“23 Little Ways To

Improve Your
Relationship, According
To Experts”

No matter how strong your connection is as a couple, maintaining that spark is

crucial. Without ongoing effort, you and your partner might eventually find
yourselves stuck in a loop of recurring problems, or living in a boring routine that
winds up driving you apart. But all of that can be prevented if you look for little ways
to improve your relationship, every day.
By Kristine Fellizar
It's often in the seemingly insignificant moments that you feel closest. "For example,
during the workday, checking in with your partner, sending them an emoji, or taking
a few minutes to chat," Overstreet says.
Continuously making an effort also means you get to create the type of relationship
you want, Jeni Woodfin, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.
They offer the chance to be intentional every day, instead of letting your relationship
happen to you, over time.
If you want to stay happy and connected, remember it's the little shifts — the small
moments — that make the biggest difference. Here are 23 ways to make your
relationship stronger, according to experts.
1
Use "I" Phrases
If you and your partner tend to spiral into toxicity during arguments, experts says
you may want to stop using "you" phrases — such as, "you did this" or "you made
me feel" — and start using "I" phrases.
"Leading with the word 'you' nearly instantly creates a defensive posture in your
partner, who then goes into a strategy to defend themselves the minute you stop
talking," Deborah E. Dyer, PhD, a psychologist, tells Bustle. But this simple switch can
make all the difference.
"By owning your own thoughts and feelings about the situation," Dyer says, "you
immediately reduce the defensiveness in your partner because they aren't feeling
blamed or criticized." And from there, you can have more productive conversations.
2
Pay Attention To Small Moments
It's easy to overlook little things, like saying good morning to each other, or hugging
before going to bed. But Woodfin says these are some of the most important parts
of the day.
By savoring these moments, you'll both feel more "seen" and appreciated, which is a
vital part of staying connected long-term.
3
Ask Questions Instead Of Assuming
No matter how well you think you know your partner, it's dangerous to make
assumptions about what they're thinking, especially during tough moments. "Mind
reading usually leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings," Sameera Sullivan, a
psychologist and founder of Lasting Connections, tells Bustle. So the next time you
aren't sure what they want or need, ask for clarification.
4
Call Time Outs
If you find yourselves in the middle of a heated debate, and your tempers are flaring,
don't be afraid to call a time-out before things go downhill.
To do so, simply "state the importance of the conversation and the desire to come
together again," Woodfin says. Something like, "I want to keep talking about this, but
I'm getting too upset to think. I'm going to take a break for an hour, but let's meet
back after that to continue talking."
That way your partner knows they'll have another chance to be heard, but only after
you've both given yourselves a chance to cool off.
5
Communicate Throughout The Day
Whether it's sending a quick text, or calling to say hey, communicating on a regular
basis is key. "When you take intentional moments throughout your day to
communicate, this is an effective way to show your partner that you are thinking of
them," Beverley Andre, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells .

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6
Share When You're Feeling Down
Whenever you're feeling vulnerable or upset, make an effort to open up and touch
base with your partner, instead of holding it all in.
“Real intimacy comes from letting your guard down and allowing your partner to
witness you in a less than stellar light," Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes, a licensed
psychologist, tells Bustle.
Basically, you can take moments of struggle or doubt, and turn them into a bonding
experience.
7
Schedule Sex
It might sound strange, but ensuring you schedule time for sex — especially if you
both tend o be too tired at the end of the week — might be the ticket to feeling
closer as a couple.
As Woodfin says, "With scheduling sex, you don't have to show up ready to go, but
rather show up with an openness and willingness to try. It's very similar to that
feeling before you go to the gym — you may not want to go beforehand, but as soon
as you finish your workout you feel great, energized, proud. This is the same thing
with sex."
8
Schedule Regular Date Nights
Similarly, scheduling regular date nights is essential, Michelle Gallant, a relationship
and dating coach, tells Bustle, if you want to maintain a strong, close connection.
It's easy to get swept up with work and other obligations, but if you let the fun stuff
slide — like going to the movies, meeting up for dinner, etc. — she says your
relationship will start to crumble.
9
Do Something Scary
Maybe it's hiking in the woods. Or performing at an open mic night. Or facing a fear
of heights and riding a rollercoaster for the first time. Whatever it is, tackle
something that scares you — together.

