(Even in your darkest days) I'll still reach you

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/31771021.

Rating: Mature
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: 東京卍リベンジャーズ | Tokyo Revengers (Manga)
Relationship: Mikey | Sano Manjirou/Takemitchy | Hanagaki Takemichi
Character: Takemitchy | Hanagaki Takemichi, Mikey | Sano Manjirou, Matsuno
Chifuyu, Draken | Ryuuguuji Ken, Tachibana Hinata, Maybe Others ?
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, From Chapter 204, Chapter
204: Give Me a Hand Spoilers (Tokyo Revengers), Manga Spoilers Up
To Chapter 204, Time Travel, new timeline, Mostly Takes Place in
2010, Angst, Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, It Gets
Worse Before It Gets Better, Mental Health Issues, Implied/Referenced
Suicide, Canon-Typical Temporary Death, Canon-Typical Violence,
Character Study, Slow Burn, (Slower You Die), Slow Pace, Actually
Everything Is Slow Here, I Swear This Is A TakeMikey Story, Denial of
Feelings, Requited Feelings But They Are Dumb As Hell, healing
together, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Needs A Hug, And They Will
Eventually Have Some, Chifuyu Is The Best, Non-Canon Birthdays,
Weekly Updates, (Or At Least I'll Try To), Suicide Attempt, Post-
Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, (Or kind of?)
Stats: Published: 2021-06-06 Updated: 2021-07-24 Chapters: 10/? Words:
32506

(Even in your darkest days) I'll still reach you

by Asturya

Summary

"You don’t know how far I could go so as to lose myself."

"And you don’t know how far I could go so as not to lose you again."

Just when he thought he had finally managed to save Mikey, Takemichi finds himself in the
worst possible future. A future without Mikey. He then decides to try everything to prevent
him from committing something irremediable, a last return, a last hope for which he is
ready to risk everything, even his own life. Because a future without Mikey is like no future
at all.
Despite all his efforts, Mikey must face the truth: no matter how hard he tries, no matter
what future he looks into, he always ends up being swallowed up by his own demons,
becoming a threat not only to himself, but especially to those he cares about. But just as he
is about to end it all, Takemichi stands before him one last time, ready to do anything to
stop him.

For both of them, this is the last chance journey. Last chance to live, last chance to heal.
And along the way, maybe they will find something else. Growth, peace, salvation. And
even love.
Notes

Hiiiii !
Welcome to this story! Before reading, here are a few points I need you to know! (please
don't skip, I'll try to be short lmao)

● This story was supposed to be short, but obviously it won't. So if you like long stories
with slow pace, lots of feelings, emotions, introspection and character study, I think this is
for you! Otherwise, well, why not giving it a try? You might have a good surprise :')) (and
at least you've been warned lmao)

● Trigger warning: This story will deal with mental health issues as the main thematic.
I'm not a psychologist so I'm not competent in characterizing them, but it may include
PTSD, depression, anxiety issues; and according to the way you read it, there might be co-
dependency at some point. It will also involve a suicide attempt. I may add other TW as the
story goes, since I can't think to everything rn, so if you think you might be triggered by
something, please keep checking on them. Once again, I'm not a psychologist so the
situations depicted in this story are not meant to be accurate. This is just fictional content.
This story is about healing, it's bound to have a happy ending, and a happy and healthy
relationship between the two protagonists, but I don't intend on making it easy so read to
your own discretion.

● Even if it's not obvious at all at the beginning, there WILL be fluff scenes, comfort
scenes, and happy ending. I swear I'm not lying :'))

● I'll try to update weekly on Saturdays, depending on how much I manage to write. But I
may have to space out the update later when I'll go back to work :'))

● Don't hesitate to comment or to come talking to me on twitter or discord, about the fic,
Tokyo Revengers on anything else ! (My pseuds are in my bio) I always love to hear about
your thoughts! :'))

● For french readers, here's the french version:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31922905/chapters/79053193

Now that everything is said, I wish you a good reading ! ❤

 Prologue
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Prologue

June 2018

“Just say “save me“, damn it ! “

This is how it all began.

A hand stretched over the void, stained with blood that flows, flows, flows from one skin to the
other. A fragile embrace that threatens to break at any moment, a life on a thread far too thin to
carry it, but which continues to hold on anyway, despite its dwindling strength and wavering
consciousness.

"I will definitively save you, Manjiro."

It must be the third or fourth time that Takemichi utters these words that night.

Around him the world is blurred, the tears that flow from his eyes scramble his vision, and new
ones continue to form as the old ones leave his eyes to run down his cheeks. Maybe they end up on
Mikey's face. Maybe they don't. He doesn't know. He doesn't see him anymore. He can't see
anything anymore.

The only thing that tells him that Mikey is still there, that he is still alive, is the weight of his body
at the end of his trembling arm that struggles to hold him. He is too heavy, but too light at the same
time. His once broad shoulders now seem strangely puny, and even his whole body seems to have
shrunk in on itself as if life had left him little by little, day after day, year after year. Takemichi
hardly recognized him. He hardly recognized that hollowed-out face and those dark eyes where
only emptiness could be seen, an emptiness so deep and so devouring that Mikey seemed to
disappear inside. What happened to him during those twelve years? How could the others let him
become like this?

How could he, Takemichi, let him become like this?

I will save you.

His hand tightens around Mikey's wrist, clumsily, almost imperceptibly due to his weak strength.
His palm is moist, soaked with the blood which continues to flow along his arm without ever
pretending to stop and he feels Mikey's skin slipping, sliding gradually against his own.

He clenches his teeth, trying to ignore the metallic aftertaste that gradually spreads in his mouth.

I will save you.

He repeats the same words, again and again, as if to give himself courage, as if to give himself
strength. He is not even really conscious of them anymore, they imprint themselves in his mind
like a broken record, like an entity with a life of its own that would prevent him from giving up.
 I will save you.

Little by little, the screams coming from below become blurred. He doesn't hear the sounds of
traffic for a long time, nor the hum of the engines, nor the police sirens. Even the wind in his face
seems more and more distant, more and more uncertain, so that he wonders if it is really real or if
he has just imagined it.

He comes to wonder if Mikey is really real, or if he too is a figment of his flickering mind.

He tries to tighten his grip around his wrist, but he no longer has the strength. His knuckles are
loosening despite all his efforts, despite all his will, and he feels Mikey's life slipping away from
him as his own is fading away.

It's over. He has failed.

He wants to scream, but he doesn't have the strength to do so either.

If only he had reacted sooner. If only he hadn't let himself be fooled by Mikey's sweet lies, by the
false smiles he wore to make the world believe that everything was fine, that he was fine, while he
was sinking, sinking, sinking, every day more deeply.

If only he hadn't been so stupid.

If only...

"Help me..."

The words that escape from Mikey's lips are only a thin thread of voice, only an uncertain breath
that blends with the wind, and once again Takemichi can't determine if they are really real.
However, for the first time since the beginning of their exchange, Mikey's body starts to move, and
his hand clutches his, it holds on to it with the little strength it has left as if to hold on to life.

Takemichi's heart speeds up, and even though this hope hurts, he can't help but hold on to it too.

"Takemitchy..."

Their fingers intertwine with their last strength as Takemichi repeats his promise, a promise tinged
with the blood that mingles in their embrace.

I will save you.

This time he doesn't have time to tell him.

The world turns black.

Chapter End Notes

This prologue was initially supposed to be "only a few sentences to locate the story in
the canon". Well, I guess I should have known when I wrote the word "prologue" that
my brain had, once again, no intention of being concise. :'))
 1 | Going back (to you)
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Chapter 1 | Going back (to you)

June 2006

When Takemichi opened his eyes, his first reflex was to look at his hand.

With extreme slowness, he raised it above him, then turned it over and over again, without a sound,
while his brain was processing the information. His palm was intact, without a trace of blood no
matter what angle he looked at it from. His phalanges bent and unfolded normally with their usual
strength, but something was wrong because they couldn't help but shake, because his whole arm
couldn't help but shake.

Something was missing.

Against his hand, Mikey's one was gone.

The air suddenly seemed to be escaping from his lungs and he felt the need to breathe in heavily,
over and over again, but he couldn't shake the choking feeling that was taking over his throat. He
was no longer with Mikey. He was no longer at the disused bowling alley. He was no longer in
2018 at all.

The ceiling that stretched above him was the one from his teenage bedroom, he recognized the
yellow animal-patterned wallpaper that his parents had never wanted to remove, and that he had
tried to cover as best he could with posters of motorcycles and half-naked celebrities found in
cheap magazines. Not a single garbage bag was left on the floor, and the whole room was far too
well kept to belong to his future self. There was no doubt about it. He was back in the past.

He sat up slowly on his bed, still in shock. On his desk cluttered with loose binders and pens, his
calendar was open to the current month: June 2006. Twelve years precisely before he found Mikey,
twelve years precisely before he took his hand, twelve years precisely before he asked him to save
him.

And he was going to keep that promise, no matter what.

A deep sigh escaped his lips and he finally got up to leave the room.

It had been almost four months since his last return, since the dissolution of Toman. What had
happened in the meantime? What had happened to the others? What had happened to Mikey? What
had happened to him himself? He was going to need answers if he was to have any chance of
changing the future.

He stormed out of his house, slamming the door behind him. It was dark and the air was cool
despite the season, but he didn't have time to go back for a jacket. His previous returns had taught
him one thing: to change the future, every second counted. So he began to run, run, run with all his
strength towards the home of the one who would be the most likely to answer his questions, with
the same words still echoing in his head.
I will save you.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

"So if I'm summarizing correctly, you've come back from the future, again, but this time to save
Mikey?"

Chifuyu watched him from his desk chair, arms crossed and looking deeply bored. Bored, but
mostly tired. The oversized T-shirt he'd obviously put on in a hurry was slipping over his shoulder
and his usual impeccable hairstyle had given way to shaggy hair, so much so that Takemichi
almost felt guilty for waking him up. Almost only.

He nodded slowly, his lips pursed in a contrite smile. Sitting on his friend's bed, he watched his
gaze gradually change from boredom to exasperation, then from exasperation to annoyance, with
growing apprehension. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea in the end. After all, Chifuyu was much
stronger than he was, he could knock him out with a snap of his fingers if the thought occurred to
him, and a forced convalescence was the last thing he needed in this situation. On top of that, four
months had passed since they had last met, and he had no idea if they were still on good terms.
When he saw what his past self tended to do, there was cause for concern.

After long seconds of silence, Chifuyu looked up and let out a deep sigh that briefly lifted the lock
of hair that fell in front of his eyes.

"Damn it, Takemitchy..." he sighed while taking his face in his hands." Couldn't it at least wait
until daylight? Did you really have to come knocking on my window in the middle of the night? "

Takemichi had no choice but to look down, his fists clenched in his lap. Of course, when you put it
like that, his behavior seemed much more incongruous and less legitimate. Yet he had no regrets. It
had already been four months since his last return, it was already too much. He couldn't afford to
wait one more night.

"I'm sorry, Chifuyu..." he whispered. "I'm sorry, but..."

He was unable to finish his sentence. His voice broke and the words died in his sobbing throat,
while tears moistened his eyes before running down his cheeks, slowly at first, then faster and
faster, more and more abundant.

Damn it, he thought. Damn it. Damn it. Who do I hope to save by keeping on crying like this?

He clenched his fists tighter, his fingers closing over the void, and that only made the situation
even more ridiculous. Here he was, crying, clinging to nothingness, while Mikey slipped through
his fingers, while every second counted.

"You're too scared to wait, right?"

Takemichi slowly raised his head. Chifuyu's tone had softened, and it was no longer exasperation
that mingled with his tired gaze, it was now a mixture of gentleness and compassion that
brightened his blue eyes.

Thank God, Takemichi thought with a sigh of relief, it looks like I won't be beaten up tonight.
"Look," Chifuyu continued sympathetically, "here's what I propose. First, I'll give you a quick
debriefing of the situation. "

Takemichi nodded, relieved at his friend's reaction. He smiled broadly to show his immense
gratitude, but frowned when Chifuyu raised a finger in the air to contain his burgeoning
enthusiasm.

"Next," he continued, pointing to the bench covered in messy clothes that sat at the back of the
room. "You're going to lie down there and I'm not letting you leave until you've had at least six
hours of sleep."

Takemichi was about to protest, but Chifuyu gave him such a threatening look that he swallowed
his claims.

"It's non-negotiable," Chifuyu hammered, putting great emphasis on each word, on each syllable.
"You look totally out to lunch, believe me you'll be much more efficient after a little rest. And
besides I'm sleepy too, you know."

With a deep sigh, Takemichi raised his arms in surrender.

"Okay, okay, you win," he said, smiling slightly. "But on one condition."

Chifuyu raised an eyebrow, obviously trying to contain his impatience.

"What, again?"

"For pity's sake, get your dirty socks off the couch," he begged with an innocent smile. "I can smell
them from here and I don't want to die of intoxication in my sleep."

At these words, Chifuyu jumped out of his chair and dashed to the couch, looking mortified. He
grabbed the first sock that came along and before Takemichi could do anything, he received it right
in his face with more strength than he had ever had.

"I'll give you some, dirty socks!" Chifuyu enraged while continuing to bombard him of clothing in
any kind. Takemichi placed his hands in front of his face to try to protect himself from his friend's
attacks, but he laughed so hard that his defense was ineffective and he found himself assaulted by
T-shirts, socks and sweatpants. "So, you're acting less smart now aren't you?"

