The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can

stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing,
not curing, not healing...that is a friend who cares.

Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something that’s important to you.

You may feel a variety of emotions, like sadness or loneliness. And you might
experience it for a number of different reasons. Maybe a loved one died, a
relationship ended, or you lost your job. Other life changes, like chronic illness or a
move to a new home, can also lead to grief.

How Long Is Too Long to Mourn?

There’s no “normal” amount of time to grieve. Your grieving process depends on a
number of things, like your personality, age, beliefs, and support network. The type
of loss is also a factor. For example, chances are you’ll grieve longer and harder over
the sudden death of a loved one than, say, the end of a romantic relationship.
With time, the sadness eases. You’ll be able to feel happiness and joy along with
grief. You’ll be able to return to your daily life.

Sleep Problems

Grief can keep you from getting the regular sleep your mind and body need. You
might have trouble going to sleep, or you might wake up often in the night or even
sleep too much. Good sleep habits can help. Wind down slowly before bed with
something calm like a bath, a book, or breathing exercises, and go to bed and wake
up at the same time each day. 

Fatigue

The emotional toll of grief can drain your energy. To keep up your strength, be sure
to eat enough, even if you don’t feel like it. And exercise -- something as simple as a
short walk can really help. It's also good to stay connected with family and friends.
And a mental health professional or a support group may be able to give you a sense
of connection, along with tools to help you through your grief.  

Immune System
There's some evidence that grief can take a toll on your body’s ability to fight illness
and infection, especially if it goes on for a long time. Talk to your doctor or a mental
health professional if you're having trouble coming to terms with your loss.

Inflammation

This happens when your immune system responds to something it sees as a threat
and makes tissues in your body swell. It can play a role in heart disease, arthritis,
diabetes, asthma, and possibly cancer. There's evidence that grief is linked to
inflammation, and some studies show the more severe the grief, the more serious the
inflammation. Exercise and eating right can help you manage it.

Anxiety

The events that cause grief can make you feel like you don’t have control over your
life. You might be concerned about your financial future or being alone or the
possibility of losing someone else. Some worry is normal, but if your anxiety lasts
longer than a few months or gets in the way of your normal work or home life, it may
be time to talk to a mental health professional. 

Cortisol

This is sometimes called the “stress hormone,” and your body may release more of it
than usual into your bloodstream in the 6 months after the loss of a loved one. High
levels of cortisol over a long period can raise your chances of heart disease or high
blood pressure. 

Digestion

Grief can lead you to stop eating on a regular schedule or to binge eat. And stress
hormones can make you nauseous or bother your stomach and the rest of your
digestive tract. You might have stomach cramps, diarrhea, constipation, ulcers, and
even irritable bowel syndrome. If you have stomach issues that won't go away, your
doctor can help you find ways to treat them.

Aches and Pains

Grief may make you more likely to have joint pain, back pain, or headaches. Part of
the reason could be the muscle tension caused by the stress hormones your body
releases in response to grief. This should get better over time but talk to your doctor
about how to manage the pain if it doesn’t go away.

Heart Rate

Serious grief can keep your pulse high for as long as 6 months. This faster rate,
which could be caused by anxiety or the release of cortisol, might your chances of
heart problems. Talk to your doctor about adding or changing your medication,
especially if you already have heart issues. 

Broken Heart Syndrome

The sudden loss of a spouse or loved one can cause a jolt of intense emotion and
trigger hormones that lead to sharp chest pain and trouble breathing. Your heart may
not pump blood as well for a while. It can feel like a heart attack, but it usually
doesn’t damage your heart or block your arteries. Most people get better within a few
days or weeks. 

Broken Heart Syndrome

The sudden loss of a spouse or loved one can cause a jolt of intense emotion and
trigger hormones that lead to sharp chest pain and trouble breathing. Your heart may
not pump blood as well for a while. It can feel like a heart attack, but it usually
doesn’t damage your heart or block your arteries. Most people get better within a few
days or weeks. 

Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss

Grief doesn't magically end at a certain point after a loved one's death.
Reminders often bring back the pain of loss. Here's help coping — and
healing.
When a loved one dies, you might be faced with grief over your loss again and
again — sometimes even years later. Feelings of grief might return on the
anniversary of your loved one's death or other special days throughout the year.
These feelings, sometimes called an anniversary reaction, aren't necessarily a
setback in the grieving process. They're a reflection that your loved one's life was
important to you.
To continue on the path toward healing, know what to expect — and how to cope
with reminders of your loss.
Reminders can be anywhere
Certain reminders of your loved one might be inevitable, such as a visit to the
loved one's grave, the anniversary of the person's death, holidays, birthdays or new
events you know he or she would have enjoyed. Even memorial celebrations for
others can trigger the pain of your own loss.
Reminders can also be tied to sights, sounds and smells — and they can be
unexpected. You might suddenly be flooded with emotions when you drive by the
restaurant your partner loved or when you hear your child's favorite song.
What to expect when grief returns
The course of grief is unpredictable. Anniversary reactions can last for days at a
time or — in more extreme cases — much longer. During an anniversary reaction
you might experience the intense emotions and reactions that you first experienced
when you lost your loved one, including:

 Anger
 Anxiety
 Crying spells
 Depression
 Fatigue, or lack of energy
 Guilt
 Loneliness
 Pain
 Sadness
 Trouble sleeping
Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful memories of the feelings and
events surrounding your loved one's death. For example, you might remember in
great detail where you were and what you were doing when your loved one died.
Tips to cope with reawakened grief
Even years after a loss, you might continue to feel sadness when you're confronted
with reminders of your loved one's death. As you continue healing, take steps to
cope with reminders of your loss. For example:
 Be prepared. Anniversary reactions are normal. Knowing that you're likely
to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn
them into opportunities for healing.
 Plan a distraction. Schedule a gathering or a visit with friends or loved
ones during times when you're likely to feel alone or be reminded of your loved
one's death.
 Reminisce about your relationship. Focus on the good things about your
relationship with your loved one and the time you had together, rather than the
loss. Write a letter to your loved one or a note about some of your good
memories. You can add to this note anytime.
 Start a new tradition. Make a donation to a charitable organization in your
loved one's name on birthdays or holidays or plant a tree in honor of your loved
one.
 Connect with others. Draw friends and loved ones close to you, including
people who were special to your loved one. Find someone who'll encourage you
to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as
spiritual leaders and social groups. Consider joining a bereavement support
group.
 Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. It's OK to be sad and feel a
sense of loss, but also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness. As you
celebrate special times, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.

When grief becomes overly intense

There's no time limit for grief, and anniversary reactions can leave you reeling.
Still, the intensity of grief tends to lessen with time.
If your grief gets worse over time instead of better or interferes with your ability to
function in daily life, consult a grief counselor or other mental health provider.
Unresolved or complicated grief can lead to depression, other mental health
problems and other medical conditions. With professional help, however, you can
re-establish a sense of control and direction in your life — and return to the path
toward healing.
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who
can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not
knowing, not curing, not healing...that is a friend who cares. Henri Nouwen