h a t
t h ey seem ed r a t h er t o be t h r ow n on it for a m om en t by
a lig h t sh in in g fr om ou t side a n d sh or t ly t o be
ex t in g u ish ed t h a n pa in t ed a n d per m a n en t ly fa st en ed
on t h e st on e. A n d a ll of t h em w er e so old t h a t y ou cou ld
see, h er e a n d t h er e, t h eir silv er y a n t iqu it y spa r k lin g
w it h t h e du st of cen t u r ies a n d sh ew in g in it s t h r ea dba r e
br illia n ce t h e v er y cor ds of t h eir lov ely t a pest r y of
g la ss. T h er e w a s on e a m on g t h em w h ich w a s a t a ll
pa n el com posed of a h u n dr ed lit t le r ect a n g u la r
w in dow s, of blu e pr in cipa lly , lik e a g r ea t g a m e of
pa t ien ce of t h e k in d pla n n ed t o beg u ile Kin g Ch a r les V I;
bu t , eit h er beca u se a r a y of su n lig h t h a d g lea m ed
t h r ou g h it or beca u se m y ow n sh ift in g v ision h a d
dr a w n a cr oss t h e w in dow , w h ose colou r s died a w a y a n d
w er e r ek in dled by t u r n s, a r a r e a n d t r a n sien t fir e — t h e
n ex t in st a n t it h a d t a k en on a ll t h e ir idescen ce of a
pea cock ’s t a il, t h en sh ook a n d w a v er ed in a fla m in g a n d
fa n t a st ic sh ow er , dist illed a n d dr oppin g fr om t h e g r oin
of t h e da r k a n d r ock y v a u lt dow n t h e m oist w a lls, a s
t h ou g h it w er e a lon g t h e bed of som e r a in bow g r ot t o of
sin u ou s st a la ct it es t h a t I w a s follow in g m y pa r en t s, w h o
m a r ch ed befor e m e, t h eir pr a y er -book s cla sped in t h eir
h a n ds; a m om en t la t er t h e lit t le lozen g e w in dow s h a d
pu t on t h e deep t r a n spa r en ce, t h e u n br ea k a ble
h a r dn ess of sa pph ir es clu st er ed on som e en or m ou s
br ea st pla t e; bu t bey on d w h ich cou ld be dist in g u ish ed,
dea r er t h a n a ll su ch t r ea su r es, a fleet in g sm ile fr om t h e
su n , w h ich cou ld be seen a n d felt a s w ell h er e, in t h e
blu e a n d g en t le flood in w h ich it w a sh ed t h e m a son r y ,
a s on t h e pa v em en t of t h e Squ a r e or t h e st r a w of t h e
m a r k et -pla ce; a n d ev en on ou r fir st Su n da y s, w h en w e
ca m e dow n befor e Ea st er , it w ou ld con sole m e for t h e
bla ck n ess a n d ba r en ess of t h e ea r t h ou t side by m a k in g
bu r st in t o blossom , a s in som e spr in g t im e in old h ist or y
a m on g t h e h eir s of Sa in t Lou is, t h is da zzlin g a n d g ilded
ca r pet of for g et -m e-n ot s in g la ss.
T w o t a pest r ies of h ig h w a r p r epr esen t ed t h e
cor on a t ion of Est h er (in w h ich t r a dit ion w ou ld h a v e it
t h a t t h e w ea v er h a d g iv en t o A h a su er u s t h e fea t u r es of
on e of t h e k in g s of Fr a n ce a n d t o Est h er t h ose of a la dy of
Gu er m a n t es w h ose lov er h e h a d been ); t h eir colou r s
h a d m elt ed in t o on e a n ot h er , so a s t o a dd ex pr ession ,
r elief, lig h t t o t h e pict u r es. A t ou ch of r ed ov er t h e lips
of Est h er h a d st r a y ed bey on d t h eir ou t lin e; t h e y ellow
on h er dr ess w a s spr ea d w it h su ch u n ct u ou s plu m pn ess
a s t o h a v e a cqu ir ed a k in d of solidit y , a n d st ood boldly
ou t fr om t h e r ecedin g a t m osph er e; w h ile t h e g r een of
t h e t r ees, w h ich w a s st ill br ig h t in Silk a n d w ool a m on g
t h e low er pa r t s of t h e pa n el, bu t h a d qu it e ‘g on e’ a t t h e
t op, sepa r a t ed in a pa ler sch em e, a bov e t h e da r k
t r u n k s, t h e y ellow in g u pper br a n ch es, t a n n ed a n d h a lf-
oblit er a t ed by t h e sh a r p t h ou g h sidelon g r a y s of a n
in v isible su n . A ll t h ese t h in g s a n d, st ill m or e t h a n
t h ese, t h e t r ea su r es w h ich h a d com e t o t h e ch u r ch fr om
per son a g es w h o t o m e w er e a lm ost leg en da r y fig u r es
(su ch a s t h e g olden cr oss w r ou g h t , it w a s sa id, by Sa in t
Eloi a n d pr esen t ed by Da g ober t , a n d t h e t om b of t h e
son s of Lou is t h e Ger m a n ic in por ph y r y a n d en a m elled
copper ), beca u se of w h ich I u sed t o g o for w a r d in t o t h e
ch u r ch w h en w e w er e m a k in g ou r w a y t o ou r ch a ir s a s
in t o a fa ir y -h a u n t ed v a lley , w h er e t h e r u st ic sees w it h
a m a zem en t on a r ock , a t r ee, a m a r sh , t h e t a n g ible
pr oofs of t h e lit t le people’s su per n a t u r a l pa ssa g e — a ll
t h ese t h in g s m a de of t h e ch u r ch for m e som et h in g
en t ir ely differ en t fr om t h e r est of t h e t ow n ; a bu ildin g
w h ich occu pied, so t o spea k , fou r dim en sion s of spa ce —
t h e n a m e of t h e fou r t h bein g T im e — w h ich h a d sa iled
t h e cen t u r ies w it h t h a t old n a v e, w h er e ba y a ft er ba y ,
ch a pel a ft er ch a pel, seem ed t o st r et ch a cr oss a n d h old
dow n a n d con qu er n ot m er ely a few y a r ds of soil, bu t
ea ch su ccessiv e epoch fr om w h ich t h e w h ole bu ildin g
h a d em er g ed t r iu m ph a n t , h idin g th e r u g g ed
ba r ba r it ies of t h e elev en t h cen t u r y in t h e t h ick n ess of
it s w a lls, t h r ou g h w h ich n ot h in g cou ld be seen of t h e
h ea v y a r ch es, lon g st opped a n d blin ded w it h coa r se
block s of a sh la r , ex cept w h er e, n ea r t h e por ch , a deep
g r oov e w a s fu r r ow ed in t o on e w a ll by t h e t ow er -st a ir ;
a n d ev en t h er e t h e ba r ba r it y w a s v eiled by t h e g r a cefu l
g ot h ic a r ca de w h ich pr essed coqu et t ish ly u pon it , lik e a
r ow of g r ow n -u p sist er s w h o, t o h ide h im fr om t h e ey es
of st r a n g er s, a r r a n g e t h em selv es sm ilin g ly in fr on t of a
cou n t r ified, u n m a n n er ly a n d ill-dr essed y ou n g er
br ot h er ; r ea r in g in t o t h e sk y a bov e t h e Squ a r e a t ow er
w h ich h a d look ed dow n u pon Sa in t Lou is, a n d seem ed t o
beh old h im st ill; a n d t h r u st in g dow n w it h it s cr y pt in t o
t h e bla ck n ess of a Mer ov in g ia n n ig h t , t h r ou g h w h ich ,
g u idin g u s w it h g r opin g fin g er -t ips ben ea t h t h e
sh a dow y v a u lt , r ibbed st r on g ly a s a n im m en se ba t ’s
w in g of st on e, T h éodor e or h is sist er w ou ld lig h t u p for
u s w it h a ca n dle t h e t om b of Sig eber t ’s lit t le da u g h t er ,
in w h ich a deep h ole, lik e t h e bed of a fossil, h a d been
bor ed, or so it w a s sa id, “ by a cr y st a l la m p w h ich , on
t h e n ig h t w h en t h e Fr a n k ish pr in cess w a s m u r der ed,
h a d left , of it s ow n a ccor d, t h e g olden ch a in s by w h ich it
w a s su spen ded w h er e t h e a pse is t o-da y a n d w it h
n eit h er t h e cr y st a l br ok en n or t h e lig h t ex t in g u ish ed
h a d bu r ied it self in t h e st on e, t h r ou g h w h ich it h a d
g en t ly for ced it s w a y .”
A n d t h en t h e a pse of Com br a y : w h a t a m I t o sa y of
t h a t ? It w a s so coa r se, so dev oid of a r t ist ic bea u t y , ev en
of t h e r elig iou s spir it . Fr om ou t side, sin ce t h e st r eet
cr ossin g w h ich it com m a n ded w a s on a low er lev el, it s
g r ea t w a ll w a s t h r u st u pw a r ds fr om a ba sem en t of
u n fa ced a sh la r , ja g g ed w it h flin t s, in a ll of w h ich t h er e
w a s n ot h in g pa r t icu la r ly ecclesia st ica l; t h e w in dow s
seem ed t o h a v e been pier ced a t a n a bn or m a l h eig h t ,
a n d it s w h ole a ppea r a n ce w a s t h a t of a pr ison w a ll
r a t h er t h a n of a ch u r ch . A n d cer t a in ly in la t er y ea r s,
w er e I t o r eca ll a ll t h e g lor iou s a pses t h a t I h a d seen , it
w ou ld n ev er en t er m y m in d t o com pa r e w it h a n y on e of
t h em t h e a pse of Com br a y . On ly , on e da y , t u r n in g ou t
of a lit t le st r eet in som e cou n t r y t ow n , I ca m e u pon
t h r ee a lley -w a y s t h a t con v er g ed, a n d fa cin g t h em a n
old w a ll, r u bbed, w or n , cr u m blin g , a n d u n u su a lly
h ig h ; w it h w in dow s pier ced in it fa r ov er h ea d a n d t h e
sa m e a sy m m et r ica l a ppea r a n ce a s t h e a pse of
Com br a y . A n d a t t h a t m om en t I did n ot sa y t o m y self,
a s a t Ch a r t r es I m ig h t h a v e don e or a t Rh eim s, w it h
w h a t st r en g t h t h e r elig iou s feelin g h a d been ex pr essed
in it s con st r u ct ion , bu t in st in ct iv ely I ex cla im ed “ T h e
Ch u r ch !”
T h e ch u r ch ! A dea r , fa m ilia r fr ien d; close pr essed in
t h e Ru e Sa in t -Hila ir e, u pon w h ich it s n or t h door
open ed, by it s t w o n eig h bou r s, Mm e. Loisea u ’s h ou se
a n d t h e ph a r m a cy of M. Ra pin , a g a in st w h ich it s w a lls
r est ed w it h ou t in t er spa ce; a sim ple cit izen of Com br a y ,
w h o m ig h t h a v e h a d h er n u m ber in t h e st r eet h a d t h e
st r eet s of Com br a y bor n e n u m ber s, a n d a t w h ose door
on e felt t h a t t h e post m a n ou g h t t o st op on h is m or n in g
r ou n ds, befor e g oin g in t o Mm e. Loisea u ’s a n d a ft er
lea v in g M. Ra pin ’s, t h er e ex ist ed, for a ll t h a t , bet w een
t h e ch u r ch a n d ev er y t h in g in Com br a y t h a t w a s n ot
t h e ch u r ch a clea r lin e of dem a r ca t ion w h ich I h a v e
n ev er su cceeded in elim in a t in g fr om m y m in d. In v a in
m ig h t Mm e. Loisea u deck h er w in dow -sills w it h
fu ch sia s, w h ich dev eloped t h e ba d h a bit of let t in g t h eir
br a n ch es t r a il a t a ll t im es a n d in a ll dir ect ion s, h ea d
dow n w a r ds, a n d w h ose flow er s h a d n o m or e im por t a n t
bu sin ess, w h en t h ey w er e big en ou g h t o t a st e t h e joy s of
life, t h a n t o g o a n d cool t h eir pu r ple, con g est ed ch eek s
a g a in st t h e da r k fr on t of t h e ch u r ch ; t o m e su ch
con du ct sa n ct ified t h e fu ch sia s n ot a t a ll; bet w een t h e
flow er s a n d t h e bla ck en ed st on es t ow a r ds w h ich t h ey
lea n ed, if m y ey es cou ld discer n n o in t er v a l, m y m in d
pr eser v ed t h e im pr ession of a n a by ss.
Fr om a lon g w a y off on e cou ld dist in g u ish a n d
iden t ify t h e st eeple of Sa in t -Hila ir e in scr ibin g it s
u n for g et t a ble for m u pon a h or izon ben ea t h w h ich
Com br a y h a d n ot y et a ppea r ed; w h en fr om t h e t r a in
w h ich br ou g h t u s dow n fr om Pa r is a t Ea st er -t im e m y
fa t h er ca u g h t sig h t of it , a s it slipped in t o ev er y fold of
t h e sk y in t u r n , it s lit t le ir on cock v eer in g con t in u a lly
in a ll dir ect ion s, h e w ou ld sa y : “ Com e, g et y ou r w r a ps
t og et h er , w e a r e t h er e.” A n d on on e of t h e lon g est w a lk s
w e ev er t ook fr om Com br a y t h er e w a s a spot w h er e t h e
n a r r ow r oa d em er g ed su dden ly on t o a n im m en se pla in ,
closed a t t h e h or izon by st r ips of for est ov er w h ich r ose
a n d st ood a lon e t h e fin e poin t of Sa in t -Hila ir e’s st eeple,
bu t so sh a r pen ed a n d so pin k t h a t it seem ed t o be n o
m or e t h a n sk et ch ed on t h e sk y by t h e fin g er -n a il of a
pa in t er a n x iou s t o g iv e t o su ch a la n dsca pe, t o so pu r e a
piece of ‘n a t u r e,’ t h is lit t le sig n of a r t , t h is sin g le
in dica t ion of h u m a n ex ist en ce. A s on e dr ew n ea r it a n d
cou ld m a k e ou t t h e r em a in s of t h e squ a r e t ow er , h a lf in
r u in s, w h ich st ill st ood by it s side, t h ou g h w it h ou t
r iv a llin g it in h eig h t , on e w a s st r u ck , fir st of a ll, by t h e
t on e, r eddish a n d som br e, of it s st on es; a n d on a m ist y
m or n in g in a u t u m n on e w ou ld h a v e ca lled it , t o see it
r isin g a bov e t h e v iolet t h u n der -clou d of t h e v in ey a r ds,
a r u in of pu r ple, a lm ost t h e colou r of t h e w ild v in e.
 Oft en in t h e Squ a r e, a s w e ca m e h om e, m y
g r a n dm ot h er w ou ld m a k e m e st op t o look u p a t it . Fr om
t h e t ow er w in dow s, pla ced t w o a n d t w o, on e pa ir a bov e
a n ot h er , w it h t h a t r ig h t a n d or ig in a l pr opor t ion in
t h eir spa cin g t o w h ich n ot on ly h u m a n fa ces ow e t h eir
bea u t y a n d dig n it y , it r elea sed, it let fa ll a t r eg u la r
in t er v a ls flig h t s of ja ck da w s w h ich for a lit t le w h ile
w ou ld w h eel a n d ca w , a s t h ou g h t h e a n cien t st on es
w h ich a llow ed t h em t o spor t t h u s a n d n ev er seem ed t o
see t h em , becom in g of a su dden u n in h a bit a ble a n d
disch a r g in g som e in fin it ely dist u r bin g elem en t , h a d
st r u ck t h em a n d dr iv en t h em for t h . T h en a ft er
pa t t er n in g ev er y w h er e t h e v iolet v elv et of t h e ev en in g
a ir , a br u pt ly soot h ed, t h ey w ou ld r et u r n a n d be
a bsor bed in t h e t ow er , dea dly n o lon g er bu t ben ig n a n t ,
som e per ch in g h er e a n d t h er e (n ot seem in g t o m ov e,
bu t sn a ppin g , per h a ps, a n d sw a llow in g som e pa ssin g
in sect ) on t h e poin t s of t u r r et s, a s a sea g u ll per ch es,
w it h a n a n g ler ’s im m obilit y , on t h e cr est of a w a v e.
W it h ou t qu it e k n ow in g w h y , m y g r a n dm ot h er fou n d in
t h e st eeple of Sa in t -Hila ir e t h a t a bsen ce of v u lg a r it y ,
pr et en sion , a n d m ea n n ess w h ich m a de h er lov e — a n d
deem r ich in ben eficen t in flu en ces — n a t u r e it self, w h en
t h e h a n d of m a n h a d n ot , a s did m y g r ea t -a u n t ’s
g a r den er , t r im m ed it , a n d t h e w or k s of g en iu s. A n d
cer t a in ly ev er y pa r t on e sa w of t h e ch u r ch ser v ed t o
dist in g u ish t h e w h ole fr om a n y ot h er bu ildin g by a
k in d of g en er a l feelin g w h ich per v a ded it , bu t it w a s in
t h e st eeple t h a t t h e ch u r ch seem ed t o displa y a
con sciou sn ess of it self, t o a ffir m it s in div idu a l a n d
r espon sible ex ist en ce. It w a s t h e st eeple w h ich spok e for
t h e ch u r ch . I t h in k , t oo, t h a t in a con fu sed w a y m y
g r a n dm ot h er fou n d in t h e st eeple of Com br a y w h a t sh e
pr ized a bov e a n y t h in g else in t h e w or ld, n a m ely , a
n a t u r a l a ir a n d a n a ir of dist in ct ion . Ig n or a n t of
a r ch it ect u r e, sh e w ou ld sa y :
“ My dea r s, la u g h a t m e if y ou lik e; it is n ot
con v en t ion a lly bea u t ifu l, bu t t h er e is som et h in g in it s
qu a in t old fa ce w h ich plea ses m e. If it cou ld pla y t h e
pia n o, I a m su r e it w ou ld r ea lly play.” A n d w h en sh e
g a zed on it , w h en h er ey es follow ed t h e g en t le t en sion ,
t h e fer v en t in clin a t ion of it s st on y slopes w h ich dr ew
t og et h er a s t h ey r ose, lik e h a n ds join ed in pr a y er , sh e
w ou ld a bsor b h er self so u t t er ly in t h e ou t pou r in g of t h e
spir e t h a t h er g a ze seem ed t o lea p u pw a r ds w it h it ; h er
lips a t t h e sa m e t im e cu r v in g in a fr ien dly sm ile for t h e
w or n old st on es of w h ich t h e set t in g su n n ow illu m in ed
n o m or e t h a n t h e t opm ost pin n a cles, w h ich , a t t h e
poin t w h er e t h ey en t er ed t h a t zon e of su n lig h t a n d w er e
soft en ed a n d sw eet en ed by it , seem ed t o h a v e m ou n t ed
su dden ly fa r h ig h er , t o h a v e becom e t r u ly r em ot e, lik e
a son g w h ose sin g er br ea k s in t o fa lset t o, a n oct a v e
a bov e t h e a ccom pa n y in g a ir .
It w a s t h e st eeple of Sa in t -Hila ir e w h ich sh a ped a n d
cr ow n ed a n d con secr a t ed ev er y occu pa t ion , ev er y h ou r
of t h e da y , ev er y poin t of v iew in t h e t ow n . Fr om m y
bedr oom w in dow I cou ld discer n n o m or e t h a n it s ba se,
w h ich h a d been fr esh ly cov er ed w it h sla t es; bu t w h en
on Su n da y s I sa w t h ese, in t h e h ot lig h t of a su m m er
m or n in g , bla ze lik e a bla ck su n I w ou ld sa y t o m y self:
“ Good h ea v en s! n in e o’clock ! I m u st g et r ea dy for m a ss
a t on ce if I a m t o h a v e t im e t o g o in a n d k iss a u n t Léon ie
fir st ,” a n d I w ou ld k n ow ex a ct ly w h a t w a s t h e colou r of
t h e su n lig h t u pon t h e Squ a r e, I cou ld feel t h e h ea t a n d
du st of t h e m a r k et , t h e sh a de beh in d t h e blin ds of t h e
sh op in t o w h ich Ma m m a w ou ld per h a ps g o on h er w a y
t o m a ss, pen et r a t in g it s odou r of u n blea ch ed ca lico, t o
pu r ch a se a h a n dk er ch ief or som et h in g , of w h ich t h e
dr a per h im self w ou ld let h er see w h a t h e h a d, bow in g
fr om t h e w a ist : w h o, h a v in g m a de ev er y t h in g r ea dy
for sh u t t in g u p, h a d ju st g on e in t o t h e ba ck sh op t o pu t
on h is Su n da y coa t a n d t o w a sh h is h a n ds, w h ich it w a s
h is h a bit , ev er y few m in u t es a n d ev en on t h e sa ddest
occa sion s, t o r u b on e a g a in st t h e ot h er w it h a n a ir of
en t er pr ise, cu n n in g , a n d su ccess.
A n d a g a in , a ft er m a ss, w h en w e look ed in t o t ell
T h éodor e t o br in g a la r g er loa f t h a n u su a l beca u se ou r
cou sin s h a d t a k en a dv a n t a g e of t h e fin e w ea t h er t o
com e ov er fr om T h iber zy for lu n ch eon , w e h a d in fr on t
of u s t h e st eeple, w h ich , ba k ed a n d br ow n it self lik e a
la r g er loa f st ill of ‘h oly br ea d,’ w it h fla k es a n d st ick y
dr ops on it of su n lig h t , pr ick ed it s sh a r p poin t in t o t h e
blu e sk y . A n d in t h e ev en in g , a s I ca m e in fr om m y
w a lk a n d t h ou g h t of t h e a ppr oa ch in g m om en t w h en I
m u st sa y g ood n ig h t t o m y m ot h er a n d see h er n o m or e,
t h e st eeple w a s by con t r a st so k in dly , t h er e a t t h e close
of da y , t h a t I w ou ld im a g in e it a s bein g la id, lik e a
br ow n v elv et cu sh ion , a g a in st — a s bein g t h r u st in t o
t h e pa llid sk y w h ich h a d y ielded ben ea t h it s pr essu r e,
h a d su n k slig h t ly so a s t o m a k e r oom for it , a n d h a d
cor r espon din g ly r isen on eit h er side; w h ile t h e cr ies of
t h e bir ds w h eelin g t o a n d fr o a bou t it seem ed t o
in t en sify it s silen ce, t o elon g a t e it s spir e st ill fu r t h er ,
a n d t o in v est it w it h som e qu a lit y bey on d t h e pow er of
w or ds.
Ev en w h en ou r er r a n ds la y in pla ces beh in d t h e
ch u r ch , fr om w h ich it cou ld n ot be seen , t h e v iew
seem ed a lw a y s t o h a v e been com posed w it h r efer en ce t o
t h e st eeple, w h ich w ou ld st a n d u p, n ow h er e, n ow
t h er e, a m on g t h e h ou ses, a n d w a s per h a ps ev en m or e
a ffect in g w h en it a ppea r ed t h u s w it h ou t t h e ch u r ch .
A n d, in deed, t h er e a r e m a n y ot h er s w h ich look best
w h en seen in t h is w a y , a n d I ca n ca ll t o m in d v ig n et t es
of h ou set ops w it h su r m ou n t in g st eeples in qu it e a n ot h er
ca t eg or y of a r t t h a n t h ose for m ed by t h e dr ea r y st r eet s
of Com br a y . I sh a ll n ev er for g et , in a qu a in t Nor m a n
t ow n n ot fa r fr om Ba lbec, t w o ch a r m in g eig h t een t h -
cen t u r y h ou ses, dea r t o m e a n d v en er a ble for m a n y
r ea son s, bet w een w h ich , w h en on e look s u p a t t h em
fr om a fin e g a r den w h ich descen ds in t er r a ces t o t h e
r iv er , t h e g ot h ic spir e of a ch u r ch (it self h idden by t h e
h ou ses) soa r s in t o t h e sk y w it h t h e effect of cr ow n in g
a n d com plet in g t h eir fr on t s, bu t in a m a t er ia l so
differ en t , so pr eciou s, so ber in g ed, so r osy , so polish ed,
t h a t it is a t on ce seen t o be n o m or e a pa r t of t h em t h a n
w ou ld be a pa r t of t w o pr et t y pebbles ly in g side by side,
bet w een w h ich it h a d been w a sh ed on t h e bea ch , t h e
pu r ple, cr in k led spir e of som e sea -sh ell spu n ou t in t o a
t u r r et a n d g a y w it h g lossy colou r . Ev en in Pa r is, in on e
of t h e u g liest pa r t s of t h e t ow n , I k n ow a w in dow fr om
w h ich on e ca n see a cr oss a fir st , a secon d, a n d ev en a
t h ir d la y er of ju m bled r oofs, st r eet bey on d st r eet , a
v iolet bell, som et im es r u ddy , som et im es t oo, in t h e
fin est ‘pr in t s’ w h ich t h e a t m osph er e m a k es of it , of a n
a sh y solu t ion of bla ck ; w h ich is, in fa ct , n ot h in g else
t h a n t h e dom e of Sa in t -A u g u st in , a n d w h ich im pa r t s t o
t h is v iew of Pa r is t h e ch a r a ct er of som e of t h e Pir a n esi
v iew s of Rom e. Bu t sin ce in t o n on e of t h ese lit t le
et ch in g s, w h a t ev er t h e t a st e m y m em or y m a y h a v e
been a ble t o br in g t o t h eir ex ecu t ion , w a s it a ble t o
con t r ibu t e a n elem en t I h a v e lon g lost , t h e feelin g
w h ich m a k es u s n ot m er ely r eg a r d a t h in g a s a
spect a cle, bu t believ e in it a s in a cr ea t u r e w it h ou t
pa r a llel, so n on e of t h em k eeps in depen den ce on it a
w h ole sect ion of m y in m ost life a s does t h e m em or y of
t h ose a spect s of t h e st eeple of Com br a y fr om t h e st r eet s
beh in d t h e ch u r ch . W h et h er on e sa w it a t fiv e o’clock
w h en g oin g t o ca ll for let t er s a t t h e post -office, som e
door s a w a y fr om on e, on t h e left , r a isin g a br u pt ly w it h
it s isola t ed pea k t h e r idg e of h ou set ops; or a g a in , w h en
on e h a d t o g o in a n d a sk for n ew s of Mm e. Sa zer a t , on e’s
ey es follow ed t h e lin e w h er e it r a n low a g a in bey on d t h e
fa r t h er , descen din g slope, a n d on e k n ew t h a t it w ou ld
be t h e secon d t u r n in g a ft er t h e st eeple; or y et a g a in , if
pr essin g fu r t h er a field on e w en t t o t h e st a t ion , on e sa w
it obliqu ely , sh ew in g in pr ofile fr esh a n g les a n d
su r fa ces, lik e a solid body su r pr ised a t som e u n k n ow n
poin t in it s r ev olu t ion ; or , fr om t h e ba n k s of t h e
V iv on n e, t h e a pse, dr a w n m u scu la r ly t og et h er a n d
h eig h t en ed in per spect iv e, seem ed t o spr in g u pw a r ds
w it h t h e effor t w h ich t h e st eeple m a de t o h u r l it s spir e-
poin t in t o t h e h ea r t of h ea v en : it w a s a lw a y s t o t h e
st eeple t h a t on e m u st r et u r n , a lw a y s it w h ich
dom in a t ed ev er y t h in g else, su m m in g u p t h e h ou ses
w it h a n u n ex pect ed pin n a cle, r a ised befor e m e lik e t h e
Fin g er of God, W h ose Body m ig h t h a v e been con cea led
below a m on g t h e cr ow d of h u m a n bodies w it h ou t fea r of
m y con fou n din g It , for t h a t r ea son , w it h t h em . A n d so
ev en t o-da y in a n y la r g e pr ov in cia l t ow n , or in a
qu a r t er of Pa r is w h ich I do n ot k n ow w ell, if a pa sser -by
w h o is ‘pu t t in g m e on t h e r ig h t r oa d’ sh ew s m e fr om
a fa r , a s a poin t t o a im a t , som e belfr y of a h ospit a l, or a
con v en t st eeple lift in g t h e pea k of it s ecclesia st ica l ca p
a t t h e cor n er of t h e st r eet w h ich I a m t o t a k e, m y
m em or y n eed on ly fin d in it som e dim r esem bla n ce t o
t h a t dea r a n d v a n ish ed ou t lin e, a n d t h e pa sser -by ,
sh ou ld h e t u r n r ou n d t o m a k e su r e t h a t I h a v e n ot g on e
a st r a y , w ou ld see m e, t o h is a st on ish m en t , obliv iou s of
t h e w a lk t h a t I h a d pla n n ed t o t a k e or t h e pla ce w h er e I
w a s oblig ed t o ca ll, st a n din g st ill on t h e spot , befor e t h a t
st eeple, for h ou r s on en d, m ot ion less, t r y in g t o
r em em ber , feelin g deep w it h in m y self a t r a ct of soil
r ecla im ed fr om t h e w a t er s of Let h e slow ly dr y in g u n t il
t h e bu ildin g s r ise on it a g a in ; a n d t h en n o dou bt , a n d
t h en m or e u n ea sily t h a n w h en , ju st n ow , I a sk ed h im
for a dir ect ion , I w ill seek m y w a y a g a in , I w ill t u r n a
cor n er . . . bu t . . . t h e g oa l is in m y h ea r t . . .
On ou r w a y h om e fr om m a ss w e w ou ld oft en m eet
M. Leg r a n din , w h o, det a in ed in Pa r is by h is pr ofession a l
du t ies a s a n en g in eer , cou ld on ly (ex cept in t h e r eg u la r
h olida y sea son s) v isit h is h om e a t Com br a y bet w een
Sa t u r da y ev en in g s a n d Mon da y m or n in g s. He w a s on e
of t h a t cla ss of m en w h o, a pa r t fr om a scien t ific ca r eer
in w h ich t h ey m a y w ell h a v e pr ov ed br illia n t ly
su ccessfu l, h a v e a cqu ir ed a n en t ir ely differ en t k in d of
cu lt u r e, lit er a r y or a r t ist ic, of w h ich t h ey m a k e n o u se
in t h e specia lised w or k of t h eir pr ofession , bu t by w h ich
t h eir con v er sa t ion pr ofit s. Mor e ‘lit er a r y ’ t h a n m a n y
‘m en of let t er s’ (w e w er e n ot a w a r e a t t h is per iod t h a t
M. Leg r a n din h a d a dist in ct r epu t a t ion a s a w r it er , a n d
so w er e g r ea t ly a st on ish ed t o fin d t h a t a w ell-k n ow n
com poser h a d set som e v er ses of h is t o m u sic), en dow ed
w it h a g r ea t er ea se in ex ecu t ion t h a n m a n y pa in t er s,
t h ey im a g in e t h a t t h e life t h ey a r e oblig ed t o lea d is n ot
t h a t for w h ich t h ey a r e r ea lly fit t ed, a n d t h ey br in g t o
t h eir r eg u la r occu pa t ion s eit h er a fa n t a st ic in differ en ce
or a su st a in ed a n d loft y a pplica t ion , scor n fu l, bit t er ,
a n d con scien t iou s. T a ll, w it h a g ood fig u r e, a fin e,
t h ou g h t fu l fa ce, dr oopin g fa ir m ou st a ch es, a look of
disillu sion m en t in h is blu e ey es, a n a lm ost ex a g g er a t ed
r efin em en t of cou r t esy ; a t a lk er su ch a s w e h a d n ev er
h ea r d; h e w a s in t h e sig h t of m y fa m ily , w h o n ev er
cea sed t o qu ot e h im a s a n ex a m ple, t h e v er y pa t t er n of
a g en t lem a n , w h o t ook life in t h e n oblest a n d m ost
delica t e m a n n er . My g r a n dm ot h er a lon e fou n d fa u lt
w it h h im for spea k in g a lit t le t oo w ell, a lit t le t oo m u ch
lik e a book , for n ot u sin g a v oca bu la r y a s n a t u r a l a s h is
loosely k n ot t ed La v a llièr e n eck t ies, h is sh or t , st r a ig h t ,
a lm ost sch oolboy ish coa t . Sh e w a s a st on ish ed, t oo, a t
t h e fu r iou s in v ect iv e w h ich h e w a s a lw a y s la u n ch in g
at th e a r ist ocr a cy , at fa sh ion a ble life, and
‘sn obbish n ess’ — “ u n dou bt edly ,” h e w ou ld sa y , “ t h e sin
of w h ich Sa in t Pa u l is t h in k in g w h en h e spea k s of t h e
sin for w h ich t h er e is n o for g iv en ess.”
W or ldly a m bit ion w a s a t h in g w h ich m y
g r a n dm ot h er w a s so lit t le ca pa ble of feelin g , or in deed of
u n der st a n din g , t h a t it seem ed t o h er fu t ile t o a pply so
m u ch h ea t t o it s con dem n a t ion . Besides, sh e t h ou g h t it
in n ot v er y g ood t a st e t h a t M. Leg r a n din , w h ose sist er
w a s m a r r ied t o a cou n t r y g en t lem a n of Low er
Nor m a n dy n ea r Ba lbec, sh ou ld deliv er h im self of su ch
v iolen t a t t a ck s u pon t h e n obles, g oin g so fa r a s t o bla m e
t h e Rev olu t ion for n ot h a v in g g u illot in ed t h em a ll.
“ W ell m et , m y fr ien ds!” h e w ou ld sa y a s h e ca m e
t ow a r ds u s. “ Y ou a r e lu ck y t o spen d so m u ch t im e h er e;
t o-m or r ow I h a v e t o g o ba ck t o Pa r is, t o squ eeze ba ck
in t o m y n ich e.
“ Oh , I a dm it ,” h e w en t on , w it h h is ow n pecu lia r
sm ile, g en t ly ir on ica l, disillu sion ed a n d v a g u e, “ I h a v e
ev er y u seless t h in g in t h e w or ld in m y h ou se t h er e. T h e
on ly t h in g w a n t in g is t h e n ecessa r y t h in g , a g r ea t
pa t ch of open sk y lik e t h is. A lw a y s t r y t o k eep a pa t ch of
sk y a bov e y ou r life, lit t le boy ,” h e a dded, t u r n in g t o
m e. “ Y ou h a v e a sou l in y ou of r a r e qu a lit y , a n a r t ist ’s
n a t u r e; n ev er let it st a r v e for la ck of w h a t it n eeds.”
W h en , on ou r r ea ch in g t h e h ou se, m y a u n t w ou ld
sen d t o a sk u s w h et h er Mm e. Gou pil h a d in deed a r r iv ed
la t e for m a ss, n ot on e of u s cou ld in for m h er . In st ea d, w e
in cr ea sed h er a n x iet y by t ellin g h er t h a t t h er e w a s a
pa in t er a t w or k in t h e ch u r ch copy in g t h e w in dow of
Gilber t t h e Ba d. Fr a n çoise w a s a t on ce dispa t ch ed t o t h e
g r ocer ’s, bu t r et u r n ed em pt y -h a n ded ow in g t o t h e
a bsen ce of T h éodor e, w h ose du a l pr ofession of ch oir m a n ,
w it h a pa r t in t h e m a in t en a n ce of t h e fa br ic, a n d of
g r ocer ’s a ssist a n t g a v e h im n ot on ly r ela t ion s w it h a ll
sect ion s of societ y , bu t a n en cy clopa edic k n ow ledg e of
t h eir a ffa ir s.
“ A h !” m y a u n t w ou ld sig h , “ I w ish it w er e t im e for
Eu la lie t o com e. Sh e is r ea lly t h e on ly per son w h o w ill
be a ble t o t ell m e.”
Eu la lie w a s a lim pin g , en er g et ic, dea f spin st er w h o
h a d ‘r et ir ed’ a ft er t h e dea t h of Mm e. de la Br et on n er ie,
w it h w h om sh e h a d been in ser v ice fr om h er ch ildh ood,
a n d h a d t h en t a k en a r oom beside t h e ch u r ch , fr om
w h ich sh e w ou ld in cessa n t ly em er g e, eit h er t o a t t en d
som e ser v ice, or , w h en t h er e w a s n o ser v ice, t o sa y a
pr a y er by h er self or t o g iv e T h éodor e a h a n d; t h e r est of
h er t im e sh e spen t in v isit in g sick per son s lik e m y a u n t
Léon ie, t o w h om sh e w ou ld r ela t e ev er y t h in g t h a t h a d
occu r r ed a t m a ss or v esper s. Sh e w a s n ot a bov e a ddin g
occa sion a l pock et -m on ey t o t h e lit t le in com e w h ich w a s
fou n d for h er by t h e fa m ily of h er old em ploy er s by
g oin g fr om t im e t o t im e t o look a ft er t h e Cu r é‘s lin en , or
t h a t of som e ot h er per son of n ot e in t h e cler ica l w or ld of
Com br a y . A bov e a m a n t le of bla ck clot h sh e w or e a
lit t le w h it e coif t h a t seem ed a lm ost t o a t t a ch h er t o
som e Or der , a n d a n in fir m it y of t h e sk in h a d st a in ed
pa r t of h er ch eek s a n d h er cr ook ed n ose t h e br ig h t r ed
colou r of ba lsa m . Her v isit s w er e t h e on e g r ea t
dist r a ct ion in t h e life of m y a u n t Léon ie, w h o n ow sa w
h a r dly a n y on e else, ex cept t h e r ev er en d Cu r é. My a u n t
h a d by deg r ees er a sed ev er y ot h er v isit or ’s n a m e fr om
h er list , beca u se t h ey a ll com m it t ed t h e fa t a l er r or , in
h er ey es, of fa llin g in t o on e or ot h er of t h e t w o
ca t eg or ies of people sh e m ost det est ed. On e g r ou p, t h e
w or se of t h e t w o, a n d t h e on e of w h ich sh e r id h er self
fir st , con sist ed of t h ose w h o a dv ised h er n ot t o t a k e so
m u ch ca r e of h er self, a n d pr ea ch ed (ev en if on ly
n eg a t iv ely a n d w it h n o ou t w a r d sig n s bey on d a n
occa sion a l disa ppr ov in g silen ce or dou bt in g sm ile) t h e
su bv er siv e doct r in e t h a t a sh a r p w a lk in t h e su n a n d a
g ood r ed beefst ea k w ou ld do h er m or e g ood (h er , w h o
h a d h a d t w o dr ea dfu l sips of V ich y w a t er on h er
st om a ch for fou r t een h ou r s!) t h a n a ll h er m edicin e
bot t les a n d h er bed. T h e ot h er ca t eg or y w a s com posed of
people w h o a ppea r ed t o believ e t h a t sh e w a s m or e
ser iou sly ill t h a n sh e t h ou g h t , in fa ct t h a t sh e w a s a s
ser iou sly ill a s sh e sa id. A n d so n on e of t h ose w h om sh e
h a d a llow ed u pst a ir s t o h er r oom , a ft er con sider a ble
h esit a t ion a n d a t Fr a n çoise’s u r g en t r equ est , a n d w h o in
t h e cou r se of t h eir v isit h a d sh ew n h ow u n w or t h y t h ey
w er e of t h e h on ou r w h ich h a d been don e t h em by
v en t u r in g a t im id: “ Don ’t y ou t h in k t h a t if y ou w er e
ju st t o st ir ou t a lit t le on r ea lly fin e da y s . . .?” or w h o,
on t h e ot h er h a n d, w h en sh e sa id t o t h em : “ I a m v er y
low , v er y low ; n ea r in g t h e en d, dea r fr ien ds!” h a d
r eplied: “ A h , y es, w h en on e h a s n o st r en g t h left ! St ill,
y ou m a y la st a w h ile y et ” ; ea ch pa r t y a lik e m ig h t be
cer t a in t h a t h er door s w ou ld n ev er open t o t h em a g a in .
A n d if Fr a n çoise w a s a m u sed by t h e look of
con st er n a t ion on m y a u n t ’s fa ce w h en ev er sh e sa w ,
fr om h er bed, a n y of t h ese people in t h e Ru e du Sa in t -
Espr it , w h o look ed a s if t h ey w er e com in g t o see h er , or
h ea r d h er ow n door -bell r in g , sh e w ou ld la u g h fa r m or e
h ea r t ily , a s a t a clev er t r ick , a t m y a u n t ’s dev ices
(w h ich n ev er fa iled) for h a v in g t h em sen t a w a y , a n d a t
t h eir look of discom fit u r e w h en t h ey h a d t o t u r n ba ck
w it h ou t h a v in g seen h er ; a n d w ou ld be filled w it h
secr et a dm ir a t ion for h er m ist r ess, w h om sh e felt t o be
su per ior t o a ll t h ese ot h er people, in a sm u ch a s sh e cou ld
a n d did con t r iv e n ot t o see t h em . In sh or t , m y a u n t
st ipu la t ed, a t on e a n d t h e sa m e t im e, t h a t w h oev er
ca m e t o see h er m u st a ppr ov e of h er w a y of life,
com m iser a t e w it h h er in h er su ffer in g s, a n d a ssu r e h er
of a n u lt im a t e r ecov er y .
In a ll t h is Eu la lie ex celled. My a u n t m ig h t sa y t o
h er t w en t y t im es in a m in u t e: “ T h e en d is com e a t la st ,
m y poor Eu la lie!” , t w en t y t im es Eu la lie w ou ld r et or t
w it h : “ Kn ow in g y ou r illn ess a s y ou do, Mm e. Oct a v e,
y ou w ill liv e t o be a h u n dr ed, a s Mm e. Sa zer in sa id t o
m e on ly y est er da y .” For on e of Eu la lie’s m ost r oot ed
beliefs, a n d on e t h a t t h e for m ida ble list of cor r ect ion s
w h ich h er ex per ien ce m u st h a v e com piled w a s
pow er less t o er a dica t e, w a s t h a t Mm e. Sa zer a t ’s n a m e
w a s r ea lly Mm e. Sa zer in .
“ I do n ot a sk t o liv e t o a h u n dr ed,” m y a u n t w ou ld
sa y , for sh e pr efer r ed t o h a v e n o defin it e lim it fix ed t o
t h e n u m ber of h er da y s.
A n d sin ce, besides t h is, Eu la lie k n ew , a s n o on e else
k n ew , h ow t o dist r a ct m y a u n t w it h ou t t ir in g h er , h er
v isit s, w h ich t ook pla ce r eg u la r ly ev er y Su n da y , u n less
som et h in g u n for eseen occu r r ed t o pr ev en t t h em , w er e
for m y a u n t a plea su r e t h e pr ospect of w h ich k ept h er
on t h ose da y s in a st a t e of ex pect a t ion , a ppet isin g
en ou g h t o beg in w it h , bu t a t on ce ch a n g in g t o t h e
a g on y of a h u n g er t oo lon g u n sa t isfied if Eu la lie w er e a
m in u t e la t e in com in g . For , if u n du ly pr olon g ed, t h e
r a pt u r e of w a it in g for Eu la lie beca m e a t or t u r e, a n d m y
a u n t w ou ld n ev er cea se fr om look in g a t t h e t im e, a n d
y a w n in g , a n d com pla in in g of ea ch of h er sy m pt om s in
t u r n . Eu la lie’s r in g , if it sou n ded fr om t h e fr on t door a t
t h e v er y en d of t h e da y , w h en sh e w a s n o lon g er
ex pect in g it , w ou ld a lm ost m a k e h er ill. For t h e fa ct w a s
t h a t on Su n da y s sh e t h ou g h t of n ot h in g else t h a n t h is
v isit , a n d t h e m om en t t h a t ou r lu n ch eon w a s en ded
Fr a n çoise w ou ld becom e im pa t ien t for u s t o lea v e t h e
din in g -r oom so t h a t sh e m ig h t g o u pst a ir s t o ‘occu py ’
m y a u n t . Bu t — a n d t h is m or e t h a n ev er fr om t h e da y
on w h ich fin e w ea t h er defin it ely set in a t Com br a y —
t h e pr ou d h ou r of n oon , descen din g fr om t h e st eeple of
Sa in t -Hila ir e w h ich it bla zon ed for a m om en t w it h t h e
t w elv e poin t s of it s son or ou s cr ow n , w ou ld lon g h a v e
ech oed a bou t ou r t a ble, beside t h e ‘h oly br ea d,’ w h ich
t oo h a d com e in , a ft er ch u r ch , in it s fa m ilia r w a y ; a n d
w e w ou ld st ill be fou n d sea t ed in fr on t of ou r A r a bia n
Nig h t s pla t es, w eig h ed dow n by t h e h ea t of t h e da y , a n d
ev en m or e by ou r h ea v y m ea l. For u pon t h e per m a n en t
fou n da t ion of eg g s, cu t let s, pot a t oes, pr eser v es, a n d
biscu it s, w h ose a ppea r a n ce on t h e t a ble sh e n o lon g er
a n n ou n ced t o u s, Fr a n çoise w ou ld a dd — a s t h e la bou r of
fields a n d or ch a r ds, t h e h a r v est of t h e t ides, t h e lu ck of
t h e m a r k et s, t h e k in dn ess of n eig h bou r s, a n d h er ow n
g en iu s m ig h t pr ov ide; a n d so effect iv ely t h a t ou r bill of
fa r e, lik e t h e qu a t r efoils t h a t w er e ca r v ed on t h e
por ch es of ca t h edr a ls in t h e t h ir t een t h cen t u r y ,
r eflect ed t o som e ex t en t t h e m a r ch of t h e sea son s a n d
t h e in ciden t s of h u m a n life — a br ill, beca u se t h e fish -
w om a n h a d g u a r a n t eed it s fr esh n ess; a t u r k ey , beca u se
sh e h a d seen a bea u t y in t h e m a r k et a t Rou ssa in v ille-le-
Pin ; ca r doon s w it h m a r r ow , beca u se sh e h a d n ev er don e
t h em for u s in t h a t w a y befor e; a r oa st leg of m u t t on ,
beca u se t h e fr esh a ir m a de on e h u n g r y a n d t h er e w ou ld
be plen t y of t im e for it t o ‘set t le dow n ’ in t h e sev en
h ou r s befor e din n er ; spin a ch , by w a y of a ch a n g e;
a pr icot s, beca u se t h ey w er e st ill h a r d t o g et ;
g ooseber r ies, beca u se in a n ot h er for t n ig h t t h er e w ou ld
be n on e left ; r a spber r ies, w h ich M. Sw a n n h a d br ou g h t
specia lly ; ch er r ies, t h e fir st t o com e fr om t h e ch er r y -
t r ee, w h ich h a d y ielded n on e for t h e la st t w o y ea r s; a
cr ea m ch eese, of w h ich in t h ose da y s I w a s ex t r em ely
fon d; a n a lm on d ca k e, beca u se sh e h a d or der ed on e t h e
ev en in g befor e; a fa n cy loa f, beca u se it w a s ou r t u r n t o
‘offer ’ t h e h oly br ea d. A n d w h en a ll t h ese h a d been
ea t en , a w or k com posed ex pr essly for ou r selv es, bu t
dedica t ed m or e pa r t icu la r ly t o m y fa t h er , w h o h a d a
fon dn ess for su ch t h in g s, a cr ea m of ch ocola t e, in spir ed
in t h e m in d, cr ea t ed by t h e h a n d of Fr a n çoise, w ou ld be
la id befor e u s, lig h t a n d fleet in g a s a n ‘occa sion a l piece’
of m u sic, in t o w h ich sh e h a d pou r ed t h e w h ole of h er
t a len t . A n y on e w h o r efu sed t o pa r t a k e of it , sa y in g :
“ No, t h a n k y ou , I h a v e fin ish ed; I a m n ot h u n g r y ,”
w ou ld a t on ce h a v e been low er ed t o t h e lev el of t h e
Ph ilist in es w h o, w h en a n a r t ist m a k es t h em a pr esen t of
on e of h is w or k s, ex a m in e it s w eig h t a n d m a t er ia l,
w h er ea s w h a t is of v a lu e is t h e cr ea t or ’s in t en t ion a n d
h is sig n a t u r e. T o h a v e left ev en t h e t in iest m or sel in t h e
dish w ou ld h a v e sh ew n a s m u ch discou r t esy a s t o r ise
a n d lea v e a con cer t h a ll w h ile t h e ‘piece’ w a s st ill bein g
pla y ed, a n d u n der t h e com poser ’s-v er y ey es.
A t len g t h m y m ot h er w ou ld sa y t o m e: “ Now , don ’t
st a y h er e a ll da y ; y ou ca n g o u p t o y ou r r oom if y ou a r e
t oo h ot ou t side, bu t g et a lit t le fr esh a ir fir st ; don ’t st a r t
r ea din g im m edia t ely a ft er y ou r food.”
A n d I w ou ld g o a n d sit dow n beside t h e pu m p a n d it s
t r ou g h , or n a m en t ed h er e a n d t h er e, lik e a g ot h ic fon t ,
w it h a sa la m a n der , w h ich m odelled u pon a ba ck g r ou n d
of cr u m blin g st on e t h e qu ick r elief of it s slen der ,
a lleg or ica l body ; on t h e ben ch w it h ou t a ba ck , in t h e
sh a de of a lila c-t r ee, in t h a t lit t le cor n er of t h e g a r den
w h ich com m u n ica t ed, by a ser v ice door , w it h t h e Ru e
du Sa in t -Espr it , a n d fr om w h ose n eg lect ed soil r ose, in
t w o st a g es, a n ou t cr op fr om t h e h ou se it self a n d
a ppa r en t ly a sepa r a t e bu ildin g , m y a u n t ’s ba ck -
k it ch en . On e cou ld see it s r ed-t iled floor g lea m in g lik e
por ph y r y . It seem ed n ot so m u ch t h e ca v e of Fr a n çoise
a s a lit t le t em ple of V en u s. It w ou ld be ov er flow in g w it h
t h e offer in g s of t h e m ilk m a n , t h e fr u it er er , t h e
g r een g r ocer , com e som et im es fr om dist a n t v illa g es t o
dedica t e h er e t h e fir st -fr u it s of t h eir fields. A n d it s r oof
w a s a lw a y s su r m ou n t ed by t h e cooin g of a dov e.
In ea r lier da y s I w ou ld n ot h a v e lin g er ed in t h e
sa cr ed g r ov e w h ich su r r ou n ded t h is t em ple, for , befor e
g oin g u pst a ir s t o r ea d, I w ou ld st ea l in t o t h e lit t le
sit t in g -r oom w h ich m y u n cle A dolph e, a br ot h er of m y
g r a n dfa t h er a n d a n old soldier w h o h a d r et ir ed fr om t h e
ser v ice a s a m a jor , u sed t o occu py on t h e g r ou n d floor , a
r oom w h ich , ev en w h en it s open ed w in dow s let in t h e
h ea t , if n ot a ct u a lly t h e r a y s of t h e su n w h ich seldom
pen et r a t ed so fa r , w ou ld n ev er fa il t o em it t h a t v a g u e
a n d y et fr esh odou r , su g g est in g a t on ce a n open -a ir a n d
a n old-fa sh ion ed k in d of ex ist en ce, w h ich set s a n d k eeps
t h e n ost r ils dr ea m in g w h en on e g oes in t o a disu sed g u n -
r oom . Bu t for som e y ea r s n ow I h a d n ot g on e in t o m y
u n cle A dolph e’s r oom , sin ce h e n o lon g er ca m e t o
Com br a y on a ccou n t of a qu a r r el w h ich h a d a r isen
bet w een h im a n d m y fa m ily , by m y fa u lt , a n d in t h e
follow in g cir cu m st a n ces: On ce or t w ice ev er y m on t h , in
Pa r is, I u sed t o be sen t t o pa y h im a v isit , a s h e w a s
fin ish in g h is lu n ch eon , w ea r in g a pla in a lpa ca coa t ,
a n d w a it ed u pon by h is ser v a n t in a w or k in g -ja ck et of
st r iped lin en , pu r ple a n d w h it e. He w ou ld com pla in
t h a t I h a d n ot been t o see h im for a lon g t im e; t h a t h e
w a s bein g n eg lect ed; h e w ou ld offer m e a m a r ch pa n e or
a t a n g er in e, a n d w e w ou ld cr oss a r oom in w h ich n o on e
ev er sa t , w h ose fir e w a s n ev er lig h t ed, w h ose w a lls w er e
pick ed ou t w it h g ilded m ou ldin g s, it s ceilin g pa in t ed
blu e in im it a t ion of t h e sk y , a n d it s fu r n it u r e
u ph olst er ed in sa t in , a s a t m y g r a n dpa r en t s’, on ly
y ellow ; t h en w e w ou ld en t er w h a t h e ca lled h is ‘st u dy ,’
a r oom w h ose w a lls w er e h u n g w it h pr in t s w h ich
sh ew ed, a g a in st a da r k ba ck g r ou n d, a plu m p a n d r osy
g oddess dr iv in g a ca r , or st a n din g u pon a g lobe, or
w ea r in g a st a r on h er br ow ; pict u r es w h ich w er e
popu la r u n der t h e Secon d Em pir e beca u se t h er e w a s
t h ou g h t t o be som et h in g a bou t t h em t h a t su g g est ed
Pom peii, w h ich w er e t h en g en er a lly despised, a n d
w h ich n ow people a r e beg in n in g t o collect a g a in for on e
sin g le a n d con sist en t r ea son (despit e a n y ot h er s w h ich
t h ey m a y a dv a n ce), n a m ely , t h a t t h ey su g g est t h e
Secon d Em pir e. A n d t h er e I w ou ld st a y w it h m y u n cle
u n t il h is m a n ca m e, w it h a m essa g e fr om t h e
coa ch m a n , t o a sk h im a t w h a t t im e h e w ou ld lik e t h e
ca r r ia g e. My u n cle w ou ld t h en be lost in m edit a t ion ,
w h ile h is a st on ish ed ser v a n t st ood t h er e, n ot da r in g t o
dist u r b h im by t h e lea st m ov em en t , w on der in g a n d
w a it in g for h is a n sw er , w h ich n ev er v a r ied. For in t h e
en d, a ft er a su pr em e cr isis of h esit a t ion , m y u n cle
w ou ld u t t er , in fa llibly , t h e w or ds: “ A qu a r t er pa st t w o,”
w h ich t h e ser v a n t w ou ld ech o w it h a m a zem en t , bu t
w it h ou t dispu t in g t h em : “ A qu a r t er pa st t w o! V er y
g ood, sir . . . I w ill g o a n d t ell h im . . . . ”
A t t h is da t e I w a s a lov er of t h e t h ea t r e: a Pla t on ic
lov er , of n ecessit y , sin ce m y pa r en t s h a d n ot y et
a llow ed m e t o en t er on e, a n d so in cor r ect w a s t h e
pict u r e I dr ew for m y self of t h e plea su r es t o be en joy ed
t h er e t h a t I a lm ost believ ed t h a t ea ch of t h e spect a t or s
look ed, a s in t o a st er eoscope, u pon a st a g e a n d scen er y
w h ich ex ist ed for h im self a lon e, t h ou g h closely
r esem blin g t h e t h ou sa n d ot h er spect a cles pr esen t ed t o
t h e r est of t h e a u dien ce in div idu a lly .
Ev er y m or n in g I w ou ld h a st en t o t h e Mor iss colu m n
t o see w h a t n ew pla y s it a n n ou n ced. Not h in g cou ld be
m or e disin t er est ed or h a ppier t h a n t h e dr ea m s w it h
w h ich t h ese a n n ou n cem en t s filled m y m in d, dr ea m s
w h ich t ook t h eir for m fr om t h e in ev it a ble a ssocia t ion s
of t h e w or ds for m in g t h e t it le of t h e pla y , a n d a lso fr om
t h e colou r of t h e bills, st ill da m p a n d w r in k led w it h
pa st e, on w h ich t h ose w or ds st ood ou t . Not h in g , u n less it
w er e su ch st r a n g e t it les a s t h e Tes tam ent de Cés ar
Girodot, or Oedipe-Roi, in scr ibed n ot on t h e g r een bills of
t h e Opér a -Com iqu e, bu t on t h e w in e-colou r ed bills of t h e
Com édie-Fr a n ça ise, n ot h in g seem ed t o m e t o differ m or e
pr ofou n dly fr om t h e spa r k lin g w h it e plu m e of t h e
Diam ants de la Couronne t h a n t h e sleek , m y st er iou s
sa t in of t h e Dom ino Noir; a n d sin ce m y pa r en t s h a d t old
m e t h a t , for m y fir st v isit t o t h e t h ea t r e, I sh ou ld h a v e
t o ch oose bet w een t h ese t w o pieces, I w ou ld st u dy
ex h a u st iv ely a n d in t u r n t h e t it le of on e a n d t h e t it le of
t h e ot h er (for t h ose w er e a ll t h a t I k n ew of eit h er ),
a t t em pt in g t o sn a t ch fr om ea ch a for et a st e of t h e
plea su r e w h ich it offer ed m e, a n d t o com pa r e t h is
plea su r e w it h t h a t la t en t in t h e ot h er t it le, u n t il in t h e
en d I h a d sh ew n m y self su ch v iv id, su ch com pellin g
pict u r es of, on t h e on e h a n d, a pla y of da zzlin g
a r r og a n ce, a n d on t h e ot h er a g en t le, v elv et y pla y , t h a t
I w a s a s lit t le ca pa ble of decidin g w h ich pla y I sh ou ld
pr efer t o see a s if, a t t h e din n er -t a ble, t h ey h a d oblig ed
m e t o ch oose bet w een rice à l’Im pératrice a n d t h e fa m ou s
cr ea m of ch ocola t e.
A ll m y con v er sa t ion s w it h m y pla y fellow s bor e
u pon a ct or s, w h ose a r t , a lt h ou g h a s y et I h a d n o
ex per ien ce of it , w a s t h e fir st of a ll it s n u m ber less for m s
in w h ich A r t it self a llow ed m e t o a n t icipa t e it s
en joy m en t . Bet w een on e a ct or ’s t r ick s of in t on a t ion a n d
in flect ion a n d a n ot h er ’s, t h e m ost t r iflin g differ en ces
w ou ld st r ik e m e a s bein g of a n in ca lcu la ble im por t a n ce.
A n d fr om w h a t I h a d been t old of t h em I w ou ld a r r a n g e
t h em in t h e or der of t h eir t a len t in list s w h ich I u sed t o
m u r m u r t o m y self a ll da y lon g : list s w h ich in t h e en d
beca m e pet r ified in m y br a in a n d w er e a sou r ce of
a n n oy a n ce t o it , bein g ir r em ov a ble.
A n d la t er , in m y sch oolda y s, w h en ev er I v en t u r ed
in cla ss, w h en t h e m a st er ’s h ea d w a s t u r n ed, t o
com m u n ica t e w it h som e n ew fr ien d, I w ou ld a lw a y s
beg in by a sk in g h im w h et h er h e h a d beg u n y et t o g o t o
t h ea t r es, a n d if h e a g r eed t h a t ou r g r ea t est a ct or w a s
u n dou bt edly Got , ou r secon d Dela u n a y , a n d so on . A n d
if, in h is ju dg m en t , Febv r e ca m e below T h ir on , or
Dela u n a y below Coqu elin , t h e su dden v ola t ilit y w h ich
t h e n a m e of Coqu elin , for sa k in g it s st on y r ig idit y ,
w ou ld en g en der in m y m in d, in w h ich it m ov ed
u pw a r ds t o t h e secon d pla ce, t h e r ich v it a lit y w it h
w h ich t h e n a m e of Dela u n a y w ou ld su dden ly be
fu r n ish ed, t o en a ble it t o slip dow n t o fou r t h , w ou ld
st im u la t e a n d fer t ilise m y br a in w it h a sen se of bu ddin g
a n d blossom in g life.
Bu t if t h e t h ou g h t of a ct or s w eig h ed so u pon m e, if
t h e sig h t of Ma u ba n t , com in g ou t on e a ft er n oon fr om
t h e T h éâ t r e-Fr a n ça is, h a d plu n g ed m e in t h e t h r oes a n d
su ffer in g s of h opeless lov e, h ow m u ch m or e did t h e
n a m e of a ‘st a r ,’ bla zin g ou t side t h e door s of a t h ea t r e,
h ow m u ch m or e, seen t h r ou g h t h e w in dow of a
br ou g h a m w h ich pa ssed m e in t h e st r eet , t h e h a ir ov er
h er for eh ea d a bloom w it h r oses, did t h e fa ce of a w om a n
w h o, I w ou ld t h in k , w a s per h a ps a n a ct r ess, lea v e w it h
m e a la st in g dist u r ba n ce, a fu t ile a n d pa in fu l effor t t o
for m a pict u r e of h er pr iv a t e life.
I cla ssified, in or der of t a len t , t h e m ost
dist in g u ish ed: Sa r a h Ber n h a r dt , Ber m a , Ba r t et ,
Ma delein e Br oh a n , Jea n n e Sa m a r y ; bu t I w a s in t er est ed
in t h em a ll. Now m y u n cle k n ew m a n y of t h em
per son a lly , a n d a lso la dies of a n ot h er cla ss, n ot clea r ly
dist in g u ish ed fr om a ct r esses in m y m in d. He u sed t o
en t er t a in t h em a t h is h ou se. A n d if w e w en t t o see h im
on cer t a in da y s on ly , t h a t w a s beca u se on t h e ot h er
da y s la dies m ig h t com e w h om h is fa m ily cou ld n ot v er y
w ell h a v e m et . So w e a t lea st t h ou g h t ; a s for m y u n cle,
h is fa t a l r ea din ess t o pa y pr et t y w idow s (w h o h a d
per h a ps n ev er been m a r r ied) a n d cou n t esses (w h ose
h ig h -sou n din g t it les w er e pr oba bly n o m or e t h a n nom s
de guerre) t h e com plim en t of pr esen t in g t h em t o m y
g r a n dm ot h er or ev en of pr esen t in g t o t h em som e of ou r
fa m ily jew els, h a d a lr ea dy em br oiled h im m or e t h a n
on ce w it h m y g r a n dfa t h er . Oft en , if t h e n a m e of som e
a ct r ess w er e m en t ion ed in con v er sa t ion , I w ou ld h ea r
m y fa t h er sa y , w it h a sm ile, t o m y m ot h er : “ On e of
y ou r u n cle’s fr ien ds,” a n d I w ou ld t h in k of t h e w ea r y
n ov it ia t e t h r ou g h w h ich , per h a ps for y ea r s on en d, a
g r ow n m a n , ev en a m a n of r ea l im por t a n ce, m ig h t
h a v e t o pa ss, w a it in g on t h e door st ep of som e su ch la dy ,
w h ile sh e r efu sed t o a n sw er h is let t er s a n d m a de h er
h a ll-por t er dr iv e h im a w a y ; a n d im a g in e t h a t m y
u n cle w a s a ble t o dispen se a lit t le ja ck a n a pes lik e m y self
fr om a ll t h ese su ffer in g s by in t r odu cin g m e in h is ow n
h om e t o t h e a ct r ess, u n a ppr oa ch a ble by a ll t h e w or ld,
bu t for h im a n in t im a t e fr ien d.
A n d so — on t h e pr et ex t t h a t som e lesson , t h e h ou r of
w h ich h a d been a lt er ed, n ow ca m e a t su ch a n a w k w a r d
t im e t h a t it h a d a lr ea dy m or e t h a n on ce pr ev en t ed m e,
a n d w ou ld con t in u e t o pr ev en t m e, fr om seein g m y
u n cle — on e da y , n ot on e of t h e da y s w h ich h e set a pa r t
for ou r v isit s, I t ook a dv a n t a g e of t h e fa ct t h a t m y
pa r en t s h a d h a d lu n ch eon ea r lier t h a n u su a l; I slipped
ou t a n d, in st ea d of g oin g t o r ea d t h e pla y bills on t h eir
colu m n , for w h ich pu r pose I w a s a llow ed t o g o ou t
u n a ccom pa n ied, I r a n a ll t h e w a y t o h is h ou se. I n ot iced
befor e h is door a ca r r ia g e a n d pa ir , w it h r ed ca r n a t ion s
on t h e h or ses’ blin k er s a n d in t h e coa ch m a n ’s
bu t t on h ole. A s I clim bed t h e st a ir ca se I cou ld h ea r
la u g h t er a n d a w om a n ’s v oice, a n d, a s soon a s I h a d
r u n g , silen ce a n d t h e sou n d of sh u t t in g door s. T h e m a n -
ser v a n t w h o let m e in a ppea r ed em ba r r a ssed, a n d sa id
t h a t m y u n cle w a s ex t r em ely bu sy a n d pr oba bly cou ld
n ot see m e; h e w en t in , h ow ev er , t o a n n ou n ce m y
a r r iv a l, a n d t h e sa m e v oice I h a d h ea r d befor e sa id:
“ Oh , y es! Do let h im com e in ; ju st for a m om en t ; it w ill
be so a m u sin g . Is t h a t h is ph ot og r a ph t h er e, on y ou r
desk ? A n d h is m ot h er (y ou r n iece, isn ’t sh e?) beside it ?
T h e im a g e of h er , isn ’t h e? I sh ou ld so lik e t o see t h e
lit t le ch a p, ju st for a secon d.”
I cou ld h ea r m y u n cle g r u m blin g a n d g r ow in g
a n g r y ; fin a lly t h e m a n ser v a n t t old m e t o com e in .
On t h e t a ble w a s t h e sa m e pla t e of m a r ch pa n es t h a t
w a s a lw a y s t h er e; m y u n cle w or e t h e sa m e a la pca coa t
a s on ot h er da y s; bu t opposit e t o h im , in a pin k silk dr ess
w it h a g r ea t n eck la ce of pea r ls a bou t h er t h r oa t , sa t a
y ou n g w om a n w h o w a s ju st fin ish in g a t a n g er in e. My
u n cer t a in t y w h et h er I ou g h t t o a ddr ess h er a s Ma da m e
or Ma dem oiselle m a de m e blu sh , a n d n ot da r in g t o look
t oo m u ch in h er dir ect ion , in ca se I sh ou ld be oblig ed t o
spea k t o h er , I h u r r ied a cr oss t o k iss m y u n cle. Sh e
look ed a t m e a n d sm iled; m y u n cle sa id “ My n eph ew !”
w it h ou t t ellin g h er m y n a m e or t ellin g m e h er s,
dou bt less beca u se, sin ce h is difficu lt ies w it h m y
g r a n dfa t h er , h e h a d en dea v ou r ed a s fa r a s possible t o
a v oid a n y a ssocia t ion of h is fa m ily w it h t h is ot h er cla ss
of a cqu a in t a n ce.
“ How lik e h is m ot h er h e is,” sa id t h e la dy .
“ Bu t y ou h a v e n ev er seen m y n iece, ex cept in
ph ot og r a ph s,” m y u n cle br ok e in qu ick ly , w it h a n ot e of
a n g er .
“ I beg y ou r pa r don , dea r fr ien d, I pa ssed h er on t h e
st a ir ca se la st y ea r w h en y ou w er e so ill. It is t r u e I on ly
sa w h er for a m om en t , a n d y ou r st a ir ca se is r a t h er
da r k ; bu t I sa w w ell en ou g h t o see h ow lov ely sh e w a s.
T h is y ou n g g en t lem a n h a s h er bea u t ifu l ey es, a n d a lso
t h is,” sh e w en t on , t r a cin g a lin e w it h on e fin g er a cr oss
t h e low er pa r t of h er for eh ea d. “ T ell m e,” sh e a sk ed m y
u n cle, “ is y ou r n iece Mm e. ——; is h er n a m e t h e sa m e a s
y ou r s?”
“ He t a k es m ost a ft er h is fa t h er ,” m u t t er ed m y
u n cle, w h o w a s n o m or e a n x iou s t o effect a n
in t r odu ct ion by pr ox y , in r epea t in g Ma m m a ’s n a m e
a lou d, t h a n t o br in g t h e t w o t og et h er in t h e flesh . “ He’s
h is fa t h er a ll ov er , a n d a lso lik e m y poor m ot h er .”
“ I h a v e n ot m et h is fa t h er , dea r ,” sa id t h e la dy in
pin k , bow in g h er h ea d slig h t ly , “ a n d I n ev er sa w y ou r
poor m ot h er . Y ou w ill r em em ber it w a s ju st a ft er y ou r
g r ea t sor r ow t h a t w e g ot t o k n ow on e a n ot h er .”
I felt som ew h a t disillu sion ed, for t h is y ou n g la dy
w a s in n o w a y differ en t fr om ot h er pr et t y w om en
w h om I h a d seen fr om t im e t o t im e a t h om e, especia lly
t h e da u g h t er of on e of ou r cou sin s, t o w h ose h ou se I
w en t ev er y New Y ea r ’s Da y . On ly bet t er dr essed;
ot h er w ise m y u n cle’s fr ien d h a d t h e sa m e qu ick a n d
k in dly g la n ce, t h e sa m e fr a n k a n d fr ien dly m a n n er . I
cou ld fin d n o t r a ce in h er of t h e t h ea t r ica l a ppea r a n ce
w h ich I a dm ir ed in ph ot og r a ph s of a ct r esses, n ot h in g of
t h e dia bolica l ex pr ession w h ich w ou ld h a v e been in
k eepin g w it h t h e life sh e m u st lea d. I h a d difficu lt y in
believ in g t h a t t h is w a s on e of ‘t h ose w om en ,’ a n d
cer t a in ly I sh ou ld n ev er h a v e believ ed h er on e of t h e
‘sm a r t on es’ h a d I n ot seen t h e ca r r ia g e a n d pa ir , t h e
pin k dr ess, t h e pea r ly n eck la ce, h a d I n ot been a w a r e,
t oo, t h a t m y u n cle k n ew on ly t h e v er y best of t h em . Bu t
I a sk ed m y self h ow t h e m illion a ir e w h o g a v e h er h er
ca r r ia g e a n d h er fla t a n d h er jew els cou ld fin d a n y
plea su r e in flin g in g h is m on ey a w a y u pon a w om a n
w h o h a d so sim ple a n d r espect a ble a n a ppea r a n ce. A n d
y et , w h en I t h ou g h t of w h a t h er life m u st be lik e, it s
im m or a lit y dist u r bed m e m or e, per h a ps, t h a n if it h a d
st ood befor e m e in som e con cr et e a n d r ecog n isa ble for m ,
by it s secr ecy a n d in v isibilit y , lik e t h e plot of a n ov el,
t h e h idden t r u t h of a sca n da l w h ich h a d dr iv en ou t of
t h e h om e of h er m iddle-cla ss pa r en t s a n d dedica t ed t o
t h e ser v ice of a ll m a n k in d w h ich h a d br ou g h t t o t h e
flow er in g -poin t of h er bea u t y , h a d r a ised t o fa m e or
n ot or iet y t h is w om a n , t h e pla y of w h ose fea t u r es, t h e
in t on a t ion s of w h ose v oice, lik e so m a n y ot h er s I
a lr ea dy k n ew , m a de m e r eg a r d h er , in spit e of m y self,
a s a y ou n g la dy of g ood fa m ily , h er w h o w a s n o lon g er
of a fa m ily a t a ll.
W e h a d g on e by t h is t im e in t o t h e ‘st u dy ,’ a n d m y
u n cle, w h o seem ed a t r ifle em ba r r a ssed by m y
pr esen ce, offer ed h er a cig a r et t e.
“ No, t h a n k y ou , dea r fr ien d,” sh e sa id. “ Y ou k n ow I
on ly sm ok e t h e on es t h e Gr a n d Du k e sen ds m e. I t ell
h im t h a t t h ey m a k e y ou jea lou s.” A n d sh e dr ew fr om a
ca se cig a r et t es cov er ed w it h in scr ipt ion s in g old, in a
for eig n la n g u a g e. “ W h y , y es,” sh e beg a n a g a in
su dden ly . “ Of cou r se I h a v e m et t h is y ou n g m a n ’s
fa t h er w it h y ou . Isn ’t h e y ou r n eph ew ? How on ea r t h
cou ld I h a v e for g ot t en ? He w a s so n ice, so ch a r m in g t o
m e,” sh e w en t on , m odest ly a n d w it h feelin g . Bu t w h en
I t h ou g h t t o m y self w h a t m u st a ct u a lly h a v e been t h e
r u de g r eet in g (w h ich , sh e m a de ou t , h a d been so
ch a r m in g ), I, w h o k n ew m y fa t h er ’s coldn ess a n d
r eser v e, w a s sh ock ed, a s t h ou g h a t som e in delica cy on
h is pa r t , a t t h e con t r a st bet w een t h e ex cessiv e
r ecog n it ion best ow ed on it a n d h is n ev er a dequ a t e
g en ia lit y . It h a s sin ce st r u ck m e a s on e of t h e m ost
t ou ch in g a spect s of t h e pa r t pla y ed in life by t h ese idle,
pa in st a k in g w om en t h a t t h ey dev ot e a ll t h eir
g en er osit y , a ll t h eir t a len t , t h eir t r a n sfer a ble dr ea m s of
sen t im en t a l bea u t y (for , lik e a ll a r t ist s, t h ey n ev er seek
t o r ea lise t h e v a lu e of t h ose dr ea m s, or t o en close t h em
in t h e fou r -squ a r e fr a m e of ev er y da y life), a n d t h eir
g old, w h ich cou n t s for lit t le, t o t h e fa sh ion in g of a fin e
a n d pr eciou s set t in g for t h e r u bbed a n d scr a t ch ed a n d
ill-polish ed liv es of m en . A n d ju st a s t h is on e filled t h e
sm ok in g -r oom , w h er e m y u n cle w a s en t er t a in in g h er
in h is a lpa ca coa t , w it h h er ch a r m in g per son , h er dr ess
of pin k silk , h er pea r ls, a n d t h e r efin em en t su g g est ed by
in t im a cy w it h a Gr a n d Du k e, so, in t h e sa m e w a y , sh e
h a d t a k en som e ca su a l r em a r k by m y fa t h er , h a d
w or k ed it u p delica t ely , g iv en it a ‘t u r n ,’ a pr eciou s
t it le, set in it t h e g em of a g la n ce fr om h er ow n ey es, a
g em of t h e fir st w a t er , blen ded of h u m ilit y a n d
g r a t it u de; a n d so h a d g iv en it ba ck t r a n sfor m ed in t o a
jew el, a w or k of a r t , in t o som et h in g a lt og et h er
ch a r m in g .
“ Look h er e, m y boy , it is t im e y ou w en t a w a y ,” sa id
m y u n cle.
I r ose; I cou ld sca r cely r esist a desir e t o k iss t h e h a n d
of t h e la dy in pin k , bu t I felt t h a t t o do so w ou ld r equ ir e
a s m u ch a u da cit y a s a for cible a bdu ct ion of h er . My
h ea r t bea t lou d w h ile I cou n t ed ou t t o m y self “ Sh a ll I do
it , sh a ll I n ot ?” a n d t h en I cea sed t o a sk m y self w h a t I
ou g h t t o do so a s a t lea st t o do som et h in g . Blin dly , h ot ly ,
m a dly , flin g in g a side a ll t h e r ea son s I h a d ju st fou n d t o
su ppor t su ch a ct ion , I seized a n d r a ised t o m y lips t h e
h a n d sh e h eld ou t t o m e.
“ Isn ’t h e deliciou s! Qu it e a la dies’ m a n a lr ea dy ; h e
t a k es a ft er h is u n cle. He’ll be a per fect ‘g en t lem a n ,’” sh e
w en t on , set t in g h er t eet h so a s t o g iv e t h e w or d a k in d
of En g lish a ccen t u a t ion . “ Cou ldn ’t h e com e t o m e som e
da y for ‘a cu p of t ea ,’ a s ou r fr ien ds a cr oss t h e ch a n n el
sa y ; h e n eed on ly sen d m e a ‘blu e’ in t h e m or n in g ?”
 I h a d n ot t h e lea st idea of w h a t a ‘blu e’ m ig h t be. I
did n ot u n der st a n d h a lf t h e w or ds w h ich t h e la dy u sed,
bu t m y fea r lest t h er e sh ou ld be con cea led in t h em som e
qu est ion w h ich it w ou ld be im polit e in m e n ot t o a n sw er
k ept m e fr om w it h dr a w in g m y close a t t en t ion fr om
t h em , a n d I w a s beg in n in g t o feel ex t r em ely t ir ed.
“ No, n o; it is im possible,” sa id m y u n cle, sh r u g g in g
h is sh ou lder s. “ He is k ept bu sy a t h om e a ll da y ; h e h a s
plen t y of w or k t o do. He br in g s ba ck a ll t h e pr izes fr om
h is sch ool,” h e a dded in a low er t on e, so t h a t I sh ou ld n ot
h ea r t h is fa lseh ood a n d in t er r u pt w it h a con t r a dict ion .
“ Y ou ca n ’t t ell; h e m a y t u r n ou t a lit t le V ict or Hu g o, a
k in d of V a u la belle, don ’t y ou k n ow .”
“ Oh , I lov e a r t ist ic people,” r eplied t h e la dy in pin k ;
“ t h er e is n o on e lik e t h em for u n der st a n din g w om en .
T h em , a n d r ea lly n ice m en lik e y ou r self. Bu t plea se
for g iv e m y ig n or a n ce. W h o, w h a t is V a u la belle? Is it
t h ose g ilt book s in t h e lit t le g la ss ca se in y ou r dr a w in g -
r oom ? Y ou k n ow y ou pr om ised t o len d t h em t o m e; I w ill
t a k e g r ea t ca r e of t h em .”
My u n cle, w h o h a t ed len din g people book s, sa id
n ot h in g , a n d u sh er ed m e ou t in t o t h e h a ll. Ma dly in
lov e w it h t h e la dy in pin k , I cov er ed m y old u n cle’s
t oba cco-st a in ed ch eek s w it h pa ssion a t e k isses, a n d w h ile
h e, a w k w a r dly en ou g h , g a v e m e t o u n der st a n d
(w it h ou t a ct u a lly sa y in g ) t h a t h e w ou ld r a t h er I did
n ot t ell m y pa r en t s a bou t t h is v isit , I a ssu r ed h im , w it h
t ea r s in m y ey es, t h a t h is k in dn ess h a d m a de so st r on g
a n im pr ession u pon m e t h a t som e da y I w ou ld m ost
cer t a in ly fin d a w a y of ex pr essin g m y g r a t it u de. So
st r on g a n im pr ession h a d it m a de u pon m e t h a t t w o
h ou r s la t er , a ft er a st r in g of m y st er iou s u t t er a n ces
w h ich did n ot st r ik e m e a s g iv in g m y pa r en t s a
su fficien t ly clea r idea of t h e n ew im por t a n ce w it h
w h ich I h a d been in v est ed, I fou n d it sim pler t o let t h em
h a v e a fu ll a ccou n t , om it t in g n o det a il, of t h e v isit I h a d
pa id t h a t a ft er n oon . In doin g t h is I h a d n o t h ou g h t of
ca u sin g m y u n cle a n y u n plea sa n t n ess. How cou ld I
h a v e t h ou g h t su ch a t h in g , sin ce I did n ot w ish it ? A n d I
cou ld n ot su ppose t h a t m y pa r en t s w ou ld see a n y h a r m
in a v isit in w h ich I m y self sa w n on e. Ev er y da y of ou r
liv es does n ot som e fr ien d or ot h er a sk u s t o m a k e h is
a polog ies, w it h ou t fa il, t o som e w om a n t o w h om h e h a s
been pr ev en t ed fr om w r it in g ; a n d do n ot w e for g et t o do
so, feelin g t h a t t h is w om a n ca n n ot a t t a ch m u ch
im por t a n ce t o a silen ce w h ich h a s n on e for ou r selv es? I
im a g in ed, lik e ev er y on e else, t h a t t h e br a in s of ot h er
people w er e lifeless a n d su bm issiv e r ecept a cles w it h n o
pow er of specific r ea ct ion t o a n y st im u lu s w h ich m ig h t
be a pplied t o t h em ; a n d I h a d n ot t h e lea st dou bt t h a t
w h en I deposit ed in t h e m in ds of m y pa r en t s t h e n ew s of
t h e a cqu a in t a n ce I h a d m a de a t m y u n cle’s I sh ou ld a t
t h e sa m e t im e t r a n sm it t o t h em t h e k in dly ju dg m en t I
m y self h a d ba sed on t h e in t r odu ct ion . Un for t u n a t ely
m y pa r en t s h a d r ecou r se t o pr in ciples en t ir ely differ en t
fr om t h ose w h ich I su g g est ed t h ey sh ou ld a dopt w h en
t h ey ca m e t o for m t h eir est im a t e of m y u n cle’s con du ct .
My fa t h er a n d g r a n dfa t h er h a d ‘w or ds’ w it h h im of a
v iolen t or der ; a s I lea r n ed in dir ect ly . A few da y s la t er ,
pa ssin g m y u n cle in t h e st r eet a s h e dr ov e by in a n open
ca r r ia g e, I felt a t on ce a ll t h e g r ief, t h e g r a t it u de, t h e
r em or se w h ich I sh ou ld h a v e lik ed t o con v ey t o h im .
Beside t h e im m en sit y of t h ese em ot ion s I con sider ed
t h a t m er ely t o r a ise m y h a t t o h im w ou ld be
in con g r u ou s a n d pet t y , a n d m ig h t m a k e h im t h in k
t h a t I r eg a r ded m y self a s bou n d t o sh ew h im n o m or e
t h a n t h e com m on est for m of cou r t esy . I decided t o
a bst a in fr om so in a dequ a t e a g est u r e, a n d t u r n ed m y
h ea d a w a y . My u n cle t h ou g h t t h a t , in doin g so I w a s
obey in g m y pa r en t s’ or der s; h e n ev er for g a v e t h em ;
a n d t h ou g h h e did n ot die u n t il m a n y y ea r s la t er , n ot
on e of u s ev er set ey es on h im a g a in .
A n d so I n o lon g er u sed t o g o in t o t h e lit t le sit t in g -
r oom (n ow k ept sh u t ) of m y u n cle A dolph e; in st ea d,
a ft er h a n g in g a bou t on t h e ou t sk ir t s of t h e ba ck -k it ch en
u n t il Fr a n çoise a ppea r ed on it s t h r esh old a n d
a n n ou n ced: “ I a m g oin g t o let t h e k it ch en -m a id ser v e
t h e coffee a n d t a k e u p t h e h ot w a t er ; it is t im e I w en t off
t o Mm e. Oct a v e,” I w ou ld t h en decide t o g o in door s, a n d
w ou ld g o st r a ig h t u pst a ir s t o m y r oom t o r ea d. T h e
k it ch en -m a id w a s a n a bst r a ct per son a lit y , a per m a n en t
in st it u t ion t o w h ich a n in v a r ia ble set of a t t r ibu t es
a ssu r ed a sor t of fix it y a n d con t in u it y a n d iden t it y
t h r ou g h ou t t h e lon g ser ies of t r a n sit or y h u m a n sh a pes
in w h ich t h a t per son a lit y w a s in ca r n a t e; for w e n ev er
fou n d t h e sa m e g ir l t h er e t w o y ea r s r u n n in g . In t h e
y ea r in w h ich w e a t e su ch qu a n t it ies of a spa r a g u s, t h e
k it ch en -m a id w h ose du t y it w a s t o dr ess t h em w a s a
poor sick ly cr ea t u r e, som e w a y ‘g on e’ in pr eg n a n cy
w h en w e a r r iv ed a t Com br a y for Ea st er , a n d it w a s
in deed su r pr isin g t h a t Fr a n çoise a llow ed h er t o r u n so
m a n y er r a n ds in t h e t ow n a n d t o do so m u ch w or k in
t h e h ou se, for sh e w a s beg in n in g t o fin d a difficu lt y in
bea r in g befor e h er t h e m y st er iou s ca sk et , fu ller a n d
la r g er ev er y da y , w h ose splen did ou t lin e cou ld be
det ect ed t h r ou g h t h e folds of h er a m ple sm ock s. T h ese
la st r eca lled t h e cloa k s in w h ich Giot t o sh r ou ds som e of
t h e a lleg or ica l fig u r es in h is pa in t in g s, of w h ich M.
Sw a n n h a d g iv en m e ph ot og r a ph s. He it w a s w h o
poin t ed ou t t h e r esem bla n ce, a n d w h en h e in qu ir ed
a ft er t h e k it ch en -m a id h e w ou ld sa y : “ W ell, h ow g oes it
w it h Giot t o’s Ch a r it y ?” A n d in deed t h e poor g ir l, w h ose
pr eg n a n cy h a d sw elled a n d st ou t en ed ev er y pa r t of h er ,
ev en t o h er fa ce, a n d t h e v er t ica l, squ a r ed ou t lin es of
h er ch eek s, did dist in ct ly su g g est t h ose v ir g in s, so
st r on g a n d m a n n ish a s t o seem m a t r on s r a t h er , in
w h om t h e V ir t u es a r e per son ified in t h e A r en a Ch a pel.
A n d I ca n see n ow t h a t t h ose V ir t u es a n d V ices of Pa du a
r esem bled h er in a n ot h er r espect a s w ell. For ju st a s t h e
fig u r e of t h is g ir l h a d been en la r g ed by t h e a ddit ion a l
sy m bol w h ich sh e ca r r ied in h er body , w it h ou t
a ppea r in g t o u n der st a n d w h a t it m ea n t , w it h ou t a n y
r en der in g in h er fa cia l ex pr ession of a ll it s bea u t y a n d
spir it u a l sig n ifica n ce, bu t ca r r ied a s if it w er e a n
or din a r y a n d r a t h er h ea v y bu r den , so it is w it h ou t a n y
a ppa r en t su spicion of w h a t sh e is a bou t t h a t t h e
pow er fu lly bu ilt h ou sew ife w h o is por t r a y ed in t h e
A r en a ben ea t h t h e la bel ‘Ca r it a s,’ a n d a r epr odu ct ion of
w h ose por t r a it h u n g u pon t h e w a ll of m y sch oolr oom a t
Com br a y , in ca r n a t es t h a t v ir t u e, for it seem s
im possible, t h a t a n y t h ou g h t of ch a r it y ca n ev er h a v e
fou n d ex pr ession in h er v u lg a r a n d en er g et ic fa ce. By a
fin e st r ok e of t h e pa in t er ’s in v en t ion sh e is t u m blin g a ll
t h e t r ea su r es of t h e ea r t h a t h er feet , bu t ex a ct ly a s if
sh e w er e t r ea din g g r a pes in a w in e-pr ess t o ex t r a ct
t h eir ju ice, or , st ill m or e, a s if sh e h a d clim bed on a
h ea p of sa ck s t o r a ise h er self h ig h er ; a n d sh e is h oldin g
ou t h er fla m in g h ea r t t o God, or sh a ll w e sa y ‘h a n din g ’
it t o Him , ex a ct ly a s a cook m ig h t h a n d u p a cor k scr ew
t h r ou g h t h e sk y lig h t of h er u n der g r ou n d k it ch en t o
som e on e w h o h a d ca lled dow n t o a sk h er for it fr om t h e
g r ou n d-lev el a bov e. T h e ‘In v idia ,’ a g a in , sh ou ld h a v e
h a d som e look on h er fa ce of en v y . Bu t in t h is fr esco, t oo,
t h e sy m bol occu pies so la r g e a pla ce a n d is r epr esen t ed
w it h su ch r ea lism ; t h e ser pen t h issin g bet w een t h e lips
of En v y is so h u g e, a n d so com plet ely fills h er w ide-
open ed m ou t h t h a t t h e m u scles of h er fa ce a r e st r a in ed
a n d con t or t ed, lik e a ch ild’s w h o is fillin g a ba lloon w it h
h is br ea t h , a n d t h a t En v y , a n d w e ou r selv es for t h a t
m a t t er , w h en w e look a t h er , sin ce a ll h er a t t en t ion a n d
ou r s a r e con cen t r a t ed on t h e a ct ion of h er lips, h a v e n o
t im e, a lm ost , t o spa r e for en v iou s t h ou g h t s.
Despit e a ll t h e a dm ir a t ion t h a t M. Sw a n n m ig h t
pr ofess for t h ese fig u r es of Giot t o, it w a s a lon g t im e
befor e I cou ld fin d a n y plea su r e in seein g in ou r
sch oolr oom (w h er e t h e copies h e h a d br ou g h t m e w er e
h u n g ) t h a t Ch a r it y dev oid of ch a r it y , t h a t En v y w h o
look ed lik e n ot h in g so m u ch a s a pla t e in som e m edica l
book , illu st r a t in g t h e com pr ession of t h e g lot t is or u v u la
by a t u m ou r in t h e t on g u e, or by t h e in t r odu ct ion of t h e
oper a t or ’s in st r u m en t , a Ju st ice w h ose g r ey ish a n d
m ea n ly r eg u la r fea t u r es w er e t h e v er y sa m e a s t h ose
w h ich a dor n ed t h e fa ces of cer t a in g ood a n d piou s a n d
slig h t ly w it h er ed la dies of Com br a y w h om I u sed t o see
a t m a ss, m a n y of w h om h a d lon g been en r olled in t h e
r eser v e for ces of In ju st ice. Bu t in la t er y ea r s I
u n der st ood t h a t t h e a r r est in g st r a n g en ess, t h e specia l
bea u t y of t h ese fr escoes la y in t h e g r ea t pa r t pla y ed in
ea ch of t h em by it s sy m bols, w h ile t h e fa ct t h a t t h ese
w er e depict ed, n ot a s sy m bols (for t h e t h ou g h t
sy m bolised w a s n ow h er e ex pr essed), bu t a s r ea l t h in g s,
a ct u a lly felt or m a t er ia lly h a n dled, a dded som et h in g
m or e pr ecise a n d m or e lit er a l t o t h eir m ea n in g ,
som et h in g m or e con cr et e a n d m or e st r ik in g t o t h e
lesson t h ey im pa r t ed. A n d ev en in t h e ca se of t h e poor
k it ch en -m a id, w a s n ot ou r a t t en t ion in cessa n t ly dr a w n
t o h er belly by t h e loa d w h ich filled it ; a n d in t h e sa m e
w a y , a g a in , a r e n ot t h e t h ou g h t s of m en a n d w om en in
t h e a g on y of dea t h oft en t u r n ed t ow a r ds t h e pr a ct ica l,
pa in fu l, obscu r e, in t er n a l, in t est in a l a spect , t ow a r ds
t h a t ‘sea m y side’ of dea t h w h ich is, a s it h a ppen s, t h e
side t h a t dea t h a ct u a lly pr esen t s t o t h em a n d for ces
t h em t o feel, a side w h ich fa r m or e closely r esem bles a
cr u sh in g bu r den , a difficu lt y in br ea t h in g , a dest r oy in g
t h ir st , t h a n t h e a bst r a ct idea t o w h ich w e a r e
a ccu st om ed t o g iv e t h e n a m e of Dea t h ?
T h er e m u st h a v e been a st r on g elem en t of r ea lit y in
t h ose V ir t u es a n d V ices of Pa du a , sin ce t h ey a ppea r ed t o
m e t o be a s m u ch a liv e a s t h e pr eg n a n t ser v a n t -g ir l,
w h ile sh e h er self a ppea r ed sca r cely less a lleg or ica l t h a n
t h ey . A n d, qu it e possibly , t h is la ck (or seem in g la ck ) of
pa r t icipa t ion by a per son ’s sou l in t h e sig n ifica n t m a r k s
of it s ow n specia l v ir t u e h a s, a pa r t fr om it s a est h et ic
m ea n in g , a r ea lit y w h ich , if n ot st r ict ly psy ch olog ica l,
m a y a t lea st be ca lled ph y siog n om ica l. La t er on , w h en ,
in t h e cou r se of m y life, I h a v e h a d occa sion t o m eet
w it h , in con v en t s for in st a n ce, lit er a lly sa in t ly
ex a m ples of pr a ct ica l ch a r it y , t h ey h a v e g en er a lly h a d
t h e br isk , decided, u n dist u r bed, a n d slig h t ly br u t a l a ir
of a bu sy su r g eon , t h e fa ce in w h ich on e ca n discer n n o
com m iser a t ion , n o t en der n ess a t t h e sig h t of su ffer in g
h u m a n it y , a n d n o fea r of h u r t in g it , t h e fa ce dev oid of
g en t len ess or sy m pa t h y , t h e su blim e fa ce of t r u e
g oodn ess.
T h en w h ile t h e k it ch en -m a id — w h o, a ll u n a w a r es,
m a de t h e su per ior qu a lit ies of Fr a n çoise sh in e w it h
a dded lu st r e, ju st a s Er r or , by for ce of con t r a st ,
en h a n ces t h e t r iu m ph of T r u t h — t ook in coffee w h ich
(a ccor din g t o Ma m m a ) w a s n ot h in g m or e t h a n h ot
w a t er , a n d t h en ca r r ied u p t o ou r r oom s h ot w a t er
w h ich w a s ba r ely t epid, I w ou ld be ly in g st r et ch ed ou t
on m y bed, a book in m y h a n d, in m y r oom w h ich
t r em bled w it h t h e effor t t o defen d it s fr a il, t r a n spa r en t
cooln ess a g a in st t h e a ft er n oon su n , beh in d it s a lm ost
closed sh u t t er s t h r ou g h w h ich , h ow ev er , a r eflect ion of
t h e su n lig h t h a d con t r iv ed t o slip in on it s g olden w in g s,
r em a in in g m ot ion less, bet w een g la ss a n d w oodw or k , in
a cor n er , lik e a bu t t er fly poised u pon a flow er . It w a s
h a r dly lig h t en ou g h for m e t o r ea d, a n d m y feelin g of
t h e da y ’s br ig h t n ess a n d splen dou r w a s der iv ed solely
fr om t h e blow s st r u ck dow n below , in t h e Ru e de la
Cu r é, by Ca m u s (w h om Fr a n çoise h a d a ssu r ed t h a t m y
a u n t w a s n ot ‘r est in g ’ a n d t h a t h e m ig h t t h er efor e
m a k e a n oise), u pon som e old pa ck in g -ca ses fr om w h ich
n ot h in g w ou ld r ea lly be sen t fly in g bu t t h e du st ,
t h ou g h t h e din of t h em , in t h e r eson a n t a t m osph er e
t h a t a ccom pa n ies h ot w ea t h er , seem ed t o sca t t er
br oa dca st a r a in of blood-r ed st a r s; a n d fr om t h e flies
w h o per for m ed for m y ben efit , in t h eir sm a ll con cer t , a s
it m ig h t be t h e ch a m ber m u sic of su m m er ; ev ok in g
h ea t a n d lig h t qu it e differ en t ly fr om a n a ir of h u m a n
m u sic w h ich , if y ou h a ppen t o h a v e h ea r d it du r in g a
fin e su m m er , w ill a lw a y s br in g t h a t su m m er ba ck t o
y ou r m in d, t h e flies’ m u sic is bou n d t o t h e sea son by a
closer , a m or e v it a l t ie — bor n of su n n y da y s, a n d n ot t o
be r ebor n bu t w it h t h em , con t a in in g som et h in g of t h eir
essen t ia l n a t u r e, it n ot m er ely ca lls u p t h eir im a g e in
ou r m em or y , bu t g iv es u s a g u a r a n t ee t h a t t h ey do
r ea lly ex ist , t h a t t h ey a r e close a r ou n d u s, im m edia t ely
a ccessible.
T h is dim fr esh n ess of m y r oom w a s t o t h e br oa d
da y lig h t of t h e st r eet w h a t t h e sh a dow is t o t h e
su n bea m , t h a t is t o sa y , equ a lly lu m in ou s, a n d
pr esen t ed t o m y im a g in a t ion t h e en t ir e pa n or a m a of
su m m er , w h ich m y sen ses, if I h a d been ou t w a lk in g ,
cou ld h a v e t a st ed a n d en joy ed in fr a g m en t s on ly ; a n d
so w a s qu it e in h a r m on y w it h m y st a t e of r epose, w h ich
(t h a n k s t o t h e a dv en t u r es r ela t ed in m y book s, w h ich
h a d ju st ex cit ed it ) bor e, lik e a h a n d r eposin g m ot ion less
in a st r ea m of r u n n in g w a t er , t h e sh ock a n d a n im a t ion
of a t or r en t of a ct iv it y a n d life.
Bu t m y g r a n dm ot h er , ev en if t h e w ea t h er , a ft er
g r ow in g t oo h ot , h a d br ok en , a n d a st or m , or ju st a
sh ow er , h a d bu r st ov er u s, w ou ld com e u p a n d beg m e
t o g o ou t side. A n d a s I did n ot w ish t o lea v e off m y book ,
I w ou ld g o on w it h it in t h e g a r den , u n der t h e ch est n u t -
t r ee, in a lit t le sen t r y -box of ca n v a s a n d m a t t in g , in t h e
fa r t h est r ecesses of w h ich I u sed t o sit a n d feel t h a t I w a s
h idden fr om t h e ey es of a n y on e w h o m ig h t be com in g t o
ca ll u pon t h e fa m ily .
A n d t h en m y t h ou g h t s, did n ot t h ey for m a sim ila r
sor t of h idin g -h ole, in t h e dept h s of w h ich I felt t h a t I
cou ld bu r y m y self a n d r em a in in v isible ev en w h en I
w a s look in g a t w h a t w en t on ou t side? W h en I sa w a n y
ex t er n a l object , m y con sciou sn ess t h a t I w a s seein g it
w ou ld r em a in bet w een m e a n d it , en closin g it in a
slen der , in cor por ea l ou t lin e w h ich pr ev en t ed m e fr om
ev er com in g dir ect ly in con t a ct w it h t h e m a t er ia l for m ;
for it w ou ld v ola t ilise it self in som e w a y befor e I cou ld
t ou ch it , ju st a s a n in ca n descen t body w h ich is m ov ed
t ow a r ds som et h in g w et n ev er a ct u a lly t ou ch es
m oist u r e, sin ce it is a lw a y s pr eceded, it self, by a zon e of
ev a por a t ion . Upon t h e sor t of scr een , pa t t er n ed w it h
differ en t st a t es and im pr ession s, w h ich my
con sciou sn ess w ou ld qu iet ly u n fold w h ile I w a s r ea din g ,
a n d w h ich r a n g ed fr om t h e m ost deeply h idden
a spir a t ion s of m y h ea r t t o t h e w h olly ex t er n a l v iew of
t h e h or izon spr ea d ou t befor e m y ey es a t t h e foot of t h e
g a r den , w h a t w a s fr om t h e fir st t h e m ost per m a n en t
a n d t h e m ost in t im a t e pa r t of m e, t h e lev er w h ose
in cessa n t m ov em en t s con t r olled a ll t h e r est , w a s m y
belief in t h e ph ilosoph ic r ich n ess a n d bea u t y of t h e book
I w a s r ea din g , a n d m y desir e t o a ppr opr ia t e t h ese t o
m y self, w h a t ev er t h e book m ig h t be. For ev en if I h a d
pu r ch a sed it a t Com br a y , h a v in g seen it ou t side
Bor a n g e’s, w h ose g r ocer y la y t oo fa r fr om ou r h ou se for
Fr a n çoise t o be a ble t o dea l t h er e, a s sh e did w it h
Ca m u s, bu t w h o en joy ed bet t er cu st om a s a st a t ion er
a n d book seller ; ev en if I h a d seen it , t ied w it h st r in g t o
k eep it in it s pla ce in t h e m osa ic of m on t h ly pa r t s a n d
pa m ph let s w h ich a dor n ed eit h er side of h is door w a y , a
door w a y m or e m y st er iou s, m or e t eem in g w it h
su g g est ion t h a n t h a t of a ca t h edr a l, I sh ou ld h a v e
n ot iced a n d bou g h t it t h er e sim ply beca u se I h a d
r ecog n ised it a s a book w h ich h a d been w ell spok en of, in
m y h ea r in g , by t h e sch ool-m a st er or t h e sch ool-fr ien d
w h o, a t t h a t pa r t icu la r t im e, seem ed t o m e t o be
en t r u st ed w it h t h e secr et of T r u t h a n d Bea u t y , t h in g s
h a lf-felt by m e, h a lf-in com pr eh en sible, t h e fu ll
u n der st a n din g of w h ich w a s t h e v a g u e bu t per m a n en t
object of m y t h ou g h t s.
Nex t t o t h is cen t r a l belief, w h ich , w h ile I w a s
r ea din g , w ou ld be con st a n t ly a m ot ion fr om m y in n er
self t o t h e ou t er w or ld, t ow a r ds t h e discov er y of T r u t h ,
ca m e t h e em ot ion s a r ou sed in m e by t h e a ct ion in
w h ich I w ou ld be t a k in g pa r t , for t h ese a ft er n oon s w er e
cr a m m ed w it h m or e dr a m a t ic a n d sen sa t ion a l ev en t s
t h a n occu r , oft en , in a w h ole lifet im e. T h ese w er e t h e
ev en t s w h ich t ook pla ce in t h e book I w a s r ea din g . It is
t r u e t h a t t h e people con cer n ed in t h em w er e n ot w h a t
Fr a n çoise w ou ld h a v e ca lled ‘r ea l people.’ Bu t n on e of
t h e feelin g s w h ich t h e joy s or m isfor t u n es of a ‘r ea l’
per son a w a k en in u s ca n be a w a k en ed ex cept t h r ou g h a
m en t a l pict u r e of t h ose joy s or m isfor t u n es; a n d t h e
in g en u it y of t h e fir st n ov elist la y in h is u n der st a n din g
t h a t , a s t h e pict u r e w a s t h e on e essen t ia l elem en t in t h e
com plica t ed st r u ct u r e of ou r em ot ion s, so t h a t
sim plifica t ion of it w h ich con sist ed in t h e su ppr ession ,
pu r e a n d sim ple, of ‘r ea l’ people w ou ld be a decided
im pr ov em en t . A ‘r ea l’ per son , pr ofou n dly a s w e m a y
sy m pa t h ise w it h h im , is in a g r ea t m ea su r e per cept ible
on ly t h r ou g h ou r sen ses, t h a t is t o sa y , h e r em a in s
opa qu e, offer s a dea d w eig h t w h ich ou r sen sibilit ies
h a v e n ot t h e st r en g t h t o lift . If som e m isfor t u n e com es
t o h im , it is on ly in on e sm a ll sect ion of t h e com plet e
idea w e h a v e of h im t h a t w e a r e ca pa ble of feelin g a n y
em ot ion ; in deed it is on ly in on e sm a ll sect ion of t h e
com plet e idea h e h a s of h im self t h a t h e is ca pa ble of
feelin g a n y em ot ion eit h er . T h e n ov elist ’s h a ppy
discov er y w a s t o t h in k of su bst it u t in g for t h ose opa qu e
sect ion s, im pen et r a ble by t h e h u m a n spir it , t h eir
equ iv a len t in im m a t er ia l sect ion s, t h in g s, t h a t is,
w h ich t h e spir it ca n a ssim ila t e t o it self. A ft er w h ich it
m a t t er s n ot t h a t t h e a ct ion s, t h e feelin g s of t h is n ew
or der of cr ea t u r es a ppea r t o u s in t h e g u ise of t r u t h ,
sin ce w e h a v e m a de t h em ou r ow n , sin ce it is in
ou r selv es t h a t t h ey a r e h a ppen in g , t h a t t h ey a r e
h oldin g in t h r a ll, w h ile w e t u r n ov er , fev er ish ly , t h e
pa g es of t h e book , ou r qu ick en ed br ea t h a n d st a r in g
ey es. A n d on ce t h e n ov elist h a s br ou g h t u s t o t h a t st a t e,
in w h ich , a s in a ll pu r ely m en t a l st a t es, ev er y em ot ion
is m u lt iplied t en -fold, in t o w h ich h is book com es t o
dist u r b u s a s m ig h t a dr ea m , bu t a dr ea m m or e lu cid,
a n d of a m or e la st in g im pr ession t h a n t h ose w h ich com e
t o u s in sleep; w h y , t h en , for t h e spa ce of a n h ou r h e set s
fr ee w it h in u s a ll t h e joy s a n d sor r ow s in t h e w or ld, a
few of w h ich , on ly , w e sh ou ld h a v e t o spen d y ea r s of ou r
a ct u a l life in g et t in g t o k n ow , a n d t h e k een est , t h e m ost
in t en se of w h ich w ou ld n ev er h a v e been r ev ea led t o u s
beca u se t h e slow cou r se of t h eir dev elopm en t st ops ou r
per cept ion of t h em . It is t h e sa m e in life; t h e h ea r t
ch a n g es, a n d t h a t is ou r w or st m isfor t u n e; bu t w e lea r n
of it on ly fr om r ea din g or by im a g in a t ion ; for in r ea lit y
it s a lt er a t ion , lik e t h a t of cer t a in n a t u r a l ph en om en a ,
is so g r a du a l t h a t , ev en if w e a r e a ble t o dist in g u ish ,
su ccessiv ely , ea ch of it s differ en t st a t es, w e a r e st ill
spa r ed t h e a ct u a l sen sa t ion of ch a n g e.
Nex t t o, bu t dist in ct ly less in t im a t e a pa r t of m y self
t h a n t h is h u m a n elem en t , w ou ld com e t h e v iew , m or e
or less pr oject ed befor e m y ey es, of t h e cou n t r y in w h ich
t h e a ct ion of t h e st or y w a s t a k in g pla ce, w h ich m a de a
fa r st r on g er im pr ession on m y m in d t h a n t h e ot h er , t h e
a ct u a l la n dsca pe w h ich w ou ld m eet m y ey es w h en I
r a ised t h em fr om m y book . In t h is w a y , for t w o
con secu t iv e su m m er s I u sed t o sit in t h e h ea t of ou r
Com br a y g a r den , sick w it h a lon g in g in spir ed by t h e
book I w a s t h en r ea din g for a la n d of m ou n t a in s a n d
r iv er s, w h er e I cou ld see a n en dless v ist a of sa w m ills,
w h er e ben ea t h t h e lim pid cu r r en t s fr a g m en t s of w ood
la y m ou lder in g in beds of w a t er cr ess; a n d n ea r by ,
r a m blin g a n d clu st er in g a lon g low w a lls, pu r ple flow er s
a n d r ed. A n d sin ce t h er e w a s a lw a y s lu r k in g in m y
m in d t h e dr ea m of a w om a n w h o w ou ld en r ich m e w it h
h er lov e, t h a t dr ea m in t h ose t w o su m m er s u sed t o be
qu ick en ed w it h t h e fr esh n ess a n d cooln ess of r u n n in g
w a t er ; a n d w h oev er sh e m ig h t be, t h e w om a n w h ose
im a g e I ca lled t o m in d, pu r ple flow er s a n d r ed w ou ld a t
on ce spr in g u p on eit h er side of h er lik e com plem en t a r y
colou r s.
T h is w a s n ot on ly beca u se a n im a g e of w h ich w e
dr ea m r em a in s for ev er dist in g u ish ed, is a dor n ed a n d
en r ich ed by t h e a ssocia t ion of colou r s n ot it s ow n w h ich
m a y h a ppen t o su r r ou n d it in ou r m en t a l pict u r e; for
t h e scen es in t h e book s I r ea d w er e t o m e n ot m er ely
scen er y m or e v iv idly por t r a y ed by m y im a g in a t ion
t h a n a n y w h ich Com br a y cou ld spr ea d befor e m y ey es
bu t ot h er w ise of t h e sa m e k in d. Beca u se of t h e select ion
t h a t t h e a u t h or h a d m a de of t h em , beca u se of t h e spir it
of fa it h in w h ich m y m in d w ou ld ex ceed a n d a n t icipa t e
h is pr in t ed w or d, a s it m ig h t be in t er pr et in g a
r ev ela t ion , t h ese scen es u sed t o g iv e m e t h e im pr ession
— on e w h ich I h a r dly ev er der iv ed fr om a n y pla ce in
w h ich I m ig h t h a ppen t o be, a n d n ev er fr om ou r
g a r den , t h a t u n dist in g u ish ed pr odu ct of t h e st r ict ly
con v en t ion a l fa n t a sy of t h e g a r den er w h om m y
g r a n dm ot h er so despised — of t h eir bein g a ct u a lly pa r t
of Na t u r e h er self, a n d w or t h y t o be st u died a n d
ex plor ed.
Ha d m y pa r en t s a llow ed m e, w h en I r ea d a book , t o
pa y a v isit t o t h e cou n t r y it descr ibed, I sh ou ld h a v e felt
t h a t I w a s m a k in g a n en or m ou s a dv a n ce t ow a r ds t h e
u lt im a t e con qu est of t r u t h . For ev en if w e h a v e t h e
sen sa t ion of bein g a lw a y s en v eloped in , su r r ou n ded by
ou r ow n sou l, st ill it does n ot seem a fix ed a n d
im m ov a ble pr ison ; r a t h er do w e seem t o be bor n e a w a y
w it h it , a n d per pet u a lly st r u g g lin g t o pa ss bey on d it , t o
br ea k ou t in t o t h e w or ld, w it h a per pet u a l
discou r a g em en t a s w e h ea r en dlessly , a ll a r ou n d u s,
t h a t u n v a r y in g sou n d w h ich is n o ech o fr om w it h ou t ,
bu t t h e r eson a n ce of a v ibr a t ion fr om w it h in . W e t r y t o
discov er in t h in g s, en dea r ed t o u s on t h a t a ccou n t , t h e
spir it u a l g la m ou r w h ich w e ou r selv es h a v e ca st u pon
t h em ; w e a r e disillu sion ed, a n d lea r n t h a t t h ey a r e in
t h em selv es ba r r en a n d dev oid of t h e ch a r m w h ich t h ey
ow ed, in ou r m in ds, t o t h e a ssocia t ion of cer t a in idea s;
som et im es w e m obilise a ll ou r spir it u a l for ces in a
g lit t er in g a r r a y so a s t o in flu en ce a n d su bju g a t e ot h er
h u m a n bein g s w h o, a s w e v er y w ell k n ow , a r e sit u a t ed
ou t side ou r selv es, w h er e w e ca n n ev er r ea ch t h em . A n d
so, if I a lw a y s im a g in ed t h e w om a n I lov ed a s in a
set t in g of w h a t ev er pla ces I m ost lon g ed, a t t h e t im e, t o
v isit ; if in m y secr et lon g in g s it w a s sh e w h o a t t r a ct ed
m e t o t h em , w h o open ed t o m e t h e g a t e of a n u n k n ow n
w or ld, t h a t w a s n ot by t h e m er e h a za r d of a sim ple
a ssocia t ion of t h ou g h t s; n o, it w a s beca u se m y dr ea m s of
t r a v el a n d of lov e w er e on ly m om en t s — w h ich I isola t e
a r t ificia lly t o-da y a s t h ou g h I w er e cu t t in g sect ion s, a t
differ en t h eig h t s, in a jet of w a t er , r a in bow -fla sh in g bu t
seem in g ly w it h ou t flow or m ot ion — w er e on ly dr ops in
a sin g le, u n dev ia t in g , ir r esist ible ou t r u sh of a ll t h e
for ces of m y life.
A n d t h en , a s I con t in u e t o t r a ce t h e ou t w a r d cou r se
of t h ese im pr ession s fr om t h eir close-pa ck ed in t im a t e
sou r ce in m y con sciou sn ess, a n d befor e I com e t o t h e
h or izon of r ea lit y w h ich en v elops t h em , I discov er
plea su r es of a n ot h er k in d, t h ose of bein g com for t a bly
sea t ed, of t a st in g t h e g ood scen t on t h e a ir , of n ot bein g
dist u r bed by a n y v isit or ; a n d, w h en a n h ou r ch im ed
fr om t h e st eeple of Sa in t -Hila ir e, of w a t ch in g w h a t w a s
a lr ea dy spen t of t h e a ft er n oon fa ll dr op by dr op u n t il I
h ea r d t h e la st st r ok e w h ich en a bled m e t o a dd u p t h e
t ot a l su m , a ft er w h ich t h e silen ce t h a t follow ed seem ed
t o h er a ld t h e beg in n in g , in t h e blu e sk y a bov e m e, of
t h a t lon g pa r t of t h e da y st ill a llow ed m e for r ea din g ,
u n t il t h e g ood din n er w h ich Fr a n çoise w a s ev en n ow
pr epa r in g sh ou ld com e t o st r en g t h en a n d r efr esh m e
a ft er t h e st r en u ou s pu r su it of it s h er o t h r ou g h t h e pa g es
of m y book . A n d, a s ea ch h ou r st r u ck , it w ou ld seem t o
m e t h a t a few secon ds on ly h a d pa ssed sin ce t h e h ou r
befor e; t h e la t est w ou ld in scr ibe it self, close t o it s
pr edecessor , on t h e sk y ’s su r fa ce, a n d I w ou ld be u n a ble
t o believ e t h a t six t y m in u t es cou ld be squ eezed in t o t h e
t in y a r c of blu e w h ich w a s com pr ised bet w een t h eir t w o
g olden fig u r es. Som et im es it w ou ld ev en h a ppen t h a t
t h is pr ecociou s h ou r w ou ld sou n d t w o st r ok es m or e t h a n
t h e la st ; t h er e m u st t h en h a v e been a n h ou r w h ich I
h a d n ot h ea r d st r ik e; som et h in g w h ich h a d t a k en pla ce
h a d n ot t a k en pla ce for m e; t h e fa scin a t ion of m y book ,
a m a g ic a s pot en t a s t h e deepest slu m ber , h a d st opped
m y en ch a n t ed ea r s a n d h a d oblit er a t ed t h e sou n d of
t h a t g olden bell fr om t h e a zu r e su r fa ce of t h e
en v elopin g silen ce. Sw eet Su n da y a ft er n oon s ben ea t h
t h e ch est n u t -t r ee in ou r Com br a y g a r den , fr om w h ich I
w a s ca r efu l t o elim in a t e ev er y com m on pla ce in ciden t of
m y a ct u a l life, r epla cin g t h em by a ca r eer of st r a n g e
a dv en t u r es a n d a m bit ion s in a la n d w a t er ed by liv in g
st r ea m s, y ou st ill r eca ll t h ose a dv en t u r es a n d
a m bit ion s t o m y m in d w h en I t h in k of y ou , a n d y ou
em body a n d pr eser v e t h em by v ir t u e of h a v in g lit t le by
lit t le dr a w n r ou n d a n d en closed t h em (w h ile I w en t on
w it h m y book a n d t h e h ea t of t h e da y declin ed) in t h e
g r a du a l cr y st a llisa t ion , slow ly a lt er in g in for m a n d
da ppled w it h a pa t t er n of ch est n u t -lea v es, of y ou r
silen t , son or ou s, fr a g r a n t , lim pid h ou r s.
Som et im es I w ou ld be t or n fr om m y book , in t h e
m iddle of t h e a ft er n oon , by t h e g a r den er ’s da u g h t er ,
w h o ca m e r u n n in g lik e a m a d t h in g , ov er t u r n in g a n
or a n g e-t r ee in it s t u b, cu t t in g a fin g er , br ea k in g a
t oot h , a n d scr ea m in g ou t “ T h ey ’r e com in g , t h ey ’r e
com in g !” so t h a t Fr a n çoise a n d I sh ou ld r u n t oo a n d n ot
m iss a n y t h in g of t h e sh ow . T h a t w a s on da y s w h en t h e
ca v a lr y st a t ion ed in Com br a y w en t ou t for som e
m ilit a r y ex er cise, g oin g a s a r u le by t h e Ru e Sa in t e-
Hildeg a r de. W h ile ou r ser v a n t s, sit t in g in a r ow on
t h eir ch a ir s ou t side t h e g a r den r a ilin g s, st a r ed a t t h e
people of Com br a y t a k in g t h eir Su n da y w a lk s a n d w er e
st a r ed a t in r et u r n , t h e g a r den er ’s da u g h t er , t h r ou g h
t h e g a p w h ich t h er e w a s bet w een t w o h ou ses fa r a w a y
in t h e A v en u e de la Ga r e, w ou ld h a v e spied t h e g lit t er
of h elm et s. T h e ser v a n t s t h en h u r r ied in w it h t h eir
ch a ir s, for w h en t h e t r ooper s filed t h r ou g h t h e Ru e
Sa in t e-Hildeg a r de t h ey filled it fr om side t o side, a n d
t h eir jost lin g h or ses scr a ped a g a in st t h e w a lls of t h e
h ou ses, cov er in g a n d dr ow n in g t h e pa v em en t s lik e
ba n k s w h ich pr esen t t oo n a r r ow a ch a n n el t o a r iv er in
flood.
“ Poor ch ildr en ,” Fr a n çoise w ou ld ex cla im , in t ea r s
a lm ost befor e sh e h a d r ea ch ed t h e r a ilin g s; “ poor boy s,
t o be m ow n dow n lik e g r a ss in a m ea dow . It ’s ju st
sh ock in g t o t h in k of,” sh e w ou ld g o on , la y in g a h a n d
ov er h er h ea r t , w h er e pr esu m a bly sh e h a d felt t h e
sh ock .
“ A fin e sig h t , isn ’t it , Mm e. Fr a n çoise, a ll t h ese
y ou n g fellow s n ot ca r in g t w o st r a w s for t h eir liv es?” t h e
g a r den er w ou ld a sk , ju st t o ‘dr a w ’ h er . A n d h e w ou ld
n ot h a v e spok en in v a in .
“ Not ca r in g for t h eir liv es, is it ? W h y , w h a t in t h e
w or ld is t h er e t h a t w e sh ou ld ca r e for if it ’s n ot ou r
liv es, t h e on ly g ift t h e Lor d n ev er offer s u s a secon d
t im e? Oh dea r , oh dea r ; y ou ’r e r ig h t a ll t h e sa m e; it ’s
qu it e t r u e, t h ey don ’t ca r e! I ca n r em em ber t h em in
‘7 0 ; in t h ose w r et ch ed w a r s t h ey ’v e n o fea r of dea t h left
in t h em ; t h ey ’r e n ot h in g m or e n or less t h a n m a dm en ;
a n d t h en t h ey a r en ’t w or t h t h e pr ice of a r ope t o h a n g
t h em w it h ; t h ey ’r e n ot m en a n y m or e, t h ey ’r e lion s.”
For by h er w a y of t h in k in g , t o com pa r e a m a n w it h a
lion , w h ich sh e u sed t o pr on ou n ce ‘lie-on ,’ w a s n ot a t a ll
com plim en t a r y t o t h e m a n .
T h e Ru e Sa in t e-Hildeg a r de t u r n ed t oo sh a r ply for u s
t o be a ble t o see people a ppr oa ch in g a t a n y dist a n ce,
a n d it w a s on ly t h r ou g h t h e g a p bet w een t h ose t w o
h ou ses in t h e A v en u e de la Ga r e t h a t w e cou ld st ill
m a k e ou t fr esh h elm et s r a cin g a lon g t ow a r ds u s, a n d
fla sh in g in t h e su n lig h t . T h e g a r den er w a n t ed t o k n ow
w h et h er t h er e w er e st ill m a n y t o com e, a n d h e w a s
t h ir st y besides, w it h t h e su n bea t in g dow n u pon h is
h ea d. So t h en , su dden ly , h is da u g h t er w ou ld lea p ou t ,
a s t h ou g h fr om a belea g u er ed cit y , w ou ld m a k e a sor t ie,
t u r n t h e st r eet cor n er , a n d, h a v in g r isk ed h er life a
h u n dr ed t im es ov er , r ea ppea r a n d br in g u s, w it h a ju g
of liqu or ice-w a t er , t h e n ew s t h a t t h er e w er e st ill a t lea st
a t h ou sa n d of t h em , pou r in g a lon g w it h ou t a br ea k
fr om t h e dir ect ion of T h iber zy a n d Méség lise. Fr a n çoise
a n d t h e g a r den er , h a v in g ‘m a de u p’ t h eir differ en ce,
w ou ld discu ss t h e lin e t o be follow ed in ca se of w a r .
“ Don ’t y ou see, Fr a n çoise,” h e w ou ld sa y .
“ Rev olu t ion w ou ld be bet t er , beca u se t h en n o on e w ou ld
n eed t o join in u n less h e lik ed.”
“ Oh , y es, I ca n see t h a t , cer t a in ly ; it ’s m or e
st r a ig h t for w a r d.”
T h e g a r den er believ ed t h a t , a s soon a s w a r w a s
decla r ed, t h ey w ou ld st op a ll t h e r a ilw a y s.
“ Y es, t o be su r e; so t h a t w e sh a ’n ’t g et a w a y ,” sa id
Fr a n çoise.
A n d t h e g a r den er w ou ld a ssen t , w it h “ A y , t h ey ’r e
t h e cu n n in g on es,” for h e w ou ld n ot a llow t h a t w a r w a s
a n y t h in g bu t a k in d of t r ick w h ich t h e st a t e a t t em pt ed
t o pla y on t h e people, or t h a t t h er e w a s a m a n in t h e
w or ld w h o w ou ld n ot r u n a w a y fr om it if h e h a d t h e
ch a n ce t o do so.
Bu t Fr a n çoise w ou ld h a st en ba ck t o m y a u n t , a n d I
w ou ld r et u r n t o m y book , a n d t h e ser v a n t s w ou ld t a k e
t h eir pla ces a g a in ou t side t h e g a t e t o w a t ch t h e du st
set t le on t h e pa v em en t , a n d t h e ex cit em en t ca u sed by
t h e pa ssa g e of t h e soldier s su bside. Lon g a ft er or der h a d
been r est or ed, a n a bn or m a l t ide of h u m a n it y w ou ld
con t in u e t o da r k en t h e st r eet s of Cor n -br a y . A n d in
fr on t of ev er y h ou se, ev en of t h ose w h er e it w a s n ot , a s a
r u le, ‘don e,’ t h e ser v a n t s, a n d som et im es ev en t h e
m a st er s w ou ld sit a n d st a r e, fest oon in g t h eir door st eps
w it h a da r k , ir r eg u la r fr in g e, lik e t h e bor der of sh ells
a n d sea -w eed w h ich a st r on g er t ide t h a n u su a l lea v es
on t h e bea ch , a s t h ou g h t r im m in g it w it h em br oider ed
cr a pe, w h en t h e sea it self h a s r et r ea t ed.
Ex cept on su ch da y s a s t h ese, h ow ev er , I w ou ld a s a
r u le be left t o r ea d in pea ce. Bu t t h e in t er r u pt ion w h ich
a v isit fr om Sw a n n on ce m a de, a n d t h e com m en t a r y
w h ich h e t h en su pplied t o t h e cou r se of m y r ea din g ,
w h ich h a d br ou g h t m e t o t h e w or k of a n a u t h or qu it e
n ew t o m e, ca lled Ber g ot t e, h a d t h is defin it e r esu lt t h a t
for a lon g t im e a ft er w a r ds it w a s n ot a g a in st a w a ll g a y
w it h spik es of pu r ple blossom , bu t on a w h olly differ en t
ba ck g r ou n d, t h e por ch of a g ot h ic ca t h edr a l, t h a t I
w ou ld see ou t lin ed t h e fig u r e of on e of t h e w om en of
w h om I dr ea m ed.
I h a d h ea r d Ber g ot t e spok en of, for t h e fir st t im e, by
a fr ien d older t h a n m y self, for w h om I h a d a st r on g
a dm ir a t ion , a pr eciou s y ou t h of t h e n a m e of Bloch .
Hea r in g m e con fess m y lov e of t h e Nuit d’Octobre, h e
h a d bu r st ou t in a br a y of la u g h t er , lik e a bu g le-ca ll,
a n d t old m e, by w a y of w a r n in g : “ Y ou m u st con qu er
y ou r v ile t a st e for A . de Mu sset , Esqu ir e. He is a ba d eg g ,
on e of t h e v er y w or st , a pr et t y det est a ble specim en . I
a m bou n d t o a dm it , n a t h eless,” h e a dded g r a ciou sly ,
“ t h a t h e, a n d ev en t h e m a n Ra cin e, did, ea ch of t h em ,
on ce in h is life, com pose a lin e w h ich is n ot on ly fa ir ly
r h y t h m ica l, bu t h a s a lso w h a t is in m y ey es t h e
su pr em e m er it of m ea n in g a bsolu t ely n ot h in g . On e is

La blanche Oloos s one et la blanche Cam ire,

a n d t h e ot h er

La fille de Minos et de Pas iphaë.

T h ey w er e su bm it t ed t o m y ju dg m en t , a s ev iden ce for
t h e defen ce of t h e t w o r u n a g a t es, in a n a r t icle by m y
v er y dea r m a st er Fa t h er Lecom t e, w h o is fou n d
plea sin g in t h e sig h t of t h e im m or t a l g ods. By w h ich
t ok en , h er e is a book w h ich I h a v e n ot t h e t im e, ju st
n ow , t o r ea d, a book r ecom m en ded, it w ou ld seem , by
t h a t colossa l fellow . He r eg a r ds, or so t h ey t ell m e, it s
a u t h or , on e Ber g ot t e, Esqu ir e, a s a su bt le scr ibe, m or e
su bt le, in deed, t h a n a n y bea st of t h e field; a n d, a lbeit h e
ex h ibit s on occa sion a cr it ica l pa cifism , a t en der n ess in
su ffer in g fools, for w h ich it is im possible t o a ccou n t , a n d
h a r d t o m a k e a llow a n ce, st ill h is w or d h a s w eig h t w it h
m e a s it w er e t h e Delph ic Or a cle. Rea d y ou t h en t h is
ly r ica l pr ose, a n d, if t h e T it a n ic m a st er -bu ilder of
r h y t h m w h o com posed Bhagavat a n d t h e Lévrier de
Magnus spea k s n ot fa lsely , t h en , by A pollo, y ou m a y
t a st e, ev en y ou , m y m a st er , t h e a m br osia l joy s of
Oly m pu s.” It w a s in a n ost en sible v ein of sa r ca sm t h a t
h e h a d a sk ed m e t o ca ll h im , a n d t h a t h e h im self ca lled
m e, “ m y m a st er .” Bu t , a s a m a t t er of fa ct , w e ea ch
der iv ed a cer t a in a m ou n t of sa t isfa ct ion fr om t h e
m a n n er ism , bein g st ill a t t h e a g e in w h ich on e believ es
t h a t on e g iv es a t h in g r ea l ex ist en ce by g iv in g it a
n a m e.
Un for t u n a t ely I w a s n ot a ble t o set a t r est , by
fu r t h er t a lk s w it h Bloch , in w h ich I m ig h t h a v e in sist ed
u pon a n ex pla n a t ion , t h e dou bt s h e h a d en g en der ed in
m e w h en h e t old m e t h a t fin e lin es of poet r y (fr om
w h ich I, if y ou plea se, ex pect ed n ot h in g less t h a n t h e
r ev ela t ion of t r u t h it self) w er e a ll t h e fin er if t h ey
m ea n t a bsolu t ely n ot h in g . For , a s it h a ppen ed, Bloch
w a s n ot in v it ed t o t h e h ou se a g a in . A t fir st , h e h a d been
w ell r eceiv ed t h er e. It is t r u e t h a t m y g r a n dfa t h er
m a de ou t t h a t , w h en ev er I for m ed a st r on g a t t a ch m en t
t o a n y on e of m y fr ien ds a n d br ou g h t h im h om e w it h
m e, t h a t fr ien d w a s in v a r ia bly a Jew ; t o w h ich h e
w ou ld n ot h a v e object ed on pr in ciple — in deed h is ow n
fr ien d Sw a n n w a s of Jew ish ex t r a ct ion — h a d h e n ot
fou n d t h a t t h e Jew s w h om I ch ose a s fr ien ds w er e n ot
u su a lly of t h e best t y pe. A n d so I w a s h a r dly ev er a ble
t o br in g a n ew fr ien d h om e w it h ou t m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s
h u m m in g t h e “ O, God of ou r fa t h er s” fr om La Juive, or
else “ Isr a el, br ea k t h y ch a in ,” sin g in g t h e t u n e a lon e, of
cou r se, t o a n “ u m -t i-t u m -t i-t u m , t r a -la ” ; bu t I u sed t o
be a fr a id of m y fr ien d’s r ecog n isin g t h e sou n d, a n d so
bein g a ble t o r econ st r u ct t h e w or ds.
Befor e seein g t h em , m er ely on h ea r in g t h eir n a m es,
a bou t w h ich , a s oft en a s n ot , t h er e w a s n ot h in g
pa r t icu la r ly Hebr a ic, h e w ou ld div in e n ot on ly t h e
Jew ish or ig in of su ch of m y fr ien ds a s m ig h t in deed be of
t h e ch osen people, bu t ev en som e da r k secr et w h ich w a s
h idden in t h eir fa m ily .
“ A n d w h a t do t h ey ca ll y ou r fr ien d w h o is com in g
t h is ev en in g ?”
“ Du m on t , g r a n dpa pa .”
“ Du m on t ! Oh , I’m fr ig h t en ed of Du m on t .”
A n d h e w ou ld sin g :

A r ch er s, be on y ou r g u a r d!
W a t ch w it h ou t r est , w it h ou t sou n d,

a n d t h en , a ft er a few a dr oit qu est ion s on poin t s of det a il,

h e w ou ld ca ll ou t “ On g u a r d! on g u a r d,” or , if it w er e
t h e v ict im h im self w h o h a d a lr ea dy a r r iv ed, a n d h a d
been oblig ed, u n con sciou sly , by m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s
su bt le ex a m in a t ion , t o a dm it h is or ig in , t h en m y
g r a n dfa t h er , t o sh ew u s t h a t h e h a d n o lon g er a n y
dou bt s, w ou ld m er ely look a t u s, h u m m in g a lm ost
in a u dibly t h e a ir of

W h a t ! do y ou h it h er g u ide t h e feet
Of t h is t im id Isr a elit e?

or of

Sw eet v a le of Hebr on , dea r pa t er n a l

fields,

or , per h a ps, of

Y es, I a m of t h e ch osen r a ce.

T h ese lit t le eccen t r icit ies on m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s pa r t

im plied n o ill-w ill w h a t soev er t ow a r ds m y fr ien ds. Bu t
Bloch h a d displea sed m y fa m ily for ot h er r ea son s. He
h a d beg u n by a n n oy in g m y fa t h er , w h o, seein g h im
com e in w it h w et clot h es, h a d a sk ed h im w it h k een
in t er est :
“ W h y , M. Bloch , is t h er e a ch a n g e in t h e w ea t h er ;
h a s it been r a in in g ? I ca n ’t u n der st a n d it ; t h e
ba r om et er h a s been ‘set fa ir .’”
W h ich dr ew fr om Bloch n ot h in g m or e in st r u ct iv e
t h a n “ Sir , I a m a bsolu t ely in ca pa ble of t ellin g y ou
w h et h er it h a s r a in ed. I liv e so r esolu t ely a pa r t fr om
ph y sica l con t in g en cies t h a t m y sen ses n o lon g er t r ou ble
t o in for m m e of t h em .”
“ My poor boy ,” sa id m y fa t h er a ft er Bloch h a d g on e,
“ y ou r fr ien d is ou t of h is m in d. W h y , h e cou ldn ’t ev en
t ell m e w h a t t h e w ea t h er w a s lik e. A s if t h er e cou ld be
a n y t h in g m or e in t er est in g ! He is a n im becile.”
Nex t , Bloch h a d displea sed m y g r a n dm ot h er
beca u se, a ft er lu n ch eon , w h en sh e com pla in ed of n ot
feelin g v er y w ell, h e h a d st ifled a sob a n d w iped t h e
t ea r s fr om h is ey es.
“ Y ou ca n n ot im a g in e t h a t h e is sin cer e,” sh e
obser v ed t o m e. “ W h y h e doesn ’t k n ow m e. Un less h e’s
m a d, of cou r se.”
A n d fin a lly h e h a d u pset t h e w h ole h ou seh old w h en
h e a r r iv ed a n h ou r a n d a h a lf la t e for lu n ch eon a n d
cov er ed w it h m u d fr om h ea d t o foot , a n d m a de n ot t h e
lea st a polog y , sa y in g m er ely : “ I n ev er a llow m y self t o
be in flu en ced in t h e sm a llest deg r ee eit h er by
a t m osph er ic dist u r ba n ces or by t h e a r bit r a r y div ision s
of w h a t is k n ow n a s T im e. I w ou ld w illin g ly r ein t r odu ce
t o societ y t h e opiu m pipe of Ch in a or t h e Ma la y a n k r iss,
bu t I a m w h olly a n d en t ir ely w it h ou t in st r u ct ion in
t h ose in fin it ely m or e per n iciou s (besides bein g qu it e
blea k ly bou r g eois) im plem en t s, t h e u m br ella a n d t h e
w a t ch .”
In spit e of a ll t h is h e w ou ld st ill h a v e been r eceiv ed
a t Com br a y . He w a s, of cou r se, h a r dly t h e fr ien d m y
pa r en t s w ou ld h a v e ch osen for m e; t h ey h a d, in t h e
en d, decided t h a t t h e t ea r s w h ich h e h a d sh ed on
h ea r in g of m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s illn ess w er e g en u in e
en ou g h ; bu t t h ey k n ew , eit h er in st in ct iv ely or fr om
t h eir ow n ex per ien ce, t h a t ou r ea r ly im pu lsiv e
em ot ion s h a v e bu t lit t le in flu en ce ov er ou r la t er a ct ion s
a n d t h e con du ct of ou r liv es; a n d t h a t r eg a r d for m or a l
oblig a t ion s, loy a lt y t o ou r fr ien ds, pa t ien ce in fin ish in g
ou r w or k , obedien ce t o a r u le of life, h a v e a su r er
fou n da t ion in h a bit s solidly for m ed a n d blin dly follow ed
t h a n in t h ese m om en t a r y t r a n spor t s, a r den t bu t
st er ile. T h ey w ou ld h a v e pr efer r ed t o Bloch , a s
com pa n ion s for m y self, boy s w h o w ou ld h a v e g iv en m e
n o m or e t h a n it is pr oper , by a ll t h e la w s of m iddle-cla ss
m or a lit y , for boy s t o g iv e on e a n ot h er , w h o w ou ld n ot
u n ex pect edly sen d m e a ba sk et of fr u it beca u se t h ey
h a ppen ed, t h a t m or n in g , t o h a v e t h ou g h t of m e w it h
a ffect ion , bu t w h o, sin ce t h ey w er e in ca pa ble of
in clin in g in m y fa v ou r , by a n y sin g le im pu lse of t h eir
im a g in a t ion a n d em ot ion s, t h e ex a ct ba la n ce of t h e
du t ies a n d cla im s of fr ien dsh ip, w er e a s in ca pa ble of
loa din g t h e sca les t o m y pr eju dice. Ev en t h e in ju r ies w e
do t h em w ill n ot ea sily div er t fr om t h e pa t h of t h eir
du t y t ow a r ds u s t h ose con v en t ion a l n a t u r es of w h ich
m y g r ea t -a u n t fu r n ish ed a t y pe: w h o, a ft er qu a r r ellin g
for y ea r s w it h a n iece, t o w h om sh e n ev er spok e a g a in ,
y et m a de n o ch a n g e in t h e w ill in w h ich sh e h a d left
t h a t n iece t h e w h ole of h er for t u n e, beca u se sh e w a s h er
n ex t -of-k in , a n d it w a s t h e ‘pr oper t h in g ’ t o do.
Bu t I w a s fon d of Bloch ; m y pa r en t s w ish ed m e t o be
h a ppy ; a n d t h e in solu ble pr oblem s w h ich I set m y self on
su ch t ex t s a s t h e ‘a bsolu t ely m ea n in g less’ bea u t y of La
fille de Minos et de Pas iphaë t ir ed m e m or e a n d m a de m e
m or e u n w ell t h a n I sh ou ld h a v e been a ft er fu r t h er t a lk s
w it h h im , u n w h olesom e a s t h ose t a lk s m ig h t seem t o
m y m ot h er ’s m in d. A n d h e w ou ld st ill h a v e been
r eceiv ed a t Com br a y bu t for on e t h in g . T h a t sa m e
n ig h t , a ft er din n er , h a v in g in for m ed m e (a piece of
n ew s w h ich h a d a g r ea t in flu en ce on m y la t er life,
m a k in g it h a ppier a t on e t im e a n d t h en m or e u n h a ppy )
t h a t n o w om a n ev er t h ou g h t of a n y t h in g bu t lov e, a n d
t h a t t h er e w a s n ot on e of t h em w h ose r esist a n ce a m a n
cou ld n ot ov er com e, h e h a d g on e on t o a ssu r e m e t h a t
h e h a d h ea r d it sa id on u n im pea ch a ble a u t h or it y t h a t
m y g r ea t -a u n t h er self h a d led a ‘g a y ’ life in h er
y ou n g er da y s, a n d h a d been n ot or iou sly ‘k ept .’ I cou ld
n ot r efr a in fr om pa ssin g on so im por t a n t a piece of
in for m a t ion t o m y pa r en t s; t h e n ex t t im e Bloch ca lled
h e w a s n ot a dm it t ed, a n d a ft er w a r ds, w h en I m et h im
in t h e st r eet , h e g r eet ed m e w it h ex t r em e coldn ess.
Bu t in t h e m a t t er of Ber g ot t e h e h a d spok en t r u ly .
For t h e fir st few da y s, lik e a t u n e w h ich w ill be
r u n n in g in on e’s h ea d a n d m a dden in g on e soon en ou g h ,
bu t of w h ich on e h a s n ot for t h e m om en t ‘g ot h old,’ t h e
t h in g s I w a s t o lov e so pa ssion a t ely in Ber g ot t e’s st y le
h a d n ot y et ca u g h t m y ey e. I cou ld n ot , it is t r u e, la y
dow n t h e n ov el of h is w h ich I w a s r ea din g , bu t I fa n cied
t h a t I w a s in t er est ed in t h e st or y a lon e, a s in t h e fir st
da w n of lov e, w h en w e g o ev er y da y t o m eet a w om a n
a t som e pa r t y or en t er t a in m en t by t h e ch a r m of w h ich
w e im a g in e it is t h a t w e a r e a t t r a ct ed. T h en I obser v ed
t h e r a r e, a lm ost a r ch a ic ph r a ses w h ich h e lik ed t o
em ploy a t cer t a in poin t s, w h er e a h idden flow of
h a r m on y , a pr elu de con t a in ed a n d con cea led in t h e
w or k it self w ou ld a n im a t e a n d elev a t e h is st y le; a n d it
w a s a t su ch poin t s a s t h ese, t oo, t h a t h e w ou ld beg in t o
spea k of t h e “ v a in dr ea m of life,” of t h e “ in ex h a u st ible
t or r en t of fa ir for m s,” of t h e “ st er ile, splen did t or t u r e of
u n der st a n din g a n d lov in g ,” of t h e “ m ov in g effig ies
w h ich en n oble for a ll t im e t h e ch a r m in g a n d v en er a ble
fr on t s of ou r ca t h edr a ls” ; t h a t h e w ou ld ex pr ess a w h ole
sy st em of ph ilosoph y , n ew t o m e, by t h e u se of
m a r v ellou s im a g er y , t o t h e in spir a t ion of w h ich I w ou ld
n a t u r a lly h a v e a scr ibed t h a t sou n d of h a r pin g w h ich
beg a n t o ch im e a n d ech o in m y ea r s, a n
a ccom pa n im en t t o w h ich t h a t im a g er y a dded
som et h in g et h er ea l a n d su blim e. On e of t h ese pa ssa g es
of Ber g ot t e, t h e t h ir d or fou r t h w h ich I h a d det a ch ed
fr om t h e r est , filled m e w it h a joy t o w h ich t h e m ea g r e
joy I h a d t a st ed in t h e fir st pa ssa g e bor e n o com pa r ison ,
a joy w h ich I felt m y self t o h a v e ex per ien ced in som e
in n er m ost ch a m ber of m y sou l, deep, u n div ided, v a st ,
fr om w h ich a ll obst r u ct ion s a n d pa r t it ion s seem ed t o
h a v e been sw ept a w a y . For w h a t h a d h a ppen ed w a s
t h a t , w h ile I r ecog n ised in t h is pa ssa g e t h e sa m e t a st e
for u n com m on ph r a ses, t h e sa m e bu r st s of m u sic, t h e
sa m e idea list ph ilosoph y w h ich h a d been pr esen t in t h e
ea r lier pa ssa g es w it h ou t m y h a v in g t a k en t h em in t o
a ccou n t a s t h e sou r ce of m y plea su r e, I n ow n o lon g er
h a d t h e im pr ession of bein g con fr on t ed by a pa r t icu la r
pa ssa g e in on e of Ber g ot t e’s w or k s, w h ich t r a ced a
pu r ely bi-dim en sion a l fig u r e in ou t lin e u pon t h e
su r fa ce of m y m in d, bu t r a t h er of t h e ‘idea l pa ssa g e’ of
Ber g ot t e, com m on t o ev er y on e of h is book s, a n d t o
w h ich a ll t h e ea r lier , sim ila r pa ssa g es, n ow becom in g
m er g ed in it , h a d a dded a k in d of den sit y a n d v olu m e,
by w h ich m y ow n u n der st a n din g seem ed t o be
en la r g ed.
I w a s by n o m ea n s Ber g ot t e’s sole a dm ir er ; h e w a s
t h e fa v ou r it e w r it er a lso of a fr ien d of m y m ot h er ’s, a
h ig h ly lit er a r y la dy ; w h ile Dr . du , Bou lbon h a d k ept a ll
h is pa t ien t s w a it in g u n t il h e fin ish ed Ber g ot t e’s la t est
v olu m e; a n d it w a s fr om h is con su lt in g r oom , a n d fr om
a h ou se in a pa r k n ea r Com br a y t h a t som e of t h e fir st
seeds w er e sca t t er ed of t h a t t a st e for Ber g ot t e, a r a r e-
g r ow t h in t h ose da y s, bu t n ow so u n iv er sa lly
a cclim a t ised t h a t on e fin ds it flow er in g ev er y w h er e
t h r ou g h ou t Eu r ope a n d A m er ica , a n d ev en in t h e
t in iest v illa g es, r a r e st ill in it s r efin em en t , bu t in t h a t
a lon e. W h a t m y m ot h er ’s fr ien d, a n d, it w ou ld seem ,
w h a t Dr . du Bou lbon lik ed a bov e a ll in t h e w r it in g s of
Ber g ot t e w a s ju st w h a t I lik ed, t h e sa m e flow of m elody ,
t h e sa m e old-fa sh ion ed ph r a ses, a n d cer t a in ot h er s,
qu it e sim ple a n d fa m ilia r , bu t so pla ced by h im , in su ch
pr om in en ce, a s t o h in t a t a pa r t icu la r qu a lit y of t a st e
on h is pa r t ; a n d a lso, in t h e sa d pa r t s of h is book s, a sor t
of r ou g h n ess, a t on e t h a t w a s a lm ost h a r sh . A n d h e
h im self, n o dou bt , r ea lised t h a t t h ese w er e h is pr in cipa l
a t t r a ct ion s. For in h is la t er book s, if h e h a d h it u pon
som e g r ea t t r u t h , or u pon t h e n a m e of a n h ist or ic
ca t h edr a l, h e w ou ld br ea k off h is n a r r a t iv e, a n d in a n
in v oca t ion , a n a post r oph e, a len g t h y pr a y er , w ou ld
g iv e a fr ee ou t let t o t h a t efflu en ce w h ich , in t h e ea r lier
v olu m es, r em a in ed bu r ied ben ea t h t h e for m of h is
pr ose, discer n ible on ly in a r ipplin g of it s su r fa ce, a n d
per h a ps ev en m or e delig h t fu l, m or e h a r m on iou s w h en
it w a s t h u s v eiled fr om t h e ey e, w h en t h e r ea der cou ld
g iv e n o pr ecise in dica t ion of w h er e t h e m u r m u r of t h e
cu r r en t beg a n , or of w h er e it died a w a y . T h ese pa ssa g es
in w h ich h e delig h t ed w er e ou r fa v ou r it es a lso. For m y
ow n pa r t I k n ew a ll of t h em by h ea r t . I felt ev en
disa ppoin t ed w h en h e r esu m ed t h e t h r ea d of h is
n a r r a t iv e. W h en ev er h e spok e of som et h in g w h ose
bea u t y h a d u n t il t h en r em a in ed h idden fr om m e, of
pin e-for est s or of h a ilst or m s, of Notre-Dam e de Paris , of
Athalie, or of Phèdre, by som e piece of im a g er y h e w ou ld
m a k e t h eir bea u t y ex plode a n d dr en ch m e w it h it s
essen ce. A n d so, dim ly r ea lisin g t h a t t h e u n iv er se
con t a in ed in n u m er a ble elem en t s w h ich m y feeble
sen ses w ou ld be pow er less t o discer n , did h e n ot br in g
t h em w it h in m y r ea ch , I w ish ed t h a t I m ig h t h a v e h is
opin ion , som e m et a ph or of h is, u pon ev er y t h in g in t h e
w or ld, a n d especia lly u pon su ch t h in g s a s I m ig h t h a v e
a n oppor t u n it y , som e da y , of seein g for m y self; a n d
a m on g su ch t h in g s, m or e pa r t icu la r ly st ill u pon som e
of t h e h ist or ic bu ildin g s of Fr a n ce, u pon cer t a in v iew s of
t h e sea , beca u se t h e em ph a sis w it h w h ich , in h is book s,
h e r efer r ed t o t h ese sh ew ed t h a t h e r eg a r ded t h em a s
r ich in sig n ifica n ce a n d bea u t y . Bu t , a la s, u pon a lm ost
ev er y t h in g in t h e w or ld h is opin ion w a s u n k n ow n t o
m e. I h a d n o dou bt t h a t it w ou ld differ en t ir ely fr om m y
ow n , sin ce h is ca m e dow n fr om a n u n k n ow n sph er e
t ow a r ds w h ich I w a s st r iv in g t o r a ise m y self; con v in ced
t h a t m y t h ou g h t s w ou ld h a v e seem ed pu r e foolish n ess
t o t h a t per fect ed spir it , I h a d so com plet ely oblit er a t ed
t h em a ll t h a t , if I h a ppen ed t o fin d in on e of h is book s
som et h in g w h ich h a d a lr ea dy occu r r ed t o m y ow n
m in d, m y h ea r t w ou ld sw ell w it h g r a t it u de a n d pr ide
a s t h ou g h som e deit y h a d, in h is in fin it e bou n t y ,
r est or ed it t o m e, h a d pr on ou n ced it t o be bea u t ifu l a n d
r ig h t . It h a ppen ed n ow a n d t h en t h a t a pa g e of Ber g ot t e
w ou ld ex pr ess pr ecisely t h ose idea s w h ich I u sed oft en a t
n ig h t , w h en I w a s u n a ble t o sleep, t o w r it e t o m y
g r a n dm ot h er a n d m ot h er , a n d so con cisely a n d w ell
t h a t h is pa g e h a d t h e a ppea r a n ce of a collect ion of
m ot t oes for m e t o set a t t h e h ea d of m y let t er s. A n d so
t oo, in la t er y ea r s, w h en I beg a n t o com pose a book of
m y ow n , a n d t h e qu a lit y of som e of m y sen t en ces
seem ed so in a dequ a t e t h a t I cou ld n ot m a k e u p m y
m in d t o g o on w it h t h e u n der t a k in g , I w ou ld fin d t h e
equ iv a len t of m y sen t en ces in Ber g ot t e’s. Bu t it w a s on ly
t h en , w h en I r ea d t h em in h is pa g es, t h a t I cou ld en joy
t h em ; w h en it w a s I m y self w h o com posed t h em , in m y
a n x iet y t h a t t h ey sh ou ld ex a ct ly r epr odu ce w h a t I
seem ed t o h a v e det ect ed in m y m in d, a n d in m y fea r of
t h eir n ot t u r n in g ou t ‘t r u e t o life,’ I h a d n o t im e t o a sk
m y self w h et h er w h a t I w a s w r it in g w ou ld be plea sa n t t o
r ea d! Bu t in deed t h er e w a s n o k in d of la n g u a g e, n o k in d
of idea s w h ich I r ea lly lik ed, ex cept t h ese. My fev er ish
a n d u n sa t isfa ct or y a t t em pt s w er e t h em selv es a t ok en of
m y lov e, a lov e w h ich br ou g h t m e n o plea su r e, bu t w a s,
for a ll t h a t , in t en se a n d deep. A n d so, w h en I ca m e
su dden ly u pon sim ila r ph r a ses in t h e w r it in g s of
a n ot h er , t h a t is t o sa y st r ipped of t h eir fa m ilia r
a ccom pa n im en t of scr u ples a n d r epr ession s a n d self-
t or m en t in g s, I w a s fr ee t o in du lg e t o t h e fu ll m y ow n
a ppet it e for su ch t h in g s, ju st a s a cook w h o, on ce in a
w h ile, h a s n o din n er t o pr epa r e for ot h er people, ca n
t h en fin d t im e t o g or m a n dise h im self. A n d so, w h en I
h a d fou n d, on e da y , in a book by Ber g ot t e, som e jok e
a bou t a n old fa m ily ser v a n t , t o w h ich h is solem n a n d
m a g n ificen t st y le a dded a g r ea t dea l of ir on y , bu t
w h ich w a s in pr in ciple w h a t I h a d oft en sa id t o m y
g r a n dm ot h er a bou t Fr a n çoise, a n d w h en , a n ot h er t im e,
I h a d discov er ed t h a t h e t h ou g h t n ot u n w or t h y of
r eflect ion in on e of t h ose m ir r or s of a bsolu t e T r u t h
w h ich w er e h is w r it in g s, a r em a r k sim ila r t o on e w h ich
I h a d h a d occa sion t o m a k e on ou r fr ien d M. Leg r a n din
(a n d, m or eov er , m y r em a r k s on Fr a n çoise a n d M.
Leg r a n din w er e a m on g t h ose w h ich I w ou ld m ost
r esolu t ely h a v e sa cr ificed for Ber g ot t e’s sa k e, in t h e
belief t h a t h e w ou ld fin d t h em qu it e w it h ou t in t er est );
t h en it w a s su dden ly r ev ea led t o m e t h a t m y ow n
h u m ble ex ist en ce a n d t h e Rea lm s of T r u t h w er e less
w idely sepa r a t ed t h a n I h a d su pposed, t h a t a t cer t a in
poin t s t h ey w er e a ct u a lly in con t a ct ; a n d in m y n ew -
fou n d con fiden ce a n d joy I w ept u pon h is pr in t ed pa g e,
a s in t h e a r m s of a lon g -lost fa t h er .
 Fr om h is book s I h a d for m ed a n im pr ession of
Ber g ot t e a s a fr a il a n d disa ppoin t ed old m a n , w h o h a d
lost h is ch ildr en , a n d h a d n ev er fou n d a n y con sola t ion .
A n d so I w ou ld r ea d, or r a t h er sin g h is sen t en ces in m y
br a in , w it h r a t h er m or e dolce, r a t h er m or e lento t h a n
h e h im self h a d, per h a ps, in t en ded, a n d h is sim plest
ph r a se w ou ld st r ik e m y ea r s w it h som et h in g pecu lia r ly
g en t le a n d lov in g in it s in t on a t ion . Mor e t h a n a n y t h in g
else in t h e w or ld I ch er ish ed h is ph ilosoph y , a n d h a d
pledg ed m y self t o it in lifelon g dev ot ion . It m a de m e
im pa t ien t t o r ea ch t h e a g e w h en I sh ou ld be elig ible t o
a t t en d t h e cla ss a t sch ool ca lled ‘Ph ilosoph y .’ I did n ot
w ish t o lea r n or do a n y t h in g else t h er e, bu t sim ply t o
ex ist a n d be g u ided en t ir ely by t h e m in d of Ber g ot t e,
a n d, if I h a d been t old t h en t h a t t h e m et a ph y sicia n s
w h om I w a s a ct u a lly t o follow t h er e r esem bled h im in
n ot h in g , I sh ou ld h a v e been st r u ck dow n by t h e despa ir
a y ou n g lov er feels w h o h a s sw or n lifelon g fidelit y ,
w h en a fr ien d spea k s t o h im of t h e ot h er m ist r esses h e
w ill h a v e in t im e t o com e.
On e Su n da y , w h ile I w a s r ea din g in t h e g a r den , I
w a s in t er r u pt ed by Sw a n n , w h o h a d com e t o ca ll u pon
m y pa r en t s.
“ W h a t a r e y ou r ea din g ? Ma y I look ? W h y , it ’s
Ber g ot t e! W h o h a s been t ellin g y ou a bou t h im ?”
I r eplied t h a t Bloch w a s r espon sible.
 “ Oh , y es, t h a t boy I sa w h er e on ce, w h o look s so lik e
t h e Bellin i por t r a it of Ma h om et II. It ’s a n a st on ish in g
lik en ess; h e h a s t h e sa m e a r ch ed ey ebr ow s a n d h ook ed
n ose a n d pr om in en t ch eek bon es. W h en h is bea r d com es
h e’ll be Ma h om et h im self. A n y h ow h e h a s g ood t a st e, for
Ber g ot t e is a ch a r m in g cr ea t u r e.” A n d seein g h ow
m u ch I seem ed t o a dm ir e Ber g ot t e, Sw a n n , w h o n ev er
spok e a t a ll a bou t t h e people h e k n ew , m a de a n
ex cept ion in m y fa v ou r a n d sa id: “ I k n ow h im w ell; if
y ou w ou ld lik e h im t o w r it e a few w or ds on t h e t it le-
pa g e of y ou r book I cou ld a sk h im for y ou .”
I da r ed n ot a ccept su ch a n offer , bu t bom ba r ded
Sw a n n w it h qu est ion s a bou t h is fr ien d. “ Ca n y ou t ell
m e, plea se, w h o is h is fa v ou r it e a ct or ?”
“ A ct or ? No, I ca n ’t sa y . Bu t I do k n ow t h is: t h er e’s
n ot a m a n on t h e st a g e w h om h e t h in k s equ a l t o Ber m a ;
h e pu t s h er a bov e ev er y on e. Ha v e y ou seen h er ?”
“ No, sir , m y pa r en t s do n ot a llow m e t o g o t o t h e
t h ea t r e.”
“ T h a t is a pit y . Y ou sh ou ld in sist . Ber m a in Phèdre,
in t h e Cid; w ell, sh e’s on ly a n a ct r ess, if y ou lik e, bu t
y ou k n ow t h a t I don ’t believ e v er y m u ch in t h e
‘h ier a r ch y ’ of t h e a r t s.” A s h e spok e I n ot iced, w h a t h a d
oft en st r u ck m e befor e in h is con v er sa t ion s w it h m y
g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s, t h a t w h en ev er h e spok e of
ser iou s m a t t er s, w h en ev er h e u sed a n ex pr ession w h ich
seem ed t o im ply a defin it e opin ion u pon som e
im por t a n t su bject , h e w ou ld t a k e ca r e t o isola t e, t o
st er ilise it by u sin g a specia l in t on a t ion , m ech a n ica l
a n d ir on ic, a s t h ou g h h e h a d pu t t h e ph r a se or w or d
bet w een in v er t ed com m a s, a n d w a s a n x iou s t o discla im
a n y per son a l r espon sibilit y for it ; a s w h o sh ou ld sa y
“ t h e ‘h ier a r ch y ,’ don ’t y ou k n ow , a s silly people ca ll it .”
Bu t t h en , if it w a s so a bsu r d, w h y did h e sa y t h e
‘h ier a r ch y ’? A m om en t la t er h e w en t on : “ Her a ct in g
w ill g iv e y ou a s n oble a n in spir a t ion a s a n y m a st er piece
of a r t in t h e w or ld, a s — oh , I don ’t k n ow — ” a n d h e
beg a n t o la u g h , “ sh a ll w e sa y t h e Qu een s of Ch a r t r es?”
Un t il t h en I h a d su pposed t h a t h is h or r or of h a v in g t o
g iv e a ser iou s opin ion w a s som et h in g Pa r isia n a n d
r efin ed, in con t r a st t o t h e pr ov in cia l dog m a t ism of m y
g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s; a n d I h a d im a g in ed a lso t h a t it
w a s ch a r a ct er ist ic of t h e m en t a l a t t it u de t ow a r ds life of
t h e cir cle in w h ich Sw a n n m ov ed, w h er e, by a n a t u r a l
r ea ct ion fr om t h e ‘ly r ica l’ en t h u sia sm s of ea r lier
g en er a t ion s, a n ex cessiv e im por t a n ce w a s g iv en t o
sm a ll a n d pr ecise fa ct s, for m er ly r eg a r ded a s v u lg a r ,
a n d a n y t h in g in t h e n a t u r e of ‘ph r a se-m a k in g ’ w a s
ba n n ed. Bu t n ow I fou n d m y self slig h t ly sh ock ed by t h is
a t t it u de w h ich Sw a n n in v a r ia bly a dopt ed w h en fa ce t o
fa ce w it h g en er a lit ies. He a ppea r ed u n w illin g t o r isk
ev en h a v in g a n opin ion , a n d t o be a t h is ea se on ly w h en
h e cou ld fu r n ish , w it h m et icu lou s a ccu r a cy , som e
pr ecise bu t u n im por t a n t det a il. Bu t in so doin g h e did
n ot t a k e in t o a ccou n t t h a t ev en h er e h e w a s g iv in g a n
opin ion , h oldin g a br ief (a s t h ey sa y ) for som et h in g ,
t h a t t h e a ccu r a cy of h is det a ils h a d a n im por t a n ce of it s
ow n . I t h ou g h t a g a in of t h e din n er t h a t n ig h t , w h en I
h a d been so u n h a ppy beca u se Ma m m a w ou ld n ot be
com in g u p t o m y r oom , a n d w h en h e h a d dism issed t h e
ba lls g iv en by t h e Pr in cesse de Léon a s bein g of n o
im por t a n ce. A n d y et it w a s t o ju st t h a t sor t of
a m u sem en t t h a t h e w a s dev ot in g h is life. For w h a t
ot h er k in d of ex ist en ce did h e r eser v e t h e du t ies of
sa y in g in a ll ser iou sn ess w h a t h e t h ou g h t a bou t t h in g s,
of for m u la t in g ju dg m en t s w h ich h e w ou ld n ot pu t
bet w een in v er t ed com m a s; a n d w h en w ou ld h e cea se t o
g iv e h im self u p t o occu pa t ion s of w h ich a t t h e sa m e,
t im e h e m a de ou t t h a t t h ey w er e a bsu r d? I n ot iced, t oo,
in t h e m a n n er in w h ich Sw a n n spok e t o m e of Ber g ot t e,
som et h in g w h ich , t o do h im ju st ice, w a s n ot pecu lia r t o
h im self, bu t w a s sh a r ed by a ll t h a t w r it er ’s a dm ir er s a t
t h a t t im e, a t lea st by m y m ot h er ’s fr ien d a n d by Dr . du
Bou lbon . Lik e Sw a n n , t h ey w ou ld sa y of Ber g ot t e: “ He
h a s a ch a r m in g m in d, so in div idu a l, h e h a s a w a y of h is
ow n of sa y in g t h in g s, w h ich is a lit t le fa r -fet ch ed, bu t so
plea sa n t . Y ou n ev er n eed t o look for h is n a m e on t h e
t it le-pa g e, y ou ca n t ell h is w or k a t on ce.” Bu t n on e of
t h em h a d y et g on e so fa r a s t o sa y “ He is a g r ea t w r it er ,
h e h a s g r ea t t a len t .” T h ey did n ot ev en cr edit h im w it h
t a len t a t a ll. T h ey did n ot spea k , beca u se t h ey w er e n ot
a w a r e of it . W e a r e v er y slow in r ecog n isin g in t h e
pecu lia r ph y siog n om y of a n ew w r it er t h e t y pe w h ich is
la belled ‘g r ea t t a len t ’ in ou r m u seu m of g en er a l idea s.
Sim ply beca u se t h a t ph y siog n om y is n ew a n d st r a n g e,
w e ca n fin d in it n o r esem bla n ce t o w h a t w e a r e
a ccu st om ed t o ca ll t a len t . W e sa y r a t h er or ig in a lit y ,
ch a r m , delica cy , st r en g t h ; a n d t h en on e da y w e a dd u p
t h e su m of t h ese, a n d fin d t h a t it a m ou n t s sim ply t o
t a len t .
“ A r e t h er e a n y book s in w h ich Ber g ot t e h a s w r it t en
a bou t Ber m a ?” I a sk ed M. Sw a n n .
“ I t h in k h e h a s, in t h a t lit t le essa y on Ra cin e, bu t it
m u st be ou t of pr in t . St ill, t h er e h a s per h a ps been a
secon d im pr ession . I w ill fin d ou t . A n y h ow , I ca n a sk
Ber g ot t e h im self a ll t h a t y ou w a n t t o k n ow n ex t t im e h e
com es t o din e w it h u s. He n ev er m isses a w eek , fr om on e
y ea r ’s en d t o a n ot h er . He is m y da u g h t er ’s g r ea t est
fr ien d. T h ey g o a bou t t og et h er , a n d look a t old t ow n s
a n d ca t h edr a ls a n d ca st les.”
A s I w a s st ill com plet ely ig n or a n t of t h e differ en t
g r a des in t h e socia l h ier a r ch y , t h e fa ct t h a t m y fa t h er
fou n d it im possible for u s t o see a n y t h in g of Sw a n n ’s
w ife a n d da u g h t er h a d, for a lon g t im e, h a d t h e
con t r a r y effect of m a k in g m e im a g in e t h em a s
sepa r a t ed fr om u s by a n en or m ou s g u lf, w h ich g r ea t ly
en h a n ced t h eir dig n it y a n d im por t a n ce in m y ey es. I
w a s sor r y t h a t m y m ot h er did n ot dy e h er h a ir a n d
r edden h er lips, a s I h a d h ea r d ou r n eig h bou r , Mm e.
Sa zer a t , sa y t h a t Mm e. Sw a n n did, t o g r a t ify n ot h er
h u sba n d bu t M. de Ch a r lu s; a n d I felt t h a t , t o h er , w e
m u st be a n object of scor n , w h ich dist r essed m e
pa r t icu la r ly on a ccou n t of t h e da u g h t er , su ch a pr et t y
lit t le g ir l, a s I h a d h ea r d, a n d on e of w h om I u sed oft en
t o dr ea m , a lw a y s im a g in in g h er w it h t h e sa m e fea t u r es
a n d a ppea r a n ce, w h ich I best ow ed u pon h er qu it e
a r bit r a r ily , bu t w it h a ch a r m in g effect . Bu t fr om t h is
a ft er n oon , w h en I h a d lea r n ed t h a t Mlle. Sw a n n w a s a
cr ea t u r e liv in g in su ch rare and for t u n a t e
cir cu m st a n ces, ba t h ed, a s in h er n a t u r a l elem en t , in
su ch a sea of pr iv ileg e t h a t , if sh e sh ou ld a sk h er
pa r en t s w h et h er a n y on e w er e com in g t o din n er , sh e
w ou ld be a n sw er ed in t h ose t w o sy lla bles, r a dia n t w it h
celest ia l lig h t , w ou ld h ea r t h e n a m e of t h a t g olden
g u est w h o w a s t o h er n o m or e t h a n a n old fr ien d of h er
fa m ily , Ber g ot t e; t h a t for h er t h e in t im a t e con v er sa t ion
a t t a ble, cor r espon din g t o w h a t m y g r ea t -a u n t ’s
con v er sa t ion w a s for m e, w ou ld be t h e w or ds of Ber g ot t e
u pon a ll t h ose su bject s w h ich h e h a d n ot been a ble t o
t a k e u p in h is w r it in g s, a n d on w h ich I w ou ld fa in h a v e
h ea r d h im u t t er or a cles; a n d t h a t , a bov e a ll, w h en sh e
w en t t o v isit ot h er t ow n s, h e w ou ld be w a lk in g by h er
side, u n r ecog n ised a n d g lor iou s, lik e t h e g ods w h o ca m e
dow n , of old, fr om h ea v en t o dw ell a m on g m or t a l m en :
t h en I r ea lised bot h t h e r a r e w or t h of a cr ea t u r e su ch a s
Mlle. Sw a n n , a n d, a t t h e sa m e t im e, h ow coa r se a n d
ig n or a n t I sh ou ld a ppea r t o h er ; a n d I felt so k een ly h ow
plea sa n t a n d y et h ow im possible it w ou ld be for m e t o
becom e h er fr ien d t h a t I w a s filled a t on ce w it h lon g in g
a n d w it h despa ir . A n d u su a lly , fr om t h is t im e for t h ,
w h en I t h ou g h t of h er , I w ou ld see h er st a n din g befor e
t h e por ch of a ca t h edr a l, ex pla in in g t o m e w h a t ea ch of
t h e st a t u es m ea n t , a n d, w it h a sm ile w h ich w a s m y
h ig h est com m en da t ion , pr esen t in g m e, a s h er fr ien d, t o
Ber g ot t e. A n d in v a r ia bly t h e ch a r m of a ll t h e fa n cies
w h ich t h e t h ou g h t of ca t h edr a ls u sed t o in spir e in m e,
t h e ch a r m of t h e h ills a n d v a lley s of t h e Ile de Fr a n ce
a n d of t h e pla in s of Nor m a n dy , w ou ld r a dia t e
br ig h t n ess a n d bea u t y ov er t h e pict u r e I h a d for m ed in
m y m in d of Mlle. Sw a n n ; n ot h in g m or e r em a in ed bu t t o
k n ow a n d t o lov e h er . On ce w e believ e t h a t a fellow -
cr ea t u r e h a s a sh a r e in som e u n k n ow n ex ist en ce t o
w h ich t h a t cr ea t u r e’s lov e for ou r selv es ca n w in u s
a dm ission , t h a t is, of a ll t h e pr elim in a r y con dit ion s
w h ich Lov e ex a ct s, t h e on e t o w h ich h e a t t a ch es m ost
im por t a n ce, t h e on e w h ich m a k es h im g en er ou s or
in differ en t a s t o t h e r est . Ev en t h ose w om en w h o
pr et en d t h a t t h ey ju dg e a m a n by h is ex t er ior on ly , see
in t h a t ex t er ior a n em a n a t ion fr om som e specia l w a y of
life. A n d t h a t is w h y t h ey fa ll in lov e w it h a soldier or a
fir em a n , w h ose u n ifor m m a k es t h em less pa r t icu la r
a bou t h is fa ce; t h ey k iss a n d believ e t h a t ben ea t h t h e
cr u sh in g br ea st pla t e t h er e bea t s a h ea r t differ en t fr om
t h e r est , m or e g a lla n t , m or e a dv en t u r ou s, m or e t en der ;
a n d so it is t h a t a y ou n g k in g or a cr ow n pr in ce m a y
t r a v el in for eig n cou n t r ies a n d m a k e t h e m ost
g r a t ify in g con qu est s, a n d y et la ck en t ir ely t h a t r eg u la r
a n d cla ssic pr ofile w h ich w ou ld be in dispen sa ble, I da r e
sa y , in a n ou t side-br ok er .
W h ile I w a s r ea din g in t h e g a r den , a t h in g m y
g r ea t -a u n t w ou ld n ev er h a v e u n der st ood m y doin g
sa v e on a Su n da y , t h a t bein g t h e da y on w h ich it w a s
u n la w fu l t o in du lg e in a n y ser iou s occu pa t ion , a n d on
w h ich sh e h er self w ou ld la y a side h er sew in g (on a
w eek -da y sh e w ou ld h a v e sa id, “ How y ou ca n g o on
a m u sin g y ou r self w it h a book ; it isn ’t Su n da y , y ou
k n ow !” pu t t in g in t o t h e w or d ‘a m u sin g ’ a n im plica t ion
of ch ildish n ess a n d w a st e of t im e), m y a u n t Léon ie
w ou ld be g ossipin g w it h Fr a n çoise u n t il it w a s t im e for
Eu la lie t o a r r iv e. Sh e w ou ld t ell h er t h a t sh e h a d ju st
seen Mm e. Gou pil g o by “ w it h ou t a n u m br ella , in t h e
silk dr ess sh e h a d m a de for h er t h e ot h er da y a t
Ch â t ea u du n . If sh e h a s fa r t o g o befor e v esper s, sh e m a y
g et it pr oper ly soa k ed.”
“ V er y lik ely ” (w h ich m ea n t a lso “ v er y lik ely n ot ” )
w a s t h e a n sw er , for Fr a n çoise did n ot w ish defin it ely t o
ex clu de t h e possibilit y of a h a ppier a lt er n a t iv e.
“ T h er e, n ow ,” w en t on m y a u n t , bea t in g h er br ow ,
“ t h a t r em in ds m e t h a t I n ev er h ea r d if sh e g ot t o
ch u r ch t h is m or n in g befor e t h e Elev a t ion . I m u st
r em em ber t o a sk Eu la lie . . . Fr a n çoise, ju st look a t t h a t
bla ck clou d beh in d t h e st eeple, a n d h ow poor t h e lig h t is
on t h e sla t es, y ou m a y be cer t a in it w ill r a in befor e t h e
da y is ou t . It cou ldn ’t possibly k eep on lik e t h is, it ’s been
t oo h ot . A n d t h e soon er t h e bet t er , for u n t il t h e st or m
br ea k s m y V ich y w a t er w on ’t ‘g o dow n ,’” sh e
con clu ded, sin ce, in h er m in d, t h e desir e t o a cceler a t e
t h e dig est ion of h er V ich y w a t er w a s of in fin it ely
g r ea t er im por t a n ce t h a n h er fea r of seein g Mm e.
Gou pil’s n ew dr ess r u in ed.
“ V er y lik ely .”
“ A n d y ou k n ow t h a t w h en it r a in s in t h e Squ a r e
t h er e’s n on e t oo m u ch sh elt er .” Su dden ly m y a u n t
t u r n ed pa le. “ W h a t , t h r ee o’clock !” sh e ex cla im ed. “ Bu t
v esper s w ill h a v e beg u n a lr ea dy , a n d I’v e for g ot t en m y
pepsin ! Now I k n ow w h y t h a t V ich y w a t er h a s been
ly in g on m y st om a ch .” A n d fa llin g pr ecipit a t ely u pon a
pr a y er -book bou n d in pu r ple v elv et , w it h g ilt cla sps,
ou t of w h ich in h er h a st e sh e let fa ll a sh ow er of t h e
lit t le pict u r es, ea ch in a la ce fr in g e of y ellow ish pa per ,
w h ich sh e u sed t o m a r k t h e pla ces of t h e g r ea t er fea st s
of t h e ch u r ch , m y a u n t , w h ile sh e sw a llow ed h er dr ops,
beg a n a t fu ll speed t o m u t t er t h e w or ds of t h e sa cr ed
t ex t , it s m ea n in g bein g slig h t ly clou ded in h er br a in by
t h e u n cer t a in t y w h et h er t h e pepsin , w h en t a k en so
lon g a ft er t h e V ich y , w ou ld st ill be a ble t o ov er t a k e it
a n d t o ‘sen d it dow n .’ “ T h r ee o’clock ! It ’s u n believ a ble
h ow t im e flies.”
A lit t le t a p a t t h e w in dow , a s t h ou g h som e m issile
h a d st r u ck it , follow ed by a plen t ifu l, fa llin g sou n d, a s
lig h t , t h ou g h , a s if a sh ow er of sa n d w er e bein g
spr in k led fr om a w in dow ov er h ea d; t h en t h e fa ll spr ea d,
t ook on a n or der , a r h y t h m , beca m e liqu id, lou d,
dr u m m in g , m u sica l, in n u m er a ble, u n iv er sa l. It w a s
t h e r a in .
“ T h er e, Fr a n çoise, w h a t did I t ell y ou ? How it ’s
com in g dow n ! Bu t I t h in k I h ea r d t h e bell a t t h e g a r den
g a t e: g o a lon g a n d see w h o ca n be ou t side in t h is
w ea t h er .”
Fr a n çoise w en t a n d r et u r n ed. “ It ’s Mm e. A m édée”
(m y g r a n dm ot h er ). “ Sh e sa id sh e w a s g oin g for a w a lk .
It ’s r a in in g h a r d, a ll t h e sa m e.”
“ I’m n ot a t a ll su r pr ised,” sa id m y a u n t , look in g u p
t ow a r ds t h e sk y . “ I’v e a lw a y s sa id t h a t sh e w a s n ot in
t h e lea st lik e ot h er people. W ell, I’m g la d it ’s sh e a n d n ot
m y self w h o’s ou t side in a ll t h is.”
“ Mm e. A m édée is a lw a y s t h e ex a ct opposit e of t h e
r est ,” sa id Fr a n çoise, n ot u n k in dly , r efr a in in g u n t il sh e
sh ou ld be a lon e w it h t h e ot h er ser v a n t s fr om st a t in g
h er belief t h a t m y g r a n dm ot h er w a s ‘a bit off h er h ea d.’
“ T h er e’s Ben edict ion ov er ! Eu la lie w ill n ev er com e
n ow ,” sig h ed m y a u n t . “ It w ill be t h e w ea t h er t h a t ’s
fr ig h t en ed h er a w a y .”
“ Bu t it ’s n ot fiv e o’clock y et , Mm e. Oct a v e, it ’s on ly
h a lf-pa st fou r .”
“ On ly h a lf-pa st fou r ! A n d h er e a m I, oblig ed t o dr a w
ba ck t h e sm a ll cu r t a in s, ju st t o g et a t in y st r ea k of
da y lig h t . A t h a lf-pa st fou r ! On ly a w eek befor e t h e
Rog a t ion -da y s. A h , m y poor Fr a n çoise, t h e dea r Lor d
m u st be sor ely v ex ed w it h u s. T h e w or ld is g oin g t oo fa r
in t h ese da y s. A s m y poor Oct a v e u sed t o sa y , w e h a v e
for g ot t en God t oo oft en , a n d He is t a k in g v en g ea n ce
u pon u s.”
A br ig h t flu sh a n im a t ed m y a u n t ’s ch eek s; it w a s
Eu la lie. A s ill lu ck w ou ld h a v e it , sca r cely h a d sh e been
a dm it t ed t o t h e pr esen ce w h en Fr a n çoise r ea ppea r ed
a n d, w it h a sm ile w h ich w a s m ea n t t o in dica t e h er fu ll
pa r t icipa t ion in t h e plea su r e w h ich , sh e h a d n o dou bt ,
h er t idin g s w ou ld g iv e m y a u n t , a r t icu la t in g ea ch
sy lla ble so a s t o sh ew t h a t , in spit e of h er h a v in g t o
t r a n sla t e t h em in t o in dir ect speech , sh e w a s r epea t in g ,
a s a g ood ser v a n t sh ou ld, t h e v er y w or ds w h ich t h e n ew
v isit or h a d con descen ded t o u se, sa id: “ His r ev er en ce
t h e Cu r é w ou ld be delig h t ed, en ch a n t ed, if Mm e. Oct a v e
is n ot r est in g ju st n ow , a n d cou ld see h im . His
r ev er en ce does n ot w ish t o dist u r b Mm e. Oct a v e. His
r ev er en ce is dow n st a ir s; I t old h im t o g o in t o t h e
pa r lou r .”
Ha d t h e t r u t h been k n ow n , t h e Cu r é‘s v isit s g a v e
m y a u n t n o su ch ecst a t ic plea su r e a s Fr a n çoise
su pposed, a n d t h e a ir of ju bila t ion w it h w h ich sh e felt
bou n d t o illu m in a t e h er fa ce w h en ev er sh e h a d t o
a n n ou n ce h is a r r iv a l, did n ot a lt og et h er cor r espon d t o
w h a t w a s felt by h er in v a lid. T h e Cu r é (a n ex cellen t
m a n , w it h w h om I a m sor r y n ow t h a t I did n ot con v er se
m or e oft en , for , ev en if h e ca r ed n ot h in g for t h e a r t s, h e
k n ew a g r ea t m a n y et y m olog ies), bein g in t h e h a bit of
sh ew in g dist in g u ish ed v isit or s ov er h is ch u r ch (h e h a d
ev en pla n n ed t o com pile a h ist or y of t h e Pa r ish of
Com br a y ), u sed t o w ea r y h er w it h h is en dless
ex pla n a t ion s, w h ich , in ciden t a lly , n ev er v a r ied in t h e
lea st deg r ee. Bu t w h en h is v isit sy n ch r on ized ex a ct ly
w it h Eu la lie’s it beca m e fr a n k ly dist a st efu l t o m y a u n t .
Sh e w ou ld h a v e pr efer r ed t o m a k e t h e m ost of Eu la lie,
a n d n ot t o h a v e h a d t h e w h ole of h er cir cle a bou t h er a t
on e t im e. Bu t sh e da r ed n ot sen d t h e Cu r é a w a y , a n d
h a d t o con t en t h er self w it h m a k in g a sig n t o Eu la lie n ot
t o lea v e w h en h e did, so t h a t sh e m ig h t h a v e h er t o
h er self for a lit t le a ft er h e h a d g on e.
“ W h a t is t h is I h a v e been h ea r in g , Fa t h er , t h a t a
pa in t er h a s set u p h is ea sel in y ou r ch u r ch , a n d is
copy in g on e of t h e w in dow s? Old a s I a m , I ca n sa fely
sa y t h a t I h a v e n ev er ev en h ea r d of su ch a t h in g in a ll
m y life! W h a t is t h e w or ld com in g t o n ex t , I w on der !
A n d t h e u g liest t h in g in t h e w h ole ch u r ch , t oo.”
“ I w ill n ot g o so fa r a s t o sa y t h a t it is qu it e t h e
u g liest , for , a lt h ou g h t h er e a r e cer t a in t h in g s in Sa in t -
Hila ir e w h ich a r e w ell w or t h a v isit , t h er e a r e ot h er s
t h a t a r e v er y old n ow , in m y poor ba silica , t h e on ly on e
in a ll t h e diocese t h a t h a s n ev er ev en been r est or ed. T h e
Lor d k n ow s, ou r por ch is dir t y a n d ou t of da t e; st ill, it is
of a m a jest ic ch a r a ct er ; t a k e, for in st a n ce, t h e Est h er
t a pest r ies, t h ou g h per son a lly I w ou ld n ot g iv e a br a ss
fa r t h in g for t h e pa ir of t h em , bu t ex per t s pu t t h em n ex t
a ft er t h e on es a t Sen s. I ca n qu it e see, t oo, t h a t a pa r t
fr om cer t a in det a ils w h ich a r e — w ell, a t r ifle r ea list ic,
t h ey sh ew fea t u r es w h ich t est ify t o a g en u in e pow er of
obser v a t ion . Bu t don ’t t a lk t o m e a bou t t h e w in dow s. Is
it com m on sen se, I a sk y ou , t o lea v e u p w in dow s w h ich
sh u t ou t a ll t h e da y lig h t , a n d ev en con fu se t h e ey es by
t h r ow in g pa t ch es of colou r , t o w h ich I sh ou ld be h a r d
pu t t o it t o g iv e a n a m e, on a floor in w h ich t h er e a r e
n ot t w o sla bs on t h e sa m e lev el? A n d y et t h ey r efu se t o
r en ew t h e floor for m e beca u se, if y ou plea se, t h ose a r e
t h e t om bst on es of t h e A bbot s of Com br a y a n d t h e Lor ds
of Gu er m a n t es, t h e old Cou n t s, y ou k n ow , of Br a ba n t ,
dir ect a n cest or s of t h e pr esen t Du c de Gu er m a n t es, a n d
of h is Du ch esse a lso, sin ce sh e w a s a la dy of t h e
Gu er m a n t es fa m ily , a n d m a r r ied h er cou sin .” (My
g r a n dm ot h er , w h ose st ea dy r efu sa l t o t a k e a n y in t er est
in ‘per son s’ h a d en ded in h er con fu sin g a ll t h eir n a m es
a n d t it les, w h en ev er a n y on e m en t ion ed t h e Du ch esse de
Gu er m a n t es u sed t o m a k e ou t t h a t sh e m u st be r ela t ed
t o Mm e. de V illepa r isis. T h e w h ole fa m ily w ou ld t h en
bu r st ou t la u g h in g ; a n d sh e w ou ld a t t em pt t o ju st ify
h er self by h a r k in g ba ck t o som e in v it a t ion t o a
ch r ist en in g or fu n er a l: “ I feel su r e t h a t t h er e w a s a
Gu er m a n t es in it som ew h er e.” A n d for on ce I w ou ld side
w it h t h e ot h er s, a n d a g a in st h er , r efu sin g t o a dm it t h a t
t h er e cou ld be a n y con n ect ion bet w een h er sch ool-
fr ien d a n d t h e descen da n t of Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t .)
“ Look a t Rou ssa in v ille,” t h e Cu r é w en t on . “ It is
n ot h in g m or e n ow a da y s t h a n a pa r ish of fa r m er s,
t h ou g h in olden t im es t h e pla ce m u st h a v e h a d a
con sider a ble im por t a n ce fr om it s t r a de in felt h a t s a n d
clock s. (I a m n ot cer t a in , by t h e w a y , of t h e et y m olog y
of Rou ssa in v ille. I sh ou ld dea r ly lik e t o t h in k t h a t t h e
n a m e w a s or ig in a lly Rou v ille, fr om Radulfi villa,
a n a log ou s, don ’t y ou see, t o Ch â t ea u r ou x , Cas trum
Radulfi, bu t w e w ill t a lk a bou t t h a t som e ot h er t im e.)
V er y w ell; t h e ch u r ch t h er e h a s su per b w in dow s,
a lm ost a ll qu it e m oder n , in clu din g t h a t m ost im posin g
‘En t r y of Lou is-Ph ilippe in t o Com br a y ’ w h ich w ou ld be
m or e in k eepin g , su r ely , a t Com br a y it self, a n d w h ich
is ev er y bit a s g ood, I u n der st a n d, a s t h e fa m ou s
w in dow s a t Ch a r t r es. On ly y est er da y I m et Dr .
Per cepied’s br ot h er , w h o g oes in for t h ese t h in g s, a n d h e
t old m e t h a t h e look ed u pon it a s a m ost bea u t ifu l piece
of w or k . Bu t , a s I sa id t o t h is a r t ist , w h o, by t h e w a y ,
seem s t o be a m ost civ il fellow , a n d is a r eg u la r
v ir t u oso, it a ppea r s, w it h h is br u sh ; w h a t on ea r t h , I
sa id t o h im , do y ou fin d so ex t r a or din a r y in t h is
w in dow , w h ich is, if a n y t h in g , a lit t le din g ier t h a n t h e
r est ?”
“ I a m su r e t h a t if y ou w er e t o a sk h is Lor dsh ip,” sa id
m y a u n t in a r esig n ed t on e, for sh e h a d beg u n t o feel
t h a t sh e w a s g oin g t o be ‘t ir ed,’ “ h e w ou ld n ev er r efu se
y ou a n ew w in dow .”
“ Y ou m a y depen d u pon it , Mm e. Oct a v e,” r eplied
t h e Cu r é. “ W h y , it w a s ju st h is Lor dsh ip h im self w h o
st a r t ed t h e ou t cr y a bou t t h e w in dow , by pr ov in g t h a t it
r epr esen t ed Gilber t t h e Ba d, a Lor d of Gu er m a n t es a n d
a dir ect descen da n t of Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t , w h o w a s a
da u g h t er of t h e Hou se of Gu er m a n t es, r eceiv in g
a bsolu t ion fr om Sa in t Hila ir e.”
“ Bu t I don ’t see w h er e Sa in t Hila ir e com es in .”
“ W h y y es, h a v e y ou n ev er n ot iced, in t h e cor n er of
t h e w in dow , a la dy in a y ellow r obe? V er y w ell, t h a t is
Sa in t Hila ir e, w h o is a lso k n ow n , y ou w ill r em em ber , in
cer t a in pa r t s of t h e cou n t r y a s Sa in t Illier s, Sa in t
Hèlier , a n d ev en , in t h e Ju r a , Sa in t Y lie. Bu t t h ese
v a r iou s cor r u pt ion s of Sanctus Hilarius a r e by n o m ea n s
t h e m ost cu r iou s t h a t h a v e occu r r ed in t h e n a m es of t h e
blessed Sa in t s. T a k e, for ex a m ple, m y g ood Eu la lie, t h e
ca se of y ou r ow n pa t r on , Sancta Eulalia; do y ou k n ow
w h a t sh e h a s becom e in Bu r g u n dy ? Sa in t Eloi, n ot h in g
m or e n or less! T h e la dy h a s becom e a g en t lem a n . Do
y ou h ea r t h a t , Eu la lie, a ft er y ou a r e dea d t h ey w ill
m a k e a m a n of y ou !”
“ Fa t h er w ill a lw a y s h a v e h is jok e.”
“ Gilber t ’s br ot h er , Ch a r les t h e St a m m er er , w a s a
piou s pr in ce, bu t , h a v in g ea r ly in life lost h is fa t h er ,
Pepin t h e Ma d, w h o died a s a r esu lt of h is m en t a l
in fir m it y , h e w ielded t h e su pr em e pow er w it h a ll t h e
a r r og a n ce of a m a n w h o h a s n ot been su bject ed t o
disciplin e in h is y ou t h , so m u ch so t h a t , w h en ev er h e
sa w a m a n in a t ow n w h ose fa ce h e did n ot r em em ber ,
h e w ou ld m a ssa cr e t h e w h ole pla ce, t o t h e la st
in h a bit a n t . Gilber t , w ish in g t o be a v en g ed on Ch a r les,
ca u sed t h e ch u r ch a t Com br a y t o be bu r n ed dow n , t h e
or ig in a l ch u r ch , t h a t w a s, w h ich T h éodeber t , w h en h e
a n d h is cou r t left t h e cou n t r y r esiden ce h e h a d n ea r
h er e, a t T h iber zy (w h ich is, of cou r se, Theodeberiacus ),
t o g o ou t a n d fig h t t h e Bu r g u n dia n s, h a d pr om ised t o
bu ild ov er t h e t om b of Sa in t Hila ir e if t h e Sa in t br ou g h t
h im ; v ict or y . Not h in g r em a in s of it n ow bu t t h e cr y pt ,
in t o w h ich T h éodor e h a s pr oba bly t a k en y ou , for
Gilber t bu r n ed a ll t h e r est . Fin a lly , h e defea t ed t h e
u n lu ck y Ch a r les w it h t h e a id of W illia m ” w h ich t h e
Cu r é pr on ou n ced “ W ill’a m ” “ t h e Con qu er or , w h ich is
w h y so m a n y En g lish st ill com e t o v isit t h e pla ce. Bu t
h e does n ot a ppea r t o h a v e m a n a g ed t o w in t h e a ffect ion
of t h e people of Com br a y , for t h ey fell u pon h im a s h e
w a s com in g ou t fr om m a ss, a n d cu t off h is h ea d.
T h éodor e h a s a lit t le book , t h a t h e len ds people, w h ich
t ells y ou t h e w h ole st or y .
“ Bu t w h a t is u n qu est ion a bly t h e m ost r em a r k a ble
t h in g a bou t ou r ch u r ch is t h e v iew fr om t h e belfr y ,
w h ich is fu ll of g r a n deu r . Cer t a in ly in y ou r ca se, sin ce
y ou a r e n ot v er y st r on g , I sh ou ld n ev er r ecom m en d
y ou : t o clim b ou r sev en a n d n in et y st eps, ju st h a lf t h e
n u m ber t h ey h a v e in t h e fa m ou s ca t h edr a l a t Mila n . It
is qu it e t ir in g en ou g h for t h e m ost a ct iv e per son ,
especia lly a s y ou h a v e t o g o on y ou r h a n ds a n d k n ees, if
y ou don ’t w ish t o cr a ck y ou r sk u ll, a n d y ou collect a ll
t h e cobw ebs off t h e st a ir ca se u pon y ou r clot h es. In a n y
ca se y ou sh ou ld be w ell w r a pped u p,” h e w en t on ,
w it h ou t n ot icin g m y a u n t ’s fu r y a t t h e m er e su g g est ion
t h a t sh e cou ld ev er , possibly , be ca pa ble of clim bin g
in t o h is belfr y , “ for t h er e’s a st r on g br eeze t h er e, on ce
y ou g et t o t h e t op. Som e people ev en a ssu r e m e t h a t
t h ey h a v e felt t h e ch ill of dea t h u p t h er e. No m a t t er , on
Su n da y s t h er e a r e a lw a y s clu bs a n d societ ies, w h o
com e, som e of t h em , lon g dist a n ces t o a dm ir e ou r
bea u t ifu l pa n or a m a , a n d t h ey a lw a y s g o h om e
ch a r m ed. W a it n ow , n ex t Su n da y , if t h e w ea t h er h olds,
y ou w ill be su r e t o fin d a lot of people t h er e, for
Rog a t ion -t ide. Y ou m u st a dm it , cer t a in ly , t h a t t h e v iew
fr om u p t h er e is lik e a fa ir y -t a le, w it h w h a t y ou m ig h t
ca ll v ist a s a lon g t h e pla in , w h ich h a v e qu it e a specia l
ch a r m of t h eir ow n . On a clea r da y y ou ca n see a s fa r a s
V er n eu il. A n d t h en a n ot h er t h in g ; y ou ca n see a t t h e
sa m e t im e pla ces w h ich y ou a r e in t h e h a bit of seein g
on e w it h ou t t h e ot h er , a s, for in st a n ce, t h e cou r se of t h e
V iv on n e a n d t h e dit ch es a t Sa in t -A ssise-lès-Com br a y ,
w h ich a r e sepa r a t ed, r ea lly , by a scr een of t a ll t r ees; or ,
t o t a k e a n ot h er ex a m ple, t h er e a r e a ll t h e ca n a ls a t
Jou y -le-V icom t e, w h ich is Gaudiacus vicecom itis , a s of
cou r se y ou k n ow . Ea ch t im e t h a t I h a v e been t o Jou y I
h a v e seen a bit of a ca n a l in on e pla ce, a n d t h en I h a v e
t u r n ed a cor n er a n d seen a n ot h er , bu t w h en I sa w t h e
secon d I cou ld n o lon g er see t h e fir st . I t r ied in v a in t o
im a g in e h ow t h ey la y by on e a n ot h er ; it w a s n o g ood.
Bu t , fr om t h e t op of Sa in t -Hila ir e, it ’s qu it e a n ot h er
m a t t er ; t h e w h ole cou n t r y side is spr ea d ou t befor e y ou
lik e a m a p. On ly , y ou ca n n ot m a k e ou t t h e w a t er ; y ou
w ou ld sa y t h a t t h er e w er e g r ea t r ift s in t h e t ow n ,
slicin g it u p so n ea t ly t h a t it look s lik e a loa f of br ea d
w h ich st ill h olds t og et h er a ft er it h a s been cu t u p. T o
g et it a ll qu it e per fect y ou w ou ld h a v e t o be in bot h
pla ces a t on ce; u p h er e on t h e t op of Sa in t -Hila ir e a n d
dow n t h er e a t Jou y -le-V icom t e.”
T h e Cu r é h a d so m u ch ex h a u st ed m y a u n t t h a t n o
soon er h a d h e g on e t h a n sh e w a s oblig ed t o sen d a w a y
Eu la lie a lso.
“ Her e, m y poor Eu la lie,” sh e sa id in a feeble v oice,
dr a w in g a coin fr om a sm a ll pu r se w h ich la y r ea dy t o
h er h a n d. “ T h is is ju st som et h in g so t h a t y ou sh a ll n ot
for g et m e in y ou r pr a y er s.”
“ Oh , bu t , Mm e. Oct a v e, I don ’t t h in k I ou g h t t o; y ou
k n ow v er y w ell t h a t I don ’t com e h er e for t h a t !” So
Eu la lie w ou ld a n sw er , w it h t h e sa m e h esit a t ion a n d t h e
sa m e em ba r r a ssm en t , ev er y Su n da y , a s t h ou g h ea ch
t em pt a t ion w er e t h e fir st , a n d w it h a look of displea su r e
w h ich en liv en ed m y a u n t a n d n ev er offen ded h er , for if
it so h a ppen ed t h a t Eu la lie, w h en sh e t ook t h e m on ey ,
look ed a lit t le less su lk y t h a n u su a l, m y a u n t w ou ld
r em a r k a ft er w a r ds, “ I ca n n ot t h in k w h a t h a s com e ov er
Eu la lie; I g a v e h er ju st t h e t r ifle I a lw a y s g iv e, a n d sh e
did n ot look a t a ll plea sed.”
“ I don ’t t h in k sh e h a s v er y m u ch t o com pla in of, a ll
t h e sa m e,” Fr a n çoise w ou ld sig h g r im ly , for sh e h a d a
t en den cy t o r eg a r d a s pet t y ca sh a ll t h a t m y a u n t
m ig h t g iv e h er for h er self or h er ch ildr en , a n d a s
t r ea su r e r iot ou sly squ a n der ed on a pa m per ed a n d
u n g r a t efu l da r lin g t h e lit t le coin s slipped, Su n da y by
Su n da y , in t o Eu la lie’s h a n d, bu t so discr eet ly pa ssed
t h a t Fr a n çoise n ev er m a n a g ed t o see t h em . It w a s n ot
t h a t sh e w a n t ed t o h a v e for h er self t h e m on ey m y a u n t
best ow ed on Eu la lie. Sh e a lr ea dy en joy ed a su fficien cy
of a ll t h a t m y a u n t possessed, in t h e k n ow ledg e t h a t t h e
w ea lt h of t h e m ist r ess a u t om a t ica lly en n obled a n d
g lor ified t h e m a id in t h e ey es of t h e w or ld; a n d t h a t sh e
h er self w a s con spicu ou s a n d w or t h y t o be pr a ised
t h r ou g h ou t Com br a y , Jou y -le-V icom t e, a n d ot h er cit ies
of m en , on a ccou n t of m y a u n t ’s m a n y fa r m s, h er
fr equ en t a n d pr olon g ed v isit s fr om t h e Cu r é, a n d t h e
a st on ish in g n u m ber of bot t les of V ich y w a t er w h ich sh e
con su m ed. Fr a n çoise w a s a v a r iciou s on ly for m y a u n t ;
h a d sh e h a d con t r ol ov er m y a u n t ’s for t u n e (w h ich
w ou ld h a v e m or e t h a n sa t isfied h er h ig h est a m bit ion )
sh e w ou ld h a v e g u a r ded it fr om t h e a ssa u lt s of
st r a n g er s w it h a m a t er n a l fer ocit y . Sh e w ou ld,
h ow ev er , h a v e seen n o g r ea t h a r m in w h a t m y a u n t ,
w h om sh e k n ew t o be in cu r a bly g en er ou s, a llow ed
h er self t o g iv e a w a y , h a d sh e g iv en on ly t o t h ose w h o
w er e a lr ea dy r ich . Per h a ps sh e felt t h a t su ch per son s,
n ot bein g a ct u a lly in n eed of m y a u n t ’s pr esen t s, cou ld
n ot be su spect ed of sim u la t in g a ffect ion for h er on t h a t
a ccou n t . Besides, pr esen t s offer ed t o per son s of g r ea t
w ea lt h a n d posit ion , su ch a s Mm e. Sa zer a t , M. Sw a n n ,
M. Leg r a n din a n d Mm e. Gou pil, t o per son s of t h e ‘sa m e
cla ss’ a s m y a u n t , a n d w h o w ou ld n a t u r a lly ‘m ix w it h
h er ,’ seem ed t o Fr a n çoise t o be in clu ded a m on g t h e
or n a m en t a l cu st om s of t h a t st r a n g e a n d br illia n t life
led by r ich people, w h o h u n t ed a n d sh ot , g a v e ba lls a n d
pa id v isit s, a life w h ich sh e w ou ld con t em pla t e w it h a n
a dm ir in g sm ile. Bu t it w a s by n o m ea n s t h e sa m e t h in g
if, for t h is pr in cely ex ch a n g e of cou r t esies, m y a u n t
su bst it u t ed m er e ch a r it y , if h er ben eficia r ies w er e of
t h e cla ss w h ich Fr a n çoise w ou ld la bel “ people lik e
m y self,” or “ people n o bet t er t h a n m y self,” people
w h om sh e despised ev en m or e if t h ey did n ot a ddr ess
h er a lw a y s a s “ Mm e. Fr a n çoise,” ju st t o sh ew t h a t t h ey
con sider ed t h em selv es t o be ‘n ot a s g ood.’ A n d w h en sh e
sa w t h a t , despit e a ll h er w a r n in g s, m y a u n t con t in u ed
t o do ex a ct ly a s sh e plea sed, a n d t o flin g m on ey a w a y
w it h bot h h a n ds (or so, a t lea st , Fr a n çoise believ ed) on
u n deser v in g object s, sh e beg a n t o fin d t h a t t h e pr esen t s
sh e h er self r eceiv ed fr om m y a u n t w er e v er y t in y
com pa r ed t o t h e im a g in a r y r ich es squ a n der ed u pon
Eu la lie, T h er e w a s n ot , in t h e n eig h bou r h ood of
Com br a y , a fa r m of su ch pr osper it y a n d im por t a n ce
t h a t Fr a n çoise dou bt ed Eu la lie’s a bilit y t o bu y it ,
w it h ou t t h in k in g t w ice, ou t of t h e ca pit a l w h ich h er
v isit s t o m y a u n t h a d ‘br ou g h t in .’ It m u st be a dded
t h a t Eu la lie h a d for m ed a n ex a ct ly sim ila r est im a t e of
t h e v a st a n d secr et h oa r ds of Fr a n çoise. So, ev er y
Su n da y , a ft er Eu la lie h a d g on e, Fr a n çoise w ou ld
m er cilessly pr oph esy h er com in g dow n fa ll. Sh e h a t ed
Eu la lie, bu t w a s a t t h e sa m e t im e a fr a id of h er , a n d so
felt bou n d, w h en Eu la lie w a s t h er e, t o ‘look plea sa n t .’
Bu t sh e w ou ld m a k e u p for t h a t a ft er t h e ot h er ’s
depa r t u r e; n ev er , it is t r u e, a llu din g t o h er by n a m e,
bu l h in t in g a t h er in Siby llin e or a cles, or in u t t er a n ces
of a com pr eh en siv e ch a r a ct er , lik e t h ose of Ecclesia st es,
t h e Pr ea ch er , bu t so w or ded t h a t t h eir specia l
a pplica t ion cou ld n ot esca pe m y a u n t . A ft er peer in g ou t
a t t h e side of t h e cu r t a in t o see w h et h er Eu la lie h a d
sh u t t h e fr on t -door beh in d h er ; “ Fla t t er er s k n ow h ow t o
m a k e t h em selv es w elcom e, a n d t o g a t h er u p t h e
cr u m bs; bu t h a v e pa t ien ce, h a v e pa t ien ce; ou r God is a
jea lou s God, a n d on e fin e da y He w ill be a v en g ed u pon
t h em !” sh e w ou ld decla im , w it h t h e sidelon g ,
in sin u a t in g g la n ce of Joa sh , t h in k in g of A t h a lia h a lon e
w h en h e sa y s t h a t t h e
 pr osper it y
Of w ick ed m en r u n s lik e a t or r en t pa st ,
A n d soon is spen t .

