v-tou, [03.07.

21 01:32]

You meet online

You're both young, probably late teens

You've both screwed other people

but no it was all sort of, clumsy

You find excuses to talk and pretend to be friends

She has a tiny scar right under her nose that you notice but don't mention

You catch yourself thinking about her a little, then a lot, then all the time

You stop sleeping,

and eating,

and whatever music you're listening to at the time

will be so tied to her,

that in 20 years,

someone will play that song again and just for a second

you'll remember exactly how you feel now

And at some point, probably involving alcohol,

you're going to take your clothes off together,

and now you're really fucked

because she's under your skin

You had no idea,

you can care about another human this much

And nothing can ever ruin this

And anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot

You're not even 20 yet,

but you just met the love of your life; how lucky is that?

You're probably neglecting time on your term papers,

not getting much sleep but that doesn't matter

You get to know her family well,

and she gets to know yours too

and you've tried every sexual position under the sun

And sex is kinda comforting now,

rather than something you think about doing all the time

You've got big plans

And nothing can ever ruin this

She shows you new hobbies you probably wouldn't have even given a shit about before

but somehow you quite like it now

You tell her about your shit and she pretends to care very convincingly

You move in together because,

why not?

You stay up late

You drink

You screw

You watch her sleeping in the morning sometimes

and suddenly all that bullshit love poetry they forced in you in school,

begins to make sense

You don't believe in fate or crap like that

but you begin to understand why some people do

On one day she looks at someone else,

and smiles

or laughs

and you feel this sort of weird sting in your brain

Welcome to jealously

It's quite natural

You don't mention it because you're not completely insane

She probably feels the same way about you,

and that's nice

You both get jobs

You get stressed

You get tired

You watch a lot of TV together

You don't screw so often now but what did you expect?

You talk about getting a dog

She mentions some guy at work

who's been sending her funny emails

and you decide to murder him

but quickly remember that's illegal

You start go running in the afternoons

and you notice this girl that's usually this out around the same time

She's kinda pretty but

whatever

You spend less time together in the evening

You've forgotten what butterflies feel like

You mention this to a guy you know who's been married for years

and he tells you that's what happens

You've can't be loved out forever

This scares you a little

but it's alright because everything will be fine

And nothing can ruin this

You're in your 20's now and some of your school friends

are becoming architects or doctors and you're...

not

You wanted to be a...

Scientist

but you've haven't practiced it in years

You start practicing again

or planning to build a business

or get a PhD

She seems thoroughly unimpressed by the idea

She starts making baby jokes or

talking about buying a house

You don't really want the house

or a baby yet

because you're not that thing you wanted to be

And you're already 25 and 30 seems like a

very big number that's getting scarily close

The sex is kinda routine now and you wonder if it's just a chore for her

You still hang out

and it's nice

but you begin to worry that something is missing

The two of you experiment with weird sexual kinks

and going for elaborate adventures

and that's fun for a while

You go running some more and you see that girl again in the woods

There's something sort of

otherworldly about her

She stops for breaths

so you do too

You say hello

She's smart

Kinda calls you on your bullshit

And you like that

Then you carry on running,

and push her out of your mind,

but now you remember what butterflies feel like

You come home

You cook the same dish you had the night before,

and the night before that

You talk about nothing much

She mentions that guy from work wants to meet you

And you reply that guy from work can suck a thousand dicks in hell
You sit in awkward silence for a while

and then you watch some more TV

And some more TV

And you live like this for another year

And that's fine

And nothing can ever ruin this

Ever

One of you screws someone else

or snaps for no reason

or mentions that you should take a break

or starts getting distant

or stops talking about the future

or whatever it is

Whether you were the one who broke it off or not,

you're never going to wake up with her again or take her clothes off
or have another screaming drunken argument about Ice cream

or if Bella Poarch deserves sympathy

You go to bed

and suddenly the place smells of her in a way you've never noticed before

Music is shit

and food is shit

and everyone is shit however nice they are to you

And you know you've made a terrible mistake

Nothing can ruin this

and now everything is fucking ruined

You drink a lot of whiskey

You can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours

Someone mentions that she's been hanging out a lot with whatever his name is

You imagine them screwing briefly then go doing something else

You play a lot of video games

and discover that yes you do actually still have friends

and they've been patiently waiting for you for fucking years now

They listen to your bullshit politely because they've been through breakups too

They offer some nice little platitudes,

plenty of more fish in the sea,

etc

But you don't really believe them because they weren't really in love like you're in love

No one has been in love like you're in love

You and her send each other passive-aggressive texts

about getting your books back or whatever

And you meet up to swap your stuff over

It feels good to see her because you're over it now

And she has no power over you whatsoever

And you'll be moving on soon enough

You screw
and literally a minute later realize what a dumb mistake that was

You carry on screwing for a while

You begin to think about getting back together

She makes a few bullshit digs at you

or you make some at her

And suddenly you stop thinking about getting it back together

You argue

You say horrible shit,

the kind of stuff you imagine you won't say to your worst enemies

You play some more video games

You drink some more whiskey

You listen to some more of monster and men

Things are going well with a girl you met at work

But you can't stomach the thought with sleeping with someone else

You briefly get into healthy eating

and having walks

and the benefits of keeping porn to a maximum of

10 minutes a day

You keep practicing for your licence in physics

You get pretty good at science

You remember what being human actually feels like

Someone tells you about a

sudden death in their family

and you realize you have absolutely nothing to feel sad about

Not really

Over time, people volunteer their own breakup stories

and some are far,

far worse than yours

And again,

you realize you have absolutely nothing to feel sad about

Not really

And subtly,

so subtly you don't even notice

you become yourself again

And one day out of nowhere,

that girl you met running invites you out

And you notice this little scars on her shoulder

but you don't mention it

And you stop sleeping,

and eating,

and whatever music you're listening to at the moment will be so tied to her,

that in 20 years,

someone will play that song again

and just for a second,

you'll remember exactly how you feel now

Music starts to sound good again

Food starts to taste good again

God what was all that about before?

Why were you being such a pussy?

Before long,

the two of you are hanging out every other day

and you can't remember the last time you've felt so alive

Is this what you were meant to be doing all along?

Or maybe you're just repeating the same dumb pattern again

but god, it feels incredible

Maybe the whole thing is just some stupid gamble but you don't care

You didn't care last time

Because right now, you're sure of it

More sure than anything ever,

and anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot

But nothing can ever ruin this

And nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin this

nothing can ever ruin

nothing can ever

nothing can

nothing