For all answer Takemichi burst out laughing, and his hilarity was obviously contagious because
Chifuyu started to laugh too. For a few moments, they almost forgot the reason why they were
gathered in this room in the middle of the night.

When they had calmed down and the pile of dirty clothes was moved to a corner of the room,
Chifuyu joined Takemichi on his bed. He lay on his back, his feet up against the wall and his gaze
absentmindedly staring at the ceiling.

"Are you ready?" he finally asked.

Takemichi nodded, suddenly regaining his full concentration.

"Good," Chifuyu sighed, "We're off then."

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

They talked for almost an hour. Chifuyu explained the main events that had happened since he had
left, as well as what had happened to the different members of the gang since it had disbanded.
Takemichi, for his part, briefly described the future he had seen when he returned. Thanks to his
friend's valuable information, he learned that the former members of the Toman had gradually
drifted apart since the gang's dissolution four months earlier. Some had stayed in touch, like
Takemichi and his four original friends, while others had become more discreet, gradually spacing
out their appearances until they disappeared completely.

Mikey was one of them.

"At first, we still managed to see him from time to time," Chifuyu explained. "He would often hang
out in town and we would sometimes run into him at the coffee shop, or at the arcade. He was
always smiling, and always seemed happy to spend some time with us. "He fell silent for a
moment, a sad smile stretching his lips." But he never called back. And then one day, we didn't see
him anymore. That was about a month ago. I talked to Draken about it recently. He told me he had
talked to him a couple of weeks ago, and that Mikey needed some time to himself to find his way. "

He fell silent again, and exchanged a guilty look with Takemichi.

"No one questioned it, and I didn't either," he admitted, narrowing his eyes. "I didn't think... I didn't
think it would turn out so wrong..."

"Yeah...", Takemichi muttered, clenching his fists, "Neither did I..."

Chifuyu didn't answer. A heavy silence settled in the room, heavy as lead and suffocating as if all
the oxygen in the room had suddenly been sucked out.

"Say, Takemitchy..." Chifuyu finally blurted out, his eyelids closed as if he were falling asleep.
"Do you really think it exists somewhere? That future where we're all happy? Aren't you afraid to
come and spoil someone else's happiness by trying to save Mikey? "

Takemichi did not answer immediately. Lying on the bed, he too began to stare at the ceiling,
hoping to find some kind of answer. He didn't find any.

"I don't know," he finally admitted. "But there's one thing I know for sure. I won't stop until
everyone I care about has a happy future. And Mikey...Mikey is one of them. "

Beside him, Chifuyu smiled slightly before being swept away by sleep.

"That sounds just like you."

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

The sun was already high in the sky when Takemichi arrived in front of the Sano dojo, where
Mikey still resided according to Draken. The wooden beams that formed the frame of the dojo
could be seen through the hedge surrounding the property, with only the roof made of traditional
bricks sticking out. The shouts of energetic children emanated from inside, accompanied by the
characteristic banging of their training. It was a beautiful summer day. However, Takemichi knew
that it wasn't just the heat that was making his hands as sweaty as wrung-out sponges.
He had been there for almost ten minutes, yet he still hadn't moved.

Hidden behind the hedge, out of sight, he stared at the front door through the branches without
daring to go towards it. No matter how hard he breathed in, no matter how many times he counted
to three in his head to give himself courage, there was nothing he could do. His feet remained
hopelessly nailed to the ground, as heavy as concrete blocks. He felt ridiculous. He was ashamed of
his trembling hands, ashamed of the weight that was growing in his chest as the minutes passed,
ashamed of losing so much precious time because he was simply paralyzed.

Of course he was eager to see Mikey again, but most of all he was afraid. Afraid that he was
already gone. Afraid that it was already too late.

He shook his head vigorously. This was not the time to think the worst.

"Come on Takemichi, this time it's the good one!" He encouraged himself loudly before moving
away from the hedge, determined to reach his goal.

Despite all the experiences he had been through, he had never stopped being afraid. He still felt as
weak, as pathetic, as helpless as he did on his first day. But something had changed since then.
Now he knew he was capable of rising above it, of overcoming his fears to protect what he cared
about.

Today would be no exception. He made a promise to himself.

"It's the good one for what?" A voice echoed from behind him.

Takemichi gasped, and turned quickly to the person who was speaking to him. A little boy of
barely ten years old was facing him, with a sneering look in his eyes and his fists on his hips,
where the belt of his grey kimono was wrapped.

"You're not gonna tell me you're afraid to go join the dojo, at your age?" he mocked.

Takemichi swallowed. Being ridiculed by a kid was already very vexing in itself, but it was even
more so knowing that he was actually 26 years old.

"Uh... I..." he stammered, trying in vain to find a credible excuse.

The child sighed loudly, and grabbed his hand before dragging him towards the dojo.

"Follow me," he muttered in an authoritative tone. "I'll show you, before you take root looking at
the door like an idiot hiding behind a hedge."

Without daring to protest, Takemichi followed him along the perfectly marked path that led to the
entrance of the dojo. As his steps approached the door, he felt the weight without his chest getting
heavier, his heart accelerating and his breath becoming more difficult, more painful. He realized
that he didn't even know what he was going to say to Mikey, and he began to wonder if he was
more afraid that he would be there or that he wouldn't be.

The child stopped in front of the door and he did the same, watching as he tiptoed to the doorbell.
The electronic chime echoed through the house and after a few seconds, footsteps were heard
inside. Takemichi swallowed and mechanically wiped his hands against his pants to try to make
them a little less sweaty. He didn't even know why he was doing this.

The footsteps continued to approach and suddenly, with a snap of fingers, the door opened on a
figure he would have recognized between a thousand.
 "Hello, Shiro!" Mikey launched with his usual cheerful air. "Hurry up, you're already late,
Grandpa's going to..." His gaze shifted from the child to Takemichi, and he paused. They stared at
each other for a few moments, eyes to eyes, without uttering a single word.

Mikey hadn't changed. He still had the same nonchalant attitude, his hands buried in the pockets of
his pants on which his oversized T-shirt fell. His hair had grown slightly but he had kept the same
hairstyle as before, his blond hair half pulled back in a half ponytail while the rest fell carelessly
over his shoulders. Even her eyes were still the same. Two dark irises, so dark that they almost
melted with his pupils, giving him an unfathomable and inaccessible air that added even more to
the mysterious aura that already surrounded him.

He may have been smiling, but his eyes did not lie, and Takemichi wondered with a shiver of
horror how he could have missed it for so long. How could he not have seen, despite all the time
spent with him, how much they were already devoured by the void, how much Mikey himself was
already devoured by the void.

This hesitation lasted only a short time, a few seconds at most, after which Mikey put on his usual
carefree smile, the one that let people believe that nothing ever reached him.

"Oh," he said finally. "It's you, Takemitchy."

Chapter End Notes

Here's the first chapter ! I hope I didn't make too much incoherences with the canon, I
binge-read the manga in only one afternoon and I have a very poor memory :'))
Anyway, I hope you liked it, and see you soon for the next chapter !
Since then, take care !
Asturya
 2 | Telling (you)
Chapter Notes

Hiii !
I wanted to wait a little to post but my self-control is definitively dead, so here it is !
I'm already working on chapter 3, but I have absolutely no idea of when it will be
finished, hopefully by the end of the week :')) (No release schedule, this fic will be
chaos from the beginning to the end)

Also I was so surprised when I saw the number of people who saw / gave a kudo to
this fic, I wasn't expecting this, I thought there weren't a lot of people in here because
there isn't a lot of fics compared to others fandoms I'm in, so it made me really happy !
Thank you all, and I hope you will like the next chapters too ! ❤

As usual, don't hesitate to comment to tell me your thoughts on this ! :'))

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Chapter 2 | Telling (you)

"Oh. It's you, Takemitchy. "

Mikey's tone was playful, carefree as usual, and he shifted slightly in the doorway to let them pass.
Yet Takemichi remained motionless, frozen in place as if lightning had fallen on him and burned
each of his muscles, each of his cells. Mikey's smiling face was superimposed on his future self's
one, hollowed-out to the extreme and disappearing under the dark circles. He could see their
differences, blatant and blinding, but also their similarities, those that attested they were indeed the
same person, the same two sides of the same coin that was already beginning to turn.

He had to prevent this, he was going to prevent this, he had no choice, he was the only one who
could do it. And, despite everything he could say, it was a responsibility far too heavy for his thin
shoulders. His hands were wet again, his eyes were already moistening and he only wanted to run
away, far, far away from here, far away from this load that was weighing on his back and crushing
his chest like a steamroller. However, he didn't move. He rubbed his hands against his pants again
and wiped his eyes vigorously in a vain hope to keep a bit of dignity.

I will save you.

That was a promise.

"Hi..." he said simply. "Mikey..."

Mikey's smile suddenly vanished. He frowned and his eyes widened as he realized who he was
really dealing with.

"Wait, you..." he began.

But he didn't have the chance to finish his sentence. The child accompanying them let out a deep
sigh of exasperation, and stepped forward to squeeze through the thin space left by Mikey to get
inside.

"Well," he sighed, rolling his eyes once again. "Since you're busy with your tearful reunion, I'm
going to my class. Bye!" He punctuated his sentence with a nonchalant wave and walked away
down the hall until he disappeared completely, leaving Takemichi alone with Mikey

He swallowed.

"Mikey, I..."

"Why did you come back?" Mikey blurted out, crossing his arms against his chest. "Is there a
problem with Hina? Has Kisaki resurfaced again? Did something happen to the others? "

His tone was very serious, contrasting with the lightness he displayed when he had opened the door
a few minutes earlier. Despite his impassive air, it was obvious upon closer inspection that he was
worried about his comrades, from his clenched fists to his suddenly much tenser jaw.

"No, no," Takemichi reassured him, awkwardly waving his arms in front of him. "Everyone else is
fine I assure you, it's just that..."

You, you're not fine, he wanted to say.

But the words remained silent.

Mikey seemed to understand them, however, as he walked towards him with a heavy step, the
worry replaced by anger on his face.

"So what the hell are you doing here if everyone is fine? " he asked coldly while grabbing him by
the collar. His expression had changed, his gaze was now harsher, almost threatening, and he
wasn't smiling at all. "It's the 25th of June, I know it's not a coincidence. You read my letter, didn't
you, you saw my tape, so what the fuck are you doing here? "

Takemichi remained silent. Every draft of an answer that came to his mind sounded either too
stupid, too ridiculous, or both; and the words died in his throat before they could pass his lips. He'd
forgotten how intimidating Mikey was back then, with his dark gaze trapping anyone in his line of
sight and that deterrent aura that seemed to drive all the air out of his lungs, not to mention his grip
on his collar getting firmer every second as Mikey's impatience grew.

"I..." he tried, for lack of knowing what to say.

"I didn't want you to come," Mikey cut in. He abruptly withdrew his hand, dragging Takemichi
back to the ground, knees against the cobblestones, and then turned on his heels. Takemichi could
only see his back, his hair falling on his shoulder blades and waving in the wind. "I didn't want you
to come," he repeated, even more firmly. "If everyone else is okay, if they're all safe, that means I
kept my promise. That means I did the right thing. "

He was silent for a moment and Takemichi held his breath, as if time had stopped spinning the
moment Mikey stopped talking.

"So please, Takemitchy..." He turned around one last time, to give him one last smile. "Don't ruin
everything. "

With those words, Mikey turned on his heels for good and his figure walked away, slowly, down
the dojo hallway as the door closed behind him. It disappeared little by little in the doorway and
Takemichi knew that, if he didn't catch it now, it was over.

"No..." he whispered.

He had come here to save him. And he would keep his promise, no matter what.

Fists clenched, he rushed after Mikey, throwing the door that had almost closed with a brutal kick.

"You stay here, Manjiro Sano! "he shouted at the top of his lungs as he entered the dojo. It didn't
matter if everyone could hear him, it didn't matter if he made a fool of himself once again. He
wouldn't let him go. Not now. Not ever again. "I'm not done talking to you! "

At the end of the hall Mikey suddenly froze, and time stopped once again.

Then he turned back to Takemichi, slowly, very slowly, gradually revealing the darkest look he had
ever seen. It was as if all emotion had deserted his face. Even his anger was cold, icy, freezing
each of his features into a picture so dark it gave him chills.

"Eh..." His voice sounded different too, with no trace of his usual cheerfulness. It was the one he
took when addressing his enemies, the enemies of the Toman, those who had wronged him. This
was the first time he had addressed Takemichi like this. "Who do you think you're talking to like
that? "

Takemichi swallowed, fighting with all his might against his gut feeling to turn around and run
away at full speed. Of course he was scared, of course he was terrified, but he couldn't go. He
couldn't give up on Mikey. That's why, when he walked towards him looking like he wanted to
strike him down on the spot, Takemichi didn't move.

"To you, Mikey," he answered with all the aplomb he was capable of, while looking him straight in
the eyes. "I'm talking to you. And you're going to listen to me now."

Mikey didn't answer anything. Nor did he stop. His clenched fists along his body were the only
evidence that he really heard him. When he finally stopped in front of Takemichi, he grabbed him
by the collar again and brought his face closer to his own, turning him more threatening than ever.
Despite the fear growing inside him, Takemichi did not look away.