Bu t on t h is m em or a ble a ft er n oon , w h en t h e Cu r é h a d
com e a s w ell, a n d by h is in t er m in a ble v isit h a d dr a in ed
m y a u n t ’s st r en g t h , Fr a n çoise follow ed Eu la lie fr om t h e
r oom , sa y in g : “ Mm e. Oct a v e, I w ill lea v e y ou t o r est ;
y ou look u t t er ly t ir ed ou t .”
A n d m y a u n t a n sw er ed h er n ot a w or d, br ea t h in g a
sig h so fa in t t h a t it seem ed it m u st pr ov e h er la st , a n d
ly in g t h er e w it h closed ey es, a s t h ou g h a lr ea dy dea d.
Bu t h a r dly h a d Fr a n çoise a r r iv ed dow n st a ir s, w h en
fou r pea ls of a bell, pu lled w it h t h e u t m ost v iolen ce,
r ev er ber a t ed t h r ou g h t h e h ou se, a n d m y a u n t , sit t in g
er ect u pon h er bed, ca lled ou t : “ Ha s Eu la lie g on e y et ?
W ou ld y ou believ e it ; I for g ot t o a sk h er w h et h er Mm e.
Gou pil a r r iv ed in ch u r ch befor e t h e Elev a t ion . Ru n
a ft er h er , qu ick !”
Bu t Fr a n çoise r et u r n ed a lon e, h a v in g fa iled t o
ov er t a k e Eu la lie. “ It is m ost pr ov ok in g ,” sa id m y a u n t ,
sh a k in g h er h ea d. “ T h e on e im por t a n t t h in g t h a t I h a d
t o a sk h er .”
In t h is w a y life w en t by for m y a u n t Léon ie, a lw a y s
t h e sa m e, in t h e g en t le u n ifor m it y of w h a t sh e ca lled,
w it h a pr et en ce of depr eca t ion bu t w it h a deep
t en der n ess, h er ‘lit t le jog -t r ot .’ Respect ed by a ll a n d
su n dr y , n ot m er ely in h er ow n h ou se, w h er e ev er y on e
of u s, h a v in g lea r n ed t h e fu t ilit y of r ecom m en din g a n y
h ea lt h ier m ode of life, h a d becom e g r a du a lly r esig n ed
t o it s obser v a n ce, bu t in t h e v illa g e a s w ell, w h er e,
t h r ee st r eet s a w a y , a t r a desm a n w h o h a d t o h a m m er
n a ils in t o a pa ck in g -ca se w ou ld sen d fir st t o Fr a n çoise t o
m a k e su r e t h a t m y a u n t w a s n ot ‘r est in g ’ — h er ‘lit t le
jog -t r ot ’ w a s, n on e t h e less, br u t a lly dist u r bed on on e
occa sion in t h is sa m e y ea r . Lik e a fr u it h idden a m on g
it s lea v es, w h ich h a s g r ow n a n d r ipen ed u n obser v ed by
m a n , u n t il it fa lls of it s ow n a ccor d, t h er e ca m e u pon u s
on e n ig h t t h e k it ch en -m a id’s con fin em en t . Her pa in s
w er e u n bea r a ble, a n d, a s t h er e w a s n o m idw ife in
Com br a y , Fr a n çoise h a d t o set off befor e da w n t o fet ch
on e fr om T h iber zy . My a u n t w a s u n a ble t o ‘r est ,’ ow in g
t o t h e cr ies of t h e g ir l, a n d a s Fr a n çoise, t h ou g h t h e
dist a n ce w a s n ot h in g , w a s v er y la t e in r et u r n in g , h er
ser v ices w er e g r ea t ly m issed. A n d so, in t h e cou r se of
t h e m or n in g , m y m ot h er sa id t o m e: “ Ru n u pst a ir s, a n d
see if y ou r a u n t w a n t s a n y t h in g .”
I w en t in t o t h e fir st of h er t w o r oom s, a n d t h r ou g h
t h e open door of t h e ot h er sa w m y a u n t ly in g on h er
side, a sleep. I cou ld h ea r h er br ea t h in g , in w h a t w a s
a lm ost dist in g u ish a ble a s a sn or e. I w a s ju st g oin g t o slip
a w a y w h en som et h in g , pr oba bly t h e sou n d of m y
en t r y , in t er r u pt ed h er sleep, a n d m a de it ‘ch a n g e
speed,’ a s t h ey sa y of m ot or ca r s n ow a da y s, for t h e
m u sic of h er sn or e br ok e off for a secon d a n d beg a n
a g a in on a low er n ot e; t h en sh e a w ok e, a n d h a lf t u r n ed
h er fa ce, w h ich I cou ld see for t h e fir st t im e; a k in d of
h or r or w a s im pr in t ed on it ; pla in ly sh e h a d ju st esca ped
fr om som e t er r ify in g dr ea m . Sh e cou ld n ot see m e fr om
w h er e sh e w a s ly in g , a n d I st ood t h er e n ot k n ow in g
w h et h er I ou g h t t o g o for w a r d or t o r et ir e; bu t a ll a t
on ce sh e seem ed t o r et u r n t o a sen se of r ea lit y , a n d t o
g r a sp t h e fa lseh ood of t h e v ision s t h a t h a d t er r ified h er ;
a sm ile of joy , a piou s a ct of t h a n k sg iv in g t o God, W h o is
plea sed t o g r a n t t h a t life sh a ll be less cr u el t h a n ou r
dr ea m s, feebly illu m in ed h er fa ce, a n d, w it h t h e h a bit
sh e h a d for m ed of spea k in g t o h er self, h a lf-a lou d, w h en
sh e t h ou g h t h er self a lon e, sh e m u r m u r ed: “ T h e Lor d be
pr a ised! W e h a v e n ot h in g t o dist u r b u s h er e bu t t h e
k it ch en -m a id’s ba by . A n d I’v e been dr ea m in g t h a t m y
poor Oct a v e h a d com e ba ck t o life, a n d w a s t r y in g t o
m a k e m e t a k e a w a lk ev er y da y !” Sh e st r et ch ed ou t a
h a n d t ow a r ds h er r osa r y , w h ich w a s ly in g on t h e sm a ll
t a ble, bu t sleep w a s on ce a g a in g et t in g t h e m a st er y ,
a n d did n ot lea v e h er t h e st r en g t h t o r ea ch it ; sh e fell
a sleep, ca lm a n d con t en t ed, a n d I cr ept ou t of t h e r oom
on t ipt oe, w it h ou t eit h er h er or a n y on e’s else ev er
k n ow in g , fr om t h a t da y t o t h is, w h a t I h a d seen a n d
h ea r d.
W h en I sa y t h a t , a pa r t fr om su ch r a r e h a ppen in g s
a s t h is con fin em en t , m y a u n t ’s ‘lit t le jog -t r ot ’ n ev er
u n der w en t a n y v a r ia t ion , I do n ot in clu de t h ose
v a r ia t ion s w h ich , r epea t ed a t r eg u la r in t er v a ls a n d in
iden t ica l for m , did n o m or e, r ea lly , t h a n pr in t a sor t of
u n ifor m pa t t er n u pon t h e g r ea t er u n ifor m it y of h er
life. So, for in st a n ce, ev er y Sa t u r da y , a s Fr a n çoise h a d
t o g o in t h e a ft er n oon t o m a r k et a t Rou ssa in v ille-le-Pin ,
t h e w h ole h ou seh old w ou ld h a v e t o h a v e lu n ch eon a n
h ou r ea r lier . A n d m y a u n t h a d so t h or ou g h ly a cqu ir ed
t h e h a bit of t h is w eek ly ex cept ion t o h er g en er a l h a bit s,
t h a t sh e clu n g t o it a s m u ch a s t o t h e r est . Sh e w a s so
w ell ‘r ou t in ed’ t o it , a s Fr a n çoise w ou ld sa y , t h a t if, on a
Sa t u r da y , sh e h a d h a d t o w a it for h er lu n ch eon u n t il
t h e r eg u la r h ou r , it w ou ld h a v e ‘u pset ’ h er a s m u ch a s
if sh e h a d h a d, on a n or din a r y da y , t o pu t h er lu n ch eon
for w a r d t o it s Sa t u r da y t im e. In ciden t a lly t h is
a cceler a t ion of lu n ch eon g a v e Sa t u r da y , for a ll of u s, a n
in div idu a l ch a r a ct er , k in dly a n d r a t h er a t t r a ct iv e. A t
t h e m om en t w h en , or din a r ily , t h er e w a s st ill a n h ou r
t o be liv ed t h r ou g h befor e m ea l-t im e sou n ded, w e w ou ld
a ll k n ow t h a t in a few secon ds w e sh ou ld see t h e en div es
m a k e t h eir pr ecociou s a ppea r a n ce, follow ed by t h e
specia l fa v ou r of a n om elet t e, a n u n m er it ed st ea k . T h e
r et u r n of t h is a sy m m et r ica l Sa t u r da y w a s on e of t h ose
pet t y occu r r en ces, in t r a -m u r a l, loca lised, a lm ost civ ic,
w h ich , in u n ev en t fu l liv es a n d st a ble or der s of societ y ,
cr ea t e a k in d of n a t ion a l u n it y , a n d becom e t h e
fa v ou r it e t h em e for con v er sa t ion , for plea sa n t r ies, for
a n ecdot es w h ich ca n be «m br oider ed a s t h e n a r r a t or
plea ses; it w ou ld h a v e pr ov ided a n u cleu s, r ea dy -m a de,
for a leg en da r y cy cle, if a n y of u s h a d h a d t h e epic
m in d. A t da y br ea k , befor e w e w er e dr essed, w it h ou t
r h y m e or r ea son , sa v e for t h e plea su r e of pr ov in g t h e
st r en g t h of ou r solida r it y , w e w ou ld ca ll t o on e a n ot h er
g ood-h u m or edly , cor dia lly , pa t r iot ica lly , “ Hu r r y u p;
t h er e’s n o t im e t o be lost ; don ’t for g et , it ’s Sa t u r da y !”
w h ile m y a u n t , g ossipin g w it h Fr a n çoise, a n d r eflect in g
t h a t t h e da y w ou ld be ev en lon g er t h a n u su a l, w ou ld
sa y , “ Y ou m ig h t cook t h em a n ice bit of v ea l, seein g
t h a t it ’s Sa t u r da y .” If, a t h a lf-pa st t en , som e on e a bsen t -
m in dedly pu lled ou t a w a t ch a n d sa id, “ I sa y , a n h ou r -
a n d-a -h a lf st ill befor e lu n ch eon ,” ev er y on e else w ou ld
be in ecst a sies ov er bein g a ble t o r et or t a t on ce: “ W h y ,
w h a t a r e y ou t h in k in g a bou t ? Ha v e y ou for g ot t en t h a t
it ’s Sa t u r da y ?” A n d a qu a r t er of a n h ou r la t er w e w ou ld
st ill be la u g h in g , a n d r em in din g ou r selv es t o g o u p a n d
t ell a u n t Léon ie a bou t t h is a bsu r d m ist a k e, t o a m u se
h er . T h e v er y fa ce of t h e sk y a ppea r ed t o u n der g o a
ch a n g e. A ft er lu n ch eon t h e su n , con sciou s t h a t it w a s
Sa t u r da y , w ou ld bla ze a n h ou r lon g er in t h e zen it h , a n d
w h en som e on e, t h in k in g t h a t w e w er e la t e in st a r t in g
for ou r w a lk , sa id, “ W h a t , on ly t w o o’clock !” feelin g t h e
h ea v y t h r ob g o by h im of t h e t w in st r ok es fr om t h e
st eeple of Sa in t -Hila ir e (w h ich a s a r u le pa ssed n o on e a t
t h a t h ou r u pon t h e h ig h w a y s, deser t ed for t h e m idda y
m ea l or for t h e n a p w h ich follow s it , or on t h e ba n k s of
t h e br ig h t a n d ev er -flow in g st r ea m , w h ich ev en t h e
a n g ler h a d a ba n don ed, a n d so slipped u n a ccom pa n ied
in t o t h e v a ca n t sk y , w h er e on ly a few loit er in g clou ds
r em a in ed t o g r eet t h em ) t h e w h ole fa m ily w ou ld
r espon d in ch or u s: “ W h y , y ou ’r e for g et t in g ; w e h a d
lu n ch eon a n h ou r ea r lier ; y ou k n ow v er y w ell it ’s
Sa t u r da y .”
T h e su r pr ise of a ‘ba r ba r ia n ’ (for so w e t er m ed
ev er y on e w h o w a s n ot a cqu a in t ed w it h Sa t u r da y ’s
specia l cu st om s) w h o h a d ca lled a t elev en o’clock t o
spea k t o m y fa t h er , a n d h a d fou n d u s a t t a ble, w a s a n
ev en t w h ich u sed t o ca u se Fr a n çoise a s m u ch
m er r im en t a s, per h a ps, a n y t h in g t h a t h a d ev er
h a ppen ed in h er life. A n d if sh e fou n d it a m u sin g t h a t
t h e n on plu ssed v isit or sh ou ld n ot h a v e k n ow n ,
befor eh a n d, t h a t w e h a d ou r lu n ch eon a n h ou r ea r lier
on Sa t u r da y , it w a s st ill m or e ir r esist ibly fu n n y t h a t
m y fa t h er h im self (fu lly a s sh e sy m pa t h ised, fr om t h e
bot t om of h er h ea r t , w it h t h e r ig id ch a u v in ism w h ich
pr om pt ed h im ) sh ou ld n ev er h a v e dr ea m ed t h a t t h e
ba r ba r ia n cou ld fa il t o be a w a r e of so sim ple a m a t t er ,
a n d so h a d r eplied, w it h n o fu r t h er en lig h t en m en t of
t h e ot h er ’s su r pr ise a t seein g u s a lr ea dy in t h e din in g -
r oom : “ Y ou see, it ’s Sa t u r da y .” On r ea ch in g t h is poin t
in t h e st or y , Fr a n çoise w ou ld pa u se t o w ipe t h e t ea r s of
m er r im en t fr om h er ey es, a n d t h en , t o a dd t o h er ow n
en joy m en t , w ou ld pr olon g t h e dia log u e, in v en t in g a
fu r t h er r eply for t h e v isit or t o w h om t h e w or d
‘Sa t u r da y ’ h a d con v ey ed n ot h in g . A n d so fa r fr om ou r
object in g t o t h ese in t er pola t ion s, w e w ou ld feel t h a t t h e
st or y w a s n ot y et lon g en ou g h , a n d w ou ld r a lly h er
w it h : “ Oh , bu t su r ely h e sa id som et h in g else a s w ell.
T h er e w a s m or e t h a n t h a t , t h e fir st t im e y ou t old it .”
My g r ea t -a u n t h er self w ou ld la y a side h er w or k ,
a n d r a ise h er h ea d a n d look on a t u s ov er h er g la sses.
T h e da y h a d y et a n ot h er ch a r a ct er ist ic fea t u r e,
n a m ely , t h a t du r in g Ma y w e u sed t o g o ou t on Sa t u r da y
ev en in g s a ft er din n er t o t h e ‘Mon t h of Ma r y ’ dev ot ion s.
A s w e w er e lia ble, t h er e, t o m eet M. V in t eu il, w h o
h eld v er y st r ict v iew s on “ t h e deplor a ble u n t idin ess of
y ou n g people, w h ich seem s t o be en cou r a g ed in t h ese
da y s,” m y m ot h er w ou ld fir st see t h a t t h er e w a s
n ot h in g ou t of or der in m y a ppea r a n ce, a n d t h en w e
w ou ld set ou t for t h e ch u r ch . It w a s in t h ese ‘Mon t h of
Ma r y ’ ser v ices t h a t I ca n r em em ber h a v in g fir st fa llen
in lov e w it h h a w t h or n -blossom . T h e h a w t h or n w a s n ot
m er ely in t h e ch u r ch , for t h er e, h oly g r ou n d a s it w a s,
w e h a d a ll of u s a r ig h t of en t r y ; bu t , a r r a n g ed u pon t h e
a lt a r it self, in sepa r a ble fr om t h e m y st er ies in w h ose
celebr a t ion it w a s pla y in g a pa r t , it t h r u st in a m on g
t h e t a per s a n d t h e sa cr ed v essels it s r ow s of br a n ch es,
t ied t o on e a n ot h er h or izon t a lly in a st iff, fest a l sch em e
of decor a t ion ; a n d t h ey w er e m a de m or e lov ely st ill by
t h e sca lloped ou t lin e of t h e da r k lea v es, ov er w h ich
w er e sca t t er ed in pr ofu sion , a s ov er a br ida l t r a in , lit t le
clu st er s of bu ds of a da zzlin g w h it en ess. T h ou g h I da r ed
n ot look a t t h em sa v e t h r ou g h m y fin g er s, I cou ld feel
t h a t t h e for m a l sch em e w a s com posed of liv in g t h in g s,
a n d t h a t it w a s Na t u r e h er self w h o, by t r im m in g t h e
sh a pe of t h e folia g e, a n d by a ddin g t h e cr ow n in g
or n a m en t of t h ose sn ow y bu ds, h a d m a de t h e
decor a t ion s w or t h y of w h a t w a s a t on ce a pu blic
r ejoicin g a n d a solem n m y st er y . Hig h er u p on t h e
a lt a r , a flow er h a d open ed h er e a n d t h er e w it h a
ca r eless g r a ce, h oldin g so u n con cer n edly , lik e a fin a l,
a lm ost v a por ou s bedizen in g , it s bu n ch of st a m en s,
slen der a s g ossa m er , w h ich clou ded t h e flow er it self in a
w h it e m ist , t h a t in follow in g t h ese w it h m y ey es, in
t r y in g t o im it a t e, som ew h er e in side m y self, t h e a ct ion
of t h eir blossom in g , I im a g in ed it a s a sw ift a n d
t h ou g h t less m ov em en t of t h e h ea d w it h a n en t icin g
g la n ce fr om h er con t r a ct ed pu pils, by a y ou n g g ir l in
w h it e, ca r eless a n d a liv e.
M. V in t eu il h a d com e in w it h h is da u g h t er a n d h a d
sa t dow n beside u s. He belon g ed t o a g ood fa m ily , a n d
h a d on ce been m u sic-m a st er t o m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s
sist er s; so t h a t w h en , a ft er losin g h is w ife a n d
in h er it in g som e pr oper t y , h e h a d r et ir ed t o t h e
n eig h bou r h ood of Com br a y , w e u sed oft en t o in v it e h im
t o ou r h ou se. Bu t w it h h is in t en se pr u dish n ess h e h a d
g iv en u p com in g , so a s n ot t o be oblig ed t o m eet Sw a n n ,
w h o h a d m a de w h a t h e ca lled “ a m ost u n su it a ble
m a r r ia g e, a s seem s t o be t h e fa sh ion in t h ese da y s.” My
m ot h er , on h ea r in g t h a t h e ‘com posed,’ t old h im by
w a y of a com plim en t t h a t , w h en sh e ca m e t o see h im ,
h e m u st pla y h er som et h in g of h is ow n . M. V in t eu il
w ou ld h a v e lik ed n ot h in g bet t er , bu t h e ca r r ied
polit en ess a n d con sider a t ion for ot h er s t o so fin e a poin t ,
a lw a y s pu t t in g h im self in t h eir pla ce, t h a t h e w a s
a fr a id of bor in g t h em , or of a ppea r in g eg ot ist ica l, if h e
ca r r ied ou t , or ev en a llow ed t h em t o su spect w h a t w er e
h is ow n desir es. On t h e da y w h en m y pa r en t s h a d g on e
t o pa y h im a v isit , I h a d a ccom pa n ied t h em , bu t t h ey
h a d a llow ed m e t o r em a in ou t side, a n d a s M. V in t eu il’s
h ou se, Mon t jou v a in , st ood on a sit e a ct u a lly h ollow ed
ou t fr om a st eep h ill cov er ed w it h sh r u bs, a m on g w h ich
I t ook cov er , I h a d fou n d m y self on a lev el w it h h is
dr a w in g -r oom , u pst a ir s, a n d on ly a few feet a w a y fr om
it s w in dow . W h en a ser v a n t ca m e in t o t ell h im t h a t
m y pa r en t s h a d a r r iv ed, I h a d seen M. V in t eu il r u n t o
t h e pia n o a n d la y ou t a sh eet of m u sic so a s t o ca t ch t h e
ey e. Bu t a s soon a s t h ey en t er ed t h e r oom h e h a d
sn a t ch ed it a w a y a n d h idden it in a cor n er . He w a s
a fr a id, n o dou bt , of let t in g t h em su ppose t h a t h e w a s
g la d t o see t h em on ly beca u se it g a v e h im a ch a n ce of
pla y in g t h em som e of h is com posit ion s. A n d ev er y t im e
t h a t m y m ot h er , in t h e cou r se of h er v isit , h a d
r et u r n ed t o t h e su bject of h is pla y in g , h e h a d h u r r iedly
pr ot est ed: “ I ca n n ot t h in k w h o pu t t h a t on t h e pia n o; it
is n ot t h e pr oper pla ce for it a t a ll,” a n d h a d t u r n ed t h e
con v er sa t ion a side t o ot h er t opics, sim ply beca u se t h ose
w er e of less in t er est t o h im self.
His on e a n d on ly pa ssion w a s for h is da u g h t er , a n d
sh e, w it h h er som ew h a t boy ish a ppea r a n ce, look ed so
r obu st t h a t it w a s h a r d t o r est r a in a sm ile w h en on e
sa w t h e pr eca u t ion s h er fa t h er u sed t o t a k e for h er
h ea lt h , w it h spa r e sh a w ls a lw a y s in r ea din ess t o w r a p
a r ou n d h er sh ou lder s. My g r a n dm ot h er h a d dr a w n ou r
a t t en t ion t o t h e g en t le, delica t e, a lm ost t im id
ex pr ession w h ich m ig h t oft en be ca u g h t flit t in g a cr oss
t h e fa ce, du st ed a ll ov er w it h fr eck les, of t h is ot h er w ise
st olid ch ild. W h en sh e h a d spok en , sh e w ou ld a t on ce
t a k e h er ow n w or ds in t h e sen se in w h ich h er a u dien ce
m u st h a v e h ea r d t h em , sh e w ou ld be a la r m ed a t t h e
possibilit y of a m isu n der st a n din g , a n d on e w ou ld see, in
clea r ou t lin e, a s t h ou g h in a t r a n spa r en cy , ben ea t h t h e
m a n n ish fa ce of t h e ‘g ood sor t ’ t h a t sh e w a s, t h e fin er
fea t u r es of a y ou n g w om a n in t ea r s.
W h en , befor e t u r n in g t o lea v e t h e ch u r ch , I m a de a
g en u flect ion befor e t h e a lt a r , I felt su dden ly , a s I r ose
a g a in , a bit t er -sw eet fr a g r a n ce of a lm on ds st ea l t ow a r ds
m e fr om t h e h a w t h or n -blossom , a n d I t h en n ot iced t h a t
on t h e flow er s t h em selv es w er e lit t le spot s of a cr ea m ier
colou r , in w h ich I im a g in ed t h a t t h is fr a g r a n ce m u st lie
con cea led, a s t h e t a st e of a n a lm on d ca k e la y in t h e
bu r n ed pa r t s, or t h e sw eet n ess of Mlle. V in t eu il’s ch eek s
ben ea t h t h eir fr eck les. Despit e t h e h ea v y , m ot ion less
silen ce of t h e h a w t h or n s, t h ese g u st s of fr a g r a n ce ca m e
t o m e lik e t h e m u r m u r in g of a n in t en se v it a lit y , w it h
w h ich t h e w h ole a lt a r w a s qu iv er in g lik e a r oa dside
h edg e ex plor ed by liv in g a n t en n a e, of w h ich I w a s
r em in ded by seein g som e st a m en s, a lm ost r ed in colou r ,
w h ich seem ed t o h a v e k ept t h e spr in g t im e v ir u len ce,
t h e ir r it a n t pow er of st in g in g in sect s n ow t r a n sm u t ed
in t o flow er s.
Ou t side t h e ch u r ch w e w ou ld st a n d t a lk in g for a
m om en t w it h M. V in t eu il, in t h e por ch . Boy s w ou ld be
ch ev y in g on e a n ot h er in t h e Squ a r e, a n d h e w ou ld
in t er fer e, t a k in g t h e side of t h e lit t le on es a n d lect u r in g
t h e big . If h is da u g h t er sa id, in h er t h ick , com for t a ble
v oice, h ow g la d sh e h a d been t o see u s, im m edia t ely it
w ou ld seem a s t h ou g h som e elder a n d m or e sen sit iv e
sist er , la t en t in h er , h a d blu sh ed a t t h is t h ou g h t less,
sch oolboy ish u t t er a n ce, w h ich h a d, per h a ps, m a de u s
t h in k t h a t sh e w a s a n g lin g for a n in v it a t ion t o t h e
h ou se. Her fa t h er w ou ld t h en a r r a n g e a cloa k ov er h er
sh ou lder s, t h ey w ou ld cla m ber in t o a lit t le dog -ca r t
w h ich sh e h er self dr ov e, a n d h om e t h ey w ou ld bot h g o
t o Mon t jou v a in . A s for ou r selv es, t h e n ex t da y bein g
Su n da y , w it h n o n eed t o be u p a n d st ir r in g befor e h ig h
m a ss, if it w a s a m oon lig h t n ig h t a n d w a r m , t h en ,
in st ea d of t a k in g u s h om e a t on ce, m y fa t h er , in h is
t h ir st for per son a l dist in ct ion , w ou ld lea d u s on a lon g
w a lk r ou n d by t h e Ca lv a r y , w h ich m y m ot h er ’s u t t er
in ca pa cit y for t a k in g h er bea r in g s, or ev en for k n ow in g
w h ich r oa d sh e m ig h t be on , m a de h er r eg a r d a s a
t r iu m ph of h is st r a t eg ic g en iu s. Som et im es w e w ou ld g o
a s fa r a s t h e v ia du ct , w h ich beg a n t o st r ide on it s lon g
leg s of st on e a t t h e r a ilw a y st a t ion , a n d t o m e t y pified
a ll t h e w r et ch edn ess of ex ile bey on d t h e la st ou t post s of
civ ilisa t ion , beca u se ev er y y ea r , a s w e ca m e dow n fr om
Pa r is, w e w ou ld be w a r n ed t o t a k e specia l ca r e, w h en w e
g ot t o Com br a y , n ot t o m iss t h e st a t ion , t o be r ea dy
befor e t h e t r a in st opped, sin ce it w ou ld st a r t a g a in in
t w o m in u t es a n d pr oceed a cr oss t h e v ia du ct , ou t of t h e
la n ds of Ch r ist en dom , of w h ich Com br a y , t o m e,
r epr esen t ed t h e fa r t h est lim it . W e w ou ld r et u r n by t h e
Bou lev a r d de la Ga r e, w h ich con t a in ed t h e m ost
a t t r a ct iv e v illa s in t h e t ow n . In ea ch of t h eir g a r den s
t h e m oon lig h t , copy in g t h e a r t of Hu ber t Rober t , h a d
sca t t er ed it s br ok en st a ir ca ses of w h it e m a r ble, it s
fou n t a in s of w a t er a n d g a t es t em pt in g ly a ja r . It s bea m s
h a d sw ept a w a y t h e t eleg r a ph office. A ll t h a t w a s left of
it w a s a colu m n , h a lf sh a t t er ed, bu t pr eser v in g t h e
bea u t y of a r u in w h ich en du r es for a ll t im e. I w ou ld by
n ow be dr a g g in g m y w ea r y lim bs, a n d r ea dy t o dr op
w it h sleep; t h e ba lm y scen t of t h e lim e-t r ees seem ed a
con sola t ion w h ich I cou ld obt a in on ly a t t h e pr ice of
g r ea t su ffer in g a n d ex h a u st ion , a n d n ot w or t h y of t h e
effor t . Fr om g a t es fa r a pa r t t h e w a t ch dog s, a w a k en ed
by ou r st eps in t h e silen ce, w ou ld set u p a n a n t iph on a l
ba r k in g , a s I st ill h ea r t h em ba r k , a t t im es, in t h e
ev en in g s, a n d it is in t h eir cu st ody (w h en t h e pu blic
g a r den s of Com br a y w er e con st r u ct ed on it s sit e) t h a t
t h e Bou lev a r d de la Ga r e m u st h a v e t a k en r efu g e, for
w h er ev er I m a y be, a s soon a s t h ey beg in t h eir
a lt er n a t e ch a llen g e a n d a ccept a n ce, I ca n see it a g a in
w it h a ll it s lim e-t r ees, a n d it s pa v em en t g list en in g
ben ea t h t h e m oon .
Su dden ly m y fa t h er w ou ld br in g u s t o a st a n dst ill
a n d a sk m y m ot h er — “ W h er e a r e w e?” Ut t er ly w or n
ou t by t h e w a lk bu t st ill pr ou d of h er h u sba n d, sh e
w ou ld lov in g ly con fess t h a t sh e h a d n ot t h e lea st idea .
He w ou ld sh r u g h is sh ou lder s a n d la u g h . A n d t h en , a s
t h ou g h it h a d slipped, w it h h is la t ch k ey , fr om h is
w a ist coa t pock et , h e w ou ld poin t ou t t o u s, w h en it st ood
befor e ou r ey es, t h e ba ck -g a t e of ou r ow n g a r den , w h ich
h a d com e h a n d-in -h a n d w it h t h e fa m ilia r cor n er of t h e
Ru e du Sa in t -Espr it , t o a w a it u s, t o g r eet u s a t t h e en d of
ou r w a n der in g s ov er pa t h s u n k n ow n . My m ot h er w ou ld
m u r m u r a dm ir in g ly “ Y ou r ea lly a r e w on der fu l!” A n d
fr om t h a t in st a n t I h a d n ot t o t a k e a n ot h er st ep; t h e
g r ou n d m ov ed for w a r d u n der m y feet in t h a t g a r den
w h er e, for so lon g , m y a ct ion s h a d cea sed t o r equ ir e a n y
con t r ol, or ev en a t t en t ion , fr om m y w ill. Cu st om ca m e
t o t a k e m e in h er a r m s, ca r r ied m e a ll t h e w a y u p t o
m y bed, a n d la id m e dow n t h er e lik e a lit t le ch ild.
A lt h ou g h Sa t u r da y , by beg in n in g a n h ou r ea r lier ,
a n d by depr iv in g h er of t h e ser v ices of Fr a n çoise, pa ssed
m or e slow ly t h a n ot h er da y s for m y a u n t , y et , t h e
m om en t it w a s pa st , a n d a n ew w eek beg u n , sh e w ou ld
look for w a r d w it h im pa t ien ce t o it s r et u r n , a s
som et h in g t h a t em bodied a ll t h e n ov elt y a n d
dist r a ct ion w h ich h er fr a il a n d disor der ed body w a s st ill
a ble t o en du r e. T h is w a s n ot t o sa y , h ow ev er , t h a t sh e
did n ot lon g , a t t im es, for som e ev en g r ea t er v a r ia t ion ,
t h a t sh e did n ot pa ss t h r ou g h t h ose a bn or m a l h ou r s in
w h ich on e t h ir st s for som et h in g differ en t fr om w h a t on e
h a s, w h en t h ose people w h o, t h r ou g h la ck of en er g y or
im a g in a t ion , a r e u n a ble t o g en er a t e a n y m ot iv e pow er
in t h em selv es, cr y ou t , a s t h e clock st r ik es or t h e
post m a n k n ock s, in t h eir ea g er n ess for n ew s (ev en if it
be ba d n ew s), for som e em ot ion (ev en t h a t of g r ief);
w h en t h e h ea r t st r in g s, w h ich pr osper it y h a s silen ced,
lik e a h a r p la id by , y ea r n t o be plu ck ed a n d sou n ded
a g a in by som e h a n d, ev en a br u t a l h a n d, ev en if it sh a ll
br ea k t h em ; w h en t h e w ill, w h ich h a s w it h su ch
difficu lt y br ou g h t it self t o su bdu e it s im pu lse, t o
r en ou n ce it s r ig h t t o a ba n don it self t o it s ow n
u n con t r olled desir es, a n d con sequ en t su ffer in g s, w ou ld
fa in ca st it s g u idin g r ein s in t o t h e h a n ds of
cir cu m st a n ces, coer civ e a n d, it m a y be, cr u el. Of
cou r se, sin ce m y a u n t ’s st r en g t h , w h ich w a s com plet ely
dr a in ed by t h e slig h t est ex er t ion , r et u r n ed bu t dr op by
dr op in t o t h e pool of h er r epose, t h e r eser v oir w a s v er y
slow in fillin g , a n d m on t h s w ou ld g o by befor e sh e
r ea ch ed t h a t su r plu s w h ich ot h er people u se u p in t h eir
da ily a ct iv it ies, bu t w h ich sh e h a d n o idea — a n d cou ld
n ev er decide h ow t o em ploy . A n d I h a v e n o dou bt t h a t
t h en — ju st a s a desir e t o h a v e h er pot a t oes ser v ed w it h
béch a m el sa u ce, for a ch a n g e, w ou ld be for m ed,
u lt im a t ely , fr om t h e plea su r e sh e fou n d in t h e da ily
r ea ppea r a n ce of t h ose m a sh ed pot a t oes of w h ich sh e w a s
n ev er ‘t ir ed’ — sh e w ou ld ex t r a ct fr om th e
a ccu m u la t ion of t h ose m on ot on ou s da y s (on w h ich sh e
so m u ch depen ded) a k een ex pect a t ion of som e dom est ic
ca t a cly sm , in st a n t a n eou s in it s h a ppen in g , bu t v iolen t
en ou g h t o com pel h er t o pu t in t o effect , on ce for a ll, on e
of t h ose ch a n g es w h ich sh e k n ew w ou ld be ben eficia l t o
h er h ea lt h , bu t t o w h ich sh e cou ld n ev er m a k e u p h er
m in d w it h ou t som e su ch st im u lu s. Sh e w a s g en u in ely
fon d of u s; sh e w ou ld h a v e en joy ed t h e lon g lu x u r y of
w eepin g for ou r u n t im ely decea se; com in g a t a m om en t
w h en sh e felt ‘w ell’ a n d w a s n ot in a per spir a t ion , t h e
n ew s t h a t t h e h ou se w a s bein g dest r oy ed by a fir e, in
w h ich a ll t h e r est of u s h a d a lr ea dy per ish ed, a fir e
w h ich , in a lit t le w h ile, w ou ld n ot lea v e on e st on e
st a n din g u pon a n ot h er , bu t fr om w h ich sh e h er self
w ou ld st ill h a v e plen t y of t im e t o esca pe w it h ou t u n du e
h a st e, pr ov ided t h a t sh e r ose a t on ce fr om h er bed, m u st
oft en h a v e h a u n t ed h er dr ea m s, a s a pr ospect w h ich
com bin ed w it h t h e t w o m in or a dv a n t a g es of let t in g h er
t a st e t h e fu ll sa v ou r of h er a ffect ion for u s in lon g y ea r s
of m ou r n in g , a n d of ca u sin g u n iv er sa l st u pefa ct ion in
t h e v illa g e w h en sh e sh ou ld sa lly for t h t o con du ct ou r
obsequ ies, cr u sh ed bu t cou r a g eou s, m or ibu n d bu t er ect ,
t h e pa r a m ou n t a n d pr iceless boon of for cin g h er a t t h e
r ig h t m om en t , w it h n o t im e t o be lost , n o r oom for
w ea k en in g h esit a t ion s, t o g o off a n d spen d t h e su m m er
a t h er ch a r m in g fa r m of Mir ou g r a in , w h er e t h er e w a s a
w a t er fa ll. In a sm u ch a s n ot h in g of t h is sor t h a d ev er
occu r r ed, t h ou g h in deed sh e m u st oft en h a v e pon der ed
t h e su ccess of su ch a m a n œu v r e a s sh e la y a lon e
a bsor bed in h er in t er m in a ble g a m es of pa t ien ce (a n d
t h ou g h it m u st h a v e plu n g ed h er in despa ir fr om t h e
fir st m om en t of it s r ea lisa t ion , fr om t h e fir st of t h ose
lit t le u n for eseen fa ct s, t h e fir st w or d of ca la m it ou s
n ew s, w h ose a ccen t s ca n n ev er a ft er w a r ds be ex pu n g ed
fr om t h e m em or y , ev er y t h in g t h a t bea r s u pon it t h e
im pr in t of a ct u a l, ph y sica l dea t h , so t er r ibly differ en t
fr om t h e log ica l a bst r a ct ion of it s possibilit y ) sh e w ou ld
fa ll ba ck fr om t im e t o t im e, t o a dd a n in t er est t o h er
life, u pon im a g in in g ot h er , m in or ca t a st r oph es, w h ich
sh e w ou ld follow u p w it h pa ssion . Sh e w ou ld beg u ile
h er self w it h a su dden su spicion t h a t Fr a n çoise h a d been
r obbin g h er , t h a t sh e h a d set a t r a p t o m a k e cer t a in ,
a n d h a d ca u g h t h er bet r a y er r ed-h a n ded; a n d bein g in
t h e h a bit , w h en sh e m a de u p a g a m e of ca r ds by h er self,
of pla y in g h er ow n a n d h er a dv er sa r y ’s h a n ds a t on ce,
sh e w ou ld fir st st a m m er ou t Fr a n çoise’s a w k w a r d
a polog ies, a n d t h en r eply t o t h em w it h su ch a fier y
in dig n a t ion t h a t a n y of u s w h o h a ppen ed t o in t r u de
u pon h er a t on e of t h ese m om en t s w ou ld fin d h er ba t h ed
in per spir a t ion , h er ey es bla zin g , h er fa lse h a ir pu sh ed
a w r y a n d ex posin g t h e ba ldn ess of h er br ow s. Fr a n çoise
m u st oft en , fr om t h e n ex t r oom , h a v e h ea r d t h ese
m or da n t sa r ca sm s lev elled a t h er self, t h e m er e fr a m in g
of w h ich in w or ds w ou ld n ot h a v e r eliev ed m y a u n t ’s
feelin g s su fficien t ly , h a d t h ey been a llow ed t o r em a in
in a pu r ely im m a t er ia l for m , w it h ou t t h e deg r ee of
su bst a n ce a n d r ea lit y w h ich sh e a dded t o t h em by
m u r m u r in g t h em h a lf-a lou d. Som et im es, h ow ev er ,
ev en t h ese cou n t er pa n e dr a m a s w ou ld n ot sa t isfy m y
a u n t ; sh e m u st see h er w or k st a g ed. A n d so, on a
Su n da y , w it h a ll t h e door s m y st er iou sly closed, sh e
w ou ld con fide in Eu la lie h er dou bt s of Fr a n çoise’s
in t eg r it y a n d h er det er m in a t ion t o be r id of h er , a n d on
a n ot h er da y sh e w ou ld con fide in Fr a n çoise h er
su spicion s of t h e disloy a lt y of Eu la lie, t o w h om t h e
fr on t -door w ou ld v er y soon be closed for g ood. A few
da y s m or e, a n d, disg u st ed w it h h er la t est con fida n t , sh e
w ou ld a g a in be ‘a s t h ick a s t h iev es’ w it h t h e t r a it or ,
w h ile, befor e t h e n ex t per for m a n ce, t h e t w o w ou ld on ce
m or e h a v e ch a n g ed t h eir pa r t s. Bu t t h e su spicion s
w h ich Eu la lie m ig h t occa sion a lly br eed in h er w er e n o
m or e t h a n a fir e of st r a w , w h ich m u st soon su bside for
la ck of fu el, sin ce Eu la lie w a s n ot liv in g w it h h er in t h e
h ou se. It w a s a v er y differ en t m a t t er w h en t h e su spect
w a s Fr a n çoise, of w h ose pr esen ce u n der t h e sa m e r oof a s
h er self m y a u n t w a s per pet u a lly con sciou s, w h ile for
fea r of ca t ch in g cold, w er e sh e t o lea v e h er bed, sh e
w ou ld n ev er da r e g o dow n st a ir s t o t h e k it ch en t o see for
h er self w h et h er t h er e w a s, in deed, a n y fou n da t ion for
h er su spicion s. A n d so on by deg r ees, u n t il h er m in d
h a d n o ot h er occu pa t ion t h a n t o a t t em pt , a t ev er y h ou r
of t h e da y , t o discov er w h a t w a s bein g don e, w h a t w a s
bein g con cea led fr om h er by Fr a n çoise. Sh e w ou ld
det ect t h e m ost fu r t iv e m ov em en t of Fr a n çoise’s
fea t u r es, som et h in g con t r a dict or y in w h a t sh e w a s
sa y in g , som e desir e w h ich sh e a ppea r ed t o be scr een in g .
A n d sh e w ou ld sh ew h er t h a t sh e w a s u n m a sk ed, by , a
sin g le w or d, w h ich m a de Fr a n çoise t u r n pa le, a n d
w h ich m y a u n t seem ed t o fin d a cr u el sa t isfa ct ion in
dr iv in g in t o h er u n h a ppy ser v a n t ’s h ea r t . A n d t h e
v er y n ex t Su n da y a disclosu r e by Eu la lie — lik e on e of
t h ose discov er ies w h ich su dden ly open u p a n
u n su spect ed field for ex plor a t ion t o som e n ew scien ce
w h ich h a s h it h er t o follow ed on ly t h e bea t en pa t h s —
pr ov ed t o m y a u n t t h a t h er ow n w or st su spicion s fell a
lon g w a y sh or t of t h e a ppa llin g t r u t h . “ Bu t Fr a n çoise
ou g h t t o k n ow t h a t ,” sa id Eu la lie, “ n ow t h a t y ou h a v e
g iv en h er a ca r r ia g e.”
“ Now t h a t I h a v e g iv en h er a ca r r ia g e!” g a sped m y
au nt.
“ Oh , bu t I didn ’t k n ow ; I on ly t h ou g h t so; I sa w h er
g o by y est er da y in h er open coa ch , a s pr ou d a s A r t a ba n ,
on h er w a y t o Rou ssa in v ille m a r k et . I su pposed t h a t it
m u st be Mm e. Oct a v e w h o h a d g iv en it t o h er .”
 So on by deg r ees, u n t il Fr a n çoise a n d m y a u n t , t h e
qu a r r y a n d t h e h u n t er , cou ld n ev er cea se fr om t r y in g
t o for est a ll ea ch ot h er ’s dev ices. My m ot h er w a s a fr a id
lest Fr a n çoise sh ou ld dev elop a g en u in e h a t r ed of m y
a u n t , w h o w a s doin g ev er y t h in g in h er pow er t o a n n oy
h er . How ev er t h a t m ig h t be, Fr a n çoise h a d com e, m or e
a n d m or e, t o pa y a n in fin it ely scr u pu lou s a t t en t ion t o
m y a u n t ’s lea st w or d a n d g est u r e. W h en sh e h a d t o a sk
h er for a n y t h in g sh e w ou ld h esit a t e, fir st , for a lon g
t im e, m a k in g u p h er m in d h ow best t o beg in . A n d w h en
sh e h a d u t t er ed h er r equ est , sh e w ou ld w a t ch m y a u n t
cov er t ly , t r y in g t o g u ess fr om t h e ex pr ession on h er
fa ce w h a t sh e t h ou g h t of it , a n d h ow sh e w ou ld r eply .
A n d in t h is w a y — w h er ea s a n a r t ist w h o h a d been
r ea din g m em oir s of t h e sev en t een t h cen t u r y , a n d
w ish ed t o br in g h im self n ea r er t o t h e g r ea t Lou is, w ou ld
con sider t h a t h e w a s m a k in g pr og r ess in t h a t dir ect ion
w h en h e con st r u ct ed a pedig r ee t h a t t r a ced h is ow n
descen t fr om som e h ist or ic fa m ily , or w h en h e en g a g ed
in cor r espon den ce w it h on e of t h e r eig n in g Sov er eig n s
of Eu r ope, a n d so w ou ld sh u t h is ey es t o t h e m ist a k e h e
w a s m a k in g in seek in g t o est a blish a sim ila r it y by a n
ex a ct a n d t h er efor e lifeless copy of m er e ou t w a r d for m s
— a m iddle-a g ed la dy in a sm a ll cou n t r y t ow n , by doin g
n o m or e t h a n y ield w h ole-h ea r t ed obedien ce t o h er ow n
ir r esist ible eccen t r icit ies, a n d t o a spir it of m isch ief
en g en der ed by t h e u t t er idlen ess of h er ex ist en ce, cou ld
see, w it h ou t ev er h a v in g g iv en a t h ou g h t t o Lou is X IV ,
t h e m ost t r iv ia l occu pa t ion s of h er da ily life, h er
m or n in g t oilet , h er lu n ch eon , h er a ft er n oon n a p,
a ssu m e, by v ir t u e of t h eir despot ic sin g u la r it y ,
som et h in g of t h e in t er est t h a t w a s t o be fou n d in w h a t
Sa in t -Sim on u sed t o ca ll t h e ‘m a ch in er y ’ of life a t
V er sa illes; a n d w a s a ble, t oo, t o per su a de h er self t h a t
h er silen ce, a sh a de of g ood h u m ou r or of a r r og a n ce on
h er fea t u r es, w ou ld pr ov ide Fr a n çoise w it h m a t t er for a
m en t a l com m en t a r y a s t en se w it h pa ssion a n d t er r or ,
a s did t h e silen ce, t h e g ood h u m ou r or t h e a r r og a n ce of
t h e Kin g w h en a cou r t ier , or ev en h is g r ea t est n obles,
h a d pr esen t ed a pet it ion t o h im , a t t h e t u r n in g of a n
a v en u e, a t V er sa illes.
On e Su n da y , w h en m y a u n t h a d r eceiv ed
sim u lt a n eou s v isit s fr om t h e Cu r é a n d fr om Eu la lie,
a n d h a d been left a lon e, a ft er w a r ds, t o r est , t h e w h ole
fa m ily w en t u pst a ir s t o bid h er g ood n ig h t , a n d Ma m m a
v en t u r ed t o con dole w it h h er on t h e u n lu ck y
coin ciden ce t h a t a lw a y s br ou g h t bot h v isit or s t o h er
door a t t h e sa m e t im e.
“ I h ea r t h a t t h in g s w en t w r on g a g a in t o-da y ,
Léon ie,” sh e sa id k in dly , “ y ou h a v e h a d a ll y ou r fr ien ds
h er e a t on ce.”
A n d m y g r ea t -a u n t in t er r u pt ed w it h : “ T oo m a n y
g ood t h in g s . . . ” for , sin ce h er da u g h t er ’s illn ess, sh e
felt h er self in du t y bou n d t o r ev iv e h er a s fa r a s possible
by a lw a y s dr a w in g h er a t t en t ion t o t h e br ig h t er side of
t h in g s. Bu t m y fa t h er h a d beg u n t o spea k .
“ I sh ou ld lik e t o t a k e a dv a n t a g e,” h e sa id, “ of t h e
w h ole fa m ily ’s bein g h er e t og et h er , t o t ell y ou a st or y ,
so a s n ot t o h a v e t o beg in a ll ov er a g a in t o ea ch of y ou
sepa r a t ely . I a m a fr a id w e a r e in M. Leg r a n din ’s ba d
book s; h e w ou ld h a r dly sa y ‘How d’y e do’ t o m e t h is
m or n in g .”
I did n ot w a it t o h ea r t h e en d of m y fa t h er ’s st or y ,
for I h a d been w it h h im m y self a ft er m a ss w h en w e h a d
pa ssed M. Leg r a n din ; in st ea d, I w en t dow n st a ir s t o t h e
k it ch en t o a sk for t h e bill of fa r e for ou r din n er , w h ich
w a s of fr esh in t er est t o m e da ily , lik e t h e n ew s in a
pa per , a n d ex cit ed m e a s m ig h t t h e pr og r a m m e of a
com in g fest iv it y .
A s M. Leg r a n din h a d pa ssed close by u s on ou r w a y
fr om ch u r ch , w a lk in g by t h e side of a la dy , t h e ow n er of
a cou n t r y h ou se in t h e n eig h bou r h ood, w h om w e k n ew
on ly by sig h t , m y fa t h er h a d sa lu t ed h im in a m a n n er
a t on ce fr ien dly a n d r eser v ed, w it h ou t st oppin g in h is
w a lk ; M. Leg r a n din h a d ba r ely a ck n ow ledg ed t h e
cou r t esy , a n d t h en w it h a n a ir of su r pr ise, a s t h ou g h h e
h a d n ot r ecog n ised u s, a n d w it h t h a t dist a n t look
ch a r a ct er ist ic of people w h o do n ot w ish t o be a g r eea ble,
a n d w h o fr om t h e su dden ly r ecedin g dept h s of t h eir
ey es seem t o h a v e ca u g h t sig h t of y ou a t t h e fa r en d of
a n in t er m in a bly st r a ig h t r oa d, a n d a t so g r ea t a
dist a n ce t h a t t h ey con t en t t h em selv es w it h dir ect in g
t ow a r ds y ou a n a lm ost im per cept ible m ov em en t of t h e
h ea d, in pr opor t ion t o y ou r doll-lik e dim en sion s.
Now , t h e la dy w h o w a s w a lk in g w it h Leg r a n din w a s
a m odel of v ir t u e, k n ow n a n d h ig h ly r espect ed; t h er e
cou ld be n o qu est ion of h is bein g ou t for a m or ou s
a dv en t u r e, a n d a n n oy ed a t bein g det ect ed; a n d m y
fa t h er a sk ed h im self h ow h e cou ld possibly h a v e
displea sed ou r fr ien d.
“ I sh ou ld be a ll t h e m or e sor r y t o feel t h a t h e w a s
a n g r y w it h u s,” h e sa id, “ beca u se a m on g a ll t h ose
people in t h eir Su n da y clot h es t h er e is som et h in g a bou t
h im , w it h h is lit t le cu t -a w a y coa t a n d h is soft n eck t ies,
so lit t le ‘dr essed-u p,’ so g en u in ely sim ple; a n a ir of
in n ocen ce, a lm ost , w h ich is r ea lly a t t r a ct iv e.”
Bu t t h e v ot e of t h e fa m ily cou n cil w a s u n a n im ou s,
t h a t m y fa t h er h a d im a g in ed t h e w h ole t h in g , or t h a t
Leg r a n din , a t t h e m om en t in qu est ion , h a d been
pr eoccu pied in t h in k in g a bou t som et h in g else. A n y h ow ,
m y fa t h er ’s fea r s w er e dissipa t ed n o la t er t h a n t h e
follow in g ev en in g . A s w e r et u r n ed fr om a lon g w a lk w e
sa w , n ea r t h e Pon t -V ieu x , Leg r a n din h im self, w h o, on
a ccou n t of t h e h olida y s, w a s spen din g a few da y s m or e
in Com br a y . He ca m e u p t o u s w it h ou t st r et ch ed h a n d:
“ Do y ou k n ow , m a st er book -lov er ,” h e a sk ed m e, “ t h is
lin e of Pa u l Desja r din s?

Now a r e t h e w oods a ll bla ck , bu t st ill t h e

sk y is blu e.

Is n ot t h a t a fin e r en der in g of a m om en t lik e t h is?

Per h a ps y ou h a v e n ev er r ea d Pa u l Desja r din s. Rea d
h im , m y boy , r ea d h im ; in t h ese da y s h e is con v er t ed,
t h ey t ell m e, in t o a pr ea ch in g fr ia r , bu t h e u sed t o h a v e
t h e m ost ch a r m in g w a t er -colou r t ou ch —

Now a r e t h e w oods a ll bla ck , bu t st ill t h e

sk y is blu e.

Ma y y ou a lw a y s see a blu e sk y ov er h ea d, m y y ou n g
fr ien d; a n d t h en , ev en w h en t h e t im e com es, w h ich is
com in g n ow for m e, w h en t h e w oods a r e a ll bla ck , w h en
n ig h t is fa st fa llin g , y ou w ill be a ble t o con sole y ou r self,
a s I a m doin g , by look in g u p t o t h e sk y .” He t ook a
cig a r et t e fr om h is pock et a n d st ood for a lon g t im e, h is
ey es fix ed on t h e h or izon . “ Goodby e, fr ien ds!” h e
su dden ly ex cla im ed, a n d left u s.
A t t h e h ou r w h en I u su a lly w en t dow n st a ir s t o fin d
ou t w h a t t h er e w a s for din n er , it s pr epa r a t ion w ou ld
a lr ea dy h a v e beg u n , a n d Fr a n çoise, a colon el w it h a ll
t h e for ces of n a t u r e for h er su ba lt er n s, a s in t h e fa ir y -
t a les w h er e g ia n t s h ir e t h em selv es ou t a s scu llion s,
w ou ld be st ir r in g t h e coa ls, pu t t in g t h e pot a t oes t o
st ea m , a n d, a t t h e r ig h t m om en t , fin ish in g ov er t h e fir e
t h ose cu lin a r y m a st er pieces w h ich h a d been fir st g ot
r ea dy in som e of t h e g r ea t a r r a y of v essels, t r iu m ph s of
t h e pot t er ’s cr a ft , w h ich r a n g ed fr om t u bs a n d boiler s
a n d ca u ldr on s a n d fish k et t les dow n t o ja r s for g a m e,
m ou lds for pa st r y , a n d t in y pa n n ik in s for cr ea m , a n d
in clu ded a n en t ir e collect ion of pot s a n d pa n s of ev er y
sh a pe a n d size. I w ou ld st op by t h e t a ble, w h er e t h e
k it ch en -m a id h a d sh elled t h em , t o in spect t h e pla t oon s
of pea s, dr a w n u p in r a n k s a n d n u m ber ed, lik e lit t le
g r een m a r bles, r ea dy for a g a m e; bu t w h a t fa scin a t ed
m e w ou ld be t h e a spa r a g u s, t in g ed w it h u lt r a m a r in e
a n d r osy pin k w h ich r a n fr om t h eir h ea ds, fin ely
st ippled in m a u v e a n d a zu r e, t h r ou g h a ser ies of
im per cept ible ch a n g es t o t h eir w h it e feet , st ill st a in ed a
lit t le by t h e soil of t h eir g a r den -bed: a r a in bow -
lov elin ess t h a t w a s n ot of t h is w or ld. I felt t h a t t h ese
celest ia l h u es in dica t ed t h e pr esen ce of ex qu isit e
cr ea t u r es w h o h a d been plea sed t o a ssu m e v eg et a ble
for m , w h o, t h r ou g h t h e disg u ise w h ich cov er ed t h eir
fir m a n d edible flesh , a llow ed m e t o discer n in t h is
r a dia n ce of ea r liest da w n , t h ese h in t ed r a in bow s, t h ese
blu e ev en in g sh a des, t h a t pr eciou s qu a lit y w h ich I
sh ou ld r ecog n ise a g a in w h en , a ll n ig h t lon g a ft er a
din n er a t w h ich I h a d pa r t a k en of t h em , t h ey pla y ed
(ly r ica l a n d coa r se in t h eir jest in g a s t h e fa ir ies in
Sh a k espea r e’s Dream ) a t t r a n sfor m in g m y h u m ble
ch a m ber in t o a bow er of a r om a t ic per fu m e.
Poor Giot t o’s Ch a r it y , a s Sw a n n h a d n a m ed h er ,
ch a r g ed by Fr a n çoise w it h t h e t a sk of pr epa r in g t h em
for t h e t a ble, w ou ld h a v e t h em ly in g beside h er in a
ba sk et ; sit t in g w it h a m ou r n fu l a ir , a s t h ou g h a ll t h e
sor r ow s of t h e w or ld w er e h ea ped u pon h er ; a n d t h e
lig h t cr ow n s of a zu r e w h ich ca pped t h e a spa r a g u s
sh oot s a bov e t h eir pin k ja ck et s w ou ld be fin ely a n d
sepa r a t ely ou t lin ed, st a r by st a r , a s in Giot t o’s fr esco
a r e t h e flow er s ba n ded a bou t t h e br ow s, or pa t t er n in g
t h e ba sk et of h is V ir t u e a t Pa du a . A n d, m ea n w h ile,
Fr a n çoise w ou ld be t u r n in g on t h e spit on e of t h ose
ch ick en s, su ch a s sh e a lon e k n ew h ow t o r oa st , ch ick en s
w h ich h a d w a ft ed fa r a br oa d fr om Com br a y t h e sw eet
sa v ou r of h er m er it s, a n d w h ich , w h ile sh e w a s ser v in g
t h em t o u s a t t a ble, w ou ld m a k e t h e qu a lit y of k in dn ess
pr edom in a t e for t h e m om en t in m y pr iv a t e con cept ion
of h er ch a r a ct er ; t h e a r om a of t h a t cook ed flesh , w h ich
sh e k n ew h ow t o m a k e so u n ct u ou s a n d so t en der ,
seem in g t o m e n o m or e t h a n t h e pr oper per fu m e of on e
of h er m a n y v ir t u es.
Bu t t h e da y on w h ich , w h ile m y fa t h er t ook cou n sel
w it h h is fa m ily u pon ou r st r a n g e m eet in g w it h
Leg r a n din , I w en t dow n t o t h e k it ch en , w a s on e of t h ose
da y s w h en Giot t o’s Ch a r it y , st ill v er y w ea k a n d ill a ft er
h er r ecen t con fin em en t , h a d been u n a ble t o r ise fr om
h er bed; Fr a n çoise, bein g w it h ou t a ssist a n ce, h a d fa llen
in t o a r r ea r s. W h en I w en t in , I sa w h er in t h e ba ck -
k it ch en w h ich open ed on t o t h e cou r t y a r d, in pr ocess of
k illin g a ch ick en ; by it s desper a t e a n d qu it e n a t u r a l
r esist a n ce, w h ich Fr a n çoise, beside h er self w it h r a g e a s
sh e a t t em pt ed t o slit it s t h r oa t ben ea t h t h e ea r ,
a ccom pa n ied w it h sh r ill cr ies of “ Filt h y cr ea t u r e!
Filt h y cr ea t u r e!” it m a de t h e sa in t ly k in dn ess a n d
u n ct ion of ou r ser v a n t r a t h er less pr om in en t t h a n it
w ou ld do, n ex t da y a t din n er , w h en it m a de it s
a ppea r a n ce in a sk in g old-em br oider ed lik e a ch a su ble,
a n d it s pr eciou s ju ice w a s pou r ed ou t dr op by dr op a s
fr om a py x . W h en it w a s dea d Fr a n çoise m opped u p it s
st r ea m in g blood, in w h ich , h ow ev er , sh e did n ot let h er
r a n cou r dr ow n , for sh e g a v e v en t t o a n ot h er bu r st of
r a g e, a n d, g a zin g dow n a t t h e ca r ca ss of h er en em y ,
u t t er ed a fin a l “ Filt h y cr ea t u r e!”
I cr ept ou t of t h e k it ch en a n d u pst a ir s, t r em blin g a ll
ov er ; I cou ld h a v e pr a y ed, t h en , for t h e in st a n t
dism issa l of Fr a n çoise. Bu t w h o w ou ld h a v e ba k ed m e
su ch h ot r olls, boiled m e su ch fr a g r a n t coffee, a n d ev en
— r oa st ed m e su ch ch ick en s? A n d, a s it h a ppen ed,
ev er y on e else h a d a lr ea dy h a d t o m a k e t h e sa m e
cow a r dly r eck on in g . For m y a u n t Léon ie k n ew (t h ou g h
I w a s st ill in ig n or a n ce of t h is) t h a t Fr a n çoise, w h o, for
h er ow n da u g h t er or for h er n eph ew s, w ou ld h a v e
g iv en h er life w it h ou t a m u r m u r , sh ew ed a sin g u la r
im pla ca bilit y in h er dea lin g s w it h t h e r est of t h e w or ld.
In spit e of w h ich m y a u n t st ill r et a in ed h er , for , w h ile
con sciou s of h er cr u elt y , sh e cou ld a ppr ecia t e h er
ser v ices. I beg a n g r a du a lly t o r ea lise t h a t Fr a n çoise’s
k in dn ess, h er com pu n ct ion , t h e su m t ot a l of h er v ir t u es
con cea led m a n y of t h ese ba ck -k it ch en t r a g edies, ju st a s
h ist or y r ev ea ls t o u s t h a t t h e r eig n s of t h e k in g s a n d
qu een s w h o a r e por t r a y ed a s k n eelin g w it h cla sped
h a n ds in t h e w in dow s of ch u r ch es, w er e st a in ed by
oppr ession a n d bloodsh ed. I h a d t a k en n ot e of t h e fa ct
t h a t , a pa r t fr om h er ow n k in sfolk , t h e su ffer in g s of
h u m a n it y in spir ed in h er a pit y w h ich in cr ea sed in
dir ect r a t io t o t h e dist a n ce sepa r a t in g t h e su ffer er s fr om
h er self. T h e t ea r s w h ich flow ed fr om h er in t or r en t s
w h en sh e r ea d of t h e m isfor t u n es of per son s u n k n ow n t o
h er , in a n ew spa per , w er e qu ick ly st em m ed on ce sh e
h a d been a ble t o for m a m or e a ccu r a t e m en t a l pict u r e
of t h e v ict im s. On e n ig h t , sh or t ly a ft er h er
con fin em en t , t h e k it ch en -m a id w a s seized w it h t h e
m ost a ppa llin g pa in s; Ma m m a h ea r d h er g r oa n s, a n d
r ose a n d a w a k en ed Fr a n çoise, w h o, qu it e u n m ov ed,
decla r ed t h a t a ll t h e ou t cr y w a s m er e m a lin g er in g ,
t h a t t h e g ir l w a n t ed t o ‘pla y t h e m ist r ess’ in t h e h ou se.
T h e doct or , w h o h a d been a fr a id of som e su ch a t t a ck ,
h a d left a m a r k er in a m edica l dict ion a r y w h ich w e
h a d, a t t h e pa g e on w h ich t h e sy m pt om s w er e
descr ibed, a n d h a d t old u s t o t u r n u p t h is pa ssa g e,
w h er e w e w ou ld fin d t h e m ea su r es of ‘fir st a id’ t o be
a dopt ed. My m ot h er sen t Fr a n çoise t o fet ch t h e book ,
w a r n in g h er n ot t o let t h e m a r k er dr op ou t . A n h ou r
ela psed, a n d Fr a n çoise h a d n ot r et u r n ed; m y m ot h er ,
su pposin g t h a t sh e h a d g on e ba ck t o bed, g r ew v ex ed,
a n d t old m e t o g o m y self t o t h e book ca se a n d fet ch t h e
v olu m e. I did so, a n d t h er e fou n d Fr a n çoise w h o, in h er
cu r iosit y t o k n ow w h a t t h e m a r k er in dica t ed, h a d
beg u n t o r ea d t h e clin ica l a ccou n t of t h ese a ft er -pa in s,
a n d w a s v iolen t ly sobbin g , n ow t h a t it w a s a qu est ion of
a t y pe of illn ess w it h w h ich sh e w a s n ot fa m ilia r . A t
ea ch pa in fu l sy m pt om m en t ion ed by t h e w r it er sh e
w ou ld ex cla im : “ Oh , oh , Holy V ir g in , is it possible t h a t
God w ish es a n y w r et ch ed h u m a n cr ea t u r e t o su ffer so?
Oh , t h e poor g ir l!”
Bu t w h en I h a d ca lled h er , a n d sh e h a d r et u r n ed t o
t h e bedside of Giot t o’s Ch a r it y , h er t ea r s a t on ce cea sed
t o flow ; sh e cou ld fin d n o st im u lu s for t h a t plea sa n t
sen sa t ion of t en der n ess a n d pit y w h ich sh e v er y w ell
k n ew , h a v in g been m ov ed t o it oft en en ou g h by t h e
per u sa l of n ew spa per s; n or a n y ot h er plea su r e of t h e
sa m e k in d in h er sen se of w ea r in ess a n d ir r it a t ion a t
bein g pu lled ou t of bed in t h e m iddle of t h e n ig h t for t h e
k it ch en -m a id; so t h a t a t t h e sig h t of t h ose v er y
su ffer in g s, t h e pr in t ed a ccou n t of w h ich h a d m ov ed h er
t o t ea r s, sh e h a d n ot h in g t o offer bu t ill-t em per ed
m u t t er in g s, m in g led w it h bit t er sa r ca sm , sa y in g , w h en
sh e t h ou g h t t h a t w e h a d g on e ou t of ea r sh ot : “ W ell, sh e
n eed n ev er h a v e don e w h a t sh e m u st h a v e don e t o
br in g a ll t h is a bou t ! Sh e fou n d t h a t plea sa n t en ou g h , I
da r e sa y ! Sh e h a d bet t er n ot pu t on a n y a ir s n ow . A ll
t h e sa m e, h e m u st h a v e been a g od-for sa k en y ou n g
m a n t o g o a ft er that. Dea r , dea r , it ’s ju st a s t h ey u sed t o
sa y in m y poor m ot h er ’s cou n t r y :

Sn a ps a n d sn a ils a n d pu ppy -dog s’ t a ils,

A n d dir t y slu t s in plen t y ,
Sm ell sw eet er t h a n r oses in y ou n g m en ’s
n oses
W h en t h e h ea r t is on e-a n d-t w en t y .”