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"We learn the most about a person when they are placed in stressful situations;
that’s when someone’s true colors show," Tiffany Toombs, a relationship expert and
director at Blue Lotus Mind, tells Bustle.
Plus, scary moments offer a chance to practice problem-solving, Toombs says, which
will help you feel closer as a couple.
10
Be Present, Physically
If you feel like you've gotten complacent, make more of an effort to be physical with
your partner. "Make eye contact, [or] touch your partner’s arm or leg to let them
know you’re 'with' them," Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, a couples therapist, tells Bustle. You
could also sit closer on the couch while watching TV, or offer a hug. These are all
easy ways boost intimacy in your relationship.
11
Check In Regularly
Choose a time to have check-ins as a couple, whether it's daily, weekly, or monthly,
and use this time to discuss the state of your relationship, Kate Ecke, LCSW, a
licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle.
During the check in, you might chat about problems, triggers, or good things that
have happened recently, that you'd both like to see more of in the future.
12
Maintain Shared Interests
"In the beginning of relationships, we sometimes find it almost impossible to stay
away from each other," Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher MA, CAGS, LMHC, a
psychotherapist, tells Bustle. As time goes on, it's natural to drift apart, but you can
stop that process in its tracks by purposefully doing more things together.
"Find shared interests, even if you’re into different things," Weaver-Breitenbecher
says. "Or find something new, something you’re both willing to try."
13
Figure Out Your "Love Language"
Take a quiz online to figure out your love languages, so you can better cater to each
other's needs.
"For example, if your love language is quality time, discuss what that means for your
partner specifically," Tyra Berger, MSMFT, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional
counselor, tells Bustle. What can they do — have meaningful conversations? hang
out with you more often? — to help you feel loved.
Then, figure out what they need, and do it often. "Practicing each other's love
language will [you] stay connected and in tune with each other," Berger says.
14
Take Turns
If you want your relationship to feel equal, there's a really simple trick you can use.
"Take turns," Dr. Erika Martinez, a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. "Whether it's
planning date night, cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry, taking turns divides the
responsibility, creates more equality in the relationship, and helps keep these tasks
from feeling like a burden, which also fends off feelings of resentment down the
line."
15
Take A Daily Walk
Whether you go for a walk in the morning, on your lunch breaks, or after dinner,
fitting 15 minutes of outdoor time into your day can do wonders for your
relationship.
During your walk, "talk about what's working well in your relationship, what's not
working, and what you'd like to change," Martinez says. Or simply hold hands and
chat mindlessly about the TV shows you're loving right now.
It's little rituals like these that keep couples close.
16
Create Routines
Little rituals have a way of improving relationships, Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, a
relationship therapist, tells Bustle, so look for little ways you can add them into your
lives.
Even it's just ordering pizza every Friday, or making popcorn while you're watching a
movie, "rituals like these are are bonding, even if you don’t realize it," Hartstein says.
17
Compliment Each Other
It's so easy to fall into the habit of nit-picking in a relationship, but if you want to stay
together happily, you'll want to focus on the positives instead, Weaver-
Breitenbecher says.
This can be done by keeping an eye out for good things, and then offering sincere
compliments, like pointing out how much you enjoyed a dinner your partner made.
Encourage each other to notice the good things and to say them out loud, more
often.

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18
Be Thoughtful
If you're looking for a simple but meaningful ways to show your love, try surprising
your partner with little gifts or tokens of affection, like a hand-written note tucked
into their coat pocket, Joshua Klapow, PhD, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. He
says these are "tangible gestures of love" and they go a long way in helping you stay
connected.
19
Honor Alone Time
Not all relationship-building activities require you to spend time together. In fact, "a
sign of a healthy relationship is when both parties have individual interests," Andre
says. So go ahead and encourage each other to spend time alone, whenever
necessary. You'll both come back to the relationship feeling renewed.
20
Ask How You Can Help
If you're getting the sense that your partner is overwhelmed, ask how you can help,
Overstreet says. "This simple question can improve your connection because it
shows how much you are there for them," she says. "It shows you support them as
well as a willingness to step in to help with whatever they need."
21
Unplug Together
Another way to keep your relationship strong? Unplugging on a regular basis, so you
can look at each other instead of your phones, Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker, tells
Bustle.
Use the time away from social media, texts, the news, etc., to catch each other up on
daily goings on, to talk about mundane things, or to simply enjoy distraction-free
time together.
It's also good to occasionally show you're more invested in each other, than
whatever's happening on social media.
22
Apologize Quickly
If you say or do something hurtful, talk about it ASAP — and don't hesitate to
apologize.
"Of course, you need to be authentic with the apology but it shows that you are
willing to own your mistake," Overstreet says. "Then ask for a 'do-over' of what you
should have said or did instead. Don't let hours or days pass — apologize quickly,
own up to what you did, and then move forward."
23
Remind Yourself How You Feel
Remind yourself of all the reasons why you're grateful for your partner, especially if
you're starting to take each other for granted. This is after all, "probably the single
reason that most relationships fall apart," Klapow says. But if you both make a point
of reminding yourselves why you fell in love, and all the good things you share as a
couple, that's far less likely to happen.
Even if you've been together for a long time, there are always new ways to make
your relationship stronger and bring you closer together — so you can both feel
happy, supported, and ready for the future.
Experts:
Dr. Kristie Overstreet, relationship expert and certified sex therapist
Jeni Woodfin, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist
Deborah E. Dyer, PhD, psychologist
Sameera Sullivan, psychologist
Beverley Andre, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist
Michelle Gallant, relationship and dating coach
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker
Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes, licensed psychologist
Tiffany Toombs, relationship expert
Kate Ecke, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker
Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher MA, CAGS, LMHC, psychotherapist
Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, couples therapist