"I think I didn't make myself clear, Takemitchy," Mikey muttered. His face was only inches from
his and he could feel his breath on his skin, his nose occasionally touching his when he spoke
certain syllables. "You're hoping to save me, aren't you? "

Takemichi nodded slowly, and Mikey tightened his grip on his collar again, almost cutting off his
breath.

"If that's it, then go away," he hammered. "Now. I won't say it a second time."

The atmosphere around them was starting to get heavy, suffocating, between the electricity-laden
air and the chilling words that fell like raindrops, slicing the air like knife blades.

"Listen Mikey," Takemichi stuttered, his voice half choked by the pressure on his neck. "I..."

Once again, Mikey didn't let him finish.

"I don't need to be saved, do you hear me? " He raged. "I don't want to be saved. "

His clenched fist trembled against his throat. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, but Takemichi
could feel it as surely as Mikey's hair stroking his cheeks.

"I've already made my choice," he resumed. He tried to be firm, to put all his conviction into it, yet
Takemichi could discern a slight hesitation, in the inflections of his voice that was no longer as
sharp and in the way he kept his lips from trembling. "This is the best way to protect everyone.
Just like I promised you. So please..." He stared into Takemichi's eyes, and this time it wasn't anger
he could read in them. It was despair. The despair of one who is tired of fighting himself but
doesn't see any other way out. "Don't screw up all my efforts..."

This time Takemichi looked down. It was partly his fault, after all, if Mikey had always fought
alone for all those years, all those futures.

"I'm sorry, Mikey..." he whispered, his voice choked with sobs.

He couldn't hold back his tears anymore and they began to roll down his cheeks under Mikey's
unspoken gaze, under his eyes that had widened slightly at the sound of his broken voice. Even the
grip on his collar had loosened slightly and he decided to step into the breach, to try to reach him
by any means he could.

"Sorry... for making you carry such a heavy weight all by yourself..." he continued, trying vainly to
control the tremor in his voice. "And sorry... for not being clear enough that day..."

Mikey suddenly let go of his collar and let his arms fall back down his body, inert. He seemed
hesitant, watching him silently as if trying to guess what he was getting at.

"What do you..." he finally breathed.

Takemichi didn't give him time to finish his sentence. He came closer to him, reducing to nothing
the thin space that separated them to put his arms around Mikey's shoulders and draw him against
him, gently, as if he would break into a thousand pieces if he were to be a little too brusque.

"When I asked you to protect everyone... of course that included you, you idiot..."

Mikey's body stiffened, surprised by this gesture he hadn't expected, but he didn't move. He didn't
try to back away, nor did he try to return his embrace. He just stood still, his head resting on
Takemichi's shoulder and his hair tickling his neck.

"Takemitchy..." he murmured as a reply, his breath caressing his skin and creating a shiver that
electrified him.

For any reaction, Takemichi held him even closer to him.

"A future where you are not happy is not an acceptable future to me." His voice was now a barely
audible whisper that only Mikey could hear. He was so embarrassed by the words that came out of
his mouth that he could feel his cheeks catching fire, and he was quite happy that his friend
couldn't see them. "I don't want that kind of future, do you understand? "

Against his shoulder, Mikey slowly shook his head in disapproval, but Takemichi ignored it.

"Then I'll go back in time as many times as it takes," he continued, his hands closing around
Mikey's shirt and gripping it as if he were afraid he'd leave, as if he were afraid he'd disappear if he
had the misfortune to turn his gaze. "And I'll save you as many times as it takes, because..." He
remembered Mikey's hand in his, he remembered the blood running down his skin and the weight
of Mikey's body on the end of his arm, he remembered the things they'd said and he was more
determined than ever to keep his word. "Because in the future...I promised you to do so."
 Once again, Mikey shook his head, more vigorously this time.

"No..." he breathed. "That's impossible... That's not what I want..."

He tried to pull away from his embrace, but Takemichi held him against him, his hands still
clasped on the back of his T-shirt. It didn't matter if he totally distorted the fabric, it didn't matter if
he stained it with his tears. He wouldn't let him go until he told him everything he wanted to say.

"Shhh...," he whispered. "Don't say anything."

In his arms, Mikey had stopped struggling, and Takemichi felt a deep relief. He had a lot more
strength than he did, if he really wanted to get out of the way, he would have done it already. If he
was staying, it was because at least a part of him wanted to listen to him, at least a part of him
needed to hear what he was going to say.

"I know you think you have to carry it all by yourself," he continued, hoping he could find the right
words to reach him. "Even in the old days, in the days of the Toman, you were already like that.
Because you were our leader, because you were the strongest of us, you always tried to protect us,
no matter what it took. Even if it meant destroying yourself. "

Mikey didn't answer anything, and Takemichi interpreted his silence as approval, as an invitation to
continue, and so he did.

"But you know, Mikey... We're here for you, too. We too... We would do anything to protect you."

I would do anything to protect you, he thought, but those words remained unspoken.

"So please... trust us a little. Don't fight your demons alone. This battle, we'll all do it together. "

Mikey remained silent, motionless as a statue, and Takemichi wondered with growing
apprehension if he had done too much, if his words had done more harm than good, and if he had
just definitely ruined his last chance to save him.

Then, just as he was beginning to lose hope, he felt Mikey slowly nod his head.

Chapter End Notes

(Of course, it won't be that easy)

 3 | Loosing (you) (1)
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Chapter 3 | Loosing (you) (1)

June 26, 2018

Takemichi woke up in the rough comfort of his studio with a peaceful smile. The yellow wallpaper
had given way to walls painted in beige, and the floor was no longer covered with carpets and
scattered notebooks but with more or less well-closed garbage bags. Even the mattress was harder,
less comfortable with the broken spring that hurt his back. No doubt about it: he was back in the
future.

The sun was filtering through the worn curtains, highlighting the dust particles suspended in the air
of the room, which had obviously not been ventilated enough recently. The morning was probably
already well advanced but Takemichi took his time before getting up, remembering with intense
relief the course of his short trip to the past. After their conversation in the dojo, Mikey had
promised to take care of himself from now on, and to open up to Draken about the dark impulses
he had mentioned in the tape he had left for him. With his help and support, there was no reason
for Mikey to go wrong this time, and a broad smile stretched across his lips as he imagined their
reunion.

The sound of his smartphone interrupted his daydream, letting him know that he had just received
a message. With a deep sigh, he reached for it and, at the same time, considered that he should
seriously think about changing his sheets from time to time, given the coffee stains and cereal
crumbs that littered the blanket.

The message was from Chifuyu. It was the third one he had sent him, and he was getting impatient.

Chifuyu [06/26/2018]

[10:14] Wtf are you doing ??? Everybody is waiting for you ! You’re not gonna miss your wedding
rehearsal, aren’t you ???

[10:18] Hurry up dude !!! Hina is getting impatient, you’re gonna get scolded !!!

[10:27] Well, I cover your ass for about half an hour, but I swear if you don’t move your lazy butt
out of your dingy apartment I’ll come by myself !!!

Takemichi's eyes widened as he read his friend's messages. A wedding rehearsal? So in this future
too, he and Hina were getting married? And very soon, what's more? He smiled slightly and forced
himself to get out of bed, even though he would have liked to rest a few more minutes. He wasn't
going to be late for his wedding rehearsal, was he? At least not any more than he already was, he
thought as he suddenly remembered Chifuyu's message with a touch of guilt.

Takemichi [06/26/2018]

[10:31] Taking a shower and I’m on my way !!!

[10:31] Thanks dude, you’re the best

As soon as he finished typing his message, he threw his phone on his bed and ran to the bathroom.
He was looking forward to seeing Hina, Chifuyu and all the others. But above all, it was also a
chance to see Mikey again, and to finally enjoy a future where he would be happy. He was eager to
hear what he had to tell him, to know what he had become, to learn everything he had done during
his long absence. He could not wait to finally see him smile again.

This simple thought filled him with impatience, and he hurried to wash before running to the
meeting place which, fortunately, was indicated in his diary, a broad smile on the lips.

When Takemichi arrived, everyone was already gathered in front of the big wooden doors of the
reception hall. It was a beautiful summer day, the sun was shining in the sky without any clouds to
cover it and the air was warm, neither too hot nor too cold. A few birds were chirping in the trees
surrounding the large white building, mingling with the sound of traffic that could be heard a little
further away.

Perfect weather for a reunion.

As soon as he saw him, Chifuyu ran down the wide stone steps that led to the hall and rushed
towards him. Like Takemichi, he had dropped the bleach, and his impeccably coiffed black hair
matched his neatly pressed suit jacket. Even his tie was tastefully chosen, matching his eyes, and
the whole thing gave him a very charismatic look. Takemichi even thought to himself that he
looked more like a groom than he did, with his suit a little wrinkled and his hair unkempt, still
slightly damp.

"Damn, it took you long enough", sighed Chifuyu when he reached him, before looking him up
and down with a dismayed look. "And all this time for that? Look at you, you look like you fell
asleep with your suit on! "He shook his head before taking it in his hands, tucking an imaginary
rebellious lock behind his ear. "Anyway, good thing this is just a rehearsal, and not the actual
wedding..."

Takemichi nodded silently. He too was relieved that it was only a rehearsal, he wouldn't have seen
himself arriving at his own wedding in a hurry, without having prepared anything and having been
told only half an hour earlier when he was already late.

"Sorry..." he muttered, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Looks like my alarm didn't
ring..."

It was a poor excuse, but Chifuyu didn't comment. He merely shrugged and lead him in the stairs
that led to the reception room.

"It is mostly with Hina that you will have to apologize", he amused himself. He moved closer to
him, a smile on his lips, and told him in a tone of confidence, "I think you're gonna have to give of
yourself for her to accept your apologies, if you know what I mean."
Takemichi felt his cheeks catch fire and let out an embarrassed laugh, which only caused Chifuyu
to laugh out loud, as if his attitude was totally out of line with his usual one. Had his past self
become one of those macho men with a fat laugh, who rushed to tell about his sexual exploits as
soon as he had accomplished them with a beer in his hand? And, more importantly, had he lost his
virginity without even being there to appreciate it?

He sighed deeply, frustrated that he couldn't ask his friend the question without sounding like an
idiot. Time travel certainly had its advantages, but it also had its drawbacks.

" Hey Takemitchy, you're quite a prude today," Chifuyu teased him, putting an arm around his
shoulders affectionately. "Is it the prospect of marriage that makes you nervous? "

Takemichi distantly nodded his head, and kept climbing the stairs with an absent minded look.

It was always unsettling to find himself propelled into a future he knew nothing about, not even his
own past, while having to pretend to fit in perfectly to keep up appearances. It was like living by
someone else's choices, someone else's will that was his but not his at the same time.

In this future, he was going to get married. He was going to marry Hina, as the fulfillment of a
couple life that he hadn't even lived, and the mere thought made him dizzy. Last time he had had
three months to prepare himself, to let the idea sink in as his own choice and not the one of
someone else with whom he finally shared nothing but the same identity. But this time, he had only
four days before the fateful date. It was far too little, and impatience had given way to a dull
anxiety that was gradually winning him over. He was literally terrified.

Of course, he was happy to marry Hina. Their wedding had already been cancelled in the previous
timeline after he had gone to get Mikey, and he felt so guilty about that that he was relieved that
everything was finally back to normal. Besides, Hina would probably make a great wife, just as she
had probably been a great girlfriend. Sweet, cheerful, caring, brave, Hina had all the qualities one
could hope for. That was why he had fallen in love with her when they were children.

But now he was twenty-seven.

He was twenty-seven and something felt off.

When he reached the top of the stairs, Hina gave him a dazzling smile to which he answered
awkwardly, ashamed of the doubts and questions that were clouding his mind.

"You are finally here, Takemichi! " she exclaimed as she walked towards him.

"Sorry," he replied with embarrassment. "My alarm clock didn't ring it seems..."

Hina let out a deep sigh as she continued to smile.

"You're really hopeless..." she laughed. "Anyway, at least you're here, it's the most important thing,
isn't it? "

Once again, Takemichi merely nodded.

Probably.

Hina was stunning. She had put on a long lilac dress belted at the waist, so vaporous that it
undulated in the wind and gave the impression that her whole body was floating. It matched the
flower crown on her hair as well as the discreet nail polish she probably had applied for the
occasion. At her neck, the pendant he had given her in middle school rested on her skin,
prominently displayed, and Takemichi touched his by reflex to check that it was there.

It was.

Before entering the room for the rehearsal, Takemichi took the time to greet the rest of the guests.
Everyone had come for the day, and they planned to spend the afternoon in the park together after
the formalities were over. He shook Mitsuya's hand, let Draken smother him in one of his usual
strong embraces, and repeated the words "hi" and "sorry" more times than in all his lives
combined.

However, something was wrong.

No matter how many times he scanned the group, he couldn't find Mikey.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

June 26, 2006

Sitting on his bed among his stuffed animals and pillows, Mikey gave his phone a bored look. The
digital clock in the corner of the screen read 9:42pm. Beyond his bedroom window, the sun had
already declined, and was now hidden by the huge hedge that surrounded the property.