A lt h ou g h , w h en h er g r a n dson h a d a slig h t cold in h is

h ea d, sh e w ou ld set off a t n ig h t , ev en if sh e w er e ill a lso,
in st ea d of g oin g t o bed, t o see w h et h er h e h a d
ev er y t h in g t h a t h e w a n t ed, cov er in g t en m iles on foot
befor e da y br ea k so a s t o be in t im e t o beg in h er w or k ,
t h is sa m e lov e for h er ow n people, a n d h er desir e t o
est a blish t h e fu t u r e g r ea t n ess of h er h ou se on a solid
fou n da t ion r ea ct ed, in h er policy w it h r eg a r d t o t h e
ot h er ser v a n t s, in on e u n v a r y in g m a x im , w h ich w a s
n ev er t o let a n y of t h em set foot in m y a u n t ’s r oom ;
in deed sh e sh ew ed a sor t of pr ide in n ot a llow in g a n y on e
else t o com e n ea r m y a u n t , pr efer r in g , w h en sh e h er self
w a s ill, t o g et ou t of bed a n d t o a dm in ist er t h e V ich y
w a t er in per son , r a t h er t h a n t o con cede t o t h e k it ch en -
m a id t h e r ig h t of en t r y in t o h er m ist r ess’s pr esen ce.
T h er e is a species of h y m en opt er a , obser v ed by Fa br e,
t h e bu r r ow in g w a sp, w h ich in or der t o pr ov ide a su pply
of fr esh m ea t for h er offspr in g a ft er h er ow n decea se,
ca lls in t h e scien ce of a n a t om y t o a m plify t h e r esou r ces
of h er in st in ct iv e cr u elt y , a n d, h a v in g m a de a
collect ion of w eev ils a n d spider s, pr oceeds w it h
m a r v ellou s k n ow ledg e a n d sk ill t o pier ce t h e n er v e-
cen t r e on w h ich t h eir pow er of locom ot ion (bu t n on e of
t h eir ot h er v it a l fu n ct ion s) depen ds, so t h a t t h e
pa r a ly sed in sect , beside w h ich h er eg g is la id, w ill
fu r n ish t h e la r v a , w h en it is h a t ch ed, w it h a t a m ed a n d
in offen siv e qu a r r y , in ca pa ble eit h er of flig h t or of
r esist a n ce, bu t per fect ly fr esh for t h e la r der : in t h e
sa m e w a y Fr a n çoise h a d a dopt ed, t o m in ist er t o h er
per m a n en t a n d u n fa lt er in g r esolu t ion t o r en der t h e
h ou se u n in h a bit a ble t o a n y ot h er ser v a n t , a ser ies of
cr a ft y a n d pit iless st r a t a g em s. Ma n y y ea r s la t er w e
discov er ed t h a t , if w e h a d been fed on a spa r a g u s da y
a ft er da y t h r ou g h ou t t h a t w h ole sea son , it w a s beca u se
t h e sm ell of t h e pla n t s g a v e t h e poor k it ch en -m a id, w h o
h a d t o pr epa r e t h em , su ch v iolen t a t t a ck s of a st h m a
t h a t sh e w a s fin a lly oblig ed t o lea v e m y a u n t ’s ser v ice.
A la s! w e h a d defin it ely t o a lt er ou r opin ion of M.
Leg r a n din . On on e of t h e Su n da y s follow in g ou r
m eet in g w it h h im on t h e Pon t -V ieu x , a ft er w h ich m y
fa t h er h a d been for ced t o con fess h im self m ist a k en , a s
m a ss dr ew t o a n en d, a n d, w it h t h e su n sh in e a n d t h e
n oise of t h e ou t er w or ld, som et h in g else in v a ded t h e
ch u r ch , a n a t m osph er e so fa r fr om sa cr ed t h a t Mm e.
Gou pil, Mm e. Per cepied (a ll t h ose, in fa ct , w h o a
m om en t a g o, w h en I a r r iv ed a lit t le la t e, h a d been
sit t in g m ot ion less, t h eir ey es fix ed on t h eir pr a y er -
book s; w h o, I m ig h t ev en h a v e t h ou g h t , h a d n ot seen
m e com e in , h a d n ot t h eir feet m ov ed slig h t ly t o pu sh
a w a y t h e lit t le k n eelin g -desk w h ich w a s pr ev en t in g m e
fr om g et t in g t o m y ch a ir ) beg a n in lou d v oices t o
discu ss w it h u s a ll m a n n er of u t t er ly m u n da n e t opics,
a s t h ou g h w e w er e a lr ea dy ou t side in t h e Squ a r e, w e
sa w , st a n din g on t h e su n -ba k ed st eps of t h e por ch ,
dom in a t in g t h e m a n y -colou r ed t u m u lt of t h e m a r k et ,
Leg r a n din h im self, w h om t h e h u sba n d of t h e la dy w e
h a d seen w it h h im , on t h e pr ev iou s occa sion , w a s ju st
g oin g t o in t r odu ce t o t h e w ife of a n ot h er la r g e la n ded
pr opr iet or of t h e dist r ict . Leg r a n din ’s fa ce sh ew ed a n
ex t r a or din a r y zea l a n d a n im a t ion ; h e m a de a pr ofou n d
bow , w it h a su bsidia r y ba ck w a r d m ov em en t w h ich
br ou g h t h is spin e sh a r ply u p in t o a posit ion beh in d it s
st a r t in g -poin t , a g est u r e in w h ich h e m u st h a v e been
t r a in ed by t h e h u sba n d of h is sist er , Mm e. de
Ca m br em er . T h is r a pid r ecov er y ca u sed a sor t of t en se
m u scu la r w a v e t o r ipple ov er Leg r a n din ’s h ips, w h ich I
h a d n ot su pposed t o be so flesh y ; I ca n n ot sa y w h y , bu t
t h is u n du la t ion of pu r e m a t t er , t h is w h olly ca r n a l
flu en cy , w it h n ot t h e lea st h in t in it of spir it u a l
sig n ifica n ce, t h is w a v e la sh ed t o a fu r y by t h e w in d of
a n a ssidu it y , a n obsequ iou sn ess of t h e ba sest sor t , a w ok e
m y m in d su dden ly t o t h e possibilit y of a Leg r a n din
a lt og et h er differ en t fr om t h e on e w h om w e k n ew . T h e
la dy g a v e h im som e m essa g e for h er coa ch m a n , a n d
w h ile h e w a s st eppin g dow n t o h er ca r r ia g e t h e
im pr ession of joy , t im id a n d dev ou t , w h ich t h e
in t r odu ct ion h a d st a m ped t h er e, st ill lin g er ed on h is
fa ce. Ca r r ied a w a y in a sor t of dr ea m , h e sm iled, t h en
h e beg a n t o h u r r y ba ck t ow a r ds t h e la dy ; h e w a s
w a lk in g fa st er t h a n u su a l, a n d h is sh ou lder s sw a y ed
ba ck w a r ds a n d for w a r ds, r ig h t a n d left , in t h e m ost
a bsu r d fa sh ion ; a lt og et h er h e look ed, so u t t er ly h a d h e
a ba n don ed h im self t o it , ig n or in g a ll ot h er
con sider a t ion s, a s t h ou g h h e w er e t h e lifeless a n d w ir e-
pu lled pu ppet of h is ow n h a ppin ess. Mea n w h ile w e w er e
com in g ou t t h r ou g h t h e por ch ; w e w er e pa ssin g close
beside h im ; h e w a s t oo w ell br ed t o t u r n h is h ea d a w a y ;
bu t h e fix ed h is ey es, w h ich h a d su dden ly ch a n g ed t o
t h ose of a seer , lost in t h e pr ofu n dit y of h is v ision , on so
dist a n t a poin t of t h e h or izon t h a t h e cou ld n ot see u s,
a n d so h a d n ot t o a ck n ow ledg e ou r pr esen ce. His fa ce
em er g ed, st ill w it h a n a ir of in n ocen ce, fr om h is
st r a ig h t a n d plia n t coa t , w h ich look ed a s t h ou g h
con sciou s of h a v in g been led a st r a y , in spit e of it self,
a n d plu n g ed in t o su r r ou n din g s of a det est ed splen dou r .
A n d a spot t ed n eck t ie, st ir r ed by t h e br eezes of t h e
Squ a r e, con t in u ed t o floa t in fr on t of Leg r a n din , lik e t h e
st a n da r d of h is pr ou d isola t ion , of h is n oble
in depen den ce. Ju st a s w e r ea ch ed t h e h ou se m y m ot h er
discov er ed t h a t w e h a d for g ot t en t h e ‘Sa in t -Hon or é,’
a n d a sk ed m y fa t h er t o g o ba ck w it h m e a n d t ell t h em
t o sen d it u p a t on ce. Nea r t h e ch u r ch w e m et
Leg r a n din , com in g t ow a r ds u s w it h t h e sa m e la dy ,
w h om h e w a s escor t in g t o h er ca r r ia g e. He br u sh ed pa st
u s, a n d did n ot in t er r u pt w h a t h e w a s sa y in g t o h er ,
bu t g a v e u s, ou t of t h e cor n er of h is blu e ey e, a lit t le
sig n , w h ich beg a n a n d en ded, so t o spea k , in side h is
ey elids, a n d a s it did n ot in v olv e t h e lea st m ov em en t of
h is fa cia l m u scles, m a n a g ed t o pa ss qu it e u n per ceiv ed
by t h e la dy ; bu t , st r iv in g t o com pen sa t e by t h e
in t en sit y of h is feelin g s for t h e som ew h a t r est r ict ed field
in w h ich t h ey h a d t o fin d ex pr ession , h e m a de t h a t blu e
ch in k , w h ich w a s set a pa r t for u s, spa r k le w it h a ll t h e
a n im a t ion of cor dia lit y , w h ich w en t fa r bey on d m er e
pla y fu ln ess, a n d a lm ost t ou ch ed t h e bor der -lin e of
r og u er y ; h e su bt ilised t h e r efin em en t s of g ood-
fellow sh ip in t o a w in k of con n iv a n ce, a h in t , a h idden
m ea n in g , a secr et u n der st a n din g , a ll t h e m y st er ies of
com plicit y in a plot , a n d fin a lly ex a lt ed h is a ssu r a n ces
of fr ien dsh ip t o t h e lev el of pr ot est a t ion s of a ffect ion ,
ev en of a decla r a t ion of lov e, lig h t in g u p for u s, a n d for
u s a lon e, w it h a secr et a n d la n g u id fla m e in v isible by
t h e g r ea t la dy u pon h is ot h er side, a n en a m ou r ed pu pil
in a cou n t en a n ce of ice.
On ly t h e da y befor e h e h a d a sk ed m y pa r en t s t o
sen d m e t o din e w it h h im on t h is sa m e Su n da y ev en in g .
“ Com e a n d bea r y ou r a g ed fr ien d com pa n y ,” h e h a d
sa id t o m e. “ Lik e t h e n oseg a y w h ich a t r a v eller sen ds u s
fr om som e la n d t o w h ich w e sh a ll n ev er g o a g a in , com e
a n d let m e br ea t h e fr om t h e fa r cou n t r y of y ou r
a dolescen ce t h e scen t of t h ose flow er s of spr in g a m on g
w h ich I a lso u sed t o w a n der , m a n y y ea r s a g o. Com e
w it h t h e pr im r ose, w it h t h e ca n on ’s bea r d, w it h t h e
g old-cu p; com e w it h t h e st on e-cr op, w h er eof a r e posies
m a de, pledg es of lov e, in t h e Ba lza cia n flor a , com e w it h
t h a t flow er of t h e Resu r r ect ion m or n in g , t h e Ea st er
da isy , com e w it h t h e sn ow ba lls of t h e g u elder -r ose,
w h ich beg in t o em ba lm w it h t h eir fr a g r a n ce t h e a lley s
of y ou r g r ea t -a u n t ’s g a r den er e t h e la st sn ow s of Len t
a r e m elt ed fr om it s soil. Com e w it h t h e g lor iou s silk en
r a im en t of t h e lily , a ppa r el fit for Solom on , a n d w it h
t h e m a n y -colou r ed en a m el of t h e pa n sies, bu t com e,
a bov e a ll, w it h t h e spr in g br eeze, st ill cooled by t h e la st
fr ost s of w ir ier , w a ft in g a pa r t , for t h e t w o bu t t er flies’
sa k e, t h a t h a v e w a it ed ou t side a ll m or n in g , t h e closed
por t a ls of t h e fir st Jer u sa lem r ose.”
T h e qu est ion w a s r a ised a t h om e w h et h er , a ll t h in g s
con sider ed, I ou g h t st ill t o be sen t t o din e w it h M.
Leg r a n din . Bu t m y g r a n dm ot h er r efu sed t o believ e t h a t
h e cou ld h a v e been im polit e.
“ Y ou a dm it y ou r self t h a t h e a ppea r s a t ch u r ch
t h er e, qu it e sim ply dr essed, a n d a ll t h a t ; h e h a r dly
look s lik e a m a n of fa sh ion .” Sh e a dded t h a t ; in a n y
ev en t , ev en if, a t t h e w or st , h e h a d been in t en t ion a lly
r u de, it w a s fa r bet t er for u s t o pr et en d t h a t w e h a d
n ot iced n ot h in g . A n d in deed m y fa t h er h im self, t h ou g h
m or e a n n oy ed t h a n a n y of u s by t h e a t t it u de w h ich
Leg r a n din h a d a dopt ed, m a y st ill h a v e h eld in r eser v e a
fin a l u n cer t a in t y a s t o it s t r u e m ea n in g . It w a s lik e
ev er y a t t it u de or a ct ion w h ich r ev ea ls a m a n ’s deep
a n d h idden ch a r a ct er ; t h ey bea r n o r ela t ion t o w h a t h e
h a s pr ev iou sly sa id, a n d w e ca n n ot con fir m ou r
su spicion s by t h e cu lpr it ’s ev iden ce, for h e w ill a dm it
n ot h in g ; w e a r e r edu ced t o t h e ev iden ce of ou r ow n
sen ses, a n d w e a sk ou r selv es, in t h e fa ce of t h is det a ch ed
a n d in coh er en t fr a g m en t of r ecollect ion , w h et h er
in deed ou r sen ses h a v e n ot been t h e v ict im s of a
h a llu cin a t ion ; w it h t h e r esu lt t h a t su ch a t t it u des, a n d
t h ese a lon e a r e of im por t a n ce in in dica t in g ch a r a ct er ,
a r e t h e m ost a pt t o lea v e u s in per plex it y .
I din ed w it h Leg r a n din on t h e t er r a ce of h is h ou se,
by m oon lig h t . “ T h er e is a ch a r m in g qu a lit y , is t h er e
n ot ,” h e sa id t o m e, “ in t h is silen ce; for h ea r t s t h a t a r e
w ou n ded, a s m in e is, a n ov elist , w h om y ou w ill r ea d in
t im e t o com e, cla im s t h a t t h er e is n o r em edy bu t silen ce
a n d sh a dow . A n d see y ou t h is, m y boy , t h er e com es in
a ll liv es a t im e, t ow a r ds w h ich y ou st ill h a v e fa r t o g o,
w h en t h e w ea r y ey es ca n en du r e bu t on e k in d of lig h t ,
t h e lig h t w h ich a fin e ev en in g lik e t h is pr epa r es for u s
in t h e st illr oom of da r k n ess, w h en t h e ea r s ca n list en t o
n o m u sic sa v e w h a t t h e m oon lig h t br ea t h es t h r ou g h
t h e flu t e of silen ce.”
I cou ld h ea r w h a t M. Leg r a n din w a s sa y in g ; lik e
ev er y t h in g t h a t h e sa id, it sou n ded a t t r a ct iv e; bu t I
w a s dist u r bed by t h e m em or y of a la dy w h om I h a d
seen r ecen t ly for t h e fir st t im e; a n d t h in k in g , n ow t h a t
I k n ew t h a t Leg r a n din w a s on fr ien dly t er m s w it h
sev er a l of t h e loca l a r ist ocr a cy , t h a t per h a ps sh e a lso
w a s a m on g h is a cqu a in t a n ce, I su m m on ed u p a ll m y
cou r a g e a n d sa id t o h im : “ T ell m e, sir , do y ou , by a n y
ch a n ce, k n ow t h e la dy — t h e la dies of Gu er m a n t es?”
a n d I felt g la d beca u se, in pr on ou n cin g t h e n a m e, I h a d
secu r ed a sor t of pow er ov er it , by t h e m er e a ct of
dr a w in g it u p ou t of m y dr ea m s a n d g iv in g it a n
object iv e ex ist en ce in t h e w or ld of spok en t h in g s.
Bu t , a t t h e sou n d of t h e w or d Gu er m a n t es, I sa w in
t h e m iddle of ea ch of ou r fr ien d’s blu e ey es a lit t le
br ow n dim ple a ppea r , a s t h ou g h t h ey h a d been st a bbed
by som e in v isible pin -poin t , w h ile t h e r est of h is pu pils,
r ea ct in g fr om t h e sh ock , r eceiv ed a n d secr et ed t h e
a zu r e ov er flow . His fr in g ed ey elids da r k en ed, a n d
dr ooped. His m ou t h , w h ich h a d been st iffen ed a n d
sea r ed w it h bit t er lin es, w a s t h e fir st t o r ecov er , a n d
sm iled, w h ile h is ey es st ill seem ed fu ll of pa in , lik e t h e
ey es of a g ood-look in g m a r t y r w h ose body br ist les w it h
a r r ow s.
“ No, I do n ot k n ow t h em ,” h e sa id, bu t in st ea d of
u t t er in g so sim ple a piece of in for m a t ion , a r eply in
w h ich t h er e w a s so lit t le t h a t cou ld a st on ish m e, in t h e
n a t u r a l a n d con v er sa t ion a l t on e w h ich w ou ld h a v e
befit t ed it , h e r ecit ed it w it h a sepa r a t e st r ess u pon ea ch
w or d, lea n in g for w a r d, bow in g h is h ea d, w it h a t on ce
t h e v eh em en ce w h ich a m a n g iv es, so a s t o be believ ed,
t o a h ig h ly im pr oba ble st a t em en t (a s t h ou g h t h e fa ct
t h a t h e did n ot k n ow t h e Gu er m a n t es cou ld be du e on ly
t o som e st r a n g e a cciden t of for t u n e) a n d w it h t h e
em ph a sis of a m a n w h o, fin din g h im self u n a ble t o k eep
silen ce a bou t w h a t is t o h im a pa in fu l sit u a t ion , ch ooses
t o pr ocla im it a lou d, so a s t o con v in ce h is h ea r er s t h a t
t h e con fession h e is m a k in g is on e t h a t ca u ses h im n o
em ba r r a ssm en t , bu t is ea sy , a g r eea ble, spon t a n eou s,
t h a t t h e sit u a t ion in qu est ion , in t h is ca se t h e a bsen ce of
r ela t ion s w it h t h e Gu er m a n t es fa m ily , m ig h t v er y w ell
h a v e been n ot for ced u pon , bu t a ct u a lly desig n ed by
Leg r a n din h im self, m ig h t a r ise fr om som e fa m ily
t r a dit ion , som e m or a l pr in ciple or m y st ica l v ow w h ich
ex pr essly for ba de h is seek in g t h eir societ y .
“ No,” h e r esu m ed, ex pla in in g by h is w or ds t h e t on e
in w h ich t h ey w er e u t t er ed. “ No, I do n ot k n ow t h em ; I
h a v e n ev er w ish ed t o k n ow t h em ; I h a v e a lw a y s m a de a
poin t of pr eser v in g com plet e in depen den ce; a t h ea r t , a s
y ou k n ow , I a m a bit of a Ra dica l. People a r e a lw a y s
com in g t o m e a bou t it , t ellin g m e I a m m ist a k en in n ot
g oin g t o Gu er m a n t es, t h a t I m a k e m y self seem ill-br ed,
u n civ ilised, a n old bea r . Bu t t h a t ’s n ot t h e sor t of
r epu t a t ion t h a t ca n fr ig h t en m e; it ’s t oo t r u e! In m y
h ea r t of h ea r t s I ca r e for n ot h in g in t h e w or ld n ow bu t a
few ch u r ch es, book s — t w o or t h r ee, pict u r es — r a t h er
m or e, per h a ps, a n d t h e lig h t of t h e m oon w h en t h e
fr esh br eeze of y ou t h (su ch a s y ou r s) w a ft s t o m y
n ost r ils t h e scen t of g a r den s w h ose flow er s m y old ey es
a r e n ot sh a r p en ou g h , n ow , t o dist in g u ish .”
I did n ot u n der st a n d v er y clea r ly w h y , in or der t o
r efr a in fr om g oin g t o t h e h ou ses of people w h om on e did
n ot k n ow , it sh ou ld be n ecessa r y t o clin g t o on e’s
in depen den ce, n or h ow t h a t cou ld g iv e on e t h e
a ppea r a n ce of a sa v a g e or a bea r . Bu t w h a t I did
u n der st a n d w a s t h is, t h a t Leg r a n din w a s n ot a lt og et h er
t r u t h fu l w h en h e sa id t h a t h e ca r ed on ly for ch u r ch es,
m oon lig h t , a n d y ou t h ; h e ca r ed a lso, h e ca r ed a v er y
g r ea t dea l, for people w h o liv ed in cou n t r y h ou ses, a n d
w ou ld be so m u ch a fr a id, w h en in t h eir com pa n y , of
in cu r r in g t h eir displea su r e t h a t h e w ou ld n ev er da r e t o
let t h em see t h a t h e n u m ber ed, a s w ell, a m on g h is
fr ien ds m iddle-cla ss people, t h e fa m ilies of solicit or s a n d
st ock br ok er s, pr efer r in g , if t h e t r u t h m u st be k n ow n ,
t h a t it sh ou ld be r ev ea led in h is a bsen ce, w h en h e w a s
ou t of ea r sh ot , t h a t ju dg m en t sh ou ld g o a g a in st h im (if
so it m u st ) by defa u lt : in a w or d, h e w a s a sn ob. Of
cou r se h e w ou ld n ev er h a v e a dm it t ed a ll or a n y of t h is
in t h e poet ica l la n g u a g e w h ich m y fa m ily a n d I so
m u ch a dm ir ed. A n d if I a sk ed h im , “ Do y ou k n ow t h e
Gu er m a n t es fa m ily ?” Leg r a n din t h e t a lk er w ou ld
r eply , “ No, I h a v e n ev er ca r ed t o k n ow t h em .” Bu t
u n for t u n a t ely t h e t a lk er w a s n ow su bor din a t ed t o
a n ot h er Leg r a n din , w h om h e k ept ca r efu lly h idden in
h is br ea st , w h om h e w ou ld n ev er con sciou sly ex h ibit ,
beca u se t h is ot h er cou ld t ell st or ies a bou t ou r ow n
Leg r a n din a n d a bou t h is sn obbish n ess w h ich w ou ld
h a v e r u in ed h is r epu t a t ion for ev er ; a n d t h is ot h er
Leg r a n din h a d r eplied t o m e a lr ea dy in t h a t w ou n ded
look , t h a t st iffen ed sm ile, t h e u n du e g r a v it y of h is t on e
in u t t er in g t h ose few w or ds, in t h e t h ou sa n d a r r ow s by
w h ich ou r ow n Leg r a n din h a d in st a n t a n eou sly been
st a bbed a n d sick en ed, lik e a Sa in t Seba st ia n of
sn obber y :
“ Oh , h ow y ou h u r t m e! No, I do n ot k n ow t h e
Gu er m a n t es fa m ily . Do n ot r em in d m e of t h e g r ea t
sor r ow of m y life.” A n d sin ce t h is ot h er , t h is
ir r epr essible, dom in a n t , despot ic Leg r a n din , if h e
la ck ed ou r Leg r a n din ’s ch a r m in g v oca bu la r y , sh ew ed
a n in fin it ely g r ea t er pr om pt n ess in ex pr essin g h im self,
by m ea n s of w h a t a r e ca lled ‘r eflex es,’ it follow ed t h a t ,
w h en Leg r a n din t h e t a lk er a t t em pt ed t o silen ce h im , h e
w ou ld a lr ea dy h a v e spok en , a n d it w ou ld be u seless for
ou r fr ien d t o deplor e t h e ba d im pr ession w h ich t h e
r ev ela t ion s of h is alter ego m u st h a v e ca u sed, sin ce h e
cou ld do n o m or e n ow t h a n en dea v ou r t o m it ig a t e
t h em .
T h is w a s n ot t o sa y t h a t M. Leg r a n din w a s a n y t h in g
bu t sin cer e w h en h e in v eig h ed a g a in st sn obs. He cou ld
n ot (fr om h is ow n k n ow ledg e, a t lea st ) be a w a r e t h a t h e
w a s on e a lso, sin ce it is on ly w it h t h e pa ssion s of ot h er s
t h a t w e a r e ev er r ea lly fa m ilia r , a n d w h a t w e com e t o
fin d ou t a bou t ou r ow n ca n be n o m or e t h a n w h a t ot h er
people h a v e sh ew n u s. Upon ou r selv es t h ey r ea ct bu t
in dir ect ly , t h r ou g h ou r im a g in a t ion , w h ich su bst it u t es
for ou r a ct u a l, pr im a r y m ot iv es ot h er , secon da r y
m ot iv es, less st a r k a n d t h er efor e m or e decen t . Nev er
h a d Leg r a n din ’s sn obbish n ess im pelled h im t o m a k e a
h a bit of v isit in g a du ch ess a s su ch . In st ea d, it w ou ld set
h is im a g in a t ion t o m a k e t h a t du ch ess a ppea r , in
Leg r a n din ’s ey es, en dow ed w it h a ll t h e g r a ces. He
w ou ld be dr a w n t ow a r ds t h e du ch ess, a ssu r in g h im self
t h e w h ile t h a t h e w a s y ieldin g t o t h e a t t r a ct ion s of h er
m in d, a n d h er ot h er v ir t u es, w h ich t h e v ile r a ce of
sn obs cou ld n ev er u n der st a n d. On ly h is fellow -sn obs
k n ew t h a t h e w a s of t h eir n u m ber , for , ow in g t o t h eir
in a bilit y t o a ppr ecia t e t h e in t er v en in g effor t s of h is
im a g in a t ion , t h ey sa w in close ju x t a posit ion t h e socia l
a ct iv it ies of Leg r a n din a n d t h eir pr im a r y ca u se.
A t h om e, m ea n w h ile, w e h a d n o lon g er a n y
illu sion s a s t o M. Leg r a n din , a n d ou r r ela t ion s w it h h im
h a d becom e m u ch m or e dist a n t . Ma m m a w ou ld be
g r ea t ly delig h t ed w h en ev er sh e ca u g h t h im r ed-h a n ded
in t h e sin , w h ich h e con t in u ed t o ca ll t h e u n pa r don a ble
sin , of sn obber y . A s for m y fa t h er , h e fou n d it difficu lt
t o t a k e Leg r a n din ’s a ir s in so lig h t , in so det a ch ed a
spir it ; a n d w h en t h er e w a s som e t a lk , on e y ea r , of
sen din g m e t o spen d t h e lon g su m m er h olida y s a t
Ba lbec w it h m y g r a n dm ot h er , h e sa id: “ I m u st , m ost
cer t a in ly , t ell Leg r a n din t h a t y ou a r e g oin g t o Ba lbec,
t o see w h et h er h e w ill offer y ou a n in t r odu ct ion t o h is
sist er . He pr oba bly doesn ’t r em em ber t ellin g u s t h a t sh e
liv ed w it h in a m ile of t h e pla ce.”
My g r a n dm ot h er , w h o h eld t h a t , w h en on e w en t t o
t h e sea side, on e ou g h t t o be on t h e bea ch fr om m or n in g
t o n ig h t , t o t a st e t h e sa lt br eezes, a n d t h a t on e sh ou ld
n ot k n ow a n y on e in t h e pla ce, beca u se ca lls a n d pa r t ies
a n d ex cu r sion s w er e so m u ch t im e st olen fr om w h a t
belon g ed, by r ig h t s, t o t h e sea -a ir , beg g ed h im on n o
a ccou n t t o spea k t o Leg r a n din of ou r pla n s; for a lr ea dy ,
in h er m in d’s ey e, sh e cou ld see h is sist er , Mm e. de
Ca m br em er , a lig h t in g fr om h er ca r r ia g e a t t h e door of
ou r h ot el ju st a s w e w er e on t h e poin t of g oin g ou t
fish in g , a n d oblig in g u s t o r em a in in door s a ll a ft er n oon
t o en t er t a in h er . Bu t Ma m m a la u g h ed h er fea r s t o
scor n , for sh e h er self felt t h a t t h e da n g er w a s n ot so
t h r ea t en in g , a n d t h a t Leg r a n din w ou ld sh ew n o u n du e
a n x iet y t o m a k e u s a cqu a in t ed w it h h is sist er . A n d, a s it
h a ppen ed, t h er e w a s n o n eed for a n y of u s t o in t r odu ce
t h e su bject of Ba lbec, for it w a s Leg r a n din h im self w h o,
w it h ou t t h e lea st su spicion t h a t w e h a d ev er h a d a n y
in t en t ion of v isit in g t h ose pa r t s, w a lk ed in t o t h e t r a p
u n in v it ed on e ev en in g , w h en w e m et h im st r ollin g on
t h e ba n k s of t h e V iv on n e.
“ T h er e a r e t in t s in t h e clou ds t h is ev en in g , v iolet s
a n d blu es, w h ich a r e v er y bea u t ifu l, a r e t h ey n ot , m y
fr ien d?” h e sa id t o m y fa t h er . “ Especia lly a blu e w h ich
is fa r m or e flor a l t h a n a t m osph er ic, a cin er a r ia blu e,
w h ich it is su r pr isin g t o see in t h e sk y . A n d t h a t lit t le
pin k clou d t h er e, h a s it n ot ju st t h e t in t of som e flow er ,
a ca r n a t ion or h y dr a n g ea ? Now h er e, per h a ps, ex cept on
t h e sh or es of t h e En g lish Ch a n n el, w h er e Nor m a n dy
m er g es in t o Br it t a n y , h a v e I been a ble t o fin d su ch
copiou s ex a m ples of w h a t y ou m ig h t ca ll a v eg et a ble
k in g dom in t h e clou ds. Dow n t h er e, close t o Ba lbec,
a m on g a ll t h ose pla ces w h ich a r e st ill so u n civ ilised,
t h er e is a lit t le ba y , ch a r m in g ly qu iet , w h er e t h e
su n set s of t h e A u g e V a lley , t h ose r ed-a n d-g old su n set s
(w h ich , a ll t h e sa m e, I a m v er y fa r fr om despisin g )
seem com m on pla ce a n d in sig n ifica n t ; for in t h a t m oist
a n d g en t le a t m osph er e t h ese h ea v en ly flow er -beds w ill
br ea k in t o blossom , in a few m om en t s, in t h e ev en in g s,
in com pa r a bly lov ely , a n d oft en la st in g for h ou r s befor e
t h ey fa de. Ot h er s sh ed t h eir lea v es a t on ce, a n d t h en it
is m or e bea u t ifu l st ill t o see t h e sk y st r ew n w it h t h e
sca t t er in g of t h eir in n u m er a ble pet a ls, su lph u r ou s
y ellow a n d r osy r ed. In t h a t ba y , w h ich t h ey ca ll t h e
Opa l Ba y , t h e g olden sa n ds a ppea r m or e ch a r m in g st ill
fr om bein g fa st en ed, lik e fa ir A n dr om eda , t o t h ose
t er r ible r ock s of t h e su r r ou n din g coa st , t o t h a t fu n er ea l
sh or e, fa m ed for t h e n u m ber of it s w r eck s, w h er e ev er y
w in t er m a n y a br a v e v essel fa lls a v ict im t o t h e per ils
of t h e sea . Ba lbec! t h e oldest bon e in t h e g eolog ica l
sk elet on t h a t u n der lies ou r soil, t h e t r u e A r -m or , t h e
sea , t h e la n d’s en d, t h e a ccu r sed r eg ion w h ich A n a t ole
Fr a n ce — a n en ch a n t er w h ose w or k s ou r y ou n g fr ien d
ou g h t t o r ea d — h a s so w ell depict ed, ben ea t h it s et er n a l
fog s, a s t h ou g h it w er e in deed t h e la n d of t h e
Cim m er ia n s in t h e Ody ssey . Ba lbec; y es, t h ey a r e
bu ildin g h ot els t h er e n ow , su per im posin g t h em u pon it s
a n cien t a n d ch a r m in g soil, w h ich t h ey a r e pow er less t o
a lt er ; h ow delig h t fu l it is, dow n t h er e, t o be a ble t o st ep
ou t a t on ce in t o r eg ion s so pr im it iv e a n d so
en t r a n cin g .”
“ In deed! A n d do y ou k n ow a n y on e a t Ba lbec?”
in qu ir ed m y fa t h er . “ T h is y ou n g m a n is ju st g oin g t o
spen d a cou ple of m on t h s t h er e w it h h is g r a n dm ot h er ,
a n d m y w ife t oo, per h a ps.”
Leg r a n din , t a k en u n a w a r es by t h e qu est ion a t a
m om en t w h en h e w a s look in g dir ect ly a t m y fa t h er ,
w a s u n a ble t o t u r n a side h is g a ze, a n d so con cen t r a t ed it
w it h st ea dily in cr ea sin g in t en sit y — sm ilin g
m ou r n fu lly t h e w h ile — u pon t h e ey es of h is qu est ion er ,
w it h a n a ir of fr ien dlin ess a n d fr a n k n ess a n d of n ot
bein g a fr a id t o look h im in t h e fa ce, u n t il h e seem ed t o
h a v e pen et r a t ed m y fa t h er ’s sk u ll, a s it h a d been a ba ll
of g la ss, a n d t o be seein g , a t t h e m om en t , a lon g w a y
bey on d a n d beh in d it , a br ig h t ly colou r ed clou d, w h ich
pr ov ided h im w it h a m en t a l a libi, a n d w ou ld en a ble
h im t o est a blish t h e t h eor y t h a t , ju st w h en h e w a s
bein g a sk ed w h et h er h e k n ew a n y on e a t Ba lbec, h e h a d
been t h in k in g of som et h in g else, a n d so h a d n ot h ea r d
t h e qu est ion . A s a r u le t h ese t a ct ics m a k e t h e qu est ion er
pr oceed t o a sk , “ W h y , w h a t a r e y ou t h in k in g a bou t ?”
Bu t m y fa t h er , in qu isit iv e, a n n oy ed, a n d cr u el,
r epea t ed: “ Ha v e y ou fr ien ds, t h en , in th at
n eig h bou r h ood, t h a t y ou k n ow Ba lbec so w ell?”
In a fin a l a n d desper a t e effor t t h e sm ilin g g a ze of
Leg r a n din st r u g g led t o t h e ex t r em e lim it s of it s
t en der n ess, v a g u en ess, ca n dou r , a n d dist r a ct ion ; t h en
feelin g , n o dou bt , t h a t t h er e w a s n ot h in g left for it n ow
bu t t o a n sw er , h e sa id t o u s: “ I h a v e fr ien ds a ll t h e
w or ld ov er , w h er ev er t h er e a r e com pa n ies of t r ees,
st r ick en bu t n ot defea t ed, w h ich h a v e com e t og et h er t o
offer a com m on su pplica t ion , w it h pa t h et ic obst in a cy ,
t o a n in clem en t sk y w h ich h a s n o m er cy u pon t h em .”
“ T h a t is n ot qu it e w h a t I m ea n t ,” in t er r u pt ed m y
fa t h er , obst in a t e a s a t r ee a n d m er ciless a s t h e sk y . “ I
a sk ed y ou , in ca se a n y t h in g sh ou ld h a ppen t o m y
m ot h er -in -la w a n d sh e w a n t ed t o feel t h a t sh e w a s n ot
a ll a lon e dow n t h er e, a t t h e en ds of t h e ea r t h , w h et h er
y ou k n ew a n y of t h e people.”
“ T h er e a s elsew h er e, I k n ow ev er y on e a n d I k n ow n o
on e,” r eplied Leg r a n din , w h o w a s by n o m ea n s r ea dy
y et t o su r r en der ; “ pla ces I k n ow w ell, people v er y
slig h t ly . Bu t , dow n t h er e, t h e pla ces t h em selv es seem t o
m e ju st lik e people, r a r e a n d w on der fu l people, of a
delica t e qu a lit y w h ich w ou ld h a v e been cor r u pt ed a n d
r u in ed by t h e g ift of life. Per h a ps it is a ca st le w h ich y ou
en cou n t er u pon t h e cliff’s edg e; st a n din g t h er e by t h e
r oa dside, w h er e it h a s h a lt ed t o con t em pla t e it s sor r ow s
befor e a n ev en in g sk y , st ill r osy , t h r ou g h w h ich a
g olden m oon is clim bin g ; w h ile t h e fish in g -boa t s,
h om ew a r d bou n d, cr ea sin g t h e w a t er ed silk of t h e
Ch a n n el, h oist it s pen n a n t a t t h eir m a st h ea ds a n d
ca r r y it s colou r s. Or per h a ps it is a sim ple dw ellin g -
h ou se t h a t st a n ds a lon e, u g ly , if a n y t h in g , t im id-
seem in g bu t fu ll of r om a n ce, h idin g fr om ev er y ey e
som e im per ish a ble secr et of h a ppin ess and
disen ch a n t m en t . T h a t la n d w h ich k n ow s n ot t r u t h ,” h e
con t in u ed w it h Ma ch ia v ellia n su bt let y , “ t h a t la n d of
in fin it e fict ion m a k es ba d r ea din g for a n y boy ; a n d is
cer t a in ly n ot w h a t I sh ou ld ch oose or r ecom m en d for
m y y ou n g fr ien d h er e, w h o is a lr ea dy so m u ch in clin ed
t o m ela n ch oly , for a h ea r t a lr ea dy pr edisposed t o
r eceiv e it s im pr ession s. Clim a t es t h a t br ea t h e a m or ou s
secr et s a n d fu t ile r eg r et s m a y a g r ee w it h a n old a n d
disillu sion ed m a n lik e m y self; bu t t h ey m u st a lw a y s
pr ov e fa t a l t o a t em per a m en t w h ich is st ill u n for m ed.
Believ e m e,” h e w en t on w it h em ph a sis, “ t h e w a t er s of
t h a t ba y — m or e Br et on t h a n Nor m a n — m a y ex er t a
seda t iv e in flu en ce, t h ou g h ev en t h a t is of qu est ion a ble
v a lu e, u pon a h ea r t w h ich , lik e m in e, is n o lon g er
u n br ok en , a h ea r t for w h ose w ou n ds t h er e is n o lon g er
a n y t h in g t o com pen sa t e. Bu t a t y ou r a g e, m y boy ,
t h ose w a t er s a r e con t r a -in dica t ed. . . . Good n ig h t t o
y ou , n eig h bou r s,” h e a dded, m ov in g a w a y fr om u s w it h
t h a t ev a siv e a br u pt n ess t o w h ich w e w er e a ccu st om ed;
a n d t h en , t u r n in g t ow a r ds u s, w it h a ph y sicia n ly
fin g er r a ised in w a r n in g , h e r esu m ed t h e con su lt a t ion :
“ No Ba lbec befor e y ou a r e fift y !” h e ca lled ou t t o m e,
“ a n d ev en t h en it m u st depen d on t h e st a t e of t h e
h ea r t .”
My fa t h er spok e t o h im of it a g a in , a s oft en a s w e
m et h im , a n d t or t u r ed h im w it h qu est ion s, bu t it w a s
la bou r in v a in : lik e t h a t sch ola r ly sw in dler w h o
dev ot ed t o t h e fa br ica t ion of for g ed pa lim psest s a w ea lt h
of sk ill a n d k n ow ledg e a n d in du st r y t h e h u n dr edt h pa r t
of w h ich w ou ld h a v e su fficed t o est a blish h im in a m or e
lu cr a t iv e — bu t a n h on ou r a ble occu pa t ion , M.
Leg r a n din , h a d w e in sist ed fu r t h er , w ou ld in t h e en d
h a v e con st r u ct ed a w h ole sy st em of et h ics, a n d a
celest ia l g eog r a ph y of Low er Nor m a n dy , soon er t h a n
a dm it t o u s t h a t , w it h in a m ile of Ba lbec, h is ow n sist er
w a s liv in g in h er ow n h ou se; soon er t h a n fin d h im self
oblig ed t o offer u s a let t er of in t r odu ct ion , t h e pr ospect
of w h ich w ou ld n ev er h a v e in spir ed h im w it h su ch
t er r or h a d h e been a bsolu t ely cer t a in — a s, fr om h is
k n ow ledg e of m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s ch a r a ct er , h e r ea lly
ou g h t t o h a v e been cer t a in — t h a t in n o cir cu m st a n ces
w h a t soev er w ou ld w e h a v e dr ea m ed of m a k in g u se of it .
***
W e u sed a lw a y s t o r et u r n fr om ou r w a lk s in g ood
t im e t o pa y a u n t Léon ie a v isit befor e din n er . In t h e
fir st w eek s of ou r Com br a y h olida y s, w h en t h e da y s
en ded ea r ly , w e w ou ld st ill be a ble t o see, a s w e t u r n ed
in t o t h e Ru e du Sa in t -Espr it , a r eflect ion of t h e w est er n
sk y fr om t h e w in dow s of t h e h ou se a n d a ba n d of pu r ple
a t t h e foot of t h e Ca lv a r y , w h ich w a s m ir r or ed fu r t h er
on in t h e pon d; a fier y g low w h ich , a ccom pa n ied oft en
by a cold t h a t bu r n ed a n d st u n g , w ou ld a ssocia t e it self
in m y m in d w it h t h e g low of t h e fir e ov er w h ich , a t
t h a t v er y m om en t , w a s r oa st in g t h e ch ick en t h a t w a s
t o fu r n ish m e, in pla ce of t h e poet ic plea su r e I h a d fou n d
in m y w a lk , w it h t h e sen su a l plea su r es of g ood feedin g ,
w a r m t h a n d r est . Bu t in su m m er , w h en w e ca m e ba ck
t o t h e h ou se, t h e su n w ou ld n ot h a v e set ; a n d w h ile w e
w er e u pst a ir s pa y in g ou r v isit t o a u n t Léon ie it s r a y s,
sin k in g u n t il t h ey t ou ch ed a n d la y a lon g h er w in dow -
sill, w ou ld t h er e be ca u g h t a n d h eld by t h e la r g e in n er
cu r t a in s a n d t h e ba n ds w h ich t ied t h em ba ck t o t h e
w a ll, a n d split a n d sca t t er ed a n d filt er ed; a n d t h en , a t
la st , w ou ld fa ll u pon a n d in la y w it h t in y fla k es of g old
t h e lem on w ood of h er ch est -of-dr a w er s, illu m in a t in g
t h e r oom in t h eir pa ssa g e w it h t h e sa m e delica t e,
sla n t in g , sh a dow ed bea m s t h a t fa ll a m on g t h e boles of
for est t r ees. Bu t on som e da y s, t h ou g h v er y r a r ely , t h e
ch est -of-dr a w er s w ou ld lon g sin ce h a v e sh ed it s
m om en t a r y a dor n m en t s, t h er e w ou ld n o lon g er , a s w e
t u r n ed in t o t h e Ru e du Sa in t -Espr it , be a n y r eflect ion
fr om t h e w est er n sk y bu r n in g a lon g t h e lin e of w in dow -
pa n es; t h e pon d ben ea t h t h e Ca lv a r y w ou ld h a v e lost it s
fier y g low , som et im es in deed h a d ch a n g ed a lr ea dy t o
a n opa lescen t pa llor , w h ile a lon g r ibbon of m oon lig h t ,
ben t a n d br ok en a n d br oa den ed by ev er y r ipple u pon
t h e w a t er ’s su r fa ce, w ou ld be ly in g a cr oss it , fr om en d
t o en d. T h en , a s w e dr ew n ea r t h e h ou se, w e w ou ld
m a k e ou t a fig u r e st a n din g u pon t h e door st ep, a n d
Ma m m a w ou ld sa y t o m e: “ Good h ea v en s! T h er e is
Fr a n çoise look in g ou t for u s; y ou r a u n t m u st be
a n x iou s; t h a t m ea n s w e a r e la t e.”
A n d w it h ou t w a st in g t im e by st oppin g t o t a k e off
ou r ‘t h in g s’ w e w ou ld fly u pst a ir s t o m y a u n t Léon ie’s
r oom t o r ea ssu r e h er , t o pr ov e t o h er by ou r bodily
pr esen ce t h a t a ll h er g loom y im a g in in g s w er e fa lse,
t h a t , on t h e con t r a r y , n ot h in g h a d h a ppen ed t o u s, bu t
t h a t w e h a d g on e t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ,’ a n d, g ood lor d,
w h en on e t ook t h a t w a lk , m y a u n t k n ew w ell en ou g h
t h a t on e cou ld n ev er sa y a t w h a t t im e on e w ou ld be
h om e.
“ T h er e, Fr a n çoise,” m y a u n t w ou ld sa y , “ didn ’t I
t ell y ou t h a t t h ey m u st h a v e g on e t h e Gu er m a n t es
w a y ? Good g r a ciou s! T h ey m u st be h u n g r y ! A n d y ou r
n ice leg of m u t t on w ill be qu it e dr ied u p n ow , a ft er a ll
t h e h ou r s it ’s been w a it in g . W h a t a t im e t o com e in !
W ell, a n d so y ou w en t t h e Gu er m a n t es w a y ?”
“ Bu t , Leon ie, I su pposed y ou k n ew ,” Ma m m a w ou ld
a n sw er . “ I t h ou g h t t h a t Fr a n çoise h a d seen u s g o ou t by
t h e lit t le g a t e, t h r ou g h t h e k it ch en -g a r den .”
For t h er e w er e, in t h e en v ir on s of Com br a y , t w o
‘w a y s’ w h ich w e u sed t o t a k e for ou r w a lk s, a n d so
dia m et r ica lly opposed t h a t w e w ou ld a ct u a lly lea v e t h e
h ou se by a differ en t door , a ccor din g t o t h e w a y w e h a d
ch osen : t h e w a y t ow a r ds Méség lise-la -V in eu se, w h ich
w e ca lled a lso ‘Sw a n n ’s w a y ,’ beca u se, t o g et t h er e, on e
h a d t o pa ss a lon g t h e bou n da r y of M. Sw a n n ’s est a t e,
a n d t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y .’ Of Méség lise-la -V in eu se, t o
t ell t h e t r u t h , I n ev er k n ew a n y t h in g m or e t h a n t h e
w a y t h er e, a n d t h e st r a n g e people w h o w ou ld com e ov er
on Su n da y s t o t a k e t h e a ir in Com br a y , people w h om ,
t h is t im e, n eit h er m y a u n t n or a n y of u s w ou ld ‘k n ow
a t a ll,’ a n d w h om w e w ou ld t h er efor e a ssu m e t o be
‘people w h o m u st h a v e com e ov er fr om Méség lise.’ A s for
Gu er m a n t es, I w a s t o k n ow it w ell en ou g h on e da y , bu t
t h a t da y h a d st ill t o com e; a n d, du r in g t h e w h ole of m y
boy h ood, if Méség lise w a s t o m e som et h in g a s
in a ccessible a s t h e h or izon , w h ich r em a in ed h idden
fr om sig h t , h ow ev er fa r on e w en t , by t h e folds of a
cou n t r y w h ich n o lon g er bor e t h e lea st r esem bla n ce t o
t h e cou n t r y r ou n d Com br a y ; Gu er m a n t es, on t h e ot h er
h a n d, m ea n t n o m or e t h a n t h e u lt im a t e g oa l, idea l
r a t h er t h a n r ea l, of t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ,’ a sor t of
a bst r a ct g eog r a ph ica l t er m lik e t h e Nor t h Pole or t h e
Equ a t or . A n d so t o ‘t a k e t h e Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ in or der
t o g et t o Méség lise, or v ice v er sa , w ou ld h a v e seem ed t o
m e a s n on sen sica l a pr oceedin g a s t o t u r n t o t h e ea st in
or der t o r ea ch t h e w est . Sin ce m y fa t h er u sed a lw a y s t o
spea k of t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ a s com pr isin g t h e fin est
v iew of a pla in t h a t h e k n ew a n y w h er e, a n d of t h e
‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ a s t y pica l of r iv er scen er y , I h a d
in v est ed ea ch of t h em , by con ceiv in g t h em in t h is w a y
a s t w o dist in ct en t it ies, w it h t h a t coh esion , t h a t u n it y
w h ich belon g s on ly t o t h e fig m en t s of t h e m in d; t h e
sm a llest det a il of eit h er of t h em a ppea r ed t o m e a s a
pr eciou s t h in g , w h ich ex h ibit ed t h e specia l ex cellen ce of
t h e w h ole, w h ile, im m edia t ely beside t h em , in t h e fir st
st a g es of ou r w a lk , befor e w e h a d r ea ch ed t h e sa cr ed soil
of on e or t h e ot h er , t h e pu r ely m a t er ia l r oa ds, a t
defin it e poin t s on w h ich t h ey w er e set dow n a s t h e idea l
v iew ov er a pla in a n d t h e idea l scen er y of a r iv er , w er e
n o m or e w or t h t h e t r ou ble of look in g a t t h em t h a n , t o a
k een pla y g oer a n d lov er of dr a m a t ic a r t , a r e t h e lit t le
st r eet s w h ich m a y h a ppen t o r u n pa st t h e w a lls of a
t h ea t r e. Bu t , a bov e a ll, I set bet w een t h em , fa r m or e
dist in ct ly t h a n t h e m er e dist a n ce in m iles a n d y a r ds
a n d in ch es w h ich sepa r a t ed on e fr om t h e ot h er , t h e
dist a n ce t h a t t h er e w a s bet w een t h e t w o pa r t s of m y
br a in in w h ich I u sed t o t h in k of t h em , on e of t h ose
dist a n ces of t h e m in d w h ich t im e ser v es on ly t o
len g t h en , w h ich sepa r a t e t h in g s ir r em edia bly fr om on e
a n ot h er , k eepin g t h em for ev er u pon differ en t pla n es.
A n d t h is dist in ct ion w a s r en der ed st ill m or e a bsolu t e
beca u se t h e h a bit w e h a d of n ev er g oin g bot h w a y s on
t h e sa m e da y , or in t h e cou r se of t h e sa m e w a lk , bu t t h e
‘Méség lise w a y ’ on e t im e a n d t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’
a n ot h er , sh u t t h em u p, so t o spea k , fa r a pa r t a n d
u n a w a r e of ea ch ot h er ’s ex ist en ce, in t h e sea led v essels
— bet w een w h ich t h er e cou ld be n o com m u n ica t ion — of
sepa r a t e a ft er n oon s.
W h en w e h a d decided t o g o t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ w e
w ou ld st a r t (w it h ou t u n du e h a st e, a n d ev en if t h e sk y
w er e clou ded ov er , sin ce t h e w a lk w a s n ot v er y lon g ,
a n d did n ot t a k e u s t oo fa r fr om h om e), a s t h ou g h w e
w er e n ot g oin g a n y w h er e in pa r t icu la r , by t h e fr on t -
door of m y a u n t ’s h ou se, w h ich open ed on t o t h e Ru e du
Sa in t -Espr it . W e w ou ld be g r eet ed by t h e g u n sm it h , w e
w ou ld dr op ou r let t er s in t o t h e box , w e w ou ld t ell
T h éodor e, fr om Fr a n çoise, a s w e pa ssed, t h a t sh e h a d
r u n ou t of oil or coffee, a n d w e w ou ld lea v e t h e t ow n by
t h e r oa d w h ich r a n a lon g t h e w h it e fen ce of M. Sw a n n ’s
pa r k . Befor e r ea ch in g it w e w ou ld be m et on ou r w a y by
t h e scen t of h is lila c-t r ees, com e ou t t o w elcom e
st r a n g er s. Ou t of t h e fr esh lit t le g r een h ea r t s of t h eir
folia g e t h e lila cs r a ised in qu isit iv ely ov er t h e fen ce of
t h e pa r k t h eir plu m es of w h it e or pu r ple blossom , w h ich
g low ed, ev en in t h e sh a de, w it h t h e su n lig h t in w h ich
t h ey h a d been ba t h ed. Som e of t h em , h a lf-con cea led by
t h e lit t le t iled h ou se, ca lled t h e A r ch er s’ Lodg e, in
w h ich Sw a n n ’s k eeper liv ed, ov er t opped it s g ot h ic g a ble
w it h t h eir r osy m in a r et . T h e n y m ph s of spr in g w ou ld
h a v e seem ed coa r se a n d v u lg a r in com pa r ison w it h
t h ese y ou n g h ou r is, w h o r et a in ed, in t h is Fr en ch
g a r den , t h e pu r e a n d v iv id colou r in g of a Per sia n
m in ia t u r e. Despit e m y desir e t o t h r ow m y a r m s a bou t
t h eir plia n t for m s a n d t o dr a w dow n t ow a r ds m e t h e
st a r r y lock s t h a t cr ow n ed t h eir fr a g r a n t h ea ds, w e
w ou ld pa ss t h em by w it h ou t st oppin g , for m y pa r en t s
h a d cea sed t o v isit T a n son v ille sin ce Sw a n n ’s m a r r ia g e,
a n d, so a s n ot t o a ppea r t o be look in g in t o h is pa r k , w e
w ou ld, in st ea d of t a k in g t h e r oa d w h ich r a n beside it s
bou n da r y a n d t h en clim bed st r a ig h t u p t o t h e open
fields, ch oose a n ot h er w a y , w h ich led in t h e sa m e
dir ect ion , bu t cir cu it ou sly , a n d br ou g h t u s ou t r a t h er
t oo fa r fr om h om e.
On e da y m y g r a n dfa t h er sa id t o m y ‘fa t h er : “ Don ’t
y ou r em em ber Sw a n n ’s t ellin g u s y est er da y t h a t h is
w ife a n d da u g h t er h a d g on e off t o Rh eim s a n d t h a t h e
w a s t a k in g t h e oppor t u n it y of spen din g a da y or t w o in
Pa r is? W e m ig h t g o a lon g by t h e pa r k , sin ce t h e la dies
a r e n ot a t h om e; t h a t w ill m a k e it a lit t le sh or t er .”
W e st opped for a m om en t by t h e fen ce. Lila c-t im e
w a s n ea r ly ov er ; som e of t h e t r ees st ill t h r u st a loft , in
t a ll pu r ple ch a n delier s, t h eir t in y ba lls of blossom , bu t
in m a n y pla ces a m on g t h eir folia g e w h er e, on ly a w eek
befor e, t h ey h a d st ill been br ea k in g in w a v es of
fr a g r a n t foa m , t h ese w er e n ow spen t a n d sh r iv elled a n d
discolou r ed, a h ollow scu m , dr y a n d scen t less. My
g r a n dfa t h er poin t ed ou t t o m y fa t h er in w h a t r espect s
t h e a ppea r a n ce of t h e pla ce w a s st ill t h e sa m e, a n d h ow
fa r it h a d a lt er ed sin ce t h e w a lk t h a t h e h a d t a k en w it h
old M. Sw a n n , on t h e da y of h is w ife’s dea t h ; a n d h e
seized t h e oppor t u n it y t o t ell u s, on ce a g a in , t h e st or y of
t h a t w a lk .
In fr on t of u s a pa t h bor der ed w it h n a st u r t iu m s r ose
in t h e fu ll g la r e of t h e su n t ow a r ds t h e h ou se. Bu t t o ou r
r ig h t t h e pa r k st r et ch ed a w a y in t o t h e dist a n ce, on
lev el g r ou n d. Ov er sh a dow ed by t h e t a ll t r ees w h ich
st ood close a r ou n d it , a n ‘or n a m en t a l w a t er ’ h a d been
con st r u ct ed by Sw a n n ’s pa r en t s bu t , ev en in h is m ost
a r t ificia l cr ea t ion s, n a t u r e is t h e m a t er ia l u pon w h ich
m a n h a s t o w or k ; cer t a in spot s w ill per sist in r em a in in g
su r r ou n ded by t h e v a ssa ls of t h eir ow n especia l
sov er eig n t y , a n d w ill r a ise t h eir im m em or ia l st a n da r ds
a m on g a ll t h e ‘la id-ou t ’ scen er y of a pa r k , ju st a s t h ey
w ou ld h a v e don e fa r fr om a n y h u m a n in t er fer en ce, in a
solit u de w h ich m u st ev er y w h er e r et u r n t o en g u lf
t h em , spr in g in g u p ou t of t h e n ecessit ies of t h eir
ex posed posit ion , a n d su per im posin g it self u pon t h e
w or k of m a n ’s h a n ds. A n d so it w a s t h a t , a t t h e foot of
t h e pa t h w h ich led dow n t o t h is a r t ificia l la k e, t h er e
m ig h t be seen , in it s t w o t ier s w ov en of t r a ilin g for g et -
m e-n ot s below a n d of per iw in k le flow er s a bov e, t h e
n a t u r a l, delica t e, blu e g a r la n d w h ich bin ds t h e
lu m in ou s, sh a dow ed br ow s of w a t er -n y m ph s; w h ile t h e
ir is, it s sw or ds sw eepin g ev er y w a y in r eg a l pr ofu sion ,
st r et ch ed ou t ov er a g r im on y a n d w a t er -g r ow in g k in g -
cu ps t h e lilied scept r es, t a t t er ed g lor ies of y ellow a n d
pu r ple, of t h e k in g dom of t h e la k e.
T h e a bsen ce of Mlle. Sw a n n , w h ich — sin ce it
pr eser v ed m e fr om t h e t er r ible r isk of seein g h er a ppea r
on on e of t h e pa t h s, a n d of bein g iden t ified a n d scor n ed
by t h is so pr iv ileg ed lit t le g ir l w h o h a d Ber g ot t e for a
fr ien d a n d u sed t o g o w it h h im t o v isit ca t h edr a ls —
m a de t h e ex plor a t ion of T a n son v ille, n ow for t h e fir st
t im e per m it t ed m e, a m a t t er of in differ en ce t o m y self,
seem ed h ow ev er t o in v est t h e pr oper t y , in m y
g r a n dfa t h er ’s a n d fa t h er ’s ey es, w it h a fr esh a n d
t r a n sien t ch a r m , a n d (lik e a n en t ir ely clou dless sk y
w h en on e is g oin g m ou n t a in eer in g ) t o m a k e t h e da y
ex t r a or din a r ily pr opit iou s for a w a lk in t h is dir ect ion ; I
sh ou ld h a v e lik ed t o see t h eir r eck on in g pr ov ed fa lse, t o
see, by a m ir a cle, Mlle. Sw a n n a ppea r , w it h h er fa t h er ,
so close t o u s t h a t w e sh ou ld n ot h a v e t im e t o esca pe,
a n d sh ou ld t h er efor e be oblig ed t o m a k e h er
a cqu a in t a n ce. A n d so, w h en I su dden ly n ot iced a st r a w
ba sk et ly in g for g ot t en on t h e g r a ss by t h e side of a lin e
w h ose floa t w a s bobbin g in t h e w a t er , I m a de a g r ea t
effor t t o k eep m y fa t h er a n d g r a n dfa t h er look in g in
a n ot h er dir ect ion , a w a y fr om t h is sig n t h a t sh e m ig h t ,
a ft er a ll, be in r esiden ce. St ill, a s Sw a n n h a d t old u s
t h a t h e ou g h t n ot , r ea lly , t o g o a w a y ju st t h en , a s h e
h a d som e people st a y in g in t h e h ou se, t h e lin e m ig h t
equ a lly belon g t o on e of t h ese g u est s. Not a foot st ep w a s
t o be h ea r d on a n y of t h e pa t h s. Som ew h er e in on e of
t h e t a ll t r ees, m a k in g a st a g e in it s h eig h t , a n in v isible
bir d, desper a t ely a t t em pt in g t o m a k e t h e da y seem
sh or t er , w a s ex plor in g w it h a lon g , con t in u ou s n ot e t h e
solit u de t h a t pr essed it on ev er y side, bu t it r eceiv ed a t
on ce so u n a n im ou s a n a n sw er , so pow er fu l a
r eper cu ssion of silen ce a n d of im m obilit y t h a t , on e
w ou ld h a v e sa id, it h a d a r r est ed for a ll et er n it y t h e
m om en t w h ich it h a d been t r y in g t o m a k e pa ss m or e
qu ick ly . T h e su n lig h t fell so im pla ca bly fr om a fix ed sk y
t h a t on e w a s n a t u r a lly in clin ed t o slip a w a y ou t of t h e
r ea ch of it s a t t en t ion s, a n d ev en t h e slu m ber in g w a t er ,
w h ose r epose w a s per pet u a lly bein g in v a ded by t h e
in sect s t h a t sw a r m ed a bov e it s su r fa ce, w h ile it
dr ea m ed, n o dou bt , of som e im a g in a r y m a elst r om ,
in t en sified t h e u n ea sin ess w h ich t h e sig h t of t h a t
floa t in g cor k h a d w r ou g h t in m e, by a ppea r in g t o dr a w
it a t fu ll speed a cr oss t h e silen t r ea ch es of a m ir r or ed
fir m a m en t ; n ow a lm ost v er t ica l, it seem ed on t h e poin t
of plu n g in g dow n ou t of sig h t , a n d I h a d beg u n t o a sk
m y self w h et h er , set t in g a side t h e lon g in g a n d t h e
t er r or t h a t I h a d of m a k in g h er a cqu a in t a n ce, it w a s n ot
a ct u a lly m y du t y t o w a r n Mlle. Sw a n n t h a t t h e fish
w a s bit in g — w h en I w a s oblig ed t o r u n a ft er m y fa t h er
a n d g r a n dfa t h er , w h o w er e ca llin g m e, a n d w er e
su r pr ised t h a t I h a d n ot follow ed t h em a lon g t h e lit t le
pa t h , clim bin g u p h ill t ow a r ds t h e open fields, in t o
w h ich t h ey h a d a lr ea dy t u r n ed. I fou n d t h e w h ole pa t h
t h r obbin g w it h t h e fr a g r a n ce of h a w t h or n -blossom . T h e
h edg e r esem bled a ser ies of ch a pels, w h ose w a lls w er e n o
lon g er v isible u n der t h e m ou n t a in s of flow er s t h a t w er e
h ea ped u pon t h eir a lt a r s; w h ile u n der n ea t h , t h e su n
ca st a squ a r e of lig h t u pon t h e g r ou n d, a s t h ou g h it h a d
sh on e in u pon t h em t h r ou g h a w in dow ; t h e scen t t h a t
sw ept ou t ov er m e fr om t h em w a s a s r ich , a n d a s
cir cu m scr ibed in it s r a n g e, a s t h ou g h I h a d been
st a n din g befor e t h e La dy -a lt a r , a n d t h e flow er s,
t h em selv es a dor n ed a lso, h eld ou t ea ch it s lit t le bu n ch
of g lit t er in g st a m en s w it h a n a ir of in a t t en t ion , fin e,
r a dia t in g ‘n er v es’ in t h e fla m boy a n t st y le of
a r ch it ect u r e, lik e t h ose w h ich , in ch u r ch , fr a m ed t h e
st a ir t o t h e r ood-loft or closed t h e per pen dicu la r t r a cer y
of t h e w in dow s, bu t h er e spr ea d ou t in t o pools of flesh y
w h it e, lik e st r a w ber r y -beds in spr in g . How sim ple a n d
r u st ic, in com pa r ison w it h t h ese, w ou ld seem t h e dog -
r oses w h ich , in a few w eek s’ t im e, w ou ld be clim bin g
t h e sa m e h illside pa t h in t h e h ea t of t h e su n , dr essed in
t h e sm oot h silk of t h eir blu sh in g pin k bodices, w h ich
w ou ld be u n don e a n d sca t t er ed by t h e fir st br ea t h of
w in d.
Bu t it w a s in v a in t h a t I lin g er ed befor e t h e
h a w t h or n s, t o br ea t h e in , t o m a r sh a l! befor e m y m in d
(w h ich k n ew n ot w h a t t o m a k e of it ), t o lose in or der t o
r ediscov er t h eir in v isible a n d u n ch a n g in g odou r , t o
a bsor b m y self in t h e r h y t h m w h ich disposed t h eir
flow er s h er e a n d t h er e w it h t h e lig h t -h ea r t edn ess of
y ou t h , a n d a t in t er v a ls a s u n ex pect ed a s cer t a in
in t er v a ls of m u sic; t h ey offer ed m e a n in defin it e
con t in u a t ion of t h e sa m e ch a r m , in a n in ex h a u st ible
pr ofu sion , bu t w it h ou t let t in g m e delv e in t o it a n y
m or e deeply , lik e t h ose m elodies w h ich on e ca n pla y
ov er a h u n dr ed t im es in su ccession w it h ou t com in g a n y
n ea r er t o t h eir secr et . I t u r n ed a w a y fr om t h em for a
m om en t so a s t o be a ble t o r et u r n t o t h em w it h r en ew ed
st r en g t h . My ey es follow ed u p t h e slope w h ich , ou t side
t h e h edg e, r ose st eeply t o t h e fields, a poppy t h a t h a d
st r a y ed a n d been lost by it s fellow s, or a few cor n flow er s
t h a t h a d fa llen la zily beh in d, a n d decor a t ed t h e g r ou n d
h er e a n d t h er e w it h t h eir flow er s lik e t h e bor der of a
t a pest r y , in w h ich m a y be seen a t in t er v a ls h in t s of t h e
r u st ic t h em e w h ich a ppea r s t r iu m ph a n t in t h e pa n el
it self; in fr equ en t st ill, spa ced a pa r t a s t h e sca t t er ed
h ou ses w h ich w a r n u s t h a t w e a r e a ppr oa ch in g a
v illa g e, t h ey bet ok en ed t o m e t h e v a st ex pa n se of
w a v in g cor n ben ea t h t h e fleecy clou ds, a n d t h e sig h t of
a sin g le poppy h oist in g u pon it s slen der r ig g in g a n d
h oldin g a g a in st t h e br eeze it s sca r let en sig n , ov er t h e
bu oy of r ich bla ck ea r t h fr om w h ich it spr a n g , m a de
m y h ea r t bea t a s does a w a y fa r er ’s w h en h e per ceiv es,
u pon som e low -ly in g g r ou n d, a n old a n d br ok en boa t
w h ich is bein g ca u lk ed a n d m a de sea w or t h y , a n d cr ies
ou t , a lt h ou g h h e h a s n ot y et ca u g h t sig h t of it , “ T h e
Sea !”
A n d t h en I r et u r n ed t o m y h a w t h or n s, a n d st ood
befor e t h em a s on e st a n ds befor e t h ose m a st er pieces of
pa in t in g w h ich , on e im a g in es, on e w ill be bet t er a ble t o
‘t a k e in ’ w h en on e h a s look ed a w a y , for a m om en t , a t
som et h in g else; bu t in v a in did I sh a pe m y fin g er s in t o a
fr a m e, so a s t o h a v e n ot h in g bu t t h e h a w t h or n s befor e
m y ey es; t h e sen t im en t w h ich t h ey a r ou sed in m e
r em a in ed obscu r e a n d v a g u e, st r u g g lin g a n d fa ilin g t o
fr ee it self, t o floa t a cr oss a n d becom e on e w it h t h e
flow er s. T h ey t h em selv es offer ed m e n o en lig h t en m en t ,
a n d I cou ld n ot ca ll u pon a n y ot h er flow er s t o sa t isfy
t h is m y st er iou s lon g in g . A n d t h en , in spir in g m e w it h
t h a t r a pt u r e w h ich w e feel on seein g a w or k by ou r
fa v ou r it e pa in t er qu it e differ en t fr om a n y of t h ose t h a t
w e a lr ea dy k n ow , or , bet t er st ill, w h en som e on e h a s
t a k en u s a n d set u s dow n in fr on t of a pict u r e of w h ich
w e h a v e h it h er t o seen n o m or e t h a n a pen cilled sk et ch ,
or w h en a piece of m u sic w h ich w e h a v e h ea r d pla y ed
ov er on t h e pia n o bu r st s ou t a g a in in ou r ea r s w it h a ll
t h e splen dou r a n d fu lln ess of a n or ch est r a , m y
g r a n dfa t h er ca lled m e t o h im , a n d, poin t in g t o t h e
h edg e of T a n son v ille, sa id: “ Y ou a r e fon d of h a w t h or n s;
ju st look a t t h is pin k on e; isn ’t it pr et t y ?”
A n d it w a s in deed a h a w t h or n , bu t on e w h ose
flow er s w er e pin k , a n d lov elier ev en t h a n t h e w h it e. It ,
t oo, w a s in h olida y a t t ir e, for on e of t h ose da y s w h ich
a r e t h e on ly t r u e h olida y s, t h e h oly da y s of r elig ion ,
beca u se t h ey a r e n ot a ppoin t ed by a n y ca pr iciou s
a cciden t , a s secu la r h olida y s a r e a ppoin t ed, u pon da y s
w h ich a r e n ot specia lly or da in ed for su ch obser v a n ces,
w h ich h a v e n ot h in g a bou t t h em t h a t is essen t ia lly
fest a l — bu t it w a s a t t ir ed ev en m or e r ich ly t h a n t h e
r est , for t h e flow er s w h ich clu n g t o it s br a n ch es, on e
a bov e a n ot h er , so t h ick ly a s t o lea v e n o pa r t of t h e t r ee
u n decor a t ed, lik e t h e t a ssels w r ea t h ed a bou t t h e cr ook
of a r ococo sh eph er dess, w er e ev er y on e of t h em ‘in
colou r ,’ a n d con sequ en t ly of a su per ior qu a lit y , by t h e
a est h et ic st a n da r ds of Com br a y , t o t h e ‘pla in ,’ if on e
w a s t o ju dg e by t h e sca le of pr ices a t t h e ‘st or es’ in t h e
Squ a r e, or a t Ca m u s’s, w h er e t h e m ost ex pen siv e
biscu it s w er e t h ose w h ose su g a r w a s pin k . A n d for m y
ow n pa r t I set a h ig h er v a lu e on cr ea m ch eese w h en it
w a s pin k , w h en I h a d been a llow ed t o t in g e it w it h
cr u sh ed st r a w ber r ies. A n d t h ese flow er s h a d ch osen
pr ecisely t h e colou r of som e edible a n d deliciou s t h in g ,
or of som e ex qu isit e a ddit ion t o on e’s cost u m e for a g r ea t
fest iv a l, w h ich colou r s, in a sm u ch a s t h ey m a k e pla in
t h e r ea son for t h eir su per ior it y , a r e t h ose w h ose bea u t y
is m ost ev iden t t o t h e ey es of ch ildr en , a n d for t h a t
r ea son m u st a lw a y s seem m or e v iv id a n d m or e n a t u r a l
t h a n a n y ot h er t in t s, ev en a ft er t h e ch ild’s m in d h a s
r ea lised t h a t t h ey offer n o g r a t ifica t ion t o t h e a ppet it e,
a n d h a v e n ot been select ed by t h e dr essm a k er . A n d,
in deed, I h a d felt a t on ce, a s I h a d felt befor e t h e w h it e
blossom , bu t n ow st ill m or e m a r v ellin g , t h a t it w a s in
n o a r t ificia l m a n n er , by n o dev ice of h u m a n
con st r u ct ion , t h a t t h e fest a l in t en t ion of t h ese flow er s
w a s r ev ea led, bu t t h a t it w a s Na t u r e h er self w h o h a d
spon t a n eou sly ex pr essed it (w it h t h e sim plicit y of a
w om a n fr om a v illa g e sh op, la bou r in g a t t h e decor a t ion
of a st r eet a lt a r for som e pr ocession ) by bu r y in g t h e
bu sh in t h ese lit t le r oset t es, a lm ost t oo r a v ish in g in
colou r , t h is r u st ic ‘pom pa dou r .’ Hig h u p on t h e
br a n ch es, lik e so m a n y of t h ose t in y r ose-t r ees, t h eir
pot s con cea led in ja ck et s of pa per la ce, w h ose slen der
st em s r ise in a for est fr om t h e a lt a r on t h e g r ea t er
fest iv a ls, a t h ou sa n d bu ds w er e sw ellin g a n d open in g ,
pa ler in colou r , bu t ea ch disclosin g a s it bu r st , a s a t t h e
bot t om of a cu p of pin k m a r ble, it s blood-r ed st a in , a n d
su g g est in g ev en m or e st r on g ly t h a n t h e fu ll-blow n
flow er s t h e specia l, ir r esist ible qu a lit y of t h e h a w t h or n -
t r ee, w h ich , w h er ev er it bu dded, w h er ev er it w a s a bou t
t o blossom , cou ld bu d a n d blossom in pin k flow er s a lon e.
T a k in g it s pla ce in t h e h edg e, bu t a s differ en t fr om t h e
r est a s a y ou n g g ir l in h olida y a t t ir e a m on g a cr ow d of
dow dy w om en in ev er y da y clot h es, w h o a r e st a y in g a t
h om e, equ ipped a n d r ea dy for t h e ‘Mon t h of Ma r y ,’ of
w h ich it seem ed a lr ea dy t o for m a pa r t , it sh on e a n d
sm iled in it s cool, r osy g a r m en t s, a Ca t h olic bu sh
in deed, a n d a lt og et h er delig h t fu l.
T h e h edg e a llow ed u s a g lim pse, in side t h e pa r k , of
a n a lley bor der ed w it h ja sm in e, pa n sies, a n d v er ben a s,
a m on g w h ich t h e st ock s h eld open t h eir fr esh plu m p
pu r ses, of a pin k a s fr a g r a n t a n d a s fa ded a s old Spa n ish
lea t h er , w h ile on t h e g r a v el-pa t h a lon g w a t er in g -pipe,
pa in t ed g r een , coilin g a cr oss t h e g r ou n d, pou r ed, w h er e
it s h oles w er e, ov er t h e flow er s w h ose per fu m e t h ose
h oles in h a led, a v er t ica l a n d pr ism a t ic fa n of
in fin it esim a l, r a in bow -colou r ed dr ops. Su dden ly I st ood
st ill, u n a ble t o m ov e, a s h a ppen s w h en som et h in g
a ppea r s t h a t r equ ir es n ot on ly ou r ey es t o t a k e it in , bu t
in v olv es a deeper k in d of per cept ion a n d t a k es
possession of t h e w h ole of ou r bein g . A lit t le g ir l, w it h
fa ir , r eddish h a ir , w h o a ppea r ed t o be r et u r n in g fr om a
w a lk , a n d h eld a t r ow el in h er h a n d, w a s look in g a t u s,
r a isin g t ow a r ds u s a fa ce pow der ed w it h pin k ish
fr eck les. Her bla ck ey es g lea m ed, a n d a s I did n ot a t
t h a t t im e k n ow , a n d in deed h a v e n ev er sin ce lea r n ed
h ow t o r edu ce t o it s object iv e elem en t s a n y st r on g
im pr ession , sin ce I h a d n ot , a s t h ey sa y , en ou g h ‘pow er
of obser v a t ion ’ t o isola t e t h e sen se of t h eir colou r , for a
lon g t im e a ft er w a r ds, w h en ev er I t h ou g h t of h er , t h e
m em or y of t h ose br ig h t ey es w ou ld a t on ce pr esen t it self
t o m e a s a v iv id a zu r e, sin ce h er com plex ion w a s fa ir ; so
m u ch so t h a t , per h a ps, if h er ey es h a d n ot been qu it e so
bla ck — w h ich w a s w h a t st r u ck on e m ost for cibly on
fir st m eet in g h er — I sh ou ld n ot h a v e been , a s I w a s,
especia lly en a m ou r ed of t h eir im a g in ed blu e.
I g a zed a t h er , a t fir st w it h t h a t g a ze w h ich is n ot
m er ely a m essen g er fr om t h e ey es, bu t in w h ose
w in dow a ll t h e sen ses a ssem ble a n d lea n ou t , pet r ified
a n d a n x iou s, t h a t g a ze w h ich w ou ld fa in r ea ch , t ou ch ,
ca pt u r e, bea r off in t r iu m ph t h e body a t w h ich it is
a im ed, a n d t h e sou l w it h t h e body ; t h en (so fr ig h t en ed
w a s I lest a t a n y m om en t m y g r a n dfa t h er a n d fa t h er ,
ca t ch in g sig h t of t h e g ir l, m ig h t t ea r m e a w a y fr om
h er , by m a k in g m e r u n on in fr on t of t h em ) w it h
a n ot h er , a n u n con sciou sly a ppea lin g look , w h ose object
w a s t o for ce h er t o pa y a t t en t ion t o m e, t o see, t o k n ow
m e. Sh e ca st a g la n ce for w a r ds a n d sidew a y s, so a s t o
t a k e st ock of m y g r a n dfa t h er a n d fa t h er , a n d dou bt less
t h e im pr ession sh e for m ed of t h em w a s t h a t w e w er e a ll
a bsu r d people, for sh e t u r n ed a w a y w it h a n in differ en t
a n d con t em pt u ou s a ir , w it h dr ew h er self so a s t o spa r e
h er fa ce t h e in dig n it y of r em a in in g w it h in t h eir field of
v ision ; a n d w h ile t h ey , con t in u in g t o w a lk on w it h ou t
n ot icin g h er , h a d ov er t a k en a n d pa ssed m e, sh e a llow ed
h er ey es t o w a n der , ov er t h e spa ce t h a t la y bet w een u s,
in m y dir ect ion , w it h ou t a n y pa r t icu la r ex pr ession ,
w it h ou t a ppea r in g t o h a v e seen m e, bu t w it h a n
in t en sit y , a h a lf-h idden sm ile w h ich I w a s u n a ble t o
in t er pr et , a ccor din g t o t h e in st r u ct ion I h a d r eceiv ed in
t h e w a y s of g ood br eedin g , sa v e a s a m a r k of in fin it e
disg u st ; a n d h er h a n d, a t t h e sa m e t im e, sk et ch ed in
t h e a ir a n in delica t e g est u r e, for w h ich , w h en it w a s
a ddr essed in pu blic t o a per son w h om on e did n ot k n ow ,
t h e lit t le dict ion a r y of m a n n er s w h ich I ca r r ied in m y
m in d su pplied on ly on e m ea n in g , n a m ely , a deliber a t e
in su lt .
“ Gilber t e, com e a lon g ; w h a t a r e y ou doin g ?” ca lled
ou t in a pier cin g t on e of a u t h or it y a la dy in w h it e,
w h om I h a d n ot seen u n t il t h a t m om en t , w h ile, a lit t le
w a y bey on d h er , a g en t lem a n in a su it of lin en ‘du ck s,’
w h om I did n ot k n ow eit h er , st a r ed a t m e w it h ey es
w h ich seem ed t o be st a r t in g fr om h is h ea d; t h e lit t le
g ir l’s sm ile a br u pt ly fa ded, a n d, seizin g h er t r ow el, sh e
m a de off w it h ou t t u r n in g t o look a g a in in m y dir ect ion ,
w it h a n a ir of obedien ce, in scr u t a ble a n d sly .
A n d so w a s w a ft ed t o m y ea r s t h e n a m e of Gilber t e,
best ow ed on m e lik e a t a lism a n w h ich m ig h t , per h a ps,
en a ble m e som e da y t o r ediscov er h er w h om it s
sy lla bles h a d ju st en dow ed w it h a defin it e per son a lit y ,
w h er ea s, a m om en t ea r lier , sh e h a d been on ly
som et h in g v a g u ely seen . So it ca m e t o m e, u t t er ed
a cr oss t h e h ea ds of t h e st ock s a n d ja sm in es, pu n g en t
a n d cool a s t h e dr ops w h ich fell fr om t h e g r een
w a t er in g -pipe; im pr eg n a t in g a n d ir r a dia t in g t h e zon e
of pu r e a ir t h r ou g h w h ich it h a d pa ssed, w h ich it set
a pa r t a n d isola t ed fr om a ll ot h er a ir , w it h t h e m y st er y
of t h e life of h er w h om it s sy lla bles desig n a t ed t o t h e
h a ppy cr ea t u r es t h a t liv ed a n d w a lk ed a n d t r a v elled in
h er com pa n y ; u n foldin g t h r ou g h t h e a r ch of t h e pin k
h a w t h or n , w h ich open ed a t t h e h eig h t of m y sh ou lder ,
t h e qu in t essen ce of t h eir fa m ilia r it y — so ex qu isit ely
pa in fu l t o m y self — w it h h er , a n d w it h a ll t h a t
u n k n ow n w or ld of h er ex ist en ce, in t o w h ich I sh ou ld
n ev er pen et r a t e.
For a m om en t (w h ile w e m ov ed a w a y , a n d m y
g r a n dfa t h er m u r m u r ed: “ Poor Sw a n n , w h a t a life t h ey
a r e lea din g h im ; fa n cy sen din g h im a w a y so t h a t sh e
ca n be left a lon e w it h h er Ch a r lu s — for t h a t w a s
Ch a r lu s: I r ecog n ised h im a t on ce! A n d t h e ch ild, t oo; a t
h er a g e, t o be m ix ed u p in a ll t h a t !” ) t h e im pr ession left
on m e by t h e despot ic t on e in w h ich Gilber t e’s m ot h er
h a d spok en t o h er , w it h ou t h er r eply in g , by ex h ibit in g
h er t o m e a s bein g oblig ed t o y ield obedien ce t o som e on e
else, a s n ot bein g in deed su per ior t o t h e w h ole w or ld,
ca lm ed m y su ffer in g s som ew h a t , r ev iv ed som e h ope in
m e, a n d cooled t h e a r dou r of m y lov e. Bu t v er y soon
t h a t lov e su r g ed u p a g a in in m e lik e a r ea ct ion by
w h ich m y h u m ilia t ed h ea r t w a s en dea v ou r in g t o r ise t o
Gilber t e’s lev el, or t o dr a w h er dow n t o it s ow n . I lov ed
h er ; I w a s sor r y n ot t o h a v e h a d t h e t im e a n d t h e
in spir a t ion t o in su lt h er , t o do h er som e in ju r y , t o for ce
h er t o k eep som e m em or y of m e. I k n ew h er t o be so
bea u t ifu l t h a t I sh ou ld h a v e lik ed t o be a ble t o r et r a ce
m y st eps so a s t o sh a k e m y fist a t h er a n d sh ou t , “ I
t h in k y ou a r e h ideou s, g r ot esqu e; y ou a r e u t t er ly
disg u st in g !” How ev er , I w a lk ed a w a y , ca r r y in g w it h
m e, t h en a n d for ev er a ft er w a r ds, a s t h e fir st
illu st r a t ion of a t y pe of h a ppin ess r en der ed in a ccessible
t o a lit t le boy of m y k in d by cer t a in la w s of n a t u r e
w h ich it w a s im possible t o t r a n sg r ess, t h e pict u r e of a
lit t le g ir l w it h r eddish h a ir , a n d a sk in fr eck led w it h
t in y pin k m a r k s, w h o h eld a t r ow el in h er h a n d, a n d
sm iled a s sh e dir ect ed t ow a r ds m e a lon g a n d su bt le a n d
in ex pr essiv e st a r e. A n d a lr ea dy t h e ch a r m w it h w h ich
h er n a m e, lik e a clou d of in cen se, h a d filled t h a t
a r ch w a y in t h e pin k h a w t h or n t h r ou g h w h ich sh e a n d I
h a d, t og et h er , h ea r d it s sou n d, w a s beg in n in g t o
con qu er , t o cov er , t o em ba lm , t o bea u t ify ev er y t h in g
w it h w h ich it h a d a n y a ssocia t ion : h er g r a n dpa r en t s,
w h om m y ow n h a d been so u n spea k a bly for t u n a t e a s t o
k n ow , t h e g lor iou s pr ofession of a st ock h older , ev en t h e
m ela n ch oly n eig h bou r h ood of t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées,
w h er e sh e liv ed in Pa r is.
 “ Léon ie,” sa id m y g r a n dfa t h er on ou r r et u r n , “ I
w ish w e h a d h a d y ou w it h u s t h is a ft er n oon . Y ou w ou ld
n ev er h a v e k n ow n T a n son v ille. If I h a d h a d t h e cou r a g e
I w ou ld h a v e cu t y ou a br a n ch of t h a t pin k h a w t h or n
y ou u sed t o lik e so m u ch .” A n d so m y g r a n dfa t h er t old
h er t h e st or y of ou r w a lk , eit h er ju st t o a m u se h er , or
per h a ps beca u se t h er e w a s st ill som e h ope t h a t sh e
m ig h t be st im u la t ed t o r ise fr om h er bed a n d t o g o ou t of
door s. For in ea r lier da y s sh e h a d been v er y fon d of
T a n son v ille, a n d, m or eov er , Sw a n n ’s v isit s h a d been
t h e la st t h a t sh e h a d con t in u ed t o r eceiv e, a t a t im e
w h en sh e h a d a lr ea dy closed h er door s t o a ll t h e w or ld.
A n d ju st a s, w h en h e ca lled, in t h ese la t er da y s, t o
in qu ir e for h er (a n d sh e w a s st ill t h e on ly per son in ou r
h ou seh old w h om h e w ou ld a sk t o see), sh e w ou ld sen d
dow n t o sa y t h a t sh e w a s t ir ed a t t h e m om en t a n d
r est in g , bu t t h a t sh e w ou ld be h a ppy t o see h im a n ot h er
t im e, so, t h is ev en in g , sh e sa id t o m y g r a n dfa t h er , “ Y es,
som e da y w h en t h e w ea t h er is fin e I sh a ll g o for a dr iv e
a s fa r a s t h e g a t e of t h e pa r k .” A n d in sa y in g t h is sh e
w a s qu it e sin cer e. Sh e w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o see Sw a n n
a n d T a n son v ille a g a in ; bu t t h e m er e w ish t o do so
su fficed for a ll t h a t r em a in ed of h er st r en g t h , w h ich it s
fu lfilm en t w ou ld h a v e m or e t h a n ex h a u st ed.
Som et im es a spell of fin e w ea t h er m a de h er a lit t le m or e
en er g et ic, sh e w ou ld r ise a n d pu t on h er clot h es; bu t
befor e sh e h a d r ea ch ed t h e ou t er r oom sh e w ou ld be
‘t ir ed’ a g a in , a n d w ou ld in sist on r et u r n in g t o h er bed.
T h e pr ocess w h ich h a d beg u n in h er — a n d in h er a lit t le
ea r lier on ly t h a n it m u st com e t o a ll of u s — w a s t h e
g r ea t a n d g en er a l r en u n cia t ion w h ich old a g e m a k es in
pr epa r a t ion for dea t h , t h e ch r y sa lis st a g e of life, w h ich
m a y be obser v ed w h er ev er life h a s been u n du ly
pr olon g ed; ev en in old lov er s w h o h a v e liv ed for on e
a n ot h er w it h t h e u t m ost in t en sit y of pa ssion , a n d in old
fr ien ds bou n d by t h e closest t ies of m en t a l sy m pa t h y ,
w h o, a ft er a cer t a in y ea r , cea se t o m a k e, t h e n ecessa r y
jou r n ey , or ev en t o cr oss t h e st r eet t o see on e a n ot h er ,
cea se t o cor r espon d, a n d k n ow w ell t h a t t h ey w ill
com m u n ica t e n o m or e in t h is w or ld. My a u n t m u st
h a v e been per fect ly w ell a w a r e t h a t sh e w ou ld n ot see
Sw a n n a g a in , t h a t sh e w ou ld n ev er lea v e h er ow n
h ou se a n y m or e, bu t t h is u lt im a t e seclu sion seem ed t o
be a ccept ed by h er w it h a ll t h e m or e r ea din ess for t h e
v er y r ea son w h ich , t o ou r m in ds, ou g h t t o h a v e m a de it
m or e u n bea r a ble; n a m ely , t h a t su ch a seclu sion w a s
for ced u pon h er by t h e g r a du a l a n d st ea dy dim in u t ion
in h er st r en g t h w h ich sh e w a s a ble t o m ea su r e da ily ,
w h ich , by m a k in g ev er y a ct ion , ev er y m ov em en t
‘t ir in g ’ t o h er if n ot a ct u a lly pa in fu l, g a v e t o in a ct ion ,
isola t ion a n d silen ce t h e blessed, st r en g t h en in g a n d
r efr esh in g ch a r m of r epose.
 My a u n t did n ot g o t o see t h e pin k h a w t h or n in t h e
h edg e, bu t a t a ll h ou r s of t h e da y I w ou ld a sk t h e r est of
m y fa m ily w h et h er sh e w a s n ot g oin g t o g o, w h et h er
sh e u sed n ot , a t on e t im e, t o g o oft en t o T a n son v ille,
t r y in g t o m a k e t h em spea k of Mlle. Sw a n n ’s pa r en t s a n d
g r a n dpa r en t s, w h o a ppea r ed t o m e t o be a s g r ea t a n d
g lor iou s a s g ods. T h e n a m e, w h ich h a d for m e becom e
a lm ost m y t h olog ica l, of Sw a n n — w h en I t a lk ed w it h
m y fa m ily I w ou ld g r ow sick w it h lon g in g t o h ea r t h em
u t t er it ; I da r ed n ot pr on ou n ce it m y self, bu t I w ou ld
dr a w t h em in t o a discu ssion of m a t t er s w h ich led
n a t u r a lly t o Gilber t e a n d h er fa m ily , in w h ich sh e w a s
in v olv ed, in spea k in g of w h ich I w ou ld feel m y self n ot
t oo r em ot ely ba n ish ed fr om h er com pa n y ; a n d I w ou ld
su dden ly for ce m y fa t h er (by pr et en din g , for in st a n ce,
t o believ e t h a t m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s bu sin ess h a d been in
ou r fa m ily befor e h is da y , or t h a t t h e h edg e w it h t h e
pin k h a w t h or n w h ich m y a u n t Léon ie w ish ed t o v isit
w a s on com m on g r ou n d) t o cor r ect m y st a t em en t s, t o
sa y , a s t h ou g h in opposit ion t o m e a n d of h is ow n
a ccor d: “ No, n o, t h e bu sin ess belon g ed t o Sw ann’s
fa t h er , t h a t h edg e is pa r t of Sw ann’s pa r k .” A n d t h en I
w ou ld be oblig ed t o pa u se for br ea t h ; so st iflin g w a s t h e
pr essu r e, u pon t h a t pa r t of m e w h er e it w a s for ev er
in scr ibed, of t h a t n a m e w h ich , a t t h e m om en t w h en I
h ea r d it , seem ed t o m e fu ller , m or e por t en t ou s t h a n
a n y ot h er n a m e, beca u se it w a s bu r den ed w it h t h e
w eig h t of a ll t h e occa sion s on w h ich I h a d secr et ly
u t t er ed it in m y m in d. It ca u sed m e a plea su r e w h ich I
w a s a sh a m ed t o h a v e da r ed t o dem a n d fr om m y
pa r en t s, for so g r ea t w a s it t h a t t o h a v e pr ocu r ed it for
m e m u st h a v e in v olv ed t h em in a n im m en sit y of effor t ,
a n d w it h n o r ecom pen se, sin ce for t h em t h er e w a s n o
plea su r e in t h e sou n d. A n d so I w ou ld pr u den t ly t u r n
t h e con v er sa t ion . A n d by a scr u ple of con scien ce, a lso.
A ll t h e sin g u la r sedu ct ion s w h ich I h a d st or ed u p in t h e
sou n d of t h a t w or d Sw a n n , I fou n d a g a in a s soon a s it
w a s u t t er ed. A n d t h en it occu r r ed t o m e su dden ly t h a t
m y pa r en t s cou ld n ot fa il t o ex per ien ce t h e sa m e
em ot ion s, t h a t t h ey m u st fin d t h em selv es sh a r in g m y
poin t of v iew , t h a t t h ey per ceiv ed in t h eir t u r n , t h a t
t h ey con don ed, t h a t t h ey ev en em br a ced m y v ision a r y
lon g in g s, a n d I w a s a s w r et ch ed a s t h ou g h I h a d
r a v ish ed a n d cor r u pt ed t h e in n ocen ce of t h eir h ea r t s.
T h a t y ea r m y fa m ily fix ed t h e da y of t h eir r et u r n
t o Pa r is r a t h er ea r lier t h a n u su a l. On t h e m or n in g of
ou r depa r t u r e I h a d h a d m y h a ir cu r led, t o be r ea dy t o
fa ce t h e ph ot og r a ph er , h a d h a d a n ew h a t ca r efu lly set
u pon m y h ea d, a n d h a d been bu t t on ed in t o a v elv et
ja ck et ; a lit t le la t er m y m ot h er , a ft er sea r ch in g
ev er y w h er e for m e, fou n d m e st a n din g in t ea r s on t h a t
st eep lit t le h illside close t o T a n son v ille, biddin g a lon g
fa r ew ell t o m y h a w t h or n s, cla spin g t h eir sh a r p
br a n ch es t o m y bosom , a n d (lik e a pr in cess in a
t r a g edy , oppr essed by t h e w eig h t of a ll h er sen seless
jew eller y ) w it h n o g r a t it u de t ow a r ds t h e officiou s h a n d
w h ich h a d, in cu r lin g t h ose r in g let s, been a t pa in s t o
collect a ll m y h a ir u pon m y for eh ea d; t r a m plin g
u n der foot t h e cu r l-pa per s w h ich I h a d t or n fr om m y
h ea d, a n d m y n ew h a t w it h t h em . My m ot h er w a s n ot
a t a ll m ov ed by m y t ea r s, bu t sh e cou ld n ot su ppr ess a
cr y a t t h e sig h t of m y ba t t er ed h ea dg ea r a n d m y
r u in ed ja ck et . I did n ot , h ow ev er , h ea r h er . “ Oh , m y
poor lit t le h a w t h or n s,” I w a s a ssu r in g t h em t h r ou g h
m y sobs, “ it is n ot y ou t h a t w a n t t o m a k e m e u n h a ppy ,
t o for ce m e t o lea v e y ou . Y ou , y ou h a v e n ev er don e m e
a n y h a r m . So I sh a ll a lw a y s lov e y ou .” A n d, dr y in g m y
ey es, I pr om ised t h em t h a t , w h en I g r ew u p, I w ou ld
n ev er copy t h e foolish ex a m ple of ot h er m en , bu t t h a t
ev en in Pa r is, on fin e spr in g da y s, in st ea d of pa y in g
ca lls a n d list en in g t o silly t a lk , I w ou ld m a k e ex cu r sion s
in t o t h e cou n t r y t o see t h e fir st h a w t h or n -t r ees in
bloom .
On ce in t h e fields w e n ev er left t h em a g a in du r in g
t h e r est of ou r Méség lise w a lk . T h ey w er e per pet u a lly
cr ossed, a s t h ou g h by in v isible st r ea m s of t r a ffic, by t h e
w in d, w h ich w a s t o m e t h e t u t ela r y g en iu s of Com br a y .
Ev er y y ea r , on t h e da y of ou r a r r iv a l, in or der t o feel
t h a t I r ea lly w a s a t Com br a y , I w ou ld clim b t h e h ill t o
fin d it r u n n in g a g a in t h r ou g h m y clot h in g , a n d set t in g
m e r u n n in g in it s w a k e. On e a lw a y s h a d t h e w in d for
com pa n ion w h en on e w en t t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ,’ on t h a t
sw ellin g pla in w h ich st r et ch ed, m ile bey on d m ile,
w it h ou t a n y dist u r ba n ce of it s g en t le con t ou r . I k n ew
t h a t Mlle. Sw a n n u sed oft en t o g o a n d spen d a few da y s
a t La on , a n d, for a ll t h a t it w a s m a n y m iles a w a y , t h e
dist a n ce w a s obv ia t ed by t h e a bsen ce of a n y
in t er v en in g obst a cle; w h en , on h ot a ft er n oon s, I w ou ld
see a br ea t h of w in d em er g e fr om t h e fa r t h est h or izon ,
bow in g t h e h ea ds of t h e cor n in dist a n t fields, pou r in g
lik e a flood ov er a ll t h a t v a st ex pa n se, a n d fin a lly
set t lin g dow n , w a r m a n d r u st lin g , a m on g t h e clov er
a n d sa in foin a t m y feet , t h a t pla in w h ich w a s com m on
t o u s bot h seem ed t h en t o dr a w u s t og et h er , t o u n it e u s;
I w ou ld im a g in e t h a t t h e sa m e br ea t h h a d pa ssed by
h er a lso, t h a t t h er e w a s som e m essa g e fr om h er in w h a t
it w a s w h isper in g t o m e, w it h ou t m y bein g a ble t o
u n der st a n d it , a n d I w ou ld ca t ch a n d k iss it a s it pa ssed.
On m y left w a s a v illa g e ca lled Ch a m pieu (Cam pus
Pagani, a ccor din g t o t h e Cu r é). On m y r ig h t I cou ld see
a cr oss t h e cor n fields t h e t w o cr ock et ed, r u st ic spir es of
Sa in t -A n dr é-des-Ch a m ps, t h em selv es a s t a per in g ,
sca ly , pla t ed, h on ey com bed, y ellow ed, a n d r ou g h en ed
a s t w o ea r s of w h ea t .
 A t r eg u la r in t er v a ls, a m on g t h e in im it a ble
or n a m en t a t ion of t h eir lea v es, w h ich ca n be m ist a k en
for t h ose of n o ot h er fr u it -t r ee, t h e a pple-t r ees w er e
ex posin g t h eir br oa d pet a ls of w h it e sa t in , or h a n g in g in
sh y bu n ch es t h eir u n open ed, blu sh in g bu ds. It w a s
w h ile g oin g t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ t h a t I fir st n ot iced t h e
cir cu la r sh a dow w h ich a pple-t r ees ca st u pon t h e su n lit
g r ou n d, a n d a lso t h ose im pa lpa ble t h r ea ds of g olden silk
w h ich t h e set t in g su n w ea v es sla n t in g ly dow n w a r ds
fr om ben ea t h t h eir lea v es, a n d w h ich I w ou ld see m y
fa t h er sla sh t h r ou g h w it h h is st ick w it h ou t ev er
m a k in g t h em sw er v e fr om t h eir st r a ig h t pa t h .
Som et im es in t h e a ft er n oon sk y a w h it e m oon w ou ld
cr eep u p lik e a lit t le clou d, fu r t iv e, w it h ou t displa y ,
su g g est in g a n a ct r ess w h o does n ot h a v e t o ‘com e on ’ for
a w h ile, a n d so g oes ‘in fr on t ’ in h er or din a r y clot h es t o
w a t ch t h e r est of t h e com pa n y for a m om en t , bu t k eeps
in t h e ba ck g r ou n d, n ot w ish in g t o a t t r a ct a t t en t ion t o
h er self. I w a s g la d t o fin d h er im a g e r epr odu ced in book s
a n d pa in t in g s, t h ou g h t h ese w or k s of a r t w er e v er y
differ en t — a t lea st in m y ea r lier y ea r s, befor e Bloch h a d
a t t u n ed m y ey es a n d m in d t o m or e su bt le h a r m on ies —
fr om t h ose in w h ich t h e m oon seem s fa ir t o m e t o-da y ,
bu t in w h ich I sh ou ld n ot h a v e r ecog n ised h er t h en . It
m ig h t be, for in st a n ce, som e n ov el by Sa in t in e, som e
la n dsca pe by Gley r e, in w h ich sh e is cu t ou t sh a r ply
a g a in st t h e sk y , in t h e for m of a silv er sick le, som e w or k
a s u n soph ist ica t ed a n d a s in com plet e a s w er e, a t t h a t
da t e, m y ow n im pr ession s, a n d w h ich it en r a g ed m y
g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s t o see m e a dm ir e. T h ey h eld t h a t
on e ou g h t t o set befor e ch ildr en , a n d t h a t ch ildr en
sh ew ed t h eir ow n in n a t e g ood t a st e in a dm ir in g , on ly
su ch book s a n d pict u r es a s t h ey w ou ld con t in u e t o
a dm ir e w h en t h eir m in ds w er e dev eloped a n d m a t u r e.
No dou bt t h ey r eg a r ded a est h et ic v a lu es a s m a t er ia l
object s w h ich a n u n clou ded v ision cou ld n ot fa il t o
discer n , w it h ou t n eedin g t o h a v e t h eir equ iv a len t in
ex per ien ce of life st or ed u p a n d slow ly r ipen in g in on e’s
h ea r t .
It w a s a lon g t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ,’ a t Mon t jou v a in , a
h ou se bu ilt on t h e edg e of a la r g e pon d, a n d ov er look ed
by a st eep, sh r u b-g r ow n h ill, t h a t M. V in t eu il liv ed.
A n d so w e u sed oft en t o m eet h is da u g h t er dr iv in g h er
dog ca r t a t fu ll speed a lon g t h e r oa d. A ft er a cer t a in
y ea r w e n ev er sa w h er a lon e, bu t a lw a y s a ccom pa n ied
by a fr ien d, a g ir l older t h a n h er self, w it h a n ev il
r epu t a t ion in t h e n eig h bou r h ood, w h o in t h e en d
in st a lled h er self per m a n en t ly , on e da y , at
Mon t jou v a in . People sa id: “ T h a t poor M. V in t eu il m u st
be blin ded by lov e n ot t o see w h a t ev er y on e is t a lk in g
a bou t , a n d t o let h is da u g h t er — a m a n w h o is h or r ified
if y ou u se a w or d in t h e w r on g sen se — br in g a w om a n
lik e t h a t t o liv e u n der h is r oof. He sa y s t h a t sh e is a
m ost su per ior w om a n , w it h a h ea r t of g old, a n d t h a t sh e
w ou ld h a v e sh ew n ex t r a or din a r y m u sica l t a len t if sh e
h a d on ly been t r a in ed. He m a y be su r e it is n ot m u sic
t h a t sh e is t ea ch in g h is da u g h t er .” Bu t M. V in t eu il
a ssu r ed t h em t h a t it w a s, a n d in deed it is r em a r k a ble
t h a t people n ev er fa il t o a r ou se a dm ir a t ion of t h eir
n or m a l qu a lit ies in t h e r ela t iv es of a n y on e w it h w h om
t h ey a r e in ph y sica l in t er cou r se. Bodily pa ssion , w h ich
h a s been so u n ju st ly decr ied, com pels it s v ict im s t o
displa y ev er y v est ig e t h a t is in t h em of u n selfish n ess
a n d g en er osit y , a n d so effect iv ely t h a t t h ey sh in e
r esplen den t in t h e ey es of a ll beh older s. Dr . Per cepied,
w h ose lou d v oice a n d bu sh y ey ebr ow s en a bled h im t o
pla y t o h is h ea r t ’s con t en t t h e pa r t of ‘dou ble-dea ler ,’ a
pa r t t o w h ich h e w a s n ot , ot h er w ise, a da pt ed, w it h ou t
in t h e lea st deg r ee com pr om isin g h is u n a ssa ila ble a n d
qu it e u n m er it ed r epu t a t ion of bein g a k in d-h ea r t ed old
cu r m u dg eon , cou ld m a k e t h e Cu r é a n d ev er y on e else
la u g h u n t il t h ey cr ied by sa y in g in a h a r sh v oice:
“ W h a t d’y e sa y t o t h is, n ow ? It seem s t h a t sh e pla y s
m u sic w it h h er fr ien d, Mlle. V in t eu il. T h a t su r pr ises
y ou , does it ? Oh , I k n ow n ot h in g , n ot h in g a t a ll. It w a s
Pa pa V in t eu il w h o t old m e a ll a bou t it y est er da y . A ft er
a ll, sh e h a s ev er y r ig h t t o be fon d of m u sic, t h a t g ir l. I
sh ou ld n ev er dr ea m of t h w a r t in g t h e a r t ist ic v oca t ion
of a ch ild; n or V in t eu il eit h er , it seem s. A n d t h en h e
pla y s m u sic t oo, w it h h is da u g h t er ’s fr ien d. W h y ,
g r a ciou s h ea v en s, it m u st be a r eg u la r m u sica l box ,
t h a t h ou se ou t t h er e! W h a t a r e y ou la u g h in g a t ? I sa y
t h ey ’v e been pla y in g t oo m u ch m u sic, t h ose people. I
m et Pa pa V in t eu il t h e ot h er da y , by t h e cem et er y . It
w a s a ll h e cou ld do t o k eep on h is feet .”
A n y on e w h o, lik e ou r selv es, h a d seen M. V in t eu il,
a bou t t h is t im e, a v oidin g people w h om h e k n ew , a n d
t u r n in g a w a y a s soon a s h e ca u g h t sig h t of t h em ,
ch a n g ed in a few m on t h s in t o a n old m a n , en g u lfed in a
sea of sor r ow s, in ca pa ble of a n y effor t n ot dir ect ly
a im ed a t pr om ot in g h is da u g h t er ’s h a ppin ess, spen din g
w h ole da y s beside h is w ife’s g r a v e, cou ld h a r dly h a v e
fa iled t o r ea lise t h a t h e w a s g r a du a lly dy in g of a br ok en
h ea r t , cou ld h a r dly h a v e su pposed t h a t h e pa id n o
a t t en t ion t o t h e r u m ou r s w h ich w er e g oin g a bou t . He
k n ew , per h a ps h e ev en believ ed, w h a t h is n eig h bou r s
w er e sa y in g . T h er e is pr oba bly n o on e, h ow ev er r ig id
h is v ir t u e, w h o is n ot lia ble t o fin d h im self, by t h e
com plex it y of cir cu m st a n ces, liv in g a t close qu a r t er s
w it h t h e v er y v ice w h ich h e h im self h a s been m ost
ou t spok en in con dem n in g , w it h ou t a t fir st r ecog n isin g
it ben ea t h t h e disg u ise w h ich it a ssu m es on en t er in g h is
pr esen ce, so a s t o w ou n d h im a n d t o m a k e h im su ffer ;
t h e odd w or ds, t h e u n a ccou n t a ble a t t it u de, on e
ev en in g , of a per son w h om h e h a s a t h ou sa n d r ea son s
for lov in g . Bu t for a m a n of M. V in t eu il’s sen sibilit y it
m u st h a v e been fa r m or e pa in fu l t h a n for a h a r den ed
m a n of t h e w or ld t o h a v e t o r esig n h im self t o on e of
t h ose sit u a t ion s w h ich a r e w r on g ly su pposed t o occu r in
Boh em ia n cir cles on ly ; for t h ey a r e pr odu ced w h en ev er
t h er e n eeds t o est a blish it self in t h e secu r it y n ecessa r y
t o it s dev elopm en t a v ice w h ich Na t u r e h er self h a s
pla n t ed in t h e sou l of a ch ild, per h a ps by n o m or e t h a n
blen din g t h e v ir t u es of it s fa t h er a n d m ot h er , a s sh e
m ig h t blen d t h e colou r s of t h eir ey es. A n d y et h ow ev er
m u ch M. V in t eu il m a y h a v e k n ow n of h is da u g h t er ’s
con du ct it did n ot follow t h a t h is a dor a t ion of h er g r ew
a n y less. T h e fa ct s of life do n ot pen et r a t e t o t h e sph er e
in w h ich ou r beliefs a r e ch er ish ed; a s it w a s n ot t h ey
t h a t en g en der ed t h ose beliefs, so t h ey a r e pow er less t o
dest r oy t h em ; t h ey ca n a im a t t h em con t in u a l blow s of
con t r a dict ion a n d dispr oof w it h ou t w ea k en in g t h em ;
a n d a n a v a la n ch e of m iser ies a n d m a la dies com in g , on e
a ft er a n ot h er , w it h ou t in t er r u pt ion in t o t h e bosom of a
fa m ily , w ill n ot m a k e it lose fa it h in eit h er t h e
clem en cy of it s God or t h e ca pa cit y of it s ph y sicia n . Bu t
w h en M. V in t eu il r eg a r ded h is da u g h t er a n d h im self
fr om t h e poin t of v iew of t h e w or ld, a n d of t h eir
r epu t a t ion , w h en h e a t t em pt ed t o pla ce h im self by h er
side in t h e r a n k w h ich t h ey occu pied in t h e g en er a l
est im a t ion of t h eir n eig h bou r s, t h en h e w a s bou n d t o
g iv e ju dg m en t , t o u t t er h is ow n a n d h er socia l
con dem n a t ion in pr ecisely t h e t er m s w h ich t h e
in h a bit a n t of Com br a y m ost h ost ile t o h im a n d h is
da u g h t er w ou ld h a v e em ploy ed; h e sa w h im self a n d h er
in ‘low ,’ in t h e v er y ‘low est w a t er ,’ in ex t r ica bly
st r a n ded; a n d h is m a n n er s h a d of la t e been t in g ed w it h
t h a t h u m ilit y , t h a t r espect for per son s w h o r a n k ed
a bov e h im a n d t o w h om h e m u st n ow look u p (h ow ev er
fa r ben ea t h h im t h ey m ig h t h it h er t o h a v e been ), t h a t
t en den cy t o sea r ch for som e m ea n s of r isin g a g a in t o
t h eir lev el, w h ich is a n a lm ost m ech a n ica l r esu lt of a n y
h u m a n m isfor t u n e.
On e da y , w h en w e w er e w a lk in g w it h Sw a n n in on e
of t h e st r eet s of Com br a y , M. V in t eu il, t u r n in g ou t of
a n ot h er st r eet , fou n d h im self so su dden ly fa ce t o fa ce
w it h u s a ll t h a t h e h a d n ot t im e t o esca pe; a n d Sw a n n ,
w it h t h a t a lm ost a r r og a n t ch a r it y of a m a n of t h e w or ld
w h o, a m id t h e dissolu t ion of a ll h is ow n m or a l
pr eju dices, fin ds in a n ot h er ’s sh a m e m er ely a r ea son for
t r ea t in g h im w it h a fr ien dly ben ev olen ce, t h e ou t w a r d
sig n s of w h ich ser v e t o en h a n ce a n d g r a t ify t h e self-
est eem of t h e best ow er beca u se h e feels t h a t t h ey a r e a ll
t h e m or e pr eciou s t o h im u pon w h om t h ey a r e
best ow ed, con v er sed a t g r ea t len g t h w it h M. V in t eu il,
w it h w h om for a lon g t im e h e h a d been ba r ely on
spea k in g t er m s, a n d in v it ed h im , befor e lea v in g u s, t o
sen d h is da u g h t er ov er , on e da y , t o pla y a t T a n son v ille.
It w a s a n in v it a t ion w h ich , t w o y ea r s ea r lier , w ou ld
h a v e en r a g ed M. V in t eu il, bu t w h ich n ow filled h im
w it h so m u ch g r a t it u de t h a t h e felt h im self oblig ed t o
r efr a in fr om t h e in discr et ion of a ccept in g . Sw a n n ’s
fr ien dly r eg a r d for h is da u g h t er seem ed t o h im t o be in
it self so h on ou r a ble, so pr eciou s a su ppor t for h is ca u se
t h a t h e felt it w ou ld per h a ps be bet t er t o m a k e n o u se of
it , so a s t o h a v e t h e w h olly Pla t on ic sa t isfa ct ion of
k eepin g it in r eser v e.
“ W h a t a ch a r m in g m a n !” h e sa id t o u s, a ft er Sw a n n
h a d g on e, w it h t h e sa m e en t h u sia sm a n d v en er a t ion
w h ich m a k e clev er a n d pr et t y w om en of t h e m iddle
cla sses fa ll v ict im s t o t h e ph y sica l a n d in t ellect u a l
ch a r m s of a du ch ess, ev en t h ou g h sh e be u g ly a n d a
fool. “ W h a t a ch a r m in g m a n ! W h a t a pit y t h a t h e
sh ou ld h a v e m a de su ch a deplor a ble m a r r ia g e!”
A n d t h en , so st r on g a n elem en t of h y pocr isy is t h er e
in ev en t h e m ost sin cer e of m en , w h o ca st off, w h ile
t h ey a r e t a lk in g t o a n y on e, t h e opin ion t h ey a ct u a lly
h old of h im a n d w ill ex pr ess w h en h e is n o lon g er t h er e,
m y fa m ily join ed w it h M. V in t eu il in deplor in g Sw a n n ’s
m a r r ia g e, in v ok in g pr in ciples a n d con v en t ion s w h ich
(a ll t h e m or e beca u se t h ey in v ok ed t h em in com m on
w it h h im , a s t h ou g h w e w er e a ll t h or ou g h g ood fellow s
of t h e sa m e sor t ) t h ey a ppea r ed t o su g g est w er e in n o
w a y in fr in g ed a t Mon t jou v a in . M. V in t eu il did n ot sen d
h is da u g h t er t o v isit Sw a n n , a n om ission w h ich Sw a n n
w a s t h e fir st t o r eg r et . For con st a n t ly , a ft er m eet in g M.
V in t eu il, h e w ou ld r em em ber t h a t h e h a d been
m ea n in g for a lon g t im e t o a sk h im a bou t som e on e of
t h e sa m e n a m e a s h im self, on e of h is r ela t iv es, Sw a n n
su pposed. A n d on t h is occa sion h e det er m in ed t h a t h e
w ou ld n ot for g et w h a t h e h a d t o sa y t o h im w h en M.
V in t eu il sh ou ld a ppea r w it h h is da u g h t er a t
T a n son v ille.
Sin ce t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ w a s t h e sh or t er of t h e t w o
t h a t w e u sed t o t a k e for ou r w a lk s r ou n d Com br a y , a n d
for t h a t r ea son w a s r eser v ed for da y s of u n cer t a in
w ea t h er , it follow ed t h a t t h e clim a t e of Méség lise
sh ew ed a n u n du ly h ig h r a in fa ll, a n d w e w ou ld n ev er
lose sig h t of t h e fr in g e of Rou ssa in v ille w ood, so t h a t w e
cou ld, a t a n y m om en t , r u n for sh elt er ben ea t h it s den se
t h a t ch of lea v es.
Oft en t h e su n w ou ld disa ppea r beh in d a clou d,
w h ich im pin g ed on it s r ou n dn ess, bu t w h ose edg e t h e
su n g ilded in r et u r n . T h e br ig h t n ess, t h ou g h n ot t h e
lig h t of da y , w ou ld t h en be sh u t off fr om a la n dsca pe in
w h ich a ll life a ppea r ed t o be su spen ded, w h ile t h e lit t le
v illa g e of Rou ssa in v ille ca r v ed in r elief u pon t h e sk y t h e
w h it e m a ss of it s g a bles, w it h a st a r t lin g pr ecision of
det a il. A g u st of w in d blew fr om it s per ch a r ook , w h ich
floa t ed a w a y a n d set t led in t h e dist a n ce, w h ile ben ea t h
a pa lin g sk y t h e w oods on t h e h or izon a ssu m ed a deeper
t on e of blu e, a s t h ou g h t h ey w er e pa in t ed in on e of t h ose
ca m eos w h ich y ou st ill fin d decor a t in g t h e w a lls of old
h ou ses.
Bu t on ot h er da y s w ou ld beg in t o fa ll t h e r a in , of
w h ich w e h a d h a d du e w a r n in g fr om t h e lit t le
ba r om et er -fig u r e w h ich t h e spect a cle-m a k er h u n g ou t
in h is door w a y . It s dr ops, lik e m ig r a t in g bir ds w h ich fly
off in a body a t a g iv en m om en t , w ou ld com e dow n ou t
of t h e sk y in close m a r ch in g or der . T h ey w ou ld n ev er
dr ift a pa r t , w ou ld m a k e n o m ov em en t a t r a n dom in
t h eir r a pid cou r se, bu t ea ch on e, k eepin g in it s pla ce,
w ou ld dr a w a ft er it t h e dr op w h ich w a s follow in g , a n d
t h e sk y w ou ld be a s g r ea t ly da r k en ed a s by t h e sw a llow s
fly in g sou t h . W e w ou ld t a k e r efu g e a m on g t h e t r ees.
A n d w h en it seem ed t h a t t h eir flig h t w a s a ccom plish ed,
a few la st dr ops, feebler a n d slow er t h a n t h e r est , w ou ld
st ill com e dow n . Bu t w e w ou ld em er g e fr om ou r sh elt er ,
for t h e r a in w a s pla y in g a g a m e, n ow , a m on g t h e
br a n ch es, a n d, ev en w h en it w a s a lm ost dr y a g a in
u n der foot , a st r a y dr op or t w o, lin g er in g in t h e h ollow
of a lea f, w ou ld r u n dow n a n d h a n g g list en in g fr om t h e
poin t of it u n t il su dden ly it spla sh ed plu m p u pon ou r
u pt u r n ed fa ces fr om t h e w h ole h eig h t of t h e t r ee.
 Oft en , t oo, w e w ou ld h u r r y for sh elt er , t u m blin g in
a m on g a ll it s st on y sa in t s a n d pa t r ia r ch s, in t o t h e
por ch of Sa in t -A n dr é-des-Ch a m ps, How t y pica lly
Fr en ch t h a t ch u r ch w a s! Ov er it s door t h e sa in t s, t h e
k in g s of ch iv a lr y w it h lilies in t h eir h a n ds, t h e w eddin g
scen es a n d fu n er a ls w er e ca r v ed a s t h ey m ig h t h a v e
been in t h e m in d of Fr a n çoise. T h e scu lpt or h a d a lso
r ecor ded cer t a in a n ecdot es of A r ist ot le a n d V ir g il,
pr ecisely a s Fr a n çoise in h er k it ch en w ou ld br ea k in t o
speech a bou t Sa in t Lou is a s t h ou g h sh e h er self h a d
k n ow n h im , g en er a lly in or der t o depr ecia t e, by
con t r a st w it h h im , m y g r a n dpa r en t s, w h om sh e
con sider ed less ‘r ig h t eou s.’ On e cou ld see t h a t t h e idea s
w h ich t h e m edia ev a l a r t ist a n d t h e m edia ev a l pea sa n t
(w h o h a d su r v iv ed t o cook for u s in t h e n in et een t h
cen t u r y ) h a d of cla ssica l a n d of ea r ly Ch r ist ia n h ist or y ,
idea s w h ose in a ccu r a cy w a s a t on ed for by t h eir h on est
sim plicit y , w er e der iv ed n ot fr om book s, bu t fr om a
t r a dit ion a t on ce a n cien t a n d dir ect , u n br ok en , or a l,
deg r a ded, u n r ecog n isa ble, a n d a liv e. A n ot h er Com br a y
per son w h om I cou ld discer n a lso, pot en t ia l a n d
t y pified, in t h e g ot h ic scu lpt u r es of Sa in t -A n dr é-des-
Ch a m ps w a s y ou n g T h éodor e, t h e a ssist a n t in Ca m u s’s
sh op. A n d, in deed, Fr a n çoise h er self w a s w ell a w a r e
t h a t sh e h a d in h im a cou n t r y m a n a n d con t em por a r y ,
for w h en m y a u n t w a s t oo ill for Fr a n çoise t o be a ble,
u n a ided, t o lift h er in h er bed or t o ca r r y h er t o h er
ch a ir , r a t h er t h a n let t h e k it ch en -m a id com e u pst a ir s
a n d, per h a ps, ‘m a k e a n im pr ession ’ on m y a u n t , sh e
w ou ld sen d ou t for T h éodor e. A n d t h is la d, w h o w a s
r eg a r ded, a n d qu it e r ig h t ly , in t h e t ow n a s a ‘ba d
ch a r a ct er ,’ w a s so a bou n din g in t h a t spir it w h ich h a d
ser v ed t o decor a t e t h e por ch of Sa in t -A n dr é-des-
Ch a m ps, a n d pa r t icu la r ly in t h e feelin g s of r espect du e,
in Fr a n çoise’s ey es, t o a ll ‘poor in v a lids,’ a n d, a bov e a ll,
t o h er ow n ‘poor m ist r ess,’ t h a t h e h a d, w h en h e ben t
dow n t o r a ise m y a u n t ’s h ea d fr om h er pillow , t h e sa m e
a ir of pr ér a ph a élit e sim plicit y a n d zea l w h ich t h e lit t le
a n g els in t h e ba s-r eliefs w ea r , w h o t h r on g , w it h t a per s
in t h eir h a n ds, a bou t t h e dea t h bed of Ou r La dy , a s
t h ou g h t h ose ca r v ed fa ces of st on e, n a k ed a n d g r ey lik e
t r ees in w in t er , w er e, lik e t h em , a sleep on ly , st or in g u p
life a n d w a it in g t o flow er a g a in in cou n t less plebeia n
fa ces, r ev er en d a n d cu n n in g a s t h e fa ce of T h éodor e,
a n d g low in g w it h t h e r u ddy br illia n ce of r ipe a pples.
T h er e, t oo, n ot fa st en ed t o t h e w a ll lik e t h e lit t le
a n g els, bu t det a ch ed fr om t h e por ch , of m or e t h a n
h u m a n st a t u r e, er ect u pon h er pedest a l a s u pon a
foot st ool, w h ich h a d been pla ced t h er e t o sa v e h er feet
fr om con t a ct w it h t h e w et g r ou n d, st ood a sa in t w it h
t h e fu ll ch eek s, t h e fir m br ea st s w h ich sw elled ou t
in side h er dr a per ies lik e a clu st er of r ipe g r a pes in side a
ba g , t h e n a r r ow for eh ea d, sh or t a n d st u bbor n n ose,
deep-set ey es, a n d st r on g , t h ick -sk in n ed, cou r a g eou s
ex pr ession of t h e cou n t r y -w om en of t h ose pa r t s. T h is
sim ila r it y , w h ich im pa r t ed t o t h e st a t u e it self a
k in dlin ess t h a t I h a d n ot look ed t o fin d in it , w a s
cor r obor a t ed oft en by t h e a r r iv a l of som e g ir l fr om t h e
fields, com e, lik e ou r selv es, for sh elt er ben ea t h t h e
por ch , w h ose pr esen ce t h er e — a s w h en t h e lea v es of a
clim bin g pla n t h a v e g r ow n u p beside lea v es ca r v ed in
st on e — seem ed in t en ded by fa t e t o a llow u s, by
con fr on t in g it w it h it s t y pe in n a t u r e, t o for m a cr it ica l
est im a t e of t h e t r u t h of t h e w or k of a r t . Befor e ou r ey es,
in t h e dist a n ce, a pr om ised or a n a ccu r sed la n d,
Rou ssa in v ille, w it h in w h ose w a lls I h a d n ev er
pen et r a t ed, Rou ssa in v ille w a s n ow , w h en t h e r a in h a d
cea sed for u s, st ill bein g ch a st ised, lik e a v illa g e in t h e
Old T est a m en t , by a ll t h e in n u m er a ble spea r s a n d
a r r ow s of t h e st or m , w h ich bea t dow n obliqu ely u pon
t h e dw ellin g s of it s in h a bit a n t s, or else h a d a lr ea dy
r eceiv ed t h e for g iv en ess of t h e A lm ig h t y , W h o h a d
r est or ed t o it t h e lig h t of His su n , w h ich fell u pon it in
r a y s of u n ev en len g t h , lik e t h e r a y s of a m on st r a n ce
u pon a n a lt a r .
Som et im es, w h en t h e w ea t h er h a d com plet ely
br ok en , w e w er e oblig ed t o g o h om e a n d t o r em a in sh u t
u p in door s. Her e a n d t h er e, in t h e dist a n ce, in a
la n dsca pe w h ich , w h a t w it h t h e fa ilin g lig h t a n d
sa t u r a t ed a t m osph er e, r esem bled a sea sca pe r a t h er , a
few solit a r y h ou ses clin g in g t o t h e low er slopes of a h ill
w h ose h eig h t s w er e bu r ied in a clou dy da r k n ess sh on e
ou t lik e lit t le boa t s w h ich h a d folded t h eir sa ils a n d
w ou ld r ide a t a n ch or , a ll n ig h t , u pon t h e sea . Bu t w h a t
m a t t er ed r a in or st or m ? In su m m er , ba d w ea t h er is n o
m or e t h a n a pa ssin g fit of su per ficia l ill-t em per
ex pr essed by t h e per m a n en t , u n der ly in g fin e w ea t h er ;
a v er y differ en t t h in g fr om t h e flu id a n d u n st a ble ‘fin e
w ea t h er ’ of w in t er , it s v er y opposit e, in fa ct ; for h a s it
n ot (fir m ly est a blish ed in t h e soil, on w h ich it h a s t a k en
solid for m in den se m a sses of folia g e ov er w h ich t h e r a in
m a y pou r in t or r en t s w it h ou t w ea k en in g t h e r esist a n ce
offer ed by t h eir r ea l a n d la st in g h a ppin ess) h oist ed, t o
k eep t h em fly in g t h r ou g h ou t t h e sea son , in t h e v illa g e
st r eet s, on t h e w a lls of t h e h ou ses a n d in t h eir g a r den s,
it s silk en ba n n er s, v iolet a n d w h it e. Sit t in g in t h e lit t le
pa r lou r , w h er e I w ou ld pa ss t h e t im e u n t il din n er w it h
a book , I m ig h t h ea r t h e w a t er dr ippin g fr om ou r
ch est n u t -t r ees, bu t I w ou ld k n ow t h a t t h e sh ow er w ou ld
on ly g la ze a n d br ig h t en t h e g r een n ess of t h eir t h ick ,
cr u m pled lea v es, a n d t h a t t h ey t h em selv es h a d
u n der t a k en t o r em a in t h er e, lik e pledg es of su m m er , a ll
t h r ou g h t h e r a in y n ig h t , t o a ssu r e m e of t h e fin e
w ea t h er ’s con t in u in g ; it m ig h t r a in a s it plea sed, bu t t o-
m or r ow , ov er t h e w h it e fen ce of T a n son v ille, t h er e
w ou ld su r g e a n d flow , n u m er ou s a s ev er , a sea of lit t le
h ea r t -sh a ped lea v es; a n d w it h ou t t h e lea st a n x iet y I
cou ld w a t ch t h e popla r in t h e Ru e des Per ch a m ps
pr a y in g for m er cy , bow in g in desper a t ion befor e t h e
st or m ; w it h ou t t h e lea st a n x iet y I cou ld h ea r , a t t h e fa r
en d of t h e g a r den , t h e la st pea ls of t h u n der g r ow lin g
a m on g ou r lila c-t r ees.
If t h e w ea t h er w a s ba d a ll m or n in g , m y fa m ily
w ou ld a ba n don t h e idea of a w a lk , a n d I w ou ld r em a in
a t h om e. Bu t , la t er on , I for m ed t h e h a bit of g oin g ou t
by m y self on su ch da y s, a n d w a lk in g t ow a r ds Méség lise-
la -V in eu se, du r in g t h a t a u t u m n w h en w e h a d t o com e
t o Com br a y t o set t le t h e div ision of m y a u n t Léon ie’s
est a t e; for sh e h a d died a t la st , lea v in g bot h pa r t ies
a m on g h er n eig h bou r s t r iu m ph a n t in t h e fa ct of h er
dem ise — t h ose w h o h a d in sist ed t h a t h er m ode of life
w a s en feeblin g a n d m u st u lt im a t ely k ill h er , a n d,
equ a lly , t h ose w h o h a d a lw a y s m a in t a in ed t h a t sh e
su ffer ed fr om som e disea se n ot im a g in a r y , bu t or g a n ic,
by t h e v isible pr oof of w h ich t h e m ost scept ica l w ou ld be
oblig ed t o ow n t h em selv es con v in ced, on ce sh e h a d
su ccu m bed t o it ; ca u sin g n o in t en se g r ief t o a n y sa v e
on e of h er su r v iv or s, bu t t o t h a t on e a g r ief sa v a g e in it s
v iolen ce. Du r in g t h e lon g for t n ig h t of m y a u n t ’s la st
illn ess Fr a n çoise n ev er w en t ou t of h er r oom for a n
in st a n t , n ev er t ook off h er clot h es, a llow ed n o on e else t o
do a n y t h in g for m y a u n t , a n d did n ot lea v e h er body
u n t il it w a s a ct u a lly in it s g r a v e. T h en , a t la st , w e
u n der st ood t h a t t h e sor t of t er r or in w h ich Fr a n çoise
h a d liv ed of m y a u n t ’s h a r sh w or ds, h er su spicion s a n d
h er a n g er , h a d dev eloped in h er a sen t im en t w h ich w e
h a d m ist a k en for h a t r ed, a n d w h ich w a s r ea lly
v en er a t ion a n d lov e. Her t r u e m ist r ess, w h ose decision s
it h a d been im possible t o for esee, fr om w h ose
st r a t a g em s it h a d been so h a r d t o esca pe, of w h ose g ood
n a t u r e it h a d been so ea sy t o t a k e a dv a n t a g e, h er
sov er eig n , h er m y st er iou s a n d om n ipot en t m on a r ch
w a s n o m or e. Com pa r ed w it h su ch a m ist r ess w e
cou n t ed for v er y lit t le. T h e t im e h a d lon g pa ssed w h en ,
on ou r fir st com in g t o spen d ou r h olida y s a t Com br a y ,
w e h a d been of equ a l im por t a n ce, in Fr a n çoise’s ey es,
w it h m y a u n t .
Du r in g t h a t a u t u m n m y pa r en t s, fin din g t h e da y s
so fu lly occu pied w it h t h e leg a l for m a lit ies t h a t h a d t o
be g on e t h r ou g h , a n d discu ssion s w it h solicit or s a n d
fa r m er s, t h a t t h ey h a d lit t le t im e for w a lk s w h ich , a s it
h a ppen ed, t h e w ea t h er m a de pr eca r iou s, beg a n t o let
m e g o, w it h ou t t h em , a lon g t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ,’
w r a pped u p in a h u g e Hig h la n d pla id w h ich pr ot ect ed
m e fr om t h e r a in , a n d w h ich I w a s a ll t h e m or e r ea dy t o
t h r ow ov er m y sh ou lder s beca u se I felt t h a t t h e st r ipes
of it s g a u dy t a r t a n sca n da lised Fr a n çoise, w h om it w a s
im possible t o con v in ce t h a t t h e colou r of on e’s clot h es
h a d n ot h in g w h a t ev er t o do w it h on e’s m ou r n in g for
t h e dea d, a n d t o w h om t h e g r ief w h ich w e h a d sh ew n on
m y a u n t ’s dea t h w a s w h olly u n sa t isfa ct or y , sin ce w e
h a d n ot en t er t a in ed t h e n eig h bou r s t o a g r ea t fu n er a l
ba n qu et , a n d did n ot a dopt a specia l t on e w h en w e spok e
of h er , w h ile I a t t im es m ig h t be h ea r d h u m m in g a
t u n e. I a m su r e t h a t in a book — a n d t o t h a t ex t en t m y
feelin g s w er e closely a k in t o t h ose of Fr a n çoise — su ch a
con cept ion of m ou r n in g , in t h e m a n n er of t h e Chans on
de Roland a n d of t h e por ch of Sa in t -A n dr é-des-Ch a m ps,
w ou ld h a v e seem ed m ost a t t r a ct iv e. Bu t t h e m om en t
t h a t Fr a n çoise h er self a ppr oa ch ed, som e ev il spir it
w ou ld u r g e m e t o a t t em pt t o m a k e h er a n g r y , a n d I
w ou ld a v a il m y self of t h e slig h t est pr et ex t t o sa y t o h er
t h a t I r eg r et t ed m y a u n t ’s dea t h beca u se sh e h a d been a
g ood w om a n in spit e of h er a bsu r dit ies, bu t n ot in t h e
lea st beca u se sh e w a s m y a u n t ; t h a t sh e m ig h t ea sily
h a v e been m y a u n t a n d y et h a v e been so odiou s t h a t
h er dea t h w ou ld n ot h a v e ca u sed m e a m om en t ’s
sor r ow ; st a t em en t s w h ich , in a book , w ou ld h a v e st r u ck
m e a s m er ely fa t u ou s.
A n d if Fr a n çoise t h en , in spir ed lik e a poet w it h a
flood of con fu sed r eflect ion s u pon ber ea v em en t , g r ief,
a n d fa m ily m em or ies, w er e t o plea d h er in a bilit y t o
r ebu t m y t h eor ies, sa y in g : “ I don ’t k n ow h ow t o es pres s
m y self” — I w ou ld t r iu m ph ov er h er w it h a n ir on ica l
a n d br u t a l com m on sen se w or t h y of Dr . Per cepied; a n d
if sh e w en t on : “ A ll t h e sa m e sh e w a s a geological
r ela t ion ; t h er e is a lw a y s t h e r espect du e t o y ou r
geology,” I w ou ld sh r u g m y sh ou lder s a n d sa y : “ It is
r ea lly v er y g ood of m e t o discu ss t h e m a t t er w it h a n
illit er a t e old w om a n w h o ca n n ot spea k h er ow n
la n g u a g e,” a dopt in g , t o deliv er ju dg m en t on Fr a n çoise,
t h e m ea n a n d n a r r ow ou t look of t h e peda n t , w h om
t h ose w h o a r e m ost con t em pt u ou s of h im in t h e
im pa r t ia lit y of t h eir ow n m in ds a r e on ly t oo pr on e t o
copy w h en t h ey a r e oblig ed t o pla y a pa r t u pon t h e
v u lg a r st a g e of life.
My w a lk s, t h a t a u t u m n , w er e a ll t h e m or e
delig h t fu l beca u se I u sed t o t a k e t h em a ft er lon g h ou r s
spen t ov er a book . W h en I w a s t ir ed of r ea din g , a ft er a
w h ole m or n in g in t h e h ou se, I w ou ld t h r ow m y pla id
a cr oss m y sh ou lder s a n d set ou t ; m y body , w h ich in a
lon g spell of en for ced im m obilit y h a d st or ed u p a n
a ccu m u la t ion of v it a l en er g y , w a s n ow oblig ed, lik e a
spin n in g -t op w ou n d a n d let g o, t o spen d t h is in ev er y
dir ect ion . T h e w a lls of h ou ses, t h e T a n son v ille h edg e,
t h e t r ees of Rou ssa in v ille w ood, t h e bu sh es a g a in st
w h ich Mon t jou v a in lea n ed it s ba ck , a ll m u st bea r t h e
blow s of m y w a lk in g -st ick or u m br ella , m u st h ea r m y
sh ou t s of h a ppin ess, blow s a n d sh ou t s bein g in deed n o
m or e t h a n ex pr ession s of t h e con fu sed idea s w h ich
ex h ila r a t ed m e, a n d w h ich , n ot bein g dev eloped t o t h e
poin t a t w h ich t h ey m ig h t r est ex posed t o t h e lig h t of
da y , r a t h er t h a n su bm it t o a slow a n d difficu lt cou r se of
elu cida t ion , fou n d it ea sier a n d m or e plea sa n t t o dr ift
in t o a n im m edia t e ou t let . A n d so it is t h a t t h e bu lk of
w h a t a ppea r t o be t h e em ot ion a l r en der in g s of ou r
in m ost sen sa t ion s do n o m or e t h a n r eliev e u s of t h e
bu r den of t h ose sen sa t ion s by a llow in g t h em t o esca pe
fr om u s in a n in dist in ct for m w h ich does n ot t ea ch u s
h ow it sh ou ld be in t er pr et ed. W h en I a t t em pt t o r eck on
u p a ll t h a t I ow e t o t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ,’ a ll t h e h u m ble
discov er ies of w h ich it w a s eit h er t h e a cciden t a l set t in g
or t h e dir ect in spir a t ion a n d ca u se, I a m r em in ded t h a t
it w a s in t h a t sa m e a u t u m n , on on e of t h ose w a lk s, n ea r
t h e bu sh y pr ecipice w h ich g u a r ded Mon t jou v a in fr om
t h e r ea r , t h a t I w a s st r u ck for t h e fir st t im e by t h is la ck
of h a r m on y bet w een ou r im pr ession s a n d t h eir n or m a l
for m s of ex pr ession . A ft er a n h ou r of r a in a n d w in d,
a g a in st w h ich I h a d pu t u p a br isk fig h t , a s I ca m e t o
t h e edg e of t h e Mon t jou v a in pon d, a n d r ea ch ed a lit t le
h u t , r oofed w it h t iles, in w h ich M. V in t eu il’s g a r den er
k ept h is t ools, t h e su n sh on e ou t a g a in , a n d it s g olden
r a y s, w a sh ed clea n by t h e sh ow er , bla zed on ce m or e in
t h e sk y , on t h e t r ees, on t h e w a ll of t h e h u t , a n d on t h e
st ill w et t iles of t h e r oof, w h ich h a d a ch ick en per ch in g
u pon it s r idg e. T h e w in d pu lled ou t sidew a y s t h e w ild
g r a ss t h a t g r ew in t h e w a ll, a n d t h e ch ick en ’s dow n y
fea t h er s, bot h of w h ich t h in g s let t h em selv es floa t u pon
t h e w in d’s br ea t h t o t h eir fu ll ex t en t , w it h t h e
u n r esist in g su bm issiv en ess of lig h t a n d lifeless m a t t er .
T h e t iled r oof ca st u pon t h e pon d, w h ose r eflect ion s w er e
n ow clea r a g a in in t h e su n lig h t , a squ a r e of pin k
m a r ble, t h e lik e of w h ich I h a d n ev er obser v ed befor e.
A n d, seein g u pon t h e w a t er , w h er e it r eflect ed t h e w a ll,
a pa llid sm ile r espon din g t o t h e sm ilin g sk y , I cr ied
a lou d in m y en t h u sia sm , br a n dish in g m y fu r led
u m br ella : “ Da m n , da m n , da m n , da m n !” Bu t a t t h e
sa m e t im e I felt t h a t I w a s in du t y bou n d n ot t o con t en t
m y self w it h t h ese u n illu m in a t in g w or ds, bu t t o
en dea v ou r t o see m or e clea r ly in t o t h e sou r ces of m y
en joy m en t .
A n d it w a s a t t h a t m om en t , t oo — t h a n k s t o a
pea sa n t w h o w en t pa st , a ppa r en t ly in a ba d en ou g h
h u m ou r a lr ea dy , bu t m or e so w h en h e n ea r ly r eceiv ed
m y u m br ella in h is fa ce, a n d w h o r eplied w it h ou t a n y
cor dia lit y t o m y “ Fin e da y , w h a t ! g ood t o be ou t
w a lk in g !” — t h a t I lea r n ed t h a t iden t ica l em ot ion s do
n ot spr in g u p in t h e h ea r t s of a ll m en sim u lt a n eou sly ,
by a pr e-est a blish ed or der . La t er on I discov er ed t h a t ,
w h en ev er I h a d r ea d for t oo lon g a n d w a s in a m ood for
con v er sa t ion , t h e fr ien d t o w h om I w ou ld be bu r n in g t o
sa y som et h in g w ou ld a t t h a t m om en t h a v e fin ish ed
in du lg in g h im self in t h e delig h t s of con v er sa t ion , a n d
w a n t ed n ot h in g n ow bu t t o be left t o r ea d u n dist u r bed.
A n d if I h a d been t h in k in g w it h a ffect ion of m y pa r en t s,
a n d for m in g t h e m ost sen sible a n d pr oper pla n s for
g iv in g t h em plea su r e, t h ey w ou ld h a v e been u sin g t h e
sa m e in t er v a l of t im e t o discov er som e m isdeed t h a t I
h a d a lr ea dy for g ot t en , a n d w ou ld beg in t o scold m e
sev er ely , ju st a s I flu n g m y self u pon t h em w it h a k iss.
Som et im es t o t h e ex h ila r a t ion w h ich I der iv ed fr om
bein g a lon e w ou ld be a dded a n a lt er n a t iv e feelin g , so
t h a t I cou ld n ot be clea r in m y m in d t o w h ich I sh ou ld
g iv e t h e ca st in g v ot e; a feelin g st im u la t ed by t h e desir e
t o see r ise u p befor e m y ey es a pea sa n t -g ir l w h om I
m ig h t cla sp in m y a r m s. Com in g a br u pt ly , a n d
w it h ou t g iv in g m e t im e t o t r a ce it a ccu r a t ely t o it s
sou r ce a m on g so m a n y idea s of a v er y differ en t k in d,
t h e plea su r e w h ich a ccom pa n ied t h is desir e seem ed
on ly a deg r ee su per ior t o w h a t w a s g iv en m e by m y
ot h er t h ou g h t s. I fou n d a n a ddit ion a l m er it in
ev er y t h in g t h a t w a s in m y m in d a t t h e m om en t , in t h e
pin k r eflect ion of t h e t iled r oof, t h e w ild g r a ss in t h e
w a ll, t h e v illa g e of Rou ssa in v ille in t o w h ich I h a d lon g
desir ed t o pen et r a t e, t h e t r ees of it s w ood a n d t h e st eeple
of it s ch u r ch , cr ea t ed in t h em by t h is fr esh em ot ion
w h ich m a de t h em a ppea r m or e desir a ble on ly beca u se I
t h ou g h t it w a s t h ey t h a t h a d pr ov ok ed it , a n d w h ich
seem ed on ly t o w ish t o bea r m e m or e sw ift ly t ow a r ds
t h em w h en it filled m y sa ils w it h a pot en t , u n k n ow n ,
a n d pr opit iou s br eeze. Bu t if t h is desir e t h a t a w om a n
sh ou ld a ppea r a dded for m e som et h in g m or e ex a lt in g
t h a n t h e ch a r m s of n a t u r e, t h ey in t h eir t u r n en la r g ed
w h a t I m ig h t , in t h e w om a n ’s ch a r m , h a v e fou n d t oo
m u ch r est r ict ed. It seem ed t o m e t h a t t h e bea u t y of t h e
t r ees w a s h er s a lso, a n d t h a t , a s for t h e spir it of t h ose
h or izon s, of t h e v illa g e of Rou ssa in v ille, of t h e book s
w h ich I w a s r ea din g t h a t y ea r , it w a s h er k iss w h ich
w ou ld m a k e m e m a st er of t h em a ll; a n d, m y
im a g in a t ion dr a w in g st r en g t h fr om con t a ct w it h m y
sen su a lit y , m y sen su a lit y ex pa n din g t h r ou g h a ll t h e
r ea lm s of m y im a g in a t ion , m y desir e h a d n o lon g er a n y
bou n ds. Mor eov er — ju st a s in m om en t s of m u sin g
con t em pla t ion of n a t u r e, t h e n or m a l a ct ion s of t h e
m in d bein g su spen ded, a n d ou r a bst r a ct idea s of t h in g s
set on on e side, w e believ e w it h t h e pr ofou n dest fa it h in
t h e or ig in a lit y , in t h e in div idu a l ex ist en ce of t h e pla ce
in w h ich w e m a y h a ppen t o be — t h e pa ssin g fig u r e
w h ich m y desir e ev ok ed seem ed t o be n ot a n y on e
ex a m ple of t h e g en er a l t y pe of ‘w om a n ,’ bu t a n ecessa r y
a n d n a t u r a l pr odu ct of t h e soil. For a t t h a t t im e
ev er y t h in g w h ich w a s n ot m y self, t h e ea r t h a n d t h e
cr ea t u r es u pon it , seem ed t o m e m or e pr eciou s, m or e
im por t a n t , en dow ed w it h a m or e r ea l ex ist en ce t h a n
t h ey a ppea r t o fu ll-g r ow n m en . A n d bet w een t h e ea r t h
a n d it s cr ea t u r es I m a de n o dist in ct ion . I h a d a desir e for
a pea sa n t -g ir l fr om Méség lise or Rou ssa in v ille, for a
fish er -g ir l fr om Ba lbec, ju st a s I h a d a desir e for Ba lbec
a n d Méség lise. T h e plea su r e w h ich t h ose g ir ls w er e
em pow er ed t o g iv e m e w ou ld h a v e seem ed less g en u in e,
I sh ou ld h a v e h a d n o fa it h in it a n y lon g er , if I h a d been
a t liber t y t o m odify it s con dit ion s a s I ch ose. T o m eet in
Pa r is a fish er -g ir l fr om Ba lbec or a pea sa n t -g ir l fr om
Méség lise w ou ld h a v e been lik e r eceiv in g t h e pr esen t of
a sh ell w h ich I h a d n ev er seen u pon t h e bea ch , or of a
fer n w h ich I h a d n ev er fou n d a m on g t h e w oods, w ou ld
h a v e st r ipped fr om t h e plea su r e w h ich sh e w a s a bou t t o
g iv e m e a ll t h ose ot h er plea su r es in t h e t h ick of w h ich
m y im a g in a t ion h a d en w r a pped h er . Bu t t o w a n der
t h u s a m on g t h e w oods of Rou ssa in v ille w it h ou t a
pea sa n t -g ir l t o em br a ce w a s t o see t h ose w oods a n d y et
k n ow n ot h in g of t h eir secr et t r ea su r e, t h eir deep-h idden
bea u t y . T h a t g ir l w h om I n ev er sa w sa v e da ppled w it h
t h e sh a dow s of t h eir lea v es, w a s t o m e h er self a pla n t of
loca l g r ow t h , on ly t a ller t h a n t h e r est , a n d on e w h ose
st r u ct u r e w ou ld en a ble m e t o a ppr oa ch m or e closely
t h a n in t h em t o t h e in t im a t e sa v ou r of t h e la n d fr om
w h ich sh e h a d spr u n g . I cou ld believ e t h is a ll t h e m or e
r ea dily (a n d a lso t h a t t h e ca r esses by w h ich sh e w ou ld
br in g t h a t sa v ou r t o m y sen ses w er e t h em selv es of a
pa r t icu la r k in d, y ieldin g a plea su r e w h ich I cou ld n ev er
der iv e fr om a n y bu t h er self) sin ce I w a s st ill, a n d m u st
for lon g r em a in , in t h a t per iod of life w h en on e h a s n ot
y et sepa r a t ed t h e fa ct of t h is sen su a l plea su r e fr om t h e
v a r iou s w om en in w h ose com pa n y on e h a s t a st ed it ,
w h en on e h a s n ot r edu ced it t o a g en er a l idea w h ich
m a k es on e r eg a r d t h em t h en cefor w a r d a s t h e v a r ia ble
in st r u m en t s of a plea su r e t h a t is a lw a y s t h e sa m e.
In deed, t h a t plea su r e does n ot ex ist , isola t ed a n d
for m u la t ed in t h e con sciou sn ess, a s t h e u lt im a t e object
w it h w h ich on e seek s a w om a n ’s com pa n y , or a s t h e
ca u se of t h e u n ea sin ess w h ich , in a n t icipa t ion , on e t h en
feels. Ha r dly ev en does on e t h in k of on eself, bu t on ly
h ow t o esca pe fr om on eself. Obscu r ely a w a it ed,
im m a n en t a n d con cea led, it r ou ses t o su ch a pa r ox y sm ,
a t t h e m om en t w h en a t la st it m a k es it self felt , t h ose
ot h er plea su r es w h ich w e fin d in t h e t en der g la n ce, in
t h e k iss of h er w h o is by ou r side, t h a t it seem s t o u s,
m or e t h a n a n y t h in g else, a sor t of t r a n spor t of
g r a t it u de for t h e k in dn ess of h ea r t of ou r com pa n ion
a n d for h er t ou ch in g pr edilect ion of ou r selv es, w h ich w e
m ea su r e by t h e ben efit s, by t h e h a ppin ess t h a t sh e
sh ow er s u pon u s.
A la s, it w a s in v a in t h a t I im plor ed t h e du n g eon -
k eep of Rou ssa in v ille, t h a t I beg g ed it t o sen d ou t t o
m eet m e som e da u g h t er of it s v illa g e, a ppea lin g t o it a s
t o t h e sole con fida n t t o w h om I h a d disclosed m y ea r liest
desir e w h en , fr om t h e t op floor of ou r h ou se a t
Com br a y , fr om t h e lit t le r oom t h a t sm elt of or r is-r oot , I
h a d peer ed ou t a n d seen n ot h in g bu t it s t ow er , fr a m ed
in t h e squ a r e of t h e h a lf-open ed w in dow , w h ile, w it h t h e
h er oic scr u ples of a t r a v eller set t in g for t h for u n k n ow n
clim es, or of a desper a t e w r et ch h esit a t in g on t h e v er g e
of self-dest r u ct ion , fa in t w it h em ot ion , I ex plor ed, a cr oss
t h e bou n ds of m y ow n ex per ien ce, a n u n t r odden pa t h
w h ich , I believ ed, m ig h t lea d m e t o m y dea t h , ev en —
u n t il pa ssion spen t it self a n d left m e sh u dder in g a m on g
t h e spr a y s of flow er in g cu r r a n t w h ich , cr eepin g in
t h r ou g h t h e w in dow , t u m bled a ll a bou t m y body . In
v a in I ca lled u pon it n ow . In v a in I com pr essed t h e
w h ole la n dsca pe in t o m y field of v ision , dr a in in g it w it h
a n ex h a u st iv e g a ze w h ich sou g h t t o ex t r a ct fr om it a
fem a le cr ea t u r e. I m ig h t g o a lon e a s fa r a s t h e por ch of
Sa in t -A n dr é-des-Ch a m ps: n ev er did I fin d t h er e t h e g ir l
w h om I sh ou ld in ev it a bly h a v e m et , h a d I been w it h
m y g r a n dfa t h er , a n d so u n a ble t o en g a g e h er in
con v er sa t ion . I w ou ld fix m y ey es, w it h ou t lim it of
t im e, u pon t h e t r u n k of a dist a n t t r ee, fr om beh in d
w h ich sh e m u st a ppea r a n d spr in g t ow a r ds m e; m y
closest scr u t in y left t h e h or izon ba r r en a s befor e; n ig h t
w a s fa llin g ; w it h ou t a n y h ope n ow w ou ld I con cen t r a t e
m y a t t en t ion , a s t h ou g h t o for ce u p ou t of it t h e
cr ea t u r es w h ich it m u st con cea l, u pon t h a t st er ile soil,
t h a t st a le a n d ou t w or n la n d; a n d it w a s n o lon g er in
lig h t n ess of h ea r t , bu t w it h su llen a n g er t h a t I a im ed
blow s a t t h e t r ees of Rou ssa in v ille w ood, fr om a m on g
w h ich n o m or e liv in g cr ea t u r es m a de t h eir a ppea r a n ce
t h a n if t h ey h a d been t r ees pa in t ed on t h e st r et ch ed
ca n v a s ba ck g r ou n d of a pa n or a m a , w h en , u n a ble t o
r esig n m y self t o h a v in g t o r et u r n h om e w it h ou t h a v in g
h eld in m y a r m s t h e w om a n I so g r ea t ly desir ed, I w a s
y et oblig ed t o r et r a ce m y st eps t ow a r ds Com br a y , a n d
t o a dm it t o m y self t h a t t h e ch a n ce of h er a ppea r in g in
m y pa t h g r ew sm a ller ev er y m om en t . A n d if sh e h a d
a ppea r ed, w ou ld I h a v e da r ed t o spea k t o h er ? I felt t h a t
sh e w ou ld h a v e r eg a r ded m e a s m a d, for I n o lon g er
t h ou g h t of t h ose desir es w h ich ca m e t o m e on m y w a lk s,
bu t w er e n ev er r ea lized, a s bein g sh a r ed by ot h er s, or a s
h a v in g a n y ex ist en ce a pa r t fr om m y self. T h ey seem ed
n ot h in g m or e n ow t h a n t h e pu r ely su bject iv e,
im pot en t , illu sor y cr ea t u r es of m y t em per a m en t . T h ey
w er e in n o w a y con n ect ed n ow w it h n a t u r e, w it h t h e
w or ld of r ea l t h in g s, w h ich fr om n ow on w a r ds lost a ll it s
ch a r m a n d sig n ifica n ce, a n d m ea n t n o m or e t o m y life
t h a n a pu r ely con v en t ion a l fr a m ew or k , ju st a s t h e
a ct ion of a n ov el is fr a m ed in t h e r a ilw a y ca r r ia g e, on a
sea t of w h ich a t r a v eller is r ea din g it t o pa ss t h e t im e.
A n d it is per h a ps fr om a n ot h er im pr ession w h ich I
r eceiv ed a t Mon t jou v a in , som e y ea r s la t er , a n
im pr ession w h ich a t t h a t t im e w a s w it h ou t m ea n in g ,
t h a t t h er e a r ose, lon g a ft er w a r ds, m y idea of t h a t cr u el
side of h u m a n pa ssion ca lled ‘sa dism .’ W e sh a ll see, in
du e cou r se, t h a t for qu it e a n ot h er r ea son t h e m em or y of
t h is im pr ession w a s t o pla y a n im por t a n t pa r t in m y
life. It w a s du r in g a spell of v er y h ot w ea t h er ; m y
pa r en t s, w h o h a d been oblig ed t o g o a w a y for t h e w h ole
da y , h a d t old m e t h a t I m ig h t st a y ou t a s la t e a s I
plea sed; a n d h a v in g g on e a s fa r a s t h e Mon t jou v a in
pon d, w h er e I en joy ed seein g a g a in t h e r eflect ion of t h e
t iled r oof of t h e h u t , I h a d la in dow n in t h e sh a de a n d
g on e t o sleep a m on g t h e bu sh es on t h e st eep slope t h a t
r ose u p beh in d t h e h ou se, ju st w h er e I h a d w a it ed for
m y pa r en t s, y ea r s befor e, on e da y w h en t h ey h a d g on e
t o ca ll on M. V in t eu il. It w a s a lm ost da r k w h en I a w ok e,
a n d I w ish ed t o r ise a n d g o a w a y , bu t I sa w Mlle.
V in t eu il (or t h ou g h t , a t lea st , t h a t I r ecog n ised h er , for I
h a d n ot seen h er oft en a t Com br a y , a n d t h en on ly w h en
sh e w a s st ill a ch ild, w h er ea s sh e w a s n ow g r ow in g in t o
a y ou n g w om a n ), w h o pr oba bly h a d ju st com e in ,
st a n din g in fr on t of m e, a n d on ly a few feet a w a y fr om
m e, in t h a t r oom in w h ich h er fa t h er h a d en t er t a in ed
m in e, a n d w h ich sh e h a d n ow m a de in t o a lit t le sit t in g -
r oom for h er self. T h e w in dow w a s pa r t ly open ; t h e la m p
w a s lig h t ed; I cou ld w a t ch h er ev er y m ov em en t
w it h ou t h er bein g a ble t o see m e; bu t , h a d I g on e a w a y ,
I m u st h a v e m a de a r u st lin g sou n d a m on g t h e bu sh es,
sh e w ou ld h a v e h ea r d m e, a n d m ig h t h a v e t h ou g h t
t h a t I h a d been h idin g t h er e in or der t o spy u pon h er .
Sh e w a s in deep m ou r n in g , for h er fa t h er h a d bu t
la t ely died. W e h a d n ot g on e t o see h er ; m y m ot h er h a d
n ot ca r ed t o g o, on a ccou n t of t h a t v ir t u e w h ich a lon e in
h er fix ed a n y bou n ds t o h er ben ev olen ce — n a m ely ,
m odest y ; bu t sh e pit ied t h e g ir l fr om t h e dept h s of h er
h ea r t . My m ot h er h a d n ot for g ot t en t h e sa d en d of M.
V in t eu il’s life, h is com plet e a bsor pt ion , fir st in h a v in g
t o pla y bot h m ot h er a n d n u r ser y -m a id t o h is da u g h t er ,
a n d, la t er , in t h e su ffer in g w h ich sh e h a d ca u sed h im ;
sh e cou ld see t h e t or t u r ed ex pr ession w h ich w a s n ev er
a bsen t fr om t h e old m a n ’s fa ce in t h ose t er r ible la st
y ea r s; sh e k n ew t h a t h e h a d defin it ely a ba n don ed t h e
t a sk of t r a n scr ibin g in fa ir copies t h e w h ole of h is la t er
w or k , t h e poor lit t le pieces, w e im a g in ed, of a n old
m u sic-m a st er , a r et ir ed v illa g e or g a n ist , w h ich , w e
a ssu m ed, w er e of lit t le or n o v a lu e in t h em selv es,
t h ou g h w e did n ot despise t h em , beca u se t h ey w er e of
su ch g r ea t v a lu e t o h im a n d h a d been t h e ch ief m ot iv e
of h is life befor e h e sa cr ificed t h em t o h is da u g h t er ;
pieces w h ich , bein g m ost ly n ot ev en w r it t en dow n , bu t
r ecor ded on ly in h is m em or y , w h ile t h e r est w er e
scr ibbled on loose sh eet s of pa per , a n d qu it e illeg ible,
m u st n ow r em a in u n k n ow n for ev er ; m y m ot h er
t h ou g h t , a lso, of t h a t ot h er a n d st ill m or e cr u el
r en u n cia t ion t o w h ich M. V in t eu il h a d been dr iv en ,
t h a t of seein g t h e g ir l h a ppily set t led, w it h a n h on est
a n d r espect a ble fu t u r e; w h en sh e ca lled t o m in d a ll t h is
u t t er a n d cr u sh in g m iser y t h a t h a d com e u pon m y
a u n t s’ old m u sic-m a st er , sh e w a s m ov ed t o v er y r ea l
g r ief, a n d sh u dder ed t o t h in k of t h a t ot h er g r ief, so
differ en t in it s bit t er n ess, w h ich Mlle. V in t eu il m u st
n ow be feelin g , t in g ed w it h r em or se a t h a v in g v ir t u a lly
k illed h er fa t h er . “ Poor M. V in t eu il,” m y m ot h er w ou ld
sa y , “ h e liv ed for h is da u g h t er , a n d n ow h e h a s died for
h er , w it h ou t g et t in g h is r ew a r d. W ill h e g et it n ow , I
w on der , a n d in w h a t for m ? It ca n on ly com e t o h im
fr om h er .”
A t t h e fa r en d of Mlle. V in t eu il’s sit t in g -r oom , on t h e
m a n t elpiece, st ood a sm a ll ph ot og r a ph of h er fa t h er
w h ich sh e w en t br isk ly t o fet ch , ju st a s t h e sou n d of
ca r r ia g e w h eels w a s h ea r d fr om t h e r oa d ou t side, t h en
flu n g h er self dow n on a sofa a n d dr ew close beside h er a
lit t le t a ble on w h ich sh e pla ced t h e ph ot og r a ph , ju st a s,
lon g a g o, M. V in t eu il h a d ‘pla ced’ beside h im t h e piece of
m u sic w h ich h e w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o pla y ov er t o m y
pa r en t s. A n d t h en h er fr ien d ca m e in . Mlle. V in t eu il
g r eet ed h er w it h ou t r isin g , cla spin g h er h a n ds beh in d
h er h ea d, a n d dr ew h er body t o on e side of t h e sofa , a s
t h ou g h t o ‘m a k e r oom .’ Bu t n o soon er h a d sh e don e t h is
t h a n sh e a ppea r ed t o feel t h a t sh e w a s per h a ps
su g g est in g a pa r t icu la r posit ion t o h er fr ien d, w it h a n
em ph a sis w h ich m ig h t w ell be r eg a r ded as
im por t u n a t e. Sh e t h ou g h t t h a t h er fr ien d w ou ld pr efer ,
n o dou bt , t o sit dow n a t som e dist a n ce fr om h er , u pon a
ch a ir ; sh e felt t h a t sh e h a d been in discr eet ; h er
sen sit iv e h ea r t t ook fr ig h t ; st r et ch in g h er self ou t a g a in
ov er t h e w h ole of t h e sofa , sh e closed h er ey es a n d beg a n
t o y a w n , so a s t o in dica t e t h a t it w a s a desir e t o sleep,
a n d t h a t a lon e, w h ich h a d m a de h er lie dow n t h er e.
Despit e t h e r u de a n d h ect or in g fa m ilia r it y w it h w h ich
sh e t r ea t ed h er com pa n ion I cou ld r ecog n ise in h er t h e
obsequ iou s a n d r et icen t a dv a n ces, t h e a br u pt scr u ples
a n d r est r a in t s w h ich h a d ch a r a ct er ised h er fa t h er .
Pr esen t ly sh e r ose a n d ca m e t o t h e w in dow , w h er e sh e
pr et en ded t o be t r y in g t o close t h e sh u t t er s a n d n ot
su cceedin g .
“ Lea v e t h em open ,” sa id h er fr ien d. “ I a m h ot .”
“ Bu t it ’s t oo dr ea dfu l! People w ill see u s,” Mlle.
V in t eu il a n sw er ed. A n d t h en sh e g u essed, pr oba bly ,
t h a t h er fr ien d w ou ld t h in k t h a t sh e h a d u t t er ed t h ese
w or ds sim ply in or der t o pr ov ok e a r eply in cer t a in
ot h er w or ds, w h ich sh e seem ed, in deed, t o w ish t o h ea r
spok en , bu t , fr om pr u den ce, w ou ld let h er fr ien d be t h e
fir st t o spea k . A n d so, a lt h ou g h I cou ld n ot see h er fa ce
clea r ly en ou g h , I a m su r e t h a t t h e ex pr ession m u st
h a v e a ppea r ed on it w h ich m y g r a n dm ot h er h a d on ce
fou n d so delig h t fu l, w h en sh e h a st ily w en t on : “ W h en I
sa y ‘see u s’ I m ea n , of cou r se, see u s r ea din g . It ’s so
dr ea dfu l t o t h in k t h a t in ev er y t r iv ia l lit t le t h in g y ou
do som e on e m a y be ov er look in g y ou .”
W it h t h e in st in ct iv e g en er osit y of h er n a t u r e, a
cou r t esy bey on d h er con t r ol, sh e r efr a in ed fr om
u t t er in g t h e st u died w or ds w h ich , sh e h a d felt , w er e
in dispen sa ble for t h e fu ll r ea lisa t ion of h er desir e. A n d
per pet u a lly , in t h e dept h s of h er bein g , a sh y a n d
su pplia n t m a iden w ou ld k n eel befor e t h a t ot h er
elem en t , t h e old ca m pa ig n er , ba t t er ed bu t t r iu m ph a n t ,
w ou ld in t er cede w it h h im a n d oblig e h im t o r et ir e.
“ Oh , y es, it is so ex t r em ely lik ely t h a t people a r e
look in g a t u s a t t h is t im e of n ig h t in t h is den sely
popu la t ed dist r ict !” sa id h er fr ien d, w it h bit t er ir on y .
“ A n d w h a t if t h ey a r e?” sh e w en t on , feelin g bou n d t o
a n n ot a t e w it h a m a liciou s y et a ffect ion a t e w in k t h ese
w or ds w h ich sh e w a s r epea t in g , ou t of g ood n a t u r e, lik e
a lesson pr epa r ed befor eh a n d w h ich , sh e k n ew , it w ou ld
plea se Mlle. V in t eu il t o h ea r . “ A n d w h a t if t h ey a r e? A ll
t h e bet t er t h a t t h ey sh ou ld see u s.”
Mlle. V in t eu il sh u dder ed a n d r ose t o h er feet . In h er
sen sit iv e a n d scr u pu lou s h ea r t sh e w a s ig n or a n t w h a t
w or ds ou g h t t o flow , spon t a n eou sly , fr om h er lips, so a s
t o pr odu ce t h e scen e for w h ich h er ea g er sen ses
cla m ou r ed. Sh e r ea ch ed ou t a s fa r a s sh e cou ld a cr oss
t h e lim it a t ion s of h er t r u e ch a r a ct er t o fin d t h e
la n g u a g e a ppr opr ia t e t o a v iciou s y ou n g w om a n su ch
a s sh e lon g ed t o be t h ou g h t , bu t t h e w or ds w h ich , sh e
im a g in ed, su ch a y ou n g w om a n m ig h t h a v e u t t er ed
w it h sin cer it y sou n ded u n r ea l in h er ow n m ou t h . A n d
w h a t lit t le sh e a llow ed h er self t o sa y w a s sa id in a
st r a in ed t on e, in w h ich h er in g r a in ed t im idit y
pa r a ly sed h er t en den cy t o fr eedom a n d a u da cit y of
speech ; w h ile sh e k ept on in t er r u pt in g h er self w it h :
“ Y ou ’r e su r e y ou a r en ’t cold? Y ou a r en ’t t oo h ot ? Y ou
don ’t w a n t t o sit a n d r ea d by y ou r self? . . .
“ Y ou r la dy sh ip’s t h ou g h t s seem t o be r a t h er ‘w a r m ’
t h is ev en in g ,” sh e con clu ded, dou bt less r epea t in g a
ph r a se w h ich sh e h a d h ea r d u sed, on som e ea r lier
occa sion , by h er fr ien d.
In t h e V -sh a ped open in g of h er cr a pe bodice Mlle.
V in t eu il felt t h e st in g of h er fr ien d’s su dden k iss; sh e
g a v e a lit t le scr ea m a n d r a n a w a y ; a n d t h en t h ey
beg a n t o ch a se on e a n ot h er a bou t t h e r oom , scr a m blin g
ov er t h e fu r n it u r e, t h eir w ide sleev es flu t t er in g lik e
w in g s, clu ck in g a n d cr ow in g lik e a pa ir of a m or ou s
fow ls. A t la st Mlle. V in t eu il fell dow n ex h a u st ed u pon
t h e sofa , w h er e sh e w a s scr een ed fr om m e by t h e
st oopin g body of h er fr ien d. Bu t t h e la t t er n ow h a d h er
ba ck t u r n ed t o t h e lit t le t a ble on w h ich t h e old m u sic-
m a st er ’s por t r a it h a d been a r r a n g ed. Mlle. V in t eu il
r ea lised t h a t h er fr ien d w ou ld n ot see it u n less h er
a t t en t ion w er e dr a w n t o it , a n d so ex cla im ed, a s if sh e
h er self h a d ju st n ot iced it for t h e fir st t im e: “ Oh ! t h er e’s
m y fa t h er ’s pict u r e look in g a t u s; I ca n ’t t h in k w h o ca n
h a v e pu t it t h er e; I’m su r e I’v e t old t h em t w en t y t im es,
t h a t is n ot t h e pr oper pla ce for it .”
I r em em ber ed t h e w or ds t h a t M. V in t eu il h a d u sed
t o m y pa r en t s in a polog isin g for a n obt r u siv e sh eet of
m u sic. T h is ph ot og r a ph w a s, of cou r se, in com m on u se
in t h eir r it u a l obser v a n ces, w a s su bject ed t o da ily
pr ofa n a t ion , for t h e fr ien d r eplied in w or ds w h ich w er e
ev iden t ly a lit u r g ica l r espon se: “ Let h im st a y t h er e. He
ca n ’t t r ou ble u s a n y lon g er . D’y ou t h in k h e’d st a r t
w h in in g , d’y ou t h in k h e’d pa ck y ou ou t of t h e h ou se if
h e cou ld see y ou n ow , w it h t h e w in dow open , t h e u g ly
old m on k ey ?”
T o w h ich Mlle. V in t eu il r eplied, “ Oh , plea se!” — a
g en t le r epr oa ch w h ich t est ified t o t h e g en u in e g oodn ess
of h er n a t u r e, n ot t h a t it w a s pr om pt ed by a n y
r esen t m en t a t h ea r in g h er fa t h er spok en of in t h is
fa sh ion (for t h a t w a s ev iden t ly a feelin g w h ich sh e h a d
t r a in ed h er self, by a lon g cou r se of soph ist r ies, t o k eep
in close su bject ion a t su ch m om en t s), bu t r a t h er
beca u se it w a s t h e br idle w h ich , so a s t o a v oid a ll
a ppea r a n ce of eg ot ism , sh e h er self u sed t o cu r b t h e
g r a t ifica t ion w h ich h er fr ien d w a s a t t em pt in g t o
pr ocu r e for h er . It m a y w ell h a v e been , t oo, t h a t t h e
sm ilin g m oder a t ion w it h w h ich sh e fa ced a n d a n sw er ed
t h ese bla sph em ies, t h a t t h is t en der a n d h y pocr it ica l
r ebu k e a ppea r ed t o h er fr a n k a n d g en er ou s n a t u r e a s a
pa r t icu la r ly sh a m efu l a n d sedu ct iv e for m of t h a t
cr im in a l a t t it u de t ow a r ds life w h ich sh e w a s
en dea v ou r in g t o a dopt . Bu t sh e cou ld n ot r esist t h e
a t t r a ct ion of bein g t r ea t ed w it h a ffect ion by a w om a n
w h o h a d ju st sh ew n h er self so im pla ca ble t ow a r ds t h e
defen celess dea d; sh e spr a n g on t o t h e k n ees of h er
fr ien d a n d h eld ou t a ch a st e br ow t o be k issed; pr ecisely
a s a da u g h t er w ou ld h a v e don e t o h er m ot h er , feelin g
w it h ex qu isit e joy t h a t t h ey w ou ld t h u s, bet w een t h em ,
in flict t h e la st t u r n of t h e scr ew of cr u elt y , in r obbin g
M. V in t eu il, a s t h ou g h t h ey w er e a ct u a lly r iflin g h is
t om b, of t h e sa cr ed r ig h t s of fa t h er h ood. Her fr ien d t ook
t h e g ir l’s h ea d in h er h a n ds a n d pla ced a k iss on h er
br ow w it h a docilit y pr om pt ed by t h e r ea l a ffect ion sh e
h a d for Mlle. V in t eu il, a s w ell a s by t h e desir e t o br in g
w h a t dist r a ct ion sh e cou ld in t o t h e du ll a n d m ela n ch oly
life of a n or ph a n .
“ Do y ou k n ow w h a t I sh ou ld lik e t o do t o t h a t old
h or r or ?” sh e sa id, t a k in g u p t h e ph ot og r a ph . Sh e
m u r m u r ed in Mlle. V in t eu il’s ea r som et h in g t h a t I
cou ld n ot dist in g u ish .
“ Oh ! Y ou w ou ld n ev er da r e.”
“ Not da r e t o spit on it ? On t h a t ?” sh ou t ed t h e fr ien d
w it h deliber a t e br u t a lit y .
I h ea r d n o m or e, for Mlle. V in t eu il, w h o n ow seem ed
w ea r y , a w k w a r d, pr eoccu pied, sin cer e, a n d r a t h er sa d,
ca m e ba ck t o t h e w in dow a n d dr ew t h e sh u t t er s close;
bu t I k n ew n ow w h a t w a s t h e r ew a r d t h a t M. V in t eu il,
in r et u r n for a ll t h e su ffer in g t h a t h e h a d en du r ed in
h is lifet im e, on a ccou n t of h is da u g h t er , h a d r eceiv ed
fr om h er a ft er h is dea t h .
A n d y et I h a v e sin ce r eflect ed t h a t if M. V in t eu il
h a d been a ble t o be pr esen t a t t h is scen e, h e m ig h t st ill,
a n d in spit e of ev er y t h in g , h a v e con t in u ed t o believ e in
h is da u g h t er ’s sou n dn ess of h ea r t , a n d t h a t h e m ig h t
ev en , in so doin g , h a v e been n ot a lt og et h er w r on g . It
w a s t r u e t h a t in a ll Mlle. V in t eu il’s a ct ion s t h e
a ppea r a n ce of ev il w a s so st r on g a n d so con sist en t t h a t
it w ou ld h a v e been h a r d t o fin d it ex h ibit ed in su ch
com plet en ess sa v e in w h a t is n ow a da y s ca lled a ‘sa dist ’;
it is beh in d t h e foot lig h t s of a Pa r is t h ea t r e, a n d n ot
u n der t h e h om ely la m p of a n a ct u a l cou n t r y h ou se,
t h a t on e ex pect s t o see a g ir l lea din g h er fr ien d on t o spit
u pon t h e por t r a it of a fa t h er w h o h a s liv ed a n d died for
n ot h in g a n d n o on e bu t h er self; a n d w h en w e fin d in
r ea l life a desir e for m elodr a m a t ic effect , it is g en er a lly
t h e ‘sa dic’ in st in ct t h a t is r espon sible for it . It is possible
t h a t , w it h ou t bein g in t h e lea st in clin ed t ow a r ds
‘sa dism ,’ a g ir l m ig h t h a v e sh ew n t h e sa m e ou t r a g eou s
cr u elt y a s Mlle. V in t eu il in desecr a t in g t h e m em or y
a n d defy in g t h e w ish es of h er dea d fa t h er , bu t sh e
w ou ld n ot h a v e g iv en t h em deliber a t e ex pr ession in a n
a ct so cr u de in it s sy m bolism , so la ck in g in su bt let y ; t h e
cr im in a l elem en t in h er beh a v iou r w ou ld h a v e been
less ev iden t t o ot h er people, a n d ev en t o h er self, sin ce
sh e w ou ld n ot h a v e a dm it t ed t o h er self t h a t sh e w a s
doin g w r on g . Bu t , a ppea r a n ces a pa r t , in Mlle. V in t eu il’s
sou l, a t lea st in t h e ea r lier st a g es, t h e ev il elem en t w a s
pr oba bly n ot u n m ix ed. A ‘sa dist ’ of h er k in d is a n a r t ist
in ev il, w h ich a w h olly w ick ed per son cou ld n ot be, for
in t h a t ca se t h e ev il w ou ld n ot h a v e been ex t er n a l, it
w ou ld h a v e seem ed qu it e n a t u r a l t o h er , a n d w ou ld n ot
ev en h a v e been dist in g u ish a ble fr om h er self; a n d a s for
v ir t u e, r espect for t h e dea d, filia l obedien ce, sin ce sh e
w ou ld n ev er h a v e pr a ct ised t h e cu lt of t h ese t h in g s, sh e
w ou ld t a k e n o im piou s delig h t in t h eir pr ofa n a t ion .
‘Sa dist s’ of Mlle. V in t eu il’s sor t a r e cr ea t u r es so pu r ely
sen t im en t a l, so v ir t u ou s by n a t u r e, t h a t ev en sen su a l
plea su r e a ppea r s t o t h em a s som et h in g ba d, a pr iv ileg e
r eser v ed for t h e w ick ed. A n d w h en t h ey a llow
t h em selv es for a m om en t t o en joy it t h ey en dea v ou r t o
im per son a t e, t o a ssu m e a ll t h e ou t w a r d a ppea r a n ce of
w ick ed people, for t h em selv es a n d t h eir pa r t n er s in
g u ilt , so a s t o g a in t h e m om en t a r y illu sion of h a v in g
esca ped bey on d t h e con t r ol of t h eir ow n g en t le a n d
scr u pu lou s n a t u r es in t o t h e in h u m a n w or ld of plea su r e.
A n d I cou ld u n der st a n d h ow sh e m u st h a v e lon g ed for
su ch a n esca pe w h en I r ea lised t h a t it w a s im possible for
h er t o effect it . A t t h e m om en t w h en sh e w ish ed t o be
t h ou g h t t h e v er y a n t it h esis of h er fa t h er , w h a t sh e a t
on ce su g g est ed t o m e w er e t h e m a n n er ism s, in t h ou g h t
a n d speech , of t h e poor old m u sic-m a st er . In deed, h is
ph ot og r a ph w a s n ot h in g ; w h a t sh e r ea lly desecr a t ed,
w h a t sh e cor r u pt ed in t o m in ist er in g t o h er plea su r es,
bu t w h a t r em a in ed bet w een t h em a n d h er a n d
pr ev en t ed h er fr om a n y dir ect en joy m en t of t h em , w a s
t h e lik en ess bet w een h er fa ce a n d h is, h is m ot h er ’s blu e
ey es w h ich h e h a d h a n ded dow n t o h er , lik e som e
t r in k et t o be k ept in t h e fa m ily , t h ose lit t le fr ien dly
m ov em en t s a n d in clin a t ion s w h ich set u p bet w een t h e
v iciou sn ess of Mlle. V in t eu il a n d h er self a ph r a seolog y ,
a m en t a lit y n ot desig n ed for v ice, w h ich m a de h er
r eg a r d it a s n ot in a n y w a y differ en t fr om t h e
n u m ber less lit t le socia l du t ies a n d cou r t esies t o w h ich
sh e m u st dev ot e h er self ev er y da y . It w a s n ot ev il t h a t
g a v e h er t h e idea of plea su r e, t h a t seem ed t o h er
a t t r a ct iv e; it w a s plea su r e, r a t h er , t h a t seem ed ev il.
A n d a s, ev er y t im e t h a t sh e in du lg ed in it , plea su r e
ca m e t o h er a t t en ded by ev il t h ou g h t s su ch a s,
or din a r ily , h a d n o pla ce in h er v ir t u ou s m in d, sh e
ca m e a t len g t h t o see in plea su r e it self som et h in g
dia bolica l, t o iden t ify it w it h Ev il. Per h a ps Mlle.
V in t eu il felt t h a t a t h ea r t h er fr ien d w a s n ot a lt og et h er
ba d, n ot r ea lly sin cer e w h en sh e g a v e v en t t o t h ose
bla sph em ou s u t t er a n ces. A t a n y r a t e, sh e h a d t h e
plea su r e of r eceiv in g t h ose k isses on h er br ow , t h ose
sm iles, t h ose g la n ces; a ll feig n ed, per h a ps, bu t a k in in
t h eir ba se a n d v iciou s m ode of ex pr ession t o t h ose w h ich
w ou ld h a v e been discer n ible on t h e fa ce of a cr ea t u r e
for m ed n ot ou t of k in dn ess a n d lon g -su ffer in g , bu t ou t of
self-in du lg en ce a n d cr u elt y . Sh e w a s a ble t o delu de
h er self for a m om en t in t o believ in g t h a t sh e w a s in deed
a m u sin g h er self in t h e w a y in w h ich , w it h so
u n n a t u r a l a n a ccom plice, a g ir l m ig h t a m u se h er self
w h o r ea lly did ex per ien ce t h a t sa v a g e a n t ipa t h y
t ow a r ds h er fa t h er ’s m em or y . Per h a ps sh e w ou ld n ot
h a v e t h ou g h t of w ick edn ess a s a st a t e so r a r e, so
a bn or m a l, so ex ot ic, on e w h ich it w a s so r efr esh in g t o
v isit , h a d sh e been a ble t o dist in g u ish in h er self, a s in
a ll h er fellow -m en a n d w om en , t h a t in differ en ce t o t h e
su ffer in g s w h ich t h ey ca u se w h ich , w h a t ev er n a m es
else be g iv en it , is t h e on e t r u e, t er r ible a n d la st in g
for m of cr u elt y .
If t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ w a s so ea sy , it w a s a v er y
differ en t m a t t er w h en w e t ook t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ,’
for t h a t m ea n t a lon g w a lk , a n d w e m u st m a k e su r e,
fir st , of t h e w ea t h er . W h en w e seem ed t o h a v e en t er ed
u pon a spell of fin e da y s, w h en Fr a n çoise, in desper a t ion
t h a t n ot a dr op w a s fa llin g u pon t h e ‘poor cr ops,’ g a zin g
u p a t t h e sk y a n d seein g t h er e on ly a lit t le w h it e clou d
floa t in g h er e a n d t h er e u pon it s ca lm , a zu r e su r fa ce,
g r oa n ed a lou d a n d ex cla im ed: “ Y ou w ou ld sa y t h ey
w er e n ot h in g m or e n or less t h a n a lot of dog fish
sw im m in g a bou t a n d st ick in g u p t h eir sn ou t s! A h , t h ey
n ev er t h in k of m a k in g it r a in a lit t le for t h e poor
la bou r er s! A n d t h en w h en t h e cor n is a ll r ipe, dow n it
w ill com e, r a t t lin g a ll ov er t h e pla ce, a n d t h in k n o
m or e of w h er e it is fa llin g t h a n if it w a s on t h e sea !” —
w h en m y fa t h er ’s a ppea ls t o t h e g a r den er h a d m et w it h
t h e sa m e en cou r a g in g a n sw er sev er a l t im es in
su ccession , t h en som e on e w ou ld sa y , a t din n er : “ T o-
m or r ow , if t h e w ea t h er h olds, w e m ig h t g o t h e
Gu er m a n t es w a y .” A n d off w e w ou ld set , im m edia t ely
a ft er lu n ch eon , t h r ou g h t h e lit t le g a r den g a t e w h ich
dr opped u s in t o t h e Ru e des Per ch a m ps, n a r r ow a n d
ben t a t a sh a r p a n g le, dot t ed w it h g r a ss-plot s ov er
w h ich t w o or t h r ee w a sps w ou ld spen d t h e da y
bot a n isin g , a st r eet a s qu a in t a s it s n a m e, fr om w h ich
it s odd ch a r a ct er ist ics a n d it s per son a lit y w er e, I felt ,
der iv ed; a st r eet for w h ich on e m ig h t sea r ch in v a in
t h r ou g h t h e Com br a y of t o-da y , for t h e pu blic sch ool
n ow r ises u pon it s sit e. Bu t in m y dr ea m s of Com br a y
(lik e t h ose a r ch it ect s, pu pils of V iollet -le-Du c, w h o,
fa n cy in g t h a t t h ey ca n det ect , ben ea t h a Ren a issa n ce
r ood-loft a n d a n eig h t een t h -cen t u r y a lt a r , t r a ces of a
Nor m a n ch oir , r est or e t h e w h ole ch u r ch t o t h e st a t e in
w h ich it pr oba bly w a s in t h e t w elft h cen t u r y ) I lea v e
n ot a st on e of t h e m oder n edifice st a n din g , I pier ce
t h r ou g h it a n d ‘r est or e’ t h e Ru e des Per ch a m ps. A n d for
su ch r econ st r u ct ion m em or y fu r n ish es m e w it h m or e
det a iled g u ida n ce t h a n is g en er a lly a t t h e disposa l of
r est or er s; t h e pict u r es w h ich it h a s pr eser v ed — per h a ps
t h e la st su r v iv in g in t h e w or ld t o-da y , a n d soon t o
follow t h e r est in t o obliv ion — of w h a t Com br a y look ed
lik e in m y ch ildh ood’s da y s; pict u r es w h ich , sim ply
beca u se it w a s t h e old Com br a y t h a t t r a ced t h eir
ou t lin es u pon m y m in d befor e it v a n ish ed, a r e a s
m ov in g — if I m a y com pa r e a h u m ble la n dsca pe w it h
t h ose g lor iou s w or k s, r epr odu ct ion s of w h ich m y
g r a n dm ot h er w a s so fon d of best ow in g on m e — a s t h ose
old en g r a v in g s of t h e ‘Cen a colo,’ or t h a t pa in t in g by
Gen t ile Bellin i, in w h ich on e sees, in a st a t e in w h ich
t h ey n o lon g er ex ist , t h e m a st er piece of Leon a r do a n d
t h e por t ico of Sa in t Ma r k ’s.
 W e w ou ld pa ss, in t h e Ru e de l’Oisea u , befor e t h e old
h ost elr y of t h e Oisea u Flesch é, in t o w h ose g r ea t
cou r t y a r d, on ce u pon a t im e, w ou ld r u m ble t h e coa ch es
of t h e Du ch esses de Mon t pen sier , de Gu er m a n t es, a n d de
Mon t m or en cy , w h en t h ey h a d t o com e dow n t o
Com br a y for som e lit ig a t ion w it h t h eir fa r m er s, or t o
r eceiv e h om a g e fr om t h em . W e w ou ld com e a t len g t h t o
t h e Ma ll, a m on g w h ose t r eet ops I cou ld dist in g u ish t h e
st eeple of Sa in t -Hila ir e. A n d I sh ou ld h a v e lik ed t o be
a ble t o sit dow n a n d spen d t h e w h ole da y t h er e, r ea din g
a n d list en in g t o t h e bells, for it w a s so ch a r m in g t h er e
a n d so qu iet t h a t , w h en a n h ou r st r u ck , y ou w ou ld h a v e
sa id n ot t h a t it br ok e in u pon t h e ca lm of t h e da y , bu t
t h a t it r eliev ed t h e da y of it s su per flu it y , a n d t h a t t h e
st eeple, w it h t h e in dolen t , pa in st a k in g ex a ct it u de of a
per son w h o h a s n ot h in g else t o do, h a d sim ply , in or der
t o squ eeze ou t a n d let fa ll t h e few g olden dr ops w h ich
h a d slow ly a n d n a t u r a lly a ccu m u la t ed in t h e h ot
su n lig h t , pr essed, a t a g iv en m om en t , t h e dist en ded
su r fa ce of t h e silen ce.
T h e g r ea t ch a r m of t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es’ w a y w a s t h a t
w e h a d beside u s, a lm ost a ll t h e t im e, t h e cou r se of t h e
V iv on n e. W e cr ossed it fir st , t en m in u t es a ft er lea v in g
t h e h ou se, by a foot -br idg e ca lled t h e Pon t -V ieu x . A n d
ev er y y ea r , w h en w e a r r iv ed a t Com br a y , on Ea st er
m or n in g , a ft er t h e ser m on , if t h e w ea t h er w a s fin e, I
w ou ld r u n t h er e t o see (a m id a ll t h e disor der t h a t
pr ev a ils on t h e m or n in g of a g r ea t fest iv a l, t h e g or g eou s
pr epa r a t ion s for w h ich m a k e t h e ev er y da y h ou seh old
u t en sils t h a t t h ey h a v e n ot con t r iv ed t o ba n ish seem
m or e sor did t h a n ev er ) t h e r iv er flow in g pa st , sk y -blu e
a lr ea dy bet w een ba n k s st ill bla ck a n d ba r e, it s on ly
com pa n ion s a clu m p of da ffodils, com e ou t befor e t h eir
t im e, a few pr im r oses, t h e fir st in flow er , w h ile h er e
a n d t h er e bu r n ed t h e blu e fla m e of a v iolet , it s st em
ben t ben ea t h t h e w eig h t of t h e dr op of per fu m e st or ed in
it s t in y h or n . T h e Pon t -V ieu x led t o a t ow -pa t h w h ich ,
a t t h is poin t , w ou ld be ov er h u n g in su m m er by t h e
blu ish folia g e of a h a zel, u n der w h ich a fish er m a n in a
st r a w h a t seem ed t o h a v e t a k en r oot . A t Com br a y ,
w h er e I k n ew ev er y on e, a n d cou ld a lw a y s det ect t h e
bla ck sm it h or g r ocer ’s boy t h r ou g h h is disg u ise of a
bea dle’s u n ifor m or ch or ist er ’s su r plice, t h is fish er m a n
w a s t h e on ly per son w h om I w a s n ev er a ble t o iden t ify .
He m u st h a v e k n ow n m y fa m ily , for h e u sed t o r a ise h is
h a t w h en w e pa ssed; a n d t h en I w ou ld a lw a y s be ju st on
t h e poin t of a sk in g h is n a m e, w h en som e on e w ou ld
m a k e a sig n t o m e t o be qu iet , or I w ou ld fr ig h t en t h e
fish . W e w ou ld follow t h e t ow -pa t h w h ich r a n a lon g t h e
t op of a st eep ba n k , sev er a l feet a bov e t h e st r ea m . T h e
g r ou n d on t h e ot h er side w a s low er , a n d st r et ch ed in a
ser ies of br oa d m ea dow s a s fa r a s t h e v illa g e a n d ev en t o
t h e dist a n t r a ilw a y -st a t ion . Ov er t h ese w er e st r ew n t h e
r em a in s, h a lf-bu r ied in t h e lon g g r a ss, of t h e ca st le of
t h e old Cou n t s of Com br a y , w h o, du r in g t h e Middle
A g es, h a d h a d on t h is side t h e cou r se of t h e V iv on n e a s a
ba r r ier a n d defen ce a g a in st a t t a ck fr om t h e Lor ds of
Gu er m a n t es a n d A bbot s of Ma r t in v ille. Not h in g w a s left
n ow bu t a few st u m ps of t ow er s, h u m m ock s u pon t h e
br oa d su r fa ce of t h e fields, h a r dly v isible, br ok en
ba t t lem en t s ov er w h ich , in t h eir da y , t h e bow m en h a d
h u r led dow n st on es, t h e w a t ch m en h a d g a zed ou t ov er
Nov epon t , Cla ir efon t a in e, Ma r t in v ille-le-Sec, Ba illea u -
l’Ex em pt , fiefs a ll of t h em of Gu er m a n t es, a r in g in
w h ich Com br a y w a s lock ed; bu t fa llen a m on g t h e g r a ss
n ow , lev elled w it h t h e g r ou n d, clim bed a n d
com m a n ded by boy s fr om t h e Ch r ist ia n Br ot h er s’
sch ool, w h o ca m e t h er e in t h eir pla y t im e, or w it h
lesson -book s t o be con n ed; em blem s of a pa st t h a t h a d
su n k dow n a n d w ell-n ig h v a n ish ed u n der t h e ea r t h ,
t h a t la y by t h e w a t er ’s edg e n ow , lik e a n idler t a k in g
t h e a ir , y et g iv in g m e st r on g food for t h ou g h t , m a k in g
t h e n a m e of Com br a y con n ot e t o m e n ot t h e lit t le t ow n
of t o-da y on ly , bu t a n h ist or ic cit y v a st ly differ en t ,
seizin g a n d h oldin g m y im a g in a t ion by t h e r em ot e,
in com pr eh en sible fea t u r es w h ich it h a lf-con cea led
ben ea t h a spa n g led v eil of bu t t er cu ps. For t h e
bu t t er cu ps g r ew pa st n u m ber in g on t h is spot w h ich
t h ey h a d ch osen for t h eir g a m es a m on g t h e g r a ss,
st a n din g sin g ly , in cou ples, in w h ole com pa n ies, y ellow
a s t h e y olk of eg g s, a n d g low in g w it h a n a dded lu st r e, I
felt , beca u se, bein g pow er less t o con su m m a t e w it h m y
pa la t e t h e plea su r e w h ich t h e sig h t of t h em n ev er fa iled
t o g iv e m e, I w ou ld let it a ccu m u la t e a s m y ey es r a n g ed
ov er t h eir g ilded ex pa n se, u n t il it h a d a cqu ir ed t h e
st r en g t h t o cr ea t e in m y m in d a fr esh ex a m ple of
a bsolu t e, u n pr odu ct iv e bea u t y ; a n d so it h a d been fr om
m y ea r liest ch ildh ood, w h en fr om t h e t ow -pa t h I h a d
st r et ch ed ou t m y a r m s t ow a r ds t h em , befor e ev en I
cou ld pr on ou n ce t h eir ch a r m in g n a m e — a n a m e fit for
t h e Pr in ce in som e Fr en ch fa ir y -t a le; colon ist s, per h a ps,
in som e fa r dist a n t cen t u r y fr om A sia , bu t n a t u r a lised
n ow for ev er in t h e v illa g e, w ell sa t isfied w it h t h eir
m odest h or izon , r ejoicin g in t h e su n sh in e a n d t h e
w a t er ’s edg e, fa it h fu l t o t h eir lit t le g lim pse of t h e
r a ilw a y -st a t ion ; y et k eepin g , n on e t h e less, a s do som e
of ou r old pa in t in g s, in t h eir plebeia n sim plicit y , a
poet ic scin t illa t ion fr om t h e g olden Ea st .
I w ou ld a m u se m y self by w a t ch in g t h e g la ss ja r s
w h ich t h e boy s u sed t o low er in t o t h e V iv on n e, t o ca t ch
m in n ow s, a n d w h ich , filled by t h e cu r r en t of t h e
st r ea m , in w h ich t h ey t h em selv es a lso w er e en closed, a t
on ce ‘con t a in er s’ w h ose t r a n spa r en t sides w er e lik e
solidified w a t er a n d ‘con t en t s’ plu n g ed in t o a st ill la r g er
con t a in er of liqu id, flow in g cr y st a l, su g g est ed a n im a g e
of cooln ess m or e deliciou s a n d m or e pr ov ok in g t h a n t h e
sa m e w a t er in t h e sa m e ja r s w ou ld h a v e don e, st a n din g
u pon a t a ble la id for din n er , by sh ew in g it a s
per pet u a lly in flig h t bet w een t h e im pa lpa ble w a t er , in
w h ich m y h a n ds cou ld n ot a r r est it , a n d t h e in solu ble
g la ss, in w h ich m y pa la t e cou ld n ot en joy it . I decided
t h a t I w ou ld com e t h er e a g a in w it h a lin e a n d ca t ch
fish ; I beg g ed for a n d obt a in ed a m or sel of br ea d fr om
ou r lu n ch eon ba sk et ; a n d t h r ew in t o t h e V iv on n e
pellet s w h ich h a d t h e pow er , it seem ed, t o br in g a bou t a
ch em ica l pr ecipit a t ion , for t h e w a t er a t on ce g r ew solid
r ou n d a bou t t h em in ov a l clu st er s of em a cia t ed
t a dpoles, w h ich u n t il t h en it h a d, n o dou bt , been
h oldin g in solu t ion , in v isible, bu t r ea dy a n d a ler t t o
en t er t h e st a g e of cr y st a llisa t ion .
Pr esen t ly t h e cou r se of t h e V iv on n e beca m e ch ok ed
w it h w a t er -pla n t s. A t fir st t h ey a ppea r ed sin g ly , a lily ,
for in st a n ce, w h ich t h e cu r r en t , a cr oss w h ose pa t h it
h a d u n for t u n a t ely g r ow n , w ou ld n ev er lea v e a t r est for
a m om en t , so t h a t , lik e a fer r y -boa t m ech a n ica lly
pr opelled, it w ou ld dr ift ov er t o on e ba n k on ly t o r et u r n
t o t h e ot h er , et er n a lly r epea t in g it s dou ble jou r n ey .
T h r u st t ow a r ds t h e ba n k , it s st a lk w ou ld be
st r a ig h t en ed ou t , len g t h en ed, st r a in ed a lm ost t o
br ea k in g -poin t u n t il t h e cu r r en t a g a in ca u g h t it , it s
g r een m oor in g s sw u n g ba ck ov er t h eir a n ch or a g e a n d
br ou g h t t h e u n h a ppy pla n t t o w h a t m ig h t fit ly be
ca lled it s st a r t in g -poin t , sin ce it w a s fa t ed n ot t o r est
t h er e a m om en t befor e m ov in g off on ce a g a in . I w ou ld
st ill fin d it t h er e, on on e w a lk a ft er a n ot h er , a lw a y s in
t h e sa m e h elpless st a t e, su g g est in g cer t a in v ict im s of
n eu r a st h en ia , a m on g w h om m y g r a n dfa t h er w ou ld
h a v e in clu ded m y a u n t Léon ie, w h o pr esen t w it h ou t
m odifica t ion , y ea r a ft er y ea r , t h e spect a cle of t h eir odd
a n d u n a ccou n t a ble h a bit s, w h ich t h ey a lw a y s im a g in e
t h em selv es t o be on t h e poin t of sh a k in g off, bu t w h ich
t h ey a lw a y s r et a in t o t h e en d; ca u g h t in t h e t r ea dm ill
of t h eir ow n m a la dies a n d eccen t r icit ies, t h eir fu t ile
en dea v ou r s t o esca pe ser v e on ly t o a ct u a t e it s
m ech a n ism , t o k eep in m ot ion t h e clock w or k of t h eir
st r a n g e, in elu ct a ble, fa t a l da ily r ou n d. Su ch a s t h ese
w a s t h e w a t er -lily , a n d a lso lik e on e of t h ose w r et ch es
w h ose pecu lia r t or m en t s, r epea t ed in defin it ely
t h r ou g h ou t et er n it y , a r ou sed t h e cu r iosit y of Da n t e,
w h o w ou ld h a v e in qu ir ed of t h em a t g r ea t er len g t h a n d
in fu ller det a il fr om t h e v ict im s t h em selv es, h a d n ot
V ir g il, st r idin g on a h ea d, oblig ed h im t o h a st en a ft er
h im a t fu ll speed, a s I m u st h a st en a ft er m y pa r en t s.
Bu t fa r t h er on t h e cu r r en t sla ck en ed, w h er e t h e
st r ea m r a n t h r ou g h a pr oper t y t h r ow n open t o t h e
pu blic by it s ow n er , w h o h a d m a de a h obby of a qu a t ic
g a r den in g , so t h a t t h e lit t le pon ds in t o w h ich t h e
V iv on n e w a s h er e div er t ed w er e a flow er w it h w a t er -
lilies. A s t h e ba n k s a t t h is poin t w er e t h ick ly w ooded,
t h e h ea v y sh a de of t h e t r ees g a v e t h e w a t er a
ba ck g r ou n d w h ich w a s or din a r ily da r k g r een , a lt h ou g h
som et im es, w h en w e w er e com in g h om e on a ca lm
ev en in g a ft er a st or m y a ft er n oon , I h a v e seen in it s
dept h s a clea r , cr u de blu e t h a t w a s a lm ost v iolet ,
su g g est in g a floor of Ja pa n ese cloison n é. Her e a n d t h er e,
on t h e su r fa ce, floa t ed, blu sh in g lik e a st r a w ber r y , t h e
sca r let h ea r t of a lily set in a r in g of w h it e pet a ls.
Bey on d t h ese t h e flow er s w er e m or e fr equ en t , bu t
pa ler , less g lossy , m or e t h ick ly seeded, m or e t ig h t ly
folded, a n d disposed, by a cciden t , in fest oon s so g r a cefu l
t h a t I w ou ld fa n cy I sa w floa t in g u pon t h e st r ea m , a s
t h ou g h a ft er t h e dr ea r y st r ippin g of t h e decor a t ion s
u sed in som e W a t t ea u fest iv a l, m oss-r oses in loosen ed
g a r la n ds. Elsew h er e a cor n er seem ed t o be r eser v ed for
t h e com m on er k in ds of lily ; of a n ea t pin k or w h it e lik e
r ock et -flow er s, w a sh ed clea n lik e por cela in , w it h
h ou sew ifely ca r e; w h ile, a lit t le fa r t h er a g a in , w er e
ot h er s, pr essed close t og et h er in a floa t in g g a r den -bed,
a s t h ou g h pa n sies h a d flow n ou t of a g a r den lik e
bu t t er flies a n d w er e h ov er in g w it h blu e a n d bu r n ish ed
w in g s ov er t h e t r a n spa r en t sh a dow in ess of t h is w a t er y
bor der ; t h is sk iey bor der a lso, for it set ben ea t h t h e
flow er s a soil of a colou r m or e pr eciou s, m or e m ov in g
t h a n t h eir ow n ; a n d bot h in t h e a ft er n oon , w h en it
spa r k led ben ea t h t h e lilies in t h e k a leidoscope of a
h a ppin ess silen t , r est less, a n d a ler t , a n d t ow a r ds
ev en in g , w h en it w a s filled lik e a dist a n t h ea v en w it h
t h e r osea t e dr ea m s of t h e set t in g su n , in cessa n t ly
ch a n g in g a n d ev er r em a in in g in h a r m on y , a bou t t h e
m or e per m a n en t colou r of t h e flow er s t h em selv es, w it h
t h e u t m ost pr ofu n dit y , ev a n escen ce, a n d m y st er y —
w it h a qu iet su g g est ion of in fin it y ; a ft er n oon or
ev en in g , it seem ed t o h a v e set t h em flow er in g in t h e
h ea r t of t h e sk y .
A ft er lea v in g t h is pa r k t h e V iv on n e beg a n t o flow
a g a in m or e sw ift ly . How oft en h a v e I w a t ch ed, a n d
lon g ed t o im it a t e, w h en I sh ou ld be fr ee t o liv e a s I
ch ose, a r ow er w h o h a d sh ipped h is oa r s a n d la y
st r et ch ed ou t on h is ba ck , h is h ea d dow n , in t h e bot t om
of h is boa t , let t in g it dr ift w it h t h e cu r r en t , seein g
n ot h in g bu t t h e sk y w h ich slipped qu iet ly a bov e h im ,
sh ew in g u pon h is fea t u r es a for et a st e of h a ppin ess a n d
pea ce.
W e w ou ld sit dow n a m on g t h e ir ises a t t h e w a t er ’s
edg e. In t h e h olida y sk y a la zy clou d st r ea m ed ou t t o it s
fu ll len g t h . Now a n d t h en , cr u sh ed by t h e bu r den of
idlen ess, a ca r p w ou ld h ea v e u p ou t of t h e w a t er , w it h
a n a n x iou s g a sp. It w a s t im e for u s t o feed. Befor e
st a r t in g h om ew a r ds w e w ou ld sit for a lon g t im e t h er e,
ea t in g fr u it a n d br ea d a n d ch ocola t e, on t h e g r a ss, ov er
w h ich ca m e t o ou r ea r s, h or izon t a l, fa in t , bu t solid st ill
a n d m et a llic, t h e sou n d of t h e bells of Sa in t -Hila ir e,
w h ich h a d m elt ed n ot a t a ll in t h e a t m osph er e it w a s so
w ell a ccu st om ed t o t r a v er se, bu t , br ok en piecem ea l by
t h e su ccessiv e pa lpit a t ion of a ll t h eir son or ou s st r ok es,
t h r obbed a s it br u sh ed t h e flow er s a t ou r feet .
Som et im es, a t t h e w a t er ’s edg e a n d em bedded in
t r ees, w e w ou ld com e u pon a h ou se of t h e k in d ca lled
‘plea su r e h ou ses,’ isola t ed a n d lost , seein g n ot h in g of t h e
w or ld, sa v e t h e r iv er w h ich ba t h ed it s feet . A y ou n g
w om a n , w h ose pen siv e fa ce a n d fa sh ion a ble v eils did
n ot su g g est a loca l or ig in , a n d w h o h a d dou bt less com e
t h er e, in t h e popu la r ph r a se, ‘t o bu r y h er self,’ t o t a st e
t h e bit t er sw eet n ess of feelin g t h a t h er n a m e, a n d st ill
m or e t h e n a m e of h im w h ose h ea r t sh e h a d on ce h eld,
bu t h a d been u n a ble t o k eep, w er e u n k n ow n t h er e,
st ood fr a m ed in a w in dow fr om w h ich sh e h a d n o
ou t look bey on d t h e boa t t h a t w a s m oor ed beside h er
door . Sh e r a ised h er ey es w it h a n a ir of dist r a ct ion
w h en sh e h ea r d, t h r ou g h t h e t r ees t h a t lin ed t h e ba n k ,
t h e v oices of pa sser s-by of w h om , befor e t h ey ca m e in
sig h t , sh e m ig h t be cer t a in t h a t n ev er h a d t h ey k n ow n ,
n or w ou ld t h ey k n ow , t h e fa it h less lov er , t h a t n ot h in g
in t h eir pa st liv es bor e h is im pr in t , w h ich n ot h in g in
t h eir fu t u r e w ou ld h a v e occa sion t o r eceiv e. On e felt
t h a t in h er r en u n cia t ion of life sh e h a d w illin g ly
a ba n don ed t h ose pla ces in w h ich sh e w ou ld a t lea st
h a v e been a ble t o see h im w h om sh e lov ed, for ot h er s
w h er e h e h a d n ev er t r od. A n d I w a t ch ed h er , a s sh e
r et u r n ed fr om som e w a lk a lon g a r oa d w h er e sh e h a d
k n ow n t h a t h e w ou ld n ot a ppea r , dr a w in g fr om h er
su bm issiv e fin g er s lon g g lov es of a pr eciou s, u seless
ch a r m .
Nev er , in t h e cou r se of ou r w a lk s a lon g t h e
‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ,’ m ig h t w e pen et r a t e a s fa r a s t h e
sou r ce of t h e V iv on n e, of w h ich I h a d oft en t h ou g h t ,
w h ich h a d in m y m in d so a bst r a ct , so idea l a n
ex ist en ce, t h a t I h a d been a s m u ch su r pr ised w h en som e
on e t old m e t h a t it w a s a ct u a lly t o be fou n d in t h e sa m e
depa r t m en t , a n d a t a g iv en n u m ber of m iles fr om
Com br a y , a s I h a d been on t h e da y w h en I h a d lea r n ed
t h a t t h er e w a s a n ot h er fix ed poin t som ew h er e on t h e
ea r t h ’s su r fa ce, w h er e, a ccor din g t o t h e a n cien t s,
open ed t h e ja w s of Hell. Nor cou ld w e ev er r ea ch t h a t
ot h er g oa l, t o w h ich I lon g ed so m u ch t o a t t a in ,
Gu er m a n t es it self. I k n ew t h a t it w a s t h e r esiden ce of it s
pr opr iet or s, t h e Du c a n d Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es, I
k n ew t h a t t h ey w er e r ea l per son a g es w h o did a ct u a lly
ex ist , bu t w h en ev er I t h ou g h t a bou t t h em I pict u r ed
t h em t o m y self eit h er in t a pest r y , a s w a s t h e
‘Cor on a t ion of Est h er ’ w h ich h u n g in ou r ch u r ch , or else
in ch a n g in g , r a in bow colou r s, a s w a s Gilber t t h e Ba d in
h is w in dow , w h er e h e pa ssed fr om ca bba g e g r een , w h en
I w a s dippin g m y fin g er s in t h e h oly w a t er st ou p, t o
plu m blu e w h en I h a d r ea ch ed ou r r ow of ch a ir s, or
a g a in a lt og et h er im pa lpa ble, lik e t h e im a g e of
Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t , a n cest r ess of t h e Gu er m a n t es
fa m ily , w h ich t h e m a g ic la n t er n sen t w a n der in g ov er
t h e cu r t a in s of m y r oom or flu n g a loft u pon t h e ceilin g
— in sh or t , a lw a y s w r a pped in t h e m y st er y of t h e
Mer ov in g ia n a g e, a n d ba t h ed, a s in a su n set , in t h e
or a n g e lig h t w h ich g low ed fr om t h e r esou n din g sy lla ble
‘a n t es.’ A n d if, in spit e of t h a t , t h ey w er e for m e, in
t h eir ca pa cit y a s a du k e a n d a du ch ess, r ea l people,
t h ou g h of a n u n fa m ilia r k in d, t h is du ca l per son a lit y
w a s in it s t u r n en or m ou sly dist en ded, im m a t er ia lised,
so a s t o en cir cle a n d con t a in t h a t Gu er m a n t es of w h ich
t h ey w er e du k e a n d du ch ess, a ll t h a t su n lit
‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ of ou r w a lk s, t h e cou r se of t h e
V iv on n e, it s w a t er -lilies a n d it s ov er sh a dow in g t r ees,
a n d a n en dless ser ies of h ot su m m er a ft er n oon s. A n d I
k n ew t h a t t h ey bor e n ot on ly t h e t it les of Du c a n d
Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es, bu t t h a t sin ce t h e fou r t een t h
cen t u r y , w h en , a ft er v a in a t t em pt s t o con qu er it s
ea r lier lor ds in ba t t le, t h ey h a d a llied t h em selv es by
m a r r ia g e, a n d so beca m e Cou n t s of Com br a y , t h e fir st
cit izen s, con sequ en t ly , of t h e pla ce, a n d y et t h e on ly
on es a m on g it s cit izen s w h o did n ot r eside in it — Com t es
de Com br a y , possessin g Com br a y , t h r ea din g it on t h eir
st r in g of n a m es a n d t it les, a bsor bin g it in t h eir
per son a lit ies, a n d illu st r a t in g , n o dou bt , in t h em selv es
t h a t st r a n g e a n d piou s m ela n ch oly w h ich w a s pecu lia r
t o Com br a y ; pr opr iet or s of t h e t ow n , t h ou g h n ot of a n y
pa r t icu la r h ou se t h er e; dw ellin g , pr esu m a bly , ou t of
door s, in t h e st r eet , bet w een h ea v en a n d ea r t h , lik e
t h a t Gilber t de Gu er m a n t es, of w h om I cou ld see, in t h e
st a in ed g la ss of t h e a pse of Sa in t -Hila ir e, on ly t h e ‘ot h er
side’ in du ll bla ck la cqu er , if I r a ised m y ey es t o look for
h im , w h en I w a s g oin g t o Ca m u s’s for a pa ck et of sa lt .
A n d t h en it h a ppen ed t h a t , g oin g t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es
w a y ,’ I pa ssed occa sion a lly by a r ow of w ell-w a t er ed
lit t le g a r den s, ov er w h ose h edg es r ose clu st er s of da r k
blossom . I w ou ld st op befor e t h em , h opin g t o g a in som e
pr eciou s a ddit ion t o m y ex per ien ce, for I seem ed t o h a v e
befor e m y ey es a fr a g m en t of t h a t r iv er side cou n t r y
w h ich I h a d lon g ed so m u ch t o see a n d k n ow sin ce
com in g u pon a descr ipt ion of it by on e of m y fa v ou r it e
a u t h or s. A n d it w a s w it h t h a t st or y -book la n d, w it h it s
im a g in ed soil in t er sect ed by a h u n dr ed bu bblin g
w a t er cou r ses, t h a t Gu er m a n t es, ch a n g in g it s for m in
m y m in d, beca m e iden t ified, a ft er I h ea r d Dr . Per cepied
spea k of t h e flow er s a n d t h e ch a r m in g r iv u let s a n d
fou n t a in s t h a t w er e t o be seen t h er e in t h e du ca l pa r k . I
u sed t o dr ea m t h a t Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es, t a k in g a
su dden ca pr iciou s fa n cy for m y self, in v it ed m e t h er e,
t h a t a ll da y lon g sh e st ood fish in g for t r ou t by m y side.
A n d w h en ev en in g ca m e, h oldin g m y h a n d in h er ow n ,
a s w e pa ssed by t h e lit t le g a r den s of h er v a ssa ls, sh e
w ou ld poin t ou t t o m e t h e flow er s t h a t lea n ed t h eir r ed
a n d pu r ple spik es a lon g t h e t ops of t h e low w a lls, a n d
w ou ld t ea ch m e a ll t h eir n a m es. Sh e w ou ld m a k e m e
t ell h er , t oo, a ll a bou t t h e poem s t h a t I m ea n t t o
com pose. A n d t h ese dr ea m s r em in ded m e t h a t , sin ce I
w ish ed, som e da y , t o becom e a w r it er , it w a s h ig h t im e
t o decide w h a t sor t of book s I w a s g oin g t o w r it e. Bu t a s
soon a s I a sk ed m y self t h e qu est ion , a n d t r ied t o discov er
som e su bject s t o w h ich I cou ld im pa r t a ph ilosoph ica l
sig n ifica n ce of in fin it e v a lu e, m y m in d w ou ld st op lik e a
clock , I w ou ld see befor e m e v a cu it y , n ot h in g , w ou ld
feel eit h er t h a t I w a s w h olly dev oid of t a len t , or t h a t ,
per h a ps, a m a la dy of t h e br a in w a s h in der in g it s
dev elopm en t . Som et im es I w ou ld depen d u pon m y
fa t h er ’s a r r a n g in g ev er y t h in g for m e. He w a s so
pow er fu l, in su ch fa v ou r w it h t h e people w h o ‘r ea lly
cou n t ed,’ t h a t h e m a de it possible for u s t o t r a n sg r ess
la w s w h ich Fr a n çoise h a d t a u g h t m e t o r eg a r d a s m or e
in elu ct a ble t h a n t h e la w s of life a n d dea t h , a s w h en w e
w er e a llow ed t o post pon e for a y ea r t h e com pu lsor y
r epa in t in g of t h e w a lls of ou r h ou se, a lon e a m on g a ll t h e
h ou ses in t h a t pa r t of Pa r is, or w h en h e obt a in ed
per m ission fr om t h e Min ist er for Mm e. Sa zer a t ’s son ,
w h o h a d been or der ed t o som e w a t er in g -pla ce, t o t a k e
h is deg r ee t w o m on t h s befor e t h e pr oper t im e, a m on g
t h e ca n dida t es w h ose su r n a m es beg a n w it h ‘A ,’ in st ea d
of h a v in g t o w a it h is t u r n a s a n ‘S.’ If I h a d fa llen
ser iou sly ill, if I h a d been ca pt u r ed by br ig a n ds,
con v in ced t h a t m y fa t h er ’s u n der st a n din g w it h t h e
su pr em e pow er s w a s t oo com plet e, t h a t h is let t er s of
in t r odu ct ion t o t h e A lm ig h t y w er e t oo ir r esist ible for
m y illn ess or ca pt iv it y t o t u r n ou t a n y t h in g bu t v a in
illu sion s, in w h ich t h er e w a s n o da n g er a ct u a lly
t h r ea t en in g m e, I sh ou ld h a v e a w a it ed w it h per fect
com posu r e t h e in ev it a ble h ou r of m y r et u r n t o
com for t a ble r ea lit ies, of m y deliv er a n ce fr om bon da g e
or r est or a t ion t o h ea lt h . Per h a ps t h is w a n t of t a len t ,
t h is bla ck ca v it y w h ich g a ped in m y m in d w h en I
r a n sa ck ed it for t h e t h em e of m y fu t u r e w r it in g s, w a s
it self n o m or e, eit h er , t h a n a n u n su bst a n t ia l illu sion ,
a n d w ou ld be br ou g h t t o a n en d by t h e in t er v en t ion of
m y fa t h er , w h o w ou ld a r r a n g e w it h t h e Gov er n m en t
a n d w it h Pr ov iden ce t h a t I sh ou ld be t h e fir st w r it er of
m y da y . Bu t a t ot h er t im es, w h ile m y pa r en t s w er e
g r ow in g im pa t ien t a t seein g m e loit er beh in d in st ea d of
follow in g t h em , m y a ct u a l life, in st ea d of seem in g a n
a r t ificia l cr ea t ion by m y fa t h er , a n d on e w h ich h e
cou ld m odify a s h e ch ose, a ppea r ed, on t h e con t r a r y , t o
be com pr ised in a la r g er r ea lit y w h ich h a d n ot been
cr ea t ed for m y ben efit , fr om w h ose ju dg m en t s t h er e
w a s n o a ppea l, in t h e h ea r t of w h ich I w a s bou n d,
h elpless, w it h ou t fr ien d or a lly , a n d bey on d w h ich n o
fu r t h er possibilit ies la y con cea led. It w a s ev iden t t o m e
t h en t h a t I ex ist ed in t h e sa m e m a n n er a s a ll ot h er
m en , t h a t I m u st g r ow old, t h a t I m u st die lik e t h em ,
a n d t h a t a m on g t h em I w a s t o be dist in g u ish ed m er ely
a s on e of t h ose w h o h a v e n o a pt it u de for w r it in g . A n d
so, u t t er ly despon den t , I r en ou n ced lit er a t u r e for ev er ,
despit e t h e en cou r a g em en t s t h a t h a d been g iv en m e by
Bloch . T h is in t im a t e, spon t a n eou s feelin g , t h is sen se of
t h e n u llit y of m y in t ellect , pr ev a iled a g a in st a ll t h e
fla t t er in g speech es t h a t m ig h t be la v ish ed u pon m e, a s
a w ick ed m a n , w h en ev er y on e is lou d in t h e pr a ise of
h is g ood deeds, is g n a w ed by t h e secr et r em or se of
con scien ce.
On e da y m y m ot h er sa id: “ Y ou a r e a lw a y s t a lk in g
a bou t Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es. W ell, Dr . Per cepied did a
g r ea t dea l for h er w h en sh e w a s ill, fou r y ea r s a g o, a n d
so sh e is com in g t o Com br a y for h is da u g h t er ’s w eddin g .
Y ou w ill be a ble t o see h er in ch u r ch .” It w a s fr om Dr .
Per cepied, a s it h a ppen ed, t h a t I h a d h ea r d m ost a bou t
Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es, a n d h e h a d ev en sh ew n u s t h e
n u m ber of a n illu st r a t ed pa per in w h ich sh e w a s
depict ed in t h e cost u m e w h ich sh e h a d w or n a t a fa n cy
dr ess ba ll g iv en by t h e Pr in cesse de Léon .
Su dden ly , du r in g t h e n u pt ia l m a ss, t h e bea dle, by
m ov in g t o on e side, en a bled m e t o see, sit t in g in a
ch a pel, a la dy w it h fa ir h a ir a n d a la r g e n ose, pier cin g
blu e ey es, a billow y sca r f of m a u v e silk , g lossy a n d n ew
a n d br illia n t , a n d a lit t le spot a t t h e cor n er of h er n ose.
A n d beca u se on t h e su r fa ce of h er fa ce, w h ich w a s r ed,
a s t h ou g h sh e h a d been v er y w a r m , I cou ld m a k e ou t ,
dilu t ed a n d ba r ely per cept ible, det a ils w h ich r esem bled
t h e por t r a it t h a t h a d been sh ew n t o m e; beca u se, m or e
especia lly , t h e pa r t icu la r fea t u r es w h ich I r em a r k ed in
t h is la dy , if I a t t em pt ed t o ca t a log u e t h em , for m u la t ed
t h em selv es in pr ecisely t h e sa m e t er m s:— a large nos e,
blue eyes , a s Dr . Per cepied h a d u sed w h en descr ibin g in
m y pr esen ce t h e Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es, I sa id t o
m y self: “ T h is la dy is lik e t h e Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es.”
Now t h e ch a pel fr om w h ich sh e w a s follow in g t h e
ser v ice w a s t h a t of Gilber t t h e Ba d; ben ea t h it s fla t
t om bst on es, y ellow ed a n d bu lg in g lik e cells of h on ey in
a com b, r est ed t h e bon es of t h e old Cou n t s of Br a ba n t ;
a n d I r em em ber ed h a v in g h ea r d it sa id t h a t t h is ch a pel
w a s r eser v ed for t h e Gu er m a n t es fa m ily , w h en ev er
a n y of it s m em ber s ca m e t o a t t en d a cer em on y a t
Com br a y ; t h er e w a s, in deed, bu t on e w om a n
r esem blin g t h e por t r a it of Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es w h o on
t h a t da y , t h e v er y da y on w h ich sh e w a s ex pect ed t o
com e t h er e, cou ld be sit t in g in t h a t ch a pel: it w a s sh e!
My disa ppoin t m en t w a s im m en se. It a r ose fr om m y n ot
h a v in g bor n e in m in d, w h en I t h ou g h t of Mm e. de
Gu er m a n t es, t h a t I w a s pict u r in g h er t o m y self in t h e
colou r s of a t a pest r y or a pa in t ed w in dow , a s liv in g in
a n ot h er cen t u r y , a s bein g of a n ot h er su bst a n ce t h a n
t h e r est of t h e h u m a n r a ce. Nev er h a d I t a k en in t o
a ccou n t t h a t sh e m ig h t h a v e a r ed fa ce, a m a u v e sca r f
lik e Mm e. Sa zer a t ; a n d t h e ov a l cu r v e of h er ch eek s
r em in ded m e so st r on g ly of people w h om I h a d seen a t
h om e t h a t t h e su spicion br u sh ed a g a in st m y m in d
(t h ou g h it w a s im m edia t ely ba n ish ed) t h a t t h is la dy in
h er cr ea t iv e pr in ciple, in t h e m olecu les of h er ph y sica l
com posit ion , w a s per h a ps n ot su bst a n t ia lly t h e
Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es, bu t t h a t h er body , in
ig n or a n ce of t h e n a m e t h a t people h a d g iv en it ,
belon g ed t o a cer t a in t y pe of fem in in it y w h ich
in clu ded, a lso, t h e w iv es of doct or s a n d t r a desm en . “ It
is, it m u st be Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es, a n d n o on e else!”
w er e t h e w or ds u n der ly in g t h e a t t en t iv e a n d
a st on ish ed ex pr ession w it h w h ich I w a s g a zin g u pon t h is
im a g e, w h ich , n a t u r a lly en ou g h , bor e n o r esem bla n ce
t o t h ose t h a t h a d so oft en , u n der t h e sa m e t it le of ‘Mm e.
de Gu er m a n t es,’ a ppea r ed t o m e in dr ea m s, sin ce t h is
on e h a d n ot been , lik e t h e ot h er s, for m ed a r bit r a r ily by
m y self, bu t h a d spr u n g in t o sig h t for t h e fir st t im e,
on ly a m om en t a g o, h er e in ch u r ch ; a n im a g e w h ich
w a s n ot of t h e sa m e n a t u r e, w a s n ot colou r a ble a t w ill,
lik e t h ose ot h er s t h a t a llow ed t h em selv es t o im bibe t h e
or a n g e t in t of a son or ou s sy lla ble, bu t w h ich w a s so r ea l
t h a t ev er y t h in g , ev en t o t h e fier y lit t le spot a t t h e
cor n er of h er n ose, g a v e a n a ssu r a n ce of h er su bject ion
t o t h e la w s of life, a s in a t r a n sfor m a t ion scen e on t h e
st a g e a cr ea se in t h e dr ess of a fa ir y , a qu iv er in g of h er
t in y fin g er , in dica t e t h e m a t er ia l pr esen ce of a liv in g
a ct r ess befor e ou r ey es, w h er ea s w e w er e u n cer t a in , t ill
t h en , w h et h er w e w er e n ot look in g m er ely a t a
pr oject ion of lim elig h t fr om a la n t er n .
Mea n w h ile I w a s en dea v ou r in g t o a pply t o t h is
im a g e, w h ich t h e pr om in en t n ose, t h e pier cin g ey es
pin n ed dow n a n d fix ed in m y field of v ision (per h a ps
beca u se it w a s t h ey t h a t h a d fir st st r u ck it , t h a t h a d
m a de t h e fir st im pr ession on it s su r fa ce, befor e I h a d
h a d t im e t o w on der w h et h er t h e w om a n w h o t h u s
a ppea r ed befor e m e m ig h t possibly be Mm e. de
Gu er m a n t es), t o t h is fr esh a n d u n ch a n g in g im a g e t h e
idea : “ It is Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es” ; bu t I su cceeded on ly
in m a k in g t h e idea pa ss bet w een m e a n d t h e im a g e, a s
t h ou g h t h ey w er e t w o discs m ov in g in sepa r a t e pla n es,
w it h a spa ce bet w een . Bu t t h is Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es of
w h om I h a d so oft en dr ea m ed, n ow t h a t I cou ld see t h a t
sh e h a d a r ea l ex ist en ce in depen den t of m y self, a cqu ir ed
a fr esh in cr ea se of pow er ov er m y im a g in a t ion , w h ich ,
pa r a ly sed for a m om en t by con t a ct w it h a r ea lit y so
differ en t fr om a n y t h in g t h a t it h a d ex pect ed, beg a n t o
r ea ct a n d t o sa y w it h in m e: “ Gr ea t a n d g lor iou s befor e
t h e da y s of Ch a r lem a g n e, t h e Gu er m a n t es h a d t h e
r ig h t of life a n d dea t h ov er t h eir v a ssa ls; t h e Du ch esse
de Gu er m a n t es descen ds fr om Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t .
Sh e does n ot k n ow , n or w ou ld sh e con sen t t o k n ow , a n y
of t h e people w h o a r e h er e t o-da y .”
A n d t h en — oh , m a r v ellou s in depen den ce of t h e
h u m a n g a ze, t ied t o t h e h u m a n fa ce by a cor d so loose,
so lon g , so ela st ic t h a t it ca n st r a y , a lon e, a s fa r a s it
m a y ch oose — w h ile Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es sa t in t h e
ch a pel a bov e t h e t om bs of h er dea d a n cest or s, h er g a ze
lin g er ed h er e a n d w a n der ed t h er e, r ose t o t h e ca pit a ls of
t h e pilla r s, a n d ev en r est ed u pon m y self, lik e a r a y of
su n lig h t st r a y in g dow n t h e n a v e, bu t a r a y of su n lig h t
w h ich , a t t h e m om en t w h en I r eceiv ed it s ca r ess,
a ppea r ed con sciou s of w h er e it fell. A s for Mm e. de
Gu er m a n t es h er self, sin ce sh e r em a in ed t h er e
m ot ion less, sit t in g lik e a m ot h er w h o a ffect s n ot t o
n ot ice t h e r u de or a w k w a r d con du ct of h er ch ildr en
w h o, in t h e cou r se of t h eir pla y , a r e spea k in g t o people
w h om sh e does n ot k n ow , it w a s im possible for m e t o
det er m in e w h et h er sh e a ppr ov ed or con dem n ed t h e
v a g r a n cy of h er ey es in t h e ca r eless det a ch m en t of h er
h ea r t .
I felt it t o be im por t a n t t h a t sh e sh ou ld n ot lea v e t h e
ch u r ch befor e I h a d been a ble t o look lon g en ou g h u pon
h er , r em in din g m y self t h a t for y ea r s pa st I h a d
r eg a r ded t h e sig h t of h er a s a t h in g em in en t ly t o be
desir ed, a n d I k ept m y ey es fix ed on h er , a s t h ou g h by
g a zin g a t h er I sh ou ld be a ble t o ca r r y a w a y a n d
in cor por a t e, t o st or e u p, for la t er r efer en ce, in m y self
t h e m em or y of t h a t pr om in en t n ose, t h ose r ed ch eek s, of
a ll t h ose det a ils w h ich st r u ck m e a s so m u ch pr eciou s,
a u t h en t ic, u n pa r a lleled in for m a t ion w it h r eg a r d t o h er
fa ce. A n d n ow t h a t , w h en ev er I br ou g h t m y m in d t o
bea r u pon t h a t fa ce — a n d especia lly , per h a ps, in m y
det er m in a t ion , t h a t for m of t h e in st in ct of self-
pr eser v a t ion w it h w h ich w e g u a r d ev er y t h in g t h a t is
best in ou r selv es, n ot t o a dm it t h a t I h a d been in a n y
w a y deceiv ed — I fou n d on ly bea u t y t h er e; set t in g h er
on ce a g a in (sin ce t h ey w er e on e a n d t h e sa m e per son ,
t h is la dy w h o sa t befor e m e a n d t h a t Du ch esse de
Gu er m a n t es w h om , u n t il t h en , I h a d been u sed t o
con ju r e in t o a n im a g in ed sh a pe) a pa r t fr om a n d a bov e
t h a t com m on r u n of h u m a n it y w it h w h ich t h e sig h t ,
pu r e a n d sim ple, of h er in t h e flesh h a d m a de m e for a
m om en t con fou n d h er , I g r ew in dig n a n t w h en I h ea r d
people sa y in g , in t h e con g r eg a t ion r ou n d m e: “ Sh e is
bet t er look in g t h a n Mm e. Sa zer a t ” or “ t h a n Mlle.
V in t eu il,” a s t h ou g h sh e h a d been in a n y w a y
com pa r a ble w it h t h em . A n d m y g a ze r est in g u pon h er
fa ir h a ir , h er blu e ey es, t h e lin es of h er n eck , a n d
ov er look in g t h e fea t u r es w h ich m ig h t h a v e r em in ded
m e of t h e fa ces of ot h er w om en , I cr ied ou t w it h in
m y self, a s I a dm ir ed t h is deliber a t ely u n fin ish ed
sk et ch : “ How lov ely sh e is! W h a t t r u e n obilit y ! it is
in deed a pr ou d Gu er m a n t es, t h e descen da n t of
Gen ev ièv e de Br a ba n t , t h a t I h a v e befor e m e!” A n d t h e
ca r e w h ich I t ook t o focu s a ll m y a t t en t ion u pon h er fa ce
su cceeded in isola t in g it so com plet ely t h a t t o-da y ,
w h en I ca ll t h a t m a r r ia g e cer em on y t o m in d, I fin d it
im possible t o v isu a lise a n y sin g le per son w h o w a s
pr esen t ex cept h er , a n d t h e bea dle w h o a n sw er ed m e in
t h e a ffir m a t iv e w h en I in qu ir ed w h et h er t h e la dy w a s,
in deed, Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es. Bu t h er , I ca n see h er st ill
qu it e clea r ly , especia lly a t t h e m om en t w h en t h e
pr ocession filed in t o t h e sa cr ist y , lig h t ed by t h e
in t er m it t en t , h ot su n sh in e of a w in dy a n d r a in y da y ,
w h er e Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es fou n d h er self in t h e m idst
of a ll t h ose Com br a y people w h ose n a m es, ev en , sh e did
n ot k n ow , bu t w h ose in fer ior it y pr ocla im ed h er ow n
su pr em a cy so lou d t h a t sh e m u st , in r et u r n , feel for
t h em a g en u in e, pit y in g sy m pa t h y , a n d w h om sh e
m ig h t cou n t on im pr essin g ev en m or e for cibly by
v ir t u e of h er sim plicit y a n d n a t u r a l ch a r m . A n d t h en ,
t oo, sin ce sh e cou ld n ot br in g in t o pla y t h e deliber a t e
g la n ces, ch a r g ed w it h a defin it e m ea n in g , w h ich on e
dir ect s, in a cr ow d, t ow a r ds people w h om on e k n ow s,
bu t m u st a llow h er v a g u e t h ou g h t s t o esca pe
con t in u a lly fr om h er ey es in a flood of blu e lig h t w h ich
sh e w a s pow er less t o con t r ol, sh e w a s a n x iou s n ot t o
dist r ess in a n y w a y , n ot t o seem t o be despisin g t h ose
h u m bler m or t a ls ov er w h om t h a t cu r r en t flow ed, by
w h om it w a s ev er y w h er e a r r est ed. I ca n see a g a in t o-
da y , a bov e h er m a u v e sca r f, silk y a n d bu oy a n t , t h e
g en t le a st on ish m en t in h er ey es, t o w h ich sh e h a d
a dded, w it h ou t da r in g t o a ddr ess it t o a n y on e in
pa r t icu la r , bu t so t h a t ev er y on e m ig h t en joy h is sh a r e
of it , t h e a lm ost t im id sm ile of a sov er eig n la dy w h o
seem s t o be m a k in g a n a polog y for h er pr esen ce a m on g
t h e v a ssa ls w h om sh e lov es. T h is sm ile r est ed u pon
m y self, w h o h a d n ev er cea sed t o follow h er w it h m y
ey es. A n d I, r em em ber in g t h e g la n ce w h ich sh e h a d let
fa ll u pon m e du r in g t h e ser v ice, blu e a s a r a y of
su n lig h t t h a t h a d pen et r a t ed t h e w in dow of Gilber t t h e
Ba d, sa id t o m y self, “ Of cou r se, sh e is t h in k in g a bou t
m e.” I fa n cied t h a t I h a d fou n d fa v ou r in h er sig h t , t h a t
sh e w ou ld con t in u e t o t h in k of m e a ft er sh e h a d left t h e
ch u r ch , a n d w ou ld, per h a ps, g r ow pen siv e a g a in , t h a t
ev en in g , a t Gu er m a n t es, on m y a ccou n t . A n d a t on ce I
fell in lov e w it h h er , for if it is som et im es en ou g h t o
m a k e u s lov e a w om a n t h a t sh e look s on u s w it h
con t em pt , a s I su pposed Mlle. Sw a n n t o h a v e don e,
w h ile w e im a g in e t h a t sh e ca n n ot ev er be ou r s, it is
en ou g h , a lso, som et im es t h a t sh e look s on u s k in dly , a s
Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es did t h en , w h ile w e t h in k of h er a s
a lm ost ou r s a lr ea dy . Her ey es w a x ed blu e a s a
per iw in k le flow er , w h olly bey on d m y r ea ch , y et
dedica t ed by h er t o m e; a n d t h e su n , bu r st in g ou t a g a in
fr om beh in d a t h r ea t en in g clou d a n d da r t in g t h e fu ll
for ce of it s r a y s on t o t h e Squ a r e a n d in t o t h e sa cr ist y ,
sh ed a g er a n iu m g low ov er t h e r ed ca r pet la id dow n for
t h e w eddin g , a lon g w h ich Mm e. de Gu er m a n t es
sm ilin g ly a dv a n ced, a n d cov er ed it s w oollen t ex t u r e
w it h a n a p of r osy v elv et , a bloom of lig h t , g iv in g it
t h a t sor t of t en der n ess, of solem n sw eet n ess in t h e pom p
of a joy fu l celebr a t ion , w h ich ch a r a ct er ises cer t a in
pa g es of Lohengrin, cer t a in pa in t in g s by Ca r pa ccio, a n d
m a k es u s u n der st a n d h ow Ba u dela ir e w a s a ble t o a pply
t o t h e sou n d of t h e t r u m pet t h e epit h et ‘deliciou s.’
How oft en , a ft er t h a t da y , in t h e cou r se of m y w a lk s
a lon g t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ,’ a n d w it h w h a t a n
in t en sified m ela n ch oly did I r eflect on m y la ck of
qu a lifica t ion for a lit er a r y ca r eer , a n d t h a t I m u st
a ba n don a ll h ope of ev er becom in g a fa m ou s a u t h or .
T h e r eg r et t h a t I felt for t h is, w h ile I lin g er ed a lon e t o
dr ea m for a lit t le by m y self, m a de m e su ffer so a cu t ely
t h a t , in or der n ot t o feel it , m y m in d of it s ow n a ccor d,
by a sor t of in h ibit ion in t h e in st a n t of pa in , cea sed
en t ir ely t o t h in k of v er se-m a k in g , of fict ion , of t h e
poet ic fu t u r e on w h ich m y w a n t of t a len t pr eclu ded m e
fr om cou n t in g . T h en , qu it e a pa r t fr om a ll t h ose lit er a r y
pr eoccu pa t ion s, a n d w it h ou t defin it e a t t a ch m en t t o
a n y t h in g , su dden ly a r oof, a g lea m of su n lig h t r eflect ed
fr om a st on e, t h e sm ell of a r oa d w ou ld m a k e m e st op
st ill, t o en joy t h e specia l plea su r e t h a t ea ch of t h em
g a v e m e, a n d a lso beca u se t h ey a ppea r ed t o be
con cea lin g , ben ea t h w h a t m y ey es cou ld see, som et h in g
w h ich t h ey in v it ed m e t o a ppr oa ch a n d seize fr om
t h em , bu t w h ich , despit e a ll m y effor t s, I n ev er
m a n a g ed t o discov er . A s I felt t h a t t h e m y st er iou s
object w a s t o be fou n d in t h em , I w ou ld st a n d t h er e in
fr on t of t h em , m ot ion less, g a zin g , br ea t h in g ,
en dea v ou r in g t o pen et r a t e w it h m y m in d bey on d t h e
t h in g seen or sm elt . A n d if I h a d t h en t o h a st en a ft er
m y g r a n dfa t h er , t o pr oceed on m y w a y , I w ou ld st ill
seek t o r ecov er m y sen se of t h em by closin g m y ey es; I
w ou ld con cen t r a t e u pon r eca llin g ex a ct ly t h e lin e of t h e
r oof, t h e colou r of t h e st on e, w h ich , w it h ou t m y bein g
a ble t o u n der st a n d w h y , h a d seem ed t o m e t o be
t eem in g , r ea dy t o open , t o y ield u p t o m e t h e secr et
t r ea su r e of w h ich t h ey w er e t h em selv es n o m or e t h a n
t h e ou t er cov er in g s. It w a s cer t a in ly n ot a n y
im pr ession of t h is k in d t h a t cou ld or w ou ld r est or e t h e
h ope I h a d lost of su cceedin g on e da y in becom in g a n
a u t h or a n d poet , for ea ch of t h em w a s a ssocia t ed w it h
som e m a t er ia l object dev oid of a n y in t ellect u a l v a lu e,
a n d su g g est in g n o a bst r a ct t r u t h . Bu t a t lea st t h ey g a v e
m e a n u n r ea son in g plea su r e, t h e illu sion of a sor t of
fecu n dit y of m in d; a n d in t h a t w a y dist r a ct ed m e fr om
t h e t ediu m , fr om t h e sen se of m y ow n im pot en ce w h ich
I h a d felt w h en ev er I h a d sou g h t a ph ilosoph ic t h em e for
som e g r ea t lit er a r y w or k . So u r g en t w a s t h e t a sk
im posed on m y con scien ce by t h ese im pr ession s of for m
or per fu m e or colou r — t o st r iv e for a per cept ion of w h a t
la y h idden ben ea t h t h em , t h a t I w a s n ev er lon g in
seek in g a n ex cu se w h ich w ou ld a llow m e t o r ela x so
st r en u ou s a n effor t a n d t o spa r e m y self t h e fa t ig u e t h a t
it in v olv ed. A s g ood lu ck w ou ld h a v e it , m y pa r en t s
ca lled m e; I felt t h a t I h a d n ot , for t h e m om en t , t h e
ca lm en v ir on m en t n ecessa r y for a su ccessfu l pu r su it of
m y r esea r ch es, a n d t h a t it w ou ld be bet t er t o t h in k n o
m or e of t h e m a t t er u n t il I r ea ch ed h om e, a n d n ot t o
ex h a u st m y self in t h e m ea n t im e t o n o pu r pose. A n d so I
con cer n ed m y self n o lon g er w it h t h e m y st er y t h a t la y
h idden in a for m or a per fu m e, qu it e a t ea se in m y
m in d, sin ce I w a s t a k in g it h om e w it h m e, pr ot ect ed by
it s v isible a n d t a n g ible cov er in g , ben ea t h w h ich I
sh ou ld fin d it st ill a liv e, lik e t h e fish w h ich , on da y s
w h en I h a d been a llow ed t o g o ou t fish in g , I u sed t o
ca r r y ba ck in m y ba sk et , bu r ied in a cou ch of g r a ss
w h ich k ept t h em cool a n d fr esh . On ce in t h e h ou se
a g a in I w ou ld beg in t o t h in k of som et h in g else, a n d so
m y m in d w ou ld becom e lit t er ed (a s m y r oom w a s w it h
t h e flow er s t h a t I h a d g a t h er ed on m y w a lk s, or t h e odds
a n d en ds t h a t people h a d g iv en m e) w it h a st on e fr om
t h e su r fa ce of w h ich t h e su n lig h t w a s r eflect ed, a r oof,
t h e sou n d of a bell, t h e sm ell of fa llen lea v es, a con fu sed
m a ss of differ en t im a g es, u n der w h ich m u st h a v e
per ish ed lon g a g o t h e r ea lit y of w h ich I u sed t o h a v e
som e for ebodin g , bu t w h ich I n ev er h a d t h e en er g y t o
discov er a n d br in g t o lig h t . On ce, h ow ev er , w h en w e
h a d pr olon g ed ou r w a lk fa r bey on d it s or din a r y lim it s,
a n d so h a d been v er y g la d t o en cou n t er , h a lf w a y h om e,
a s a ft er n oon da r k en ed in t o ev en in g , Dr . Per cepied, w h o
dr ov e pa st u s a t fu ll speed in h is ca r r ia g e, sa w a n d
r ecog n ised u s, st opped, a n d m a de u s ju m p in beside
h im , I r eceiv ed a n im pr ession of t h is sor t w h ich I did n ot
a ba n don w it h ou t h a v in g fir st su bject ed it t o a n
ex a m in a t ion a lit t le m or e t h or ou g h . I h a d been set on
t h e box beside t h e coa ch m a n , w e w er e g oin g lik e t h e
w in d beca u se t h e Doct or h a d st ill, befor e r et u r n in g t o
Com br a y , t o ca ll a t Ma r t in v ille-le-Sec, a t t h e h ou se of a
pa t ien t , a t w h ose door h e a sk ed u s t o w a it for h im . A t a
ben d in t h e r oa d I ex per ien ced, su dden ly , t h a t specia l
plea su r e, w h ich bor e n o r esem bla n ce t o a n y ot h er ,
w h en I ca u g h t sig h t of t h e t w in st eeples of Ma r t in v ille,
on w h ich t h e set t in g su n w a s pla y in g , w h ile t h e
m ov em en t of t h e ca r r ia g e a n d t h e w in din g s of t h e r oa d
seem ed t o k eep t h em con t in u a lly ch a n g in g t h eir
posit ion ; a n d t h en of a t h ir d st eeple, t h a t of V ieu x v icq,
w h ich , a lt h ou g h sepa r a t ed fr om t h em by a h ill a n d a
v a lley , a n d r isin g fr om r a t h er h ig h er g r ou n d in t h e
dist a n ce, a ppea r ed n on e t h e less t o be st a n din g by t h eir
side.
In a scer t a in in g a n d n ot in g t h e sh a pe of t h eir spir es,
t h e ch a n g es of a spect , t h e su n n y w a r m t h of t h eir
su r fa ces, I felt t h a t I w a s n ot pen et r a t in g t o t h e fu ll
dept h of m y im pr ession , t h a t som et h in g m or e la y
beh in d t h a t m obilit y , t h a t lu m in osit y , som et h in g
w h ich t h ey seem ed a t on ce t o con t a in a n d t o con cea l.
T h e st eeples a ppea r ed so dist a n t , a n d w e ou r selv es
seem ed t o com e so lit t le n ea r er t h em , t h a t I w a s
a st on ish ed w h en , a few m in u t es la t er , w e dr ew u p
ou t side t h e ch u r ch of Ma r t in v ille. I did n ot k n ow t h e
r ea son for t h e plea su r e w h ich I h a d fou n d in seein g
t h em u pon t h e h or izon , a n d t h e bu sin ess of t r y in g t o
fin d ou t w h a t t h a t r ea son w a s seem ed t o m e ir k som e; I
w ish ed on ly t o k eep in r eser v e in m y br a in t h ose
con v er g in g lin es, m ov in g in t h e su n sh in e, a n d, for t h e
t im e bein g , t o t h in k of t h em n o m or e. A n d it is pr oba ble
t h a t , h a d I don e so, t h ose t w o st eeples w ou ld h a v e
v a n ish ed for ev er , in a g r ea t m edley of t r ees a n d r oofs
a n d scen t s a n d sou n ds w h ich I h a d n ot iced a n d set a pa r t
on a ccou n t of t h e obscu r e sen se of plea su r e w h ich t h ey
g a v e m e, bu t w it h ou t ev er ex plor in g t h em m or e fu lly . I
g ot dow n fr om t h e box t o t a lk t o m y pa r en t s w h ile w e
w er e w a it in g for t h e Doct or t o r ea ppea r . T h en it w a s
t im e t o st a r t ; I clim bed u p a g a in t o m y pla ce, t u r n in g
m y h ea d t o look ba ck , on ce m or e, a t m y st eeples, of
w h ich , a lit t le la t er , I ca u g h t a fa r ew ell g lim pse a t a
t u r n in t h e r oa d. T h e coa ch m a n , w h o seem ed lit t le
in clin ed for con v er sa t ion , h a v in g ba r ely a ck n ow ledg ed
m y r em a r k s, I w a s oblig ed, in defa u lt of ot h er societ y , t o
fa ll ba ck on m y ow n , a n d t o a t t em pt t o r eca pt u r e t h e
v ision of m y st eeples. A n d pr esen t ly t h eir ou t lin es a n d
t h eir su n lit su r fa ce, a s t h ou g h t h ey h a d been a sor t of
r in d, w er e st r ipped a pa r t ; a lit t le of w h a t t h ey h a d
con cea led fr om m e beca m e a ppa r en t ; a n idea ca m e in t o
m y m in d w h ich h a d n ot ex ist ed for m e a m om en t
ea r lier , fr a m ed it self in w or ds in m y h ea d; a n d t h e
plea su r e w it h w h ich t h e fir st sig h t of t h em , ju st n ow ,
h a d filled m e w a s so m u ch en h a n ced t h a t , ov er pow er ed
by a sor t of in t ox ica t ion , I cou ld n o lon g er t h in k of
a n y t h in g bu t t h em . A t t h is poin t , a lt h ou g h w e h a d n ow
t r a v elled a lon g w a y fr om Ma r t in v ille, I t u r n ed m y
h ea d a n d ca u g h t sig h t of t h em a g a in , qu it e bla ck t h is
t im e, for t h e su n h a d m ea n w h ile set . Ev er y few
m in u t es a t u r n in t h e r oa d w ou ld sw eep t h em ou t of
sig h t ; t h en t h ey sh ew ed t h em selv es for t h e la st t im e,
a n d so I sa w t h em n o m or e.
W it h ou t a dm it t in g t o m y self t h a t w h a t la y bu r ied
w it h in t h e st eeples of Ma r t in v ille m u st be som et h in g
a n a log ou s t o a ch a r m in g ph r a se, sin ce it w a s in t h e
for m of w or ds w h ich g a v e m e plea su r e t h a t it h a d
a ppea r ed t o m e, I bor r ow ed a pen cil a n d som e pa per
fr om t h e Doct or , a n d com posed, in spit e of t h e jolt in g of
t h e ca r r ia g e, t o a ppea se m y con scien ce a n d t o sa t isfy
m y en t h u sia sm , t h e follow in g lit t le fr a g m en t , w h ich I
h a v e sin ce discov er ed, a n d n ow r epr odu ce, w it h on ly a
slig h t r ev ision h er e a n d t h er e.
A lon e, r isin g fr om t h e lev el of t h e pla in , a n d
seem in g ly lost in t h a t ex pa n se of open cou n t r y , clim bed
t o t h e sk y t h e t w in st eeples of Ma r t in v ille. Pr esen t ly w e
sa w t h r ee: spr in g in g in t o posit ion con fr on t in g t h em by
a da r in g v olt , a t h ir d, a dila t or y st eeple, t h a t of
V ieu x v icq, w a s com e t o join t h em . T h e m in u t es pa ssed,
w e w er e m ov in g r a pidly , a n d y et t h e t h r ee st eeples
w er e a lw a y s a lon g w a y a h ea d of u s, lik e t h r ee bir ds
per ch ed u pon t h e pla in , m ot ion less a n d con spicu ou s in
t h e su n lig h t . T h en t h e st eeple of V ieu x v icq w it h dr ew ,
t ook it s pr oper dist a n ce, a n d t h e st eeples of Ma r t in v ille
r em a in ed a lon e, g ilded by t h e lig h t of t h e set t in g su n ,
w h ich , ev en a t t h a t dist a n ce, I cou ld see pla y in g a n d
sm ilin g u pon t h eir sloped sides. W e h a d been so lon g in
a ppr oa ch in g t h em t h a t I w a s t h in k in g of t h e t im e t h a t
m u st st ill ela pse befor e w e cou ld r ea ch t h em w h en , of a
su dden , t h e ca r r ia g e, h a v in g t u r n ed a cor n er , set u s
dow n a t t h eir feet ; a n d t h ey h a d flu n g t h em selv es so
a br u pt ly in ou r pa t h t h a t w e h a d ba r ely t im e t o st op
befor e bein g da sh ed a g a in st t h e por ch of t h e ch u r ch .
W e r esu m ed ou r cou r se; w e h a d left Ma r t in v ille
som e lit t le t im e, a n d t h e v illa g e, a ft er a ccom pa n y in g
u s for a few secon ds, h a d a lr ea dy disa ppea r ed, w h en ,
lin g er in g a lon e on t h e h or izon t o w a t ch ou r flig h t , it s
st eeples a n d t h a t of V ieu x v icq w a v ed on ce a g a in , in
t ok en of fa r ew ell, t h eir su n -ba t h ed pin n a cles.
Som et im es on e w ou ld w it h dr a w , so t h a t t h e ot h er t w o
m ig h t w a t ch u s for a m om en t st ill; t h en t h e r oa d
ch a n g ed dir ect ion , t h ey v eer ed in t h e lig h t lik e t h r ee
g olden piv ot s, a n d v a n ish ed fr om m y g a ze. Bu t , a lit t le
la t er , w h en w e w er e a lr ea dy close t o Com br a y , t h e su n
h a v in g set m ea n w h ile, I ca u g h t sig h t of t h em for t h e
la st t im e, fa r a w a y , a n d seem in g n o m or e n ow t h a n
t h r ee flow er s pa in t ed u pon t h e sk y a bov e t h e low lin e of
fields. T h ey m a de m e t h in k , t oo, of t h r ee m a iden s in a
leg en d, a ba n don ed in a solit a r y pla ce ov er w h ich n ig h t
h a d beg u n t o fa ll; a n d w h ile w e dr ew a w a y fr om t h em
a t a g a llop, I cou ld see t h em t im idly seek in g t h eir w a y ,
a n d, a ft er som e a w k w a r d, st u m blin g m ov em en t s of
t h eir n oble silh ou et t es, dr a w in g close t o on e a n ot h er ,
slippin g on e beh in d a n ot h er , sh ew in g n ot h in g m or e,
n ow , a g a in st t h e st ill r osy sk y t h a n a sin g le du sk y for m ,
ch a r m in g a n d r esig n ed, a n d so v a n ish in g in t h e n ig h t .
I n ev er t h ou g h t a g a in of t h is pa g e, bu t a t t h e
m om en t w h en , on m y cor n er of t h e box -sea t , w h er e t h e
Doct or ’s coa ch m a n w a s in t h e h a bit of pla cin g , in a
h a m per , t h e fow ls w h ich h e h a d bou g h t a t Ma r t in v ille
m a r k et , I h a d fin ish ed w r it in g it , I fou n d su ch a sen se of
h a ppin ess, felt t h a t it h a d so en t ir ely r eliev ed m y m in d
of t h e obsession of t h e st eeples, a n d of t h e m y st er y
w h ich t h ey con cea led, t h a t , a s t h ou g h I m y self w er e a
h en a n d h a d ju st la id a n eg g , I beg a n t o sin g a t t h e t op
of m y v oice.
A ll da y lon g , du r in g t h ese w a lk s, I h a d been a ble t o
m u se u pon t h e plea su r e t h a t t h er e w ou ld be in t h e
fr ien dsh ip of t h e Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es, in fish in g for
t r ou t , in dr ift in g by m y self in a boa t on t h e V iv on n e;
a n d, g r eedy for h a ppin ess, I a sk ed n ot h in g m or e fr om
life, in su ch m om en t s, t h a n t h a t it sh ou ld con sist
a lw a y s of a ser ies of joy ou s a ft er n oon s. Bu t w h en , on ou r
w a y h om e, I h a d ca u g h t sig h t of a fa r m , on t h e left of
t h e r oa d, a t som e dist a n ce fr om t w o ot h er fa r m s w h ich
w er e t h em selv es close t og et h er , a n d fr om w h ich , t o
r et u r n t o Com br a y , w e n eed on ly t u r n dow n a n a v en u e
of oa k s, bor der ed on on e side by a ser ies of or ch a r d-
closes, ea ch on e pla n t ed a t r eg u la r in t er v a ls w it h a pple-
t r ees w h ich ca st u pon t h e g r ou n d, w h en t h ey w er e
lig h t ed by t h e set t in g su n , t h e Ja pa n ese st en cil of t h eir
sh a dow s; t h en , sh a r ply , m y h ea r t w ou ld beg in t o bea t , I
w ou ld k n ow t h a t in h a lf a n h ou r w e sh ou ld be a t h om e,
a n d t h a t t h er e, a s w a s t h e r u le on da y s w h en w e h a d
t a k en t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ a n d din n er w a s, in
con sequ en ce, ser v ed la t er t h a n u su a l, I sh ou ld be sen t t o
bed a s soon a s I h a d sw a llow ed m y sou p, so t h a t m y
m ot h er , k ept a t t a ble, ju st a s t h ou g h t h er e h a d been
com pa n y t o din n er , w ou ld n ot com e u pst a ir s t o sa y g ood
n ig h t t o m e in bed. T h e zon e of m ela n ch oly w h ich I t h en
en t er ed w a s t ot a lly dist in ct fr om t h a t ot h er zon e, in
w h ich I h a d been bou n din g for joy a m om en t ea r lier ,
ju st a s som et im es in t h e sk y a ba n d of pin k is sepa r a t ed,
a s t h ou g h by a lin e in v isibly r u led, fr om a ba n d of
g r een or bla ck . Y ou m a y see a bir d fly in g a cr oss t h e
pin k ; it dr a w s n ea r t h e bor der -lin e, t ou ch es it , en t er s
a n d is lost u pon t h e bla ck . T h e lon g in g s by w h ich I h a d
ju st n ow been a bsor bed, t o g o t o Gu er m a n t es, t o t r a v el,
t o liv e a life of h a ppin ess — I w a s n ow so r em ot e fr om
t h em t h a t t h eir fu lfilm en t w ou ld h a v e a ffor ded m e n o
plea su r e. How r ea dily w ou ld I h a v e sa cr ificed t h em a ll,
ju st t o be a ble t o cr y , a ll n ig h t lon g , in t h e a r m s of
Ma m m a ! Sh u dder in g w it h em ot ion , I cou ld n ot t a k e m y
a g on ised ey es fr om m y m ot h er ’s fa ce, w h ich w a s n ot t o
a ppea r t h a t ev en in g in t h e bedr oom w h er e I cou ld see
m y self a lr ea dy ly in g , in im a g in a t ion ; a n d w ish ed on ly
t h a t I w er e ly in g dea d. A n d t h is st a t e w ou ld per sist
u n t il t h e m or r ow , w h en , t h e r a y s of m or n in g lea n in g
t h eir ba r s of lig h t , a s t h e g a r den er m ig h t lea n h is
la dder , a g a in st t h e w a ll ov er g r ow n w it h n a st u r t iu m s,
w h ich cla m ber ed u p it a s fa r a s m y w in dow -sill, I w ou ld
lea p ou t of bed t o r u n dow n a t on ce in t o t h e g a r den ,
w it h n o t h ou g h t of t h e fa ct t h a t ev en in g m u st r et u r n ,
a n d w it h it t h e h ou r w h en I m u st lea v e m y m ot h er .
A n d so it w a s fr om t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ t h a t I lea r n ed
t o dist in g u ish bet w een t h ese st a t es w h ich r eig n ed
a lt er n a t ely in m y m in d, du r in g cer t a in per iods, g oin g
so fa r a s t o div ide ev er y da y bet w een t h em , ea ch on e
r et u r n in g t o dispossess t h e ot h er w it h t h e r eg u la r it y of
a fev er a n d a g u e: con t ig u ou s, a n d y et so for eig n t o on e
a n ot h er , so dev oid of m ea n s of com m u n ica t ion , t h a t I
cou ld n o lon g er u n der st a n d, or ev en pict u r e t o m y self,
in on e st a t e w h a t I h a d desir ed or dr ea ded or ev en don e
in t h e ot h er .
So t h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ a n d t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’
r em a in for m e lin k ed w it h m a n y of t h e lit t le in ciden t s
of t h a t on e of a ll t h e div er s liv es a lon g w h ose pa r a llel
lin es w e a r e m ov ed, w h ich is t h e m ost a bu n da n t in
su dden r ev er ses of for t u n e, t h e r ich est in episodes; I
m ea n t h e life of t h e m in d. Dou bt less it m a k es in u s a n
im per cept ible pr og r ess, a n d t h e t r u t h s w h ich h a v e
ch a n g ed for u s it s m ea n in g a n d it s a spect , w h ich h a v e
open ed n ew pa t h s befor e ou r feet , w e h a d for lon g been
pr epa r in g for t h eir discov er y ; bu t t h a t pr epa r a t ion w a s
u n con sciou s; a n d for u s t h ose t r u t h s da t e on ly fr om t h e
da y , fr om t h e m in u t e w h en t h ey beca m e a ppa r en t . T h e
flow er s w h ich pla y ed t h en a m on g t h e g r a ss, t h e w a t er
w h ich r ippled pa st in t h e su n sh in e, t h e w h ole la n dsca pe
w h ich ser v ed a s en v ir on m en t t o t h eir a ppa r it ion
lin g er s a r ou n d t h e m em or y of t h em st ill w it h it s
u n con sciou s or u n h eedin g a ir ; a n d, cer t a in ly , w h en
t h ey w er e slow ly scr u t in ised by t h is h u m ble pa sser -by ,
by t h is dr ea m in g ch ild — a s t h e fa ce of a k in g is
scr u t in ised by a pet it ion er lost in t h e cr ow d — t h a t
scr a p of n a t u r e, t h a t cor n er of a g a r den cou ld n ev er
su ppose t h a t it w ou ld be t h a n k s t o h im t h a t t h ey w ou ld
be elect ed t o su r v iv e in a ll t h eir m ost eph em er a l
det a ils; a n d y et t h e scen t of h a w t h or n w h ich st r a y s
plu n der in g a lon g t h e h edg e fr om w h ich , in a lit t le
w h ile, t h e dog -r oses w ill h a v e ba n ish ed it , a sou n d of
foot st eps follow ed by n o ech o, u pon a g r a v el pa t h , a
bu bble for m ed a t t h e side of a w a t er pla n t by t h e
cu r r en t , a n d for m ed on ly t o bu r st — m y ex a lt a t ion of
m in d h a s bor n e t h em w it h it , a n d h a s su cceeded in
m a k in g t h em t r a v er se a ll t h ese su ccessiv e y ea r s, w h ile
a ll a r ou n d t h em t h e on e-t r odden w a y s h a v e v a n ish ed,
w h ile t h ose w h o t h r on g ed t h ose w a y s, a n d ev en t h e
m em or y of t h ose w h o t h r on g ed t h ose t r odden w a y s, a r e
dea d. Som et im es t h e fr a g m en t of la n dsca pe t h u s
t r a n spor t ed in t o t h e pr esen t w ill det a ch it self in su ch
isola t ion fr om a ll a ssocia t ion s t h a t it floa t s u n cer t a in ly
u pon m y m in d, lik e a flow er in g isle of Delos, a n d I a m
u n a ble t o sa y fr om w h a t pla ce, fr om w h a t t im e —
per h a ps, qu it e sim ply , fr om w h ich of m y dr ea m s — it
com es. Bu t it is pr e-em in en t ly a s t h e deepest la y er of
m y m en t a l soil, a s fir m sit es on w h ich I st ill m a y bu ild,
t h a t I r eg a r d t h e Méség lise a n d Gu er m a n t es ‘w a y s.’ It is
beca u se I u sed t o t h in k of cer t a in t h in g s, of cer t a in
people, w h ile I w a s r oa m in g a lon g t h em , t h a t t h e
t h in g s, t h e people w h ich t h ey t a u g h t m e t o k n ow , a n d
t h ese a lon e, I st ill t a k e ser iou sly , st ill g iv e m e joy .
W h et h er it be t h a t t h e fa it h w h ich cr ea t es h a s cea sed t o
ex ist in m e, or t h a t r ea lit y w ill t a k e sh a pe in t h e
m em or y a lon e, t h e flow er s t h a t people sh ew m e
n ow a da y s for t h e fir st t im e n ev er seem t o m e t o be t r u e
flow er s. T h e ‘Méség lise w a y ’ w it h it s lila cs, it s
h a w t h or n s, it s cor n flow er s, it s poppies, it s a pple-t r ees,
t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ w it h it s r iv er fu ll of t a dpoles, it s
w a t er -lilies, a n d it s bu t t er cu ps h a v e con st it u t ed for m e
for a ll t im e t h e pict u r e of t h e la n d in w h ich I fa in w ou ld
pa ss m y life, in w h ich m y on ly r equ ir em en t s a r e t h a t I
m a y g o ou t fish in g , dr ift idly in a boa t , see t h e r u in s of a
g ot h ic for t r ess in t h e g r a ss, a n d fin d h idden a m on g t h e
cor n fields — a s Sa in t -A n dr é-des-Ch a m ps la y h idden —
a n old ch u r ch , m on u m en t a l, r u st ic, a n d y ellow lik e a
m ill-st on e; a n d t h e cor n flow er s, t h e h a w t h or n s, t h e
a pple-t r ees w h ich I m a y h a ppen , w h en I g o w a lk in g , t o
en cou n t er in t h e fields, beca u se t h ey a r e sit u a t ed a t t h e
sa m e dept h , on t h e lev el of m y pa st life, a t on ce
est a blish con t a ct w it h m y h ea r t . A n d y et , beca u se
t h er e is a n elem en t of in div idu a lit y in pla ces, w h en I
a m seized w it h a desir e t o see a g a in t h e ‘Gu er m a n t es
w a y ,’ it w ou ld n ot be sa t isfied w er e I led t o t h e ba n k s of
a r iv er in w h ich w er e lilies a s fa ir , or ev en fa ir er t h a n
t h ose in t h e V iv on n e, a n y m or e t h a n on m y r et u r n
h om e in t h e ev en in g , a t t h e h ou r w h en t h er e a w a k en ed
in m e t h a t a n g u ish w h ich , la t er on in life, t r a n sfer s
it self t o t h e pa ssion of lov e, a n d m a y ev en becom e it s
in sepa r a ble com pa n ion , I sh ou ld h a v e w ish ed for a n y
st r a n g e m ot h er t o com e in a n d sa y g ood n ig h t t o m e,
t h ou g h sh e w er e fa r m or e bea u t ifu l a n d m or e
in t ellig en t t h a n m y ow n . No: ju st a s t h e on e t h in g
n ecessa r y t o sen d m e t o sleep con t en t ed (in t h a t
u n t r ou bled pea ce w h ich n o m ist r ess, in la t er y ea r s, h a s
ev er been a ble t o g iv e m e, sin ce on e h a s dou bt s of t h em
a t t h e m om en t w h en on e believ es in t h em , a n d n ev er
ca n possess t h eir h ea r t s a s I u sed t o r eceiv e, in h er k iss,
t h e h ea r t of m y m ot h er , com plet e, w it h ou t scr u ple or
r eser v a t ion , u n bu r den ed by a n y lia bilit y sa v e t o
m y self) w a s t h a t it sh ou ld be m y m ot h er w h o ca m e,
t h a t sh e sh ou ld in clin e t ow a r ds m e t h a t fa ce on w h ich
t h er e w a s, ben ea t h h er ey e, som et h in g t h a t w a s, it
a ppea r s, a blem ish , a n d w h ich I lov ed a s m u ch a s a ll
t h e r est — so w h a t I w a n t t o see a g a in is t h e
‘Gu er m a n t es w a y ’ a s I k n ew it , w it h t h e fa r m t h a t st ood
a lit t le a pa r t fr om t h e t w o n eig h bou r in g fa r m s, pr essed
so close t og et h er , a t t h e en t r a n ce t o t h e oa k a v en u e;
t h ose m ea dow s u pon w h ose su r fa ce, w h en it is polish ed
by t h e su n t o t h e m ir r or in g r a dia n ce of a la k e, a r e
ou t lin ed t h e lea v es of t h e a pple-t r ees; t h a t w h ole
la n dsca pe w h ose in div idu a lit y som et im es, a t n ig h t , in
m y dr ea m s, bin ds m e w it h a pow er t h a t is a lm ost
fa n t a st ic, of w h ich I ca n discov er n o t r a ce w h en I
a w a k e.
No dou bt , by v ir t u e of h a v in g per m a n en t ly a n d
in dissolu bly com bin ed in m e g r ou ps of differ en t
im pr ession s, for n o r ea son sa v e t h a t t h ey h a d m a de m e
feel sev er a l sepa r a t e t h in g s a t t h e sa m e t im e, t h e
Méség lise a n d Gu er m a n t es ‘w a y s’ left m e ex posed, in
la t er life, t o m u ch disillu sion m en t , a n d ev en t o m a n y
m ist a k es. For oft en I h a v e w ish ed t o see a per son a g a in
w it h ou t r ea lisin g t h a t it w a s sim ply beca u se t h a t
per son r eca lled t o m e a h edg e of h a w t h or n s in blossom ;
a n d I h a v e been led t o believ e, a n d t o m a k e som e on e
else believ e in a n a ft er m a t h of a ffect ion , by w h a t w a s
n o m or e t h a n a n in clin a t ion t o t r a v el. Bu t by t h e sa m e
qu a lit ies, a n d by t h eir per sist en ce in t h ose of m y
im pr ession s, t o-da y , t o w h ich t h ey ca n fin d a n
a t t a ch m en t , t h e t w o ‘w a y s’ g iv e t o t h ose im pr ession s a
fou n da t ion , dept h , a dim en sion la ck in g fr om t h e r est .
T h ey in v est t h em , t oo, w it h a ch a r m , a sig n ifica n ce
w h ich is for m e a lon e. W h en , on a su m m er ev en in g , t h e
r esou n din g sk y g r ow ls lik e a t a w n y lion , a n d ev er y on e
is com pla in in g of t h e st or m , it is a lon g t h e ‘Méség lise
w a y ’ t h a t m y fa n cy st r a y s a lon e in ecst a sy , in h a lin g ,
t h r ou g h t h e n oise of fa llin g r a in , t h e odou r of in v isible
a n d per sist en t lila c-t r ees.
A n d so I w ou ld oft en lie u n t il m or n in g , dr ea m in g of
t h e old da y s a t Com br a y , of m y m ela n ch oly a n d
w a k efu l ev en in g s t h er e; of ot h er da y s besides, t h e
m em or y of w h ich h a d been m or e la t ely r est or ed t o m e
by t h e t a st e — by w h a t w ou ld h a v e been ca lled a t
Com br a y t h e ‘per fu m e’ — -of a cu p of t ea ; a n d, by a n
a ssocia t ion of m em or ies, of a st or y w h ich , m a n y y ea r s
a ft er I h a d left t h e lit t le pla ce, h a d been t old m e of a lov e
a ffa ir in w h ich Sw a n n h a d been in v olv ed befor e I w a s
bor n ; w it h t h a t a ccu r a cy of det a il w h ich it is ea sier ,
oft en , t o obt a in w h en w e a r e st u dy in g t h e liv es of people
w h o h a v e been dea d for cen t u r ies t h a n w h en w e a r e
t r y in g t o ch r on icle t h ose of ou r ow n m ost in t im a t e
fr ien ds, a n a ccu r a cy w h ich it seem s a s im possible t o
a t t a in a s it seem ed im possible t o spea k fr om on e t ow n t o
a n ot h er , befor e w e lea r n ed of t h e con t r iv a n ce by w h ich
t h a t im possibilit y h a s been ov er com e. A ll t h ese
m em or ies, follow in g on e a ft er a n ot h er , w er e con den sed
in t o a sin g le su bst a n ce, bu t h a d n ot so fa r coa lesced t h a t
I cou ld n ot discer n bet w een t h e t h r ee st r a t a , bet w een
m y oldest , m y in st in ct iv e m em or ies, t h ose ot h er s,
in spir ed m or e r ecen t ly by a t a st e or ‘per fu m e,’ a n d
t h ose w h ich w er e a ct u a lly t h e m em or ies of a n ot h er ,
fr om w h om I h a d a cqu ir ed t h em a t secon d h a n d — n o
fissu r es, in deed, n o g eolog ica l fa u lt s, bu t a t lea st t h ose
v ein s, t h ose st r ea k s of colou r w h ich in cer t a in r ock s, in
cer t a in m a r bles, poin t t o differ en ces of or ig in , a g e, a n d
for m a t ion .
It is t r u e t h a t , w h en m or n in g dr ew n ea r , I w ou ld
lon g h a v e set t led t h e br ief u n cer t a in t y of m y w a k in g
dr ea m , I w ou ld k n ow in w h a t r oom I w a s a ct u a lly
ly in g , w ou ld h a v e r econ st r u ct ed it r ou n d a bou t m e in
t h e da r k n ess, a n d — fix in g m y or ien t a t ion by m em or y
a lon e, or w it h t h e a ssist a n ce of a feeble g lim m er of lig h t
a t t h e foot of w h ich I pla ced t h e cu r t a in s a n d t h e
w in dow — w ou ld h a v e r econ st r u ct ed it com plet e a n d
w it h it s fu r n it u r e, a s a n a r ch it ect a n d a n u ph olst er er
m ig h t do, w or k in g u pon a n or ig in a l, disca r ded pla n of
t h e door s a n d w in dow s; w ou ld h a v e r epla ced t h e
m ir r or s a n d set t h e ch est -of-dr a w er s on it s a ccu st om ed
sit e. Bu t sca r cely h a d da y lig h t it self — a n d n o lon g er t h e
g lea m fr om a la st , dy in g em ber on a br a ss cu r t a in -r od,
w h ich I h a d m ist a k en for da y lig h t — t r a ced a cr oss t h e
da r k n ess, a s w it h a st r ok e of ch a lk a cr oss a bla ck boa r d,
it s fir st w h it e cor r ect in g r a y , w h en t h e w in dow , w it h
it s cu r t a in s, w ou ld lea v e t h e fr a m e of t h e door w a y , in
w h ich I h a d er r on eou sly pla ced it , w h ile, t o m a k e r oom
for it , t h e w r it in g -t a ble, w h ich m y m em or y h a d
clu m sily fix ed w h er e t h e w in dow ou g h t t o be, w ou ld
h u r r y off a t fu ll speed, t h r u st in g befor e it t h e
m a n t elpiece, a n d sw eepin g a side t h e w a ll of t h e
pa ssa g e; t h e w ell of t h e cou r t y a r d w ou ld be en t h r on ed
on t h e spot w h er e, a m om en t ea r lier , m y dr essin g -r oom
h a d la in , a n d t h e dw ellin g -pla ce w h ich I h a d bu ilt u p
for m y self in t h e da r k n ess w ou ld h a v e g on e t o join a ll
t h ose ot h er dw ellin g s of w h ich I h a d ca u g h t g lim pses
fr om t h e w h ir lpool of a w a k en in g ; pu t t o flig h t by t h a t
pa le sig n t r a ced a bov e m y w in dow -cu r t a in s by t h e
u plift ed for efin g er of da y .

❦
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/proust/marcel/p96s/chapter2.html
Last updated Monday, February 2, 2015 at 19:57
Sw ann’s Way, by Marcel Proust
SWANN IN LOVE

T
o a dm it y ou t o t h e ‘lit t le n u cleu s,’ t h e ‘lit t le
g r ou p,’ t h e ‘lit t le cla n ’ a t t h e V er du r in s’, on e
con dit ion su fficed, bu t th at on e w as
in dispen sa ble; y ou m u st g iv e t a cit a dh er en ce t o a
Cr eed on e of w h ose a r t icles w a s t h a t t h e y ou n g pia n ist ,
w h om Mm e. V er du r in h a d t a k en u n der h er pa t r on a g e
t h a t y ea r , a n d of w h om sh e sa id “ Rea lly , it ou g h t n ’t t o
be a llow ed, t o pla y W a g n er a s w ell a s t h a t !” left bot h
Pla n t é a n d Ru bin st ein ‘sit t in g ’; w h ile Dr . Cot t a r d w a s a
m or e br illia n t dia g n ost icia n t h a n Pot a in . Ea ch ‘n ew
r ecr u it ’ w h om t h e V er du r in s fa iled t o per su a de t h a t t h e
ev en in g s spen t by ot h er people, in ot h er h ou ses t h a n
t h eir s, w er e a s du ll a s dit ch -w a t er , sa w h im self
ba n ish ed for t h w it h . W om en bein g in t h is r espect m or e
r ebelliou s t h a n m en , m or e r elu ct a n t t o la y a side a ll
w or ldly cu r iosit y a n d t h e desir e t o fin d ou t for
t h em selv es w h et h er ot h er dr a w in g -r oom s m ig h t n ot
som et im es be a s en t er t a in in g , a n d t h e V er du r in s
feelin g , m or eov er , t h a t t h is cr it ica l spir it a n d t h is
dem on of fr iv olit y m ig h t , by t h eir con t a g ion , pr ov e
fa t a l t o t h e or t h odox y of t h e lit t le ch u r ch , t h ey h a d
been oblig ed t o ex pel, on e a ft er a n ot h er , a ll t h ose of t h e
‘fa it h fu l’ w h o w er e of t h e fem a le sex .
 A pa r t fr om t h e doct or ’s y ou n g w ife, t h ey w er e
r edu ced a lm ost ex clu siv ely t h a t sea son (for a ll t h a t
Mm e. V er du r in h er self w a s a t h or ou g h ly ‘g ood’ w om a n ,
a n d ca m e of a r espect a ble m iddle-cla ss fa m ily ,
ex cessiv ely r ich a n d w h olly u n dist in g u ish ed, w it h
w h ich sh e h a d g r a du a lly a n d of h er ow n a ccor d sev er ed
a ll con n ect ion ) t o a y ou n g w om a n a lm ost of a ‘cer t a in
cla ss,’ a Mm e. de Cr écy , w h om Mm e. V er du r in ca lled by
h er Ch r ist ia n n a m e, Odet t e, a n d pr on ou n ced a ‘lov e,’
a n d t o t h e pia n ist ’s a u n t , w h o look ed a s t h ou g h sh e h a d,
a t on e per iod, ‘a n sw er ed t h e bell’: la dies qu it e ig n or a n t
of t h e w or ld, w h o in t h eir socia l sim plicit y w er e so
ea sily led t o believ e t h a t t h e Pr in cesse de Sa g a n a n d t h e
Du ch esse de Gu er m a n t es w er e oblig ed t o pa y la r g e su m s
of m on ey t o ot h er poor w r et ch es, in or der t o h a v e
a n y on e a t t h eir din n er -pa r t ies, t h a t if som ebody h a d
offer ed t o pr ocu r e t h em a n in v it a t ion t o t h e h ou se of
eit h er of t h ose g r ea t da m es, t h e old door k eeper a n d t h e
w om a n of ‘ea sy v ir t u e’ w ou ld h a v e con t em pt u ou sly
declin ed.
T h e V er du r in s n ev er in v it ed y ou t o din n er ; y ou h a d
y ou r ‘pla ce la id’ t h er e. T h er e w a s n ev er a n y
pr og r a m m e for t h e ev en in g ’s en t er t a in m en t . T h e
y ou n g pia n ist w ou ld pla y , bu t on ly if h e felt in clin ed,
for n o on e w a s for ced t o do a n y t h in g , a n d, a s M.
V er du r in u sed t o sa y : “ W e’r e a ll fr ien ds h er e. Liber t y
Ha ll, y ou k n ow !”
If t h e pia n ist su g g est ed pla y in g t h e Ride of t h e
V a lk y r ies, or t h e Pr elu de t o T r ist a n , Mm e. V er du r in
w ou ld pr ot est , n ot t h a t t h e m u sic w a s displea sin g t o
h er , bu t , on t h e con t r a r y , t h a t it m a de t oo v iolen t a n
im pr ession . “ T h en y ou w a n t m e t o h a v e on e of m y
h ea da ch es? Y ou k n ow qu it e w ell, it ’s t h e sa m e ev er y
t im e h e pla y s t h a t . I k n ow w h a t I’m in for . T om or r ow ,
w h en I w a n t t o g et u p — n ot h in g doin g !” If h e w a s n ot
g oin g t o pla y t h ey t a lk ed, a n d on e of t h e fr ien ds —
u su a lly t h e pa in t er w h o w a s in fa v ou r t h er e t h a t y ea r
— w ou ld “ spin ,” a s M. V er du r in pu t it , “ a da m n ed fu n n y
y a r n t h a t m a de ’em a ll split w it h la u g h t er ,” a n d
especia lly Mm e. V er du r in , for w h om — so st r on g w a s
h er h a bit of t a k in g lit er a lly t h e fig u r a t iv e a ccou n t s of
h er em ot ion s — Dr . Cot t a r d, w h o w a s t h en ju st st a r t in g
in g en er a l pr a ct ice, w ou ld “ r ea lly h a v e t o com e on e da y
a n d set h er ja w , w h ich sh e h a d disloca t ed w it h
la u g h in g t oo m u ch .”
Ev en in g dr ess w a s ba r r ed, beca u se y ou w er e a ll
‘g ood pa ls,’ a n d didn ’t w a n t t o look lik e t h e ‘bor in g
people’ w h o w er e t o be a v oided lik e t h e pla g u e, a n d on ly
a sk ed t o t h e big ev en in g s, w h ich w er e g iv en a s seldom
a s possible, a n d t h en on ly if it w ou ld a m u se t h e pa in t er
or m a k e t h e m u sicia n bet t er k n ow n . T h e r est of t h e
t im e y ou w er e qu it e h a ppy pla y in g ch a r a des a n d
h a v in g su pper in fa n cy dr ess, a n d t h er e w a s n o n eed t o
m in g le a n y st r a n g e elem en t w it h t h e lit t le ‘cla n .’
Bu t ju st a s t h e ‘g ood pa ls’ ca m e t o t a k e a m or e a n d
m or e pr om in en t pla ce in Mm e. V er du r in ’s life, so t h e
‘bor es,’ t h e ‘n u isa n ces’ g r ew t o in clu de ev er y body a n d
ev er y t h in g t h a t k ept h er fr ien ds a w a y fr om h er , t h a t
m a de t h em som et im es plea d ‘pr ev iou s en g a g em en t s,’
t h e m ot h er of on e, t h e pr ofession a l du t ies of a n ot h er ,
t h e ‘lit t le pla ce in t h e cou n t r y ’ of a t h ir d. If Dr . Cot t a r d
felt bou n d t o sa y g ood n ig h t a s soon a s t h ey r ose fr om
t a ble, so a s t o g o ba ck t o som e pa t ien t w h o w a s ser iou sly
ill; “ I don ’t k n ow ,” Mm e. V er du r in w ou ld sa y , “ I’m su r e
it w ill do h im fa r m or e g ood if y ou don ’t g o dist u r bin g
h im a g a in t h is ev en in g ; h e w ill h a v e a g ood n ig h t
w it h ou t y ou ; t o-m or r ow m or n in g y ou ca n g o r ou n d
ea r ly a n d y ou w ill fin d h im cu r ed.” Fr om t h e beg in n in g
of Decem ber it w ou ld m a k e h er qu it e ill t o t h in k t h a t
t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ m ig h t fa il h er on Ch r ist m a s a n d New
Y ea r ’s Da y s. T h e pia n ist ’s a u n t in sist ed t h a t h e m u st
a ccom pa n y h er , on t h e la t t er , t o a fa m ily din n er a t h er
m ot h er ’s.
“ Y ou don ’t su ppose sh e’ll die, y ou r m ot h er ,”
ex cla im ed Mm e. V er du r in bit t er ly , “ if y ou don ’t h a v e
din n er w it h h er on New Y ea r ’s Da y , lik e people in t h e
provinces !”
Her u n ea sin ess w a s k in dled a g a in in Holy W eek :
“ Now y ou , Doct or , y ou ’r e a sen sible, br oa d-m in ded
m a n ; y ou ’ll com e, of cou r se, on Good Fr ida y , ju st lik e
a n y ot h er da y ?” sh e sa id t o Cot t a r d in t h e fir st y ea r of
t h e lit t le ‘n u cleu s,’ in a lou d a n d con fiden t v oice, a s
t h ou g h t h er e cou ld be n o dou bt of h is a n sw er . Bu t sh e
t r em bled a s sh e w a it ed for it , for if h e did n ot com e sh e
m ig h t fin d h er self con dem n ed t o din e a lon e.
“ I sh a ll com e on Good Fr ida y — t o sa y g ood-by e t o
y ou , for w e a r e g oin g t o spen d t h e h olida y s in
A u v er g n e.”
“ In A u v er g n e? T o be ea t en by flea s a n d a ll sor t s of
cr ea t u r es! A fin e lot of g ood t h a t w ill do y ou !” A n d a ft er
a solem n pa u se: “ If y ou h a d on ly t old u s, w e w ou ld h a v e
t r ied t o g et u p a pa r t y , a n d a ll g on e t h er e t og et h er ,
com for t a bly .”
A n d so, t oo, if on e of t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ h a d a fr ien d, or
on e of t h e la dies a y ou n g m a n , w h o w a s lia ble, n ow a n d
t h en , t o m a k e t h em m iss a n ev en in g , t h e V er du r in s,
w h o w er e n ot in t h e lea st a fr a id of a w om a n ’s h a v in g a
lov er , pr ov ided t h a t sh e h a d h im in t h eir com pa n y ,
lov ed h im in t h eir com pa n y a n d did n ot pr efer h im t o
t h eir com pa n y , w ou ld sa y : “ V er y w ell, t h en , br in g
y ou r fr ien d a lon g .” A n d h e w ou ld be pu t t o t h e t est , t o
see w h et h er h e w a s w illin g t o h a v e n o secr et s fr om
Mm e. V er du r in , w h et h er h e w a s su scept ible of bein g
en r olled in t h e ‘lit t le cla n .’ If h e fa iled t o pa ss, t h e
fa it h fu l on e w h o h a d in t r odu ced h im w ou ld be t a k en on
on e side, a n d w ou ld be t a ct fu lly a ssist ed t o qu a r r el w it h
t h e fr ien d or m ist r ess. Bu t if t h e t est pr ov ed
sa t isfa ct or y , t h e n ew com er w ou ld in t u r n be n u m ber ed
a m on g t h e ‘fa it h fu l.’ A n d so w h en , in t h e cou r se of t h is
sa m e y ea r , t h e cou r t esa n t old M. V er du r in t h a t sh e h a d
m a de t h e a cqu a in t a n ce of su ch a ch a r m in g g en t lem a n ,
M. Sw a n n , a n d h in t ed t h a t h e w ou ld v er y m u ch lik e t o
be a llow ed t o com e, M. V er du r in ca r r ied t h e r equ est a t
on ce t o h is w ife. He n ev er for m ed a n opin ion on a n y
su bject u n t il sh e h a d for m ed h er s, h is specia l du t y
bein g t o ca r r y ou t h er w ish es a n d t h ose of t h e ‘fa it h fu l’
g en er a lly , w h ich h e did w it h bou n dless in g en u it y .
“ My dea r , Mm e. de Cr écy h a s som et h in g t o sa y t o
y ou . Sh e w ou ld lik e t o br in g on e of h er fr ien ds h er e, a M.
Sw a n n . W h a t do y ou sa y ?”
“ W h y , a s if a n y body cou ld r efu se a n y t h in g t o a
lit t le piece of per fect ion lik e t h a t . Be qu iet ; n o on e a sk ed
y ou r opin ion . I t ell y ou t h a t y ou a r e a piece of
per fect ion .”
“ Ju st a s y ou lik e,” r eplied Odet t e, in a n a ffect ed
t on e, a n d t h en w en t on : “ Y ou k n ow I’m n ot fish in g for
com plim en t s.”
“ V er y w ell; br in g y ou r fr ien d, if h e’s n ice.”
Now t h er e w a s n o con n ect ion w h a t soev er bet w een
t h e ‘lit t le n u cleu s’ a n d t h e societ y w h ich Sw a n n
fr equ en t ed, a n d a pu r ely w or ldly m a n w ou ld h a v e
t h ou g h t it h a r dly w or t h h is w h ile, w h en occu py in g so
ex cept ion a l a posit ion in t h e w or ld, t o seek a n
in t r odu ct ion t o t h e V er du r in s. Bu t Sw a n n w a s so a r den t
a lov er t h a t , on ce h e h a d g ot t o k n ow a lm ost a ll t h e
w om en of t h e a r ist ocr a cy , on ce t h ey h a d t a u g h t h im a ll
t h a t t h er e w a s t o lea r n , h e h a d cea sed t o r eg a r d t h ose
n a t u r a lisa t ion pa per s, a lm ost a pa t en t of n obilit y ,
w h ich t h e Fa u bou r g Sa in t -Ger m a in h a d best ow ed u pon
h im , sa v e a s a sor t of n eg ot ia ble bon d, a let t er of cr edit
w it h n o in t r in sic v a lu e, w h ich a llow ed h im t o
im pr ov ise a st a t u s for h im self in som e lit t le h ole in t h e
cou n t r y , or in som e obscu r e qu a r t er of Pa r is, w h er e t h e
g ood-look in g da u g h t er of a loca l squ ir e or solicit or h a d
t a k en h is fa n cy . For a t su ch t im es desir e, or lov e it self,
w ou ld r ev iv e in h im a feelin g of v a n it y fr om w h ich h e
w a s n ow qu it e fr ee in h is ev er y da y life, a lt h ou g h it w a s,
n o dou bt , t h e sa m e feelin g w h ich h a d or ig in a lly
pr om pt ed h im t ow a r ds t h a t ca r eer a s a m a n of fa sh ion
in w h ich h e h a d squ a n der ed h is in t ellect u a l g ift s u pon
fr iv olou s a m u sem en t s, a n d h a d m a de u se of h is
er u dit ion in m a t t er s of a r t on ly t o a dv ise societ y la dies
w h a t pict u r es t o bu y a n d h ow t o decor a t e t h eir h ou ses;
a n d t h is v a n it y it w a s w h ich m a de h im ea g er t o sh in e,
in t h e sig h t of a n y fa ir u n k n ow n w h o h a d ca pt iv a t ed
h im for t h e m om en t , w it h a br illia n ce w h ich t h e n a m e
of Sw a n n by it self did n ot em it . A n d h e w a s m ost ea g er
w h en t h e fa ir u n k n ow n w a s in h u m ble cir cu m st a n ces.
Ju st a s it is n ot by ot h er m en of in t ellig en ce t h a t a n
in t ellig en t m a n is a fr a id of bein g t h ou g h t a fool, so it is
n ot by t h e g r ea t g en t lem a n bu t by boor s a n d ‘bou n der s’
t h a t a m a n of fa sh ion is a fr a id of fin din g h is socia l v a lu e
u n der r a t ed. T h r ee-fou r t h s of t h e m en t a l in g en u it y
displa y ed, of t h e socia l fa lseh oods sca t t er ed br oa dca st
ev er sin ce t h e w or ld beg a n by people w h ose im por t a n ce
t h ey h a v e ser v ed on ly t o dim in ish , h a v e been a im ed a t
in fer ior s. A n d Sw a n n , w h o beh a v ed qu it e sim ply a n d
w a s a t h is ea se w h en w it h a du ch ess, w ou ld t r em ble for
fea r of bein g despised, a n d w ou ld in st a n t ly beg in t o
pose, w er e h e t o m eet h er g r a ce’s m a id.
Un lik e so m a n y people, w h o, eit h er fr om la ck of
en er g y or else fr om a r esig n ed sen se of t h e oblig a t ion
la id u pon t h em by t h eir socia l g r a n deu r t o r em a in
m oor ed lik e h ou seboa t s t o a cer t a in poin t on t h e ba n k of
t h e st r ea m of life, a bst a in fr om t h e plea su r es w h ich a r e
offer ed t o t h em a bov e a n d below t h a t poin t , t h a t deg r ee
in life in w h ich t h ey w ill r em a in fix ed u n t il t h e da y of
t h eir dea t h , a n d a r e con t en t , in t h e en d, t o descr ibe a s
plea su r es, for w a n t of a n y bet t er , t h ose m ediocr e
dist r a ct ion s, t h a t ju st n ot in t oler a ble t ediu m w h ich is
en closed t h er e w it h t h em ; Sw a n n w ou ld en dea v ou r n ot
t o fin d ch a r m a n d bea u t y in t h e w om en w it h w h om h e
m u st pa ss t im e, bu t t o pa ss h is t im e a m on g w om en
w h om h e h a d a lr ea dy fou n d t o be bea u t ifu l a n d
ch a r m in g . A n d t h ese w er e, a s oft en a s n ot , w om en
w h ose bea u t y w a s of a dist in ct ly ‘com m on ’ t y pe, for t h e
ph y sica l qu a lit ies w h ich a t t r a ct ed h im in st in ct iv ely ,
a n d w it h ou t r ea son , w er e t h e dir ect opposit e of t h ose
t h a t h e a dm ir ed in t h e w om en pa in t ed or scu lpt u r ed by
h is fa v ou r it e m a st er s. Dept h of ch a r a ct er , or a
m ela n ch oly ex pr ession on a w om a n ’s fa ce w ou ld fr eeze
h is sen ses, w h ich w ou ld, h ow ev er , im m edia t ely m elt a t
t h e sig h t of h ea lt h y , a bu n da n t , r osy h u m a n flesh .
If on h is t r a v els h e m et a fa m ily w h om it w ou ld
h a v e been m or e cor r ect for h im t o m a k e n o a t t em pt t o
k n ow , bu t a m on g w h om a w om a n ca u g h t h is ey e,
a dor n ed w it h a specia l ch a r m t h a t w a s n ew t o h im , t o
r em a in on h is ‘h ig h h or se’ a n d t o ch ea t t h e desir e t h a t
sh e h a d k in dled in h im , t o su bst it u t e a plea su r e
differ en t fr om t h a t w h ich h e m ig h t h a v e t a st ed in h er
com pa n y by w r it in g t o in v it e on e of h is for m er
m ist r esses t o com e a n d join h im , w ou ld h a v e seem ed t o
h im a s cow a r dly a n a bdica t ion in t h e fa ce of life, a s
st u pid a r en u n cia t ion of a n ew for m of h a ppin ess a s if,
in st ea d of v isit in g t h e cou n t r y w h er e h e w a s, h e h a d
sh u t h im self u p in h is ow n r oom s a n d look ed a t ‘v iew s’
of Pa r is. He did n ot im m u r e h im self in t h e solid
st r u ct u r e of h is socia l r ela t ion s, bu t h a d m a de of t h em ,
so a s t o be a ble t o set it u p a fr esh u pon n ew fou n da t ion s
w h er ev er a w om a n m ig h t t a k e h is fa n cy , on e of t h ose
colla psible t en t s w h ich ex plor er s ca r r y a bou t w it h
t h em . A n y pa r t of it w h ich w a s n ot por t a ble or cou ld
n ot be a da pt ed t o som e fr esh plea su r e h e w ou ld disca r d
a s v a lu eless, h ow ev er en v ia ble it m ig h t a ppea r t o
ot h er s. How oft en h a d h is cr edit w it h a du ch ess, bu ilt
u p of t h e y ea r ly a ccu m u la t ion of h er desir e t o do h im
som e fa v ou r for w h ich sh e h a d n ev er fou n d a n
oppor t u n it y , been squ a n der ed in a m om en t by h is
ca llin g u pon h er , in a n in discr eet ly w or ded m essa g e, for
a r ecom m en da t ion by t eleg r a ph w h ich w ou ld pu t h im
in t ou ch a t on ce w it h on e of h er a g en t s w h ose da u g h t er
h e h a d n ot iced in t h e cou n t r y , ju st a s a st a r v in g m a n
m ig h t ba r t er a dia m on d for a cr u st of br ea d. In deed,
w h en it w a s t oo la t e, h e w ou ld la u g h a t h im self for it ,
for t h er e w a s in h is n a t u r e, r edeem ed by m a n y r a r e
r efin em en t s, a n elem en t of clow n ish n ess. T h en h e
belon g ed t o t h a t cla ss of in t ellig en t m en w h o h a v e led a
life of idlen ess, a n d w h o seek con sola t ion a n d, per h a ps,
a n ex cu se in t h e idea , w h ich t h eir idlen ess offer s t o t h eir
in t ellig en ce, of object s a s w or t h y of t h eir in t er est a s a n y
t h a t cou ld be a t t a in ed by a r t or lea r n in g , t h e idea t h a t
‘Life’ con t a in s sit u a t ion s m or e in t er est in g a n d m or e
r om a n t ic t h a n a ll t h e r om a n ces ev er w r it t en . So, a t
lea st , h e w ou ld a ssu r e a n d h a d n o difficu lt y in
per su a din g t h e m or e su bt le a m on g h is fr ien ds in t h e
fa sh ion a ble w or ld, n ot a bly t h e Ba r on de Ch a r lu s, w h om
h e lik ed t o a m u se w it h st or ies of t h e st a r t lin g
a dv en t u r es t h a t h a d befa llen h im , su ch a s w h en h e h a d
m et a w om a n in t h e t r a in , a n d h a d t a k en h er h om e
w it h h im , befor e discov er in g t h a t sh e w a s t h e sist er of a
r eig n in g m on a r ch , in w h ose h a n ds w er e g a t h er ed, a t
t h a t m om en t , a ll t h e t h r ea ds of Eu r opea n polit ics, of
w h ich h e fou n d h im self k ept in for m ed in t h e m ost
delig h t fu l fa sh ion , or w h en , in t h e com plex it y of
cir cu m st a n ces, it depen ded u pon t h e ch oice w h ich t h e
Con cla v e w a s a bou t t o m a k e w h et h er h e m ig h t or
m ig h t n ot becom e t h e lov er of som ebody ’s cook .
It w a s n ot on ly t h e br illia n t ph a la n x of v ir t u ou s
dow a g er s, g en er a ls a n d a ca dem icia n s, t o w h om h e w a s
bou n d by su ch close t ies, t h a t Sw a n n com pelled w it h so
m u ch cy n icism t o ser v e h im a s pa n der s. A ll h is fr ien ds
w er e a ccu st om ed t o r eceiv e, fr om t im e t o t im e, let t er s
w h ich ca lled on t h em for a w or d of r ecom m en da t ion or
in t r odu ct ion , w it h a diplom a t ic a dr oit n ess w h ich ,
per sist in g t h r ou g h ou t a ll h is su ccessiv e ‘a ffa ir s’ a n d
u sin g differ en t pr et ex t s, r ev ea led m or e g la r in g ly t h a n
t h e clu m siest in discr et ion , a per m a n en t t r a it in h is
ch a r a ct er a n d a n u n v a r y in g qu est . I u sed oft en t o r eca ll
t o m y self w h en , m a n y y ea r s la t er , I beg a n t o t a k e a n
in t er est in h is ch a r a ct er beca u se of t h e sim ila r it ies
w h ich , in w h olly differ en t r espect s, it offer ed t o m y
ow n , h ow , w h en h e u sed t o w r it e t o m y g r a n dfa t h er
(t h ou g h n ot a t t h e t im e w e a r e n ow con sider in g , for it
w a s a bou t t h e da t e of m y ow n bir t h t h a t Sw a n n ’s g r ea t
‘a ffa ir ’ beg a n , a n d m a de a lon g in t er r u pt ion in h is
a m a t or y pr a ct ices) t h e la t t er , r ecog n isin g h is fr ien d’s
h a n dw r it in g on t h e en v elope, w ou ld ex cla im : “ Her e is
Sw a n n a sk in g for som et h in g ; on g u a r d!” A n d, eit h er
fr om dist r u st or fr om t h e u n con sciou s spir it of dev ilr y
w h ich u r g es u s t o offer a t h in g on ly t o t h ose w h o do n ot
w a n t it , m y g r a n dpa r en t s w ou ld m eet w it h a n
obst in a t e r efu sa l t h e m ost ea sily sa t isfied of h is pr a y er s,
a s w h en h e beg g ed t h em for a n in t r odu ct ion t o a g ir l
w h o din ed w it h u s ev er y Su n da y , a n d w h om t h ey w er e
oblig ed, w h en ev er Sw a n n m en t ion ed h er , t o pr et en d
t h a t t h ey n o lon g er sa w , a lt h ou g h t h ey w ou ld be
w on der in g , a ll t h r ou g h t h e w eek , w h om t h ey cou ld
in v it e t o m eet h er , a n d oft en fa iled, in t h e en d, t o fin d
a n y on e, soon er t h a n m a k e a sig n t o h im w h o w ou ld so
g la dly h a v e a ccept ed.
Occa sion a lly a cou ple of m y g r a n dpa r en t s’
a cqu a in t a n ce, w h o h a d been com pla in in g for som e t im e
t h a t t h ey n ev er sa w Sw a n n n ow , w ou ld a n n ou n ce w it h
sa t isfa ct ion , a n d per h a ps w it h a slig h t in clin a t ion t o
m a k e m y g r a n dpa r en t s en v iou s of t h em , t h a t h e h a d
su dden ly becom e a s ch a r m in g a s h e cou ld possibly be,
a n d w a s n ev er ou t of t h eir h ou se. My g r a n dfa t h er
w ou ld n ot ca r e t o sh a t t er t h eir plea sa n t illu sion , bu t
w ou ld look a t m y g r a n dm ot h er , a s h e h u m m ed t h e a ir
of:

W h a t is t h is m y st er y ?
I ca n n ot u n der st a n d it ;

or of:

V ision fu g it iv e . . .;
In m a t t er s su ch a s t h is
’T is best t o close on e’s ey es.

