Cony © 1964 by Ele Eateries I Conia © 1992 by Nei Simon ALL RUGHS RESERVED un Peo so ms ey waned a DARETOOT DY ee eres lly pte ter he capita TE Pak neta OY Ect cdg Se ae Se Til ly lig vi oS ct an palo Fede oe tn fy eed gr ae prtc igo DAREFOOT THE DAR en nous of escaion PLEASE NOTE tat sc a iar crc er Ped Se aie, a meg eet ih re pe ea te 0 Sea Hw Se oe ts Sar i yn ca 90 Fyn Tapani Hoo, Oso, ha a ‘Royalty of the required amount zoust be paid whether the play is presented for chavity o gain and whether or not ad sion inched se et eo ch be PEATME Seite nina ey Nin Nis Le cet ama pti carr sea Sd 0 can a wing on Sali an wi in wily fin yo ea en an Mer ot engi po omens aS cea Fes pom oo stent Tic an al omar aaionre ayaa of orion by wich Ue cop of re ight to api hs play may be ype Fiore sal mak ny change ipl ore ape op Palisa oF Bi ply des sok ply sash for pefomonee, Boh eaeicam al profesional coidening 4 peduton a sng) adel in rey eso apt to Semel Hea lee, forte ren. perison Pere tang esta, aversing of Doky ene iol in 3 Ya Osmo No part af Hur bok may Be sepodaced, rl i pan red in xf, y ay, bro a 1 be ni | oes hail clesenc, phtoiphiag, caning, “iSeping Sibi, waout her prin pesto fhe ublibr, TAN 0575 6OSE5 Danis USA BAREFOOT IN THE PARK, by Neil Simon, directed by Mike Nichols, was presented by Saint Subber at the Biltmore Theatre, N.Y.C,, Oct, 28, 1963. CAST OF CHARACTERS Conte Bearzen seseseeBlisabeth Ashley Herbert Edelman Joseph Keating seeseeressssRobert Redford Conte's Morten, Mrs. Bans s- Mildred Natwick ~Kurt Kasnar ‘Teureuowe Reparm Maw .. Deuivery Maw... Paut Bearrer ..... Victor Verasco SYNOPSIS OF SCENES ACT ONE The top floor of a brownstone on East 48th Street New York City, About 5:30 on a cold February afternoon, ACT TWO Scene 1: Four days tater, About 7:00 P.M. Scews 2: Later that night, About 2 A.M, ACT THREE ‘The following day. About 5.00 P.M.Barefoot in the Park ACT Scenr: A large one-roors apariment on the top floor of a old brownstone in the East Forties off Third Ave~ rue. The room is barren. A ladder, canvas drop cloth, ‘and @ couple of empty point cant stand forlornly in the center of the room. There is a huge skylight which pours the bright February SUNSHINE glar- ingly into the room. Through ihe skylight we can see the roofs and windows of Brownstones across the strect and the jramework of a large building under construction. Crests of clinging snow can be seen in the two windows under the skylight, At Stage Right, there is the entrance door, a step below the apartment itsel}. At Stoge Left, four steps lead to @ raised area from which two doors open, the Upstage ane leading to a bathroom, tke Left one to the bed: room. Although we can't see much of the latter, we will soon learn that it isn’t really @ bedroom. IV's a dressing room, about 5' = 4". The bathroom has no tub, Just a shower and a sink and what have you. On another raised section Up Right is the hitchem. It's not really a kitchen. IPs just an old stove, an older refrigerator and a chipped sink that stands nakedly Between them. Lipstage Lejt of this arca is another Platform on which stand a steomer trunk and a few suitcases. The room has just been freshly painted. Not carefully, maybe not pro} There is a small Fronkli below the platform, and an open lounstage Right. Completing ‘the fuonishines of the room ae 4 railing that runs Downstage of the entrance wall, and @ radiator that sits high on the Upstage Left ‘wall. For alt the room’s drabness and coldness, there 5is gras promise here. Someo til ond personality can ok test we ol drenm about Ax Ruse: That person is now f cng Fe sand eyelet i coat, ‘She carries @ bougu lees. After putting the to the door, busses back, ‘dor and shouts down. Leh flowers down, and then opens Cone, Hello? {From the depths, possibly from the bottom of the earth, ‘we hear a VOICE shout up.) into the refrigerator.) ~ (From below, the VOICE ogain, this time @ little closer.) (Contz rushes to the door again and shouts down.) Conte, Up here! You have another floor to go. (Crossing back to the open suitcase she takes out three act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK , small logs and carries them to the stove. As she drops them in front of the stove, the voice oppears at the door. A tall, heovy-set Man in his mid-thir- ties, in a plaid wool jacket and baseball cop and Breathing very, very hard.) Man, Tel— (He tries to catch his breath.) Telephone Company. Conse. Oh, the phone. Good, Come on in, (He steps in, corrying a black leather repair kit.) Man. That Conn. Yes, front stoop. Max. I counted the front stoop. (Breath, breath, He