It had been three hours and seventeen minutes since Takemichi had left, three hours and seventeen
minutes since he had held his phone in his hand with Draken's number already dialed, without
pressing the call button. His thumb wandered over the top, inches from the screen and sometimes
inadvertently brushing against it, but the call didn't go through. It was as if he was playing with
luck, as if he was putting the responsibility for his action in the hands of chance.

Before Takemichi left, he had promised him that he would do it. He had promised to call Draken
and talk to him about the demons inside him, about the dark impulses that he could not control and
that sometimes took control of him. It was even the condition Takemichi had set for his return to
the future, for him to accept to take Mikey's hand in his and to go back where he came from, to go
back where he belonged.

They had talked about it for several hours, forsaking the discomfort of the lobby for the intimacy
of the living room and, despite his insistence, Takemichi hadn't wanted to tell him what he had
become in the future he'd sawn. He didn't need to, anyway. Mikey was perfectly clear about the
future that awaited him. He was perfectly aware of the darkness that lay within him and that grew,
grew, grew every day without him being able to do anything about it. He knew that he was not a
good person, that he had never been and would never be no matter how many futures you looked
into. His path was already set, stained with the blood, the blows and the pain he sowed in his path.
He had accepted it long ago. That was why he had made that tape, to make sure that no one came
to meet him, that they all stayed away from him, safe.

He had accepted the idea of sinking, not taking those he loved with him as he had done in too many
futures. He couldn't forgive himself.

The more he thought about it, the more stupid that damn promise seemed.
 He sighed. The sun was now completely down and darkness had gradually taken over the room,
making its furniture disappear into semi-darkness. The only light came from the screen of the
phone, which blinded his face of its pallid glare. It was now 10:13 p.m., and he still hadn't called.
His gaze shifted to his bedside table, where the framework containing the photo taken with his
friends from the Toman was placed. Takemichi, Draken, Mitsuya, they were all there, and just
looking at it was enough to make him nostalgic.

Takemichi had assured him that in the future he was from, they were all fine. Mitsuya had gone
into fashion. Hakkai had become a model. Smiley and Angry had opened a restaurant, Chifuyu a
pet shop and Draken a motorcycle store. Takemichi, on the other hand, had become the owner of
the disc store he used to work at, and it made him laugh when he told him about it. On top of that,
he was getting married. To Hina. He was finally going to have the life he had always dreamed of,
the life he deserved after all he had done for them, after all he had done for himself.

Mikey forced himself to smile.

He was genuinely happy for them. Of course he wished he could be with them and share their
happiness, but that was impossible, it was a utopia he had stopped believing in long ago. He was
not made for the light. But his friends were, and he wasn't selfish enough to threaten to drag them
down with him by asking them to help him.

He had promised, but he couldn't.

He couldn't sacrifice their happiness for a conditional hope. Instead, it was up to him, Manjiro
Sano, as a friend and former leader of the Toman, to protect them. No matter what Takemichi
might say, these demons were his to face. On his own. And it didn't matter if he won or lost. He
would at least have the certitude of having preserved those who mattered to him.

Yes, it was definitely the best decision.

"Sorry, Takemitchy," he murmured as he closed the flip of his phone before setting it on his
bedside table, a sad smile on his lips as he turned off the light. "Looks like I won't be able to keep
that promise."

Chapter End Notes

Hiii !
Well, if you remember, I told you this story was gonna be short. Obviously, it was a
liar. There are not 10 chapters anymore as 2 new ones just added themselves in my
outline, and I even have to split some chapters because it was getting really long and I
wouldn't be able to post before a while and I didn't want to make you wait for too long
between two updates :')) As you can see, "concise" is not part of my vocabulary aha,
and I hope it doesn't make the story progress too slowly

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first part of this chapter ! The interactions between
Takemichi and Chifuyu were so funny to write, I really love them. In the next part of
the chapter, we will get to know more about what happened to Mikey during all these
years !
Since then, take care of you, and don't forget to tell me your thoughts about this in the
comments, and you can also dm me on Twitter (@asturya9) if you want ! I'll be happy
to talk with you ! ❤
Asturya
 3 | Loosing (you) (2)
Chapter Notes

TW : This chapter (and the following ones) will deal with mental health issues and
suicidal thoughts, as mentioned in the tags, and may not be suitable for some readers.
Please read to your own discretion.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Chapter 3 | Loosing (you) (2)

June 26, 2018

If there was one thing Takemichi had learned from his time travels, it was to make sure he didn't
let himself be overwhelmed by fear. Experience had shown him that panic never brought anything
good and that it was always better to keep a cool head, to try to think rationally.

Today should be no exception.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, to focus on his breathing until he could think
coherently. It had to be a mistake. A simple mishap. Mikey had probably gone to the bathroom at
the wrong time, or his bike had gotten stuck in traffic and he would arrive any minute, his helmet
on his head with the strap undone, as usual. He would appear in front of the room with a loud
motor roar and would get out of his vehicle without even bothering to park properly, with a huge
smile on his face and always wearing the same sandals no matter the situation. He would then
climb the stairs and join them without even apologizing for his delay, already impatient for the
rehearsal to end so he could finally go to lunch.

Yes, he tried to convince himself, that was how things were going to be, because Mikey was fine,
Mikey could only be fine, right?

So why did he feel so bad?

Why was he the only one who kept his ear to the road, trying to make out the particular sound of
Mikey's motorcycle in the middle of the heavy traffic? Why was he the only one scanning the road
for his figure speeding between cars, so fast that even death itself would probably be afraid to catch
up? Why was he the only one who still seemed to be waiting, who still seemed to be waiting for
someone, and most of all, why was he the only one to react when Draken opened the door with a
big smile, inviting them in now that they were finally all present?

"Say..." he stammered as they all came in as if nothing had happened, as if Draken hadn't just said
the biggest nonsense ever and as if he wasn't the only one who had realized it. "Aren't we waiting
for Mikey? "

At these words, all conversations ceased.

Then, Takemichi understood that something was really wrong.

 ❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

December 7, 2007

It was dark when Mikey arrived at the square where he was meeting Sanzu.

It had been snowing all day, and although the flakes had now stopped falling, the sub-zero
temperatures allowed them to stand on the ground without melting. The grass he walked on was
therefore covered with a thin white coat, on which his footsteps crunched, leaving the imprint of
his Doc Martens. The thick black coat he had put on kept his body warm, but his face was already
attacked by the cold that was freezing his cheeks and burning his throat. With each exhale, his
breath rose in an opaque mist to the cloudless sky, and he no longer had the strength to ask himself
what he was doing there, or if it was right or wrong.

All these notions had become more and more blurred in his mind since Takemichi had left.

Sanzu had already arrived. Sitting on top of the squirrel cage, he was watching him with a
nonchalant posture, his chin resting on his hand and his elbow on his lap. Four of his comrades
were also present, sitting on lower rungs or simply waiting next to the facility. Mikey didn't know
their names, and he didn't want to. It just went straight in over his head.

Everything went straight over his head right now.

He stopped in front of them and glared at them one by one before stopping on Sanzu, chin up and
hands in his pockets.

"What do you want?" He asked in a drawl.

Sanzu's smile widened, revealing his canines on the right side of his face and Mikey raised an
eyebrow, disillusioned. He wondered if this was what he looked like as well, when he smiled. A
bloodthirsty, power-hungry monster. One thing was for sure, he probably didn't have a pure and
sincere smile like his brother's or Takemichi's, because he was just not like them, not from their
universe, he wasn't born on the right side of the fence and it wasn't their fault, nor Mikey's.

"We're going to fight with a gang," Sanzu explained nonchalantly, as if it were a triviality, and
Mikey suddenly remembered that in their universe it was. "And we need a worthy leader to guide
us. Are you in?"

Mikey didn't answer immediately. Ignoring Sanzu, his absent gaze turned to the sky where the
crescent moon seemed to be watching him, impassive.

Fighting with a gang, huh?

It had been a long time since Mikey had been involved in this kind of activity. Since the Toman
disbanded, he hadn't really been involved in any activities at all. He just waited in the dojo,
contemplating the days that passed one after the other and all looked the same, with nothing to
shake him out of his monotony.

He missed the time of the Toman. He missed the time spent with his friends, laughing and feasting
and even doing nothing special except being together; he missed the excitement that preceded the
fights, the delicious thrill that ran down his spine as he entered the battlefield followed by the rest
of the gang, united as one to conquer victory. But those days were over. His friends all had a life to
lead now, a normal life, in a normal world, far from the beatings and the blood. A world where
Mikey didn't belong, no matter what they said.

He couldn't get his friends back. He had cut off all contact almost a year ago, after a violent
argument with those who had not understood his choice, like Draken. They didn't understand. They
didn't understand that he was doing all this for them, because one day he would sink again and he
wanted them all to be far away from him.

He had tried, though, to keep himself afloat. But now he realized how futile it was, and this
statement seemed so ridiculous and so obvious that he burst out laughing. He had spent a year in a
fog, unable to see beyond the end of his nose, watching from afar Takemichi's return twelve years
later like an exhausted runner watching his finish line with a disillusioned look on his face,
knowing full well before he started that he would never reach the end no matter how hard he tried.

Mikey wasn't meant to run.

He could feel himself dying slowly, he could feel the burning flame that used to fill his chest being
slowly extinguished as the days went by, as the world continued to move forward while leaving
him on the sidelines. He felt like suffocating, asphyxiating himself by trying to fit into a mold that
didn't fit him.

In this way, Sanzu's proposal was like a breath of oxygen. As soon as he had heard his words, he
had felt his heart accelerate all at once, as if it was suddenly restarting after a long sleep, making
the blood run again in his parched veins. He had felt his phalanxes quivering with anticipation,
thirsting for the sensation of flesh crashing against his joints, he had felt each of his brain's cogs
starting up again and each of the pieces of himself getting back into place, as if he was about to
become himself again, to become whole again.

It was an evidence.

Mikey wasn't meant to run, he was meant to fight. He was made for action, for adrenaline, for that
exhilarating feeling that took hold of him every time he engaged in combat; he was made for
domination, a natural and implacable domination exercised only by the most powerful. He was
made to stand on top, to look down on the battlefield with a victorious gaze, and only then did he
feel alive.

Sorry, Takemitchy, he thought with a sad smile. I really tried.

It was the truth. He had tried to believe in these fantasies, to convince himself that he could change,
that he could become someone else, someone better. But deep down, Mikey didn't want to be
someone else. He just wanted to feel alive. He just wanted, for a few seconds, to finally stop
thinking, to finally silence the wind that was screaming in his ears without ever pretending to stop.

Let me do it, please, just for this time.

He turned to Sanzu with an arrogant smile, his fists on his hips.

"Who do you think I am?" he exclaimed. "Of course I'm in."

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

 June 26, 2018

The silence that fell in the reception room was heavy, ponderous, so palpable that it felt like time
had suddenly stood still. All the members of the group had suddenly stopped. No one spoke or
laughed or walked anymore, it was as if they barely dared to breathe.

"Guys..." Takemichi stammered in a pale voice, trying in vain not to let panic overtake him.

His distraught gaze wandered between the group members in an attempt to find an anchor, a spark
to hold on to, but all he encountered was a sea of blank stares that lowered themselves one by one,
as if suddenly unable to support his own. He caught Hina biting her discreetly made-up lip, a sign
that she was trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes; and he intercepted an
embarrassed glance between Draken and Chifuyu which, although it lasted only a few tenths of a
second, was heavy enough to make his heart race.

"Answer me..."

Fists tightened, faces turned, and jaws clenched slightly in the crushing silence. However, none of
them spoke. Takemichi felt the fear growing on him with each passing moment, like a huge wave
that was gradually rising above him and from which he knew he couldn't escape. His gaze went
from one face to the other, looking for answers in their fleeing expressions, but he didn't find any.
Or maybe he just didn't want to see them.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

December 8, 2007

His breath shortened, Mikey wiped the blood from his bruised lips with the back of his hand. The
sun was beginning to rise over Tokyo, sounding the death knell for a fierce battle that had lasted
most of the night and ended at first light. The sky was clear, and the orange dawn that filtered
between the buildings of the still sleeping city was reflected on the scarlet snow that covered the
ground around him. The wasteland he was standing on, still filled with screams and bangs and a
few minutes earlier, was now unbelievably quiet.

Mikey closed his eyes, enjoying for a few moments the first rays of sunlight caressing his skin,
before slowly opening them again, a victorious smile on his lips. The gang members they had
faced were much more numerous and better prepared, but they were no match for him, Manjiro
Sano, the invincible Mikey. He had single-handedly taken down almost half of their ranks before
he began a fierce battle with their leader, like he had not seen in a very long time. Adrenaline
coursed through his blood in an uninterrupted stream as he danced across the battlefield, moving
like a shadow and parrying blows with an agility so natural that it was part of him, and that finding
it felt like finding himself. He didn't see the time pass, and in an instant, the opposing leader was
on the ground, lying unconscious at his feet, while all his subordinates fell to their knees before
him, bowing in the bloody snow.

Mikey stared at them, his arms crossed against his chest and his unraveled coat floating on his
shoulders, like an ancient warrior looking with a satisfied smile at the lands he had conquered.

In his ears, the wind had suddenly stopped blowing.

His mind had fallen silent, and he finally felt alive.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

June 26, 2018

Despite all his efforts, Takemichi could feel the anxiety slowly getting to him. His breathing
became harder, heavier, more painful, as if all the oxygen in the room was gradually evaporating,
and the more he tried to regain control over it, the more it escaped him.