A few m on t h s la t er , if m y g r a n dfa t h er a sk ed Sw a n n ’s
n ew fr ien d “ W h a t a bou t Sw a n n ? Do y ou st ill see a s
m u ch of h im a s ev er ?” t h e ot h er ’s fa ce w ou ld len g t h en :
“ Nev er m en t ion h is n a m e t o m e a g a in !”
“ Bu t I t h ou g h t t h a t y ou w er e su ch fr ien ds . . . ”
He h a d been in t im a t e in t h is w a y for sev er a l
m on t h s w it h som e cou sin s of m y g r a n dm ot h er , din in g
a lm ost ev er y ev en in g a t t h eir h ou se. Su dden ly , a n d
w it h ou t a n y w a r n in g , h e cea sed t o a ppea r . T h ey
su pposed h im t o be ill, a n d t h e la dy of t h e h ou se w a s
g oin g t o sen d t o in qu ir e for h im w h en , in h er k it ch en ,
sh e fou n d a let t er in h is h a n d, w h ich h er cook h a d left
by a cciden t in t h e h ou sek eepin g book . In t h is h e
a n n ou n ced t h a t h e w a s lea v in g Pa r is a n d w ou ld n ot be
a ble t o com e t o t h e h ou se a g a in . T h e cook h a d been h is
m ist r ess, a n d a t t h e m om en t of br ea k in g off r ela t ion s
sh e w a s t h e on ly on e of t h e h ou seh old w h om h e h a d
t h ou g h t it n ecessa r y t o in for m .
Bu t w h en h is m ist r ess for t h e t im e bein g w a s a
w om a n in societ y , or a t lea st on e w h ose bir t h w a s n ot so
low ly , n or h er posit ion so ir r eg u la r t h a t h e w a s u n a ble
t o a r r a n g e for h er r ecept ion in ‘societ y ,’ t h en for h er
sa k e h e w ou ld r et u r n t o it , bu t on ly t o t h e pa r t icu la r
or bit in w h ich sh e m ov ed or in t o w h ich h e h a d dr a w n
h er . “ No g ood depen din g on Sw a n n for t h is ev en in g ,”
people w ou ld sa y ; “ don ’t y ou r em em ber , it ’s h is
A m er ica n ’s n ig h t a t t h e Oper a ?” He w ou ld secu r e
in v it a t ion s for h er t o t h e m ost ex clu siv e dr a w in g -
r oom s, t o t h ose h ou ses w h er e h e h im self w en t
r eg u la r ly , for w eek ly din n er s or for pok er ; ev er y
ev en in g , a ft er a slig h t ‘w a v e’ im pa r t ed t o h is st iffly
br u sh ed r ed lock s h a d t em per ed w it h a cer t a in soft n ess
t h e a r dou r of h is bold g r een ey es, h e w ou ld select a
flow er for h is bu t t on h ole a n d set ou t t o m eet h is
m ist r ess a t t h e h ou se of on e or ot h er of t h e w om en of h is
cir cle; a n d t h en , t h in k in g of t h e a ffect ion a n d
a dm ir a t ion w h ich t h e fa sh ion a ble folk , w h om h e
a lw a y s t r ea t ed ex a ct ly a s h e plea sed, w ou ld, w h en h e
m et t h em t h er e, la v ish u pon h im in t h e pr esen ce of t h e
w om a n w h om h e lov ed, h e w ou ld fin d a fr esh ch a r m in
t h a t w or ldly ex ist en ce of w h ich h e h a d g r ow n w ea r y ,
bu t w h ose su bst a n ce, per v a ded a n d w a r m ly colou r ed
by t h e flick er in g lig h t w h ich h e h a d slipped in t o it s
m idst , seem ed t o h im bea u t ifu l a n d r a r e, n ow t h a t h e
h a d in cor por a t ed in it a fr esh lov e.
Bu t w h ile ea ch of t h ese a t t a ch m en t s, ea ch of t h ese
flir t a t ion s h a d been t h e r ea lisa t ion , m or e or less
com plet e, of a dr ea m bor n of t h e sig h t of a fa ce or a for m
w h ich Sw a n n h a d spon t a n eou sly , a n d w it h ou t effor t on
h is pa r t , fou n d ch a r m in g , it w a s qu it e a n ot h er m a t t er
w h en , on e da y a t t h e t h ea t r e, h e w a s in t r odu ced t o
Odet t e de Cr écy by a n old fr ien d of h is ow n , w h o h a d
spok en of h er t o h im a s a r a v ish in g cr ea t u r e w it h w h om
h e m ig h t v er y possibly com e t o a n u n der st a n din g ; bu t
h a d m a de h er ou t t o be h a r der of con qu est t h a n sh e
a ct u a lly w a s, so a s t o a ppea r t o be con fer r in g a specia l
fa v ou r by t h e in t r odu ct ion . Sh e h a d st r u ck Sw a n n n ot ,
cer t a in ly , a s bein g dev oid of bea u t y , bu t a s en dow ed
w it h a st y le of bea u t y w h ich left h im in differ en t , w h ich
a r ou sed in h im n o desir e, w h ich g a v e h im , in deed, a
sor t of ph y sica l r epu lsion ; a s on e of t h ose w om en of
w h om ev er y m a n ca n n a m e som e, a n d ea ch w ill n a m e
differ en t ex a m ples, w h o a r e t h e con v er se of t h e t y pe
w h ich ou r sen ses dem a n d. T o g iv e h im a n y plea su r e
h er pr ofile w a s t oo sh a r p, h er sk in t oo delica t e, h er
ch eek -bon es t oo pr om in en t , h er fea t u r es t oo t ig h t ly
dr a w n . Her ey es w er e fin e, bu t so la r g e t h a t t h ey
seem ed t o be ben din g ben ea t h t h eir ow n w eig h t ,
st r a in ed t h e r est of h er fa ce a n d a lw a y s m a de h er
a ppea r u n w ell or in a n ill h u m ou r . Som e t im e a ft er t h is
in t r odu ct ion a t t h e t h ea t r e sh e h a d w r it t en t o a sk
Sw a n n w h et h er sh e m ig h t see h is collect ion s, w h ich
w ou ld in t er est h er so m u ch , sh e, “ a n ig n or a n t w om a n
w it h a t a st e for bea u t ifu l t h in g s,” sa y in g t h a t sh e w ou ld
k n ow h im bet t er w h en on ce sh e h a d seen h im in h is
‘h om e,’ w h er e sh e im a g in ed h im t o be “ so com for t a ble
w it h h is t ea a n d h is book s” ; a lt h ou g h sh e h a d n ot
con cea led h er su r pr ise a t h is bein g in t h a t pa r t of t h e
t ow n , w h ich m u st be so depr essin g , a n d w a s “ n ot n ea r ly
sm a r t en ou g h for su ch a v er y sm a r t m a n .” A n d w h en
h e a llow ed h er t o com e sh e h a d sa id t o h im a s sh e left
h ow sor r y sh e w a s t o h a v e st a y ed so sh or t a t im e in a
h ou se in t o w h ich sh e w a s so g la d t o h a v e fou n d h er w a y
a t la st , spea k in g of h im a s t h ou g h h e h a d m ea n t
som et h in g m or e t o h er t h a n t h e r est of t h e people sh e
k n ew , a n d a ppea r in g t o u n it e t h eir t w o selv es w it h a
k in d of r om a n t ic bon d w h ich h a d m a de h im sm ile. Bu t
a t t h e t im e of life, t in g ed a lr ea dy w it h disen ch a n t m en t ,
w h ich Sw a n n w a s a ppr oa ch in g , w h en a m a n ca n
con t en t h im self w it h bein g in lov e for t h e plea su r e of
lov in g w it h ou t ex pect in g t oo m u ch in r et u r n , t h is
lin k in g of h ea r t s, if it is n o lon g er , a s in ea r ly y ou t h , t h e
g oa l t ow a r ds w h ich lov e, of n ecessit y , t en ds, st ill is
bou n d t o lov e by so st r on g a n a ssocia t ion of idea s t h a t it
m a y w ell becom e t h e ca u se of lov e if it pr esen t s it self
fir st . In h is y ou n g er da y s a m a n dr ea m s of possessin g
t h e h ea r t of t h e w om a n w h om h e lov es; la t er , t h e
feelin g t h a t h e possesses t h e h ea r t of a w om a n m a y be
en ou g h t o m a k e h im fa ll in lov e w it h h er . A n d 5 0 , a t a n
a g e w h en it w ou ld a ppea r — sin ce on e seek s in lov e
befor e ev er y t h in g else a su bject iv e plea su r e — t h a t t h e
t a st e for fem in in e bea u t y m u st pla y t h e la r g er pa r t in
it s pr ocr ea t ion , lov e m a y com e in t o bein g , lov e of t h e
m ost ph y sica l or der , w it h ou t a n y fou n da t ion in desir e.
A t t h is t im e of life a m a n h a s a lr ea dy been w ou n ded
m or e t h a n on ce by t h e da r t s of lov e; it n o lon g er ev olv es
by it self, obey in g it s ow n in com pr eh en sible a n d fa t a l
la w s, befor e h is pa ssiv e a n d a st on ish ed h ea r t . W e com e
t o it s a id; w e fa lsify it by m em or y a n d by su g g est ion ;
r ecog n isin g on e of it s sy m pt om s w e r eca ll a n d r ecr ea t e
t h e r est . Sin ce w e possess it s h y m n , en g r a v ed on ou r
h ea r t s in it s en t ir et y , t h er e is n o n eed of a n y w om a n t o
r epea t t h e open in g lin es, pot en t w it h t h e a dm ir a t ion
w h ich h er bea u t y in spir es, for u s t o r em em ber a ll t h a t
follow s. A n d if sh e beg in in t h e m iddle, w h er e it sin g s of
ou r ex ist in g , h en cefor w a r d, for on e a n ot h er on ly , w e
a r e w ell en ou g h a t t u n ed t o t h a t m u sic t o be a ble t o t a k e
it u p a n d follow ou r pa r t n er , w it h ou t h esit a t ion , a t t h e
fir st pa u se in h er v oice.
Odet t e de Cr écy ca m e a g a in t o see Sw a n n ; h er v isit s
g r ew m or e fr equ en t , a n d dou bt less ea ch v isit r ev iv ed
t h e sen se of disa ppoin t m en t w h ich h e felt a t t h e sig h t of
a fa ce w h ose det a ils h e h a d som ew h a t for g ot t en in t h e
in t er v a l, n ot r em em ber in g it a s eit h er so ex pr essiv e or ,
in spit e of h er y ou t h , so fa ded; h e u sed t o r eg r et , w h ile
sh e w a s t a lk in g t o h im , t h a t h er r ea lly con sider a ble
bea u t y w a s n ot of t h e k in d w h ich h e spon t a n eou sly
a dm ir ed. It m u st be r em a r k ed t h a t Odet t e’s fa ce
a ppea r ed t h in n er a n d m or e pr om in en t t h a n it a ct u a lly
w a s, beca u se h er for eh ea d a n d t h e u pper pa r t of h er
ch eek s, a sin g le a n d a lm ost pla n e su r fa ce, w er e cov er ed
by t h e m a sses of h a ir w h ich w om en w or e a t t h a t per iod,
dr a w n for w a r d in a fr in g e, r a ised in cr im ped w a v es a n d
fa llin g in st r a y lock s ov er h er ea r s; w h ile a s for h er
fig u r e, a n d sh e w a s a dm ir a bly bu ilt , it w a s im possible
t o m a k e ou t it s con t in u it y (on a ccou n t of t h e fa sh ion
t h en pr ev a ilin g , a n d in spit e of h er bein g on e of t h e
best -dr essed w om en in Pa r is) for t h e cor set , jet t in g
for w a r ds in a n a r ch , a s t h ou g h ov er a n im a g in a r y
st om a ch , a n d en din g in a sh a r p poin t , ben ea t h w h ich
bu lg ed ou t t h e ba lloon of h er dou ble sk ir t s, g a v e a
w om a n , t h a t y ea r , t h e a ppea r a n ce of bein g com posed of
differ en t sect ion s ba dly fit t ed t og et h er ; t o su ch a n
ex t en t did t h e fr ills, t h e flou n ces, t h e in n er bodice
follow , in com plet e in depen den ce, con t r olled on ly by
t h e fa n cy of t h eir desig n er or t h e r ig idit y of t h eir
m a t er ia l, t h e lin e w h ich led t h em t o t h e k n ot s of r ibbon ,
fa lls of la ce, fr in g es of v er t ica lly h a n g in g jet , or ca r r ied
t h em a lon g t h e bu st , bu t n ow h er e a t t a ch ed t h em selv es
t o t h e liv in g cr ea t u r e, w h o, a ccor din g a s t h e
a r ch it ect u r e of t h eir fr ipper ies dr ew t h em t ow a r ds or
a w a y fr om h er ow n , fou n d h er self eit h er st r a it -la ced t o
su ffoca t ion or else com plet ely bu r ied.
Bu t , a ft er Odet t e h a d left h im , Sw a n n w ou ld t h in k
w it h a sm ile of h er t ellin g h im h ow t h e t im e w ou ld dr a g
u n t il h e a llow ed h er t o com e a g a in ; h e r em em ber ed t h e
a n x iou s, t im id w a y in w h ich sh e h a d on ce beg g ed h im
t h a t it m ig h t n ot be v er y lon g , a n d t h e w a y in w h ich
sh e h a d look ed a t h im t h en , fix in g u pon h im h er fea r fu l
a n d im plor in g g a ze, w h ich g a v e h er a t ou ch in g a ir
ben ea t h t h e bu n ch es of a r t ificia l pa n sies fa st en ed in t h e
fr on t of h er r ou n d bon n et of w h it e st r a w , t ied w it h
st r in g s of bla ck v elv et . “ A n d w on ’t y ou ,” sh e h a d
v en t u r ed, “ com e ju st on ce a n d t a k e t ea w it h m e?” He
h a d plea ded pr essu r e of w or k , a n essa y — w h ich , in
r ea lit y , h e h a d a ba n don ed y ea r s a g o — on V er m eer of
Delft . “ I k n ow t h a t I a m qu it e u seless,” sh e h a d r eplied,
“ a lit t le w ild t h in g lik e m e beside a lea r n ed g r ea t m a n
lik e y ou . I sh ou ld be lik e t h e fr og in t h e fa ble! A n d y et I
sh ou ld so m u ch lik e t o lea r n , t o k n ow t h in g s, t o be
in it ia t ed. W h a t fu n it w ou ld be t o becom e a r eg u la r
book w or m , t o bu r y m y n ose in a lot of old pa per s!” sh e
h a d g on e on , w it h t h a t self-sa t isfied a ir w h ich a sm a r t
w om a n a dopt s w h en sh e in sist s t h a t h er on e desir e is t o
g iv e h er self u p, w it h ou t fea r of soilin g h er fin g er s, t o
som e u n clea n t a sk , su ch a s cook in g t h e din n er , w it h h er
“ h a n ds r ig h t in t h e dish it self.” “ Y ou w ill on ly la u g h a t
m e, bu t t h is pa in t er w h o st ops y ou fr om seein g m e,” sh e
m ea n t V er m eer , “ I h a v e n ev er ev en h ea r d of h im ; is h e
a liv e st ill? Ca n I see a n y of h is t h in g s in Pa r is, so a s t o
h a v e som e idea of w h a t is g oin g on beh in d t h a t g r ea t
br ow w h ich w or k s so h a r d, t h a t h ea d w h ich I feel su r e is
a lw a y s pu zzlin g a w a y a bou t t h in g s; ju st t o be a ble t o
sa y ‘T h er e, t h a t ’s w h a t h e’s t h in k in g a bou t !’ W h a t a
dr ea m it w ou ld be t o be a ble t o h elp y ou w it h y ou r
w or k .”
He h a d sou g h t a n ex cu se in h is fea r of for m in g n ew
fr ien dsh ips, w h ich h e g a lla n t ly descr ibed a s h is fea r of a
h opeless pa ssion . “ Y ou a r e a fr a id of fa llin g in lov e? How
fu n n y t h a t is, w h en I g o a bou t seek in g n ot h in g else, a n d
w ou ld g iv e m y sou l ju st t o fin d a lit t le lov e som ew h er e!”
sh e h a d sa id, so n a t u r a lly a n d w it h su ch a n a ir of
con v ict ion t h a t h e h a d been g en u in ely t ou ch ed. “ Som e
w om a n m u st h a v e m a de y ou su ffer . A n d y ou t h in k t h a t
t h e r est a r e a ll lik e h er . Sh e ca n ’t h a v e u n der st ood y ou :
y ou a r e so u t t er ly differ en t fr om or din a r y m en . T h a t ’s
w h a t I lik ed a bou t y ou w h en I fir st sa w y ou ; I felt a t
on ce t h a t y ou w er en ’t lik e ev er y body else.”
“ A n d t h en , besides, t h er e’s y ou r self —— ” h e h a d
con t in u ed, “ I k n ow w h a t w om en a r e; y ou m u st h a v e a
w h ole h ea p of t h in g s t o do, a n d n ev er a n y t im e t o
spa r e.”
“ I? W h y , I h a v e n ev er a n y t h in g t o do. I a m a lw a y s
fr ee, a n d I a lw a y s w ill be fr ee if y ou w a n t m e. A t
w h a t ev er h ou r of t h e da y or n ig h t it m a y su it y ou t o see
m e, ju st sen d for m e, a n d I sh a ll be on ly t oo delig h t ed t o
com e. W ill y ou do t h a t ? Do y ou k n ow w h a t I sh ou ld
r ea lly lik e — t o in t r odu ce y ou t o Mm e. V er du r in , w h er e
I g o ev er y ev en in g . Ju st fa n cy m y fin din g y ou t h er e,
a n d t h in k in g t h a t it w a s a lit t le for m y sa k e t h a t y ou
h a d g on e.”
No dou bt , in t h u s r em em ber in g t h eir con v er sa t ion s,
in t h in k in g a bou t h er t h u s w h en h e w a s a lon e, h e did
n o m or e t h a n ca ll h er im a g e in t o bein g a m on g t h ose of
cou n t less ot h er w om en in h is r om a n t ic dr ea m s; bu t if,
t h a n k s t o som e a cciden t a l cir cu m st a n ce (or ev en
per h a ps w it h ou t t h a t a ssist a n ce, for t h e cir cu m st a n ce
w h ich pr esen t s it self a t t h e m om en t w h en a m en t a l
st a t e, h it h er t o la t en t , m a k es it self felt , m a y w ell h a v e
h a d n o in flu en ce w h a t soev er u pon t h a t st a t e), t h e
im a g e of Odet t e de Cr écy ca m e t o a bsor b t h e w h ole of
h is dr ea m s, if fr om t h ose dr ea m s t h e m em or y of h er
cou ld n o lon g er be elim in a t ed, t h en h er bodily
im per fect ion s w ou ld n o lon g er be of t h e lea st
im por t a n ce, n or w ou ld t h e con for m it y of h er body ,
m or e or less t h a n a n y ot h er , t o t h e r equ ir em en t s of
Sw a n n ’s t a st e; sin ce, h a v in g becom e t h e body of h er
w h om h e lov ed, it m u st h en cefor t h be t h e on ly on e
ca pa ble of ca u sin g h im joy or a n g u ish .
It so h a ppen ed t h a t m y g r a n dfa t h er h a d k n ow n —
w h ich w a s m or e t h a n cou ld be sa id of a n y ot h er a ct u a l
a cqu a in t a n ce — t h e fa m ily of t h ese V er du r in s. Bu t h e
h a d en t ir ely sev er ed h is con n ect ion w it h w h a t h e ca lled
“ y ou n g V er du r in ,” t a k in g a g en er a l v iew of h im a s on e
w h o h a d fa llen — t h ou g h w it h ou t losin g h old of h is
m illion s — a m on g t h e r iff-r a ff of Boh em ia . On e da y h e
r eceiv ed a let t er fr om Sw a n n a sk in g w h et h er m y
g r a n dfa t h er cou ld pu t h im in t ou ch w it h t h e
V er du r in s. “ On g u a r d! on g u a r d!” h e ex cla im ed a s h e
r ea d it , “ I a m n ot a t a ll su r pr ised; Sw a n n w a s bou n d t o
fin ish u p lik e t h is. A n ice lot of people! I ca n n ot do w h a t
h e a sk s, beca u se, in t h e fir st pla ce, I n o lon g er k n ow t h e
g en t lem a n in qu est ion . Besides, t h er e m u st be a w om a n
in it som ew h er e, a n d I don ’t m ix m y self u p in su ch
m a t t er s. A h , w ell, w e sh a ll see som e fu n if Sw a n n
beg in s r u n n in g a ft er t h e lit t le V er du r in s.”
A n d on m y g r a n dfa t h er ’s r efu sa l t o a ct a s spon sor , it
w a s Odet t e h er self w h o h a d t a k en Sw a n n t o t h e h ou se.
T h e V er du r in s h a d h a d din in g w it h t h em , on t h e
da y w h en Sw a n n m a de h is fir st a ppea r a n ce, Dr . a n d
Mm e. Cot t a r d, t h e y ou n g pia n ist a n d h is a u n t , a n d t h e
pa in t er t h en in fa v ou r , w h ile t h ese w er e join ed, in t h e
cou r se of t h e ev en in g , by sev er a l m or e of t h e ‘fa it h fu l.’
Dr . Cot t a r d w a s n ev er qu it e cer t a in of t h e t on e in
w h ich h e ou g h t t o r eply t o a n y obser v a t ion , or w h et h er
t h e spea k er w a s jest in g or in ea r n est . A n d so in a n y
ev en t h e w ou ld em bellish a ll h is fa cia l ex pr ession s w it h
t h e offer of a con dit ion a l, a pr ov ision a l sm ile w h ose
ex pect a n t su bt let y w ou ld ex on er a t e h im fr om t h e
ch a r g e of bein g a sim plet on , if t h e r em a r k a ddr essed t o
h im sh ou ld t u r n ou t t o h a v e been fa cet iou s. Bu t a s h e
m u st a lso be pr epa r ed t o fa ce t h e a lt er n a t iv e, h e n ev er
da r ed t o a llow t h is sm ile a defin it e ex pr ession on h is
fea t u r es, a n d y ou w ou ld see t h er e a per pet u a lly
flick er in g u n cer t a in t y , in w h ich y ou m ig h t deciph er
t h e qu est ion t h a t h e n ev er da r ed t o a sk : “ Do y ou r ea lly
m ea n t h a t ?” He w a s n o m or e con fiden t of t h e m a n n er
in w h ich h e ou g h t t o con du ct h im self in t h e st r eet , or
in deed in life g en er a lly , t h a n h e w a s in a dr a w in g -
r oom ; a n d h e m ig h t be seen g r eet in g pa sser s-by ,
ca r r ia g es, a n d a n y t h in g t h a t occu r r ed w it h a m a liciou s
sm ile w h ich a bsolv ed h is su bsequ en t beh a v iou r of a ll
im pr opr iet y , sin ce it pr ov ed, if it sh ou ld t u r n ou t
u n su it ed t o t h e occa sion , t h a t h e w a s w ell a w a r e of t h a t ,
a n d t h a t if h e h a d a ssu m ed a sm ile, t h e jest w a s a secr et
of h is ow n .
On a ll t h ose poin t s, h ow ev er , w h er e a pla in qu est ion
a ppea r ed t o h im t o be per m issible, t h e Doct or w a s
u n spa r in g in h is en dea v ou r s t o cu lt iv a t e t h e w ilder n ess
of h is ig n or a n ce a n d u n cer t a in t y a n d so t o com plet e h is
edu ca t ion .
So it w a s t h a t , follow in g t h e a dv ice g iv en h im by a
w ise m ot h er on h is fir st com in g u p t o t h e ca pit a l fr om
h is pr ov in cia l h om e, h e w ou ld n ev er let pa ss eit h er a
fig u r e of speech or a pr oper n a m e t h a t w a s n ew t o h im
w it h ou t a n effor t t o secu r e t h e fu llest in for m a t ion u pon
it .
A s r eg a r ds fig u r es of speech , h e w a s in sa t ia ble in h is
t h ir st for k n ow ledg e, for oft en im a g in in g t h em t o h a v e
a m or e defin it e m ea n in g t h a n w a s a ct u a lly t h e ca se, h e
w ou ld w a n t t o k n ow w h a t , ex a ct ly , w a s in t en ded by
t h ose w h ich h e m ost fr equ en t ly h ea r d u sed: ‘dev ilish
pr et t y ,’ ‘blu e blood,’ ‘a ca t a n d dog life,’ ‘a da y of
r eck on in g ,’ ‘a qu een of fa sh ion , ‘t o g iv e a fr ee h a n d,’ ‘t o
be a t a dea dlock ,’ a n d so for t h ; a n d in w h a t pa r t icu la r
cir cu m st a n ces h e h im self m ig h t m a k e u se of t h em in
con v er sa t ion . Fa ilin g t h ese, h e w ou ld a dor n it w it h
pu n s a n d ot h er ‘pla y s u pon w or ds’ w h ich h e h a d
lea r n ed by r ot e. A s for t h e n a m es of st r a n g er s w h ich
w er e u t t er ed in h is h ea r in g , h e u sed m er ely t o r epea t
t h em t o h im self in a qu est ion in g t on e, w h ich , h e
t h ou g h t , w ou ld su ffice t o fu r n ish h im w it h ex pla n a t ion s
for w h ich h e w ou ld n ot ost en sibly seek .
A s t h e cr it ica l fa cu lt y , on t h e u n iv er sa l a pplica t ion
of w h ich h e pr ided h im self, w a s, in r ea lit y , com plet ely
la ck in g , t h a t r efin em en t of g ood br eedin g w h ich
con sist s in a ssu r in g som e on e w h om y ou a r e oblig in g in
a n y w a y , w it h ou t ex pect in g t o be believ ed, t h a t it is
r ea lly y ou r self t h a t is oblig ed t o h im , w a s w a st ed on
Cot t a r d, w h o t ook ev er y t h in g t h a t h e h ea r d in it s
lit er a l sen se. How ev er blin d sh e m a y h a v e been t o h is
fa u lt s, Mm e. V er du r in w a s g en u in ely a n n oy ed, t h ou g h
sh e st ill con t in u ed t o r eg a r d h im a s br illia n t ly clev er ,
w h en , a ft er sh e h a d in v it ed h im t o see a n d h ea r Sa r a h
Ber n h a r dt fr om a st a g e box , a n d h a d sa id polit ely : “ It is
v er y g ood of y ou t o h a v e com e, Doct or , especia lly a s I’m
su r e y ou m u st oft en h a v e h ea r d Sa r a h Ber n h a r dt ; a n d
besides, I’m a fr a id w e’r e r a t h er t oo n ea r t h e st a g e,” t h e
Doct or , w h o h a d com e in t o t h e box w it h a sm ile w h ich
w a it ed befor e set t lin g u pon or v a n ish in g fr om h is fa ce
u n t il som e on e in a u t h or it y sh ou ld en lig h t en h im a s t o
t h e m er it s of t h e spect a cle, r eplied: “ T o be su r e, w e a r e
fa r t oo n ea r t h e st a g e, a n d on e is g et t in g sick of Sa r a h
Ber n h a r dt . Bu t y ou ex pr essed a w ish t h a t I sh ou ld com e.
For m e, y ou r w ish is a com m a n d. I a m on ly t oo g la d t o
be a ble t o do y ou t h is lit t le ser v ice. W h a t w ou ld on e n ot
do t o plea se y ou , y ou a r e so g ood.” A n d h e w en t on ,
“ Sa r a h Ber n h a r dt ; t h a t ’s w h a t t h ey ca ll t h e V oice of
God, a in ’t it ? Y ou see, oft en , t oo, t h a t sh e ‘set s t h e boa r ds
on fir e.’ T h a t ’s a n odd ex pr ession , a in ’t it ?” in t h e h ope
of a n en lig h t en in g com m en t a r y , w h ich , h ow ev er , w a s
n ot for t h com in g .
“ D’y ou k n ow ,” Mm e. V er du r in h a d sa id t o h er
h u sba n d, “ I believ e w e a r e g oin g t h e w r on g w a y t o w or k
w h en w e depr ecia t e a n y t h in g w e offer t h e Doct or . He is
a scien t ist w h o liv es qu it e a pa r t fr om ou r ev er y da y
ex ist en ce; h e k n ow s n ot h in g h im self of w h a t t h in g s a r e
w or t h , a n d h e a ccept s ev er y t h in g t h a t w e sa y a s
g ospel.”
“ I n ev er da r ed t o m en t ion it ,” M. V er du r in h a d
a n sw er ed, “ bu t I’v e n ot iced t h e sa m e t h in g m y self.”
A n d on t h e follow in g New Y ea r ’s Da y , in st ea d of sen din g
Dr . Cot t a r d a r u by t h a t cost t h r ee t h ou sa n d fr a n cs, a n d
pr et en din g t h a t it w a s a m er e t r ifle, M. V er du r in
bou g h t a n a r t ificia l st on e for t h r ee h u n dr ed, a n d let it
be u n der st ood t h a t it w a s som et h in g a lm ost im possible
t o m a t ch .
W h en Mm e. V er du r in h a d a n n ou n ced t h a t t h ey
w er e t o see M. Sw a n n t h a t ev en in g ; “ Sw a n n !” t h e
Doct or h a d ex cla im ed in a t on e r en der ed br u t a l by h is
a st on ish m en t , for t h e sm a llest piece of n ew s w ou ld
a lw a y s t a k e u t t er ly u n a w a r es t h is m a n w h o im a g in ed
h im self t o be per pet u a lly in r ea din ess for a n y t h in g .
A n d seein g t h a t n o on e a n sw er ed h im , “ Sw a n n ! W h o on
ea r t h is Sw a n n ?” h e sh ou t ed, in a fr en zy of a n x iet y
w h ich su bsided a s soon a s Mm e. V er du r in h a d
ex pla in ed, “ W h y , Odet t e’s fr ien d, w h om sh e t old u s
a bou t .”
“ A h , g ood, g ood; t h a t ’s a ll r ig h t , t h en ,” a n sw er ed
t h e Doct or , a t on ce m ollified. A s for t h e pa in t er , h e w a s
ov er joy ed a t t h e pr ospect of Sw a n n ’s a ppea r in g a t t h e
V er du r in s’, beca u se h e su pposed h im t o be in lov e w it h
Odet t e, a n d w a s a lw a y s r ea dy t o a ssist a t lov er s’
m eet in g s. “ Not h in g a m u ses m e m or e t h a n m a t ch -
m a k in g ,” h e con fided t o Cot t a r d; “ I h a v e been
t r em en dou sly su ccessfu l, ev en w it h w om en !”
In t ellin g t h e V er du r in s t h a t Sw a n n w a s ex t r em ely
‘sm a r t ,’ Odet t e h a d a la r m ed t h em w it h t h e pr ospect of
a n ot h er ‘bor e.’ W h en h e a r r iv ed, h ow ev er , h e m a de a n
ex cellen t im pr ession , a n in dir ect ca u se of w h ich ,
t h ou g h t h ey did n ot k n ow it , w a s h is fa m ilia r it y w it h
t h e best societ y . He h a d, in deed, on e of t h ose
a dv a n t a g es w h ich m en w h o h a v e liv ed a n d m ov ed in
t h e w or ld en joy ov er ot h er s, ev en m en of in t ellig en ce
a n d r efin em en t , w h o h a v e n ev er g on e in t o societ y ,
n a m ely t h a t t h ey n o lon g er see it t r a n sfig u r ed by t h e
lon g in g or r epu lsion w it h w h ich it fills t h e im a g in a t ion ,
bu t r eg a r d it a s qu it e u n im por t a n t . T h eir g ood n a t u r e,
fr eed fr om a ll t a in t of sn obbish n ess a n d fr om t h e fea r of
seem in g t oo fr ien dly , g r ow n in depen den t , in fa ct , h a s
t h e ea se, t h e g r a ce of m ov em sn t of a t r a in ed g y m n a st
ea ch of w h ose su pple lim bs w ill ca r r y ou t pr ecisely t h e
m ov em en t t h a t is r equ ir ed w it h ou t a n y clu m sy
pa r t icipa t ion by t h e r est of h is body . T h e sim ple a n d
elem en t a r y g est u r es u sed by a m a n of t h e w or ld w h en
h e cou r t eou sly h olds ou t h is h a n d t o t h e u n k n ow n
y ou t h w h o is bein g in t r odu ced t o h im , a n d w h en h e
bow s discr eet ly befor e t h e A m ba ssa dor t o w h om h e is
bein g in t r odu ced, h a d g r a du a lly per v a ded, w it h ou t h is
bein g con sciou s of it , t h e w h ole of Sw a n n ’s socia l
depor t m en t , so t h a t in t h e com pa n y of people of a low er
g r a de t h a n h is ow n , su ch a s t h e V er du r in s a n d t h eir
fr ien ds, h e in st in ct iv ely sh ew ed a n a ssidu it y , a n d m a de
ov er t u r es w it h w h ich , by t h eir a ccou n t , a n y of t h eir
‘bor es’ w ou ld h a v e dispen sed. He ch illed, t h ou g h for a
m om en t on ly , on m eet in g Dr . Cot t a r d; for seein g h im
close on e ey e w it h a n a m big u ou s sm ile, befor e t h ey h a d
y et spok en t o on e a n ot h er (a g r im a ce w h ich Cot t a r d
st y led “ let t in g ’em a ll com e” ), Sw a n n su pposed t h a t t h e
Doct or r ecog n ised h im fr om h a v in g m et h im a lr ea dy
som ew h er e, pr oba bly in som e h ou se of ‘ill-fa m e,’ t h ou g h
t h ese h e h im self v er y r a r ely v isit ed, n ev er h a v in g
m a de a h a bit of in du lg in g in t h e m er cen a r y sor t of lov e.
Reg a r din g su ch a n a llu sion a s in ba d t a st e, especia lly
befor e Odet t e, w h ose opin ion of h im self it m ig h t ea sily
a lt er for t h e w or se, Sw a n n a ssu m ed h is m ost icy
m a n n er . Bu t w h en h e lea r n ed t h a t t h e la dy n ex t t o t h e
Doct or w a s Mm e. Cot t a r d, h e decided t h a t so y ou n g a
h u sba n d w ou ld n ot deliber a t ely , in h is w ife’s h ea r in g ,
h a v e m a de a n y a llu sion t o a m u sem en t s of t h a t or der ,
a n d so cea sed t o in t er pr et t h e Doct or ’s ex pr ession in t h e
sen se w h ich h e h a d a t fir st su spect ed. T h e pa in t er a t
on ce in v it ed Sw a n n t o v isit h is st u dio w it h Odet t e, a n d
Sw a n n fou n d h im v er y plea sa n t . “ Per h a ps y ou w ill be
m or e h ig h ly fa v ou r ed t h a n I h a v e been ,” Mm e.
V er du r in br ok e in , w it h m ock r esen t m en t of t h e fa v ou r ,
“ per h a ps y ou w ill be a llow ed t o see Cot t a r d’s por t r a it ”
(for w h ich sh e h a d g iv en t h e pa in t er a com m ission ).
“ T a k e ca r e, Ma st er Bich e,” sh e r em in ded t h e pa in t er ,
w h om it w a s a t im e-h on ou r ed plea sa n t r y t o a ddr ess a s
‘Ma st er ,’ “ t o ca t ch t h a t n ice look in h is ey es, t h a t w it t y
lit t le t w in k le. Y ou k n ow , w h a t I w a n t t o h a v e m ost of a ll
is h is sm ile; t h a t ’s w h a t I’v e a sk ed y ou t o pa in t — t h e
por t r a it of h is sm ile.” A n d sin ce t h e ph r a se st r u ck h er
a s n ot ew or t h y , sh e r epea t ed it v er y lou d, so a s t o m a k e
su r e t h a t a s m a n y a s possible of h er g u est s sh ou ld h ea r
it , a n d ev en m a de u se of som e in defin it e pr et ex t t o dr a w
t h e cir cle closer befor e sh e u t t er ed it a g a in . Sw a n n
beg g ed t o be in t r odu ced t o ev er y on e, ev en t o a n old
fr ien d of t h e V er du r in s, ca lled Sa n iet t e, w h ose sh y n ess,
sim plicit y a n d g ood-n a t u r e h a d depr iv ed h im of a ll t h e
con sider a t ion du e t o h is sk ill in pa la eog r a ph y , h is la r g e
for t u n e, a n d t h e dist in g u ish ed fa m ily t o w h ich h e
belon g ed. W h en h e spok e, h is w or ds ca m e w it h a
con fu sion w h ich w a s delig h t fu l t o h ea r beca u se on e felt
t h a t it in dica t ed n ot so m u ch a defect in h is speech a s a
qu a lit y of h is sou l, a s it w er e a su r v iv a l fr om t h e a g e of
in n ocen ce w h ich h e h a d n ev er w h olly ou t g r ow n . A ll
t h e con son a n t s w h ich h e did n ot m a n a g e t o pr on ou n ce
seem ed lik e h a r sh u t t er a n ces of w h ich h is g en t le lips
w er e in ca pa ble. By a sk in g t o be m a de k n ow n t o M.
Sa n iet t e, Sw a n n m a de M. V er du r in r ev er se t h e u su a l
for m of in t r odu ct ion (sa y in g , in fa ct , w it h em ph a sis on
t h e dist in ct ion : “ M. Sw a n n , pr a y let m e pr esen t t o y ou
ou r fr ien d Sa n iet t e” ) bu t h e a r ou sed in Sa n iet t e h im self
a w a r m t h of g r a t it u de, w h ich , h ow ev er , t h e V er du r in s
n ev er disclosed t o Sw a n n , sin ce Sa n iet t e r a t h er
a n n oy ed t h em , a n d t h ey did n ot feel bou n d t o pr ov ide
h im w it h fr ien ds. On t h e ot h er h a n d t h e V er du r in s
w er e ex t r em ely t ou ch ed by Sw a n n ’s n ex t r equ est , for h e
felt t h a t h e m u st a sk t o be in t r odu ced t o t h e pia n ist ’s
a u n t . Sh e w or e a bla ck dr ess, a s w a s h er in v a r ia ble
cu st om , for sh e believ ed t h a t a w om a n a lw a y s look ed
w ell in bla ck , a n d t h a t n ot h in g cou ld be m or e
dist in g u ish ed; bu t h er fa ce w a s ex ceedin g ly r ed, a s it
a lw a y s w a s for som e t im e a ft er a m ea l. Sh e bow ed t o
Sw a n n w it h defer en ce, bu t dr ew h er self u p a g a in w it h
g r ea t dig n it y . A s sh e w a s en t ir ely u n edu ca t ed, a n d w a s
a fr a id of m a k in g m ist a k es in gram m ar and
pr on u n cia t ion , sh e u sed pu r posely t o spea k in a n
in dist in ct a n d g a r blin g m a n n er , t h in k in g t h a t if sh e
sh ou ld m a k e a slip it w ou ld be so bu r ied in t h e
su r r ou n din g con fu sion t h a t n o on e cou ld be cer t a in
w h et h er sh e h a d a ct u a lly m a de it or n ot ; w it h t h e
r esu lt t h a t h er t a lk w a s a sor t of con t in u ou s, blu r r ed
ex pect or a t ion , ou t of w h ich w ou ld em er g e, a t r a r e
in t er v a ls, t h ose sou n ds a n d sy lla bles of w h ich sh e felt
posit iv e. Sw a n n su pposed h im self en t it led t o pok e a
lit t le m ild fu n a t h er in con v er sa t ion w it h M. V er du r in ,
w h o, h ow ev er , w a s n ot a t a ll a m u sed.
“ Sh e is su ch a n ex cellen t w om a n !” h e r ejoin ed. “ I
g r a n t y ou t h a t sh e is n ot ex a ct ly br illia n t ; bu t I a ssu r e
y ou t h a t sh e ca n t a lk m ost ch a r m in g ly w h en y ou a r e
a lon e w it h h er .”
“ I a m su r e sh e ca n ,” Sw a n n h a st en ed t o con cilia t e
h im . “ A ll I m ea n t w a s t h a t sh e h a r dly st r u ck m e a s
‘dist in g u ish ed,’” h e w en t on , isola t in g t h e epit h et in t h e
in v er t ed com m a s of h is t on e, “ a n d, a ft er a ll, t h a t is
som et h in g of a com plim en t .”
“ W a it a m om en t ,” sa id M. V er du r in , “ n ow , t h is w ill
su r pr ise y ou ; sh e w r it es qu it e delig h t fu lly . Y ou h a v e
n ev er h ea r d h er n eph ew pla y ? It is a dm ir a ble; eh ,
Doct or ? W ou ld y ou lik e m e t o a sk h im t o pla y
som et h in g , M. Sw a n n ?”
“ I sh ou ld cou n t m y self m ost for t u n a t e . . . ” Sw a n n
w a s beg in n in g , a t r ifle pom pou sly , w h en t h e Doct or
br ok e in der isiv ely . Ha v in g on ce h ea r d it sa id, a n d
n ev er h a v in g for g ot t en t h a t in g en er a l con v er sa t ion
em ph a sis a n d t h e u se of for m a l ex pr ession s w er e ou t of
da t e, w h en ev er h e h ea r d a solem n w or d u sed ser iou sly ,
a s t h e w or d ‘for t u n a t e’ h a d been u sed ju st n ow by
Sw a n n , h e a t on ce a ssu m ed t h a t t h e spea k er w a s bein g
deliber a t ely peda n t ic. A n d if, m or eov er , t h e sa m e w or d
h a ppen ed t o occu r , a lso, in w h a t h e ca lled a n old ‘t a g ’ or
‘sa w ,’ h ow ev er com m on it m ig h t st ill be in cu r r en t
u sa g e, t h e Doct or ju m ped t o t h e con clu sion t h a t t h e
w h ole t h in g w a s a jok e, a n d in t er r u pt ed w it h t h e
r em a in in g w or ds of t h e qu ot a t ion , w h ich h e seem ed t o
ch a r g e t h e spea k er w it h h a v in g in t en ded t o in t r odu ce
a t t h a t poin t , a lt h ou g h in r ea lit y it h a d n ev er en t er ed
h is m in d.
“ Most for t u n a t e for Fr a n ce!” h e r ecit ed w ick edly ,
sh oot in g u p bot h a r m s w it h g r ea t v ig ou r . M. V er du r in
cou ld n ot h elp la u g h in g .
“ W h a t a r e a ll t h ose g ood people la u g h in g a t ov er
t h er e? T h er e’s n o sig n of br oodin g m ela n ch oly dow n in
y ou r cor n er ,” sh ou t ed Mm e. V er du r in . “ Y ou don ’t
su ppose I fin d it v er y a m u sin g t o be st u ck u p h er e by
m y self on t h e st ool of r epen t a n ce,” sh e w en t on
peev ish ly , lik e a spoiled ch ild.
Mm e. V er du r in w a s sit t in g u pon a h ig h Sw edish
ch a ir of w a x ed pin e-w ood, w h ich a v iolin ist fr om t h a t
cou n t r y h a d g iv en h er , a n d w h ich sh e k ept in h er
dr a w in g -r oom , a lt h ou g h in a ppea r a n ce it su g g est ed a
sch ool ‘for m ,’ a n d ‘sw or e,’ a s t h e sa y in g is, a t t h e r ea lly
g ood a n t iqu e fu r n it u r e w h ich sh e h a d besides; bu t sh e
m a de a poin t of k eepin g on v iew t h e pr esen t s w h ich h er
‘fa it h fu l’ w er e in t h e h a bit of m a k in g h er fr om t im e t o
t im e, so t h a t t h e don or s m ig h t h a v e t h e plea su r e of
seein g t h em t h er e w h en t h ey ca m e t o t h e h ou se. Sh e
t r ied t o per su a de t h em t o con fin e t h eir t r ibu t es t o
flow er s a n d sw eet s, w h ich h a d a t lea st t h e m er it of
m or t a lit y ; bu t sh e w a s n ev er su ccessfu l, a n d t h e h ou se
w a s g r a du a lly filled w it h a collect ion of foot -w a r m er s,
cu sh ion s, clock s, scr een s, ba r om et er s a n d v a ses, a
con st a n t r epet it ion a n d a bou n dless in con g r u it y of
u seless bu t in dest r u ct ible object s.
Fr om t h is loft y per ch sh e w ou ld t a k e h er spir it ed
pa r t in t h e con v er sa t ion of t h e ‘fa it h fu l,’ a n d w ou ld
r ev el in a ll t h eir fu n ; bu t , sin ce t h e a cciden t t o h er ja w ,
sh e h a d a ba n don ed t h e effor t in v olv ed in r ea l h ila r it y ,
a n d h a d su bst it u t ed a k in d of sy m bolica l du m b-sh ow
w h ich sig n ified, w it h ou t en da n g er in g or ev en fa t ig u in g
h er in a n y w a y , t h a t sh e w a s ‘la u g h in g u n t il sh e cr ied.’
A t t h e lea st w it t icism a im ed by a n y of t h e cir cle a g a in st
a ‘bor e,’ or a g a in st a for m er m em ber of t h e cir cle w h o
w a s n ow r eleg a t ed t o t h e lim bo of ‘bor es’ — a n d t o t h e
u t t er despa ir of M. V er du r in , w h o h a d a lw a y s m a de ou t
t h a t h e w a s ju st a s ea sily a m u sed a s h is w ife, bu t w h o,
sin ce h is la u g h t er w a s t h e ‘r ea l t h in g ,’ w a s ou t of br ea t h
in a m om en t , a n d so w a s ov er t a k en a n d v a n qu ish ed by
h er dev ice of a feig n ed bu t con t in u ou s h ila r it y — sh e
w ou ld u t t er a sh r ill cr y , sh u t t ig h t h er lit t le bir d-lik e
ey es, w h ich w er e beg in n in g t o be clou ded ov er by a
ca t a r a ct , a n d qu ick ly , a s t h ou g h sh e h a d on ly ju st t im e
t o a v oid som e in decen t sig h t or t o pa r r y a m or t a l blow ,
bu r y in g h er fa ce in h er h a n ds, w h ich com plet ely
en g u lfed it , a n d pr ev en t ed h er fr om seein g a n y t h in g a t
a ll, sh e w ou ld a ppea r t o be st r u g g lin g t o su ppr ess, t o
er a dica t e a la u g h w h ich , w er e sh e t o g iv e w a y t o it ,
m u st in ev it a bly lea v e h er in a n im a t e. So, st u pefied
w it h t h e g a iet y of t h e ‘fa it h fu l,’ dr u n k en w it h
com r a desh ip, sca n da l and a ssev er a t ion , Mm e.
V er du r in , per ch ed on h er h ig h sea t lik e a ca g e-bir d
w h ose biscu it h a s been st eeped in m u lled w in e, w ou ld
sit a loft a n d sob w it h fellow -feelin g .
Mea n w h ile M. V er du r in , a ft er fir st a sk in g Sw a n n ’s
per m ission t o lig h t h is pipe (“ No cer em on y h er e, y ou
u n der st a n d; w e’r e a ll pa ls!” ), w en t a n d beg g ed t h e
y ou n g m u sicia n t o sit dow n a t t h e pia n o.
“ Lea v e h im a lon e; don ’t bot h er h im ; h e h a sn ’t com e
h er e t o be t or m en t ed,” cr ied Mm e. V er du r in . “ I w on ’t
h a v e h im t or m en t ed.”
“ Bu t w h y on ea r t h sh ou ld it bot h er h im ?” r ejoin ed
M. V er du r in . “ I’m su r e M. Sw a n n h a s n ev er h ea r d t h e
son a t a in F sh a r p w h ich w e discov er ed; h e is g oin g t o
pla y u s t h e pia n ofor t e a r r a n g em en t .”
“ No, n o, n o, n ot m y son a t a !” sh e scr ea m ed, “ I don ’t
w a n t t o be m a de t o cr y u n t il I g et a cold in t h e h ea d,
a n d n eu r a lg ia a ll dow n m y fa ce, lik e la st t im e; t h a n k s
v er y m u ch , I don ’t in t en d t o r epea t t h a t per for m a n ce;
y ou a r e a ll v er y k in d a n d con sider a t e; it is ea sy t o see
t h a t n on e of y ou w ill h a v e t o st a y in bed, for a w eek .”
T h is lit t le scen e, w h ich w a s r e-en a ct ed a s oft en a s
t h e y ou n g pia n ist sa t dow n t o pla y , n ev er fa iled t o
delig h t t h e a u dien ce, a s t h ou g h ea ch of t h em w er e
w it n essin g it for t h e fir st t im e, a s a pr oof of t h e
sedu ct iv e or ig in a lit y of t h e ‘Mist r ess’ a s sh e w a s st y led,
a n d of t h e a cu t e sen sit iv en ess of h er m u sica l ‘ea r .’ T h ose
n ea r est t o h er w ou ld a t t r a ct t h e a t t en t ion of t h e r est ,
w h o w er e sm ok in g or pla y in g ca r ds a t t h e ot h er en d of
t h e r oom , by t h eir cr ies of ‘Hea r , h ea r !’ w h ich , a s in
Pa r lia m en t a r y deba t es, sh ew ed t h a t som et h in g w or t h
list en in g t o w a s bein g sa id. A n d n ex t da y t h ey w ou ld
com m iser a t e w it h t h ose w h o h a d been pr ev en t ed fr om
com in g t h a t ev en in g , a n d w ou ld a ssu r e t h em t h a t t h e
‘lit t le scen e’ h a d n ev er been so a m u sin g ly don e.
“ W ell, a ll r ig h t , t h en ,” sa id M. V er du r in , “ h e ca n
pla y ju st t h e a n da n t e.”
“ Ju st t h e andante! How y ou do g o on ,” cr ied h is w ife.
“ A s if it w er en ’t ‘ju st t h e andante‘ t h a t br ea k s ev er y
bon e in m y body . T h e ‘Ma st er ’ is r ea lly t oo pr iceless!
Ju st a s t h ou g h , ‘in t h e Nin t h ,’ h e sa id ‘w e n eed on ly
h a v e t h e finale,’ or ‘ju st t h e ov er t u r e’ of t h e
Meis ters inger.”
T h e Doct or , h ow ev er , u r g ed Mm e. V er du r in t o let
t h e pia n ist pla y , n ot beca u se h e su pposed h er t o be
m a lin g er in g w h en sh e spok e of t h e dist r essin g effect s
t h a t m u sic a lw a y s h a d u pon h er , for h e r ecog n ised t h e
ex ist en ce of cer t a in n eu r a st h en ic st a t es — bu t fr om h is
h a bit , com m on t o m a n y doct or s, of a t on ce r ela x in g t h e
st r ict let t er of a pr escr ipt ion a s soon a s it a ppea r ed t o
jeopa r dise, w h a t seem ed t o h im fa r m or e im por t a n t , t h e
su ccess of som e socia l g a t h er in g a t w h ich h e w a s
pr esen t , a n d of w h ich t h e pa t ien t w h om h e h a d u r g ed
for on ce t o for g et h er dy spepsia or h ea da ch e for m ed a n
essen t ia l fa ct or .
“ Y ou w on ’t be ill t h is t im e, y ou ’ll fin d,” h e t old h er ,
seek in g a t t h e sa m e t im e t o su bdu e h er m in d by t h e
m a g n et ism of h is g a ze. “ A n d, if y ou a r e ill, w e w ill cu r e
y ou .”
 “ W ill y ou , r ea lly ?” Mm e. V er du r in spok e a s t h ou g h ,
w it h so g r ea t a fa v ou r in st or e for h er , t h er e w a s
n ot h in g for it bu t t o ca pit u la t e. Per h a ps, t oo, by din t of
sa y in g t h a t sh e w a s g oin g t o be ill, sh e h a d w or k ed
h er self in t o a st a t e in w h ich sh e for g ot , occa sion a lly ,
t h a t it w a s a ll on ly a ‘lit t le scen e,’ a n d r eg a r ded t h in g s,
qu it e sin cer ely , fr om a n in v a lid’s poin t of v iew . For it
m a y oft en be r em a r k ed t h a t in v a lids g r ow w ea r y of
h a v in g t h e fr equ en cy of t h eir a t t a ck s depen d a lw a y s on
t h eir ow n pr u den ce in a v oidin g t h em , a n d lik e t o let
t h em selv es t h in k t h a t t h ey a r e fr ee t o do ev er y t h in g
t h a t t h ey m ost en joy doin g , a lt h ou g h t h ey a r e a lw a y s
ill a ft er doin g it , pr ov ided on ly t h a t t h ey pla ce
t h em selv es in t h e h a n ds of a h ig h er a u t h or it y w h ich ,
w it h ou t pu t t in g t h em t o t h e lea st in con v en ien ce, ca n
a n d w ill, by u t t er in g a w or d or by a dm in ist er in g a
t a bloid, set t h em on ce a g a in u pon t h eir feet .
Odet t e h a d g on e t o sit on a t a pest r y -cov er ed sofa
n ea r t h e pia n o, sa y in g t o Mm e. V er du r in , “ I h a v e m y
ow n lit t le cor n er , h a v en ’t I?”
A n d Mm e. V er du r in , seein g Sw a n n by h im self u pon
a ch a ir , m a de h im g et u p. “ Y ou ’r e n ot a t a ll com for t a ble
t h er e; g o a lon g a n d sit by Odet t e; y ou ca n m a k e r oom
for M. Sw a n n t h er e, ca n ’t y ou , Odet t e?”
“ W h a t ch a r m in g Bea u v a is!” sa id Sw a n n , st oppin g
t o a dm ir e t h e sofa befor e h e sa t dow n on it , a n d w ish in g
t o be polit e.
“ I a m g la d y ou a ppr ecia t e m y sofa ,” r eplied Mm e.
V er du r in , “ a n d I w a r n y ou t h a t if y ou ex pect ev er t o see
a n ot h er lik e it y ou m a y a s w ell a ba n don t h e idea a t
on ce. T h ey n ev er m a de a n y m or e lik e it . A n d t h ese
lit t le ch a ir s, t oo, a r e per fect m a r v els. Y ou ca n look a t
t h em in a m om en t . T h e em blem s in ea ch of t h e br on ze
m ou ldin g s cor r espon d t o t h e su bject of t h e t a pest r y on
t h e ch a ir ; y ou k n ow , y ou com bin e a m u sem en t w it h
in st r u ct ion w h en y ou look a t t h em ; — I ca n pr om ise y ou
a delig h t fu l t im e, I a ssu r e y ou . Ju st look a t t h e lit t le
bor der a r ou n d t h e edg es; h er e, look , t h e lit t le v in e on a
r ed ba ck g r ou n d in t h is on e, t h e Bea r a n d t h e Gr a pes.
Isn ’t it w ell dr a w n ? W h a t do y ou sa y ? I t h in k t h ey k n ew
a t h in g or t w o a bou t desig n ! Doesn ’t it m a k e y ou r
m ou t h w a t er , t h is v in e? My h u sba n d m a k es ou t t h a t I
a m n ot fon d of fr u it , beca u se I ea t less t h a n h e does. Bu t
n ot a bit of it , I a m g r eedier t h a n a n y of y ou , bu t I h a v e
n o n eed t o fill m y m ou t h w it h t h em w h en I ca n feed on
t h em w it h m y ey es. W h a t a r e y ou a ll la u g h in g a t n ow ,
pr a y ? A sk t h e Doct or ; h e w ill t ell y ou t h a t t h ose g r a pes
a ct on m e lik e a r eg u la r pu r g e. Som e people g o t o
Fon t a in eblea u for cu r es; I t a k e m y ow n lit t le Bea u v a is
cu r e h er e. Bu t , M. Sw a n n , y ou m u st n ’t r u n a w a y
w it h ou t feelin g t h e lit t le br on ze m ou ldin g s on t h e
ba ck s. Isn ’t it a n ex qu isit e su r fa ce? No, n o, n ot w it h
y ou r w h ole h a n d lik e t h a t ; feel t h em pr oper t y !”
“ If Mm e. V er du r in is g oin g t o st a r t pla y in g a bou t
w it h h er br on zes,” sa id t h e pa in t er , “ w e sh a n ’t g et a n y
m u sic t o-n ig h t .”
“ Be qu iet , y ou w r et ch ! A n d y et w e poor w om en ,” sh e
w en t on , “ a r e for bidden plea su r es fa r less v olu pt u ou s
t h a n t h is. T h er e is n o flesh in t h e w or ld a s soft a s t h ese.
Non e. W h en M. V er du r in did m e t h e h on ou r of bein g
m a dly jea lou s . . . com e, y ou m ig h t a t lea st be polit e.
Don ’t sa y t h a t y ou n ev er h a v e been jea lou s!”
“ Bu t , m y dea r , I h a v e sa id a bsolu t ely n ot h in g . Look
h er e, Doct or , I ca ll y ou a s a w it n ess; did I u t t er a w or d?”
Sw a n n h a d beg u n , ou t of polit en ess, t o fin g er t h e
br on zes, a n d did n ot lik e t o st op.
“ Com e a lon g ; y ou ca n ca r ess t h em la t er ; n ow it is
y ou t h a t a r e g oin g t o be ca r essed, ca r essed in t h e ea r ;
y ou ’ll lik e t h a t , I t h in k . Her e’s t h e y ou n g g en t lem a n
w h o w ill t a k e ch a r g e of t h a t .”
A ft er t h e pia n ist h a d pla y ed, Sw a n n felt a n d sh ew ed
m or e in t er est in h im t h a n in a n y of t h e ot h er g u est s, for
t h e follow in g r ea son :
T h e y ea r befor e, a t a n ev en in g pa r t y , h e h a d h ea r d
a piece of m u sic pla y ed on t h e pia n o a n d v iolin . A t fir st
h e h a d a ppr ecia t ed on ly t h e m a t er ia l qu a lit y of t h e
sou n ds w h ich t h ose in st r u m en t s secr et ed. A n d it h a d
been a sou r ce of k een plea su r e w h en , below t h e n a r r ow
r ibbon of t h e v iolin -pa r t , delica t e, u n y ieldin g ,
su bst a n t ia l a n d g ov er n in g t h e w h ole, h e h a d su dden ly
per ceiv ed, w h er e it w a s t r y in g t o su r g e u pw a r ds in a
flow in g t ide of sou n d, t h e m a ss of t h e pia n o-pa r t ,
m u lt ifor m , coh er en t , lev el, a n d br ea k in g ev er y w h er e
in m elody lik e t h e deep blu e t u m u lt of t h e sea , silv er ed
a n d ch a r m ed in t o a m in or k ey by t h e m oon lig h t . Bu t a t
a g iv en m om en t , w it h ou t bein g a ble t o dist in g u ish a n y
clea r ou t lin e, or t o g iv e a n a m e t o w h a t w a s plea sin g
h im , su dden ly en r a pt u r ed, h e h a d t r ied t o collect , t o
t r ea su r e in h is m em or y t h e ph r a se or h a r m on y — h e
k n ew n ot w h ich — t h a t h a d ju st been pla y ed, a n d h a d
open ed a n d ex pa n ded h is sou l, ju st a s t h e fr a g r a n ce of
cer t a in r oses, w a ft ed u pon t h e m oist a ir of ev en in g , h a s
t h e pow er of dila t in g ou r n ost r ils. Per h a ps it w a s ow in g
t o h is ow n ig n or a n ce of m u sic t h a t h e h a d been a ble t o
r eceiv e so con fu sed a n im pr ession , on e of t h ose t h a t a r e,
n ot w it h st a n din g , ou r on ly pu r ely m u sica l im pr ession s,
lim it ed in t h eir ex t en t , en t ir ely or ig in a l, a n d
ir r edu cible in t o a n y ot h er k in d. A n im pr ession of t h is
or der , v a n ish in g in a n in st a n t , is, so t o spea k , a n
im pr ession s ine m ateria. Pr esu m a bly t h e n ot es w h ich
w e h ea r a t su ch m om en t s t en d t o spr ea d ou t befor e ou r
ey es, ov er su r fa ces g r ea t er or sm a ller a ccor din g t o t h eir
pit ch a n d v olu m e; t o t r a ce a r a besqu e desig n s, t o g iv e u s
t h e sen sa t ion of br ea t h or t en u it y , st a bilit y or ca pr ice.
Bu t t h e n ot es t h em selv es h a v e v a n ish ed befor e t h ese
sen sa t ion s h a v e dev eloped su fficien t ly t o esca pe
su bm er sion u n der t h ose w h ich t h e follow in g , or ev en
sim u lt a n eou s n ot es h a v e a lr ea dy beg u n t o a w a k en in
u s. A n d t h is in defin it e per cept ion w ou ld con t in u e t o
sm ot h er in it s m olt en liqu idit y t h e m otifs w h ich n ow
a n d t h en em er g e, ba r ely discer n ible, t o plu n g e a g a in
a n d disa ppea r a n d dr ow n ; r ecog n ised on ly by t h e
pa r t icu la r k in d of plea su r e w h ich t h ey in st il, im possible
t o descr ibe, t o r ecollect , t o n a m e; in effa ble; — if ou r
m em or y , lik e a la bou r er w h o t oils a t t h e la y in g dow n of
fir m fou n da t ion s ben ea t h t h e t u m u lt of t h e w a v es, did
n ot , by fa sh ion in g for u s fa csim iles of t h ose fu g it iv e
ph r a ses, en a ble u s t o com pa r e a n d t o con t r a st t h em
w it h t h ose t h a t follow . A n d so, h a r dly h a d t h e deliciou s
sen sa t ion , w h ich Sw a n n h a d ex per ien ced, died a w a y ,
befor e h is m em or y h a d fu r n ish ed h im w it h a n
im m edia t e t r a n scr ipt , su m m a r y , it is t r u e, a n d
pr ov ision a l, bu t on e on w h ich h e h a d k ept h is ey es fix ed
w h ile t h e pla y in g con t in u ed, so effect iv ely t h a t , w h en
t h e sa m e im pr ession su dden ly r et u r n ed, it w a s n o
lon g er u n ca pt u r a ble. He w a s a ble t o pict u r e t o h im self
it s ex t en t , it s sy m m et r ica l a r r a n g em en t , it s n ot a t ion ,
t h e st r en g t h of it s ex pr ession ; h e h a d befor e h im t h a t
defin it e object w h ich w a s n o lon g er pu r e m u sic, bu t
r a t h er desig n , a r ch it ect u r e, t h ou g h t , a n d w h ich
a llow ed t h e a ct u a l m u sic t o be r eca lled. T h is t im e h e
h a d dist in g u ish ed, qu it e clea r ly , a ph r a se w h ich
em er g ed for a few m om en t s fr om t h e w a v es of sou n d. It
h a d a t on ce h eld ou t t o h im a n in v it a t ion t o pa r t a k e of
in t im a t e plea su r es, of w h ose ex ist en ce, befor e h ea r in g
it , h e h a d n ev er dr ea m ed, in t o w h ich h e felt t h a t
n ot h in g bu t t h is ph r a se cou ld in it ia t e h im ; a n d h e h a d
been filled w it h lov e for it , a s w it h a n ew a n d st r a n g e
desir e.
W it h a slow a n d r h y t h m ica l m ov em en t it led h im
h er e, t h er e, ev er y w h er e, t ow a r ds a st a t e of h a ppin ess
n oble, u n in t ellig ible, y et clea r ly in dica t ed. A n d t h en ,
su dden ly h a v in g r ea ch ed a cer t a in poin t fr om w h ich h e
w a s pr epa r ed t o follow it , a ft er pa u sin g for a m om en t ,
a br u pt ly it ch a n g ed it s dir ect ion , a n d in a fr esh
m ov em en t , m or e r a pid, m u lt ifor m , m ela n ch oly ,
in cessa n t , sw eet , it bor e h im off w it h it t ow a r ds a v ist a
of joy s u n k n ow n . T h en it v a n ish ed. He h oped, w it h a
pa ssion a t e lon g in g , t h a t h e m ig h t fin d it a g a in , a t h ir d
t im e. A n d r ea ppea r it did, t h ou g h w it h ou t spea k in g t o
h im m or e clea r ly , br in g in g h im , in deed, a plea su r e less
pr ofou n d. Bu t w h en h e w a s on ce m or e a t h om e h e
n eeded it , h e w a s lik e a m a n in t o w h ose life a w om a n ,
w h om h e h a s seen for a m om en t pa ssin g by , h a s
br ou g h t a n ew for m of bea u t y , w h ich st r en g t h en s a n d
en la r g es h is ow n pow er of per cept ion , w it h ou t h is
k n ow in g ev en w h et h er h e is ev er t o see h er a g a in w h om
h e lov es a lr ea dy , a lt h ou g h h e k n ow s n ot h in g of h er , n ot
ev en h er n a m e.
In deed t h is pa ssion for a ph r a se of m u sic seem ed, in
t h e fir st few m on t h s, t o be br in g in g in t o Sw a n n ’s life
t h e possibilit y of a sor t of r e — ju v en a t ion . He h a d so
lon g sin ce cea sed t o dir ect h is cou r se t ow a r ds a n y idea l
g oa l, a n d h a d con fin ed h im self t o t h e pu r su it of
eph em er a l sa t isfa ct ion s, t h a t h e h a d com e t o believ e,
t h ou g h w it h ou t ev er for m a lly st a t in g h is belief ev en t o
h im self, t h a t h e w ou ld r em a in a ll h is life in t h a t
con dit ion , w h ich dea t h a lon e cou ld a lt er . Mor e t h a n
t h is, sin ce h is m in d n o lon g er en t er t a in ed a n y loft y
idea ls, h e h a d cea sed t o believ e in (a lt h ou g h h e cou ld
n ot h a v e ex pr essly den ied) t h eir r ea lit y . He h a d g r ow n
a lso in t o t h e h a bit of t a k in g r efu g e in t r iv ia l
con sider a t ion s, w h ich a llow ed h im t o set on on e side
m a t t er s of fu n da m en t a l im por t a n ce. Ju st a s h e h a d
n ev er st opped t o a sk h im self w h et h er h e w ou ld n ot h a v e
don e bet t er by n ot g oin g in t o societ y , k n ow in g v er y
w ell t h a t if h e h a d a ccept ed a n in v it a t ion h e m u st pu t
in a n a ppea r a n ce, a n d t h a t a ft er w a r ds, if h e did n ot
a ct u a lly ca ll, h e m u st a t lea st lea v e ca r ds u pon h is
h ost ess; so in h is con v er sa t ion h e t ook ca r e n ev er t o
ex pr ess w it h a n y w a r m t h a per son a l opin ion a bou t a
t h in g , bu t in st ea d w ou ld su pply fa ct s a n d det a ils w h ich
h a d a v a lu e of a sor t in t h em selv es, a n d ex cu sed h im
fr om sh ew in g h ow m u ch h e r ea lly k n ew . He w ou ld be
ex t r em ely pr ecise a bou t t h e r ecipe for a dish , t h e da t es
of a pa in t er ’s bir t h a n d dea t h , a n d t h e t it les of h is
w or k s. Som et im es, in spit e of h im self, h e w ou ld let
h im self g o so fa r a s t o u t t er a cr it icism of a w or k of a r t ,
or of som e on e’s in t er pr et a t ion of life, bu t t h en h e w ou ld
cloa k h is w or ds in a t on e of ir on y , a s t h ou g h h e did n ot
a lt og et h er a ssocia t e h im self w it h w h a t h e w a s sa y in g .
Bu t n ow , lik e a con fir m ed in v a lid w h om , a ll of a
su dden , a ch a n g e of a ir a n d su r r ou n din g s, or a n ew
cou r se of t r ea t m en t , or , a s som et im es h a ppen s, a n
or g a n ic ch a n g e in h im self, spon t a n eou s and
u n a ccou n t a ble, seem s t o h a v e so fa r r ecov er ed fr om h is
m a la dy t h a t h e beg in s t o en v isa g e t h e possibilit y ,
h it h er t o bey on d a ll h ope, of st a r t in g t o lea d — a n d
bet t er la t e t h a n n ev er — a w h olly differ en t life, Sw a n n
fou n d in h im self, in t h e m em or y of t h e ph r a se t h a t h e
h a d h ea r d, in cer t a in ot h er son a t a s w h ich h e h a d m a de
people pla y ov er t o h im , t o see w h et h er h e m ig h t n ot ,
per h a ps, discov er h is ph r a se a m on g t h em , t h e pr esen ce
of on e of t h ose in v isible r ea lit ies in w h ich h e h a d cea sed
t o believ e, bu t t o w h ich , a s t h ou g h t h e m u sic h a d h a d
u pon t h e m or a l ba r r en n ess fr om w h ich h e w a s su ffer in g
a sor t of r ecr ea t iv e in flu en ce, h e w a s con sciou s on ce
a g a in of a desir e, a lm ost , in deed, of t h e pow er t o
con secr a t e h is life. Bu t , n ev er h a v in g m a n a g ed t o fin d
ou t w h ose w or k it w a s t h a t h e h a d h ea r d pla y ed t h a t
ev en in g , h e h a d been u n a ble t o pr ocu r e a copy , a n d
fin a lly h a d for g ot t en t h e qu est . He h a d in deed, in t h e
cou r se of t h e n ex t few da y s, en cou n t er ed sev er a l of t h e
people w h o h a d been a t t h e pa r t y w it h h im , a n d h a d
qu est ion ed t h em ; bu t m ost of t h em h a d eit h er a r r iv ed
a ft er or left befor e t h e piece w a s pla y ed; som e h a d
in deed been in t h e h ou se, bu t h a d g on e in t o a n ot h er
r oom t o t a lk , a n d t h ose w h o h a d st a y ed t o list en h a d n o
clea r er im pr ession t h a n t h e r est . A s for h is h ost s, t h ey
k n ew t h a t it w a s a r ecen t ly pu blish ed w or k w h ich t h e
m u sicia n s w h om t h ey h a d en g a g ed for t h e ev en in g h a d
a sk ed t o be a llow ed t o pla y ; bu t , a s t h ese la st w er e n ow
on t ou r som ew h er e, Sw a n n cou ld lea r n n ot h in g
fu r t h er . He h a d, of cou r se, a n u m ber of m u sica l fr ien ds,
bu t , v iv idly a s h e cou ld r eca ll t h e ex qu isit e a n d
in ex pr essible plea su r e w h ich t h e lit t le ph r a se h a d g iv en
h im , a n d cou ld see, st ill, befor e h is ey es t h e for m s t h a t
it h a d t r a ced in ou t lin e, h e w a s qu it e in ca pa ble of
h u m m in g ov er t o t h em t h e a ir . A n d so, a t la st , h e
cea sed t o t h in k of it .
Bu t t o-n ig h t , a t Mm e. V er du r in ’s, sca r cely h a d t h e
lit t le pia n ist beg u n t o pla y w h en , su dden ly , a ft er a h ig h
n ot e h eld on t h r ou g h t w o w h ole ba r s, Sw a n n sa w it
a ppr oa ch in g , st ea lin g for t h fr om u n der n ea t h t h a t
r eson a n ce, w h ich w a s pr olon g ed a n d st r et ch ed ou t ov er
it , lik e a cu r t a in of sou n d, t o v eil t h e m y st er y of it s
bir t h — a n d r ecog n ised, secr et , w h isper in g , a r t icu la t e,
t h e a ir y a n d fr a g r a n t ph r a se t h a t h e h a d lov ed. A n d it
w a s so pecu lia r ly it self, it h a d so per son a l a ch a r m ,
w h ich n ot h in g else cou ld h a v e r epla ced, t h a t Sw a n n
felt a s t h ou g h h e h a d m et , in a fr ien d’s dr a w in g -r oom , a
w om a n w h om h e h a d seen a n d a dm ir ed, on ce, in t h e
st r eet , a n d h a d despa ir ed of ev er seein g h er a g a in .
Fin a lly t h e ph r a se w it h dr ew a n d v a n ish ed, poin t in g ,
dir ect in g , dilig en t a m on g t h e w a n der in g cu r r en t s of it s
fr a g r a n ce, lea v in g u pon Sw a n n ’s fea t u r es a r eflect ion of
it s sm ile. Bu t n ow , a t la st , h e cou ld a sk t h e n a m e of h is
fa ir u n k n ow n (a n d w a s t old t h a t it w a s t h e andante
m ov em en t of V in t eu il’s son a t a for t h e pia n o a n d v iolin ),
h e h eld it sa fe, cou ld h a v e it a g a in t o h im self, a t h om e,
a s oft en a s h e w ou ld, cou ld st u dy it s la n g u a g e a n d
a cqu ir e it s secr et .
A n d so, w h en t h e pia n ist h a d fin ish ed, Sw a n n
cr ossed t h e r oom a n d t h a n k ed h im w it h a v iv a cit y
w h ich delig h t ed Mm e. V er du r in .
“ Isn ’t h e ch a r m in g ?” sh e a sk ed Sw a n n , “ doesn ’t h e
ju st u n der st a n d it , h is son a t a , t h e lit t le w r et ch ? Y ou
n ev er dr ea m ed, did y ou , t h a t a pia n o cou ld be m a de t o
ex pr ess a ll t h a t ? Upon m y w or d, t h er e’s ev er y t h in g in
it ex cept t h e pia n o! I’m ca u g h t ou t ev er y t im e I h ea r it ;
I t h in k I’m list en in g t o a n or ch est r a . T h ou g h it ’s bet t er ,
r ea lly , t h a n a n or ch est r a , m or e com plet e.”
T h e y ou n g pia n ist ben t ov er h er a s h e a n sw er ed,
sm ilin g a n d u n der lin in g ea ch of h is w or ds a s t h ou g h h e
w er e m a k in g a n epig r a m : “ Y ou a r e m ost g en er ou s t o
m e.”
A n d w h ile Mm e. V er du r in w a s sa y in g t o h er
h u sba n d, “ Ru n a n d fet ch h im a g la ss of or a n g ea de; it ’s
w ell ea r n ed!” Sw a n n beg a n t o t ell Odet t e h ow h e h a d
fa llen in lov e w it h t h a t lit t le ph r a se. W h en t h eir
h ost ess, w h o w a s a lit t le w a y off, ca lled ou t , “ W ell! It
look s t o m e a s t h ou g h som e on e w a s sa y in g n ice t h in g s
t o y ou , Odet t e!” sh e r eplied, “ Y es, v er y n ice,” a n d h e
fou n d h er sim plicit y delig h t fu l. T h en h e a sk ed for som e
in for m a t ion a bou t t h is V in t eu il; w h a t else h e h a d don e,
a n d a t w h a t per iod in h is life h e h a d com posed t h e
son a t a ; — w h a t m ea n in g t h e lit t le ph r a se cou ld h a v e
h a d for h im , t h a t w a s w h a t Sw a n n w a n t ed m ost t o
k n ow .
Bu t n on e of t h ese people w h o pr ofessed t o a dm ir e
t h is m u sicia n (w h en Sw a n n h a d sa id t h a t t h e son a t a
w a s r ea lly ch a r m in g Mm e. V er du r in h a d ex cla im ed, “ I
qu it e believ e it ! Ch a r m in g , in deed! Bu t y ou don ’t da r e
t o con fess t h a t y ou don ’t k n ow V in t eu il’s son a t a ; y ou
h a v e n o r ig h t n ot t o k n ow it !” — a n d t h e pa in t er h a d
g on e on w it h , “ A h , y es, it ’s a v er y fin e bit of w or k , isn ’t
it ? Not , of cou r se, if y ou w a n t som et h in g ‘obv iou s,’
som et h in g ‘popu la r ,’ bu t , I m ea n t o sa y , it m a k es a v er y
g r ea t im pr ession on u s a r t ist s.” ), n on e of t h em seem ed
ev er t o h a v e a sk ed h im self t h ese qu est ion s, for n on e of
t h em w a s a ble t o r eply .
Ev en t o on e or t w o pa r t icu la r r em a r k s m a de by
Sw a n n on h is fa v ou r it e ph r a se, “ D’y ou k n ow , t h a t ’s a
fu n n y t h in g ; I h a d n ev er n ot iced it ; I m a y a s w ell t ell
y ou t h a t I don ’t m u ch ca r e a bou t peer in g a t t h in g s
t h r ou g h a m icr oscope, a n d pr ick in g m y self on pin -
poin t s of differ en ce; n o; w e don ’t w a st e t im e split t in g
h a ir s in t h is h ou se; w h y n ot ? w ell, it ’s n ot a h a bit of
ou r s, t h a t ’s a ll,” Mm e. V er du r in r eplied, w h ile Dr .
Cot t a r d g a zed a t h er w it h open -m ou t h ed a dm ir a t ion ,
a n d y ea r n ed t o be a ble t o follow h er a s sh e sk ipped
lig h t ly fr om on e st eppin g -st on e t o a n ot h er of h er st ock
of r ea dy -m a de ph r a ses. Bot h h e, h ow ev er , a n d Mm e.
Cot t a r d, w it h a k in d of com m on sen se w h ich is sh a r ed
by m a n y people of h u m ble or ig in , w ou ld a lw a y s t a k e
ca r e n ot t o ex pr ess a n opin ion , or t o pr et en d t o a dm ir e a
piece of m u sic w h ich t h ey w ou ld con fess t o ea ch ot h er ,
on ce t h ey w er e sa fely a t h om e, t h a t t h ey n o m or e
u n der st ood t h a n t h ey cou ld u n der st a n d t h e a r t of
‘Ma st er ’ Bich e. In a sm u ch a s t h e pu blic ca n n ot r ecog n ise
t h e ch a r m , t h e bea u t y , ev en t h e ou t lin es of n a t u r e sa v e
in t h e st er eot y ped im pr ession s of a n a r t w h ich t h ey
h a v e g r a du a lly a ssim ila t ed, w h ile a n or ig in a l a r t ist
st a r t s by r eject in g t h ose im pr ession s, so M. a n d Mm e.
Cot t a r d, t y pica l, in t h is r espect , of t h e pu blic, w er e
in ca pa ble of fin din g , eit h er in V in t eu il’s son a t a or in
Bich e’s por t r a it s, w h a t con st it u t ed h a r m on y , for t h em ,
in m u sic or bea u t y in pa in t in g . It a ppea r ed t o t h em ,
w h en t h e pia n ist pla y ed h is son a t a , a s t h ou g h h e w er e
st r ik in g h a ph a za r d fr om t h e pia n o a m edley of n ot es
w h ich bor e n o r ela t ion t o t h e m u sica l for m s t o w h ich
t h ey t h em selv es w er e a ccu st om ed, a n d t h a t t h e pa in t er
sim ply flu n g t h e colou r s h a ph a za r d u pon h is ca n v a s.
W h en , on on e of t h ese, t h ey w er e a ble t o dist in g u ish a
h u m a n for m , t h ey a lw a y s fou n d it coa r sen ed a n d
v u lg a r ised (t h a t is t o sa y la ck in g a ll t h e eleg a n ce of t h e
sch ool of pa in t in g t h r ou g h w h ose spect a cles t h ey
t h em selv es w er e in t h e h a bit of seein g t h e people — r ea l,
liv in g people, w h o pa ssed t h em in t h e st r eet s) a n d
dev oid of t r u t h , a s t h ou g h M. Bich e h a d n ot k n ow n h ow
t h e h u m a n sh ou lder w a s con st r u ct ed, or t h a t a
w om a n ’s h a ir w a s n ot , or din a r ily , pu r ple.
A n d y et , w h en t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ w er e sca t t er ed ou t of
ea r sh ot , t h e Doct or felt t h a t t h e oppor t u n it y w a s t oo
g ood t o be m issed, a n d so (w h ile Mm e. V er du r in w a s
a ddin g a fin a l w or d of com m en da t ion of V in t eu il’s
son a t a ) lik e a w ou ld-be sw im m er w h o ju m ps in t o t h e
w a t er , so a s t o lea r n , bu t ch ooses a m om en t w h en t h er e
a r e n ot t oo m a n y people look in g on : “ Y es, in deed; h e’s
w h a t t h ey ca ll a m u sicia n di prim o cartello!” h e
ex cla im ed, w it h a su dden det er m in a t ion .
Sw a n n discov er ed n o m or e t h a n t h a t t h e r ecen t
pu blica t ion of V in t eu il’s son a t a h a d ca u sed a g r ea t st ir
a m on g t h e m ost a dv a n ced sch ool of m u sicia n s, bu t t h a t
it w a s st ill u n k n ow n t o t h e g en er a l pu blic.
“ I k n ow som e on e, qu it e w ell, ca lled V in t eu il,” sa id
Sw a n n , t h in k in g of t h e old m u sic-m a st er a t Com br a y
w h o h a d t a u g h t m y g r a n dm ot h er ’s sist er s.
“ Per h a ps t h a t ’s t h e m a n !” cr ied Mm e. V er du r in .
“ Oh , n o!” Sw a n n bu r st ou t la u g h in g . “ If y ou h a d
ev er seen h im for a m om en t y ou w ou ldn ’t pu t t h e
qu est ion .”
“ T h en t o pu t t h e qu est ion is t o solv e t h e pr oblem ?”
t h e Doct or su g g est ed.
“ Bu t it m a y w ell be som e r ela t iv e,” Sw a n n w en t on .
“ T h a t w ou ld be ba d en ou g h ; bu t , a ft er a ll, t h er e is n o
r ea son w h y a g en iu s sh ou ldn ’t h a v e a cou sin w h o is a
silly old fool. A n d if t h a t sh ou ld be so, I sw ea r t h er e’s n o
k n ow n or u n k n ow n for m of t or t u r e I w ou ldn ’t u n der g o
t o g et t h e old fool t o in t r odu ce m e t o t h e m a n w h o
com posed t h e son a t a ; st a r t in g w it h t h e t or t u r e of t h e
old fool’s com pa n y , w h ich w ou ld be g h a st ly .”
 T h e pa in t er u n der st ood t h a t V in t eu il w a s ser iou sly
ill a t t h e m om en t , a n d t h a t Dr . Pot a in despa ir ed of h is
life.
“ W h a t !” cr ied Mm e. V er du r in , “ Do people st ill ca ll
in Pot a in ?”
“ A h ! Mm e. V er du r in ,” Cot t a r d sim per ed, “ y ou
for g et t h a t y ou a r e spea k in g of on e of m y collea g u es — I
sh ou ld sa y , on e of m y m a st er s.”
T h e pa in t er h a d h ea r d, som ew h er e, t h a t V in t eu il
w a s t h r ea t en ed w it h t h e loss of h is r ea son . A n d h e
in sist ed t h a t sig n s of t h is cou ld be det ect ed in cer t a in
pa ssa g es in t h e son a t a . T h is r em a r k did n ot st r ik e
Sw a n n a s r idicu lou s; r a t h er , it pu zzled h im . For , sin ce a
pu r ely m u sica l w or k con t a in s n on e of t h ose log ica l
sequ en ces, t h e in t er r u pt ion or con fu sion of w h ich , in
spok en or w r it t en la n g u a g e, is a pr oof of in sa n it y , so
in sa n it y dia g n osed in a son a t a seem ed t o h im a s
m y st er iou s a t h in g a s t h e in sa n it y of a dog or a h or se,
a lt h ou g h in st a n ces m a y be obser v ed of t h ese.
“ Don ’t spea k t o m e a bou t ‘y ou r m a st er s’; y ou k n ow
t en t im es a s m u ch a s h e does!” Mm e. V er du r in
a n sw er ed Dr . Cot t a r d, in t h e t on e of a w om a n w h o h a s
t h e cou r a g e of h er con v ict ion s, a n d is qu it e r ea dy t o
st a n d u p t o a n y on e w h o disa g r ees w it h h er . “ A n y h ow ,
y ou don ’t k ill y ou r pa t ien t s!”
“ Bu t , Ma da m e, h e is in t h e A ca dem y .” T h e Doct or
sm iled w it h bit t er ir on y . “ If a sick per son pr efer s t o die
a t t h e h a n ds of on e of t h e Pr in ces of Scien ce . . . It is fa r
m or e sm a r t t o be a ble t o sa y , ‘Y es, I h a v e Pot a in .’”
“ Oh , in deed! Mor e sm a r t , is it ?” sa id Mm e.
V er du r in . “ So t h er e a r e fa sh ion s, n ow a da y s, in illn ess,
a r e t h er e? I didn ’t k n ow t h a t . . . . Oh , y ou do m a k e m e
la u g h !” sh e scr ea m ed, su dden ly , bu r y in g h er fa ce in
h er h a n ds. “ A n d h er e w a s I, poor t h in g , t a lk in g qu it e
ser iou sly , a n d n ev er seein g t h a t y ou w er e pu llin g m y
leg .”
A s for M. V er du r in , fin din g it r a t h er a st r a in t o
st a r t la u g h in g a g a in ov er so sm a ll a m a t t er , h e w a s
con t en t w it h pu ffin g ou t a clou d of sm ok e fr om h is pipe,
w h ile h e r eflect ed sa dly t h a t h e cou ld n ev er a g a in h ope
t o k eep pa ce w it h h is w ife in h er A t a la n t a -flig h t s a cr oss
t h e field of m ir t h .
“ D’y ou k n ow ; w e lik e y ou r fr ien d so v er y m u ch ,”
sa id Mm e. V er du r in , la t er , w h en Odet t e w a s biddin g
h er g ood n ig h t . “ He is so u n a ffect ed, qu it e ch a r m in g . If
t h ey ’r e a ll lik e t h a t , t h e fr ien ds y ou w a n t t o br in g h er e,
by a ll m ea n s br in g t h em .”
M. V er du r in r em a r k ed t h a t Sw a n n h a d fa iled, a ll
t h e sa m e, t o a ppr ecia t e t h e pia n ist ’s a u n t .
“ I da r e sa y h e felt a lit t le st r a n g e, poor m a n ,”
su g g est ed Mm e. V er du r in . “ Y ou ca n ’t ex pect h im t o
ca t ch t h e t on e of t h e h ou se t h e fir st t im e h e com es; lik e
Cot t a r d, w h o h a s been on e of ou r lit t le ‘cla n ’ n ow for
y ea r s. T h e fir st t im e doesn ’t cou n t ; it ’s ju st for look in g
r ou n d a n d fin din g ou t t h in g s. Odet t e, h e u n der st a n ds
a ll r ig h t , h e’s t o join u s t o-m or r ow a t t h e Ch â t elet .
Per h a ps y ou m ig h t ca ll for h im a n d br in g h im .” “ No, h e
doesn ’t w a n t t h a t .”
“ Oh , v er y w ell; ju st a s y ou lik e. Pr ov ided h e doesn ’t
fa il u s a t t h e la st m om en t .”
Gr ea t ly t o Mm e. V er du r in ’s su r pr ise, h e n ev er
fa iled t h em . He w ou ld g o t o m eet t h em , n o m a t t er
w h er e, a t r est a u r a n t s ou t side Pa r is (n ot t h a t t h ey w en t
t h er e m u ch a t fir st , for t h e sea son h a d n ot y et beg u n ),
a n d m or e fr equ en t ly a t t h e pla y , in w h ich Mm e.
V er du r in delig h t ed. On e ev en in g , w h en t h ey w er e
din in g a t h om e, h e h ea r d h er com pla in t h a t sh e h a d n ot
on e of t h ose per m it s w h ich w ou ld sa v e h er t h e t r ou ble of
w a it in g a t door s a n d st a n din g in cr ow ds, a n d sa y h ow
u sefu l it w ou ld be t o t h em a t fir st -n ig h t s, a n d g a la
per for m a n ces a t t h e Oper a , a n d w h a t a n u isa n ce it h a d
been , n ot h a v in g on e, on t h e da y of Ga m bet t a ’s fu n er a l.
Sw a n n n ev er spok e of h is dist in g u ish ed fr ien ds, bu t
on ly of su ch a s m ig h t be r eg a r ded a s det r im en t a l,
w h om , t h er efor e, h e t h ou g h t it sn obbish , a n d in n ot
v er y g ood t a st e t o con cea l; w h ile h e fr equ en t ed t h e
Fa u bou r g Sa in t -Ger m a in h e h a d com e t o in clu de, in t h e
la t t er cla ss, a ll h is fr ien ds in t h e officia l w or ld of t h e
T h ir d Repu blic, a n d so br ok e in , w it h ou t t h in k in g : “ I’ll
see t o t h a t , a ll r ig h t . Y ou sh a ll h a v e it in t im e for t h e
Danicheff r ev iv a l. I sh a ll be lu n ch in g w it h t h e Pr efect of
Police t o-m or r ow , a s it h a ppen s, a t t h e Ely sée.”
“ W h a t ’s t h a t ? T h e Ely sée?” Dr . Cot t a r d r oa r ed in a
v oice of t h u n der .
“ Y es, a t M. Gr év y ’s,” r eplied Sw a n n , feelin g a lit t le
a w k w a r d a t t h e effect w h ich h is a n n ou n cem en t h a d
pr odu ced.
“ A r e y ou oft en t a k en lik e t h a t ?” t h e pa in t er a sk ed
Cot t a r d, w it h m ock -ser iou sn ess.
A s a r u le, on ce a n ex pla n a t ion h a d been g iv en ,
Cot t a r d w ou ld sa y : “ A h , g ood, g ood; t h a t ’s a ll r ig h t ,
t h en ,” a ft er w h ich h e w ou ld sh ew n ot t h e lea st t r a ce of
em ot ion . Bu t t h is t im e Sw a n n ’s la st w or ds, in st ea d of
t h e u su a l ca lm in g effect , h a d t h a t of h ea t in g , in st a n t ly ,
t o boilin g -poin t h is a st on ish m en t a t t h e discov er y t h a t
a m a n w it h w h om h e h im self w a s a ct u a lly sit t in g a t
t a ble, a m a n w h o h a d n o officia l posit ion , n o h on ou r s or
dist in ct ion of a n y sor t , w a s on v isit in g t er m s w it h t h e
Hea d of t h e St a t e.
“ W h a t ’s t h a t y ou sa y ? M. Gr év y ? Do y ou k n ow M.
Gr év y ?” h e dem a n ded of Sw a n n , in t h e st u pid a n d
in cr edu lou s t on e of a con st a ble on du t y a t t h e pa la ce,
w h en a st r a n g er h a s com e u p a n d a sk ed t o see t h e
Pr esiden t of t h e Repu blic; u n t il, g u essin g fr om h is w or ds
a n d m a n n er w h a t , a s t h e n ew spa per s sa y , ‘it is a ca se
of,’ h e a ssu r es t h e poor lu n a t ic t h a t h e w ill be a dm it t ed
a t on ce, a n d poin t s t h e w a y t o t h e r ecept ion w a r d of t h e
police in fir m a r y .
“ I k n ow h im slig h t ly ; w e h a v e som e fr ien ds in
com m on ” (Sw a n n da r ed n ot a dd t h a t on e of t h ese
fr ien ds w a s t h e Pr in ce of W a les). “ A n y h ow , h e is v er y
fr ee w it h h is in v it a t ion s, a n d, I a ssu r e y ou , h is
lu n ch eon -pa r t ies a r e n ot t h e lea st bit a m u sin g ; t h ey ’r e
v er y sim ple a ffa ir s, t oo, y ou k n ow ; n ev er m or e t h a n
eig h t a t t a ble,” h e w en t on , t r y in g desper a t ely t o cu t
ou t ev er y t h in g t h a t seem ed t o sh ew off h is r ela t ion s
w it h t h e Pr esiden t in a lig h t t oo da zzlin g for t h e Doct or ’s
ey es.
W h er eu pon Cot t a r d, a t on ce con for m in g in h is m in d
t o t h e lit er a l in t er pr et a t ion of w h a t Sw a n n w a s sa y in g ,
decided t h a t in v it a t ion s fr om M. Gr év y w er e v er y lit t le
sou g h t a ft er , w er e sen t ou t , in fa ct , in t o t h e h ig h w a y s
a n d h edg e-r ow s. A n d fr om t h a t m om en t h e n ev er
seem ed a t a ll su r pr ised t o h ea r t h a t Sw a n n , or a n y on e
else, w a s ‘a lw a y s a t t h e Ely sée’; h e ev en felt a lit t le
sor r y for a m a n w h o h a d t o g o t o lu n ch eon -pa r t ies
w h ich , h e h im self a dm it t ed, w er e a bor e.
“ A h , g ood, g ood; t h a t ’s qu it e a ll r ig h t t h en ,” h e sa id,
in t h e t on e of a cu st om s officia l w h o h a s been su spiciou s
u p t o n ow , bu t , a ft er h ea r in g y ou r ex pla n a t ion s, st a m ps
y ou r pa sspor t a n d let s y ou pr oceed on y ou r jou r n ey
w it h ou t t r ou blin g t o ex a m in e y ou r lu g g a g e.
“ I ca n w ell believ e y ou don ’t fin d t h em a m u sin g ,
t h ose pa r t ies; in deed, it ’s v er y g ood of y ou t o g o t o
t h em !” sa id Mm e. V er du r in , w h o r eg a r ded t h e
Pr esiden t of t h e Repu blic on ly a s a ‘bor e’ t o be especia lly
dr ea ded, sin ce h e h a d a t h is disposa l m ea n s of sedu ct ion ,
a n d ev en of com pu lsion , w h ich , if em ploy ed t o
ca pt iv a t e h er ‘fa it h fu l,’ m ig h t ea sily m a k e t h em ‘fa il.’
“ It seem s, h e’s a s dea f a s a post ; a n d ea t s w it h h is
fin g er s.”
“ Upon m y w or d! T h en it ca n ’t be m u ch fu n for y ou ,
g oin g t h er e.” A n ot e of pit y sou n ded in t h e Doct or ’s
v oice; a n d t h en st r u ck by t h e n u m ber — on ly eig h t a t
t a ble — “ A r e t h ese lu n ch eon s w h a t y ou w ou ld descr ibe
a s ‘in t im a t e’?” h e in qu ir ed br isk ly , n ot so m u ch ou t of
idle cu r iosit y a s in h is lin g u ist ic zea l.
Bu t so g r ea t a n d g lor iou s a fig u r e w a s t h e Pr esiden t
of t h e Fr en ch Repu blic in t h e ey es of Dr . Cot t a r d t h a t
n eit h er t h e m odest y of Sw a n n n or t h e spit e of Mm e.
V er du r in cou ld ev er w h olly effa ce t h a t fir st im pr ession ,
a n d h e n ev er sa t dow n t o din n er w it h t h e V er du r in s
w it h ou t a sk in g a n x iou sly , “ D’y ou t h in k w e sh a ll see M.
Sw a n n h er e t h is ev en in g ? He is a per son a l fr ien d of M.
Gr év y ’s. I su ppose t h a t m ea n s h e’s w h a t y ou ’d ca ll a
‘g en t lem a n ’?” He ev en w en t t o t h e len g t h of offer in g
Sw a n n a ca r d of in v it a t ion t o t h e Den t a l Ex h ibit ion .
“ T h is w ill let y ou in , a n d a n y on e y ou t a k e w it h
y ou ,” h e ex pla in ed, “ bu t dog s a r e n ot a dm it t ed. I’m ju st
w a r n in g y ou , y ou u n der st a n d, beca u se som e fr ien ds of
m in e w en t t h er e on ce, w h o h a dn ’t been t old, a n d t h er e
w a s t h e dev il t o pa y .”
A s for M. V er du r in , h e did n ot fa il t o obser v e t h e
dist r essin g effect u pon h is w ife of t h e discov er y t h a t
Sw a n n h a d in flu en t ia l fr ien ds of w h om h e h a d n ev er
spok en .
If n o a r r a n g em en t h a d been m a de t o ‘g o a n y w h er e,’
it w a s a t t h e V er du r in s’ t h a t Sw a n n w ou ld fin d t h e
‘lit t le n u cleu s’ a ssem bled, bu t h e n ev er a ppea r ed t h er e
ex cept in t h e ev en in g s, a n d w ou ld h a r dly ev er a ccept
t h eir in v it a t ion s t o din n er , in spit e of Odet t e’s
en t r ea t ies.
“ I cou ld din e w it h y ou a lon e som ew h er e, if y ou ’d
r a t h er ,” sh e su g g est ed.
“ Bu t w h a t a bou t Mm e. V er du r in ?”
“ Oh , t h a t ’s qu it e sim ple. I n eed on ly sa y t h a t m y
dr ess w a sn ’t r ea dy , or t h a t m y ca b ca m e la t e. T h er e is
a lw a y s som e ex cu se.”
“ How ch a r m in g of y ou .”
Bu t Sw a n n sa id t o h im self t h a t , if h e cou ld m a k e
Odet t e feel (by con sen t in g t o m eet h er on ly a ft er
din n er ) t h a t t h er e w er e ot h er plea su r es w h ich h e
pr efer r ed t o t h a t of h er com pa n y , t h en t h e desir e t h a t
sh e felt for h is w ou ld be a ll t h e lon g er in r ea ch in g t h e
poin t of sa t iet y . Besides, a s h e in fin it ely pr efer r ed t o
Odet t e’s st y le of bea u t y t h a t of a lit t le w or k in g g ir l, a s
fr esh a n d plu m p a s a r ose, w it h w h om h e h a ppen ed t o
be sim u lt a n eou sly in lov e, h e pr efer r ed t o spen d t h e
fir st pa r t of t h e ev en in g w it h h er , k n ow in g t h a t h e w a s
su r e t o see Odet t e la t er on . For t h e sa m e r ea son , h e
w ou ld n ev er a llow Odet t e t o ca ll for h im a t h is h ou se, t o
t a k e h im on t o t h e V er du r in s’. T h e lit t le g ir l u sed t o
w a it , n ot fa r fr om h is door , a t a st r eet cor n er ; Rém i, h is
coa ch m a n , k n ew w h er e t o st op; sh e w ou ld ju m p in
beside h im , a n d h old h im in h er a r m s u n t il t h e ca r r ia g e
dr ew u p a t t h e V er du r in s’. He w ou ld en t er t h e dr a w in g -
r oom ; a n d t h er e, w h ile Mm e. V er du r in , poin t in g t o t h e
r oses w h ich h e h a d sen t h er t h a t m or n in g , sa id: “ I a m
fu r iou s w it h y ou !” a n d sen t h im t o t h e pla ce k ept for
h im , by t h e side of Odet t e, t h e pia n ist w ou ld pla y t o
t h em — for t h eir t w o selv es, a n d for n o on e else — t h a t
lit t le ph r a se by V in t eu il w h ich w a s, so t o spea k , t h e
n a t ion a l a n t h em of t h eir lov e. He beg a n , a lw a y s, w it h a
su st a in ed t r em olo fr om t h e v iolin pa r t , w h ich , for
sev er a l ba r s, w a s u n a ccom pa n ied, a n d filled a ll t h e
for eg r ou n d; u n t il su dden ly it seem ed t o be dr a w n a side,
a n d — ju st a s in t h ose in t er ior s by Piet er de Hooch ,
w h er e t h e su bject is set ba ck a lon g w a y t h r ou g h t h e
n a r r ow fr a m ew or k of a h a lf-open ed door — in fin it ely
r em ot e, in colou r qu it e differ en t , v elv et y w it h t h e
r a dia n ce of som e in t er v en in g lig h t , t h e lit t le ph r a se
a ppea r ed, da n cin g , pa st or a l, in t er pola t ed, episodic,
belon g in g t o a n ot h er w or ld. It pa ssed, w it h sim ple a n d
im m or t a l m ov em en t s, sca t t er in g on ev er y side t h e
bou n t ies of it s g r a ce, sm ilin g in effa bly st ill; bu t Sw a n n
t h ou g h t t h a t h e cou ld n ow discer n in it som e
disen ch a n t m en t . It seem ed t o be a w a r e h ow v a in , h ow
h ollow w a s t h e h a ppin ess t o w h ich it sh ew ed t h e w a y .
In it s a ir y g r a ce t h er e w a s, in deed, som et h in g defin it ely
a ch iev ed, a n d com plet e in it self, lik e t h e m ood of
ph ilosoph ic det a ch m en t w h ich follow s a n ou t bu r st of
v a in r eg r et . Bu t lit t le did t h a t m a t t er t o h im ; h e look ed
u pon t h e son a t a less in it s ow n lig h t — a s w h a t it m ig h t
ex pr ess, h a d, in fa ct , ex pr essed t o a cer t a in m u sicia n ,
ig n or a n t t h a t a n y Sw a n n or Odet t e, a n y w h er e in t h e
w or ld, ex ist ed, w h en h e com posed it , a n d w ou ld ex pr ess
t o a ll t h ose w h o sh ou ld h ea r it pla y ed in cen t u r ies t o
com e — t h a n a s a pledg e, a t ok en of h is lov e, w h ich
m a de ev en t h e V er du r in s a n d t h eir lit t le pia n ist t h in k
of Odet t e a n d, a t t h e sa m e t im e, of h im self — w h ich
bou n d h er t o h im by a la st in g t ie; a n d a t t h a t poin t h e
h a d (w h im sica lly en t r ea t ed by Odet t e) a ba n don ed t h e
idea of g et t in g som e ‘pr ofession a l’ t o pla y ov er t o h im
t h e w h ole son a t a , of w h ich h e st ill k n ew n o m or e t h a n
t h is on e pa ssa g e. “ W h y do y ou w a n t t h e r est ?” sh e h a d
a sk ed h im . “ Ou r lit t le bit ; t h a t ’s a ll w e n eed.” He w en t
fa r t h er ; a g on ised by t h e r eflect ion , a t t h e m om en t
w h en it pa ssed by h im , so n ea r a n d y et so in fin it ely
r em ot e, t h a t , w h ile it w a s a ddr essed t o t h eir ea r s, it
k n ew t h em n ot , h e w ou ld r eg r et , a lm ost , t h a t it h a d a
m ea n in g of it s ow n , a n in t r in sic a n d u n a lt er a ble
bea u t y , for eig n t o t h em selv es, ju st a s in t h e jew els
g iv en t o u s, or ev en in t h e let t er s w r it t en t o u s by a
w om a n w it h w h om w e a r e in lov e, w e fin d fa u lt w it h
t h e ‘w a t er ’ of a st on e, or w it h t h e w or ds of a sen t en ce
beca u se t h ey a r e n ot fa sh ion ed ex clu siv ely fr om t h e
spir it of a fleet in g in t im a cy a n d of a ‘la ss u n pa r a lleled.’
It w ou ld h a ppen , a s oft en a s n ot , t h a t h e h a d st a y ed
so lon g ou t side, w it h h is lit t le g ir l, befor e g oin g t o t h e
V er du r in s’ t h a t , a s soon a s t h e lit t le ph r a se h a d been
r en der ed by t h e pia n ist , Sw a n n w ou ld discov er t h a t it
w a s a lm ost t im e for Odet t e t o g o h om e. He u sed t o t a k e
h er ba ck a s fa r a s t h e door of h er lit t le h ou se in t h e Ru e
La Pér ou se, beh in d t h e A r c de T r iom ph e. A n d it w a s
per h a ps on t h is a ccou n t , a n d so a s n ot t o dem a n d t h e
m on opoly of h er fa v ou r s, t h a t h e sa cr ificed t h e plea su r e
(n ot so essen t ia l t o h is w ell-bein g ) of seein g h er ea r lier
in t h e ev en in g , of a r r iv in g w it h h er a t t h e V er du r in s’,
t o t h e ex er cise of t h is ot h er pr iv ileg e, for w h ich sh e w a s
g r a t efu l, of t h eir lea v in g t og et h er ; a pr iv ileg e w h ich h e
v a lu ed a ll t h e m or e beca u se, t h a n k s t o it , h e h a d t h e
feelin g t h a t n o on e else w ou ld see h er , n o on e w ou ld
t h r u st h im self bet w een t h em , n o on e cou ld pr ev en t h im
fr om r em a in in g w it h h er in spir it , a ft er h e h a d left h er
for t h e n ig h t .
A n d so, n ig h t a ft er n ig h t , sh e w ou ld be t a k en h om e
in Sw a n n ’s ca r r ia g e; a n d on e n ig h t , a ft er sh e h a d g ot
dow n , a n d w h ile h e st ood a t t h e g a t e a n d m u r m u r ed
“ T ill t o-m or r ow , t h en !” sh e t u r n ed im pu lsiv ely fr om
h im , plu ck ed a la st lin g er in g ch r y sa n t h em u m in t h e
t in y g a r den w h ich fla n k ed t h e pa t h w a y fr om t h e st r eet
t o h er h ou se, a n d a s h e w en t ba ck t o h is ca r r ia g e t h r u st
it in t o h is h a n d. He h eld it pr essed t o h is lips du r in g t h e
dr iv e h om e, a n d w h en , in du e cou r se, t h e flow er
w it h er ed, lock ed it a w a y , lik e som et h in g v er y pr eciou s,
in a secr et dr a w er of h is desk .
He w ou ld escor t h er t o h er g a t e, bu t n o fa r t h er .
T w ice on ly h a d h e g on e in side t o t a k e pa r t in t h e
cer em on y — of su ch v it a l im por t a n ce in h er life — of
‘a ft er n oon t ea .’ T h e lon elin ess a n d em pt in ess of t h ose
sh or t st r eet s (con sist in g , a lm ost en t ir ely , of low -r oofed
h ou ses, self-con t a in ed bu t n ot det a ch ed, t h eir m on ot on y
in t er r u pt ed h er e a n d t h er e by t h e da r k in t r u sion of
som e sin ist er lit t le sh op, a t on ce a n h ist or ica l docu m en t
a n d a sor did su r v iv a l fr om t h e da y s w h en t h e dist r ict
w a s st ill on e of ill r epu t e), t h e sn ow w h ich h a d la in on
t h e g a r den -beds or clu n g t o t h e br a n ch es of t h e t r ees,
t h e ca r eless disa r r a y of t h e sea son , t h e a sser t ion , in t h is
m a n -m a de cit y , of a st a t e of n a t u r e, h a d a ll com bin ed t o
a dd a n elem en t of m y st er y t o t h e w a r m t h , t h e flow er s,
t h e lu x u r y w h ich h e h a d fou n d in side.
Pa ssin g by (on h is left -h a n d side, a n d on w h a t ,
a lt h ou g h r a ised som e w a y a bov e t h e st r eet , w a s t h e
g r ou n d floor of t h e h ou se) Odet t e’s bedr oom , w h ich
look ed ou t t o t h e ba ck ov er a n ot h er lit t le st r eet r u n n in g
pa r a llel w it h h er ow n , h e h a d clim bed a st a ir ca se t h a t
w en t st r a ig h t u p bet w een da r k pa in t ed w a lls, fr om
w h ich h u n g Or ien t a l dr a per ies, st r in g s of T u r k ish
bea ds, a n d a h u g e Ja pa n ese la n t er n , su spen ded by a
silk en cor d fr om t h e ceilin g (w h ich la st , h ow ev er , so
t h a t h er v isit or s sh ou ld n ot h a v e t o com pla in of t h e
w a n t of a n y of t h e la t est com for t s of W est er n
civ ilisa t ion , w a s lig h t ed by a g a s-jet in side), t o t h e t w o
dr a w in g -r oom s, la r g e a n d sm a ll. T h ese w er e en t er ed
t h r ou g h a n a r r ow lobby , t h e w a ll of w h ich , ch equ er ed
w it h t h e lozen g es of a w ooden t r ellis su ch a s y ou see on
g a r den w a lls, on ly g ilded, w a s lin ed fr om en d t o en d by
a lon g r ect a n g u la r box in w h ich bloom ed, a s t h ou g h in
a h ot h ou se, a r ow of la r g e ch r y sa n t h em u m s, a t t h a t
t im e st ill u n com m on , t h ou g h by n o m ea n s so la r g e a s
t h e m a m m ot h blossom s w h ich h or t icu lt u r ist s h a v e
sin ce su cceeded in m a k in g g r ow . Sw a n n w a s ir r it a t ed,
a s a r u le, by t h e sig h t of t h ese flow er s, w h ich h a d t h en
been ‘t h e r a g e’ in Pa r is for a bou t a y ea r , bu t it h a d
plea sed h im , on t h is occa sion , t o see t h e g loom of t h e
lit t le lobby sh ot w it h r a y s of pin k a n d g old a n d w h it e by
t h e fr a g r a n t pet a ls of t h ese eph em er a l st a r s, w h ich
k in dle t h eir cold fir es in t h e m u r k y a t m osph er e of
w in t er a ft er n oon s. Odet t e h a d r eceiv ed h im in a t ea -
g ow n of pin k silk , w h ich left h er n eck a n d a r m s ba r e.
Sh e h a d m a de h im sit dow n beside h er in on e of t h e
m a n y m y st er iou s lit t le r et r ea t s w h ich h a d been
con t r iv ed in t h e v a r iou s r ecesses of t h e r oom , sh elt er ed
by en or m ou s pa lm t r ees g r ow in g ou t of pot s of Ch in ese
por cela in , or by scr een s u pon w h ich w er e fa st en ed
ph ot og r a ph s a n d fa n s a n d bow s of r ibbon . Sh e h a d sa id
a t on ce, “ Y ou ’r e n ot com for t a ble t h er e; w a it a m in u t e,
I’ll a r r a n g e t h in g s for y ou ,” a n d w it h a t it t er of
la u g h t er , t h e com pla cen cy of w h ich im plied t h a t som e
lit t le in v en t ion of h er ow n w a s bein g br ou g h t in t o pla y ,
sh e h a d in st a lled beh in d h is h ea d a n d ben ea t h h is feet
g r ea t cu sh ion s of Ja pa n ese silk , w h ich sh e pu m m elled
a n d bu ffet ed a s t h ou g h det er m in ed t o la v ish on h im a ll
h er r ich es, a n d r eg a r dless of t h eir v a lu e. Bu t w h en h er
foot m a n beg a n t o com e in t o t h e r oom , br in g in g , on e
a ft er a n ot h er , t h e in n u m er a ble la m ps w h ich
(con t a in ed, m ost ly , in por cela in v a ses) bu r n ed sin g ly or
in pa ir s u pon t h e differ en t pieces of fu r n it u r e a s u pon so
m a n y a lt a r s, r ek in dlin g in t h e t w ilig h t , a lr ea dy a lm ost
n oct u r n a l, of t h is w in t er a ft er n oon , t h e g low of a su n set
m or e la st in g , m or e r osea t e, m or e h u m a n — fillin g ,
per h a ps, w it h r om a n t ic w on der t h e t h ou g h t s of som e
solit a r y lov er , w a n der in g in t h e st r eet below a n d
br ou g h t t o a st a n dst ill befor e t h e m y st er y of t h e h u m a n
pr esen ce w h ich t h ose lig h t ed w in dow s a t on ce r ev ea led
a n d scr een ed fr om sig h t — sh e h a d k ept a n ey e sh a r ply
fix ed on t h e ser v a n t , t o see w h et h er h e set ea ch of t h e
la m ps dow n in t h e pla ce a ppoin t ed it . Sh e felt t h a t , if h e
w er e t o pu t ev en on e of t h em w h er e it ou g h t n ot t o be,
t h e g en er a l effect of h er dr a w in g -r oom w ou ld be
dest r oy ed, a n d t h a t h er por t r a it , w h ich r est ed u pon a
slopin g ea sel dr a ped w it h plu sh , w ou ld n ot ca t ch t h e
lig h t . A n d so, w it h fev er ish im pa t ien ce, sh e follow ed t h e
m a n ’s clu m sy m ov em en t s, scoldin g h im sev er ely w h en
h e pa ssed t oo close t o a pa ir of bea u pot s, w h ich sh e m a de
a poin t of a lw a y s t idy in g h er self, in ca se t h e pla n t s
sh ou ld be k n ock ed ov er — a n d w en t a cr oss t o t h em n ow
t o m a k e su r e t h a t h e h a d n ot br ok en off a n y of t h e
flow er s. Sh e fou n d som et h in g ‘qu a in t ’ in t h e sh a pe of
ea ch of h er Ch in ese or n a m en t s, a n d a lso in h er or ch ids,
th e ca t t ley a s especia lly (t h ese bein g , w it h
ch r y sa n t h em u m s, h er fa v ou r it e flow er s), beca u se t h ey
h a d t h e su pr em e m er it of n ot look in g in t h e lea st lik e
ot h er flow er s, bu t of bein g m a de, a ppa r en t ly , ou t of
scr a ps of silk or sa t in . “ It look s ju st a s t h ou g h it h a d
been cu t ou t of t h e lin in g of m y cloa k ,” sh e sa id t o
Sw a n n , poin t in g t o a n or ch id, w it h a sh a de of r espect in
h er v oice for so ‘sm a r t ’ a flow er , for t h is dist in g u ish ed,
u n ex pect ed sist er w h om n a t u r e h a d su dden ly best ow ed
u pon h er , so fa r r em ov ed fr om h er in t h e sca le of
ex ist en ce, a n d y et so delica t e, so r efin ed, so m u ch m or e
w or t h y t h a n m a n y r ea l w om en of a dm ission t o h er
dr a w in g -r oom . A s sh e dr ew h is a t t en t ion , n ow t o t h e
fier y -t on g u ed dr a g on s pa in t ed u pon a bow l or st it ch ed
u pon a fir e-scr een , n ow t o a flesh y clu st er of or ch ids,
n ow t o a dr om eda r y of in la id silv er -w or k w it h r u by
ey es, w h ich k ept com pa n y , u pon h er m a n t elpiece, w it h
a t oa d ca r v ed in ja de, sh e w ou ld pr et en d n ow t o be
sh r in k in g fr om t h e fer ocit y of t h e m on st er s or la u g h in g
a t t h eir a bsu r dit y , n ow blu sh in g a t t h e in decen cy of t h e
flow er s, n ow ca r r ied a w a y by a n ir r esist ible desir e t o
r u n a cr oss a n d k iss t h e t oa d a n d dr om eda r y , ca llin g
t h em ‘da r lin g s.’ A n d t h ese a ffect a t ion s w er e in sh a r p
con t r a st t o t h e sin cer it y of som e of h er a t t it u des,
n ot a bly h er dev ot ion t o Ou r La dy of t h e La g h et t o w h o
h a d on ce, w h en Odet t e w a s liv in g a t Nice, cu r ed h er of a
m or t a l illn ess, a n d w h ose m eda l, in g old, sh e a lw a y s
ca r r ied on h er per son , a t t r ibu t in g t o it u n lim it ed
pow er s. Sh e pou r ed ou t Sw a n n ’s t ea , in qu ir ed “ Lem on
or cr ea m ?” a n d, on h is a n sw er in g “ Cr ea m , plea se,”
w en t on , sm ilin g , “ A clou d!” A n d a s h e pr on ou n ced it
ex cellen t , “ Y ou see, I k n ow ju st h ow y ou lik e it .” T h is
t ea h a d in deed seem ed t o Sw a n n , ju st a s it seem ed t o
h er , som et h in g pr eciou s, a n d lov e is so fa r oblig ed t o
fin d som e ju st ifica t ion for it self, som e g u a r a n t ee of it s
du r a t ion in plea su r es w h ich , on t h e con t r a r y , w ou ld
h a v e n o ex ist en ce a pa r t fr om lov e a n d m u st cea se w it h
it s pa ssin g , t h a t w h en h e left h er , a t sev en o’clock , t o g o
a n d dr ess for t h e ev en in g , a ll t h e w a y h om e, sit t in g bolt
u pr ig h t in h is br ou g h a m , u n a ble t o r epr ess t h e
h a ppin ess w it h w h ich t h e a ft er n oon ’s a dv en t u r e h a d
filled h im , h e k ept on r epea t in g t o h im self: “ W h a t fu n it
w ou ld be t o h a v e a lit t le w om a n lik e t h a t in a pla ce
w h er e on e cou ld a lw a y s be cer t a in of fin din g , w h a t on e
n ev er ca n be cer t a in of fin din g , a r ea lly g ood cu p of
t ea .” A n h ou r or so la t er h e r eceiv ed a n ot e fr om Odet t e,
a n d a t on ce r ecog n ised t h a t flor id h a n dw r it in g , in
w h ich a n a ffect a t ion of Br it ish st iffn ess im posed a n
a ppa r en t disciplin e u pon it s sh a peless ch a r a ct er s,
sig n ifica n t , per h a ps, t o less in t im a t e ey es t h a n h is, of
a n u n t idin ess of m in d, a fr a g m en t a r y edu ca t ion , a
w a n t of sin cer it y a n d decision . Sw a n n h a d left h is
cig a r et t e-ca se a t h er h ou se. “ W h y ,” sh e w r ot e, “ did y ou
n ot for g et y ou r h ea r t a lso? I sh ou ld n ev er h a v e let y ou
h a v e t h a t ba ck .”
 Mor e im por t a n t , per h a ps, w a s a secon d v isit w h ich
h e pa id h er , a lit t le la t er . On h is w a y t o t h e h ou se, a s
a lw a y s w h en h e k n ew t h a t t h ey w er e t o m eet , h e
for m ed a pict u r e of h er in h is m in d; a n d t h e n ecessit y , if
h e w a s t o fin d a n y bea u t y in h er fa ce, of fix in g h is ey es
on t h e fr esh a n d r osy pr ot u ber a n ce of h er ch eek bon es,
a n d of sh u t t in g ou t a ll t h e r est of t h ose ch eek s w h ich
w er e so oft en la n g u or ou s a n d sa llow , ex cept w h en t h ey
w er e pu n ct u a t ed w it h lit t le fier y spot s, plu n g ed h im in
a cu t e depr ession , a s pr ov in g t h a t on e’s idea l is a lw a y s
u n a t t a in a ble, a n d on e’s a ct u a l h a ppin ess m ediocr e. He
w a s t a k in g h er a n en g r a v in g w h ich sh e h a d a sk ed t o
see. Sh e w a s n ot v er y w ell; sh e r eceiv ed h im , w ea r in g a
w r a pper of m a u v e crêpe de Chine, w h ich dr a ped h er
bosom , lik e a m a n t le, w it h a r ich ly em br oider ed w eb.
A s sh e st ood t h er e beside h im , br u sh in g h is ch eek w it h
t h e loosen ed t r esses of h er h a ir , ben din g on e k n ee in
w h a t w a s a lm ost a da n cer ’s pose, so t h a t sh e cou ld lea n
w it h ou t t ir in g h er self ov er t h e pict u r e, a t w h ich sh e
w a s g a zin g , w it h ben ded h ea d, ou t of t h ose g r ea t ey es,
w h ich seem ed so w ea r y a n d so su llen w h en t h er e w a s
n ot h in g t o a n im a t e h er , Sw a n n w a s st r u ck by h er
r esem bla n ce t o t h e fig u r e of Zippor a h , Jet h r o’s
Da u g h t er , w h ich is t o be seen in on e of t h e Six t in e
fr escoes. He h a d a lw a y s fou n d a pecu lia r fa scin a t ion in
t r a cin g in t h e pa in t in g s of t h e Old Ma st er s, n ot m er ely
t h e g en er a l ch a r a ct er ist ics of t h e people w h om h e
en cou n t er ed in h is da ily life, bu t r a t h er w h a t seem s
lea st su scept ible of g en er a lisa t ion , t h e in div idu a l
fea t u r es of m en a n d w om en w h om h e k n ew , a s, for
in st a n ce, in a bu st of t h e Dog e Lor eda n by A n t on io Rizzo,
t h e pr om in en t ch eek bon es, t h e sla n t in g ey ebr ow s, in
sh or t , a spea k in g lik en ess t o h is ow n coa ch m a n Rém i; in
t h e colou r in g of a Gh ir la n da io, t h e n ose of M. de
Pa la n cy ; in a por t r a it by T in t or et t o, t h e in v a sion of t h e
plu m pn ess of t h e ch eek by a n ou t cr op of w h isk er , t h e
br ok en n ose, t h e pen et r a t in g st a r e, t h e sw ollen ey elids
of Dr . du Bou lbon . Per h a ps beca u se h e h a d a lw a y s
r eg r et t ed, in h is h ea r t , t h a t h e h a d con fin ed h is
a t t en t ion t o t h e socia l side of life, h a d t a lk ed, a lw a y s,
r a t h er t h a n a ct ed, h e felt t h a t h e m ig h t fin d a sor t of
in du lg en ce best ow ed u pon h im by t h ose g r ea t a r t ist s, in
h is per cept ion of t h e fa ct t h a t t h ey a lso h a d r eg a r ded
w it h plea su r e a n d h a d a dm it t ed in t o t h e ca n on of t h eir
w or k s su ch t y pes of ph y siog n om y a s g iv e t h ose w or k s
t h e st r on g est possible cer t ifica t e of r ea lit y a n d t r u en ess
t o life; a m oder n , a lm ost a t opica l sa v ou r ; per h a ps, a lso,
h e h a d so fa r su ccu m bed t o t h e pr ev a ilin g fr iv olit y of
t h e w or ld of fa sh ion t h a t h e felt t h e n ecessit y of fin din g
in a n old m a st er piece som e su ch obv iou s a n d r efr esh in g
a llu sion t o a per son a bou t w h om jok es cou ld be m a de
a n d r epea t ed a n d en joy ed t o-da y . Per h a ps, on t h e ot h er
h a n d, h e h a d r et a in ed en ou g h of t h e a r t ist ic
t em per a m en t t o be a ble t o fin d a g en u in e sa t isfa ct ion in
w a t ch in g t h ese in div idu a l fea t u r es t a k e on a m or e
g en er a l sig n ifica n ce w h en h e sa w t h em , u pr oot ed a n d
disem bodied, in t h e a bst r a ct idea of sim ila r it y bet w een
a n h ist or ic por t r a it a n d a m oder n or ig in a l, w h om it w a s
n ot in t en ded t o r epr esen t . How ev er t h a t m ig h t be, a n d
per h a ps beca u se t h e a bu n da n ce of im pr ession s w h ich
h e, for som e t im e pa st , h a d been r eceiv in g — t h ou g h ,
in deed, t h ey h a d com e t o h im r a t h er t h r ou g h t h e
ch a n n el of h is a ppr ecia t ion of m u sic — h a d en r ich ed h is
a ppet it e for pa in t in g a s w ell, it w a s w it h a n u n u su a l
in t en sit y of plea su r e, a plea su r e dest in ed t o h a v e a
la st in g effect u pon h is ch a r a ct er a n d con du ct , t h a t
Sw a n n r em a r k ed Odet t e’s r esem bla n ce t o t h e Zippor a h
of t h a t A lessa n dr o de Ma r ia n o, t o w h om on e sh r in k s
fr om g iv in g h is m or e popu la r su r n a m e, n ow t h a t
‘Bot t icelli’ su g g est s n ot so m u ch t h e a ct u a l w or k of t h e
Ma st er a s t h a t fa lse a n d ba n a l con cept ion of it w h ich
h a s of la t e obt a in ed com m on cu r r en cy . He n o lon g er
ba sed h is est im a t e of t h e m er it of Odet t e’s fa ce on t h e
m or e or less g ood qu a lit y of h er ch eek s, a n d t h e soft n ess
a n d sw eet n ess — a s of ca r n a t ion -pet a ls — w h ich , h e
su pposed, w ou ld g r eet h is lips t h er e, sh ou ld h e ev er
h a za r d a n em br a ce, bu t r eg a r ded it r a t h er a s a sk ein of
su bt le a n d lov ely silk en t h r ea ds, w h ich h is g a zin g ey es
collect ed a n d w ou n d t og et h er , follow in g t h e cu r v in g
lin e fr om t h e sk ein t o t h e ba ll, w h er e h e m in g led t h e
ca den ce of h er n eck w it h t h e spr in g of h er h a ir a n d t h e
dr oop of h er ey elids, a s t h ou g h fr om a por t r a it of
h er self, in w h ich h er t y pe w a s m a de clea r ly in t ellig ible.
He st ood g a zin g a t h er ; t r a ces of t h e old fr esco w er e
a ppa r en t in h er fa ce a n d lim bs, a n d t h ese h e t r ied
in cessa n t ly , a ft er w a r ds, t o r eca pt u r e, bot h w h en h e
w a s w it h Odet t e, a n d w h en h e w a s on ly t h in k in g of h er
in h er a bsen ce; a n d, a lbeit h is a dm ir a t ion for t h e
Flor en t in e m a st er piece w a s pr oba bly ba sed u pon h is
discov er y t h a t it h a d been r epr odu ced in h er , t h e
sim ila r it y en h a n ced h er bea u t y a lso, a n d r en der ed h er
m or e pr eciou s in h is sig h t . Sw a n n r epr oa ch ed h im self
w it h h is fa ilu r e, h it h er t o, t o est im a t e a t h er t r u e w or t h
a cr ea t u r e w h om t h e g r ea t Sa n dr o w ou ld h a v e a dor ed,
a n d cou n t ed h im self for t u n a t e t h a t h is plea su r e in t h e
con t em pla t ion of Odet t e fou n d a ju st ifica t ion in h is ow n
sy st em of a est h et ic. He t old h im self t h a t , in ch oosin g
t h e t h ou g h t of Odet t e a s t h e in spir a t ion of h is dr ea m s of
idea l h a ppin ess, h e w a s n ot , a s h e h a d u n t il t h en
su pposed, fa llin g ba ck , m er ely , u pon a n ex pedien t of
dou bt fu l a n d cer t a in ly in a dequ a t e v a lu e, sin ce sh e
con t a in ed in h er self w h a t sa t isfied t h e u t m ost
r efin em en t of h is t a st e in a r t . He fa iled t o obser v e t h a t
t h is qu a lit y w ou ld n ot n a t u r a lly a v a il t o br in g Odet t e
in t o t h e ca t eg or y of w om en w h om h e fou n d desir a ble,
sim ply beca u se h is desir es h a d a lw a y s r u n cou n t er t o
h is a est h et ic t a st e. T h e w or ds ‘Flor en t in e pa in t in g ’ w er e
in v a lu a ble t o Sw a n n . T h ey en a bled h im (g a v e h im , a s
it w er e, a leg a l t it le) t o in t r odu ce t h e im a g e of Odet t e
in t o a w or ld of dr ea m s a n d fa n cies w h ich , u n t il t h en ,
sh e h a d been deba r r ed fr om en t er in g , a n d w h er e sh e
a ssu m ed a n ew a n d n obler for m . A n d w h er ea s t h e m er e
sig h t of h er in t h e flesh , by per pet u a lly r ev iv in g h is
m isg iv in g s a s t o t h e qu a lit y of h er fa ce, h er fig u r e, t h e
w h ole of h er bea u t y , u sed t o cool t h e a r dou r of h is lov e,
t h ose m isg iv in g s w er e sw ept a w a y a n d t h a t lov e
con fir m ed n ow t h a t h e cou ld r e-er ect h is est im a t e of h er
on t h e su r e fou n da t ion s of h is a est h et ic pr in ciples; w h ile
t h e k iss, t h e bodily su r r en der w h ich w ou ld h a v e seem ed
n a t u r a l a n d bu t m oder a t ely a t t r a ct iv e, h a d t h ey been
g r a n t ed h im by a cr ea t u r e of som ew h a t w it h er ed flesh
a n d slu g g ish blood, com in g , a s n ow t h ey ca m e, t o cr ow n
h is a dor a t ion of a m a st er piece in a g a ller y , m u st , it
seem ed, pr ov e a s ex qu isit e a s t h ey w ou ld be
su per n a t u r a l.
A n d w h en h e w a s t em pt ed t o r eg r et t h a t , for
m on t h s pa st , h e h a d don e n ot h in g bu t v isit Odet t e, h e
w ou ld a ssu r e h im self t h a t h e w a s n ot u n r ea son a ble in
g iv in g u p m u ch of h is t im e t o t h e st u dy of a n
in est im a bly pr eciou s w or k of a r t , ca st for on ce in a n ew ,
a differ en t , a n especia lly ch a r m in g m et a l, in a n
u n m a t ch ed ex em pla r w h ich h e w ou ld con t em pla t e a t
on e m om en t w it h t h e h u m ble, spir it u a l, disin t er est ed
m in d of a n a r t ist , a t a n ot h er w it h t h e pr ide, t h e
selfish n ess, t h e sen su a l t h r ill of a collect or .
On h is st u dy t a ble, a t w h ich h e w or k ed, h e h a d
pla ced, a s it w er e a ph ot og r a ph of Odet t e, a
r epr odu ct ion of Jet h r o’s Da u g h t er . He w ou ld g a ze in
a dm ir a t ion a t t h e la r g e ey es, t h e delica t e fea t u r es in
w h ich t h e im per fect ion of h er sk in m ig h t be su r m ised,
t h e m a r v ellou s lock s of h a ir t h a t fell a lon g h er t ir ed
ch eek s; a n d, a da pt in g w h a t h e h a d a lr ea dy felt t o be
bea u t ifu l, on a est h et ic g r ou n ds, t o t h e idea of a liv in g
w om a n , h e con v er t ed it in t o a ser ies of ph y sica l m er it s
w h ich h e con g r a t u la t ed h im self on fin din g a ssem bled in
t h e per son of on e w h om h e m ig h t , u lt im a t ely , possess.
T h e v a g u e feelin g of sy m pa t h y w h ich a t t r a ct s a
spect a t or t o a w or k of a r t , n ow t h a t h e k n ew t h e t y pe, in
w a r m flesh a n d blood, of Jet h r o’s Da u g h t er , beca m e a
desir e w h ich m or e t h a n com pen sa t ed, t h en cefor w a r d,
for t h a t w it h w h ich Odet t e’s ph y sica l ch a r m s h a d a t
fir st fa iled t o in spir e h im . W h en h e h a d sa t for a lon g
t im e g a zin g a t t h e Bot t icelli, h e w ou ld t h in k of h is ow n
liv in g Bot t icelli, w h o seem ed a ll t h e lov elier in con t r a st ,
a n d a s h e dr ew t ow a r ds h im t h e ph ot og r a ph of Zippor a h
h e w ou ld im a g in e t h a t h e w a s h oldin g Odet t e a g a in st
h is h ea r t .
It w a s n ot on ly Odet t e’s in differ en ce, h ow ev er , t h a t
h e m u st t a k e pa in s t o cir cu m v en t ; it w a s a lso, n ot
in fr equ en t ly , h is ow n ; feelin g t h a t , sin ce Odet t e h a d
h a d ev er y fa cilit y for seein g h im , sh e seem ed n o lon g er
t o h a v e v er y m u ch t o sa y t o h im w h en t h ey did m eet ,
h e w a s a fr a id lest t h e m a n n er — a t on ce t r iv ia l,
m on ot on ou s, a n d seem in g ly u n a lt er a ble — w h ich sh e
n ow a dopt ed w h en t h ey w er e t og et h er sh ou ld
u lt im a t ely dest r oy in h im t h a t r om a n t ic h ope, t h a t a
da y m ig h t com e w h en sh e w ou ld m a k e a v ow a l of h er
pa ssion , by w h ich h ope a lon e h e h a d becom e a n d w ou ld
r em a in h er lov er . A n d so t o a lt er , t o g iv e a fr esh m or a l
a spect t o t h a t Odet t e, of w h ose u n ch a n g in g m ood h e
w a s a fr a id of g r ow in g w ea r y , h e w r ot e, su dden ly , a
let t er fu ll of h in t ed discov er ies a n d feig n ed in dig n a t ion ,
w h ich h e sen t off so t h a t it sh ou ld r ea ch h er befor e
din n er -t im e. He k n ew t h a t sh e w ou ld be fr ig h t en ed,
a n d t h a t sh e w ou ld r eply , a n d h e h oped t h a t , w h en t h e
fea r of losin g h im clu t ch ed a t h er h ea r t , it w ou ld for ce
fr om h er w or ds su ch a s h e h a d n ev er y et h ea r d h er
u t t er : a n d h e w a s r ig h t — by r epea t in g t h is dev ice h e
h a d w on fr om h er t h e m ost a ffect ion a t e let t er s t h a t sh e
h a d, so fa r , w r it t en h im , on e of t h em (w h ich sh e h a d
sen t t o h im a t m idda y by a specia l m essen g er fr om t h e
Ma ison Dor ée — it w a s t h e da y of t h e Pa r is-Mu r cie Fêt e
g iv en for t h e v ict im s of t h e r ecen t floods in Mu r cia )
beg in n in g “ My dea r , m y h a n d t r em bles so t h a t I ca n
sca r cely w r it e —— ” ; a n d t h ese let t er s h e h a d k ept in t h e
sa m e dr a w er a s t h e w it h er ed ch r y sa n t h em u m . Or else,
if sh e h a d n ot h a d t im e t o w r it e, w h en h e a r r iv ed a t t h e
V er du r in s’ sh e w ou ld com e r u n n in g u p t o h im w it h a n
“ I’v e som et h in g t o sa y t o y ou !” a n d h e w ou ld g a ze
cu r iou sly a t t h e r ev ela t ion in h er fa ce a n d speech of
w h a t sh e h a d h it h er t o k ept con cea led fr om h im of h er
h ea r t .
Ev en a s h e dr ew n ea r t o t h e V er du r in s’ door , a n d
ca u g h t sig h t of t h e g r ea t la m p-lit spa ces of t h e dr a w in g -
r oom w in dow s, w h ose sh u t t er s w er e n ev er closed, h e
w ou ld beg in t o m elt a t t h e t h ou g h t of t h e ch a r m in g
cr ea t u r e w h om h e w ou ld see, a s h e en t er ed t h e r oom ,
ba sk in g in t h a t g olden lig h t . Her e a n d t h er e t h e fig u r es
of t h e g u est s st ood ou t , sh a r p a n d bla ck , bet w een la m p
a n d w in dow , sh u t t in g off t h e lig h t , lik e t h ose lit t le
pict u r es w h ich on e sees som et im es pa st ed h er e a n d
t h er e u pon a g la ss scr een , w h ose ot h er pa n es a r e m er e
t r a n spa r en cies. He w ou ld t r y t o m a k e ou t Odet t e. A n d
t h en , w h en h e w a s on ce in side, w it h ou t t h in k in g , h is
ey es spa r k led su dden ly w it h su ch r a dia n t h a ppin ess
t h a t M. V er du r in sa id t o t h e pa in t er : “ H’m . Seem s t o be
g et t in g w a r m .” In deed, h er pr esen ce g a v e t h e h ou se
w h a t n on e ot h er of t h e h ou ses t h a t h e v isit ed seem ed t o
possess: a sor t of t a ct u a l sen se, a n er v ou s sy st em w h ich
r a m ified in t o ea ch of it s r oom s a n d sen t a con st a n t
st im u lu s t o h is h ea r t .
A n d so t h e sim ple a n d r eg u la r m a n ifest a t ion s of a
socia l or g a n ism , n a m ely t h e ‘lit t le cla n ,’ w er e
t r a n sfor m ed for Sw a n n in t o a ser ies of da ily en cou n t er s
w it h Odet t e, a n d en a bled h im t o feig n in differ en ce t o
t h e pr ospect of seein g h er , or ev en a desir e n ot t o see
h er ; in doin g w h ich h e in cu r r ed n o v er y g r ea t r isk
sin ce, ev en a lt h ou g h h e h a d w r it t en t o h er du r in g t h e
da y , h e w ou ld of n ecessit y see h er in t h e ev en in g a n d
a ccom pa n y h er h om e.
Bu t on e ev en in g , w h en , ir r it a t ed by t h e t h ou g h t of
t h a t in ev it a ble da r k dr iv e t og et h er , h e h a d t a k en h is
ot h er ‘lit t le g ir l’ a ll t h e w a y t o t h e Bois, so a s t o dela y a s
lon g a s possible t h e m om en t of h is a ppea r a n ce a t t h e
V er du r in s’, h e w a s so la t e in r ea ch in g t h em t h a t
Odet t e, su pposin g t h a t h e did n ot in t en d t o com e, h a d
a lr ea dy left . Seein g t h e r oom ba r e of h er , Sw a n n felt h is
h ea r t w r u n g by su dden a n g u ish ; h e sh ook w it h t h e
sen se t h a t h e w a s bein g depr iv ed of a plea su r e w h ose
in t en sit y h e beg a n t h en for t h e fir st t im e t o est im a t e,
h a v in g a lw a y s, h it h er t o, h a d t h a t cer t a in t y of fin din g
it w h en ev er h e w ou ld, w h ich (a s in t h e ca se of a ll ou r
plea su r es) r edu ced, if it did n ot a lt og et h er blin d h im t o
it s dim en sion s.
 “ Did y ou n ot ice t h e fa ce h e pu lled w h en h e sa w t h a t
sh e w a sn ’t h er e?” M. V er du r in a sk ed h is w ife. “ I t h in k
w e m a y sa y t h a t h e’s h ook ed.”
“ T h e fa ce h e pu lled?” ex ploded Dr . Cot t a r d w h o,
h a v in g left t h e h ou se for a m om en t t o v isit a pa t ien t ,
h a d ju st r et u r n ed t o fet ch h is w ife a n d did n ot k n ow
w h om t h ey w er e discu ssin g .
“ D’y ou m ea n t o sa y y ou didn ’t m eet h im on t h e
door st ep — t h e lov eliest of Sw a n n s?”
“ No. M. Sw a n n h a s been h er e?”
“ Ju st for a m om en t . W e h a d a g lim pse of a Sw a n n
t r em en dou sly a g it a t ed. In a st a t e of n er v es. Y ou see,
Odet t e h a d left .”
“ Y ou m ea n t o sa y t h a t sh e h a s g on e t h e ‘w h ole h og ’
w it h h im ; t h a t sh e h a s ‘bu r n ed h er boa t s’?” in qu ir ed
t h e Doct or ca u t iou sly , t est in g t h e m ea n in g of h is
ph r a ses.
“ W h y , of cou r se n ot ; t h er e’s a bsolu t ely n ot h in g in
it ; in fa ct , bet w een y ou a n d m e, I t h in k sh e’s m a k in g a
g r ea t m ist a k e, a n d beh a v in g lik e a silly lit t le fool,
w h ich sh e is, in ciden t a lly .”
“ Com e, com e, com e!” sa id M. V er du r in , “ How on
ea r t h do y ou k n ow t h a t t h er e’s ‘n ot h in g in it ’? W e
h a v en ’t been t h er e t o see, h a v e w e n ow ?”
“ Sh e w ou ld hav e t old m e,” a n sw er ed Mm e.
V er du r in w it h dig n it y . “ I m a y sa y t h a t sh e t ells m e
ev er y t h in g . A s sh e h a s n o on e else a t pr esen t , I t old h er
t h a t sh e ou g h t t o liv e w it h h im . Sh e m a k es ou t t h a t sh e
ca n ’t ; sh e a dm it s, sh e w a s im m en sely a t t r a ct ed by h im ,
a t fir st ; bu t h e’s a lw a y s sh y w it h h er , a n d t h a t m a k es
h er sh y w it h h im . Besides, sh e doesn ’t ca r e for h im in
t h a t w a y , sh e sa y s; it ’s a n idea l lov e, ‘Pla t on ic,’ y ou
k n ow ; sh e’s a fr a id of r u bbin g t h e bloom off — oh , I don ’t
k n ow h a lf t h e t h in g s sh e sa y s, h ow sh ou ld I? A n d y et
h e’s ex a ct ly t h e sor t of m a n sh e w a n t s.”
“ I beg t o differ fr om y ou ,” M. V er du r in cou r t eou sly
in t er r u pt ed. “ I a m on ly h a lf sa t isfied w it h t h e
g en t lem a n . I feel t h a t h e ‘poses.’”
Mm e. V er du r in ’s w h ole body st iffen ed, h er ey es
st a r ed bla n k ly a s t h ou g h sh e h a d su dden ly been t u r n ed
in t o a st a t u e; a dev ice by m ea n s of w h ich sh e m ig h t be
su pposed n ot t o h a v e ca u g h t t h e sou n d of t h a t
u n u t t er a ble w or d w h ich seem ed t o im ply t h a t it w a s
possible for people t o ‘pose’ in h er h ou se, a n d, t h er efor e,
t h a t t h er e w er e people in t h e w or ld w h o ‘m a t t er ed
m or e’ t h a n h er self.
“ A n y h ow , if t h er e is n ot h in g in it , I don ’t su ppose
it ’s beca u se ou r fr ien d believ es in h er v ir t u e. A n d y et ,
y ou n ev er k n ow ; h e seem s t o believ e in h er in t ellig en ce.
I don ’t k n ow w h et h er y ou h ea r d t h e w a y h e lect u r ed
h er t h e ot h er ev en in g a bou t V in t eu il’s son a t a . I a m
dev ot ed t o Odet t e, bu t r ea lly — t o ex pou n d t h eor ies of
a est h et ic t o h er — t h e m a n m u st be a pr ize idiot .”
“ Look h er e, I w on ’t h a v e y ou sa y in g n a st y t h in g s
a bou t Odet t e,” br ok e in Mm e. V er du r in in h er ‘spoiled
ch ild’ m a n n er . “ Sh e is ch a r m in g .”
“ T h er e’s n o r ea son w h y sh e sh ou ldn ’t be ch a r m in g ;
w e a r e n ot sa y in g a n y t h in g n a st y a bou t h er , on ly t h a t
sh e is n ot t h e em bodim en t of eit h er v ir t u e or in t ellect .
A ft er a ll,” h e t u r n ed t o t h e pa in t er , “ does it m a t t er so
v er y m u ch w h et h er sh e is v ir t u ou s or n ot ? Y ou ca n ’t
t ell; sh e m ig h t be a g r ea t dea l less ch a r m in g if sh e
w er e.”
On t h e la n din g Sw a n n h a d r u n in t o t h e V er du r in s’
bu t ler , w h o h a d been som ew h er e else a m om en t ea r lier ,
w h en h e a r r iv ed, a n d w h o h a d been a sk ed by Odet t e t o
t ell Sw a n n (bu t t h a t w a s a t lea st a n h ou r a g o) t h a t sh e
w ou ld pr oba bly st op t o dr in k a cu p of ch ocola t e a t
Pr év ost ’s on h er w a y h om e. Sw a n n set off a t on ce for
Pr év ost ’s, bu t ev er y few y a r ds h is ca r r ia g e w a s h eld u p
by ot h er s, or by people cr ossin g t h e st r eet , loa t h som e
obst a cles ea ch of w h ich h e w ou ld g la dly h a v e cr u sh ed
ben ea t h h is w h eels, w er e it n ot t h a t a policem a n
fu m blin g w it h a n ot e-book w ou ld dela y h im ev en lon g er
t h a n t h e a ct u a l pa ssa g e of t h e pedest r ia n . He cou n t ed
t h e m in u t es fev er ish ly , a ddin g a few secon ds t o ea ch so
a s t o be qu it e cer t a in t h a t h e h a d n ot g iv en h im self
sh or t m ea su r e, a n d so, possibly , ex a g g er a t ed w h a t ev er
ch a n ce t h er e m ig h t a ct u a lly be of h is a r r iv in g a t
Pr év ost ’s in t im e, a n d of fin din g h er st ill t h er e. A n d
t h en , in a m om en t of illu m in a t ion , lik e a m a n in a
fev er w h o a w a k es fr om sleep a n d is con sciou s of t h e
a bsu r dit y of t h e dr ea m -sh a pes a m on g w h ich h is m in d
h a s been w a n der in g w it h ou t a n y clea r dist in ct ion
bet w een h im self a n d t h em , Sw a n n su dden ly per ceiv ed
h ow for eig n t o h is n a t u r e w er e t h e t h ou g h t s w h ich h e
h a d been r ev olv in g in h is m in d ev er sin ce h e h a d h ea r d
a t t h e V er du r in s’ t h a t Odet t e h a d left , h ow n ov el t h e
h ea r t a ch e fr om w h ich h e w a s su ffer in g , bu t of w h ich h e
w a s on ly n ow con sciou s, a s t h ou g h h e h a d ju st w ok en
u p. W h a t ! a ll t h is dist u r ba n ce sim ply beca u se h e w ou ld
n ot see Odet t e, n ow , t ill t o-m or r ow , ex a ct ly w h a t h e
h a d been h opin g , n ot a n h ou r befor e, a s h e dr ov e
t ow a r d Mm e. V er du r in ’s. He w a s oblig ed t o a dm it a lso
t h a t n ow , a s h e sa t in t h e sa m e ca r r ia g e a n d dr ov e t o
Pr év ost ’s, h e w a s n o lon g er t h e sa m e m a n , w a s n o
lon g er a lon e ev en — bu t t h a t a n ew per son a lit y w a s
t h er e beside h im , a dh er in g t o h im , a m a lg a m a t ed w it h
h im , a cr ea t u r e fr om w h om h e m ig h t , per h a ps, be
u n a ble t o liber a t e h im self, t ow a r ds w h om h e m ig h t
h a v e t o a dopt som e su ch st r a t a g em a s on e u ses t o ou t w it
a m a st er or a m a la dy . A n d y et , du r in g t h is la st
m om en t in w h ich h e h a d felt t h a t a n ot h er , a fr esh
per son a lit y w a s t h u s con join ed w it h h is ow n , life h a d
seem ed, som eh ow , m or e in t er est in g .
It w a s in v a in t h a t h e a ssu r ed h im self t h a t t h is
possible m eet in g a t Pr év ost ’s (t h e t en sion of w a it in g for
w h ich so r a v ish ed, st r ipped so ba r e t h e in t er v en in g
m om en t s t h a t h e cou ld fin d n ot h in g , n ot on e idea , n ot
on e m em or y in h is m in d ben ea t h w h ich h is t r ou bled
spir it m ig h t t a k e sh elt er a n d r epose) w ou ld pr oba bly ,
a ft er a ll, sh ou ld it t a k e pla ce, be m u ch t h e sa m e a s a ll
t h eir m eet in g s, of n o g r ea t im por t a n ce. A s on ev er y
ot h er ev en in g , on ce h e w a s in Odet t e’s com pa n y , on ce
h e h a d beg u n t o ca st fu r t iv e g la n ces a t h er ch a n g in g
cou n t en a n ce, a n d in st a n t ly t o w it h dr a w h is ey es lest
sh e sh ou ld r ea d in t h em t h e fir st sy m bols of desir e a n d
believ e n o m or e in h is in differ en ce, h e w ou ld cea se t o be
a ble ev en t o t h in k of h er , so bu sy w ou ld h e be in t h e
sea r ch for pr et ex t s w h ich w ou ld en a ble h im n ot t o lea v e
h er im m edia t ely , a n d t o a ssu r e h im self, w it h ou t
bet r a y in g h is con cer n , t h a t h e w ou ld fin d h er a g a in ,
n ex t ev en in g , a t t h e V er du r in s’; pr et ex t s, t h a t is t o sa y ,
w h ich w ou ld en a ble h im t o pr olon g for t h e t im e bein g ,
a n d t o r en ew for on e da y m or e t h e disa ppoin t m en t , t h e
t or t u r in g decept ion t h a t m u st a lw a y s com e t o h im w it h
t h e v a in pr esen ce of t h is w om a n , w h om h e m ig h t
a ppr oa ch , y et n ev er da r ed em br a ce.
Sh e w a s n ot a t Pr ev ost ’s; h e m u st sea r ch for h er ,
t h en , in ev er y r est a u r a n t u pon t h e bou lev a r ds. T o sa v e
t im e, w h ile h e w en t in on e dir ect ion , h e sen t in t h e
ot h er h is coa ch m a n Rém i (Rizzo’s Dog e Lor eda n ) for
w h om h e pr esen t ly — a ft er a fr u it less sea r ch — fou n d
h im self w a it in g a t t h e spot w h er e t h e ca r r ia g e w a s t o
m eet h im . It did n ot a ppea r , a n d Sw a n n t a n t a lised
h im self w it h a lt er n a t e pict u r es of t h e a ppr oa ch in g
m om en t , a s on e in w h ich Rém i w ou ld sa y t o h im : “ Sir ,
t h e la dy is t h er e,” or a s on e in w h ich Rém i w ou ld sa y t o
h im : “ Sir , t h e la dy w a s n ot in a n y of t h e ca fés.” A n d so
h e sa w h im self fa ced by t h e close of h is ev en in g — a
t h in g u n ifor m , a n d y et bifu r ca t ed by t h e in t er v en in g
a cciden t w h ich w ou ld eit h er pu t a n en d t o h is a g on y by
discov er in g Odet t e, or w ou ld oblig e h im t o a ba n don a n y
h ope of fin din g h er t h a t n ig h t , t o a ccept t h e n ecessit y of
r et u r n in g h om e w it h ou t h a v in g seen h er .
T h e coa ch m a n r et u r n ed; bu t , a s h e dr ew u p
opposit e h im , Sw a n n a sk ed, n ot “ Did y ou fin d t h e la dy ?”
bu t “ Rem in d m e, t o-m or r ow , t o or der in som e m or e
fir ew ood. I a m su r e w e m u st be r u n n in g sh or t .” Per h a ps
h e h a d per su a ded h im self t h a t , if Rém i h a d a t la st fou n d
Odet t e in som e ca fé, w h er e sh e w a s w a it in g for h im
st ill, t h en h is n ig h t of m iser y w a s a lr ea dy oblit er a t ed
by t h e r ea lisa t ion , beg u n a lr ea dy in h is m in d, of a
n ig h t of joy , a n d t h a t t h er e w a s n o n eed for h im t o
h a st en t ow a r ds t h e a t t a in m en t of a h a ppin ess a lr ea dy
ca pt u r ed a n d h eld in a sa fe pla ce, w h ich w ou ld n ot
esca pe h is g r a sp a g a in . Bu t it w a s a lso by t h e for ce of
in er t ia ; t h er e w a s in h is sou l t h a t w a n t of a da pt a bilit y
w h ich ca n be seen in t h e bodies of cer t a in people w h o,
w h en t h e m om en t com es t o a v oid a collision , t o sn a t ch
t h eir clot h es ou t of r ea ch of a fla m e, or t o per for m a n y
ot h er su ch n ecessa r y m ov em en t , t a k e t h eir t im e (a s t h e
sa y in g is), beg in by r em a in in g for a m om en t in t h eir
or ig in a l posit ion , a s t h ou g h seek in g t o fin d in it a
st a r t in g -poin t , a sou r ce of st r en g t h a n d m ot ion . A n d
pr oba bly , if t h e coa ch m a n h a d in t er r u pt ed h im w it h , “ I
h a v e fou n d t h e la dy ,” h e w ou ld h a v e a n sw er ed, “ Oh ,
y es, of cou r se; t h a t ’s w h a t I t old y ou t o do. I h a d qu it e
for g ot t en ,” a n d w ou ld h a v e con t in u ed t o discu ss h is
su pply of fir ew ood, so a s t o h ide fr om h is ser v a n t t h e
em ot ion t h a t h e h a d felt , a n d t o g iv e h im self t im e t o
br ea k a w a y fr om t h e t h r a ldom of h is a n x iet ies a n d
a ba n don h im self t o plea su r e.
T h e coa ch m a n ca m e ba ck , h ow ev er , w it h t h e r epor t
t h a t h e cou ld n ot fin d h er a n y w h er e, a n d a dded t h e
a dv ice, a s a n old a n d pr iv ileg ed ser v a n t , “ I t h in k , sir ,
t h a t a ll w e ca n do n ow is t o g o h om e.”
Bu t t h e a ir of in differ en ce w h ich Sw a n n cou ld so
lig h t ly a ssu m e w h en Rém i u t t er ed h is fin a l,
u n a lt er a ble r espon se, fell fr om h im lik e a ca st -off cloa k
w h en h e sa w Rém i a t t em pt t o m a k e h im a ba n don h ope
a n d r et ir e fr om t h e qu est .
“ Cer t a in ly n ot !” h e ex cla im ed. “ W e m u st fin d t h e
la dy . It is m ost im por t a n t . Sh e w ou ld be ex t r em ely pu t
ou t — it ’s a bu sin ess m a t t er — a n d v ex ed w it h m e if sh e
didn ’t see m e.”
“ Bu t I do n ot see h ow t h e la dy ca n be v ex ed, sir ,”
a n sw er ed Rém i, “ sin ce it w a s sh e t h a t w en t a w a y
w it h ou t w a it in g for y ou , sir , a n d sa id sh e w a s g oin g t o
Pr év ost ’s, a n d t h en w a sn ’t t h er e.”
Mea n w h ile t h e r est a u r a n t s w er e closin g , a n d t h eir
lig h t s beg a n t o g o ou t . Un der t h e t r ees of t h e bou lev a r ds
t h er e w er e st ill a few people st r ollin g t o a n d fr o, ba r ely
dist in g u ish a ble in t h e g a t h er in g da r k n ess. Now a n d
t h en t h e g h ost of a w om a n g lided u p t o Sw a n n ,
m u r m u r ed a few w or ds in h is ea r , a sk ed h im t o t a k e h er
h om e, a n d left h im sh u dder in g . A n x iou sly h e ex plor ed
ev er y on e of t h ese v a g u ely seen sh a pes, a s t h ou g h
a m on g t h e ph a n t om s of t h e dea d, in t h e r ea lm s of
da r k n ess, h e h a d been sea r ch in g for a lost Eu r y dice.
A m on g a ll t h e m et h ods by w h ich lov e is br ou g h t
in t o bein g , a m on g a ll t h e a g en t s w h ich dissem in a t e
t h a t blessed ba n e, t h er e a r e few so effica ciou s a s t h e
g r ea t g u st of a g it a t ion w h ich , n ow a n d t h en , sw eeps
ov er t h e h u m a n spir it . For t h en t h e cr ea t u r e in w h ose
com pa n y w e a r e seek in g a m u sem en t a t t h e m om en t ,
h er lot is ca st , h er fa t e a n d ou r s decided, t h a t is t h e
cr ea t u r e w h om w e sh a ll h en cefor w a r d lov e. It is n ot
n ecessa r y t h a t sh e sh ou ld h a v e plea sed u s, u p t ill t h en ,
a n y m or e, or ev en a s m u ch a s ot h er s. A ll t h a t is
n ecessa r y is t h a t ou r t a st e for h er sh ou ld becom e
ex clu siv e. A n d t h a t con dit ion is fu lfilled so soon a s — in
t h e m om en t w h en sh e h a s fa iled t o m eet u s — for t h e
plea su r e w h ich w e w er e on t h e poin t of en joy in g in h er
ch a r m in g com pa n y is a br u pt ly su bst it u t ed a n a n x iou s
t or t u r in g desir e, w h ose object is t h e cr ea t u r e h er self, a n
ir r a t ion a l, a bsu r d desir e, w h ich t h e la w s of civ ilised
societ y m a k e it im possible t o sa t isfy a n d difficu lt t o
a ssu a g e — t h e in sen sa t e, a g on isin g desir e t o possess h er .
Sw a n n m a de Rém i dr iv e h im t o su ch r est a u r a n t s a s
w er e st ill open ; it w a s t h e sole h y pot h esis, n ow , of t h a t
h a ppin ess w h ich h e h a d con t em pla t ed so ca lm ly ; h e n o
lon g er con cea led h is a g it a t ion , t h e pr ice h e set u pon
t h eir m eet in g , a n d pr om ised, in ca se of su ccess, t o
r ew a r d h is coa ch m a n , a s t h ou g h , by in spir in g in h im a
w ill t o t r iu m ph w h ich w ou ld r ein for ce h is ow n , h e cou ld
br in g it t o pa ss, by a m ir a cle, t h a t Odet t e — a ssu m in g
t h a t sh e h a d lon g sin ce g on e h om e t o bed, — m ig h t y et
be fou n d sea t ed in som e r est a u r a n t on t h e bou lev a r ds.
He pu r su ed t h e qu est a s fa r a s t h e Ma ison Dor ée, bu r st
t w ice in t o T or t on i’s a n d, st ill w it h ou t ca t ch in g sig h t of
h er , w a s em er g in g fr om t h e Ca fé A n g la is, st r idin g w it h
h a g g a r d g a ze t ow a r ds h is ca r r ia g e, w h ich w a s w a it in g
for h im a t t h e cor n er of t h e Bou lev a r d des It a lien s,
w h en h e collided w it h a per son com in g in t h e opposit e
dir ect ion ; it w a s Odet t e; sh e ex pla in ed, la t er , t h a t t h er e
h a d been n o r oom a t Pr év ost ’s, t h a t sh e h a d g on e,
in st ea d, t o su p a t t h e Ma ison Dor ée, a n d h a d been sit t in g
t h er e in a n a lcov e w h er e h e m u st h a v e ov er look ed h er ,
a n d t h a t sh e w a s n ow look in g for h er ca r r ia g e.
Sh e h a d so lit t le ex pect ed t o see h im t h a t sh e st a r t ed
ba ck in a la r m . A s for h im , h e h a d r a n sa ck ed t h e st r eet s
of Pa r is, n ot t h a t h e su pposed it possible t h a t h e sh ou ld
fin d h er , bu t beca u se h e w ou ld h a v e su ffer ed ev en m or e
cr u elly by a ba n don in g t h e a t t em pt . Bu t n ow t h e joy
(w h ich , h is r ea son h a d n ev er cea sed t o a ssu r e h im , w a s
n ot , t h a t ev en in g a t lea st , t o be r ea lised) w a s su dden ly
a ppa r en t , a n d m or e r ea l t h a n ev er befor e; for h e
h im self h a d con t r ibu t ed n ot h in g t o it by a n t icipa t in g
pr oba bilit ies, — it r em a in ed in t eg r a l a n d ex t er n a l t o
h im self; t h er e w a s n o n eed for h im t o dr a w on h is ow n
r esou r ces t o en dow it w it h t r u t h — ’t w a s fr om it self t h a t
t h er e em a n a t ed, ’t w a s it self t h a t pr oject ed t ow a r ds h im
t h a t t r u t h w h ose g lor iou s r a y s m elt ed a n d sca t t er ed
lik e t h e clou d of a dr ea m t h e sen se of lon elin ess w h ich
h a d low er ed ov er h im , t h a t t r u t h u pon w h ich h e h a d
su ppor t ed, n a y fou n ded, a lbeit u n con sciou sly , h is v ision
of bliss. So w ill a t r a v eller , w h o h a s com e dow n , on a
da y of g lor iou s w ea t h er , t o t h e Medit er r a n ea n sh or e,
a n d is dou bt fu l w h et h er t h ey st ill ex ist , t h ose la n ds
w h ich h e h a s left , let h is ey es be da zzled, r a t h er t h a n
ca st a ba ck w a r d g la n ce, by t h e r a dia n ce st r ea m in g
t ow a r ds h im fr om t h e lu m in ou s a n d u n fa din g a zu r e a t
h is feet .
He clim bed a ft er h er in t o t h e ca r r ia g e w h ich sh e
h a d k ept w a it in g , a n d or der ed h is ow n t o follow .
Sh e h a d in h er h a n d a bu n ch of ca t t ley a s, a n d
Sw a n n cou ld see, ben ea t h t h e film of la ce t h a t cov er ed
h er h ea d, m or e of t h e sa m e flow er s fa st en ed t o a
sw a n sdow n plu m e. Sh e w a s w ea r in g , u n der h er cloa k , a
flow in g g ow n of bla ck v elv et , ca u g h t u p on on e side so
a s t o r ev ea l a la r g e t r ia n g u la r pa t ch of h er w h it e silk
sk ir t , w it h a n ‘in ser t ion ,’ a lso of w h it e silk , in t h e cleft of
h er low -n eck ed bodice, in w h ich w er e fa st en ed a few
m or e ca t t ley a s. Sh e h a d sca r cely r ecov er ed fr om t h e
sh ock w h ich t h e sig h t of Sw a n n h a d g iv en h er , w h en
som e obst a cle m a de t h e h or se st a r t t o on e side. T h ey
w er e t h r ow n for w a r d fr om t h eir sea t s; sh e u t t er ed a
cr y , a n d fell ba ck qu iv er in g a n d br ea t h less.
“ It ’s a ll r ig h t ,” h e a ssu r ed h er , “ don ’t be
fr ig h t en ed.” A n d h e slipped h is a r m r ou n d h er
sh ou lder , su ppor t in g h er body a g a in st h is ow n ; t h en
w en t on : “ W h a t ev er y ou do, don ’t u t t er a w or d; ju st
m a k e a sig n , y es or n o, or y ou ’ll be ou t of br ea t h a g a in .
Y ou w on ’t m in d if I pu t t h e flow er s st r a ig h t on y ou r
bodice; t h e jolt h a s loosen ed t h em . I’m a fr a id of t h eir
dr oppin g ou t ; I’m ju st g oin g t o fa st en t h em a lit t le m or e
secu r ely .”
Sh e w a s n ot u sed t o bein g t r ea t ed w it h so m u ch
for m a lit y by m en , a n d sm iled a s sh e a n sw er ed: “ No, n ot
a t a ll; I don ’t m in d in t h e lea st .”
Bu t h e, ch illed a lit t le by h er a n sw er , per h a ps, a lso,
t o bea r ou t t h e pr et en ce t h a t h e h a d been sin cer e in
a dopt in g t h e st r a t a g em , or ev en beca u se h e w a s
a lr ea dy beg in n in g t o believ e t h a t h e h a d been ,
ex cla im ed: “ No, n o; y ou m u st n ’t spea k . Y ou w ill be ou t
of br ea t h a g a in . Y ou ca n ea sily a n sw er in sig n s; I sh a ll
u n der st a n d. Rea lly a n d t r u ly n ow , y ou don ’t m in d m y
doin g t h is? Look , t h er e is a lit t le — I t h in k it m u st be
pollen , spilt ov er y ou r dr ess, — m a y I br u sh it off w it h
m y h a n d? T h a t ’s n ot t oo h a r d; I’m n ot h u r t in g y ou , a m
I? I’m t ick lin g y ou , per h a ps, a lit t le; bu t I don ’t w a n t t o
t ou ch t h e v elv et in ca se I r u b it t h e w r on g w a y . Bu t ,
don ’t y ou see, I r ea lly h a d t o fa st en t h e flow er s; t h ey
w ou ld h a v e fa llen ou t if I h a dn ’t . Lik e t h a t , n ow ; if I ju st
pu sh t h em a lit t le fa r t h er dow n . . . . Ser iou sly , I’m n ot
a n n oy in g y ou , a m I? A n d if I ju st sn iff t h em t o see
w h et h er t h ey ’v e r ea lly lost a ll t h eir scen t ? I don ’t
believ e I ev er sm elt a n y befor e; m a y I? T ell t h e t r u t h ,
n ow .”
St ill sm ilin g , sh e sh r u g g ed h er sh ou lder s ev er so
slig h t ly , a s w h o sh ou ld sa y , “ Y ou ’r e qu it e m a d; y ou
k n ow v er y w ell t h a t I lik e it .”
He slipped h is ot h er h a n d u pw a r ds a lon g Odet t e’s
ch eek ; sh e fix ed h er ey es on h im w it h t h a t la n g u ish in g
a n d solem n a ir w h ich m a r k s t h e w om en of t h e old
Flor en t in e’s pa in t in g s, in w h ose fa ces h e h a d fou n d t h e
t y pe of h er s; sw im m in g a t t h e br in k of h er fr in g ed lids,
h er br illia n t ey es, la r g e a n d fin ely dr a w n a s t h eir s,
seem ed on t h e v er g e of br ea k in g fr om h er fa ce a n d
r ollin g dow n h er ch eek s lik e t w o g r ea t t ea r s. Sh e ben t
h er n eck , a s a ll t h eir n eck s m a y be seen t o ben d, in t h e
pa g a n scen es a s w ell a s in t h e scr ipt u r a l. A n d a lt h ou g h
h er a t t it u de w a s, dou bt less, h a bit u a l a n d in st in ct iv e,
on e w h ich sh e k n ew t o be a ppr opr ia t e t o su ch m om en t s,
a n d w a s ca r efu l n ot t o for g et t o a ssu m e, sh e seem ed t o
n eed a ll h er st r en g t h t o h old h er fa ce ba ck , a s t h ou g h
som e in v isible for ce w er e dr a w in g it dow n t ow a r ds
Sw a n n ’s. A n d Sw a n n it w a s w h o, befor e sh e a llow ed h er
fa ce, a s t h ou g h despit e h er effor t s, t o fa ll u pon h is lips,
h eld it ba ck for a m om en t lon g er , a t a lit t le dist a n ce
bet w een h is h a n ds. He h a d in t en ded t o lea v e t im e for
h er m in d t o ov er t a k e h er body ’s m ov em en t s, t o
r ecog n ise t h e dr ea m w h ich sh e h a d so lon g ch er ish ed
a n d t o a ssist a t it s r ea lisa t ion , lik e a m ot h er in v it ed a s a
spect a t or w h en a pr ize is g iv en t o t h e ch ild w h om sh e
h a s r ea r ed a n d lov es. Per h a ps, m or eov er , Sw a n n
h im self w a s fix in g u pon t h ese fea t u r es of a n Odet t e n ot
y et possessed, n ot ev en k issed by h im , on w h om h e w a s
look in g n ow for t h e la st t im e, t h a t com pr eh en siv e g a ze
w it h w h ich , on t h e da y of h is depa r t u r e, a t r a v eller
st r iv es t o bea r a w a y w it h h im in m em or y t h e v iew of a
cou n t r y t o w h ich h e m a y n ev er r et u r n .
Bu t h e w a s so sh y in a ppr oa ch in g h er t h a t , a ft er
t h is ev en in g w h ich h a d beg u n by h is a r r a n g in g h er
ca t t ley a s a n d h a d en ded in h er com plet e su r r en der ,
w h et h er fr om fea r of ch illin g h er , or fr om r elu ct a n ce t o
a ppea r , ev en r et r ospect iv ely , t o h a v e lied, or per h a ps
beca u se h e la ck ed t h e a u da cit y t o for m u la t e a m or e
u r g en t r equ ir em en t t h a n t h is (w h ich cou ld a lw a y s be
r epea t ed, sin ce it h a d n ot a n n oy ed h er on t h e fir st
occa sion ), h e r esor t ed t o t h e sa m e pr et ex t on t h e
follow in g da y s. If sh e h a d a n y ca t t ley a s pin n ed t o h er
bodice, h e w ou ld sa y : “ It is m ost u n for t u n a t e; t h e
ca t t ley a s don ’t n eed t u ck in g in t h is ev en in g ; t h ey ’v e
n ot been dist u r bed a s t h ey w er e t h e ot h er n ig h t ; I
t h in k , t h ou g h , t h a t t h is on e isn ’t qu it e st r a ig h t . Ma y I
see if t h ey h a v e m or e scen t t h a n t h e ot h er s?” Or else, if
sh e h a d n on e: “ Oh ! n o ca t t ley a s t h is ev en in g ; t h en
t h er e’s n ot h in g for m e t o a r r a n g e.” So t h a t for som e
t im e t h er e w a s n o ch a n g e fr om t h e pr ocedu r e w h ich h e
h a d follow ed on t h a t fir st ev en in g , w h en h e h a d st a r t ed
by t ou ch in g h er t h r oa t , w it h h is fin g er s fir st a n d t h en
w it h h is lips, bu t t h eir ca r esses beg a n in v a r ia bly w it h
t h is m odest ex plor a t ion . A n d lon g a ft er w a r ds, w h en t h e
a r r a n g em en t (or , r a t h er , t h e r it u a l pr et en ce of a n
a r r a n g em en t ) of h er ca t t ley a s h a d qu it e fa llen in t o
desu et u de, t h e m et a ph or “ Do a ca t t ley a ,” t r a n sm u t ed
in t o a sim ple v er b w h ich t h ey w ou ld em ploy w it h ou t a
t h ou g h t of it s or ig in a l m ea n in g w h en t h ey w ish ed t o
r efer t o t h e a ct of ph y sica l possession (in w h ich ,
pa r a dox ica lly , th e possessor possesses n ot h in g ),
su r v iv ed t o com m em or a t e in t h eir v oca bu la r y t h e lon g
for g ot t en cu st om fr om w h ich it spr a n g . A n d y et
possibly t h is pa r t icu la r m a n n er of sa y in g “ t o m a k e
lov e” h a d n ot t h e pr ecise sig n ifica n ce of it s sy n on y m s.
How ev er disillu sion ed w e m a y be a bou t w om en ,
h ow ev er w e m a y r eg a r d t h e possession of ev en t h e m ost
div er g en t t y pes a s a n in v a r ia ble a n d m on ot on ou s
ex per ien ce, ev er y det a il of w h ich is k n ow n a n d ca n be
descr ibed in a dv a n ce, it st ill becom es a fr esh a n d
st im u la t in g plea su r e if t h e w om en con cer n ed be — or be
t h ou g h t t o be — so difficu lt a s t o oblig e u s t o ba se ou r
a t t a ck u pon som e u n r eh ea r sed in ciden t in ou r r ela t ion s
w it h t h em , a s w a s or ig in a lly for Sw a n n t h e
a r r a n g em en t of t h e ca t t ley a s. He t r em bled a s h e h oped,
t h a t ev en in g , (bu t Odet t e, h e t old h im self, if sh e w er e
deceiv ed by h is st r a t a g em , cou ld n ot g u ess h is
in t en t ion ) t h a t it w a s t h e possession of t h is w om a n t h a t
w ou ld em er g e for h im fr om t h eir la r g e a n d r ich ly
colou r ed pet a ls; a n d t h e plea su r e w h ich h e a lr ea dy felt ,
a n d w h ich Odet t e t oler a t ed, h e t h ou g h t , per h a ps on ly
beca u se sh e w a s n ot y et a w a r e of it h er self, seem ed t o
h im for t h a t r ea son — a s it m ig h t h a v e seem ed t o t h e
fir st m a n w h en h e en joy ed it a m id t h e flow er s of t h e
ea r t h ly pa r a dise — a plea su r e w h ich h a d n ev er befor e
ex ist ed, w h ich h e w a s st r iv in g n ow t o cr ea t e, a plea su r e
— a n d t h e specia l n a m e w h ich h e w a s t o g iv e t o it
pr eser v ed it s iden t it y — en t ir ely in div idu a l a n d n ew .
T h e ice on ce br ok en , ev er y ev en in g , w h en h e h a d
t a k en h er h om e, h e m u st follow h er in t o t h e h ou se; a n d
oft en sh e w ou ld com e ou t a g a in in h er dr essin g -g ow n ,
a n d escor t h im t o h is ca r r ia g e, a n d w ou ld k iss h im
befor e t h e ey es of h is coa ch m a n , sa y in g : “ W h a t on
ea r t h does it m a t t er w h a t people see?” A n d on ev en in g s
w h en h e did n ot g o t o t h e V er du r in s’ (w h ich h a ppen ed
occa sion a lly , n ow t h a t h e h a d oppor t u n it ies of m eet in g
Odet t e elsew h er e), w h en — m or e a n d m or e r a r ely — h e
w en t in t o societ y , sh e w ou ld beg h im t o com e t o h er on
h is w a y h om e, h ow ev er la t e h e m ig h t be. T h e sea son
w a s spr in g , t h e n ig h t s clea r a n d fr ost y . He w ou ld com e
a w a y fr om a n ev en in g pa r t y , ju m p in t o h is v ict or ia ,
spr ea d a r u g ov er h is k n ees, t ell t h e fr ien ds w h o w er e
lea v in g a t t h e sa m e t im e, a n d w h o in sist ed on h is g oin g
h om e w it h t h em , t h a t h e cou ld n ot , t h a t h e w a s n ot
g oin g in t h eir dir ect ion ; t h en t h e coa ch m a n w ou ld st a r t
off a t a fa st t r ot w it h ou t fu r t h er or der s, k n ow in g qu it e
w ell w h er e h e h a d t o g o. His fr ien ds w ou ld be left
m a r v ellin g , a n d, a s a m a t t er of fa ct , Sw a n n w a s n o
lon g er t h e sa m e m a n . No on e ev er r eceiv ed a let t er
fr om h im n ow dem a n din g a n in t r odu ct ion t o a w om a n .
He h a d cea sed t o pa y a n y a t t en t ion t o w om en , a n d k ept
a w a y fr om t h e pla ces in w h ich t h ey w er e or din a r ily t o
be m et . In a r est a u r a n t , or in t h e cou n t r y , h is m a n n er
w a s deliber a t ely a n d dir ect ly t h e opposit e of t h a t by
w h ich , on ly a few da y s ea r lier , h is fr ien ds w ou ld h a v e
r ecog n ised h im , t h a t m a n n er w h ich h a d seem ed
per m a n en t ly a n d u n a lt er a bly h is ow n . T o su ch a n
ex t en t does pa ssion m a n ifest it self in u s a s a t em por a r y
a n d dist in ct ch a r a ct er , w h ich n ot on ly t a k es t h e pla ce
of ou r n or m a l ch a r a ct er bu t a ct u a lly oblit er a t es t h e
sig n s by w h ich t h a t ch a r a ct er h a s h it h er t o been
discer n ible. On t h e ot h er h a n d, t h er e w a s on e t h in g
t h a t w a s, n ow , in v a r ia ble, n a m ely t h a t w h er ev er
Sw a n n m ig h t be spen din g t h e ev en in g , h e n ev er fa iled
t o g o on a ft er w a r ds t o Odet t e. T h e in t er v a l of spa ce
sepa r a t in g h er fr om h im w a s on e w h ich h e m u st a s
in ev it a bly t r a v er se a s h e m u st descen d, by a n
ir r esist ible g r a v it a t ion , t h e st eep slope of life it self. T o be
fr a n k , a s oft en a s n ot , w h en h e h a d st a y ed la t e a t a
pa r t y , h e w ou ld h a v e pr efer r ed t o r et u r n h om e a t on ce,
w it h ou t g oin g so fa r ou t of h is w a y , a n d t o post pon e
t h eir m eet in g u n t il t h e m or r ow ; bu t t h e v er y fa ct of h is
pu t t in g h im self t o su ch in con v en ien ce a t a n a bn or m a l
h ou r in or der t o v isit h er , w h ile h e g u essed t h a t h is
fr ien ds, a s h e left t h em , w er e sa y in g t o on e a n ot h er :
“ He is t ied h a n d a n d foot ; t h er e m u st cer t a in ly be a
w om a n som ew h er e w h o in sist s on h is g oin g t o h er a t a ll
h ou r s,” m a de h im feel t h a t h e w a s lea din g t h e life of t h e
cla ss of m en w h ose ex ist en ce is colou r ed by a lov e-a ffa ir ,
a n d in w h om t h e per pet u a l sa cr ifice w h ich t h ey a r e
m a k in g of t h eir com for t a n d of t h eir pr a ct ica l in t er est s
h a s en g en der ed a spir it u a l ch a r m . T h en , t h ou g h h e
m a y n ot con sciou sly h a v e t a k en t h is in t o con sider a t ion ,
t h e cer t a in t y t h a t sh e w a s w a it in g for h im , t h a t sh e
w a s n ot a n y w h er e or w it h a n y on e else, t h a t h e w ou ld
see h er befor e h e w en t h om e, dr ew t h e st in g fr om t h a t
a n g u ish , for g ot t en , it is t r u e, bu t la t en t a n d ev er r ea dy
t o be r ea w a k en ed, w h ich h e h a d felt on t h e ev en in g
w h en Odet t e h a d left t h e V er du r in s’ befor e h is a r r iv a l,
a n a n g u ish t h e a ct u a l cessa t ion of w h ich w a s so
a g r eea ble t h a t it m ig h t ev en be ca lled a st a t e of
h a ppin ess. Per h a ps it w a s t o t h a t h ou r of a n g u ish t h a t
t h er e m u st be a t t r ibu t ed t h e im por t a n ce w h ich Odet t e
h a d sin ce a ssu m ed in h is life. Ot h er people a r e, a s a
r u le, so im m a t er ia l t o u s t h a t , w h en w e h a v e en t r u st ed
t o a n y on e of t h em t h e pow er t o ca u se so m u ch su ffer in g
or h a ppin ess t o ou r selv es, t h a t per son seem s a t on ce t o
belon g t o a differ en t u n iv er se, is su r r ou n ded w it h
poet r y , m a k es of ou r liv es a v a st ex pa n se, qu ick w it h
sen sa t ion , on w h ich t h a t per son a n d ou r selv es a r e ev er
m or e or less in con t a ct . Sw a n n cou ld n ot w it h ou t
a n x iet y a sk h im self w h a t Odet t e w ou ld m ea n t o h im in
t h e y ea r s t h a t w er e t o com e. Som et im es, a s h e look ed u p
fr om h is v ict or ia on t h ose fin e a n d fr ost y n ig h t s of ea r ly
spr in g , a n d sa w t h e da zzlin g m oon bea m s fa ll bet w een
h is ey es a n d t h e deser t ed st r eet s, h e w ou ld t h in k of t h a t
ot h er fa ce, g lea m in g a n d fa in t ly r osea t e lik e t h e
m oon ’s, w h ich h a d, on e da y , r isen on t h e h or izon of h is
m in d a n d sin ce t h en h a d sh ed u pon t h e w or ld t h a t
m y st er iou s lig h t in w h ich h e sa w it ba t h ed. If h e
a r r iv ed a ft er t h e h ou r a t w h ich Odet t e sen t h er
ser v a n t s t o bed, befor e r in g in g t h e bell a t t h e g a t e of h er
lit t le g a r den , h e w ou ld g o r ou n d fir st in t o t h e ot h er
st r eet , ov er w h ich , a t t h e g r ou n d-lev el, a m on g t h e
w in dow s (a ll ex a ct ly a lik e, bu t da r k en ed) of t h e
a djoin in g h ou ses, sh on e t h e solit a r y lig h t ed w in dow of
h er r oom . He w ou ld r a p u pon t h e pa n e, a n d sh e w ou ld
h ea r t h e sig n a l, a n d a n sw er , befor e r u n n in g t o m eet
h im a t t h e g a t e. He w ou ld fin d, ly in g open on t h e pia n o,
som e of h er fa v ou r it e m u sic, t h e Vals e des Ros es , t h e
Pauvre Fou of T a g lia fico (w h ich , a ccor din g t o t h e
in st r u ct ion s em bodied in h er w ill, w a s t o be pla y ed a t
h er fu n er a l); bu t h e w ou ld a sk h er , in st ea d, t o g iv e h im
t h e lit t le ph r a se fr om V in t eu il’s son a t a . It w a s t r u e t h a t
Odet t e pla y ed v ilely , bu t oft en t h e fa ir est im pr ession
t h a t r em a in s in ou r m in ds of a fa v ou r it e a ir is on e
w h ich h a s a r isen ou t of a ju m ble of w r on g n ot es st r u ck
by u n sk ilfu l fin g er s u pon a t u n eless pia n o. T h e lit t le
ph r a se w a s a ssocia t ed st ill, in Sw a n n ’s m in d, w it h h is
lov e for Odet t e. He felt clea r ly t h a t t h is lov e w a s
som et h in g t o w h ich t h er e w er e n o cor r espon din g
ex t er n a l sig n s, w h ose m ea n in g cou ld n ot be pr ov ed by
a n y bu t h im self; h e r ea lised, t oo, t h a t Odet t e’s qu a lit ies
w er e n ot su ch a s t o ju st ify h is set t in g so h ig h a v a lu e on
t h e h ou r s h e spen t in h er com pa n y . A n d oft en , w h en
t h e cold g ov er n m en t of r ea son st ood u n ch a llen g ed, h e
w ou ld r ea dily h a v e cea sed t o sa cr ifice so m a n y of h is
in t ellect u a l a n d socia l in t er est s t o t h is im a g in a r y
plea su r e. Bu t t h e lit t le ph r a se, a s soon a s it st r u ck h is
ea r , h a d t h e pow er t o liber a t e in h im t h e r oom t h a t w a s
n eeded t o con t a in it ; t h e pr opor t ion s of Sw a n n ’s sou l
w er e a lt er ed; a m a r g in w a s left for a for m of en joy m en t
w h ich cor r espon ded n o m or e t h a n h is lov e for Odet t e t o
a n y ex t er n a l object , a n d y et w a s n ot , lik e h is
en joy m en t of t h a t lov e, pu r ely in div idu a l, bu t a ssu m ed
for h im a n object iv e r ea lit y su per ior t o t h a t of ot h er
con cr et e t h in g s. T h is t h ir st for a n u n t a st ed ch a r m , t h e
lit t le ph r a se w ou ld st im u la t e it a n ew in h im , bu t
w it h ou t br in g in g h im a n y defin it e g r a t ifica t ion t o
a ssu a g e it . W it h t h e r esu lt t h a t t h ose pa r t s of Sw a n n ’s
sou l in w h ich t h e lit t le ph r a se h a d oblit er a t ed a ll ca r e
for m a t er ia l in t er est s, t h ose h u m a n con sider a t ion s
w h ich a ffect a ll m en a lik e, w er e left ba r e by it , bla n k
pa g es on w h ich h e w a s a t liber t y t o in scr ibe t h e n a m e of
Odet t e. Mor eov er , w h er e Odet t e’s a ffect ion m ig h t seem
ev er so lit t le a br u pt a n d disa ppoin t in g , t h e lit t le ph r a se
w ou ld com e t o su pplem en t it , t o a m a lg a m a t e w it h it it s
ow n m y st er iou s essen ce. W a t ch in g Sw a n n ’s fa ce w h ile
h e list en ed t o t h e ph r a se, on e w ou ld h a v e sa id t h a t h e
w a s in h a lin g a n a n a est h et ic w h ich a llow ed h im t o
br ea t h e m or e deeply . A n d t h e plea su r e w h ich t h e m u sic
g a v e h im , w h ich w a s sh or t ly t o cr ea t e in h im a r ea l
lon g in g , w a s in fa ct closely a k in , a t su ch m om en t s, t o
t h e plea su r e w h ich h e w ou ld h a v e der iv ed fr om
ex per im en t in g w it h per fu m es, fr om en t er in g in t o
con t r a ct w it h a w or ld for w h ich w e m en w er e n ot
cr ea t ed, w h ich a ppea r s t o la ck for m beca u se ou r ey es
ca n n ot per ceiv e it , t o la ck sig n ifica n ce beca u se it
esca pes ou r in t ellig en ce, t o w h ich w e m a y a t t a in by
w a y of on e sen se on ly . Deep r epose, m y st er iou s
r efr esh m en t for Sw a n n , — for h im w h ose ey es, a lt h ou g h
delica t e in t er pr et er s of pa in t in g , w h ose m in d, a lt h ou g h
a n a cu t e obser v er of m a n n er s, m u st bea r for ev er t h e
in delible im pr in t of t h e ba r r en n ess of h is life, — t o feel
h im self t r a n sfor m ed in t o a cr ea t u r e for eig n t o
h u m a n it y , blin ded, depr iv ed of h is log ica l fa cu lt y ,
a lm ost a fa n t a st ic u n icor n , a ch im a er a -lik e cr ea t u r e
con sciou s of t h e w or ld t h r ou g h h is t w o ea r s a lon e. A n d
a s, n ot w it h st a n din g , h e sou g h t in t h e lit t le ph r a se for a
m ea n in g t o w h ich h is in t ellig en ce cou ld n ot descen d,
w it h w h a t a st r a n g e fr en zy of in t ox ica t ion m u st h e st r ip
ba r e h is in n er m ost sou l of t h e w h ole a r m ou r of r ea son ,
a n d m a k e it pa ss, u n a t t en ded, t h r ou g h t h e st r a in in g
v essel, dow n in t o t h e da r k filt er of sou n d. He beg a n t o
r eck on u p h ow m u ch t h a t w a s pa in fu l, per h a ps ev en
h ow m u ch secr et a n d u n a ppea sed sor r ow u n der la y t h e
sw eet n ess of t h e ph r a se; a n d y et t o h im it br ou g h t n o
su ffer in g . W h a t m a t t er t h ou g h t h e ph r a se r epea t ed
t h a t lov e is fr a il a n d fleet in g , w h en h is lov e w a s so
st r on g ! He pla y ed w it h t h e m ela n ch oly w h ich t h e
ph r a se diffu sed, h e felt it st ea lin g ov er h im , bu t lik e a
ca r ess w h ich on ly deepen ed a n d sw eet en ed h is sen se of
h is ow n h a ppin ess. He w ou ld m a k e Odet t e pla y h im t h e
ph r a se a g a in , t en , t w en t y t im es on en d, in sist in g t h a t ,
w h ile sh e pla y ed, sh e m u st n ev er cea se t o k iss h im .
Ev er y k iss pr ov ok es a n ot h er . A h , in t h ose ea r liest da y s
of lov e h ow n a t u r a lly t h e k isses spr in g in t o life. How
closely , in t h eir a bu n da n ce, a r e t h ey pr essed on e
a g a in st a n ot h er ; u n t il lov er s w ou ld fin d it a s h a r d t o
cou n t t h e k isses ex ch a n g ed in a n h ou r , a s t o cou n t t h e
flow er s in a m ea dow in Ma y . T h en sh e w ou ld pr et en d t o
st op, sa y in g : “ How do y ou ex pect m e t o pla y w h en y ou
k eep on h oldin g m e? I ca n ’t do ev er y t h in g a t on ce. Ma k e
u p y ou r m in d w h a t y ou w a n t ; a m I t o pla y t h e ph r a se
or do y ou w a n t t o pla y w it h m e?” T h en h e w ou ld
becom e a n n oy ed, a n d sh e w ou ld bu r st ou t w it h a la u g h
w h ich , w a s t r a n sfor m ed, a s it left h er lips, a n d
descen ded u pon h im in a sh ow er of k isses. Or else sh e
w ou ld look a t h im su lk ily , a n d h e w ou ld see on ce a g a in
a fa ce w or t h y t o fig u r e in Bot t icelli’s ‘Life of Moses,’ h e
w ou ld pla ce it t h er e, g iv in g t o Odet t e’s n eck t h e
n ecessa r y in clin a t ion ; a n d w h en h e h a d fin ish ed h er
por t r a it in dist em per , in t h e fift een t h cen t u r y , on t h e
w a ll of t h e Six t in e, t h e idea t h a t sh e w a s, n on e t h e less,
in t h e r oom w it h h im st ill, by t h e pia n o, a t t h a t v er y
m om en t , r ea dy t o be k issed a n d w on , t h e idea of h er
m a t er ia l ex ist en ce, of h er bein g a liv e, w ou ld sw eep ov er
h im w it h so v iolen t a n in t ox ica t ion t h a t , w it h ey es
st a r t in g fr om h is h ea d a n d ja w s t h a t pa r t ed a s t h ou g h
t o dev ou r h er , h e w ou ld flin g h im self u pon t h is
Bot t icelli m a iden a n d k iss a n d bit e h er ch eek s. A n d
t h en , a s soon a s h e h a d left t h e h ou se, n ot w it h ou t
r et u r n in g t o k iss h er on ce a g a in , beca u se h e h a d
for g ot t en t o t a k e a w a y w it h h im , in m em or y , som e
det a il of h er fr a g r a n ce or of h er fea t u r es, w h ile h e dr ov e
h om e in h is v ict or ia , blessin g t h e n a m e of Odet t e w h o
a llow ed h im t o pa y h er t h ese da ily v isit s, w h ich ,
a lt h ou g h t h ey cou ld n ot , h e felt , br in g a n y g r ea t
h a ppin ess t o h er , st ill, by k eepin g h im im m u n e fr om
t h e fev er of jea lou sy — by r em ov in g fr om h im ev er y
possibilit y of a fr esh ou t br ea k of t h e h ea r t -sick n ess
w h ich h a d m a n ifest ed it self in h im t h a t ev en in g , w h en
h e h a d fa iled t o fin d h er a t t h e V er du r in s’ — m ig h t h elp
h im t o a r r iv e, w it h ou t a n y r ecu r r en ce of t h ose cr ises, of
w h ich t h e fir st h a d been so dist r essin g t h a t it m u st a lso
be t h e la st , a t t h e t er m in a t ion of t h is st r a n g e ser ies of
h ou r s in h is life, h ou r s a lm ost en ch a n t ed, in t h e sa m e
m a n n er a s t h ese ot h er , follow in g h ou r s, in w h ich h e
dr ov e t h r ou g h a deser t ed Pa r is by t h e lig h t of t h e m oon :
n ot icin g a s h e dr ov e h om e t h a t t h e sa t ellit e h a d n ow
ch a n g ed it s posit ion , r ela t iv ely t o h is ow n , a n d w a s
a lm ost t ou ch in g t h e h or izon ; feelin g t h a t h is lov e, a lso,
w a s obedien t t o t h ese im m u t a ble la w s of n a t u r e, h e
a sk ed h im self w h et h er t h is per iod, u pon w h ich h e h a d
en t er ed, w a s t o la st m u ch lon g er , w h et h er pr esen t ly h is
m in d’s ey e w ou ld cea se t o beh old t h a t dea r
cou n t en a n ce, sa v e a s occu py in g a dist a n t a n d
dim in ish ed posit ion , a n d on t h e v er g e of cea sin g t o sh ed
on h im t h e r a dia n ce of it s ch a r m . For Sw a n n w a s
fin din g in t h in g s on ce m or e, sin ce h e h a d fa llen in lov e,
t h e ch a r m t h a t h e h a d fou n d w h en , in h is a dolescen ce,
h e h a d fa n cied h im self a n a r t ist ; w it h t h is differ en ce,
t h a t w h a t ch a r m la y in t h em n ow w a s con fer r ed by
Odet t e a lon e. He cou ld feel r ea w a k en in g in h im self t h e
in spir a t ion s of h is boy h ood, w h ich h a d been dissipa t ed
a m on g t h e fr iv olit ies of h is la t er life, bu t t h ey a ll bor e,
n ow , t h e r eflect ion , t h e st a m p of a pa r t icu la r bein g ; a n d
du r in g t h e lon g h ou r s w h ich h e n ow fou n d a su bt le
plea su r e in spen din g a t h om e, a lon e w it h h is
con v a lescen t spir it , h e beca m e g r a du a lly h im self
a g a in , bu t h im self in t h r a ldom t o a n ot h er .
He w en t t o h er on ly in t h e ev en in g s, a n d k n ew
n ot h in g of h ow sh e spen t h er t im e du r in g t h e da y , a n y
m or e t h a n h e k n ew of h er pa st ; so lit t le, in deed, t h a t h e
h a d n ot ev en t h e t in y , in it ia l clu e w h ich , by a llow in g
u s t o im a g in e w h a t w e do n ot k n ow , st im u la t es a desir e
for ek n ow ledg e. A n d so h e n ev er a sk ed h im self w h a t sh e
m ig h t be doin g , or w h a t h er life h a d been . On ly h e
sm iled som et im es a t t h e t h ou g h t of h ow , som e y ea r s
ea r lier , w h en h e st ill did n ot k n ow h er , som e on e h a d
spok en t o h im of a w om a n w h o, if h e r em em ber ed
r ig h t ly , m u st cer t a in ly h a v e been Odet t e, a s of a ‘t a r t ,’
a ‘k ept ’ w om a n , on e of t h ose w om en t o w h om h e st ill
a t t r ibu t ed (h a v in g liv ed bu t lit t le in t h eir com pa n y )
t h e en t ir e set of ch a r a ct er ist ics, fu n da m en t a lly
per v er se, w it h w h ich t h ey h a d been , for m a n y y ea r s,
en dow ed by t h e im a g in a t ion of cer t a in n ov elist s. He
w ou ld sa y t o h im self t h a t on e h a s, a s oft en a s n ot , on ly
t o t a k e t h e ex a ct cou n t er pa r t of t h e r epu t a t ion cr ea t ed
by t h e w or ld in or der t o ju dg e a per son fa ir ly , w h en
w it h su ch a ch a r a ct er h e con t r a st ed t h a t of Odet t e, so
g ood, so sim ple, so en t h u sia st ic in t h e pu r su it of idea ls,
so n ea r ly in ca pa ble of n ot t ellin g t h e t r u t h t h a t , w h en
h e h a d on ce beg g ed h er , so t h a t t h ey m ig h t din e
t og et h er a lon e, t o w r it e t o Mm e. V er du r in , sa y in g t h a t
sh e w a s u n w ell, t h e n ex t da y h e h a d seen h er , fa ce t o
fa ce w it h Mm e. V er du r in , w h o a sk ed w h et h er sh e h a d
r ecov er ed, blu sh in g , st a m m er in g , a n d, in spit e of
h er self, r ev ea lin g in ev er y fea t u r e h ow pa in fu l, w h a t a
t or t u r e it w a s t o h er t o a ct a lie; a n d, w h ile in h er
a n sw er sh e m u lt iplied t h e fict it iou s det a ils of a n
im a g in a r y illn ess, seem in g t o a sk pa r don , by h er
su pplia n t look a n d h er st r ick en a ccen t s, for t h e obv iou s
fa lseh ood of h er w or ds.
On cer t a in da y s, h ow ev er , t h ou g h t h ese ca m e
seldom , sh e w ou ld ca ll u pon h im in t h e a ft er n oon , t o
in t er r u pt h is m u sin g s or t h e essa y on V er m eer t o w h ich
h e h a d la t t er ly r et u r n ed. His ser v a n t w ou ld com e in t o
sa y t h a t Mm e. de Cr écy w a s in t h e sm a ll dr a w in g -r oom .
He w ou ld g o in sea r ch of h er , a n d, w h en h e open ed t h e
door , on Odet t e’s blu sh in g cou n t en a n ce, a s soon a s sh e
ca u g h t sig h t of Sw a n n , w ou ld a ppea r — ch a n g in g t h e
cu r v e of h er lips, t h e look in h er ey es, t h e m ou ldin g of
h er ch eek s — a n a ll-a bsor bin g sm ile. On ce h e w a s left
a lon e h e w ou ld see a g a in t h a t sm ile, a n d h er sm ile of
t h e da y befor e, a n ot h er w it h w h ich sh e h a d g r eet ed
h im som et im e else, t h e sm ile w h ich h a d been h er
a n sw er , in t h e ca r r ia g e t h a t n ig h t , w h en h e h a d a sk ed
h er w h et h er sh e object ed t o h is r ea r r a n g in g h er
ca t t ley a s; a n d t h e life of Odet t e a t a ll ot h er t im es, sin ce
h e k n ew n ot h in g of it , a ppea r ed t o h im u pon a n eu t r a l
a n d colou r less ba ck g r ou n d, lik e t h ose sh eet s of sk et ch es
by W a t t ea u u pon w h ich on e sees, h er e a n d t h er e, in
ev er y cor n er a n d in a ll dir ect ion s, t r a ced in t h r ee
colou r s u pon t h e bu ff pa per , in n u m er a ble sm iles. Bu t ,
on ce in a w h ile, illu m in a t in g a ch in k of t h a t ex ist en ce
w h ich Sw a n n st ill sa w a s a com plet e bla n k , ev en if h is
m in d a ssu r ed h im t h a t it w a s n ot so, beca u se h e w a s
u n a ble t o im a g in e a n y t h in g t h a t m ig h t occu py it , som e
fr ien d w h o k n ew t h em bot h , a n d su spect in g t h a t t h ey
w er e in lov e, h a d n ot da r ed t o t ell h im a n y t h in g a bou t
h er t h a t w a s of t h e lea st im por t a n ce, w ou ld descr ibe
Odet t e’s fig u r e, a s h e h a d seen h er , t h a t v er y m or n in g ,
g oin g on foot u p t h e Ru e A bba t t u cci, in a ca pe t r im m ed
w it h sk u n k s, w ea r in g a Rem br a n dt h a t , a n d a bu n ch of
v iolet s in h er bosom . T h is sim ple ou t lin e r edu ced
Sw a n n t o u t t er con fu sion by en a blin g h im su dden ly t o
per ceiv e t h a t Odet t e h a d a n ex ist en ce w h ich w a s n ot
w h olly su bor din a t ed t o h is ow n ; h e bu r n ed t o k n ow
w h om sh e h a d been seek in g t o fa scin a t e by t h is cost u m e
in w h ich h e h a d n ev er seen h er ; h e r eg ist er ed a v ow t o
in sist u pon h er t ellin g h im w h er e sh e h a d been g oin g a t
t h a t in t er cept ed m om en t , a s t h ou g h , in a ll t h e
colou r less life — a life a lm ost n on ex ist en t , sin ce sh e w a s
t h en in v isible t o h im — of h is m ist r ess, t h er e h a d been
bu t a sin g le in ciden t a pa r t fr om a ll t h ose sm iles
dir ect ed t ow a r ds h im self; n a m ely , h er w a lk in g a br oa d
ben ea t h a Rem br a n dt h a t , w it h a bu n ch of v iolet s in
h er bosom .
Ex cept w h en h e a sk ed h er for V in t eu il’s lit t le ph r a se
in st ea d of t h e Vals e des Ros es , Sw a n n m a de n o effor t t o
in du ce h er t o pla y t h e t h in g s t h a t h e h im self pr efer r ed,
n or , in lit er a t u r e a n y m or e t h a n in m u sic, t o cor r ect
t h e m a n ifold er r or s of h er t a st e. He fu lly r ea lised t h a t
sh e w a s n ot in t ellig en t . W h en sh e sa id h ow m u ch sh e
w ou ld lik e h im t o t ell h er a bou t t h e g r ea t poet s, sh e h a d
im a g in ed t h a t sh e w ou ld su dden ly g et t o k n ow w h ole
pa g es of r om a n t ic a n d h er oic v er se, in t h e st y le of t h e
V icom t e de Bor elli, on ly ev en m or e m ov in g . A s for
V er m eer of Delft , sh e a sk ed w h et h er h e h a d been m a de
t o su ffer by a w om a n , if it w a s a w om a n t h a t h a d
in spir ed h im , a n d on ce Sw a n n h a d t old h er t h a t n o on e
k n ew , sh e h a d lost a ll in t er est in t h a t pa in t er . Sh e
w ou ld oft en sa y : “ I’m su r e, poet r y ; w ell, of cou r se,
t h er e’d be n ot h in g lik e it if it w a s a ll t r u e, if t h e poet s
r ea lly believ ed t h e t h in g s t h ey sa id. Bu t a s oft en a s n ot
y ou ’ll fin d t h er e’s n o on e so m ea n a n d ca lcu la t in g a s
t h ose fellow s. I k n ow som et h in g a bou t poet r y . I h a d a
fr ien d, on ce, w h o w a s in lov e w it h a poet of sor t s. In h is
v er ses h e n ev er spok e of a n y t h in g bu t lov e, a n d
h ea v en , a n d t h e st a r s. Oh ! sh e w a s pr oper ly t a k en in !
He h a d m or e t h a n t h r ee h u n dr ed t h ou sa n d fr a n cs ou t of
h er befor e h e’d fin ish ed.” If, t h en , Sw a n n t r ied t o sh ew
h er in w h a t a r t ist ic bea u t y con sist ed, h ow on e ou g h t t o
a ppr ecia t e poet r y or pa in t in g , a ft er a m in u t e or t w o sh e
w ou ld cea se t o list en , sa y in g : “ Y es . . . I n ev er t h ou g h t it
w ou ld be lik e t h a t .” A n d h e felt t h a t h er
disa ppoin t m en t w a s so g r ea t t h a t h e pr efer r ed t o lie t o
h er , a ssu r in g h er t h a t w h a t h e h a d sa id w a s n ot h in g ,
t h a t h e h a d on ly t ou ch ed t h e su r fa ce, t h a t h e h a d n ot
t im e t o g o in t o it a ll pr oper ly , t h a t t h er e w a s m or e in it
t h a n t h a t . T h en sh e w ou ld in t er r u pt w it h a br isk ,
“ Mor e in it ? W h a t ? . . . Do t ell m e!” , bu t h e did n ot t ell
h er , for h e r ea lised h ow pet t y it w ou ld a ppea r t o h er ,
a n d h ow differ en t fr om w h a t sh e h a d ex pect ed, less
sen sa t ion a l a n d less t ou ch in g ; h e w a s a fr a id, t oo, lest ,
disillu sion ed in t h e m a t t er of a r t , sh e m ig h t a t t h e sa m e
t im e be disillu sion ed in t h e g r ea t er m a t t er of lov e.
W it h t h e r esu lt t h a t sh e fou n d Sw a n n in fer ior ,
in t ellect u a lly , t o w h a t sh e h a d su pposed. “ Y ou ’r e
a lw a y s so r eser v ed; I ca n ’t m a k e y ou ou t .” Sh e
m a r v elled in cr ea sin g ly a t h is in differ en ce t o m on ey , a t
h is cou r t esy t o ev er y on e a lik e, a t t h e delica cy of h is
m in d. A n d in deed it h a ppen s, oft en en ou g h , t o a g r ea t er
m a n t h a n Sw a n n ev er w a s, t o a scien t ist or a r t ist , w h en
h e is n ot w h olly m isu n der st ood by t h e people a m on g
w h om h e liv es, t h a t t h e feelin g in t h em w h ich pr ov es
t h a t t h ey h a v e been con v in ced of t h e su per ior it y of h is
in t ellect is cr ea t ed n ot by a n y a dm ir a t ion for h is idea s
— for t h ose a r e en t ir ely bey on d t h em — bu t by t h eir
r espect for w h a t t h ey t er m h is g ood qu a lit ies. T h er e w a s
a lso t h e r espect w it h w h ich Odet t e w a s in spir ed by t h e
t h ou g h t of Sw a n n ’s socia l posit ion , a lt h ou g h sh e h a d n o
desir e t h a t h e sh ou ld a t t em pt t o secu r e in v it a t ion s for
h er self. Per h a ps sh e felt t h a t su ch a t t em pt s w ou ld be
bou n d t o fa il; per h a ps, in deed, sh e fea r ed lest , m er ely
by spea k in g of h er t o h is fr ien ds, h e sh ou ld pr ov ok e
disclosu r es of a n u n w elcom e k in d. T h e fa ct r em a in s
t h a t sh e h a d con sist en t ly h eld h im t o h is pr om ise n ev er
t o m en t ion h er n a m e. Her r ea son for n ot w ish in g t o g o
in t o societ y w a s, sh e h a d t old h im , a qu a r r el w h ich sh e
h a d h a d, lon g a g o, w it h a n ot h er g ir l, w h o h a d a v en g ed
h er self by sa y in g n a st y t h in g s a bou t h er . “ Bu t ,” Sw a n n
object ed, “ su r ely , people don ’t a ll k n ow y ou r fr ien d.”
“ Y es, don ’t y ou see, it ’s lik e a spot of oil; people a r e so
h or r id.” Sw a n n w a s u n a ble, fr a n k ly , t o a ppr ecia t e t h is
poin t ; on t h e ot h er h a n d, h e k n ew t h a t su ch
g en er a lisa t ion s a s “ People a r e so h or r id,” a n d “ A w or d of
sca n da l spr ea ds lik e a spot of oil,” w er e g en er a lly
a ccept ed a s t r u e; t h er e m u st , t h er efor e, be ca ses t o
w h ich t h ey w er e lit er a lly a pplica ble. Cou ld Odet t e’s
ca se be on e of t h ese? He t ea sed h im self w it h t h e
qu est ion , t h ou g h n ot for lon g , for h e t oo w a s su bject t o
t h a t m en t a l oppr ession w h ich h a d so w eig h ed u pon h is
fa t h er , w h en ev er h e w a s fa ced by a difficu lt pr oblem . In
a n y ev en t , t h a t w or ld of societ y w h ich con cea led su ch
t er r or s for Odet t e in spir ed h er , pr oba bly , w it h n o v er y
g r ea t lon g in g t o en t er it , sin ce it w a s t oo fa r r em ov ed
fr om t h e w or ld w h ich sh e a lr ea dy k n ew for h er t o be
a ble t o for m a n y clea r con cept ion of it . A t t h e sa m e
t im e, w h ile in cer t a in r espect s sh e h a d r et a in ed a
g en u in e sim plicit y (sh e h a d, for in st a n ce, k ept u p a
fr ien dsh ip w it h a lit t le dr essm a k er , n ow r et ir ed fr om
bu sin ess, u p w h ose st eep a n d da r k a n d fet id st a ir ca se
sh e cla m ber ed a lm ost ev er y da y ), sh e st ill t h ir st ed t o be
in t h e fa sh ion , t h ou g h h er idea of it w a s n ot a lt og et h er
t h a t h eld by fa sh ion a ble people. For t h e la t t er , fa sh ion
is a t h in g t h a t em a n a t es fr om a com pa r a t iv ely sm a ll
n u m ber of lea der s, w h o pr oject it t o a con sider a ble
dist a n ce — w it h m or e or less st r en g t h a ccor din g a s on e
is n ea r er t o or fa r t h er fr om t h eir in t im a t e cen t r e — ov er
t h e w iden in g cir cle of t h eir fr ien ds a n d t h e fr ien ds of
t h eir fr ien ds, w h ose n a m es for m a sor t of t a bu la t ed
in dex . People ‘in societ y ’ k n ow t h is in dex by h ea r t , t h ey
a r e g ift ed in su ch m a t t er s w it h a n er u dit ion fr om
w h ich t h ey h a v e ex t r a ct ed a sor t of t a st e, of t a ct , so
a u t om a t ic in it s oper a t ion t h a t Sw a n n , for ex a m ple,
w it h ou t n eedin g t o dr a w u pon h is k n ow ledg e of t h e
w or ld, if h e r ea d in a n ew spa per t h e n a m es of t h e people
w h o h a d been g u est s a t a din n er , cou ld t ell a t on ce h ow
fa sh ion a ble t h e din n er h a d been , ju st a s a m a n of
let t er s, m er ely by r ea din g a ph r a se, ca n est im a t e
ex a ct ly t h e lit er a r y m er it of it s a u t h or . Bu t Odet t e w a s
on e of t h ose per son s (a n ex t r em ely n u m er ou s cla ss,
w h a t ev er t h e fa sh ion a ble w or ld m a y t h in k , a n d t o be
fou n d in ev er y sect ion of societ y ) w h o do n ot sh a r e t h is
k n ow ledg e, bu t im a g in e fa sh ion t o be som et h in g of qu it e
a n ot h er k in d, w h ich a ssu m es differ en t a spect s
a ccor din g t o t h e cir cle t o w h ich t h ey t h em selv es
belon g , bu t h a s t h e specia l ch a r a ct er ist ic — com m on
a lik e t o t h e fa sh ion of w h ich Odet t e u sed t o dr ea m a n d
t o t h a t befor e w h ich Mm e. Cot t a r d bow ed — of bein g
dir ect ly a ccessible t o a ll. T h e ot h er k in d, t h e fa sh ion of
‘fa sh ion a ble people,’ is, it m u st be a dm it t ed, a ccessible
a lso; bu t t h er e a r e in ev it a ble dela y s. Odet t e w ou ld sa y
of som e on e: “ He n ev er g oes t o a n y pla ce t h a t isn ’t
r ea lly sm a r t .”
A n d if Sw a n n w er e t o a sk h er w h a t sh e m ea n t by
t h a t , sh e w ou ld a n sw er , w it h a t ou ch of con t em pt ,
“ Sm a r t pla ces! W h y , g ood h ea v en s, ju st fa n cy , a t y ou r
a g e, h a v in g t o be t old w h a t t h e sm a r t pla ces a r e in
Pa r is! W h a t do y ou ex pect m e t o sa y ? W ell, on Su n da y
m or n in g s t h er e’s t h e A v en u e de l’Im pér a t r ice, a n d
r ou n d t h e la k e a t fiv e o’clock , a n d on T h u r sda y s t h e
Eden -T h éâ t r e, a n d t h é Hippodr om e on Fr ida y s; t h en
t h er e a r e t h e ba lls . . . ”
“ W h a t ba lls?”
“ W h y , silly , t h e ba lls people g iv e in Pa r is; t h e sm a r t
on es, I m ea n . W a it n ow , Her bin g er , y ou k n ow w h o I
m ea n , t h e fellow w h o’s in on e of t h e jobber s’ offices; y es,
of cou r se, y ou m u st k n ow h im , h e’s on e of t h e best -
k n ow n m en in Pa r is, t h a t g r ea t big fa ir -h a ir ed boy w h o
w ea r s su ch sw a g g er clot h es; h e a lw a y s h a s a flow er in
h is bu t t on h ole a n d a lig h t -colou r ed ov er coa t w it h a fold
dow n t h e ba ck ; h e g oes a bou t w it h t h a t old im a g e, t a k es
h er t o a ll t h e fir st -n ig h t s. V er y w ell! He g a v e a ba ll t h e
ot h er n ig h t , a n d a ll t h e sm a r t people in Pa r is w er e
t h er e. I sh ou ld h a v e lov ed t o g o! bu t y ou h a d t o sh ew
y ou r in v it a t ion a t t h e door , a n d I cou ldn ’t g et on e
a n y w h er e. A ft er a ll, I’m ju st a s g la d, n ow , t h a t I didn ’t
g o; I sh ou ld h a v e been k illed in t h e cr u sh , a n d seen
n ot h in g . St ill, ju st t o be a ble t o sa y on e h a d been t o
Her bin g er ’s ba ll. Y ou k n ow h ow v a in I a m ! How ev er ,
y ou m a y be qu it e cer t a in t h a t h a lf t h e people w h o t ell
y ou t h ey w er e t h er e a r e t ellin g st or ies. . . . Bu t I a m
su r pr ised t h a t y ou w er en ’t t h er e, a r eg u la r ‘t ip-t opper ’
lik e y ou .”
Sw a n n m a de n o a t t em pt , h ow ev er , t o m odify t h is
con cept ion of fa sh ion ; feelin g t h a t h is ow n ca m e n o
n ea r er t o t h e t r u t h , w a s ju st a s fa t u ou s, dev oid of a ll
im por t a n ce, h e sa w n o a dv a n t a g e t o be g a in ed by
im pa r t in g it t o h is m ist r ess, w it h t h e r esu lt t h a t , a ft er a
few m on t h s, sh e cea sed t o t a k e a n y in t er est in t h e
people t o w h ose h ou ses h e w en t , ex cept w h en t h ey w er e
t h e m ea n s of h is obt a in in g t ick et s for t h e pa ddock a t
r a ce-m eet in g s or fir st -n ig h t s a t t h e t h ea t r e. Sh e h oped
t h a t h e w ou ld con t in u e t o cu lt iv a t e su ch pr ofit a ble
a cqu a in t a n ces, bu t sh e h a d com e t o r eg a r d t h em a s less
sm a r t sin ce t h e da y w h en sh e h a d pa ssed t h e Ma r qu ise
de V illepa r isis in t h e st r eet , w ea r in g a bla ck ser g e dr ess
a n d a bon n et w it h st r in g s.
“ Bu t sh e look s lik e a pew -open er , lik e a n old
ch a r w om a n , da r lin g ! T h a t a m a r qu ise! Goodn ess k n ow s
I’m n ot a m a r qu ise, bu t y ou ’d h a v e t o pa y m e a lot of
m on ey befor e y ou ’d g et m e t o g o a bou t Pa r is r ig g ed ou t
lik e t h a t !”
Nor cou ld sh e u n der st a n d Sw a n n ’s con t in u in g t o
liv e in h is h ou se on t h e Qu a i d’Or léa n s, w h ich , t h ou g h
sh e da r ed n ot t ell h im so, sh e con sider ed u n w or t h y of
h im .
It w a s t r u e t h a t sh e cla im ed t o be fon d of ‘a n t iqu es,’
a n d u sed t o a ssu m e a r a pt u r ou s a n d k n ow in g a ir w h en
sh e con fessed h ow sh e lov ed t o spen d t h e w h ole da y
‘r u m m a g in g ’ in secon d-h a n d sh ops, h u n t in g for ‘br ic-à -
br a c,’ a n d t h in g s of t h e ‘r ig h t da t e.’ A lt h ou g h it w a s a
poin t of h on ou r , t o w h ich sh e obst in a t ely clu n g , a s
t h ou g h obey in g som e old fa m ily cu st om , t h a t sh e
sh ou ld n ev er a n sw er a n y qu est ion s, n ev er g iv e a n y
a ccou n t of w h a t sh e did du r in g t h e da y t im e, sh e spok e
t o Sw a n n on ce a bou t a fr ien d t o w h ose h ou se sh e h a d
been in v it ed, a n d h a d fou n d t h a t ev er y t h in g in it w a s
‘of t h e per iod.’ Sw a n n cou ld n ot g et h er t o t ell h im w h a t
‘per iod’ it w a s. On ly a ft er t h in k in g t h e m a t t er ov er sh e
r eplied t h a t it w a s ‘m edia ev a l’; by w h ich sh e m ea n t
t h a t t h e w a lls w er e pa n elled. Som e t im e la t er sh e spok e
t o h im a g a in of h er fr ien d, a n d a dded, in t h e h esit a t in g
bu t con fiden t t on e in w h ich on e r efer s t o a per son w h om
on e h a s m et som ew h er e, a t din n er , t h e n ig h t befor e, of
w h om on e h a d n ev er h ea r d u n t il t h en , bu t w h om on e’s
h ost s seem ed t o r eg a r d a s som e on e so celebr a t ed a n d
im por t a n t t h a t on e h opes t h a t on e’s list en er w ill k n ow
qu it e w ell w h o is m ea n t , a n d w ill be du ly im pr essed:
“ Her din in g -r oom . . . is . . . eig h t een t h cen t u r y !”
In ciden t a lly , sh e h a d t h ou g h t it h ideou s, a ll ba r e, a s
t h ou g h t h e h ou se w er e st ill u n fin ish ed; w om en look ed
fr ig h t fu l in it , a n d it w ou ld n ev er becom e t h e fa sh ion .
Sh e m en t ion ed it a g a in , a t h ir d t im e, w h en sh e sh ew ed
Sw a n n a ca r d w it h t h e n a m e a n d a ddr ess of t h e m a n
w h o h a d desig n ed t h e din in g -r oom , a n d w h om sh e
w a n t ed t o sen d for , w h en sh e h a d en ou g h m on ey , t o see
w h et h er h e cou ld n ot do on e for h er t oo; n ot on e lik e
t h a t , of cou r se, bu t on e of t h e sor t sh e u sed t o dr ea m of,
on e w h ich , u n for t u n a t ely , h er lit t le h ou se w ou ld n ot be
la r g e en ou g h t o con t a in , w it h t a ll sideboa r ds,
Ren a issa n ce fu r n it u r e a n d fir epla ces lik e t h e Ch â t ea u
a t Blois. It w a s on t h is occa sion t h a t sh e let ou t t o Sw a n n
w h a t sh e r ea lly t h ou g h t of h is a bode on t h e Qu a i
d’Or léa n s; h e h a v in g v en t u r ed t h e cr it icism t h a t h er
fr ien d h a d in du lg ed, n ot in t h e Lou is X V I st y le, for , h e
w en t on , a lt h ou g h t h a t w a s n ot , of cou r se, don e, st ill it
m ig h t be m a de ch a r m in g , bu t in t h e ‘Sh a m -A n t iqu e.’
“ Y ou w ou ldn ’t h a v e h er liv e, lik e y ou , a m on g a lot
of br ok en -dow n ch a ir s a n d t h r ea dba r e ca r pet s!” sh e
ex cla im ed, t h e in n a t e r espect a bilit y of t h e m iddle-cla ss
h ou sew ife r isin g im pu lsiv ely t o t h e su r fa ce t h r ou g h t h e
a cqu ir ed dilet t a n t ism of t h e ‘lig h t w om a n .’
People w h o en joy ed ‘pick in g -u p’ t h in g s, w h o
a dm ir ed poet r y , despised sor did ca lcu la t ion s of pr ofit
a n d loss, a n d n ou r ish ed idea ls of h on ou r a n d lov e, sh e
pla ced in a cla ss by t h em selv es, su per ior t o t h e r est of
h u m a n it y . T h er e w a s n o n eed a ct u a lly t o h a v e t h ose
t a st es, pr ov ided on e t a lk ed en ou g h a bou t t h em ; w h en a
m a n h a d t old h er a t din n er t h a t h e lov ed t o w a n der
a bou t a n d g et h is h a n ds a ll cov er ed w it h du st in t h e old
fu r n it u r e sh ops, t h a t h e w ou ld n ev er be r ea lly
a ppr ecia t ed in t h is com m er cia l a g e, sin ce h e w a s n ot
con cer n ed a bou t t h e t h in g s t h a t in t er est ed it , a n d t h a t
h e belon g ed t o a n ot h er g en er a t ion a lt og et h er , sh e
w ou ld com e h om e sa y in g : “ W h y , h e’s a n a dor a ble
cr ea t u r e; so sen sit iv e! I h a d n o idea ,” a n d sh e w ou ld
con ceiv e for h im a st r on g a n d su dden fr ien dsh ip. Bu t ,
on t h e ot h er h a n d, m en w h o, lik e Sw a n n , h a d t h ese
t a st es bu t did n ot spea k of t h em , left h er cold. Sh e w a s
oblig ed, of cou r se, t o a dm it t h a t Sw a n n w a s m ost
g en er ou s w it h h is m on ey , bu t sh e w ou ld a dd, pou t in g :
“ It ’s n ot t h e sa m e t h in g , y ou see, w it h h im ,” a n d, a s a
m a t t er of fa ct , w h a t a ppea led t o h er im a g in a t ion w a s
n ot t h e pr a ct ice of disin t er est edn ess, bu t it s v oca bu la r y .
Feelin g t h a t , oft en , h e cou ld n ot g iv e h er in r ea lit y
t h e plea su r es of w h ich sh e dr ea m ed, h e t r ied a t lea st t o
en su r e t h a t sh e sh ou ld be h a ppy in h is com pa n y , t r ied
n ot t o con t r a dict t h ose v u lg a r idea s, t h a t ba d t a st e
w h ich sh e displa y ed on ev er y possible occa sion , w h ich
a ll t h e sa m e h e lov ed, a s h e cou ld n ot h elp lov in g
ev er y t h in g t h a t ca m e fr om h er , w h ich ev en fa scin a t ed
h im , for w er e t h ey n ot so m a n y m or e of t h ose
ch a r a ct er ist ic fea t u r es, by v ir t u e of w h ich t h e essen t ia l
qu a lit ies of t h e w om a n em er g ed, a n d w er e m a de
v isible? A n d so, w h en sh e w a s in a h a ppy m ood beca u se
sh e w a s g oin g t o see t h e Reine Topaz e, or w h en h er ey es
g r ew ser iou s, t r ou bled, pet u la n t , if sh e w a s a fr a id of
m issin g t h e flow er -sh ow , or m er ely of n ot bein g in t im e
for t ea , w it h m u ffin s a n d t oa st , a t t h e Ru e Roy a le t ea -
r oom s, w h er e sh e believ ed t h a t r eg u la r a t t en da n ce w a s
in dispen sa ble, a n d set t h e sea l u pon a w om a n ’s
cer t ifica t e of ‘sm a r t n ess,’ Sw a n n , en r a pt u r ed, a s a ll of
u s a r e, a t t im es, by t h e n a t u r a l beh a v iou r of a ch ild, or
by t h e lik en ess of a por t r a it , w h ich a ppea r s t o be on t h e
poin t of spea k in g , w ou ld feel so dist in ct ly t h e sou l of h is
m ist r ess r isin g t o fill t h e ou t lin es of h er fa ce t h a t h e
cou ld n ot r efr a in fr om g oin g a cr oss a n d w elcom in g it
w it h h is lips. “ Oh , t h en , so lit t le Odet t e w a n t s u s t o t a k e
h er t o t h e flow er -sh ow , does sh e? sh e w a n t s t o be
a dm ir ed, does sh e? v er y w ell, w e w ill t a k e h er t h er e, w e
ca n bu t obey h er w ish es.” A s Sw a n n ’s sig h t w a s
beg in n in g t o fa il, h e h a d t o r esig n h im self t o a pa ir of
spect a cles, w h ich h e w or e a t h om e, w h en w or k in g ,
w h ile t o fa ce t h e w or ld h e a dopt ed a sin g le ey eg la ss, a s
bein g less disfig u r in g . T h e fir st t im e t h a t sh e sa w it in
h is ey e, sh e cou ld n ot con t a in h er self for joy : “ I r ea lly do
t h in k — for a m a n , t h a t is t o sa y — it is t r em en dou sly
sm a r t ! How n ice y ou look w it h it ! Ev er y in ch a
g en t lem a n . A ll y ou w a n t n ow is a t it le!” sh e con clu ded,
w it h a t in g e of r eg r et in h er v oice. He lik ed Odet t e t o
sa y t h ese t h in g s, ju st a s, if h e h a d been in lov e w it h a
Br et on g ir l, h e w ou ld h a v e en joy ed seein g h er in h er
coif a n d h ea r in g h er sa y t h a t sh e believ ed in g h ost s.
A lw a y s u n t il t h en , a s is com m on a m on g m en w h ose
t a st e for t h e fin e a r t s dev elops in depen den t ly of t h eir
sen su a lit y , a g r ot esqu e dispa r it y h a d ex ist ed bet w een
t h e sa t isfa ct ion s w h ich h e w ou ld a ccor d t o eit h er t a st e
sim u lt a n eou sly ; y ieldin g t o t h e sedu ct ion of w or k s of a r t
w h ich g r ew m or e a n d m or e su bt le a s t h e w om en in
w h ose com pa n y h e en joy ed t h em g r ew m or e illit er a t e
a n d com m on , h e w ou ld t a k e a lit t le ser v a n t -g ir l t o a
scr een ed box in a t h ea t r e w h er e t h er e w a s som e
deca den t piece w h ich h e h a d w ish ed t o see per for m ed,
or t o a n ex h ibit ion of im pr ession ist pa in t in g , w it h t h e
con v ict ion , m or eov er , t h a t a n edu ca t ed, ‘societ y ’
w om a n w ou ld h a v e u n der st ood t h em n o bet t er , bu t
w ou ld n ot h a v e m a n a g ed t o k eep qu iet a bou t t h em so
pr et t ily . Bu t , n ow t h a t h e w a s in lov e w it h Odet t e, a ll
t h is w a s ch a n g ed; t o sh a r e h er sy m pa t h ies, t o st r iv e t o
be on e w it h h er in spir it w a s a t a sk so a t t r a ct iv e t h a t h e
t r ied t o fin d sa t isfa ct ion in t h e t h in g s t h a t sh e lik ed,
a n d did fin d a plea su r e, n ot on ly in copy in g h er h a bit s
bu t in a dopt in g h er opin ion s, w h ich w a s a ll t h e deeper
beca u se, a s t h ose h a bit s a n d opin ion s spr a n g fr om n o
r oot s in h er in t ellig en ce, t h ey su g g est ed t o h im n ot h in g
ex cept t h a t lov e, for t h e sa k e of w h ich h e h a d pr efer r ed
t h em t o h is ow n . If h e w en t a g a in t o Serge Panine, if h e
look ed ou t for oppor t u n it ies of g oin g t o w a t ch Oliv ier
Mét r a con du ct in g , it w a s for t h e plea su r e of bein g
in it ia t ed in t o ev er y on e of t h e idea s in Odet t e’s m in d, of
feelin g t h a t h e h a d a n equ a l sh a r e in a ll h er t a st es. T h is
ch a r m of dr a w in g h im closer t o h er , w h ich h er
fa v ou r it e pla y s a n d pict u r es a n d pla ces possessed,
st r u ck h im a s bein g m or e m y st er iou s t h a n t h e in t r in sic
ch a r m of m or e bea u t ifu l t h in g s a n d pla ces, w h ich
a ppea led t o h im by t h eir bea u t y , bu t w it h ou t r eca llin g
h er . Besides, h a v in g a llow ed t h e in t ellect u a l beliefs of
h is y ou t h t o g r ow fa in t , u n t il h is scept icism , a s a
fin ish ed ‘m a n of t h e w or ld,’ h a d g r a du a lly pen et r a t ed
t h em u n a w a r es, h e h eld (or a t lea st h e h a d h eld for so
lon g t h a t h e h a d fa llen in t o t h e h a bit of sa y in g ) t h a t t h e
object s w h ich w e a dm ir e h a v e n o a bsolu t e v a lu e in
t h em selv es, t h a t t h e w h ole t h in g is a m a t t er of da t es
a n d ca st es, a n d con sist s in a ser ies of fa sh ion s, t h e m ost
v u lg a r of w h ich a r e w or t h ju st a s m u ch a s t h ose w h ich
a r e r eg a r ded a s t h e m ost r efin ed. A n d a s h e h a d decided
t h a t t h e im por t a n ce w h ich Odet t e a t t a ch ed t o r eceiv in g
ca r ds t ot a pr iv a t e v iew w a s n ot in it self a n y m or e
r idicu lou s t h a n t h e plea su r e w h ich h e h im self h a d a t
on e t im e felt in g oin g t o lu n ch eon w it h t h e Pr in ce of
W a les, so h e did n ot t h in k t h a t t h e a dm ir a t ion w h ich
sh e pr ofessed for Mon t e-Ca r lo or for t h e Rig h i w a s a n y
m or e u n r ea son a ble t h a n h is ow n lik in g for Holla n d
(w h ich sh e im a g in ed a s u g ly ) a n d for V er sa illes (w h ich
bor ed h er t o t ea r s). A n d so h e den ied h im self t h e
plea su r e of v isit in g t h ose pla ces, con solin g h im self w it h
t h e r eflect ion t h a t it w a s for h er sa k e t h a t h e w ish ed t o
feel, t o lik e n ot h in g t h a t w a s n ot equ a lly felt a n d lik ed
by h er .
Lik e ev er y t h in g else t h a t for m ed pa r t of Odet t e’s
en v ir on m en t , a n d w a s n o m or e, in a sen se, t h a n t h e
m ea n s w h er eby h e m ig h t see a n d t a lk t o h er m or e
oft en , h e en joy ed t h e societ y of t h e V er du r in s. W it h
t h em , sin ce, a t t h e h ea r t of a ll t h eir en t er t a in m en t s,
din n er s, m u sica l ev en in g s, g a m es, su pper s in fa n cy
dr ess, ex cu r sion s t o t h e cou n t r y , t h ea t r e pa r t ies, ev en
t h e in fr equ en t ‘big ev en in g s’ w h en t h ey en t er t a in ed
‘bor es,’ t h er e w er e t h e pr esen ce of Odet t e, t h e sig h t of
Odet t e, con v er sa t ion w it h Odet t e, a n in est im a ble boon
w h ich t h e V er du r in s, by in v it in g h im t o t h eir h ou se,
best ow ed on Sw a n n , h e w a s h a ppier in t h e lit t le
‘n u cleu s’ t h a n a n y w h er e else, a n d t r ied t o fin d som e
g en u in e m er it in ea ch of it s m em ber s, im a g in in g t h a t
h is t a st es w ou ld lea d h im t o fr equ en t t h eir societ y for
t h e r est of h is life. Nev er da r in g t o w h isper t o h im self,
lest h e sh ou ld dou bt t h e t r u t h of t h e su g g est ion , t h a t h e
w ou ld a lw a y s be in lov e w it h Odet t e, a t lea st w h en h e
t r ied t o su ppose t h a t h e w ou ld a lw a y s g o t o t h e
V er du r in s’ (a pr oposit ion w h ich , a pr ior i, r a ised few er
fu n da m en t a l object ion s on t h e pa r t of h is in t ellig en ce),
h e sa w h im self for t h e fu t u r e con t in u in g t o m eet Odet t e
ev er y ev en in g ; t h a t did n ot , per h a ps, com e qu it e t o t h e
sa m e t h in g a s h is bein g per m a n en t ly in lov e w it h h er ,
bu t for t h e m om en t w h ile h e w a s in lov e w it h h er , t o
feel t h a t h e w ou ld n ot , on e da y , cea se t o see h er w a s a ll
t h a t h e cou ld a sk . “ W h a t a ch a r m in g a t m osph er e!” h e
sa id t o h im self. “ How en t ir ely g en u in e life is t o t h ese
people! T h ey a r e fa r m or e in t ellig en t , fa r m or e a r t ist ic,
su r ely , t h a n t h e people on e k n ow s. Mm e. V er du r in , in
spit e of a few t r iflin g ex a g g er a t ion s w h ich a r e r a t h er
a bsu r d, h a s a sin cer e lov e of pa in t in g a n d m u sic! W h a t
a pa ssion for w or k s of a r t , w h a t a n x iet y t o g iv e plea su r e
t o a r t ist s! Her idea s a bou t som e of t h e people on e k n ow s
a r e n ot qu it e r ig h t , bu t t h en t h eir idea s a bou t a r t ist ic
cir cles a r e a lt og et h er w r on g ! Possibly I m a k e n o g r ea t
in t ellect u a l dem a n ds u pon con v er sa t ion , bu t I a m
per fect ly h a ppy t a lk in g t o Cot t a r d, a lt h ou g h h e does
t r ot ou t t h ose idiot ic pu n s. A n d a s for t h e pa in t er , if h e
is r a t h er u n plea sa n t ly a ffect ed w h en h e t r ies t o be
pa r a dox ica l, st ill h e h a s on e of t h e fin est br a in s t h a t I
h a v e ev er com e a cr oss. Besides, w h a t is m ost im por t a n t ,
on e feels qu it e fr ee t h er e, on e does w h a t on e lik es
w it h ou t con st r a in t or fu ss. W h a t a flow of h u m ou r t h er e
is ev er y da y in t h a t dr a w in g -r oom ! Cer t a in ly , w it h a
few r a r e ex cept ion s, I n ev er w a n t t o g o a n y w h er e else
a g a in . It w ill becom e m or e a n d m or e of a h a bit , a n d I
sh a ll spen d t h e r est of m y life a m on g t h em .”
A n d a s t h e qu a lit ies w h ich h e su pposed t o be a n
in t r in sic pa r t of t h e V er du r in ch a r a ct er w er e n o m or e,
r ea lly , t h a n t h eir su per ficia l r eflect ion of t h e plea su r e
w h ich h a d been en joy ed in t h eir societ y by h is lov e for
Odet t e, t h ose qu a lit ies beca m e m or e ser iou s, m or e
pr ofou n d, m or e v it a l, a s t h a t plea su r e in cr ea sed. Sin ce
Mm e. V er du r in g a v e Sw a n n , n ow a n d t h en , w h a t a lon e
cou ld con st it u t e h is h a ppin ess; sin ce, on a n ev en in g
w h en h e felt a n x iou s beca u se Odet t e h a d t a lk ed r a t h er
m or e t o on e of t h e pa r t y t h a n t o a n ot h er , a n d, in a
spa sm of ir r it a t ion , w ou ld n ot t a k e t h e in it ia t iv e by
a sk in g h er w h et h er sh e w a s com in g h om e, Mm e.
V er du r in br ou g h t pea ce a n d joy t o h is t r ou bled spir it by
t h e spon t a n eou s ex cla m a t ion : “ Odet t e! Y ou ’ll see M.
Sw a n n h om e, w on ’t y ou ?” ; sin ce, w h en t h e su m m er
h olida y s ca m e, a n d a ft er h e h a d a sk ed h im self u n ea sily
w h et h er Odet t e m ig h t n ot lea v e Pa r is w it h ou t h im ,
w h et h er h e w ou ld st ill be a ble t o see h er ev er y da y ,
Mm e. V er du r in w a s g oin g t o in v it e t h em bot h t o spen d
t h e su m m er w it h h er in t h e cou n t r y ; Sw a n n ,
u n con sciou sly a llow in g g r a t it u de a n d self-in t er est t o
filt er in t o h is in t ellig en ce a n d t o in flu en ce h is idea s,
w en t so fa r a s t o pr ocla im t h a t Mm e. V er du r in w a s “ a
g r ea t a n d n oble sou l.” Sh ou ld a n y of h is old fellow -
pu pils in t h e Lou v r e sch ool of pa in t in g spea k t o h im of
som e r a r e or em in en t a r t ist , “ I’d a h u n dr ed t im es
r a t h er ,” h e w ou ld r eply , “ h a v e t h e V er du r in s.” A n d,
w it h a solem n it y of dict ion w h ich w a s n ew in h im :
“ T h ey a r e m a g n a n im ou s cr ea t u r es, a n d m a g n a n im it y
is, a ft er a ll, t h e on e t h in g t h a t m a t t er s, t h e on e t h in g
t h a t g iv es u s dist in ct ion h er e on ea r t h . Look y ou , t h er e
a r e on ly t w o cla sses of m en , t h e m a g n a n im ou s, a n d t h e
r est ; a n d I h a v e r ea ch ed a n a g e w h en on e h a s t o t a k e
sides, t o decide on ce a n d for a ll w h om on e is g oin g t o lik e
a n d dislik e, t o st ick t o t h e people on e lik es, a n d, t o m a k e
u p for t h e t im e on e h a s w a st ed w it h t h e ot h er s, n ev er t o
lea v e t h em a g a in a s lon g a s on e liv es. V er y w ell!” h e
w en t on , w it h t h e slig h t em ot ion w h ich a m a n feels
w h en , ev en w it h ou t bein g fu lly a w a r e of w h a t h e is
doin g , h e sa y s som et h in g , n ot beca u se it is t r u e bu t
beca u se h e en joy s sa y in g it , a n d list en s t o h is ow n v oice
u t t er in g t h e w or ds a s t h ou g h t h ey ca m e fr om som e on e
else, “ T h e die is n ow ca st ; I h a v e elect ed t o lov e n on e bu t
m a g n a n im ou s sou ls, a n d t o liv e on ly in a n a t m osph er e
of m a g n a n im it y . Y ou a sk m e w h et h er Mm e. V er du r in is
r ea lly in t ellig en t . I ca n a ssu r e y ou t h a t sh e h a s g iv en
m e pr oofs of a n obilit y of h ea r t , of a loft in ess of sou l, t o
w h ich n o on e cou ld possibly a t t a in — h ow cou ld t h ey ? —
w it h ou t a cor r espon din g loft in ess of m in d. W it h ou t
qu est ion , sh e h a s a pr ofou n d u n der st a n din g of a r t . Bu t
it is n ot , per h a ps, in t h a t t h a t sh e is m ost a dm ir a ble;
ev er y lit t le a ct ion , in g en iou sly , ex qu isit ely k in d, w h ich
sh e h a s per for m ed for m y sa k e, ev er y fr ien dly
a t t en t ion , sim ple lit t le t h in g s, qu it e dom est ic a n d y et
qu it e su blim e, r ev ea l a m or e pr ofou n d com pr eh en sion
of ex ist en ce t h a n a ll y ou r t ex t book s of ph ilosoph y .”