looks at his notebook.) Paul Bravter, right? Come, Mrs. Paul Bi MAN. (Still checking back.) Princess Cont. The little one? That lights ‘Maw. The little one. ... (Breath, up... . (Breath, breath.) In beige. Swallows hard.) uite a— (Breath, breath.) quite a climb. five fights. If you don't count the hing yet. ‘MAN. A glass of water's fine. Conte. (Suddenly embarrassed.) . . . Expect I don't have a glass either. ‘MAN. Ob! ’s arrived yet . . . You could put your schlurp. ‘Max. No, V'm okay. Just a litle out of shape. (ds he stifly climbs up the step out of the well, he groans with pei er laking abou.) Where do. you want the e? Conte. (Looks around.) The phone. . . Let me see + Gee, I'don't know. Do you have any ideas?tat IF Sat kata pe, ces, opens t00t box) You're rally : on . L mean, every day? irs.) Mind it... 21 this apart ines into bedroom.) We does discourage people. tives, me when they have to Com, OF 1 hope tha’ th Man. Tdon't want (0366 (ns a sae sti) (From Below, « Vorce:) Voce, Lord and Taylor. 9 2 (Shrugs and takes the now- us it into the closet b,x.) Probably ‘dding gift . . . From my mother, She sends me wedding gifts twice a day an electric heater. (He Blows on Ais (Worried, she feels the steam pipe next to the closet.) Really? Ts it cold in here? She gets wp om stairs ond ‘come right up. coming up. 1S these old brownstones for way. It's @ medi bad for you. ‘Man. Yeah? In February? Conme, (Crossing to him.) Just put it dowa anywhere. (The Dri AN pride the packages down, panting. He wonts #0 talk but ci ‘his hond to the TrexpHoNE MaN jor a bi Max. T know. T know, Conte, I'm awfully sory about the stairs. (Phe Dz- Man takes out a fad and pencil and holds them limply towards Corte.) What ink he wants you to sign wes. (She signs it quickly.) Walt, just a bicks up her bog from where she had left the kitchen area and takes out some change.) Here you go... (Ske puts it in his He nods weakly ‘and turns't0 go.) Wil ht... ? (dad forfi SPaUt's Voice. 7 ning. Tm coming, : ing. (She se ato pone) Hes coming. e's comin pu ts phon ct ook Tivoueh eorway” and tangs om purtnant. Pah 26, He caries 0 hey su the gy con Bea. oveetheat git or on) Ob, Paul Self (She ste back) Say some- (Breathing with great dial Looks back down ie ey Wee ae fights Did you know Ws sx Bights? i Conte. tint. W's Bie. se stages: up the step into the room, and coh, IE suteose) Wat about that bie ting Sanging ease te ug Suse Thats not a flight. I's a stoop. Sa Miso lke stop a climbs Tike a aight, (Breath, breath. “etna Le tat oll yor have to say? i aut: (Gasping) 1 didn't think Td get tbat muck ou (ie breathes. hast ix Hight when T first saw the apartment. ) Why is that? ‘Soxie, You didn't see the apartment. Doa't you Te member, the woman wasn’t home, You saw the third floor Dat vee aor. Then that's why. eee Poet Crorsng above Pawn.) You don't tke i. You really don’t like it, BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 3 1 (He squints around.) Vm just waiting for my eyes to clear frst. Cont, I expected you to walk in here and say, “Wow.” aii, Lexponte y bere and say, “Wow, nee.) I T promise you, Y home too soon. (Waseles Patt.) Pavt. You know I missed you. Conte, Did you really? Pav. Right conferees I “omit. That's marvelous. (Chey ss.) Oh, boy. Let’ take a cab Back to the Plaza. We stil have eo bess before check-out time We took a towel and two ash ta We're hot. (He hisses her. a ae six days at the Placa? What's the trick? Conmr. (Gets up and moves away.) But that was a ‘honeymoon. Now we're on a regular schedule. I thought come home tonight, and we'd shake hands and (She extends her hand to him.) (Rises.) “Blow do you do. (They shake hands. Then Conse throws herself into his ‘arms and hisses kim.) What does that mesn? . .. Something's hap- et Something wont» Ur. Its not positive yet. The office is call and let me kngw in Bie minutes. PSS Cont. (Then she remembers) Ohl ‘They calledact Baur. When? 2 ey’te on the phone now. Com. Now — Theyre on, the pho mds up. He Phe lider) id you hear? (Moves xp ladder bling with joy. Cone Did you hear? ... Di aves Te otto be i owgot my gras Cem Me co gover he bret. Mar bein Washington temoerow and ‘my case, (He hugs rth Prank but is ceally myo coms) 0 Cote, Psbughe oe were Oe ee ight together. (Crosses tovplling and gas atachd case.) 1 hope T brought thare to small switcase.) acrt BAREFOOT IN THE PARK as Pave. (Looking through afidavits from case; his mind ‘as now turned completely legal.) Marshall bad every- 8 laid out when I was at the office... . Tt looks He enough. A farrier is suing @ woman for non-pay. Conte, (Taking