This sinister wait was going to drive him crazy.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pachin come forward with an annoyed look on his face,
obviously about to say something, but Draken held him back by the arm and gave him such a dark
look that it dissuaded him from saying a word.

Takemichi didn't understand. His brain had suddenly stopped working and nothing around him
made sense anymore.

"He's fine, isn't he..." he insisted, not even trying to hide the tremor in his voice.

Once again, only silence answered him.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

August 1, 2009

From the top floor of the Bonten tower, the cars' headlights looked like shooting stars. They
whizzed by one after another, in an uninterrupted ballet of red and yellow lights that crossed over
and over again without ever stopping.

Leaning against his metal balcony, Mikey watched them without really seeing them. His absent
gaze just glided over them without holding on to them, letting them parade under his tired eyes
without really paying attention. The night was already well advanced, it must have been about two
or three in the morning, yet he couldn't get to sleep - once again. To be exact, he couldn't even
remember the last time he had managed to fall asleep properly. His mind seemed to unravel a little
more with each passing day, crumbling from the short, sleepless nights, and his thoughts were
starting to become as fuzzy as the cars below. Every time he tried to stop on one of them, it
immediately disappeared and no matter how hard he chased it, he could never catch it. He finally
gave up. Maybe it was just better for him to stop thinking.

The only time his mind seemed to come back to him was during the fights. Suddenly, it was as if
the stormy sky that clouded his mind cleared and he became alert again, free of the weight on his
limbs and the fog that clouded his consciousness. His body began to move of its own accord,
propelled by the adrenaline that flooded his veins, and everything suddenly seemed clear, limpid,
as natural as breathing.
However, this only lasted for a moment, a night at the most.

The wind that blew in his ears fell silent for a few hours before picking up again, stronger and
more powerful than ever, and Mikey lived only for the next fight, the next respite, the next lull.
The rest was nothing but a blurred and indistinct vortex in which he moved with automatism, with
a vague look and dark eyes, distractedly planning the next confrontations from the top of his
luxurious apartments. They had become more and more frequent in the last few months and, within
a year, their gang had reached a certain reputation in the capital. Each time, Mikey was at the
forefront, crossing enemy lines like a rocket transcending space-time, chasing a sensation as
fleeting as illusory.

Deep down, he knew that one day it would no longer be enough. That one day, simple hand-to-
hand fights would no longer be enough, and that he would need more.

This thought was there without being there, lurking in a corner of his maze-like mind to which he
most often lost access. He would occasionally cross paths with it as he wandered, but he would
quickly look away, as if ceasing to see it might cease to make it exist. Deep down, he knew he was
lying to himself. But he refused to see that too.

He had always prided himself on being lucid about the future that awaited him, but now that it was
before him he could only close his eyes. He had always seen this chasm coming closer, but it was
one thing to watch it from afar, and quite another to see it open up beneath his feet and fall, fall, fall
with nothing to hold on to.

Everyone he could have held on to was gone, in another world, another universe or another
timeline. They were now out of reach, and even if he had wanted to get to them, he couldn't have.
To Mikey, people were like those lights that paraded below. He was doomed to watch them go in
and out of his life without ever managing to hold them back.

"Say, Shinichiro..." he murmured under his breath. "Why does it always end the same way? "

He looked up at the moonless sky, searching with a bitter smile for an answer to his questions in
the endlessness of the night.

"Why do I always have to be the one who stays?"

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

June 26, 2018

It was Naoto who finally broke the silence, walking up to Takemichi with the most serious
expression he had ever seen. His features were drawn, without the slightest trace of a smile, and his
left hand was nervously fidgeting with his car keys in his jacket pocket. As he reached him, he
pursed his lips and mechanically put his glasses back on with his fingertips, before staring at him.

This is it. This is the moment of truth.

"Mikey..." he began in a soft, cautious voice, as if he was afraid Takemichi would break, as if he
knew in advance that his words would actually break him into a million pieces. "Mikey... he's
dead, Takemichi. For eight years now."
 ❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

July 6, 2010

There was something comforting about the sound of the rain. The touch of it too, in some ways.

Sitting on the edge of his balcony, his legs dangling precariously in the air, Mikey couldn't help
but wonder why people hated it so much. With his eyes closed, he savored the caress of the water
as it ran down his forehead, over his cheeks, through his now-dyed black hair and then onto his
completely soaked T-shirt. The drops were icy against his skin, like millions of little pricks that
electrified his flesh. They were breaking all around him, crashing against the metal structure of the
balcony with a dull, loud, regular sound. Letting his mind wander, Mikey could almost mistake
them for fireworks, so loud that they even surpassed the noises in his head.

In all the cacophony, his world seemed incredibly quiet.

Even time seemed to stand still. It was as if there was suddenly no past or future, only that frozen
balcony, the torrential rain, and Mikey. All his past actions seemed to suddenly fade away, all the
blows he had dealt, all the blood he had spilled, all the disaster and chaos he had left in his wake
without ever looking back; even his future, which was getting darker and darker with each passing
day, seemed to be drowning in the rain, and it gave him an incredible feeling of relief.

The few times he looked ahead, no matter which direction he searched, he saw only desolation.
The happy future in which he would find Takemichi appeared to him more and more chimerical,
more and more illusory as he sank into the world of shadows, each day a little more, as the lines
and the borders between good and evil blurred around him, like they were also erased by the rain.

At this rate, he would end up killing someone soon.

He would end up killing someone, taking a life, maybe even the life of someone he had once
cherished, and even then he wasn't sure he would feel anything.

He wasn't even sure if he could feel anything anymore, no matter what the circumstances.

He drew a joyless smile and watched with his empty eyes as the drops fell on his hands, his hands
still free of crime, but for how long? How long before his last chains broke? How long would he
manage to fight before he lost control for good?

He didn't want this future. He had never wanted it.

So what could be better than a beautiful rainy night to make it disappear for good?

He didn't want Takemichi to see his name as a murderer one day. And there was a way to make
sure that never happened.

"Go without me," he called out to Sanzu, who was waiting patiently at the apartment door. "I have
a promise to keep tonight. "

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

 June 26, 2018

Takemichi's heart missed a beat, then abruptly accelerated. His suit jacket suddenly seemed much
too warm for the season and his tie much too tight, he felt suffocated, as if the air couldn't reach his
lungs, as if his rib cage had even forgotten how to breathe. He wanted to make a move to loosen
the cloth around his neck but he couldn't even do so, he stared at his trembling hands without
knowing what to do with them, without even being sure that they were really his own.

"Guys..." he breathed out in a pale voice. "This is a joke... right? "

It had to be. It was bound to be. It couldn't be any other way.

Couldn't it?

He looked up. Naoto's face was more expressionless than ever, more serious than ever, with his
lips pursed and his grave gaze piercing through his glasses. Behind him, the other members of the
group looked at him for the most part with incomprehension, except for Draken, Hina and Chifuyu
who expressly fled his gaze.

It was far too well imitated for a simple joke, and in his mind, a voice he didn't want to hear
whispered that it wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Takemichi," Naoto murmured, lowering his eyes as well. "I wish you'd learned
differently."

Around him, the world fell apart.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

July 6, 2010

When he finally heard the door slam shut, Mikey breathed a deep sigh of relief.

Finally alone, he thought, slowly opening his eyes again.

He stood still for a few more moments, enjoying the rain kissing his skin for a while longer, before
he sat up smoothly and stood on the railing. It was an exhilarating feeling, to suddenly stand in
front of the void, his bare toes curled against the dangerously wet metal bar. The wind had picked
up and the rain was getting heavier and heavier, pounding his face continuously and soaking him to
the bone, but Mikey didn't care. Eyes wide open, staring up at the sky with the huge black clouds
above his head, he spread his arms and took a deep breath.

The delicious adrenaline rush he had been desperately chasing all these years began to spread
through his body, starting with his racing heart and then spreading to the rest of his system, from
his rain-frozen toes to his wind-blown fingers. It was as if every inch of his skin was suddenly
electrified, reenergized by one last pulse, one last burst of excitement, and he couldn't help but
smile wider.

Tokyo unfolded at his feet and he felt as if he was dominating the city, dominating the storm,
 dominating the whole world and even dominating death. His heart swelled in his chest and he
hadn't felt so alive for far too long.

He closed his eyes.

"Say, Takemitchy..." he whispered into the wind, like a last prayer, a last regret. "Do you think
there's a future where we can meet again?"

Chapter End Notes

Hiiiii !

Damn this chapter was way longer than I expected, even when cut into two parts !
When I first wrote it I wasn't very convinced with it, it felt like a mix of all my flaws as
a writer (too much feelings / descriptions / introspection, too less dialogues and action)
and I was like "uuuuhhh what did I do again?" But finally, I really love it, I don't know
how to explain it but when re-reading it, it really made me feel something, so I
decided to keep it this way. In fact, I think this even my favorite chapter of all my
works, all fandoms taken together :'))

Also, I promise there will be fluff, I swear they will have their happy ending, it just
take a little more time than expected because, well, writing went wild. But it's coming,
it's coming !

As usual, don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts in comments ! It's always so

interesting to read what you thought about it, even if it's only a few words, it really
makes my day ! So thanks again to all the people who took the time to comment, and
thanks also to all the silent readers who keep reading and waiting for updates ! Love
you all ! ❤

I'll try to update every weekend, but the story is becoming so long and out of control
that I might have to do a little break if I don't manage to write enough :')) (I will never
believe my brain again when it says that the story is gonna be short). Since there, take
care ! ❤

Asturya
 4 | Missing (you)
Chapter Notes

TW : Please be aware that this chapter might be really sad. I don't know how it will be
perceived as a reader, maybe I failed and it won't be sad at all, but I prefer to warn. Go
read a lot of fluff when you finish ❤ (I'm already on my way aha)

With this, I wish you a good reading ! :'))

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Chapter 4 | Missing (you)

June 26, 2018

In the worst moments, it is often the smallest things that suddenly start to grab attention. The brain
tries to escape from reality by all possible means. It falls into denial, forges another truth, turns a
blind eye to the facts that are blowing up in its face as if this could make them cease to exist, erases
all signs of threat to reduce its universe to a tiny thing, the most futile and derisory possible, in the
hope that everything else will eventually disappear if it believes hard enough.

For some, it will be a bird sitting on a branch, for others a crack in the ceiling that takes on abstract
forms, or a leak of water on the wall that flows along sinuous paths.

For Takemichi, it was the regular swing of the clock in the reception room.

Since Naoto's confession, his gaze had been hopelessly fixed on the golden pendulum that swung
from left to right, then right to left, without ever stopping. There was something comforting in the
constant movement, in the exact and predictable trajectory of this metal ball fixed at the end of its
shaft in the huge wooden cage. No matter how long he looked at it, no matter how much he
blinked, it never strayed from its predefined route. No pitfalls, no nasty surprises, no ambushes that
would catch him off guard.

As long as he looked at this clock, this clock and this clock alone, he felt he would remain safe.

The problem is that this kind of illusion never lasts very long. Sooner or later it starts to crumble,
shattering to the ground like millions of pieces of glass, reflecting the reality you wanted to escape
in all directions like a rainbow of truths diffracted by a prism. And at that moment, no matter how
much you try to look away, you can't stop it from exploding.

So, when Takemichi felt Naoto's hands closing on his shoulders and saw his face coming closer to
his own to try to catch his gaze, he couldn't help but turn his head. His eyes remained fixed on the
pendulum even if it meant unscrewing his neck, even if it meant blurring everything else. The
room was silent. He couldn't hear any noise, any sound, any word. He felt as if he was seeing the
world from the bottom of a pool, blurred and confused, as if covered by an opaque screen that
filtered information and distorted reality.

It was a very strange sensation.

But something told him that it was infinitely less bad than what awaited him when the bubble
would burst.

He didn't want that to happen. So he focused on the clock.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

His pupils followed the movement with an assiduity that wasn't like him, witnessing all the
relentlessness he was putting into this simple task. Yet, despite his best efforts, he could feel his
concentration wavering as the information forced its way into his mind, as the illusion walls broke
down and his mirages shattered. The air became hotter and hotter, more and more suffocating.
Takemichi felt as if it was stuck in his bronchial tubes, and was being sucked out by an unknown
force before he could even reach his lungs. It was as if his organs were imploding in his ribcage, as
if his heart had suddenly gone out of service and was only able to send out irregular bursts of
poorly oxygenated blood that gave him a cold sweat.

"Ho... how..." he tried to articulate.

His voice was now only a vague whisper, a hoarse complaint that escaped from his dry throat and
pasty mouth in a grotesque grimace. His whole body seemed to be dehydrated even though he had
not shed a single tear. That was how great the shock was. He couldn't even process the fact that he
was supposed to cry.

Once again, only silence answered him.

Takemichi was tired of it. He was tired of being left without any answers, he was tired of no one
wanting to tell him anything under the pretext of protecting him - and protecting him from what,
anyway? The bomb had already been thrown, pulled out, and it had just exploded in his hands with
nothing for him to hide behind.

There was nothing left to save now.

He just wanted to know.

"He..." Naoto hesitated, trying in vain to hide the uncertainty in his voice.