He m ig h t h a v e r em in ded h im self, a ll t h e sa m e, t h a t
t h er e w er e v a r iou s old fr ien ds of h is fa m ily w h o w er e
ju st a s sim ple a s t h e V er du r in s, com pa n ion s of h is ea r ly
da y s w h o w er e ju st a s fon d of a r t , t h a t h e k n ew ot h er
‘g r ea t -h ea r t ed cr ea t u r es,’ a n d t h a t , n ev er t h eless, sin ce
h e h a d ca st h is v ot e in fa v ou r of sim plicit y , t h e a r t s,
a n d m a g n a n im it y , h e h a d en t ir ely cea sed t o see t h em .
Bu t t h ese people did n ot k n ow Odet t e, a n d, if t h ey h a d
k n ow n h er , w ou ld n ev er h a v e t h ou g h t of in t r odu cin g
h er t o h im .
A n d so t h er e w a s pr oba bly n ot , in t h e w h ole of t h e
V er du r in cir cle, a sin g le on e of t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ w h o lov ed
t h em , or believ ed t h a t h e lov ed t h em , a s dea r ly a s did
Sw a n n . A n d y et , w h en M. V er du r in sa id t h a t h e w a s
n ot sa t isfied w it h Sw a n n , h e h a d n ot on ly ex pr essed h is
ow n sen t im en t s, h e h a d u n w it t in g ly discov er ed h is
w ife’s. Dou bt less Sw a n n h a d t oo pa r t icu la r a n a ffect ion
for Odet t e, a s t o w h ich h e h a d fa iled t o t a k e Mm e.
V er du r in da ily in t o h is con fiden ce; dou bt less t h e v er y
discr et ion w it h w h ich h e a v a iled h im self of t h e
V er du r in s’ h ospit a lit y , r efr a in in g , oft en , fr om com in g
t o din e w it h t h em for a r ea son w h ich t h ey n ev er
su spect ed, a n d in pla ce of w h ich t h ey sa w on ly a n
a n x iet y on h is pa r t n ot t o h a v e t o declin e a n in v it a t ion
t o t h e h ou se of som e ‘bor e’ or ot h er ; dou bt less, a lso, a n d
despit e a ll t h e pr eca u t ion s w h ich h e h a d t a k en t o k eep it
fr om t h em , t h e g r a du a l discov er y w h ich t h ey w er e
m a k in g of h is br illia n t posit ion in societ y — dou bt less a ll
t h ese t h in g s con t r ibu t ed t o t h eir g en er a l a n n oy a n ce
w it h Sw a n n . Bu t t h e r ea l, t h e fu n da m en t a l r ea son w a s
qu it e differ en t . W h a t h a d h a ppen ed w a s t h a t t h ey h a d
a t on ce discov er ed in h im a lock ed door , a r eser v ed,
im pen et r a ble ch a m ber in w h ich h e st ill pr ofessed
silen t ly t o h im self t h a t t h e Pr in cesse de Sa g a n w a s n ot
g r ot esqu e, a n d t h a t Cot t a r d’s jok es w er e n ot a m u sin g ;
in a w or d (a n d for a ll t h a t h e n ev er on ce a ba n don ed h is
fr ien dly a t t it u de t ow a r ds t h em a ll, or r ev olt ed fr om
t h eir dog m a s), t h ey h a d discov er ed a n im possibilit y of
im posin g t h ose dog m a s u pon h im , of en t ir ely
con v er t in g h im t o t h eir fa it h , t h e lik e of w h ich t h ey
h a d n ev er com e a cr oss in a n y on e befor e. T h ey w ou ld
h a v e for g iv en h is g oin g t o t h e h ou ses of ‘bor es’ (t o
w h om , a s it h a ppen ed, in h is h ea r t of h ea r t s h e
in fin it ely pr efer r ed t h e V er du r in s a n d a ll t h eir lit t le
‘n u cleu s’) h a d h e con sen t ed t o set a g ood ex a m ple by
open ly r en ou n cin g t h ose ‘bor es’ in t h e pr esen ce of t h e
‘fa it h fu l.’ Bu t t h a t w a s a n a bju r a t ion w h ich , a s t h ey
w ell k n ew , t h ey w er e pow er less t o ex t or t .
W h a t a differ en ce w a s t h er e in a ‘n ew com er ’ w h om
Odet t e h a d a sk ed t h em t o in v it e, a lt h ou g h sh e h er self
h a d m et h im on ly a few t im es, a n d on w h om t h ey w er e
bu ildin g g r ea t h opes — t h e Com t e de For ch ev ille! (It
t u r n ed ou t t h a t h e w a s n ot h in g m or e n or less t h a n t h e
br ot h er -in -la w of Sa n iet t e, a discov er y w h ich filled a ll
t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ w it h a m a zem en t : t h e m a n n er s of t h e old
pa la eog r a ph er w er e so h u m ble t h a t t h ey h a d a lw a y s
su pposed h im t o be of a cla ss in fer ior , socia lly , t o t h eir
ow n , a n d h a d n ev er ex pect ed t o lea r n t h a t h e ca m e of a
r ich a n d r ela t iv ely a r ist ocr a t ic fa m ily .) Of cou r se,
For ch ev ille w a s en or m ou sly t h e ‘sw ell,’ w h ich Sw a n n
w a s n ot or h a d qu it e cea sed t o be; of cou r se, h e w ou ld
n ev er dr ea m of pla cin g , a s Sw a n n n ow pla ced, t h e
V er du r in cir cle a bov e a n y ot h er . Bu t h e la ck ed t h a t
n a t u r a l r efin em en t w h ich pr ev en t ed Sw a n n fr om
a ssocia t in g h im self w it h t h e cr it icism s (t oo obv iou sly
fa lse t o be w or t h h is n ot ice) t h a t Mm e. V er du r in
lev elled a t people w h om h e k n ew . A s for t h e v u lg a r a n d
a ffect ed t ir a des in w h ich t h e pa in t er som et im es
in du lg ed, t h e ba g -m a n ’s plea sa n t r ies w h ich Cot t a r d
u sed t o h a za r d, — w h er ea s Sw a n n , w h o lik ed bot h m en
sin cer ely , cou ld ea sily fin d ex cu ses for t h ese w it h ou t
h a v in g eit h er t h e cou r a g e or t h e h y pocr isy t o a ppla u d
t h em , For ch ev ille, on t h e ot h er h a n d, w a s on a n
in t ellect u a l lev el w h ich per m it t ed h im t o be st u pified,
a m a zed by t h e in v ect iv e (w it h ou t in t h e lea st
u n der st a n din g w h a t it a ll w a s a bou t ), a n d t o be fr a n k ly
delig h t ed by t h e w it . A n d t h e v er y fir st din n er a t t h e
V er du r in s’ a t w h ich For ch ev ille w a s pr esen t t h r ew a
g la r in g lig h t u pon a ll t h e differ en ces bet w een t h em ,
m a de h is qu a lit ies st a r t in t o pr om in en ce a n d
pr ecipit a t ed t h e disg r a ce of Sw a n n .
T h er e w a s, a t t h is din n er , besides t h e u su a l pa r t y , a
pr ofessor fr om t h e Sor bon n e, on e Br ich ot , w h o h a d m et
M. a n d Mm e. V er du r in a t a w a t er in g -pla ce som ew h er e,
a n d, if h is du t ies a t t h e u n iv er sit y a n d h is ot h er w or k s
of sch ola r sh ip h a d n ot left h im w it h v er y lit t le t im e t o
spa r e, w ou ld g la dly h a v e com e t o t h em m or e oft en . For
h e h a d t h a t cu r iosit y , t h a t su per st it iou s ou t look on life,
w h ich , com bin ed w it h a cer t a in a m ou n t of scept icism
w it h r eg a r d t o t h e object of t h eir st u dies, ea r n for m en
of in t ellig en ce, w h a t ev er t h eir pr ofession , for doct or s
w h o do n ot believ e in m edicin e, for sch oolm a st er s w h o
do n ot believ e in La t in ex er cises, t h e r epu t a t ion of
h a v in g br oa d, br illia n t , a n d in deed su per ior m in ds. He
a ffect ed, w h en a t Mm e. V er du r in ’s, t o ch oose h is
illu st r a t ion s fr om a m on g t h e m ost t opica l su bject s of
t h e da y , w h en h e spok e of ph ilosoph y or h ist or y ,
pr in cipa lly beca u se h e r eg a r ded t h ose scien ces a s n o
m or e, r ea lly , t h a n a pr epa r a t ion for life it self, a n d
im a g in ed t h a t h e w a s seein g pu t in t o pr a ct ice by t h e
‘lit t le cla n ’ w h a t h it h er t o h e h a d k n ow n on ly fr om
book s; a n d a lso, per h a ps, beca u se, h a v in g h a d dr illed
in t o h im a s a boy , a n d h a v in g u n con sciou sly pr eser v ed,
a feelin g of r ev er en ce for cer t a in su bject s, h e t h ou g h t
t h a t h e w a s ca st in g a side t h e sch ola r ’s g ow n w h en h e
v en t u r ed t o t r ea t t h ose su bject s w it h a con v er sa t ion a l
licen ce, w h ich seem ed so t o h im on ly beca u se t h e folds
of t h e g ow n st ill clu n g .
Ea r ly in t h e cou r se of t h e din n er , w h en M. de
For ch ev ille, sea t ed on t h e r ig h t of Mm e. V er du r in , w h o,
in t h e ‘n ew com er ’s’ h on ou r , h a d t a k en g r ea t pa in s w it h
h er t oilet , obser v ed t o h er : “ Qu it e or ig in a l, t h a t w h it e
dr ess,” t h e Doct or , w h o h a d n ev er t a k en h is ey es off
h im , so cu r iou s w a s h e t o lea r n t h e n a t u r e a n d
a t t r ibu t es of w h a t h e ca lled a “ de,” a n d w a s on t h e look -
ou t for a n oppor t u n it y of a t t r a ct in g h is a t t en t ion , so a s
t o com e in t o closer con t a ct w it h h im , ca u g h t in it s
flig h t t h e a dject iv e ‘blanche‘ a n d, h is ey es st ill g lu ed t o
h is pla t e, sn a pped ou t , “ Blanche? Bla n ch e of Ca st ile?”
t h en , w it h ou t m ov in g h is h ea d, sh ot a fu r t iv e g la n ce t o
r ig h t a n d left of h im , dou bt fu l, bu t h a ppy on t h e w h ole.
W h ile Sw a n n , by t h e pa in fu l a n d fu t ile effor t w h ich h e
m a de t o sm ile, t est ified t h a t h e t h ou g h t t h e pu n a bsu r d,
For ch ev ille h a d sh ew n a t on ce t h a t h e cou ld a ppr ecia t e
it s su bt let y , a n d t h a t h e w a s a m a n of t h e w or ld, by
k eepin g w it h in it s pr oper lim it s a m ir t h t h e
spon t a n eit y of w h ich h a d ch a r m ed Mm e. V er du r in .
“ W h a t a r e y ou t o sa y of a scien t ist lik e t h a t ?” sh e
a sk ed For ch ev ille. “ Y ou ca n ’t t a lk ser iou sly t o h im for
t w o m in u t es on en d. Is t h a t t h e sor t of t h in g y ou t ell
t h em a t y ou r h ospit a l?” sh e w en t on , t u r n in g t o t h e
Doct or . “ T h ey m u st h a v e som e pr et t y liv ely t im es
t h er e, if t h a t ’s t h e ca se. I ca n see t h a t I sh a ll h a v e t o g et
t a k en in a s a pa t ien t !”
“ I t h in k I h ea r d t h e Doct or spea k of t h a t w ick ed old
h u m bu g , Bla n ch e of Ca st ile, if I m a y so ex pr ess m y self.
A m I n ot r ig h t , Ma da m e?” Br ich ot a ppea led t o Mm e.
V er du r in , w h o, sw oon in g w it h m er r im en t , h er ey es
t ig h t ly closed, h a d bu r ied h er fa ce in h er t w o h a n ds,
fr om bet w een w h ich , n ow a n d t h en , esca ped a m u ffled
scr ea m .
“ Good g r a ciou s, Ma da m e, I w ou ld n ot dr ea m of
sh ock in g t h e r ev er en t -m in ded, if t h er e a r e a n y su ch
a r ou n d t h is t a ble, s ub ros a . . . I r ecog n ise, m or eov er ,
t h a t ou r in effa ble a n d A t h en ia n — oh , h ow in fin it ely
A t h en ia n — Repu blic is ca pa ble of h on ou r in g , in t h e
per son of t h a t obscu r a n t ist old sh e-Ca pet , t h e fir st of ou r
ch iefs of police. Y es, in deed, m y dea r h ost , y es, in deed!”
h e r epea t ed in h is r in g in g v oice, w h ich sou n ded a
sepa r a t e n ot e for ea ch sy lla ble, in r eply t o a pr ot est by
M. V er du r in . “ T h e Ch r on icle of Sa in t Den is, a n d t h e
a u t h en t icit y of it s in for m a t ion is bey on d qu est ion ,
lea v es u s n o r oom for dou bt on t h a t poin t . No on e cou ld
be m or e fit ly ch osen a s Pa t r on by a secu la r isin g
pr olet a r ia t t h a n t h a t m ot h er of a Sa in t , w h o let h im see
som e pr et t y fish y sa in t s besides, a s Su g er sa y s, a n d
ot h er g r ea t St . Ber n a r ds of t h e sor t ; for w it h h er it w a s a
ca se of t a k in g ju st w h a t y ou plea sed.”
“ W h o is t h a t g en t lem a n ?” For ch ev ille a sk ed Mm e.
V er du r in . “ He seem s t o spea k w it h g r ea t a u t h or it y .”
“ W h a t ! Do y ou m ea n t o sa y y ou don ’t k n ow t h e
fa m ou s Br ich ot ? W h y , h e’s celebr a t ed a ll ov er Eu r ope.”
“ Oh , t h a t ’s Br éch ot , is it ?” ex cla im ed For ch ev ille,
w h o h a d n ot qu it e ca u g h t t h e n a m e. “ Y ou m u st t ell m e
a ll a bou t h im ” ; h e w en t on , fa st en in g a pa ir of g og g le
ey es on t h e celebr it y . “ It ’s a lw a y s in t er est in g t o m eet
w ell-k n ow n people a t din n er . Bu t , I sa y , y ou a sk u s t o
v er y select pa r t ies h er e. No du ll ev en in g s in t h is h ou se,
I’m su r e.”
“ W ell, y ou k n ow w h a t it is r ea lly ,” sa id Mm e.
V er du r in m odest ly . “ T h ey feel sa fe h er e. T h ey ca n t a lk
a bou t w h a t ev er t h ey lik e, a n d t h e con v er sa t ion g oes off
lik e fir ew or k s. Now Br ich ot , t h is ev en in g , is n ot h in g .
I’v e seen h im , don ’t y ou k n ow , w h en h e’s been w it h m e,
sim ply da zzlin g ; y ou ’d w a n t t o g o on y ou r k n ees t o h im .
W ell, w it h a n y on e else h e’s n ot t h e sa m e m a n , h e’s n ot
in t h e lea st w it t y , y ou h a v e t o dr a g t h e w or ds ou t of
h im , h e’s ev en bor in g .”
“ T h a t ’s st r a n g e,” r em a r k ed For ch ev ille w it h fit t in g
a st on ish m en t .
A sor t of w it lik e Br ich ot ’s w ou ld h a v e been r eg a r ded
a s ou t -a n d-ou t st u pidit y by t h e people a m on g w h om
Sw a n n h a d spen t h is ea r ly life, for a ll t h a t it is qu it e
com pa t ible w it h r ea l in t ellig en ce. A n d t h e in t ellig en ce
of t h e Pr ofessor ’s v ig or ou s a n d w ell-n ou r ish ed br a in
m ig h t ea sily h a v e been en v ied by m a n y of t h e people in
societ y w h o seem ed w it t y en ou g h t o Sw a n n . Bu t t h ese
la st h a d so t h or ou g h ly in cu lca t ed in t o h im t h eir lik es
a n d dislik es, a t lea st in ev er y t h in g t h a t per t a in ed t o
t h eir or din a r y socia l ex ist en ce, in clu din g t h a t a n n ex t o
socia l ex ist en ce w h ich belon g s, st r ict ly spea k in g , t o t h e
dom a in of in t ellig en ce, n a m ely , con v er sa t ion , t h a t
Sw a n n cou ld n ot see a n y t h in g in Br ich ot ’s plea sa n t r ies;
t o h im t h ey w er e m er ely peda n t ic, v u lg a r , a n d
disg u st in g ly coa r se. He w a s sh ock ed, t oo, bein g
a ccu st om ed t o g ood m a n n er s, by t h e r u de, a lm ost
ba r r a ck -r oom t on e w h ich t h is st u den t -in -a r m s a dopt ed,
n o m a t t er t o w h om h e w a s spea k in g . Fin a lly , per h a ps,
h e h a d lost a ll pa t ien ce t h a t ev en in g a s h e w a t ch ed
Mm e. V er du r in w elcom in g , w it h su ch u n n ecessa r y
w a r m t h , t h is For ch ev ille fellow , w h om it h a d been
Odet t e’s u n a ccou n t a ble idea t o br in g t o t h e h ou se.
Feelin g a lit t le a w k w a r d, w it h Sw a n n t h er e a lso, sh e
h a d a sk ed h im on h er a r r iv a l: “ W h a t do y ou t h in k of
m y g u est ?”
A n d h e, su dden ly r ea lisin g for t h e fir st t im e t h a t
For ch ev ille, w h om h e h a d k n ow n for y ea r s, cou ld
a ct u a lly a t t r a ct a w om a n , a n d w a s qu it e a g ood
specim en of a m a n , h a d r et or t ed: “ Bea st ly !” He h a d,
cer t a in ly , n o idea of bein g jea lou s of Odet t e, bu t did n ot
feel qu it e so h a ppy a s u su a l, a n d w h en Br ich ot , h a v in g
beg u n t o t ell t h em t h e st or y of Bla n ch e of Ca st ile’s
m ot h er , w h o, a ccor din g t o h im , “ h a d been w it h Hen r y
Pla n t a g en et for y ea r s befor e t h ey w er e m a r r ied,” t r ied
t o pr om pt Sw a n n t o beg h im t o con t in u e t h e st or y , by
in t er ject in g “ Isn ’t t h a t so, M. Sw a n n ?” in t h e m a r t ia l
a ccen t s w h ich on e u ses in or der t o g et dow n t o t h e lev el
of a n u n in t ellig en t r u st ic or t o pu t t h e ‘fea r of God’ in t o
a t r ooper , Sw a n n cu t h is st or y sh or t , t o t h e in t en se fu r y
of t h eir h ost ess, by beg g in g t o be ex cu sed for t a k in g so
lit t le in t er est in Bla n ch e of Ca st ile, a s h e h a d som et h in g
t h a t h e w ish ed t o a sk t h e pa in t er . He, it a ppea r ed, h a d
been t h a t a ft er n oon t o a n ex h ibit ion of t h e w or k of
a n ot h er a r t ist , a lso a fr ien d of Mm e. V er du r in , w h o h a d
r ecen t ly died, a n d Sw a n n w ish ed t o fin d ou t fr om h im
(for h e v a lu ed h is discr im in a t ion ) w h et h er t h er e h a d
r ea lly been a n y t h in g m or e in t h is la t er w or k t h a n t h e
v ir t u osit y w h ich h a d st r u ck people so for cibly in h is
ea r lier ex h ibit ion s.
“ Fr om t h a t poin t of v iew it w a s ex t r a or din a r y , bu t
it did n ot seem t o m e t o be a for m of a r t w h ich y ou cou ld
ca ll ‘elev a t ed,’” sa id Sw a n n w it h a sm ile.
“ Elev a t ed . . . t o t h e h eig h t of a n In st it u t e!”
in t er r u pt ed Cot t a r d, r a isin g h is a r m s w it h m ock
solem n it y . T h e w h ole t a ble bu r st ou t la u g h in g .
“ W h a t did I t ell y ou ?” sa id Mm e. V er du r in t o
For ch ev ille. “ It ’s sim ply im possible t o be ser iou s w it h
h im . W h en y ou lea st ex pect it , ou t h e com es w it h a
jok e.”
Bu t sh e obser v ed t h a t Sw a n n , a n d Sw a n n a lon e,
h a d n ot u n ben t . For on e t h in g h e w a s n on e t oo w ell
plea sed w it h Cot t a r d for h a v in g secu r ed a la u g h a t h is
ex pen se in fr on t of For ch ev ille. Bu t t h e pa in t er , in st ea d
of r eply in g in a w a y t h a t m ig h t h a v e in t er est ed Sw a n n ,
a s h e w ou ld pr oba bly h a v e don e h a d t h ey been a lon e
t og et h er , pr efer r ed t o w in t h e ea sy a dm ir a t ion of t h e
r est by ex er cisin g h is w it u pon t h e t a len t of t h eir dea d
fr ien d.
“ I w en t u p t o on e of t h em ,” h e beg a n , “ ju st t o see
h ow it w a s don e; I st u ck m y n ose in t o it . Y es, I don ’t
t h in k ! Im possible t o sa y w h et h er it w a s don e w it h g lu e,
w it h soa p, w it h sea lin g -w a x , w it h su n sh in e, w it h
lea v en , w it h ex cr em . . . ”
“ A n d on e m a k e t w elv e!” sh ou t ed t h e Doct or , w it t ily ,
bu t ju st t oo la t e, for n o on e sa w t h e poin t of h is
in t er r u pt ion .
“ It look s a s t h ou g h it w er e don e w it h n ot h in g a t a ll,”
r esu m ed t h e pa in t er . “ No m or e ch a n ce of discov er in g
t h e t r ick t h a n t h er e is in t h e ‘Nig h t W a t ch ,’ or t h e
‘Reg en t s,’ a n d it ’s ev en big g er w or k t h a n eit h er
Rem br a n dt or Ha ls ev er did. It ’s a ll t h er e, — a n d y et ,
n o, I’ll t a k e m y oa t h it isn ’t .”
T h en , ju st a s sin g er s w h o h a v e r ea ch ed t h e h ig h est
n ot e in t h eir com pa ss, pr oceed t o h u m t h e r est of t h e a ir
in fa lset t o, h e h a d t o be sa t isfied w it h m u r m u r in g ,
sm ilin g t h e w h ile, a s if, a ft er a ll, t h er e h a d been
som et h in g ir r esist ibly a m u sin g in t h e sh eer bea u t y of
t h e pa in t in g : “ It sm ells a ll r ig h t ; it m a k es y ou r h ea d g o
r ou n d; it ca t ch es y ou r br ea t h ; y ou feel t ick lish a ll ov er
— a n d n ot t h e fa in t est clu e t o h ow it ’s don e. T h e m a n ’s a
sor cer er ; t h e t h in g ’s a con ju r in g -t r ick , it ’s a m ir a cle,”
bu r st in g ou t r ig h t in t o la u g h t er , “ it ’s dish on est !” T h en
st oppin g , solem n ly r a isin g h is h ea d, pit ch in g h is v oice
on a dou ble-ba ss n ot e w h ich h e st r u g g led t o br in g in t o
h a r m on y , h e con clu ded, “ A n d it ’s so loy a l!”
Ex cept a t t h e m om en t w h en h e h a d ca lled it “ big g er
t h a n t h e ‘Nig h t W a t ch ,’” a bla sph em y w h ich h a d ca lled
for t h a n in st a n t pr ot est fr om Mm e. V er du r in , w h o
r eg a r ded t h e ‘Nig h t W a t ch ’ a s t h e su pr em e m a st er piece
of t h e u n iv er se (con join t ly w it h t h e ‘Nin t h ’ a n d t h e
‘Sa m ot h r a ce’), a n d a t t h e w or d “ ex cr em en t ,” w h ich
h a d m a de For ch ev ille t h r ow a sw eepin g g la n ce r ou n d
t h e t a ble t o see w h et h er it w a s ‘a ll r ig h t ,’ befor e h e
a llow ed h is lips t o cu r v e in a pr u dish a n d con cilia t or y
sm ile, a ll t h e pa r t y (sa v e Sw a n n ) h a d k ept t h eir
fa scin a t ed a n d a dor in g ey es fix ed u pon t h e pa in t er .
“ I do so lov e h im w h en h e g oes u p in t h e a ir lik e
t h a t !” cr ied Mm e. V er du r in , t h e m om en t t h a t h e h a d
fin ish ed, en r a pt u r ed t h a t t h e t a ble-t a lk sh ou ld h a v e
pr ov ed so en t er t a in in g on t h e v er y n ig h t t h a t
For ch ev ille w a s din in g w it h t h em for t h e fir st t im e.
“ Ha llo, y ou !” sh e t u r n ed t o h er h u sba n d, “ w h a t ’s t h e
m a t t er w it h y ou , sit t in g t h er e g a pin g lik e a g r ea t
a n im a l? Y ou k n ow , t h ou g h , don ’t y ou ,” sh e a polog ised
for h im t o t h e pa in t er , “ t h a t h e ca n t a lk qu it e w ell
w h en h e ch ooses; a n y body w ou ld t h in k it w a s t h e fir st
t im e h e h a d ev er list en ed t o y ou . If y ou h a d on ly seen
h im w h ile y ou w er e spea k in g ; h e w a s ju st dr in k in g it
a ll in . A n d t o-m or r ow h e w ill t ell u s ev er y t h in g y ou
sa id, w it h ou t m issin g a w or d.”
“ No, r ea lly , I’m n ot jok in g !” pr ot est ed t h e pa in t er ,
en ch a n t ed by t h e su ccess of h is speech . “ Y ou a ll look a s
if y ou t h ou g h t I w a s pu llin g y ou r leg s, t h a t it w a s ju st a
t r ick . I’ll t a k e y ou t o see t h e sh ow , a n d t h en y ou ca n sa y
w h et h er I’v e been ex a g g er a t in g ; I’ll bet y ou a n y t h in g
y ou lik e, y ou ’ll com e a w a y m or e ‘u p in t h e a ir ’ t h a n I
a m !”
“ Bu t w e don ’t su ppose for a m om en t t h a t y ou ’r e
ex a g g er a t in g ; w e on ly w a n t y ou t o g o on w it h y ou r
din n er , a n d m y h u sba n d t oo. Giv e M. Bich e som e m or e
sole, ca n ’t y ou see h is h a s g ot cold? W e’r e n ot in a n y
h u r r y ; y ou ’r e da sh in g r ou n d a s if t h e h ou se w a s on fir e.
W a it a lit t le; don ’t ser v e t h e sa la d ju st y et .”
Mm e. Cot t a r d, w h o w a s a sh y w om a n a n d spok e bu t
seldom , w a s n ot la ck in g , for a ll t h a t , in self-a ssu r a n ce
w h en a h a ppy in spir a t ion pu t t h e r ig h t w or d in h er
m ou t h . Sh e felt t h a t it w ou ld be w ell r eceiv ed; t h e
t h ou g h t g a v e h er con fiden ce, a n d w h a t sh e w a s doin g
w a s don e w it h t h e object n ot so m u ch of sh in in g h er self,
a s of h elpin g h er h u sba n d on in h is ca r eer . A n d so sh e
did n ot a llow t h e w or d ‘sa la d,’ w h ich Mm e. V er du r in
h a d ju st u t t er ed, t o pa ss u n ch a llen g ed.
“ It ’s n ot a Ja pa n ese sa la d, is it ?” sh e w h isper ed,
t u r n in g t ow a r ds Odet t e.
A n d t h en , in h er joy a n d con fu sion a t t h e
com bin a t ion of n ea t n ess a n d da r in g w h ich t h er e h a d
been in m a k in g so discr eet a n d y et so u n m ist a k a ble a n
a llu sion t o t h e n ew a n d br illia n t ly su ccessfu l pla y by
Du m a s, sh e br ok e dow n in a ch a r m in g , g ir lish la u g h ,
n ot v er y lou d, bu t so ir r esist ible t h a t it w a s som e t im e
befor e sh e cou ld con t r ol it .
“ W h o is t h a t la dy ? Sh e seem s dev ilish clev er ,” sa id
For ch ev ille.
“ No, it is n ot . Bu t w e w ill h a v e on e for y ou if y ou
w ill a ll com e t o din n er on Fr ida y .”
“ Y ou w ill t h in k m e dr ea dfu lly pr ov in cia l, sir ,” sa id
Mm e. Cot t a r d t o Sw a n n , “ bu t , do y ou k n ow , I h a v en ’t
been y et t o t h is fa m ou s Francillon t h a t ev er y body ’s
t a lk in g a bou t . T h e Doct or h a s been (I r em em ber n ow ,
h e t old m e w h a t a v er y g r ea t plea su r e it h a d been t o
h im t o spen d t h e ev en in g w it h y ou t h er e) a n d I m u st
con fess, I don ’t see m u ch sen se in spen din g m on ey on
sea t s for h im t o t a k e m e, w h en h e’s seen t h e pla y
a lr ea dy . Of cou r se a n ev en in g a t t h e T h éâ t r e-Fr a n ça is
is n ev er w a st ed, r ea lly ; t h e a ct in g ’s so g ood t h er e
a lw a y s; bu t w e h a v e som e v er y n ice fr ien ds,” (Mm e.
Cot t a r d w ou ld h a r dly ev er u t t er a pr oper n a m e, bu t
r est r ict ed h er self t o “ som e fr ien ds of ou r s” or “ on e of m y
fr ien ds,” a s bein g m or e ‘dist in g u ish ed,’ spea k in g in a n
a ffect ed t on e a n d w it h a ll t h e im por t a n ce of a per son
w h o n eed g iv e n a m es on ly w h en sh e ch ooses) “ w h o
oft en h a v e a box , a n d a r e k in d en ou g h t o t a k e u s t o a ll
t h e n ew pieces t h a t a r e w or t h g oin g t o, a n d so I’m
cer t a in t o see t h is Francillon soon er or la t er , a n d t h en I
sh a ll k n ow w h a t t o t h in k . Bu t I do feel su ch a fool a bou t
it , I m u st con fess, for , w h en ev er I pa y a ca ll a n y w h er e, I
fin d ev er y body t a lk in g — it ’s on ly n a t u r a l — a bou t t h a t
w r et ch ed Ja pa n ese sa la d. Rea lly a n d t r u ly , on e’s
beg in n in g t o g et ju st a lit t le t ir ed of h ea r in g a bou t it ,”
sh e w en t on , seein g t h a t Sw a n n seem ed less in t er est ed
t h a n sh e h a d h oped in so bu r n in g a t opic. “ I m u st
a dm it , t h ou g h , t h a t it ’s som et im es qu it e a m u sin g , t h e
w a y t h ey jok e a bou t it : I’v e g ot a fr ien d, n ow , w h o is
m ost or ig in a l, t h ou g h sh e’s r ea lly a bea u t ifu l w om a n ,
m ost popu la r in societ y , g oes ev er y w h er e, a n d sh e t ells
m e t h a t sh e g ot h er cook t o m a k e on e of t h ese Ja pa n ese
sa la ds, pu t t in g in ev er y t h in g t h a t y ou n g M. Du m a s
sa y s y ou ’r e t o pu t in , in t h e pla y . T h en sh e a sk ed ju st a
few fr ien ds t o com e a n d t a st e it . I w a s n ot a m on g t h e
fa v ou r ed few , I’m sor r y t o sa y . Bu t sh e t old u s a ll a bou t
it on h er n ex t ‘da y ’; it seem s it w a s qu it e h or r ible, sh e
m a de u s a ll la u g h t ill w e cr ied. I don ’t k n ow ; per h a ps it
w a s t h e w a y sh e t old it ,” Mm e. Cot t a r d a dded
dou bt fu lly , seein g t h a t Sw a n n st ill look ed g r a v e.
A n d, im a g in in g t h a t it w a s, per h a ps, beca u se h e
h a d n ot been a m u sed by Francillon: “ W ell, I da r esa y I
sh a ll be disa ppoin t ed w it h it , a ft er a ll. I don ’t su ppose
it ’s a s g ood a s t h e piece Mm e. de Cr écy w or sh ips, Serge
Panine. T h er e’s a pla y , if y ou lik e; so deep, m a k es y ou
t h in k ! Bu t ju st fa n cy g iv in g a r eceipt for a sa la d on t h e
st a g e of t h e T h éâ t r e-Fr a n ça is! Now , Serge Panine —! Bu t
t h en , it ’s lik e ev er y t h in g t h a t com es fr om t h e pen of M.
Geor g es Oh n et , it ’s so w ell w r it t en . I w on der if y ou k n ow
t h e Maître des Forges , w h ich I lik e ev en bet t er t h a n
Serge Panine.”
“ Pa r don m e,” sa id Sw a n n w it h polit e ir on y , “ bu t I
ca n a ssu r e y ou t h a t m y w a n t of a dm ir a t ion is a lm ost
equ a lly div ided bet w een t h ose m a st er pieces.”
“ Rea lly , n ow ; t h a t ’s v er y in t er est in g . A n d w h a t
don ’t y ou lik e a bou t t h em ? W on ’t y ou ev er ch a n g e y ou r
m in d? Per h a ps y ou t h in k h e’s a lit t le t oo sa d. W ell, w ell,
w h a t I a lw a y s sa y is, on e sh ou ld n ev er a r g u e a bou t
pla y s or n ov els. Ev er y on e h a s h is ow n w a y of look in g a t
t h in g s, a n d w h a t m a y be h or r ible t o y ou is, per h a ps,
ju st w h a t I lik e best .”
Sh e w a s in t er r u pt ed by For ch ev ille’s a ddr essin g
Sw a n n . W h a t h a d h a ppen ed w a s t h a t , w h ile Mm e.
Cot t a r d w a s discu ssin g Francillon, For ch ev ille h a d been
ex pr essin g t o Mm e. V er du r in h is a dm ir a t ion for w h a t
h e ca lled t h e “ lit t le speech ” of t h e pa in t er . “ Y ou r fr ien d
h a s su ch a flow of la n g u a g e, su ch a m em or y !” h e h a d
sa id t o h er w h en t h e pa in t er h a d com e t o a st a n dst ill,
“ I’v e seldom seen a n y t h in g lik e it . He’d m a k e a fir st -
r a t e pr ea ch er . By Jov e, I w ish I w a s lik e t h a t . W h a t
w it h h im a n d M. Br éch ot y ou ’v e dr a w n t w o lu ck y
n u m ber s t o-n ig h t ; t h ou g h I’m n ot so su r e t h a t , sim ply
a s a spea k er , t h is on e doesn ’t k n ock spot s off t h e
Pr ofessor . It com es m or e n a t u r a lly w it h h im , less lik e
r ea din g fr om a book . Of cou r se, t h e w a y h e g oes on , h e
does u se som e w or ds t h a t a r e a bit r ea list ic, a n d a ll t h a t ;
bu t t h a t ’s qu it e t h e t h in g n ow a da y s; a n y h ow , it ’s n ot
oft en I’v e seen a m a n h old t h e floor a s clev er ly a s t h a t ,
‘h old t h e spit t oon ,’ a s w e u sed t o sa y in t h e r eg im en t ,
w h er e, by t h e w a y , w e h a d a m a n h e r a t h er r em in ds
m e of. Y ou cou ld t a k e a n y t h in g y ou lik ed — I don ’t k n ow
w h a t — t h is g la ss, sa y ; a n d h e’d t a lk a w a y a bou t it for
h ou r s; n o, n ot t h is g la ss; t h a t ’s a silly t h in g t o sa y , I’m
sor r y ; bu t som et h in g a lit t le big g er , lik e t h e ba t t le of
W a t er loo, or a n y t h in g of t h a t sor t , h e’d t ell y ou t h in g s
y ou sim ply w ou ldn ’t believ e. W h y , Sw a n n w a s in t h e
r eg im en t t h en ; h e m u st h a v e k n ow n h im .”
“ Do y ou see m u ch of M. Sw a n n ?” a sk ed Mm e.
V er du r in .
“ Oh dea r , n o!” h e a n sw er ed, a n d t h en , t h in k in g
t h a t if h e m a de h im self plea sa n t t o Sw a n n h e m ig h t
fin d fa v ou r w it h Odet t e, h e decided t o t a k e t h is
oppor t u n it y of fla t t er in g h im by spea k in g of h is
fa sh ion a ble fr ien ds, bu t spea k in g a s a m a n of t h e w or ld
h im self, in a t on e of g ood-n a t u r ed cr it icism , a n d n ot a s
t h ou g h h e w er e con g r a t u la t in g Sw a n n u pon som e
u n deser v ed g ood for t u n e: “ Isn ’t t h a t so, Sw a n n ? I n ev er
see a n y t h in g of y ou , do I? — Bu t t h en , w h er e on ea r t h is
on e t o see h im ? T h e cr ea t u r e spen ds a ll h is t im e sh u t u p
w it h t h e La T r ém oïlles, w it h t h e La u m es a n d a ll t h a t
lot !” T h e im pu t a t ion w ou ld h a v e been fa lse a t a n y t im e,
a n d w a s a ll t h e m or e so, n ow t h a t for a t lea st a y ea r
Sw a n n h a d g iv en u p g oin g t o a lm ost a n y h ou se bu t t h e
V er du r in s’. Bu t t h e m er e n a m es of fa m ilies w h om t h e
V er du r in s did n ot k n ow w er e r eceiv ed by t h em in a
r epr oa ch fu l silen ce. M. V er du r in , dr ea din g t h e pa in fu l
im pr ession w h ich t h e m en t ion of t h ese ‘bor es,’
especia lly w h en flu n g a t h er in t h is t a ct less fa sh ion ,
a n d in fr on t of a ll t h e ‘fa it h fu l,’ w a s bou n d t o m a k e on
h is w ife, ca st a cov er t g la n ce a t h er , in st in ct w it h
a n x iou s solicit u de. He sa w t h en t h a t in h er fix ed
r esolu t ion t o t a k e n o n ot ice, t o h a v e esca ped con t a ct ,
a lt og et h er , w it h t h e n ew s w h ich h a d ju st been
a ddr essed t o h er , n ot m er ely t o r em a in du m b bu t t o
h a v e been dea f a s w ell, a s w e pr et en d t o be w h en a
fr ien d w h o h a s been in t h e w r on g a t t em pt s t o slip in t o
h is con v er sa t ion som e ex cu se w h ich w e sh ou ld a ppea r
t o be a ccept in g , sh ou ld w e a ppea r t o h a v e h ea r d it
w it h ou t pr ot est in g , or w h en som e on e u t t er s t h e n a m e
of a n en em y , t h e v er y m en t ion of w h om in ou r pr esen ce
is for bidden ; Mm e. V er du r in , so t h a t h er silen ce sh ou ld
h a v e t h e a ppea r a n ce, n ot of con sen t bu t of t h e
u n con sciou s silen ce w h ich in a n im a t e object s pr eser v e,
h a d su dden ly em pt ied h er fa ce of a ll life, of a ll m obilit y ;
h er r ou n ded for eh ea d w a s n ot h in g , n ow , bu t a n
ex qu isit e st u dy in h ig h r elief, w h ich t h e n a m e of t h ose
La T r ém oïlles, w it h w h om Sw a n n w a s a lw a y s ‘sh u t u p,’
h a d fa iled t o pen et r a t e; h er n ose, ju st per cept ibly
w r in k led in a fr ow n , ex posed t o v iew t w o da r k ca v it ies
t h a t w er e, su r ely , m odelled fr om life. Y ou w ou ld h a v e
sa id t h a t h er h a lf-open ed lips w er e ju st a bou t t o spea k .
It w a s a ll n o m or e, h ow ev er , t h a n a w a x ca st , a m a sk in
pla st er , t h e scu lpt or ’s desig n for a m on u m en t , a bu st t o
be ex h ibit ed in t h e Pa la ce of In du st r y , w h er e t h e pu blic
w ou ld m ost cer t a in ly g a t h er in fr on t of it a n d m a r v el t o
see h ow t h e scu lpt or , in ex pr essin g t h e u n ch a llen g ea ble
dig n it y of t h e V er du r in s, a s opposed t o t h a t of t h e La
T r ém oïlles or La u m es, w h ose equ a ls (if n ot , in deed,
t h eir bet t er s) t h ey w er e, a n d t h e equ a ls a n d bet t er s of
a ll ot h er ‘bor es’ u pon t h e fa ce of t h e ea r t h , h a d
m a n a g ed t o in v est w it h a m a jest y t h a t w a s a lm ost
Pa pa l t h e w h it en ess a n d r ig idit y of h is st on e. Bu t t h e
m a r ble a t la st g r ew a n im a t ed a n d let it be u n der st ood
t h a t it didn ’t do t o be a t a ll squ ea m ish if on e w en t t o
t h a t h ou se, sin ce t h e w om a n w a s a lw a y s t ipsy a n d t h e
h u sba n d so u n edu ca t ed t h a t h e ca lled a cor r idor a
‘collidor ’!
“ Y ou ’d n eed t o pa y m e a lot of m on ey befor e I’d let
a n y of t h a t lot set foot in side m y h ou se,” Mm e. V er du r in
con clu ded, g a zin g im per ia lly dow n on Sw a n n .
Sh e cou ld sca r cely h a v e ex pect ed h im t o ca pit u la t e
so com plet ely a s t o ech o t h e h oly sim plicit y of t h e
pia n ist ’s a u n t , w h o a t on ce ex cla im ed: “ T o t h in k of t h a t ,
n ow ! W h a t su r pr ises m e is t h a t t h ey ca n g et a n y body t o
g o n ea r t h em ; I’m su r e I sh ou ld be a fr a id; on e ca n ’t be
t oo ca r efu l. How ca n people be so com m on a s t o g o
r u n n in g a ft er t h em ?”
Bu t h e m ig h t , a t lea st , h a v e r eplied, lik e
For ch ev ille: “ Ga d, sh e’s a du ch ess; t h er e a r e st ill plen t y
of people w h o a r e im pr essed by t h a t sor t of t h in g ,”
w h ich w ou ld a t lea st h a v e per m it t ed Mm e. V er du r in
t h e fin a l r et or t , “ A n d a lot of g ood m a y it do t h em !”
In st ea d of w h ich , Sw a n n m er ely sm iled, in a m a n n er
w h ich sh ew ed, qu it e clea r ly , t h a t h e cou ld n ot , of
cou r se, t a k e su ch a n a bsu r d su g g est ion ser iou sly . M.
V er du r in , w h o w a s st ill ca st in g fu r t iv e a n d
in t er m it t en t g la n ces a t h is w ife, cou ld see w it h r eg r et ,
a n d cou ld u n der st a n d on ly t oo w ell t h a t sh e w a s n ow
in fla m ed w it h t h e pa ssion of a Gr a n d In qu isit or w h o
ca n n ot su cceed in st a m pin g ou t a h er esy ; a n d so, in t h e
h ope of br in g in g Sw a n n r ou n d t o a r et r a ct a t ion (for t h e
cou r a g e of on e’s opin ion s is a lw a y s a for m of ca lcu la t in g
cow a r dice in t h e ey es of t h e ‘ot h er side’), h e br ok e in :
“ T ell u s fr a n k ly , n ow , w h a t y ou t h in k of t h em
y ou r self. W e sh a n ’t r epea t it t o t h em , y ou m a y be
su r e.”
T o w h ich Sw a n n a n sw er ed: “ W h y , I’m n ot in t h e
lea st a fr a id of t h e Du ch ess (if it is of t h e La T r ém oïlles
t h a t y ou ’r e spea k in g ). I ca n a ssu r e y ou t h a t ev er y on e
lik es g oin g t o see h er . I don ’t g o so fa r a s t o sa y t h a t sh e’s
a t a ll ‘deep’ — ” h e pr on ou n ced t h e w or d a s if it m ea n t
som et h in g r idicu lou s, for h is speech k ept t h e t r a ces of
cer t a in m en t a l h a bit s w h ich t h e r ecen t ch a n g e in h is
life, a r eju v en a t ion illu st r a t ed by h is pa ssion for m u sic,
h a d in clin ed h im t em por a r ily t o disca r d, so t h a t a t
t im es h e w ou ld a ct u a lly st a t e h is v iew s w it h
con sider a ble w a r m t h — “ bu t I a m qu it e sin cer e w h en I
sa y t h a t sh e is in t ellig en t , w h ile h er h u sba n d is
posit iv ely a book w or m . T h ey a r e ch a r m in g people.”
His ex pla n a t ion w a s t er r ibly effect iv e; Mm e.
V er du r in n ow r ea lised t h a t t h is on e st a t e of u n belief
w ou ld pr ev en t h er ‘lit t le n u cleu s’ fr om ev er a t t a in in g
t o com plet e u n a n im it y , a n d w a s u n a ble t o r est r a in
h er self, in h er fu r y a t t h e obst in a cy of t h is w r et ch w h o
cou ld n ot see w h a t a n g u ish h is w or ds w er e ca u sin g h er ,
bu t cr ied a lou d, fr om t h e dept h s of h er t or t u r ed h ea r t ,
“ Y ou m a y t h in k so if y ou w ish , bu t a t lea st y ou n eed n ot
sa y so t o u s.”
“ It a ll depen ds u pon w h a t y ou ca ll in t ellig en ce.”
For ch ev ille felt t h a t it w a s h is t u r n t o be br illia n t .
“ Com e n ow , Sw a n n , t ell u s w h a t y ou m ea n by
in t ellig en ce.”
“ T h er e,” cr ied Odet t e, “ t h a t ’s on e of t h e big t h in g s I
beg h im t o t ell m e a bou t , a n d h e n ev er w ill.”
“ Oh , bu t . . . ” pr ot est ed Sw a n n .
“ Oh , bu t n on sen se!” sa id Odet t e.
 “ A w a t er -bu t t ?” a sk ed t h e Doct or .
“ T o y ou ,” pu r su ed For ch ev ille, “ does in t ellig en ce
m ea n w h a t t h ey ca ll clev er t a lk ; y ou k n ow , t h e sor t of
people w h o w or m t h eir w a y in t o societ y ?”
“ Fin ish y ou r sw eet , so t h a t t h ey ca n t a k e y ou r pla t e
a w a y !” sa id Mm e. V er du r in sou r ly t o Sa n iet t e, w h o w a s
lost in t h ou g h t a n d h a d st opped ea t in g . A n d t h en ,
per h a ps a lit t le a sh a m ed of h er r u den ess, “ It doesn ’t
m a t t er ; t a k e y ou r t im e a bou t it ; t h er e’s n o h u r r y ; I
on ly r em in ded y ou beca u se of t h e ot h er s, y ou k n ow ; it
k eeps t h e ser v a n t s ba ck .”
“ T h er e is,” beg a n Br ich ot , w it h a r eson a n t sm a ck
u pon ev er y sy lla ble, “ a r a t h er cu r iou s defin it ion of
in t ellig en ce by t h a t plea sin g old a n a r ch ist Fén elon . . . ”
“ Ju st list en t o t h is!” Mm e. V er du r in r a llied
For ch ev ille a n d t h e Doct or . “ He’s g oin g t o g iv e u s
Fén elon ’s defin it ion of in t ellig en ce. T h a t ’s in t er est in g .
It ’s n ot oft en y ou g et a ch a n ce of h ea r in g t h a t !”
Bu t Br ich ot w a s k eepin g Fén elon ’s defin it ion u n t il
Sw a n n sh ou ld h a v e g iv en h is ow n . Sw a n n r em a in ed
silen t , a n d, by t h is fr esh a ct of r ecr ea n cy , spoiled t h e
br illia n t t ou r n a m en t of dia lect ic w h ich Mm e. V er du r in
w a s r ejoicin g a t bein g a ble t o offer t o For ch ev ille.
“ Y ou see, it ’s ju st t h e sa m e a s w it h m e!” Odet t e w a s
peev ish . “ I’m n ot a t a ll sor r y t o see t h a t I’m n ot t h e on ly
on e h e doesn ’t fin d qu it e u p t o h is lev el.”
 “ T h ese de La T r ém ou a illes w h om Mm e. V er du r in
h a s ex h ibit ed t o u s a s so lit t le t o be desir ed,” in qu ir ed
Br ich ot , a r t icu la t in g v ig or ou sly , “ a r e t h ey , by a n y
ch a n ce, descen ded fr om t h e cou ple w h om t h a t w or t h y
old sn ob, Sév ig n é, sa id sh e w a s delig h t ed t o k n ow ,
beca u se it w a s so g ood for h er pea sa n t s? T r u e, t h e
Ma r qu ise h a d a n ot h er r ea son , w h ich in h er ca se
pr oba bly ca m e fir st , for sh e w a s a t h or ou g h jou r n a list
a t h ea r t , a n d a lw a y s on t h e look -ou t for ‘copy .’ A n d, in
t h e jou r n a l w h ich sh e u sed t o sen d r eg u la r ly t o h er
da u g h t er , it w a s Mm e. de La T r ém ou a ille, k ept w ell-
in for m ed t h r ou g h a ll h er g r a n d con n ect ion s, w h o
su pplied t h e for eig n polit ics.”
“ Oh dea r , n o. I’m qu it e su r e t h ey a r en ’t t h e sa m e
fa m ily ,” sa id Mm e. V er du r in desper a t ely .
Sa n iet t e w h o, ev er sin ce h e h a d su r r en der ed h is
u n t ou ch ed pla t e t o t h e bu t ler , h a d been plu n g ed on ce
m or e in silen t m edit a t ion , em er g ed fin a lly t o t ell t h em ,
w it h a n er v ou s la u g h , a st or y of h ow h e h a d on ce din ed
w it h t h e Du c de La T r ém oïlle, t h e poin t of w h ich w a s
t h a t t h e Du k e did n ot k n ow t h a t Geor g e Sa n d w a s t h e
pseu don y m of a w om a n . Sw a n n , w h o r ea lly lik ed
Sa n iet t e, felt bou n d t o su pply h im w it h a few fa ct s
illu st r a t iv e of t h e Du k e’s cu lt u r e, w h ich w ou ld pr ov e
t h a t su ch ig n or a n ce on h is pa r t w a s lit er a lly
im possible; bu t su dden ly h e st opped sh or t ; h e h a d
r ea lised, a s h e w a s spea k in g , t h a t Sa n iet t e n eeded n o
pr oof, bu t k n ew a lr ea dy t h a t t h e st or y w a s u n t r u e for
t h e sim ple r ea son t h a t h e h a d a t t h a t m om en t in v en t ed
it . T h e w or t h y m a n su ffer ed a cu t ely fr om t h e
V er du r in s’ a lw a y s fin din g h im so du ll; a n d a s h e w a s
con sciou s of h a v in g been m or e t h a n or din a r ily m or ose
t h is ev en in g , h e h a d m a de u p h is m in d t h a t h e w ou ld
su cceed in bein g a m u sin g , a t lea st on ce, befor e t h e en d
of din n er . He su r r en der ed so qu ick ly , look ed so w r et ch ed
a t t h e sig h t of h is ca st le in r u in s, a n d r eplied in so
cr a v en a t on e t o Sw a n n , a ppea lin g t o h im n ot t o per sist
in a r efu t a t ion w h ich w a s a lr ea dy su per flu ou s, “ A ll
r ig h t ; a ll r ig h t ; a n y h ow , ev en if I h a v e m a de a m ist a k e
t h a t ’s n ot a cr im e, I h ope,” t h a t Sw a n n lon g ed t o be a ble
t o con sole h im by in sist in g t h a t t h e st or y w a s
in du bit a bly t r u e a n d ex qu isit ely fu n n y . T h e Doct or ,
w h o h a d been list en in g , h a d a n idea t h a t it w a s t h e
r ig h t m om en t t o in t er ject “ Se non è vero,” bu t h e w a s
n ot qu it e cer t a in of t h e w or ds, a n d w a s a fr a id of bein g
ca u g h t ou t .
A ft er din n er , For ch ev ille w en t u p t o t h e Doct or .
“ Sh e ca n ’t h a v e been a t a ll ba d look in g , Mm e. V er du r in ;
a n y h ow , sh e’s a w om a n y ou ca n r ea lly t a lk t o; t h a t ’s a ll
I w a n t . Of cou r se sh e’s g et t in g a bit br oa d in t h e bea m .
Bu t Mm e. de Cr écy ! T h er e’s a lit t le w om a n w h o k n ow s
w h a t ’s w h a t , a ll r ig h t . Upon m y w or d a n d sou l, y ou ca n
see a t a g la n ce sh e’s g ot t h e A m er ica n ey e, t h a t g ir l h a s.
W e a r e spea k in g of Mm e. de Cr écy ,” h e ex pla in ed, a s M.
V er du r in join ed t h em , h is pipe in h is m ou t h . “ I sh ou ld
sa y t h a t , a s a specim en of t h e fem a le for m — ”
“ I’d r a t h er h a v e it in m y bed t h a n a cla p of
t h u n der !” t h e w or ds ca m e t u m blin g fr om Cot t a r d, w h o
h a d for som e t im e been w a it in g in v a in u n t il
For ch ev ille sh ou ld pa u se for br ea t h , so t h a t h e m ig h t
g et in h is h oa r y old jok e, a ch a n ce for w h ich m ig h t n ot ,
h e fea r ed, com e a g a in , if t h e con v er sa t ion sh ou ld t a k e a
differ en t t u r n ; a n d h e pr odu ced it n ow w it h t h a t
ex cessiv e spon t a n eit y a n d con fiden ce w h ich m a y oft en
be n ot iced a t t em pt in g t o cov er u p t h e coldn ess, a n d t h e
slig h t flu t t er of em ot ion , in sepa r a ble fr om a pr epa r ed
r ecit a t ion . For ch ev ille k n ew a n d sa w t h e jok e, a n d w a s
t h or ou g h ly a m u sed. A s for M. V er du r in , h e w a s
u n spa r in g of h is m er r im en t , h a v in g r ecen t ly
discov er ed a w a y of ex pr essin g it by a sy m bol, differ en t
fr om h is w ife’s, bu t equ a lly sim ple a n d obv iou s.
Sca r cely h a d h e beg u n t h e m ov em en t of h ea d a n d
sh ou lder s of a m a n w h o w a s ‘sh a k in g w it h la u g h t er ’
t h a n h e w ou ld beg in a lso t o cou g h , a s t h ou g h , in
la u g h in g t oo v iolen t ly , h e h a d sw a llow ed a m ou t h fu l of
sm ok e fr om h is pipe. A n d by k eepin g t h e pipe fir m ly in
h is m ou t h h e cou ld pr olon g in defin it ely t h e du m b-sh ow
of su ffoca t ion a n d h ila r it y . So h e a n d Mm e. V er du r in
(w h o, a t t h e ot h er side of t h e r oom , w h er e t h e pa in t er
w a s t ellin g h er a st or y , w a s sh u t t in g h er ey es
pr epa r a t or y t o flin g in g h er fa ce in t o h er h a n ds)
r esem bled t w o m a sk s in a t h ea t r e, ea ch r epr esen t in g
Com edy , bu t in a differ en t w a y .
M. V er du r in h a d been w iser t h a n h e k n ew in n ot
t a k in g h is pipe ou t of h is m ou t h , for Cot t a r d, h a v in g
occa sion t o lea v e t h e r oom for a m om en t , m u r m u r ed a
w it t y eu ph em ism w h ich h e h a d r ecen t ly a cqu ir ed a n d
r epea t ed n ow w h en ev er h e h a d t o g o t o t h e pla ce in
qu est ion : “ I m u st ju st g o a n d see t h e Du c d’A u m a le for a
m in u t e,” so dr olly , t h a t M. V er du r in ’s cou g h beg a n a ll
ov er a g a in .
“ Now , t h en , t a k e y ou r pipe ou t of y ou r m ou t h ; ca n ’t
y ou see, y ou ’ll ch ok e if y ou t r y t o bot t le u p y ou r
la u g h t er lik e t h a t ,” cou n selled Mm e. V er du r in , a s sh e
ca m e r ou n d w it h a t r a y of liqu eu r s.
“ W h a t a delig h t fu l m a n y ou r h u sba n d is; h e h a s t h e
w it of a dozen !” decla r ed For ch ev ille t o Mm e. Cot t a r d.
“ T h a n k y ou , t h a n k y ou , a n old soldier lik e m e ca n
n ev er sa y ‘No’ t o a dr in k .”
“ M. de For ch ev ille t h in k s Odet t e ch a r m in g ,” M.
V er du r in t old h is w ife.
“ W h y , do y ou k n ow , sh e w a n t s so m u ch t o m eet y ou
a g a in som e da y a t lu n ch eon . W e m u st a r r a n g e it , bu t
don ’t on a n y a ccou n t let Sw a n n h ea r a bou t it . He spoils
ev er y t h in g , don ’t y ou k n ow . I don ’t m ea n t o sa y t h a t
y ou ’r e n ot t o com e t o din n er t oo, of cou r se; w e h ope t o
see y ou v er y oft en . Now t h a t t h e w a r m w ea t h er ’s
com in g , w e’r e g oin g t o h a v e din n er ou t of door s
w h en ev er w e ca n . T h a t w on ’t bor e y ou , w ill it , a qu iet
lit t le din n er , n ow a n d t h en , in t h e Bois? Splen did,
splen did, t h a t w ill be qu it e delig h t fu l. . . .
“ A r en ’t y ou g oin g t o do a n y w or k t h is ev en in g , I
sa y ?” sh e scr ea m ed su dden ly t o t h e lit t le pia n ist , seein g
a n oppor t u n it y for displa y in g , befor e a ‘n ew com er ’ of
For ch ev ille’s im por t a n ce, a t on ce h er u n fa ilin g w it a n d
h er despot ic pow er ov er t h e ‘fa it h fu l.’
“ M. de For ch ev ille w a s ju st g oin g t o sa y som et h in g
dr ea dfu l a bou t y ou ,” Mm e. Cot t a r d w a r n ed h er
h u sba n d a s h e r ea ppea r ed in t h e r oom . A n d h e, st ill
follow in g u p t h e idea of For ch ev ille’s n oble bir t h , w h ich
h a d obsessed h im a ll t h r ou g h din n er , beg a n a g a in w it h :
“ I a m t r ea t in g a Ba r on ess ju st n ow , Ba r on ess Pu t bu s;
w er en ’t t h er e som e Pu t bu ses in t h e Cr u sa des? A n y h ow
t h ey ’v e g ot a la k e in Pom er a n ia t h a t ’s t en t im es t h e size
of t h e Pla ce de la Con cor de. I a m t r ea t in g h er for dr y
a r t h r it is; sh e’s a ch a r m in g w om a n . Mm e. V er du r in
k n ow s h er t oo, I believ e.”
W h ich en a bled For ch ev ille, a m om en t la t er , fin din g
h im self a lon e w it h Mm e. Cot t a r d, t o com plet e h is
fa v ou r a ble v er dict on h er h u sba n d w it h : “ He’s a n
in t er est in g m a n , t oo; y ou ca n see t h a t h e k n ow s som e
g ood people. Ga d! bu t t h ey g et t o k n ow a lot of t h in g s,
t h ose doct or s.”
“ D’y ou w a n t m e t o pla y t h e ph r a se fr om t h e son a t a
for M. Sw a n n ?” a sk ed t h e pia n ist .
“ W h a t t h e dev il’s t h a t ? Not t h e son a t a -sn a k e, I
h ope!” sh ou t ed M. de For ch ev ille, h opin g t o cr ea t e a n
effect . Bu t Dr . Cot t a r d, w h o h a d n ev er h ea r d t h is pu n ,
m issed t h e poin t of it , a n d im a g in ed t h a t M. de
For ch ev ille h a d m a de a m ist a k e. He da sh ed in boldly t o
cor r ect it : “ No, n o. T h e w or d isn ’t s erpent-à-s onates , it ’s
s erpent-à-s onnettes !” h e ex pla in ed in a t on e a t on ce
zea lou s, im pa t ien t , a n d t r iu m ph a n t .
For ch ev ille ex pla in ed t h e jok e t o h im . T h e Doct or
blu sh ed.
“ Y ou ’ll a dm it it ’s n ot ba d, eh , Doct or ?”
“ Oh ! I’v e k n ow n it for a g es.”
T h en t h ey w er e silen ced; h er a lded by t h e w a v in g
t r em olo of t h e v iolin -pa r t , w h ich for m ed a br ist lin g
body g u a r d of sou n d t w o oct a v es a bov e it — a n d a s in a
m ou n t a in ou s cou n t r y , a g a in st t h e seem in g im m obilit y
of a v er t ica lly fa llin g t or r en t , on e m a y dist in g u ish , t w o
h u n dr ed feet below , t h e t in y for m of a w om a n w a lk in g
in t h e v a lley — t h e lit t le ph r a se h a d ju st a ppea r ed,
dist a n t bu t g r a cefu l, pr ot ect ed by t h e lon g , g r a du a l
u n fu r lin g of it s t r a n spa r en t , in cessa n t a n d son or ou s
cu r t a in . A n d Sw a n n , in h is h ea r t of h ea r t s, t u r n ed t o it ,
spok e t o it a s t o a con fida n t in t h e secr et of h is lov e, a s t o
a fr ien d of Odet t e w h o w ou ld a ssu r e h im t h a t h e n eed
pa y n o a t t en t ion t o t h is For ch ev ille.
“ A h ! y ou ’v e com e t oo la t e!” Mm e. V er du r in g r eet ed
on e of t h e ‘fa it h fu l,’ w h ose in v it a t ion h a d been on ly ‘t o
look in a ft er din n er ,’ “ w e’v e been h a v in g a sim ply
in com pa r a ble Br ich ot ! Y ou n ev er h ea r d su ch eloqu en ce!
Bu t h e’s g on e. Isn ’t t h a t so, M. Sw a n n ? I believ e it ’s t h e
fir st t im e y ou ’v e m et h im ,” sh e w en t on , t o em ph a size
t h e fa ct t h a t it w a s t o h er t h a t Sw a n n ow ed t h e
in t r odu ct ion . “ Isn ’t t h a t so; w a sn ’t h e deliciou s, ou r
Br ich ot ?”
Sw a n n bow ed polit ely .
“ No? Y ou w er en ’t in t er est ed?” sh e a sk ed dr y ly .
“ Oh , bu t I a ssu r e y ou , I w a s qu it e en t h r a lled. He is
per h a ps a lit t le t oo per em pt or y , a lit t le t oo jov ia l for m y
t a st e. I sh ou ld lik e t o see h im a lit t le less con fiden t a t
t im es, a lit t le m or e t oler a n t , bu t on e feels t h a t h e k n ow s
a g r ea t dea l, a n d on t h e w h ole h e seem s a v er y sou n d
fellow .”
T h e pa r t y br ok e u p v er y la t e. Cot t a r d’s fir st w or ds
t o h is w ife w er e: “ I h a v e r a r ely seen Mm e. V er du r in in
su ch for m a s sh e w a s t o-n ig h t .”
“ W h a t ex a ct ly is y ou r Mm e. V er du r in ? A bit of a
ba d h a t , eh ?” sa id For ch ev ille t o t h e pa in t er , t o w h om
h e h a d offer ed a ‘lift .’ Odet t e w a t ch ed h is depa r t u r e
w it h r eg r et ; sh e da r ed n ot r efu se t o let Sw a n n t a k e h er
h om e, bu t sh e w a s m oody a n d ir r it a ble in t h e ca r r ia g e,
a n d, w h en h e a sk ed w h et h er h e m ig h t com e in , r eplied,
“ I su ppose so,” w it h a n im pa t ien t sh r u g of h er
sh ou lder s. W h en t h ey h a d a ll g on e, Mm e. V er du r in sa id
t o h er h u sba n d: “ Did y ou n ot ice t h e w a y Sw a n n
la u g h ed, su ch a n idiot ic la u g h , w h en w e spok e a bou t
Mm e. La T r ém oïlle?”
Sh e h a d r em a r k ed, m or e t h a n on ce, h ow Sw a n n
a n d For ch ev ille su ppr essed t h e pa r t icle ‘de’ befor e t h a t
la dy ’s n a m e. Nev er dou bt in g t h a t it w a s don e on
pu r pose, t o sh ew t h a t t h ey w er e n ot a fr a id of a t it le, sh e
h a d m a de u p h er m in d t o im it a t e t h eir a r r og a n ce, bu t
h a d n ot qu it e g r a sped w h a t g r a m m a t ica l for m it ou g h t
t o t a k e. Mor eov er , t h e n a t u r a l cor r u pt n ess of h er speech
ov er com in g h er im pla ca ble r epu blica n ism , sh e st ill sa id
in st in ct iv ely “ t h e de La T r ém oïlles,” or , r a t h er (by a n
a bbr ev ia t ion sa n ct ified by t h e u sa g e of m u sic-h a ll
sin g er s a n d t h e w r it er s of t h e ‘ca pt ion s’ ben ea t h
ca r ica t u r es, w h o elide t h e ‘de’), “ t h e d’La T r ém oïlles,”
bu t sh e cor r ect ed h er self a t on ce t o “ Ma da m e La
T r ém oïlle. — T h e Duches s , a s Sw a n n ca lls h er ,” sh e
a dded ir on ica lly , w it h a sm ile w h ich pr ov ed t h a t sh e
w a s m er ely qu ot in g , a n d w ou ld n ot , h er self, a ccept t h e
lea st r espon sibilit y for a cla ssifica t ion so pu er ile a n d
a bsu r d.
“ I don ’t m in d sa y in g t h a t I t h ou g h t h im ex t r em ely
st u pid.”
M. V er du r in t ook it u p. “ He’s n ot sin cer e. He’s a
cr a ft y cu st om er , a lw a y s h ov er in g bet w een on e side a n d
t h e ot h er . He’s a lw a y s t r y in g t o r u n w it h t h e h a r e a n d
h u n t w it h t h e h ou n ds. W h a t a differ en ce bet w een h im
a n d For ch ev ille. T h er e, a t lea st , y ou h a v e a m a n w h o
t ells y ou st r a ig h t ou t w h a t h e t h in k s. Eit h er y ou a g r ee
w it h h im or y ou don ’t . Not lik e t h e ot h er fellow , w h o’s
n ev er defin it ely fish or fow l. Did y ou n ot ice, by t h e
w a y , t h a t Odet t e seem ed a ll ou t for For ch ev ille, a n d I
don ’t bla m e h er , eit h er . A n d t h en , a ft er a ll, if Sw a n n
t r ies t o com e t h e m a n of fa sh ion ov er u s, t h e ch a m pion
of dist r essed Du ch esses, a t a n y r a t e t h e ot h er m a n h a s
g ot a t it le; h e’s a lw a y s Com t e de For ch ev ille!” h e let t h e
w or ds slip delica t ely fr om h is lips, a s t h ou g h , fa m ilia r
w it h ev er y pa g e of t h e h ist or y of t h a t dig n it y , h e w er e
m a k in g a scr u pu lou sly ex a ct est im a t e of it s v a lu e, in
r ela t ion t o ot h er s of t h e sor t .
“ I don ’t m in d sa y in g ,” Mm e. V er du r in w en t on ,
“ t h a t h e sa w fit t o u t t er som e m ost v en om ou s, a n d qu it e
a bsu r d in sin u a t ion s a g a in st Br ich ot . Na t u r a lly , on ce h e
sa w t h a t Br ich ot w a s popu la r in t h is h ou se, it w a s a w a y
of h it t in g ba ck a t u s, of spoilin g ou r pa r t y . I k n ow h is
sor t , t h e dea r , g ood fr ien d of t h e fa m ily , w h o pu lls y ou
a ll t o pieces on t h e st a ir s a s h e’s g oin g a w a y .”
“ Didn ’t I sa y so?” r et or t ed h er h u sba n d. “ He’s
sim ply a fa ilu r e; a poor lit t le w r et ch w h o g oes t h r ou g h
life m a d w it h jea lou sy of a n y t h in g t h a t ’s a t a ll big .”
Ha d t h e t r u t h been k n ow n , t h er e w a s n ot on e of t h e
‘fa it h fu l’ w h o w a s n ot in fin it ely m or e m a liciou s t h a n
Sw a n n ; bu t t h e ot h er s w ou ld a ll t a k e t h e pr eca u t ion of
t em per in g t h eir m a lice w it h obv iou s plea sa n t r ies, w it h
lit t le spa r k s of em ot ion a n d cor dia lit y ; w h ile t h e lea st
in dica t ion of r eser v e on Sw a n n ’s pa r t , u n dr a ped in a n y
su ch con v en t ion a l for m u la a s “ Of cou r se, I don ’t w a n t t o
sa y a n y t h in g — ” t o w h ich h e w ou ld h a v e scor n ed t o
descen d, a ppea r ed t o t h em a deliber a t e a ct of t r ea ch er y .
T h er e a r e cer t a in or ig in a l a n d dist in g u ish ed a u t h or s in
w h om t h e lea st ‘fr eedom of speech ’ is t h ou g h t r ev olt in g
beca u se t h ey h a v e n ot beg u n by fla t t er in g t h e pu blic
t a st e, a n d ser v in g u p t o it t h e com m on pla ce ex pr ession s
t o w h ich it is u sed; it w a s by t h e sa m e pr ocess t h a t
Sw a n n in fu r ia t ed M. V er du r in . In h is ca se a s in t h eir s it
w a s t h e n ov elt y of h is la n g u a g e w h ich led h is a u dien ce
t o su spect t h e bla ck n ess of h is desig n s.
Sw a n n w a s st ill u n con sciou s of t h e disg r a ce t h a t
t h r ea t en ed h im a t t h e V er du r in s’, a n d con t in u ed t o
r eg a r d a ll t h eir a bsu r dit ies in t h e m ost r osy lig h t ,
t h r ou g h t h e a dm ir in g ey es of lov e.
A s a r u le h e m a de n o a ppoin t m en t s w it h Odet t e
ex cept for t h e ev en in g s; h e w a s a fr a id of h er g r ow in g
t ir ed of h im if h e v isit ed h er du r in g t h e da y a s w ell; a t
t h e sa m e t im e h e w a s r elu ct a n t t o for feit , ev en for a n
h ou r , t h e pla ce t h a t h e h eld in h er t h ou g h t s, a n d so w a s
con st a n t ly look in g ou t for a n oppor t u n it y of cla im in g
h er a t t en t ion , in a n y w a y t h a t w ou ld n ot be displea sin g
t o h er . If, in a flor ist ’s or a jew eller ’s w in dow , a pla n t or
a n or n a m en t ca u g h t h is ey e, h e w ou ld a t on ce t h in k of
sen din g t h em t o Odet t e, im a g in in g t h a t t h e plea su r e
w h ich t h e ca su a l sig h t of t h em h a d g iv en h im w ou ld
in st in ct iv ely be felt , a lso, by h er , a n d w ou ld in cr ea se
h er a ffect ion for h im self; a n d h e w ou ld or der t h em t o be
t a k en a t on ce t o t h e Ru e La pér ou se, so a s t o a cceler a t e
t h e m om en t in w h ich , a s sh e r eceiv ed a n offer in g fr om
h im , h e m ig h t feel h im self, in a sen se, t r a n spor t ed in t o
h er pr esen ce. He w a s pa r t icu la r ly a n x iou s, a lw a y s,
t h a t sh e sh ou ld r eceiv e t h ese pr esen t s befor e sh e w en t
ou t for t h e ev en in g , so t h a t h er sen se of g r a t it u de
t ow a r ds h im m ig h t g iv e a ddit ion a l t en der n ess t o h er
w elcom e w h en h e a r r iv ed a t t h e V er du r in s’, m ig h t
ev en — for a ll h e k n ew — if t h e sh opk eeper m a de h a st e,
br in g h im a let t er fr om h er befor e din n er , or h er self, in
per son , u pon h is door st ep, com e on a lit t le
ex t r a or din a r y v isit of t h a n k s. A s in a n ea r lier ph a se,
w h en h e h a d ex per im en t ed w it h t h e r eflex a ct ion of
a n g er a n d con t em pt u pon h er ch a r a ct er , h e sou g h t n ow
by t h a t of g r a t ifica t ion t o elicit fr om h er fr esh pa r t icles
of h er in t im a t e feelin g s, w h ich sh e h a d n ev er y et
r ev ea led.
Oft en sh e w a s em ba r r a ssed by la ck of m on ey , a n d
u n der pr essu r e fr om a cr edit or w ou ld com e t o h im for
a ssist a n ce. He en joy ed t h is, a s h e en joy ed ev er y t h in g
w h ich cou ld im pr ess Odet t e w it h h is lov e for h er self, or
m er ely w it h h is in flu en ce, w it h t h e ex t en t of t h e u se
t h a t sh e m ig h t m a k e of h im . Pr oba bly if a n y on e h a d
sa id t o h im , a t t h e beg in n in g , “ It ’s y ou r posit ion t h a t
a t t r a ct s h er ,” or a t t h is st a g e, “ It ’s y ou r m on ey t h a t
sh e’s r ea lly in lov e w it h ,” h e w ou ld n ot h a v e believ ed
t h e su g g est ion , n or w ou ld h e h a v e been g r ea t ly
dist r essed by t h e t h ou g h t t h a t people su pposed h er t o be
a t t a ch ed t o h im , t h a t people felt t h em , t o be u n it ed by
a n y t ies so bin din g a s t h ose of sn obbish n ess or w ea lt h .
Bu t ev en if h e h a d a ccept ed t h e possibilit y , it m ig h t n ot
h a v e ca u sed h im a n y su ffer in g t o discov er t h a t Odet t e’s
lov e for h im w a s ba sed on a fou n da t ion m or e la st in g
t h a n m er e a ffect ion , or a n y a t t r a ct iv e qu a lit ies w h ich
sh e m ig h t h a v e fou n d in h im ; on a sou n d, com m er cia l
in t er est ; a n in t er est w h ich w ou ld post pon e for ev er t h e
fa t a l da y on w h ich sh e m ig h t be t em pt ed t o br in g t h eir
r ela t ion s t o a n en d. For t h e m om en t , w h ile h e la v ish ed
pr esen t s u pon h er , a n d per for m ed a ll m a n n er of
ser v ices, h e cou ld r ely on a dv a n t a g es n ot con t a in ed in
h is per son , or in h is in t ellect , cou ld for eg o t h e en dless,
k illin g effor t t o m a k e h im self a t t r a ct iv e. A n d t h is
delig h t in bein g a lov er , in liv in g by lov e a lon e, of t h e
r ea lit y of w h ich h e w a s in clin ed t o be dou bt fu l, t h e
pr ice w h ich , in t h e lon g r u n , h e m u st pa y for it , a s a
dilet t a n t e in im m a t er ia l sen sa t ion s, en h a n ced it s v a lu e
in h is ey es — a s on e sees people w h o a r e dou bt fu l
w h et h er t h e sig h t of t h e sea a n d t h e sou n d of it s w a v es
a r e r ea lly en joy a ble, becom e con v in ced t h a t t h ey a r e,
a s a lso of t h e r a r e qu a lit y a n d a bsolu t e det a ch m en t of
t h eir ow n t a st e, w h en t h ey h a v e a g r eed t o pa y sev er a l
pou n ds a da y for a r oom in a n h ot el, fr om w h ich t h a t
sig h t a n d t h a t sou n d m a y be en joy ed.
On e da y , w h en r eflect ion s of t h is or der h a d br ou g h t
h im on ce a g a in t o t h e m em or y of t h e t im e w h en som e
on e h a d spok en t o h im of Odet t e a s of a ‘k ept ’ w om a n ,
a n d w h en , on ce a g a in , h e h a d a m u sed h im self w it h
con t r a st in g t h a t st r a n g e per son ifica t ion , t h e ‘k ept ’
w om a n — a n ir idescen t m ix t u r e of u n k n ow n a n d
dem on ia ca l qu a lit ies, em br oider ed, a s in som e fa n t a sy
of Gu st a v e Mor ea u , w it h poison -dr ippin g flow er s,
in t er w ov en w it h pr eciou s jew els — w it h t h a t Odet t e
u pon w h ose fa ce h e h a d w a t ch ed t h e pa ssa g e of t h e
sa m e ex pr ession s of pit y for a su ffer er , r esen t m en t of a n
a ct of in ju st ice, g r a t it u de for a n a ct of k in dn ess, w h ich
h e h a d seen , in ea r lier da y s, on h is ow n m ot h er ’s fa ce,
a n d on t h e fa ces of fr ien ds; t h a t Odet t e, w h ose
con v er sa t ion h a d so fr equ en t ly t u r n ed on t h e t h in g s
t h a t h e h im self k n ew bet t er t h a n a n y on e, h is
collect ion s, h is r oom , h is old ser v a n t , h is ba n k er , w h o
k ept a ll h is t it le-deeds a n d bon ds; — t h e t h ou g h t of t h e
ba n k er r em in ded h im t h a t h e m u st ca ll on h im sh or t ly ,
t o dr a w som e m on ey . A n d in deed, if, du r in g t h e cu r r en t
m on t h , h e w er e t o com e less liber a lly t o t h e a id of
Odet t e in h er fin a n cia l difficu lt ies t h a n in t h e m on t h
befor e, w h en h e h a d g iv en h er fiv e t h ou sa n d fr a n cs, if
h e r efr a in ed fr om offer in g h er a dia m on d n eck la ce for
w h ich sh e lon g ed, h e w ou ld be a llow in g h er a dm ir a t ion
for h is g en er osit y t o declin e, t h a t g r a t it u de w h ich h a d
m a de h im so h a ppy , a n d w ou ld ev en be r u n n in g t h e
r isk of h er im a g in in g t h a t h is lov e for h er (a s sh e sa w it s
v isible m a n ifest a t ion s g r ow few er ) had it self
dim in ish ed. A n d t h en , su dden ly , h e a sk ed h im self
w h et h er t h a t w a s n ot pr ecisely w h a t w a s im plied by
‘k eepin g ’ a w om a n (a s if, in fa ct , t h a t idea of ‘k eepin g ’
cou ld be der iv ed fr om elem en t s n ot a t a ll m y st er iou s
n or per v er se, bu t belon g in g t o t h e in t im a t e r ou t in e of
h is da ily life, su ch a s t h a t t h ou sa n d-fr a n c n ot e, a
fa m ilia r a n d dom est ic object , t or n in pla ces a n d m en ded
w it h g u m m ed pa per , w h ich h is v a let , a ft er pa y in g t h e
h ou seh old a ccou n t s a n d t h e r en t , h a d lock ed u p in a
dr a w er in t h e old w r it in g -desk w h en ce h e h a d ex t r a ct ed
it t o sen d it , w it h fou r ot h er s, t o Odet t e) a n d w h et h er it
w a s n ot possible t o a pply t o Odet t e, sin ce h e h a d k n ow n
h er (for h e n ev er im a g in ed for a m om en t t h a t sh e cou ld
ev er h a v e t a k en a pen n y fr om a n y on e else, befor e),
t h a t t it le, w h ich h e h a d believ ed so w h olly in a pplica ble
t o h er , of ‘k ept ’ w om a n . He cou ld n ot ex plor e t h e idea
fu r t h er , for a su dden a ccess of t h a t m en t a l let h a r g y
w h ich w a s, w it h h im , con g en it a l, in t er m it t en t a n d
pr ov iden t ia l, h a ppen ed, a t t h a t m om en t , t o ex t in g u ish
ev er y pa r t icle of lig h t in h is br a in , a s in st a n t a n eou sly
a s, a t a la t er per iod, w h en elect r ic lig h t in g h a d been
ev er y w h er e in st a lled, it beca m e possible, m er ely by
fin g er in g a sw it ch , t o cu t off a ll t h e su pply of lig h t fr om
a h ou se. His m in d fu m bled, for a m om en t , in t h e
da r k n ess, h e t ook off h is spect a cles, w iped t h e g la sses,
pa ssed h is h a n ds ov er h is ey es, bu t sa w n o lig h t u n t il h e
fou n d h im self fa ce t o fa ce w it h a w h olly differ en t idea ,
t h e r ea lisa t ion t h a t h e m u st en dea v ou r , in t h e com in g
m on t h , t o sen d Odet t e six or sev en t h ou sa n d-fr a n c n ot es
in st ea d of fiv e, sim ply a s a su r pr ise for h er a n d t o g iv e
h er plea su r e.
In t h e ev en in g , w h en h e did n ot st a y a t h om e u n t il
it w a s t im e t o m eet Odet t e a t t h e V er du r in s’, or r a t h er
a t on e of t h e open -a ir r est a u r a n t s w h ich t h ey lik ed t o
fr equ en t in t h e Bois a n d especia lly a t Sa in t -Clou d, h e
w ou ld g o t o din e in on e of t h ose fa sh ion a ble h ou ses in
w h ich , a t on e t im e, h e h a d been a con st a n t g u est . He
did n ot w ish t o lose t ou ch w it h people w h o, for a ll t h a t
h e k n ew , m ig h t be of u se, som e da y , t o Odet t e, a n d
t h a n k s t o w h om h e w a s oft en , in t h e m ea n t im e, a ble t o
pr ocu r e for h er som e pr iv ileg e or plea su r e. Besides, h e
h a d been u sed for so lon g t o t h e r efin em en t a n d com for t
of g ood societ y t h a t , side by side w it h h is con t em pt ,
t h er e h a d g r ow n u p a lso a desper a t e n eed for it , w it h
t h e r esu lt t h a t , w h en h e h a d r ea ch ed t h e poin t a ft er
w h ich t h e h u m blest lodg in g s a ppea r ed t o h im a s
pr ecisely on a pa r w it h t h e m ost pr in cely m a n sion s, h is
sen ses w er e so t h or ou g h ly a ccu st om ed t o t h e la t t er t h a t
h e cou ld n ot en t er t h e for m er w it h ou t a feelin g of a cu t e
discom for t . He h a d t h e sa m e r eg a r d — t o a deg r ee of
iden t it y w h ich t h ey w ou ld n ev er h a v e su spect ed — for
t h e lit t le fa m ilies w it h sm a ll in com es w h o a sk ed h im t o
da n ces in t h eir fla t s (“ st r a ig h t u pst a ir s t o t h e fift h floor ,
a n d t h e door on t h e left ” ) a s for t h e Pr in cesse de Pa r m e,
w h o g a v e t h e m ost splen did pa r t ies in Pa r is; bu t h e h a d
n ot t h e feelin g of bein g a ct u a lly ‘a t t h e ba ll’ w h en h e
fou n d h im self h er ded w it h t h e fa t h er s of fa m ilies in t h e
bedr oom of t h e la dy of t h e h ou se, w h ile t h e spect a cle of
w a sh -h a n d-st a n ds cov er ed ov er w it h t ow els, a n d of beds
con v er t ed in t o cloa k -r oom s, w it h a m a ss of h a t s a n d
g r ea t -coa t s spr a w lin g ov er t h eir cou n t er pa n es, g a v e
h im t h e sa m e st iflin g sen sa t ion t h a t , n ow a da y s, people
w h o h a v e been u sed for h a lf a lifet im e t o elect r ic lig h t
der iv e fr om a sm ok in g la m p or a ca n dle t h a t n eeds t o be
sn u ffed. If h e w er e din in g ou t , h e w ou ld or der h is
ca r r ia g e for h a lf-pa st sev en ; w h ile h e ch a n g ed h is
clot h es, h e w ou ld be w on der in g , a ll t h e t im e, a bou t
Odet t e, a n d in t h is w a y w a s n ev er a lon e, for t h e
con st a n t t h ou g h t of Odet t e g a v e t o t h e m om en t s in
w h ich h e w a s sepa r a t ed fr om h er t h e sa m e pecu lia r
ch a r m a s t o t h ose in w h ich sh e w a s a t h is side. He w ou ld
g et in t o h is ca r r ia g e a n d dr iv e off, bu t h e k n ew t h a t t h is
t h ou g h t h a d ju m ped in a ft er h im a n d h a d set t led dow n
u pon h is k n ee, lik e a pet a n im a l w h ich h e m ig h t t a k e
ev er y w h er e, a n d w ou ld k eep w it h h im a t t h e din n er -
t a ble, u n obser v ed by h is fellow -g u est s. He w ou ld st r ok e
a n d fon dle it , w a r m h im self w it h it , a n d, a s a feelin g of
la n g u or sw ept ov er h im , w ou ld g iv e w a y t o a slig h t
sh u dder in g m ov em en t w h ich con t r a ct ed h is t h r oa t a n d
n ost r ils — a n ew ex per ien ce, t h is, — a s h e fa st en ed t h e
bu n ch of colu m bin es in h is bu t t on h ole. He h a d for som e
t im e been feelin g n eit h er w ell n or h a ppy , especia lly
sin ce Odet t e h a d br ou g h t For ch ev ille t o t h e V er du r in s’,
a n d h e w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o g o a w a y for a w h ile t o r est in
t h e cou n t r y . Bu t h e cou ld n ev er su m m on u p cou r a g e t o
lea v e Pa r is, ev en for a da y , w h ile Odet t e w a s t h er e. T h e
w ea t h er w a s w a r m ; it w a s t h e fin est pa r t of t h e spr in g .
A n d for a ll t h a t h e w a s dr iv in g t h r ou g h a cit y of st on e
t o im m u r e h im self in a h ou se w it h ou t g r a ss or g a r den ,
w h a t w a s in cessa n t ly befor e h is ey es w a s a pa r k w h ich
h e ow n ed, n ea r Com br a y , w h er e, a t fou r in t h e
a ft er n oon , befor e com in g t o t h e a spa r a g u s-bed, t h a n k s
t o t h e br eeze t h a t w a s w a ft ed a cr oss t h e fields fr om
Méség lise, h e cou ld en joy t h e fr a g r a n t cooln ess of t h e a ir
a s w ell ben ea t h a n a r bou r of h or n bea m s in t h e g a r den
a s by t h e ba n k of t h e pon d, fr in g ed w it h for g et -m e-n ot
a n d ir is; a n d w h er e, w h en h e sa t dow n t o din n er ,
t r a in ed a n d t w in ed by t h e g a r den er ’s sk ilfu l h a n d,
t h er e r a n a ll a bou t h is t a ble cu r r a n t -bu sh a n d r ose.
A ft er din n er , if h e h a d a n ea r ly a ppoin t m en t in t h e
Bois or a t Sa in t -Clou d, h e w ou ld r ise fr om t a ble a n d
lea v e t h e h ou se so a br u pt ly — especia lly if it t h r ea t en ed
t o r a in , a n d so t o sca t t er t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ befor e t h eir
n or m a l t im e — t h a t on on e occa sion t h e Pr in cesse des
La u m es (a t w h ose h ou se din n er h a d been so la t e t h a t
Sw a n n h a d left befor e t h e coffee ca m e in , t o join t h e
V er du r in s on t h e Isla n d in t h e Bois) obser v ed:
“ Rea lly , if Sw a n n w er e t h ir t y y ea r s older , a n d h a d
dia bet es, t h er e m ig h t be som e ex cu se for h is r u n n in g
a w a y lik e t h a t . He seem s t o look u pon u s a ll a s a jok e.”
He per su a ded h im self t h a t t h e spr in g -t im e ch a r m ,
w h ich h e cou ld n ot g o dow n t o Com br a y t o en joy , h e
w ou ld fin d a t lea st on t h e He des Cy g n es or a t Sa in t -
Clou d. Bu t a s h e cou ld t h in k on ly of Odet t e, h e w ou ld
r et u r n h om e n ot k n ow in g ev en if h e h a d t a st ed t h e
fr a g r a n ce of t h e y ou n g lea v es, or if t h e m oon h a d been
sh in in g . He w ou ld be w elcom ed by t h e lit t le ph r a se
fr om t h e son a t a , pla y ed in t h e g a r den on t h e r est a u r a n t
pia n o. If t h er e w a s n on e in t h e g a r den , t h e V er du r in s
w ou ld h a v e t a k en im m en se pa in s t o h a v e a pia n o
br ou g h t ou t eit h er fr om a pr iv a t e r oom or fr om t h e
r est a u r a n t it self; n ot beca u se Sw a n n w a s n ow r est or ed
t o fa v ou r ; fa r fr om it . Bu t t h e idea of a r r a n g in g a n
in g en iou s for m of en t er t a in m en t for som e on e, ev en for
som e on e w h om t h ey dislik ed, w ou ld st im u la t e t h em ,
du r in g t h e t im e spen t in it s pr epa r a t ion , t o a
m om en t a r y sen se of cor dia lit y a n d a ffect ion . Now a n d
t h en h e w ou ld r em in d h im self t h a t a n ot h er fin e spr in g
ev en in g w a s dr a w in g t o a close, a n d w ou ld for ce h im self
t o n ot ice t h e t r ees a n d t h e sk y . Bu t t h e st a t e of
ex cit em en t in t o w h ich Odet t e’s pr esen ce n ev er fa iled t o
t h r ow h im , a dded t o a fev er ish a ilm en t w h ich , for som e
t im e n ow , h a d sca r cely left h im , r obbed h im of t h a t
sen se of qu iet a n d com for t w h ich is a n in dispen sa ble
ba ck g r ou n d t o t h e im pr ession s t h a t w e der iv e fr om
n a t u r e.
On e ev en in g , w h en Sw a n n h a d con sen t ed t o din e
w it h t h e V er du r in s, a n d h a d m en t ion ed du r in g din n er
t h a t h e h a d t o a t t en d, n ex t da y , t h e a n n u a l ba n qu et of
a n old com r a des’ a ssocia t ion , Odet t e h a d a t on ce
ex cla im ed a cr oss t h e t a ble, in fr on t of ev er y on e, in fr on t
of For ch ev ille, w h o w a s n ow on e of t h e ‘fa it h fu l,’ in fr on t
of t h e pa in t er , in fr on t of Cot t a r d:
“ Y es, I k n ow , y ou h a v e y ou r ba n qu et t o-m or r ow ; I
sh a ’n ’t see y ou , t h en , t ill I g et h om e; don ’t be t oo la t e.”
A n d a lt h ou g h Sw a n n h a d n ev er y et t a k en offen ce,
a t a ll ser iou sly , a t Odet t e’s dem on st r a t ion s of fr ien dsh ip
for on e or ot h er of t h e ‘fa it h fu l,’ h e felt a n ex qu isit e
plea su r e on h ea r in g h er t h u s a v ow , befor e t h em a ll,
w it h t h a t ca lm im m odest y , t h e fa ct t h a t t h ey sa w ea ch
ot h er r eg u la r ly ev er y ev en in g , h is pr iv ileg ed posit ion
in h er h ou se, a n d h er ow n pr efer en ce for h im w h ich it
im plied. It w a s t r u e t h a t Sw a n n h a d oft en r eflect ed t h a t
Odet t e w a s in n o w a y a r em a r k a ble w om a n ; a n d in t h e
su pr em a cy w h ich h e w ielded ov er a cr ea t u r e so
dist in ct ly in fer ior t o h im self t h er e w a s n ot h in g t h a t
especia lly fla t t er ed h im w h en h e h ea r d it pr ocla im ed t o
a ll t h e ‘fa it h fu l’; bu t sin ce h e h a d obser v ed t h a t , t o
sev er a l ot h er m en t h a n h im self, Odet t e seem ed a
fa scin a t in g a n d desir a ble w om a n , t h e a t t r a ct ion w h ich
h er body h eld for h im h a d a r ou sed a pa in fu l lon g in g t o
secu r e t h e a bsolu t e m a st er y of ev en t h e t in iest pa r t icles
of h er h ea r t . A n d h e h a d beg u n t o a t t a ch a n
in ca lcu la ble v a lu e t o t h ose m om en t s pa ssed in h er
h ou se in t h e ev en in g s, w h en h e h eld h er u pon h is k n ee,
m a de h er t ell h im w h a t sh e t h ou g h t a bou t t h is or t h a t ,
a n d cou n t ed ov er t h a t t r ea su r e t o w h ich , a lon e of a ll h is
ea r t h ly possession s, h e st ill clu n g . A n d so, a ft er t h is
din n er , dr a w in g h er a side, h e t ook ca r e t o t h a n k h er
effu siv ely , seek in g t o in dica t e t o h er by t h e ex t en t of h is
g r a t it u de t h e cor r espon din g in t en sit y of t h e plea su r es
w h ich it w a s in h er pow er t o best ow on h im , t h e
su pr em e plea su r e bein g t o g u a r a n t ee h im im m u n it y ,
for a s lon g a s h is lov e sh ou ld la st a n d h e r em a in
v u ln er a ble, fr om t h e a ssa u lt s of jea lou sy .
W h en h e ca m e a w a y fr om h is ba n qu et , t h e n ex t
ev en in g , it w a s pou r in g r a in , a n d h e h a d n ot h in g bu t
h is v ict or ia . A fr ien d offer ed t o t a k e h im h om e in a
closed ca r r ia g e, a n d a s Odet t e, by t h e fa ct of h er h a v in g
in v it ed h im t o com e, h a d g iv en h im a n a ssu r a n ce t h a t
sh e w a s ex pect in g n o on e else, h e cou ld, w it h a qu iet
m in d a n d a n u n t r ou bled h ea r t , r a t h er t h a n set off t h u s
in t h e r a in , h a v e g on e h om e a n d t o bed. Bu t per h a ps, if
sh e sa w t h a t h e seem ed n ot t o a dh er e t o h is r esolu t ion t o
en d ev er y ev en in g , w it h ou t ex cept ion , in h er com pa n y ,
sh e m ig h t g r ow ca r eless, a n d fa il t o k eep fr ee for h im
ju st t h e on e ev en in g on w h ich h e pa r t icu la r ly desir ed
it .
It w a s a ft er elev en w h en h e r ea ch ed h er door , a n d
a s h e m a de h is a polog y for h a v in g been u n a ble t o com e
a w a y ea r lier , sh e com pla in ed t h a t it w a s in deed v er y
la t e; t h e st or m h a d m a de h er u n w ell, h er h ea d a ch ed,
a n d sh e w a r n ed h im t h a t sh e w ou ld n ot let h im st a y
lon g er t h a n h a lf a n h ou r , t h a t a t m idn ig h t sh e w ou ld
sen d h im a w a y ; a lit t le w h ile la t er sh e felt t ir ed a n d
w ish ed t o sleep.
“ No ca t t ley a , t h en , t o-n ig h t ?” h e a sk ed, “ a n d I’v e
been look in g for w a r d so t o a n ice lit t le ca t t ley a .”
Bu t sh e w a s ir r espon siv e; sa y in g n er v ou sly : “ No,
dea r , n o ca t t ley a t on ig h t . Ca n ’t y ou see, I’m n ot w ell?”
“ It m ig h t h a v e don e y ou g ood, bu t I w on ’t bot h er
y ou .”
Sh e beg g ed h im t o pu t ou t t h e lig h t befor e h e w en t ;
h e dr ew t h e cu r t a in s close r ou n d h er bed a n d left h er .
Bu t , w h en h e w a s in h is ow n h ou se a g a in , t h e idea
su dden ly st r u ck h im t h a t , per h a ps, Odet t e w a s
ex pect in g som e on e else t h a t ev en in g , t h a t sh e h a d
m er ely pr et en ded t o be t ir ed, t h a t sh e h a d a sk ed h im t o
pu t t h e lig h t ou t on ly so t h a t h e sh ou ld su ppose t h a t sh e
w a s g oin g t o sleep, t h a t t h e m om en t h e h a d left t h e
h ou se sh e h a d lig h t ed it a g a in , a n d h a d r eopen ed h er
door t o t h e st r a n g er w h o w a s t o be h er g u est for t h e
n ig h t . He look ed a t h is w a t ch . It w a s a bou t a n h ou r a n d
a h a lf sin ce h e h a d left h er ; h e w en t ou t , t ook a ca b, a n d
st opped it close t o h er h ou se, in a lit t le st r eet r u n n in g a t
r ig h t a n g les t o t h a t ot h er st r eet , w h ich la y a t t h e ba ck
of h er h ou se, a n d a lon g w h ich h e u sed t o g o, som et im es,
t o t a p u pon h er bedr oom w in dow , for h er t o let h im in .
He left h is ca b; t h e st r eet s w er e a ll deser t ed a n d da r k ;
h e w a lk ed a few y a r ds a n d ca m e ou t a lm ost opposit e h er
h ou se. A m id t h e g lim m er in g bla ck n ess of a ll t h e r ow of
w in dow s, t h e lig h t s in w h ich h a d lon g sin ce been pu t
ou t , h e sa w on e, a n d on ly on e, fr om w h ich ov er flow ed,
bet w een t h e sla t s of it s sh u t t er s, dosed lik e a w in e-pr ess
ov er it s m y st er iou s g olden ju ice, t h e lig h t t h a t filled t h e
r oom w it h in , a lig h t w h ich on so m a n y ev en in g s, a s
soon a s h e sa w it , fa r off, a s h e t u r n ed in t o t h e st r eet ,
h a d r ejoiced h is h ea r t w it h it s m essa g e: “ Sh e is t h er e —
ex pect in g y ou ,” a n d n ow t or t u r ed h im w it h : “ Sh e is
t h er e w it h t h e m a n sh e w a s ex pect in g .” He m u st k n ow
w h o; h e t ipt oed a lon g by t h e w a ll u n t il h e r ea ch ed t h e
w in dow , bu t bet w een t h e sla n t in g ba r s of t h e sh u t t er s
h e cou ld see n ot h in g ; h e cou ld h ea r , on ly , in t h e silen ce
of t h e n ig h t , t h e m u r m u r of con v er sa t ion . W h a t a g on y
h e su ffer ed a s h e w a t ch ed t h a t lig h t , in w h ose g olden
a t m osph er e w er e m ov in g , beh in d t h e closed sa sh , t h e
u n seen a n d det est ed pa ir , a s h e list en ed t o t h a t
m u r m u r w h ich r ev ea led t h e pr esen ce of t h e m a n w h o
h a d cr ept in a ft er h is ow n depa r t u r e, t h e per fidy of
Odet t e, a n d t h e plea su r es w h ich sh e w a s a t t h a t
m om en t t a st in g w it h t h e st r a n g er .
A n d y et h e w a s n ot sor r y t h a t h e h a d com e; t h e
t or m en t w h ich h a d for ced h im t o lea v e h is ow n h ou se
h a d lost it s sh a r pn ess w h en it lost it g u n cer t a in t y , n ow
t h a t Odet t e’s ot h er life, of w h ich h e h a d h a d, a t t h a t
fir st m om en t , a su dden h elpless su spicion , w a s
defin it ely t h er e, a lm ost w it h in h is g r a sp, befor e h is
ey es, in t h e fu ll g la r e of t h e la m p-lig h t , ca u g h t a n d k ept
t h er e, a n u n w it t in g pr ison er , in t h a t r oom in t o w h ich ,
w h en h e w ou ld, h e m ig h t for ce h is w a y t o su r pr ise a n d
seize it ; or r a t h er h e w ou ld t a p u pon t h e sh u t t er s, a s h e
h a d oft en don e w h en h e h a d com e t h er e v er y la t e, a n d
by t h a t sig n a l Odet t e w ou ld a t lea st lea r n t h a t h e k n ew ,
t h a t h e h a d seen t h e lig h t a n d h a d h ea r d t h e v oices;
w h ile h e h im self, w h o a m om en t a g o h a d been
pict u r in g h er a s la u g h in g a t h im , a s sh a r in g w it h t h a t
ot h er t h e k n ow ledg e of h ow effect iv ely h e h a d been
t r ick ed, n ow it w a s h e t h a t sa w t h em , con fiden t a n d
per sist en t in t h eir er r or , t r ick ed a n d t r a pped by n on e
ot h er t h a n h im self, w h om t h ey believ ed t o be a m ile
a w a y , bu t w h o w a s t h er e, in per son , t h er e w it h a pla n ,
t h er e w it h t h e k n ow ledg e t h a t h e w a s g oin g , in a n ot h er
m in u t e, t o t a p u pon t h e sh u t t er . A n d, per h a ps, w h a t h e
felt (a lm ost a n a g r eea ble feelin g ) a t t h a t m om en t w a s
som et h in g m or e t h a n r elief a t t h e solu t ion of a dou bt , a t
t h e soot h in g of a pa in ; w a s a n in t ellect u a l plea su r e. If,
sin ce h e h a d fa llen in lov e, t h in g s h a d r ecov er ed a lit t le
of t h e delica t e a t t r a ct ion t h a t t h ey h a d h a d for h im
lon g a g o — t h ou g h on ly w h en a lig h t w a s sh ed u pon
t h em by a t h ou g h t , a m em or y of Odet t e — n ow it w a s
a n ot h er of t h e fa cu lt ies, pr om in en t in t h e st u diou s da y s
of h is y ou t h , t h a t Odet t e h a d qu ick en ed w it h n ew life,
t h e pa ssion for t r u t h , bu t for a t r u t h w h ich , t oo, w a s
in t er posed bet w een h im self a n d h is m ist r ess, r eceiv in g
it s lig h t fr om h er a lon e, a pr iv a t e a n d per son a l t r u t h
t h e sole object of w h ich (a n in fin it ely pr eciou s object ,
a n d on e a lm ost im per son a l in it s a bsolu t e bea u t y ) w a s
Odet t e — Odet t e in h er a ct iv it ies, h er en v ir on m en t , h er
pr oject s, a n d h er pa st . A t ev er y ot h er per iod in h is life,
t h e lit t le ev er y da y w or ds a n d a ct ion s of a n ot h er per son
h a d a lw a y s seem ed w h olly v a lu eless t o Sw a n n ; if g ossip
a bou t su ch t h in g s w er e r epea t ed t o h im , h e w ou ld
dism iss it a s in sig n ifica n t , a n d w h ile h e list en ed it w a s
on ly t h e low est , t h e m ost com m on pla ce pa r t of h is m in d
t h a t w a s in t er est ed; a t su ch m om en t s h e felt u t t er ly
du ll a n d u n in spir ed. Bu t in t h is st r a n g e ph a se of lov e
t h e per son a lit y of a n ot h er per son becom es so en la r g ed,
so deepen ed, t h a t t h e cu r iosit y w h ich h e cou ld n ow feel
a r ou sed in h im self, t o k n ow t h e lea st det a ils of a
w om a n ’s da ily occu pa t ion , w a s t h e sa m e t h ir st for
k n ow ledg e w it h w h ich h e h a d on ce st u died h ist or y . A n d
a ll m a n n er of a ct ion s, fr om w h ich , u n t il n ow , h e w ou ld
h a v e r ecoiled in sh a m e, su ch a s spy in g , t o-n ig h t ,
ou t side a w in dow , t o-m or r ow , for a ll h e k n ew , pu t t in g
a dr oit ly pr ov oca t iv e qu est ion s t o ca su a l w it n esses,
br ibin g ser v a n t s, list en in g a t door s, seem ed t o h im ,
n ow , t o be pr ecisely on a lev el w it h t h e deciph er in g of
m a n u scr ipt s, th e w eig h in g of ev iden ce, th e
in t er pr et a t ion of old m on u m en t s, t h a t w a s t o sa y , so
m a n y differ en t m et h ods of scien t ific in v est ig a t ion , ea ch
on e h a v in g a defin it e in t ellect u a l v a lu e a n d bein g
leg it im a t ely em ploy a ble in t h e sea r ch for t r u t h .
A s h is h a n d st ole ou t t ow a r ds t h e sh u t t er s h e felt a
pa n g of sh a m e a t t h e t h ou g h t t h a t Odet t e w ou ld n ow
k n ow t h a t h e h a d su spect ed h er , t h a t h e h a d r et u r n ed,
t h a t h e h a d post ed h im self ou t side h er w in dow . Sh e h a d
oft en t old h im w h a t a h or r or sh e h a d of jea lou s m en , of
lov er s w h o spied. W h a t h e w a s g oin g t o do w ou ld be
ex t r em ely a w k w a r d, a n d sh e w ou ld det est h im for ev er
a ft er , w h er ea s n ow , for t h e m om en t , for so lon g a s h e
r efr a in ed fr om k n ock in g , per h a ps ev en in t h e a ct of
in fidelit y , sh e lov ed h im st ill. How oft en is n ot t h e
pr ospect of fu t u r e h a ppin ess t h u s sa cr ificed t o on e’s
im pa t ien t in sist en ce u pon a n im m edia t e g r a t ifica t ion .
Bu t h is desir e t o k n ow t h e t r u t h w a s st r on g er , a n d
seem ed t o h im n obler t h a n h is desir e for h er . He k n ew
t h a t t h e t r u e st or y of cer t a in ev en t s, w h ich h e w ou ld
h a v e g iv en h is life t o be a ble t o r econ st r u ct a ccu r a t ely
a n d in fu ll, w a s t o be r ea d w it h in t h a t w in dow , st r ea k ed
w it h ba r s of lig h t , a s w it h in t h e illu m in a t ed, g olden
boa r ds of on e of t h ose pr eciou s m a n u scr ipt s, by w h ose
w ea lt h of a r t ist ic t r ea su r es t h e sch ola r w h o con su lt s
t h em ca n n ot r em a in u n m ov ed. He y ea r n ed for t h e
sa t isfa ct ion of k n ow in g t h e t r u t h w h ich so im pa ssion ed
h im in t h a t br ief, fleet in g , pr eciou s t r a n scr ipt , on t h a t
t r a n slu cen t pa g e, so w a r m , so bea u t ifu l. A n d besides,
t h e a dv a n t a g e w h ich h e felt — w h ich h e so desper a t ely
w a n t ed t o feel — t h a t h e h a d ov er t h em , la y per h a ps n ot
so m u ch in k n ow in g a s in bein g a ble t o sh ew t h em t h a t
h e k n ew . He dr ew h im self u p on t ipt oe. He k n ock ed.
T h ey h a d n ot h ea r d; h e k n ock ed a g a in ; lou der ; t h eir
con v er sa t ion cea sed. A m a n ’s v oice — h e st r a in ed h is
ea r s t o dist in g u ish w h ose, a m on g su ch of Odet t e’s
fr ien ds a s h e k n ew , t h e v oice cou ld be — a sk ed:
“ W h o’s t h a t ?”
He cou ld n ot be cer t a in of t h e v oice. He k n ock ed
on ce a g a in . T h e w in dow fir st , t h en t h e sh u t t er s w er e
t h r ow n open . It w a s t oo la t e, n ow , t o r et ir e, a n d sin ce
sh e m u st k n ow a ll, so a s n ot t o seem t oo con t em pt ible,
t oo jea lou s a n d in qu isit iv e, h e ca lled ou t in a ca r eless,
h ea r t y , w elcom in g t on e:
“ Plea se don ’t bot h er ; I ju st h a ppen ed t o be pa ssin g ,
a n d sa w t h e lig h t . I w a n t ed t o k n ow if y ou w er e feelin g
bet t er .”
He look ed u p. T w o old g en t lem en st ood fa cin g h im ,
in t h e w in dow , on e of t h em w it h a la m p in h is h a n d;
a n d bey on d t h em h e cou ld see in t o t h e r oom , a r oom
t h a t h e h a d n ev er seen befor e. Ha v in g fa llen in t o t h e
h a bit , W h en h e ca m e la t e t o Odet t e, of iden t ify in g h er
w in dow by t h e fa ct t h a t it w a s t h e on ly on e st ill lig h t ed
in a r ow of w in dow s ot h er w ise a ll a lik e, h e h a d been
m isled, t h is t im e, by t h e lig h t , a n d h a d k n ock ed a t t h e
w in dow bey on d h er s, in t h e a djoin in g h ou se. He m a de
w h a t a polog y h e cou ld a n d h u r r ied h om e, ov er joy ed
t h a t t h e sa t isfa ct ion of h is cu r iosit y h a d pr eser v ed t h eir
lov e in t a ct , a n d t h a t , h a v in g feig n ed for so lon g , w h en
in Odet t e’s com pa n y , a sor t of in differ en ce, h e h a d n ot
n ow , by a dem on st r a t ion of jea lou sy , g iv en h er t h a t
pr oof of t h e ex cess of h is ow n pa ssion w h ich , in a pa ir of
lov er s, fu lly a n d fin a lly dispen ses t h e r ecipien t fr om t h e
oblig a t ion t o lov e t h e ot h er en ou g h . He n ev er spok e t o
h er of t h is m isa dv en t u r e, h e cea sed ev en t o t h in k of it
h im self. Bu t n ow a n d t h en h is t h ou g h t s in t h eir
w a n der in g cou r se w ou ld com e u pon t h is m em or y w h er e
it la y u n obser v ed, w ou ld st a r t le it in t o life, t h r u st it
m or e deeply dow n in t o h is con sciou sn ess, a n d lea v e h im
a ch in g w it h a sh a r p, fa r -r oot ed pa in . A s t h ou g h t h is
h a d been a bodily pa in , Sw a n n ’s m in d w a s pow er less t o
a llev ia t e it ; in t h e ca se of bodily pa in , h ow ev er , sin ce it
is in depen den t of t h e m in d, t h e m in d ca n dw ell u pon it ,
ca n n ot e t h a t it h a s dim in ish ed, t h a t it h a s
m om en t a r ily cea sed. Bu t w it h t h is m en t a l pa in , t h e
m in d, m er ely by r eca llin g it , cr ea t ed it a fr esh . T o
det er m in e n ot t o t h in k of it w a s bu t t o t h in k of it st ill, t o
su ffer fr om it st ill. A n d w h en , in con v er sa t ion w it h h is
fr ien ds, h e for g ot h is su ffer in g s, su dden ly a w or d
ca su a lly u t t er ed w ou ld m a k e h im ch a n g e cou n t en a n ce
a s a w ou n ded m a n does w h en a clu m sy h a n d h a s
t ou ch ed h is a ch in g lim b. W h en h e ca m e a w a y fr om
Odet t e, h e w a s h a ppy , h e felt ca lm , h e r eca lled t h e
sm ile w it h w h ich , in g en t le m ock er y , sh e h a d spok en t o
h im of t h is m a n or of t h a t , a sm ile w h ich w a s a ll
t en der n ess for h im self; h e r eca lled t h e g r a v it y of h er
h ea d w h ich sh e seem ed t o h a v e lift ed fr om it s a x is t o let
it dr oop a n d fa ll, a s t h ou g h a g a in st h er w ill, u pon h is
lips, a s sh e h a d don e on t h a t fir st ev en in g in t h e
ca r r ia g e; h er la n g u ish in g g a ze a t h im w h ile sh e la y
n est lin g in h is a r m s, h er ben ded h ea d seem in g t o r ecede
bet w een h er sh ou lder s, a s t h ou g h sh r in k in g fr om t h e
cold.
Bu t t h en , a t on ce, h is jea lou sy , a s it h a d been t h e
sh a dow of h is lov e, pr esen t ed h im w it h t h e
com plem en t , w it h t h e con v er se of t h a t n ew sm ile w it h
w h ich sh e h a d g r eet ed h im t h a t v er y ev en in g , — w it h
w h ich , n ow , per v er sely , sh e w a s m ock in g Sw a n n w h ile
sh e t en der ed h er lov e t o a n ot h er — of t h a t low er in g of
h er h ea d, bu t low er ed n ow t o fa ll on ot h er lips, a n d (bu t
best ow ed u pon a st r a n g er ) of a ll t h e m a r k s of a ffect ion
t h a t sh e h a d sh ew n t o h im . A n d a ll t h ese v olu pt u ou s
m em or ies w h ich h e bor e a w a y fr om h er h ou se w er e, a s
on e m ig h t sa y , bu t so m a n y sk et ch es, r ou g h pla n s, lik e
t h e sch em es of decor a t ion w h ich a desig n er su bm it s t o
on e in ou t lin e, en a blin g Sw a n n t o for m a n idea of t h e
v a r iou s a t t it u des, a fla m e or fa in t w it h pa ssion , w h ich
sh e w a s ca pa ble of a dopt in g for ot h er s. W it h t h e r esu lt
t h a t h e ca m e t o r eg r et ev er y plea su r e t h a t h e t a st ed in
h er com pa n y , ev er y n ew ca r ess t h a t h e in v en t ed (a n d
h a d been so im pr u den t a s t o poin t ou t t o h er h ow
delig h t fu l it w a s), ev er y fr esh ch a r m t h a t h e fou n d in
h er , for h e k n ew t h a t , a m om en t la t er , t h ey w ou ld g o t o
en r ich t h e collect ion of in st r u m en t s in h is secr et
t or t u r e-ch a m ber .
A fr esh t u r n w a s g iv en t o t h e scr ew w h en Sw a n n
r eca lled a su dden ex pr ession w h ich h e h a d in t er cept ed,
a few da y s ea r lier , a n d for t h e fir st t im e, in Odet t e’s
ey es. It w a s a ft er din n er a t t h e V er du r in s’. W h et h er it
w a s beca u se For ch ev ille, a w a r e t h a t Sa n iet t e, h is
br ot h er -in -la w , w a s n ot in fa v ou r w it h t h em , h a d
decided t o m a k e a bu t t of h im , a n d t o sh in e a t h is
ex pen se, or beca u se h e h a d been a n n oy ed by som e
a w k w a r d r em a r k w h ich Sa n iet t e h a d m a de t o h im ,
a lt h ou g h it h a d pa ssed u n n ot iced by t h e r est of t h e
pa r t y w h o k n ew n ot h in g of w h a t ev er t a ct less a llu sion it
m ig h t con cea l, or possibly beca u se h e h a d been for som e
t im e look in g ou t for a n oppor t u n it y of secu r in g t h e
ex pu lsion fr om t h e h ou se of a fellow -g u est w h o k n ew
r a t h er t oo m u ch a bou t h im , a n d w h om h e k n ew t o be so
n ice-m in ded t h a t h e h im self cou ld n ot h elp feelin g
em ba r r a ssed a t t im es m er ely by h is pr esen ce in t h e
r oom , For ch ev ille r eplied t o Sa n iet t e’s t a ct less
u t t er a n ce w it h su ch a v olley of a bu se, g oin g ou t of h is
w a y t o in su lt h im , em bolden ed, t h e lou der h e sh ou t ed,
by t h e fea r , t h e pa in , t h e en t r ea t ies of h is v ict im , t h a t
t h e poor cr ea t u r e, a ft er a sk in g Mm e. V er du r in w h et h er
h e sh ou ld st a y a n d r eceiv in g n o a n sw er , h a d left t h e
h ou se in st a m m er in g con fu sion a n d w it h t ea r s in h is
ey es. Odet t e h a d look ed on , im pa ssiv e, a t t h is scen e; bu t
w h en t h e door h a d closed beh in d Sa n iet t e, sh e h a d
for ced t h e n or m a l ex pr ession of h er fa ce dow n , a s t h e
sa y in g is, by sev er a l peg s, so a s t o br in g h er self on t o t h e
sa m e lev el of v u lg a r it y a s For ch ev ille; h er ey es h a d
spa r k led w it h a m a liciou s sm ile of con g r a t u la t ion u pon
h is a u da cit y , of ir on ica l pit y for t h e poor w r et ch w h o
h a d been it s v ict im ; sh e h a d da r t ed a t h im a look of
com plicit y in t h e cr im e, w h ich so clea r ly im plied:
“ T h a t ’s fin ish ed h im off, or I’m v er y m u ch m ist a k en .
Did y ou see w h a t a fool h e look ed? He w a s a ct u a lly
cr y in g ,” t h a t For ch ev ille, w h en h is ey es m et h er s,
sober ed in a m om en t fr om t h e a n g er , or pr et en ded
a n g er w it h w h ich h e w a s st ill flu sh ed, sm iled a s h e
ex pla in ed: “ He n eed on ly h a v e m a de h im self plea sa n t
a n d h e’d h a v e been h er e st ill; a g ood scoldin g does a
m a n n o h a r m , a t a n y t im e.”
On e da y w h en Sw a n n h a d g on e ou t ea r ly in t h e
a ft er n oon t o pa y a ca ll, a n d h a d fa iled t o fin d t h e per son
a t h om e w h om h e w ish ed t o see, it occu r r ed t o h im t o
g o, in st ea d, t o Odet t e, a t a n h ou r w h en , a lt h ou g h h e
n ev er w en t t o h er h ou se t h en a s a r u le, h e k n ew t h a t
sh e w a s a lw a y s a t h om e, r est in g or w r it in g let t er s u n t il
t ea -t im e, a n d w ou ld en joy seein g h er for a m om en t , if it
did n ot dist u r b h er . T h e por t er t old h im t h a t h e
believ ed Odet t e t o be in ; Sw a n n r a n g t h e bell, t h ou g h t
t h a t h e h ea r d a sou n d, t h a t h e h ea r d foot st eps, bu t n o
on e ca m e t o t h e door . A n x iou s a n d a n n oy ed, h e w en t
r ou n d t o t h e ot h er lit t le st r eet , a t t h e ba ck of h er h ou se,
a n d st ood ben ea t h h er bedr oom w in dow ; t h e cu r t a in s
w er e dr a w n a n d h e cou ld see n ot h in g ; h e k n ock ed
lou dly u pon t h e pa n e, h e sh ou t ed; st ill n o on e ca m e. He
cou ld see t h a t t h e n eig h bou r s w er e st a r in g a t h im . He
t u r n ed a w a y , t h in k in g t h a t , a ft er a ll, h e h a d per h a ps
been m ist a k en in believ in g t h a t h e h ea r d foot st eps; bu t
h e r em a in ed so pr eoccu pied w it h t h e su spicion t h a t h e
cou ld t u r n h is m in d t o n ot h in g else. A ft er w a it in g for
a n h ou r , h e r et u r n ed. He fou n d h er a t h om e; sh e t old
h im t h a t sh e h a d been in t h e h ou se w h en h e r a n g , bu t
h a d been a sleep; t h e bell h a d a w a k en ed h er ; sh e h a d
g u essed t h a t it m u st be Sw a n n , a n d h a d r u n ou t t o m eet
h im , bu t h e h a d a lr ea dy g on e. Sh e h a d, of cou r se, h ea r d
h im k n ock in g a t t h e w in dow . Sw a n n cou ld a t on ce
det ect in t h is st or y on e of t h ose fr a g m en t s of lit er a l
t r u t h w h ich lia r s, w h en t a k en by su r pr ise, con sole
t h em selv es by in t r odu cin g in t o t h e com posit ion of t h e
fa lseh ood w h ich t h ey h a v e t o in v en t , t h in k in g t h a t it
ca n be sa fely in cor por a t ed, a n d w ill len d t h e w h ole
st or y a n a ir of v er isim ilit u de. It w a s t r u e t h a t , w h en
Odet t e h a d ju st don e som et h in g w h ich sh e did n ot w ish
t o disclose, sh e w ou ld t a k e pa in s t o con cea l it in a secr et
pla ce in h er h ea r t . Bu t a s soon a s sh e fou n d h er self fa ce
t o fa ce w it h t h e m a n t o w h om sh e w a s oblig ed t o lie, sh e
beca m e u n ea sy , a ll h er idea s m elt ed lik e w a x befor e a
fla m e, h er in v en t iv e a n d h er r ea son in g fa cu lt ies w er e
pa r a ly sed, sh e m ig h t r a n sa ck h er br a in bu t w ou ld fin d
on ly a v oid; st ill, sh e m u st sa y som et h in g , a n d t h er e
la y w it h in h er r ea ch pr ecisely t h e fa ct w h ich sh e h a d
w ish ed t o con cea l, w h ich , bein g t h e t r u t h , w a s t h e on e
t h in g t h a t h a d r em a in ed. Sh e br ok e off fr om it a t in y
fr a g m en t , of n o im por t a n ce in it self, a ssu r in g h er self
t h a t , a ft er a ll, it w a s t h e best t h in g t o do, sin ce it w a s a
det a il of t h e t r u t h , a n d less da n g er ou s, t h er efor e, t h a n a
fa lseh ood. “ A t a n y r a t e, t h is is t r u e,” sh e sa id t o h er self;
“ t h a t ’s a lw a y s som et h in g t o t h e g ood; h e m a y m a k e
in qu ir ies; h e w ill see t h a t t h is is t r u e; it w on ’t be t h is,
a n y h ow , t h a t w ill g iv e m e a w a y .” Bu t sh e w a s w r on g ;
it w a s w h a t g a v e h er a w a y ; sh e h a d n ot t a k en in t o
a ccou n t t h a t t h is fr a g m en t a r y det a il of t h e t r u t h h a d
sh a r p edg es w h ich cou ld n ot : be m a de t o fit in , ex cept t o
t h ose con t ig u ou s fr a g m en t s of t h e t r u t h fr om w h ich sh e
h a d a r bit r a r ily det a ch ed it , edg es w h ich , w h a t ev er t h e
fict it iou s det a ils in w h ich sh e m ig h t em bed it , w ou ld
con t in u e t o sh ew , by t h eir ov er la ppin g a n g les a n d by
t h e g a ps w h ich sh e h a d for g ot t en t o fill, t h a t it s pr oper
pla ce w a s elsew h er e.
“ Sh e a dm it s t h a t sh e h ea r d m e r in g , a n d t h en
k n ock , t h a t sh e k n ew it w a s m y self, t h a t sh e w a n t ed t o
see m e,” Sw a n n t h ou g h t t o h im self. “ Bu t t h a t doesn ’t
cor r espon d w it h t h e fa ct t h a t sh e did n ot let m e in .”
He did n ot , h ow ev er , dr a w h er a t t en t ion t o t h is
in con sist en cy , for h e t h ou g h t t h a t , if left t o h er self,
Odet t e m ig h t per h a ps pr odu ce som e fa lseh ood w h ich
w ou ld g iv e h im a fa in t in dica t ion of t h e t r u t h ; sh e
spok e; h e did n ot in t er r u pt h er , h e g a t h er ed u p, w it h a n
ea g er a n d sor r ow fu l piet y , t h e w or ds t h a t fell fr om h er
lips, feelin g (a n d r ig h t ly feelin g , sin ce sh e w a s h idin g
t h e t r u t h beh in d t h em a s sh e spok e) t h a t , lik e t h e v eil of
a sa n ct u a r y , t h ey k ept a v a g u e im pr in t , t r a ced a fa in t
ou t lin e of t h a t in fin it ely pr eciou s a n d, a la s,
u n discov er a ble t r u t h ; — w h a t sh e h a d been doin g , t h a t
a ft er n oon , a t t h r ee o’clock , w h en h e h a d ca lled, — a
t r u t h of w h ich h e w ou ld n ev er possess a n y m or e t h a n
t h ese fa lsifica t ion s, illeg ible a n d div in e t r a ces, a t r u t h
w h ich w ou ld ex ist h en cefor w a r d on ly in t h e secr et iv e
m em or y of t h is cr ea t u r e, w h o w ou ld con t em pla t e it in
u t t er ig n or a n ce of it s v a lu e, bu t w ou ld n ev er y ield it u p
t o h im . It w a s t r u e t h a t h e h a d, n ow a n d t h en , a st r on g
su spicion t h a t Odet t e’s da ily a ct iv it ies w er e n ot in
t h em selv es pa ssion a t ely in t er est in g , a n d t h a t su ch
r ela t ion s a s sh e m ig h t h a v e w it h ot h er m en did n ot
ex h a le, n a t u r a lly , in a u n iv er sa l sen se, or for ev er y
r a t ion a l bein g , a spir it of m or bid g loom ca pa ble of
in fect in g w it h fev er or of in cit in g t o su icide. He
r ea lised, a t su ch m om en t s, t h a t t h a t in t er est , t h a t
g loom , ex ist ed in h im on ly a s a m a la dy m ig h t ex ist ,
a n d t h a t , on ce h e w a s cu r ed of t h e m a la dy , t h e a ct ion s
of Odet t e, t h e k isses t h a t sh e m ig h t h a v e best ow ed,
w ou ld becom e on ce a g a in a s in n ocu ou s a s t h ose of
cou n t less ot h er w om en . Bu t t h e con sciou sn ess t h a t t h e
pa in fu l cu r iosit y w it h w h ich Sw a n n n ow st u died t h em
h a d it s or ig in on ly in h im self w a s n ot en ou g h t o m a k e
h im decide t h a t it w a s u n r ea son a ble t o r eg a r d t h a t
cu r iosit y a s im por t a n t , a n d t o t a k e ev er y possible st ep
t o sa t isfy it . Sw a n n h a d, in fa ct , r ea ch ed a n a g e t h e
ph ilosoph y of w h ich — su ppor t ed, in h is ca se, by t h e
cu r r en t ph ilosoph y of t h e da y , a s w ell a s by t h a t of t h e
cir cle in w h ich h e h a d spen t m ost of h is life, t h e g r ou p
t h a t su r r ou n ded t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es, in w h ich
on e’s in t ellig en ce w a s u n der st ood t o in cr ea se w it h t h e
st r en g t h of on e’s disbelief in ev er y t h in g , a n d n ot h in g
r ea l a n d in con t est a ble w a s t o be discov er ed, ex cept t h e
in div idu a l t a st es of ea ch of it s m em ber s — is n o lon g er
t h a t of y ou t h , bu t a posit iv e, a lm ost a m edica l
ph ilosoph y , t h e ph ilosoph y of m en w h o, in st ea d of fix in g
t h eir a spir a t ion s u pon ex t er n a l object s, en dea v ou r t o
sepa r a t e fr om t h e a ccu m u la t ion of t h e y ea r s a lr ea dy
spen t a defin it e r esidu e of h a bit s a n d pa ssion s w h ich
t h ey ca n r eg a r d a s ch a r a ct er ist ic a n d per m a n en t , a n d
w it h w h ich t h ey w ill deliber a t ely a r r a n g e, befor e
a n y t h in g else, t h a t t h e k in d of ex ist en ce w h ich t h ey
ch oose t o a dopt sh a ll n ot pr ov e in h a r m on iou s. Sw a n n
deem ed it w ise t o m a k e a llow a n ce in h is life for t h e
su ffer in g w h ich h e der iv ed fr om n ot k n ow in g w h a t
Odet t e h a d don e, ju st a s h e m a de a llow a n ce for t h e
im pet u s w h ich a da m p clim a t e a lw a y s g a v e t o h is
eczem a ; t o a n t icipa t e in h is bu dg et t h e ex pen dit u r e of a
con sider a ble su m on pr ocu r in g , w it h r eg a r d t o t h e da ily
occu pa t ion s of Odet t e, in for m a t ion t h e la ck of w h ich
w ou ld m a k e h im u n h a ppy , ju st a s h e r eser v ed a
m a r g in for t h e g r a t ifica t ion of ot h er t a st es fr om w h ich
h e k n ew t h a t plea su r e w a s t o be ex pect ed (a t lea st ,
befor e h e h a d fa llen in lov e) su ch a s h is t a st e for
collect in g t h in g s, or for g ood cook in g .
W h en h e pr oposed t o t a k e lea v e of Odet t e, a n d t o
r et u r n h om e, sh e beg g ed h im t o st a y a lit t le lon g er , a n d
ev en det a in ed h im for cibly , seizin g h im by t h e a r m a s
h e w a s open in g t h e door t o g o. Bu t h e g a v e n o t h ou g h t
t o t h a t , for , a m on g t h e cr ow d of g est u r es a n d speech es
a n d ot h er lit t le in ciden t s w h ich g o t o m a k e u p a
con v er sa t ion , it is in ev it a ble t h a t w e sh ou ld pa ss
(w it h ou t n ot icin g a n y t h in g t h a t a r ou ses ou r in t er est )
by t h ose t h a t h ide a t r u t h for w h ich ou r su spicion s a r e
blin dly sea r ch in g , w h er ea s w e st op t o ex a m in e ot h er s
ben ea t h w h ich n ot h in g lies con cea led. Sh e k ept on
sa y in g : “ W h a t a dr ea dfu l pit y ; y ou n ev er by a n y
ch a n ce com e in t h e a ft er n oon , a n d t h e on e t im e y ou do
com e t h en I m iss y ou .” He k n ew v er y w ell t h a t sh e w a s
n ot su fficien t ly in lov e w it h h im t o be so k een ly
dist r essed m er ely a t h a v in g m issed h is v isit , bu t a s sh e
w a s a g ood-n a t u r ed w om a n , a n x iou s t o g iv e h im
plea su r e, a n d oft en sor r y w h en sh e h a d don e a n y t h in g
t h a t a n n oy ed h im , h e fou n d it qu it e n a t u r a l t h a t sh e
sh ou ld be sor r y , on t h is occa sion , t h a t sh e h a d depr iv ed
h im of t h a t plea su r e of spen din g a n h ou r in h er
com pa n y , w h ich w a s so v er y g r ea t a plea su r e, if n ot t o
h er self, a t a n y r a t e t o h im . A ll t h e sa m e, it w a s a
m a t t er of so lit t le im por t a n ce t h a t h er a ir of u n r eliev ed
sor r ow beg a n a t len g t h t o bew ilder h im . Sh e r em in ded
h im , ev en m or e t h a n w a s u su a l, of t h e fa ces of som e of
t h e w om en cr ea t ed by t h e pa in t er of t h e T r im a v er a .’
Sh e h a d, a t t h a t m om en t , t h eir dow n ca st , h ea r t br ok en
ex pr ession , w h ich seem s r ea dy t o su ccu m b ben ea t h t h e
bu r den of a g r ief t oo h ea v y t o be bor n e, w h en t h ey a r e
m er ely a llow in g t h e In fa n t Jesu s t o pla y w it h a
pom eg r a n a t e, or w a t ch in g Moses pou r w a t er in t o a
t r ou g h . He h a d seen t h e sa m e sor r ow on ce befor e on h er
fa ce, bu t w h en , h e cou ld n o lon g er sa y . T h en , su dden ly ,
h e r em em ber ed it ; it w a s w h en Odet t e h a d lied, in
a polog isin g t o Mm e. V er du r in on t h e ev en in g a ft er t h e
din n er fr om w h ich sh e h a d st a y ed a w a y on a pr et ex t of
illn ess, bu t r ea lly so t h a t sh e m ig h t be a lon e w it h
Sw a n n . Su r ely , ev en h a d sh e been t h e m ost scr u pu lou s
of w om en , sh e cou ld h a r dly h a v e felt r em or se for so
in n ocen t a lie. Bu t t h e lies w h ich Odet t e or din a r ily t old
w er e less in n ocen t , a n d ser v ed t o pr ev en t discov er ies
w h ich m ig h t h a v e in v olv ed h er in t h e m ost t er r ible
difficu lt ies w it h on e or a n ot h er of h er fr ien ds. A n d so,
w h en sh e lied, sm it t en w it h fea r , feelin g h er self t o be
bu t feebly a r m ed for h er defen ce, u n con fiden t of
su ccess, sh e w a s in clin ed t o w eep fr om sh eer
ex h a u st ion , a s ch ildr en w eep som et im es w h en t h ey
h a v e n ot slept . Sh e k n ew , a lso, t h a t h er lie, a s a r u le,
w a s doin g a ser iou s in ju r y t o t h e m a n t o w h om sh e w a s
t ellin g it , a n d t h a t sh e m ig h t fin d h er self a t h is m er cy if
sh e t old it ba dly . T h er efor e sh e felt a t on ce h u m ble a n d
cu lpa ble in h is pr esen ce. A n d w h en sh e h a d t o t ell a n
in sig n ifica n t , socia l lie it s h a za r dou s a ssocia t ion s, a n d
t h e m em or ies w h ich it r eca lled, w ou ld lea v e h er w ea k
w it h a sen se of ex h a u st ion a n d pen it en t w it h a
con sciou sn ess of w r on g doin g .
W h a t depr essin g lie w a s sh e n ow con coct in g for
Sw a n n ’s ben efit , t o g iv e h er t h a t pa in ed ex pr ession ,
t h a t pla in t iv e v oice, w h ich seem ed t o fa lt er ben ea t h t h e
effor t t h a t sh e w a s for cin g h er self t o m a k e, a n d t o plea d
for pa r don ? He h a d a n idea t h a t it w a s n ot m er ely t h e
t r u t h a bou t w h a t h a d occu r r ed t h a t a ft er n oon t h a t sh e
w a s en dea v ou r in g t o h ide fr om h im , bu t som et h in g
m or e im m edia t e, som et h in g , possibly , w h ich h a d n ot
y et h a ppen ed, bu t m ig h t h a ppen n ow a t a n y t im e, a n d,
w h en it did, w ou ld t h r ow a lig h t u pon t h a t ea r lier
ev en t . A t t h a t m om en t , h e h ea r d t h e fr on t -door bell
r in g . Odet t e n ev er st opped spea k in g , bu t h er w or ds
dw in dled in t o a n in a r t icu la t e m oa n . Her r eg r et a t n ot
h a v in g seen Sw a n n t h a t a ft er n oon , a t n ot h a v in g
open ed t h e door t o h im , h a d m elt ed in t o a u n iv er sa l
despa ir .
He cou ld h ea r t h e g a t e bein g closed, a n d t h e sou n d
of a ca r r ia g e, a s t h ou g h som e on e w er e g oin g a w a y —
pr oba bly t h e per son w h om Sw a n n m u st on n o a ccou n t
m eet — a ft er bein g t old t h a t Odet t e w a s n ot a t h om e.
A n d t h en , w h en h e r eflect ed t h a t , m er ely by com in g a t
a n h ou r w h en h e w a s n ot in t h e h a bit of com in g , h e h a d
m a n a g ed t o dist u r b so m a n y a r r a n g em en t s of w h ich
sh e did n ot w ish h im t o k n ow , h e h a d a feelin g of
discou r a g em en t t h a t a m ou n t ed, a lm ost , t o dist r ess. Bu t
sin ce h e w a s in lov e w it h Odet t e, sin ce h e w a s in t h e
h a bit of t u r n in g a ll h is t h ou g h t s t ow a r ds h er , t h e pit y
w it h w h ich h e m ig h t h a v e been in spir ed for h im self h e
felt for h er on ly , a n d m u r m u r ed: “ Poor da r lin g !” W h en
fin a lly h e left h er , sh e t ook u p sev er a l let t er s w h ich
w er e ly in g on t h e t a ble, a n d a sk ed h im if h e w ou ld be so
g ood a s t o post t h em for h er . He w a lk ed a lon g t o t h e
post -office, t ook t h e let t er s fr om h is pock et , a n d, befor e
dr oppin g ea ch of t h em in t o t h e box , sca n n ed it s a ddr ess.
T h ey w er e a ll t o t r a desm en , ex cept t h e la st , w h ich w a s
t o For ch ev ille. He k ept it in h is h a n d. “ If I sa w w h a t w a s
in t h is,” h e a r g u ed, “ I sh ou ld k n ow w h a t sh e ca lls h im ,
w h a t sh e sa y s t o h im , w h et h er t h er e r ea lly is a n y t h in g
bet w een t h em . Per h a ps, if I don ’t look in side, I sh a ll be
la ck in g in delica cy t ow a r ds Odet t e, sin ce in t h is w a y
a lon e I ca n r id m y self of a su spicion w h ich is, per h a ps, a
ca lu m n y on h er , w h ich m u st , in a n y ca se, ca u se h er
su ffer in g , a n d w h ich ca n n ev er possibly be set a t r est ,
on ce t h e let t er is post ed.”
He left t h e post -office a n d w en t h om e, bu t h e h a d
k ept t h e la st let t er in h is pock et . He lig h t ed a ca n dle,
a n d h eld u p close t o it s fla m e t h e en v elope w h ich h e h a d
n ot da r ed t o open . A t fir st h e cou ld dist in g u ish n ot h in g ,
bu t t h e en v elope w a s t h in , a n d by pr essin g it dow n on
t o t h e st iff ca r d w h ich it en closed h e w a s a ble, t h r ou g h
t h e t r a n spa r en t pa per , t o r ea d t h e con clu din g w or ds.
T h ey w er e a coldly for m a l sig n a t u r e. If, in st ea d of it s
bein g h im self w h o w a s look in g a t a let t er a ddr essed t o
For ch ev ille, it h a d been For ch ev ille w h o h a d r ea d a
let t er a ddr essed t o Sw a n n , h e m ig h t h a v e fou n d w or ds
in it of a n ot h er , a fa r m or e t en der k in d! He t ook a fir m
h old of t h e ca r d, w h ich w a s slidin g t o a n d fr o, t h e
en v elope bein g t oo la r g e for it a n d t h en , by m ov in g it
w it h h is fin g er a n d t h u m b, br ou g h t on e lin e a ft er
a n ot h er ben ea t h t h e pa r t of t h e en v elope w h er e t h e
pa per w a s n ot dou bled, t h r ou g h w h ich a lon e it w a s
possible t o r ea d.
In spit e of a ll t h ese m a n oeu v r es h e cou ld n ot m a k e it
ou t clea r ly . Not t h a t it m a t t er ed, for h e h a d seen
en ou g h t o a ssu r e h im self t h a t t h e let t er w a s a bou t som e
t r iflin g in ciden t of n o im por t a n ce, a n d h a d n ot h in g a t
a ll t o do w it h lov e; it w a s som et h in g t o do w it h Odet t e’s
u n cle. Sw a n n h a d r ea d qu it e pla in ly a t t h e beg in n in g of
t h e lin e “ I w a s r ig h t ,” bu t did n ot u n der st a n d w h a t
Odet t e h a d been r ig h t in doin g , u n t il su dden ly a w or d
w h ich h e h a d n ot been a ble, a t fir st , t o deciph er , ca m e
t o lig h t a n d m a de t h e w h ole sen t en ce in t ellig ible: “ I w a s
r ig h t t o open t h e door ; it w a s m y u n cle.” T o open t h e
door ! T h en For ch ev ille h a d been t h er e w h en Sw a n n
r a n g t h e bell, a n d sh e h a d sen t h im a w a y ; h en ce t h e
sou n d t h a t Sw a n n h a d h ea r d.
A ft er t h a t h e r ea d t h e w h ole let t er ; a t t h e en d sh e
a polog ised for h a v in g t r ea t ed For ch ev ille w it h so lit t le
cer em on y , a n d r em in ded h im t h a t h e h a d left h is
cig a r et t e-ca se a t h er h ou se, pr ecisely w h a t sh e h a d
w r it t en t o Sw a n n a ft er on e of h is fir st v isit s. Bu t t o
Sw a n n sh e h a d a dded: “ W h y did y ou n ot for g et y ou r
h ea r t a lso? I sh ou ld n ev er h a v e let y ou h a v e t h a t ba ck .”
T o For ch ev ille n ot h in g of t h a t sor t ; n o a llu sion t h a t
cou ld su g g est a n y in t r ig u e bet w een t h em . A n d, r ea lly ,
h e w a s oblig ed t o a dm it t h a t in a ll t h is bu sin ess
For ch ev ille h a d been w or se t r ea t ed t h a n h im self, sin ce
Odet t e w a s w r it in g t o h im t o m a k e h im believ e t h a t h er
v isit or h a d been a n u n cle. Fr om w h ich it follow ed t h a t
h e, Sw a n n , w a s t h e m a n t o w h om sh e a t t a ch ed
im por t a n ce, a n d for w h ose sa k e sh e h a d sen t t h e ot h er
a w a y . A n d y et , if t h er e h a d been n ot h in g bet w een
Odet t e a n d For ch ev ille, w h y n ot h a v e open ed t h e door
a t on ce, w h y h a v e sa id, “ I w a s r ig h t t o open t h e door ; it
w a s m y u n cle.” Rig h t ? if sh e w a s doin g n ot h in g w r on g
a t t h a t m om en t h ow cou ld For ch ev ille possibly h a v e
a ccou n t ed for h er n ot open in g t h e door ? For a t im e
Sw a n n st ood st ill t h er e, h ea r t br ok en , bew ilder ed, a n d
y et h a ppy ; g a zin g a t t h is en v elope w h ich Odet t e h a d
h a n ded t o h im w it h ou t a scr u ple, so a bsolu t e w a s h er
t r u st in h is h on ou r ; t h r ou g h it s t r a n spa r en t w in dow
t h er e h a d been disclosed t o h im , w it h t h e secr et h ist or y
of a n in ciden t w h ich h e h a d despa ir ed of ev er bein g a ble
t o lea r n , a fr a g m en t of t h e life of Odet t e, seen a s
t h r ou g h a n a r r ow , lu m in ou s in cision , cu t in t o it s
su r fa ce w it h ou t h er k n ow ledg e. T h en h is jea lou sy
r ejoiced a t t h e discov er y , a s t h ou g h t h a t jea lou sy h a d
h a d a n in depen den t ex ist en ce, fier cely eg ot ist ica l,
g lu t t on ou s of ev er y t h in g t h a t w ou ld feed it s v it a lit y ,
ev en a t t h e ex pen se of Sw a n n h im self. Now it h a d food
in st or e, a n d Sw a n n cou ld beg in t o g r ow u n ea sy a fr esh
ev er y ev en in g , ov er t h e v isit s t h a t Odet t e h a d r eceiv ed
a bou t fiv e o’clock , a n d cou ld seek t o discov er w h er e
For ch ev ille h a d been a t t h a t h ou r . For Sw a n n ’s
a ffect ion for Odet t e st ill pr eser v ed t h e for m w h ich h a d
been im posed on it , fr om t h e beg in n in g , by h is
ig n or a n ce of t h e occu pa t ion s in w h ich sh e pa ssed h er
da y s, a s w ell a s by t h e m en t a l let h a r g y w h ich
pr ev en t ed h im fr om su pplem en t in g t h a t ig n or a n ce by
im a g in a t ion . He w a s n ot jea lou s, a t fir st , of t h e w h ole of
Odet t e’s life, bu t of t h ose m om en t s on ly in w h ich a n
in ciden t , w h ich h e h a d per h a ps m isin t er pr et ed, h a d led
h im t o su ppose t h a t Odet t e m ig h t h a v e pla y ed h im
fa lse. His jea lou sy , lik e a n oct opu s w h ich t h r ow s ou t a
fir st , t h en a secon d, a n d fin a lly a t h ir d t en t a cle,
fa st en ed it self ir r em ov a bly fir st t o t h a t m om en t , fiv e
o’clock in t h e a ft er n oon , t h en t o a n ot h er , t h en t o
a n ot h er a g a in . Bu t Sw a n n w a s in ca pa ble of in v en t in g
h is su ffer in g s. T h ey w er e on ly t h e m em or y , t h e
per pet u a t ion of a su ffer in g t h a t h a d com e t o h im fr om
w it h ou t .
Fr om w it h ou t , h ow ev er , ev er y t h in g br ou g h t h im
fr esh su ffer in g . He decided t o sepa r a t e Odet t e fr om
For ch ev ille, by t a k in g h er a w a y for a few da y s t o t h e
sou t h . Bu t h e im a g in ed t h a t sh e w a s cov et ed by ev er y
m a le per son in t h e h ot el, a n d t h a t sh e cov et ed t h em in
r et u r n . A n d so h e, w h o, in old da y s, w h en h e t r a v elled,
u sed a lw a y s t o seek ou t n ew people a n d cr ow ded pla ces,
m ig h t n ow be seen fleein g sa v a g ely fr om h u m a n
societ y a s if it h a d cr u elly in ju r ed h im . A n d h ow cou ld
h e n ot h a v e t u r n ed m isa n t h r ope, w h en in ev er y m a n
h e sa w a pot en t ia l lov er for Odet t e? T h u s h is jea lou sy
did ev en m or e t h a n t h e h a ppy , pa ssion a t e desir e w h ich
h e h a d or ig in a lly felt for Odet t e h a d don e t o a lt er
Sw a n n ’s ch a r a ct er , com plet ely ch a n g in g , in t h e ey es of
t h e w or ld, ev en t h e ou t w a r d sig n s by w h ich t h a t
ch a r a ct er h a d been in t ellig ible.
A m on t h a ft er t h e ev en in g on w h ich h e h a d
in t er cept ed a n d r ea d Odet t e’s let t er t o For ch ev ille,
Sw a n n w en t t o a din n er w h ich t h e V er du r in s w er e
g iv in g in t h e Bois. A s t h e pa r t y w a s br ea k in g u p h e
n ot iced a ser ies of w h isper ed discu ssion s bet w een Mm e.
V er du r in a n d sev er a l of h er g u est s, a n d t h ou g h t t h a t h e
h ea r d t h e pia n ist bein g r em in ded t o com e n ex t da y t o a
pa r t y a t Ch a t ou ; n ow h e, Sw a n n , h a d n ot been in v it ed
t o a n y pa r t y .
T h e V er du r in s h a d spok en on ly in w h isper s, a n d in
v a g u e t er m s, bu t t h e pa in t er , per h a ps w it h ou t
t h in k in g , sh ou t ed ou t : “ T h er e m u st be n o lig h t s of a n y
sor t , a n d h e m u st pla y t h e Moon lig h t Son a t a in t h e
da r k , for u s t o see by .”
Mm e. V er du r in , seein g t h a t Sw a n n w a s w it h in
ea r sh ot , a ssu m ed t h a t ex pr ession in w h ich t h e t w o-fold
desir e t o m a k e t h e spea k er be qu iet a n d t o pr eser v e,
on eself, a n a ppea r a n ce of g u ilelessn ess in t h e ey es of t h e
list en er , is n eu t r a lised in a n in t en se v a cu it y ; in w h ich
t h e u n flin ch in g sig n s of in t ellig en t com plicit y a r e
ov er la id by t h e sm iles of in n ocen ce, a n ex pr ession
in v a r ia bly a dopt ed by a n y on e w h o h a s n ot iced a
blu n der , t h e en or m it y of w h ich is t h er eby a t on ce
r ev ea led if n ot t o t h ose w h o h a v e m a de it , a t a n y r a t e t o
h im in w h ose h ea r in g it ou g h t n ot t o h a v e been m a de.
Odet t e seem ed su dden ly t o be in despa ir , a s t h ou g h sh e
h a d decided n ot t o st r u g g le a n y lon g er a g a in st t h e
cr u sh in g difficu lt ies of life, a n d Sw a n n w a s a n x iou sly
cou n t in g t h e m in u t es t h a t st ill sepa r a t ed h im fr om t h e
poin t a t w h ich , a ft er lea v in g t h e r est a u r a n t , w h ile h e
dr ov e h er h om e, h e w ou ld be a ble t o a sk for a n
ex pla n a t ion , t o m a k e h er pr om ise, eit h er t h a t sh e
w ou ld n ot g o t o Ch a t ou n ex t da y , or t h a t sh e w ou ld
pr ocu r e a n in v it a t ion for h im a lso, a n d t o lu ll t o r est in
h er a r m s t h e a n g u ish t h a t st ill t or m en t ed h im . A t la st
t h e ca r r ia g es w er e or der ed. Mm e. V er du r in sa id t o
Sw a n n :
“ Good-by e, t h en . W e sh a ll see y ou soon , I h ope,”
t r y in g , by t h e fr ien dlin ess of h er m a n n er a n d t h e
con st r a in t of h er sm ile, t o pr ev en t h im fr om n ot icin g
t h a t sh e W a s n ot sa y in g , a s sh e w ou ld a lw a y s h a v e
u n t il t h en :
“ T o-m or r ow , t h en , a t Ch a t ou , a n d a t m y h ou se t h e
da y a ft er .” M. a n d Mm e. V er du r in m a de For ch ev ille g et
in t o t h eir ca r r ia g e; Sw a n n ’s w a s dr a w n u p beh in d it ,
a n d h e w a it ed for t h eir s t o st a r t befor e h elpin g Odet t e
in t o h is ow n .
“ Odet t e, w e’ll t a k e y ou ,” sa id Mm e. V er du r in ,
“ w e’v e k ept a lit t le cor n er specia lly for y ou , beside M. de
For ch ev ille.”
“ Y es, Mm e. V er du r in ,” sa id Odet t e m eek ly .
“ W h a t ! I t h ou g h t I w a s t o t a k e y ou h om e,” cr ied
Sw a n n , flin g in g discr et ion t o t h e w in ds, for t h e
ca r r ia g e-door h u n g open , t im e w a s pr eciou s, a n d h e
cou ld n ot , in h is pr esen t st a t e, g o h om e w it h ou t h er .
“ Bu t Mm e. V er du r in h a s a sk ed m e . . . ”
“ T h a t ’s a ll r ig h t , y ou ca n qu it e w ell g o h om e a lon e;
w e’v e left y ou lik e t h is dozen s of t im es,” sa id Mm e.
V er du r in .
“ Bu t I h a d som et h in g im por t a n t t o t ell Mm e. de
Cr écy .”
“ V er y w ell, y ou ca n w r it e it t o h er in st ea d.”
“ Good-by e,” sa id Odet t e, h oldin g ou t h er h a n d.
He t r ied h a r d t o sm ile, bu t cou ld on ly su cceed in
look in g u t t er ly deject ed.
“ W h a t do y ou t h in k of t h e a ir s t h a t Sw a n n is
plea sed t o pu t on w it h u s?” Mm e. V er du r in a sk ed h er
h u sba n d w h en t h ey h a d r ea ch ed h om e. “ I w a s a fr a id h e
w a s g oin g t o ea t m e, sim ply beca u se w e offer ed t o t a k e
Odet t e ba ck . It r ea lly is t oo ba d, t h a t sor t of t h in g . W h y
doesn ’t h e sa y , st r a ig h t ou t , t h a t w e k eep a disor der ly
h ou se? I ca n ’t con ceiv e h ow Odet t e ca n st a n d su ch
m a n n er s. He posit iv ely seem s t o be sa y in g , a ll t h e t im e,
‘Y ou belon g t o m e!’ I sh a ll t ell Odet t e ex a ct ly w h a t I
t h in k a bou t it a ll, a n d I h ope sh e w ill h a v e t h e sen se t o
u n der st a n d m e.” A m om en t la t er sh e a dded,
in a r t icu la t e w it h r a g e: “ No, bu t , don ’t y ou see, t h e
filt h y cr ea t u r e . . . ” u sin g u n con sciou sly , a n d per h a ps
in sa t isfa ct ion of t h e sa m e obscu r e n eed t o ju st ify h er self
— lik e Fr a n çoise a t Com br a y w h en t h e ch ick en r efu sed
t o die — t h e v er y w or ds w h ich t h e la st con v u lsion s of a n
in offen siv e a n im a l in it s dea t h a g on y w r in g fr om t h e
pea sa n t w h o is en g a g ed in t a k in g it s life. A n d w h en
Mm e. V er du r in ’s ca r r ia g e h a d m ov ed on , a n d Sw a n n ’s
t ook it s pla ce, h is coa ch m a n , ca t ch in g sig h t of h is fa ce,
a sk ed w h et h er h e w a s u n w ell, or h a d h ea r d ba d n ew s.
Sw a n n sen t h im a w a y ; h e pr efer r ed t o w a lk , a n d it
w a s on foot , t h r ou g h t h e Bois, t h a t h e ca m e h om e. He
t a lk ed t o h im self, a lou d, a n d in t h e sa m e slig h t ly
a ffect ed t on e w h ich h e h a d been u sed t o a dopt w h en
descr ibin g t h e ch a r m s of t h e ‘lit t le n u cleu s’ a n d
ex t ollin g t h e m a g n a n im it y of t h e V er du r in s. Bu t ju st a s
t h e con v er sa t ion , t h e sm iles, t h e k isses of Odet t e
beca m e a s odiou s t o h im a s h e h a d on ce fou n d t h em
ch a r m in g , if t h ey w er e div er t ed t o ot h er s t h a n h im self,
so t h e V er du r in s’ dr a w in g -r oom , w h ich , n ot a n h ou r
befor e, h a d st ill seem ed t o h im a m u sin g , in spir ed w it h a
g en u in e feelin g for a r t a n d ev en w it h a sor t of m or a l
a r ist ocr a cy , n ow t h a t it w a s a n ot h er t h a n h im self
w h om Odet t e w a s g oin g t o m eet t h er e, t o lov e t h er e
w it h ou t r est r a in t , la id ba r e t o h im a ll it s a bsu r dit ies, it s
st u pidit y , it s sh a m e.
He dr ew a fa n cifu l pict u r e, a t w h ich h e sh u dder ed
in disg u st , of t h e pa r t y n ex t ev en in g a t Ch a t ou .
“ Im a g in e g oin g t o Ch a t ou , of a ll pla ces! Lik e a lot of
dr a per s a ft er closin g t im e! Upon m y w or d, t h ese people
a r e su blim e in t h eir sm u g n ess; t h ey ca n ’t r ea lly ex ist ;
t h ey m u st a ll h a v e com e ou t of on e of La bich e’s pla y s!”
T h e Cot t a r ds w ou ld be t h er e; possibly Br ich ot .
“ Cou ld a n y t h in g be m or e g r ot esqu e t h a n t h e liv es of
t h ese lit t le cr ea t u r es, h a n g in g on t o on e a n ot h er lik e
t h a t . T h ey ’d im a g in e t h ey w er e u t t er ly lost , u pon m y
sou l t h ey w ou ld, if t h ey didn ’t a ll m eet a g a in t o-m or r ow
a t Chatou!” A la s! t h er e w ou ld be t h e pa in t er t h er e a lso,
t h e pa in t er w h o en joy ed m a t ch -m a k in g , w h o w ou ld
in v it e For ch ev ille t o com e w it h Odet t e t o h is st u dio. He
cou ld see Odet t e, in a dr ess fa r t oo sm a r t for t h e
cou n t r y , “ for sh e is so v u lg a r in t h a t w a y , a n d, poor
lit t le t h in g , sh e is su ch a fool!”
He cou ld h ea r t h e jok es t h a t Mm e. V er du r in w ou ld
m a k e a ft er din n er , jok es w h ich , w h oev er t h e ‘bor e’
m ig h t be a t w h om t h ey w er e a im ed, h a d a lw a y s
a m u sed h im beca u se h e cou ld w a t ch Odet t e la u g h in g a t
t h em , la u g h in g w it h h im , h er la u g h t er a lm ost a pa r t of
h is. Now h e felt t h a t it w a s possibly a t h im t h a t t h ey
w ou ld m a k e Odet t e la u g h . “ W h a t a fet id for m of
h u m ou r !” h e ex cla im ed, t w ist in g h is m ou t h in t o a n
ex pr ession of disg u st so v iolen t t h a t h e cou ld feel t h e
m u scles of h is t h r oa t st iffen a g a in st h is colla r . “ How , in
God’s n a m e, ca n a cr ea t u r e m a de in His im a g e fin d
a n y t h in g t o la u g h a t in t h ose n a u sea t in g w it t icism s?
T h e lea st sen sit iv e n ose m u st be dr iv en a w a y in h or r or
fr om su ch st a le ex h a la t ion s. It is r ea lly im possible t o
believ e t h a t a n y h u m a n bein g is in ca pa ble of
u n der st a n din g t h a t , in a llow in g h er self m er ely t o sm ile
a t t h e ex pen se of a fellow -cr ea t u r e w h o h a s loy a lly h eld
ou t h is h a n d t o h er , sh e is ca st in g h er self in t o a m ir e
fr om w h ich it w ill be im possible, w it h t h e best w ill in
t h e w or ld, ev er t o r escu e h er . I dw ell so m a n y m iles
a bov e t h e pu ddles in w h ich t h ese filt h y lit t le v er m in
spr a w l a n d cr a w l a n d ba w l t h eir ch ea p obscen it ies, t h a t
I ca n n ot possibly be spa t t er ed by t h e w it t icism s of a
V er du r in !” h e cr ied, t ossin g u p h is h ea d a n d a r r og a n t ly
st r a ig h t en in g h is body . “ God k n ow s t h a t I h a v e
h on est ly a t t em pt ed t o pu ll Odet t e ou t of t h a t sew er , a n d
t o t ea ch h er t o br ea t h e a n obler a n d a pu r er a ir . Bu t
h u m a n pa t ien ce h a s it s lim it s, a n d m in e is a t a n en d,”
h e con clu ded, a s t h ou g h t h is sa cr ed m ission t o t ea r
Odet t e a w a y fr om a n a t m osph er e of sa r ca sm s da t ed
fr om lon g er t h a n a few m in u t es a g o, a s t h ou g h h e h a d
n ot u n der t a k en it on ly sin ce it h a d occu r r ed t o h im t h a t
t h ose sa r ca sm s m ig h t , per ch a n ce, be dir ect ed a t
h im self, a n d m ig h t h a v e t h e effect of det a ch in g Odet t e
fr om h im .
He cou ld see t h e pia n ist sit t in g dow n t o pla y t h e
Moon lig h t Son a t a , a n d t h e g r im a ces of Mm e. V er du r in ,
in t er r ified a n t icipa t ion of t h e w r eck in g of h er n er v es
by Beet h ov en ’s m u sic. “ Idiot , lia r !” h e sh ou t ed, “ a n d a
cr ea t u r e lik e t h a t im a g in es t h a t sh e’s fon d of Art!” Sh e
w ou ld sa y t o Odet t e, a ft er deft ly in sin u a t in g a few
w or ds of pr a ise for For ch ev ille, a s sh e h a d so oft en don e
for h im self: “ Y ou ca n m a k e r oom for M. de For ch ev ille
t h er e, ca n ’t y ou , Odet t e?” . . . ‘“ In t h e da r k !’ Codfish !
Pa n der !” . . . ‘Pa n der ’ w a s t h e n a m e h e a pplied a lso t o
t h e m u sic w h ich w ou ld in v it e t h em t o sit in silen ce, t o
dr ea m t og et h er , t o g a ze in ea ch ot h er ’s ey es, t o feel for
ea ch ot h er ’s h a n ds. He felt t h a t t h er e w a s m u ch t o be
sa id, a ft er a ll, for a st er n ly cen sor ou s a t t it u de t ow a r ds
t h e a r t s, su ch a s Pla t o a dopt ed, a n d Bossu et , a n d t h e old
sch ool of edu ca t ion in Fr a n ce.
In a w or d, t h e life w h ich t h ey led a t t h e V er du r in s’,
w h ich h e h a d so oft en descr ibed a s ‘g en u in e,’ seem ed t o
h im n ow t h e w or st possible for m of life, a n d t h eir ‘lit t le
n u cleu s’ t h e m ost deg r a ded cla ss of societ y . “ It r ea lly
is,” h e r epea t ed, “ ben ea t h t h e low est r u n g of t h e socia l
la dder , t h e n et h er m ost cir cle of Da n t e. Bey on d a dou bt ,
t h e a u g u st w or ds of t h e Flor en t in e r efer t o t h e
V er du r in s! W h en on e com es t o t h in k of it , su r ely people
‘in societ y ’ (a n d, t h ou g h on e m a y fin d fa u lt w it h t h em
n ow a n d t h en , st ill, a ft er a ll t h ey a r e a v er y differ en t
m a t t er fr om t h a t g a n g of bla ck m a iler s) sh ew a
pr ofou n d sa g a cit y in r efu sin g t o k n ow t h em , or ev en t o
dir t y t h e t ips of t h eir fin g er s w it h t h em . W h a t a sou n d
in t u it ion t h er e is in t h a t ‘Noli m e tangere‘ m ot t o of t h e
Fa u bou r g Sa in t -Ger m a in .”
He h a d lon g sin ce em er g ed fr om t h e pa t h s a n d
a v en u es of t h e Bois, h e h a d a lm ost r ea ch ed h is ow n
h ou se, a n d st ill, for h e h a d n ot y et t h r ow n off t h e
in t ox ica t ion of g r ief, or h is w h im of in sin cer it y , bu t w a s
ev er m or e a n d m or e ex h ila r a t ed by t h e fa lse
in t on a t ion , t h e a r t ificia l son or it y of h is ow n v oice, h e
con t in u ed t o per or a t e a lou d in t h e silen ce of t h e n ig h t :
“ People ‘in societ y ’ h a v e t h eir fa ilin g s, a s n o on e k n ow s
bet t er t h a n I; bu t , a ft er a ll, t h ey a r e people t o w h om
som e t h in g s, a t lea st , a r e im possible. So-a n d-so” (a
fa sh ion a ble w om a n w h om h e h a d k n ow n ) “ w a s fa r fr om
bein g per fect , bu t , a ft er a ll, on e did fin d in h er a
fu n da m en t a l delica cy , a loy a lt y in h er con du ct w h ich
m a de h er , w h a t ev er h a ppen ed, in ca pa ble of a felon y ,
w h ich fix es a v a st g u lf bet w een h er a n d a n old h a g lik e
V er du r in . V er du r in ! W h a t a n a m e! Oh , t h er e’s
som et h in g com plet e a bou t t h em , som et h in g a lm ost fin e
in t h eir t r u en ess t o t y pe; t h ey ’r e t h e m ost per fect
specim en s of t h eir disg u st in g cla ss! T h a n k God, it w a s
h ig h t im e t h a t I st opped con descen din g t o pr om iscu ou s
in t er cou r se w it h su ch in fa m y , su ch du n g .”
Bu t , ju st a s t h e v ir t u es w h ich h e h a d st ill
a t t r ibu t ed, a n h ou r or so ea r lier , t o t h e V er du r in s,
w ou ld n ot h a v e su fficed, ev en a lt h ou g h t h e V er du r in s
h a d a ct u a lly possessed t h em , if t h ey h a d n ot a lso
fa v ou r ed a n d pr ot ect ed h is lov e, t o ex cit e Sw a n n t o t h a t
st a t e of in t ox ica t ion in w h ich h e w a x ed t en der ov er
t h eir m a g n a n im it y , a n in t ox ica t ion w h ich , ev en w h en
dissem in a t ed t h r ou g h t h e m ediu m of ot h er per son s,
cou ld h a v e com e t o h im fr om Odet t e a lon e; — so t h e
im m or a lit y (h a d it r ea lly ex ist ed) w h ich h e n ow fou n d
in t h e V er du r in s w ou ld h a v e been pow er less, if t h ey
h a d n ot in v it ed Odet t e w it h For ch ev ille a n d w it h ou t
h im , t o u n st op t h e v ia ls of h is w r a t h a n d t o m a k e h im
sca r ify t h eir ‘in fa m y .’ Dou bt less Sw a n n ’s v oice sh ew ed
a fin er per spica cit y t h a n h is ow n w h en it r efu sed t o
u t t er t h ose w or ds fu ll of disg u st a t t h e V er du r in s a n d
t h eir cir cle, a n d of joy a t h is h a v in g sh a k en h im self fr ee
of it , sa v e in a n a r t ificia l a n d r h et or ica l t on e, a n d a s
t h ou g h h is w or ds h a d been ch osen r a t h er t o a ppea se h is
a n g er t h a n t o ex pr ess h is t h ou g h t s. T h e la t t er , in fa ct ,
w h ile h e a ba n don ed h im self t o in v ect iv e, w er e
pr oba bly , t h ou g h h e did n ot k n ow it , occu pied w it h a
w h olly differ en t m a t t er , for on ce h e h a d r ea ch ed h is
h ou se, n o soon er h a d h e closed t h e fr on t -door beh in d
h im t h a n h e su dden ly st r u ck h is for eh ea d, a n d, m a k in g
h is ser v a n t open t h e door a g a in , da sh ed ou t in t o t h e
st r eet sh ou t in g , in a v oice w h ich , t h is t im e, w a s qu it e
n a t u r a l; “ I believ e I h a v e fou n d a w a y of g et t in g in v it ed
t o t h e din n er a t Ch a t ou t o-m or r ow !” Bu t it m u st h a v e
been a ba d w a y , for M. Sw a n n w a s n ot in v it ed; Dr .
Cot t a r d, w h o, h a v in g been su m m on ed t o a t t en d a
ser iou s ca se in t h e cou n t r y , h a d n ot seen t h e V er du r in s
for som e da y s, a n d h a d been pr ev en t ed fr om a ppea r in g
a t Ch a t ou , sa id, on t h e ev en in g a ft er t h is din n er , a s h e
sa t dow n t o t a ble a t t h eir h ou se:
“ W h y , a r en ’t w e g oin g t o see M. Sw a n n t h is
ev en in g ? He is qu it e w h a t y ou m ig h t ca ll a per son a l
fr ien d . . . ” “ I sin cer ely t r u st t h a t w e sh a ’n ’t !” cr ied
Mm e. V er du r in . “ Hea v en pr eser v e u s fr om h im ; h e’s t oo
dea dly for w or ds, a st u pid, ill-br ed boor .”
On h ea r in g t h ese w or ds Cot t a r d ex h ibit ed a n
in t en se a st on ish m en t blen ded w it h en t ir e su bm ission ,
a s t h ou g h in t h e fa ce of a scien t ific t r u t h w h ich
con t r a dict ed ev er y t h in g t h a t h e h a d pr ev iou sly
believ ed, bu t w a s su ppor t ed by a n ir r esist ible w eig h t of
ev iden ce; w it h t im or ou s em ot ion h e bow ed h is h ea d
ov er h is pla t e, a n d m er ely r eplied: “ Oh — oh — oh — oh
— oh !” t r a v er sin g , in a n or der ly r et ir em en t of h is
for ces, in t o t h e dept h s of h is bein g , a lon g a descen din g
sca le, t h e w h ole com pa ss of h is v oice. A ft er w h ich t h er e
w a s n o m or e t a lk of Sw a n n a t t h e V er du r in s’.
A n d so t h a t dr a w in g -r oom w h ich h a d br ou g h t
Sw a n n a n d Odet t e t og et h er beca m e a n obst a cle in t h e
w a y of t h eir m eet in g . Sh e n o lon g er sa id t o h im , a s sh e
h a d sa id in t h e ea r ly da y s of t h eir lov e: “ W e sh a ll m eet ,
a n y h ow , t o-m or r ow ev en in g ; t h er e’s a su pper -pa r t y a t
t h e V er du r in s’,” bu t “ W e sh a ’n ’t be a ble t o m eet t o-
m or r ow ev en in g ; t h er e’s a su pper -pa r t y a t t h e
V er du r in s’.” Or else t h e V er du r in s w er e t a k in g h er t o
t h e Opér a -Com iqu e, t o see Une Nuit de Cléopâtre, a n d
Sw a n n cou ld r ea d in h er ey es t h a t t er r or lest h e sh ou ld
a sk h er n ot t o g o, w h ich , bu t a lit t le t im e befor e, h e
cou ld n ot h a v e r efr a in ed fr om g r eet in g w it h a k iss a s it
flit t ed a cr oss t h e fa ce of h is m ist r ess, bu t w h ich n ow
ex a sper a t ed h im . “ Y et I’m n ot r ea lly a n g r y ,” h e a ssu r ed
h im self, “ w h en I see h ow sh e lon g s t o r u n a w a y a n d
scr a t ch fr om m a g g ot s in t h a t du n g h ill of ca coph on y .
I’m disa ppoin t ed; n ot for m y self, bu t for h er ;
disa ppoin t ed t o fin d t h a t , a ft er liv in g for m or e t h a n six
m on t h s in da ily con t a ct w it h m y self, sh e h a s n ot been
ca pa ble of im pr ov in g h er m in d ev en t o t h e poin t of
spon t a n eou sly er a dica t in g fr om it a t a st e for V ict or
Ma ssé! Mor e t h a n t h a t , t o fin d t h a t sh e h a s n ot a r r iv ed
a t t h e st a g e of u n der st a n din g t h a t t h er e a r e ev en in g s
on w h ich a n y on e w it h t h e lea st sh a de of r efin em en t of
feelin g sh ou ld be w illin g t o for eg o a n a m u sem en t w h en
sh e is a sk ed t o do so. Sh e ou g h t t o h a v e t h e sen se t o sa y :
‘I sh a ll n ot g o,’ if it w er e on ly fr om policy , sin ce it is by
w h a t sh e a n sw er s n ow t h a t t h e qu a lit y of h er sou l w ill
be det er m in ed on ce a n d for a ll.” A n d h a v in g per su a ded
h im self t h a t it w a s solely , a ft er a ll, in or der t h a t h e
m ig h t a r r iv e a t a fa v ou r a ble est im a t e of Odet t e’s
spir it u a l w or t h t h a t h e w ish ed h er t o st a y a t h om e w it h
h im t h a t ev en in g in st ea d of g oin g t o t h e Opér a -
Com iqu e, h e a dopt ed t h e sa m e lin e of r ea son in g w it h
h er , w it h t h e sa m e deg r ee of in sin cer it y a s h e h a d u sed
w it h h im self, or ev en w it h a deg r ee m or e, for in h er
ca se h e w a s y ieldin g a lso t o t h e desir e t o ca pt u r e h er by
h er ow n self-est eem .
“ I sw ea r t o y ou ,” h e t old h er , sh or t ly befor e sh e w a s
t o lea v e for t h e t h ea t r e, “ t h a t , in a sk in g y ou n ot t o g o, I
sh ou ld h ope, w er e I a selfish m a n , for n ot h in g so m u ch
a s t h a t y ou sh ou ld r efu se, for I h a v e a t h ou sa n d ot h er
t h in g s t o do t h is ev en in g , a n d I sh a ll feel t h a t I h a v e
been t r ick ed a n d t r a pped m y self, a n d sh a ll be
t h or ou g h ly a n n oy ed, if, a ft er a ll, y ou t ell m e t h a t y ou
a r e n ot g oin g . Bu t m y occu pa t ion s, m y plea su r es a r e
n ot ev er y t h in g ; I m u st t h in k of y ou a lso. A da y m a y
com e w h en , seein g m e ir r ev oca bly su n der ed fr om y ou ,
y ou w ill be en t it led t o r epr oa ch m e w it h n ot h a v in g
w a r n ed y ou a t t h e decisiv e h ou r in w h ich I felt t h a t I
w a s g oin g t o pa ss ju dg m en t on y ou , on e of t h ose st er n
ju dg m en t s w h ich lov e ca n n ot lon g r esist . Y ou see, y ou r
Nuit de Cléopâtre (w h a t a t it le!) h a s n o bea r in g on t h e
poin t . W h a t I m u st k n ow is w h et h er y ou a r e in deed on e
of t h ose cr ea t u r es in t h e low est g r a de of m en t a lit y a n d
ev en of ch a r m , on e of t h ose con t em pt ible cr ea t u r es w h o
a r e in ca pa ble of for eg oin g a plea su r e. For if y ou a r e
su ch , h ow cou ld a n y on e lov e y ou , for y ou a r e n ot ev en a
per son , a defin it e, im per fect , bu t a t lea st per cept ible
en t it y . Y ou a r e a for m less w a t er t h a t w ill t r ick le dow n
a n y slope t h a t it m a y com e u pon , a fish dev oid of
m em or y , in ca pa ble of t h ou g h t , w h ich a ll it s life lon g in
it s a qu a r iu m w ill con t in u e t o da sh it self, a h u n dr ed
t im es a da y , a g a in st a w a ll of g la ss, a lw a y s m ist a k in g it
for w a t er . Do y ou r ea lise t h a t y ou r a n sw er w ill h a v e t h e
effect — I do n ot sa y of m a k in g m e cea se fr om t h a t
m om en t t o lov e y ou , t h a t g oes w it h ou t sa y in g , bu t of
m a k in g y ou less a t t r a ct iv e t o m y ey es w h en I r ea lise
t h a t y ou a r e n ot a per son , t h a t y ou a r e ben ea t h
ev er y t h in g in t h e w or ld a n d h a v e n ot t h e in t ellig en ce
t o r a ise y ou r self on e in ch h ig h er ? Obv iou sly , I sh ou ld
h a v e pr efer r ed t o a sk y ou , a s t h ou g h it h a d been a
m a t t er of lit t le or n o im por t a n ce, t o g iv e u p y ou r Nuit
de Cléopâtre (sin ce y ou com pel m e t o su lly m y lips w it h
so a bject a n a m e), in t h e h ope t h a t y ou w ou ld g o t o it
n on e t h e less. Bu t , sin ce I h a d r esolv ed t o w eig h y ou in
t h e ba la n ce, t o m a k e so g r a v e a n issu e depen d u pon
y ou r a n sw er , I con sider ed it m or e h on ou r a ble t o g iv e
y ou du e w a r n in g .”
Mea n w h ile, Odet t e h a d sh ew n sig n s of in cr ea sin g
em ot ion a n d u n cer t a in t y . A lt h ou g h t h e m ea n in g of h is
t ir a de w a s bey on d h er , sh e g r a sped t h a t it w a s t o be
in clu ded a m on g t h e scen es of r epr oa ch or su pplica t ion ,
scen es w h ich h er fa m ilia r it y w it h t h e w a y s of m en
en a bled h er , w it h ou t pa y in g a n y h eed t o t h e w or ds t h a t
w er e u t t er ed, t o con clu de t h a t m en w ou ld n ot m a k e
u n less t h ey w er e in lov e; t h a t , fr om t h e m om en t w h en
t h ey w er e in lov e, it w a s su per flu ou s t o obey t h em ,
sin ce t h ey w ou ld on ly be m or e in lov e la t er on . A n d so,
sh e w ou ld h a v e h ea r d Sw a n n ou t w it h t h e u t m ost
t r a n qu illit y h a d sh e n ot n ot iced t h a t it w a s g r ow in g
la t e, a n d t h a t if h e w en t on spea k in g for a n y len g t h of
t im e sh e w ou ld “ n ev er ” a s sh e t old h im w it h a fon d
sm ile, obst in a t e bu t slig h t ly a ba sh ed, “ g et t h er e in t im e
for t h e Ov er t u r e.”
On ot h er occa sion s h e h a d a ssu r ed h im self t h a t t h e
on e t h in g w h ich , m or e t h a n a n y t h in g else, w ou ld m a k e
h im cea se t o lov e h er , w ou ld be h er r efu sa l t o a ba n don
t h e h a bit of ly in g . “ Ev en fr om t h e poin t of v iew of
coqu et r y , pu r e a n d sim ple,” h e h a d t old h er , “ ca n ’t y ou
see h ow m u ch of y ou r a t t r a ct ion y ou t h r ow a w a y w h en
y ou st oop t o ly in g ? By a fr a n k a dm ission — h ow m a n y
fa u lt s y ou m ig h t r edeem ! Rea lly , y ou a r e fa r less
in t ellig en t t h a n I su pposed!” In v a in , h ow ev er , did
Sw a n n ex pou n d t o h er t h u s a ll t h e r ea son s t h a t sh e h a d
for n ot ly in g ; t h ey m ig h t h a v e su cceeded in
ov er t h r ow in g a n y u n iv er sa l sy st em of m en da cit y , bu t
Odet t e h a d n o su ch sy st em ; sh e con t en t ed h er self,
m er ely , w h en ev er sh e w ish ed Sw a n n t o r em a in in
ig n or a n ce of a n y t h in g t h a t sh e h a d don e, w it h n ot
t ellin g h im of it . So t h a t a lie w a s, t o h er , som et h in g t o
be u sed on ly a s a specia l ex pedien t ; a n d t h e on e t h in g
t h a t cou ld m a k e h er decide w h et h er sh e sh ou ld a v a il
h er self of a lie or n ot w a s a r ea son w h ich , t oo, w a s of a
specia l a n d con t in g en t or der , n a m ely t h e r isk of
Sw a n n ’s discov er in g t h a t sh e h a d n ot t old h im t h e
tru th .
Ph y sica lly , sh e w a s pa ssin g t h r ou g h a n u n for t u n a t e
ph a se; sh e w a s g r ow in g st ou t er , a n d t h e ex pr essiv e,
sor r ow fu l ch a r m , t h e su r pr ised, w ist fu l ex pr ession s
w h ich sh e h a d for m er ly h a d, seem ed t o h a v e v a n ish ed
w it h h er fir st y ou t h , w it h t h e r esu lt t h a t sh e beca m e
m ost pr eciou s t o Sw a n n a t t h e v er y m om en t w h en h e
fou n d h er dist in ct ly less g ood-look in g . He w ou ld g a ze a t
h er for h ou r s on en d, t r y in g t o r eca pt u r e t h e ch a r m
w h ich h e h a d on ce seen in h er a n d cou ld n ot fin d a g a in .
A n d y et t h e k n ow ledg e t h a t , w it h in t h is n ew a n d
st r a n g e ch r y sa lis, it w a s st ill Odet t e t h a t lu r k ed, st ill
t h e sa m e v ola t ile t em per a m en t , a r t fu l a n d ev a siv e,
w a s en ou g h t o k eep Sw a n n seek in g , w it h a s m u ch
pa ssion a s ev er , t o ca pt iv a t e h er . T h en h e w ou ld look a t
ph ot og r a ph s of h er , t a k en t w o y ea r s befor e, a n d w ou ld
r em em ber h ow ex qu isit e sh e h a d been . A n d t h a t w ou ld
con sole h im , a lit t le, for a ll t h e su ffer in g s t h a t h e
v olu n t a r ily en du r ed on h er a ccou n t .
W h en t h e V er du r in s t ook h er off t o Sa in t -Ger m a in ,
or t o Ch a t ou , or t o Meu la n , a s oft en a s n ot , if t h e
w ea t h er w a s fin e, t h ey w ou ld pr opose t o r em a in t h er e
for t h e n ig h t , a n d n ot g o h om e u n t il n ex t da y . Mm e.
V er du r in w ou ld en dea v ou r t o set a t r est t h e scr u ples of
t h e pia n ist , w h ose a u n t h a d r em a in ed in Pa r is: “ Sh e
w ill be on ly t oo g la d t o be r id of y ou for a da y . How on
ea r t h cou ld sh e be a n x iou s, w h en sh e k n ow s y ou ’r e w it h
u s? A n y h ow , I’ll t a k e y ou a ll u n der m y w in g ; sh e ca n
pu t t h e bla m e on m e.”
If t h is a t t em pt fa iled, M. V er du r in w ou ld set off
a cr oss cou n t r y u n t il h e ca m e t o a t eleg r a ph office or
som e ot h er k in d of m essen g er , a ft er fir st fin din g ou t
w h ich of t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ h a d a n y on e w h om t h ey m u st
w a r n . Bu t Odet t e w ou ld t h a n k h im , a n d a ssu r e h im
t h a t sh e h a d n o m essa g e for a n y on e, for sh e h a d t old
Sw a n n , on ce a n d for a ll, t h a t sh e cou ld n ot possibly sen d
m essa g es t o h im , befor e a ll t h ose people, w it h ou t
com pr om isin g h er self. Som et im es sh e w ou ld be a bsen t
for sev er a l da y s on en d, w h en t h e V er du r in s t ook h er t o
see t h e t om bs a t Dr eu x , or t o Com pièg n e, on t h e
pa in t er ’s a dv ice, t o w a t ch t h e su n set t in g t h r ou g h t h e
for est — a ft er w h ich t h ey w en t on t o t h e Ch â t ea u of
Pier r efon ds.
“ T o t h in k t h a t sh e cou ld v isit r ea lly h ist or ic
bu ildin g s w it h m e, w h o h a v e spen t t en y ea r s in t h e
st u dy of a r ch it ect u r e, w h o a m con st a n t ly bom ba r ded,
by people w h o r ea lly cou n t , t o t a k e t h em ov er Bea u v a is
or Sa in t -Lou p-de-Na u d, a n d r efu se t o t a k e a n y on e bu t
h er ; a n d in st ea d of t h a t sh e t r u n dles off w it h t h e low est ,
t h e m ost br u t a lly deg r a ded of cr ea t u r es, t o g o in t o
ecst a sies ov er t h e pet r ified ex cr et ion s of Lou is-Ph ilippe
a n d V iollet -le-Du c! On e h a r dly n eeds m u ch k n ow ledg e
of a r t , I sh ou ld sa y , t o do t h a t ; t h ou g h , su r ely , ev en
w it h ou t a n y pa r t icu la r ly r efin ed sen se of sm ell, on e
w ou ld n ot deliber a t ely ch oose t o spen d a h olida y in t h e
la t r in es, so a s t o be w it h in r a n g e of t h eir fr a g r a n t
ex h a la t ion s.”
Bu t w h en sh e h a d set off for Dr eu x or Pier r efon ds —
a la s, w it h ou t a llow in g h im t o a ppea r t h er e, a s t h ou g h
by a cciden t , a t h er side, for , a s sh e sa id, t h a t w ou ld
“ cr ea t e a dr ea dfu l im pr ession ,” — h e w ou ld plu n g e in t o
t h e m ost in t ox ica t in g r om a n ce in t h e lov er ’s libr a r y ,
t h e r a ilw a y t im et a ble, fr om w h ich h e lea r n ed t h e w a y s
of join in g h er t h er e in t h e a ft er n oon , in t h e ev en in g ,
ev en in t h e m or n in g . T h e w a y s? Mor e t h a n t h a t , t h e
a u t h or it y , t h e r ig h t t o join h er . For , a ft er a ll, t h e t im e-
t a ble, a n d t h e t r a in s t h em selv es, w er e n ot m ea n t for
dog s. If t h e pu blic w er e ca r efu lly in for m ed, by m ea n s of
pr in t ed a dv er t isem en t s, t h a t a t eig h t o’clock in t h e
m or n in g a t r a in st a r t ed for Pier r efon ds w h ich a r r iv ed
t h er e a t t en , t h a t cou ld on ly be beca u se g oin g t o
Pier r efon ds w a s a la w fu l a ct , for w h ich per m ission fr om
Odet t e w ou ld be su per flu ou s; a n a ct , m or eov er , w h ich
m ig h t be per for m ed fr om a m ot iv e a lt og et h er differ en t
fr om t h e desir e t o see Odet t e, sin ce per son s w h o h a d
n ev er ev en h ea r d of h er per for m ed it da ily , a n d in su ch
n u m ber s a s ju st ified t h e la bou r a n d ex pen se of st ok in g
t h e en g in es.
So it ca m e t o t h is; t h a t sh e cou ld n ot pr ev en t h im
fr om g oin g t o Pier r efon ds if h e ch ose t o do so. Now t h a t
w a s pr ecisely w h a t h e fou n d t h a t h e did ch oose t o do,
a n d w ou ld a t t h a t m om en t be doin g w er e h e, lik e t h e
t r a v ellin g pu blic, n ot a cqu a in t ed w it h Odet t e. For a
lon g t im e pa st h e h a d w a n t ed t o for m a m or e defin it e
im pr ession of V iollet -le-Du c’s w or k a s a r est or er . A n d
t h e w ea t h er bein g w h a t it w a s, h e felt a n
ov er w h elm in g desir e t o spen d t h e da y r oa m in g in t h e
for est of Com pièg n e.
It w a s, in deed, a piece of ba d lu ck t h a t sh e h a d
for bidden h im a ccess t o t h e on e spot t h a t t em pt ed h im
t o-da y . T o-da y ! W h y , if h e w en t dow n t h er e, in defia n ce
of h er pr oh ibit ion , h e w ou ld be a ble t o see h er t h a t v er y
da y ! Bu t t h en , w h er ea s, if sh e h a d m et , a t Pier r efon ds,
som e on e w h o did n ot m a t t er , sh e w ou ld h a v e h a iled
h im w it h obv iou s plea su r e: “ W h a t , y ou h er e?” a n d
w ou ld h a v e in v it ed h im t o com e a n d see h er a t t h e h ot el
w h er e sh e w a s st a y in g w it h t h e V er du r in s, if, on t h e
ot h er h a n d, it w a s h im self, Sw a n n , t h a t sh e
en cou n t er ed t h er e, sh e w ou ld be a n n oy ed, w ou ld
com pla in t h a t sh e w a s bein g follow ed, w ou ld lov e h im
less in con sequ en ce, m ig h t ev en t u r n a w a y in a n g er
w h en sh e ca u g h t sig h t of h im . “ So, t h en , I a m n ot t o be
a llow ed t o g o a w a y for a da y a n y w h er e!” sh e w ou ld
r epr oa ch h im on h er r et u r n , w h er ea s in fa ct it w a s h e
h im self w h o w a s n ot a llow ed t o g o.
He h a d h a d t h e su dden idea , so a s t o con t r iv e t o v isit
Com pièg n e a n d Pier r efon ds w it h ou t let t in g it be
su pposed t h a t h is object w a s t o m eet Odet t e, of secu r in g
a n in v it a t ion fr om on e of h is fr ien ds, t h e Ma r qu is de
For est elle, w h o h a d a cou n t r y h ou se in t h a t
n eig h bou r h ood. T h is fr ien d, t o w h om Sw a n n su g g est ed
t h e pla n w it h ou t disclosin g it s u lt er ior pu r pose, w a s
beside h im self w it h joy ; h e did n ot con cea l h is
a st on ish m en t a t Sw a n n ’s con sen t in g a t la st , a ft er
fift een y ea r s, t o com e dow n a n d v isit h is pr oper t y , a n d
sin ce h e did n ot (h e t old h im ) w ish t o st a y t h er e,
pr om ised t o spen d som e da y s, a t lea st , in t a k in g h im for