nightgown out of suitcase.) I was going to cook you spaghetti with the white clam sauce... in a bikini. re representing the furrier. He made four fed coats for this woman on Park Avenue, ‘twant the coats, ise, and slipping ker arms through the nightgowh strops, she drapes it over her.) Then T ing on Eighth Street, It's a crossword uzzle with dirty words. Pavt, But the f f wt get rid of the coats. She's hhave to sell them to a rich foot eight. He mre. Then I was going to put on a record and do an authentic Cambodian fert Pavt. The only trouble 't have a signed contract . . . (Conte begins her “fertility dance” and ends up collapsing om the bottom step of the ladder.) What are you doing? Conn, Y'm trying to get you all hot and bothered and you're summing up for the jury. The whole mariage is Pau. (Aoves to Com (Puts Bis arms o ‘You want me to be rich and famous, do Conm. During the day. At night T want you to be here and ses Pau. I Sump! Tomorrow night is your every - Something wil Paut. I promise, Conte. (Eyes wide open.) Like what?16 BAREFOOT IN THE PARK ACT T Pavt, Well... Til come home early and we'll paper each other. ‘Oh, Paul, how wonderful . . . Can’t we de 0, we can't do it tonight, because lonight T've and looks around.) Except where do ‘Comte. The furniture will be here by five. They prom- ised, "Paut. (Dropping afidavits into case, looks at his 1's fi (Crosses to bedroom joomingale’s tonight? ‘Contr. They'll be ‘They're probably stuck im traf (Crossing up to 6 ) And what about to- row. Maybe we should come. I'a sleeping in my apartment PauL, Where? Where? (Looks door, and starts to come back dow room for one in the bathtub. back up steps and opens door to the ‘Where's the bathtub? Conte. (Hesitantly.) There is no bathtub. Pave. No bathtub? Corts, There's 2 shower ‘Pave, How am I going to Conte. You won't take a bi Pavn, I don’t ‘am I going to take a ‘Conts. You'll lie down in the shower and hang your wer the sink. ... I'm sorry there's no bathtub, Pavt. (Closes door, and crosses down into room.) I the «(He suddenty Tt’s nice ent is empty, 's warm out here, bbe all right ance I have to keep the the landlord . band Save Monday Wednesdays, and Fridays. aces eo, Vou ean we ene ST Saturdays? ses Elaine Cont, you st you always have a case in court in the ture wl be Here. In the meant aa light che stove and you canst over the fre sith yout i aks anda shaw Abra Tce Siete Sen at om vt Ls that supposed to be funny? (Begi oe cae stb) ve funny? (Begins to in- E. No, Tt was suppose toe nas18 BAREFOOT IN THE PARK Coste, They're closed. I looked. Pav, Then why is it windy in bere? Com. (Hover nfo Patt) T don't feel a draft. (Moves aay from windows.) Tdida't soy drat ind... There's brisk, northeasterly wind blow- ‘ng in this room, ‘Corte. You don't have to get sa ie (Cooking up, PavL. How's this for an answer? There's a hole in the skylight, (He points up.) Conte, (She looks up, s0 barrassed by it.) G aor. (Boves fo before. Conte. (Defensively. Crosses to the railing and gets der coat.) All right, Paul, don't get upset. I'm sure ie ith something for tonight ets up om lader.) Tow? Tow? Thav’s twenty You'd have to fiy over in a plane and drop (Putting on coat.) T's only for one night. And ie not that cold, Pavt, In February? Do you know what it’s three o'clock in the moming? In February? Ice-cold freezing. Conis. It’s not, going to be freezing. I ‘weather bureau. It’s going to be cloudy with a (She catches herself and looks up.) Pavt, What? (Comme turns away.) What? . . . A light what? Conte. Snow! Paut. (Coming down ladder.) Snow?? . . . T's going to snow tonight? . .. In here? Conte, They're wrong as often as they're right. Pau. 'm going to be shoveling snow in my owa living room. 19 le hole. Pac, With that could blow six-foot drifts im Corie, I don’t see kow you can se me, Tt’s only natural ts her arms around him.) God. 1 hope we starve. And wy in each other's arms, on ‘ ‘Frozen. ski ers found ou 48th Street.” Ee inny found on 48th Street.’ Cons ‘ love again. (They hits opcin, a passionate embrace,) a ener ea (The DOORBELL busces.) Cone, (Breaking away.) The bed. I hope it’ ona, (Brea 1. L hope it’s the bed. (Sle buzzes back, and then opens door and yells down.) of and slipping into Blouse.) wait. Just one mere day fidavits back into case.) Corie, you've ve ETON -e without furniture, isn’t it? She’ ith Cit? She'sact Wutee Ceitree to door ond yells down stirs.) UP tone (Crases bere Me casein comer sof windows.) low am ‘to work tonight? E EE ee 5 ‘She'll think this 1e way perro got "s are Like gypsies in an empty store, (tempting 90. (Throwing nightgown and lngric into suites) od She'll sit there in her fur yet you, Ce Bien Now , Mother Ther about ‘enous (Crossing to is Jace) Not sure wat my oer ST acme : Pau), Conve you We a fins stl her its hundred Conte. Sixty? ‘aut. What? PAUL, Anyone Wo ‘twenty-five that's har sort BAREFOOT IN THE PARK Com. She's Pau, [ can't Pat, (Grabs her.) Just promise me one let her stay too long because I've got a— Conte. (With hint.) —case in court in the morning . . . know . . .” (She opens door and goes into hall.) 0 the room and grabs fer late fortes, yp but has not bothered to look after hersel} these past jew yeors. She could use @ permanent and @ whole new wardrobe.) Pavt. (Rushes to support her.) Hello, Mom. (The Morsren struggles for air.) Mormrr Oh! .. Oh! . . . T can’t breathe, Conte, Take it easy, Mom, (Holding her other arm.) ‘Morte. ean’ sath « But there were always more stairs, Conre, Paul, help her. Pavi, Come on, Mom. Watch the step. (Starts to lead ser up the step into the room.) Morneen, More stairs? (She steps up.) (Conir and Paur. tead Morner towards Paut’s suitcase, ‘tll standing near the weal.) Conre. You want some wat Morstax. Later. I can’t swallow yet. t down (She sits on suitcase.) Moruen. Oh, my.BAREFOOT IN THE PARK cr ‘bad really... What Morssex. | didn't think I'd make it . . . 1f Yd known the people on the third floor I'd have gone to visit them... (Pawn sits on the bottom step of the ladder.) yy Hudson Parkway Bridge. It’s no extra trouble abt. Sounds easy enough. Moraes. Ves Conse. We were going to ask you over on He kills her with a gl jormun. Besides, Aunt Hariet is ringing the L one good look around ack. hhave come an hour later, After Morar. (Gets 4p, looks and stops cold.) Don't worry. Te got a marvelous imagination, Come. Wall... ? Morne. (Siunned.) Ob, Corie . ful Mother? I mean + And there's so Morster. Where? Pave. One fight up. sen. (At bedroom door.) That's a wonderful idea, ‘And you cat ‘bed in there. Moree, How? (Raut moves to the steps.) fit, I meaeured the room.4 BAREFOOT IN THE PARK = act ‘Morieea. A double bed? Cosze. No, an oversized single. Moriter. On, they're nice. And where Paul sleep? Conte, With me. Pauw. (Moves ding.) In an oversized single? Moraer. 1 Il be comfortable. Corre, I'm (Pave moves back down stairs and glumly surveys the room.) Momuex, It's a wonderful idea, Very clever Conte, Thank you. ‘Morar. Except you can’t get to the claset, Corre. Yes you can. Conit. No, you have to climb over the bed. ruen, That's a good idea. ‘crosses to ladder hing’ just,temporary. As they say in MeC ic won't really take stiape bntil the bride's own personality ‘becomes more clezely defined. Morten. I think its you right now. (Turns to other door.) What's in bere - 2 (Opens door and tooks in.) (Closes door.) No bathtub. - You really have quite s lot hore, for one room. (Moves down steps.) And where's the litchen? (Sees stove and refrg erator, stops im horror and then crosses towards hitchen.) ‘Whoo, there itis. Very eozy. Tsuppase you'l eat out alot the frst year Conte, We're never cating out, IU big enough to make spaghetti and things. ‘Morse. Wha Cours. Ts'a dish T Mother, we won't starve. anni. T know, dear. (Under skylight.) I's chilly in here, Do you fee a drait? aut. (Looks 1p.) Uh, stand over here, Mom. (over her azvay from hole and near steam pipe nezt to the gs ake, called “Things.” Honestly act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 2s Con, What you need isa drink. Paul, wby doa't down and get some scotch? a ve ‘aon, Now Moran (Crossing towards frantlin stove forme eving na few minute Fuot. Ob. She's leaving in few minute, Conte. She can stay for one ik. not (Pavt quietly argues with Monts, There's 20 much you can do in here Lats of wall space, What color sre you going to pain i Corie. It's ited. bic ater 9 atractve, Pact. (Looks of watch.) Wow. Neatly six, Morner. Tye Ce to ul you have a dink... (Pe Pave scotch. eerie (He continues to argue with her.) Moras, All ti Pavr. Geod Morten. Button up, deat. It ¢ Paut. I’ve noticed that. Conn, And get soine cheese, (Pave is gone.) Mornsn, Pol’ (Pao eapears othe dor Morea eclnds her orm) T ft waa Soe ay a fa wish him ik. (Psy Cones WES at fie ear to onan Sie es ony one ome ccutly bea 108 pero He pe toe Povo ue apa Pow. Ob... than, Mom Morten Pies you doe Pacts Like it? (He lots of Con ond sats text. Where ce can you find anyting ee TH ‘event ve city ee & mont as26 BAREFOOT IN THE PARK acr (Conte and Morar are alone, Conte climbs down the ladder, and looks for some sign of approval from ‘Morexn.) Coase, Well? ‘Morane. Oh, Corie, I'm so