Takemichi listened carefully, waiting with a pounding heart for a follow-up that never came. He
wanted to vomit and cry and scream, but that didn't come either.

Nothing was coming and it was beginning to drive him crazy.

It was finally from Draken that the second bomb came.

"He killed himself," he said abruptly, and the silence around them became even more
overwhelming.

From that moment on, everything became very confusing for Takemichi. He heard voices around
him, but they sounded very distant, as if blurred by interference. He heard Pachin yelling and
Draken yelling back without understanding a word they were saying, he heard Mitsuya trying to
intervene without knowing if he had succeeded; he heard Chifuyu trying to address him, with his
big blue eyes full of worry that he saw without really seeing them. He heard Hina sobbing in the
distance but even so he felt empty, empty, empty.

In front of him the clock continued its course, unperturbed.

This simple fact suddenly seemed completely meaningless.

How could time continue to run while Mikey was gone?

The rest of the morning passed in a confused fog.

Despite Hina's suggestion to postpone the rehearsal to the next day, Takemichi insisted on keeping
it on schedule. He didn't want to be the one to disrupt the day's proceedings because of his inability
to manage his emotions. This was supposed to be a rehearsal for the best day of his life, the best
day of Hina's life, and he couldn't afford to be selfish and throw everything away - and for what?
To lock himself up in his unsanitary apartment and drown in his tears? That wouldn't solve
anything. At least being in front of the others, in the center of attention, forced him not to collapse
to keep up appearances. With his back straight, nervously playing with his fingers as if he had
suddenly forgotten what to do with them, he waited at the front of the altar for Hina to make her
entrance. The others were sitting in the bleachers in front of him and making cheerful faces in a
vain attempt to lighten the mood. Takemichi didn't pay any attention. He was not stupid, he was
well aware that they were avoiding his gaze despite themselves and that the air had suddenly
become as heavy as a lead weight.

He simply didn't care.

For a long time, he had imagined the thrill of excitement he would feel as he stood there, on that
altar, eagerly awaiting the entrance of the woman of his life. He had imagined the smile that would
stretch his lips and the glow that would light up his eyes, he had imagined his heart beating,
beating faster and faster, and his hands becoming clammy against his flower bouquet as the wait
would be agonizing.

On that day, Takemichi had forgotten the flowers. And, when Hina opened the doors, dressed in
her sumptuous lilac dress, his heart remained hopelessly inert.

He watched her walk down the aisle without really seeing her, his absent gaze passing through her
like a misty mirage. Her figure moved toward him in slow steps, probably embarrassed by the
heels she wasn't used to wearing - or maybe she was, in fact he had no idea. With each step, the
pendant around her neck twitched slightly, appearing and disappearing behind the bouquet of roses
she held in her hands. It was swinging from left to right, gently, steadily, like the pendulum of the
clock that he could no longer see from his position. He could only hear the sound it made,
strangely synchronized with the clacking of Hina's heels against the floor and the swing of her
pendant.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

As Hina arrived in front of him, she gave him a smile so sweet that Takemichi could almost believe
it was spontaneous, and he forced himself to smile too while vaguely wondering if he would
manage to fool anyone.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

A deputy mayor who had come especially for the occasion stood in front of them, holding a bundle
of documents, including his pre-written script which he began to recite in a monotonous tone.
Takemichi listened to him with a distracted ear, his mind entirely occupied by the clock that
resounded in the room and by the pendant that was not moving anymore.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

This masquerade looked so stupid that it almost made him want to laugh. In respect for Hina, he
didn't. She was still smiling, wrapping him in a veil of kindness that he couldn't accept, with her
gaze so soft that he couldn't even stand it.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He felt as if he was watching the scene from the outside, as if his life no longer belonged to him, as
if he were only a spectator of his own existence. He saw the deputy ask Hina if she wanted to take
him as her husband, and he heard her say yes.

He saw the deputy ask him if he would like to take Hina as his wife, and he heard himself say yes.
He didn't even recognize his own voice.

Knock. Knock.

Hina approached him, and gently took his hand to put on his finger the rehearsal ring. It was
simple, probably made of steel, and had tiny traces of abrasion all over it that showed it had already
been to many such rehearsals.

Takemichi wondered if this one would be among the most sinister it would ever see.

He wondered if its previous wearers, too, were unable to detach themselves from the sound of the
clock's pendulum.

Knock. Knock.

Everyone was staring at him, and Takemichi suddenly realized that he too had to put the fake
wedding ring on Hina's finger. He reached out to grab the object and the feeling was very strange,
as if this moving body was not really his own. He grabbed the ring between his thumb and
forefinger, and contemplated it for a few moments, seconds, minutes, his absent gaze searching in
the worn metal for an answer to a question he didn't even know.

Knock. Knock.

He finally took Hina's hand in his, with a gentleness more related to his general state of apathy than
to a real will on his part.

Smile, he said inwardly. Smile. Smile. Smile. Don't ruin it. It's not Hina's fault. She's suffered
enough from your selfishness.

He forced the corner of his lips up while praying it didn't sound too fake. However, he felt so
ashamed and guilty and pathetic that he couldn't look at her in the eyes. Instead, he focused his
gaze on the silver ring as he slowly slipped it onto Hina's finger until it was perfectly in place.
Even then, he continued to watch it, because he couldn't see the clock anymore and he didn't know
what else to look at.

Knock. Knock.

"You may kiss the bride," the deputy said, and it took Takemichi several long seconds before he
realized he was addressing him.
He blinked several times, dazed. His hand rose mechanically to rest on Hina's shoulder, just beside
her neck, his fingers folded against the outline of her neck. He didn't even have to think about it, it
was as if he had made this gesture so many times it was written in his flesh. Then he leaned gently
towards her, eyelids closed, and deposited his lips on hers.

It is the moment that chose the first tear to run on his cheek.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

Takemichi did not attend the meal that followed the rehearsal. In fact, there was no meal at all.

The first tear opened the way for a second, then a third, then a fourth. He felt them trickling down
his skin, without a sound, in the religious silence only broken by the regular beating of the clock.
Takemichi had never been the type to cry in silence. He was used to the torrents of tears that
flooded his cheeks, to the guttural sobs, to the broken complaints with a salty aftertaste; he was
used to the screams and the shouts, to the explosions of distress but this, this was the first time.

This was the first time his tears were trickling out without his throat making a sound, and somehow
it was even more painful that way. The grief was stuck in his chest as if too big to escape properly
and it hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt.

His lips moving slowly against Hina's, he tried not to show anything.

It's not her fault, he repeated to himself. It's not her fault.

It wasn't Hina's fault if Mikey was gone, and it wasn't her fault if he kept seeing his smile every
time he closed his eyes. He had to move on, for her, for that future he had fought for and always
dreamed of. He couldn't hurt her any more than he already had. So he intensified their kiss,
pressing his lips against Hina's harder and harder, desperately, as if kissing her hard enough could
make him forget everything, as if her lips could succeed where the clock had failed.

They did not.

After a few moments, Hina gently pulled away from him, and it was only then that he noticed the
tears beading at the corners of her eyes.

Takemichi had never been a good actor. That day was just another proof.

His heart tightened even more in his chest, because he was horrible, because it wasn't Hina's fault
and he still couldn't help but make her suffer.

"Hina, I..."

"Takemichi," Hina cut him off in a shaky voice. "I think we should go home. "

She tried to smile, but her tear-streaked eyes did not smile. He looked down, and simply nodded.
Then, without looking up once, he followed Hina to her car - he didn't feel up to driving his own
anyway.

He didn't remember much of the drive. The ticking of the clock had been replaced by the soft roar
of the engine as they sped along the highway, sitting side by side on the leather seats without a
word to each other, so close and so far away at the same time. At one point, Takemichi heard Hina
apologizing to him. A thin line of voice, trembling, hesitant, almost covered by the hum of the car.
He heard himself answering that it was not her fault. He heard himself answering that it was not a
big deal.

The first one was a pure truth. The second, however, was a lie, a lie so huge and so blatant that he
still wondered how it managed to get past his lips.

The parade of bushes along the expressway gave him no answers.

Neither did the faded walls of his apartment.

He hoped to find some in the satin marble of the tombstone, but it too remained hopelessly silent.
Mikey had been buried in his neighborhood cemetery, alongside his brother, sister and grandfather.
The four epitaphs stood side by side in the summer silence, lulled only by the quiet chirping of
birds in the cherry trees above them. It was as if they had kept a place for him among them,
waiting for him to join them after his long journey.

Takemichi didn't really know why or how he ended up there. He had no recollection of the trip, nor
of the concrete motivations that had pushed him to come here, in front of the tomb of the one he
was supposed to save, the one he had promised to save, the one he had failed to save.

Maybe he needed this to finally stop deluding himself, to finally realize that this was truly real.

It was real. But he wasn't much further along. He continued to stare at Mikey's name etched on the
marble while wondering how things had turned out this way. He had promised himself not to
blame anyone, not to look for a culprit, but he couldn't help but wonder how the others could have
let this happen, how he, Takemichi Hanagaki, could have let this happen.

More than anything, he hated himself for not having stayed.

It was partly his fault, for letting himself be blinded once again, and that was probably what hurt
the most. Knowing that he could have done something but hadn't.

"It was his choice," Draken breathed beside him, as if he had read his mind. "I'm convinced he's
more appeased there than he ever was here."

Takemichi did not answer. Kneeling in front of the memorial, his absent gaze fixed on the date July
6, 2010, he couldn't help but think that it was far too soon.

He couldn't help but see Mikey's face imprinted on the marble, imagine his smile in the cobalt
veins of the stone, discern the wrinkles at the corner of his eyelids in the discreet cracks and draw
his eyes, as dark as night, in the patches of abrasion that adorn it here and there. For all the others it
was eight years ago, but Takemichi could still feel his hand in his, he could still feel his fingers
tightening against his, he could still see his lips pinching and the tears forming in the corner of his
eyes, he could still feel his body leaning against his and his head nodding against his shoulder, he
could still feel his hair brushing his cheek and the smell of his shampoo filling his nostrils; because
for him it was still yesterday and he couldn't accept that it was over.

Suddenly the floodgates collapsed, and a river of tears began to flow down his cheeks.

When the first scream escaped from his lips, the birds flew out of the cherry trees with a quiet
fluttering of wings.
Chapter End Notes

Hiiii !

This chapter was way harder to write than I expected in the first place. I tried not to
make it "too much" but it's really hard to find the good balance and I'm not really used
to it yet. I did my best but, as some of you may know, I wasn't really satisfied with it in
the first place. Actually, when re-reading it, I don't find it as bad as it was in my
memories. I guess I'm just being uncertain about it because it's such a difficult and
touchy theme to deal with, and I'm afraid I didn't treat it right. So please, be aware that
this story doesn't intend of being accurate with any of the concerned subjects, I'm just
writing about my own perception. This is a very self-indulgent story and it will always
be until the end ❤

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it somehow even if it was sad, in the next chapter we'll
see how Takemichi will manage to go back to the past to save Mikey ! (because of
course he will, it can't be otherwise). See you next week for this and since there, take
care ! (and don't forget to tell me your thoughts on comments !) :'))

Love you all ❤

Asturya
 5 | Chasing (you)
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Chapter 5 | Chasing (you)

June 26, 2018

Despite the darkness that was gradually settling in his room, Takemichi didn't see the night falling.

Wrapped up in his blanket, lying on his bed in front of the television, he was silently watching the
program that was running before his eyes without paying any attention to it. Since he came back
from the cemetery, he hadn't moved at all. Without much conviction, he had randomly launched a
popular series that he had never heard of, and since then he had let the episodes follow one another
while he watched, passive, the characters come to life on the screen without understanding any of
their intentions. It was not the goal, anyway. He didn't care if he didn't understand the story. He
just needed to distract himself, to put his mind on pause, to keep his thoughts occupied with
something else than eternally unanswered questions. Seeing these actors running and talking and
interacting had something comforting. Like the sound of the clock, they offered him the illusion of
an apparent normality.

In front of him, the plate of reheated noodles remained untouched, and had probably cooled down
completely by now - an hour, two, maybe three? He didn't know. He didn't know anymore. His
stomach was in knots and he didn't feel like he could swallow anything. Just the sight of the dish
made him feel nauseous, but his body felt far too heavy to get up and move it to the kitchen. It
didn't matter, anyway. Most of the time his gaze passed through the dish and it was as if he didn't
even see it.

His phone, lying next to him, made a discreet sound to indicate that he had just received a message.
It was already the fifth or sixth of the evening. Or maybe more. He had stopped counting. In front
of him, the episode gave way to the end credits, and he thought with a certain weariness that it was
perhaps the right time to take a look. With extreme slowness, he stretched his arm towards the
device and brought it closer to his face, before pressing the central button. The screen suddenly lit
up, bringing up a dozen notifications that he scrolled through one after the other.

Draken [06/26/2018]

[5:22pm] Yo Takemitchy, I know this must not be easy for you, if you need to talk you know we're
here

Hina ❤ [06/26/2018]

[5:45pm] I called your manager, I explained to her that you just lost a dear one and you won't be
here tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Takemichi
[8:04pm] Is everything okay? I'm worried about you...

[10:36pm] Call me if there's anything, okay? I love you.

Mitsuya [06/26/2018]

[6:50pm] Hey, Chifuyu explained to me what happened to you... It's really crazy, I still can't
believe it... I understand now why you were so shocked... take the time you need, we're with you.