w a lk s a n d ex cu r sion s in t h e dist r ict . Sw a n n im a g in ed
h im self dow n t h er e a lr ea dy w it h M. de For est elle. Ev en
befor e h e sa w Odet t e, ev en if h e did n ot su cceed in
seein g h er t h er e, w h a t a joy it w ou ld be t o set foot on
t h a t soil w h er e, n ot k n ow in g t h e ex a ct spot in w h ich , a t
a n y m om en t , sh e w a s t o be fou n d, h e w ou ld feel a ll
a r ou n d h im t h e t h r illin g possibilit y of h er su dden ly
a ppea r in g : in t h e cou r t y a r d of t h e Ch â t ea u , n ow
bea u t ifu l in h is ey es sin ce it w a s on h er a ccou n t t h a t h e
h a d g on e t o v isit it ; in a ll t h e st r eet s of t h e t ow n , w h ich
st r u ck h im a s r om a n t ic; dow n ev er y r ide of t h e for est ,
r osea t e w it h t h e deep a n d t en der g low of su n set ; —
in n u m er a ble a n d a lt er n a t iv e h idin g -pla ces, t o w h ich
w ou ld fly sim u lt a n eou sly for r efu g e, in t h e u n cer t a in
u biqu it y of h is h opes, h is h a ppy , v a g a bon d a n d div ided
h ea r t . “ W e m u st n ’t , on a n y a ccou n t ,” h e w ou ld w a r n
M. de For est elle, “ r u n a cr oss Odet t e a n d t h e V er du r in s. I
h a v e ju st h ea r d t h a t t h ey a r e a t Pier r efon ds, of a ll
pla ces, t o-da y . On e h a s plen t y of t im e t o see t h em in
Pa r is; it w ou ld h a r dly be w or t h w h ile com in g dow n
h er e if on e cou ldn ’t g o a y a r d w it h ou t m eet in g t h em .”
A n d h is h ost w ou ld fa il t o u n der st a n d w h y , on ce t h ey
h a d r ea ch ed t h e pla ce, Sw a n n w ou ld ch a n g e h is pla n s
t w en t y t im es in a n h ou r , in spect t h e din in g -r oom s of a ll
t h e h ot els in Com pièg n e w it h ou t bein g a ble t o m a k e u p
h is m in d t o set t le dow n in a n y of t h em , a lt h ou g h h e h a d
fou n d n o t r a ce a n y w h er e of t h e V er du r in s, seem in g t o
be in sea r ch of w h a t h e h a d cla im ed t o be m ost a n x iou s
t o a v oid, a n d w ou ld in fa ct a v oid, t h e m om en t h e fou n d
it , for if h e h a d com e u pon t h e lit t le ‘g r ou p,’ h e w ou ld
h a v e h a st en ed a w a y a t on ce w it h st u died in differ en ce,
sa t isfied t h a t h e h a d seen Odet t e a n d sh e h im ,
especia lly t h a t sh e h a d seen h im w h en h e w a s n ot ,
a ppa r en t ly , t h in k in g a bou t h er . Bu t n o; sh e w ou ld
g u ess a t on ce t h a t it w a s for h er sa k e t h a t h e h a d com e
t h er e. A n d w h en M. de For est elle ca m e t o fet ch h im ,
a n d it w a s t im e t o st a r t , h e ex cu sed h im self: “ No, I’m
a fr a id n ot ; I ca n ’t g o t o Pier r efon ds t o-da y . Y ou see,
Odet t e is t h er e.” A n d Sw a n n w a s h a ppy in spit e of
ev er y t h in g in feelin g t h a t if h e, a lon e a m on g m or t a ls,
h a d n ot t h e r ig h t t o g o t o Pier r efon ds t h a t da y , it w a s
beca u se h e w a s in fa ct , for Odet t e, som e on e w h o
differ ed fr om a ll ot h er m or t a ls, h er lov er ; a n d beca u se
t h a t r est r ict ion w h ich for h im a lon e w a s set u pon t h e
u n iv er sa l r ig h t t o t r a v el fr eely w h er e on e w ou ld, w a s
bu t on e of t h e m a n y for m s of t h a t sla v er y , t h a t lov e
w h ich w a s so dea r t o h im . Decidedly , it w a s bet t er n ot t o
r isk a qu a r r el w it h h er , t o be pa t ien t , t o w a it for h er
r et u r n . He spen t h is da y s in por in g ov er a m a p of t h e
for est of Com pièg n e, a s t h ou g h it h a d been t h a t of t h e
‘Pa y s du T en dr e’; h e su r r ou n ded h im self w it h
ph ot og r a ph s of t h e Ch â t ea u of Pier r efon ds. W h en t h e
da y da w n ed on w h ich it w a s possible t h a t sh e m ig h t
r et u r n , h e open ed t h e t im e-t a ble a g a in , ca lcu la t ed
w h a t t r a in sh e m u st h a v e t a k en , a n d, sh ou ld sh e h a v e
post pon ed h er depa r t u r e, w h a t t r a in s w er e st ill left for
h er t o t a k e. He did n ot lea v e t h e h ou se, for fea r of
m issin g a t eleg r a m , h e did n ot g o t o bed, in ca se, h a v in g
com e by t h e la st t r a in , sh e decided t o su r pr ise h im w it h
a m idn ig h t v isit . Y es! T h e fr on t -door bell r a n g . T h er e
seem ed som e dela y in open in g t h e door , h e w a n t ed t o
a w a k en t h e por t er , h e lea n ed ou t of t h e w in dow t o sh ou t
t o Odet t e, if it w a s Odet t e, for in spit e of t h e or der s
w h ich h e h a d g on e dow n st a ir s a dozen t im es t o deliv er
in per son , t h ey w er e qu it e ca pa ble of t ellin g h er t h a t h e
w a s n ot a t h om e. It w a s on ly a ser v a n t com in g in . He
n ot iced t h e in cessa n t r u m ble of pa ssin g ca r r ia g es, t o
w h ich h e h a d n ev er befor e pa id a n y a t t en t ion . He cou ld
h ea r t h em , on e a ft er a n ot h er , a lon g w a y off, com in g
n ea r er , pa ssin g h is door w it h ou t st oppin g , a n d bea r in g
a w a y in t o t h e dist a n ce a m essa g e w h ich w a s n ot for
h im . He w a it ed a ll n ig h t , t o n o pu r pose, for t h e
V er du r in s h a d r et u r n ed u n ex pect edly , a n d Odet t e h a d
been in Pa r is sin ce m idda y ; it h a d n ot occu r r ed t o h er t o
t ell h im ; n ot k n ow in g w h a t t o do w it h h er self sh e h a d
spen t t h e ev en in g a lon e a t a t h ea t r e, h a d lon g sin ce
g on e h om e t o bed, a n d w a s pea cefu lly a sleep.
A s a m a t t er of fa ct , sh e h a d n ev er g iv en h im a
t h ou g h t . A n d su ch m om en t s a s t h ese, in w h ich sh e
for g ot Sw a n n ’s v er y ex ist en ce, w er e of m or e v a lu e t o
Odet t e, did m or e t o a t t a ch h im t o h er , t h a n a ll h er
in fidelit ies. For in t h is w a y Sw a n n w a s k ept in t h a t
st a t e of pa in fu l a g it a t ion w h ich h a d on ce befor e been
effect iv e in m a k in g h is in t er est blossom in t o lov e, on
t h e n ig h t w h en h e h a d fa iled t o fin d Odet t e a t t h e
V er du r in s’ a n d h a d h u n t ed for h er a ll ev en in g . A n d h e
did n ot h a v e (a s I h a d, a ft er w a r ds, a t Com br a y in m y
ch ildh ood) h a ppy da y s in w h ich t o for g et t h e su ffer in g s
t h a t w ou ld r et u r n w it h t h e n ig h t . For h is da y s, Sw a n n
m u st pa ss t h em w it h ou t Odet t e; a n d a s h e t old h im self,
n ow a n d t h en , t o a llow so pr et t y a w om a n t o g o ou t by
h er self in Pa r is w a s ju st a s r a sh a s t o lea v e a ca se filled
w it h jew els in t h e m iddle of t h e st r eet . In t h is m ood h e
w ou ld scow l fu r iou sly a t t h e pa sser s-by , a s t h ou g h t h ey
w er e so m a n y pick pock et s. Bu t t h eir fa ces — a collect iv e
a n d for m less m a ss — esca ped t h e g r a sp of h is
im a g in a t ion , a n d so fa iled t o feed t h e fla m e of h is
jea lou sy . T h e effor t ex h a u st ed Sw a n n ’s br a in , u n t il,
pa ssin g h is h a n d ov er h is ey es, h e cr ied ou t : “ Hea v en
h elp m e!” a s people, a ft er la sh in g t h em selv es in t o a n
in t ellect u a l fr en zy in t h eir en dea v ou r s t o m a st er t h e
pr oblem of t h e r ea lit y of t h e ex t er n a l w or ld, or t h a t of
t h e im m or t a lit y of t h e sou l, a ffor d r elief t o t h eir w ea r y
br a in s by a n u n r ea son in g a ct of fa it h . Bu t t h e t h ou g h t
of h is a bsen t m ist r ess w a s in cessa n t ly , in dissolu bly
blen ded w it h a ll t h e sim plest a ct ion s of Sw a n n ’s da ily
life — w h en h e t ook h is m ea ls, open ed h is let t er s, w en t
for a w a lk or t o bed — by t h e fa ct of h is r eg r et a t h a v in g
t o per for m t h ose a ct ion s w it h ou t h er ; lik e t h ose in it ia ls
of Ph iliber t t h e Fa ir w h ich , in t h e ch u r ch of Br ou ,
beca u se of h er g r ief, h er lon g in g for h im , Ma r g a r et of
A u st r ia in t er t w in ed ev er y w h er e w it h h er ow n . On
som e da y s, in st ea d of st a y in g a t h om e, h e w ou ld g o for
lu n ch eon t o a r est a u r a n t n ot fa r off, t o w h ich h e h a d
been a t t r a ct ed, som e t im e befor e, by t h e ex cellen ce of
it s cook er y , bu t t o w h ich h e n ow w en t on ly for on e of
t h ose r ea son s, a t on ce m y st ica l a n d a bsu r d, w h ich
people ca ll ‘r om a n t ic’; beca u se t h is r est a u r a n t (w h ich ,
by t h e w a y , st ill ex ist s) bor e t h e sa m e n a m e a s t h e
st r eet in w h ich Odet t e liv ed: t h e La pér ou se. Som et im es,
w h en sh e h a d been a w a y on a sh or t v isit som ew h er e,
sev er a l da y s w ou ld ela pse befor e sh e t h ou g h t of let t in g
h im k n ow t h a t sh e h a d r et u r n ed t o Pa r is. A n d t h en sh e
w ou ld sa y qu it e sim ply , w it h ou t t a k in g (a s sh e w ou ld
on ce h a v e t a k en ) t h e pr eca u t ion of cov er in g h er self, a t
a ll cost s, w it h a lit t le fr a g m en t bor r ow ed fr om t h e
t r u t h , t h a t sh e h a d ju st , a t t h a t v er y m om en t , a r r iv ed
by t h e m or n in g t r a in . W h a t sh e sa id w a s a fa lseh ood; a t
lea st for Odet t e it w a s a fa lseh ood, in con sist en t , la ck in g
(w h a t it w ou ld h a v e h a d, if t r u e) t h e su ppor t of h er
m em or y of h er a ct u a l a r r iv a l a t t h e st a t ion ; sh e w a s
ev en pr ev en t ed fr om for m in g a m en t a l pict u r e of w h a t
sh e w a s sa y in g , w h ile sh e sa id it , by t h e con t r a dict or y
pict u r e, in h er m in d, of w h a t ev er qu it e differ en t t h in g
sh e h a d in deed been doin g a t t h e m om en t w h en sh e
pr et en ded t o h a v e been a lig h t in g fr om t h e t r a in . In
Sw a n n ’s m in d, h ow ev er , t h ese w or ds, m eet in g n o
opposit ion , set t led a n d h a r den ed u n t il t h ey a ssu m ed t h e
in dest r u ct ibilit y of a t r u t h so in du bit a ble t h a t , if som e
fr ien d h a ppen ed t o t ell h im t h a t h e h a d com e by t h e
sa m e t r a in a n d h a d n ot seen Odet t e, Sw a n n w ou ld h a v e
been con v in ced t h a t it w a s h is fr ien d w h o h a d m a de a
m ist a k e a s t o t h e da y or h ou r , sin ce h is v er sion did n ot
a g r ee w it h t h e w or ds u t t er ed by Odet t e. T h ese w or ds
h a d n ev er a ppea r ed t o h im fa lse ex cept w h en , befor e
h ea r in g t h em , h e h a d su spect ed t h a t t h ey w er e g oin g t o
be. For h im t o believ e t h a t sh e w a s ly in g , a n
a n t icipa t or y su spicion w a s in dispen sa ble. It w a s a lso,
h ow ev er , su fficien t . Giv en t h a t , ev er y t h in g t h a t Odet t e
m ig h t sa y a ppea r ed t o h im su spect . Did sh e m en t ion a
n a m e: it w a s obv iou sly t h a t of on e of h er lov er s; on ce
t h is su pposit ion h a d t a k en sh a pe, h e w ou ld spen d w eek s
in t or m en t in g h im self; on on e occa sion h e ev en
a ppr oa ch ed a fir m of ‘in qu ir y a g en t s’ t o fin d ou t t h e
a ddr ess a n d t h e occu pa t ion of t h e u n k n ow n r iv a l w h o
w ou ld g iv e h im n o pea ce u n t il h e cou ld be pr ov ed t o
h a v e g on e a br oa d, a n d w h o (h e u lt im a t ely lea r n ed) w a s
a n u n cle of Odet t e, a n d h a d been dea d for t w en t y y ea r s.
A lt h ou g h sh e w ou ld n ot a llow h im , a s a r u le, t o
m eet h er a t pu blic g a t h er in g s, sa y in g t h a t people w ou ld
t a lk , it h a ppen ed occa sion a lly t h a t , a t a n ev en in g pa r t y
t o w h ich h e a n d sh e h a d ea ch been in v it ed — a t
For ch ev ille’s, a t t h e pa in t er ’s, or a t a ch a r it y ba ll g iv en
in on e of t h e Min ist r ies — h e fou n d h im self in t h e sa m e
r oom w it h h er . He cou ld see h er , bu t da r ed n ot r em a in
for fea r of a n n oy in g h er by seem in g t o be spy in g u pon
t h e plea su r es w h ich sh e t a st ed in ot h er com pa n y ,
plea su r es w h ich — w h ile h e dr ov e h om e in u t t er
lon elin ess, a n d w en t t o bed, a s a n x iou sly a s I m y self w a s
t o g o t o bed, som e y ea r s la t er , on t h e ev en in g s w h en h e
ca m e t o din e w it h u s a t Com br a y — seem ed illim it a ble
t o h im sin ce h e h a d n ot been a ble t o see t h eir en d. A n d,
on ce or t w ice, h e der iv ed fr om su ch ev en in g s t h a t k in d
of h a ppin ess w h ich on e w ou ld be in clin ed (did it n ot
or ig in a t e in so v iolen t a r ea ct ion fr om a n a n x iet y
a br u pt ly t er m in a t ed) t o ca ll pea cefu l, sin ce it con sist s
in a pa cify in g of t h e m in d: h e h a d look ed in for a
m om en t a t a r ev el in t h e pa in t er ’s st u dio, a n d w a s
g et t in g r ea dy t o g o h om e; h e w a s lea v in g beh in d h im
Odet t e, t r a n sfor m ed in t o a br illia n t st r a n g er ,
su r r ou n ded by m en t o w h om h er g la n ces a n d h er
g a iet y , w h ich w er e n ot for h im , seem ed t o h in t a t som e
v olu pt u ou s plea su r e t o be en joy ed t h er e or elsew h er e
(possibly a t t h e Ba l des In coh ér en t s, t o w h ich h e
t r em bled t o t h in k t h a t sh e m ig h t be g oin g on
a ft er w a r ds) w h ich m a de Sw a n n m or e jea lou s t h a n t h e
t h ou g h t of t h eir a ct u a l ph y sica l u n ion , sin ce it w a s
m or e difficu lt t o im a g in e; h e w a s open in g t h e door t o g o,
w h en h e h ea r d h im self ca lled ba ck in t h ese w or ds
(w h ich , by cu t t in g off fr om t h e pa r t y t h a t possible
en din g w h ich h a d so a ppa lled h im , m a de t h e pa r t y
it self seem in n ocen t in r et r ospect , m a de Odet t e’s r et u r n
h om e a t h in g n o lon g er in con ceiv a ble a n d t er r ible, bu t
t en der a n d fa m ilia r , a t h in g t h a t k ept close t o h is side,
lik e a pa r t of h is ow n da ily life, in h is ca r r ia g e; a t h in g
t h a t st r ipped Odet t e h er self of t h e ex cess of br illia n ce
a n d g a iet y in h er a ppea r a n ce, sh ew ed t h a t it w a s on ly a
disg u ise w h ich sh e h a d a ssu m ed for a m om en t , for h is
sa k e a n d n ot in v iew of a n y m y st er iou s plea su r es, a
disg u ise of w h ich sh e h a d a lr ea dy w ea r ied) — in t h ese
w or ds, w h ich Odet t e flu n g ou t a ft er h im a s h e w a s
cr ossin g t h e t h r esh old: “ Ca n ’t y ou w a it a m in u t e for
m e? I’m ju st g oin g ; w e’ll dr iv e ba ck t og et h er a n d y ou
ca n dr op m e.” It w a s t r u e t h a t on on e occa sion
For ch ev ille h a d a sk ed t o be dr iv en h om e a t t h e sa m e
t im e, bu t w h en , on r ea ch in g Odet t e’s g a t e, h e h a d
beg g ed t o be a llow ed t o com e in t oo, sh e h a d r eplied,
w it h a fin g er poin t ed a t Sw a n n : “ A h ! T h a t depen ds on
t h is g en t lem a n . Y ou m u st a sk h im . V er y w ell, y ou m a y
com e in , ju st for a m in u t e, if y ou in sist , bu t y ou
m u st n ’t st a y lon g , for , I w a r n y ou , h e lik es t o sit a n d
t a lk qu iet ly w it h m e, a n d h e’s n ot a t a ll plea sed if I h a v e
v isit or s w h en h e’s h er e. Oh , if y ou on ly k n ew t h e
cr ea t u r e a s I k n ow h im ; isn ’t t h a t so, m y lov e, t h er e’s
n o on e t h a t r ea lly k n ow s y ou , is t h er e, ex cept m e?”
A n d Sw a n n w a s, per h a ps, ev en m or e t ou ch ed by
t h e spect a cle of h er a ddr essin g h im t h u s, in fr on t of
For ch ev ille, n ot on ly in t h ese t en der w or ds of
pr edilect ion , bu t a lso w it h cer t a in cr it icism s, su ch a s: “ I
feel su r e y ou h a v en ’t w r it t en y et t o y ou r fr ien ds, a bou t
din in g w it h t h em on Su n da y . Y ou n eedn ’t g o if y ou
don ’t w a n t t o, bu t y ou m ig h t a t lea st be polit e,” or
“ Now , h a v e y ou left y ou r essa y on V er m eer h er e, so
t h a t y ou ca n do a lit t le m or e t o it t o-m or r ow ? W h a t a
la zy -bon es! I’m g oin g t o m a k e y ou w or k , I ca n t ell y ou ,”
w h ich pr ov ed t h a t Odet t e k ept h er self in t ou ch w it h h is
socia l en g a g em en t s a n d h is lit er a r y w or k , t h a t t h ey
h a d in deed a life in com m on . A n d a s sh e spok e sh e
best ow ed on h im a sm ile w h ich h e in t er pr et ed a s
m ea n in g t h a t sh e w a s en t ir ely h is.
A n d t h en , w h ile sh e w a s m a k in g t h em som e
or a n g ea de, su dden ly , ju st a s w h en t h e r eflect or of a
la m p t h a t is ba dly fit t ed beg in s by ca st in g a ll r ou n d a n
object , on t h e w a ll bey on d it , h u g e a n d fa n t a st ic
sh a dow s w h ich , in t im e, con t r a ct a n d a r e lost in t h e
sh a dow of t h e object it self, a ll t h e t er r ible a n d
dist u r bin g idea s w h ich h e h a d for m ed of Odet t e m elt ed
a w a y a n d v a n ish ed in t h e ch a r m in g cr ea t u r e w h o st ood
t h er e befor e h is ey es. He h a d t h e su dden su spicion t h a t
t h is h ou r spen t in Odet t e’s h ou se, in t h e la m p-lig h t ,
w a s, per h a ps, a ft er a ll, n ot a n a r t ificia l h ou r , in v en t ed
for h is specia l u se (w it h t h e object of con cea lin g t h a t
fr ig h t en in g a n d deliciou s t h in g w h ich w a s in cessa n t ly
in h is t h ou g h t s w it h ou t h is ev er bein g a ble t o for m a
sa t isfa ct or y im pr ession of it , a n h ou r of Odet t e’s r ea l
life, of h er life w h en h e w a s n ot t h er e, look in g on ) w it h
t h ea t r ica l pr oper t ies a n d pa st eboa r d fr u it s, bu t w a s
per h a ps a g en u in e h ou r of Odet t e’s life; t h a t , if h e
h im self h a d n ot been t h er e, sh e w ou ld h a v e pu lled
for w a r d t h e sa m e a r m ch a ir for For ch ev ille, w ou ld h a v e
pou r ed ou t for h im , n ot a n y u n k n ow n br ew , bu t
pr ecisely t h a t or a n g ea de w h ich sh e w a s n ow offer in g t o
t h em bot h ; t h a t t h e w or ld in h a bit ed by Odet t e w a s n ot
t h a t ot h er w or ld, fea r fu l a n d su per n a t u r a l, in w h ich h e
spen t h is t im e in pla cin g h er — a n d w h ich ex ist ed,
per h a ps, on ly in h is im a g in a t ion , bu t t h e r ea l u n iv er se,
ex h a lin g n o specia l a t m osph er e of g loom , com pr isin g
t h a t t a ble a t w h ich h e m ig h t sit dow n , pr esen t ly , a n d
w r it e, a n d t h is dr in k w h ich h e w a s bein g per m it t ed,
n ow , t o t a st e; a ll t h e object s w h ich h e con t em pla t ed
w it h a s m u ch cu r iosit y a n d a dm ir a t ion a s g r a t it u de,
for if, in a bsor bin g h is dr ea m s, t h ey h a d deliv er ed h im
fr om a n obsession , t h ey t h em selv es w er e, in t u r n ,
en r ich ed by t h e a bsor pt ion ; t h ey sh ew ed h im t h e
pa lpa ble r ea lisa t ion of h is fa n cies, a n d t h ey in t er est ed
h is m in d; t h ey t ook sh a pe a n d g r ew solid befor e-h is
ey es, a n d a t t h e sa m e t im e t h ey soot h ed h is t r ou bled
h ea r t . A h ! h a d fa t e bu t a llow ed h im t o sh a r e a sin g le
dw ellin g w it h Odet t e, so t h a t in h er h ou se h e sh ou ld be
in h is ow n ; if, w h en a sk in g h is ser v a n t w h a t t h er e
w ou ld be for lu n ch eon , it h a d been Odet t e’s bill of fa r e
t h a t h e h a d lea r n ed fr om t h e r eply ; if, w h en Odet t e
w ish ed t o g o for a w a lk , in t h e m or n in g , a lon g t h e
A v en u e du Bois-de-Bou log n e, h is du t y a s a g ood h u sba n d
h a d oblig ed h im , t h ou g h h e h a d n o desir e t o g o ou t , t o
a ccom pa n y h er , ca r r y in g h er cloa k w h en sh e w a s t oo
w a r m ; a n d in t h e ev en in g , a ft er din n er , if sh e w ish ed t o
st a y a t h om e, a n d n ot t o dr ess, if h e h a d been for ced t o
st a y beside h er , t o do w h a t sh e a sk ed; t h en h ow
com plet ely w ou ld a ll t h e t r iv ia l det a ils of Sw a n n ’s life,
w h ich seem ed t o h im n ow so g loom y , sim ply beca u se
t h ey w ou ld, a t t h e sa m e t im e, h a v e for m ed pa r t of t h e
life of Odet t e, h a v e t a k en on — lik e t h a t la m p, t h a t
or a n g ea de, t h a t a r m ch a ir , w h ich h a d a bsor bed so
m u ch of h is dr ea m s, w h ich m a t er ia lised so m u ch of h is
lon g in g , — a sor t of su per a bu n da n t sw eet n ess a n d a
m y st er iou s solidit y .
A n d y et h e w a s in clin ed t o su spect t h a t t h e st a t e for
w h ich h e so m u ch lon g ed w a s a ca lm , a pea ce, w h ich
w ou ld n ot h a v e cr ea t ed a n a t m osph er e fa v ou r a ble t o
h is lov e. W h en Odet t e cea sed t o be for h im a cr ea t u r e
a lw a y s a bsen t , r eg r et t ed, im a g in ed; w h en t h e feelin g
t h a t h e h a d for h er w a s n o lon g er t h e sa m e m y st er iou s
dist u r ba n ce t h a t w a s w r ou g h t in h im by t h e ph r a se
fr om t h e son a t a , bu t con st a n t a ffect ion a n d g r a t it u de,
w h en t h ose n or m a l r ela t ion s w er e est a blish ed bet w een
t h em w h ich w ou ld pu t a n en d t o h is m ela n ch oly
m a dn ess; t h en , n o dou bt , t h e a ct ion s of Odet t e’s da ily
life w ou ld a ppea r t o h im a s bein g of bu t lit t le in t r in sic
in t er est — a s h e h a d sev er a l t im es, a lr ea dy , felt t h a t
t h ey m ig h t be, on t h e da y , for in st a n ce, w h en h e h a d
r ea d, t h r ou g h it s en v elope, h er let t er t o For ch ev ille.
Ex a m in in g h is com pla in t w it h a s m u ch scien t ific
det a ch m en t a s if h e h a d in ocu la t ed h im self w it h it in
or der t o st u dy it s effect s, h e t old h im self t h a t , w h en h e
w a s cu r ed of it , w h a t Odet t e m ig h t or m ig h t n ot do
w ou ld be in differ en t t o h im . Bu t in h is m or bid st a t e, t o
t ell t h e t r u t h , h e fea r ed dea t h it self n o m or e t h a n su ch
a r ecov er y , w h ich w ou ld, in fa ct , a m ou n t t o t h e dea t h
of a ll t h a t h e t h en w a s.
A ft er t h ese qu iet ev en in g s, Sw a n n ’s su spicion s
w ou ld be t em por a r ily lu lled; h e w ou ld bless t h e n a m e of
Odet t e, a n d n ex t da y , in t h e m or n in g , w ou ld or der t h e
m ost a t t r a ct iv e jew els t o be sen t t o h er , beca u se h er
k in dn esses t o h im ov er n ig h t h a d ex cit ed eit h er h is
g r a t it u de, or t h e desir e t o see t h em r epea t ed, or a
pa r ox y sm of lov e for h er w h ich h a d n eed of som e su ch
ou t let .
Bu t a t ot h er t im es, g r ief w ou ld a g a in t a k e h old of
h im ; h e w ou ld im a g in e t h a t Odet t e w a s For ch ev ille’s
m ist r ess, a n d t h a t , w h en t h ey h a d bot h sa t w a t ch in g
h im fr om t h e dept h s of t h e V er du r in s’ la n da u , in t h e
Bois, on t h e ev en in g befor e t h e pa r t y a t Ch a t ou t o
w h ich h e h a d n ot been in v it ed, w h ile h e im plor ed h er
in v a in , w it h t h a t look of despa ir on h is fa ce w h ich ev en
h is coa ch m a n h a d n ot iced, t o com e h om e w it h h im , a n d
t h en t u r n ed a w a y , solit a r y , cr u sh ed, — sh e m u st h a v e
em ploy ed, t o dr a w For ch ev ille’s a t t en t ion t o h im , w h ile
sh e m u r m u r ed: “ Do look a t h im , st or m in g !” t h e sa m e
g la n ce, br illia n t , m a icious , s idelong, cunning, as on the
evening w hen Forcheville had driven Saniette from the
Verdurins ’.
A t su ch t im es Sw a n n det est ed h er . “ Bu t I’v e been a
fool, t oo,” h e w ou ld a r g u e. “ I’m pa y in g for ot h er m en ’s
plea su r es w it h m y m on ey . A ll t h e sa m e, sh e’d bet t er
t a k e ca r e, a n d n ot pu ll t h e st r in g t oo oft en , for I m ig h t
v er y w ell st op g iv in g h er a n y t h in g a t a ll. A t a n y r a t e,
w e’d bet t er k n ock off su pplem en t a r y fa v ou r s for t h e
t im e bein g . T o t h in k t h a t , on ly y est er da y , w h en sh e
sa id sh e w ou ld lik e t o g o t o Ba y r eu t h for t h e sea son , I
w a s su ch a n a ss a s t o offer t o t a k e on e of t h ose jolly lit t le
pla ces t h e Kin g of Ba v a r ia h a s t h er e, for t h e t w o of u s.
How ev er sh e didn ’t seem pa r t icu la r ly k een ; sh e h a sn ’t
sa id y es or n o y et . Let ’s h ope t h a t sh e’ll r efu se. Good
God! T h in k of list en in g t o W a g n er for a for t n ig h t on en d
w it h h er , w h o t a k es a bou t a s m u ch in t er est in m u sic a s
a fish does in lit t le a pples; it w ill be fu n !” A n d h is
h a t r ed, lik e h is lov e, n eedin g t o m a n ifest it self in
a ct ion , h e a m u sed h im self w it h u r g in g h is ev il
im a g in in g s fu r t h er a n d fu r t h er , beca u se, t h a n k s t o t h e
per fidies w it h w h ich h e ch a r g ed Odet t e, h e det est ed h er
st ill m or e, a n d w ou ld be a ble, if it t u r n ed ou t — a s h e
t r ied t o con v in ce h im self — t h a t sh e w a s in deed g u ilt y of
t h em , t o t a k e t h e oppor t u n it y of pu n ish in g h er ,
em pt y in g u pon h er t h e ov er flow in g v ia ls of h is w r a t h .
In t h is w a y , h e w en t so fa r a s t o su ppose t h a t h e w a s
g oin g t o r eceiv e a let t er fr om h er , in w h ich sh e w ou ld
a sk h im for m on ey t o t a k e t h e h ou se a t Ba y r eu t h , bu t
w it h t h e w a r n in g t h a t h e w a s n ot t o com e t h er e
h im self, a s sh e h a d pr om ised For ch ev ille a n d t h e
V er du r in s t o in v it e t h em . Oh , h ow h e w ou ld h a v e lov ed
it , h a d it been con ceiv a ble t h a t sh e w ou ld h a v e t h a t
a u da cit y . W h a t joy h e w ou ld h a v e in r efu sin g , in
dr a w in g u p t h a t v in dict iv e r eply , t h e t er m s of w h ich
h e a m u sed h im self by select in g a n d decla im in g a lou d,
a s t h ou g h h e h a d a ct u a lly r eceiv ed h er let t er .
T h e v er y n ex t da y , h er let t er ca m e. Sh e w r ot e t h a t
t h e V er du r in s a n d t h eir fr ien ds h a d ex pr essed a desir e
t o be pr esen t a t t h ese per for m a n ces of W a g n er , a n d
t h a t , if h e w ou ld be so g ood a s t o sen d h er t h e m on ey ,
sh e w ou ld be a ble a t la st , a ft er g oin g so oft en t o t h eir
h ou se, t o h a v e t h e plea su r e of en t er t a in in g t h e
V er du r in s in h er s. Of h im sh e sa id n ot a w or d; it w a s t o
be t a k en for g r a n t ed t h a t t h eir pr esen ce a t Ba y r eu t h
w ou ld be a ba r t o h is.
T h en t h a t a n n ih ila t in g a n sw er , ev er y w or d of
w h ich h e h a d ca r efu lly r eh ea r sed ov er n ig h t , w it h ou t
v en t u r in g t o h ope t h a t it cou ld ev er be u sed, h e h a d t h e
sa t isfa ct ion of h a v in g it con v ey ed t o h er . A la s! h e felt
on ly t oo cer t a in t h a t w it h t h e m on ey w h ich sh e h a d, or
cou ld ea sily pr ocu r e, sh e w ou ld be a ble, a ll t h e sa m e, t o
t a k e a h ou se a t Ba y r eu t h , sin ce sh e w ish ed t o do so, sh e
w h o w a s in ca pa ble of dist in g u ish in g bet w een Ba ch a n d
Cla pisson . Let h er t a k e it , t h en ; sh e w ou ld h a v e t o liv e
in it m or e fr u g a lly , t h a t w a s a ll. No m ea n s (a s t h er e
w ou ld h a v e been if h e h a d r eplied by sen din g h er
sev er a l t h ou sa n d-fr a n c n ot es) of or g a n isin g , ea ch
ev en in g , in h er h ir ed ca st le, t h ose ex qu isit e lit t le
su pper s, a ft er w h ich sh e m ig h t per h a ps be seized by t h e
w h im (w h ich , it w a s possible, h a d n ev er y et seized h er )
of fa llin g in t o t h e a r m s of For ch ev ille. A t a n y r a t e, t h is
loa t h som e ex pedit ion , it w ou ld n ot be Sw a n n w h o h a d t o
pa y for it . A h ! if h e cou ld on ly m a n a g e t o pr ev en t it , if
sh e cou ld spr a in h er a n k le befor e st a r t in g , if t h e dr iv er
of t h e ca r r ia g e w h ich w a s t o t a k e h er t o t h e st a t ion
w ou ld con sen t (n o m a t t er h ow g r ea t t h e br ibe) t o
sm u g g le h er t o som e pla ce w h er e sh e cou ld be k ept for a
t im e in seclu sion , t h a t per fidiou s w om a n , h er ey es
t in selled w it h a sm ile of com plicit y for For ch ev ille,
w h ich w a s w h a t Odet t e h a d becom e for Sw a n n in t h e
la st for t y -eig h t h ou r s.
Bu t sh e w a s n ev er t h a t for v er y lon g ; a ft er a few
da y s t h e sh in in g , cr a ft y ey es lost t h eir br ig h t n ess a n d
t h eir du plicit y , t h a t pict u r e of a n ex ecr a ble Odet t e
sa y in g t o For ch ev ille: “ Look a t h im st or m in g !” beg a n t o
g r ow pa le a n d t o dissolv e. T h en g r a du a lly r ea ppea r ed
a n d r ose befor e h im , soft ly r a dia n t , t h e fa ce of t h e ot h er
Odet t e, of t h a t Odet t e w h o a lso t u r n ed w it h a sm ile t o
For ch ev ille, bu t w it h a sm ile in w h ich t h er e w a s
n ot h in g bu t a ffect ion for Sw a n n , w h en sh e sa id: “ Y ou
m u st n ’t st a y lon g , for t h is g en t lem a n doesn ’t m u ch lik e
m y h a v in g v isit or s w h en h e’s h er e. Oh ! if y ou on ly
k n ew t h e cr ea t u r e a s I k n ow h im !” t h a t sa m e sm ile
w it h w h ich sh e u sed t o t h a n k Sw a n n for som e in st a n ce
of h is cou r t esy w h ich sh e pr ized so h ig h ly , for som e
a dv ice for w h ich sh e h a d a sk ed h im in on e of t h ose
g r a v e cr ises in h er life, w h en sh e cou ld t u r n t o h im
a lon e.
T h en , t o t h is ot h er Odet t e, h e w ou ld a sk h im self
w h a t cou ld h a v e in du ced h im t o w r it e t h a t ou t r a g eou s
let t er , of w h ich , pr oba bly , u n t il t h en , sh e h a d n ev er
su pposed h im ca pa ble, a let t er w h ich m u st h a v e
low er ed h im fr om t h e h ig h , fr om t h e su pr em e pla ce
w h ich , by h is g en er osit y , by h is loy a lt y , h e h a d w on for
h im self in h er est eem . He w ou ld becom e less dea r t o
h er , sin ce it w a s for t h ose qu a lit ies, w h ich sh e fou n d
n eit h er in For ch ev ille n or in a n y ot h er , t h a t sh e lov ed
h im . It w a s for t h em t h a t Odet t e so oft en sh ew ed h im a
r ecipr oca l k in dn ess, w h ich cou n t ed for less t h a n
n ot h in g in h is m om en t s of jea lou sy , beca u se it w a s n ot a
sig n of r ecipr oca l desir e, w a s in deed a pr oof r a t h er of
a ffect ion t h a n of lov e, bu t t h e im por t a n ce of w h ich h e
beg a n on ce m or e t o feel in pr opor t ion a s t h e
spon t a n eou s r ela x a t ion of h is su spicion s, oft en
a cceler a t ed by t h e dist r a ct ion br ou g h t t o h im by
r ea din g a bou t a r t or by t h e con v er sa t ion of a fr ien d,
r en der ed h is pa ssion less ex a ct in g of r ecipr ocit ies.
Now t h a t , a ft er t h is sw in g of t h e pen du lu m , Odet t e
h a d n a t u r a lly r et u r n ed t o t h e pla ce fr om w h ich
Sw a n n ’s jea lou sy h a d for t h e m om en t dr iv en h er , in t h e
a n g le in w h ich h e fou n d h er ch a r m in g , h e pict u r ed h er
t o h im self a s fu ll of t en der n ess, w it h a look of con sen t in
h er ey es, a n d so bea u t ifu l t h a t h e cou ld n ot r efr a in fr om
m ov in g h is lips t ow a r ds h er , a s t h ou g h sh e h a d a ct u a lly
been in t h e r oom for h im t o k iss; a n d h e pr eser v ed a
sen se of g r a t it u de t o h er for t h a t bew it ch in g , k in dly
g la n ce, a s st r on g a s t h ou g h sh e h a d r ea lly look ed t h u s
a t h im , a n d it h a d n ot been m er ely h is im a g in a t ion
t h a t h a d por t r a y ed it in or der t o sa t isfy h is desir e.
W h a t dist r ess h e m u st h a v e ca u sed h er ! Cer t a in ly
h e fou n d a dequ a t e r ea son s for h is r esen t m en t , bu t t h ey
w ou ld n ot h a v e been su fficien t t o m a k e h im feel t h a t
r esen t m en t , if h e h a d n ot so pa ssion a t ely lov ed h er . Ha d
h e n ot n ou r ish ed g r iev a n ces, ju st a s ser iou s, a g a in st
ot h er w om en , t o w h om h e w ou ld, n on e t h e less, r en der
w illin g ser v ice t o-da y , feelin g n o a n g er t ow a r ds t h em
beca u se h e n o lon g er lov ed t h em ? If t h e da y ev er ca m e
w h en h e w ou ld fin d h im self in t h e sa m e st a t e of
in differ en ce w it h r eg a r d t o Odet t e, h e w ou ld t h en
u n der st a n d t h a t it w a s h is jea lou sy a lon e w h ich h a d led
h im t o fin d som et h in g a t r ociou s, u n pa r don a ble, in t h is
desir e (a ft er a ll, so n a t u r a l a desir e, spr in g in g fr om a
ch ildlik e in g en u ou sn ess a n d a lso fr om a cer t a in
delica cy in h er n a t u r e) t o be a ble, in h er t u r n , w h en a n
occa sion offer ed, t o r epa y t h e V er du r in s for t h eir
h ospit a lit y , a n d t o pla y t h e h ost ess in a h ou se of h er
ow n .
He r et u r n ed t o t h e ot h er poin t of v iew — opposit e t o
t h a t of h is lov e a n d of h is jea lou sy , t o w h ich h e r esor t ed
a t t im es by a sor t of m en t a l equ it y , a n d in or der t o
m a k e a llow a n ce for differ en t ev en t u a lit ies — fr om
w h ich h e t r ied t o for m a fr esh ju dg m en t of Odet t e,
ba sed on t h e su pposit ion t h a t h e h a d n ev er been in lov e
w it h h er , t h a t sh e w a s t o h im ju st a w om a n lik e ot h er
w om en , t h a t h er life h a d n ot been (w h en ev er h e
h im self w a s n ot pr esen t ) differ en t , a t ex t u r e w ov en in
secr et a pa r t fr om h im , a n d w a r ped a g a in st h im .
 W h er efor e believ e t h a t sh e w ou ld en joy dow n t h er e
w it h For ch ev ille or w it h ot h er m en in t ox ica t in g
plea su r es w h ich sh e h a d n ev er k n ow n w it h h im , a n d
w h ich h is jea lou sy a lon e h a d fa br ica t ed in a ll t h eir
elem en t s? A t Ba y r eu t h , a s in Pa r is, if it sh ou ld h a ppen
t h a t For ch ev ille t h ou g h t of h im a t a ll, it w ou ld on ly be
a s of som e on e w h o cou n t ed for a g r ea t dea l in t h e life of
Odet t e, som e on e for w h om h e w a s oblig ed t o m a k e w a y ,
w h en t h ey m et in h er h ou se. If For ch ev ille a n d sh e
scor ed a t r iu m ph by bein g dow n t h er e t og et h er in spit e
of h im , it w a s h e w h o h a d en g in eer ed t h a t t r iu m ph by
st r iv in g in v a in t o pr ev en t h er fr om g oin g t h er e,
w h er ea s if h e h a d a ppr ov ed of h er pla n , w h ich for t h a t
m a t t er w a s qu it e defen sible, sh e w ou ld h a v e h a d t h e
a ppea r a n ce of bein g t h er e by h is cou n sel, sh e w ou ld
h a v e felt h er self sen t t h er e, h ou sed t h er e by h im , a n d
for t h e plea su r e w h ich sh e der iv ed fr om en t er t a in in g
t h ose people w h o h a d so oft en en t er t a in ed h er , it w a s t o
h im t h a t sh e w ou ld h a v e h a d t o a ck n ow ledg e h er
in debt edn ess.
A n d if — in st ea d of let t in g h er g o off t h u s, a t cr oss-
pu r poses w it h h im , w it h ou t h a v in g seen h im a g a in —
h e w er e t o sen d h er t h is m on ey , if h e w er e t o en cou r a g e
h er t o t a k e t h is jou r n ey , a n d t o g o ou t of h is w a y t o
m a k e it com for t a ble a n d plea sa n t for h er , sh e w ou ld
com e r u n n in g t o h im , h a ppy , g r a t efu l, a n d h e w ou ld
h a v e t h e joy — t h e sig h t of h er fa ce — w h ich h e h a d n ot
k n ow n for n ea r ly a w eek , a joy w h ich n on e ot h er cou ld
r epla ce. For t h e m om en t t h a t Sw a n n w a s a ble t o for m a
pict u r e of h er w it h ou t r ev u lsion , t h a t h e cou ld see on ce
a g a in t h e fr ien dlin ess in h er sm ile, a n d t h a t t h e desir e
t o t ea r h er a w a y fr om ev er y r iv a l w a s n o lon g er
im posed by h is jea lou sy u pon h is lov e, t h a t lov e on ce
a g a in beca m e, m or e t h a n a n y t h in g , a t a st e for t h e
sen sa t ion s w h ich Odet t e’s per son g a v e h im , for t h e
plea su r e w h ich h e fou n d in a dm ir in g , a s on e m ig h t a
spect a cle, or in qu est ion in g , a s on e m ig h t a
ph en om en on , t h e bir t h of on e of h er g la n ces, t h e
for m a t ion of on e of h er sm iles, t h e u t t er a n ce of a n
in t on a t ion of h er v oice. A n d t h is plea su r e, differ en t
fr om ev er y ot h er , h a d in t h e en d cr ea t ed in h im a n eed
of h er , w h ich sh e a lon e, by h er pr esen ce or by h er
let t er s, cou ld a ssu a g e, a lm ost a s disin t er est ed, a lm ost a s
a r t ist ic, a s per v er se a s a n ot h er n eed w h ich
ch a r a ct er ised t h is n ew per iod in Sw a n n ’s life, w h en t h e
ser en ess, t h e depr ession of t h e pr ecedin g y ea r s h a d been
follow ed by a sor t of spir it u a l su per a bu n da n ce, w it h ou t
h is k n ow in g t o w h a t h e ow ed t h is u n look ed-for
en r ich m en t of h is life, a n y m or e t h a n a per son in
delica t e h ea lt h w h o fr om a cer t a in m om en t g r ow s
st r on g er , pu t s on flesh , a n d seem s for a t im e t o be on t h e
r oa d t o a com plet e r ecov er y :— t h is ot h er n eed, w h ich ,
t oo, dev eloped in h im in depen den t ly of t h e v isible,
m a t er ia l w or ld, w a s t h e n eed t o list en t o m u sic a n d t o
lea r n t o k n ow it .
A n d so, by t h e ch em ica l pr ocess of h is m a la dy , a ft er
h e h a d cr ea t ed jea lou sy ou t of h is lov e, h e beg a n a g a in
t o g en er a t e t en der n ess, pit y for Odet t e. Sh e h a d becom e
on ce m or e t h e old Odet t e, ch a r m in g a n d k in d. He w a s
fu ll of r em or se for h a v in g t r ea t ed h er h a r sh ly . He
w ish ed h er t o com e t o h im , a n d, befor e sh e ca m e, h e
w ish ed t o h a v e a lr ea dy pr ocu r ed for h er som e plea su r e,
so a s t o w a t ch h er g r a t it u de t a k in g sh a pe in h er fa ce
a n d m ou ldin g h er sm ile.
So, t oo, Odet t e, cer t a in of seein g h im com e t o h er in
a few da y s, a s t en der a n d su bm issiv e a s befor e, a n d
plea d w it h h er for a r econ cilia t ion , beca m e in u r ed, w a s
n o lon g er a fr a id of displea sin g h im , or ev en of m a k in g
h im a n g r y , a n d r efu sed h im , w h en ev er it su it ed h er ,
t h e fa v ou r s by w h ich h e set m ost st or e.
Per h a ps sh e did n ot r ea lise h ow sin cer e h e h a d been
w it h h er du r in g t h eir qu a r r el, w h en h e h a d t old h er
t h a t h e w ou ld n ot sen d h er a n y m on ey , bu t w ou ld do
w h a t h e cou ld t o h u r t h er . Per h a ps sh e did n ot r ea lise,
eit h er , h ow sin cer e h e st ill w a s, if n ot w it h h er , a t a n y
r a t e w it h h im self, on ot h er occa sion s w h en , for t h e sa k e
of t h eir fu t u r e r ela t ion s, t o sh ew Odet t e t h a t h e w a s
ca pa ble of doin g w it h ou t h er , t h a t a r u pt u r e w a s st ill
possible bet w een t h em , h e decided t o w a it som e t im e
befor e g oin g t o see h er a g a in .
Som et im es sev er a l da y s h a d ela psed, du r in g w h ich
sh e h a d ca u sed h im n o fr esh a n x iet y ; a n d a s, fr om t h e
n ex t few v isit s w h ich h e w ou ld pa y h er , h e k n ew t h a t
h e w a s lik ely t o der iv e n ot a n y g r ea t plea su r e, bu t ,
m or e pr oba bly , som e a n n oy a n ce w h ich w ou ld pu t a n
en d t o t h e st a t e of ca lm in w h ich h e fou n d h im self, h e
w r ot e t o h er t h a t h e w a s v er y bu sy , a n d w ou ld n ot be
a ble t o see h er on a n y of t h e da y s t h a t h e h a d su g g est ed.
Mea n w h ile, a let t er fr om h er , cr ossin g h is, a sk ed h im t o
post pon e on e of t h ose v er y m eet in g s. He a sk ed h im self,
w h y ; h is su spicion s, h is g r ief, a g a in t ook h old of h im . He
cou ld n o lon g er a bide, in t h e n ew st a t e of a g it a t ion in t o
w h ich h e fou n d h im self plu n g ed, by t h e a r r a n g em en t s
w h ich h e h a d m a de in h is pr ecedin g st a t e of
com pa r a t iv e ca lm ; h e w ou ld r u n t o fin d h er , a n d w ou ld
in sist u pon seein g h er on ea ch of t h e follow in g da y s.
A n d ev en if sh e h a d n ot w r it t en fir st , if sh e m er ely
a ck n ow ledg ed h is let t er , it w a s en ou g h t o m a k e h im
u n a ble t o r est w it h ou t seein g h er . For , u pset t in g a ll
Sw a n n ’s ca lcu la t ion s, Odet t e’s a ccept a n ce h a d en t ir ely
ch a n g ed h is a t t it u de. Lik e ev er y on e w h o possesses
som et h in g pr eciou s, so a s t o k n ow w h a t w ou ld h a ppen if
h e cea sed for a m om en t t o possess it , h e h a d det a ch ed
t h e pr eciou s object fr om h is m in d, lea v in g , a s h e
t h ou g h t , ev er y t h in g else in t h e sa m e st a t e a s w h en it
w a s t h er e. Bu t t h e a bsen ce of on e pa r t fr om a w h ole is
n ot on ly t h a t , it is n ot sim ply a pa r t ia l om ission , it is a
dist u r ba n ce of a ll t h e ot h er pa r t s, a n ew st a t e w h ich it
w a s im possible t o for esee fr om t h e old.
Bu t a t ot h er t im es — w h en Odet t e w a s on t h e poin t
of g oin g a w a y for a h olida y — it w a s a ft er som e t r iflin g
qu a r r el for w h ich h e h a d ch osen t h e pr et ex t , t h a t h e
decided n ot t o w r it e t o h er a n d n ot t o see h er u n t il h er
r et u r n , g iv in g t h e a ppea r a n ce (a n d ex pect in g t h e
r ew a r d) of a ser iou s r u pt u r e, w h ich sh e w ou ld per h a ps
r eg a r d a s fin a l, t o a sepa r a t ion , t h e g r ea t er pa r t of
w h ich w a s in ev it a ble, sin ce sh e w a s g oin g a w a y , w h ich ,
in fa ct , h e w a s m er ely a llow in g t o st a r t a lit t le soon er
t h a n it m u st . A t on ce h e cou ld im a g in e Odet t e, pu zzled,
a n x iou s, dist r essed a t h a v in g r eceiv ed n eit h er v isit n or
let t er fr om h im a n d t h is pict u r e of h er , by ca lm in g h is
jea lou sy , m a de it ea sy for h im t o br ea k h im self of t h e
h a bit of seein g h er . A t odd m om en t s, n o dou bt , in t h e
fu r t h est r ecesses of h is br a in , w h er e h is det er m in a t ion
h a d t h r u st it a w a y , a n d t h a n k s t o t h e len g t h of t h e
in t er v a l, t h e t h r ee w eek s’ sepa r a t ion t o w h ich h e h a d
a g r eed, it w a s w it h plea su r e t h a t h e w ou ld con sider t h e
idea t h a t h e w ou ld see Odet t e a g a in on h er r et u r n ; bu t
it w a s a lso w it h so lit t le im pa t ien ce t h a t h e beg a n t o a sk
h im self w h et h er h e w ou ld n ot r ea dily con sen t t o t h e
dou blin g of t h e per iod of so ea sy a n a bst in en ce. It h a d
la st ed, so fa r , bu t t h r ee da y s, a m u ch sh or t er t im e t h a n
h e h a d oft en , befor e, pa ssed w it h ou t seein g Odet t e, a n d
w it h ou t h a v in g , a s on t h is occa sion h e h a d,
pr em edit a t ed a sepa r a t ion . A n d y et , t h er e a n d t h en ,
som e t in y t r a ce of con t r a r iet y in h is m in d, or of
w ea k n ess in h is body , — by in cit in g h im t o r eg a r d t h e
pr esen t a s a n ex cept ion a l m om en t , on e n ot t o be
g ov er n ed by t h e r u les, on e in w h ich pr u den ce it self
w ou ld a llow h im t o t a k e a dv a n t a g e of t h e soot h in g
effect s of a plea su r e a n d t o g iv e h is w ill (u n t il t h e t im e
sh ou ld com e w h en it s effor t s m ig h t ser v e a n y pu r pose)
a h olida y — su spen ded t h e a ct ion of h is w ill, w h ich
cea sed t o ex er t it s in h ibit iv e con t r ol; or , w it h ou t t h a t
ev en , t h e t h ou g h t of som e in for m a t ion for w h ich h e h a d
for g ot t en t o a sk Odet t e, su ch a s if sh e h a d decided in
w h a t colou r sh e w ou ld h a v e h er ca r r ia g e r epa in t ed, or ,
w it h r eg a r d t o som e in v est m en t , w h et h er t h ey w er e
‘or din a r y ’ or ‘pr efer en ce’ sh a r es t h a t sh e w ish ed h im t o
bu y (for it w a s a ll v er y w ell t o sh ew h er t h a t h e cou ld
liv e w it h ou t seein g h er , bu t if, a ft er t h a t , t h e ca r r ia g e
h a d t o be pa in t ed ov er a g a in , if t h e sh a r es pr odu ced n o
div iden d, a fin e lot of g ood h e w ou ld h a v e don e), — a n d
su dden ly , lik e a st r et ch ed piece of ela st ic w h ich is let g o,
or t h e a ir in a pn eu m a t ic m a ch in e w h ich is r ipped
open , t h e idea of seein g h er a g a in , fr om t h e r em ot e
poin t in t im e t o w h ich it h a d been a t t a ch ed, spr a n g
ba ck in t o t h e field of t h e pr esen t a n d of im m edia t e
possibilit ies.
It spr a n g ba ck t h u s w it h ou t m eet in g a n y fu r t h er
r esist a n ce, so ir r esist ible, in fa ct , t h a t Sw a n n h a d been
fa r less u n h a ppy in w a t ch in g t h e en d g r a du a lly
a ppr oa ch in g , da y by da y , of t h e for t n ig h t w h ich h e
m u st spen d a pa r t fr om Odet t e, t h a n h e w a s w h en k ept
w a it in g t en m in u t es w h ile h is coa ch m a n br ou g h t
r ou n d t h e ca r r ia g e w h ich w a s t o t a k e h im t o h er ,
m in u t es w h ich h e pa ssed in t r a n spor t s of im pa t ien ce
a n d joy , in w h ich h e r eca pt u r ed a t h ou sa n d t im es ov er ,
t o la v ish on it a ll t h e w ea lt h of h is a ffect ion , t h a t idea of
h is m eet in g w it h Odet t e, w h ich , by so a br u pt a
r eper cu ssion , a t a m om en t w h en h e su pposed it so
r em ot e, w a s on ce m or e pr esen t a n d on t h e v er y su r fa ce
of h is con sciou sn ess. T h e fa ct w a s t h a t t h is idea n o
lon g er fou n d, a s a n obst a cle in it s cou r se, t h e desir e t o
con t r iv e w it h ou t fu r t h er dela y t o r esist it s com in g ,
w h ich h a d cea sed t o h a v e a n y pla ce in Sw a n n ’s m in d
sin ce, h a v in g pr ov ed t o h im self — or so, a t lea st , h e
believ ed — t h a t h e w a s so ea sily ca pa ble of r esist in g it ,
h e n o lon g er sa w a n y in con v en ien ce in post pon in g a
pla n of sepa r a t ion w h ich h e w a s n ow cer t a in of bein g
a ble t o pu t in t o oper a t ion w h en ev er h e w ou ld.
Fu r t h er m or e, t h is idea of seein g h er a g a in ca m e ba ck t o
h im a dor n ed w it h a n ov elt y , a sedu ct iv en ess, a r m ed
w it h a v ir u len ce, a ll of w h ich lon g h a bit h a d en feebled,
bu t w h ich h a d a cqu ir ed n ew v ig ou r du r in g t h is
pr iv a t ion , n ot of t h r ee da y s bu t of a for t n ig h t (for a
per iod of a bst in en ce m a y be ca lcu la t ed, by a n t icipa t ion ,
a s h a v in g la st ed a lr ea dy u n t il t h e fin a l da t e a ssig n ed t o
it ), a n d h a d con v er t ed w h a t h a d been , u n t il t h en , a
plea su r e in st or e, w h ich cou ld ea sily be sa cr ificed, in t o
a n u n look ed-for h a ppin ess w h ich h e w a s pow er less t o
r esist . Fin a lly , t h e idea r et u r n ed t o h im w it h it s bea u t y
en h a n ced by h is ow n ig n or a n ce of w h a t Odet t e m ig h t
h a v e t h ou g h t , m ig h t , per h a ps, h a v e don e on fin din g
t h a t h e sh ew ed n o sig n of life, w it h t h e r esu lt t h a t h e
w a s g oin g n ow t o m eet w it h t h e en t r a n cin g r ev ela t ion
of a n Odet t e a lm ost u n k n ow n .
Bu t sh e, ju st a s sh e h a d su pposed t h a t h is r efu sa l t o
sen d h er m on ey w a s on ly a fein t , sa w n ot h in g bu t a
pr et ex t in t h e qu est ion w h ich h e ca m e, n ow , t o a sk h er ,
a bou t t h e r epa in t in g of h er ca r r ia g e, or t h e pu r ch a se of
st ock . For sh e cou ld n ot r econ st r u ct t h e sev er a l ph a ses
of t h ese cr ises t h r ou g h w h ich h e pa ssed, a n d in t h e
g en er a l idea w h ich sh e for m ed of t h em sh e m a de n o
a t t em pt t o u n der st a n d t h eir m ech a n ism , look in g on ly
t o w h a t sh e k n ew befor eh a n d, t h eir n ecessa r y , n ev er -
fa ilin g a n d a lw a y s iden t ica l t er m in a t ion . A n im per fect
idea (t h ou g h possibly a ll t h e m or e pr ofou n d in
con sequ en ce), if on e w er e t o ju dg e it fr om t h e poin t of
v iew of Sw a n n , w h o w ou ld dou bt less h a v e con sider ed
t h a t Odet t e fa iled t o u n der st a n d h im , ju st a s a
m or ph in om a n ia c or a con su m pt iv e, ea ch per su a ded
t h a t h e h a s been t h r ow n ba ck , on e by som e ou t side
ev en t , a t t h e m om en t w h en h e w a s ju st g oin g t o sh a k e
h im self fr ee fr om h is in v et er a t e h a bit , t h e ot h er by a n
a cciden t a l in disposit ion a t t h e m om en t w h en h e w a s
ju st g oin g t o be fin a lly cu r ed, feels h im self t o be
m isu n der st ood by t h e doct or w h o does n ot a t t a ch t h e
sa m e im por t a n ce t o t h ese pr et en ded con t in g en cies,
m er e disg u ises, a ccor din g t o h im , a ssu m ed, so a s t o be
per cept ible by h is pa t ien t s, by t h e v ice of on e a n d t h e
m or bid st a t e of t h e ot h er , w h ich in r ea lit y h a v e n ev er
cea sed t o w eig h h ea v ily a n d in cu r a bly u pon t h em
w h ile t h ey w er e n u r sin g t h eir dr ea m s of n or m a lit y a n d
h ea lt h . A n d, a s a m a t t er of fa ct , Sw a n n ’s lov e h a d
r ea ch ed t h a t st a g e a t w h ich t h e ph y sicia n a n d (in t h e
ca se of cer t a in a ffect ion s) t h e boldest of su r g eon s a sk
t h em selv es w h et h er t o depr iv e a pa t ien t of h is v ice or t o
r id h im of h is m a la dy is st ill r ea son a ble, or in deed
possible.
Cer t a in ly , of t h e ex t en t of t h is lov e Sw a n n h a d n o
dir ect k n ow ledg e. W h en h e sou g h t t o m ea su r e it , it
h a ppen ed som et im es t h a t h e fou n d it dim in ish ed,
sh r u n k en a lm ost t o n ot h in g ; for in st a n ce, t h e v er y
m oder a t e lik in g , a m ou n t in g a lm ost t o dislik e, w h ich , in
t h e da y s befor e h e w a s in lov e w it h Odet t e, h e h a d felt
for h er ex pr essiv e fea t u r es, h er fa ded com plex ion ,
r et u r n ed on cer t a in da y s. “ Rea lly , I a m m a k in g dist in ct
h ea dw a y ,” h e w ou ld t ell h im self on t h e m or r ow , “ w h en
I com e t o t h in k it ov er ca r efu lly , I fin d ou t t h a t I g ot
h a r dly a n y plea su r e, la st n ig h t , ou t of bein g in bed w it h
h er ; it ’s a n odd t h in g , bu t I a ct u a lly t h ou g h t h er u g ly .”
A n d cer t a in ly h e w a s sin cer e, bu t h is lov e ex t en ded a
lon g w a y bey on d t h e pr ov in ce of ph y sica l desir e.
Odet t e’s per son , in deed, n o lon g er h eld a n y g r ea t pla ce
in it . W h en h is ey es fell u pon t h e ph ot og r a ph of Odet t e
on h is t a ble, or w h en sh e ca m e t o see h im , h e h a d
difficu lt y in iden t ify in g h er fa ce, eit h er in t h e flesh or
on t h e pa st eboa r d, w it h t h e pa in fu l a n d con t in u ou s
a n x iet y w h ich dw elt in h is m in d. He w ou ld sa y t o
h im self, a lm ost w it h a st on ish m en t , “ It is sh e!” a s w h en
su dden ly som e on e sh ew s u s in a det a ch ed, ex t er n a lised
for m on e of ou r ow n m a la dies, a n d w e fin d in it n o
r esem bla n ce t o w h a t w e a r e su ffer in g . “ Sh e?” — h e t r ied
t o a sk h im self w h a t t h a t m ea n t ; for it is som et h in g lik e
lov e, lik e dea t h (r a t h er t h a n lik e t h ose v a g u e
con cept ion s of m a la dies), a t h in g w h ich on e r epea t edly
ca lls in qu est ion , in or der t o m a k e on eself pr obe fu r t h er
in t o it , in t h e fea r t h a t t h e qu est ion w ill fin d n o a n sw er ,
t h a t t h e su bst a n ce w ill esca pe ou r g r a sp — t h e m y st er y
of per son a lit y . A n d t h is m a la dy , w h ich w a s Sw a n n ’s
lov e, h a d so fa r m u lt iplied, w a s so closely in t er w ov en
w it h a ll h is h a bit s, w it h a ll h is a ct ion s, w it h h is
t h ou g h t s, h is h ea lt h , h is sleep, h is life, ev en w it h w h a t
h e h oped for a ft er h is dea t h , w a s so en t ir ely on e w it h
h im t h a t it w ou ld h a v e been im possible t o w r est it a w a y
w it h ou t a lm ost en t ir ely dest r oy in g h im ; a s su r g eon s
sa y , h is ca se w a s pa st oper a t ion .
By t h is lov e Sw a n n h a d been so fa r det a ch ed fr om
a ll ot h er in t er est s t h a t w h en by ch a n ce h e r ea ppea r ed
in t h e w or ld of fa sh ion , r em in din g h im self t h a t h is
socia l r ela t ion s, lik e a bea u t ifu lly w r ou g h t set t in g
(a lt h ou g h sh e w ou ld n ot h a v e been a ble t o for m a n y
v er y ex a ct est im a t e of it s w or t h ), m ig h t , st ill, a dd a
lit t le t o h is ow n v a lu e in Odet t e’s ey es (a s in deed t h ey
m ig h t h a v e don e h a d t h ey n ot been ch ea pen ed by h is
lov e it self, w h ich for Odet t e depr ecia t ed ev er y t h in g
t h a t it t ou ch ed by seem in g t o den ou n ce su ch t h in g s a s
less pr eciou s t h a n it self), h e w ou ld feel t h er e,
sim u lt a n eou sly w it h h is dist r ess a t bein g in pla ces a n d
a m on g people t h a t sh e did n ot k n ow , t h e sa m e det a ch ed
sen se of plea su r e a s h e w ou ld h a v e der iv ed fr om a n ov el
or a pa in t in g in w h ich w er e depict ed t h e a m u sem en t s of
a leisu r ed cla ss; ju st a s, a t h om e, h e u sed t o en joy t h e
t h ou g h t of t h e sm oot h efficien cy of h is h ou seh old, t h e
sm a r t n ess of h is ow n w a r dr obe a n d of h is ser v a n t s’
liv er ies, t h e sou n dn ess of h is in v est m en t s, w it h t h e
sa m e r elish a s w h en h e r ea d in Sa in t -Sim on , w h o w a s
on e of h is fa v ou r it e a u t h or s, of t h e m a ch in er y of da ily
life a t V er sa illes, w h a t Mm e. de Ma in t en on a t e a n d
dr a n k , or t h e sh r ew d a v a r ice a n d g r ea t pom p of Lu lli.
A n d in t h e sm a ll ex t en t t o w h ich t h is det a ch m en t w a s
n ot a bsolu t e, t h e r ea son for t h is n ew plea su r e w h ich
Sw a n n w a s t a st in g w a s t h a t h e cou ld em ig r a t e for a
m om en t in t o t h ose few a n d dist a n t pa r t s of h im self
w h ich h a d r em a in ed a lm ost for eig n t o h is lov e a n d t o
h is pa in . In t h is r espect t h e per son a lit y , w it h w h ich m y
g r ea t -a u n t en dow ed h im , of ‘y ou n g Sw a n n ,’ a s dist in ct
fr om t h e m or e in div idu a l per son a lit y of Ch a r les Sw a n n ,
w a s t h a t in w h ich h e n ow m ost delig h t ed. On ce w h en ,
beca u se it w a s t h e bir t h da y of t h e Pr in cesse de Pa r m e
(a n d beca u se sh e cou ld oft en be of u se, in dir ect ly , t o
Odet t e, by let t in g h er h a v e sea t s for g a la s a n d ju bilees
a n d a ll t h a t sor t of t h in g ), h e h a d decided t o sen d h er a
ba sk et of fr u it , a n d w a s n ot qu it e su r e w h er e or h ow t o
or der it , h e h a d en t r u st ed t h e t a sk t o a cou sin of h is
m ot h er w h o, delig h t ed t o be doin g a com m ission for
h im , h a d w r it t en t o h im , la y in g st r ess on t h e fa ct t h a t
sh e h a d n ot ch osen a ll t h e fr u it a t t h e sa m e pla ce, bu t
t h e g r a pes fr om Cr a pot e, w h ose specia lit y t h ey w er e,
t h e st r a w ber r ies fr om Ja u r et , t h e pea r s fr om Ch ev et ,
w h o a lw a y s h a d t h e best , a n d so on , “ ev er y fr u it v isit ed
a n d ex a m in ed, on e by on e, by m y self.” A n d in t h e
sequ el, by t h e cor dia lit y w it h w h ich t h e Pr in cess
t h a n k ed h im , h e h a d been a ble t o ju dg e of t h e fla v ou r of
t h e st r a w ber r ies a n d of t h e r ipen ess of t h e pea r s. Bu t ,
m ost of a ll, t h a t “ ev er y fr u it v isit ed a n d ex a m in ed on e
by on e, by m y self” h a d br ou g h t ba lm t o h is su ffer in g s
by ca r r y in g h is m in d off t o a r eg ion w h ich h e r a r ely
v isit ed, a lt h ou g h it w a s h is by r ig h t , a s t h e h eir of a
r ich a n d r espect a ble m iddle-cla ss fa m ily in w h ich h a d
been h a n ded dow n fr om g en er a t ion t o g en er a t ion t h e
k n ow ledg e of t h e ‘r ig h t pla ces’ a n d t h e a r t of or der in g
t h in g s fr om sh ops.
Of a t r u t h , h e h a d t oo lon g for g ot t en t h a t h e w a s
‘y ou n g Sw a n n ’ n ot t o feel, w h en h e a ssu m ed t h a t pa r t
a g a in for a m om en t , a k een er plea su r e t h a n h e w a s
ca pa ble of feelin g a t ot h er t im es — w h en , in deed, h e w a s
g r ow n sick of plea su r e; a n d if t h e fr ien dlin ess of t h e
m iddle-cla ss people, for w h om h e h a d n ev er been
a n y t h in g else t h a n ‘y ou n g Sw a n n ,’ w a s less a n im a t ed
t h a n t h a t of t h e a r ist ocr a t s (t h ou g h m or e fla t t er in g , for
a ll t h a t , sin ce in t h e m iddle-cla ss m in d fr ien dsh ip is
in sepa r a ble fr om r espect ), n o let t er fr om a Roy a l
Per son a g e, offer in g h im som e pr in cely en t er t a in m en t ,
cou ld ev er be so a t t r a ct iv e t o Sw a n n a s t h e let t er w h ich
a sk ed h im t o be a w it n ess, or m er ely t o be pr esen t a t a
w eddin g in t h e fa m ily of som e old fr ien ds of h is pa r en t s;
som e of w h om h a d ‘k ept u p’ w it h h im , lik e m y
g r a n dfa t h er , w h o, t h e y ea r befor e t h ese ev en t s, h a d
in v it ed h im t o m y m ot h er ’s w eddin g , w h ile ot h er s
ba r ely k n ew h im by sig h t , bu t w er e, t h ey t h ou g h t , in
du t y bou n d t o sh ew civ ilit y t o t h e son , t o t h e w or t h y
su ccessor of t h e la t e M. Sw a n n .
Bu t , by v ir t u e of h is in t im a cy , a lr ea dy t im e-
h on ou r ed, w it h so m a n y of t h em , t h e people of fa sh ion ,
in a cer t a in sen se, w er e a lso a pa r t of h is h ou se, h is
ser v ice, a n d h is fa m ily . He felt , w h en h is m in d dw elt
u pon h is br illia n t con n ect ion s, t h e sa m e ex t er n a l
su ppor t , t h e sa m e solid com for t a s w h en h e look ed a t t h e
fin e est a t e, t h e fin e silv er , t h e fin e t a ble-lin en w h ich
h a d com e dow n t o h im fr om h is for ebea r s. A n d t h e
t h ou g h t t h a t , if h e w er e seized by a su dden illn ess a n d
con fin ed t o t h e h ou se, t h e people w h om h is v a let w ou ld
in st in ct iv ely r u n t o fin d w ou ld be t h e Du c de Ch a r t r es,
t h e Pr in ce de Reu ss, t h e Du c de Lu x em bou r g a n d t h e
Ba r on de Ch a r lu s, br ou g h t h im t h e sa m e con sola t ion a s
ou r old Fr a n çoise der iv ed fr om t h e k n ow ledg e t h a t sh e
w ou ld, on e da y , be bu r ied in h er ow n fin e clot h es,
m a r k ed w it h h er n a m e, n ot da r n ed a t a ll (or so
ex qu isit ely da r n ed t h a t it m er ely en h a n ced on e’s idea of
t h e sk ill a n d pa t ien ce of t h e sea m st r ess), a sh r ou d fr om
t h e con st a n t im a g e of w h ich in h er m in d’s ey e sh e dr ew
a cer t a in sa t isfa ct or y sen se, if n ot a ct u a lly of w ea lt h
a n d pr osper it y , a t a n y r a t e of self-est eem . Bu t m ost of
a ll, — sin ce in ev er y on e of h is a ct ion s a n d t h ou g h t s
w h ich h a d r efer en ce t o Odet t e, Sw a n n w a s con st a n t ly
su bdu ed a n d sw a y ed by t h e u n con fessed feelin g t h a t h e
w a s, per h a ps n ot less dea r , bu t a t lea st less w elcom e t o
h er t h a n a n y on e, ev en t h e m ost w ea r isom e of t h e
V er du r in s’ ‘fa it h fu l,’ — w h en h e bet ook h im self t o a
w or ld in w h ich h e w a s t h e pa r a m ou n t ex a m ple of t a st e,
a m a n w h om n o pa in s w er e spa r ed t o a t t r a ct , w h om
people w er e g en u in ely sor r y n ot t o see, h e beg a n on ce
a g a in t o believ e in t h e ex ist en ce of a h a ppier life, a lm ost
t o feel a n a ppet it e for it , a s a n in v a lid m a y feel w h o h a s
been in bed for m on t h s a n d on a st r ict diet , w h en h e
pick s u p a n ew spa per a n d r ea ds t h e a ccou n t of a n
officia l ba n qu et or t h e a dv er t isem en t of a cr u ise r ou n d
Sicily .
If h e w a s oblig ed t o m a k e ex cu ses t o h is fa sh ion a ble
fr ien ds for n ot pa y in g t h em v isit s, it w a s pr ecisely for
t h e v isit s t h a t h e did pa y h er t h a t h e sou g h t t o ex cu se
h im self t o Odet t e. He st ill pa id t h em (a sk in g h im self a t
t h e en d of ea ch m on t h w h et h er , seein g t h a t h e h a d
per h a ps ex h a u st ed h er pa t ien ce, a n d h a d cer t a in ly
g on e r a t h er oft en t o see h er , it w ou ld be en ou g h if h e
sen t h er fou r t h ou sa n d fr a n cs), a n d for ea ch v isit h e
fou n d a pr et ex t , a pr esen t t h a t h e h a d t o br in g h er ,
som e in for m a t ion w h ich sh e r equ ir ed, M. de Ch a r lu s,
w h om h e h a d m et a ct u a lly g oin g t o h er h ou se, a n d w h o
h a d in sist ed u pon Sw a n n ’s a ccom pa n y in g h im . A n d,
fa ilin g a n y ex cu se, h e w ou ld beg M. de Ch a r lu s t o g o t o
h er a t on ce, a n d t o t ell h er , a s t h ou g h spon t a n eou sly , in
t h e cou r se of con v er sa t ion , t h a t h e h a d ju st
r em em ber ed som et h in g t h a t h e h a d t o sa y t o Sw a n n ,
a n d w ou ld sh e plea se sen d a m essa g e t o Sw a n n ’s h ou se
a sk in g h im t o com e t o h er t h en a n d t h er e; bu t a s a r u le
Sw a n n w a it ed a t h om e in v a in , a n d M. de Ch a r lu s
in for m ed h im , la t er in t h e ev en in g , t h a t h is dev ice h a d
n ot pr ov ed su ccessfu l. W it h t h e r esu lt t h a t , if sh e w a s
n ow fr equ en t ly a w a y fr om Pa r is, ev en w h en sh e w a s
t h er e h e sca r cely sa w h er ; t h a t sh e w h o, w h en sh e w a s
in lov e w it h h im , u sed t o sa y , “ I a m a lw a y s fr ee” a n d
“ W h a t ca n it m a t t er t o m e, w h a t ot h er people t h in k ?”
n ow , w h en ev er h e w a n t ed t o see h er , a ppea led t o t h e
pr opr iet ies or plea ded som e en g a g em en t . W h en h e spok e
of g oin g t o a ch a r it y en t er t a in m en t , or a pr iv a t e v iew ,
or a fir st -n ig h t a t w h ich sh e w a s t o be pr esen t , sh e
w ou ld ex post u la t e t h a t h e w ish ed t o a dv er t ise t h eir
r ela t ion s in pu blic, t h a t h e w a s t r ea t in g h er lik e a
w om a n off t h e st r eet s. T h in g s ca m e t o su ch a pit ch t h a t ,
in a n effor t t o sa v e h im self fr om bein g a lt og et h er
for bidden t o m eet h er a n y w h er e, Sw a n n , r em em ber in g
t h a t sh e k n ew a n d w a s deeply a t t a ch ed t o m y g r ea t -
u n cle A dolph e, w h ose fr ien d h e h im self a lso h a d been ,
w en t on e da y t o see h im in h is lit t le fla t in t h e Ru e de
Bellech a sse, t o a sk h im t o u se h is in flu en ce w it h Odet t e.
A s it h a ppen ed, sh e in v a r ia bly a dopt ed, w h en sh e spok e
t o Sw a n n a bou t m y u n cle, a poet ica l t on e, sa y in g : “ A h ,
h e! He is n ot in t h e lea st lik e y ou ; it is a n ex qu isit e
t h in g , a g r ea t , a bea u t ifu l t h in g , h is fr ien dsh ip for m e.
He’s n ot t h e sor t of m a n w h o w ou ld h a v e so lit t le
con sider a t ion for m e a s t o let h im self be seen w it h m e
ev er y w h er e in pu blic.” T h is w a s em ba r r a ssin g for
Sw a n n , w h o did n ot k n ow qu it e t o w h a t r h et or ica l pit ch
h e sh ou ld scr ew h im self u p in spea k in g of Odet t e t o m y
u n cle. He beg a n by a llu din g t o h er ex cellen ce, a priori,
t h e a x iom of h er ser a ph ic su per -h u m a n it y , t h e
r ev ela t ion of h er in ex pr essible v ir t u es, n o con cept ion of
w h ich cou ld possibly be for m ed. “ I sh ou ld lik e t o spea k
t o y ou a bou t h er ,” h e w en t on , “ y ou , w h o k n ow w h a t a
w om a n su pr em e a bov e a ll w om en , w h a t a n a dor a ble
bein g , w h a t a n a n g el Odet t e is. Bu t y ou k n ow , a lso,
w h a t life is in Pa r is. Ev er y on e doesn ’t see Odet t e in t h e
lig h t in w h ich y ou a n d I h a v e been Pr iv ileg ed t o see
h er . A n d so t h er e a r e people w h o t h in k t h a t I a m
beh a v in g r a t h er foolish ly ; sh e w on ’t ev en a llow m e t o
m eet h er ou t of door s, a t t h e t h ea t r e. Now y ou , in w h om
sh e h a s su ch en or m ou s con fiden ce, cou ldn ’t y ou sa y a
few w or ds for m e t o h er , ju st t o a ssu r e h er t h a t sh e
ex a g g er a t e t h e h a r m w h ich m y bow in g t o h er in t h e
st r eet m ig h t do h er ?”
My u n cle a dv ised Sw a n n n ot t o see Odet t e for som e
da y s, a ft er w h ich sh e w ou ld lov e h im a ll t h e m or e; h e
a dv ised Odet t e t o let Sw a n n m eet h e; ev er y w h er e, a n d
a s oft en a s h e plea sed. A few da y s la t er Odet t e t old
Sw a n n t h a t sh e h a d ju st h a d a r u de a w a k en in g ; sh e h a d
discov er ed t h a t m y u n cle w a s t h e sa m e a s ot h er m en ;
h e h a d t r ied t o t a k e h er by a ssa u lt . Sh e ca lm ed Sw a n n ,
w h o, a t fir st , w a s for r u sh in g ou t t o ch a llen g e m y u n cle
t o a du el, bu t h e r efu sed t o sh a k e h a n ds w it h h im w h en
t h ey m et a g a in . He r eg r et t ed t h is r u pt u r e a ll t h e m or e
beca u se h e h a d h oped, if h e h a d m et m y u n cle A dolph e
a g a in som et im es a n d h a d con t r iv ed t o t a lk t h in g s ov er
w it h h im in st r ict con fiden ce, t o be a ble t o g et h im t o
t h r ow a lig h t on cer t a in r u m ou r s w it h r eg a r d t o t h e life
t h a t Odet t e h a d led, in t h e old da y s, a t Nice. For m y
u n cle A dolph e u sed t o spen d t h e w in t er t h er e, a n d
Sw a n n t h ou g h t t h a t it m ig h t in deed h a v e been t h er e,
per h a ps, t h a t h e h a d fir st k n ow n Odet t e. T h e few w or ds
w h ich som e on e h a d let fa ll, in h is h ea r in g , a bou t a
m a n w h o, it a ppea r ed, h a d been Odet t e’s lov er , h a d left
Sw a n n du m b fou n der ed. Bu t t h e v er y t h in g s w h ich h e
w ou ld, befor e k n ow in g t h em , h a v e r eg a r ded a s t h e m ost
t er r ible t o lea r n a n d t h e m ost im possible t o believ e,
w er e, on ce h e k n ew t h em , in cor por a t ed for a ll t im e in
t h e g en er a l m a ss of h is sor r ow ; h e a dm it t ed t h em , h e
cou ld n o lon g er h a v e u n der st ood t h eir n ot ex ist in g .
On ly , ea ch on e of t h em in it s pa ssa g e t r a ced a n in delible
lin e, a lt er in g t h e pict u r e t h a t h e h a d for m ed of h is
m ist r ess. A t on e t im e in deed h e felt t h a t h e cou ld
u n der st a n d t h a t t h is m or a l ‘lig h t n ess,’ of w h ich h e
w ou ld n ev er h a v e su spect ed Odet t e, w a s per fect ly w ell
k n ow n , a n d t h a t a t Ba den or Nice, w h en sh e h a d g on e,
in t h e pa st , t o spen d sev er a l m on t h s in on e or t h e ot h er
pla ce, sh e h a d en joy ed a sor t of a m or ou s n ot or iet y . He
a t t em pt ed, in or der t o qu est ion t h em , t o g et in t o t ou ch
a g a in w it h cer t a in m en of t h a t st a m p; bu t t h ese w er e
a w a r e t h a t h e k n ew Odet t e, a n d, besides, h e w a s a fr a id
of pu t t in g t h e t h ou g h t of h er in t o t h eir h ea ds, of set t in g
t h em on ce m or e u pon h er t r a ck . Bu t h e, t o w h om , u p
t ill t h en , n ot h in g cou ld h a v e seem ed so t ediou s a s w a s
a ll t h a t per t a in ed t o t h e cosm opolit a n life of Ba den or of
Nice, n ow t h a t h e lea r n ed t h a t Odet t e h a d, per h a ps, led
a ‘g a y ’ life on ce in t h ose plea su r e-cit ies, a lt h ou g h h e
cou ld n ev er fin d ou t w h et h er it h a d been solely t o
sa t isfy a w a n t of m on ey w h ich , t h a n k s t o h im self, sh e
n o lon g er felt , or fr om som e ca pr iciou s in st in ct w h ich
m ig h t , a t a n y m om en t , r ev iv e in h er , h e w ou ld lea n , in
im pot en t a n g u ish , blin ded a n d dizzy , ov er t h e
bot t om less a by ss in t o w h ich h a d pa ssed, in w h ich h a d
been en g u lfed t h ose y ea r s of h is ow n , ea r ly in
Ma cMa h on ’s Septennat, in w h ich on e spen t t h e w in t er
on t h e Pr om en a de des A n g la is, t h e su m m er ben ea t h t h e
lim es of Ba den , a n d w ou ld fin d in t h ose y ea r s a sa d bu t
splen did pr ofu n dit y , su ch a s a poet m ig h t h a v e len t t o
t h em ; a n d h e w ou ld h a v e dev ot ed t o t h e r econ st r u ct ion
of a ll t h e in sig n ifica n t det a ils t h a t m a de u p t h e da ily
r ou n d on t h e Côt e d’A zu r in t h ose da y s, if it cou ld h a v e
h elped h im t o u n der st a n d som et h in g t h a t st ill ba ffled
h im in t h e sm ile or in t h e ey es of Odet t e, m or e
en t h u sia sm t h a n does t h e a est h et e w h o r a n sa ck s t h e
ex t a n t docu m en t s of fift een t h -cen t u r y Flor en ce, so a s t o
t r y t o pen et r a t e fu r t h er in t o t h e sou l of t h e Pr im a v er a ,
t h e fa ir V a n n a or t h e V en u s of Bot t icelli. He w ou ld sit ,
oft en , w it h ou t sa y in g a w or d t o h er , on ly g a zin g a t h er
a n d dr ea m in g ; a n d sh e w ou ld com m en t : “ Y ou do look
sa d!” It w a s n ot v er y lon g sin ce, fr om t h e idea t h a t sh e
w a s a n ex cellen t cr ea t u r e, com pa r a ble t o t h e best
w om en t h a t h e h a d k n ow n , h e h a d pa ssed t o t h a t of h er
bein g ‘k ept ’; a n d y et a lr ea dy , by a n in v er se pr ocess, h e
h a d r et u r n ed fr om t h e Odet t e de Cr écy , per h a ps t oo
w ell k n ow n t o t h e h olida y -m a k er s, t o t h e ‘la dies’ m en ’ of
Nice a n d Ba den , t o t h is fa ce, t h e ex pr ession on w h ich
w a s so oft en g en t le, t o t h is n a t u r e so em in en t ly h u m a n .
He w ou ld a sk h im self: “ W h a t does it m ea n , a ft er a ll, t o
sa y t h a t ev er y on e a t Nice k n ow s w h o Odet t e de Cr écy
is? Repu t a t ion s of t h a t sor t , ev en w h en t h ey ’r e t r u e, a r e
a lw a y s ba sed u pon ot h er people’s idea s” ; h e w ou ld
r eflect t h a t t h is leg en d — ev en if it w er e a u t h en t ic —
w a s som et h in g ex t er n a l t o Odet t e, w a s n ot in h er en t in
h er lik e a m isch iev ou s a n d in er a dica ble per son a lit y ;
t h a t t h e cr ea t u r e w h o m ig h t h a v e been led a st r a y w a s
a w om a n w it h fr a n k ey es, a h ea r t fu ll of pit y for t h e
su ffer in g s of ot h er s, a docile body w h ich h e h a d pr essed
t ig h t ly in h is a r m s a n d ex plor ed w it h h is fin g er s, a
w om a n of w h om h e m ig h t on e da y com e in t o a bsolu t e
possession if h e su cceeded in m a k in g h im self
in dispen sa ble t o h er . T h er e sh e w a s, oft en t ir ed, h er fa ce
left bla n k for t h e n on ce by t h a t ea g er , fev er ish
pr eoccu pa t ion w it h t h e u n k n ow n t h in g s w h ich m a de
Sw a n n su ffer ; sh e w ou ld pu sh ba ck h er h a ir w it h bot h
h a n ds; h er for eh ea d, h er w h ole fa ce w ou ld seem t o g r ow
la r g er ; t h en , su dden ly , som e or din a r y h u m a n t h ou g h t ,
som e w or t h y sen t im en t su ch a s is t o be fou n d in a ll
cr ea t u r es w h en , in a m om en t of r est or m edit a t ion ,
t h ey a r e fr ee t o ex pr ess t h em selv es, w ou ld fla sh ou t
fr om h er ey es lik e a r a y of g old. A n d im m edia t ely t h e
w h ole of h er fa ce w ou ld lig h t u p lik e a g r ey la n dsca pe,
sw a t h ed in clou ds w h ich , su dden ly , a r e sw ept a w a y a n d
t h e du ll scen e t r a n sfig u r ed, a t t h e m om en t of t h e su n ’s
set t in g . T h e life w h ich occu pied Odet t e a t su ch t im es,
ev en t h e fu t u r e w h ich sh e seem ed t o be dr ea m ily
r eg a r din g , Sw a n n cou ld h a v e sh a r ed w it h h er . No ev il
dist u r ba n ce seem ed t o h a v e left a n y effect on t h em .
Ra r e a s t h ey beca m e, t h ose m om en t s did n ot occu r in
v a in . By t h e pr ocess of m em or y , Sw a n n join ed t h e
fr a g m en t s t og et h er , a bolish ed t h e in t er v a ls bet w een
t h em , ca st , a s in m olt en g old, t h e im a g e of a n Odet t e
com pa ct of k in dn ess a n d t r a n qu illit y , for w h om h e w a s
t o m a k e, la t er on (a s w e sh a ll see in t h e secon d pa r t of
t h is st or y ) sa cr ifices w h ich t h e ot h er Odet t e w ou ld
n ev er h a v e w on fr om h im . Bu t h ow r a r e t h ose m om en t s
w er e, a n d h ow seldom h e n ow sa w h er ! Ev en in r eg a r d
t o t h eir ev en in g m eet in g s, sh e w ou ld n ev er t ell h im
u n t il t h e la st m in u t e w h et h er sh e w ou ld be a ble t o see
h im , for , r eck on in g on h is bein g a lw a y s fr ee, sh e w ish ed
fir st t o be cer t a in t h a t n o on e else w ou ld offer t o com e t o
h er . Sh e w ou ld plea d t h a t sh e w a s oblig ed t o w a it for a n
a n sw er w h ich w a s of t h e v er y g r ea t est im por t a n ce, a n d
if, ev en a ft er sh e h a d m a de Sw a n n com e t o h er h ou se,
a n y of h er fr ien ds a sk ed h er , h a lf-w a y t h r ou g h t h e
ev en in g , t o join t h em a t som e t h ea t r e, or a t su pper
a ft er w a r ds, sh e w ou ld ju m p for joy a n d dr ess h er self
w it h a ll speed. A s h er t oilet pr og r essed, ev er y
m ov em en t t h a t sh e m a de br ou g h t Sw a n n n ea r er t o t h e
m om en t w h en h e w ou ld h a v e t o pa r t fr om h er , w h en
sh e w ou ld fly off w it h ir r esist ible for ce; a n d w h en a t
len g t h sh e w a s r ea dy , a n d, Plu n g in g in t o h er m ir r or a
la st g la n ce st r a in ed a n d br ig h t en ed by h er a n x iet y t o
look w ell, sm ea r ed a lit t le sa lv e on h er lips, fix ed a st r a y
loci of h a ir ov er h er br ow , a n d ca lled for h er cloa k of
sk y -blu e silk w it h g olde; t a ssels, Sw a n n w ou ld be
look in g so w r et ch ed t h a t sh e w ou ld be u n a ble t r est r a in
a g est u r e of im pa t ien ce a s sh e flu n g a t h im : “ So t h a t is
h ow y o t h a n k m e for k eepin g y ou h er e t ill t h e la st
m in u t e! A n d I t h ou g h t I w a bein g so n ice t o y ou . W ell, I
sh a ll k n ow bet t er a n ot h er t im e!” Som et im e . . . a t t h e
r isk of a n n oy in g h er , h e m a de u p h is m in d t h a t h e
w ou ld fin d ou t w h er e sh e h a d g on e, a n d ev en dr ea m ed
of a defen siv e a llia n ce w it h For ch ev ille, w h o m ig h t
per h a ps h a v e been a ble t o t ell h im . Bu t a n y h ow , w h en
h e k n ew w it h w h om sh e w a s spen din g t h e ev en in g , it
w a s v er y seldom t h a t h e cou ld n ot discov er , a m on g a ll
h is in n u m er a ble a cqu a in t a n ce, som e on e w h o k n ew — if
on ly in dir ect ly — t h e m a n w it h w h om sh e h a d g on e ou t ,
a n d cou ld ea sily obt a in t h is or t h a t piece of in for m a t ion
a bou t h im . A n d w h ile h e w a s w r it in g t o on e of h is
fr ien ds, a sk in g h im t o t r y t o g et a lit t le lig h t t h r ow n
u pon som e poin t or ot h er , h e w ou ld feel a sen se of r elief
on cea sin g t o v ex h im self w it h qu est ion s t o w h ich t h er e
w a s n o a n sw er a n d t r a n sfer r in g t o som e on e else t h e
st r a in of in t er r og a t ion . It is t r u e t h a t Sw a n n w a s lit t le
t h e w iser for su ch in for m a t ion a s h e did r eceiv e. T o
k n ow a t h in g does n ot en a ble u s, a lw a y s, t o pr ev en t it s
h a ppen in g , bu t a ft er a ll t h e t h in g s t h a t w e k n ow w e do
h old, if n ot in ou r h a n ds, a t a n y r a t e in ou r m in ds,
w h er e w e ca n dispose of t h em a s w e ch oose, w h ich g iv es
u s t h e illu sion of a sor t of pow er t o con t r ol t h em . He w a s
qu it e h a ppy w h en ev er M. de Ch a r lu s w a s w it h Odet t e.
He k n ew t h a t bet w een M. de Ch a r lu s a n d h er n ot h in g
u n t ow a r d cou ld ev er h a ppen , t h a t w h en M. de Ch a r lu s
w en t a n y w h er e w it h h er , it w a s ou t of fr ien dsh ip for
h im self, a n d t h a t h e w ou ld m a k e n o difficu lt y a bou t
t ellin g h im ev er y t h in g t h a t sh e h a d don e. Som et im es
sh e h a d decla r ed so em ph a t ica lly t o Sw a n n t h a t it w a s
im possible for h im t o see h er on a pa r t icu la r ev en in g ,
sh e seem ed t o be look in g for w a r d so k een ly t o som e
ou t in g , t h a t Sw a n n a t t a ch ed a v er y r ea l im por t a n ce t o
t h e fa ct t h a t M. de Ch a r lu s w a s fr ee t o a ccom pa n y h er .
Nex t da y , w it h ou t da r in g t o pu t m a n y qu est ion s t o M.
de Ch a r lu s, h e w ou ld for ce h im , by a ppea r in g n ot qu it e
t o u n der st a n d h is fir st a n sw er s, t o g iv e h im m or e, a ft er
ea ch of w h ich h e w ou ld feel h im self in cr ea sin g ly
r eliev ed, for h e v er y soon lea r n ed t h a t Odet t e h a d spen t
h er ev en in g in t h e m ost in n ocen t of dissipa t ion s.
“ Bu t w h a t do y ou m ea n , m y dea r Mém é, I don ’t
qu it e u n der st a n d. . . . Y ou didn ’t g o st r a ig h t fr om h er
h ou se t o t h e Mu sée Gr év in ? Su r ely y ou w en t
som ew h er e else fir st ? No? T h a t is v er y odd! Y ou don ’t
k n ow h ow a m u sin g y ou a r e, m y dea r Mém é. Bu t w h a t
a n odd idea of h er s t o g o on t o t h e Ch a t Noir a ft er w a r ds;
it w a s h er idea , I su ppose? No? Y ou r s? T h a t ’s st r a n g e.
A ft er a ll, it w a sn ’t a ba d idea ; sh e m u st h a v e k n ow n
dozen s of people t h er e? No? Sh e n ev er spok e t o a sou l?
How ex t r a or din a r y ! T h en y ou sa t t h er e lik e t h a t , ju st
y ou a n d sh e, a ll by y ou r selv es? I ca n pict u r e y ou ,
sit t in g t h er e! Y ou a r e a w or t h y fellow , m y dea r Mém é;
I’m ex ceedin g ly fon d of y ou .”
Sw a n n w a s n ow qu it e a t ea se. T o h im , w h o h a d so
oft en h a ppen ed, w h en t a lk in g t o fr ien ds w h o k n ew
n ot h in g of h is lov e, fr ien ds t o w h om h e h a r dly list en ed,
t o h ea r cer t a in det a ch ed sen t en ces (a s, for in st a n ce, “ I
sa w Mm e. de Cr écy y est er da y ; sh e w a s w it h a m a n I
didn ’t k n ow .” ), sen t en ces w h ich dr opped in t o h is h ea r t
a n d pa ssed a t on ce in t o a solid st a t e, g r ew h a r d a s
st a la g m it es, a n d sea r ed a n d t or e h im a s t h ey la y t h er e
ir r em ov a ble, — h ow ch a r m in g , by w a y of con t r a st ,
w er e t h e w or ds: “ Sh e didn ’t k n ow a sou l; sh e n ev er
spok e t o a sou l.” How fr eely t h ey cou r sed t h r ou g h h im ,
h ow flu id t h ey w er e, h ow v a por ou s, h ow ea sy t o
br ea t h e! A n d y et , a m om en t la t er , h e w a s t ellin g
h im self t h a t Odet t e m u st fin d h im v er y du ll if t h ose
w er e t h e plea su r es t h a t sh e pr efer r ed t o h is com pa n y .
A n d t h eir v er y in sig n ifica n ce, t h ou g h it r ea ssu r ed h im ,
pa in ed h im a s if h er en joy m en t of t h em h a d been a n a ct
of t r ea ch er y .
Ev en w h en h e cou ld n ot discov er w h er e sh e h a d
g on e, it w ou ld h a v e su fficed t o a llev ia t e t h e a n g u ish
t h a t h e t h en felt , for w h ich Odet t e’s pr esen ce, t h e
ch a r m of h er com pa n y , w a s t h e sole specific (a specific
w h ich in t h e lon g r u n ser v ed, lik e m a n y ot h er
r em edies, t o a g g r a v a t e t h e disea se, bu t a t lea st br ou g h t
t em por a r y r elief t o h is su ffer in g s), it w ou ld h a v e
su fficed, h a d Odet t e on ly per m it t ed h im t o r em a in in
h er h ou se w h ile sh e w a s ou t , t o w a it t h er e u n t il t h a t
h ou r of h er r et u r n , in t o w h ose st illn ess a n d pea ce w ou ld
flow , t o be m in g led a n d lost t h er e, a ll m em or y of t h ose
in t er v en in g h ou r s w h ich som e sor cer y , som e cu r sed
spell h a d m a de h im im a g in e a s, som eh ow , differ en t
fr om t h e r est . Bu t sh e w ou ld n ot ; h e m u st r et u r n h om e;
h e for ced h im self, on t h e w a y , t o for m v a r iou s pla n s,
cea sed t o t h in k of Odet t e; h e ev en r ea ch ed t h e st a g e,
w h ile h e u n dr essed, of t u r n in g ov er a ll sor t s of h a ppy
idea s in h is m in d: it w a s w it h a lig h t h ea r t , bu oy ed
w it h t h e a n t icipa t ion of g oin g t o see som e fa v ou r it e
w or k of a r t on t h e m or r ow , t h a t h e ju m ped in t o bed a n d
t u r n ed ou t t h e lig h t ; bu t n o soon er h a d h e m a de h im self
r ea dy t o sleep, r ela x in g a self-con t r ol of w h ich h e w a s
n ot ev en con sciou s, so h a bit u a l h a d it becom e, t h a n a n
icy sh u dder con v u lsed h is body a n d h e bu r st in t o sobs.
He did n ot w ish t o k n ow w h y , bu t dr ied h is ey es, sa y in g
w it h a sm ile: “ T h is is delig h t fu l; I’m becom in g
n eu r a st h en ic.” A ft er w h ich h e cou ld n ot sa v e h im self
fr om u t t er ex h a u st ion a t t h e t h ou g h t t h a t , n ex t da y , h e
m u st beg in a fr esh h is a t t em pt t o fin d ou t w h a t Odet t e
h a d been doin g , m u st u se a ll h is in flu en ce t o con t r iv e t o
see h er . T h is com pu lsion t o a n a ct iv it y w it h ou t r espit e,
w it h ou t v a r iet y , w it h ou t r esu lt , w a s so cr u el a scou r g e
t h a t on e da y , n ot icin g a sw ellin g ov er h is st om a ch , h e
felt a n a ct u a l joy in t h e idea t h a t h e h a d, per h a ps, a
t u m ou r w h ich w ou ld pr ov e fa t a l, t h a t h e n eed n ot
con cer n h im self w it h a n y t h in g fu r t h er , t h a t it w a s h is
m a la dy w h ich w a s g oin g t o g ov er n h is life, t o m a k e a
pla y t h in g of h im , u n t il t h e n ot -dist a n t en d. If in deed, a t
t h is per iod, it oft en h a ppen ed t h a t , t h ou g h w it h ou t
a dm it t in g it ev en t o h im self, h e lon g ed for dea t h , it w a s
in or der t o esca pe n ot so m u ch fr om t h e k een n ess of h is
su ffer in g s a s fr om t h e m on ot on y of h is st r u g g le.
A n d y et h e w ou ld h a v e w ish ed t o liv e u n t il t h e t im e
ca m e w h en h e n o lon g er lov ed h er , w h en sh e w ou ld
h a v e n o r ea son for ly in g t o h im , w h en a t len g t h h e
m ig h t lea r n fr om h er w h et h er , on t h e da y w h en h e h a d
g on e t o see h er in t h e a ft er n oon , sh e h a d or h a d n ot been
in t h e a r m s of For ch ev ille. Oft en for sev er a l da y s on en d
t h e su spicion t h a t sh e w a s in lov e w it h som e on e else
w ou ld dist r a ct h is m in d fr om t h e qu est ion of
For ch ev ille, m a k in g it a lm ost im m a t er ia l t o h im , lik e
t h ose n ew dev elopm en t s of a con t in u ou s st a t e of ill-
h ea lt h w h ich seem for a lit t le t im e t o h a v e deliv er ed u s
fr om t h eir pr edecessor s. T h er e w er e ev en da y s w h en h e
w a s n ot t or m en t ed by a n y su spicion . He fa n cied t h a t h e
w a s cu r ed. Bu t n ex t m or n in g , w h en h e a w ok e, h e felt in
t h e sa m e pla ce t h e sa m e pa in , a sen sa t ion w h ich , t h e
da y befor e, h e h a d, a s it w er e, dilu t ed in t h e t or r en t of
differ en t im pr ession s. Bu t it h a d n ot st ir r ed fr om it s
pla ce. In deed, it w a s t h e sh a r pn ess of t h is pa in t h a t h a d
a w a k en ed h im .
Sin ce Odet t e n ev er g a v e h im a n y in for m a t ion a s t o
t h ose v a st ly im por t a n t m a t t er s w h ich t ook u p so m u ch
of h er t im e ev er y da y (a lbeit h e h a d liv ed lon g en ou g h
in t h e w or ld t o k n ow t h a t su ch m a t t er s a r e n ev er
a n y t h in g else t h a n plea su r es) h e cou ld n ot su st a in for
a n y len g t h of t im e t h e effor t t o im a g in e t h em ; h is br a in
w ou ld becom e a v oid; t h en h e w ou ld pa ss a fin g er ov er
h is t ir ed ey elids, in t h e sa m e w a y a s h e m ig h t h a v e
w iped h is ey eg la ss, a n d w ou ld cea se a lt og et h er t o t h in k .
T h er e em er g ed, h ow ev er , fr om t h is u n ex plor ed t r a ct ,
cer t a in occu pa t ion s w h ich r ea ppea r ed fr om t im e t o
t im e, v a g u ely con n ect ed by Odet t e w it h som e
oblig a t ion t ow a r ds dist a n t r ela t iv es or old fr ien ds w h o,
in a sm u ch a s t h ey w er e t h e on ly people w h om sh e w a s
in t h e h a bit of m en t ion in g a s pr ev en t in g h er fr om
seein g h im , seem ed t o Sw a n n t o com pose t h e n ecessa r y ,
u n a lt er a ble set t in g of h er life. Beca u se of t h e t on e in
w h ich sh e r efer r ed, fr om t im e t o t im e, t o “ t h e da y w h en
I g o w it h m y fr ien d t o t h e Hippodr om e,” if, w h en h e felt
u n w ell a n d h a d t h ou g h t , “ Per h a ps Odet t e w ou ld be k in d
a n d com e t o see m e,” h e r em em ber ed, su dden ly , t h a t it
w a s on e of t h ose v er y da y s, h e w ou ld cor r ect h im self
w it h a n “ Oh , n o! It ’s n ot w or t h w h ile a sk in g h er t o
com e; I sh ou ld h a v e t h ou g h t of it befor e, t h is is t h e da y
w h en sh e g oes w it h h er fr ien d t o t h e Hippodr om e. W e
m u st con fin e ou r selv es t o w h a t is possible; n o u se
w a st in g ou r t im e in pr oposin g t h in g s t h a t ca n ’t be
a ccept ed a n d a r e declin ed in a dv a n ce.” A n d t h is du t y
t h a t w a s in cu m ben t u pon Odet t e, of g oin g t o t h e
Hippodr om e, t o w h ich Sw a n n t h u s g a v e w a y , seem ed t o
h im t o be n ot m er ely in elu ct a ble in it self; bu t t h e m a r k
of n ecessit y w h ich st a m ped it seem ed t o m a k e pla u sible
a n d leg it im a t e ev er y t h in g t h a t w a s ev en r em ot ely
con n ect ed w it h it . If, w h en Odet t e, in t h e st r eet , h a d
a ck n ow ledg ed t h e sa lu t e of a pa sser -by , w h ich h a d
a r ou sed Sw a n n ’s jea lou sy , sh e r eplied t o h is qu est ion s
by a ssocia t in g t h e st r a n g er w it h a n y of t h e t w o or t h r ee
pa r a m ou n t du t ies of w h ich sh e h a d oft en spok en t o h im ;
if, for in st a n ce, sh e sa id: “ T h a t ’s a g en t lem a n w h o w a s
in m y fr ien d’s box t h e ot h er da y ; t h e on e I g o t o t h e
Hippodr om e w it h ,” t h a t ex pla n a t ion w ou ld set Sw a n n ’s
su spicion s a t r est ; it w a s, a ft er a ll, in ev it a ble t h a t t h is
fr ien d sh ou ld h a v e ot h er g u est s t h a n Odet t e in h er box
a t t h e Hippodr om e, bu t h e h a d n ev er sou g h t t o for m or
su cceeded in for m in g a n y coh er en t im pr ession of t h em .
Oh ! h ow h e w ou ld h a v e lov ed t o k n ow h er , t h a t fr ien d
w h o w en t t o t h e Hippodr om e, h ow h e w ou ld h a v e lov ed
h er t o in v it e h im t h er e w it h Odet t e. How r ea dily h e
w ou ld h a v e sa cr ified a ll h is a cqu a in t a n ce for n o m a t t er
w h a t per son w h o w a s in t h e h a bit of seein g Odet t e, w er e
sh e bu t a m a n icu r ist or a g ir l ou t of a sh op. He w ou ld
h a v e t a k en m or e t r ou ble, in cu r r ed m or e ex pen se for
t h em t h a n for qu een s. W ou ld t h ey n ot h a v e su pplied
h im , ou t of w h a t w a s con t a in ed in t h eir k n ow ledg e of
t h e life of Odet t e, w it h t h e on e pot en t a n ody n e for h is
pa in ? W it h w h a t joy w ou ld h e h a v e h a st en ed t o spen d
h is da y s w it h on e or ot h er of t h ose h u m ble folk w it h
w h om Odet t e k ept u p fr ien dly r ela t ion s, eit h er w it h
som e u lt er ior m ot iv e or fr om g en u in e sim plicit y of
n a t u r e. How w illin g ly w ou ld h e h a v e fix ed h is a bode for
ev er in t h e a t t ics of som e sor did bu t en v ia ble h ou se,
w h er e Odet t e w en t bu t n ev er t ook h im , a n d w h er e, if h e
h a d liv ed w it h t h e lit t le r et ir ed dr essm a k er , w h ose
lov er h e w ou ld r ea dily h a v e pr et en ded t o be, h e w ou ld
h a v e been v isit ed by Odet t e a lm ost da ily . In t h ose
r eg ion s, t h a t w er e a lm ost slu m s, w h a t a m odest
ex ist en ce, a bject , if y ou plea se, bu t delig h t fu l,
n ou r ish ed by t r a n qu illit y a n d h a ppin ess, h e w ou ld
h a v e con sen t ed t o lea d in defin it ely .
It som et im es h a ppen ed, a g a in , t h a t , w h en , a ft er
m eet in g Sw a n n , sh e sa w som e m a n a ppr oa ch in g w h om
h e did n ot k n ow , h e cou ld dist in g u ish u pon Odet t e’s fa ce
t h a t look of sor r ow w h ich sh e h a d w or n on t h e da y
w h en h e h a d com e t o h er w h ile For ch ev ille w a s t h er e.
Bu t t h is w a s r a r e; for , on t h e da y s w h en , in spit e of a ll
t h a t sh e h a d t o do, a n d of h er dr ea d of w h a t people
w ou ld t h in k , sh e did a ct u a lly m a n a g e t o see Sw a n n , t h e
pr edom in a n t qu a lit y in h er a t t it u de, n ow , w a s self-
a ssu r a n ce; a st r ik in g con t r a st , per h a ps a n u n con sciou s
r ev en g e for , per h a ps a n a t u r a l r ea ct ion fr om t h e
t im or ou s em ot ion w h ich , in t h e ea r ly da y s of t h eir
fr ien dsh ip, sh e h a d felt in h is pr esen ce, a n d ev en in h is
a bsen ce, w h en sh e beg a n a let t er t o h im w it h t h e w or ds:
“ My dea r , m y h a n d t r em bles so t h a t I ca n sca r cely
w r it e.” (So, a t lea st , sh e pr et en ded, a n d a lit t le of t h a t
em ot ion m u st h a v e been sin cer e, or sh e w ou ld n ot h a v e
been a n x iou s t o en la r g e a n d em ph a sise it .) So Sw a n n
h a d been plea sin g t o h er t h en . Ou r h a n ds do n ot
t r em ble ex cept for ou r selv es, or for t h ose w h om w e lov e.
W h en t h ey h a v e cea sed t o con t r ol ou r h a ppin ess h ow
pea cefu l, h ow ea sy , h ow bold do w e becom e in t h eir
pr esen ce! In spea k in g t o h im , in w r it in g t o h im n ow ,
sh e n o lon g er em ploy ed t h ose w or ds by w h ich sh e h a d
sou g h t t o g iv e h er self t h e illu sion t h a t h e belon g ed t o
h er , cr ea t in g oppor t u n it ies for sa y in g “ m y ” a n d “ m in e”
w h en sh e r efer r ed t o h im : “ Y ou a r e a ll t h a t I h a v e in
t h e w or ld; it is t h e per fu m e of ou r fr ien dsh ip, I sh a ll
k eep it ,” n or spok e t o h im of t h e fu t u r e, of dea t h it self,
a s of a sin g le a dv en t u r e w h ich t h ey w ou ld h a v e t o
sh a r e. In t h ose ea r ly da y s, w h a t ev er h e m ig h t sa y t o
h er , sh e w ou ld a n sw er a dm ir in g ly : “ Y ou k n ow , y ou w ill
n ev er be lik e ot h er people!” — sh e w ou ld g a ze a t h is
lon g , slig h t ly ba ld h ea d, of w h ich people w h o k n ow on ly
of h is su ccesses u sed t o t h in k : “ He’s n ot r eg u la r ly g ood-
look in g , if y ou lik e, bu t h e is sm a r t ; t h a t t u ft , t h a t
ey eg la ss, t h a t sm ile!” a n d, w it h m or e cu r iosit y per h a ps
t o k n ow h im a s h e r ea lly w a s t h a n desir e t o becom e h is
m ist r ess, sh e w ou ld sig h :
“ I do w ish I cou ld fin d ou t w h a t t h er e is in t h a t h ea d
of y ou r s!”
Bu t , n ow , w h a t ev er h e m ig h t sa y , sh e w ou ld
a n sw er , in a t on e som et im es of ir r it a t ion , som et im es
in du lg en t : “ A h ! so y ou n ev er w ill be lik e ot h er people!”
Sh e w ou ld g a ze a t h is h ea d, w h ich w a s h a r dly a g ed
a t a ll by h is r ecen t a n x iet ies (t h ou g h people n ow
t h ou g h t of it , by t h e sa m e m en t a l pr ocess w h ich en a bles
on e t o discov er t h e m ea n in g of a piece of sy m ph on ic
m u sic of w h ich on e h a s r ea d t h e pr og r a m m e, or t h e
‘lik en esses’ in a ch ild w h ose fa m ily on e h a s k n ow n :
“ He’s n ot posit iv ely u g ly , if y ou lik e, bu t h e is r ea lly
r a t h er a bsu r d; t h a t ey eg la ss, t h a t t u ft , t h a t sm ile!”
r ea lisin g in t h eir im a g in a t ion , fed by su g g est ion , t h e
in v isible bou n da r y w h ich div ides, a t a few m on t h s’
in t er v a l, t h e h ea d of a n a r den t lov er fr om a cu ck old’s),
a n d w ou ld sa y :
“ Oh , I do w ish I cou ld ch a n g e y ou ; pu t som e sen se
in t o t h a t h ea d of y ou r s.”
A lw a y s r ea dy t o believ e in t h e t r u t h of w h a t h e
h oped, if it w a s on ly Odet t e’s w a y of beh a v in g t o h im
t h a t left r oom for dou bt , h e w ou ld flin g h im self g r eedily
u pon h er w or ds: “ Y ou ca n if y ou lik e,” h e w ou ld t ell h er .
A n d h e t r ied t o ex pla in t o h er t h a t t o com for t h im ,
t o con t r ol h im , t o m a k e h im w or k w ou ld be a n oble t a sk ,
t o w h ich n u m ber s of ot h er w om en a sk ed for n ot h in g
bet t er t h a n t o be a llow ed t o dev ot e t h em selv es, t h ou g h
it is on ly fa ir t o a dd t h a t in t h ose ot h er w om en ’s h a n ds
t h e n oble t a sk w ou ld h a v e seem ed t o Sw a n n n ot h in g
m or e t h a n a n in discr eet a n d in t oler a ble u su r pa t ion of
h is fr eedom of a ct ion . “ If sh e didn ’t lov e m e, ju st a
lit t le,” h e t old h im self, “ sh e w ou ld n ot w ish t o h a v e m e
a lt er ed. T o a lt er m e, sh e w ill h a v e t o see m e m or e
oft en .” A n d so h e w a s a ble t o t r a ce, in t h ese fa u lt s w h ich
sh e fou n d in h im , a pr oof a t lea st of h er in t er est ,
per h a ps ev en of h er lov e; a n d, in fa ct , sh e g a v e h im so
lit t le, n ow , of t h e la st , t h a t h e w a s oblig ed t o r eg a r d a s
pr oofs of h er in t er est in h im t h e v a r iou s t h in g s w h ich ,
ev er y n ow a n d t h en , sh e for ba de h im t o do. On e da y sh e
a n n ou n ced t h a t sh e did n ot ca r e for h is coa ch m a n , w h o,
sh e t h ou g h t , w a s per h a ps set t in g Sw a n n a g a in st h er ,
a n d, a n y h ow , did n ot sh ew t h a t pr om pt n ess a n d
defer en ce t o Sw a n n ’s or der s w h ich sh e w ou ld h a v e lik ed
t o see. Sh e felt t h a t h e w a n t ed t o h ea r h er sa y : “ Don ’t
h a v e h im a g a in w h en y ou com e t o m e,” ju st a s h e
m ig h t h a v e w a n t ed h er t o k iss h im . So, bein g in a g ood
t em per , sh e sa id it ; a n d h e w a s deeply m ov ed. T h a t
ev en in g , w h en t a lk in g t o M. de Ch a r lu s, w it h w h om h e
h a d t h e sa t isfa ct ion of bein g a ble t o spea k of h er open ly
(for t h e m ost t r iv ia l r em a r k s t h a t h e u t t er ed n ow , ev en
t o people w h o h a d n ev er h ea r d of h er , h a d a lw a y s som e
sor t of r efer en ce t o Odet t e), h e sa id t o h im :
“ I believ e, a ll t h e sa m e, t h a t sh e lov es m e; sh e is so
n ice t o m e n ow , a n d sh e cer t a in ly t a k es a n in t er est in
w h a t I do.”
A n d if, w h en h e w a s st a r t in g off for h er h ou se,
g et t in g in t o h is ca r r ia g e w it h a fr ien d w h om h e w a s t o
dr op som ew h er e on t h e w a y , h is fr ien d sa id: “ Hu llo!
t h a t isn ’t Lor eda n on t h e box ?” w it h w h a t m ela n ch oly
joy w ou ld Sw a n n a n sw er h im :
“ Oh ! Good h ea v en s, n o! I ca n t ell y ou , I da r en ’t t a k e
Lor eda n w h en I g o t o t h e Ru e La Pér ou se; Odet t e doesn ’t
lik e m e t o h a v e Lor eda n , sh e t h in k s h e doesn ’t su it m e.
W h a t on ea r t h is on e t o do? W om en , y ou k n ow , w om en .
My dea r fellow , sh e w ou ld be fu r iou s. Oh , lor d, y es; I’v e
on ly t o t a k e Rém i t h er e; I sh ou ld n ev er h ea r t h e la st of
it !”
 T h ese n ew m a n n er s, in differ en t , list less, ir r it a ble,
w h ich Odet t e n ow a dopt ed w it h Sw a n n , u n dou bt edly
m a de h im su ffer ; bu t h e did n ot r ea lise h ow m u ch h e
su ffer ed; sin ce it h a d been w it h a r eg u la r pr og r ession ,
da y a ft er da y , t h a t Odet t e h a d ch illed t ow a r ds h im , it
w a s on ly by dir ect ly con t r a st in g w h a t sh e w a s t o-da y
w it h w h a t sh e h a d been a t fir st t h a t h e cou ld h a v e
m ea su r ed t h e ex t en t of t h e ch a n g e t h a t h a d t a k en
pla ce. Now t h is ch a n g e w a s h is deep, h is secr et w ou n d,
w h ich pa in ed h im da y a n d n ig h t , a n d w h en ev er h e felt
t h a t h is t h ou g h t s w er e st r a y in g t oo n ea r it , h e w ou ld
qu ick ly t u r n t h em in t o a n ot h er ch a n n el for fea r of
bein g m a de t o su ffer t oo k een ly . He m ig h t sa y t o
h im self in a v a g u e w a y : “ T h er e w a s a t im e w h en Odet t e
lov ed m e m or e,” bu t h e n ev er for m ed a n y defin it e
pict u r e of t h a t t im e. Ju st a s h e h a d in h is st u dy a
cu pboa r d a t w h ich h e con t r iv ed n ev er t o look , w h ich h e
t u r n ed a side t o a v oid pa ssin g w h en ev er h e en t er ed or
left t h e r oom , beca u se in on e of it s dr a w er s h e h a d
lock ed a w a y t h e ch r y sa n t h em u m w h ich sh e h a d g iv en
h im on on e of t h ose fir st ev en in g s w h en h e h a d t a k en
h er h om e in h is ca r r ia g e, a n d t h e let t er s in w h ich sh e
sa id: “ W h y did y ou n ot for g et y ou r h ea r t a lso? I sh ou ld
n ev er h a v e let y ou h a v e t h a t ba ck ,” a n d “ A t w h a t ev er
h ou r of t h e da y or n ig h t y ou m a y n eed m e, ju st sen d m e
a w or d, a n d dispose of m e a s y ou plea se,” so t h er e w a s a
pla ce in h is h ea r t t o w h ich h e w ou ld n ev er a llow h is
t h ou g h t s t o t r espa ss t oo n ea r , for cin g t h em , if n eed be,
t o ev a de it by a lon g cou r se of r ea son in g so t h a t t h ey
sh ou ld n ot h a v e t o pa ss w it h in r ea ch of it ; t h e pla ce in
w h ich lin g er ed h is m em or ies of h a ppy da y s.
Bu t h is so m et icu lou s pr u den ce w a s defea t ed on e
ev en in g w h en h e h a d g on e ou t t o a pa r t y .
It w a s a t t h e Ma r qu ise de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s, on t h e
la st , for t h a t sea son , of t h e ev en in g s on w h ich sh e
in v it ed people t o list en t o t h e m u sicia n s w h o w ou ld
ser v e, la t er on , for h er ch a r it y con cer t s. Sw a n n , w h o
h a d in t en ded t o g o t o ea ch of t h e pr ev iou s ev en in g s in
t u r n , bu t h a d n ev er been a ble t o m a k e u p h is m in d,
r eceiv ed, w h ile h e w a s dr essin g for t h is pa r t y , a v isit
fr om t h e Ba r on de Ch a r lu s, w h o ca m e w it h a n offer t o
g o w it h h im t o t h e Ma r qu ise’s, if h is com pa n y cou ld be
of a n y u se in h elpin g Sw a n n n ot t o feel qu it e so bor ed
w h en h e g ot t h er e, t o be a lit t le less u n h a ppy . Bu t
Sw a n n h a d t h a n k ed h im w it h :
“ Y ou ca n ’t con ceiv e h ow g la d I sh ou ld be of y ou r
com pa n y . Bu t t h e g r ea t est plea su r e t h a t y ou ca n g iv e
m e w ill be if y ou w ill g o in st ea d t o see Odet t e. Y ou k n ow
w h a t a splen did in flu en ce y ou h a v e ov er h er . I don ’t
su ppose sh e’ll be g oin g a n y w h er e t h is ev en in g , u n less
sh e g oes t o see h er old dr essm a k er , a n d I’m su r e sh e
w ou ld be delig h t ed if y ou w en t w it h h er t h er e. In a n y
ca se, y ou ’ll fin d h er a t h om e befor e t h en . T r y t o k eep
h er a m u sed, a n d a lso t o g iv e h er a lit t le sou n d a dv ice. If
y ou cou ld a r r a n g e som et h in g for t o-m or r ow w h ich
w ou ld plea se h er , som et h in g t h a t w e cou ld a ll t h r ee do
t og et h er . T r y t o pu t ou t a feeler , t oo, for t h e su m m er ;
see if t h er e’s a n y t h in g sh e w a n t s t o do, a cr u ise t h a t w e
m ig h t a ll t h r ee t a k e; a n y t h in g y ou ca n t h in k of. I don ’t
cou n t u pon seein g h er t o-n ig h t , m y self; st ill if sh e w ou ld
lik e m e t o com e, or if y ou fin d a looph ole, y ou ’v e on ly t o
sen d m e a lin e a t Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s u p t ill
m idn ig h t ; a ft er t h a t I sh a ll be h er e. Ev er so m a n y
t h a n k s for a ll y ou a r e doin g for m e — y ou k n ow w h a t I
feel a bou t y ou !”
His fr ien d pr om ised t o g o a n d do a s Sw a n n w ish ed a s
soon a s h e h a d deposit ed h im a t t h e door of t h e Sa in t -
Eu v er t e h ou se, w h er e h e a r r iv ed soot h ed by t h e
t h ou g h t t h a t M. de Ch a r lu s w ou ld be spen din g t h e
ev en in g in t h e Ru e La Pér ou se, bu t in a st a t e of
m ela n ch oly in differ en ce t o ev er y t h in g t h a t did n ot
in v olv e Odet t e, a n d in pa r t icu la r t o t h e det a ils of
fa sh ion a ble life, a st a t e w h ich in v est ed t h em w it h t h e
ch a r m t h a t is t o be fou n d in a n y t h in g w h ich , bein g n o
lon g er a n object of ou r desir e, a ppea r s t o u s in it s ow n
g u ise. On a lig h t in g fr om h is ca r r ia g e, in t h e for eg r ou n d
of t h a t fict it iou s su m m a r y of t h eir dom est ic ex ist en ce
w h ich h ost esses a r e plea sed t o offer t o t h eir g u est s on
cer em on ia l occa sion s, a n d in w h ich t h ey sh ew a g r ea t
r eg a r d for a ccu r a cy of cost u m e a n d set t in g , Sw a n n w a s
a m u sed t o discov er t h e h eir s a n d su ccessor s of Ba lza c’s
‘t ig er s’ — n ow ‘g r oom s’ — w h o n or m a lly follow ed t h eir
m ist r ess w h en sh e w a lk ed a br oa d, bu t n ow , h a t t ed a n d
boot ed, w er e post ed ou t of door s, in fr on t of t h e h ou se on
t h e g r a v elled dr iv e, or ou t side t h e st a bles, a s g a r den er s
m ig h t be dr a w n u p for in spect ion a t t h e en ds of t h eir
sev er a l flow er -beds. T h e pecu lia r t en den cy w h ich h e
h a d a lw a y s h a d t o look for a n a log ies bet w een liv in g
people a n d t h e por t r a it s in g a ller ies r ea sser t ed it self
h er e, bu t in a m or e posit iv e a n d m or e g en er a l for m ; it
w a s societ y a s a w h ole, n ow t h a t h e w a s det a ch ed fr om
it , w h ich pr esen t ed it self t o h im in a ser ies of pict u r es.
In t h e cloa k -r oom , in t o w h ich , in t h e old da y s, w h en h e
w a s st ill a m a n of fa sh ion , h e w ou ld h a v e g on e in h is
ov er coa t , t o em er g e fr om it in ev en in g dr ess, bu t
w it h ou t a n y im pr ession of w h a t h a d occu r r ed t h er e, h is
m in d h a v in g been , du r in g t h e m in u t e or t w o t h a t h e
h a d spen t in it , eit h er st ill a t t h e pa r t y w h ich h e h a d
ju st left , or a lr ea dy a t t h e pa r t y in t o w h ich h e w a s ju st
a bou t t o be u sh er ed, h e n ow n ot iced, for t h e fir st t im e,
r ou sed by t h e u n ex pect ed a r r iv a l of so bela t ed a g u est ,
t h e sca t t er ed pa ck of splen did effor t less a n im a ls, t h e
en or m ou s foot m en w h o w er e dr ow sin g h er e a n d t h er e
u pon ben ch es a n d ch est s, u n t il, poin t in g t h eir n oble
g r ey h ou n d pr ofiles, t h ey t ow er ed u pon t h eir feet a n d
g a t h er ed in a cir cle r ou n d a bou t h im .
On e of t h em , of a pa r t icu la r ly fer ociou s a spect , a n d
n ot u n lik e t h e h ea dsm a n in cer t a in Ren a issa n ce
pict u r es w h ich r epr esen t ex ecu t ion s, t or t u r es, a n d t h e
lik e, a dv a n ced u pon h im w it h a n im pla ca ble a ir t o t a k e
h is ‘t h in g s.’ Bu t t h e h a r sh n ess of h is st eely g la r e w a s
com pen sa t ed by t h e soft n ess of h is cot t on g lov es, so
effect iv ely t h a t , a s h e a ppr oa ch ed Sw a n n , h e seem ed t o
be ex h ibit in g a t on ce a n u t t er con t em pt for h is per son
a n d t h e m ost t en der r eg a r d for h is h a t . He t ook it w it h a
ca r e t o w h ich t h e pr ecision of h is m ov em en t s im pa r t ed
som et h in g t h a t w a s a lm ost ov er -fa st idiou s, a n d w it h a
delica cy t h a t w a s r en der ed a lm ost t ou ch in g by t h e
ev iden ce of h is splen did st r en g t h . T h en h e pa ssed it t o
on e of h is sa t ellit es, a n ov ice a n d t im id, w h o w a s
ex pr essin g t h e pa n ic t h a t ov er pow er ed h im by ca st in g
fu r iou s g la n ces in ev er y dir ect ion , a n d displa y ed a ll t h e
du m b a g it a t ion of a w ild a n im a l in t h e fir st h ou r s of it s
ca pt iv it y .
A few feet a w a y , a st r a ppin g g r ea t la d in liv er y
st ood m u sin g , m ot ion less, st a t u esqu e, u seless, lik e t h a t
pu r ely decor a t iv e w a r r ior w h om on e sees in t h e m ost
t u m u lt u ou s of Ma n t eg n a ’s pa in t in g s, lost in dr ea m s,
lea n in g u pon h is sh ield, w h ile a ll a r ou n d h im a r e
fig h t in g a n d bloodsh ed a n d dea t h ; det a ch ed fr om t h e
g r ou p of h is com pa n ion s w h o w er e t h r on g in g a bou t
Sw a n n , h e seem ed a s det er m in ed t o r em a in
u n con cer n ed in t h e scen e, w h ich h e follow ed v a g u ely
w it h h is cr u el, g r een ish ey es, a s if it h a d been t h e
Ma ssa cr e of t h e In n ocen t s or t h e Ma r t y r dom of Sa in t
Ja m es. He seem ed pr ecisely t o h a v e spr u n g fr om t h a t
v a n ish ed r a ce — if, in deed, it ev er ex ist ed, sa v e in t h e
r er edos of Sa n Zen o a n d t h e fr escoes of t h e Er em it a n i,
w h er e Sw a n n h a d com e in con t a ct w it h it , a n d w h er e it
st ill dr ea m s — fr u it of t h e im pr eg n a t ion of a cla ssica l
st a t u e by som e on e of t h e Ma st er ’s Pa du a n m odels, or of
A lber t Du er er ’s Sa x on s. A n d t h e lock s of h is r eddish
h a ir , cr in k led by n a t u r e, bu t g lu ed t o h is h ea d by
br illia n t in e, w er e t r ea t ed br oa dly a s t h ey a r e in t h a t
Gr eek scu lpt u r e w h ich t h e Ma n t u a n pa in t er n ev er
cea sed t o st u dy , a n d w h ich , if in it s cr ea t or ’s pu r pose it
r epr esen t s bu t m a n , m a n a g es a t lea st t o ex t r a ct fr om
m a n ’s sim ple ou t lin es su ch a v a r iet y of r ich n ess,
bor r ow ed, a s it w er e, fr om t h e w h ole of a n im a t ed
n a t u r e, t h a t a h ea d of h a ir , by t h e g lossy u n du la t ion
a n d bea k -lik e poin t s of it s cu r ls, or in t h e ov er la y in g of
t h e flor id t r iple dia dem of it s br u sh ed t r esses, ca n
su g g est a t on ce a bu n ch of sea w eed, a br ood of fledg lin g
dov es, a bed of h y a cin t h s a n d a ser pen t ’s w r it h in g ba ck .
Ot h er s a g a in , n o less colossa l, w er e disposed u pon t h e
st eps of a m on u m en t a l st a ir ca se w h ich , by t h eir
decor a t iv e pr esen ce a n d m a r m or ea n im m obilit y , w a s
m a de w or t h y t o be n a m ed, lik e t h a t g od-cr ow n ed a scen t
in t h e Pa la ce of t h e Dog es, t h e ‘St a ir ca se of t h e Gia n t s,’
a n d on w h ich Sw a n n n ow set foot , sa dden ed by t h e
t h ou g h t t h a t Odet t e h a d n ev er clim bed it . A h , w it h
w h a t joy w ou ld h e, on t h e ot h er h a n d, h a v e r a ced u p
t h e da r k , ev il-sm ellin g , br ea k n eck flig h t s t o t h e lit t le
dr essm a k er ’s, in w h ose a t t ic h e w ou ld so g la dly h a v e
pa id t h e pr ice of a w eek ly st a g e-box a t t h e Oper a for t h e
r ig h t t o spen d t h e ev en in g t h er e w h en Odet t e ca m e,
a n d ot h er da y s t oo, for t h e pr iv ileg e of t a lk in g a bou t
h er , of liv in g a m on g people w h om sh e w a s in t h e h a bit
of seein g w h en h e w a s n ot t h er e, a n d w h o, on t h a t
a ccou n t , seem ed t o k eep secr et a m on g t h em selv es som e
pa r t of t h e life of h is m ist r ess m or e r ea l, m or e
in a ccessible a n d m or e m y st er iou s t h a n a n y t h in g t h a t
h e k n ew . W h er ea s u pon t h a t pest ilen t ia l, en v ia ble
st a ir ca se t o t h e old dr essm a k er ’s, sin ce t h er e w a s n o
ot h er , n o ser v ice st a ir in t h e bu ildin g , on e sa w in t h e
ev en in g ou t side ev er y door a n em pt y , u n w a sh ed m ilk -
ca n set ou t , in r ea din ess for t h e m or n in g r ou n d, u pon
t h e door -m a t ; on t h e despica ble, en or m ou s st a ir ca se
w h ich Sw a n n w a s a t t h a t m om en t clim bin g , on eit h er
side of h im , a t differ en t lev els, befor e ea ch
a n fr a ct u osit y m a de in it s w a lls by t h e w in dow of t h e
por t er ’s lodg e or t h e en t r a n ce t o a set of r oom s,
r epr esen t in g t h e depa r t m en t s of in door ser v ice w h ich
t h ey con t r olled, a n d doin g h om a g e for t h em t o t h e
g u est s, a g a t e-k eeper , a m a jor -dom o, a st ew a r d (w or t h y
m en w h o spen t t h e r est of t h e w eek in sem i-
in depen den ce in t h eir ow n dom a in s, din ed t h er e by
t h em selv es lik e sm a ll sh opk eeper s, a n d m ig h t t o-
m or r ow la pse t o t h e plebeia n ser v ice of som e su ccessfu l
doct or or in du st r ia l m a g n a t e), scr u pu lou s in ca r r y in g
ou t t o t h e let t er a ll t h e in st r u ct ion s t h a t h a d been
h ea ped u pon t h em befor e t h ey w er e a llow ed t o don t h e
br illia n t liv er y w h ich t h ey w or e on ly a t lon g in t er v a ls,
a n d in w h ich t h ey did n ot feel a lt og et h er a t t h eir ea se,
st ood ea ch in t h e a r ca de of h is door w a y , t h eir splen did
pom p t em per ed by a dem ocr a t ic g ood-fellow sh ip, lik e
sa in t s in t h eir n ich es, a n d a g ig a n t ic u sh er , dr essed
Sw iss Gu a r d fa sh ion , lik e t h e bea dle in a ch u r ch , st r u ck
t h e pa v em en t w it h h is st a ff a s ea ch fr esh a r r iv a l pa ssed
h im . Com in g t o t h e t op of t h e st a ir ca se, u p w h ich h e
h a d been follow ed by a ser v a n t w it h a pa llid
cou n t en a n ce a n d a sm a ll pig t a il clu bbed a t t h e ba ck of
h is h ea d, lik e on e of Goy a ’s sa cr ist a n s or a t a bellion in
a n old pla y , Sw a n n pa ssed by a n office in w h ich t h e
la ck ey s, sea t ed lik e n ot a r ies befor e t h eir m a ssiv e
r eg ist er s, r ose solem n ly t o t h eir feet a n d in scr ibed h is
n a m e. He n ex t cr ossed a lit t le h a ll w h ich — ju st a s
cer t a in r oom s a r e a r r a n g ed by t h eir ow n er s t o ser v e a s
t h e set t in g for a sin g le w or k of a r t (fr om w h ich t h ey
t a k e t h eir n a m e), a n d, in t h eir st u died ba r en ess,
con t a in n ot h in g else besides — displa y ed t o h im a s h e
en t er ed it , lik e som e pr iceless effig y by Ben -v en u t o
Cellin i of a n a r m ed w a t ch m a n , a y ou n g foot m a n , h is
body slig h t ly ben t for w a r d, r ea r in g a bov e h is cr im son
g or g et a n ev en m or e cr im son fa ce, fr om w h ich seem ed
t o bu r st for t h t or r en t s of fir e, t im idit y a n d zea l, w h o, a s
h e pier ced t h e A u bu sson t a pest r ies t h a t scr een ed t h e
door of t h e r oom in w h ich t h e m u sic w a s bein g g iv en
w it h h is im pet u ou s, v ig ila n t , desper a t e g a ze, a ppea r ed,
w it h a soldier ly im pa ssibilit y or a su per n a t u r a l fa it h —
a n a lleg or y of a la r u m s, in ca r n a t ion of a ler t n ess,
com m em or a t ion of a r iot — t o be look in g ou t , a n g el or
sen t in el, fr om t h e t ow er of du n g eon or ca t h edr a l, for
t h e a ppr oa ch of t h e en em y or for t h e h ou r of Ju dg m en t .
Sw a n n h a d n ow on ly t o en t er t h e con cer t -r oom , t h e
door s of w h ich w er e t h r ow n open t o h im by a n u sh er
loa ded w it h ch a in s, w h o bow ed low befor e h im a s
t h ou g h t en der in g t o h im t h e k ey s of a con qu er ed cit y .
Bu t h e t h ou g h t of t h e h ou se in w h ich a t t h a t v er y
m om en t h e m ig h t h a v e been , if Odet t e h a d bu t
per m it t ed, a n d t h e r em em ber ed g lim pse of a n em pt y
m ilk -ca n u pon a door -m a t w r u n g h is h ea r t .
He speedily r ecov er ed h is sen se of t h e g en er a l
u g lin ess of t h e h u m a n m a le w h en , on t h e ot h er side of
t h e t a pest r y cu r t a in , t h e spect a cle of t h e ser v a n t s g a v e
pla ce t o t h a t of t h e g u est s. Bu t ev en t h is u g lin ess of
fa ces, w h ich of cou r se w er e m ost ly fa m ilia r t o h im ,
seem ed som et h in g n ew a n d u n ca n n y , n ow t h a t t h eir
fea t u r es, — in st ea d of bein g t o h im sy m bols of pr a ct ica l
u t ilit y in t h e iden t ifica t ion of t h is or t h a t m a n , w h o
u n t il t h en h a d r epr esen t ed m er ely so m a n y plea su r es t o
be sou g h t a ft er , bor edom s t o be a v oided, or cou r t esies t o
be a ck n ow ledg ed — w er e a t r est , m ea su r a ble by
a est h et ic co-or din a t es a lon e, in t h e a u t on om y of t h eir
cu r v es a n d a n g les. A n d in t h ese m en , in t h e t h ick of
w h om Sw a n n n ow fou n d h im self pa ck ed, t h er e w a s
n ot h in g (ev en t o t h e m on ocle w h ich m a n y of t h em
w or e, a n d w h ich , pr ev iou sly , w ou ld, a t t h e m ost , h a v e
en a bled Sw a n n t o sa y t h a t so-a n d-so w or e a m on ocle)
w h ich , n o lon g er r est r ict ed t o t h e g en er a l con n ot a t ion
of a h a bit , t h e sa m e in a ll of t h em , did n ot n ow st r ik e
h im w it h a sen se of in div idu a lit y in ea ch . Per h a ps
beca u se h e did n ot r eg a r d Gen er a l de Fr ober v ille a n d
t h e Ma r qu is de Br éa u t é, w h o w er e t a lk in g t og et h er ju st
in side t h e door , a s a n y t h in g m or e t h a n t w o fig u r es in a
pict u r e, w h er ea s t h ey w er e t h e old a n d u sefu l fr ien ds
w h o h a d pu t h im u p for t h e Jock ey Clu b a n d h a d
su ppor t ed h im in du els, t h e Gen er a l’s m on ocle, st u ck
lik e a sh ell-splin t er in h is com m on , sca r r ed, v ict or iou s,
ov er bea r in g fa ce, in t h e m iddle of a for eh ea d w h ich it
left h a lf-blin ded, lik e t h e sin g le-ey ed fla sh in g fr on t of
t h e Cy clops, a ppea r ed t o Sw a n n a s a m on st r ou s w ou n d
w h ich it m ig h t h a v e been g lor iou s t o r eceiv e bu t w h ich
it w a s cer t a in ly n ot decen t t o ex pose, w h ile t h a t w h ich
M. de Br éa u t é w or e, a s a fest iv e ba dg e, w it h h is pea r l-
g r ey g lov es, h is cr u sh h a t a n d w h it e t ie, su bst it u t in g it
for t h e fa m ilia r pa ir of g la sses (a s Sw a n n h im self did)
w h en h e w en t ou t t o pla ces, bor e, g lu ed t o it s ot h er side,
lik e a specim en pr epa r ed on a slide for t h e m icr oscope,
a n in fin it esim a l g a ze t h a t sw a r m ed w it h fr ien dly
feelin g a n d n ev er cea sed t o t w in k le a t t h e loft in ess of
ceilin g s, th e delig h t fu ln ess of pa r t ies, th e
in t er est in g n ess of pr og r a m m es a n d t h e ex cellen ce of
r efr esh m en t s.
“ Ha llo! y ou h er e! w h y , it ’s a g es sin ce I’v e seen y ou ,”
t h e Gen er a l g r eet ed Sw a n n a n d, n ot icin g t h e look of
st r a in on h is fa ce a n d con clu din g t h a t it w a s per h a ps a
ser iou s illn ess t h a t h a d k ept h im a w a y , w en t on ,
“ Y ou ’r e look in g w ell, old m a n !” w h ile M. de Br éa u t é
t u r n ed w it h , “ My dea r fellow , w h a t on ea r t h a r e y ou
doin g h er e?” t o a ‘societ y n ov elist ’ w h o h a d ju st fit t ed
in t o t h e a n g le of ey ebr ow a n d ch eek h is ow n m on ocle,
t h e sole in st r u m en t t h a t h e u sed in h is psy ch olog ica l
in v est ig a t ion s a n d r em or seless a n a ly ses of ch a r a ct er ,
a n d w h o n ow r eplied, w it h a n a ir of m y st er y a n d
im por t a n ce, r ollin g t h e ‘r ’:— “ I a m obser v in g !”
 T h e Ma r qu is de For est elle’s m on ocle w a s m in u t e a n d
r im less, a n d, by en for cin g a n in cessa n t a n d pa in fu l
con t r a ct ion of t h e ey e ov er w h ich it w a s in cr u st ed lik e a
su per flu ou s ca r t ila g e, t h e pr esen ce of w h ich t h er e w a s
in ex plica ble a n d it s su bst a n ce u n im a g in a ble, it g a v e t o
h is fa ce a m ela n ch oly r efin em en t , a n d led w om en t o
su ppose h im ca pa ble of su ffer in g t er r ibly w h en in lov e.
Bu t t h a t of M. de Sa in t -Ca n dé, g ir dled, lik e Sa t u r n , w it h
a n en or m ou s r in g , w a s t h e cen t r e of g r a v it y of a fa ce
w h ich com posed it self a fr esh ev er y m om en t in r ela t ion
t o t h e g la ss, w h ile h is t h r u st in g r ed n ose a n d sw ollen
sa r ca st ic lips en dea v ou r ed by t h eir g r im a ces t o r ise t o
t h e lev el of t h e st ea dy fla m e of w it t h a t spa r k led in t h e
polish ed disk , a n d sa w it self pr efer r ed t o t h e m ost
r a v ish in g ey es in t h e w or ld by t h e sm a r t , depr a v ed
y ou n g w om en w h om it set dr ea m in g of a r t ificia l
ch a r m s a n d a r efin em en t of sen su a l bliss; a n d t h en ,
beh in d h im , M. de Pa la n cy , w h o w it h h is h u g e ca r p’s
h ea d a n d g og g lin g ey es m ov ed slow ly u p a n d dow n t h e
st r ea m of fest iv e g a t h er in g s, u n lock in g h is g r ea t
m a n dibles a t ev er y m om en t a s t h ou g h in sea r ch of h is
or ien t a t ion , h a d t h e a ir of ca r r y in g a bou t u pon h is
per son on ly a n a cciden t a l a n d per h a ps pu r ely
sy m bolica l fr a g m en t of t h e g la ss w a ll of h is a qu a r iu m , a
pa r t in t en ded t o su g g est t h e w h ole w h ich r eca lled t o
Sw a n n , a fer v en t a dm ir er of Giot t o’s V ices a n d V ir t u es
a t Pa du a , t h a t In ju st ice by w h ose side a lea fy bou g h
ev ok es t h e idea of t h e for est s t h a t en sh r ou d h is secr et
la ir .
Sw a n n h a d g on e for w a r d in t o t h e r oom , u n der
pr essu r e fr om Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e a n d in or der t o
list en t o a n a r ia fr om Orfeo w h ich w a s bein g r en der ed
on t h e flu t e, a n d h a d t a k en u p a posit ion in a cor n er
fr om w h ich , u n for t u n a t ely , h is h or izon w a s bou n ded by
t w o la dies of ‘u n cer t a in ’ a g e, sea t ed side by side, t h e
Ma r qu ise de Ca m br em er a n d t h e V icom t esse de
Fr a n qu et ot , w h o, beca u se t h ey w er e cou sin s, u sed t o
spen d t h eir t im e a t pa r t ies in w a n der in g t h r ou g h t h e
r oom s, ea ch clu t ch in g h er ba g a n d follow ed by h er
da u g h t er , h u n t in g for on e a n ot h er lik e people a t a
r a ilw a y st a t ion , a n d cou ld n ev er be a t r est u n t il t h ey
h a d r eser v ed, by m a r k in g t h em w it h t h eir fa n s or
h a n dk er ch iefs, t w o a dja cen t ch a ir s; Mm e. de
Ca m br em er , sin ce sh e k n ew sca r cely a n y on e, bein g a ll
t h e m or e g la d of a com pa n ion , w h ile Mm e. de
Fr a n qu et ot , w h o, on t h e con t r a r y , w a s ex t r em ely
popu la r , t h ou g h t it effect iv e a n d or ig in a l t o sh ew a ll
h er fin e fr ien ds t h a t sh e pr efer r ed t o t h eir com pa n y
t h a t of a n obscu r e cou n t r y cou sin w it h w h om sh e h a d
ch ildish m em or ies in com m on . Filled w it h ir on ica l
m ela n ch oly , Sw a n n w a t ch ed t h em a s t h ey list en ed t o
t h e pia n ofor t e in t er m ezzo (Liszt ’s ‘Sa in t Fr a n cis
pr ea ch in g t o t h e bir ds’) w h ich ca m e a ft er t h e flu t e, a n d
follow ed t h e v ir t u oso in h is dizzy flig h t ; Mm e. de
Fr a n qu et ot a n x iou sly , h er ey es st a r t in g fr om h er h ea d,
a s t h ou g h t h e k ey s ov er w h ich h is fin g er s sk ipped w it h
su ch a g ilit y w er e a ser ies of t r a pezes, fr om a n y on e of
w h ich h e m ig h t com e cr a sh in g , a h u n dr ed feet , t o t h e
g r ou n d, st ea lin g n ow a n d t h en a g la n ce of a st on ish m en t
a n d u n belief a t h er com pa n ion , a s w h o sh ou ld sa y : “ It
isn ’t possible, I w ou ld n ev er h a v e believ ed t h a t a
h u m a n bein g cou ld do a ll t h a t !” ; Mm e. de Ca m br em er ,
a s a w om a n w h o h a d r eceiv ed a sou n d m u sica l
edu ca t ion , bea t in g t im e w it h h er h ea d — t r a n sfor m ed
for t h e n on ce in t o t h e pen du lu m of a m et r on om e, t h e
sw eep a n d r a pidit y of w h ose m ov em en t s fr om on e
sh ou lder t o t h e ot h er (per for m ed w it h t h a t look of w ild
a ba n don m en t in h er ey e w h ich a su ffer er sh ew s w h o is
n o lon g er a ble t o a n a ly se h is pa in , n or a n x iou s t o
m a st er it , a n d sa y s m er ely “ I ca n ’t h elp it ” ) so in cr ea sed
t h a t a t ev er y m om en t h er dia m on d ea r r in g s ca u g h t in
t h e t r im m in g of h er bodice, a n d sh e w a s oblig ed t o pu t
st r a ig h t t h e bu n ch of bla ck g r a pes w h ich sh e h a d in h er
h a ir , t h ou g h w it h ou t a n y in t er r u pt ion of h er
con st a n t ly a cceler a t ed m ot ion . On t h e ot h er side (a n d a
lit t le w a y in fr on t ) of Mm e. de Fr a n qu et ot , w a s t h e
Ma r qu ise de Ga lla r don , a bsor bed in h er fa v ou r it e
m edit a t ion , n a m ely u pon h er ow n k in sh ip w it h t h e
Gu er m a n t es fa m ily , fr om w h ich sh e der iv ed bot h
pu blicly a n d in pr iv a t e a g ood dea l of g lor y n o
u n m in g led w it h sh a m e, t h e m ost br illia n t or n a m en t s of
t h a t h ou se r em a in in g som ew h a t a loof fr om h er ,
per h a ps beca u se sh e w a s ju st a t ir esom e old w om a n , or
beca u se sh e w a s a sca n da lou s old w om a n , or beca u se sh e
ca m e of a n in fer ior br a n ch of t h e fa m ily , or v er y
possibly for n o r ea son a t a ll. W h en sh e fou n d h er self
sea t ed n ex t t o som e on e w h om sh e did n ot k n ow , a s sh e
w a s a t t h is m om en t n ex t t o Mm e. de Fr a n qu et ot , sh e
su ffer ed a cu t ely fr om t h e feelin g t h a t h er ow n
con sciou sn ess of h er Gu er m a n t es con n ect ion cou ld n ot
be m a de ex t er n a lly m a n ifest in v isible ch a r a ct er er lik e
t h ose w h ich , in t h e m osa ics in By za n t in e ch u r ch es,
pla ced on e ben ea t h a n ot h er , in scr ibe in a v er t ica l
colu m n by t h e side of som e Sa cr ed Per son a g e t h e w or ds
w h ich h e is su pposed t o be u t t er in g . A t t h is m om en t sh e
w a s pon der in g t h e fa ct t h a t sh e h a d n ev er r eceiv ed a n
in v it a t ion , or ev en ca ll, fr om h er y ou n g cou sin t h e
Pr in cesse des La u m es, du r in g t h e six y ea r s t h a t h a d
a lr ea dy ela psed sin ce t h e la t t er ’s m a r r ia g e. T h e
t h ou g h t filled h er w it h a n g er — a n d w it h pr ide; for , by
v ir t u e of h a v in g t old ev er y on e w h o ex pr essed su r pr ise
a t n ev er seein g h er a t Mm e. des La u m es’s, t h a t it w a s
beca u se of t h e r isk of m eet in g t h e Pr in cesse Ma t h ilde
t h er e — a deg r a da t ion w h ich h er ow n fa m ily , t h e t r u est
a n d blu est of Leg it im ist s, w ou ld n ev er h a v e for g iv en
h er , sh e h a d com e g r a du a lly t o believ e t h a t t h is
a ct u a lly w a s t h e r ea son for h er n ot v isit in g h er y ou n g
cou sin . Sh e r em em ber ed, it is t r u e, t h a t sh e h a d sev er a l
t im es in qu ir ed of Mm e. des La u m es h ow t h ey m ig h t
con t r iv e t o m eet , bu t sh e r em em ber ed it on ly in a
con fu sed w a y , a n d besides did m or e t h a n n eu t r a lise t h is
slig h t ly h u m ilia t in g r em in iscen ce by m u r m u r in g ,
“ A ft er a ll, it isn ’t for m e t o t a k e t h e fir st st ep; I a m a t
lea st t w en t y y ea r s older t h a n sh e is.” A n d for t ified by
t h ese u n spok en w or ds sh e flu n g h er sh ou lder s pr ou dly
ba ck u n t il t h ey seem ed t o pa r t com pa n y w it h h er bu st ,
w h ile h er h ea d, w h ich la y a lm ost h or izon t a lly u pon
t h em , m a de on e t h in k of t h e ‘st u ck -on ’ h ea d of a
ph ea sa n t w h ich is br ou g h t t o t h e t a ble r eg a lly a dor n ed
w it h it s fea t h er s. Not t h a t sh e in t h e lea st deg r ee
r esem bled a ph ea sa n t , h a v in g been en dow ed by n a t u r e
w it h a sh or t a n d squ a t a n d m a scu lin e fig u r e; bu t
su ccessiv e m or t ifica t ion s h a d g iv en h er a ba ck w a r d t ilt ,
su ch a s on e m a y obser v e in t r ees w h ich h a v e t a k en r oot
on t h e v er y edg e of a pr ecipice a n d a r e for ced t o g r ow
ba ck w a r ds t o pr eser v e t h eir ba la n ce. Sin ce sh e w a s
oblig ed, in or der t o con sole h er self for n ot bein g qu it e on
a lev el w it h t h e r est of t h e Gu er m a n t es, t o r epea t t o
h er self in cessa n t ly t h a t it w a s ow in g t o t h e
u n com pr om isin g r ig idit y of h er pr in ciples a n d pr ide
t h a t sh e sa w so lit t le of t h em , t h e con st a n t it er a t ion h a d
g r a du a lly r em ou lded h er body , a n d h a d g iv en h er a
sor t of ‘bea r in g ’ w h ich w a s a ccept ed by t h e plebeia n a s a
sig n of br eedin g , a n d ev en k in dled, a t t im es, a
m om en t a r y spa r k in t h e ja ded ey es of old g en t lem en in
clu bs. Ha d a n y on e su bject ed Mm e. de Ga lla r don ’s
con v er sa t ion t o t h a t for m of a n a ly sis w h ich by n ot in g
t h e r ela t iv e fr equ en cy of it s sev er a l t er m s w ou ld
fu r n ish h im w it h t h e k ey t o a ciph er ed m essa g e, h e
w ou ld a t on ce h a v e r em a r k ed t h a t n o ex pr ession , n ot
ev en t h e com m on est for m s of speech , occu r r ed in it
n ea r ly so oft en a s “ a t m y cou sin s t h e Gu er m a n t es’s,”
“ a t m y a u n t Gu er m a n t es’s,” “ Elzéa r de Gu er m a n t es’s
h ea lt h ,” “ m y cou sin Gu er m a n t es’s box .” If a n y on e
spok e t o h er of a dist in g u ish ed per son a g e, sh e w ou ld
r eply t h a t , a lt h ou g h sh e w a s n ot per son a lly a cqu a in t ed
w it h h im , sh e h a d seen h im h u n dr eds of t im es a t h er
a u n t Gu er m a n t es’s, bu t sh e w ou ld u t t er t h is r eply in so
icy a t on e, w it h su ch a h ollow sou n d, t h a t it w a s a t on ce
qu it e clea r t h a t if sh e did n ot k n ow t h e celebr it y
per son a lly t h a t w a s beca u se of a ll t h e obst in a t e,
in er a dica ble pr in ciples a g a in st w h ich h er a r ch in g
sh ou lder s w er e st r et ch ed ba ck t o r est , a s on on e of t h ose
la dder s on w h ich g y m n a st ic in st r u ct or s m a k e u s
‘ex t en d’ so a s t o dev elop t h e ex pa n sion of ou r ch est s.
A t t h is m om en t t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es, w h o h a d
n ot been ex pect ed t o a ppea r a t Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s
t h a t ev en in g , did in fa ct a r r iv e. T o sh ew t h a t sh e did
n ot w ish a n y specia l a t t en t ion , in a h ou se t o w h ich sh e
h a d com e by a n a ct of con descen sion , t o be pa id t o h er
su per ior r a n k , sh e h a d en t er ed t h e r oom w it h h er a r m s
pr essed close t o h er sides, ev en w h en t h er e w a s n o cr ow d
t o be squ eezed t h r ou g h , n o on e a t t em pt in g t o g et pa st
h er ; st a y in g pu r posely a t t h e ba ck , w it h t h e a ir of bein g
in h er pr oper pla ce, lik e a k in g w h o st a n ds in t h e
w a it in g pr ocession a t t h e door s of a t h ea t r e w h er e t h e
m a n a g em en t h a v e n ot been w a r n ed of h is com in g ; a n d
st r ict ly lim it in g h er field of v ision — so a s n ot t o seem t o
be a dv er t isin g h er pr esen ce a n d cla im in g t h e
con sider a t ion t h a t w a s h er du e — t o t h e st u dy of a
pa t t er n in t h e ca r pet or of h er ow n sk ir t , sh e st ood t h er e
on t h e spot w h ich h a d st r u ck h er a s t h e m ost m odest
(a n d fr om w h ich , a s sh e v er y w ell k n ew , a cr y of
r a pt u r e fr om Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e w ou ld ex t r ica t e
h er a s soon a s h er pr esen ce t h er e w a s n ot iced), n ex t t o
Mm e. de Ca m br em er , w h om , h ow ev er , sh e did n ot
k n ow . Sh e obser v ed t h e du m b-sh ow by w h ich h er
n eig h bou r w a s ex pr essin g h er pa ssion for m u sic, bu t sh e
r efr a in ed fr om copy in g it . T h is w a s n ot t o sa y t h a t , for
on ce t h a t sh e h a d con sen t ed t o spen d a few m in u t es in
Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s h ou se, t h e Pr in cesse des
La u m es w ou ld n ot h a v e w ish ed (so t h a t t h e a ct of
polit en ess t o h er h ost ess w h ich sh e h a d per for m ed by
com in g m ig h t , so t o spea k , ‘cou n t dou ble’) t o sh ew
h er self a s fr ien dly a n d oblig in g a s possible. Bu t sh e h a d
a n a t u r a l h or r or of w h a t sh e ca lled ‘ex a g g er a t in g ,’ a n d
a lw a y s m a de a poin t of let t in g people see t h a t sh e
‘sim ply m u st n ot ’ in du lg e in a n y displa y of em ot ion
t h a t w a s n ot in k eepin g w it h t h e t on e of t h e cir cle in
w h ich sh e m ov ed, a lt h ou g h su ch displa y s n ev er fa iled
t o m a k e a n im pr ession u pon h er , by v ir t u e of t h a t spir it
of im it a t ion , a k in t o t im idit y , w h ich is dev eloped in t h e
m ost self-con fiden t per son s, by con t a ct w it h a n
u n fa m ilia r en v ir on m en t , ev en t h ou g h it be in fer ior t o
t h eir ow n . Sh e beg a n t o a sk h er self w h et h er t h ese
g est icu la t ion s m ig h t n ot , per h a ps, be a n ecessa r y
con com it a n t of t h e piece of m u sic t h a t w a s bein g
pla y ed, a piece w h ich , it m ig h t be, w a s in a differ en t
ca t eg or y fr om a ll t h e m u sic t h a t sh e h a d ev er h ea r d
befor e; a n d w h et h er t o a bst a in fr om t h em w a s n ot a
sig n of h er ow n in a bilit y t o u n der st a n d t h e m u sic, a n d
of discou r t esy t ow a r ds t h e la dy of t h e h ou se; w it h t h e
r esu lt t h a t , in or der t o ex pr ess by a com pr om ise bot h of
h er con t r a dict or y in clin a t ion s in t u r n , a t on e m om en t
sh e w ou ld m er ely st r a ig h t en h er sh ou lder -st r a ps or feel
in h er g olden h a ir for t h e lit t le ba lls of cor a l or of pin k
en a m el, fr ost ed w it h t in y dia m on ds, w h ich for m ed it s
sim ple bu t effect iv e or n a m en t , st u dy in g , w it h a cold
in t er est , h er im pa ssion ed n eig h bou r , w h ile a t a n ot h er
sh e w ou ld bea t t im e for a few ba r s w it h h er fa n , bu t , so
a s n ot t o for feit h er in depen den ce, sh e w ou ld bea t a
differ en t t im e fr om t h e pia n ist ’s. W h en h e h a d fin ish ed
t h e Liszt In t er m ezzo a n d h a d beg u n a Pr elu de by
Ch opin , Mm e. de Ca m br em er t u r n ed t o Mm e. de
Fr a n qu et ot w it h a t en der sm ile, fu ll of in t im a t e
r em in iscen ce, a s w ell a s of sa t isfa ct ion (t h a t of a
com pet en t ju dg e) w it h t h e per for m a n ce. Sh e h a d been
t a u g h t in h er g ir lh ood t o fon dle a n d ch er ish t h ose lon g -
n eck ed, sin u ou s cr ea t u r es, t h e ph r a ses of Ch opin , so
fr ee, so flex ible, so t a ct ile, w h ich beg in by seek in g t h eir
u lt im a t e r est in g -pla ce som ew h er e bey on d a n d fa r w ide
of t h e dir ect ion in w h ich t h ey st a r t ed, t h e poin t w h ich
on e m ig h t h a v e ex pect ed t h em t o r ea ch , ph r a ses w h ich
div er t t h em selv es in t h ose fa n t a st ic by pa t h s on ly t o
r et u r n m or e deliber a t ely — w it h a m or e pr em edit a t ed
r ea ct ion , w it h m or e pr ecision , a s on a cr y st a l bow l
w h ich , if y ou st r ik e it , w ill r in g a n d t h r ob u n t il y ou cr y
a lou d in a n g u ish — t o clu t ch a t on e’s h ea r t .
Br ou g h t u p in a pr ov in cia l h ou seh old w it h few
fr ien ds or v isit or s, h a r dly ev er in v it ed t o a ba ll, sh e h a d
fu ddled h er m in d, in t h e solit u de of h er old m a n or -
h ou se, ov er set t in g t h e pa ce, n ow cr a w lin g -slow , n ow
pa ssion a t e, w h ir lin g , br ea t h less, for a ll t h ose
im a g in a r y w a lt zin g cou ples, g a t h er in g t h em lik e
flow er s, lea v in g t h e ba ll-r oom for a m om en t t o list en ,
w h er e t h e w in d sig h ed a m on g t h e pin e-t r ees, on t h e
sh or e of t h e la k e, a n d seein g of a su dden a dv a n cin g
t ow a r ds h er , m or e differ en t fr om a n y t h in g on e h a d
ev er dr ea m ed of t h a n ea r t h ly lov er s a r e, a slen der
y ou n g m a n , w h ose v oice w a s r eson a n t a n d st r a n g e a n d
fa lse, in w h it e g lov es. Bu t n ow a da y s t h e old-fa sh ion ed
bea u t y of t h is m u sic seem ed t o h a v e becom e a t r ifle
st a le. Ha v in g for feit ed, som e y ea r s ba ck , t h e est eem of
‘r ea lly m u sica l’ people, it h a d lost it s dist in ct ion a n d it s
ch a r m , a n d ev en t h ose w h ose t a st e w a s fr a n k ly ba d h a d
cea sed t o fin d in it m or e t h a n a m oder a t e plea su r e t o
w h ich t h ey h a r dly lik ed t o con fess. Mm e. de
Ca m br em er ca st a fu r t iv e g la n ce beh in d h er . Sh e k n ew
t h a t h er y ou n g da u g h t er -in -la w (fu ll of r espect for h er
n ew a n d n oble fa m ily , ex cept in su ch m a t t er s a s r ela t ed
t o t h e in t ellect , u pon w h ich , h a v in g ‘g ot a s fa r ’ a s
Ha r m on y a n d t h e Gr eek a lph a bet , sh e w a s specia lly
en lig h t en ed) despised Ch opin , a n d fell qu it e ill w h en sh e
h ea r d h im pla y ed. Bu t fin din g h er self fr ee fr om t h e
scr u t in y of t h is W a g n er ia n , w h o w a s sit t in g , a t som e
dist a n ce, in a g r ou p of h er ow n con t em por a r ies, Mm e.
de Ca m br em er let h er self dr ift u pon a st r ea m of
ex qu isit e m em or ies a n d sen sa t ion s. T h e Pr in cesse des
La u m es w a s t ou ch ed a lso. T h ou g h w it h ou t a n y n a t u r a l
g ift for m u sic, sh e h a d r eceiv ed, som e fift een y ea r s
ea r lier , t h e in st r u ct ion w h ich a m u sic-m ist r ess of t h e
Fa u bou r g Sa in t -Ger m a in , a w om a n of g en iu s w h o h a d
been , t ow a r ds t h e en d of h er life, r edu ced t o pen u r y ,
h a d st a r t ed, a t sev en t y , t o g iv e t o t h e da u g h t er s a n d
g r a n dda u g h t er s of h er old pu pils. T h is la dy w a s n ow
dea d. Bu t h er m et h od, a n ech o of h er ch a r m in g t ou ch ,
ca m e t o life n ow a n d t h en in t h e fin g er s of h er pu pils,
ev en of t h ose w h o h a d been in ot h er r espect s qu it e
m ediocr e, h a d g iv en u p m u sic, a n d h a r dly ev er open ed
a pia n o. A n d so Mm e. des La u m es cou ld let h er h ea d
sw a y t o a n d fr o, fu lly a w a r e of t h e ca u se, w it h a per fect
a ppr ecia t ion of t h e m a n n er in w h ich t h e pia n ist w a s
r en der in g t h is Pr elu de, sin ce sh e k n ew it by h ea r t . T h e
closin g n ot es of t h e ph r a se t h a t h e h a d beg u n sou n ded
a lr ea dy on h er lips. A n d sh e m u r m u r ed “ How
ch a r m in g it is!” w it h a st r ess on t h e open in g con son a n t s
of t h e a dject iv e, a t ok en of h er r efin em en t by w h ich sh e
felt h er lips so r om a n t ica lly com pr essed, lik e t h e pet a ls
of a bea u t ifu l, bu ddin g flow er , t h a t sh e in st in ct iv ely
br ou g h t h er ey es in t o h a r m on y , illu m in a t in g t h em for
a m om en t w it h a v a g u e a n d sen t im en t a l g a ze.
Mea n w h ile Mm e. de Ga lla r don h a d a r r iv ed a t t h e poin t
of sa y in g t o h er self h ow a n n oy in g it w a s t h a t sh e h a d so
few oppor t u n it ies of m eet in g t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es,
for sh e m ea n t t o t ea ch h er a lesson by n ot
a ck n ow ledg in g h er bow . Sh e did n ot k n ow t h a t h er
cou sin w a s in t h e r oom . A m ov em en t of Mm e.
Fr a n qu et ot ’s h ea d disclosed t h e Pr in cess. A t on ce Mm e.
de Ga lla r don da sh ed t ow a r ds h er , u pset t in g a ll h er
n eig h bou r s; a lt h ou g h det er m in ed t o pr eser v e a dist a n t
a n d g la cia l m a n n er w h ich sh ou ld r em in d ev er y on e
pr esen t t h a t sh e h a d n o desir e t o r em a in on fr ien dly
t er m s w it h a per son in w h ose h ou se on e m ig h t fin d
on eself, a n y da y , ch eek by jow l w it h t h e Pr in cesse
Ma t h ilde, a n d t o w h om it w a s n ot h er du t y t o m a k e
a dv a n ces sin ce sh e w a s n ot ‘of h er g en er a t ion ,’ sh e felt
bou n d t o m odify t h is a ir of dig n it y a n d r eser v e by som e
n on -com m it t a l r em a r k w h ich w ou ld ju st ify h er
ov er t u r e a n d w ou ld for ce t h e Pr in cess t o en g a g e in
con v er sa t ion ; a n d so, w h en sh e r ea ch ed h er cou sin ,
Mm e. de Ga lla r don , w it h a st er n cou n t en a n ce a n d on e
h a n d t h r u st ou t a s t h ou g h sh e w er e t r y in g t o ‘for ce’ a
ca r d, beg a n w it h : “ How is y ou r h u sba n d?” in t h e sa m e
a n x iou s t on e t h a t sh e w ou ld h a v e u sed if t h e Pr in ce h a d
been ser iou sly ill. T h e Pr in cess, br ea k in g in t o a la u g h
w h ich w a s on e of h er ch a r a ct er ist ics, a n d w a s in t en ded
a t on ce t o sh ew t h e r est of a n a ssem bly t h a t sh e w a s
m a k in g fu n of som e on e a n d a lso t o en h a n ce h er ow n
bea u t y by con cen t r a t in g h er fea t u r es a r ou n d h er
a n im a t ed lips a n d spa r k lin g ey es, a n sw er ed: “ W h y ; h e’s
n ev er been bet t er in h is life!” A n d sh e w en t on
la u g h in g .
 Mm e. de Ga lla r don t h en dr ew h er self u p a n d,
ch illin g h er ex pr ession st ill fu r t h er , per h a ps beca u se
sh e w a s st ill u n ea sy a bou t t h e Pr in ce’s h ea lt h , sa id t o
h er cou sin :
“ Or ia n e,” (a t on ce Mm e. des La u m es look ed w it h
a m u sed a st on ish m en t t ow a r ds a n in v isible t h ir d, w h om
sh e seem ed t o ca ll t o w it n ess t h a t sh e h a d n ev er
a u t h or ised Mm e. de Ga lla r don t o u se h er Ch r ist ia n
n a m e) “ I sh ou ld be so plea sed if y ou w ou ld look in , ju st
for a m in u t e, t o-m or r ow ev en in g , t o h ea r a qu in t et ,
w it h t h e cla r in et , by Moza r t . I sh ou ld lik e t o h a v e y ou r
opin ion of it .”
Sh e seem ed n ot so m u ch t o be issu in g a n in v it a t ion
a s t o be a sk in g fa v ou r , a n d t o w a n t t h e Pr in cess’s
opin ion of t h e Moza r t qu in t et ju st t h ou g h it h a d been a
dish in v en t ed by a n ew cook , w h ose t a len t it w a s m ost
im por t a n t t h a t a n epicu r e sh ou ld com e t o ju dg e.
“ Bu t I k n ow t h a t qu in t et qu it e w ell. I ca n t ell y ou
n ow — t h a t I a dor e it .”
“ Y ou k n ow , m y h u sba n d isn ’t a t a ll w ell; it ’s h is
liv er . He w ou ld lik e so m u ch t o see y ou ,” Mm e. de
Ga lla r don r esu m ed, m a k in g it n ow a cor por a l w or k of
ch a r it y for t h e Pr in cess t o a ppea r a t h er pa r t y .
T h e Pr in cess n ev er lik ed t o t ell people t h a t sh e
w ou ld n ot g o t o t h eir h ou ses. Ev er y da y sh e w ou ld w r it e
t o ex pr ess h er r eg r et a t h a v in g been k ept a w a y — by t h e
su dden a r r iv a l of h er h u sba n d’s m ot h er , by a n
in v it a t ion fr om h is br ot h er , by t h e Oper a , by som e
ex cu r sion t o t h e cou n t r y — fr om som e pa r t y t o w h ich
sh e h a d n ev er for a m om en t dr ea m ed of g oin g . In t h is
w a y sh e g a v e m a n y people t h e sa t isfa ct ion of feelin g
t h a t sh e w a s on in t im a t e t er m s w it h t h em , t h a t sh e
w ou ld g la dly h a v e com e t o t h eir h ou ses, a n d t h a t sh e
h a d been pr ev en t ed fr om doin g so on ly by som e
pr in cely occu r r en ce w h ich t h ey w er e fla t t er ed t o fin d
com pet in g w it h t h eir ow n h u m ble en t er t a in m en t . A n d
t h en , a s sh e belon g ed t o t h a t w it t y ‘Gu er m a n t es set ’ —
in w h ich t h er e su r v iv ed som et h in g of t h e a ler t
m en t a lit y , st r ipped of a ll com m on pla ce ph r a ses a n d
con v en t ion a l sen t im en t s, w h ich da t ed fr om Mér im ée,
a n d fou n d it s fin a l ex pr ession in t h e pla y s of Meilh a c
a n d Ha lév y — sh e a da pt ed it s for m u la so a s t o su it ev en
h er socia l en g a g em en t s, t r a n sposed it in t o t h e cou r t esy
w h ich w a s a lw a y s st r u g g lin g t o be posit iv e a n d pr ecise,
t o a ppr ox im a t e it self t o t h e pla in t r u t h . Sh e w ou ld
n ev er dev elop a t a n y len g t h t o a h ost ess t h e ex pr ession
of h er a n x iet y t o be pr esen t a t h er pa r t y ; sh e fou n d it
m or e plea sa n t t o disclose t o h er a ll t h e v a r iou s lit t le
in ciden t s on w h ich it w ou ld depen d w h et h er it w a s or
w a s n ot possible for h er t o com e.
“ List en , a n d I’ll ex pla in ,” sh e beg a n t o Mm e. de
Ga lla r don . “ T o-m or r ow ev en in g I m u st g o t o a fr ien d of
m in e, w h o h a s been pest er in g m e t o fix a da y for a g es. If
sh e t a k es u s t o t h e t h ea t r e a ft er w a r ds, t h en I ca n ’t
possibly com e t o y ou , m u ch a s I sh ou ld lov e t o; bu t if w e
ju st st a y in t h e h ou se, I k n ow t h er e w on ’t be a n y on e else
t h er e, so I ca n slip a w a y .”
“ T ell m e, h a v e y ou seen y ou r fr ien d M. Sw a n n ?”
“ No! m y pr eciou s Ch a r les! I n ev er k n ew h e w a s
h er e. W h er e is h e? I m u st ca t ch h is ey e.”
“ It ’s a fu n n y t h in g t h a t h e sh ou ld com e t o old Sa in t -
Eu v er t e’s,” Mm e. de Ga lla r don w en t on . “ Oh , I k n ow
h e’s v er y clev er ,” m ea n in g by t h a t ‘v er y cu n n in g ,’
“ bu t t h a t m a k es n o differ en ce; fa n cy a Jew h er e, a n d
sh e t h e sist er a n d sist er -in -la w of t w o A r ch bish ops.”
“ I a m a sh a m ed t o con fess t h a t I a m n ot in t h e lea st
sh ock ed,” sa id t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es.
“ I k n ow h e’s a con v er t ed Jew , a n d a ll t h a t , a n d h is
pa r en t s a n d g r a n dpa r en t s befor e h im . Bu t t h ey do sa y
t h a t t h e con v er t ed on es a r e w or se a bou t t h eir r elig ion
t h a n t h e pr a ct isin g on es, t h a t it ’s a ll ju st a pr et en ce; is
t h a t t r u e, d’y ou t h in k ?”
“ I ca n t h r ow n o lig h t a t a ll on t h e m a t t er .”
T h e pia n ist , w h o w a s ‘dow n ’ t o pla y t w o pieces by
Ch opin , a ft er fin ish in g t h e Pr elu de h a d a t on ce a t t a ck ed
a Polon a ise. Bu t on ce Mm e. de Ga lla r don h a d in for m ed
h er cou sin t h a t Sw a n n w a s in t h e r oom , Ch opin h im self
m ig h t h a v e r isen fr om t h e g r a v e a n d pla y ed a ll h is
w or k s in t u r n w it h ou t Mm e. des La u m es’s pa y in g h im
t h e slig h t est a t t en t ion . Sh e belon g ed t o t h a t on e of t h e
t w o div ision s of t h e h u m a n r a ce in w h ich t h e u n t ir in g
cu r iosit y w h ich t h e ot h er h a lf feels a bou t t h e people
w h om it does n ot k n ow is r epla ced by a n u n fa ilin g
in t er est in t h e people w h om it does. A s w it h m a n y
w om en of t h e Fa u bou r g Sa in t -Ger m a in , t h e pr esen ce,
in a n y r oom in w h ich sh e m ig h t fin d h er self, of a n ot h er
m em ber of h er set , ev en a lt h ou g h sh e h a d n ot h in g in
pa r t icu la r t o sa y t o h im , w ou ld occu py h er m in d t o t h e
ex clu sion of ev er y ot h er con sider a t ion . Fr om t h a t
m om en t , in t h e h ope t h a t Sw a n n w ou ld ca t ch sig h t of
h er , t h e Pr in cess cou ld do n ot h in g bu t (lik e a t a m e
w h it e m ou se w h en a lu m p of su g a r is pu t dow n befor e
it s n ose a n d t h en t a k en a w a y ) t u r n h er fa ce, in w h ich
w er e cr ow ded a t h ou sa n d sig n s of in t im a t e con n iv a n ce,
n on e of t h em w it h t h e lea st r elev a n ce t o t h e sen t im en t
u n der ly in g Ch opin ’s m u sic, in t h e dir ect ion w h er e
Sw a n n w a s, a n d, if h e m ov ed, div er t a ccor din g ly t h e
cou r se of h er m a g n et ic sm ile.
“ Or ia n e, don ’t be a n g r y w it h m e,” r esu m ed Mm e.
de Ga lla r don , w h o cou ld n ev er r est r a in h er self fr om
sa cr ificin g h er h ig h est socia l a m bit ion s, a n d t h e h ope
t h a t sh e m ig h t on e da y em er g e in t o a lig h t t h a t w ou ld
da zzle t h e w or ld, t o t h e im m edia t e a n d secr et
sa t isfa ct ion of sa y in g som et h in g disa g r eea ble, “ people
do sa y a bou t y ou r M. Sw a n n t h a t h e’s t h e sor t of m a n
on e ca n ’t h a v e in t h e h ou se; is t h a t t r u e?”
“ W h y , y ou , of a ll people, ou g h t t o k n ow t h a t it ’s
t r u e,” r eplied t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es, “ for y ou m u st
h a v e a sk ed h im a h u n dr ed t im es, a n d h e’s n ev er been
t o y ou r h ou se on ce.”
A n d lea v in g h er cou sin m or t ified a fr esh , sh e br ok e
ou t a g a in in t o a la u g h w h ich sca n da lised ev er y on e w h o
w a s t r y in g t o list en t o t h e m u sic, bu t a t t r a ct ed t h e
a t t en t ion of Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e, w h o h a d st a y ed,
ou t of polit en ess, n ea r t h e pia n o, a n d ca u g h t sig h t of t h e
Pr in cess n ow for t h e fir st t im e. Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e
w a s a ll t h e m or e delig h t ed t o see Mm e. des La u m es, a s
sh e im a g in ed h er t o be st ill a t Gu er m a n t es, look in g
a ft er h er fa t h er -in -la w , w h o w a s ill.
“ My dea r Pr in cess, y ou h er e?”
“ Y es, I t u ck ed m y self a w a y in a cor n er , a n d I’v e
been h ea r in g su ch lov ely t h in g s.”
“ W h a t , y ou ’v e been in t h e r oom qu it e a t im e?”
“ Oh , y es, qu it e a lon g t im e, w h ich seem ed v er y
sh or t ; it w a s on ly lon g beca u se I cou ldn ’t see y ou .”
Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e offer ed h er ow n ch a ir t o t h e
Pr in cess, w h o declin ed it w it h :
“ Oh , plea se, n o! W h y sh ou ld y ou ? It doesn ’t m a t t er
in t h e lea st w h er e I sit .” A n d deliber a t ely pick in g ou t , so
a s t h e bet t er t o displa y t h e sim plicit y of a r ea lly g r ea t
la dy , a low sea t w it h ou t a ba ck : “ T h er e n ow , t h a t
h a ssock , t h a t ’s a ll I w a n t . It w ill m a k e m e k eep m y ba ck
st r a ig h t . Oh ! Good h ea v en s, I’m m a k in g a n oise a g a in ;
t h ey ’ll be t ellin g y ou t o h a v e m e ‘ch u ck ed ou t ’.”
Mea n w h ile, t h e pia n ist h a v in g dou bled h is speed,
t h e em ot ion of t h e m u sic-lov er s w a s r ea ch in g it s
clim a x , a ser v a n t w a s h a n din g r efr esh m en t s a bou t on a
sa lv er , a n d w a s m a k in g t h e spoon s r a t t le, a n d, a s on
ev er y ot h er ‘pa r t y -n ig h t ’, Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e w a s
m a k in g sig n s t o h im , w h ich h e n ev er sa w , t o lea v e t h e
r oom . A r ecen t br ide, w h o h a d been t old t h a t a y ou n g
w om a n ou g h t n ev er t o a ppea r bor ed, w a s sm ilin g
v ig or ou sly , t r y in g t o ca t ch h er h ost ess’s ey e so a s t o
fla sh a t ok en of h er g r a t it u de for t h e ot h er ’s h a v in g
‘t h ou g h t of h er ’ in con n ect ion w it h so delig h t fu l a n
en t er t a in m en t . A n d y et , a lt h ou g h sh e r em a in ed m or e
ca lm t h a n Mm e. de Fr a n qu et ot , it w a s n ot w it h ou t som e
u n ea sin ess t h a t sh e follow ed t h e fly in g fin g er s; w h a t
a la r m ed h er bein g n ot t h e pia n ist ’s fa t e bu t t h e pia n o’s,
on w h ich a lig h t ed ca n dle, ju m pin g a t ea ch fortis s im o,
t h r ea t en ed, if n ot t o set it s sh a de on fir e, a t lea st t o spill
w a x u pon t h e ebon y . A t la st sh e cou ld con t a in h er self n o
lon g er , a n d, r u n n in g u p t h e t w o st eps of t h e pla t for m on
w h ich t h e pia n o st ood, flu n g h er self on t h e ca n dle t o
a dju st it s scon ce. Bu t sca r cely h a d h er h a n d com e
w it h in r ea ch of it w h en , on a fin a l ch or d, t h e piece
fin ish ed, a n d t h e pia n ist r ose t o h is feet . Nev er t h eless
t h e bold in it ia t iv e sh ew n by t h is y ou n g w om a n a n d t h e
m om en t of blu sh in g con fu sion bet w een h er a n d t h e
pia n ist w h ich r esu lt ed fr om it , pr odu ced a n im pr ession
t h a t w a s fa v ou r a ble on t h e w h ole.
“ Did y ou see w h a t t h a t g ir l did ju st n ow , Pr in cess?”
a sk ed Gen er a l de Fr ober v ille, w h o h a d com e u p t o Mm e.
des La u m es a s h er h ost ess left h er for a m om en t . “ Odd,
w a sn ’t it ? Is sh e on e of t h e per for m er s?”
“ No, sh e’s a lit t le Mm e. de Ca m br em er ,” r eplied t h e
Pr in cess ca r elessly , a n d t h en , w it h m or e a n im a t ion : “ I
a m on ly r epea t in g w h a t I h ea r d ju st n ow , m y self; I
h a v en ’t t h e fa in t est n ot ion w h o sa id it , it w a s som e on e
beh in d m e w h o sa id t h a t t h ey w er e n eig h bou r s of Mm e.
de Sa in t -Eu v er t e in t h e cou n t r y , bu t I don ’t believ e
a n y on e k n ow s t h em , r ea lly . T h ey m u st be ‘cou n t r y
cou sin s’! By t h e w a y , I don ’t k n ow w h et h er y ou ’r e
pa r t icu la r ly ‘w ell-u p’ in t h e br illia n t societ y w h ich w e
see befor e u s, beca u se I’v e n o idea w h o a ll t h ese
a st on ish in g people ca n be. W h a t do y ou su ppose t h ey do
w it h t h em selv es w h en t h ey ’r e n ot a t Mm e. de Sa in t -
Eu v er t e’s pa r t ies? Sh e m u st h a v e or der ed t h em in w it h
t h e m u sicia n s a n d t h e ch a ir s a n d t h e food. ‘Un iv er sa l
pr ov ider s,’ y ou k n ow . Y ou m u st a dm it , t h ey ’r e r a t h er
splen did, Gen er a l. Bu t ca n sh e r ea lly h a v e t h e cou r a g e
t o h ir e t h e sa m e ‘su per s’ ev er y w eek ? It isn ’t possible!”
“ Oh , bu t Ca m br em er is qu it e a g ood n a m e; old, t oo,”
pr ot est ed t h e Gen er a l.
“ I see n o object ion t o it s bein g old,” t h e Pr in cess
a n sw er ed dr y ly , “ bu t w h a t ev er else it is it ’s n ot
eu ph on iou s,” sh e w en t on , isola t in g t h e w or d
eu ph on iou s a s t h ou g h bet w een in v er t ed com m a s, a
lit t le a ffect a t ion t o w h ich t h e Gu er m a n t es set w er e
a ddict ed.
“ Y ou t h in k n ot , eh ! Sh e’s a r eg u la r lit t le pea ch ,
t h ou g h ,” sa id t h e Gen er a l, w h ose ey es n ev er st r a y ed
fr om Mm e. de Ca m br em er . “ Don ’t y ou a g r ee w it h m e,
Pr in cess?”
“ Sh e t h r u st s h er self for w a r d t oo m u ch ; I t h in k , in so
y ou n g a w om a n , t h a t ’s n ot v er y n ice — for I don ’t
su ppose sh e’s m y g en er a t ion ,” r eplied Mm e. des La u m es
(t h e la st w or d bein g com m on , it a ppea r ed, t o Ga lla r don
a n d Gu er m a n t es). A n d t h en , seein g t h a t M. de
Fr ober v ille w a s st ill g a zin g a t Mm e. de Ca m br em er , sh e
a dded, h a lf ou t of m a lice t ow a r ds t h e la dy , h a lf w ish in g
t o oblig e t h e Gen er a l: “ Not v er y n ice . . . for h er
h u sba n d! I a m sor r y t h a t I do n ot k n ow h er , sin ce sh e
seem s t o a t t r a ct y ou so m u ch ; I m ig h t h a v e in t r odu ced
y ou t o h er ,” sa id t h e Pr in cess, w h o, if sh e h a d k n ow n
t h e y ou n g w om a n , w ou ld m ost pr oba bly h a v e don e
n ot h in g of t h e sor t . “ A n d n ow I m u st sa y g ood n ig h t ,