excited for you. (They embrace.) you were joking ‘Coste, He's happy with me. T think Why? Monster, I worry about you two. You're s You jump into life. Paul is like me. He looks fi dour on Suitcase.) Const. He doem't look, He stares. That's the trouble Pletely out of my Moree. Why should you think that, dear? Conn. Well, it’s the first thing I've ever done on my belp . ‘m sure you would have ‘And T understand. you do, Mother. It’s something 1 just had to do all by myself. ‘Moras. Corie, you mustn’t think T'm burt. I'm not * get burt. actt BAREFOOT IN THE PARK ar Conte. Good . . . Hey, let’s open my presents and see shat I've got. And you try to act surprised. (Gets pres- ents and Brings thers down to paint cas.) raz. You won't let me buy you anything . . . Ob, they're just a few little things, Cons. (Sitting down and shaking smallest box vigor- in here. It sounds expensive. fell, now I think a regular now. (Looks at clock, pu a2.) ‘Harriet was with me when I picked it thinks I'm over here every day now. Corre, You know you're weleame, Mot finds in package, closes open final package. Paper and smooths it out on her lap.) Moruen. woman living alone, ing in the world las ‘package open and takes out the dis- is of a coffee pot.) Hey, does this come with is kitchen, it would have ick and takes it with portsgets married. You'll see ‘doesn't deprive you of ‘Pim not dep ‘Mormzn. I didn't say you were. Morn.) Ves, you did. Con. Because I think you should spend the money on yourself, that's why. (Fellows Morse.) you're five minutes from the city. ‘Moreee, Who cin get through that trafic in five minutes? Moraer, Where - the whote ‘you travel? 1¢ luggage. All you need are the You think Motsr.) I prom- off @ ship, someone would ‘Morarn. I thought I might get myself a job. act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 2» Conse, (Strais in the wind.) Hey, that’s a great ides. (Sits on paint can.) Morse, (Shrugs, defeated.) What would 1 do? Conte. T don't know what you would do. What would you like to do? Morn. (Considers.) Ud like to be a grandmother. T thins that would be nice. ‘Conte. A grandmother? .. . What's your rush? You know, underneath that Army uniform, you're sila young, vital woman... Do you know what I thiak you really need? Mormex, Yes, and I don't want to hear it, (Gets up ‘ond moves away.) Con. (Goes fo her.) Because you're afraid to bear the truth. Morar, It's not the truth I'm afraid to bear, It’s the - Thank you. Cont, A week ago T didn’t know what it meant, And then T checked into the Plaza Hotel. For six wonderful days . . . And do you know what happened to me there? ‘Morn. I promised myself I wouldn’t ask. Conte. I found fove . . . spiritual, emotional and phys I Tove. And T don’t think anyone on earth should be without it, ‘MorseR. I'm not. I have you. Conrz. I don't mean that kind of love. (Moves to ladder and leans against it.) T'm talking about late at night in. . ‘Morar. (Quickly.) I know what you're talking about. Conte. Di i ‘Morar. Not with you in the room. Conre, Well, what are you going to do about it? ‘Moraes. I'm going back to New Jersey and give my- self a Toni Home Permanent. Corie, sweetheart, I appte- ate your concern, but I'm very happy the way T am,30 BAREFOOT IN THE PARK act t Conm. I'll be the judge of who's happy. (They em- brace.) swith the bottle int and wearily exhausted.) Just ‘Aunt Hareizr’s Pe got to £0. for the World Premiere «. «Vm so sorry. iil ‘see you on Friday fer.) ‘Thank you (Pavr shuts door and, breathing hard, puts bottle down ‘at foot of the ladder. He moves x, turns, and glares ‘The bathtub? (Pacx shakes kis new? (PavL nods his hea PAUL. (Leaning against Conse. Paul, I can't guess, Corie. Take a wild stab at it, Try neighbors dre crazy.” ighbors crazy? pitchman’s revelation.) 1 just bad an ine teresting talk with the man down in the liquor store ‘we kave some of the greatest weirdos in the ly? Like who? on kitchen plat- PAUL. (Gathering his strength, paces x.) Well, like to act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 31 start with, in Apartment 1C are the Boscos . .. Mr. and Mrs. J. Bosco. (Moving to ladder.) Who are they? Paces 1.) Mr. and Mrs. J. Bosco are a lovely ple who just happen to be of the same sex and 1ows which one that is . .. (Moves up t0 tof indows.) Tm partment 3C live Mr, and Mrs, Gonzales. ‘Conte. So? Pact, (Moves x, above ladder.) I'm not through, Mr. and Mrs, Gonzales, Mr. and Mrs. Armandariz and Mr. Calhoun"... (Turns back to Conte.) who must be the umpire. (Moves 1. to x. of ladder, very secretively.) No ‘one knows mho lives in Apartment 4D, No one