Kazushi [06/26/2018]

[6:55pm] Man I heard your story it's really crazy stuff !!!!

[6:56pm] Like, really

[6:56pm] You're a real hero!!!

[6:57pm] I know that losing Mikey must be hard to accept but don't lose sight of all the people you
saved! You managed to save Hina, and Akkun, that's the most important thing!!!

Akkun [06/26/2018]

[7:01pm] Hi Takemichi, don't mind Kazushi, he thinks he's in a shonen.

[7:02pm] More seriously, I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you. If you need to, you
know you can always call me.

Chifuyu [06/26/2018]

[7:22pm] Hey, sorry for what happened, I had to explain the others because they didn’t
understand… Hope you won’t resent me

[7:34pm] Also sorry for not having calculated your return’s date. Looks like my 15yo self was too
dumb to check a day on a calendar

[7:37pm] Sorry

[7:37pm] Really

[7:53pm] If you need to talk just call me, at any time of day or night

[7:57pm] I can even come to your home if you need to

[9:05pm] Could you just show a sign of life?

[9:42pm] I’m worried

[9:53pm] We all are, actually

[10:45pm] Well, shit

[10:45pm] I’m coming

[10:51pm] And I’m bringing ramens

[11:18pm] I’m here

Takemichi sighed deeply. Considering the time, Chifuyu's last message was obviously the one that
had woken him up from his lethargy. His gaze kept sliding over the words without really reading
them, without really seeing them, without really paying any attention to them. It was now 11:20
p.m., yet he didn't make the slightest move to get out of bed. Even typing a reply on his
smartphone's keyboard seemed way too hard at that moment. Of course, he felt a little guilty for
Chifuyu, for the others, for Hina too, Hina who hadn't asked for anything but who continued to
suffer, Hina who hadn't asked for anything but who continued to love him anyway. He felt guilty,
but even that wasn't enough to balance out the crushing emptiness that had him stuck in place.

His phone made another sound, this time longer, more melodious, the beginning of a trendy song
that echoed through the walls of his apartment, even surpassing the credits of the new episode that
had started automatically. On his phone screen, a picture of Chifuyu with a kitten in his arms
suddenly appeared, followed by his name and the usual icons offering him to accept or refuse the
call. Takemichi considered for a moment the tempting possibility of hanging up, sending his phone
to the other side of the room and continuing to watch the show he didn't even know the name of
and for which he had no interest whatsoever, but deep down he knew that wouldn't stop his friend.
Chifuyu would be the kind of person who would harass him with calls and come up to his
apartment door, profiting from the first person who would open the building door, just to check if
he was still alive.

Takemichi felt his heart clench painfully in his chest.

He was still causing worry to his loved ones, to those who were still beside him, because he was
unable to move on from the one who wasn't anymore.

He accepted the call, and finally put the phone to his ear, waiting with apprehension for his friend
to reproach him for not sending him any news all evening. He was about to retort that he was fine,
that he didn't need to talk about it, because there was nothing to talk about anyway and he
preferred to be alone. However, this wasn't what happened. In fact, it was a far cry from reality. On
the other side of the wire, Chifuyu's voice was worried, sullen, almost downcast as he greeted him,
and Takemichi didn't have the heart to dismiss him.

"Okay, don't move," he breathed instead. "I'm coming down."

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

When Takemichi walked through his building's front door, Chifuyu was waiting for him, sitting on
one of the two wooden swings, his ramen tray on his lap. The artificial light of the street lamps
illuminated his black hair, still well-coiffed despite the late hour, and which gently twitched as he
swayed back and forth with a slight movement of his foot. He had exchanged his formal suit for a
more casual outfit, tight black pants and a white T-shirt with a blue checkered jacket over it, as
they were doing a lot these days. Chifuyu had always been on the cutting edge of fashion.
Takemichi was always relieved to see that some things remained the same, no matter what timeline
he was in.

"Hey," he said as he sat down beside him, his voice much more sullen and faded than he would
have liked.

He didn't know what else to say.

Chifuyu turned his head towards him and gave him a shy smile, while handing him the second tray
he had brought for him.

"Hey," he replied in the same tone, "I got you some ramen."

Takemichi's gaze slid to the still-steaming dish in his hands and the smell that emanated from it,
though it would have delighted his taste buds at any other time, was tonight enough to make him
nauseous. He looked away to put the dish out of his sight, while waving his hand in apology.

"Sorry, I already ate."

It was a pitiful lie, once again, but Chifuyu didn't comment. He put the tray back on the floor and
returned his attention to his own, absentmindedly twirling his chopsticks between his noodles
without adding a word. Takemichi didn't blame him. He knew that in this kind of moments, no
words, no speech seemed really adequate. He himself did not know what to say. He just stared at
the ground absently and began to sway slowly without even realizing it. The pale light of the street
lamps projected the shadow of his figure on the uneven ground, a stooped figure, exhausted,
slumped on itself, which slowly moved forward and backward to the rhythm of the swing, whose
discreet creaks regularly broke the silence.

They stayed like that for long seconds, long minutes, without saying anything at all, simply sitting
side by side on their respective swings, contemplating the night that passed before their eyes. The
air was soft, a little cool but not too much, just what Takemichi needed to refresh his mind without
shivering. The silent presence of Chifuyu at his side had something soothing, reassuring. He was
still facing the same storm, but at least he was not alone anymore. Maybe that's why no words
seemed adequate at that moment. Because they were not necessary. Superfluous. As futile as a
band-aid on a gaping wound.

As useless as trying to fill the ocean with a teaspoon.

At that moment, Takemichi felt like nothing would ever fill the void Mikey had left.

"I'm sorry, Takemitchy."

Chifuyu had spoken these words in a barely audible breath, as if a part of him had hoped Takemichi
wouldn't hear him. His gaze was still fixed on his dish from which no smoke was escaping
anymore, and which he had obviously not touched since his arrival. He just nervously twirled his
chopsticks inside, wrapping and unwrapping them around the noodles without ever bringing them
to his mouth.

"Huh?"

Takemichi didn't understand what he was getting at. He tried to catch his gaze to encourage him to
continue, but Chifuyu's eyes remained stubbornly downcast. He stayed silent for long minutes
while biting his lips nervously, and he clutched his chopsticks so tightly in his hand that Takemichi
wondered how they hadn't broken yet. He had stopped swinging, and Takemichi's swing was now
the only one to break the silence.

"Chifuyu..." he whispered in a soft voice. "Tell me what's going on. "

Chifuyu did not answer immediately. His eyes still fixed on his almost full ramen tray, he seemed
to hesitate.

"I really screwed up as a friend," he finally breathed.

A silence. Takemichi also stopped swinging.

"I failed to protect Mikey after you left, I failed to make sure you learned... you learned this the
right way, I..." He paused for a moment, staring at his fists, which he clenched and unclenched
frantically as he always did to keep them from shaking. "I failed you, Takemitchy. As a partner. As
a friend. I know it won't change what happened, but I'm really sorry. "

His voice broke on the last word, and Takemichi didn't need to see them to guess the tears that
were forming in the corners of his eyes. He himself felt his heart clench and his stomach twist,
because it wasn't Chifuyu's fault, because it wasn't anyone's fault but his own, because he was the
only one who had sworn to protect Mikey and therefore the only one who had failed.

"You don't have to blame yourself, Chifuyu," he breathed in a faint voice, feeling tears welling up
in his eyes as well. "I know you did your best. "

Chifuyu burst into a mirthless laugh.

"You weren't even there to see it, moron. "

"I don't need to. I know you always do your best. "

Chifuyu didn't answer anything. Silence fell again on the playground with no more noise to disturb
it except for the breath of the wind, so light that it almost went unnoticed, so quiet that it almost
got forgotten. The ramen had been cold for a long time, but none of them seemed to care anymore.

"Do you...", Takemichi finally murmured. "Do you know more about how it happened?"

He knew that it probably wasn't a good idea. That if no one had told him, it was most likely to
protect him, to protect him from a truth too hard for him to accept. But he couldn't help it, he
wanted to know, needed to know, like this unhealthy habit he had of pressing on his bruises to
check if they were still hurting.

Chifuyu shrugged and took a few moments before answering as if he was searching for his words,
as if he was looking for the most adequate ones while knowing there weren't any.

"Not really. We didn't even find out right away. It was Mitsuya who saw the information on the
news the next night. We... we had already lost contact with him a long time ago. "

Takemichi lowered his eyes, his lips pursed.

"I see."

He suddenly felt very stupid. Stupid to have thought his return to the past could have changed
anything. Stupid to have thought he could have saved Mikey with a few words, a few honey-coated
words he would have slipped into his ear. It wasn't enough, of course it wasn't enough, how could
he even think for a second that it could have been?
"It was in 2010," Chifuyu continued in an atonal, inert voice, as if he was trying to put as much
distance as possible between himself and the events he was recounting, as if he was trying to
persuade himself that it wasn't him that it happened to. "July 7. A day like any other. I was at
home, I had just come back from the pet shop and I was having my dinner while reading a manga.
Volume 6 of Princess Yuri had just come out and..."

He paused abruptly, and turned to Takemichi with an embarrassed look on his face. His fists kept
clenching and unclenching against his sleeve, probably without him even realizing it.

"Sorry," he apologized with a nervous laugh, "I'm rambling."

Takemichi gave him an encouraging smile, or at least the closest thing he could muster. Chifuyu
smiled back before looking away to his tray of ramen in which he continued to twirl his chopsticks
without taking a single bite, and picked up his story where he left off.

"When Mitsuya called me, I couldn't believe my ears. It seemed so surreal, you know... Even
though we hadn't heard from him in several years, it came as a shock to all of us."

He paused again and turned his eyes to Takemichi, a questioning gleam in his eyes, as if to ask if
he really wanted to go further. Takemichi nodded slowly in agreement, his stomach in knots and
the weight in his chest feeling bigger and bigger, taking up more and more space. Chifuyu seemed
to hesitate for a moment, then looked down again.

"You may know this," he said, "but about a year after you left, he started a new gang. The Bonten.
This one... This one had nothing to do with the Toman. All they did was sow blood and violence in
their wake. They rose to the top of Tokyo's crime scene, they even owned several buildings in the
capital, including a tower, one of the highest in the city. One night, when the majority of the gang
had just left to fight another group, he..."

At these words, Takemichi got a bitter smile, so bitter that he didn't even know if it could really be
called a smile. He didn't need more to understand what had happened.

"He jumped, didn't he?"

The words escaped his lips without him even realizing it. A mere whisper, barely phrased, yet it
seemed to echo through the silence as loudly as a howl on the walls of a cave. Chifuyu turned his
head towards him, eyebrows furrowed and looking worried.

"How do you..."

"The future I came from," Takemichi cut him off in a deadened voice. "Here, too, he had jumped.
Right in front of my eyes. "

He paused for a few moments while he gathered his wits, trying in vain to eclipse from his mind
the memories that were suddenly flashing back one after the other, one on top of the other, a
multitude of flashes of tears and smiles and blood and outstretched hands that defied him so quickly
that he felt like he was going crazy.

Maybe he was, after all.

He took his face in his hands.

"I feel so foolish, Chifuyu..." he sobbed, as the tears began to roll down his cheeks again. He let
them go, without even trying to wipe them away. What was the point? Others would follow
anyway. "How could I think that just talking to him would magically solve the problem? I should
have stayed longer, I should have..."

Should have what?

He didn't even know. Even with his best efforts, could he really have done anything? Even with all
the effort in the world, could he really have saved Mikey? He had no answers to any of these
questions, and it overwhelmed him with a terrible sense of helplessness.

"It's not your fault," Chifuyu whispered from his swing, cutting his thinking short. "It's not your
fault."

Takemichi didn't add anything. There was nothing to say, and Chifuyu probably knew it too. The
silence fell between them again, this time becoming more and more uncomfortable as he sank into
his muteness.

"Takemitchy...," Chifuyu suddenly breathed. "If you could have another chance to go back in time
to save him... Would you? "

Takemichi abruptly raised his head. Chifuyu hadn't moved, his gaze still screwed on his dish in
which he didn't even bother to spin his chopsticks anymore.

"That's impossible," he replied sadly, stroking his finger over the icy metal of the swing's chains.
"For me to go back in time, I and the person I'm shaking hands with must be willing to sacrifice
everything, our present and our future, to save something or someone with no guarantee of
success." He sketched a rough smile that, bathed in tears, must have looked more like an ugly
grimace, and spread his arms. "Look at the future we have. Everyone is happy, everyone is living
the life they always dreamed of. I can't... I can't ask them to give it all up. "

That was probably what hurt him the most. Seeing that he was finally the only one who was
willing to throw it all away for Mikey, that he was the only one who couldn't be happy until he was
too. He was doing everything to avoid resenting them. But a part of him, a part he hated and
wished he'd never known, couldn't help but do so.

"That's not the question I asked," Chifuyu resumed in a soft voice.

He looked up at Takemichi and locked his gaze in his.

"If you could," he repeated, "would you?"

Takemichi gritted his teeth. The question didn't even arise.

"Of course," he breathed amidst his tears. "If I could, I would go back as many times as necessary,
until he is safe, until everyone is safe."

It was obvious, so obvious that he didn't even know why Chifuyu had raised the question.