beca u se on e of m y fr ien ds is h a v in g a bir t h da y pa r t y ,
a n d I m u st g o a n d w ish h er m a n y h a ppy r et u r n s,” sh e
ex pla in ed, m odest ly a n d w it h t r u t h , r edu cin g t h e
fa sh ion a ble g a t h er in g t o w h ich sh e w a s g oin g t o t h e
sim ple pr opor t ion s of a cer em on y w h ich w ou ld be
bor in g in t h e ex t r em e, bu t a t w h ich sh e w a s oblig ed t o
be pr esen t , a n d t h er e w ou ld be som et h in g t ou ch in g
a bou t h er a ppea r a n ce. “ Besides, I m u st pick u p Ba sin .
W h ile I’v e been h er e, h e’s g on e t o see t h ose fr ien ds of h is
— y ou k n ow t h em t oo, I’m su r e, — w h o a r e ca lled a ft er a
br idg e — oh , y es, t h e Ién a s.”
“ It w a s a ba t t le befor e it w a s a br idg e, Pr in cess; it
w a s a v ict or y !” sa id t h e Gen er a l. “ I m ea n t o sa y , t o a n
old soldier lik e m e,” h e w en t on , w ipin g h is m on ocle a n d
r epla cin g it , a s t h ou g h h e w er e la y in g a fr esh dr essin g
on t h e r a w w ou n d u n der n ea t h , w h ile t h e Pr in cess
in st in ct iv ely look ed a w a y , “ t h a t Em pir e n obilit y , w ell,
of cou r se, it ’s n ot t h e sa m e t h in g , bu t , a ft er a ll, t a k in g it
a s it is, it ’s v er y fin e of it s k in d; t h ey w er e people w h o
r ea lly did fig h t lik e h er oes.”
“ Bu t I h a v e t h e deepest r espect for h er oes,” t h e
Pr in cess a ssen t ed, t h ou g h w it h a fa in t t r a ce of ir on y . “ If
I don ’t g o w it h Ba sin t o see t h is Pr in cesse d’Ién a , it isn ’t
for t h a t , a t a ll; it ’s sim ply beca u se I don ’t k n ow t h em .
Ba sin k n ow s t h em ; h e w or sh ips t h em . Oh , n o, it ’s n ot
w h a t y ou t h in k ; h e’s n ot in lov e w it h h er . I’v e n ot h in g
t o set m y fa ce a g a in st ! Besides, w h a t g ood h a s it ev er
don e w h en I h a v e set m y fa ce a g a in st t h em ?” sh e
qu er ied sa dly , for t h e w h ole w or ld k n ew t h a t , ev er sin ce
t h e da y u pon w h ich t h e Pr in ce des La u m es h a d m a r r ied
h is fa scin a t in g cou sin , h e h a d been con sist en t ly
u n fa it h fu l t o h er . “ A n y h ow , it isn ’t t h a t a t a ll. T h ey ’r e
people h e h a s k n ow n for ev er so lon g , t h ey do h im v er y
w ell, a n d t h a t su it s m e dow n t o t h e g r ou n d. Bu t I m u st
t ell y ou w h a t h e’s t old m e a bou t t h eir h ou se; it ’s qu it e
en ou g h . Ca n y ou im a g in e it , a ll t h eir fu r n it u r e is
‘Em pir e’!”
“ Bu t , m y dea r Pr in cess, t h a t ’s on ly n a t u r a l; it
belon g ed t o t h eir g r a n dpa r en t s.”
“ I don ’t qu it e sa y it didn ’t , bu t t h a t doesn ’t m a k e it
a n y less u g ly . I qu it e u n der st a n d t h a t people ca n ’t
a lw a y s h a v e n ice t h in g s, bu t a t lea st t h ey n eedn ’t h a v e
t h in g s t h a t a r e m er ely g r ot esqu e. W h a t do y ou sa y ? I
ca n t h in k of n ot h in g m or e dev a st a t in g , m or e u t t er ly
sm u g t h a n t h a t h ideou s st y le — ca bin et s cov er ed a ll
ov er w it h sw a n s’ h ea ds, lik e ba t h -t a ps!”
“ Bu t I believ e, a ll t h e sa m e, t h a t t h ey ’v e g ot som e
lov ely t h in g s; w h y , t h ey m u st h a v e t h a t fa m ou s
m osa ic t a ble on w h ich t h e T r ea t y of . . . ”
“ Oh , I don ’t den y , t h ey m a y h a v e t h in g s t h a t a r e
in t er est in g en ou g h fr om t h e h ist or ic poin t of v iew . Bu t
t h in g s lik e t h a t ca n ’t , ev er , be bea u t ifu l . . . beca u se
t h ey ’r e sim ply h or r ible! I’v e g ot t h in g s lik e t h a t m y self,
t h a t ca m e t o Ba sin fr om t h e Mon t esqu iou s. On ly ,
t h ey ’r e u p in t h e a t t ics a t Gu er m a n t es, w h er e n obody
ev er sees t h em . Bu t , a ft er a ll, t h a t ’s n ot t h e poin t , I
w ou ld fly t o see t h em , w it h Ba sin ; I w ou ld ev en g o t o see
t h em a m on g a ll t h eir sph in x es a n d br a sses, if I k n ew
t h em , bu t — I don ’t k n ow t h em ! D’y ou k n ow , I w a s
a lw a y s t a u g h t , w h en I w a s a lit t le g ir l, t h a t it w a s n ot
polit e t o ca ll on people on e didn ’t k n ow .” Sh e a ssu m ed a
t on e of ch ildish g r a v it y . “ A n d so I a m ju st doin g w h a t I
w a s t a u g h t t o do. Ca n ’t y ou see t h ose g ood people, w it h a
t ot a lly st r a n g e w om a n bu r st in g in t o t h eir h ou se? W h y ,
I m ig h t g et a m ost h ost ile r ecept ion .”
A n d sh e coqu et t ish ly en h a n ced t h e ch a r m of t h e
sm ile w h ich t h e idea h a d br ou g h t t o h er lips, by g iv in g
t o h er blu e ey es, w h ich w er e fix ed on t h e Gen er a l, a
g en t le, dr ea m y ex pr ession .
“ My dea r Pr in cess, y ou k n ow t h a t t h ey ’d be sim ply
w ild w it h joy .”
“ No, w h y ?” sh e in qu ir ed, w it h t h e u t m ost v iv a cit y ,
eit h er so a s t o seem u n a w a r e t h a t it w ou ld be beca u se
sh e w a s on e of t h e fir st la dies in Fr a n ce, or so a s t o h a v e
t h e plea su r e of h ea r in g t h e Gen er a l t ell h er so. “ W h y ?
How ca n y ou t ell? Per h a ps t h ey w ou ld t h in k it t h e m ost
u n plea sa n t t h in g t h a t cou ld possibly h a ppen . I k n ow
n ot h in g a bou t t h em , bu t if t h ey ’r e a n y t h in g lik e m e, I
fin d it qu it e bor in g en ou g h t o see t h e people I do k n ow ;
I’m su r e if I h a d t o see people I didn ’t k n ow a s w ell, ev en
if t h ey h a d ‘fou g h t lik e h er oes,’ I sh ou ld g o st a r k m a d.
Besides, ex cept w h en it ’s a n old fr ien d lik e y ou , w h om
on e k n ow s qu it e a pa r t fr om t h a t , I’m n ot su r e t h a t
‘h er oism ’ t a k es on e v er y fa r in societ y . It ’s oft en qu it e
bor in g en ou g h t o h a v e t o g iv e a din n er -pa r t y , bu t if on e
h a d t o offer on e’s a r m t o Spa r t a cu s, t o let h im t a k e on e
dow n . . .! Rea lly , n o; it w ou ld n ev er be V er cin g et or ix I
sh ou ld sen d for , t o m a k e a fou r t een t h . I feel su r e, I
sh ou ld k eep h im for r ea lly big ‘cr u sh es.’ A n d a s I n ev er
g iv e a n y . . . ”
“ A h ! Pr in cess, it ’s ea sy t o see y ou ’r e n ot a
Gu er m a n t es for n ot h in g . Y ou h a v e y ou r sh a r e of it , a ll
r ig h t , t h e ‘w it of t h e Gu er m a n t es’!”
“ Bu t people a lw a y s t a lk a bou t t h e w it of t h e
Gu er m a n t es; I n ev er cou ld m a k e ou t w h y . Do y ou
r ea lly k n ow a n y ot h er s w h o h a v e it ?” sh e r a llied h im ,
w it h a r ipplin g flow of la u g h t er , h er fea t u r es
con cen t r a t ed, y ok ed t o t h e ser v ice of h er a n im a t ion ,
h er ey es spa r k lin g , bla zin g w it h a r a dia n t su n sh in e of
g a iet y w h ich cou ld be k in dled on ly by su ch speech es —
ev en if t h e Pr in cess h a d t o m a k e t h em h er self — a s w er e
in pr a ise of h er w it or of h er bea u t y . “ Look , t h er e’s
Sw a n n t a lk in g t o y ou r Ca m br em er w om a n ; ov er t h er e,
beside old Sa in t -Eu v er t e, don ’t y ou see h im ? A sk h im t o
in t r odu ce y ou . Bu t h u r r y u p, h e seem s t o be ju st g oin g !”
“ Did y ou n ot ice h ow dr ea dfu lly ill h e’s look in g ?”
a sk ed t h e Gen er a l.
“ My pr eciou s Ch a r les? A h , h e’s com in g a t la st ; I w a s
beg in n in g t o t h in k h e didn ’t w a n t t o see m e!”
Sw a n n w a s ex t r em ely fon d of t h e Pr in cesse des
La u m es, a n d t h e sig h t of h er r eca lled t o h im
Gu er m a n t es, a pr oper t y close t o Com br a y , a n d a ll t h a t
cou n t r y w h ich h e so dea r ly lov ed a n d h a d cea sed t o
v isit , so a s n ot t o be sepa r a t ed fr om Odet t e. Slippin g in t o
t h e m a n n er , h a lf-a r t ist ic, h a lf-a m or ou s — w it h w h ich
h e cou ld a lw a y s m a n a g e t o a m u se t h e Pr in cess — a
m a n n er w h ich ca m e t o h im qu it e n a t u r a lly w h en ev er
h e dipped for a m om en t in t o t h e old socia l a t m osph er e,
a n d w ish in g a lso t o ex pr ess in w or ds, for h is ow n
sa t isfa ct ion , t h e lon g in g t h a t h e felt for t h e cou n t r y :
“ A h !” h e ex cla im ed, or r a t h er in t on ed, in su ch a
w a y a s t o be a u dible a t on ce t o Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e,
t o w h om h e spok e, a n d t o Mm e. des La u m es, for w h om
h e w a s spea k in g , “ Beh old ou r ch a r m in g Pr in cess! See,
sh e h a s com e u p on pu r pose fr om Gu er m a n t es t o h ea r
Sa in t Fr a n cis pr ea ch t o t h e bir ds, a n d h a s on ly ju st h a d
t im e, lik e a dea r lit t le t it -m ou se, t o g o a n d pick a few
lit t le h ips a n d h a w s a n d pu t t h em in h er h a ir ; t h er e a r e
ev en som e dr ops of dew u pon t h em st ill, a lit t le of t h e
h oa r -fr ost w h ich m u st be m a k in g t h e Du ch ess, dow n
t h er e, sh iv er . It is v er y pr et t y in deed, m y dea r
Pr in cess.”
“ W h a t ! T h e Pr in cess ca m e u p on pu r pose fr om
Gu er m a n t es? Bu t t h a t ’s t oo w on der fu l! I n ev er k n ew ;
I’m qu it e bew ilder ed,” Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e pr ot est ed
w it h qu a in t sim plicit y , bein g bu t lit t le a ccu st om ed t o
Sw a n n ’s w a y of spea k in g . A n d t h en , ex a m in in g t h e
Pr in cess’s h ea ddr ess, “ W h y , y ou ’r e qu it e r ig h t ; it is
copied fr om . . . w h a t sh a ll I sa y , n ot ch est n u t s, n o, —
oh , it ’s a delig h t fu l idea , bu t h ow ca n t h e Pr in cess h a v e
k n ow n w h a t w a s g oin g t o be on m y pr og r a m m e? T h e
m u sicia n s didn ’t t ell m e, ev en .”
Sw a n n , w h o w a s a ccu st om ed, w h en h e w a s w it h a
w om a n w h om h e h a d k ept u p t h e h a bit of a ddr essin g in
t er m s of g a lla n t r y , t o pa y h er delica t e com plim en t s
w h ich m ost ot h er people w ou ld n ot a n d n eed n ot
u n der st a n d, did n ot con descen d t o ex pla in t o Mm e. de
Sa in t -Eu v er t e th at he had been spea k in g
m et a ph or ica lly . A s for t h e Pr in cess, sh e w a s in fit s of
la u g h t er , bot h beca u se Sw a n n ’s w it w a s h ig h ly
a ppr ecia t ed by h er set , a n d beca u se sh e cou ld n ev er
h ea r a com plim en t a ddr essed t o h er self w it h ou t fin din g
it ex qu isit ely su bt le a n d ir r esist ibly a m u sin g .
“ In deed! I’m delig h t ed, Ch a r les, if m y lit t le h ips a n d
h a w s m eet w it h y ou r a ppr ov a l. Bu t t ell m e, w h y did
y ou bow t o t h a t Ca m br em er per son , a r e y ou a lso h er
n eig h bou r in t h e cou n t r y ?”
Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e, seein g t h a t t h e Pr in cess
seem ed qu it e h a ppy t a lk in g t o Sw a n n , h a d dr ift ed
aw ay .
“ Bu t y ou a r e, y ou r self, Pr in cess!”
“ I! W h y , t h ey m u st h a v e ‘cou n t r ies’ ev er y w h er e,
t h ose cr ea t u r es! Don ’t I w ish I h a d!”
“ No, n ot t h e Ca m br em er s; h er ow n people. Sh e w a s
a Leg r a n din , a n d u sed t o com e t o Com br a y . I don ’t k n ow
w h et h er y ou a r e a w a r e t h a t y ou a r e Com t esse de
Com br a y , a n d t h a t t h e Ch a pt er ow es y ou a du e.”
“ I don ’t k n ow w h a t t h e Ch a pt er ow es m e, bu t I do
k n ow t h a t I’m ‘t ou ch ed’ for a h u n dr ed fr a n cs, ev er y
y ea r , by t h e Cu r é, w h ich is a du e t h a t I cou ld v er y w ell
do w it h ou t . Bu t su r ely t h ese Ca m br em er s h a v e r a t h er a
st a r t lin g n a m e. It en ds ju st in t im e, bu t it en ds ba dly !”
sh e sa id w it h a la u g h .
“ It beg in s n o bet t er .” Sw a n n t ook t h e poin t .
“ Y es; t h a t dou ble a bbr ev ia t ion !”
“ Som e on e v er y a n g r y a n d v er y pr oper w h o didn ’t
da r e t o fin ish t h e fir st w or d.”
“ Bu t sin ce h e cou ldn ’t st op h im self beg in n in g t h e
secon d, h e’d h a v e don e bet t er t o fin ish t h e fir st a n d be
don e w it h it . W e a r e in du lg in g in t h e m ost r efin ed for m
of h u m ou r , m y dea r Ch a r les, in t h e v er y best of t a st e —
bu t h ow t ir esom e it is t h a t I n ev er see y ou n ow ,” sh e
w en t on in a coa x in g t on e, “ I do so lov e t a lk in g t o y ou .
Ju st im a g in e, I cou ld n ot m a k e t h a t idiot Fr ober v ille see
t h a t t h er e w a s a n y t h in g fu n n y a bou t t h e n a m e
Ca m br em er . Do a g r ee t h a t life is a dr ea dfu l bu sin ess.
It ’s on ly w h en I see y ou t h a t I st op feelin g bor ed.”
W h ich w a s pr oba bly n ot t r u e. Bu t Sw a n n a n d t h e
Pr in cess h a d t h e sa m e w a y of look in g a t t h e lit t le t h in g s
of life — t h e effect , if n ot t h e ca u se of w h ich w a s a close
a n a log y bet w een t h eir m odes of ex pr ession a n d ev en of
pr on u n cia t ion . T h is sim ila r it y w a s n ot st r ik in g beca u se
n o t w o t h in g s cou ld h a v e been m or e u n lik e t h a n t h eir
v oices. Bu t if on e t ook t h e t r ou ble t o im a g in e Sw a n n ’s
u t t er a n ces div est ed of t h e son or it y t h a t en w r a pped
t h em , of t h e m ou st a ch e fr om u n der w h ich t h ey
em er g ed, on e fou n d t h a t t h ey w er e t h e sa m e ph r a ses,
t h e sa m e in flex ion s, t h a t t h ey h a d t h e ‘t on e’ of t h e
Gu er m a n t es set . On im por t a n t m a t t er s, Sw a n n a n d t h e
Pr in cess h a d n ot a n idea in com m on . Bu t sin ce Sw a n n
h a d becom e so m ela n ch oly , a n d w a s a lw a y s in t h a t
t r em blin g con dit ion w h ich pr ecedes a flood of t ea r s, h e
h a d t h e sa m e n eed t o spea k a bou t h is g r ief t h a t a
m u r der er h a s t o t ell som e on e a bou t h is cr im e. A n d
w h en h e h ea r d t h e Pr in cess sa y t h a t life w a s a dr ea dfu l
bu sin ess, h e felt a s m u ch com for t ed a s if sh e h a d spok en
t o h im of Odet t e.
“ Y es, life is a dr ea dfu l bu sin ess! W e m u st m eet m or e
oft en , m y dea r fr ien d. W h a t is so n ice a bou t y ou is t h a t
y ou a r e n ot ch eer fu l. W e cou ld spen d a m ost plea sa n t
ev en in g t og et h er .”
“ I’m su r e w e cou ld; w h y n ot com e dow n t o
Gu er m a n t es? My m ot h er -in -la w w ou ld be w ild w it h joy .
It ’s su pposed t o be v er y u g ly dow n t h er e, bu t I m u st
sa y , I fin d t h e n eig h bor h ood n ot a t a ll u n a t t r a ct iv e; I
h a v e a h or r or of ‘pict u r esqu e spot s’.”
“ I k n ow it w ell, it ’s delig h t fu l!” r eplied Sw a n n . “ It ’s
a lm ost t oo bea u t ifu l, t oo m u ch a liv e for m e ju st a t
pr esen t ; it ’s a cou n t r y t o be h a ppy in . It ’s per h a ps
beca u se I h a v e liv ed t h er e, bu t t h in g s t h er e spea k t o m e
so. A s soon a s a br ea t h of w in d g et s u p, a n d t h e
cor n fields beg in t o st ir , I feel t h a t som e on e is g oin g t o
a ppea r su dden ly , t h a t I a m g oin g t o h ea r som e n ew s;
a n d t h ose lit t le h ou ses by t h e w a t er ’s edg e . . . I sh ou ld
be qu it e w r et ch ed!”
“ Oh ! m y dea r est Ch a r les, do t a k e ca r e; t h er e’s t h a t
a ppa llin g Ra m pillon w om a n ; sh e’s seen m e; h ide m e
som ew h er e, do t ell m e a g a in , qu ick ly , w h a t it w a s t h a t
h a ppen ed t o h er ; I g et so m ix ed u p; sh e’s ju st m a r r ied off
h er da u g h t er , or h er lov er (I n ev er ca n r em em ber ), —
per h a ps bot h — t o ea ch ot h er ! Oh , n o, I r em em ber n ow ,
sh e’s been dr opped by h er Pr in ce . . . Pr et en d t o be
t a lk in g , so t h a t t h e poor old Ber en ice sh a ’n ’t com e a n d
in v it e m e t o din n er . A n y h ow , I’m g oin g . List en , m y
dea r est Ch a r les, n ow t h a t I h a v e seen y ou , on ce in a
blu e m oon , w on ’t y ou let m e ca r r y y ou off a n d t a k e y ou
t o t h e Pr in cesse de Pa r m e’s, w h o w ou ld be so plea sed t o
see y ou (y ou k n ow ), a n d Ba sin t oo, for t h a t m a t t er ; h e’s
m eet in g m e t h er e. If on e didn ’t g et n ew s of y ou ,
som et im es, fr om Mém é . . . Rem em ber , I n ev er see y ou
a t a ll n ow !”
Sw a n n declin ed. Ha v in g t old M. de Ch a r lu s t h a t , on
lea v in g Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s, h e w ou ld g o st r a ig h t
h om e, h e did n ot ca r e t o r u n t h e r isk , by g oin g on n ow
t o t h e Pr in cesse de Pa r m e’s, of m issin g a m essa g e w h ich
h e h a d, a ll t h e t im e, been h opin g t o see br ou g h t in t o
h im by on e of t h e foot m en , du r in g t h e pa r t y , a n d w h ich
h e w a s per h a ps g oin g t o fin d left w it h h is ow n por t er , a t
h om e.
“ Poor Sw a n n ,” sa id Mm e. des La u m es t h a t n ig h t t o
h er h u sba n d; “ h e is a lw a y s ch a r m in g , bu t h e does look
so dr ea dfu lly u n h a ppy . Y ou w ill see for y ou r self, for h e
h a s pr om ised t o din e w it h u s on e of t h ese da y s. I do feel
t h a t it ’s r ea lly a bsu r d t h a t a m a n of h is in t ellig en ce
sh ou ld let h im self be m a de t o su ffer by a cr ea t u r e of
t h a t k in d, w h o isn ’t ev en in t er est in g , for t h ey t ell m e,
sh e’s a n a bsolu t e idiot !” sh e con clu ded w it h t h e w isdom
in v a r ia bly sh ew n by people w h o, n ot bein g in lov e
t h em selv es, feel t h a t a clev er m a n ou g h t t o be u n h a ppy
on ly a bou t su ch per son s a s a r e w or t h h is w h ile; w h ich is
r a t h er lik e bein g a st on ish ed t h a t a n y on e sh ou ld
con descen d t o die of ch oler a a t t h e biddin g of so
in sig n ifica n t a cr ea t u r e a s t h e com m on ba cillu s.
Sw a n n n ow w ish ed t o g o h om e, bu t , ju st a s h e w a s
m a k in g h is esca pe, Gen er a l de Fr ober v ille ca u g h t h im
a n d a sk ed for a n in t r odu ct ion t o Mm e. de Ca m br em er ,
a n d h e w a s oblig ed t o g o ba ck in t o t h e r oom t o look for
h er .
“ I sa y , Sw a n n , I’d r a t h er be m a r r ied t o t h a t lit t le
w om a n t h a n k illed by sa v a g es, w h a t do y ou sa y ?”
T h e w or ds ‘k illed by sa v a g es’ pier ced Sw a n n ’s
a ch in g h ea r t ; a n d a t on ce h e felt t h e n eed of con t in u in g
t h e con v er sa t ion . “ A h !” h e beg a n , “ som e fin e liv es h a v e
been lost in t h a t w a y . . . T h er e w a s, y ou r em em ber ,
t h a t ex plor er w h ose r em a in s Du m on t d’Ur v ille br ou g h t
ba ck , La Pér ou se . . . ” (a n d h e w a s a t on ce h a ppy a g a in ,
a s t h ou g h h e h a d n a m ed Odet t e). “ He w a s a fin e
ch a r a ct er , a n d in t er est s m e v er y m u ch , does La
Pér ou se,” h e en ded sa dly .
“ Oh , y es, of cou r se, La Pér ou se,” sa id t h e Gen er a l.
“ It ’s qu it e a w ell-k n ow n n a m e. T h er e’s a st r eet ca lled
t h a t .”
“ Do y ou k n ow a n y on e in t h e Ru e La Pér ou se?” a sk ed
Sw a n n ex cit edly .
 “ On ly Mm e. de Ch a n liv a u lt , t h e sist er of t h a t g ood
fellow Ch a u ssepier r e. Sh e g a v e a m ost a m u sin g t h ea t r e-
pa r t y t h e ot h er ev en in g . T h a t ’s a h ou se t h a t w ill be
r ea lly sm a r t som e da y , y ou ’ll see!”
“ Oh , so sh e liv es in t h e Ru e La Pér ou se. It ’s
a t t r a ct iv e; I lik e t h a t st r eet ; it ’s so som br e.”
“ In deed it isn ’t . Y ou ca n ’t h a v e been in it for a lon g
t im e; it ’s n ot a t a ll som br e n ow ; t h ey ’r e beg in n in g t o
bu ild a ll r ou n d t h er e.”
W h en Sw a n n did fin a lly in t r odu ce M. de Fr ober v ille
t o t h e y ou n g Mm e. de Ca m br em er , sin ce it w a s t h e fir st
t im e t h a t sh e h a d h ea r d t h e Gen er a l’s n a m e, sh e
h a st ily ou t lin ed u pon h er lips t h e sm ile of joy a n d
su r pr ise w it h w h ich sh e w ou ld h a v e g r eet ed h im if sh e
h a d n ev er , in t h e w h ole of h er life, h ea r d a n y t h in g else;
for , a s sh e did n ot y et k n ow a ll t h e fr ien ds of h er n ew
fa m ily , w h en ev er a n y on e w a s pr esen t ed t o h er , sh e
a ssu m ed t h a t h e m u st be on e of t h em , a n d t h in k in g
t h a t sh e w ou ld sh ew h er t a ct by a ppea r in g t o h a v e
h ea r d ‘su ch a lot a bou t h im ’ sin ce h er m a r r ia g e, sh e
w ou ld h old ou t h er h a n d w it h a n a ir of h esit a t ion w h ich
w a s m ea n t a s a pr oof a t on ce of t h e in cu lca t ed r eser v e
w h ich sh e h a d t o ov er com e a n d of t h e spon t a n eou s
fr ien dlin ess w h ich su ccessfu lly ov er ca m e it . A n d so h er
pa r en t s-in -la w , w h om sh e st ill r eg a r ded a s t h e m ost
em in en t pa ir in Fr a n ce, decla r ed t h a t sh e w a s a n a n g el;
a ll t h e m or e t h a t t h ey pr efer r ed t o a ppea r , in m a r r y in g
h er t o t h eir son , t o h a v e y ielded t o t h e a t t r a ct ion r a t h er
of h er n a t u r a l ch a r m t h a n of h er con sider a ble for t u n e.
“ It ’s ea sy t o see t h a t y ou ’r e a m u sicia n h ea r t a n d
sou l, Ma da m e,” sa id t h e Gen er a l, a llu din g t o t h e
in ciden t of t h e ca n dle.
Mea n w h ile t h e con cer t h a d beg u n a g a in , a n d
Sw a n n sa w t h a t h e cou ld n ot n ow g o befor e t h e en d of
t h e n ew n u m ber . He su ffer ed g r ea t ly fr om bein g sh u t
u p a m on g a ll t h ese people w h ose st u pidit y a n d
a bsu r dit ies w ou n ded h im a ll t h e m or e cr u elly sin ce,
bein g ig n or a n t of h is lov e, in ca pa ble, h a d t h ey k n ow n of
it , of t a k in g a n y in t er est , or of doin g m or e t h a n sm ile a t
it a s a t som e ch ildish jok e, or deplor e it a s a n a ct of
in sa n it y , t h ey m a de it a ppea r t o h im in t h e a spect of a
su bject iv e st a t e w h ich ex ist ed for h im self a lon e, w h ose
r ea lit y t h er e w a s n ot h in g ex t er n a l t o con fir m ; h e
su ffer ed ov er w h elm in g ly , t o t h e poin t a t w h ich ev en
t h e sou n d of t h e in st r u m en t s m a de h im w a n t t o cr y ,
fr om h a v in g t o pr olon g h is ex ile in t h is pla ce t o w h ich
Odet t e w ou ld n ev er com e, in w h ich n o on e, n ot h in g w a s
a w a r e of h er ex ist en ce, fr om w h ich sh e w a s en t ir ely
a bsen t .
Bu t su dden ly it w a s a s t h ou g h sh e h a d en t er ed, a n d
t h is a ppa r it ion t or e h im w it h su ch a n g u ish t h a t h is
h a n d r ose im pu lsiv ely t o h is h ea r t . W h a t h a d h a ppen ed
w a s t h a t t h e v iolin h a d r isen t o a ser ies of h ig h n ot es, on
w h ich it r est ed a s t h ou g h ex pect in g som et h in g , a n
ex pect a n cy w h ich it pr olon g ed w it h ou t cea sin g t o h old
on t o t h e n ot es, in t h e ex a lt a t ion w it h w h ich it a lr ea dy
sa w t h e ex pect ed object a ppr oa ch in g , a n d w it h a
desper a t e effor t t o con t in u e u n t il it s a r r iv a l, t o w elcom e
it befor e it self ex pir ed, t o k eep t h e w a y open for a
m om en t lon g er , w it h a ll it s r em a in in g st r en g t h , t h a t
t h e st r a n g er m ig h t en t er in , a s on e h olds a door open
t h a t w ou ld ot h er w ise a u t om a t ica lly close. A n d befor e
Sw a n n h a d h a d t im e t o u n der st a n d w h a t w a s
h a ppen in g , t o t h in k : “ It is t h e lit t le ph r a se fr om
V in t eu il’s son a t a . I m u st n ’t list en !” , a ll h is m em or ies of
t h e da y s w h en Odet t e h a d been in lov e w it h h im , w h ich
h e h a d su cceeded, u p t ill t h a t ev en in g , in k eepin g
in v isible in t h e dept h s of h is bein g , deceiv ed by t h is
su dden r eflect ion of a sea son of lov e, w h ose su n , t h ey
su pposed, h a d da w n ed a g a in , h a d a w a k en ed fr om t h eir
slu m ber , h a d t a k en w in g a n d r isen t o sin g
m a dden in g ly in h is ea r s, w it h ou t pit y for h is pr esen t
desola t ion , t h e for g ot t en st r a in s of h a ppin ess.
In pla ce of t h e a bst r a ct ex pr ession s “ t h e t im e w h en I
w a s h a ppy ,” “ t h e t im e w h en I w a s lov ed,” w h ich h e h a d
oft en u sed u n t il t h en , a n d w it h ou t m u ch su ffer in g , for
h is in t ellig en ce h a d n ot em bodied in t h em a n y t h in g of
t h e pa st sa v e fict it iou s ex t r a ct s w h ich pr eser v ed n on e of
t h e r ea lit y , h e n ow r ecov er ed ev er y t h in g t h a t h a d fix ed
u n a lt er a bly t h e pecu lia r , v ola t ile essen ce of t h a t lost
h a ppin ess; h e cou ld see it a ll; t h e sn ow y , cu r led pet a ls of
t h e ch r y sa n t h em u m w h ich sh e h a d t ossed a ft er h im
in t o h is ca r r ia g e, w h ich h e h a d k ept pr essed t o h is lips,
t h e a ddr ess ‘Ma ison Dor ée,’ em bossed on t h e n ot e-pa per
on w h ich h e h a d r ea d “ My h a n d t r em bles so a s I w r it e t o
y ou ,” t h e fr ow n in g con t r a ct ion of h er ey ebr ow s w h en
sh e sa id plea din g ly : “ Y ou w on ’t let it be v er y lon g befor e
y ou sen d for m e?” ; h e cou ld sm ell t h e h ea t ed ir on of t h e
ba r ber w h om h e u sed t o h a v e in t o sin g e h is h a ir w h ile
Lor eda n w en t t o fet ch t h e lit t le w or k in g g ir l; cou ld feel
t h e t or r en t s of r a in w h ich fell so oft en t h a t spr in g , t h e
ice-cold h om ew a r d dr iv e in h is v ict or ia , by m oon lig h t ;
a ll t h e n et w or k of m en t a l h a bit s, of sea son a ble
im pr ession s, of sen sor y r ea ct ion s, w h ich h a d ex t en ded
ov er a ser ies of w eek s it s u n ifor m m esh es, by w h ich h is
body n ow fou n d it self in ex t r ica bly h eld. A t t h a t t im e h e
h a d been sa t isfy in g a sen su a l cu r iosit y t o k n ow w h a t
w er e t h e plea su r es of t h ose people w h o liv ed for lov e
a lon e. He h a d su pposed t h a t h e cou ld st op t h er e, t h a t h e
w ou ld n ot be oblig ed t o lea r n t h eir sor r ow s a lso; h ow
sm a ll a t h in g t h e a ct u a l ch a r m of Odet t e w a s n ow in
com pa r ison w it h t h a t for m ida ble t er r or w h ich ex t en ded
it lik e a clou dy h a lo a ll a r ou n d h er , t h a t en or m ou s
a n g u ish of n ot k n ow in g a t ev er y h ou r of t h e da y a n d
n ig h t w h a t sh e h a d been doin g , of n ot possessin g h er
w h olly , a t a ll t im es a n d in a ll pla ces! A la s, h e r eca lled
t h e a ccen t s in w h ich sh e h a d ex cla im ed: “ Bu t I ca n see
y ou a t a n y t im e; I a m a lw a y s fr ee!” — sh e, w h o w a s
n ev er fr ee n ow ; t h e in t er est , t h e cu r iosit y t h a t sh e h a d
sh ew n in h is life, h er pa ssion a t e desir e t h a t h e sh ou ld do
h er t h e fa v ou r — of w h ich it w a s h e w h o, t h en , h a d felt
su spiciou s, a s of a possibly t ediou s w a st e of h is t im e a n d
dist u r ba n ce of h is a r r a n g em en t s — of g r a n t in g h er
a ccess t o h is st u dy ; h ow sh e h a d been oblig ed t o beg t h a t
h e w ou ld let h er t a k e h im t o t h e V er du r in s’; a n d, w h en
h e did a llow h er t o com e t o h im on ce a m on t h , h ow sh e
h a d fir st , befor e h e w ou ld let h im self be sw a y ed, h a d t o
r epea t w h a t a joy it w ou ld be t o h er , t h a t cu st om of
t h eir seein g ea ch ot h er da ily , for w h ich sh e h a d lon g ed
a t a t im e w h en t o h im it h a d seem ed on ly a t ir esom e
dist r a ct ion , for w h ich , sin ce t h a t t im e, sh e h a d
con ceiv ed a dist a st e a n d h a d defin it ely br ok en h er self of
it , w h ile it h a d becom e for h im so in sa t ia ble, so dolor ou s
a n eed. Lit t le h a d h e su spect ed h ow t r u ly h e spok e
w h en , on t h eir t h ir d m eet in g , a s sh e r epea t ed: “ Bu t
w h y don ’t y ou let m e com e t o y ou oft en er ?” h e h a d t old
h er , la u g h in g , a n d in a v ein of g a lla n t r y , t h a t it w a s for
fea r of for m in g a h opeless pa ssion . Now , a la s, it st ill
h a ppen ed a t t im es t h a t sh e w r ot e t o h im fr om a
r est a u r a n t or h ot el, on pa per w h ich bor e a pr in t ed
a ddr ess, bu t pr in t ed in let t er s of fir e t h a t sea r ed h is
h ea r t . “ W r it t en fr om t h e Hôt el V ou illem on t . W h a t on
ea r t h ca n sh e h a v e g on e t h er e for ? W it h w h om ? W h a t
h a ppen ed t h er e?” He r em em ber ed t h e g a s-jet s t h a t
w er e bein g ex t in g u ish ed a lon g t h e Bou lev a r d des
It a lien s w h en h e h a d m et h er , w h en a ll h ope w a s g on e
a m on g t h e er r a n t sh a des u pon t h a t n ig h t w h ich h a d
seem ed t o h im a lm ost su per n a t u r a l a n d w h ich n ow
(t h a t n ig h t of a per iod w h en h e h a d n ot ev en t o a sk
h im self w h et h er h e w ou ld be a n n oy in g h er by look in g
for h er a n d by fin din g h er , so cer t a in w a s h e t h a t sh e
k n ew n o g r ea t er h a ppin ess t h a n t o see h im a n d t o let
h im t a k e h er h om e) belon g ed in deed t o a m y st er iou s
w or ld t o w h ich on e n ev er m a y r et u r n a g a in on ce it s
door s a r e closed. A n d Sw a n n cou ld dist in g u ish ,
st a n din g , m ot ion less, befor e t h a t scen e of h a ppin ess in
w h ich it liv ed a g a in , a w r et ch ed fig u r e w h ich filled h im
w it h su ch pit y , beca u se h e did n ot a t fir st r ecog n ise w h o
it w a s, t h a t h e m u st low er h is h ea d, lest a n y on e sh ou ld
obser v e t h a t h is ey es w er e filled w it h t ea r s. It w a s
h im self.
W h en h e h a d r ea lised t h is, h is pit y cea sed; h e w a s
jea lou s, n ow , of t h a t ot h er self w h om sh e h a d lov ed, h e
w a s jea lou s of t h ose m en of w h om h e h a d so oft en sa id,
w it h ou t m u ch su ffer in g : “ Per h a ps sh e’s in lov e w it h
t h em ,” n ow t h a t h e h a d ex ch a n g ed t h e v a g u e idea of
lov in g , in w h ich t h er e is n o lov e, for t h e pet a ls of t h e
ch r y sa n t h em u m a n d t h e ‘let t er -h ea din g ’ of t h e Ma ison
d’Or ; for t h ey w er e fu ll of lov e. A n d t h en , h is a n g u ish
becom in g t oo k een , h e pa ssed h is h a n d ov er h is
for eh ea d, let t h e m on ocle dr op fr om h is ey e, a n d w iped
it s g la ss. A n d dou bt less, if h e h a d ca u g h t sig h t of
h im self a t t h a t m om en t , h e w ou ld h a v e a dded t o t h e
collect ion of t h e m on ocles w h ich h e h a d a lr ea dy
iden t ified, t h is on e w h ich h e r em ov ed, lik e a n
im por t u n a t e, w or r y in g t h ou g h t , fr om h is h ea d, w h ile
fr om it s m ist y su r fa ce, w it h h is h a n dk er ch ief, h e
sou g h t t o oblit er a t e h is ca r es.
T h er e a r e in t h e m u sic of t h e v iolin — if on e does n ot
see t h e in st r u m en t it self, a n d so ca n n ot r ela t e w h a t on e
h ea r s t o it s for m , w h ich m odifies t h e fu lln ess of t h e
sou n d — a ccen t s w h ich a r e so closely a k in t o t h ose of
cer t a in con t r a lt o v oices, t h a t on e h a s t h e illu sion t h a t a
sin g er h a s t a k en h er pla ce a m id t h e or ch est r a . On e
r a ises on e’s ey es; on e sees on ly t h e w ooden ca se, m a g ica l
a s a Ch in ese box ; bu t , a t m om en t s, on e is st ill t r ick ed by
t h e deceiv in g a ppea l of t h e Sir en ; a t t im es, t oo, on e
believ es t h a t on e is list en in g t o a ca pt iv e spir it ,
st r u g g lin g in t h e da r k n ess of it s m a st er fu l box , a box
qu iv er in g w it h en ch a n t m en t , lik e a dev il im m er sed in
a st ou p of h oly w a t er ; som et im es, a g a in , it is in t h e a ir ,
a t la r g e, lik e a pu r e a n d su per n a t u r a l cr ea t u r e t h a t
r ev ea ls t o t h e ea r , a s it pa sses, it s in v isible m essa g e.
A s t h ou g h t h e m u sicia n s w er e n ot n ea r ly so m u ch
pla y in g t h e lit t le ph r a se a s per for m in g t h e r it es on
w h ich it in sist ed befor e it w ou ld con sen t t o a ppea r , a s
pr oceedin g t o u t t er t h e in ca n t a t ion s n ecessa r y t o
pr ocu r e, a n d t o pr olon g for a few m om en t s, t h e m ir a cle
of it s a ppa r it ion , Sw a n n , w h o w a s n o m or e a ble n ow t o
see it t h a n if it h a d belon g ed t o a w or ld of u lt r a -v iolet
lig h t , w h o ex per ien ced som et h in g lik e t h e r efr esh in g
sen se of a m et a m or ph osis in t h e m om en t a r y blin dn ess
w it h w h ich h e h a d been st r u ck a s h e a ppr oa ch ed it ,
Sw a n n felt t h a t it w a s pr esen t , lik e a pr ot ect iv e g oddess,
a con fida n t of h is lov e, w h o, so a s t o be a ble t o com e t o
h im t h r ou g h t h e cr ow d, a n d t o dr a w h im a side t o spea k
t o h im , h a d disg u ised h er self in t h is sw eepin g cloa k of
sou n d. A n d a s sh e pa ssed h im , lig h t , soot h in g , a s soft ly
m u r m u r ed a s t h e per fu m e of a flow er , t ellin g h im w h a t
sh e h a d t o sa y , ev er y w or d of w h ich h e closely sca n n ed,
sor r y t o see t h em fly a w a y so fa st , h e m a de
in v olu n t a r ily w it h h is lips t h e m ot ion of k issin g , a s it
w en t by h im , t h e h a r m on iou s, fleet in g for m .
He felt t h a t h e w a s n o lon g er in ex ile a n d a lon e sin ce
sh e, w h o a ddr essed h er self t o h im , spok e t o h im in a
w h isper of Odet t e. For h e h a d n o lon g er , a s of old, t h e
im pr ession t h a t Odet t e a n d h e w er e n ot k n ow n t o t h e
lit t le ph r a se. Ha d it n ot oft en been t h e w it n ess of t h eir
joy s? T r u e t h a t , a s oft en , it h a d w a r n ed h im of t h eir
fr a ilt y . A n d in deed, w h er ea s, in t h a t dist a n t t im e, h e
h a d div in ed a n elem en t of su ffer in g in it s sm ile, in it s
lim pid a n d disillu sion ed in t on a t ion , t o-n ig h t h e fou n d
t h er e r a t h er t h e ch a r m of a r esig n a t ion t h a t w a s a lm ost
g a y . Of t h ose sor r ow s, of w h ich t h e lit t le ph r a se h a d
spok en t o h im t h en , w h ich h e h a d seen it — w it h ou t h is
bein g t ou ch ed by t h em h im self — ca r r y pa st h im ,
sm ilin g , on it s sin u ou s a n d r a pid cou r se, of t h ose
sor r ow s w h ich w er e n ow becom e h is ow n , w it h ou t h is
h a v in g a n y h ope of bein g , ev er , deliv er ed fr om t h em , it
seem ed t o sa y t o h im , a s on ce it h a d sa id of h is
h a ppin ess: “ W h a t does a ll t h a t m a t t er ; it is a ll
n ot h in g .” A n d Sw a n n ’s t h ou g h t s w er e bor n e for t h e
fir st t im e on a w a v e of pit y a n d t en der n ess t ow a r ds t h a t
V in t eu il, t ow a r ds t h a t u n k n ow n , ex a lt ed br ot h er w h o
a lso m u st h a v e su ffer ed so g r ea t ly ; w h a t cou ld h is life
h a v e been ? Fr om t h e dept h s of w h a t w ell of sor r ow
cou ld h e h a v e dr a w n t h a t g od-lik e st r en g t h , t h a t
u n lim it ed pow er of cr ea t ion ?
W h en it w a s t h e lit t le ph r a se t h a t spok e t o h im of
t h e v a n it y of h is su ffer in g s, Sw a n n fou n d a sw eet n ess in
t h a t v er y w isdom w h ich , bu t a lit t le w h ile ba ck , h a d
seem ed t o h im in t oler a ble w h en h e t h ou g h t t h a t h e
cou ld r ea d it on t h e fa ces of in differ en t st r a n g er s, w h o
w ou ld r eg a r d h is lov e a s a dig r ession t h a t w a s w it h ou t
im por t a n ce. ’T w a s beca u se t h e lit t le ph r a se, u n lik e
t h em , w h a t ev er opin ion it m ig h t h old on t h e sh or t
du r a t ion of t h ese st a t es of t h e sou l, sa w in t h em
som et h in g n ot , a s ev er y on e else sa w , less ser iou s t h a n
t h e ev en t s of ev er y da y life, bu t , on t h e con t r a r y , so fa r
su per ior t o ev er y da y life a s t o be a lon e w or t h y of t h e
t r ou ble of ex pr essin g it . T h ose g r a ces of a n in t im a t e
sor r ow , ’t w a s t h em t h a t t h e ph r a se en dea v ou r ed t o
im it a t e, t o cr ea t e a n ew ; a n d ev en t h eir essen ce, for a ll
t h a t it con sist s in bein g in com m u n ica ble a n d in
a ppea r in g t r iv ia l t o ev er y on e sa v e h im w h o h a s
ex per ien ce of t h em , t h e lit t le ph r a se h a d ca pt u r ed, h a d
r en der ed v isible. So m u ch so t h a t it m a de t h eir v a lu e be
con fessed, t h eir div in e sw eet n ess be t a st ed by a ll t h ose
sa m e on look er s — pr ov ided on ly t h a t t h ey w er e in a n y
sen se m u sica l — w h o, t h e n ex t m om en t , w ou ld ig n or e,
w ou ld disow n t h em in r ea l life, in ev er y in div idu a l lov e
t h a t ca m e in t o bein g ben ea t h t h eir ey es. Dou bt less t h e
for m in w h ich it h a d codified t h ose g r a ces cou ld n ot be
a n a ly sed in t o a n y log ica l elem en t s. Bu t ev er sin ce,
m or e t h a n a y ea r befor e, discov er in g t o h im m a n y of
t h e r ich es of h is ow n sou l, t h e lov e of m u sic h a d been
bor n , a n d for a t im e a t lea st h a d dw elt in h im , Sw a n n
h a d r eg a r ded m u sica l m otifs a s a ct u a l idea s, of a n ot h er
w or ld, of a n ot h er or der , idea s v eiled in sh a dow s,
u n k n ow n , im pen et r a ble by t h e h u m a n m in d, w h ich
n on e t h e less w er e per fect ly dist in ct on e fr om a n ot h er ,
u n equ a l a m on g t h em selv es in v a lu e a n d in
sig n ifica n ce. W h en , a ft er t h a t fir st ev en in g a t t h e
V er du r in s’, h e h a d h a d t h e lit t le ph r a se pla y ed ov er t o
h im a g a in , a n d h a d sou g h t t o disen t a n g le fr om h is
con fu sed im pr ession s h ow it w a s t h a t , lik e a per fu m e or
a ca r ess, it sw ept ov er a n d en v eloped h im , h e h a d
obser v ed t h a t it w a s t o t h e closen ess of t h e in t er v a ls
bet w een t h e fiv e n ot es w h ich com posed it a n d t o t h e
con st a n t r epet it ion of t w o of t h em t h a t w a s du e t h a t
im pr ession of a fr ig id, a con t r a ct ed sw eet n ess; bu t in
r ea lit y h e k n ew t h a t h e w a s ba sin g t h is con clu sion n ot
u pon t h e ph r a se it self, bu t m er ely u pon cer t a in
equ iv a len t s, su bst it u t ed (for h is m in d’s con v en ien ce)
for t h e m y st er iou s en t it y of w h ich h e h a d becom e
a w a r e, befor e ev er h e k n ew t h e V er du r in s, a t t h a t
ea r lier pa r t y , w h en for t h e fir st t im e h e h a d h ea r d t h e
son a t a pla y ed. He k n ew t h a t h is m em or y of t h e pia n o
fa lsified st ill fu r t h er t h e per spect iv e in w h ich h e sa w
t h e m u sic, t h a t t h e field open t o t h e m u sicia n is n ot a
m iser a ble st a v e of sev en n ot es, bu t a n im m ea su r a ble
k ey boa r d (st ill, a lm ost a ll of it , u n k n ow n ), on w h ich ,
h er e a n d t h er e on ly , sepa r a t ed by t h e g r oss da r k n ess of
it s u n ex plor ed t r a ct s, som e few a m on g t h e m illion s of
k ey s, k ey s of t en der n ess, of pa ssion , of cou r a g e, of
ser en it y , w h ich com pose it , ea ch on e differ in g fr om a ll
t h e r est a s on e u n iv er se differ s fr om a n ot h er , h a v e been
discov er ed by cer t a in g r ea t a r t ist s w h o do u s t h e
ser v ice, w h en t h ey a w a k en in u s t h e em ot ion
cor r espon din g t o t h e t h em e w h ich t h ey h a v e fou n d, of
sh ew in g u s w h a t r ich n ess, w h a t v a r iet y lies h idden ,
u n k n ow n t o u s, in t h a t g r ea t bla ck im pen et r a ble n ig h t ,
discou r a g in g ex plor a t ion , of ou r sou l, w h ich w e h a v e
been con t en t t o r eg a r d a s v a lu eless a n d w a st e a n d v oid.
V in t eu il h a d been on e of t h ose m u sicia n s. In h is lit t le
ph r a se, a lbeit it pr esen t ed t o t h e m in d’s ey e a clou ded
su r fa ce, t h er e w a s con t a in ed, on e felt , a m a t t er so
con sist en t , so ex plicit , t o w h ich t h e ph r a se g a v e so n ew ,
so or ig in a l a for ce, t h a t t h ose w h o h a d on ce h ea r d it
pr eser v ed t h e m em or y of it in t h e t r ea su r e-ch a m ber of
t h eir m in ds. Sw a n n w ou ld r epa ir t o it a s t o a con cept ion
of lov e a n d h a ppin ess, of w h ich a t on ce h e k n ew a s w ell
in w h a t r espect s it w a s pecu lia r a s h e w ou ld k n ow of t h e
Princes s e de Clèves , or of René, sh ou ld eit h er of t h ose
t it les occu r t o h im . Ev en w h en h e w a s n ot t h in k in g of
t h e lit t le ph r a se, it ex ist ed, la t en t , in h is m in d, in t h e
sa m e w a y a s cer t a in ot h er con cept ion s w it h ou t
m a t er ia l equ iv a len t , su ch a s ou r n ot ion s of lig h t , of
sou n d, of per spect iv e, of bodily desir e, t h e r ich
possession s w h er ew it h ou r in n er t em ple is div er sified
a n d a dor n ed. Per h a ps w e sh a ll lose t h em , per h a ps t h ey
w ill be oblit er a t ed, if w e r et u r n t o n ot h in g in t h e du st .
Bu t so lon g a s w e a r e a liv e, w e ca n n o m or e br in g
ou r selv es t o a st a t e in w h ich w e sh a ll n ot h a v e k n ow n
t h em t h a n w e ca n w it h r eg a r d t o a n y m a t er ia l object ,
t h a n w e ca n , for ex a m ple, dou bt t h e lu m in osit y of a
la m p t h a t h a s ju st been lig h t ed, in v iew of t h e ch a n g ed
a spect of ev er y t h in g in t h e r oom , fr om w h ich h a s
v a n ish ed ev en t h e m em or y of t h e da r k n ess. In t h a t w a y
V in t eu il’s ph r a se, lik e som e t h em e, sa y , in Tris tan,
w h ich r epr esen t s t o u s a lso a cer t a in a cqu isit ion of
sen t im en t , h a s espou sed ou r m or t a l st a t e, h a d en du ed a
v est u r e of h u m a n it y t h a t w a s a ffect in g en ou g h . It s
dest in y w a s lin k ed, for t h e fu t u r e, w it h t h a t of t h e
h u m a n sou l, of w h ich it w a s on e of t h e specia l, t h e m ost
dist in ct iv e or n a m en t s. Per h a ps it is n ot -bein g t h a t is
t h e t r u e st a t e, a n d a ll ou r dr ea m of life is w it h ou t
ex ist en ce; bu t , if so, w e feel t h a t it m u st be t h a t t h ese
ph r a ses of m u sic, t h ese con cept ion s w h ich ex ist in
r ela t ion t o ou r dr ea m , a r e n ot h in g eit h er . W e sh a ll
per ish , bu t w e h a v e for ou r h ost a g es t h ese div in e
ca pt iv es w h o sh a ll follow a n d sh a r e ou r fa t e. A n d dea t h
in t h eir com pa n y is som et h in g less bit t er , less
in g lor iou s, per h a ps ev en less cer t a in .
So Sw a n n w a s n ot m ist a k en in believ in g t h a t t h e
ph r a se of t h e son a t a did, r ea lly , ex ist . Hu m a n a s it w a s
fr om t h is poin t of v iew , it belon g ed, n on e t h e less, t o a n
or der of su per n a t u r a l cr ea t u r es w h om w e h a v e n ev er
seen , bu t w h om , in spit e of t h a t , w e r ecog n ise a n d
a ccla im w it h r a pt u r e w h en som e ex plor er of t h e u n seen
con t r iv es t o coa x on e for t h , t o br in g it dow n fr om t h a t
div in e w or ld t o w h ich h e h a s a ccess t o sh in e for a br ief
m om en t in t h e fir m a m en t of ou r s. T h is w a s w h a t
V in t eu il h a d don e for t h e lit t le ph r a se. Sw a n n felt t h a t
t h e com poser h a d been con t en t (w it h t h e m u sica l
in st r u m en t s a t h is disposa l) t o dr a w a side it s v eil, t o
m a k e it v isible, follow in g a n d r espect in g it s ou t lin es
w it h a h a n d so lov in g , so pr u den t , so delica t e a n d so
su r e, t h a t t h e sou n d a lt er ed a t ev er y m om en t , blu n t in g
it self t o in dica t e a sh a dow , spr in g in g ba ck in t o life w h en
it m u st follow t h e cu r v e of som e m or e bold pr oject ion .
A n d on e pr oof t h a t Sw a n n w a s n ot m ist a k en w h en h e
believ ed in t h e r ea l ex ist en ce of t h is ph r a se, w a s t h a t
a n y on e w it h a n ea r a t a ll delica t e for m u sic w ou ld a t
on ce h a v e det ect ed t h e im post u r e h a d V in t eu il,
en dow ed w it h less pow er t o see a n d t o r en der it s for m s,
sou g h t t o dissem ble (by a ddin g a lin e, h er e a n d t h er e, of
h is ow n in v en t ion ) t h e dim n ess of h is v ision or t h e
feeblen ess of h is h a n d.
T h e ph r a se h a d disa ppea r ed. Sw a n n k n ew t h a t it
w ou ld com e a g a in a t t h e en d of t h e la st m ov em en t ,
a ft er a lon g pa ssa g e w h ich Mm e. V er du r in ’s pia n ist
a lw a y s ‘sk ipped.’ T h er e w er e in t h is pa ssa g e som e
a dm ir a ble idea s w h ich Sw a n n h a d n ot dist in g u ish ed on
fir st h ea r in g t h e son a t a , a n d w h ich h e n ow per ceiv ed,
a s if t h ey h a d, in t h e cloa k r oom of h is m em or y , div est ed
t h em selv es of t h eir u n ifor m disg u ise of n ov elt y . Sw a n n
list en ed t o a ll t h e sca t t er ed t h em es w h ich en t er ed in t o
t h e com posit ion of t h e ph r a se, a s it s pr em ises en t er in t o
t h e in ev it a ble con clu sion of a sy llog ism ; h e w a s
a ssist in g a t t h e m y st er y of it s bir t h . “ A u da cit y ,” h e
ex cla im ed t o h im self, “ a s in spir ed, per h a ps, a s a
La v oisier ’s or a n A m per e’s, t h e a u da cit y of a V in t eu il
m a k in g ex per im en t , discov er in g t h e secr et la w s t h a t
g ov er n a n u n k n ow n for ce, dr iv in g a cr oss a r eg ion
u n ex plor ed t ow a r ds t h e on e possible g oa l t h e in v isible
t ea m in w h ich h e h a s pla ced h is t r u st a n d w h ich h e
n ev er m a y discer n !” How ch a r m in g t h e dia log u e w h ich
Sw a n n n ow h ea r d bet w een pia n o a n d v iolin , a t t h e
beg in n in g of t h e la st pa ssa g e. T h e su ppr ession of h u m a n
speech , so fa r fr om let t in g fa n cy r eig n t h er e
u n con t r olled (a s on e m ig h t h a v e t h ou g h t ), h a d
elim in a t ed it a lt og et h er . Nev er w a s spok en la n g u a g e of
su ch in flex ible n ecessit y , n ev er h a d it k n ow n qu est ion s
so per t in en t , su ch obv iou s r eplies. A t fir st t h e pia n o
com pla in ed a lon e, lik e a bir d deser t ed by it s m a t e; t h e
v iolin h ea r d a n d a n sw er ed it , a s fr om a n eig h bou r in g
t r ee. It w a s a s a t t h e fir st beg in n in g of t h e w or ld, a s if
t h er e w er e n ot y et bu t t h ese t w a in u pon t h e ea r t h , or
r a t h er in t h is w or ld closed a g a in st a ll t h e r est , so
fa sh ion ed by t h e log ic of it s cr ea t or t h a t in it t h er e
sh ou ld n ev er be a n y bu t t h em selv es; t h e w or ld of t h is
son a t a . W a s it a bir d, w a s it t h e sou l, n ot y et m a de
per fect , of t h e lit t le ph r a se, w a s it a fa ir y , in v isibly
som ew h er e la m en t in g , w h ose pla in t t h e pia n o h ea r d
a n d t en der ly r epea t ed? It s cr ies w er e so su dden t h a t t h e
v iolin ist m u st sn a t ch u p h is bow a n d r a ce t o ca t ch t h em
a s t h ey ca m e. Ma r v ellou s bir d! T h e v iolin ist seem ed t o
w ish t o ch a r m , t o t a m e, t o w oo, t o w in it . A lr ea dy it h a d
pa ssed in t o h is sou l, a lr ea dy t h e lit t le ph r a se w h ich it
ev ok ed sh ook lik e a m ediu m ’s t h e body of t h e v iolin ist ,
‘possessed’ in deed. Sw a n n k n ew t h a t t h e ph r a se w a s
g oin g t o spea k t o h im on ce a g a in . A n d h is per son a lit y
w a s n ow so div ided t h a t t h e st r a in of w a it in g for t h e
im m in en t m om en t w h en h e w ou ld fin d h im self fa ce t o
fa ce, on ce m or e, w it h t h e ph r a se, con v u lsed h im in on e
of t h ose sobs w h ich a fin e lin e of poet r y or a piece of
a la r m in g n ew s w ill w r in g fr om u s, n ot w h en w e a r e
a lon e, bu t w h en w e r epea t on e or t h e ot h er t o a fr ien d,
in w h om w e see ou r selv es r eflect ed, lik e a t h ir d per son ,
w h ose pr oba ble em ot ion soft en s h im . It r ea ppea r ed, bu t
t h is t im e t o r em a in poised in t h e a ir , a n d t o spor t t h er e
for a m om en t on ly , a s t h ou g h im m obile, a n d sh or t ly t o
ex pir e. A n d so Sw a n n lost n ot h in g of t h e pr eciou s t im e
for w h ich it lin g er ed. It w a s st ill t h er e, lik e a n
ir idescen t bu bble t h a t floa t s for a w h ile u n br ok en . A s a
r a in bow , w h en it s br ig h t n ess fa des, seem s t o su bside,
t h en soa r s a g a in a n d, befor e it is ex t in g u ish ed, is
g lor ified w it h g r ea t er splen dou r t h a n it h a s ev er sh ew n ;
so t o t h e t w o colou r s w h ich t h e ph r a se h a d h it h er t o
a llow ed t o a ppea r it a dded ot h er s n ow , ch or ds sh ot w it h
ev er y h u e in t h e pr ism , a n d m a de t h em sin g . Sw a n n
da r ed n ot m ov e, a n d w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o com pel a ll t h e
ot h er people in t h e r oom t o r em a in st ill a lso, a s if t h e
slig h t est m ov em en t m ig h t em ba r r a ss t h e m a g ic
pr esen ce, su per n a t u r a l, deliciou s, fr a il, t h a t w ou ld so
ea sily v a n ish . Bu t n o on e, a s it h a ppen ed, dr ea m ed of
spea k in g . T h e in effa ble u t t er a n ce of on e solit a r y m a n ,
a bsen t , per h a ps dea d (Sw a n n did n ot k n ow w h et h er
V in t eu il w er e st ill a liv e), br ea t h ed ou t a bov e t h e r it es of
t h ose t w o h ier oph a n t s, su fficed t o a r r est t h e a t t en t ion of
t h r ee h u n dr ed m in ds, a n d m a de of t h a t st a g e on w h ich
a sou l w a s t h u s ca lled in t o bein g on e of t h e n oblest
a lt a r s on w h ich a su per n a t u r a l cer em on y cou ld be
per for m ed. It follow ed t h a t , w h en t h e ph r a se a t la st w a s
fin ish ed, a n d on ly it s fr a g m en t a r y ech oes floa t ed
a m on g t h e su bsequ en t t h em es w h ich h a d a lr ea dy t a k en
it s pla ce, if Sw a n n a t fir st w a s a n n oy ed t o see t h e
Com t esse de Mon t er ien der , fa m ed for h er im becilit ies,
lea n ov er t ow a r ds h im t o con fide in h im h er
im pr ession s, befor e ev en t h e son a t a h a d com e t o a n en d;
h e cou ld n ot r efr a in fr om sm ilin g , a n d per h a ps a lso
fou n d a n u n der ly in g sen se, w h ich sh e w a s in ca pa ble of
per ceiv in g , in t h e w or ds t h a t sh e u sed. Da zzled by t h e
v ir t u osit y of t h e per for m er s, t h e Com t esse ex cla im ed t o
Sw a n n : “ It ’s a st on ish in g ! I h a v e n ev er seen a n y t h in g t o
bea t it . . . ” Bu t a scr u pu lou s r eg a r d for a ccu r a cy
m a k in g h er cor r ect h er fir st a sser t ion , sh e a dded t h e
r eser v a t ion : “ a n y t h in g t o bea t it . . . sin ce t h e t a ble-
t u r n in g !”
Fr om t h a t ev en in g , Sw a n n u n der st ood t h a t t h e
feelin g w h ich Odet t e h a d on ce h a d for h im w ou ld n ev er
r ev iv e, t h a t h is h opes of h a ppin ess w ou ld n ot be r ea lised
n ow . A n d t h e da y s on w h ich , by a lu ck y ch a n ce, sh e
h a d on ce m or e sh ew n h er self k in d a n d lov in g t o h im , or
if sh e h a d pa id h im a n y a t t en t ion , h e r ecor ded t h ose
a ppa r en t a n d m islea din g sig n s of a slig h t m ov em en t on
h er pa r t t ow a r ds h im w it h t h e sa m e t en der a n d
scept ica l solicit u de, t h e desper a t e joy t h a t people r ev ea l
w h o, w h en t h ey a r e n u r sin g a fr ien d in t h e la st da y s of
a n in cu r a ble m a la dy , r ela t e, a s sig n ifica n t fa ct s of
in fin it e v a lu e: “ Y est er da y h e w en t t h r ou g h h is
a ccou n t s h im self, a n d a ct u a lly cor r ect ed a m ist a k e t h a t
w e h a d m a de in a ddin g t h em u p; h e a t e a n eg g t o-da y
a n d seem ed qu it e t o en joy it , if h e dig est s it pr oper ly w e
sh a ll t r y h im w it h a cu t let t o-m or r ow ,” — a lt h ou g h
t h ey t h em selv es k n ow t h a t t h ese t h in g s a r e
m ea n in g less on t h e ev e of a n in ev it a ble dea t h . No dou bt
Sw a n n w a s a ssu r ed t h a t if h e h a d n ow been liv in g a t a
dist a n ce fr om Odet t e h e w ou ld g r a du a lly h a v e lost a ll
in t er est in h er , so t h a t h e w ou ld h a v e been g la d t o lea r n
t h a t sh e w a s lea v in g Pa r is for ev er ; h e w ou ld h a v e h a d
t h e cou r a g e t o r em a in t h er e; bu t h e h a d n ot t h e
cou r a g e t o g o.
He h a d oft en t h ou g h t of g oin g . Now t h a t h e w a s
on ce a g a in a t w or k u pon h is essa y on V er m eer , h e
w a n t ed t o r et u r n , for a few da y s a t lea st , t o T h e Ha g u e,
t o Dr esden , t o Br u n sw ick . He w a s cer t a in t h a t a ‘T oilet
of Dia n a ’ w h ich h a d been a cqu ir ed by t h e Ma u r it sh u is
a t t h e Goldsch m idt sa le a s a Nich ola s Ma es w a s in
r ea lit y a V er m eer . A n d h e w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o be a ble
t o ex a m in e t h e pict u r e on t h e spot , so a s t o st r en g t h en
h is con v ict ion . Bu t t o lea v e Pa r is w h ile Odet t e w a s
t h er e, a n d ev en w h en sh e w a s n ot t h er e — for in st r a n g e
pla ces w h er e ou r sen sa t ion s h a v e n ot been n u m bed by
h a bit , w e r efr esh , w e r ev iv e a n old pa in — w a s for h im
so cr u el a pr oject t h a t h e felt h im self t o be ca pa ble of
en t er t a in in g it in cessa n t ly in h is m in d on ly beca u se h e
k n ew h im self t o be r esolu t e in h is det er m in a t ion n ev er
t o pu t it in t o effect . Bu t it w ou ld h a ppen t h a t , w h ile h e
w a s a sleep, t h e in t en t ion t o t r a v el w ou ld r ea w a k en in
h im (w it h ou t h is r em em ber in g t h a t t h is pa r t icu la r
t ou r w a s im possible) a n d w ou ld be r ea lised. On e n ig h t
h e dr ea m ed t h a t h e w a s g oin g a w a y for a y ea r ; lea n in g
fr om t h e w in dow of t h e t r a in t ow a r ds a y ou n g m a n on
t h e pla t for m w h o w ept a s h e ba de h im fa r ew ell, h e w a s
seek in g t o per su a de t h is y ou n g m a n t o com e a w a y a lso.
T h e t r a in beg a n t o m ov e; h e a w ok e in a la r m , a n d
r em em ber ed t h a t h e w a s n ot g oin g a w a y , t h a t h e w ou ld
see Odet t e t h a t ev en in g , a n d n ex t da y a n d a lm ost ev er y
da y . A n d t h en , bein g st ill deeply m ov ed by h is dr ea m ,
h e w ou ld t h a n k h ea v en for t h ose specia l cir cu m st a n ces
w h ich m a de h im in depen den t , t h a n k s t o w h ich h e
cou ld r em a in in Odet t e’s v icin it y , a n d cou ld ev en
su cceed in m a k in g h er a llow h im t o see h er som et im es;
a n d, cou n t in g ov er t h e list of h is a dv a n t a g es: h is socia l
posit ion — h is for t u n e, fr om w h ich sh e st ood t oo oft en in
n eed of a ssist a n ce n ot t o sh r in k fr om t h e pr ospect of a
defin it e r u pt u r e (h a v in g ev en , so people sa id, a n
u lt er ior pla n of g et t in g h im t o m a r r y h er ) — h is
fr ien dsh ip w it h M. de Ch a r lu s, w h ich , it m u st be
con fessed, h a d n ev er w on h im a n y v er y g r ea t fa v ou r
fr om Odet t e, bu t w h ich g a v e h im t h e plea sa n t feelin g
t h a t sh e w a s a lw a y s h ea r in g com plim en t a r y t h in g s
sa id a bou t h im by t h is com m on fr ien d for w h om sh e
h a d so g r ea t a n est eem — a n d ev en h is ow n in t ellig en ce,
t h e w h ole of w h ich h e em ploy ed in w ea v in g , ev er y da y ,
a fr esh plot w h ich w ou ld m a k e h is pr esen ce, if n ot
a g r eea ble, a t a n y r a t e n ecessa r y t o Odet t e — h e t h ou g h t
of w h a t m ig h t h a v e h a ppen ed t o h im if a ll t h ese
a dv a n t a g es h a d been la ck in g , h e t h ou g h t t h a t , if h e
h a d been , lik e so m a n y ot h er m en , poor a n d h u m ble,
w it h ou t r esou r ces, for ced t o u n der t a k e a n y t a sk t h a t
m ig h t be offer ed t o h im , or t ied dow n by pa r en t s or by a
w ife, h e m ig h t h a v e been oblig ed t o pa r t fr om Odet t e,
t h a t t h a t dr ea m , t h e t er r or of w h ich w a s st ill so r ecen t ,
m ig h t w ell h a v e been t r u e; a n d h e sa id t o h im self:
“ People don ’t k n ow w h en t h ey a r e h a ppy . T h ey ’r e
n ev er so u n h a ppy a s t h ey t h in k t h ey a r e.” Bu t h e
r eflect ed t h a t t h is ex ist en ce h a d la st ed a lr ea dy for
sev er a l y ea r s, t h a t a ll t h a t h e cou ld n ow h ope for w a s
t h a t it sh ou ld la st for ev er , t h a t h e w ou ld sa cr ifice h is
w or k , h is plea su r es, h is fr ien ds, in fa ct t h e w h ole of h is
life t o t h e da ily ex pect a t ion of a m eet in g w h ich , w h en it
occu r r ed, w ou ld br in g h im n o h a ppin ess; a n d h e a sk ed
h im self w h et h er h e w a s n ot m ist a k en , w h et h er t h e
cir cu m st a n ces t h a t h a d fa v ou r ed t h eir r ela t ion s a n d
h a d pr ev en t ed a fin a l r u pt u r e h a d n ot don e a disser v ice
t o h is ca r eer , w h et h er t h e ou t com e t o be desir ed w a s n ot
t h a t a s t o w h ich h e r ejoiced t h a t it h a ppen ed on ly in
dr ea m s — h is ow n depa r t u r e; a n d h e sa id t o h im self t h a t
people did n ot k n ow w h en t h ey w er e u n h a ppy , t h a t
t h ey w er e n ev er so h a ppy a s t h ey su pposed.
Som et im es h e h oped t h a t sh e w ou ld die, pa in lessly ,
in som e a cciden t , sh e w h o w a s ou t of door s in t h e
st r eet s, cr ossin g bu sy t h or ou g h fa r es, fr om m or n in g t o
n ig h t . A n d a s sh e a lw a y s r et u r n ed sa fe a n d sou n d, h e
m a r v elled a t t h e st r en g t h , a t t h e su pplen ess of t h e
h u m a n body , w h ich w a s a ble con t in u a lly t o h old in
ch eck , t o ou t w it a ll t h e per ils t h a t en v ir on ed it (w h ich
t o Sw a n n seem ed in n u m er a ble, sin ce h is ow n secr et
desir e h a d st r ew n t h em in h er pa t h ), a n d so a llow ed it s
occu pa n t , t h e sou l, t o a ba n don it self, da y a ft er da y , a n d
a lm ost w it h im pu n it y , t o it s ca r eer of m en da cit y , t o t h e
pu r su it of plea su r e. A n d Sw a n n felt a v er y cor dia l
sy m pa t h y w it h t h a t Ma h om et II w h ose por t r a it by
Bellin i h e a dm ir ed, w h o, on fin din g t h a t h e h a d fa llen
m a dly in lov e w it h on e of h is w iv es, st a bbed h er , in
or der , a s h is V en et ia n biog r a ph er a r t lessly r ela t es, t o
r ecov er h is spir it u a l fr eedom . T h en h e w ou ld be
a sh a m ed of t h in k in g t h u s on ly of h im self, a n d h is ow n
su ffer in g s w ou ld seem t o deser v e n o pit y n ow t h a t h e
h im self w a s disposin g so ch ea ply of Odet t e’s v er y life.
Sin ce h e w a s u n a ble t o sepa r a t e h im self fr om h er
w it h ou t a su bsequ en t r et u r n , if a t lea st h e h a d seen h er
con t in u ou sly a n d w it h ou t sepa r a t ion s h is g r ief w ou ld
u lt im a t ely h a v e been a ssu a g ed, a n d h is lov e w ou ld,
per h a ps, h a v e died. A n d fr om t h e m om en t w h en sh e did
n ot w ish t o lea v e Pa r is for ev er h e h a d h oped t h a t sh e
w ou ld n ev er g o. A s h e k n ew t h a t h er on e pr olon g ed
a bsen ce, ev er y y ea r , w a s in A u g u st a n d Sept em ber , h e
h a d a bu n da n t oppor t u n it y , sev er a l m on t h s in a dv a n ce,
t o dissocia t e fr om it t h e g r im pict u r e of h er a bsen ce
t h r ou g h ou t Et er n it y w h ich w a s lodg ed in h im by
a n t icipa t ion , a n d w h ich , con sist in g of da y s closely a k in
t o t h e da y s t h r ou g h w h ich h e w a s t h en pa ssin g , floa t ed
in a cold t r a n spa r en cy in h is m in d, w h ich it sa dden ed
a n d depr essed, t h ou g h w it h ou t ca u sin g h im a n y
in t oler a ble pa in . Bu t t h a t con cept ion of t h e fu t u r e, t h a t
flow in g st r ea m , colou r less a n d u n con fin ed, a sin g le
w or d fr om Odet t e su fficed t o pen et r a t e t h r ou g h a ll
Sw a n n ’s defen ces, a n d lik e a block of ice im m obilised it ,
con g ea led it s flu idit y , m a de it fr eeze a lt og et h er ; a n d
Sw a n n felt h im self su dden ly filled w it h a n en or m ou s
a n d u n br ea k a ble m a ss w h ich pr essed on t h e in n er w a lls
of h is con sciou sn ess u n t il h e w a s fa in t o bu r st a su n der ;
for Odet t e h a d sa id ca su a lly , w a t ch in g h im w it h a
m a liciou s sm ile: “ For ch ev ille is g oin g for a fin e t r ip a t
W h it su n t ide. He’s g oin g t o Eg y pt !” a n d Sw a n n h a d a t
on ce u n der st ood t h a t t h is m ea n t : “ I a m g oin g t o Eg y pt
a t W h it su n t ide w it h For ch ev ille.” A n d, in fa ct , if, a few
da y s la t er , Sw a n n beg a n : “ A bou t t h a t t r ip t h a t y ou t old
m e y ou w er e g oin g t o t a k e w it h For ch ev ille,” sh e w ou ld
a n sw er ca r elessly : “ Y es, m y dea r boy , w e’r e st a r t in g on
t h e l9 t h ; w e’ll sen d y ou a ‘v iew ’ of t h e Py r a m ids.” T h en
h e w a s det er m in ed t o k n ow w h et h er sh e w a s
For ch ev ille’s m ist r ess, t o a sk h er poin t -bla n k , t o in sist
u pon h er t ellin g h im . He k n ew t h a t t h er e w er e som e
per ju r ies w h ich , bein g so su per st it iou s, sh e w ou ld n ot
com m it , a n d besides, t h e fea r , w h ich h a d h it h er t o
r est r a in ed h is cu r iosit y , of m a k in g Odet t e a n g r y if h e
qu est ion ed h er , of m a k in g h im self odiou s, h a d cea sed t o
ex ist n ow t h a t h e h a d lost a ll h ope of ev er bein g lov ed
by h er .
On e da y h e r eceiv ed a n a n on y m ou s let t er w h ich
t old h im t h a t Odet t e h a d been t h e m ist r ess of cou n t less
m en (sev er a l of w h om it n a m ed, a m on g t h em
For ch ev ille, M. de Br éa u t é a n d t h e pa in t er ) a n d w om en ,
a n d t h a t sh e fr equ en t ed h ou ses of ill-fa m e. He w a s
t or m en t ed by t h e discov er y t h a t t h er e w a s t o be
n u m ber ed a m on g h is fr ien ds a cr ea t u r e ca pa ble of
sen din g h im su ch a let t er (for cer t a in det a ils bet r a y ed
in t h e w r it er a fa m ilia r it y w it h h is pr iv a t e life). He
w on der ed w h o it cou ld be. Bu t h e h a d n ev er h a d a n y
su spicion w it h r eg a r d t o t h e u n k n ow n a ct ion s of ot h er
people, t h ose w h ich h a d n o v isible con n ect ion w it h
w h a t t h ey sa id. A n d w h en h e w a n t ed t o k n ow w h et h er
it w a s r a t h er ben ea t h t h e a ppa r en t ch a r a ct er of M. de
Ch a r lu s, or of M. des La u m es, or of M. d’Or sa n t h a t h e
m u st pla ce t h e u n t r a v elled r eg ion in w h ich t h is ig n oble
a ct ion m ig h t h a v e h a d it s bir t h ; a s n on e of t h ese m en
h a d ev er , in con v er sa t ion w it h Sw a n n , su g g est ed t h a t
h e a ppr ov ed of a n on y m ou s let t er s, a n d a s ev er y t h in g
t h a t t h ey h a d ev er sa id t o h im im plied t h a t t h ey
st r on g ly disa ppr ov ed, h e sa w n o fu r t h er r ea son for
a ssocia t in g t h is in fa m y w it h t h e ch a r a ct er of a n y on e of
t h em m or e t h a n w it h t h e r est . M. de Ch a r lu s w a s
som ew h a t in clin ed t o eccen t r icit y , bu t h e w a s
fu n da m en t a lly g ood a n d k in d; M. des La u m es w a s a
t r ifle dr y , bu t w h olesom e a n d st r a ig h t . A s for M.
d’Or sa n , Sw a n n h a d n ev er m et a n y on e w h o, ev en in
t h e m ost depr essin g cir cu m st a n ces, w ou ld com e t o h im
w it h a m or e h ea r t felt u t t er a n ce, w ou ld a ct m or e
pr oper ly or w it h m or e discr et ion . So m u ch so t h a t h e
w a s u n a ble t o u n der st a n d t h e r a t h er in delica t e pa r t
com m on ly a t t r ibu t ed t o M. d’Or sa n in h is r ela t ion s w it h
a cer t a in w ea lt h y w om a n , a n d t h a t w h en ev er h e
t h ou g h t of h im h e w a s oblig ed t o set t h a t ev il
r epu t a t ion on on e side, a s ir r econ cila ble w it h so m a n y
u n m ist a k a ble pr oofs of h is g en u in e sin cer it y a n d
r efin em en t . For a m om en t Sw a n n felt t h a t h is m in d
w a s becom in g clou ded, a n d h e t h ou g h t of som et h in g
else so a s t o r ecov er a lit t le lig h t ; u n t il h e h a d t h e
cou r a g e t o r et u r n t o t h ose ot h er r eflect ion s. Bu t t h en ,
a ft er n ot h a v in g been a ble t o su spect a n y on e, h e w a s
for ced t o su spect ev er y on e t h a t h e k n ew . A ft er a ll, M. de
Ch a r lu s m ig h t be m ost fon d of h im , m ig h t be m ost g ood-
n a t u r ed; bu t h e w a s a n eu r opa t h ; t o-m or r ow , per h a ps,
h e w ou ld bu r st in t o t ea r s on h ea r in g t h a t Sw a n n w a s
ill; a n d t o-da y , fr om jea lou sy , or in a n g er , or ca r r ied
a w a y by som e su dden idea , h e m ig h t h a v e w ish ed t o do
h im a deliber a t e in ju r y . Rea lly , t h a t k in d of m a n w a s
t h e w or st of a ll. T h e Pr in ce des La u m es w a s, cer t a in ly ,
fa r less dev ot ed t o Sw a n n t h a n w a s M. de Ch a r lu s. Bu t
for t h a t v er y r ea son h e h a d n ot t h e sa m e su scept ibilit y
w it h r eg a r d t o h im ; a n d besides, h is w a s a n a t u r e
w h ich , t h ou g h , n o dou bt , it w a s cold, w a s a s in ca pa ble
of a ba se a s of a m a g n a n im ou s a ct ion . Sw a n n r eg r et t ed
t h a t h e h a d for m ed n o a t t a ch m en t s in h is life ex cept t o
su ch people. T h en h e r eflect ed t h a t w h a t pr ev en t s m en
fr om doin g h a r m t o t h eir n eig h bou r s is fellow -feelin g ,
t h a t h e cou ld n ot , in t h e la st r esor t , a n sw er for a n y bu t
m en w h ose n a t u r es w er e a n a log ou s t o h is ow n , a s w a s,
so fa r a s t h e h ea r t w en t , t h a t of M. de Ch a r lu s. T h e
m er e t h ou g h t of ca u sin g Sw a n n so m u ch dist r ess w ou ld
h a v e been r ev olt in g t o h im . Bu t w it h a m a n w h o w a s
in sen sible, of a n ot h er or der of h u m a n it y , a s w a s t h e
Pr in ce des La u m es, h ow w a s on e t o for esee t h e a ct ion s t o
w h ich h e m ig h t be led by t h e pr om pt in g s of a differ en t
n a t u r e? T o h a v e a g ood h ea r t w a s ev er y t h in g , a n d M.
de Ch a r lu s h a d on e. Bu t M. d’Or sa n w a s n ot la ck in g in
t h a t eit h er , a n d h is r ela t ion s w it h Sw a n n — cor dia l, bu t
sca r cely in t im a t e, a r isin g fr om t h e plea su r e w h ich , a s
t h ey h eld t h e sa m e v iew s a bou t ev er y t h in g , t h ey fou n d
in t a lk in g t og et h er — w er e m or e qu iescen t t h a n t h e
en t h u sia st ic a ffect ion of M. de Ch a r lu s, w h o w a s a pt t o
be led in t o pa ssion a t e a ct iv it y , g ood or ev il. If t h er e w a s
a n y on e by w h om Sw a n n felt t h a t h e h a d a lw a y s been
u n der st ood, a n d (w it h delica cy ) lov ed, it w a s M.
d’Or sa n . Y es, bu t t h e life h e led; it cou ld h a r dly be
ca lled h on ou r a ble. Sw a n n r eg r et t ed t h a t h e h a d n ev er
t a k en a n y n ot ice of t h ose r u m ou r s, t h a t h e h im self h a d
a dm it t ed, jest in g ly , t h a t h e h a d n ev er felt so k een a
sen se of sy m pa t h y , or of r espect , a s w h en h e w a s in
t h or ou g h ly ‘det r im en t a l’ societ y . “ It is n ot for n ot h in g ,”
h e n ow a ssu r ed h im self, “ t h a t w h en people pa ss
ju dg m en t u pon t h eir n eig h bou r , t h eir fin din g is ba sed
u pon h is a ct ion s. It is t h ose a lon e t h a t a r e sig n ifica n t ,
a n d n ot a t a ll w h a t w e sa y or w h a t w e t h in k . Ch a r lu s
a n d des La u m es m a y h a v e t h is or t h a t fa u lt , bu t t h ey
a r e m en of h on ou r . Or sa n , per h a ps, h a s n ot t h e sa m e
fa u lt s, bu t h e is n ot a m a n of h on ou r . He m a y h a v e
a ct ed dish on ou r a bly on ce a g a in .” T h en h e su spect ed
Rém i, w h o, it w a s t r u e, cou ld on ly h a v e in spir ed t h e
let t er , bu t h e n ow felt h im self, for a m om en t , t o be on
t h e r ig h t t r a ck . T o beg in w it h , Lor eda n h a d h is ow n
r ea son s for w ish in g h a r m t o Odet t e. A n d t h en , h ow
w er e w e n ot t o su ppose t h a t ou r ser v a n t s, liv in g in a
sit u a t ion in fer ior t o ou r ow n , a ddin g t o ou r for t u n es a n d
t o ou r fr a ilt ies im a g in a r y r ich es a n d v ices for w h ich
t h ey a t on ce en v ied a n d despised u s, sh ou ld n ot fin d
t h em selv es led by fa t e t o a ct in a m a n n er a bh or r en t t o
people of ou r ow n cla ss? He a lso su spect ed m y
g r a n dfa t h er . On ev er y occa sion w h en Sw a n n h a d a sk ed
h im t o do h im a n y ser v ice, h a d h e n ot in v a r ia bly
declin ed? Besides, w it h h is idea s of m iddle-cla ss
r espect a bilit y , h e m ig h t h a v e t h ou g h t t h a t h e w a s
a ct in g for Sw a n n ’s g ood. He su spect ed, in t u r n ,
Ber g ot t e, t h e pa in t er , t h e V er du r in s; pa u sed for a
m om en t t o a dm ir e on ce a g a in t h e w isdom of people in
societ y , w h o r efu sed t o m ix in t h e a r t ist ic cir cles in
w h ich su ch t h in g s w er e possible, w er e, per h a ps, ev en
open ly a v ow ed, a s ex cellen t jok es; bu t t h en h e r eca lled
t h e m a r k s of h on est y t h a t w er e t o be obser v ed in t h ose
Boh em ia n s, a n d con t r a st ed t h em w it h t h e life of
ex pedien t s, oft en bor der in g on fr a u du len ce, t o w h ich
t h e w a n t of m on ey , t h e cr a v in g for lu x u r y , t h e
cor r u pt in g in flu en ce of t h eir plea su r es oft en dr ov e
m em ber s of t h e a r ist ocr a cy . In a w or d, t h is a n on y m ou s
let t er pr ov ed t h a t h e h im self k n ew a h u m a n bein g
ca pa ble of t h e m ost in fa m ou s con du ct , bu t h e cou ld see
n o r ea son w h y t h a t in fa m y sh ou ld lu r k in t h e dept h s —
w h ich n o st r a n g e ey e m ig h t ex plor e — of t h e w a r m
h ea r t r a t h er t h a n t h e cold, t h e a r t ist ’s r a t h er t h a n t h e
bu sin ess-m a n ’s, t h e n oble’s r a t h er t h a n t h e flu n k ey ’s.
W h a t cr it er ion ou g h t on e t o a dopt , in or der t o ju dg e
on e’s fellow s? A ft er a ll, t h er e w a s n ot a sin g le on e of t h e
people w h om h e k n ew w h o m ig h t n ot , in cer t a in
cir cu m st a n ces, pr ov e ca pa ble of a sh a m efu l a ct ion .
Mu st h e t h en cea se t o see t h em a ll? His m in d g r ew
clou ded; h e pa ssed h is h a n ds t w o or t h r ee t im es a cr oss
h is br ow , w iped h is g la sses w it h h is h a n dk er ch ief, a n d
r em em ber in g t h a t , a ft er a ll, m en w h o w er e a s g ood a s
h im self fr equ en t ed t h e societ y of M. de Ch a r lu s, t h e
Pr in ce des La u m es a n d t h e r est , h e per su a ded h im self
t h a t t h is m ea n t , if n ot t h a t t h ey w er e in ca pa ble of
sh a m efu l a ct ion s, a t lea st t h a t it w a s a n ecessit y in
h u m a n life, t o w h ich ev er y on e m u st su bm it , t o
fr equ en t t h e societ y of people w h o w er e, per h a ps, n ot
in ca pa ble of su ch a ct ion s. A n d h e con t in u ed t o sh a k e
h a n ds w it h a ll t h e fr ien ds w h om h e h a d su spect ed, w it h
t h e pu r ely for m a l r eser v a t ion t h a t ea ch on e of t h em
h a d, possibly , been seek in g t o dr iv e h im t o despa ir . A s
for t h e a ct u a l con t en t s of t h e let t er , t h ey did n ot dist u r b
h im ; for in n ot on e of t h e ch a r g es w h ich it for m u la t ed
a g a in st Odet t e cou ld h e see t h e lea st v est ig e of fa ct . Lik e
m a n y ot h er m en , Sw a n n h a d a n a t u r a lly la zy m in d,
a n d w a s slow in in v en t ion . He k n ew qu it e w ell a s a
g en er a l t r u t h , t h a t h u m a n life is fu ll of con t r a st s, bu t
in t h e ca se of a n y on e h u m a n bein g h e im a g in ed a ll
t h a t pa r t of h is or h er life w it h w h ich h e w a s n ot
fa m ilia r a s bein g iden t ica l w it h t h e pa r t w it h w h ich h e
w a s. He im a g in ed w h a t w a s k ept secr et fr om h im in t h e
lig h t of w h a t w a s r ev ea led. A t su ch t im es a s h e spen t
w it h Odet t e, if t h eir con v er sa t ion t u r n ed u pon a n
in delica t e a ct com m it t ed, or a n in delica t e sen t im en t
ex pr essed by som e t h ir d per son , sh e w ou ld r u t h lessly
con dem n t h e cu lpr it by v ir t u e of t h e sa m e m or a l
pr in ciples w h ich Sw a n n h a d a lw a y s h ea r d ex pr essed by
h is ow n pa r en t s, a n d t o w h ich h e h im self h a d r em a in ed
loy a l; a n d t h en , sh e w ou ld a r r a n g e h er flow er s, w ou ld
sip h er t ea , w ou ld sh ew a n in t er est in h is w or k . So
Sw a n n ex t en ded t h ose h a bit s t o fill t h e r est of h er life,
h e r econ st r u ct ed t h ose a ct ion s w h en h e w ish ed t o for m
a pict u r e of t h e m om en t s in w h ich h e a n d sh e w er e
a pa r t . If a n y on e h a d por t r a y ed h er t o h im a s sh e w a s,
or r a t h er a s sh e h a d been for so lon g w it h h im self, bu t
h a d su bst it u t ed som e ot h er m a n , h e w ou ld h a v e been
dist r essed, for su ch a por t r a it w ou ld h a v e st r u ck h im a s
lifelik e. Bu t t o su ppose t h a t sh e w en t t o ba d h ou ses, t h a t
sh e a ba n don ed h er self t o or g ies w it h ot h er w om en , t h a t
sh e led t h e cr a pu lou s ex ist en ce of t h e m ost a bject , t h e
m ost con t em pt ible of m or t a ls — w ou ld be a n in sa n e
w a n der in g of t h e m in d, for t h e r ea lisa t ion of w h ich ,
t h a n k h ea v en , t h e ch r y sa n t h em u m s t h a t h e cou ld
im a g in e, t h e da ily cu ps of t ea , t h e v ir t u ou s in dig n a t ion
left n eit h er t im e n or pla ce. On ly , n ow a n d a g a in , h e
g a v e Odet t e t o u n der st a n d t h a t people m a liciou sly k ept
h im in for m ed of ev er y t h in g t h a t sh e did; a n d m a k in g
oppor t u n e u se of som e det a il — in sig n ifica n t bu t t r u e —
w h ich h e h a d a cciden t a lly lea r n ed, a s t h ou g h it w er e
t h e sole fr a g m en t w h ich h e w ou ld a llow , in spit e of
h im self, t o pa ss h is lips, ou t of t h e n u m ber less ot h er
fr a g m en t s of t h a t com plet e r econ st r u ct ion of h er da ily
life w h ich h e ca r r ied secr et ly in h is m in d, h e led h er t o
su ppose t h a t h e w a s per fect ly in for m ed u pon m a t t er s,
w h ich , in r ea lit y , h e n eit h er k n ew n or su spect ed, for if
h e oft en a dju r ed Odet t e n ev er t o sw er v e fr om or m a k e
a lt er a t ion of t h e t r u t h , t h a t w a s on ly , w h et h er h e
r ea lised it or n o, in or der t h a t Odet t e sh ou ld t ell h im
ev er y t h in g t h a t sh e did. No dou bt , a s h e u sed t o a ssu r e
Odet t e, h e lov ed sin cer it y , bu t on ly a s h e m ig h t lov e a
pa n der w h o cou ld k eep h im in t ou ch w it h t h e da ily life
of h is m ist r ess. Mor eov er , h is lov e of sin cer it y , n ot bein g
disin t er est ed, h a d n ot im pr ov ed h is ch a r a ct er . T h e
t r u t h w h ich h e ch er ish ed w a s t h a t w h ich Odet t e w ou ld
t ell h im ; bu t h e h im self, in or der t o ex t r a ct t h a t t r u t h
fr om h er , w a s n ot a fr a id t o h a v e r ecou r se t o fa lseh ood,
t h a t v er y fa lseh ood w h ich h e n ev er cea sed t o depict t o
Odet t e a s lea din g ev er y h u m a n cr ea t u r e dow n t o u t t er
deg r a da t ion . In a w or d, h e lied a s m u ch a s did Odet t e,
beca u se, w h ile m or e u n h a ppy t h a n sh e, h e w a s n o less
eg ot ist ica l. A n d sh e, w h en sh e h ea r d h im r epea t in g
t h u s t o h er t h e t h in g s t h a t sh e h a d don e, w ou ld st a r e a t
h im w it h a look of dist r u st a n d, a t a ll h a za r ds, of
in dig n a t ion , so a s n ot t o a ppea r t o be h u m ilia t ed, a n d t o
be blu sh in g for h er a ct ion s. On e da y , a ft er t h e lon g est
per iod of ca lm t h r ou g h w h ich h e h a d y et been a ble t o
ex ist w it h ou t bein g ov er t a k en by a n a t t a ck of jea lou sy ,
h e h a d a ccept ed a n in v it a t ion t o spen d t h e ev en in g a t
t h e t h ea t r e w it h t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es. Ha v in g
open ed h is n ew spa per t o fin d ou t w h a t w a s bein g
pla y ed, t h e sig h t of t h e t it le — Les Filles de Marbre, by
T h éodor e Ba r r ièr e, — st r u ck h im so cr u el a blow t h a t h e
r ecoiled in st in ct iv ely fr om it a n d t u r n ed h is h ea d
a w a y . Illu m in a t ed, a s t h ou g h by a r ow of foot lig h t s, in
t h e n ew su r r ou n din g s in w h ich it n ow a ppea r ed, t h a t
w or d ‘m a r ble,’ w h ich h e h a d lost t h e pow er t o
dist in g u ish , so oft en h a d it pa ssed, in pr in t , ben ea t h h is
ey es, h a d su dden ly becom e v isible on ce a g a in , a n d h a d
a t on ce br ou g h t ba ck t o h is m in d t h e st or y w h ich
Odet t e h a d t old h im , lon g a g o, of a v isit w h ich sh e h a d
pa id t o t h e Sa lon a t t h e Pa la is d’In du st r ie w it h Mm e.
V er du r in , w h o h a d sa id t o h er , “ T a k e ca r e, n ow ! I k n ow
h ow t o m elt y ou , a ll r ig h t . Y ou ’r e n ot m a de of m a r ble.”
Odet t e h a d a ssu r ed h im t h a t it w a s on ly a jok e, a n d h e
h a d n ot a t t a ch ed a n y im por t a n ce t o it a t t h e t im e. Bu t
h e h a d h a d m or e con fiden ce in h er t h en t h a n h e h a d
n ow . A n d t h e a n on y m ou s let t er r efer r ed ex plicit ly t o
r ela t ion s of t h a t sor t . W it h ou t da r in g t o lift h is ey es t o
t h e n ew spa per , h e open ed it , t u r n ed t h e pa g e so a s n ot
t o see a g a in t h e w or ds, Filles de Marbre, a n d beg a n t o
r ea d m ech a n ica lly t h e n ew s fr om t h e pr ov in ces. T h er e
h a d been a st or m in t h e Ch a n n el, a n d da m a g e w a s
r epor t ed fr om Dieppe, Ca bou r g , Beu zev a l. . . . Su dden ly
h e r ecoiled a g a in in h or r or .
T h e n a m e of Beu zev a l h a d su g g est ed t o h im t h a t of
a n ot h er pla ce in t h e sa m e dist r ict , Beu zev ille, w h ich
ca r r ied a lso, bou n d t o it by a h y ph en , a secon d n a m e, t o
w it Br éa u t é, w h ich h e h a d oft en seen on m a ps, bu t
w it h ou t ev er pr ev iou sly r em a r k in g t h a t it w a s t h e
sa m e n a m e a s t h a t bor n e by h is fr ien d M. de Br éa u t é,
w h om t h e a n on y m ou s let t er a ccu sed of h a v in g been
Odet t e’s lov er . A ft er a ll, w h en it ca m e t o M. de Br éa u t é,
t h er e w a s n ot h in g im pr oba ble in t h e ch a r g e; bu t so fa r
a s Mm e. V er du r in w a s con cer n ed, it w a s a sh eer
im possibilit y . Fr om t h e fa ct t h a t Odet t e did
occa sion a lly t ell a lie, it w a s n ot fa ir t o con clu de t h a t
sh e n ev er , by a n y ch a n ce, t old t h e t r u t h , a n d in t h ese
ba n t er in g con v er sa t ion s w it h Mm e. V er du r in w h ich
sh e h er self h a d r epea t ed t o Sw a n n , h e cou ld r ecog n ize
t h ose m ea n in g less a n d da n g er ou s plea sa n t r ies w h ich ,
in t h eir in ex per ien ce of life a n d ig n or a n ce of v ice,
w om en oft en u t t er (t h er eby cer t ify in g t h eir ow n
in n ocen ce), w h o — a s, for in st a n ce, Odet t e, — w ou ld be
t h e la st people in t h e w or ld t o feel a n y u n du e a ffect ion
for on e a n ot h er . W h er ea s, on t h e ot h er h a n d, t h e
in dig n a t ion w it h w h ich sh e h a d sca t t er ed t h e su spicion s
w h ich sh e h a d u n in t en t ion a lly br ou g h t in t o bein g , for a
m om en t , in h is m in d by h er st or y , fit t ed in w it h
ev er y t h in g t h a t h e k n ew of t h e t a st es, t h e
t em per a m en t of h is m ist r ess. Bu t a t t h a t m om en t , by
a n in spir a t ion of jea lou sy , a n a log ou s t o t h e in spir a t ion
w h ich r ev ea ls t o a poet or a ph ilosoph er , w h o h a s
n ot h in g , so fa r , bu t a n odd pa ir of r h y m es or a det a ch ed
obser v a t ion , t h e idea or t h e n a t u r a l la w w h ich w ill g iv e
pow er , m a st er y t o h is w or k , Sw a n n r eca lled for t h e fir st
t im e a r em a r k w h ich Odet t e h a d m a de t o h im , a t lea st
t w o y ea r s befor e: “ Oh , Mm e. V er du r in , sh e w on ’t h ea r
of a n y t h in g ju st n ow bu t m e. I’m a ‘lov e,’ if y ou plea se,
a n d sh e k isses m e, a n d w a n t s m e t o g o w it h h er
ev er y w h er e, a n d ca ll h er by h er Ch r ist ia n n a m e.” So
fa r fr om seein g in t h ese ex pr ession s a n y con n ect ion
w it h t h e a bsu r d in sin u a t ion s, in t en ded t o cr ea t e a n
a t m osph er e of v ice, w h ich Odet t e h a d sin ce r epea t ed t o
h im , h e h a d w elcom ed t h em a s a pr oof of Mm e.
V er du r in ’s w a r m -h ea r t ed a n d g en er ou s fr ien dsh ip. Bu t
n ow t h is old m em or y of h er a ffect ion for Odet t e h a d
coa lesced su dden ly w it h h is m or e r ecen t m em or y of h er
u n seem ly con v er sa t ion . He cou ld n o lon g er sepa r a t e
t h em in h is m in d, a n d h e sa w t h em blen ded in r ea lit y ,
t h e a ffect ion im pa r t in g a cer t a in ser iou sn ess a n d
im por t a n ce t o t h e plea sa n t r ies w h ich , in r et u r n , spoiled
t h e a ffect ion of it s in n ocen ce. He w en t t o see Odet t e. He
sa t dow n , k eepin g a t a dist a n ce fr om h er . He did n ot
da r e t o em br a ce h er , n ot k n ow in g w h et h er in h er , in
h im self, it w ou ld be a ffect ion or a n g er t h a t a k iss w ou ld
pr ov ok e. He sa t t h er e silen t , w a t ch in g t h eir lov e ex pir e.
Su dden ly h e m a de u p h is m in d.
“ Odet t e, m y da r lin g ,” h e beg a n , “ I k n ow , I a m bein g
sim ply odiou s, bu t I m u st a sk y ou a few qu est ion s. Y ou
r em em ber w h a t I on ce t h ou g h t a bou t y ou a n d Mm e.
V er du r in ? T ell m e, w a s it t r u e? Ha v e y ou , w it h h er or
a n y on e else, ev er ?”
Sh e sh ook h er h ea d, pu r sin g h er lips t og et h er ; a sig n
w h ich people com m on ly em ploy t o sig n ify t h a t t h ey a r e
n ot g oin g , beca u se it w ou ld bor e t h em t o g o, w h en som e
on e h a s a sk ed, “ A r e y ou com in g t o w a t ch t h e pr ocession
g o by ?” , or “ W ill y ou be a t t h e r ev iew ?” . Bu t t h is sh a k e
of t h e h ea d, w h ich is t h u s com m on ly u sed t o declin e
pa r t icipa t ion in a n ev en t t h a t h a s y et t o com e, im pa r t s
for t h a t r ea son a n elem en t of u n cer t a in t y t o t h e den ia l
of pa r t icipa t ion in a n ev en t t h a t is pa st . Fu r t h er m or e,
it su g g est s r ea son s of per son a l con v en ien ce, r a t h er t h a n
a n y defin it e r epu dia t ion , a n y m or a l im possibilit y .
W h en h e sa w Odet t e t h u s m a k e h im a sig n t h a t t h e
in sin u a t ion w a s fa lse, h e r ea lised t h a t it w a s qu it e
possibly t r u e.
“ I h a v e t old y ou , I n ev er did; y ou k n ow qu it e w ell,”
sh e a dded, seem in g a n g r y a n d u n com for t a ble.
 “ Y es, I k n ow a ll t h a t ; bu t a r e y ou qu it e su r e? Don ’t
sa y t o m e, ‘Y ou k n ow qu it e w ell’; sa y , ‘I h a v e n ev er don e
a n y t h in g of t h a t sor t w it h a n y w om a n .’”
Sh e r epea t ed h is w or ds lik e a lesson lea r n ed by r ot e,
a n d a s t h ou g h sh e h oped, t h er eby , t o be r id of h im : “ I
h a v e n ev er don e a n y t h in g of t h a t sor t w it h a n y
w om a n .”
“ Ca n y ou sw ea r it t o m e on y ou r La g h et t o m eda l?”
Sw a n n k n ew t h a t Odet t e w ou ld n ev er per ju r e
h er self on t h a t .
“ Oh , y ou do m a k e m e so m iser a ble,” sh e cr ied, w it h
a jer k of h er body a s t h ou g h t o sh a k e h er self fr ee of t h e
con st r a in t of h is qu est ion . “ Ha v e y ou n ea r ly don e?
W h a t is t h e m a t t er w it h y ou t o-da y ? Y ou seem t o h a v e
m a de u p y ou r m in d t h a t I a m t o be for ced t o h a t e y ou ,
t o cu r se y ou ! Look , I w a s a n x iou s t o be fr ien ds w it h y ou
a g a in , for u s t o h a v e a n ice t im e t og et h er , lik e t h e old
da y s; a n d t h is is a ll t h e t h a n k s I g et !”
How ev er , h e w ou ld n ot let h er g o, bu t sa t t h er e lik e
a su r g eon w h o w a it s for a spa sm t o su bside t h a t h a s
in t er r u pt ed h is oper a t ion bu t n eed n ot m a k e h im
a ba n don it .
“ Y ou a r e qu it e w r on g in su pposin g t h a t I bea r y ou
t h e lea st ill-w ill in t h e w or ld, Odet t e,” h e beg a n w it h a
per su a siv e a n d deceit fu l g en t len ess. “ I n ev er spea k t o
y ou ex cept of w h a t I a lr ea dy k n ow , a n d I a lw a y s k n ow a
g r ea t dea l m or e t h a n I sa y . Bu t y ou a lon e ca n m ollify
by y ou r con fession w h a t m a k es m e h a t e y ou so lon g a s
it h a s been r epor t ed t o m e on ly by ot h er people. My
a n g er w it h y ou is n ev er du e t o y ou r a ct ion s — I ca n a n d
do for g iv e y ou ev er y t h in g beca u se I lov e y ou — bu t t o
y ou r u n t r u t h fu ln ess, t h e r idicu lou s u n t r u t h fu ln ess
w h ich m a k es y ou per sist in den y in g t h in g s w h ich I
k n ow t o be t r u e. How ca n y ou ex pect t h a t I sh a ll
con t in u e t o lov e y ou , w h en I see y ou m a in t a in , w h en I
h ea r y ou sw ea r t o m e a t h in g w h ich I k n ow t o be fa lse?
Odet t e, do n ot pr olon g t h is m om en t w h ich is t or t u r in g
u s bot h . If y ou a r e w illin g t o en d it a t on ce, y ou sh a ll be
fr ee of it for ev er . T ell m e, u pon y ou r m eda l, y es or n o,
w h et h er y ou h a v e ev er don e t h ose t h in g s.”
“ How on ea r t h ca n I t ell?” sh e w a s fu r iou s. “ Per h a ps
I h a v e, ev er so lon g a g o, w h en I didn ’t k n ow w h a t I w a s
doin g , per h a ps t w o or t h r ee t im es.”
Sw a n n h a d pr epa r ed h im self for a ll possibilit ies.
Rea lit y m u st , t h er efor e, be som et h in g w h ich bea r s n o
r ela t ion t o possibilit ies, a n y m or e t h a n t h e st a b of a
k n ife in on e’s body bea r s t o t h e g r a du a l m ov em en t of
t h e clou ds ov er h ea d, sin ce t h ose w or ds “ t w o or t h r ee
t im es” ca r v ed, a s it w er e, a cr oss u pon t h e liv in g t issu es
of h is h ea r t . A st r a n g e t h in g , in deed, t h a t t h ose w or ds,
“ t w o or t h r ee t im es,” n ot h in g m or e t h a n a few w or ds,
w or ds u t t er ed in t h e a ir , a t a dist a n ce, cou ld so la cer a t e
a m a n ’s h ea r t , a s if t h ey h a d a ct u a lly pier ced it , cou ld
sick en a m a n , lik e a poison t h a t h e h a d dr u n k .
In st in ct iv ely Sw a n n t h ou g h t of t h e r em a r k t h a t h e h a d
h ea r d a t Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s: “ I h a v e n ev er seen
a n y t h in g t o bea t it sin ce t h e t a ble-t u r n in g .” T h e a g on y
t h a t h e n ow su ffer ed in n o w a y r esem bled w h a t h e h a d
su pposed. Not on ly beca u se, in t h e h ou r s w h en h e m ost
en t ir ely m ist r u st ed h er , h e h a d r a r ely im a g in ed su ch a
cu lm in a t ion of ev il, bu t beca u se, ev en w h en h e did
im a g in e t h a t offen ce, it r em a in ed v a g u e, u n cer t a in ,
w a s n ot clot h ed in t h e pa r t icu la r h or r or w h ich h a d
esca ped w it h t h e w or ds “ per h a ps t w o or t h r ee t im es,”
w a s n ot a r m ed w it h t h a t specific cr u elt y , a s differ en t
fr om a n y t h in g t h a t h e h a d k n ow n a s a n ew m a la dy by
w h ich on e is a t t a ck ed for t h e fir st t im e. A n d y et t h is
Odet t e, fr om w h om a ll t h is ev il spr a n g , w a s n o less dea r
t o h im , w a s, on t h e con t r a r y , m or e pr eciou s, a s if, in
pr opor t ion a s h is su ffer in g s in cr ea sed, t h er e in cr ea sed
a t t h e sa m e t im e t h e pr ice of t h e seda t iv e, of t h e
a n t idot e w h ich t h is w om a n a lon e possessed. He w ish ed
t o pa y h er m or e a t t en t ion , a s on e a t t en ds t o a disea se
w h ich on e discov er s, su dden ly , t o h a v e g r ow n m or e
ser iou s. He w ish ed t h a t t h e h or r ible t h in g w h ich , sh e
h a d t old h im , sh e h a d don e “ t w o or t h r ee t im es” m ig h t
be pr ev en t ed fr om occu r r in g a g a in . T o en su r e t h a t , h e
m u st w a t ch ov er Odet t e. People oft en sa y t h a t , by
poin t in g ou t t o a m a n t h e fa u lt s of h is m ist r ess, y ou
su cceed on ly in st r en g t h en in g h is a t t a ch m en t t o h er ,
beca u se h e does n ot believ e y ou ; y et h ow m u ch m or e so
if h e does! Bu t , Sw a n n a sk ed h im self, h ow cou ld h e
m a n a g e t o pr ot ect h er ? He m ig h t per h a ps be a ble t o
pr eser v e h er fr om t h e con t a m in a t ion of a n y on e
w om a n , bu t t h er e w er e h u n dr eds of ot h er w om en ; a n d
h e r ea lised h ow in sa n e h a d been h is a m bit ion w h en h e
h a d beg u n (on t h e ev en in g w h en h e h a d fa iled t o fin d
Odet t e a t t h e V er du r in s’) t o desir e t h e possession — a s if
t h a t w er e ev er possible — of a n ot h er per son . Ha ppily for
Sw a n n , ben ea t h t h e m a ss of su ffer in g w h ich h a d
in v a ded h is sou l lik e a con qu er in g h or de of ba r ba r ia n s,
t h er e la y a n a t u r a l fou n da t ion , older , m or e pla cid, a n d
silen t ly la bor iou s, lik e t h e cells of a n in ju r ed or g a n
w h ich a t on ce set t o w or k t o r epa ir t h e da m a g ed t issu es,
or t h e m u scles of a pa r a ly sed lim b w h ich t en d t o
r ecov er t h eir for m er m ov em en t s. T h ese older , t h ese
a u t och t h on ou s in -dw eller s in h is sou l a bsor bed a ll
Sw a n n ’s st r en g t h , for a w h ile, in t h a t obscu r e t a sk of
r epa r a t ion w h ich g iv es on e a n illu sor y sen se of r epose
du r in g con v a lescen ce, or a ft er a n oper a t ion . T h is t im e
it w a s n ot so m u ch — a s it or din a r ily w a s — in Sw a n n ’s
br a in t h a t t h e sla ck en in g of t en sion du e t o ex h a u st ion
t ook effect , it w a s r a t h er in h is h ea r t . Bu t a ll t h e t h in g s
in life t h a t h a v e on ce ex ist ed t en d t o r ecu r , a n d, lik e a
dy in g a n im a l t h a t is on ce m or e st ir r ed by t h e t h r oes of
a con v u lsion w h ich w a s, a ppa r en t ly , en ded, u pon
Sw a n n ’s h ea r t , spa r ed for a m om en t on ly , t h e sa m e
a g on y r et u r n ed of it s ow n a ccor d t o t r a ce t h e sa m e cr oss
a g a in . He r em em ber ed t h ose m oon lit ev en in g s, w h en ,
lea n in g ba ck in t h e v ict or ia t h a t w a s t a k in g h im t o t h e
Ru e La Pér ou se, h e w ou ld cu lt iv a t e w it h v olu pt u ou s
en joy m en t t h e em ot ion s of a m a n in lov e, ig n or a n t of
t h e poison ed fr u it t h a t su ch em ot ion s m u st in ev it a bly
bea r . Bu t a ll t h ose t h ou g h t s la st ed for n o m or e t h a n a
secon d, t h e t im e t h a t it t ook h im t o r a ise h is h a n d t o h is
h ea r t , t o dr a w br ea t h a g a in a n d t o con t r iv e t o sm ile, so
a s t o dissem ble h is t or m en t . A lr ea dy h e h a d beg u n t o
pu t fu r t h er qu est ion s. For h is jea lou sy , w h ich h a d t a k en
a n a m ou n t of t r ou ble, su ch a s n o en em y w ou ld h a v e
in cu r r ed, t o st r ik e h im t h is m or t a l blow , t o m a k e h im
for cibly a cqu a in t ed w it h t h e m ost cr u el pa in t h a t h e
h a d ev er k n ow n , h is jea lou sy w a s n ot sa t isfied t h a t h e
h a d y et su ffer ed en ou g h , a n d sou g h t t o ex pose h is bosom
t o a n ev en deeper w ou n d. Lik e a n ev il deit y , h is
jea lou sy w a s in spir in g Sw a n n , w a s t h r u st in g h im on
t ow a r ds dest r u ct ion . It w a s n ot h is fa u lt , bu t Odet t e’s
a lon e, if a t fir st h is pu n ish m en t w a s n ot m or e sev er e.
“ My da r lin g ,” h e beg a n a g a in , “ it ’s a ll ov er n ow ;
w a s it w it h a n y on e I k n ow ?”
“ No, I sw ea r it w a sn ’t ; besides, I t h in k I ex a g g er a t ed,
I n ev er r ea lly w en t a s fa r a s t h a t .”
He sm iled, a n d r esu m ed w it h : “ Ju st a s y ou lik e. It
doesn ’t r ea lly m a t t er , bu t it ’s u n for t u n a t e t h a t y ou
ca n ’t g iv e m e a n y n a m e. If I w er e a ble t o for m a n idea of
t h e per son t h a t w ou ld pr ev en t m y ev er t h in k in g of h er
a g a in . I sa y it for y ou r ow n sa k e, beca u se t h en I
sh ou ldn ’t bot h er y ou a n y m or e a bou t it . It ’s so soot h in g
t o be a ble t o for m a clea r pict u r e of t h in g s ir on e’s m in d.
W h a t is r ea lly t er r ible is w h a t on e ca n n ot im a g in e. Bu t
y ou ’v e been so sw eet t o m e; I don ’t w a n t t o t ir e y ou . I do
t h a n k y ou , w it h a ll m y h ea r t , for a ll t h e g ood t h a t y ou
h a v e don e m e. I’v e qu it e fin ish ed n ow . On ly on e w or d
m or e: h ow m a n y t im es?”
“ Oh , Ch a r les! ca n ’t y ou see, y ou ’r e k illin g m e? It ’s
a ll ev er so lon g a g o. I’v e n ev er g iv en it a t h ou g h t .
A n y on e w ou ld sa y t h a t y ou w er e posit iv ely t r y in g t o
pu t t h ose idea s in t o m y h ea d a g a in . A n d t h en y ou ’d be a
lot bet t er off!” sh e con clu ded, w it h u n con sciou s
st u pidit y bu t w it h in t en t ion a l m a lice.
“ I on ly w ish ed t o k n ow w h et h er it h a d been sin ce I
k n ew y ou . It ’s on ly n a t u r a l. Did it h a ppen h er e, ev er ?
Y ou ca n ’t g iv e m e a n y pa r t icu la r ev en in g , so t h a t I ca n
r em in d m y self w h a t I w a s doin g a t t h e t im e? Y ou
u n der st a n d, su r ely , t h a t it ’s n ot possible t h a t y ou don ’t
r em em ber w it h w h om , Odet t e, m y lov e.”
“ Bu t I don ’t k n ow ; r ea lly , I don ’t . I t h in k it w a s in
t h e Bois, on e ev en in g w h en y ou ca m e t o m eet u s on t h e
Isla n d. Y ou h a d been din in g w it h t h e Pr in cesse des
La u m es,” sh e a dded, h a ppy t o be a ble t o fu r n ish h im
w it h a n ex a ct det a il, w h ich t est ified t o h er v er a cit y .
“ A t t h e n ex t t a ble t h er e w a s a w om a n w h om I h a dn ’t
seen for ev er so lon g . Sh e sa id t o m e, ‘Com e a lon g r ou n d
beh in d t h e r ock , t h er e, a n d look a t t h e m oon lig h t on t h e
w a t er !’ A t fir st I ju st y a w n ed, a n d sa id, ‘No, I’m t oo
t ir ed, a n d I’m qu it e h a ppy w h er e I a m , t h a n k y ou .’ Sh e
sw or e t h er e’d n ev er been a n y t h in g lik e it in t h e w a y of
m oon lig h t . ‘I’v e h ea r d t h a t t a le befor e,’ I sa id t o h er ;
y ou see, I k n ew qu it e w ell w h a t sh e w a s a ft er .” Odet t e
n a r r a t ed t h is episode a lm ost a s if it w er e a jok e, eit h er
beca u se it a ppea r ed t o h er t o be qu it e n a t u r a l, or
beca u se sh e t h ou g h t t h a t sh e w a s t h er eby m in im isin g
it s im por t a n ce, or else so a s n ot t o a ppea r a sh a m ed. Bu t ,
ca t ch in g sig h t of Sw a n n ’s fa ce, sh e ch a n g ed h er t on e,
a n d:
“ Y ou a r e a fien d!” sh e flu n g a t h im , “ y ou en joy
t or m en t in g m e, m a k in g m e t ell y ou lies, ju st so t h a t
y ou ’ll lea v e m e in pea ce.”
T h is secon d blow st r u ck a t Sw a n n w a s ev en m or e
ex cr u cia t in g t h a n t h e fir st . Nev er h a d h e su pposed it t o
h a v e been so r ecen t a n a ffa ir , h idden fr om h is ey es t h a t
h a d been t oo in n ocen t t o discer n it , n ot in a pa st w h ich
h e h a d n ev er k n ow n , bu t in ev en in g s w h ich h e so w ell
r em em ber ed, w h ich h e h a d liv ed t h r ou g h w it h Odet t e,
of w h ich h e h a d su pposed h im self t o h a v e su ch a n
in t im a t e, su ch a n ex h a u st iv e k n ow ledg e, a n d w h ich
n ow a ssu m ed, r et r ospect iv ely , a n a spect of cu n n in g a n d
deceit a n d cr u elt y . In t h e m idst of t h em pa r t ed,
su dden ly , a g a pin g ch a sm , t h a t m om en t on t h e Isla n d
in t h e Bois de Bou log n e. W it h ou t bein g in t ellig en t ,
Odet t e h a d t h e ch a r m of bein g n a t u r a l. Sh e h a d
r ecou n t ed, sh e h a d a ct ed t h e lit t le scen e w it h so m u ch
sim plicit y t h a t Sw a n n , a s h e g a sped for br ea t h , cou ld
v iv idly see it : Odet t e y a w n in g , t h e “ r ock t h er e,” . . . He
cou ld h ea r h er a n sw er — a la s, h ow lig h t h ea r t edly —
“ I’v e h ea r d t h a t t a le befor e!” He felt t h a t sh e w ou ld t ell
h im n ot h in g m or e t h a t ev en in g , t h a t n o fu r t h er
r ev ela t ion w a s t o be ex pect ed for t h e pr esen t . He w a s
silen t for a t im e, t h en sa id t o h er :
“ My poor da r lin g , y ou m u st for g iv e m e; I k n ow , I
a m h u r t in g y ou dr ea dfu lly , bu t it ’s a ll ov er n ow ; I sh a ll
n ev er t h in k of it a g a in .”
Bu t sh e sa w t h a t h is ey es r em a in ed fix ed u pon t h e
t h in g s t h a t h e did n ot k n ow , a n d on t h a t pa st er a of
t h eir lov e, m on ot on ou s a n d soot h in g in h is m em or y
beca u se it w a s v a g u e, a n d n ow r en t , a s w it h a sw or d-
w ou n d, by t h e n ew s of t h a t m in u t e on t h e Isla n d in t h e
Bois, by m oon lig h t , w h ile h e w a s din in g w it h t h e
Pr in cesse des La u m es. Bu t h e h a d so fa r a cqu ir ed t h e
h a bit of fin din g life in t er est in g — of m a r v ellin g a t t h e
st r a n g e discov er ies t h a t t h er e w er e t o be m a de in it —
t h a t ev en w h ile h e w a s su ffer in g so a cu t ely t h a t h e did
n ot believ e it possible t o en du r e su ch a g on y for a n y
len g t h of t im e, h e w a s sa y in g t o h im self: “ Life is in deed
a st on ish in g , a n d h olds som e fin e su r pr ises; it a ppea r s
t h a t v ice is fa r m or e com m on t h a n on e h a s been led t o
believ e. Her e is a w om a n in w h om I h a d a bsolu t e
con fiden ce, w h o look s so sim ple, so h on est , w h o, in a n y
ca se, ev en a llow in g t h a t h er m or a ls a r e n ot st r ict ,
seem ed qu it e n or m a l a n d h ea lt h y in h er t a st es a n d
in clin a t ion s. I r eceiv e a m ost im pr oba ble a ccu sa t ion , I
qu est ion h er , a n d t h e lit t le t h a t sh e a dm it s r ev ea ls fa r
m or e t h a n I cou ld ev er h a v e su spect ed.” Bu t h e cou ld
n ot con fin e h im self t o t h ese det a ch ed obser v a t ion s. He
sou g h t t o for m a n ex a ct est im a t e of t h e im por t a n ce of
w h a t sh e h a d ju st t old h im , so a s t o k n ow w h et h er h e
m ig h t con clu de t h a t sh e h a d don e t h ese t h in g s oft en ,
a n d w a s lik ely t o do t h em a g a in . He r epea t ed h er w or ds
t o h im self: “ I k n ew qu it e w ell w h a t sh e w a s a ft er .” “ T w o
or t h r ee t im es.” “ I’v e h ea r d t h a t t a le befor e.” Bu t t h ey
did n ot r ea ppea r in h is m em or y u n a r m ed; ea ch of t h em
h eld a k n ife w it h w h ich it st a bbed h im a fr esh . For a
lon g t im e, lik e a sick m a n w h o ca n n ot r est r a in h im self
fr om a t t em pt in g , ev er y m in u t e, t o m a k e t h e
m ov em en t t h a t , h e k n ow s, w ill h u r t h im , h e k ept on
m u r m u r in g t o h im self: “ I’m qu it e h a ppy w h er e I a m ,
t h a n k y ou ,” “ I’v e h ea r d t h a t t a le befor e,” bu t t h e pa in
w a s so in t en se t h a t h e w a s oblig ed t o st op. He w a s
a m a zed t o fin d t h a t a ct ion s w h ich h e h a d a lw a y s,
h it h er t o, ju dg ed so lig h t ly , h a d dism issed, in deed, w it h
a la u g h , sh ou ld h a v e becom e a s ser iou s t o h im a s a
disea se w h ich m ig h t ea sily pr ov e fa t a l. He k n ew a n y
n u m ber of w om en w h om h e cou ld a sk t o k eep a n ey e on
Odet t e, bu t h ow w a s h e t o ex pect t h em t o a dju st
t h em selv es t o h is n ew poin t of v iew , a n d n ot t o r em a in
a t t h a t w h ich for so lon g h a d been h is ow n , w h ich h a d
a lw a y s g u ided h im in h is v olu pt u ou s ex ist en ce; n ot t o
sa y t o h im w it h a sm ile: “ Y ou jea lou s m on st er , w a n t in g
t o r ob ot h er people of t h eir plea su r e!” By w h a t t r a p-
door , su dden ly low er ed, h a d h e (w h o h a d n ev er fou n d,
in t h e old da y s, in h is lov e for Odet t e, a n y bu t t h e m ost
r efin ed of plea su r es) been pr ecipit a t ed in t o t h is n ew
cir cle of h ell fr om w h ich h e cou ld n ot see h ow h e w a s
ev er t o esca pe. Poor Odet t e! He w ish ed h er n o h a r m . Sh e
w a s bu t h a lf t o bla m e. Ha d h e n ot been t old t h a t it w a s
h er ow n m ot h er w h o h a d sold h er , w h en sh e w a s st ill
lit t le m or e t h a n a ch ild, a t Nice, t o a w ea lt h y
En g lish m a n ? Bu t w h a t a n a g on isin g t r u t h w a s n ow
con t a in ed for h im in t h ose lin es of A lfr ed de V ig n y ’s
Journal d’un Poète w h ich h e h a d pr ev iou sly r ea d
w it h ou t em ot ion : “ W h en on e feels on eself sm it t en by
lov e for a w om a n , on e ou g h t t o sa y t o on eself, ‘W h a t a r e
‘h er su r r ou n din g s? W h a t h a s been h er life?’ A ll on e’s
fu t u r e h a ppin ess lies in t h e a n sw er .” Sw a n n w a s
a st on ish ed t h a t su ch sim ple ph r a ses, spelt ov er in h is
m in d a s, “ I’v e h ea r d t h a t t a le befor e,” or “ I k n ew qu it e
w ell w h a t sh e w a s a ft er ,” cou ld ca u se h im so m u ch
pa in . Bu t h e r ea lised t h a t w h a t h e h a d m ist a k en for
sim ple ph r a ses w er e in deed pa r t s of t h e pa n oply w h ich
h eld a n d cou ld in flict on h im t h e a n g u ish t h a t h e h a d
felt w h ile Odet t e w a s t ellin g h er st or y . For it w a s t h e
sa m e a n g u ish t h a t h e n ow w a s feelin g a fr esh . It w a s n o
g ood, h is k n ow in g n ow , — in deed, it w a s n o g ood, a s t im e
w en t on , h is h a v in g pa r t ly for g ot t en a n d a lt og et h er
for g iv en t h e offen ce — w h en ev er h e r epea t ed h er w or ds
h is old a n g u ish r efa sh ion ed h im a s h e h a d been befor e
Odet t e beg a n t o spea k : ig n or a n t , t r u st fu l; h is m er ciless
jea lou sy pla ced h im on ce a g a in , so t h a t h e m ig h t be
effect iv ely w ou n ded by Odet t e’s a dm ission , in t h e
posit ion of a m a n w h o does n ot y et k n ow t h e t r u t h ; a n d
a ft er sev er a l m on t h s t h is old st or y w ou ld st ill
du m bfou n der h im , lik e a su dden r ev ela t ion . He
m a r v elled a t t h e t er r ible r ecr ea t iv e pow er of h is
m em or y . It w a s on ly by t h e w ea k en in g of t h a t
g en er a t iv e for ce, w h ose fecu n dit y dim in ish es a s a g e
cr eeps ov er on e, t h a t h e cou ld h ope for a r ela x a t ion of
h is t or m en t s. Bu t , a s soon a s t h e pow er t h a t a n y on e of
Odet t e’s sen t en ces h a d t o m a k e Sw a n n su ffer seem ed t o
be n ea r ly ex a u st ed, lo a n d beh old a n ot h er , on e of t h ose
t o w h ich h e h a d h it h er t o pa id lea st a t t en t ion , a lm ost a
n ew sen t en ce, ca m e t o r eliev e t h e fir st , a n d t o st r ik e a t
h im w it h u n dim in ish ed for ce. T h e m em or y of t h e
ev en in g on w h ich h e h a d din ed w it h t h e Pr in cesse des
La u m es w a s pa in fu l t o h im , bu t it w a s n o m or e t h a n t h e
cen t r e, t h e cor e of h is pa in . T h a t r a dia t ed v a g u ely
r ou n d a bou t it , ov er flow in g in t o a ll t h e pr ecedin g a n d
follow in g da y s. A n d on w h a t ev er poin t in it h e m ig h t
in t en d h is m em or y t o r est , it w a s t h e w h ole of t h a t
sea son , du r in g w h ich t h e V er du r in s h a d so oft en g on e t o
din e u pon t h e Isla n d in t h e Bois, t h a t spr a n g ba ck t o
h u r t h im . So v iolen t ly , t h a t by slow deg r ees t h e
cu r iosit y w h ich h is jea lou sy w a s ev er ex cit in g in h im
w a s n eu t r a lised by h is fea r of t h e fr esh t or t u r es w h ich
h e w ou ld be in flict in g u pon h im self w er e h e t o sa t isfy it .
He r ecog n ised t h a t a ll t h e per iod of Odet t e’s life w h ich
h a d ela psed befor e sh e fir st m et h im , a per iod of w h ich
h e h a d n ev er sou g h t t o for m a n y pict u r e in h is m in d,
w a s n ot t h e fea t u r eless a bst r a ct ion w h ich h e cou ld
v a g u ely see, bu t h a d con sist ed of so m a n y defin it e,
da t ed y ea r s, ea ch cr ow ded w it h con cr et e in ciden t s. Bu t
w er e h e t o lea r n m or e of t h em , h e fea r ed lest h er pa st ,
n ow colou r less, flu id a n d su ppor t a ble, m ig h t a ssu m e a
t a n g ible, a n obscen e for m , w it h in div idu a l a n d
dia bolica l fea t u r es. A n d h e con t in u ed t o r efr a in fr om
seek in g a con cept ion of it , n ot a n y lon g er n ow fr om
la zin ess of m in d, bu t fr om fea r of su ffer in g . He h oped
t h a t , som e da y , h e m ig h t be a ble t o h ea r t h e Isla n d in
t h e Bois, or t h e Pr in cesse des La u m es m en t ion ed
w it h ou t feelin g a n y t w in g e of t h a t old r en din g pa in ;
m ea n w h ile h e t h ou g h t it im pr u den t t o pr ov ok e Odet t e
in t o fu r n ish in g h im w it h fr esh sen t en ces, w it h t h e
n a m es of m or e pla ces a n d people a n d of differ en t ev en t s,
w h ich , w h en h is m a la dy w a s st ill sca r cely h ea led,
w ou ld m a k e it br ea k ou t a g a in in a n ot h er for m .
Bu t , oft en en ou g h , t h e t h in g s t h a t h e did n ot k n ow ,
t h a t h e dr ea ded, n ow , t o lea r n , it w a s Odet t e h er self
w h o, spon t a n eou sly a n d w it h ou t t h ou g h t of w h a t sh e
did, r ev ea led t h em t o h im ; for t h e g a p w h ich h er v ices
m a de bet w een h er a ct u a l life a n d t h e com pa r a t iv ely
in n ocen t life w h ich Sw a n n h a d believ ed, a n d oft en st ill
believ ed h is m ist r ess t o lea d, w a s fa r w ider t h a n sh e
k n ew . A v iciou s per son , a lw a y s a ffect in g t h e sa m e a ir of
v ir t u e befor e people w h om h e is a n x iou s t o k eep fr om
h a v in g a n y su spicion of h is v ices, h a s n o r eg ist er , n o
g a u g e a t h a n d fr om w h ich h e m a y a scer t a in h ow fa r
t h ose v ices (t h eir con t in u ou s g r ow t h bein g
im per cept ible by h im self) h a v e g r a du a lly seg r eg a t ed
h im fr om t h e n or m a l w a y s of life. In t h e cou r se of t h eir
coh a bit a t ion , in Odet t e’s m in d, w it h t h e m em or y of
t h ose of h er a ct ion s w h ich sh e con cea led fr om Sw a n n ,
h er ot h er , h er in n ocu ou s a ct ion s w er e g r a du a lly
colou r ed, in fect ed by t h ese, w it h ou t h er bein g a ble t o
det ect a n y t h in g st r a n g e in t h em , w it h ou t t h eir ca u sin g
a n y ex plosion in t h e pa r t icu la r r eg ion of h er self in
w h ich sh e m a de t h em liv e, bu t w h en sh e r ela t ed t h em
t o Sw a n n , h e w a s ov er w h elm ed by t h e r ev ela t ion of t h e
du plicit y t o w h ich t h ey poin t ed. On e da y , h e w a s
t r y in g — w it h ou t h u r t in g Odet t e — t o discov er fr om h er
w h et h er sh e h a d ev er h a d a n y dea lin g s w it h
pr ocu r esses. He w a s, a s a m a t t er of fa ct , con v in ced t h a t
sh e h a d n ot ; t h e a n on y m ou s let t er h a d pu t t h e idea in t o
h is m in d, bu t in a pu r ely m ech a n ica l w a y ; it h a d been
r eceiv ed t h er e w it h n o cr edu lit y , bu t it h a d, for a ll
t h a t , r em a in ed t h er e, a n d Sw a n n , w ish in g t o be r id of
t h e bu r den — a dea d w eig h t , bu t n on e t h e less
dist u r bin g — of t h is su spicion , h oped t h a t Odet t e w ou ld
n ow ex t ir pa t e it for ev er .
“ Oh dea r , n o! Not t h a t t h ey don ’t sim ply per secu t e
m e t o g o t o t h em ,” h er sm ile r ev ea led a g r a t ified v a n it y
w h ich sh e n o lon g er sa w t h a t it w a s im possible sh ou ld
a ppea r leg it im a t e t o Sw a n n . “ T h er e w a s on e of t h em
w a it ed m or e t h a n t w o h ou r s for m e y est er da y , sa id sh e
w ou ld g iv e m e a n y m on ey I a sk ed. It seem s, t h er e’s a n
A m ba ssa dor w h o sa id t o h er , ‘I’ll k ill m y self if y ou don ’t
br in g h er t o m e’ — m ea n in g m e! T h ey t old h er I’d g on e
ou t , bu t sh e w a it ed a n d w a it ed, a n d in t h e en d I h a d t o
g o m y self a n d spea k t o h er , befor e sh e’d g o a w a y . I do
w ish y ou cou ld h a v e seen t h e w a y I t a ck led h er ; m y
m a id w a s in t h e n ex t r oom , list en in g , a n d t old m e I
sh ou t ed fit t o br in g t h e h ou se dow n :— ‘Bu t w h en y ou
h ea r m e sa y t h a t I don ’t w a n t t o! T h e idea of su ch a
t h in g , I don ’t lik e it a t a ll! I sh ou ld h ope I’m st ill fr ee t o
do a s I plea se a n d w h en I plea se a n d w h er e I plea se! If I
n eeded t h e m on ey , I cou ld u n der st a n d . . . ’ T h e por t er
h a s or der s n ot t o let h er in a g a in ; h e w ill t ell h er t h a t I
a m ou t of t ow n . Oh , I do w ish I cou ld h a v e h a d y ou
h idden som ew h er e in t h e r oom w h ile I w a s t a lk in g t o
h er . I k n ow , y ou ’d h a v e been plea sed, m y dea r . T h er e’s
som e g ood in y ou r lit t le Odet t e, y ou see, a ft er a ll,
t h ou g h people do sa y su ch dr ea dfu l t h in g s a bou t h er .”
Besides, h er v er y a dm ission s — w h en sh e m a de a n y
— of fa u lt s w h ich sh e su pposed h im t o h a v e discov er ed,
r a t h er ser v ed Sw a n n a s a st a r t in g -poin t for fr esh dou bt s
t h a n t h ey pu t a n en d t o t h e old. For h er a dm ission s
n ev er ex a ct ly coin cided w it h h is dou bt s. In v a in m ig h t
Odet t e ex pu r g a t e h er con fession of a ll it s essen t ia l pa r t ,
t h er e w ou ld r em a in in t h e a ccessor ies som et h in g w h ich
Sw a n n h a d n ev er y et im a g in ed, w h ich cr u sh ed h im
a n ew , a n d w a s t o en a ble h im t o a lt er t h e t er m s of t h e
pr oblem of h is jea lou sy . A n d t h ese a dm ission s h e cou ld
n ev er for g et . His spir it ca r r ied t h em a lon g , ca st t h em
a side, t h en cr a dled t h em a g a in in it s bosom , lik e cor pses
in a r iv er . A n d t h ey poison ed it .
Sh e spok e t o h im on ce of a v isit t h a t For ch ev ille h a d
pa id h er on t h e da y of t h e Pa r is-Mu r cie Fêt e. “ W h a t !
y ou k n ew h im a s lon g a g o a s t h a t ? Oh , y es, of cou r se
y ou did,” h e cor r ect ed h im self, so a s n ot t o sh ew t h a t h e
h a d been ig n or a n t of t h e fa ct . A n d su dden ly h e beg a n t o
t r em ble a t t h e t h ou g h t t h a t , on t h e da y of t h e Pa r is-
Mu r cie Fêt e, w h en h e h a d r eceiv ed t h a t let t er w h ich h e
h a d so ca r efu lly pr eser v ed, sh e h a d been h a v in g
lu n ch eon , per h a ps, w it h For ch ev ille a t t h e Ma ison d’Or .
Sh e sw or e t h a t sh e h a d n ot . “ St ill, t h e Ma ison d’Or
r em in ds m e of som et h in g or ot h er w h ich , I k n ew a t t h e
t im e, w a sn ’t t r u e,” h e pu r su ed, h opin g t o fr ig h t en h er .
“ Y es t h a t I h a dn ’t been t h er e a t a ll t h a t ev en in g w h en I
t old y ou I h a d ju st com e fr om t h er e, a n d y ou h a d been
look in g for m e a t Pr év ost ’s,” sh e r eplied (ju dg in g by h is
m a n n er t h a t h e k n ew ) w it h a fir m n ess t h a t w a s ba sed
n ot so m u ch u pon cy n icism a s u pon t im idit y , a fea r of
cr ossin g Sw a n n , w h ich h er ow n self-r espect m a de h er
a n x iou s t o con cea l, a n d a desir e t o sh ew h im t h a t sh e
cou ld be per fect ly fr a n k if sh e ch ose. A n d so sh e st r u ck
h im w it h a ll t h e sh a r pn ess a n d for ce of a h ea dsm a n
w ieldin g h is a x e, a n d y et cou ld n ot be ch a r g ed w it h
cr u elt y , sin ce sh e w a s qu it e u n con sciou s of h u r t in g
h im ; sh e ev en beg a n t o la u g h , t h ou g h t h is m a y
per h a ps, it is t r u e, h a v e been ch iefly t o k eep h im fr om
t h in k in g t h a t sh e w a s a sh a m ed, a t a ll, or con fu sed. “ It ’s
qu it e t r u e, I h a dn ’t been t o t h e Ma ison Dor ée. I w a s
com in g a w a y fr om For ch ev ille’s. I h a d, r ea lly , been t o
Pr év ost ’s — t h a t w a sn ’t a st or y — a n d h e m et m e t h er e
a n d a sk ed m e t o com e in a n d look a t h is pr in t s. Bu t som e
on e else ca m e t o see h im . I t old y ou t h a t I w a s com in g
fr om t h e Ma ison d’Or beca u se I w a s a fr a id y ou m ig h t be
a n g r y w it h m e. It w a s r a t h er n ice of m e, r ea lly , don ’t
y ou see? I a dm it , I did w r on g , bu t a t lea st I’m t ellin g
y ou a ll a bou t it n ow , a ’n ’t I? W h a t h a v e I t o g a in by n ot
t ellin g y ou , st r a ig h t , t h a t I lu n ch ed w it h h im on t h e
da y of t h e Pa r is-Mu r cie Fêt e, if it w er e t r u e? Especia lly
a s a t t h a t t im e w e didn ’t k n ow on e a n ot h er qu it e so w ell
a s w e do n ow , did w e, dea r ?”
He sm iled ba ck a t h er w it h t h e su dden , cr a v en
w ea k n ess of t h e u t t er ly spir it less cr ea t u r e w h ich t h ese
cr u sh in g w or ds h a d m a de of h im . A n d so, ev en in t h e
m on t h s of w h ich h e h a d n ev er da r ed t o t h in k a g a in ,
beca u se t h ey h a d been t oo h a ppy , in t h ose m on t h s
w h en sh e h a d lov ed h im , sh e w a s a lr ea dy ly in g t o h im !
Besides t h a t m om en t (t h a t fir st ev en in g on w h ich t h ey
h a d “ don e a ca t t ley a ” ) w h en sh e h a d t old h im t h a t sh e
w a s com in g fr om t h e Ma ison Dor ée, h ow m a n y ot h er s
m u st t h er e h a v e been , ea ch of t h em cov er in g a
fa lseh ood of w h ich Sw a n n h a d h a d n o su spicion . He
r eca lled h ow sh e h a d sa id t o h im on ce: “ I n eed on ly t ell
Mm e. V er du r in t h a t m y dr ess w a sn ’t r ea dy , or t h a t m y
ca b ca m e la t e. T h er e is a lw a y s som e ex cu se.” Fr om
h im self t oo, pr oba bly , m a n y t im es w h en sh e h a d g libly
u t t er ed su ch w or ds a s ex pla in a dela y or ju st ify a n
a lt er a t ion of t h e h ou r fix ed for a m eet in g , t h ose
m om en t s m u st h a v e h idden , w it h ou t h is h a v in g t h e
lea st in k lin g of it a t t h e t im e, a n en g a g em en t t h a t sh e
h a d h a d w it h som e ot h er m a n , som e m a n t o w h om sh e
h a d sa id: “ I n eed on ly t ell Sw a n n t h a t m y dr ess w a sn ’t
r ea dy , or t h a t m y ca b ca m e la t e. T h er e is a lw a y s som e
ex cu se.” A n d ben ea t h a ll h is m ost plea sa n t m em or ies,
ben ea t h t h e sim plest w or ds t h a t Odet t e h a d ev er spok en
t o h im in t h ose old da y s, w or ds w h ich h e h a d believ ed
a s t h ou g h t h ey w er e t h e w or ds of a Gospel, ben ea t h h er
da ily a ct ion s w h ich sh e h a d r ecou n t ed t o h im , ben ea t h
t h e m ost or din a r y pla ces, h er dr essm a k er ’s fla t , t h e
A v en u e du Bois, t h e Hippodr om e, h e cou ld feel
(dissem bled t h er e, by v ir t u e of t h a t t em por a l
su per flu it y w h ich , a ft er t h e m ost det a iled a ccou n t of
h ow a da y h a s been spen t , a lw a y s lea v es som et h in g
ov er , t h a t m a y ser v e a s a h idin g pla ce for cer t a in
u n con fessed a ct ion s), h e cou ld feel t h e in sin u a t ion of a
possible u n der cu r r en t of fa lseh ood w h ich deba sed for
h im a ll t h a t h a d r em a in ed m ost pr eciou s, h is h a ppiest
ev en in g s, t h e Ru e La Pér ou se it self, w h ich Odet t e m u st
con st a n t ly h a v e been lea v in g a t ot h er h ou r s t h a n t h ose
of w h ich sh e t old h im ; ex t en din g t h e pow er of t h e da r k
h or r or t h a t h a d g r ipped h im w h en h e h a d h ea r d h er
a dm ission w it h r eg a r d t o t h e Ma ison Dor ée, a n d, lik e t h e
obscen e cr ea t u r es in t h e ‘Desola t ion of Nin ev eh ,’
sh a t t er in g , st on e by st on e, t h e w h ole edifice of h is pa st .
. . . If, n ow , h e t u r n ed a side w h en ev er h is m em or y
r epea t ed t h e cr u el n a m e of t h e Ma ison Dor ée it w a s
beca u se t h a t n a m e r eca lled t o h im , n o lon g er , a s, su ch a
lit t le t im e sin ce, a t Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s pa r t y , t h e
g ood for t u n e w h ich h e lon g h a d lost , bu t a m isfor t u n e of
w h ich h e w a s n ow fir st a w a r e. T h en it befell t h e Ma ison
Dor ée, a s it h a d befa llen t h e Isla n d in t h e Bois, t h a t
g r a du a lly it s n a m e cea sed t o t r ou ble h im . For w h a t w e
su ppose t o be ou r lov e, ou r jea lou sy a r e, n eit h er of
t h em , sin g le, con t in u ou s a n d in div idu a l pa ssion s. T h ey
a r e com posed of a n in fin it y of su ccessiv e lov es, of
differ en t jea lou sies, ea ch of w h ich is eph em er a l,
a lt h ou g h by t h eir u n in t er r u pt ed m u lt it u de t h ey g iv e
u s t h e im pr ession of con t in u it y , t h e illu sion of u n it y .
T h e life of Sw a n n ’s lov e, t h e fidelit y of h is jea lou sy ,
w er e for m ed ou t of dea t h , of in fidelit y , of in n u m er a ble
desir es, in n u m er a ble dou bt s, a ll of w h ich h a d Odet t e for
t h eir object . If h e h a d r em a in ed for a n y len g t h of t im e
w it h ou t seein g h er , t h ose t h a t died w ou ld n ot h a v e been
r epla ced by ot h er s. Bu t t h e pr esen ce of Odet t e con t in u ed
t o sow in Sw a n n ’s h ea r t a lt er n a t e seeds of lov e a n d
su spicion .
On cer t a in ev en in g s sh e w ou ld su dden ly r esu m e
t ow a r ds h im a k in dn ess of w h ich sh e w ou ld w a r n h im
st er n ly t h a t h e m u st t a k e im m edia t e a dv a n t a g e, u n der
pen a lt y of n ot seein g it r epea t ed for y ea r s t o com e; h e
m u st in st a n t ly a ccom pa n y h er h om e, t o “ do a
ca t t ley a ,” a n d t h e desir e w h ich sh e pr et en ded t o h a v e
for h im w a s so su dden , so in ex plica ble, so im per iou s, t h e
k isses w h ich sh e la v ish ed on h im w er e so dem on st r a t iv e
a n d so u n fa m ilia r , t h a t t h is br u t a l a n d u n n a t u r a l
fon dn ess m a de Sw a n n ju st a s u n h a ppy a s a n y lie or
u n k in d a ct ion . On e ev en in g w h en h e h a d t h u s, in
obedien ce t o h er com m a n d, g on e h om e w it h h er , a n d
w h ile sh e w a s in t er sper sin g h er k isses w it h pa ssion a t e
w or ds, in st r a n g e con t r a st t o h er h a bit u a l coldn ess, h e
t h ou g h t su dden ly t h a t h e h ea r d a sou n d; h e r ose,
sea r ch ed ev er y w h er e a n d fou n d n obody , bu t h e h a d n ot
t h e cou r a g e t o r et u r n t o h is pla ce by h er side;
w h er eu pon sh e, in a t ow er in g r a g e, br ok e a v a se, w it h
“ I n ev er ca n do a n y t h in g r ig h t w it h y ou , y ou
im possible per son !” A n d h e w a s left u n cer t a in w h et h er
sh e h a d n ot a ct u a lly h a d som e m a n con cea led in t h e
r oom , w h ose jea lou sy sh e h a d w ish ed t o w ou n d, or else
t o in fla m e h is sen ses.
Som et im es h e r epa ir ed t o ‘g a y ’ h ou ses, h opin g t o
lea r n som et h in g a bou t Odet t e, a lt h ou g h h e da r ed n ot
m en t ion h er n a m e. “ I h a v e a lit t le t h in g h er e, y ou ’r e
su r e t o lik e,” t h e ‘m a n a g er ess’ w ou ld g r eet h im , a n d h e
w ou ld st a y for a n h ou r or so, t a lk in g dolefu lly t o som e
poor g ir l w h o sa t t h er e a st on ish ed t h a t h e w en t n o
fu r t h er . On e of t h em , w h o w a s st ill qu it e y ou n g a n d
a t t r a ct iv e, sa id t o h im on ce, “ Of cou r se, w h a t I sh ou ld
lik e w ou ld be t o fin d a r ea l fr ien d, t h en h e m ig h t be
qu it e cer t a in , I sh ou ld n ev er g o w it h a n y ot h er m en
a g a in .” “ In deed, do y ou t h in k it possible for a w om a n
r ea lly t o be t ou ch ed by a m a n ’s bein g in lov e w it h h er ,
a n d n ev er t o be u n fa it h fu l t o h im ?” a sk ed Sw a n n
a n x iou sly . “ W h y , su r ely ! It a ll depen ds on t h eir
ch a r a ct er s!” Sw a n n cou ld n ot h elp m a k in g t h e sa m e
r em a r k s t o t h ese g ir ls a s w ou ld h a v e delig h t ed t h e
Pr in cesse des La u m es. T o t h e on e w h o w a s in sea r ch of a
fr ien d h e sa id, w it h a sm ile: “ Bu t h ow n ice of y ou ,
y ou ’v e pu t on blu e ey es, t o g o w it h y ou r sa sh .” “ A n d
y ou t oo, y ou ’v e g ot blu e cu ffs on .” “ W h a t a ch a r m in g
con v er sa t ion w e a r e h a v in g , for a pla ce of t h is sor t ! I’m
n ot bor in g y ou , a m I; or k eepin g y ou ?” “ No, I’v e n ot h in g
t o do, t h a n k y ou . If y ou bor ed m e I sh ou ld sa y so. Bu t I
lov e h ea r in g y ou t a lk .” “ I a m h ig h ly fla t t er ed. . . .
A r en ’t w e beh a v in g pr et t ily ?” h e a sk ed t h e
‘m a n a g er ess,’ w h o h a d ju st look ed in . “ W h y , y es, t h a t ’s
ju st w h a t I w a s sa y in g t o m y self, h ow sen sibly t h ey ’r e
beh a v in g ! Bu t t h a t ’s h ow it is! People com e t o m y h ou se
n ow , ju st t o t a lk . T h e Pr in ce w a s t ellin g m e, on ly t h e
ot h er da y , t h a t h e’s fa r m or e com for t a ble h er e t h a n
w it h h is w ife. It seem s t h a t , n ow a da y s, a ll t h e societ y
la dies a r e lik e t h a t ; a per fect sca n da l, I ca ll it . Bu t I’ll
lea v e y ou in pea ce n ow , I k n ow w h en I’m n ot w a n t ed,”
sh e en ded discr eet ly , a n d left Sw a n n w it h t h e g ir l w h o
h a d t h e blu e ey es. Bu t pr esen t ly h e r ose a n d sa id g ood-
by e t o h er . Sh e h a d cea sed t o in t er est h im . Sh e did n ot
k n ow Odet t e.
T h e pa in t er h a v in g been ill, Dr . Cot t a r d
r ecom m en ded a sea -v oy a g e; sev er a l of t h e ‘fa it h fu l’
spok e of a ccom pa n y in g h im ; t h e V er du r in s cou ld n ot
fa ce t h e pr ospect of bein g left a lon e in Pa r is, so fir st of a ll
h ir ed, a n d fin a lly pu r ch a sed a y a ch t ; t h u s Odet t e w a s
con st a n t ly g oin g on a cr u ise. W h en ev er sh e h a d been
a w a y for a n y len g t h of t im e, Sw a n n w ou ld feel t h a t h e
w a s beg in n in g t o det a ch h im self fr om h er , bu t , a s
t h ou g h t h is m or a l dist a n ce w er e pr opor t ion a t e t o t h e
ph y sica l dist a n ce bet w een t h em , w h en ev er h e h ea r d
t h a t Odet t e h a d r et u r n ed t o Pa r is, h e cou ld n ot r est
w it h ou t seein g h er . On ce, w h en t h ey h a d g on e a w a y , a s
ev er y on e t h ou g h t , for a m on t h on ly , eit h er t h ey
su ccu m bed t o a ser ies of t em pt a t ion s, or else M.
V er du r in had cu n n in g ly a r r a n g ed ev er y t h in g
befor eh a n d, t o plea se h is w ife, a n d disclosed h is pla n s t o
t h e ‘fa it h fu l’ on ly a s t im e w en t on ; a n y h ow , fr om
A lg ier s t h ey flit t ed t o T u n is; t h en t o It a ly , Gr eece,
Con st a n t in ople, A sia Min or . T h ey h a d been a bsen t for
n ea r ly a y ea r , a n d Sw a n n felt per fect ly a t ea se a n d
a lm ost h a ppy . A lbeit M. V er du r in h a d en dea v ou r ed t o
per su a de t h e pia n ist a n d Dr . Cot t a r d t h a t t h eir
r espect iv e a u n t a n d pa t ien t s h a d n o n eed of t h em , a n d
t h a t , in a n y ev en t , it w a s m ost r a sh t o a llow Mm e.
Cot t a r d t o r et u r n t o Pa r is, w h er e, Mm e. V er du r in
a ssu r ed h im , a r ev olu t ion h a d ju st br ok en ou t , h e w a s
oblig ed t o g r a n t t h em t h eir liber t y a t Con st a n t in ople.
A n d t h e pa in t er ca m e h om e w it h t h em . On e da y ,
sh or t ly a ft er t h e r et u r n of t h ese fou r t r a v eller s, Sw a n n ,
seein g an om n ibu s a ppr oa ch h im , la belled
‘Lu x em bou r g ,’ a n d h a v in g som e bu sin ess t h er e, h a d
ju m ped on t o it a n d h a d fou n d h im self sit t in g opposit e
Mm e. Cot t a r d, w h o w a s pa y in g a r ou n d of v isit s t o
people w h ose ‘da y ’ it w a s, in fu ll r ev iew or der , w it h a
plu m e in h er h a t , a silk dr ess, a m u ff, a n u m br ella
(w h ich do for a pa r a sol if t h e r a in k ept off), a ca r d-ca se,
a n d a pa ir of w h it e g lov es fr esh fr om t h e clea n er s.
W ea r in g t h ese ba dg es of r a n k , sh e w ou ld, in fin e
w ea t h er , g o on foot fr om on e h ou se t o a n ot h er in t h e
sa m e n eig h bou r h ood, bu t w h en sh e h a d t o pr oceed t o
a n ot h er dist r ict , w ou ld m a k e u se of a t r a n sfer -t ick et on
t h e om n ibu s. For t h e fir st m in u t e or t w o, u n t il t h e
n a t u r a l cou r t esy of t h e w om a n br ok e t h r ou g h t h e
st a r ch ed su r fa ce of t h e doct or ’s-w ife, n ot bein g cer t a in ,
eit h er , w h et h er sh e ou g h t t o m en t ion t h e V er du r in s
befor e Sw a n n , sh e pr odu ced, qu it e n a t u r a lly , in h er
slow a n d a w k w a r d, bu t n ot u n a t t r a ct iv e v oice, w h ich ,
ev er y n ow a n d t h en , w a s com plet ely dr ow n ed by t h e
r a t t lin g of t h e om n ibu s, t opics select ed fr om t h ose
w h ich sh e h a d pick ed u p a n d w ou ld r epea t in ea ch of
t h e scor e of h ou ses u p t h e st a ir s of w h ich sh e cla m ber ed
in t h e cou r se of a n a ft er n oon .
“ I n eedn ’t a sk y ou , M. Sw a n n , w h et h er a m a n so
m u ch in t h e m ov em en t a s y ou r self h a s been t o t h e
Mir lit on s, t o see t h e por t r a it by Ma ch a r d t h a t t h e w h ole
of Pa r is is r u n n in g a ft er . W ell, a n d w h a t do y ou t h in k of
it ? W h ose ca m p a r e y ou in , t h ose w h o bless or t h ose w h o
cu r se? It ’s t h e sa m e in ev er y h ou se in Pa r is n ow , n o on e
w ill spea k of a n y t h in g else bu t Ma ch a r d’s por t r a it ; y ou
a r en ’t sm a r t , y ou a r en ’t r ea lly cu lt u r ed, y ou a r en ’t u p-
t o-da t e u n less y ou g iv e a n opin ion on Ma ch a r d’s
por t r a it .”
Sw a n n h a v in g r eplied t h a t h e h a d n ot seen t h is
por t r a it , Mm e. Cot t a r d w a s a fr a id t h a t sh e m ig h t h a v e
h u r t h is feelin g s by oblig in g h im t o con fess t h e
om ission .
“ Oh , t h a t ’s qu it e a ll r ig h t ! A t lea st y ou h a v e t h e
cou r a g e t o be qu it e fr a n k a bou t it . Y ou don ’t con sider
y ou r self disg r a ced beca u se y ou h a v en ’t seen Ma ch a r d’s
por t r a it . I do t h in k t h a t so n ice of y ou . W ell n ow , I h a v e
seen it ; opin ion is div ided, y ou k n ow , t h er e a r e som e
people w h o fin d it r a t h er la bou r ed, lik e w h ipped cr ea m ,
t h ey sa y ; bu t I t h in k it ’s ju st idea l. Of cou r se, sh e’s n ot a
bit lik e t h e blu e a n d y ellow la dies t h a t ou r fr ien d Bich e
pa in t s. T h a t ’s qu it e clea r . Bu t I m u st t ell y ou , per fect ly
fr a n k ly (y ou ’ll t h in k m e dr ea dfu lly old-fa sh ion ed, bu t I
a lw a y s sa y ju st w h a t I t h in k ), t h a t I don ’t u n der st a n d
h is w or k . I ca n qu it e see t h e g ood poin t s t h er e a r e in h is
por t r a it of m y h u sba n d; oh , dea r m e, y es; a n d it ’s
cer t a in ly less odd t h a n m ost of w h a t h e does, bu t ev en
t h en h e h a d t o g iv e t h e poor m a n a blu e m ou st a ch e! Bu t
Ma ch a r d! Ju st list en t o t h is n ow , t h e h u sba n d of m y
fr ien d, I a m on m y w a y t o see a t t h is v er y m om en t
(w h ich h a s g iv en m e t h e v er y g r ea t plea su r e of y ou r
com pa n y ), h a s pr om ised h er t h a t , if h e is elect ed t o t h e
A ca dem y (h e is on e of t h e Doct or ’s collea g u es), h e w ill
g et Ma ch a r d t o pa in t h er por t r a it . So sh e’s g ot
som et h in g t o look for w a r d t o! I h a v e a n ot h er fr ien d w h o
in sist s t h a t sh e’d r a t h er h a v e Leloir . I’m on ly a
w r et ch ed Ph ilist in e, a n d I’v e n o dou bt Leloir h a s
per h a ps m or e k n ow ledg e of pa in t in g ev en t h a n
Ma ch a r d. Bu t I do t h in k t h a t t h e m ost im por t a n t t h in g
a bou t a por t r a it , especia lly w h en it ’s g oin g t o cost t en
t h ou sa n d fr a n cs, is t h a t it sh ou ld be lik e, a n d a plea sa n t
lik en ess, if y ou k n ow w h a t I m ea n .”
Ha v in g ex h a u st ed t h is t opic, t o w h ich sh e h a d been
in spir ed by t h e loft in ess of h er plu m e, t h e m on og r a m on
h er ca r d-ca se, t h e lit t le n u m ber in k ed in side ea ch of h er
g lov es by t h e clea n er , a n d t h e difficu lt y of spea k in g t o
Sw a n n a bou t t h e V er du r in s, Mm e. Cot t a r d, seein g t h a t
t h ey h a d st ill a lon g w a y t o g o befor e t h ey w ou ld r ea ch
t h e cor n er of t h e Ru e Bon a pa r t e, w h er e t h e con du ct or
w a s t o set h er dow n , list en ed t o t h e pr om pt in g s of h er
h ea r t , w h ich cou n selled ot h er w or ds t h a n t h ese.
“ Y ou r ea r s m u st h a v e been bu r n in g ,” sh e v en t u r ed,
“ w h ile w e w er e on t h e y a ch t w it h Mm e. V er du r in . W e
w er e t a lk in g a bou t y ou a ll t h e t im e.”
Sw a n n w a s g en u in ely a st on ish ed, for h e su pposed
t h a t h is n a m e w a s n ev er u t t er ed in t h e V er du r in s’
pr esen ce.
“ Y ou see,” Mm e. Cot t a r d w en t on , “ Mm e. de Cr écy
w a s t h er e; n eed I sa y m or e? W h en Odet t e is a n y w h er e
it ’s n ev er lon g befor e sh e beg in s t a lk in g a bou t y ou . A n d
y ou k n ow qu it e w ell, it isn ’t n a st y t h in g s sh e sa y s.
W h a t ! y ou don ’t believ e m e!” sh e w en t on , n ot icin g t h a t
Sv r a n n look ed scept ica l. A n d, ca r r ied a w a y by t h e
sin cer it y of h er con v ict ion , w it h ou t pu t t in g a n y ev il
m ea n in g in t o t h e w or d, w h ich sh e u sed pu r ely in t h e
sen se in w h ich on e em ploy s it t o spea k of t h e a ffect ion
t h a t u n it es a pa ir of fr ien ds: “ W h y , sh e adores y ou ! No,
in deed; I’m su r e it w ou ld n ev er do t o sa y a n y t h in g
a g a in st y ou w h en sh e w a s a bou t ; on e w ou ld soon be
t a u g h t on e’s pla ce! W h a t ev er w e m ig h t be doin g , if w e
w er e look in g a t a pict u r e, for in st a n ce, sh e w ou ld sa y , ‘If
on ly w e h a d h im h er e, h e’s t h e m a n w h o cou ld t ell u s
w h et h er it ’s g en u in e or n ot . T h er e’s n o on e lik e h im for
t h a t .’ A n d a ll da y lon g sh e w ou ld be sa y in g , ‘W h a t ca n
h e be doin g ju st n ow ? I do h ope, h e’s doin g a lit t le w or k !
It ’s t oo dr ea dfu l t h a t a fellow w it h su ch g ift s a s h e h a s
sh ou ld be so la zy .’ (For g iv e m e, w on ’t y ou .) ‘I ca n see
h im t h is v er y m om en t ; h e’s t h in k in g of u s, h e’s
w on der in g w h er e w e a r e.’ In deed, sh e u sed a n
ex pr ession w h ich I t h ou g h t v er y pr et t y a t t h e t im e. M.
V er du r in a sk ed h er , ‘How in t h e w or ld ca n y ou see w h a t
h e’s doin g , w h en h e’s a t h ou sa n d m iles a w a y ?’ A n d
Odet t e a n sw er ed, ‘Not h in g is im possible t o t h e ey e of a
fr ien d.’
“ No, I a ssu r e y ou , I’m n ot sa y in g it ju st t o fla t t er
y ou ; y ou h a v e a t r u e fr ien d in h er , su ch a s on e doesn ’t
oft en fin d. I ca n t ell y ou , besides, in ca se y ou don ’t k n ow
it , t h a t y ou ’r e t h e on ly on e. Mm e. V er du r in t old m e a s
m u ch h er self on ou r la st da y w it h t h em (on e t a lk s m or e
fr eely , don ’t y ou k n ow , befor e a pa r t in g ), ‘I don ’t sa y
t h a t Odet t e isn ’t fon d of u s, bu t a n y t h in g t h a t w e m a y
sa y t o h er cou n t s for v er y lit t le beside w h a t Sw a n n
m ig h t sa y .’ Oh , m er cy , t h er e’s t h e con du ct or st oppin g
for m e; h er e h a v e I been ch a t t in g a w a y t o y ou , a n d
w ou ld h a v e g on e r ig h t pa st t h e Ru e Bon a pa r t e, a n d
n ev er n ot iced . . . W ill y ou be so v er y k in d a s t o t ell m e
w h et h er m y plu m e is st r a ig h t ?”
A n d Mm e. Cot t a r d w it h dr ew fr om h er m u ff, t o offer
it t o Sw a n n , a w h it e-g lov ed h a n d fr om w h ich t h er e
floa t ed, w it h a t r a n sfer -t ick et , a n a t m osph er e of
fa sh ion a ble life t h a t per v a ded t h e om n ibu s, blen ded
w it h t h e h a r sh er fr a g r a n ce of n ew ly clea n ed k id. A n d
Sw a n n felt h im self ov er flow in g w it h g r a t it u de t o h er ,
a s w ell a s t o Mm e. V er du r in (a n d a lm ost t o Odet t e, for
t h e feelin g t h a t h e n ow en t er t a in ed for h er w a s n o
lon g er t in g ed w it h pa in , w a s sca r cely ev en t o be
descr ibed, n ow , a s lov e), w h ile fr om t h e pla t for m of t h e
om n ibu s h e follow ed h er w it h lov in g ey es, a s sh e
g a lla n t ly t h r ea ded h er w a y a lon g t h e Ru e Bon a pa r t e,
h er plu m e er ect , h er sk ir t h eld u p in on e h a n d, w h ile in
t h e ot h er sh e cla sped h er u m br ella a n d h er ca r d-ca se, so
t h a t it s m on og r a m cou ld be seen , h er m u ff da n cin g in
t h e a ir befor e h er a s sh e w en t .
T o com pet e w it h a n d so t o st im u la t e t h e m or ibu n d
feelin g s t h a t Sw a n n h a d for Odet t e, Mm e. Cot t a r d, a
w iser ph y sicia n , in t h is ca se, t h a n ev er h er h u sba n d
w ou ld h a v e been , h a d g r a ft ed a m on g t h em ot h er s m or e
n or m a l, feelin g s of g r a t it u de, of fr ien dsh ip, w h ich in
Sw a n n ’s m in d w er e t o m a k e Odet t e seem a g a in m or e
h u m a n (m or e lik e ot h er w om en , sin ce ot h er w om en
cou ld in spir e t h e sa m e feelin g s in h im ), w er e t o h a st en
h er fin a l t r a n sfor m a t ion ba ck in t o t h a t Odet t e, lov ed
w it h a n u n dist u r bed a ffect ion , w h o h a d t a k en h im
h om e on e ev en in g a ft er a r ev el a t t h e pa in t er ’s, t o dr in k
or a n g ea de w it h For ch ev ille, t h a t Odet t e w it h w h om
Sw a n n h a d ca lcu la t ed t h a t h e m ig h t liv e in h a ppin ess.
In for m er t im es, h a v in g oft en t h ou g h t w it h t er r or
t h a t a da y m u st com e w h en h e w ou ld cea se t o be in lov e
w it h Odet t e, h e h a d det er m in ed t o k eep a sh a r p look -
ou t , a n d a s soon a s h e felt t h a t lov e w a s beg in n in g t o
esca pe h im , t o clin g t ig h t ly t o it a n d t o h old it ba ck . Bu t
n ow , t o t h e fa in t n ess of h is lov e t h er e cor r espon ded a
sim u lt a n eou s fa in t n ess in h is desir e t o r em a in h er
lov er . For a m a n ca n n ot ch a n g e, t h a t is t o sa y becom e
a n ot h er per son , w h ile h e con t in u es t o obey t h e dict a t es
of t h e self w h ich h e h a s cea sed t o be. Occa sion a lly t h e
n a m e, if it ca u g h t h is ey e in a n ew spa per , of on e of t h e
m en w h om h e su pposed t o h a v e been Odet t e’s lov er s,
r ea w a k en ed h is jea lou sy . Bu t it w a s v er y slig h t , a n d,
in a sm u ch a s it pr ov ed t o h im t h a t h e h a d n ot
com plet ely em er g ed fr om t h a t per iod in w h ich h e h a d
so k een ly su ffer ed — t h ou g h in it h e h a d a lso k n ow n a
w a y of feelin g so in t en sely h a ppy — a n d t h a t t h e
a cciden t s of h is cou r se m ig h t st ill en a ble h im t o ca t ch
a n occa sion a l g lim pse, st ea lt h ily a n d a t a dist a n ce, of it s
bea u t ies, t h is jea lou sy g a v e h im , if a n y t h in g , a n
a g r eea ble t h r ill, a s t o t h e sa d Pa r isia n , w h en h e h a s left
V en ice beh in d h im a n d m u st r et u r n t o Fr a n ce, a la st
m osqu it o pr ov es t h a t It a ly a n d su m m er a r e st ill n ot t oo
r em ot e. Bu t , a s a r u le, w it h t h is pa r t icu la r per iod of h is
life fr om w h ich h e w a s em er g in g , w h en h e m a de a n
effor t , if n ot t o r em a in in it , a t lea st t o obt a in , w h ile st ill
h e m ig h t , a n u n in t er r u pt ed v iew of it , h e discov er ed
t h a t a lr ea dy it w a s t oo la t e; h e w ou ld h a v e look ed ba ck
t o dist in g u ish , a s it m ig h t be a la n dsca pe t h a t w a s
a bou t t o disa ppea r , t h a t lov e fr om w h ich h e h a d
depa r t ed, bu t it is so difficu lt t o en t er in t o a st a t e of
com plet e du a lit y a n d t o pr esen t t o on eself t h e lifelik e
spect a cle of a feelin g w h ich on e h a s cea sed t o possess,
t h a t v er y soon , t h e clou ds g a t h er in g in h is br a in , h e
cou ld see n ot h in g , h e w ou ld a ba n don t h e a t t em pt ,
w ou ld t a k e t h e g la sses fr om h is n ose a n d w ipe t h em ;
a n d h e t old h im self t h a t h e w ou ld do bet t er t o r est for a
lit t le, t h a t t h er e w ou ld be t im e en ou g h la t er on , a n d
set t led ba ck in t o h is cor n er w it h a s lit t le cu r iosit y , w it h
a s m u ch t or por a s t h e dr ow sy t r a v eller w h o pu lls h is
ca p dow n ov er h is ey es so a s t o g et som e sleep in t h e
r a ilw a y -ca r r ia g e t h a t is dr a w in g h im , h e feels, fa st er
a n d fa st er , ou t of t h e cou n t r y in w h ich h e h a s liv ed for
so lon g , a n d w h ich h e v ow ed t h a t h e w ou ld n ot a llow t o
slip a w a y fr om h im w it h ou t look in g ou t t o bid it a la st
fa r ew ell. In deed, lik e t h e sa m e t r a v eller , if h e does n ot
a w a k e u n t il h e h a s cr ossed t h e fr on t ier a n d is a g a in in
Fr a n ce, w h en Sw a n n h a ppen ed t o a lig h t , close a t h a n d,
u pon som et h in g w h ich pr ov ed t h a t For ch ev ille h a d
been Odet t e’s lov er , h e discov er ed t h a t it ca u sed h im n o
pa in , t h a t lov e w a s n ow u t t er ly r em ot e, a n d h e
r eg r et t ed t h a t h e h a d h a d n o w a r n in g of t h e m om en t in
w h ich h e h a d em er g ed fr om it for ev er . A n d ju st a s,
befor e k issin g Odet t e for t h e fir st t im e, h e h a d sou g h t t o
im pr in t u pon h is m em or y t h e fa ce t h a t for so lon g h a d
been fa m ilia r , befor e it w a s a lt er ed by t h e a ddit ion a l
m em or y of t h eir k iss, so h e cou ld h a v e w ish ed — in
t h ou g h t a t lea st — t o h a v e been in a posit ion t o bid
fa r ew ell, w h ile sh e st ill ex ist ed, t o t h a t Odet t e w h o h a d
in spir ed lov e in h im a n d jea lou sy , t o t h a t Odet t e w h o
h a d ca u sed h im so t o su ffer , a n d w h om n ow h e w ou ld
n ev er see a g a in . He w a s m ist a k en . He w a s dest in ed t o
see h er on ce a g a in , a few w eek s la t er . It w a s w h ile h e
w a s a sleep, in t h e t w ilig h t of a dr ea m . He w a s w a lk in g
w it h Mm e. V er du r in , Dr . Cot t a r d, a y ou n g m a n in a fez
w h om h e fa iled t o iden t ify , t h e pa in t er , Odet t e,
Na poleon III a n d m y g r a n dfa t h er , a lon g a pa t h w h ich
follow ed t h e lin e of t h e coa st , a n d ov er h u n g t h e sea ,
n ow a t a g r ea t h eig h t , n ow by a few feet on ly , so t h a t
t h ey w er e con t in u a lly g oin g u p a n d dow n ; t h ose of t h e
pa r t y w h o h a d r ea ch ed t h e dow n w a r d slope w er e n o
lon g er v isible t o t h ose w h o w er e st ill clim bin g ; w h a t
lit t le da y lig h t y et r em a in ed w a s fa ilin g , a n d it seem ed
a s t h ou g h a bla ck n ig h t w a s im m edia t ely t o fa ll on
t h em . Now a n d t h en t h e w a v es da sh ed a g a in st t h e cliff,
a n d Sw a n n cou ld feel on h is ch eek a sh ow er of fr eezin g
spr a y . Odet t e t old h im t o w ipe t h is off, bu t h e cou ld n ot ,
a n d felt con fu sed a n d h elpless in h er com pa n y , a s w ell
a s beca u se h e w a s in h is n ig h t sh ir t . He h oped t h a t , in
t h e da r k n ess, t h is m ig h t pa ss u n n ot iced; Mm e.
V er du r in , h ow ev er , fix ed h er a st on ish ed g a ze u pon h im
for a n en dless m om en t , in w h ich h e sa w h er fa ce
ch a n g e it s sh a pe, h er n ose g r ow lon g er , w h ile ben ea t h it
t h er e spr ou t ed a h ea v y m ou st a ch e. He t u r n ed a w a y t o
ex a m in e Odet t e; h er ch eek s w er e pa le, w it h lit t le fier y
spot s, h er fea t u r es dr a w n a n d r in g ed w it h sh a dow s; bu t
sh e look ed ba ck a t h im w it h ey es w ellin g w it h a ffect ion ,
r ea dy t o det a ch t h em selv es lik e t ea r s a n d t o fa ll u pon
h is fa ce, a n d h e felt t h a t h e lov ed h er so m u ch t h a t h e
w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o ca r r y h er off w it h h im a t on ce.
Su dden ly Odet t e t u r n ed h er w r ist , g la n ced a t a t in y
w a t ch , a n d sa id: “ I m u st g o.” Sh e t ook lea v e of
ev er y on e, in t h e sa m e for m a l m a n n er , w it h ou t t a k in g
Sw a n n a side, w it h ou t t ellin g h im w h er e t h ey w er e t o
m eet t h a t ev en in g , or n ex t da y . He da r ed n ot a sk , h e
w ou ld h a v e lik ed t o follow h er , h e w a s oblig ed, w it h ou t
t u r n in g ba ck in h er dir ect ion , t o a n sw er w it h a sm ile
som e qu est ion by Mm e. V er du r in ; bu t h is h ea r t w a s
fr a n t ica lly bea t in g , h e felt t h a t h e n ow h a t ed Odet t e, h e
w ou ld g la dly h a v e cr u sh ed t h ose ey es w h ich , a m om en t
a g o, h e h a d lov ed so dea r ly , h a v e t or n t h e blood in t o
t h ose lifeless ch eek s. He con t in u ed t o clim b w it h Mm e.
V er du r in , t h a t is t o sa y t h a t ea ch st ep t ook h im fa r t h er
fr om Odet t e, w h o w a s g oin g dow n h ill, a n d in t h e ot h er
dir ect ion . A secon d pa ssed a n d it w a s m a n y h ou r s sin ce
sh e h a d left h im . T h e pa in t er r em a r k ed t o Sw a n n t h a t
Na poleon III h a d eclipsed h im self im m edia t ely a ft er
Odet t e. “ T h ey h a d obv iou sly a r r a n g ed it bet w een
t h em ,” h e a dded; “ t h ey m u st h a v e a g r eed t o m eet a t
t h e foot of t h e cliff, bu t t h ey w ou ldn ’t sa y g ood-by e
t og et h er ; it m ig h t h a v e look ed odd. Sh e is h is m ist r ess.”
T h e st r a n g e y ou n g m a n bu r st in t o t ea r s. Sw a n n
en dea v ou r ed t o con sole h im . “ A ft er a ll, sh e is qu it e
r ig h t ,” h e sa id t o t h e y ou n g m a n , dr y in g h is ey es for
h im a n d t a k in g off t h e fez t o m a k e h im feel m or e a t
ea se. “ I’v e a dv ised h er t o do t h a t , m y self, a dozen t im es.
W h y be so dist r essed? He w a s obv iou sly t h e m a n t o
u n der st a n d h er .” So Sw a n n r ea son ed w it h h im self, for
t h e y ou n g m a n w h om h e h a d fa iled, a t fir st , t o iden t ify ,
w a s h im self a lso; lik e cer t a in n ov elist s, h e h a d
dist r ibu t ed h is ow n per son a lit y bet w een tw o
ch a r a ct er s, h im w h o w a s t h e ‘fir st per son ’ in t h e dr ea m ,
a n d a n ot h er w h om h e sa w befor e h im , ca pped w it h a
fez.
A s for Na poleon III, it w a s t o For ch ev ille t h a t som e
v a g u e a ssocia t ion of idea s, t h en a cer t a in m odifica t ion
of t h e Ba r on ’s u su a l ph y siog n om y , a n d la st ly t h e br oa d
r ibbon of t h e Leg ion of Hon ou r a cr oss h is br ea st , h a d
m a de Sw a n n g iv e t h a t n a m e; bu t a ct u a lly , a n d in
ev er y t h in g t h a t t h e per son w h o a ppea r ed in h is dr ea m
r epr esen t ed a n d r eca lled t o h im , it w a s in deed
For ch ev ille. For , fr om a n in com plet e a n d ch a n g in g set
of im a g es, Sw a n n in h is sleep dr ew fa lse dedu ct ion s,
en joy in g , a t t h e sa m e t im e, su ch cr ea t iv e pow er t h a t h e
w a s a ble t o r epr odu ce h im self by a sim ple a ct of
div ision , lik e cer t a in low er or g a n ism s; w it h t h e
w a r m t h t h a t h e felt in h is ow n pa lm h e m odelled t h e
h ollow of a st r a n g e h a n d w h ich h e t h ou g h t t h a t h e w a s
cla spin g , a n d ou t of feelin g s a n d im pr ession s of w h ich
h e w a s n ot y et con sciou s, h e br ou g h t a bou t su dden
v icissit u des w h ich , by a ch a in of log ica l sequ en ces,
w ou ld pr odu ce, a t defin it e poin t s in h is dr ea m , t h e
per son r equ ir ed t o r eceiv e h is lov e or t o st a r t le h im
a w a k e. In a n in st a n t n ig h t g r ew bla ck a bou t h im ; a n
a la r u m r a n g , t h e in h a bit a n t s r a n pa st h im , esca pin g
fr om t h eir bla zin g h ou ses; h e cou ld h ea r t h e t h u n der of
t h e su r g in g w a v es, a n d a lso of h is ow n h ea r t , w h ich ,
w it h equ a l v iolen ce, w a s a n x iou sly bea t in g in h is
br ea st . Su dden ly t h e speed of t h ese pa lpit a t ion s
r edou bled, h e felt a pa in , a n a u sea t h a t w er e
in ex plica ble; a pea sa n t , dr ea dfu lly bu r n ed, flu n g a t
h im a s h e pa ssed: “ Com e a n d a sk Ch a r lu s w h er e Odet t e
spen t t h e n ig h t w it h h er fr ien d. He u sed t o g o a bou t
w it h h er , a n d sh e t ells h im ev er y t h in g . It w a s t h ey t h a t
st a r t ed t h e fir e.” It w a s h is v a let , com e t o a w a k en h im ,
a n d sa y in g :— -
“ Sir , it is eig h t o’clock , a n d t h e ba r ber is h er e. I
h a v e t old h im t o ca ll a g a in in a n h ou r .”
Bu t t h ese w or ds, a s t h ey div ed dow n t h r ou g h t h e
w a v es of sleep in w h ich Sw a n n w a s su bm er g ed, did n ot
r ea ch h is con sciou sn ess w it h ou t u n der g oin g t h a t
r efr a ct ion w h ich t u r n s a r a y of lig h t , a t t h e bot t om of a
bow l of w a t er , in t o a n ot h er su n ; ju st a s, a m om en t
ea r lier , t h e sou n d of t h e door -bell, sw ellin g in t h e dept h s
of h is a by ss of sleep in t o t h e cla n g ou r of a n a la r u m , h a d
en g en der ed t h e episode of t h e fir e. Mea n w h ile t h e
scen er y of h is dr ea m -st a g e sca t t er ed in du st , h e open ed
h is ey es, h ea r d for t h e la st t im e t h e boom of a w a v e in
t h e sea , g r ow n v er y dist a n t . He t ou ch ed h is ch eek . It
w a s dr y . A n d y et h e cou ld feel t h e st in g of t h e cold
spr a y , a n d t h e t a st e of sa lt on h is lips. He r ose, a n d
dr essed h im self. He h a d m a de t h e ba r ber com e ea r ly
beca u se h e h a d w r it t en , t h e da y befor e, t o m y
g r a n dfa t h er , t o sa y t h a t h e w a s g oin g , t h a t a ft er n oon ,
t o Com br a y , h a v in g lea r n ed t h a t Mm e. de Ca m br em er
— Mlle. Leg r a n din t h a t h a d been — w a s spen din g a few
da y s t h er e. T h e a ssocia t ion in h is m em or y of h er y ou n g
a n d ch a r m in g fa ce w it h a pla ce in t h e cou n t r y w h ich
h e h a d n ot v isit ed for so lon g , offer ed h im a com bin ed
a t t r a ct ion w h ich h a d m a de h im decide a t la st t o lea v e
Pa r is for a w h ile. A s t h e differ en t ch a n g es a n d ch a n ces
t h a t br in g u s in t o t h e com pa n y of cer t a in ot h er people
in t h is life do n ot coin cide w it h t h e per iods in w h ich w e
a r e in lov e w it h t h ose people, bu t , ov er la ppin g t h em ,
m a y occu r befor e lov e h a s beg u n , a n d m a y be r epea t ed
a ft er lov e is en ded, t h e ea r liest a ppea r a n ces, in ou r life,
of a cr ea t u r e w h o is dest in ed t o a ffor d u s plea su r e la t er
on , a ssu m e r et r ospect iv ely in ou r ey es a cer t a in v a lu e
a s a n in dica t ion , a w a r n in g , a pr esa g e. It w a s in t h is
fa sh ion t h a t Sw a n n h a d oft en ca r r ied ba ck h is m in d t o
t h e im a g e of Odet t e, en cou n t er ed in t h e t h ea t r e, on t h a t
fir st ev en in g w h en h e h a d n o t h ou g h t of ev er seein g h er
a g a in — a n d t h a t h e n ow r eca lled t h e pa r t y a t Mm e. de
Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s, a t w h ich h e h a d in t r odu ced Gen er a l de
Fr ober v ille t o Mm e. de Ca m br em er . So m a n ifold a r e ou r
in t er est s in life t h a t it is n ot u n com m on t h a t , on a
sin g le occa sion , t h e fou n da t ion s of a h a ppin ess w h ich
does n ot y et ex ist a r e la id dow n sim u lt a n eou sly w it h
a g g r a v a t ion s of a g r ief fr om w h ich w e a r e st ill
su ffer in g . A n d, n o dou bt , t h a t m ig h t h a v e occu r r ed t o
Sw a n n elsew h er e t h a n a t Mm e. de Sa in t -Eu v er t e’s.
W h o, in deed, ca n sa y w h et h er , in t h e ev en t of h is
h a v in g g on e, t h a t ev en in g , som ew h er e else, ot h er
h a ppin esses, ot h er g r iefs w ou ld n ot h a v e com e t o h im ,
w h ich , la t er , w ou ld h a v e a ppea r ed t o h a v e been
in ev it a ble? Bu t w h a t did seem t o h im t o h a v e been
in ev it a ble w a s w h a t h a d in deed t a k en pla ce, a n d h e w a s
n ot fa r sh or t of seein g som et h in g pr ov iden t ia l in t h e
fa ct t h a t h e h a d a t la st decided t o g o t o Mm e. de Sa in t -
Eu v er t e’s t h a t ev en in g , beca u se h is m in d, a n x iou s t o
a dm ir e t h e r ich n ess of in v en t ion t h a t life sh ew s, a n d
in ca pa ble of fa cin g a difficu lt pr oblem for a n y len g t h of
t im e, su ch a s t o discov er w h a t , a ct u a lly , h a d been m ost
t o be w ish ed for , ca m e t o t h e con clu sion t h a t t h e
su ffer in g s t h r ou g h w h ich h e h a d pa ssed t h a t ev en in g ,
a n d t h e plea su r es, a t t h a t t im e u n su spect ed, w h ich
w er e a lr ea dy bein g br ou g h t t o bir t h , — t h e ex a ct
ba la n ce bet w een w h ich w a s t oo difficu lt t o est a blish —
w er e lin k ed by a sor t of con ca t en a t ion of n ecessit y .
Bu t w h ile, a n h ou r a ft er h is a w a k en in g , h e w a s
g iv in g in st r u ct ion s t o t h e ba r ber , so t h a t h is st iffly
br u sh ed h a ir sh ou ld n ot becom e disa r r a n g ed on t h e
jou r n ey , h e t h ou g h t on ce a g a in of h is dr ea m ; h e sa w
on ce a g a in , a s h e h a d felt t h em close beside h im ,
Odet t e’s pa llid com plex ion , h er t oo t h in ch eek s, h er
dr a w n fea t u r es, h er t ir ed ey es, a ll t h e t h in g s w h ich —
in t h e cou r se of t h ose su ccessiv e bu r st s of a ffect ion
w h ich h a d m a de of h is en du r in g lov e for Odet t e a lon g
obliv ion of t h e fir st im pr ession t h a t h e h a d for m ed of
h er — h e h a d cea sed t o obser v e a ft er t h e fir st few da y s of
t h eir in t im a cy , da y s t o w h ich , dou bt less, w h ile h e slept ,
h is m em or y h a d r et u r n ed t o seek t h e ex a ct sen sa t ion of
t h ose t h in g s. A n d w it h t h a t old, in t er m it t en t fa t u it y ,
w h ich r ea ppea r ed in h im n ow t h a t h e w a s n o lon g er
u n h a ppy , a n d low er ed, a t t h e sa m e t im e, t h e a v er a g e
lev el of h is m or a lit y , h e cr ied ou t in h is h ea r t : “ T o t h in k
t h a t I h a v e w a st ed y ea r s of m y life, t h a t I h a v e lon g ed
for dea t h , t h a t t h e g r ea t est lov e t h a t I h a v e ev er k n ow n
h a s been for a w om a n w h o did n ot plea se m e, w h o w a s
n ot in m y st y le!”