has eome that way, we're gett airs, turns. Ba Conm, Where's 6A? (Pavt. points straight up.) On the roof? Pat, i rosses up onto bed- room landing.) He also skis and climbs mountains, He's &8 years old and e's known as "The Bluebeard of 48th ae Comte. (Moves to stairs.) What does that mean? Pat. (Turns back ‘that hi Where are you going? Pavt. (Turns back at bedroom door.) Vm going to32 BAREFOOT IN THE PARK act the bedroom and work. T've got to pay for all and charm. Tf anything comes up, like the fof the heat, let me know. Just let me know. (Bows of into bedroom an: Conse. (4 to fold up ladder and put ‘wall.) Can't T come in and watch you? Tm lonesome . . . (There's KNOCK ai ‘seared! against the wall, Victor if very hard, opens the ‘such good thing tired. There are too many other things to do in the worl. He wears no top coat, Just 0 sport jacket, en ascot, ond @ Tyrolean hat, Conte turns and is stortled to find hinsin the room.) Vetasco, I beg your pardon. (Sweeps off his kat.) 1 hope I'm not disturbing you. I d ly do this Sort = No, not yet. wnt to’ use your bed- Conse. Bfy bedroom? Vatasco. Yes. You see, I can’t get into my apartment and I wanted to use your window. Tl just crawl out along the on ge. . Oh, did you lose your key? Vetasco, No. I have my key. T lost my money. Um four months behind the rent, ee, that's too bad. I mean it’s right leant, a5 time goes by in this middle income prison camp, that we havea rat fink for a land- BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 33 (Looks about the room.) You don’t have any do you? I'd be glad to pay you for it, Cont. No. We just moved Vetasco. Really? (Looks about the barren room.) ‘What are you, s folk singer? Corre. No.'A wife... They didn't deliver our furni- ture ys on it, My bathtub's been running since 1949 . . . (Aoves towards Conte.) Does your husband work during the day? Comm. Yes... Why... ? Vezasco, It's just that I'm home during the day, and like (o find out what my odds are (Sorulinises Conm.) Am T making you nervous? Comm. (Moving away.) Very nervous. VELAsco. (Highly pleased.) Good. Or 1a month, I try fo keep may ego pelgaess Neko ey ba Ba nhl Pete Diy ad men sem tog may ae eR en emo guy wiBAREFOOT IN THE PARK Vauasco. Damn. . « Cone. What's wrong ? Vetasco. Under my present state of financial duress, I ‘was hoping to be invited down soon for a free meal. But with newlyweds I could starve to death. we'd love to have you for dinner, as Vitasco. (Gets up, and stepping over suitcase, moves to Conse.) I hate generalizations. Conte. Whe lay? Is that all right? be famished. I hadn't planned on Cor wait! On Friday night my mo— (Thinks it over.) Yeah. Friday night will be fine. Vetasco. It’s a date. I'l bring the wine. You can pay me for it when T get (Bfoves to stairs.) Which Ten o'clock . Contr. Yes, of course. Vexasco, Good. Bring liquor. takes her hand.) do, you? Everything in (Crosses to raised radiator on the veall.) For there's a little knob up there that say So you turn left. ( f ‘of physical pleasure. One, + (Puts his arms around her, and kay? ig 10 turn knob.) 1 can't quite PAUL. (Comes out of the bedroom with affidavit in and cont up over his head. Crosses to head of the stairs.) Tey, Corie, when are they going to get here with—? (He stops as he sees Contr in Vztasco’s arms.) crx BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 35 asco Looks at kim stunned, while Cont remains tationless in the air.) Cont down.) I thought you said! he works during the day. Con. Ob, Paul! This is Mr. sie. Mr. Velasco was just tel plumbing works backwards. is, you have choice bit of information, (Crosses up onto bedroom landing ll for you in the morning. I'm corator. (Pats Pau on shoulders.) TACT IL Scene 1 Scere: Seven o'clock, Friday evening. Four room. although Tejada toon a abe gets int : ond. prices is. exire (Baur turns and sees VELAsco. VeLasco cheerfully waves care. Since Coxut’s ‘and continues om his wa.) : nd as much designed the room CURTAIN dark, wooden coifee in front 0} the sofa, and to the Je, covered The kitchen orea is now partially hidden fold bamboo screen that has been Gand pe ‘have been ple 37BAREFOOT IN THE PARK act now itchen, pictures ‘and decorations fed on the walls and lamps placed abou The bed- has niow been graced with a bentwood washstand complete with pitcher and basin now filled ih a plant. In the bathroom a shower curtain and is have been hung, and the bedroom now boasts a bed. her packages down om table and hangs her coat Below. She open: ously into the shaker ‘with equal farts.) Oh, and your mother called fram Philly «= She and Dad will