What does it mean to live authentically?

First, we’d have to define authenticity, whose definition, for a human being, is ever-
changing. By nature, human beings are not static; they are continuously receiving and
processing new information, which, if we are considering the things that shape us, can be
things like new experiences, new people we meet, new knowledge. And as we gain these
new things, our authentic selves fluctuate.
But there are certainly things we shouldn’t let influence or change us, something like
other people’s expectations of you, what others want for you, etc. In these cases, you risk
becoming inauthentic; there’s a degree of falsehood behind the person you are.
What’s so troubling about this idea is that, really, there is no bright line between
authenticity and inauthenticity, especially when speaking to another person. Franz Fanon,
a political philosopher, has a quote that sums up this idea quite well: “To speak is to exist
absolutely for the other.” Fundamentally, when you choose to communicate your thoughts
to someone, it is for the service of the other person. It is so they understand what you are
thinking in your head.
And I’ve struggled with this for a long time. For me, my anxiety is what drove me to
be inauthentic; it’s the worry that your “authentic-self” is somehow not enough for, or even
inferior to, the people around you. In conversations with people I’d meet, I’d choose to lose
some of my “authenticity” and adopt their habits in order to be more appealing to or
compatible with that person, and soon, I’d become defined by whoever I was speaking to.
But, if you are constantly changing for the people around you, how do you retain a
private sense of self? Who are you when you’re alone? I just didn’t think it existed for me; it
never felt like I had my own personality or identity independent of others.
And so, of course, for someone who felt completely defined by other people, I had a
very interesting experience as quarantine began, where I didn’t really speak to people, and
I was mostly left to my own devices. It was only then that I began to realize my issue, but I
had no way of understanding how to begin tackling it. I wanted to know what I wanted in
life, how to live for myself.
And so that is exactly what I want to do in this new year. And what better way to
figure out who you are by yourself than to, instead of speaking to other people, speak to
yourself? I don’t plan to mutter to myself alone in my bedroom, but instead, I would like to
keep a journal. Journaling is a space where you can privately speak and express yourself,
with no need to modify the things you say or how you say it for anyone else. It’s one of the
only places I think we can allow ourselves to be completely honest, because we don’t risk
judgement.
And so, as lame as it sounds, I think everyone could benefit from journaling; in doing
so, you get to practice being yourself. Even if it’s just once a week, you can take 3 simple
steps: force yourself to sit, set a timer, and have a conversation with yourself. On paper. Not
out loud.
Take the time to get to know yourself better. Because maybe you’ll end up liking
them a little more than you thought.

“To speak is to exist absolutely for the other.”