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Sw ann’s Way, by Marcel Proust
PLACE-NAMES: THE NAME

A
m on g t h e r oom s w h ich u sed m ost com m on ly t o
t a k e sh a pe in m y m in d du r in g m y lon g n ig h t s of
sleeplessn ess, t h er e w a s n on e t h a t differ ed m or e
u t t er ly fr om t h e r oom s a t Com br a y , t h ick ly
pow der ed w it h t h e m ot es of a n a t m osph er e g r a n u la r ,
pollen ou s, edible a n d in st in ct w it h piet y , t h a n m y r oom
in t h e Gr a n d Hôt el de la Pla g e, a t Ba lbec, t h e w a lls of
w h ich , w a sh ed w it h r ipolin , con t a in ed, lik e t h e polish ed
sides of a ba sin in w h ich t h e w a t er g low s w it h a blu e,
lu r k in g fir e, a fin er a ir , pu r e, a zu r e-t in t ed, sa lin e. T h e
Ba v a r ia n u ph olst er er w h o h a d been en t r u st ed w it h t h e
fu r n ish in g of t h is h ot el h a d v a r ied h is sch em e of
decor a t ion in differ en t r oom s, a n d in t h a t w h ich I fou n d
m y self occu py in g h a d set a g a in st t h e w a lls, on t h r ee
sides of it , a ser ies of low book -ca ses w it h g la ss fr on t s, in
w h ich , a ccor din g t o w h er e t h ey st ood, by a la w of
n a t u r e w h ich h e h a d, per h a ps, for g ot t en t o t a k e in t o
a ccou n t , w a s r eflect ed t h is or t h a t sect ion of t h e ev er -
ch a n g in g v iew of t h e sea , so t h a t t h e w a lls w er e lin ed
w it h a fr ieze of sea -sca pes, in t er r u pt ed on ly by t h e
polish ed m a h og a n y of t h e a ct u a l sh elv es. A n d so
effect iv e w a s t h is t h a t t h e w h ole r oom h a d t h e
a ppea r a n ce of on e of t h ose m odel bedr oom s w h ich y ou
see n ow a da y s in Hou sin g Ex h ibit ion s, decor a t ed w it h
w or k s of a r t w h ich a r e ca lcu la t ed by t h eir desig n er t o
r efr esh t h e ey es of w h oev er m a y u lt im a t ely h a v e t o
sleep in t h e r oom s, t h e su bject s bein g k ept in som e
deg r ee of h a r m on y w it h t h e loca lit y a n d su r r ou n din g s
of t h e h ou ses for w h ich t h e r oom s a r e pla n n ed.
A n d y et n ot h in g cou ld h a v e differ ed m or e u t t er ly ,
eit h er , fr om t h e r ea l Ba lbec t h a n t h a t ot h er Ba lbec of
w h ich I h a d oft en dr ea m ed, on st or m y da y s, w h en t h e
w in d w a s so st r on g t h a t Fr a n çoise, a s sh e t ook m e t o t h e
Ch a m ps-Ely sées, w ou ld w a r n m e n ot t o w a lk t oo n ea r
t h e side of t h e st r eet , or I m ig h t h a v e m y h ea d k n ock ed
off by a fa llin g sla t e, a n d w ou ld r ecou n t t o m e, w it h
m any la m en t a t ion s, t h e t er r ible disa st er s a n d
sh ipw r eck s t h a t w er e r epor t ed in t h e n ew spa per . I
lon g ed for n ot h in g m or e t h a n t o beh old a st or m a t sea ,
less a s a m ig h t y spect a cle t h a n a s a m om en t a r y
r ev ela t ion of t h e t r u e life of n a t u r e; or r a t h er t h er e
w er e for m e n o m ig h t y spect a cles sa v e t h ose w h ich I
k n ew t o be n ot a r t ificia lly com posed for m y
en t er t a in m en t , bu t n ecessa r y a n d u n a lt er a ble, — t h e
bea u t y of la n dsca pes or of g r ea t w or k s of a r t . I w a s n ot
cu r iou s, I did n ot t h ir st t o k n ow a n y t h in g sa v e w h a t I
believ ed t o be m or e g en u in e t h a n m y self, w h a t h a d for
m e t h e su pr em e m er it of sh ew in g m e a fr a g m en t of t h e
m in d of a g r ea t g en iu s, or of t h e for ce or t h e g r a ce of
n a t u r e a s sh e a ppea r ed w h en left en t ir ely t o h er self,
w it h ou t h u m a n in t er fer en ce. Ju st a s t h e lov ely sou n d of
h er v oice, r epr odu ced, a ll by it self, u pon t h e
ph on og r a ph , cou ld n ev er con sole a m a n for t h e loss of
h is m ot h er , so a m ech a n ica l im it a t ion of a st or m w ou ld
h a v e left m e a s cold a s did t h e illu m in a t ed fou n t a in s a t
t h e Ex h ibit ion . I r equ ir ed a lso, if t h e st or m w a s t o be
a bsolu t ely g en u in e, t h a t t h e sh or e fr om w h ich I
w a t ch ed it sh ou ld be a n a t u r a l sh or e, n ot a n
em ba n k m en t r ecen t ly con st r u ct ed by a m u n icipa lit y .
Besides, n a t u r e, by a ll t h e feelin g s t h a t sh e a r ou sed in
m e, seem ed t o m e t h e m ost opposit e t h in g in t h e w or ld
t o t h e m ech a n ica l in v en t ion s of m a n k in d T h e less sh e
bor e t h eir im pr in t , t h e m or e r oom sh e offer ed for t h e
ex pa n sion of m y h ea r t . A n d, a s it h a ppen ed, I h a d
pr eser v ed t h e n a m e of Ba lbec, w h ich Leg r a n din h a d
cit ed t o u s, a s t h a t of a sea -side pla ce in t h e v er y m idst
of “ t h a t fu n er ea l coa st , fa m ed for t h e n u m ber of it s
w r eck s, sw a t h ed, for six m on t h s in t h e y ea r , in a sh r ou d
of fog a n d fly in g foa m fr om t h e w a v es.
“ Y ou feel, t h er e, below y ou r feet st ill,” h e h a d t old
m e, “ fa r m or e ev en t h a n a t Fin ist èr e (a n d ev en t h ou g h
h ot els a r e n ow bein g su per im posed u pon it , w it h ou t
pow er , h ow ev er , t o m odify t h a t oldest bon e in t h e
ea r t h ’s sk elet on ) y ou feel t h er e t h a t y ou a r e a ct u a lly a t
t h e la n d’s en d of Fr a n ce, of Eu r ope, of t h e Old W or ld.
A n d it is t h e u lt im a t e en ca m pm en t of t h e fish er m en ,
pr ecisely lik e t h e fish er m en w h o h a v e liv ed sin ce t h e
w or ld’s beg in n in g , fa cin g t h e ev er la st in g k in g dom of
t h e sea -fog s a n d sh a dow s of t h e n ig h t .” On e da y w h en ,
a t Com br a y , I h a d spok en of t h is coa st , t h is Ba lbec,
befor e M. Sw a n n , h opin g t o lea r n fr om h im w h et h er it
w a s t h e best poin t t o select for seein g t h e m ost v iolen t
st or m s, h e h a d r eplied: “ I sh ou ld t h in k I did k n ow
Ba lbec! T h e ch u r ch a t Ba lbec, bu ilt in t h e t w elft h a n d
t h ir t een t h cen t u r ies, a n d st ill h a lf r om a n esqu e, is
per h a ps t h e m ost cu r iou s ex a m ple t o be fou n d of ou r
Nor m a n g ot h ic, a n d so ex cept ion a l t h a t on e is t em pt ed
t o descr ibe it a s Per sia n in it s in spir a t ion .” A n d t h a t
r eg ion , w h ich , u n t il t h en , h a d seem ed t o m e t o be
n ot h in g else t h a n a pa r t of im m em or ia l n a t u r e, t h a t
h a d r em a in ed con t em por a n eou s w it h t h e g r ea t
ph en om en a of g eolog y — a n d a s r em ot e fr om h u m a n
h ist or y a s t h e Ocea n it self, or t h e Gr ea t Bea r , w it h it s
w ild r a ce of fish er m en for w h om , n o m or e t h a n for t h eir
w h a les, h a d t h er e been a n y Middle A g es — it h a d been a
g r ea t joy t o m e t o see it su dden ly t a k e it s pla ce in t h e
or der of t h e cen t u r ies, w it h a st or ed con sciou sn ess of t h e
r om a n esqu e epoch , a n d t o k n ow t h a t t h e g ot h ic t r efoil
h a d com e t o div er sify t h ose w ild r ock s a lso, a t t h e
a ppoin t ed h ou r , lik e t h ose fr a il bu t h a r dy pla n t s w h ich ,
in t h e Pola r r eg ion s, w h en t h e spr in g r et u r n s, sca t t er
t h eir st a r s a bou t t h e et er n a l sn ow s. A n d if g ot h ic a r t
br ou g h t t o t h ose pla ces a n d people a cla ssifica t ion
w h ich , ot h er w ise, t h ey la ck ed, t h ey t oo con fer r ed on e
u pon it in r et u r n . I t r ied t o for m a pict u r e in m y m in d
of h ow t h ose fish er m en h a d liv ed, t h e t im id a n d
u n su spect ed essa y t ow a r ds socia l in t er cou r se w h ich
t h ey h a d a t t em pt ed t h er e, clu st er ed u pon a
pr om on t or y of t h e sh or es of Hell, a t t h e foot of t h e cliffs
of dea t h ; a n d g ot h ic a r t seem ed t o m e a m or e liv in g
t h in g n ow t h a t , det a ch in g it fr om t h e t ow n s in w h ich ,
u n t il t h en , I h a d a lw a y s im a g in ed it , I cou ld see h ow , in
a pa r t icu la r in st a n ce, u pon a r eef of sa v a g e r ock s, it h a d
t a k en r oot a n d g r ow n u n t il it flow er ed in a t a per in g
spir e. I w a s t a k en t o see r epr odu ct ion s of t h e m ost
fa m ou s of t h e st a t u es a t Ba lbec, — sh a g g y , blu n t -fa ced
A post les, t h e V ir g in fr om t h e por ch , — a n d I cou ld
sca r cely br ea t h e for joy a t t h e t h ou g h t t h a t I m ig h t
m y self, on e da y , see t h em t a k e a solid for m a g a in st
t h eir et er n a l ba ck g r ou n d of sa lt fog . T h er ea ft er , on
dea r , t em pest u ou s Febr u a r y n ig h t s, t h e w in d ——
br ea t h in g in t o m y h ea r t , w h ich it sh ook n o less
v iolen t ly t h a n t h e ch im n ey of m y bedr oom , t h e pr oject
of a v isit t o Ba lbec — blen ded in m e t h e desir e for g ot h ic
a r ch it ect u r e w it h t h a t for a st or m u pon t h e sea .
I sh ou ld h a v e lik ed t o t a k e, t h e v er y n ex t da y , t h e
g ood, t h e g en er ou s t r a in a t on e t w en t y -t w o, of w h ich
n ev er w it h ou t a pa lpit a t in g h ea r t cou ld I r ea d, in t h e
r a ilw a y com pa n y ’s bills or in a dv er t isem en t s of
cir cu la r t ou r s, t h e h ou r of depa r t u r e: it seem ed t o m e t o
cu t , a t a pr ecise poin t in ev er y a ft er n oon , a m ost
fa scin a t in g g r oov e, a m y st er iou s m a r k , fr om w h ich t h e
div er t ed h ou r s st ill led on e on , of cou r se, t ow a r ds
ev en in g , t ow a r ds t o-m or r ow m or n in g , bu t t o a n
ev en in g a n d m or n in g w h ich on e w ou ld beh old, n ot in
Pa r is bu t in on e of t h ose t ow n s t h r ou g h w h ich t h e t r a in
pa ssed a n d a m on g w h ich it a llow ed on e t o ch oose; for it
st opped a t Ba y eu x , a t Cou t a n ces, a t V it r é, a t
Qu est a m ber t , a t Pon t or son , a t Ba lbec, a t La n n ion , a t
La m ba lle, a t Ben odet , a t Pon t -A v en , a t Qu im per le, a n d
pr og r essed m a g n ificen t ly su r ch a r g ed w it h n a m es
w h ich it offer ed m e, so t h a t , a m on g t h em a ll, I did n ot
k n ow w h ich t o ch oose, so im possible w a s it t o sa cr ifice
a n y . Bu t ev en w it h ou t w a it in g for t h e t r a in n ex t da y , I
cou ld, by r isin g a n d dr essin g m y self w it h a ll speed,
lea v e Pa r is t h a t v er y ev en in g , sh ou ld m y pa r en t s
per m it , a n d a r r iv e a t Ba lbec a s da w n spr ea d w est w a r d
ov er t h e r a g in g sea , fr om w h ose dr iv en foa m I w ou ld
seek sh elt er in t h a t ch u r ch in t h e Per sia n m a n n er . Bu t
a t t h e a ppr oa ch of t h e Ea st er h olida y s, w h en m y
pa r en t s h a d pr om ised t o let m e spen d t h em , for on ce, in
t h e Nor t h of It a ly , lo! in pla ce of t h ose dr ea m s of
t em pest s, by w h ich I h a d been en t ir ely possessed, n ot
w ish in g t o see a n y t h in g bu t w a v es da sh in g in fr om a ll
sides, m ou n t in g a lw a y s h ig h er , u pon t h e w ildest of
coa st s, beside ch u r ch es a s r u g g ed a n d pr ecipit ou s a s
cliffs, in w h ose t ow er s t h e sea -bir ds w ou ld be w a ilin g ;
su dden ly , effa cin g t h em , t a k in g a w a y a ll t h eir ch a r m ,
ex clu din g t h em beca u se t h ey w er e it s opposit e a n d
cou ld on ly h a v e w ea k en ed it s effect , w a s su bst it u t ed in
m e t h e con v er se dr ea m of t h e m ost v a r ieg a t ed of
spr in g s, n ot t h e spr in g of Com br a y , st ill pr ick in g w it h
a ll t h e n eedle-poin t s of t h e w in t er ’s fr ost , bu t t h a t
w h ich a lr ea dy cov er ed w it h lilies a n d a n em on es t h e
m ea dow s of Fiesole, a n d g a v e Flor en ce a da zzlin g g olden
ba ck g r ou n d, lik e t h ose in Fr a A n g elico’s pict u r es. Fr om
t h a t m om en t , on ly su n lig h t , per fu m es, colou r s, seem ed
t o m e t o h a v e a n y v a lu e; for t h is a lt er n a t ion of im a g es
h a d effect ed a ch a n g e of fr on t in m y desir e, a n d — a s
a br u pt a s t h ose t h a t occu r som et im es in m u sic, — a
com plet e ch a n g e of t on e in m y sen sibilit y . T h u s it ca m e
a bou t t h a t a m er e a t m osph er ic v a r ia t ion w ou ld be
su fficien t t o pr ov ok e in m e t h a t m odu la t ion , w it h ou t
t h er e bein g a n y n eed for m e t o a w a it t h e r et u r n of a
sea son . For oft en w e fin d a da y , in on e, t h a t h a s st r a y ed
fr om a n ot h er sea son , a n d m a k es u s liv e in t h a t ot h er ,
su m m on s a t on ce in t o ou r pr esen ce a n d m a k es u s lon g
for it s pecu lia r plea su r es, a n d in t er r u pt s t h e dr ea m s
t h a t w e w er e in pr ocess of w ea v in g , by in ser t in g , ou t of
it s t u r n , t oo ea r ly or t oo la t e, t h is lea f, t or n fr om
a n ot h er ch a pt er , in t h e in t er pola t ed ca len da r of
Ha ppin ess. Bu t soon it h a ppen ed t h a t , lik e t h ose n a t u r a l
ph en om en a fr om w h ich ou r com for t or ou r h ea lt h ca n
der iv e bu t a n a cciden t a l a n d a ll t oo m odest ben efit ,
u n t il t h e da y w h en scien ce t a k es con t r ol of t h em , a n d,
pr odu cin g t h em a t w ill, pla ces in ou r h a n ds t h e pow er
t o or der t h eir a ppea r a n ce, w it h dr a w n fr om t h e t u t ela g e
a n d in depen den t of t h e con sen t of ch a n ce; sim ila r ly t h e
pr odu ct ion of t h ese dr ea m s of t h e A t la n t ic a n d of It a ly
cea sed t o depen d en t ir ely u pon t h e ch a n g es of t h e
sea son s a n d of t h e w ea t h er . I n eed on ly , t o m a k e t h em
r ea ppea r , pr on ou n ce t h e n a m es: Ba lbec, V en ice,
Flor en ce, w it h in w h ose sy lla bles h a d g r a du a lly
a ccu m u la t ed a ll t h e lon g in g in spir ed in m e by t h e
pla ces for w h ich t h ey st ood. Ev en in spr in g , t o com e in a
book u pon t h e n a m e of Ba lbec su fficed t o a w a k en in m e
t h e desir e for st or m s a t sea a n d for t h e Nor m a n g ot h ic;
ev en on a st or m y da y t h e n a m e of Flor en ce or of V en ice
w ou ld a w a k en t h e desir e for su n sh in e, for lilies, for t h e
Pa la ce of t h e Dog es a n d for Sa n t a Ma r ia del Fior e.
Bu t if t h eir n a m es t h u s per m a n en t ly a bsor bed t h e
im a g e t h a t I h a d for m ed of t h ese t ow n s, it w a s on ly by
t r a n sfor m in g t h a t im a g e, by su bor din a t in g it s
r ea ppea r a n ce in m e t o t h eir ow n specia l la w s; a n d in
con sequ en ce of t h is t h ey m a de it m or e bea u t ifu l, bu t a t
t h e sa m e t im e m or e differ en t fr om a n y t h in g t h a t t h e
t ow n s of Nor m a n dy or T u sca n y cou ld in r ea lit y be, a n d,
by in cr ea sin g th e a r bit r a r y delig h t s of m y
im a g in a t ion , a g g r a v a t ed t h e disen ch a n t m en t t h a t w a s
in st or e for m e w h en I set ou t u pon m y t r a v els. T h ey
m a g n ified t h e idea t h a t I for m ed of cer t a in poin t s on t h e
ea r t h ’s su r fa ce, m a k in g t h em m or e specia l, a n d in
con sequ en ce m or e r ea l. I did n ot t h en r epr esen t t o
m y self t ow n s, la n dsca pes, h ist or ic bu ildin g s, a s pict u r es
m or e or less a t t r a ct iv e, cu t ou t h er e a n d t h er e of a
su bst a n ce t h a t w a s com m on t o t h em a ll, bu t look ed on
ea ch of t h em a s on a n u n k n ow n t h in g , differ en t fr om a ll
t h e r est , a t h in g for w h ich m y sou l w a s a t h ir st , by t h e
k n ow ledg e of w h ich it w ou ld ben efit . How m u ch m or e
in div idu a l st ill w a s t h e ch a r a ct er t h a t t h ey a ssu m ed
fr om bein g desig n a t ed by n a m es, n a m es t h a t w er e on ly
for t h em selv es, pr oper n a m es su ch a s people h a v e.
W or ds pr esen t t o u s lit t le pict u r es of t h in g s, lu cid a n d
n or m a l, lik e t h e pict u r es t h a t a r e h u n g on t h e w a lls of
sch oolr oom s t o g iv e ch ildr en a n illu st r a t ion of w h a t is
m ea n t by a ca r pen t er ’s ben ch , a bir d, a n a n t -h ill;
t h in g s ch osen a s t y pica l of ev er y t h in g else of t h e sa m e
sor t . Bu t n a m es pr esen t t o u s — of per son s a n d of t ow n s
w h ich t h ey a ccu st om u s t o r eg a r d a s in div idu a l, a s
u n iqu e, lik e per son s — a con fu sed pict u r e, w h ich dr a w s
fr om t h e n a m es, fr om t h e br ig h t n ess or da r k n ess of
t h eir sou n d, t h e colou r in w h ich it is u n ifor m ly pa in t ed,
lik e on e of t h ose post er s, en t ir ely blu e or en t ir ely r ed, in
w h ich , on a ccou n t of t h e lim it a t ion s im posed by t h e
pr ocess u sed in t h eir r epr odu ct ion , or by a w h im on t h e
desig n er ’s pa r t , a r e blu e or r ed n ot on ly t h e sk y a n d t h e
sea , bu t t h e sh ips a n d t h e ch u r ch a n d t h e people in t h e
st r eet s. T h e n a m e of Pa r m a , on e of t h e t ow n s t h a t I m ost
lon g ed t o v isit , a ft er r ea din g t h e Chartreus e, seem in g t o
m e com pa ct a n d g lossy , v iolet -t in t ed, soft , if a n y on e
w er e t o spea k of su ch or su ch a h ou se in Pa r m a , in
w h ich I sh ou ld be lodg ed, h e w ou ld g iv e m e t h e plea su r e
of t h in k in g t h a t I w a s t o in h a bit a dw ellin g t h a t w a s
com pa ct a n d g lossy , v iolet -t in t ed, soft , a n d t h a t bor e n o
r ela t ion t o t h e h ou ses in a n y ot h er t ow n in It a ly , sin ce I
cou ld im a g in e it on ly by t h e a id of t h a t h ea v y sy lla ble
of t h e n a m e of Pa r m a , in w h ich n o br ea t h of a ir st ir r ed,
a n d of a ll t h a t I h a d m a de it a ssu m e of St en dh a lia n
sw eet n ess a n d t h e r eflect ed h u e of v iolet s. A n d w h en I
t h ou g h t of Flor en ce, it w a s of a t ow n m ir a cu lou sly
em ba lm ed, a n d flow er -lik e, sin ce it w a s ca lled t h e Cit y
of t h e Lilies, a n d it s Ca t h edr a l, Ou r La dy of t h e Flow er .
A s for Ba lbec, it w a s on e of t h ose n a m es in w h ich , a s on
a n old piece of Nor m a n pot t er y t h a t st ill k eeps t h e
colou r of t h e ea r t h fr om w h ich it w a s fa sh ion ed, on e sees
depict ed st ill t h e r epr esen t a t ion of som e lon g -a bolish ed
cu st om , of som e feu da l r ig h t , of t h e for m er con dit ion of
som e pla ce, of a n obsolet e w a y of pr on ou n cin g t h e
la n g u a g e, w h ich h a d sh a ped a n d w edded it s
in con g r u ou s sy lla bles a n d w h ich I n ev er dou bt ed t h a t I
sh ou ld fin d spok en t h er e a t on ce, ev en by t h e in n -
k eeper w h o w ou ld pou r m e ou t coffee a n d m ilk on m y
a r r iv a l, t a k in g m e dow n t o w a t ch t h e t u r bu len t sea ,
u n ch a in ed, befor e t h e ch u r ch ; t o w h om I len t t h e
a spect , dispu t a t iou s, solem n a n d m edia ev a l, of som e
ch a r a ct er in on e of t h e old r om a n ces.
Ha d m y h ea lt h defin it ely im pr ov ed, h a d m y
pa r en t s a llow ed m e, if n ot a ct u a lly t o g o dow n t o st a y a t
Ba lbec, a t lea st t o t a k e, ju st on ce, so a s t o becom e
a cqu a in t ed w it h t h e a r ch it ect u r e a n d la n dsca pes of
Nor m a n dy or of Br it t a n y , t h a t on e t w en t y -t w o t r a in
in t o w h ich I h a d so oft en cla m ber ed in im a g in a t ion , I
sh ou ld h a v e pr efer r ed t o st op, a n d t o a lig h t fr om it , a t
t h e m ost bea u t ifu l of it s t ow n s; bu t in v a in m ig h t I
com pa r e a n d con t r a st t h em ; h ow w a s on e t o ch oose, a n y
m or e t h a n bet w een in div idu a l people, w h o a r e n ot
in t er ch a n g ea ble, bet w een Ba y eu x , so loft y in it s n oble
cor on et of r u st y la ce, w h ose h ig h est poin t ca u g h t t h e
lig h t of t h e old g old of it s secon d sy lla ble; V it r é, w h ose
a cu t e a ccen t ba r r ed it s a n cien t g la ss w it h w ooden
lozen g es; g en t le La m ba lle, w h ose w h it en ess r a n g ed
fr om eg g -sh ell y ellow t o a pea r ly g r ey ; Cou t a n ces, a
Nor m a n Ca t h edr a l, w h ich it s fin a l con son a n t s, r ich a n d
y ellow in g , cr ow n ed w it h a t ow er of bu t t er ; La n n ion
w it h t h e r u m ble a n d bu zz, in t h e silen ce of it s v illa g e
st r eet , of t h e fly on t h e w h eel of t h e coa ch ;
Qu est a m ber t , Pon t or son , r idicu lou sly silly a n d sim ple,
w h it e fea t h er s a n d y ellow bea k s st r ew n a lon g t h e r oa d
t o t h ose w ell-w a t er ed a n d poet ic spot s; Ben odet , a n a m e
sca r cely m oor ed t h a t seem ed t o be st r iv in g t o dr a w t h e
r iv er dow n in t o t h e t a n g le of it s sea w eeds; Pon t -A v en ,
t h e sn ow y , r osy flig h t of t h e w in g of a lig h t ly poised
coif, t r em u lou sly r eflect ed in t h e g r een ish w a t er s of a
ca n a l; Qu im per lé, m or e fir m ly a t t a ch ed, t h is, a n d sin ce
t h e Middle A g es, a m on g t h e r iv u let s w it h w h ich it
ba bbled, t h r ea din g t h eir pea r ls u pon a g r ey
ba ck g r ou n d, lik e t h e pa t t er n m a de, t h r ou g h t h e
cobw ebs u pon a w in dow , by r a y s of su n lig h t ch a n g ed
in t o blu n t poin t s of t a r n ish ed silv er ?
T h ese im a g es w er e fa lse for a n ot h er r ea son a lso;
n a m ely , t h a t t h ey w er e n ecessa r ily m u ch sim plified;
dou bt less t h e object t o w h ich m y im a g in a t ion a spir ed,
w h ich m y sen ses t ook in bu t in com plet ely a n d w it h ou t
a n y im m edia t e plea su r e, I h a d com m it t ed t o t h e sa fe
cu st ody of n a m es; dou bt less beca u se I h a d a ccu m u la t ed
t h er e a st or e of dr ea m s, t h ose n a m es n ow m a g n et ised
m y desir es; bu t n a m es t h em selv es a r e n ot v er y
com pr eh en siv e; t h e m ost t h a t I cou ld do w a s t o in clu de
in ea ch of t h em t w o or t h r ee of t h e pr in cipa l cu r iosit ies
of t h e t ow n , w h ich w ou ld lie t h er e side by side, w it h ou t
in t er v a l or pa r t it ion ; in t h e n a m e of Ba lbec, a s in t h e
m a g n ify in g g la sses set in t h ose pen h older s w h ich on e
bu y s a t sea -side pla ces, I cou ld dist in g u ish w a v es
su r g in g r ou n d a ch u r ch bu ilt in t h e Per sia n m a n n er .
Per h a ps, in deed, t h e en for ced sim plicit y of t h ese im a g es
w a s on e of t h e r ea son s for t h e h old t h a t t h ey h a d ov er
m e. W h en m y fa t h er h a d decided, on e y ea r , t h a t w e
sh ou ld g o for t h e Ea st er h olida y s t o Flor en ce a n d V en ice,
n ot fin din g r oom t o in t r odu ce in t o t h e n a m e of Flor en ce
t h e elem en t s t h a t or din a r ily con st it u t e a t ow n , I w a s
oblig ed t o let a su per n a t u r a l cit y em er g e fr om t h e
im pr eg n a t ion by cer t a in v er n a l scen es of w h a t I
su pposed t o be, in it s essen t ia ls, t h e g en iu s of Giot t o. A ll
t h e m or e — a n d beca u se on e ca n n ot m a k e a n a m e
ex t en d m u ch fu r t h er in t im e t h a n in spa ce — lik e som e
of Giot t o’s pa in t in g s t h em selv es w h ich sh ew u s a t t w o
sepa r a t e m om en t s t h e sa m e per son en g a g ed in differ en t
a ct ion s, h er e ly in g on h is bed, t h er e ju st a bou t t o m ou n t
h is h or se, t h e n a m e of Flor en ce w a s div ided in t o t w o
com pa r t m en t s. In on e, ben ea t h a n a r ch it ect u r a l da is, I
g a zed u pon a fr esco ov er w h ich w a s pa r t ly dr a w n a
cu r t a in of m or n in g su n lig h t , du st y , a sla n t , a n d
g r a du a lly spr ea din g ; in t h e ot h er (for , sin ce I t h ou g h t of
n a m es n ot a s a n in a ccessible idea l bu t a s a r ea l a n d
en v elopin g su bst a n ce in t o w h ich I w a s a bou t t o plu n g e,
t h e life n ot y et liv ed, t h e life in t a ct a n d pu r e w h ich I
en closed in t h em , g a v e t o t h e m ost m a t er ia l plea su r es,
t o t h e sim plest scen es, t h e sa m e a t t r a ct ion t h a t t h ey
h a v e in t h e w or k s of t h e Pr im it iv es), I m ov ed sw ift ly —
so a s t o a r r iv e, a s soon a s m ig h t be, a t t h e t a ble t h a t w a s
spr ea d for m e, w it h fr u it a n d a fla sk of Ch ia n t i — a cr oss
a Pon t e V ecch io h ea ped w it h jon qu ils, n a r cissi a n d
a n em on es. T h a t (for a ll t h a t I w a s st ill in Pa r is) w a s
w h a t I sa w , a n d n ot w h a t w a s a ct u a lly r ou n d a bou t m e.
Ev en fr om t h e sim plest , t h e m ost r ea list ic poin t of v iew ,
t h e cou n t r ies for w h ich w e lon g occu py , a t a n y g iv en
m om en t , a fa r la r g er pla ce in ou r t r u e life t h a n t h e
cou n t r y in w h ich w e m a y h a ppen t o be. Dou bt less, if, a t
t h a t t im e, I h a d pa id m or e a t t en t ion t o w h a t w a s in m y
m in d w h en I pr on ou n ced t h e w or ds “ g oin g t o Flor en ce,
t o Pa r m a , t o Pisa , t o V en ice,” I sh ou ld h a v e r ea lised t h a t
w h a t I sa w w a s in n o sen se a t ow n , bu t som et h in g a s
differ en t fr om a n y t h in g t h a t I k n ew , som et h in g a s
deliciou s a s m ig h t be for a h u m a n r a ce w h ose w h ole
ex ist en ce h a d pa ssed in a ser ies of la t e w in t er
a ft er n oon s, t h a t in con ceiv a ble m a r v el, a m or n in g in
spr in g . T h ese im a g es, u n r ea l, fix ed, a lw a y s a lik e, fillin g
a ll m y n ig h t s a n d da y s, differ en t ia t ed t h is per iod in m y
life fr om t h ose w h ich h a d g on e befor e it (a n d m ig h t
ea sily h a v e been con fu sed w it h it by a n obser v er w h o
sa w t h in g s on ly fr om w it h ou t , t h a t is t o sa y , w h o sa w
n ot h in g ), a s in a n oper a a fr esh m elody in t r odu ces a
n ov el a t m osph er e w h ich on e cou ld n ev er h a v e
su spect ed if on e h a d don e n o m or e t h a n r ea d t h e
libr et t o, st ill less if on e h a d r em a in ed ou t side t h e
t h ea t r e, cou n t in g on ly t h e m in u t es a s t h ey pa ssed. A n d
besides, ev en fr om t h e poin t of v iew of m er e qu a n t it y ,
in ou r life t h e da y s a r e n ot a ll equ a l. T o r ea ch t h e en d of
a da y , n a t u r es t h a t a r e slig h t ly n er v ou s, a s m in e w a s,
m a k e u se, lik e m ot or -ca r s, of differ en t ‘speeds.’ T h er e
a r e m ou n t a in ou s, u n com for t a ble da y s, u p w h ich on e
t a k es a n in fin it e t im e t o pa ss, a n d da y s dow n w a r d
slopin g , t h r ou g h w h ich on e ca n g o a t fu ll t ilt , sin g in g a s
on e g oes. Du r in g t h is m on t h — in w h ich I w en t
la bor iou sly ov er , a s ov er a t u n e, t h ou g h n ev er t o m y
sa t isfa ct ion , t h ese v ision s of Flor en ce, V en ice, Pisa , fr om
w h ich t h e desir e t h a t t h ey ex cit ed in m e dr ew a n d k ept
som et h in g a s pr ofou n dly per son a l a s if it h a d been lov e,
lov e for a n ot h er per son — I n ev er cea sed t o believ e t h a t
t h ey cor r espon ded t o a r ea lit y in depen den t of m y self,
a n d t h ey m a de m e con sciou s of a s g lor iou s a h ope a s
cou ld h a v e been ch er ish ed by a Ch r ist ia n in t h e
pr im it iv e a g e of fa it h , on t h e ev e of h is en t r y in t o
Pa r a dise. Mor eov er , w it h ou t m y pa y in g a n y h eed t o t h e
con t r a dict ion t h a t t h er e w a s in m y w ish in g t o look a t
a n d t o t ou ch w it h m y or g a n s of sen se w h a t h a d been
ela bor a t ed by t h e spell of m y dr ea m s a n d n ot per ceiv ed
by m y sen ses a t a ll — t h ou g h a ll t h e m or e t em pt in g t o
t h em , in con sequ en ce, m or e differ en t fr om a n y t h in g
t h a t t h ey k n ew — it w a s t h a t w h ich r eca lled t o m e t h e
r ea lit y of t h ese v ision s, w h ich in fla m ed m y desir e a ll
t h e m or e by seem in g t o h in t a pr om ise t h a t m y desir e
sh ou ld be sa t isfied. A n d for a ll t h a t t h e m ot iv e for ce of
m y ex a lt a t ion w a s a lon g in g for a est h et ic en joy m en t s,
t h e g u ide-book s m in ist er ed ev en m or e t o it t h a n book s
on a est h et ics, a n d, m or e a g a in t h a n t h e g u ide-book s,
t h e r a ilw a y t im e-t a bles. W h a t m ov ed m e w a s t h e
t h ou g h t t h a t t h is Flor en ce w h ich I cou ld see, so n ea r
a n d y et in a ccessible, in m y im a g in a t ion , if t h e t r a ct
w h ich sepa r a t ed it fr om m e, in m y self, w a s n ot on e t h a t
I m ig h t cr oss, cou ld y et be r ea ch ed by a cir cu it , by a
dig r ession , w er e I t o t a k e t h e pla in , t er r est r ia l pa t h .
W h en I r epea t ed t o m y self, g iv in g t h u s a specia l v a lu e
t o w h a t I w a s g oin g t o see, t h a t V en ice w a s t h e “ Sch ool
of Gior g ion e, t h e h om e of T it ia n , t h e m ost com plet e
m u seu m of t h e dom est ic a r ch it ect u r e of t h e Middle
A g es,” I felt h a ppy in deed. A s I w a s ev en m or e w h en , on
on e of m y w a lk s, a s I st epped ou t br isk ly on a ccou n t of
t h e w ea t h er , w h ich , a ft er sev er a l da y s of a pr ecociou s
spr in g , h a d r ela psed in t o w in t er (lik e t h e w ea t h er t h a t
w e h a d in v a r ia bly fou n d a w a it in g u s a t Com br a y , in
Holy W eek ), — seein g u pon t h e bou lev a r ds t h a t t h e
ch est n u t -t r ees, t h ou g h plu n g ed in a g la cia l a t m osph er e
t h a t soa k ed t h r ou g h t h em lik e a st r ea m of w a t er , w er e
n on e t h e less beg in n in g , pu n ct u a l g u est s, a r r a y ed
a lr ea dy for th e pa r t y , and a dm it t in g no
discou r a g em en t , t o sh a pe a n d ch isel a n d cu r v e in it s
fr ozen lu m ps t h e ir r epr essible v er du r e w h ose st ea dy
g r ow t h t h e a bor t iv e pow er of t h e cold m ig h t h in der bu t
cou ld n ot su cceed in r est r a in in g — I r eflect ed t h a t
a lr ea dy t h e Pon t e V ecch io w a s h ea ped h ig h w it h a n
a bu n da n ce of h y a cin t h s a n d a n em on es, a n d t h a t t h e
spr in g su n sh in e w a s a lr ea dy t in g in g t h e w a v es of t h e
Gr a n d Ca n a l w it h so du sk y a n a zu r e, w it h em er a lds so
splen did t h a t w h en t h ey w a sh ed a n d w er e br ok en
a g a in st t h e foot of on e of T it ia n ’s pa in t in g s t h ey cou ld
v ie w it h it in t h e r ich n ess of t h eir colou r in g . I cou ld n o
lon g er con t a in m y joy w h en m y fa t h er , in t h e in t er v a ls
of t a ppin g t h e ba r om et er a n d com pla in in g of t h e cold,
beg a n t o look ou t w h ich w er e t h e best t r a in s, a n d w h en
I u n der st ood t h a t by m a k in g on e’s w a y , a ft er lu n ch eon ,
in t o t h e coa l-g r im ed la bor a t or y , t h e w iza r d’s cell t h a t
u n der t ook t o con t r iv e a com plet e t r a n sm u t a t ion of it s
su r r ou n din g s, on e cou ld a w a k en , n ex t m or n in g , in t h e
cit y of m a r ble a n d g old, in w h ich “ t h e bu ildin g of t h e
w a ll w a s of ja sper a n d t h e fou n da t ion of t h e w a ll a n
em er a ld.” So t h a t it a n d t h e Cit y of t h e Lilies w er e n ot
ju st a r t ificia l scen es w h ich I cou ld set u p a t m y plea su r e
in fr on t of m y im a g in a t ion , bu t did a ct u a lly ex ist a t a
cer t a in dist a n ce fr om Pa r is w h ich m u st in ev it a bly be
t r a v er sed if I w ish ed t o see t h em , a t t h eir a ppoin t ed
pla ce on t h e ea r t h ’s su r fa ce, a n d a t n o ot h er ; in a w or d
t h ey w er e en t ir ely r ea l. T h ey beca m e ev en m or e r ea l t o
m e w h en m y fa t h er , by sa y in g : “ W ell, y ou ca n st a y in
V en ice fr om t h e 2 0 t h t o t h e 2 9 t h , a n d r ea ch Flor en ce
on Ea st er m or n in g ,” m a de t h em bot h em er g e, n o lon g er
on ly fr om t h e a bst r a ct ion of Spa ce, bu t fr om t h a t
im a g in a r y T im e in w h ich w e pla ce n ot on e, m er ely , bu t
sev er a l of ou r t r a v els a t on ce, w h ich do n ot g r ea t ly t a x
u s sin ce t h ey a r e bu t possibilit ies, — t h a t T im e w h ich
r econ st r u ct s it self so effect iv ely t h a t on e ca n spen d it
a g a in in on e t ow n a ft er on e h a s a lr ea dy spen t it in
a n ot h er — a n d con secr a t ed t o t h em som e of t h ose
a ct u a l, ca len da r da y s w h ich a r e cer t ifica t es of t h e
g en u in en ess of w h a t on e does on t h em , for t h ose u n iqu e
da y s a r e con su m ed by bein g u sed, t h ey do n ot r et u r n ,
on e ca n n ot liv e t h em a g a in h er e w h en on e h a s liv ed
t h em elsew h er e; I felt t h a t it w a s t ow a r ds t h e w eek t h a t
w ou ld beg in w it h t h e Mon da y on w h ich t h e la u n dr ess
w a s t o br in g ba ck t h e w h it e w a ist coa t t h a t I h a d st a in ed
w it h in k , t h a t t h ey w er e h a st en in g t o bu sy t h em selv es
w it h t h e du t y of em er g in g fr om t h a t idea l T im e in
w h ich t h ey did n ot , a s y et , ex ist , t h ose t w o Qu een Cit ies
of w h ich I w a s soon t o be a ble, by t h e m ost a bsor bin g
k in d of g eom et r y , t o in scr ibe t h e dom es a n d t ow er s on a
pa g e of m y ow n life. Bu t I w a s st ill on t h e w a y , on ly , t o
t h e su pr em e pin n a cle of h a ppin ess; I r ea ch ed it fin a lly
(for n ot u n t il t h en did t h e r ev ela t ion bu r st u pon m e
t h a t on t h e cla t t er in g st r eet s, r edden ed by t h e lig h t
r eflect ed fr om Gior g ion e’s fr escoes, it w a s n ot , a s I h a d,
despit e so m a n y pr om pt in g s, con t in u ed t o im a g in e, t h e
m en “ m a jest ic a n d t er r ible a s t h e sea , bea r in g a r m ou r
t h a t g lea m ed w it h br on ze ben ea t h t h e folds of t h eir
blood-r ed cloa k s,” w h o w ou ld be w a lk in g in V en ice n ex t
w eek , on t h e Ea st er v ig il; bu t t h a t I m y self m ig h t be t h e
m in u t e per son a g e w h om , in a n en la r g ed ph ot og r a ph of
St . Ma r k ’s t h a t h a d been len t t o m e, t h e oper a t or h a d
por t r a y ed, in a bow ler h a t , in fr on t of t h e por t ico),
w h en I h ea r d m y fa t h er sa y : “ It m u st be pr et t y cold,
st ill, on t h e Gr a n d Ca n a l; w h a t ev er y ou do, don ’t for g et
t o pa ck y ou r w in t er g r ea t coa t a n d y ou r t h ick su it .” A t
t h ese w or ds I w a s r a ised t o a sor t of ecst a sy ; a t h in g t h a t
I h a d u n t il t h en deem ed im possible, I felt m y self t o be
pen et r a t in g in deed bet w een t h ose “ r ock s of a m et h y st ,
lik e a r eef in t h e In dia n Ocea n ” ; by a su pr em e m u scu la r
effor t , a lon g w a y in ex cess of m y r ea l st r en g t h ,
st r ippin g m y self, a s of a sh ell t h a t ser v ed n o pu r pose, of
t h e a ir in m y ow n r oom w h ich su r r ou n ded m e, I
r epla ced it by a n equ a l qu a n t it y of V en et ia n a ir , t h a t
m a r in e a t m osph er e, in descr iba ble a n d pecu lia r a s t h e
a t m osph er e of t h e dr ea m s w h ich m y im a g in a t ion h a d
secr et ed in t h e n a m e of V en ice; I cou ld feel a t w or k
w it h in m e a m ir a cu lou s disin ca r n a t ion ; it w a s a t on ce
a ccom pa n ied by t h a t v a g u e desir e t o v om it w h ich on e
feels w h en on e h a s a v er y sor e t h r oa t ; a n d t h ey h a d t o
pu t m e t o bed w it h a fev er so per sist en t t h a t t h e doct or
n ot on ly a ssu r ed m y pa r en t s t h a t a v isit , t h a t spr in g , t o
Flor en ce a n d V en ice w a s a bsolu t ely ou t of t h e qu est ion ,
bu t w a r n ed t h eir t h a t , ev en w h en I sh ou ld h a v e
com plet ely r ecov er ed, I m u st , for a t lea st a y ea r , g iv e
u p a ll idea of t r a v ellin g , a n d be k ept fr om a n y t h in g
t h a t w a s lia ble t o ex cit e m e.
A n d, a la s, h e for ba de a lso, m ost ca t eg or ica lly , m y
bein g a llow ed t o g o t o t h e t h ea t r e, t o h ea r Ber m a ; t h e
su blim e a r t ist , w h ose g en iu s Ber g ot t e h a d pr ocla im ed,
m ig h t , by in t r odu cin g m e t o som et h in g else t h a t w a s,
per h a ps, a s im por t a n t a n d a s bea u t ifu l, h a v e con soled
m e for n ot h a v in g been t o Flor en ce a n d V en ice, for n ot
g oin g t o Ba lbec. My pa r en t s h a d t o be con t en t w it h
sen din g m e, ev er y da y , t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées, in t h e
cu st ody of a per son w h o w ou ld see t h a t I did n ot t ir e
m y self; t h is per son w a s n on e ot h er t h a n Fr a n çoise, w h o
h a d en t er ed ou r ser v ice a ft er t h e dea t h of m y a u n t
Léon ie. Goin g t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées I fou n d
u n en du r a ble. If on ly Ber g ot t e h a d descr ibed t h e pla ce in
on e of h is book s, I sh ou ld, n o dou bt , h a v e lon g ed t o see
a n d t o k n ow it , lik e so m a n y t h in g s else of w h ich a
sim u la cr u m h a d fir st fou n d it s w a y in t o m y
im a g in a t ion . T h a t k ept t h in g s w a r m , m a de t h em liv e,
g a v e t h em per son a lit y , a n d I sou g h t t h en t o fin d t h eir
cou n t er pa r t in r ea lit y , bu t in t h is pu blic g a r den t h er e
w a s n ot h in g t h a t a t t a ch ed it self t o m y dr ea m s.
***
On e da y , a s I w a s w ea r y of ou r u su a l pla ce, beside
t h e w ooden h or ses, Fr a n çoise h a d t a k en m e for a n
ex cu r sion — a cr oss t h e fr on t ier g u a r ded a t r eg u la r
in t er v a ls by t h e lit t le ba st ion s of t h e ba r ley -su g a r
w om en — in t o t h ose n eig h bou r in g bu t for eig n r eg ion s,
w h er e t h e fa ces of t h e pa sser s-by w er e st r a n g e, w h er e
t h e g oa t -ca r r ia g e w en t pa st ; t h en sh e h a d g on e a w a y t o
la y dow n h er t h in g s on a ch a ir t h a t st ood w it h it s ba ck
t o a sh r u bber y of la u r els; w h ile I w a it ed for h er I w a s
pa cin g t h e br oa d la w n , of m ea g r e close-cr opped g r a ss
a lr ea dy fa ded by t h e su n , dom in a t ed, a t it s fa r en d, by
a st a t u e r isin g fr om a fou n t a in , in fr on t of w h ich a lit t le
g ir l w it h r eddish h a ir w a s pla y in g w it h a sh u t t lecock ;
w h en , fr om t h e pa t h , a n ot h er lit t le g ir l, w h o w a s
pu t t in g on h er cloa k a n d cov er in g u p h er ba t t ledor e,
ca lled ou t sh a r ply : “ Good-by e, Gilber t e, I’m g oin g h om e
n ow ; don ’t for g et , w e’r e com in g t o y ou t h is ev en in g ,
a ft er din n er .” T h e n a m e Gilber t e pa ssed close by m e,
ev ok in g a ll t h e m or e for cibly h er w h om it la belled in
t h a t it did n ot m er ely r efer t o h er , a s on e spea k s of a
m a n in h is a bsen ce, bu t w a s dir ect ly a ddr essed t o h er ; it
pa ssed t h u s close by m e, in a ct ion , so t o spea k , w it h a
for ce t h a t in cr ea sed w it h t h e cu r v e of it s t r a ject or y a n d
a s it dr ew n ea r t o it s t a r g et ; — ca r r y in g in it s w a k e, I
cou ld feel, t h e k n ow ledg e, t h e im pr ession of h er t o
w h om it w a s a ddr essed t h a t belon g ed n ot t o m e bu t t o
t h e fr ien d w h o ca lled t o h er , ev er y t h in g t h a t , w h ile sh e
u t t er ed t h e w or ds, sh e m or e or less v iv idly r ev iew ed,
possessed in h er m em or y , of t h eir da ily in t im a cy , of t h e
v isit s t h a t t h ey pa id t o ea ch ot h er , of t h a t u n k n ow n
ex ist en ce w h ich w a s a ll t h e m or e in a ccessible, a ll t h e
m or e pa in fu l t o m e fr om bein g , con v er sely , so fa m ilia r ,
so t r a ct a ble t o t h is h a ppy g ir l w h o let h er m essa g e
br u sh pa st m e w it h ou t m y bein g a ble t o pen et r a t e it s
su r fa ce, w h o flu n g it on t h e a ir w it h a lig h t -h ea r t ed
cr y : let t in g floa t in t h e a t m osph er e t h e deliciou s a t t a r
w h ich t h a t m essa g e h a d dist illed, by t ou ch in g t h em
w it h pr ecision , fr om cer t a in in v isible poin t s in Mlle.
Sw a n n ’s life, fr om t h e ev en in g t o com e, a s it w ou ld be,
a ft er din n er , a t h er h om e, — for m in g , on it s celest ia l
pa ssa g e t h r ou g h t h e m idst of t h e ch ildr en a n d t h eir
n u r sem a ids, a lit t le clou d, ex qu isit ely colou r ed, lik e t h e
clou d t h a t , cu r lin g ov er on e of Pou ssin ’s g a r den s,
r eflect s m in u t ely , lik e a clou d in t h e oper a , t eem in g
w it h ch a r iot s a n d h or ses, som e a ppa r it ion of t h e life of
t h e g ods; ca st in g , fin a lly , on t h a t r a g g ed g r a ss, a t t h e
spot on w h ich sh e st ood (a t on ce a scr a p of w it h er ed
la w n a n d a m om en t in t h e a ft er n oon of t h e fa ir pla y er ,
w h o con t in u ed t o bea t u p a n d ca t ch h er sh u t t lecock
u n t il a g ov er n ess, w it h a blu e fea t h er in h er h a t , h a d
ca lled h er a w a y ) a m a r v ellou s lit t le ba n d of lig h t , of t h e
colou r of h eliot r ope, spr ea d ov er t h e la w n lik e a ca r pet
on w h ich I cou ld n ot t ir e of t r ea din g t o a n d fr o w it h
lin g er in g feet , n ost a lg ic a n d pr ofa n e, w h ile Fr a n çoise
sh ou t ed: “ Com e on , bu t t on u p y ou r coa t , look , a n d let ’s
g et a w a y !” a n d I r em a r k ed for t h e fir st t im e h ow
com m on h er speech w a s, a n d t h a t sh e h a d, a la s, n o blu e
fea t h er in h er h a t .
On ly , w ou ld s he com e a g a in t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées?
Nex t da y sh e w a s n ot t h er e; bu t I sa w h er on t h e
follow in g da y s; I spen t a ll m y t im e r ev olv in g r ou n d t h e
spot w h er e sh e w a s a t pla y w it h h er fr ien ds, t o su ch
effect t h a t on ce, w h en , t h ey fou n d, t h ey w er e n ot
en ou g h t o m a k e u p a pr ison er ’s ba se, sh e sen t on e of
t h em t o a sk m e if I ca r ed t o com plet e t h eir side, a n d
fr om t h a t da y I pla y ed w it h h er w h en ev er sh e ca m e.
Bu t t h is did n ot h a ppen ev er y da y ; t h er e w er e da y s
w h en sh e h a d been pr ev en t ed fr om com in g by h er
lesson s, by h er ca t ech ism , by a lu n ch eon -pa r t y , by t h e
w h ole of t h a t life, sepa r a t ed fr om m y ow n , w h ich t w ice
on ly , con den sed in t o t h e n a m e of Gilber t e, I h a d felt
pa ss so pa in fu lly close t o m e, in t h e h a w t h or n la n e n ea r
Com br a y a n d on t h e g r a ss of t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées. On
su ch da y s sh e w ou ld h a v e t old u s befor eh a n d t h a t w e
sh ou ld n ot see h er ; if it w er e beca u se of h er lesson s, sh e
w ou ld sa y : “ It is t oo t ir esom e, I sh a ’n ’t be a ble t o com e
t o-m or r ow ; y ou w ill a ll be en joy in g y ou r selv es h er e
w it h ou t m e,” w it h a n a ir of r eg r et w h ich t o som e ex t en t
con soled m e; if, on t h e ot h er h a n d, sh e h a d been in v it ed
t o a pa r t y , a n d I, n ot k n ow in g t h is, a sk ed h er w h et h er
sh e w a s com in g t o pla y w it h u s, sh e w ou ld r eply :
“ In deed I h ope n ot ! In deed I h ope Ma m m a w ill let m e g o
t o m y fr ien d’s.” Bu t on t h ese da y s I did a t lea st k n ow
t h a t I sh ou ld n ot see h er , w h er ea s on ot h er s, w it h ou t
a n y w a r n in g , h er m ot h er w ou ld t a k e h er for a dr iv e, or
som e su ch t h in g , a n d n ex t da y sh e w ou ld sa y : “ Oh , y es!
I w en t ou t w it h Ma m m a ,” a s t h ou g h it h a d been t h e
m ost n a t u r a l t h in g in t h e w or ld, a n d n ot t h e g r ea t est
possible m isfor t u n e for som e on e else. T h er e w er e a lso
t h e da y s of ba d w ea t h er on w h ich h er g ov er n ess, a fr a id,
on h er ow n a ccou n t , of t h e r a in , w ou ld n ot br in g
Gilber t e t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées.
A n d so, if t h e h ea v en s w er e dou bt fu l, fr om ea r ly
m or n in g I w ou ld n ot cea se t o in t er r og a t e t h em ,
obser v in g a ll t h e om en s. If I sa w t h e la dy opposit e, ju st
in side h er w in dow , pu t t in g on h er h a t , I w ou ld sa y t o
m y self: “ T h a t la dy is g oin g ou t ; it m u st , t h er efor e, be
w ea t h er in w h ich on e ca n g o ou t . W h y sh ou ld n ot
Gilber t e do t h e sa m e a s t h a t la dy ?” Bu t t h e da y g r ew
da r k . My m ot h er sa id t h a t it m ig h t clea r a g a in , t h a t
on e bu r st of su n sh in e w ou ld be en ou g h , bu t t h a t m or e
pr oba bly it w ou ld r a in ; a n d if it r a in ed, of w h a t u se
w ou ld it be t o g o t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées? A n d so, fr om
br ea k fa st -t im e, m y a n x iou s ey es n ev er left t h e
u n cer t a in , clou ded sk y . It r em a in ed da r k : Ou t side t h e
w in dow , t h e ba lcon y w a s g r ey . Su dden ly , on it s su llen
st on e, I did n ot in deed see a less n eg a t iv e colou r , bu t I
felt a s it w er e a n effor t t ow a r ds a less n eg a t iv e colou r ,
t h e pu lsa t ion of a h esit a t in g r a y t h a t st r u g g led t o
disch a r g e it s lig h t . A m om en t la t er t h e ba lcon y w a s a s
pa le a n d lu m in ou s a s a st a n din g w a t er a t da w n , a n d a
t h ou sa n d sh a dow s fr om t h e ir on -w or k of it s ba lu st r a de
h a d com e t o r est on it . A br ea t h of w in d disper sed t h em ;
t h e st on e g r ew da r k a g a in , bu t , lik e t a m ed cr ea t u r es,
t h ey r et u r n ed; t h ey beg a n , im per cept ibly , t o g r ow
lig h t er , a n d by on e of t h ose con t in u ou s cr escen dos, su ch
a s, in m u sic, a t t h e en d of a n ov er t u r e, ca r r y a sin g le
n ot e t o t h e ex t r em e for t issim o, m a k in g it pa ss r a pidly
t h r ou g h a ll t h e in t er m edia t e st a g es, I sa w it a t t a in t o
t h a t fix ed, u n a lt er a ble g old of fin e da y s, on w h ich t h e
sh a r ply cu t sh a dow s of t h e w r ou g h t ir on of t h e
ba lu st r a de w er e ou t lin ed in bla ck lik e a ca pr iciou s
v eg et a t ion , w it h a fin en ess in t h e delin ea t ion of t h eir
sm a llest det a ils w h ich seem ed t o in dica t e a deliber a t e
a pplica t ion , a n a r t ist ’s sa t isfa ct ion , a n d w it h so m u ch
r elief, so v elv et y a bloom in t h e r est fu ln ess of t h eir
som br e a n d h a ppy m a ss t h a t in t r u t h t h ose la r g e a n d
lea fy sh a dow s w h ich la y r eflect ed on t h a t la k e of
su n sh in e seem ed a w a r e t h a t t h ey w er e pledg es of
h a ppin ess a n d pea ce of m in d.
Br ief, fa din g iv y , clim bin g , fu g it iv e flor a , t h e m ost
colou r less, t h e m ost depr essin g , t o m a n y m in ds, of a ll
t h a t cr eep on w a lls or decor a t e w in dow s; t o m e t h e
dea r est of t h em a ll, fr om t h e da y w h en it a ppea r ed
u pon ou r ba lcon y , lik e t h e v er y sh a dow of t h e pr esen ce
of Gilber t e, w h o w a s per h a ps a lr ea dy in t h e Ch a m ps-
Ely sées, a n d a s soon a s I a r r iv ed t h er e w ou ld g r eet m e
w it h : “ Let ’s beg in a t on ce. Y ou a r e on m y side.” Fr a il,
sw ept a w a y by a br ea t h , bu t a t t h e sa m e t im e in
h a r m on y , n ot w it h t h e sea son , w it h t h e h ou r ; a pr om ise
of t h a t im m edia t e plea su r e w h ich t h e da y w ill den y or
fu lfil, a n d t h er eby of t h e on e pa r a m ou n t im m edia t e
plea su r e, t h e plea su r e of lov in g a n d of bein g lov ed;
m or e soft , m or e w a r m u pon t ie st on e t h a n ev en m oss is;
a liv e, a r a y of su n sh in e su fficin g for it s bir t h , a n d for
t h e bir t h of joy , ev en in t h e h ea r t of w in t er .
A n d on t h ose da y s w h en a ll ot h er v eg et a t ion h a d
disa ppea r ed, w h en t h e fin e jer k in s of g r een lea t h er
w h ich cov er ed t h e t r u n k s of t h e old t r ees w er e h idden
ben ea t h t h e sn ow ; a ft er t h e sn ow h a d cea sed t o fa ll, bu t
w h en t h e sk y w a s st ill t oo m u ch ov er ca st for m e t o h ope
t h a t Gilber t e w ou ld v en t u r e ou t , t h en su dden ly —
in spir in g m y m ot h er t o sa y : “ Look , it ’s qu it e fin e n ow ; I
t h in k y ou m ig h t per h a ps t r y g oin g t o t h e Ch a m ps-
Ely sées a ft er a ll.” — On t h e m a n t le of sn ow t h a t sw a t h ed
t h e ba lcon y , t h e su n h a d a ppea r ed a n d w a s st it ch in g
sea m s of g old, w it h em br oider ed pa t ch es of da r k
sh a dow . T h a t da y w e fou n d n o on e t h er e, or else a
solit a r y g ir l, on t h e poin t of depa r t u r e, w h o a ssu r ed m e
t h a t Gilber t e w a s n ot com in g . T h e ch a ir s, deser t ed by
t h e im posin g bu t u n in spir in g com pa n y of g ov er n esses,
st ood em pt y . On ly , n ea r t h e g r a ss, w a s sit t in g a la dy of
u n cer t a in a g e w h o ca m e in a ll w ea t h er s, dr essed
a lw a y s in a n iden t ica l st y le, splen did a n d som br e, t o
m a k e w h ose a cqu a in t a n ce I w ou ld h a v e, a t t h a t per iod,
sa cr ificed, h a d it la in in m y pow er , a ll t h e g r ea t est
oppor t u n it ies in m y life t o com e. For Gilber t e w en t u p
ev er y da y t o spea k t o h er ; sh e u sed t o a sk Gilber t e for
n ew s of h er “ dea r est m ot h er ” a n d it st r u ck m e t h a t , if I
h a d k n ow n h er , I sh ou ld h a v e been for Gilber t e som e
on e w h olly differ en t , som e on e w h o k n ew people in h er
pa r en t s’ w or ld. W h ile h er g r a n dch ildr en pla y ed
t og et h er a t a lit t le dist a n ce, sh e w ou ld sit a n d r ea d t h e
Déba t s, w h ich sh e ca lled “ My old Débats !” a s, w it h a n
a r ist ocr a t ic fa m ilia r it y , sh e w ou ld sa y , spea k in g of t h e
police-ser g ea n t or t h e w om a n w h o let t h e ch a ir s, “ My
old fr ien d t h e police-ser g ea n t ,” or “ T h e ch a ir -k eeper
a n d I, w h o a r e old fr ien ds.”
Fr a n çoise fou n d it t oo cold t o st a n d a bou t , so w e
w a lk ed t o t h e Pon t de la Con cor de t o see t h e Sein e fr ozen
ov er , on t o w h ich ev er y on e, ev en ch ildr en , w a lk ed
fea r lessly , a s t h ou g h u pon a n en or m ou s w h a le,
st r a n ded, defen celess, a n d a bou t t o be cu t u p. W e
r et u r n ed t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées; I w a s g r ow in g sick
w it h m iser y bet w een t h e m ot ion less w ooden h or ses a n d
t h e w h it e la w n , ca u g h t in a n et of bla ck pa t h s fr om
w h ich t h e sn ow h a d been clea r ed, w h ile t h e st a t u e t h a t
su r m ou n t ed it h eld in it s h a n d a lon g pen den t icicle
w h ich seem ed t o ex pla in it s g est u r e. T h e old la dy
h er self, h a v in g folded u p h er Débats , a sk ed a pa ssin g
n u r sem a id t h e t im e, t h a n k in g h er w it h “ How v er y
g ood of y ou !” t h en beg g ed t h e r oa d-sw eeper t o t ell h er
g r a n dch ildr en t o com e, a s sh e felt cold, a ddin g “ A
t h ou sa n d t h a n k s. I a m sor r y t o g iv e y ou so m u ch
t r ou ble!” Su dden ly t h e sk y w a s r en t in t w o: bet w een
t h e pu n ch -a n d-ju dy a n d t h e h or ses, a g a in st t h e open in g
h or izon , I h a d ju st seen , lik e a m ir a cu lou s sig n ,
Ma dem oiselle’s blu e fea t h er . A n d n ow Gilber t e w a s
r u n n in g a t fu ll speed t ow a r ds m e, spa r k lin g a n d r osy
ben ea t h a ca p t r im m ed w it h fu r , en liv en ed by t h e cold,
by bein g la t e, by h er a n x iet y for a g a m e; sh or t ly befor e
sh e r ea ch ed m e, sh e slipped on a piece of ice a n d, eit h er
t o r eg a in h er ba la n ce, or beca u se it a ppea r ed t o h er
g r a cefu l, or else pr et en din g t h a t sh e w a s on sk a t es, it
w a s w it h ou t st r et ch ed a r m s t h a t sh e sm ilin g ly
a dv a n ced, a s t h ou g h t o em br a ce m e. “ Br a v o! br a v o!
t h a t ’s splen did; ‘t oppin g ,’ I sh ou ld sa y , lik e y ou —
‘spor t in g ,’ I su ppose I ou g h t t o sa y , on ly I’m a h u n dr ed-
a n d-on e, a w om a n of t h e old sch ool,” ex cla im ed t h e
la dy , u t t er in g , on beh a lf of t h e v oiceless Ch a m ps-
Ely sées, t h eir t h a n k s t o Gilber t e for h a v in g com e,
w it h ou t let t in g h er self be fr ig h t en ed a w a y by t h e
w ea t h er . “ Y ou a r e lik e m e, fa it h fu l a t a ll cost s t o ou r old
Ch a m ps-Ely sées; w e a r e t w o br a v e sou ls! Y ou w ou ldn ’t
believ e m e, I da r e sa y , if I t old y ou t h a t I lov e t h em ,
ev en lik e t h is. T h is sn ow (I k n ow , y ou ’ll la u g h a t m e), it
m a k es m e t h in k of er m in e!” A n d t h e old la dy beg a n t o
la u g h h er self.
T h e fir st of t h ese da y s — t o w h ich t h e sn ow , a
sy m bol of t h e pow er s t h a t w er e a ble t o depr iv e m e of t h e
sig h t of Gilber t e, im pa r t ed t h e sa dn ess of a da y of
sepa r a t ion , a lm ost t h e a spect of a da y of depa r t u r e,
beca u se it ch a n g ed t h e ou t w a r d for m a n d a lm ost
for ba de t h e u se of t h e cu st om a r y scen e of ou r on ly
en cou n t er s, n ow a lt er ed, cov er ed, a s it w er e, in du st -
sh eet s — t h a t da y , n on e t h e less, m a r k ed a st a g e in t h e
pr og r ess of m y lov e, for it w a s, in a sen se, t h e fir st
sor r ow t h a t sh e w a s t o sh a r e w it h m e. T h er e w er e on ly
ou r t w o selv es of ou r lit t le com pa n y , a n d t o be t h u s
a lon e w it h h er w a s n ot m er ely lik e a beg in n in g of
in t im a cy , bu t a lso on h er pa r t — a s t h ou g h sh e h a d
com e t h er e solely t o plea se m e, a n d in su ch w ea t h er — it
seem ed t o m e a s t ou ch in g a s if, on on e of t h ose da y s on
w h ich sh e h a d been in v it ed t o a pa r t y , sh e h a d g iv en it
u p in or der t o com e t o m e in t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées; I
a cqu ir ed m or e con fiden ce in t h e v it a lit y , in t h e fu t u r e
of a fr ien dsh ip w h ich cou ld r em a in so m u ch a liv e a m id
t h e t or por , t h e solit u de, t h e deca y of ou r su r r ou n din g s;
a n d w h ile sh e dr opped pellet s of sn ow dow n m y n eck , I
sm iled lov in g ly a t w h a t seem ed t o m e a t on ce a
pr edilect ion t h a t sh e sh ew ed for m e in t h u s t oler a t in g
m e a s h er t r a v ellin g com pa n ion in t h is n ew , t h is
w in t r y la n d, a n d a sor t of loy a lt y t o m e w h ich sh e
pr eser v ed t h r ou g h ev il t im es. Pr esen t ly , on e a ft er
a n ot h er , lik e sh y ly boppin g spa r r ow s, h er fr ien ds
a r r iv ed, bla ck a g a in st t h e sn ow . W e g ot r ea dy t o pla y
a n d, sin ce t h is da y w h ich h a d beg u n so sa dly w a s
dest in ed t o en d in joy , a s I w en t u p, befor e t h e g a m e
st a r t ed, t o t h e fr ien d w it h t h e sh a r p v oice w h om I h a d
h ea r d, t h a t fir st da y , ca llin g Gilber t e by n a m e, sh e sa id
t o m e: “ No, n o, I’m su r e y ou ’d m u ch r a t h er be in
Gilber t e’s ca m p; besides, look , sh e’s sig n a llin g t o y ou .”
Sh e w a s in fa ct su m m on in g m e t o cr oss t h e sn ow y la w n
t o h er ca m p, t o ‘t a k e t h e field,’ w h ich t h e su n , by
ca st in g ov er it a r osy g lea m , t h e m et a llic lu st r e of old
a n d w or n br oca des, h a d t u r n ed in t o a Field of t h e Clot h
of Gold.
T h is da y , w h ich I h a d beg u n w it h so m a n y
m isg iv in g s, w a s, a s it h a ppen ed, on e of t h e few on
w h ich I w a s n ot u n du ly w r et ch ed.
For , a lt h ou g h I n o lon g er t h ou g h t , n ow , of a n y t h in g
sa v e n ot t o let a sin g le da y pa ss w it h ou t seein g Gilber t e
(so m u ch so t h a t on ce, w h en m y g r a n dm ot h er h a d n ot
com e h om e by din n er -t im e, I cou ld n ot r esist t h e
in st in ct iv e r eflect ion t h a t , if sh e h a d been r u n ov er in
t h e st r eet a n d k illed, I sh ou ld n ot for som e t im e be
a llow ed t o pla y in t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées; w h en on e is in
lov e on e h a s n o lov e left for a n y on e), y et t h ose m om en t s
w h ich I spen t in h er com pa n y , for w h ich I h a d w a it ed
w it h so m u ch im pa t ien ce a ll n ig h t a n d m or n in g , for
w h ich I h a d qu iv er ed w it h ex cit em en t , t o w h ich I w ou ld
h a v e sa cr ificed ev er y t h in g else in t h e w or ld, w er e by n o
m ea n s h a ppy m om en t s; w ell did I k n ow it , for t h ey
w er e t h e on ly m om en t s in m y life on w h ich I
con cen t r a t ed a scr u pu lou s, u n dist r a ct ed a t t en t ion , a n d
y et I cou ld n ot discov er in t h em on e a t om of plea su r e.
A ll t h e t im e t h a t I w a s a w a y fr om Gilber t e, I w a n t ed t o
see h er , beca u se, h a v in g in cessa n t ly sou g h t t o for m a
m en t a l pict u r e of h er , I w a s u n a ble, in t h e en d, t o do so,
a n d did n ot k n ow ex a ct ly t o w h a t m y lov e
cor r espon ded. Besides, sh e h a d n ev er y et t old m e t h a t
sh e lov ed m e. Fa r fr om it , sh e h a d oft en boa st ed t h a t sh e
k n ew ot h er lit t le boy s w h om sh e pr efer r ed t o m y self,
t h a t I w a s a g ood com pa n ion , w it h w h om sh e w a s
a lw a y s w illin g t o pla y , a lt h ou g h I w a s t oo a bsen t -
m in ded, n ot a t t en t iv e en ou g h t o t h e g a m e. Mor eov er ,
sh e h a d oft en sh ew n sig n s of a ppa r en t coldn ess t ow a r ds
m e, w h ich m ig h t h a v e sh a k en m y fa it h t h a t I w a s for
h er a cr ea t u r e differ en t fr om t h e r est , h a d t h a t fa it h
been fou n ded u pon a lov e t h a t Gilber t e h a d felt for m e,
a n d n ot , a s w a s t h e ca se, u pon t h e lov e t h a t I felt for
h er , w h ich st r en g t h en ed it s r esist a n ce t o t h e a ssa u lt s of
dou bt by m a k in g it depen d en t ir ely u pon t h e m a n n er
in w h ich I w a s oblig ed, by a n in t er n a l com pu lsion , t o
t h in k of Gilber t e. Bu t m y feelin g s w it h r eg a r d t o h er I
h a d n ev er y et v en t u r ed t o ex pr ess t o h er in w or ds. Of
cou r se, on ev er y pa g e of m y ex er cise-book s, I w r ot e ou t ,
in en dless r epet it ion , h er n a m e a n d a ddr ess, bu t a t t h e
sig h t of t h ose v a g u e lin es w h ich I m ig h t t r a ce, w it h ou t
h er h a v in g t o t h in k , on t h a t a ccou n t , of m e, I felt
discou r a g ed, beca u se t h ey spok e t o m e, n ot of Gilber t e,
w h o w ou ld n ev er so m u ch a s see t h em , bu t of m y ow n
desir e, w h ich t h ey seem ed t o sh ew m e in it s t r u e
colou r s, a s som et h in g pu r ely per son a l, u n r ea l, t ediou s
a n d in effect iv e. T h e m ost im por t a n t t h in g w a s t h a t w e
sh ou ld see ea ch ot h er , Gilber t e a n d I, a n d sh ou ld h a v e
a n oppor t u n it y of m a k in g a m u t u a l con fession of ou r
lov e w h ich , u n t il t h en , w ou ld n ot officia lly (so t o spea k )
h a v e beg u n . Dou bt less t h e v a r iou s r ea son s w h ich m a de
m e so im pa t ien t t o see h er w ou ld h a v e a ppea r ed less
u r g en t t o a g r ow n m a n . A s life g oes on , w e a cqu ir e su ch
a dr oit n ess in t h e cu lt u r e of ou r plea su r es, t h a t w e
con t en t ou r selv es w it h t h a t w h ich w e der iv e fr om
t h in k in g of a w om a n , a s I w a s t h in k in g of Gilber t e,
w it h ou t t r ou blin g ou r selv es t o a scer t a in w h et h er t h e
im a g e cor r espon ds t o t h e r ea lit y , — a n d w it h t h e
plea su r e of lov in g h er , w it h ou t n eedin g t o be su r e, a lso,
t h a t sh e lov es u s; or a g a in t h a t w e r en ou n ce t h e
plea su r e of con fessin g ou r pa ssion for h er , so a s t o
pr eser v e a n d en h a n ce t h e pa ssion t h a t sh e h a s for u s,
lik e t h ose Ja pa n ese g a r den er s w h o, t o obt a in on e per fect
blossom , w ill sa cr ifice t h e r est . Bu t a t t h e per iod w h en I
w a s in lov e w it h Gilber t e, I st ill believ ed t h a t Lov e did
r ea lly ex ist , a pa r t fr om ou r selv es; t h a t , a llow in g u s, a t
t h e m ost , t o su r m ou n t t h e obst a cles in ou r w a y , it
offer ed u s it s blessin g s in a n or der in w h ich w e w er e n ot
fr ee t o m a k e t h e lea st a lt er a t ion ; it seem ed t o m e t h a t if
I h a d, on m y ow n in it ia t iv e, su bst it u t ed for t h e
sw eet n ess of a con fession a pr et en ce of in differ en ce, I
sh ou ld n ot on ly h a v e been depr iv in g m y self of on e of
t h e joy s of w h ich I h a d m ost oft en dr ea m ed, I sh ou ld
h a v e been fa br ica t in g , of m y ow n fr ee w ill, a lov e t h a t
w a s a r t ificia l a n d w it h ou t v a lu e, t h a t bor e n o r ela t ion
t o t h e t r u t h , w h ose m y st er iou s a n d for eor da in ed w a y s I
sh ou ld t h u s h a v e been declin in g t o follow .
Bu t w h en I a r r iv ed a t t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées, — a n d, a s
a t fir st sig h t it a ppea r ed, w a s in a posit ion t o con fr on t
m y lov e, so a s t o m a k e it u n der g o t h e n ecessa r y
m odifica t ion s, w it h it s liv in g a n d in depen den t ca u se —
a s soon a s I w a s in t h e pr esen ce of t h a t Gilber t e Sw a n n
on t h e sig h t of w h om I h a d cou n t ed t o r ev iv e t h e im a g es
t h a t m y t ir ed m em or y h a d lost a n d cou ld n ot fin d
a g a in , of t h a t Gilber t e Sw a n n w it h w h om I h a d been
pla y in g t h e da y befor e, a n d w h om I h a d ju st been
pr om pt ed t o g r eet , a n d t h en t o r ecog n ise, by a blin d
in st in ct lik e t h a t w h ich , w h en w e a r e w a lk in g , set s on e
foot befor e t h e ot h er , w it h ou t g iv in g u s t im e t o t h in k
w h a t w e a r e doin g , t h en a t on ce it beca m e a s t h ou g h
sh e a n d t h e lit t le g ir l w h o h a d in spir ed m y dr ea m s h a d
been t w o differ en t people. If, for in st a n ce, I h a d r et a in ed
in m y m em or y ov er n ig h t t w o fier y ey es a bov e plu m p
a n d r osy ch eek s, Gilber t e’s fa ce w ou ld n ow offer m e
(a n d w it h em ph a sis) som et h in g t h a t I dist in ct ly h a d
n ot r em em ber ed, a cer t a in sh a r pen in g and
pr olon g a t ion of t h e n ose w h ich , in st a n t a n eou sly
a ssocia t in g it self w it h cer t a in ot h er s of h er fea t u r es,
a ssu m ed t h e im por t a n ce of t h ose ch a r a ct er ist ics w h ich ,
in n a t u r a l h ist or y , a r e u sed t o defin e a species, a n d
t r a n sfor m ed h er in t o a lit t le g ir l of t h e k in d t h a t h a v e
sh a r pen ed pr ofiles. W h ile I w a s m a k in g m y self r ea dy t o
t a k e a dv a n t a g e of t h is lon g ex pect ed m om en t , a n d t o
su r r en der m y self t o t h e im pr ession of Gilber t e w h ich I
h a d pr epa r ed befor eh a n d bu t cou ld n o lon g er fin d in m y
h ea d, t o a n ex t en t w h ich w ou ld en a ble m e, du r in g t h e
lon g h ou r s w h ich I m u st spen d a lon e, t o be cer t a in t h a t
it w a s in deed h er self w h om I h a d in m in d, t h a t it w a s
in deed m y lov e for h er t h a t I w a s g r a du a lly m a k in g
g r ow , a s a book g r ow s w h en on e is w r it in g it , sh e t h r ew
m e a ba ll; a n d, lik e t h e idea list ph ilosoph er w h ose body
t a k es a ccou n t of t h e ex t er n a l w or ld in t h e r ea lit y of
w h ich h is in t ellect declin es t o believ e, t h e sa m e self
w h ich h a d m a de m e sa lu t e h er befor e I h a d iden t ified
h er n ow u r g ed m e t o ca t ch t h e ba ll t h a t sh e t ossed t o m e
(a s t h ou g h sh e h a d been a com pa n ion , w it h w h om I h a d
com e t o pla y , a n d n ot a sist er -sou l w it h w h om m y sou l
h a d com e t o be lim it ed), m a de m e, ou t of polit en ess,
u n t il t h e t im e ca m e w h en sh e h a d t o g o, a ddr ess a
t h ou sa n d polit e a n d t r iv ia l r em a r k s t o h er , a n d so
pr ev en t ed m e bot h fr om k eepin g a silen ce in w h ich I
m ig h t a t la st h a v e la id m y h a n d u pon t h e
in dispen sa ble, esca ped idea , a n d fr om u t t er in g t h e
w or ds w h ich m ig h t h a v e m a de t h a t defin it e pr og r ess in
t h e cou r se of ou r lov e on w h ich I w a s a lw a y s oblig ed t o
cou n t on ly for t h e follow in g a ft er n oon . T h er e w a s,
h ow ev er , a n occa sion a l dev elopm en t . On e da y , w e h a d
g on e w it h Gilber t e t o t h e st a ll of ou r ow n specia l
v en dor , w h o w a s a lw a y s pa r t icu la r ly n ice t o u s, sin ce it
w a s t o h er t h a t M. Sw a n n u sed t o sen d for h is
g in g er br ea d, of w h ich , for r ea son s of h ea lt h (h e su ffer ed
fr om a r a cia l eczem a , a n d fr om t h e con st ipa t ion of t h e
pr oph et s), h e con su m ed a g r ea t qu a n t it y , — Gilber t e
poin t ed ou t t o m e w it h a la u g h t w o lit t le boy s w h o w er e
lik e t h e lit t le a r t ist a n d t h e lit t le n a t u r a list in t h e
ch ildr en ’s st or y book s. For on e of t h em w ou ld n ot h a v e a
r ed st ick of r ock beca u se h e pr efer r ed t h e pu r ple, w h ile
t h e ot h er , w it h t ea r s in h is ey es, r efu sed a plu m w h ich
h is n u r se w a s bu y in g for h im , beca u se, a s h e fin a lly
ex pla in ed in pa ssion a t e t on es: “ I w a n t t h e ot h er plu m ;
it ’s g ot a w or m in it !” I pu r ch a sed t w o h a ’pen n y
m a r bles. W it h a dm ir in g ey es I sa w , lu m in ou s a n d
im pr ison ed in a bow l by t h em selv es, t h e a g a t e m a r bles
w h ich seem ed pr eciou s t o m e beca u se t h ey w er e a s fa ir
a n d sm ilin g a s lit t le g ir ls, a n d beca u se t h ey cost fiv e-
pen ce ea ch . Gilber t e, w h o w a s g iv en a g r ea t dea l m or e
pock et m on ey t h a n I ev er h a d, a sk ed m e w h ich I
t h ou g h t t h e pr et t iest . T h ey w er e a s t r a n spa r en t , a s
liqu id-seem in g a s life it self. I w ou ld n ot h a v e h a d h er
sa cr ifice a sin g le on e of t h em . I sh ou ld h a v e lik ed h er t o
be a ble t o bu y t h em , t o liber a t e t h em a ll. St ill, I poin t ed
ou t on e t h a t h a d t h e sa m e colou r a s h er ey es. Gilber t e
t ook it , t u r n ed it a bou t u n t il it sh on e w it h a r a y of g old,
fon dled it , pa id it s r a n som , bu t a t on ce h a n ded m e h er
ca pt iv e, sa y in g : “ T a k e it ; it is for y ou , I g iv e it t o y ou ,
k eep it t o r em in d y ou r self of m e.”
A n ot h er t im e, bein g st ill obsessed by t h e desir e t o
h ea r Ber m a in cla ssic dr a m a , I h a d a sk ed h er w h et h er
sh e h a d n ot a copy of a pa m ph let in w h ich Ber g ot t e
spok e of Ra cin e, a n d w h ich w a s n ow ou t of pr in t . Sh e
h a d t old m e t o let h er k n ow t h e ex a ct t it le of it , a n d t h a t
ev en in g I h a d sen t h er a lit t le t eleg r a m , w r it in g on it s
en v elope t h e n a m e, Gilber t e Sw a n n , w h ich I h a d so
oft en , t r a ced in m y ex er cise-book s. Nex t da y sh e
br ou g h t m e in a pa r cel t ied w it h pin k bow s a n d sea led
w it h w h it e w a x , t h e pa m ph let , a copy of w h ich sh e h a d
m a n a g ed t o fin d. “ Y ou see, it is w h a t y ou a sk ed m e for ,”
sh e sa id, t a k in g fr om h er m u ff t h e t eleg r a m t h a t I h a d
sen t h er . Bu t in t h e a ddr ess on t h e pn eu m a t ic m essa g e
— w h ich , on ly y est er da y , w a s n ot h in g , w a s m er ely a
‘lit t le blu e’ t h a t I h a d w r it t en , a n d, a ft er a m essen g er
h a d deliv er ed it t o Gilber t e’s por t er a n d a ser v a n t h a d
t a k en it t o h er in h er r oom , h a d becom e a t h in g w it h ou t
v a lu e or dist in ct ion , on e of t h e ‘lit t le blu es’ t h a t sh e h a d
r eceiv ed in t h e cou r se of t h e da y — I h a d difficu lt y in
r ecog n isin g t h e fu t ile, st r a g g lin g lin es of m y ow n
h a n dw r it in g ben ea t h t h e cir cles st a m ped on it a t t h e
post -office, t h e in scr ipt ion s a dded in pen cil by a
post m a n , sig n s of effect u a l r ea lisa t ion , sea ls of t h e
ex t er n a l w or ld, v iolet ba n ds sy m bolica l of life it self,
w h ich for t h e fir st t im e ca m e t o espou se, t o m a in t a in , t o
r a ise, t o r ejoice m y dr ea m .
A n d t h er e w a s a n ot h er da y on w h ich sh e sa id t o m e:
“ Y ou k n ow , y ou m a y ca ll m e ‘Gilber t e’; in a n y ca se, I’m
g oin g t o ca ll y ou by y ou r fir st n a m e. It ’s t oo silly n ot
t o.” Y et sh e con t in u ed for a w h ile t o a ddr ess m e by t h e
m or e for m a l ‘vous ,’ a n d, w h en I dr ew h er a t t en t ion t o
t h is, sm iled, a n d com posin g , con st r u ct in g a ph r a se lik e
t h ose t h a t a r e pu t in t o t h e g r a m m a r -book s of for eig n
la n g u a g es w it h n o ot h er object t h a n t o t ea ch u s t o m a k e
u se of a n ew w or d, en ded it w it h m y Ch r ist ia n n a m e.
A n d w h en I r eca lled, la t er , w h a t I h a d felt a t t h e t im e, I
cou ld dist in g u ish t h e im pr ession of h a v in g been h eld,
for a m om en t , in h er m ou t h , m y self, n a k ed, w it h ou t ,
a n y lon g er , a n y of t h e socia l qu a lifica t ion s w h ich
belon g ed equ a lly t o h er ot h er com pa n ion s a n d, w h en
sh e u sed m y su r n a m e, t o m y pa r en t s, a ccessor ies of
w h ich h er lips — by t h e effor t t h a t sh e m a de, a lit t le
a ft er h er fa t h er ’s m a n n er , t o a r t icu la t e t h e w or ds t o
w h ich sh e w ish ed t o g iv e a specia l v a lu e — h a d t h e a ir of
st r ippin g , of div est in g m e, a s on e peels t h e sk in fr om a
fr u it of w h ich on e is g oin g t o pu t on ly t h e pu lp in t o on e’s
m ou t h , w h ile h er g la n ce, a da pt in g it self t o t h e sa m e
n ew deg r ee of in t im a cy a s h er speech , fell on m e a lso
m or e dir ect ly , n ot w it h ou t t est ify in g to th e
con sciou sn ess, t h e plea su r e, ev en t h e g r a t it u de t h a t it
felt , a ccom pa n y in g it self w it h a sm ile.
Bu t a t t h a t a ct u a l m om en t , I w a s n ot a ble t o
a ppr ecia t e t h e w or t h of t h ese n ew plea su r es. T h ey w er e
g iv en , n ot by t h e lit t le g ir l w h om I lov ed, t o m e w h o
lov ed h er , bu t by t h e ot h er , h er w it h w h om I u sed t o
pla y , t o m y ot h er self, w h o possessed n eit h er t h e
m em or y of t h e t r u e Gilber t e, n or t h e fix ed h ea r t w h ich
a lon e cou ld h a v e k n ow n t h e v a lu e of a h a ppin ess for
w h ich it a lon e h a d lon g ed. Ev en a ft er I h a d r et u r n ed
h om e I did n ot t a st e t h em , sin ce, ev er y da y , t h e
n ecessit y w h ich m a de m e h ope t h a t on t h e m or r ow I
sh ou ld a r r iv e a t t h e clea r , ca lm , h a ppy con t em pla t ion
of Gilber t e, t h a t sh e w ou ld a t la st con fess h er lov e for
m e, ex pla in in g t o m e t h e r ea son s by w h ich sh e h a d
been oblig ed, h it h er t o, t o con cea l it , t h a t sa m e n ecessit y
for ced m e t o r eg a r d t h e pa st a s of n o a ccou n t , t o look
a h ea d of m e on ly , t o con sider t h e lit t le a dv a n t a g es t h a t
sh e h a d g iv en m e n ot in t h em selv es a n d a s if t h ey w er e
self-su fficien t , bu t lik e fr esh r u n g s of t h e la dder on
w h ich I m ig h t set m y feet , w h ich w er e g oin g t o a llow
m e t o a dv a n ce a st ep fu r t h er a n d fin a lly t o a t t a in t h e
h a ppin ess w h ich I h a d n ot y et en cou n t er ed.
If, a t t im es, sh e sh ew ed m e t h ese m a r k s of h er
a ffect ion , sh e t r ou bled m e a lso by seem in g n ot t o be
plea sed t o see m e, a n d t h is h a ppen ed oft en on t h e v er y
da y s on w h ich I h a d m ost cou n t ed for t h e r ea lisa t ion of
m y h opes. I w a s su r e t h a t Gilber t e w a s com in g t o t h e
Ch a m ps-Ely sées, a n d I felt a n ela t ion w h ich seem ed
m er ely t h e a n t icipa t ion of a g r ea t h a ppin ess w h en —
g oin g in t o t h e dr a w in g -r oom in t h e m or n in g t o k iss
Ma m m a , w h o w a s a lr ea dy dr essed t o g o ou t , t h e coils of
h er bla ck h a ir ela bor a t ely bu ilt u p, a n d h er bea u t ifu l
h a n ds, plu m p a n d w h it e, fr a g r a n t st ill w it h soa p — I
h a d been a ppr ised, by seein g a colu m n of du st st a n din g
by it self in t h e a ir a bov e t h e pia n o, a n d by h ea r in g a
ba r r el-or g a n pla y in g , ben ea t h t h e w in dow , En revenant
de la revue, t h a t t h e w in t er h a d r eceiv ed, u n t il
n ig h t fa ll, a n u n ex pect ed, r a dia n t v isit fr om a da y of
spr in g . W h ile w e sa t a t lu n ch eon , by open in g h er
w in dow , t h e la dy opposit e h a d sen t pa ck in g , in t h e
t w in k lin g of a n ey e, fr om beside m y ch a ir — t o sw eep in
a sin g le st r ide ov er t h e w h ole w idt h of ou r din in g -r oom
— a su n bea m w h ich h a d la in dow n t h er e for it s m idda y
r est a n d r et u r n ed t o con t in u e it t h er e a m om en t la t er .
A t sch ool, du r in g t h e on e o’clock lesson , t h e su n m a de
m e sick w it h im pa t ien ce a n d bor edom a s it let fa ll a
g olden st r ea m t h a t cr ept t o t h e edg e of m y desk , lik e a n
in v it a t ion t o t h e fea st a t w h ich I cou ld n ot m y self
a r r iv e befor e t h r ee o’clock , u n t il t h e m om en t w h en
Fr a n çoise ca m e t o fet ch m e a t t h e sch ool-g a t e, a n d w e
m a de ou r w a y t ow a r ds t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées t h r ou g h
st r eet s decor a t ed w it h su n lig h t , den se w it h people, ov er
w h ich t h e ba lcon ies, det a ch ed by t h e su n a n d m a de
v a por ou s, seem ed t o floa t in fr on t of t h e h ou ses lik e
clou ds of g old. A la s! in t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées I fou n d n o
Gilber t e; sh e h a d n ot y et a r r iv ed. Mot ion less, on t h e
la w n n u r t u r ed by t h e in v isible su n w h ich , h er e a n d
t h er e, k in dled t o a fla m e t h e poin t of a bla de of g r a ss,
w h ile t h e pig eon s t h a t h a d a lig h t ed u pon it h a d t h e
a ppea r a n ce of a n cien t scu lpt u r es w h ich t h e g a r den er ’s
pick h a d h ea v ed t o t h e su r fa ce of a h a llow ed soil, I st ood
w it h m y ey es fix ed on t h e h or izon , ex pect in g a t ev er y
m om en t t o see a ppea r t h e for m of Gilber t e follow in g
t h a t of h er g ov er n ess, beh in d t h e st a t u e t h a t seem ed t o
be h oldin g ou t t h e ch ild, w h ich it h a d in it s a r m s, a n d
w h ich g list en ed in t h e st r ea m of lig h t , t o r eceiv e
ben edict ion fr om t h e su n . T h e old la dy w h o r ea d t h e
Déba t s w a s sit t in g on h er ch a ir , in h er in v a r ia ble pla ce,
a n d h a d ju st a ccost ed a pa r k -k eeper , w it h a fr ien dly
w a v e of h er h a n ds t ow a r ds h im a s sh e ex cla im ed “ W h a t
a lov ely da y !” A n d w h en t h e ch a ir -w om a n ca m e u p t o
collect h er pen n y , w it h a n in fin it y of sm ir k s a n d
a ffect a t ion s sh e folded t h e t ick et a w a y in side h er g lov e,
a s t h ou g h it h a d been a posy of flow er s, for w h ich sh e
h a d sou g h t , in g r a t it u de t o t h e don or , t h e m ost
becom in g pla ce u pon h er per son . W h en sh e h a d fou n d
it , sh e per for m ed a cir cu la r m ov em en t w it h h er n eck ,
st r a ig h t en ed h er boa , a n d fa st en ed u pon t h e collect or ,
a s sh e sh ew ed h er t h e en d of y ellow pa per t h a t st u ck ou t
ov er h er ba r e w r ist , t h e bew it ch in g sm ile w it h w h ich a
w om a n sa y s t o a y ou n g m a n , poin t in g t o h er bosom :
“ Y ou see, I’m w ea r in g y ou r r oses!”
I dr a g g ed Fr a n çoise, on t h e w a y t ow a r ds Gilber t e, a s
fa r a s t h e A r c de T r iom ph e; w e did n ot m eet h er , a n d I
w a s r et u r n in g t ow a r ds t h e la w n con v in ced, n ow , t h a t
sh e w a s n ot com in g , w h en , in fr on t of t h e w ooden
h or ses, t h e lit t le g ir l w it h t h e sh a r p v oice flu n g h er self
u pon m e: “ Qu ick , qu ick , Gilber t e’s been h er e a qu a r t er
of a n h ou r . Sh e’s ju st g oin g . W e’v e been w a it in g for y ou ,
t o m a k e u p a pr ison er ’s ba se.”
W h ile I h a d been g oin g u p t h e A v en u e des Ch a m ps-
Ely sées, Gilber t e h a d a r r iv ed by t h e Ru e Boissy -
d’A n g la s, Ma dem oiselle h a v in g t a k en a dv a n t a g e of t h e
fin e w ea t h er t o g o on som e er r a n d of h er ow n ; a n d M.
Sw a n n w a s com in g t o fet ch h is da u g h t er . A n d so it w a s
m y fa u lt ; I ou g h t n ot t o h a v e st r a y ed fr om t h e la w n ; for
on e n ev er k n ew for cer t a in fr om w h a t dir ect ion
Gilber t e w ou ld a ppea r , w h et h er sh e w ou ld be ea r ly or
la t e, a n d t h is per pet u a l t en sion su cceeded in m a k in g
m or e im pr essiv e n ot on ly t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées in t h eir
en t ir et y , a n d t h e w h ole spa n of t h e a ft er n oon , lik e a
v a st ex pa n se of spa ce a n d t im e, on ev er y poin t a n d a t
ev er y m om en t of w h ich it w a s possible t h a t t h e for m of
Gilber t e m ig h t a ppea r , bu t a lso t h a t for m it self, sin ce
beh in d it s a ppea r a n ce I felt t h a t t h er e la y con cea led t h e
r ea son for w h ich it h a d sh ot it s a r r ow in t o m y h ea r t a t
fou r o’clock in st ea d of a t h a lf-pa st t w o; cr ow n ed w it h a
sm a r t h a t , for pa y in g ca lls, in st ea d of t h e pla in ca p, for
g a m es; in fr on t of t h e A m ba ssa deu r s a n d n ot bet w een
t h e t w o pu ppet -sh ow s; I div in ed on e of t h ose occu pa t ion s
in w h ich I m ig h t n ot follow Gilber t e, occu pa t ion s t h a t
for ced h er t o g o ou t or t o st a y a t h om e, I w a s in con t a ct
w it h t h e m y st er y of h er u n k n ow n life. It w a s t h is
m y st er y , t oo, w h ich t r ou bled m e w h en , r u n n in g a t t h e
sh a r p-v oiced g ir l’s biddin g , so a s t o beg in ou r g a m e
w it h ou t m or e dela y , I sa w Gilber t e, so qu ick a n d
in for m a l w it h u s, m a k e a cer em on iou s bow t o t h e old
la dy w it h t h e Débats (w h o a ck n ow ledg ed it w it h “ W h a t
a lov ely su n ! Y ou ’d t h in k t h er e w a s a fir e bu r n in g .” )
spea k in g t o h er w it h a sh y sm ile, w it h a n a ir of
con st r a in t w h ich ca lled t o m y m in d t h e ot h er lit t le g ir l
t h a t Gilber t e m u st be w h en a t h om e w it h h er pa r en t s,
or w it h fr ien ds of h er pa r en t s, pa y in g v isit s, in a ll t h e
r est , t h a t esca ped m e, of h er ex ist en ce. Bu t of t h a t
ex ist en ce n o on e g a v e m e so st r on g a n im pr ession a s did
M. Sw a n n , w h o ca m e a lit t le la t er t o fet ch h is da u g h t er .
T h a t w a s beca u se h e a n d Mm e. Sw a n n — in a sm u ch a s
t h eir da u g h t er liv ed w it h t h em , a s h er lesson s, h er
g a m es, h er fr ien dsh ips depen ded u pon t h em —
con t a in ed for m e, lik e Gilber t e, per h a ps ev en m or e t h a n
Gilber t e, a s befit t ed su bject s t h a t h a d a n a ll-pow er fu l
con t r ol ov er h er in w h om it m u st h a v e h a d it s sou r ce,
a n u n defin ed, a n in a ccessible qu a lit y of m ela n ch oly
ch a r m . Ev er y t h in g t h a t con cer n ed t h em w a s on m y
pa r t t h e object of so con st a n t a pr eoccu pa t ion t h a t t h e
da y s on w h ich , a s on t h is da y , M. Sw a n n (w h om I h a d
seen so oft en , lon g a g o, w it h ou t h is h a v in g a r ou sed m y
cu r iosit y , w h en h e w a s st ill on g ood t er m s w it h m y
pa r en t s) ca m e for Gilber t e t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées, on ce
t h e pu lsa t ion s t o w h ich m y h ea r t h a d been ex cit ed by
t h e a ppea r a n ce of h is g r ey h a t a n d h ooded ca pe h a d
su bsided, t h e sig h t of h im st ill im pr essed m e a s m ig h t
t h a t of a n h ist or ic per son a g e, u pon w h om on e h a d ju st
been st u dy in g a ser ies of book s, a n d t h e sm a llest det a ils
of w h ose life on e lea r n ed w it h en t h u sia sm . His r ela t ion s
w it h t h e Com t e de Pa r is, w h ich , w h en I h ea r d t h em
discu ssed a t Com br a y , seem ed t o m e u n im por t a n t ,
beca m e n ow in m y ey es som et h in g m a r v ellou s, a s if n o
on e else h a d ev er k n ow n t h e Hou se of Or lea n s; t h ey set
h im in v iv id det a ch m en t a g a in st t h e v u lg a r
ba ck g r ou n d of pedest r ia n s of differ en t cla sses, w h o
en cu m ber ed t h a t pa r t icu la r pa t h in t h e Ch a m ps-
Ely sées, in t h e m idst of w h om I a dm ir ed h is
con descen din g t o fig u r e w it h ou t cla im in g a n y specia l
defer en ce, w h ich a s it h a ppen ed n on e of t h em dr ea m ed
of pa y in g h im , so pr ofou n d w a s t h e in cog n it o in w h ich
h e w a s w r a pped.
He r espon ded polit ely t o t h e sa lu t a t ion s of Gilber t e’s
com pa n ion s, ev en t o m in e, for a ll t h a t h e w a s n o lon g er
on g ood t er m s w it h m y fa m ily , bu t w it h ou t a ppea r in g
t o k n ow w h o I w a s. (T h is r em in ded m e t h a t h e h a d
con st a n t ly seen m e in t h e cou n t r y ; a m em or y w h ich I
h a d r et a in ed, bu t k ept ou t of sig h t , beca u se, sin ce I h a d
seen Gilber t e a g a in , Sw a n n h a d becom e t o m e pr e-
em in en t ly h er fa t h er , a n d n o lon g er t h e Com br a y
Sw a n n ; a s t h e idea s w h ich , n ow a da y s, I m a de h is n a m e
con n ot e w er e differ en t fr om t h e idea s in t h e sy st em of
w h ich it w a s for m er ly com pr ised, w h ich I u t ilised n ot a t
a ll n ow w h en I h a d occa sion t o t h in k of h im , h e h a d
becom e a n ew , a n ot h er per son ; st ill I a t t a ch ed h im by
a n a r t ificia l t h r ea d, secon da r y a n d t r a n sv er sa l, t o ou r
for m er g u est ; a n d a s n ot h in g h a d a n y lon g er a n y v a lu e
for m e sa v e in t h e ex t en t t o w h ich m y lov e m ig h t pr ofit
by it , it w a s w it h a spa sm of sh a m e a n d of r eg r et a t n ot
bein g a ble t o er a se t h em fr om m y m em or y t h a t I
r eca pt u r ed t h e y ea r s in w h ich , in t h e ey es of t h is sa m e
Sw a n n w h o w a s a t t h is m om en t befor e m e in t h e
Ch a m ps-Ely sées, a n d t o w h om , for t u n a t ely , Gilber t e
h a d per h a ps n ot m en t ion ed m y n a m e, I h a d so oft en , in
t h e ev en in g s, m a de m y self r idicu lou s by sen din g t o a sk
Ma m m a t o com e u pst a ir s t o m y r oom t o sa y g ood-n ig h t
t o m e, w h ile sh e w a s dr in k in g coffee w it h h im a n d m y
fa t h er a n d m y g r a n dpa r en t s a t t h e t a ble in t h e
g a r den .) He t old Gilber t e t h a t sh e m ig h t pla y on e
g a m e; h e cou ld w a it for a qu a r t er of a n h ou r ; a n d,
sit t in g dow n , ju st lik e a n y on e else, on a n ir on ch a ir ,
pa id for h is t ick et w it h t h a t h a n d w h ich Ph ilippe V II
h a d so oft en h eld in h is ow n , w h ile w e beg a n ou r g a m e
u pon t h e la w n , sca t t er in g t h e pig eon s, w h ose bea u t ifu l,
ir idescen t bodies (sh a ped lik e h ea r t s a n d, su r ely , t h e
lila cs of t h e fea t h er ed k in g dom ) t ook r efu g e a s in so
m a n y sa n ct u a r ies, on e on t h e g r ea t ba sin of st on e, on
w h ich it s bea k , a s it disa ppea r ed below t h e r im ,
con fer r ed t h e pa r t , a ssig n ed t h e pu r pose of offer in g t o
t h e bir d in a bu n da n ce t h e fr u it or g r a in a t w h ich it
a ppea r ed t o be peck in g , a n ot h er on t h e h ea d of t h e
st a t u e, w h ich it seem ed t o cr ow n w it h on e of t h ose
en a m elled object s w h ose poly ch r om e v a r ies in cer t a in
cla ssica l w or k s t h e m on ot on y of t h e st on e, a n d w it h a n
a t t r ibu t e w h ich , w h en t h e g oddess bea r s it , en t it les h er
t o a pa r t icu la r epit h et a n d m a k es of h er , a s a differ en t
Ch r ist ia n n a m e m a k es of a m or t a l, a fr esh div in it y .
On on e of t h ese su n n y da y s w h ich h a d n ot r ea lised
m y h opes, I h a d n ot t h e cou r a g e t o con cea l m y
disa ppoin t m en t fr om Gilber t e.
“ I h a d ev er so m a n y t h in g s t o a sk y ou ,” I sa id t o h er ;
“ I t h ou g h t t h a t t o-da y w a s g oin g t o m ea n so m u ch in
ou r fr ien dsh ip. A n d n o soon er h a v e y ou com e t h a n y ou
g o a w a y ! T r y t o com e ea r ly t o-m or r ow , so t h a t I ca n
t a lk t o y ou .”
Her fa ce lig h t ed u p a n d sh e ju m ped for joy a s sh e
a n sw er ed: “ T om or r ow , y ou m a y m a k e u p y ou r m in d,
m y dea r fr ien d, I sh a ’n ’t com e!
“ Fir st of a ll I’v e a big lu n ch eon -pa r t y ; t h en in t h e
a ft er n oon I a m g oin g t o a fr ien d’s h ou se t o see Kin g
T h eodosiu s a r r iv e fr om h er w in dow s; w on ’t t h a t be
splen did? — a n d t h en , n ex t da y , I’m g oin g t o Michel
Strogoff, a n d a ft er t h a t it w ill soon be Ch r ist m a s, a n d
t h e New Y ea r h olida y s! Per h a ps t h ey ’ll t a k e m e sou t h ,
t o t h e Riv ier a ; w on ’t t h a t be n ice? T h ou g h I sh ou ld m iss
t h e Ch r ist m a s-t r ee h er e; a n y h ow , if I do st a y in Pa r is, I
sh a ’n ’t be com in g h er e, beca u se I sh a ll be ou t pa y in g
ca lls w it h Ma m m a . Good-by e — t h er e’s Pa pa ca llin g
m e.”
I r et u r n ed h om e w it h Fr a n çoise t h r ou g h st r eet s
t h a t w er e st ill g a y w it h su n sh in e, a s on t h e ev en in g of a
h olida y w h en t h e m er r im en t is ov er . I cou ld sca r cely
dr a g m y leg s a lon g .
“ I’m n ot su r pr ised;” sa id Fr a n çoise, “ it ’s n ot t h e
r ig h t w ea t h er for t h e t im e of y ea r ; it ’s m u ch t oo w a r m .
Oh dea r , oh dea r , t o t h in k of a ll t h e poor sick people
t h er e m u st be ev er y w h er e; y ou w ou ld t h in k t h a t u p
t h er e, t oo, ev er y t h in g ’s g ot ou t of or der .”
I r epea t ed t o m y self, st iflin g m y sobs, t h e w or ds in
w h ich Gilber t e h a d g iv en u t t er a n ce t o h er joy a t t h e
pr ospect of n ot com in g ba ck , for a lon g t im e, t o t h e
Ch a m ps-Ely sées. Bu t a lr ea dy t h e ch a r m w it h w h ich , by
t h e m er e a ct of t h in k in g , m y m in d w a s filled a s soon a s
it t h ou g h t of h er , t h e pr iv ileg ed posit ion , u n iqu e ev en if
it w er e pa in fu l, in w h ich I w a s in ev it a bly pla ced in
r ela t ion t o Gilber t e by t h e con t r a ct ion of a sca r in m y
m in d, h a d beg u n t o a dd t o t h a t v er y m a r k of h er
in differ en ce som et h in g r om a n t ic, a n d in t h e m idst of
m y t ea r s m y lips w ou ld sh a pe t h em selv es in a sm ile
w h ich w a s in deed t h e t im id ou t lin e of a k iss. A n d w h en
t h e t im e ca m e for t h e post m a n I sa id t o m y self, t h a t
ev en in g a s on ev er y ot h er : “ I a m g oin g t o h a v e a let t er
fr om Gilber t e, sh e is g oin g t o t ell m e, a t la st , t h a t sh e
h a s n ev er cea sed t o lov e m e, a n d t o ex pla in t o m e t h e
m y st er iou s r ea son by w h ich sh e h a s been for ced t o
con cea l h er lov e fr om m e u n t il n ow , t o pu t on t h e
a ppea r a n ce of bein g a ble t o be h a ppy w it h ou t seein g
m e; t h e r ea son for w h ich sh e h a s a ssu m ed t h e for m of
t h e ot h er Gilber t e, w h o is sim ply a com pa n ion .”
Ev er y ev en in g I w ou ld beg u ile m y self in t o
im a g in in g t h is let t er , believ in g t h a t I w a s a ct u a lly
r ea din g it , r ecit in g ea ch of it s sen t en ces in t u r n .
Su dden ly I w ou ld st op, in a la r m . I h a d r ea lised t h a t , if I
w a s t o r eceiv e a let t er fr om Gilber t e, it cou ld n ot , in
a n y ca se, be t h is let t er , sin ce it w a s I m y self w h o h a d
ju st com posed it . A n d fr om t h a t m om en t I w ou ld st r iv e
t o k eep m y t h ou g h t s clea r of t h e w or ds w h ich I sh ou ld
h a v e lik ed h er t o w r it e t o m e, fr om fea r lest , by fir st
select in g t h em m y self, I sh ou ld be ex clu din g ju st t h ose
iden t ica l w or ds, — t h e dea r est , t h e m ost desir ed — fr om
t h e field of possible ev en t s. Ev en if, by a n a lm ost
im possible coin ciden ce, it h a d been pr ecisely t h e let t er
of m y in v en t ion t h a t Gilber t e h a d a ddr essed t o m e of
h er ow n a ccor d, r ecog n isin g m y ow n w or k in it I sh ou ld
n ot h a v e h a d t h e im pr ession t h a t I w a s r eceiv in g
som et h in g t h a t h a d n ot or ig in a t ed in m y self,
som et h in g r ea l, som et h in g n ew , a h a ppin ess ex t er n a l t o
m y m in d, in depen den t of m y w ill, a g ift in deed fr om
lov e.
W h ile I w a it ed I r ea d ov er a g a in a pa g e w h ich ,
a lt h ou g h it h a d n ot been w r it t en t o m e by Gilber t e,
ca m e t o m e, n on e t h e less, fr om h er , t h a t pa g e by
Ber g ot t e u pon t h e bea u t y of t h e old m y t h s fr om w h ich
Ra cin e dr ew h is in spir a t ion , w h ich (w it h t h e a g a t e
m a r ble) I a lw a y s k ept w it h in r ea ch . I w a s t ou ch ed by
m y fr ien d’s k in dn ess in h a v in g pr ocu r ed t h e book for
m e; a n d a s ev er y on e is oblig ed t o fin d som e r ea son for
h is pa ssion , so m u ch so t h a t h e is g la d t o fin d in t h e
cr ea t u r e w h om h e lov es qu a lit ies w h ich (h e h a s lea r n ed
by r ea din g or in con v er sa t ion ) a r e w or t h y t o ex cit e a
m a n ’s lov e, t h a t h e a ssim ila t es t h em by im it a t ion a n d
m a k es ou t of t h em fr esh r ea son s for h is lov e, ev en
a lt h ou g h t h ese qu a lit ies be dia m et r ica lly opposed t o
t h ose for w h ich h is lov e w ou ld h a v e sou g h t , so lon g a s it
w a s spon t a n eou s — a s Sw a n n , befor e m y da y , h a d
sou g h t t o est a blish t h e a est h et ic ba sis of Odet t e’s bea u t y
— I, w h o h a d a t fir st lov ed Gilber t e, in Com br a y da y s,
on a ccou n t of a ll t h e u n k n ow n elem en t in h er life in t o
w h ich I w ou ld fa in h a v e plu n g ed h ea dlon g , h a v e
u n der g on e r ein ca r n a t ion , disca r din g m y ow n sepa r a t e
ex ist en ce a s a t h in g t h a t n o lon g er m a t t er ed, I t h ou g h t
n ow , a s of a n in est im a ble a dv a n t a g e, t h a t of t h is, m y
ow n , m y t oo fa m ilia r , m y con t em pt ible ex ist en ce
Gilber t e m ig h t on e da y becom e t h e h u m ble ser v a n t ,
t h e k in dly , t h e com for t in g colla bor a t or , w h o in t h e
ev en in g s, h elpin g m e in m y w or k , w ou ld colla t e for m e
t h e t ex t s of r a r e pa m ph let s. A s for Ber g ot t e, t h a t
in fin it ely w ise, a lm ost div in e old m a n , beca u se of w h om
I h a d fir st , befor e I h a d ev en seen h er , lov ed Gilber t e,
n ow it w a s for Gilber t e’s sa k e, ch iefly , t h a t I lov ed h im .
W it h a s m u ch plea su r e a s t h e pa g es t h a t h e h a d w r it t en
a bou t Ra cin e, I st u died t h e w r a pper , folded u n der g r ea t
sea ls of w h it e w a x a n d t ied w it h billow s of pin k r ibbon ,
in w h ich sh e h a d br ou g h t t h ose pa g es t o m e. I k issed t h e
a g a t e m a r ble, w h ich w a s t h e bet t er pa r t of m y lov e’s
h ea r t , t h e pa r t t h a t w a s n ot fr iv olou s bu t fa it h fu l, a n d,
for a ll t h a t it w a s a dor n ed w it h t h e m y st er iou s ch a r m
of Gilber t e’s life, dw elt close beside m e, in h a bit ed m y
ch a m ber , sh a r ed m y bed. Bu t t h e bea u t y of t h a t st on e,
a n d t h e bea u t y a lso of t h ose pa g es of Ber g ot t e w h ich I
w a s g la d t o a ssocia t e w it h t h e idea of m y lov e for
Gilber t e, a s if, in t h e m om en t s w h en m y lov e seem ed n o
lon g er t o h a v e a n y ex ist en ce, t h ey g a v e it a k in d of
con sist en cy , w er e, I per ceiv ed, a n t er ior t o t h a t lov e,
w h ich t h ey in n o w a y r esem bled; t h eir elem en t s h a d
been det er m in ed by t h e w r it er ’s t a len t , or by g eolog ica l
la w s, befor e ev er Gilber t e h a d k n ow n m e, n ot h in g in
book or st on e w ou ld h a v e been differ en t if Gilber t e h a d
n ot lov ed m e, a n d t h er e w a s n ot h in g , con sequ en t ly ,
t h a t a u t h or ised m e t o r ea d in t h em a m essa g e of
h a ppin ess. A n d w h ile m y lov e, in cessa n t ly w a it in g for
t h e m or r ow t o br in g a con fession of Gilber t e’s lov e for
m e, dest r oy ed, u n r a v elled ev er y ev en in g , t h e ill-don e
w or k of t h e da y , in som e sh a dow ed pa r t of m y bein g w a s
a n u n k n ow n w ea v er w h o w ou ld n ot lea v e w h er e t h ey
la y t h e sev er ed t h r ea ds, bu t collect ed a n d r ea r r a n g ed
t h em , w it h ou t a n y t h ou g h t of plea sin g m e, or of t oilin g
for m y a dv a n t a g e, in t h e differ en t or der w h ich sh e
g a v e t o a ll h er h a n diw or k . W it h ou t a n y specia l in t er est
in m y lov e, n ot beg in n in g by decidin g t h a t I w a s lov ed,
sh e pla ced, side by side, t h ose of Gilber t e’s a ct ion s t h a t
h a d seem ed t o m e in ex plica ble a n d h er fa u lt s w h ich I
h a d ex cu sed. T h en , on e w it h a n ot h er , t h ey t ook on a
m ea n in g . It seem ed t o t ell m e, t h is n ew a r r a n g em en t ,
t h a t w h en I sa w Gilber t e, in st ea d of com in g t o m e in t h e
Ch a m ps-Ely sées, g oin g t o a pa r t y , or on er r a n ds w it h
h er g ov er n ess, w h en I sa w h er pr epa r ed for a n a bsen ce
t h a t w ou ld ex t en d ov er t h e New Y ea r h olida y s, I w a s
w r on g in t h in k in g , in sa y in g : “ It is beca u se sh e is
fr iv olou s,” or “ ea sily lea d.” For sh e w ou ld h a v e cea sed
t o be eit h er if sh e h a d lov ed m e, a n d if sh e h a d been
for ced t o obey it w ou ld h a v e been w it h t h e sa m e despa ir
in h er h ea r t t h a t I felt on t h e da y s w h en I did n ot see
h er . It sh ew ed m e fu r t h er , t h is n ew a r r a n g em en t , t h a t
I ou g h t , a ft er a ll, t o k n ow w h a t it w a s t o lov e, sin ce I
lov ed Gilber t e; it dr ew m y a t t en t ion t o t h e con st a n t
a n x iet y t h a t I h a d t o ‘sh ew off’ befor e h er , by r ea son of
w h ich I t r ied t o per su a de m y m ot h er t o g et for
Fr a n çoise a w a t er pr oof coa t a n d a h a t w it h a blu e
fea t h er , or , bet t er st ill, t o st op sen din g w it h m e t o t h e
Ch a m ps-Ely sées a n a t t en da n t w it h w h om I blu sh ed t o
be seen (t o a ll of w h ich m y m ot h er r eplied t h a t I w a s
n ot fa ir t o Fr a n çoise, t h a t sh e w a s a n ex cellen t w om a n
a n d dev ot ed t o u s a ll) a n d a lso t h a t sole, ex clu siv e n eed
t o see Gilber t e, t h e r esu lt of w h ich w a s t h a t , m on t h s in
a dv a n ce, I cou ld t h in k of n ot h in g bu t h ow t o fin d ou t a t
w h a t da t e sh e w ou ld be lea v in g Pa r is a n d w h er e sh e
w a s g oin g , feelin g t h a t t h e m ost a t t r a ct iv e cou n t r y in
t h e w or ld w ou ld be bu t a pla ce of ex ile if sh e w er e n ot t o
be t h er e, a n d a sk in g on ly t o be a llow ed t o st a y for ev er
in Pa r is, so lon g a s I m ig h t see h er in t h e Ch a m ps-
Ely sées; a n d it h a d lit t le difficu lt y in m a k in g m e see
t h a t n eit h er m y a n x iet y n or m y n eed cou ld be ju st ified
by a n y t h in g in Gilber t e’s con du ct . Sh e, on t h e
con t r a r y , w a s g en u in ely fon d of h er g ov er n ess, w it h ou t
t r ou blin g h er self ov er w h a t I m ig h t ch oose t o t h in k
a bou t it . It seem ed qu it e n a t u r a l t o h er n ot t o com e t o
t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées if sh e h a d t o g o sh oppin g w it h
Ma dem oiselle, delig h t fu l if sh e h a d t o g o ou t som ew h er e
w it h h er m ot h er . A n d ev en su pposin g t h a t sh e w ou ld
ev er h a v e a llow ed m e t o spen d m y h olida y s in t h e sa m e
pla ce a s h er self, w h en it ca m e t o ch oosin g t h a t pla ce sh e
con sider ed h er pa r en t s’ w ish es, a t h ou sa n d differ en t
a m u sem en t s of w h ich sh e h a d been t old, a n d n ot a t a ll
t h a t it sh ou ld be t h e pla ce t o w h ich m y fa m ily w er e
pr oposin g t o sen d m e. W h en sh e a ssu r ed m e (a s
som et im es h a ppen ed) t h a t sh e lik ed m e less t h a n som e
ot h er of h er fr ien ds, less t h a n sh e h a d lik ed m e t h e da y
befor e, beca u se by m y clu m sin ess I h a d m a de h er side
lose a g a m e, I w ou ld beg h er pa r don , I w ou ld beg h er t o
t ell m e w h a t I m u st do in or der t h a t sh e sh ou ld beg in
a g a in t o lik e m e a s m u ch a s, or m or e t h a n t h e r est ; I
h oped t o h ea r h er sa y t h a t t h a t w a s a lr ea dy m y
posit ion ; I besou g h t h er ; a s t h ou g h sh e h a d been a ble t o
m odify h er a ffect ion for m e a s sh e or I ch ose, t o g iv e m e
plea su r e, m er ely by t h e w or ds t h a t sh e w ou ld u t t er , a s
m y g ood or ba d con du ct sh ou ld deser v e. W a s I, t h en , n ot
y et a w a r e t h a t w h a t I felt , m y self, for h er , depen ded
n eit h er u pon h er a ct ion s n or u pon m y desir es?
It sh ew ed m e fin a lly , t h e n ew a r r a n g em en t pla n n ed
by m y u n seen w ea v er , t h a t , if w e fin d ou r selv es h opin g
t h a t t h e a ct ion s of a per son w h o h a s h it h er t o ca u sed u s
a n x iet y m a y pr ov e n ot t o h a v e been sin cer e, t h ey sh ed
in t h eir w a k e a lig h t w h ich ou r h opes a r e pow er less t o
ex t in g u ish , a lig h t t o w h ich , r a t h er t h a n t o ou r h opes,
w e m u st pu t t h e qu est ion , w h a t w ill be t h a t per son ’s
a ct ion s on t h e m or r ow .
T h ese n ew cou n sels, m y lov e list en ed a n d h ea r d
t h em ; t h ey per su a ded it t h a t t h e m or r ow w ou ld n ot be
differ en t fr om a ll t h e da y s t h a t h a d g on e befor e; t h a t
Gilber t e’s feelin g for m e, t oo lon g est a blish ed n ow t o be
ca pa ble of a lt er a t ion , w a s in differ en ce; t h a t in m y
fr ien dsh ip w it h Gilber t e, it w a s I a lon e w h o lov ed. “ T h a t
is t r u e,” m y lov e r espon ded, “ t h er e is n ot h in g m or e t o
be m a de of t h a t fr ien dsh ip. It w ill n ot a lt er n ow .” A n d so
t h e v er y n ex t da y (u n less I w er e t o w a it for a pu blic
h olida y , if t h er e w a s on e a ppr oa ch in g , som e
a n n iv er sa r y , t h e New Y ea r , per h a ps, on e of t h ose da y s
w h ich a r e n ot lik e ot h er da y s, on w h ich t im e st a r t s
a fr esh , ca st in g a side t h e h er it a g e of t h e pa st , declin in g
it s leg a cy of sor r ow s) I w ou ld a ppea l t o Gilber t e t o
t er m in a t e ou r old a n d t o join m e in la y in g t h e
fou n da t ion s of a n ew fr ien dsh ip.
***
I h a d a lw a y s, w it h in r ea ch , a pla n of Pa r is, w h ich ,
beca u se I cou ld see dr a w n on it t h e st r eet in w h ich M.
a n d Mm e. Sw a n n liv ed, seem ed t o m e t o con t a in a
secr et t r ea su r e. A n d t o plea se m y self, a s w ell a s by a
sor t of ch iv a lr ou s loy a lt y , in a n y con n ect ion or w it h n o
r elev a n ce a t a ll, I w ou ld r epea t t h e n a m e of t h a t st r eet
u n t il m y fa t h er , n ot bein g , lik e m y m ot h er a n d
g r a n dm ot h er , in t h e secr et of m y lov e, w ou ld a sk : “ Bu t
w h y a r e y ou a lw a y s t a lk in g a bou t t h a t st r eet ? T h er e’s
n ot h in g w on der fu l a bou t it . It is a n a dm ir a ble st r eet t o
liv e in beca u se it ’s on ly a few m in u t es’ w a lk fr om t h e
Bois, bu t t h er e a r e a dozen ot h er st r eet s ju st t h e sa m e.”
I m a de ev er y effor t t o in t r odu ce t h e n a m e of Sw a n n
in t o m y con v er sa t ion w it h m y pa r en t s; in m y ow n
m in d, of cou r se, I n ev er cea sed t o m u r m u r it ; bu t I
n eeded a lso t o h ea r it s ex qu isit e sou n d, a n d t o m a k e
m y self pla y t h a t ch or d, t h e v oiceless r en der in g of
w h ich did n ot su ffice m e. Mor eov er , t h a t n a m e of
Sw a n n , w it h w h ich I h a d for so lon g been fa m ilia r , w a s
t o m e n ow (a s h a ppen s a t t im es t o people su ffer in g fr om
a ph a sia , in t h e ca se of t h e m ost or din a r y w or ds) t h e
n a m e of som et h in g n ew . It w a s for ev er pr esen t in m y
m in d, w h ich cou ld n ot , h ow ev er , g r ow a ccu st om ed t o
it . I a n a ly sed it , I spelt it ; it s or t h og r a ph y ca m e t o m e a s
a su r pr ise. A n d w it h it s fa m ilia r it y it h a d
sim u lt a n eou sly lost it s in n ocen ce. T h e plea su r e t h a t I
der iv ed fr om t h e sou n d of it I felt t o be so g u ilt y , t h a t it
seem ed t o m e a s t h ou g h t h e ot h er s m u st r ea d m y
t h ou g h t s, a n d w ou ld ch a n g e t h e con v er sa t ion if I
en dea v ou r ed t o g u ide it in t h a t dir ect ion . I fell ba ck
u pon su bject s w h ich st ill br ou g h t m e in t o t ou ch w it h
Gilber t e, I et er n a lly r epea t ed t h e sa m e w or ds, a n d it
w a s n o u se m y k n ow in g t h a t t h ey w er e bu t w or ds —
w or ds u t t er ed in h er a bsen ce, w h ich sh e cou ld n ot h ea r ,
w or ds w it h ou t v ir t u e in t h em selv es, r epea t in g w h a t
w er e, in deed, fa ct s, bu t pow er less t o m odify t h em — for
st ill it seem ed t o m e t h a t by din t of h a n dlin g , of st ir r in g
in t h is w a y ev er y t h in g t h a t h a d r efer en ce t o Gilber t e, I
m ig h t per h a ps m a k e em er g e fr om it som et h in g t h a t
w ou ld br in g m e h a ppin ess. I t old m y pa r en t s a g a in t h a t
Gilber t e w a s v er y fon d of h er g ov er n ess, a s if t h e
st a t em en t , w h en r epea t ed for t h e h u n dr edt h t im e,
w ou ld a t la st h a v e t h e effect of m a k in g Gilber t e
su dden ly bu r st in t o t h e r oom , com e t o liv e w it h u s for
ev er . I h a d a lr ea dy su n g t h e pr a ises of t h e old la dy w h o
r ea d t h e Débats (I h a d h in t ed t o m y pa r en t s t h a t sh e
m u st a t lea st be a n A m ba ssa dor ’s w idow , if n ot a ct u a lly
a Hig h n ess) a n d I con t in u ed t o desca n t on h er bea u t y ,
h er splen dou r , h er n obilit y , u n t il t h e da y on w h ich I
m en t ion ed t h a t , by w h a t I h a d h ea r d Gilber t e ca ll h er ,
sh e a ppea r ed t o be a Mm e. Bla t in .
“ Oh , n ow I k n ow w h om y ou m ea n ,” cr ied m y
m ot h er , w h ile I felt m y self g r ow r ed a ll ov er w it h
sh a m e. “ On g u a r d! on g u a r d! — a s y ou r g r a n dfa t h er
sa y s. A n d so it ’s sh e t h a t y ou t h in k so w on der fu l? W h y ,
sh e’s per fect ly h or r ible, a n d a lw a y s h a s been . Sh e’s t h e
w idow of a ba iliff. Y ou ca n ’t r em em ber , w h en y ou w er e
lit t le, a ll t h e t r ou ble I u sed t o h a v e t o a v oid h er a t y ou r
g y m n a st ic lesson s, w h er e sh e w a s a lw a y s t r y in g t o g et
h old of m e — I didn ’t k n ow t h e w om a n , of cou r se — t o t ell
m e t h a t y ou w er e ‘m u ch t oo n ice-look in g for a boy .’ Sh e
h a s a lw a y s h a d a n in sa n e desir e t o g et t o k n ow people,
a n d sh e m u st be qu it e in sa n e, a s I h a v e a lw a y s t h ou g h t ,
if sh e r ea lly does k n ow Mm e. Sw a n n . For ev en if sh e
does com e of v er y com m on people, I h a v e n ev er h ea r d
a n y t h in g sa id a g a in st h er ch a r a ct er . Bu t sh e m u st
a lw a y s be for cin g h er self u pon st r a n g er s. Sh e is, r ea lly ,
a h or r ible w om a n , fr ig h t fu lly v u lg a r , a n d besides, sh e
is a lw a y s cr ea t in g a w k w a r d sit u a t ion s.”
A s for Sw a n n , in m y a t t em pt s t o r esem ble h im , I
spen t t h e w h ole t im e, w h en I w a s a t t a ble, in dr a w in g
m y fin g er a lon g m y n ose a n d in r u bbin g m y ey es. My
fa t h er w ou ld ex cla im : “ T h e ch ild’s a per fect idiot , h e’s
becom in g qu it e im possible.” Mor e t h a n a ll else I sh ou ld
h a v e lik ed t o be a s ba ld a s Sw a n n . He a ppea r ed t o m e t o
be a cr ea t u r e so ex t r a or din a r y t h a t I fou n d it im possible
t o believ e t h a t people w h om I k n ew a n d oft en sa w k n ew
h im a lso, a n d t h a t in t h e cou r se of t h e da y a n y on e
m ig h t r u n a g a in st h im . A n d on ce m y m ot h er , w h ile
sh e w a s t ellin g u s, a s sh e did ev er y ev en in g a t din n er ,
w h er e sh e h a d been a n d w h a t sh e h a d don e t h a t
a ft er n oon , m er ely by t h e w or ds: “ By t h e w a y , g u ess
w h om I sa w a t t h e T r ois Qu a r t ier s — a t t h e u m br ella
cou n t er — Sw a n n !” ca u sed t o bu r st open in t h e m idst of
h er n a r r a t iv e (a n a r id deser t t o m e) a m y st ic blossom .
W h a t a m ela n ch oly sa t isfa ct ion t o lea r n t h a t , t h a t v er y
a ft er n oon , t h r ea din g t h r ou g h th e cr ow d h is
su per n a t u r a l for m , Sw a n n h a d g on e t o bu y a n
u m br ella . A m on g t h e ev en t s of t h e da y , g r ea t a n d
sm a ll, bu t a ll equ a lly u n im por t a n t , t h a t on e a lon e
a r ou sed in m e t h ose pecu lia r v ibr a t ion s by w h ich m y
lov e for Gilber t e w a s in v a r ia bly st ir r ed. My fa t h er
com pla in ed t h a t I t ook n o in t er est in a n y t h in g , beca u se
I did n ot list en w h ile h e w a s spea k in g of t h e polit ica l
dev elopm en t s t h a t m ig h t follow t h e v isit of Kin g
T h eodosiu s, a t t h a t m om en t in Fr a n ce a s t h e n a t ion ’s
g u est a n d (it w a s h in t ed) a lly . A n d y et h ow in t en sely
in t er est ed I w a s t o k n ow w h et h er Sw a n n h a d been
w ea r in g h is h ooded ca pe!
 “ Did y ou spea k t o h im ?” I a sk ed.
“ W h y , of cou r se I did,” a n sw er ed m y m ot h er , w h o
a lw a y s seem ed a fr a id lest , w er e sh e t o a dm it t h a t w e
w er e n ot on t h e w a r m est of t er m s w it h Sw a n n , people
w ou ld seek t o r econ cile u s m or e t h a n sh e ca r ed for , in
v iew of t h e ex ist en ce of Mm e. Sw a n n , w h om sh e did n ot
w ish t o k n ow . “ It w a s h e w h o ca m e u p a n d spok e t o m e. I
h a dn ’t seen h im .”
“ T h en y ou h a v en ’t qu a r r elled?”
“ Qu a r r elled? W h a t on ea r t h m a de y ou t h in k t h a t
w e h a d qu a r r elled?” sh e br isk ly pa r r ied, a s t h ou g h I
h a d ca st dou bt on t h e fict ion of h er fr ien dly r ela t ion s
w it h Sw a n n , a n d w a s pla n n in g a n a t t em pt t o ‘br in g
t h em t og et h er .’
“ He m ig h t be cr oss w it h y ou for n ev er a sk in g h im
h er e.”
“ On e isn ’t oblig ed t o a sk ev er y on e t o on e’s h ou se,
y ou k n ow ; h a s h e ev er a sk ed m e t o h is? I don ’t k n ow h is
w ife.”
“ Bu t h e u sed oft en t o com e, a t Com br a y .”
“ I sh ou ld t h in k h e did! He u sed t o com e a t Com br a y ,
a n d n ow , in Pa r is, h e h a s som et h in g bet t er t o do, a n d so
h a v e I. Bu t I ca n pr om ise y ou , w e didn ’t look in t h e lea st
lik e people w h o h a d qu a r r elled. W e w er e k ept w a it in g
t h er e for som e t im e, w h ile t h ey br ou g h t h im h is pa r cel.
He a sk ed a ft er y ou ; h e t old m e y ou h a d been pla y in g
w it h h is da u g h t er — ” m y m ot h er w en t on , a m a zin g m e
w it h t h e por t en t ou s r ev ela t ion of m y ow n ex ist en ce in
Sw a n n ’s m in d; fa r m or e t h a n t h a t , of m y ex ist en ce in so
com plet e, so m a t er ia l a for m t h a t w h en I st ood befor e
h im , t r em blin g w it h lov e, in t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées, h e
h a d k n ow n m y n a m e, a n d w h o m y m ot h er w a s, a n d
h a d been a ble t o blen d w it h m y qu a lit y a s h is
da u g h t er ’s pla y m a t e cer t a in fa ct s w it h r eg a r d t o m y
g r a n dpa r en t s a n d t h eir con n ect ion s, t h e pla ce in w h ich
w e liv ed, cer t a in det a ils of ou r pa st life, a ll of w h ich I
m y self per h a ps did n ot k n ow . Bu t m y m ot h er did n ot
seem t o h a v e n ot iced a n y t h in g pa r t icu la r ly a t t r a ct iv e
in t h a t cou n t er a t t h e T r ois Qu a r t ier s w h er e sh e h a d
r epr esen t ed t o Sw a n n , a t t h e m om en t in w h ich h e
ca u g h t sig h t of h er , a defin it e per son w it h w h om h e h a d
su fficien t m em or ies in com m on t o im pel h im t o com e
u p t o h er a n d t o spea k .
Nor did eit h er sh e or m y fa t h er seem t o fin d a n y
occa sion n ow t o m en t ion Sw a n n ’s fa m ily , t h e
g r a n dpa r en t s of Gilber t e, n or t o u se t h e t it le of
st ock br ok er , t opics t h a n w h ich n ot h in g else g a v e m e so
k een a plea su r e. My im a g in a t ion h a d isola t ed a n d
con secr a t ed in t h e socia l Pa r is a cer t a in fa m ily , ju st a s
it h a d set a pa r t in t h e st r u ct u r a l Pa r is a cer t a in h ou se,
on w h ose por ch it h a d fa sh ion ed scu lpt u r es a n d m a de it s
w in dow s pr eciou s. Bu t t h ese or n a m en t s I a lon e h a d ey es
t o see. Ju st a s m y fa t h er a n d m ot h er look ed u pon t h e
h ou se in w h ich Sw a n n liv ed a s on e t h a t closely
r esem bled t h e ot h er h ou ses bu ilt a t t h e sa m e per iod in
t h e n eig h bou r h ood of t h e Bois, so Sw a n n ’s fa m ily
seem ed t o t h em t o be in t h e sa m e ca t eg or y a s m a n y
ot h er fa m ilies of st ock br ok er s. T h eir ju dg m en t w a s
m or e or less fa v ou r a ble a ccor din g t o t h e ex t en t t o w h ich
t h e fa m ily in qu est ion sh a r ed in m er it s t h a t w er e
com m on t o t h e r est of t h e u n iv er se, a n d t h er e w a s
a bou t it n ot h in g t h a t t h ey cou ld ca ll u n iqu e. W h a t , on
t h e ot h er h a n d, t h ey did a ppr ecia t e in t h e Sw a n n s t h ey
fou n d in equ a l, if n ot in g r ea t er m ea su r e elsew h er e.
A n d so, a ft er a dm it t in g t h a t t h e h ou se w a s in a g ood
posit ion , t h ey w ou ld g o on t o spea k of som e ot h er h ou se
t h a t w a s in a bet t er , bu t h a d n ot h in g t o do w it h
Gilber t e, or of fin a n cier s on a la r g er sca le t h a n h er
g r a n dfa t h er h a d been ; a n d if t h ey h a d a ppea r ed, for a
m om en t , t o be of m y opin ion , t h a t w a s a m ist a k e w h ich
w a s v er y soon cor r ect ed. For in or der t o dist in g u ish in
a ll Gilber t e’s su r r ou n din g s a n in defin a ble qu a lit y
a n a log ou s, in t h e sca le of em ot ion s, t o w h a t in t h e sca le
of colou r s is ca lled in fr a -r ed, a su pplem en t a r y sen se of
per cept ion w a s r equ ir ed, w it h w h ich lov e, for t h e t im e
bein g , h a d en dow ed m e; a n d t h is m y pa r en t s la ck ed.
On t h e da y s w h en Gilber t e h a d w a r n ed m e t h a t sh e
w ou ld n ot be com in g t o t h e Ch a m ps-Ely sées, I w ou ld t r y
t o a r r a n g e m y w a lk s so t h a t I sh ou ld be br ou g h t in t o
som e k in d of con t a ct w it h h er . Som et im es I w ou ld lea d
Fr a n çoise on a pilg r im a g e t o t h e h ou se in w h ich t h e
Sw a n n s liv ed, m a k in g h er r epea t t o m e u n en din g ly a ll
t h a t sh e h a d lea r n ed fr om t h e g ov er n ess w it h r eg a r d t o
Mm e. Sw a n n . “ It seem s, sh e pu t s g r ea t fa it h in m eda ls.
Sh e w ou ld n ev er t h in k of st a r t in g on a jou r n ey if sh e
h a d h ea r d a n ow l h oot , or t h e dea t h -w a t ch in t h e w a ll,
or if sh e h a d seen a ca t a t m idn ig h t , or if t h e fu r n it u r e
h a d cr ea k ed. Oh y es! sh e’s a m ost r elig iou s la dy , sh e is!”
I w a s so m a dly in lov e w it h Gilber t e t h a t if, on ou r w a y ,
I ca u g h t sig h t of t h eir old bu t ler t a k in g t h e dog ou t , m y
em ot ion w ou ld br in g m e t o a st a n dst ill, I w ou ld fa st en
on h is w h it e w h isk er s ey es t h a t m elt ed w it h pa ssion .
A n d Fr a n çoise w ou ld r ou se m e w it h : “ W h a t ’s w r on g
w it h y ou n ow , ch ild?” a n d w e w ou ld con t in u e on ou r
w a y u n t il w e r ea ch ed t h eir g a t e, w h er e a por t er ,
differ en t fr om ev er y ot h er por t er in t h e w or ld, a n d
sa t u r a t ed, ev en t o t h e br a id on h is liv er y , w it h t h e
sa m e m ela n ch oly ch a r m t h a t I h a d felt t o be la t en t in
t h e n a m e of Gilber t e, look ed a t m e a s t h ou g h h e k n ew
t h a t I w a s on e of t h ose w h ose n a t u r a l u n w or t h in ess
w ou ld for ev er pr ev en t t h em fr om pen et r a t in g in t o t h e
m y st er ies of t h e life in side, w h ich it w a s h is du t y t o
g u a r d, a n d ov er w h ich t h e g r ou n d-floor w in dow s
a ppea r ed con sciou s of bein g pr ot ect in g ly closed, w it h
fa r less r esem bla n ce, bet w een t h e n obly sw eepin g
a r ch es of t h eir m u slin cu r t a in s, t o a n y ot h er w in dow s
in t h e w or ld t h a n t o Gilber t e’s g la n cin g ey es. On ot h er
da y s w e w ou ld g o a lon g t h e bou lev a r ds, a n d I w ou ld
post m y self a t t h e cor n er of t h e Ru e Du ph ot ; I h a d h ea r d
t h a t Sw a n n w a s oft en t o be seen pa ssin g t h er e, on h is
w a y t o t h e den t ist ’s; a n d m y im a g in a t ion so fa r
differ en t ia t ed Gilber t e’s fa t h er fr om t h e r est of
h u m a n it y , h is pr esen ce in t h e m idst of a cr ow d of r ea l
people in t r odu ced a m on g t h em so m ir a cu lou s a n
elem en t , t h a t ev en befor e w e r ea ch ed t h e Ma delein e I
w ou ld be t r em blin g w it h em ot ion a t t h e t h ou g h t t h a t I
w a s a ppr oa ch in g a st r eet fr om w h ich t h a t su per n a t u r a l
a ppa r it ion m ig h t a t a n y m om en t bu r st u pon m e
u n a w a r es.
Bu t m ost oft en of a ll, on da y s w h en I w a s n ot t o see
Gilber t e, a s I h a d h ea r d t h a t Mm e. Sw a n n w a lk ed
a lm ost ev er y da y a lon g t h e A llée des A ca cia s, r ou n d t h e
big la k e, a n d in t h e A llée de la Rein e Ma r g u er it e, I
w ou ld g u ide Fr a n çoise in t h é dir ect ion of t h e Bois de
Bou log n e. It w a s t o m e lik e on e of t h ose zoolog ica l
g a r den s in w h ich on e sees a ssem bled t og et h er a v a r iet y
of flor a , a n d con t r a st ed effect s in la n dsca pe; w h er e fr om
a h ill on e pa sses t o a g r ot t o, a m ea dow , r ock s, a st r ea m ,
a t r en ch , a n ot h er h ill, a m a r sh , bu t k n ow s t h a t t h ey
a r e t h er e on ly t o en a ble t h e h ippopot a m u s, zebr a ,
cr ocodile, r a bbit , bea r a n d h er on t o dispor t t h em selv es
in a n a t u r a l or a pict u r esqu e set t in g ; t h is, t h e Bois,
equ a lly com plex , u n it in g a m u lt it u de of lit t le w or lds,
dist in ct a n d sepa r a t e — pla cin g a st a g e set w it h r ed
t r ees, A m er ica n oa k s, lik e a n ex per im en t a l for est in
V ir g in ia , n ex t t o a fir -w ood by t h e edg e of t h e la k e, or t o
a for est g r ov e fr om w h ich w ou ld su dden ly em er g e, in
h er lissom cov er in g of fu r s, w it h t h e la r g e, a ppea lin g
ey es of a du m b a n im a l, a h a st en in g w a lk er — w a s t h e
Ga r den of W om a n ; a n d lik e t h e m y r t le-a lley in t h e
A en eid, pla n t ed for t h eir delig h t w it h t r ees of on e k in d
on ly , t h e A llée des A ca cia s w a s t h r on g ed by t h e fa m ou s
Bea u t ies of t h e da y . A s, fr om a lon g w a y off, t h e sig h t of
t h e ju t t in g cr a g fr om w h ich it div es in t o t h e pool t h r ills
w it h joy t h e ch ildr en w h o k n ow t h a t t h ey a r e g oin g t o
beh old t h e sea l, lon g befor e I r ea ch ed t h e a ca cia -a lley ,
t h eir fr a g r a n ce, sca t t er ed a br oa d, w ou ld m a k e m e feel
t h a t I w a s a ppr oa ch in g t h e in com pa r a ble pr esen ce of a
v eg et a ble per son a lit y , st r on g a n d t en der ; t h en , a s I
dr ew n ea r , t h e sig h t of t h eir t opm ost br a n ch es, t h eir
lig h t ly t ossin g folia g e, in it s ea sy g r a ce, it s coqu et t ish
ou t lin e, it s delica t e fa br ic, ov er w h ich h u n dr eds of
flow er s w er e la id, lik e w in g ed a n d t h r obbin g colon ies of
pr eciou s in sect s; a n d fin a lly t h eir n a m e it self, fem in in e,
in dolen t a n d sedu ct iv e, m a de m y h ea r t bea t , bu t w it h a
socia l lon g in g , lik e t h ose w a lt zes w h ich r em in d u s on ly
of t h e n a m es of t h e fa ir da n cer s, ca lled a lou d a s t h ey
en t er ed t h e ba ll-r oom . I h a d been t old t h a t I sh ou ld see
in t h e a lley cer t a in w om en of fa sh ion , w h o, in spit e of
t h eir n ot a ll h a v in g h u sba n ds, w er e con st a n t ly
m en t ion ed in con ju n ct ion w it h Mm e. Sw a n n , bu t m ost
oft en by t h eir pr ofession a l n a m es; — t h eir n ew n a m es,
w h en t h ey h a d a n y , bein g bu t a sor t of in cog n it o, a v eil
w h ich t h ose w h o w ou ld spea k of t h em w er e ca r efu l t o
dr a w a side, so a s t o m a k e t h em selv es u n der st ood.
T h in k in g t h a t Bea u t y — in t h e or der of fem in in e
eleg a n ce — w a s g ov er n ed by occu lt la w s in t o t h e
k n ow ledg e of w h ich t h ey h a d been in it ia t ed, a n d t h a t
t h ey h a d t h e pow er t o r ea lise it , I a ccept ed befor e seein g
t h em , lik e t h e t r u t h of a com in g r ev ela t ion , t h e
a ppea r a n ce of t h eir clot h es, of t h eir ca r r ia g es a n d
h or ses, of a t h ou sa n d det a ils a m on g w h ich I pla ced m y
fa it h a s in a n in n er sou l w h ich g a v e t h e coh esion of a
w or k of a r t t o t h a t eph em er a l a n d ch a n g in g pa g ea n t .
Bu t it w a s Mm e. Sw a n n w h om I w ish ed t o see, a n d I
w a it ed for h er t o g o pa st , a s deeply m ov ed a s t h ou g h sh e
w er e Gilber t e, w h ose pa r en t s, sa t u r a t ed, lik e
ev er y t h in g in h er en v ir on m en t , w it h h er ow n specia l
ch a r m , ex cit ed in m e a s k een a pa ssion a s sh e did
h er self, in deed a st ill m or e pa in fu l dist u r ba n ce (sin ce
t h eir poin t of con t a ct w it h h er w a s t h a t in t im a t e, t h a t
in t er n a l pa r t of h er life w h ich w a s h idden fr om m e),
a n d fu r t h er m or e, for I v er y soon lea r n ed, a s w e sh a ll see
in du e cou r se, t h a t t h ey did n ot lik e m y pla y in g w it h
h er , t h a t feelin g of v en er a t ion w h ich w e a lw a y s h a v e
for t h ose w h o h old, a n d ex er cise w it h ou t r est r a in t , t h e
pow er t o do u s a n in ju r y .
I a ssig n ed t h e fir st pla ce, in t h e or der of a est h et ic
m er it a n d of socia l g r a n deu r , t o sim plicit y , w h en I sa w
Mm e. Sw a n n on foot , in a ‘polon a ise’ of pla in clot h , a
lit t le t oqu e on h er h ea d t r im m ed w it h a ph ea sa n t ’s
w in g , a bu n ch of v iolet s in h er bosom , h a st en in g a lon g
t h e A llée des A ca cia s a s if it h a d been m er ely t h e
sh or t est w a y ba ck t o h er ow n h ou se, a n d a ck n ow ledg in g
w it h a r a pid g la n ce t h e cou r t esy of t h e g en t lem en in
ca r r ia g es, w h o, r ecog n isin g h er fig u r e a t a dist a n ce,
w er e r a isin g t h eir h a t s t o h er a n d sa y in g t o on e a n ot h er
t h a t t h er e w a s n ev er a n y on e so w ell t u r n ed ou t a s sh e.
Bu t in st ea d of sim plicit y it w a s t o ost en t a t ion t h a t I
m u st a ssig n t h e fir st pla ce if, a ft er I h a d com pelled
Fr a n çoise, w h o cou ld h old ou t n o lon g er , a n d
com pla in ed t h a t h er leg s w er e ‘g iv in g ’ ben ea t h h er , t o
st r oll u p a n d dow n w it h m e for a n ot h er h ou r , I sa w a t
len g t h , em er g in g fr om t h e Por t e Da u ph in e, fig u r in g for
m e a r oy a l dig n it y , t h e pa ssa g e of a sov er eig n , a n
im pr ession su ch a s n o r ea l Qu een h a s ev er sin ce been
a ble t o g iv e m e, beca u se m y n ot ion of t h eir pow er h a s
been less v a g u e, a n d m or e fou n ded u pon ex per ien ce —
bor n e a lon g by t h e flig h t of a pa ir of fier y h or ses,
slen der a n d sh a pely a s on e sees t h em in t h e dr a w in g s of
Con st a n t in Gu y s, ca r r y in g on it s box a n en or m ou s
coa ch m a n , fu r r ed lik e a cossa ck , a n d by h is side a
dim in u t iv e g r oom , lik e T oby , “ t h e la t e Bea u den or d’s
t ig er ,” I sa w — or r a t h er I felt it s ou t lin es en g r a v ed u pon
m y h ea r t by a clea n a n d k illin g st a b — a m a t ch less
v ict or ia , bu ilt r a t h er h ig h , a n d h in t in g , t h r ou g h t h e
ex t r em e m oder n it y of it s a ppoin t m en t s, a t t h e for m s of
a n ea r lier da y , deep dow n in w h ich la y n eg lig en t ly
ba ck Mm e. Sw a n n , h er h a ir , n ow qu it e pa le w it h on e
g r ey lock , g ir t w it h a n a r r ow ba n d of flow er s, u su a lly
v iolet s, fr om w h ich floa t ed dow n lon g v eils, a lila c
pa r a sol in h er h a n d, on h er lips a n a m big u ou s sm ile in
w h ich I r ea d on ly t h e ben ig n con descen sion of Ma jest y ,
t h ou g h it w a s pr e-em in en t ly t h e en t icin g sm ile of t h e
cou r t esa n , w h ich sh e g r a ciou sly best ow ed u pon t h e
m en w h o bow ed t o h er . T h a t sm ile w a s, in r ea lit y ,
sa y in g t o on e: “ Oh y es, I do r em em ber , qu it e w ell; it w a s
w on der fu l!” t o a n ot h er : “ How I sh ou ld h a v e lov ed t o!
W e w er e u n for t u n a t e!” , t o a t h ir d: “ Y es, if y ou lik e! I
m u st ju st k eep in t h e lin e for a m in u t e, t h en a s soon a s I
ca n I w ill br ea k a w a y .” W h en st r a n g er s pa ssed sh e st ill
a llow ed t o lin g er a bou t h er lips a la zy sm ile, a s t h ou g h
sh e ex pect ed or r em em ber ed som e fr ien d, w h ich m a de
t h em sa y : “ W h a t a lov ely w om a n !” . A n d for cer t a in
m en on ly sh e h a d a sou r , st r a in ed, sh y , cold sm ile
w h ich m ea n t : “ Y es, y ou old g oa t , I k n ow t h a t y ou ’v e g ot
a t on g u e lik e a v iper , t h a t y ou ca n ’t k eep qu iet for a
m om en t . Bu t do y ou su ppose t h a t I ca r e w h a t y ou sa y ?”
Coqu elin pa ssed, t a lk in g , in a g r ou p of list en in g fr ien ds,
a n d w it h a sw eepin g w a v e of h is h a n d ba de a t h ea t r ica l
g ood da y t o t h e people in t h e ca r r ia g es. Bu t I t h ou g h t
on ly of Mm e. Sw a n n , a n d pr et en ded t o h a v e n ot y et
seen h er , for I k n ew t h a t , w h en sh e r ea ch ed t h e pig eon -
sh oot in g g r ou n d, sh e w ou ld t ell h er coa ch m a n t o ‘br ea k
a w a y ’ a n d t o st op t h e ca r r ia g e, so t h a t sh e m ig h t com e
ba ck on foot . A n d on da y s w h en I felt t h a t I h a d t h e
cou r a g e t o pa ss close by h er I w ou ld dr a g Fr a n çoise off in
t h a t dir ect ion ; u n t il t h e m om en t ca m e w h en I sa w
Mm e. Sw a n n , let t in g t r a il beh in d h er t h e lon g t r a in of
h er lila c sk ir t , dr essed, a s t h e popu la ce im a g in e qu een s
t o be dr essed, in r ich a t t ir e su ch a s n o ot h er w om a n
m ig h t w ea r , low er in g h er ey es n ow a n d t h en t o st u dy
t h e h a n dle of h er pa r a sol, pa y in g sca n t a t t en t ion t o t h e
pa sser s-by , a s t h ou g h t h e im por t a n t t h in g for h er , h er
on e object in bein g t h er e, w a s t o t a k e ex er cise, w it h ou t
t h in k in g t h a t sh e w a s seen , a n d t h a t ev er y h ea d w a s
t u r n ed t ow a r ds h er . Som et im es, h ow ev er , w h en sh e
h a d look ed ba ck t o ca ll h er dog t o h er , sh e w ou ld ca st ,
a lm ost im per cept ibly , a sw eepin g g la n ce r ou n d a bou t .
 T h ose ev en w h o did n ot k n ow h er w er e w a r n ed by
som et h in g ex cept ion a l, som et h in g bey on d t h e n or m a l
in h er — or per h a ps by a t elepa t h ic su g g est ion su ch a s
w ou ld m ov e a n ig n or a n t a u dien ce t o a fr en zy of
a ppla u se w h en Ber m a w a s ‘su blim e’ — t h a t sh e m u st be
som e on e w ell-k n ow n . T h ey w ou ld a sk on e a n ot h er ,
“ W h o is sh e?” , or som et im es w ou ld in t er r og a t e a
pa ssin g st r a n g er , or w ou ld m a k e a m en t a l n ot e of h ow
sh e w a s dr essed so a s t o fix h er iden t it y , la t er , in t h e
m in d of a fr ien d bet t er in for m ed t h a n t h em selv es, w h o
w ou ld a t on ce en lig h t en t h em . A n ot h er pa ir , h a lf-
st oppin g in t h eir w a lk , w ou ld ex ch a n g e:
“ Y ou k n ow w h o t h a t is? Mm e. Sw a n n ! T h a t con v ey s
n ot h in g t o y ou ? Odet t e de Cr écy , t h en ?”
“ Odet t e de Cr écy ! W h y , I t h ou g h t a s m u ch . T h ose
g r ea t , sa d ey es . . . Bu t I sa y , y ou k n ow , sh e ca n ’t be a s
y ou n g a s sh e w a s on ce, eh ? I r em em ber , I h a d h er on
t h e da y t h a t Ma cMa h on w en t .”
“ I sh ou ldn ’t r em in d h er of it , if I w er e y ou . Sh e is
n ow Mm e. Sw a n n , t h e w ife of a g en t lem a n in t h e Jock ey
Clu b, a fr ien d of t h e Pr in ce of W a les. A pa r t fr om t h a t ,
t h ou g h , sh e is w on der fu l st ill.”
“ Oh , bu t y ou ou g h t t o h a v e k n ow n h er t h en ; Ga d,
sh e w a s lov ely ! Sh e liv ed in a v er y odd lit t le h ou se w it h
a lot of Ch in ese st u ff. I r em em ber , w e w er e bot h er ed a ll
t h e t im e by t h e n ew sboy s, sh ou t in g ou t side; in t h e en d
sh e m a de m e g et u p a n d g o.”
W it h ou t list en in g t o t h ese m em or ies, I cou ld feel a ll
a bou t h er t h e in dist in ct m u r m u r of fa m e. My h ea r t
lea ped w it h im pa t ien ce w h en I t h ou g h t t h a t a few
secon ds m u st st ill ela pse befor e a ll t h ese people, a m on g
w h om I w a s dism a y ed n ot t o fin d a cer t a in m u la t t o
ba n k er w h o (or so I felt ) h a d a con t em pt for m e, w er e t o
see t h e u n k n ow n y ou t h , t o w h om t h ey h a d n ot , so fa r ,
been pa y in g t h e slig h t est a t t en t ion , sa lu t e (w it h ou t
k n ow in g h er , it w a s t r u e, bu t I t h ou g h t t h a t I h a d
su fficien t a u t h or it y sin ce m y pa r en t s k n ew h er
h u sba n d a n d I w a s h er da u g h t er ’s pla y m a t e) t h is
w om a n w h ose r epu t a t ion for bea u t y , for m iscon du ct ,
a n d for eleg a n ce w a s u n iv er sa l. Bu t I w a s n ow close t o
Mm e. Sw a n n ; I pu lled off m y h a t w it h so la v ish , so
pr olon g ed a g est u r e t h a t sh e cou ld n ot r epr ess a sm ile.
People la u g h ed. A s for h er , sh e h a d n ev er seen m e w it h
Gilber t e, sh e did n ot k n ow m y n a m e, bu t I w a s for h er —
lik e on e of t h e k eeper s in t h e Bois, lik e t h e boa t m a n , or
t h e du ck s on t h e la k e, t o w h ich sh e t h r ew scr a ps of
br ea d — on e of t h e m in or per son a g es, fa m ilia r ,
n a m eless, a s dev oid of in div idu a l ch a r a ct er a s a st a g e-
h a n d in a t h ea t r e, of h er da ily w a lk s a br oa d.
On cer t a in da y s w h en I h a d m issed h er in t h e A llée
des A ca cia s I w ou ld be so for t u n a t e a s t o m eet h er in t h e
A llée de la Rein e Ma r g u er it e, w h er e w om en w en t w h o
w ish ed t o be a lon e, or t o a ppea r t o be w ish in g t o be
a lon e; sh e w ou ld n ot be a lon e for lon g , bein g soon
ov er t a k en by som e m a n or ot h er , oft en in a g r ey ‘t ile’
h a t , w h om I did n ot k n ow , a n d w h o w ou ld t a lk t o h er for
som e t im e, w h ile t h eir t w o ca r r ia g es cr a w led beh in d.
***
T h a t sen se of t h e com plex it y of t h e Bois de Bou log n e
w h ich m a de it a n a r t ificia l pla ce a n d, in t h e zoolog ica l
or m y t h olog ica l sen se of t h e w or d, a Ga r den , I ca pt u r ed
a g a in , t h is y ea r , a s I cr ossed it on m y w a y t o T r ia n on ,
on on e of t h ose m or n in g s, ea r ly in Nov em ber , w h en in
Pa r is, if w e st a y in door s, bein g so n ea r a n d y et
pr ev en t ed fr om w it n essin g t h e t r a n sfor m a t ion scen e of
a u t u m n , w h ich is dr a w in g so r a pidly t o a close w it h ou t
ou r a ssist a n ce, w e feel a r eg r et for t h e fa llen lea v es t h a t
becom es a fev er , a n d m a y ev en k eep u s a w a k e a t n ig h t .
In t o m y closed r oom t h ey h a d been dr ift in g a lr ea dy for
a m on t h , su m m on ed t h er e by m y desir e t o see t h em ,
slippin g bet w een m y t h ou g h t s a n d t h e object , w h a t ev er
it m ig h t be, u pon w h ich I w a s t r y in g t o con cen t r a t e
t h em , w h ir lin g in fr on t of m e lik e t h ose br ow n spot s
t h a t som et im es, w h a t ev er w e m a y be look in g a t , w ill
seem t o be da n cin g or sw im m in g befor e ou r ey es. A n d
on t h a t m or n in g , n ot h ea r in g t h e spla sh of t h e r a in a s
on t h e pr ev iou s da y s, seein g t h e sm ile of fin e w ea t h er a t
t h e cor n er s of m y dr a w n cu r t a in s, a s fr om t h e cor n er s
of closed lips m a y esca pe t h e secr et of t h eir h a ppin ess, I
h a d felt t h a t I cou ld a ct u a lly see t h ose y ellow lea v es,
w it h t h e lig h t sh in in g t h r ou g h t h em , in t h eir su pr em e
bea u t y ; a n d bein g n o m or e a ble t o r est r a in m y self fr om
g oin g t o look a t t h e t r ees t h a n , in m y ch ildh ood’s da y s,
w h en t h e w in d h ow led in t h e ch im n ey , I h a d been a ble
t o r esist t h e lon g in g t o v isit t h e sea , I h a d r isen a n d left
t h e h ou se t o g o t o T r ia n on , pa ssin g t h r ou g h t h e Bois de
Bou log n e. It w a s t h e h ou r a n d t h e sea son in w h ich t h e
Bois seem s, per h a ps, m ost m u lt ifor m , n ot on ly beca u se
it is t h en m ost div ided, bu t beca u se it is div ided in a
differ en t w a y . Ev en in t h e u n w ooded pa r t s, w h er e t h e
h or izon is la r g e, h er e a n d t h er e a g a in st t h e ba ck g r ou n d
of a da r k a n d dist a n t m a ss of t r ees, n ow lea fless or st ill
k eepin g t h eir su m m er folia g e u n ch a n g ed, a dou ble r ow
of or a n g e-r ed ch est n u t s seem ed, a s in a pict u r e ju st
beg u n , t o be t h e on ly t h in g pa in t ed, so fa r , by a n a r t ist
w h o h a d n ot y et la id a n y colou r on t h e r est , a n d t o be
offer in g t h eir cloist er , in fu ll da y lig h t , for t h e ca su a l
ex er cise of t h e h u m a n fig u r es t h a t w ou ld be a dded t o
t h e pict u r e la t er on .
Fa r t h er off, a t a pla ce w h er e t h e t r ees w er e st ill a ll
g r een , on e a lon e, sm a ll, st u n t ed, lopped, bu t st u bbor n
in it s r esist a n ce, w a s t ossin g in t h e br eeze a n u g ly m a n e
of r ed. Elsew h er e, a g a in , m ig h t be seen t h e fir st
a w a k en in g of t h is Ma y t im e of t h e lea v es, a n d t h ose of
a n a m pelopsis, a sm ilin g m ir a cle, lik e a r ed h a w t h or n
flow er in g in w in t er , h a d t h a t v er y m or n in g a ll ‘com e
ou t ,’ so t o spea k , in blossom . A n d t h e Bois h a d t h e
t em por a r y , u n fin ish ed, a r t ificia l look of a n u r ser y
g a r den or a pa r k in w h ich , eit h er for som e bot a n ic
pu r pose or in pr epa r a t ion for a fest iv a l, t h er e h a v e been
em bedded a m on g t h e t r ees of com m on er g r ow t h , w h ich
h a v e n ot y et been u pr oot ed a n d t r a n spla n t ed
elsew h er e, a few r a r e specim en s, w it h fa n t a st ic folia g e,
w h ich seem t o be clea r in g a ll r ou n d t h em selv es a n
em pt y spa ce, m a k in g r oom , g iv in g a ir , diffu sin g lig h t .
T h u s it w a s t h e t im e of y ea r a t w h ich t h e Bois de
Bou log n e displa y s m or e sepa r a t e ch a r a ct er ist ics,
a ssem bles m or e dist in ct elem en t s in a com posit e w h ole
t h a n a t a n y ot h er . It w a s a lso t h e t im e of da y . In pla ces
w h er e t h e t r ees st ill k ept t h eir lea v es, t h ey seem ed t o
h a v e u n der g on e a n a lt er a t ion of t h eir su bst a n ce fr om
t h e poin t a t w h ich t h ey w er e t ou ch ed by t h e su n ’s lig h t ,
st ill, a t t h is h ou r in t h e m or n in g , a lm ost h or izon t a l, a s
it w ou ld be a g a in , a few h ou r s la t er , a t t h e m om en t
w h en , ju st a s du sk beg a n , it w ou ld fla m e u p lik e a la m p,
pr oject a fa r ov er t h e lea v es a w a r m a n d a r t ificia l g low ,
a n d set a bla ze t h e few t opm ost bou g h s of a t r ee t h a t
w ou ld it self r em a in u n ch a n g ed, a som br e
in com bu st ible ca n dela br u m ben ea t h it s fla m in g cr est .
A t on e spot t h e lig h t g r ew solid a s a br ick w a ll, a n d lik e
a piece of y ellow Per sia n m a son r y , pa t t er n ed in blu e,
da u bed coa r sely u pon t h e sk y t h e lea v es of t h e
ch est n u t s; a t a n ot h er , it cu t t h em off fr om t h e sk y
t ow a r ds w h ich t h ey st r et ch ed ou t t h eir cu r lin g , g olden
fin g er s. Ha lf-w a y u p t h e t r u n k of a t r ee dr a ped w it h
w ild v in e, t h e lig h t h a d g r a ft ed a n d br ou g h t t o blossom ,
t oo da zzlin g t o be clea r ly dist in g u ish ed, a n en or m ou s
posy , of r ed flow er s a ppa r en t ly , per h a ps of a n ew
v a r iet y of ca r n a t ion . T h e diffèr en t pa r t s of t h e Bois, so
ea sily con fou n ded in su m m er in t h e den sit y a n d
m on ot on y of t h eir u n iv er sa l g r een , w er e n ow clea r ly
div ided. A pa t ch of br ig h t n ess in dica t ed t h e a ppr oa ch t o
a lm ost ev er y on e of t h em , or else a splen did m a ss of
folia g e st ood ou t befor e it lik e a n or ifla m m e. I cou ld
m a k e ou t , a s on a colou r ed m a p, A r m en on v ille, t h e Pr é
Ca t a la n , Ma dr id, t h e Ra ce Cou r se a n d t h e sh or e of t h e
la k e. Her e a n d t h er e w ou ld a ppea r som e m ea n in g less
er ect ion , a sh a m g r ot t o, a m ill, for w h ich t h e t r ees
m a de r oom by dr a w in g a w a y fr om it , or w h ich w a s
bor n e u pon t h e soft g r een pla t for m of a g r a ssy la w n . I
cou ld feel t h a t t h e Bois w a s n ot r ea lly a w ood, t h a t it
ex ist ed for a pu r pose a lien t o t h e life of it s t r ees; m y
sen se of ex a lt a t ion w a s du e n ot on ly t o a dm ir a t ion of t h e
a u t u m n t in t s bu t t o a bodily desir e. A m ple sou r ce of a
joy w h ich t h e h ea r t feels a t fir st w it h ou t bein g
con sciou s of it s ca u se, w it h ou t u n der st a n din g t h a t it
r esu lt s fr om n o ex t er n a l im pu lse! T h u s I g a zed a t t h e
t r ees w it h a n u n sa t isfied lon g in g w h ich w en t bey on d
t h em a n d, w it h ou t m y k n ow ledg e, dir ect ed it self
t ow a r ds t h a t m a st er piece of bea u t ifu l st r ollin g w om en
w h ich t h e t r ees en fr a m ed for a few h ou r s ev er y da y . I
w a lk ed t ow a r ds t h e A llée des A ca cia s. I pa ssed t h r ou g h
for est g r ov es in w h ich t h e m or n in g lig h t , br ea k in g
t h em in t o n ew sect ion s, lopped a n d t r im m ed t h e t r ees,
u n it ed differ en t t r u n k s in m a r r ia g e, m a de n oseg a y s of
t h eir br a n ch es. It w ou ld sk ilfu lly dr a w t ow a r ds it a pa ir
of t r ees; m a k in g deft u se of t h e sh a r p ch isel of lig h t a n d
sh a de, it w ou ld cu t a w a y fr om ea ch of t h em h a lf of it s
t r u n k a n d br a n ch es, a n d, w ea v in g t og et h er t h e t w o
h a lv es t h a t r em a in ed, w ou ld m a k e of t h em eit h er a
sin g le pilla r of sh a de, defin ed by t h e su r r ou n din g lig h t ,
or a sin g le lu m in ou s ph a n t om w h ose a r t ificia l,
qu iv er in g con t ou r w a s en com pa ssed in a n et w or k of
in k y sh a dow s. W h en a r a y of su n sh in e g ilded t h e
h ig h est br a n ch es, t h ey seem ed, soa k ed a n d st ill
dr ippin g w it h a spa r k lin g m oist u r e, t o h a v e em er g ed
a lon e fr om t h e liqu id, em er a ld-g r een a t m osph er e in
w h ich t h e w h ole g r ov e w a s plu n g ed a s t h ou g h ben ea t h
t h e sea . For t h e t r ees con t in u ed t o liv e by t h eir ow n
v it a lit y , a n d w h en t h ey h a d n o lon g er a n y lea v es, t h a t
v it a lit y g lea m ed m or e br ig h t ly st ill fr om t h e n a p of
g r een v elv et t h a t ca r pet ed t h eir t r u n k s, or in t h e w h it e
en a m el of t h e g lobes of m ist let oe t h a t w er e sca t t er ed a ll
t h e w a y u p t o t h e t opm ost br a n ch es of t h e popla r s,
r ou n ded a s a r e t h e su n a n d m oon in Mich ela n g elo’s
‘Cr ea t ion .’ Bu t , for ced for so m a n y y ea r s n ow , by a sor t
of g r a ft in g pr ocess, t o sh a r e t h e life of fem in in e
h u m a n it y , t h ey ca lled t o m y m in d t h e fig u r e of t h e
dr y a d, t h e fa ir w or ldlin g , sw ift ly w a lk in g , br ig h t ly
colou r ed, w h om t h ey sh elt er ed w it h t h eir br a n ch es a s
sh e pa ssed ben ea t h t h em , a n d oblig ed t o a ck n ow ledg e,
a s t h ey t h em selv es a ck n ow ledg ed, t h e pow er of t h e
sea son ; t h ey r eca lled t o m e t h e h a ppy da y s w h en I w a s
y ou n g a n d h a d fa it h , w h en I w ou ld h a st en ea g er ly t o
t h e spot s w h er e m a st er pieces of fem a le eleg a n ce w ou ld
be in ca r n a t e for a few m om en t s ben ea t h t h e
u n con sciou s, a ccom m oda t in g bou g h s. Bu t t h e bea u t y
for w h ich t h e fir s a n d a ca cia s of t h e Bois de Bou log n e
m a de m e lon g , m or e disqu iet in g in t h a t r espect t h a n
t h e ch est n u t s a n d lila cs of T r ia n on w h ich I w a s g oin g t o
see, w a s n ot fix ed som ew h er e ou t side m y self in t h e
r elics of a n h ist or ica l per iod, in w or k s of a r t , in a lit t le
t em ple of lov e a t w h ose door w a s piled a n obla t ion of
a u t u m n lea v es r ibbed w it h g old. I r ea ch ed t h e sh or e of
t h e la k e; I w a lk ed on a s fa r a s t h e pig eon -sh oot in g
g r ou n d. T h e idea of per fect ion w h ich I h a d w it h in m e I
h a d best ow ed, in t h a t ot h er t im e, u pon t h e h eig h t of a
v ict or ia , u pon t h e r a k in g t h in n ess of t h ose h or ses,
fr en zied a n d lig h t a s w a sps u pon t h e w in g , w it h
bloodsh ot ey es lik e t h e cr u el st eeds of Diom ed, w h ich
n ow , sm it t en by a desir e t o sea a g a in w h a t I h a d on ce
lov ed, a s a r den t a s t h e desir e t h a t h a d dr iv en m e,
m a n y y ea r s befor e, a lon g t h e sa m e pa t h s, I w ish ed t o
see r en ew ed befor e m y ey es a t t h e m om en t w h en Mm e.
Sw a n n ’s en or m ou s coa ch m a n , su per v ised by a g r oom
n o big g er t h a n h is fist , a n d a s in fa n t ile a s Sa in t Geor g e
in t h e pict u r e, en dea v ou r ed t o cu r b t h e a r dou r of t h e
fly in g , st eel-t ipped pin ion s w it h w h ich t h ey t h u n der ed
a lon g t h e g r ou n d. A la s! t h er e w a s n ot h in g n ow bu t
m ot or -ca r s dr iv en ea ch by a m ou st a ch ed m ech a n ic,
w it h a t a ll foot m a n t ow er in g by h is side. I w ish ed t o
h old befor e m y bodily ey es, t h a t I m ig h t k n ow w h et h er
t h ey w er e in deed a s ch a r m in g a s t h ey a ppea r ed t o t h e
ey es of m em or y , lit t le h a t s, so low -cr ow n ed a s t o seem
n o m or e t h a n g a r la n ds a bou t t h e br ow s of w om en . A ll
t h e h a t s n ow w er e im m en se; cov er ed w it h fr u it s a n d
flow er s a n d a ll m a n n er of bir ds. In pla ce of t h e lov ely
g ow n s in w h ich Mm e. Sw a n n w a lk ed lik e a Qu een ,
a ppea r ed Gr eco-Sa x on t u n ics, w it h T a n a g r a folds, or
som et im es, in t h e Dir ect oir e st y le, ‘Liber t y ch iffon s’
spr in k led w it h flow er s lik e sh eet s of w a llpa per . On t h e
h ea ds of t h e g en t lem en w h o m ig h t h a v e been elig ible t o
st r oll w it h Mm e. Sw a n n in t h e A llée de la Rein e
Ma r g u er it e, I fou n d n ot t h e g r ey ‘t ile’ h a t s of old, n or
a n y ot h er k in d. T h ey w a lk ed t h e Bois ba r e-h ea ded. A n d
seein g a ll t h ese n ew elem en t s of t h e spect a cle, I h a d n o
lon g er t h e fa it h w h ich , a pplied t o t h em , w ou ld h a v e
g iv en t h em con sist en cy , u n it y , life; t h ey pa ssed in a
sca t t er ed sequ en ce befor e m e, a t r a n dom , w it h ou t
r ea lit y , con t a in in g in t h em selv es n o bea u t y t h a t m y
ey es m ig h t h a v e en dea v ou r ed a s in t h e old da y s, t o
ex t r a ct fr om t h em a n d t o com pose in a pict u r e. T h ey
w er e ju st w om en , in w h ose eleg a n ce I h a d n o belief, a n d
w h ose clot h es seem ed t o m e u n im por t a n t . Bu t w h en a
belief v a n ish es, t h er e su r v iv es it — m or e a n d m or e
a r den t ly , so a s t o cloa k t h e a bsen ce of t h e pow er , n ow
lost t o u s, of im pa r t in g r ea lit y t o n ew ph en om en a — a n
idola t r ou s a t t a ch m en t t o t h e old t h in g s w h ich ou r belief
in t h em did on ce a n im a t e, a s if il w a s in t h a t belief a n d
n ot in ou r selv es t h a t t h e div in e spa r k r esided, a n d a s if
ou r pr esen t in cr edu lit y h a d a con t in g en t ca u se — t h e
dea t h of t h e g ods.
“ Oh , h or r ible!” I ex cla im ed t o m y self: “ Does a n y on e
r ea lly im a g in e t h a t t h ese m ot or -ca r s a r e a s sm a r t a s
t h e old ca r r ia g e-a n d-pa ir ? I da r e sa y . I a m t oo old n ow —
bu t I w a s n ot in t en ded for a w or ld in w h ich w om en
sh a ck le t h em selv es in g a r m en t s t h a t a r e n ot ev en m a de
of clot h . T o w h a t pu r pose sh a ll I w a lk a m on g t h ese t r ees
if t h er e is n ot h in g left n ow of t h e a ssem bly t h a t u sed t o
m eet ben ea t h t h e delica t e t r a cer y of r edden in g lea v es,
if v u lg a r it y a n d fa t u it y h a v e su ppla n t ed t h e ex qu isit e
t h in g t h a t on ce t h eir br a n ch es fr a m ed? Oh , h or r ible!
My con sola t ion is t o t h in k of t h e w om en w h om I h a v e
k n ow n , in t h e pa st , n ow t h a t t h er e is n o st a n da r d left of
eleg a n ce. Bu t h ow ca n t h e people w h o w a t ch t h ese
dr ea dfu l cr ea t u r es h obble by , ben ea t h h a t s on w h ich
h a v e been h ea ped t h e spoils of a v ia r y or g a r den -bed, —
h ow ca n t h ey im a g in e t h e ch a r m t h a t t h er e w a s in t h e
sig h t of Mm e. Sw a n n , cr ow n ed w it h a close-fit t in g lila c
bon n et , or w it h a t in y h a t fr om w h ich r ose st iffly a bov e
h er h ea d a sin g le ir is?” Cou ld I ev er h a v e m a de t h em
u n der st a n d t h e em ot ion t h a t I u sed t o feel on w in t er
m or n in g s, w h en I m et Mm e. Sw a n n on foot , in a n ot t er -
sk in coa t , w it h a w oollen ca p fr om w h ich st u ck ou t t w o
bla de-lik e pa r t r idg e-fea t h er s, bu t en v eloped a lso in t h e
deliber a t e, a r t ificia l w a r m t h of h er ow n h ou se, w h ich
w a s su g g est ed by n ot h in g m or e t h a n t h e bu n ch of
v iolet s cr u sh ed in t o h er bosom , w h ose flow er in g , v iv id
a n d blu e a g a in st t h e g r ey sk y , t h e fr eezin g a ir , t h e
n a k ed bou g h s, h a d t h e sa m e ch a r m in g effect of u sin g
t h e sea son a n d t h e w ea t h er m er ely a s a set t in g , a n d of
liv in g a ct u a lly in a h u m a n a t m osph er e, in t h e
a t m osph er e of t h is w om a n , a s h a d in t h e v a ses a n d
bea u pot s of h er dr a w in g -r oom , beside t h e bla zin g fir e,
in fr on t of t h e silk -cov er ed sofa , t h e flow er s t h a t look ed
ou t t h r ou g h closed w in dow s a t t h e fa llin g sn ow ? Bu t it
w ou ld n ot h a v e su fficed m e t h a t t h e cost u m es a lon e
sh ou ld st ill h a v e been t h e sa m e a s in t h ose dist a n t
y ea r s. Beca u se of t h e solida r it y t h a t bin ds t og et h er t h e
differ en t pa r t s of a g en er a l im pr ession , pa r t s t h a t ou r
m em or y k eeps in a ba la n ced w h ole, of w h ich w e a r e n ot
per m it t ed t o su bt r a ct or t o declin e a n y fr a ct ion , I
sh ou ld h a v e lik ed t o be a ble t o pa ss t h e r est of t h e da y
w it h on e of t h ose w om en , ov er a cu p of t ea , in a lit t le
h ou se w it h da r k -pa in t ed w a lls (a s Mm e. Sw a n n ’s w er e
st ill in t h e y ea r a ft er t h a t in w h ich t h e fir st pa r t of t h is
st or y en ds) a g a in st w h ich w ou ld g low t h e or a n g e fla m e,
t h e r ed com bu st ion , t h e pin k a n d w h it e flick er in g of h er
ch r y sa n t h em u m s in t h e t w ilig h t of a Nov em ber
ev en in g , in m om en t s sim ila r t o t h ose in w h ich (a s w e
sh a ll see) I h a d n ot m a n a g ed t o discov er t h e plea su r es
for w h ich I lon g ed. Bu t n ow , a lbeit t h ey h a d led t o
n ot h in g , t h ose m om en t s st r u ck m e a s h a v in g been
ch a r m in g en ou g h in t h em selv es. I sou g h t t o fin d t h em
a g a in a s I r em em ber ed t h em . A la s! t h er e w a s n ot h in g
n ow bu t fla t s decor a t ed in t h e Lou is X V I st y le, a ll w h it e
pa in t , w it h h or t en sia s in blu e en a m el. Mor eov er , people
did n ot r et u r n t o Pa r is, n ow , u n t il m u ch la t er . Mm e.
Sw a n n w ou ld h a v e w r it t en t o m e, fr om a cou n t r y
h ou se, t h a t sh e w ou ld n ot be in t ow n befor e Febr u a r y ,
h a d I a sk ed h er t o r econ st r u ct for m e t h e elem en t s of
t h a t m em or y w h ich I felt t o belon g t o a dist a n t er a , t o a
da t e in t im e t ow a r ds w h ich it w a s for bidden m e t o
a scen d a g a in t h e fa t a l slope, t h e elem en t s of t h a t
lon g in g w h ich h a d becom e, it self, a s in a ccessible a s t h e
plea su r e t h a t it h a d on ce v a in ly pu r su ed. A n d I sh ou ld
h a v e r equ ir ed a lso t h a t t h ey be t h e sa m e w om en , t h ose
w h ose cost u m e in t er est ed m e beca u se, a t a t im e w h en I
st ill h a d fa it h , m y im a g in a t ion h a d in div idu a lised
t h em a n d h a d pr ov ided ea ch of t h em w it h a leg en d.
A la s! in t h e a ca cia -a v en u e — t h e m y r t le-a lley — I did
see som e of t h em a g a in , g r ow n old, n o m or e n ow t h a n
g r im spect r es of w h a t on ce t h ey h a d been , w a n der in g t o
a n d fr o, in desper a t e sea r ch of h ea v en k n ew w h a t ,
t h r ou g h t h e V ir g ilia n g r ov es. T h ey h a d lon g fled, a n d
st ill I st ood v a in ly qu est ion in g t h e deser t ed pa t h s. T h e
su n ’s fa ce w a s h idden . Na t u r e beg a n a g a in t o r eig n ov er
t h e Bois, fr om w h ich h a d v a n ish ed a ll t r a ce of t h e idea
t h a t it w a s t h e Ely sia n Ga r den of W om a n ; a bov e t h e
g im cr a ck w in dm ill t h e r ea l sk y w a s g r ey ; t h e w in d
w r in k led t h e su r fa ce of t h e Gr a n d La c in lit t le w a v elet s,
lik e a r ea l la k e; la r g e bir ds pa ssed sw ift ly ov er t h e Bois,
a s ov er a r ea l w ood, a n d w it h sh r ill cr ies per ch ed, on e
a ft er a n ot h er , on t h e g r ea t oa k s w h ich , ben ea t h t h eir
Dr u idica l cr ow n , a n d w it h Dodon a ic m a jest y , seem ed t o
pr ocla im t h e u n peopled v a ca n cy of t h is est r a n g ed
for est , a n d h elped m e t o u n der st a n d h ow pa r a dox ica l it
is t o seek in r ea lit y for t h e pict u r es t h a t a r e st or ed in
on e’s m em or y , w h ich m u st in ev it a bly lose t h e ch a r m
t h a t com es t o t h em fr om m em or y it self a n d fr om t h eir
n ot bein g a ppr eh en ded by t h e sen ses. T h e r ea lit y t h a t I
h a d k n ow n n o lon g er ex ist ed. It su fficed t h a t Mm e.
Sw a n n did n ot a ppea r , in t h e sa m e a t t ir e a n d a t t h e
sa m e m om en t , for t h e w h ole a v en u e t o be a lt er ed. T h e
pla ces t h a t w e h a v e k n ow n belon g n ow on ly t o t h e lit t le
w or ld of spa ce on w h ich w e m a p t h em for ou r ow n
con v en ien ce. Non e of t h em w a s ev er m or e t h a n a t h in
slice, h eld bet w een t h e con t ig u ou s im pr ession s t h a t
com posed ou r life a t t h a t t im e; r em em br a n ce of a
pa r t icu la r for m is bu t r eg r et for a pa r t icu la r m om en t ;
a n d h ou ses, r oa ds, a v en u es a r e a s fu g it iv e, a la s, a s t h e
y ea r s.

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