be up a week from Sunday . . ‘And your sister has @ new boy friend. From Rutgers | | act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 39 He's got acne and they all bate him . . . including your sister. (Takes the shaker and, mixing the cockta crosses t0 the door.) Hey, lover, start puckering yout lips “cause you're gonna get Kissed for five solid minutes and then... (5 rashin. T thought it was my bh sheepishly and walks ba behind her. As she goes up into the apens and Pav enters, gasping. He drops jis attacks ; and collapses on the couch. Comme comes out of you. I though PAUL. (Gasp, gasp.) Mr. gether. (Com jumps on him and flings her arms around his neck. He Tong to get up. FauL, Everyone knows the i «I ring the bell ly Coats. Tomorrow Tl yell, “Come on up, Harry, my bbusband isn’t home.” (Takes empty box and bag’ and Yirows them in garbage pail in kitchen.) Hey, wouldn't everyone in the building thought I was ith someone’ Crossing back to couch.) Well? Pave, Well what? pa CoRs® What happened in court today? Gump or Bir. Conse. (Jumps om his lap ogcin. He winces ogain.) Oh, Paul, you won. You won, darling. Ol, sweetheart proud of you. (Stops and looks at hinm.) Well, a happy? PauL. (Glumly.) Bienbaum won the protection of his ‘food name but no damages. We were awarded six cents.BAREFOOT IN THE PARK act Conre. Six cents? ‘you get? Pavt, Nothing, Birnbaum gets the whole six cents 1d T get a going over in the office, From now on I get the cases that come in for a dime or under. mate. (Opening his darling, you won. "That lamyer. PAUL. Some lawyer . . . So tomorrow T go back to it you're here with me, (Kisses his today? Conte, (Gets off his lap and sits on couch.) Why not? PAvL. Because you called me eight times . . . 1 don’t speak to you that much when I'm kame. Oh, you're grouchy. T n day today and grouchy. Paut. (Cross jacket end bangs in here, drank ordered me ar gs in reply.) Cons, Temper, tenper. We've supposed to be chafing tonight. 4 Te got news for ing tonight has fiasco written all over it, ty of anything permanent cever even occurred tome Pact, Permanent? We're hcky if we get past seven etclock~ (The doorbell BUZZES ond Da eres ta oor) Come, Thats her, Now you've got me word... Paul id Ido someting hore? PAUL. (Buzzing dvostors.) Probably. Cone Wet, do something. Don't answer the door home in his drink. It won't stop (Opens do Pav, (Yelling shrough hands, back into room.) She's at Carp in a few minutes, ‘Cone, Paul, maybe we could help her. (Coming down stairs.)BAREFOOT IN THE PARK cr 1 1g blazer out of closet.) What do you (Above conch.) A woman puts on rouge and ing is, we don’t have roduce her a3 “my dull S0-ye sp aboce oa say? >° PAUL. No. (Boves towards door.) act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK “a Conms. A fashion designer, The brains bebind Ann Fogarty. Baul. (Points to door.) She’s on her way up. Conte. A mystery writer . . . under an assumed name. Paut. Let's lend her my trench coat and say she’s a private eye, who is she going to be? to be your mother... and the just means... that going to be your (The Mormun collapses in and Paus. and Cour rush to support her. Paw and Cone quickly lead Moran to armcheir x, of couch.) Conte. Hello, sweet Moran, who gasps Jor air.) Are y nods.) You want some water? (Moran shotes head, “No,” as Paut and Contr lower ther into chair. Ske drops pocketbook on floor.) Mores. Paul . . . in my pocketbook . . . are some (Picks up bag, closes door and begins to look Jor pills.) Pink pills to rain so I ran wel got caught in the subway grating my foot out and stepped in a puddle eb went by and splashed my stockings . . . if the bard-” BAREFOOT IN THE PARK act ware store downstairs was open . . - I was going to buy a knife and kill mysel (Pavr gives her the pill, and Conte gives her the drink.) Conte, Here, Mom, Drink this down. Pave. Here's the pill, . . (Morin takes pill, drinks ‘and coughs.) Morzen. A martini? To wash down a pill? Conte. 111 make you feel better, ‘Morser. I had 2 martini at home, It made me sick ‘That's why T'm taking the pi (Couns puts drink down on table.) Pau. (Sitting on end table.) You must be exhausted. ‘Morsex, I'd just like to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. Conte. (Offering her trey of hors a'ocuvre,) Here, ‘Mom, have an hors oeuvre, ‘Morsen, No, thank you, dear. Cou. 11 Pav, (Sitting on couch.) That's right. You haven't seen it with its clothes on, have you? ae Momnen. (Exhausted sinks into armchair 1. of couch.) Like it? Its magnificent . . and in less than a week My goodness, how did you manage? Where did you get your ideas from? PAUL, We have » decorator who comes in through the window ance a week. act BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 45 Conte. (Crossing up to bedroom.) Come take a look at the bedroom, Moranmn. (Crossing up to bedroom.) Yes, that's what I want to do . . . look at the bedroom. Were you able 1¢ bed in? (Looks into room.) Ob, it just fits, (foves to stairs.) Just. We have to tam in ks very snug. . . And did you find a way to get to the closet? Coane. It was an accident. Mr, Velasco left his bathtub running, Morren. (Moving down stairs.) Mr, Velasco? . . Ob, the man upstaics— Pauw. (Taking her arm.) Oh, then you know about Mr. Velasco? ‘Morin. Ob, yes. Corie had me on the phone for two hours. Pave. Did you know he’s been married three times? Morr. Ves... (Turns back to Conte.) If 1 were you, dear, I'd sleep with a gun, (Sits ix beniwood arm- hair.) Pave. Well, there's just one thing I want to say about And to two very charming to be seeing again tonightBAREFOOT IN THE PARK (Coun sinks down on sofa.) ‘the people in the world . ‘Coie, (Gets up and’ moves to Moruen.) I don't see ‘what you're making such Junior. Conse, He looks nothing like Douglas Fairbanks, Junior does he, Paul? Pavt. No’. . . He just jumps lke him. Morsiez. I'm not even dressed, Conte. (Brushing Morssa’s clu Mother, now don’t get excited. Moruen, (Gets up and puts drink on cofce table.) You could say Pm the cleaning woman». Tl dust the fable. Give me five dollars and IM leave. (Siarts up stairs tops her on stairs.) You just stay here— ‘oing to Mormex.) It's going to he fine, Mom, ads Moraer back to sofa.) And smile, istible when you do. And finish your martini, (Takes it jrom table and hands it to Morar.) ‘Morten, Do you have a lot of these? Conm. As many as you need, ‘Morten. T'm going to need a lot of these, (Downs a good belt.) Pave. Can I open the doot? Coxte. Paul, wait a minute... Mother... your hair to fuss with hair.) What? i? Tes all right now, I (Moves towards Pavt.) Ts something wrong with my hair? ‘There's a man standing out there, Conte. Wait a minute, just try and go along there are we going? know. But wherever itis . Conte, T mean, don't worry about your stornach.eB BAREFOOT IN THE PARK (There is another KNOCK on the door.) Morus. Oh, my stomach, (Sinks down on couch.) Pavt, Can I open the door now? Conte, (Moving to n. of the couch.) Okay, okay - ‘open the door. (Pave nods gratefully, then opens the door. Vetasca stands there looking quite natty in a double-breasted, blue, pin-siriped sit. He carrics a small, covered {frying pan in-a gloved hand.) Paur, Ob, sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Velasco. Come on in— ‘VeLasco, (Moving into well, to Paus.) Ab! Ho si mak ling Paut. No, no. . . Its Paul. Verasco, I know, T was just saying hello in Chi- ese . Pavt. Oh. . . hello. Vexasco. (To Coie.) Cori Conte, (Enthralied.) Oh \Vezasco. Ravishing. That’s English, Conte. (Taken back.) Oh... Ab, Paul. . . Would you do the honors? Pavt. Yes, of course, Mr. Velasco, I'd like you to meet = =» (CORTE sleps back un- veiling MorHek with a gesture.) Mother, this is our new neighbor, Mr. Velasco . . ‘Moruite. How do you do? ‘Vanasco. (Sweeps fo Moran, fakes her hand and bows ever so slightly.) Mrs. Banks . . . T've been looking for: ‘ward so to meeting you, I invite your daughter to my cocktail party and she spends the entire evening talking of nothing but you. (Comsy moves. 2 of couch taking ital with past | leasure.) ; Mormen. Ob... ? It must have been a dull party. acti BAREFOOT IN THE PARK 0 0. Nota thease opis: E mean if she did nothing bu tlk about tat must have been dul] the party, ied UL moves eboac couch to cofee table and ges is Veasco. I understand Moran, Thank you Conte. (Fo the esens.) Oh, ts that for ux? Vinasco. Yer Bet the Tine... my Pats on dion it fowish jes cone) ea Cont 12S an hors duewvre, Me. melt es 2 famous gourmet. Ve? aes them Morena, fh gouemet fF Imagine! lasco, Tht won siond prt lst yea atthe Venice ‘Mora. Second prize Git: Me Velases once cocked forthe King of Sweden, Moraes, Really? Did you wotk for him? Vetasco, No ‘We belong to the same club. (MoE Ginbarrassed)y "The same chin, . Of (EAC Wea Gourmet Society. There’ handed aed Mom. AM go Visco, That Daryl Zanack rae. Daryl Zanuck to tasco. We mect once every fee years for dinner that we conk ourselves, Th 1987 they te sipped tae to my house. (Looks at his wai ‘h.) We have another thirty seconds . oe Pace Until ai? they’ edible. (Toker cover td psi on end able) Now’. "te tet Safe ‘nels we just let them sit there and breathe # e King, Prince Philip and