"But that's impossible," he lamented mid-voice, moving away from the metal chain to look up at
the cloud-covered sky. Nothing could be seen through it, not a single moonbeam, not even a single
star. "I think I'm the only one still too stuck in the past to accept the reality."

Chifuyu did not answer immediately. The quiet creak that rose in the night indicated that he had
started to sway again, slowly, back and forth, dragging his feet on the unkempt lawn. Without even
looking at him, Takemichi could tell that his fists were frantically closing in the air.

"I know how you feel," he finally whispered after a long silence. "That's how I felt when Baji...
when Baji left."

Takemichi froze. He pretended not to notice that, even twelve years later, Chifuyu was still unable
to use the word died to refer to him.

"When he..." He hesitated again, his voice trembling. "When it happened, I felt like time had
stopped. I couldn't believe it. It seemed so unreal..."

His voice broke on the last word in a quiet sob, and Takemichi didn't even need to see them to
imagine the tears rolling down his cheeks. It took him a while to realize that this was the first time
he had seen Chifuyu cry over Baji's death. His friend had always been strong, smiling brighter
every day than the last, working harder every day to fulfill his dreams.

I have to live for two now, he had once told him with a wide smile that almost reached his ears. I
can't afford to slack off.

Takemichi wondered how he hadn't realized earlier that it was all a sham. He wondered how he
could have been foolish enough to make the same mistake twice with two different persons, how
he could have pretended to know them without ever seeing beyond the end of his nose.

With a slow, discreet, almost clumsy gesture, he put his hand on Chifuyu's forearm, whose
trembling fingers had left his sleeve to tighten around the chains of the swing. It wouldn't erase all
the years he'd been away, all the years he'd failed as a friend, but it was the best he could do now.

"Sometimes...", Chifuyu resumed in a hushed voice, "sometimes I walked down the street and felt
like the world around me was going to fall apart at any moment."

He gritted his teeth and lifted his chin to the sky, as if he hoped that by tilting his head back the
tears would stop flowing and return to where they came from. Takemichi knew it wouldn't work,
he had already tried. Yet he remained silent.

"It was very strange, you know. With every step I felt like the ground was going to collapse under
my feet, and with every step I was genuinely surprised that it didn't. I mean, after all, how could
the world still be standing when Baji was gone? "

At these words, a nervous laugh escaped from his lips, a laugh that had only the name of a laugh so
much it was tinged with bitterness. Takemichi gently tightened his fingers against his arm, and
Chifuyu lowered his head again, resigned to let the tears run down his cheeks. He had finally
realized that this vain ploy made no more sense than this world still holding on.

"If I could have had a chance to bring him back, I would have done anything," he finally muttered.
"I might even have killed someone, Takemitchy. Without even a single hesitation. "

Takemichi gritted his teeth. Baji was also one of those he was supposed to save. Those he had
failed to save.

"I'm sorry, Chifuyu..." he stuttered, knowing that it wouldn't change anything. "I should... I should
have done something, I..."

"It's not your fault," Chifuyu replied in his usual gentleness. He had even tried to crack a smile, and
Takemichi felt even worse for it. "I know you did everything you could, I never blamed you and I
will never do. "

Takemichi lowered his eyes. In every way, Chifuyu was a much better person than he was. He
should have been the one to inherit this power, not a fool like Takemichi who failed more than he
succeeded.

"That's why..." Chifuyu held out his free hand towards Takemichi, and his smile stretched even
wider through the tears that made his eyes even bluer than usual. "That's why, if you're willing to
give up everything to save him... then I'll help you."

Takemichi blinked, letting out a slight exclamation of surprise.

"But Chifuyu, you..."

"I know how it feels, Takemitchy," Chifuyu continued in a half-voice while lowering his eyes. "I
don't want you to go through the same thing I did. "

He moved his hand forward a little more, bringing it closer to him as if to encourage him to take it
in his own. Takemichi just watched him, motionless, without making the slightest gesture or
uttering a single word.

"Then please... go save him. For me. For Baji. "

At these words, Takemichi's tears redoubled in intensity, as if Chifuyu had flipped a switch in his
tear glands that he didn't even know existed. Without thinking, he suddenly got up from his swing
and rushed towards him to hug him, ignoring his outstretched hand and the tray of ramen that was
still on his lap. Chifuyu didn't react immediately, letting a brief moment of hesitation linger before
he too closed his arms around him.

"Thank you, Chifuyu," Takemichi murmured between sobs. "I know I don't deserve a friend like
you, but I promise you that in this new timeline I will do everything to be worthy of your
friendship."

"Don't worry about me," Chifuyu replied in a soft voice. "Just focus on Mikey, okay? "

Takemichi tightened his embrace even more, so moved that he couldn't even find the words to
answer. He just nodded his head against his friend's shoulder, letting his tears run down the fabric
of his plaid jacket.

"Thank you, Chifuyu," he repeated when he finally stepped away from him. "Thank you a
thousand times."

Chifuyu gave him a slight smile as she stretched out his hand towards him again.

"You'll thank me when this works, idiot."

Takemichi let out a contrite laugh. To be honest, he hadn't even considered the possibility of it not
working. It didn't really matter in the end. Chifuyu's simple act was enough to make him grateful
for the rest of his life, and even after.

"I'll think about it," he promised as he grabbed his hand, his heart pounding in his chest.

As their palms met, the flash of light he'd seen so many times printed itself on his retina again.

Then the world went suddenly black.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

"Takemitchy? Are you listening to me or are you daydreaming again? "

Takemichi blinked. Chifuyu was sitting next to him, staring at him reproachfully, his lips pursed
and his gaze resigned. His wet hair wrapped in a towel, he had traded in the elegant clothes he
usually wore for a black t-shirt and gray jogging pants.

No more deserted playground, no more swings, no more cooled ramen trays, there was no doubt
about it: he was back in the past. He let out a deep sigh of relief, releasing a breath he wasn't even
aware he'd been holding.

Thank God. It worked.

His relief was short-lived, however; Chifuyu was the only familiar thing he could hold on to.
Everything else, from the burgundy leather couch they were sitting on to the beige walls covered
with frames containing pictures of animals, was completely unfamiliar to him.

He may have gone back in time, but he was certain he had never seen this place.

"Chifuyu..." he stammered, trying in vain to mobilize his memories to locate himself. "Where are
we?"

The room they were in seemed to be the main room of a small apartment. In addition to the couch
and coffee table facing it, it had a small open kitchen and a table covered with an animal print
tablecloth, which faced a large bay window overlooking a balcony. The night sky stretched across
the glass, cut by the many still-lit towers that dominated the capital.

Chifuyu frowned.

"Huh? What do you mean where are we... Oh! You're the Takemichi from the future! "His face lit
up suddenly, but then immediately darkened. "Wait... If you're here... It means that something
went wrong, right? "

Takemichi bit his lip and looked down. Mikey's name written on the marble imprinted itself on his
mind against his will, and tears began to flow down his cheeks without anything he could do to
stop them. Chifuyu leaned towards him and affectionately placed a hand on his shoulder, concern
having replaced annoyance in his eyes.

"Takemitchy...," he encouraged him in a soft voice. "Tell me what's going on. "

Takemichi's fists closed on the fleecy fabric of his own jogging suit, on which tears were beginning
to drip, drop by drop.

"Mikey..." he whispered through a sob. "Mikey, he's..."

He realized that he too, like Chifuyu when they were chatting on the swings, was not able to use
the word dead to talk about him. Even if it had only been a day, he doubted he would ever be able
to. It was too heavy. Too hard. Too everything.

Chifuyu visibly understood the words hidden behind his silence, and put an arm around his
shoulders.

"Hey, hey, calm down, everything's fine," he tried to reassure him. "If you came back to the past, it
was with the intention of saving him, right? So that means that currently he's not... he's still alive,
right? "

Takemichi nodded slowly. Chifuyu was right, he had to keep a cool head. After all, by going back
in time twelve years, he had four years to prevent Mikey from doing what he did, that was more
than enough. Besides, it hadn't been long since his last return, which was literally the day before,
so...

Wait.

He froze abruptly.

Something’s wrong.

If it was the day after he had gone to the dojo to see Mikey, how could things be so different? If it
was the day after he had gone to wake up Chifuyu in his parents' house, how could he have
changed so much? He looked taller, more athletic, and his jaw seemed squarer as if he had aged
several years at once.

Don't tell me that...

His blood ran cold and he widened his eyes as he realized what this implied.

"Chifuyu..." he said in a pale voice. "What day is it exactly? "

Chifuyu frowned, clearly not understanding the point of his question.

"June 26th. But you should know that, right? You said you always go back exactly twelve years,
don't you? "

"What year?"

At his friend's silence, Takemichi couldn't help his voice from rising and echoing through the four
walls of the apartment.

"What fucking year is this, Chifuyu?!"

Chifuyu jerked back, and his arm abruptly moved away from Takemichi's shoulder.

"Hey, calm down, there's no need to yell," he tempered, waving his hands in appeasement. The
look on his face was a mixture of concern and incomprehension, and Takemichi suddenly felt
guilty for raising his voice. "We're in 2010, so you're from 2022 right?"

If he hadn't been sitting on the couch, Takemichi would probably have fallen backward.

Underneath his feet, it was as if the ground opened up a second time.

"No..." he muttered in a barely audible voice. "No, that's impossible..."

He took his face in his hands, wiping with his trembling fingers the drops of sweat that were
already beginning to bead on his forehead.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be 2010. This had to be a joke. It couldn't be otherwise.

"Takemitchy...," Chifuyu breathed, moving closer to him again. "What's the..."

"I' m from 2018, Chifuyu," Takemichi interrupted him. "I'm from 2018, not 2022."
 Silence fell over the room again, only a few seconds, a few tiny seconds in which Takemichi
slowly became aware of what this information implied, a few minuscule seconds far from enough
to prepare him for the realization that was exploding in his face.

"I'm from 2018, and Mikey is going to..." He swallowed, his gaze screwed on his trembling hands
that suddenly seemed quite useless. "Mikey's going to die in ten days."

From then on, everything seemed completely useless.

Chapter End Notes

Hiiiii !

First of all, if you made your way up to this, thanks a lot for reading ❤ Still no
TakeMikey, but instead you have a whole 5k chapter dedicated to Chifuyu
appreciation (Yes, I love Chifuyu).
I realized while re-reading from the beginning that the pace of the story is very very
slow, I tend to spend a lot of time on details, I hope it's not too boring and you keep
enjoying the story ! I really love writing it, and I can't wait to reach the TakeMikey
meeting ! (Hopefully, at the end of chapter 7, so in two weeks) Hope you'll keep
waiting with me, I swear the rest of the story will be focused on them, I'm just really
slow to put on the setup :')) (If you want to have an idea, in my former outline, the
moment when Chifuyu sends Takemichi back in the past was supposed to happen at
the end of chapter 2. Yes, you read well, chapter 2. So just know that there is still a
LOT of content to come lmao, in this house we don't know concision)

Anyway, don't forget to tell me your thoughts on comments, even if it's just a few
words or even a single emoji, it allows me to know you're still there and still enjoying
the story (or at least I hope so aha), because I have no other way to know if people
keep reading or dropped the story at the end of the first chapter :')) (And it goes for all
multichapter fics, not only mine, if there's a fic you love and subscribed to and keep
reading at every update, please leave a little comment to support the author ❤ You'll
never bother us I swear ! And we're always happy to see there are people who keep
waiting for updates !)
If you're interested, you can also follow me on twitter (@asturya9) ! I'm mostly
rambling and complaining about everything and embarrassing myself, but sometimes I
do post extracts of futures chapters so, if you're interested, just drop in ! :'))

See you next week for chapter 6 and since then, take care ❤

Asturya

PS : I'm thinking about reorganizing the tags and making a better summary, because
the actual one sucks and I don't think it really allows to understand what the story is
about. So don't be surprised if you see some changes ! :'))
 6 | Fighting (for you)
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Chapter 6 | Fighting (for you)

June 26, 2010

Takemichi and Chifuyu stayed awake for most of the night.

Takemichi learned that they were currently in Chifuyu's apartment, where he had moved a year
earlier when he started working at the pet shop. Apparently, Takemichi had helped him to settle in,
and had even taken a memorable fall down the building's staircase while carrying up one of his
shojo boxes. Once again, he had no memory of this. He went back in time to save his loved ones'
lives, but in return he saw his own becoming more and more unfamiliar.

He then described to his friend the future he came from. He told him about the rehearsal, the
announcement that had frozen him in place; he told him about the clock, the muffled noises, the
tears that wouldn't come and remained stuck in his chest; he told him about the name on the grave
and the smiles on the marble, about the birds chirping on the cherry tree and then suddenly flying
away. He didn't tell him about the emptiness, but he knew that Chifuyu didn't need words to know
it was there.

He knew that Chifuyu knew this emptiness better than anyone.

He also told him how he had managed to return to the past. He hugged a distraught Chifuyu, who
felt unworthy of his thanks because the one he was now wasn't the one who had sacrificed
everything to send him back to 2010. Takemichi didn't care. Even though they didn't say a word
about it, they both knew that Chifuyu would have done the same thing no matter what year, no
matter what timeline they were in.

That was how their friendship was.

Honest, solid, indestructible.

An unchanging constant, an anchor in the giant storm of space-time.

"What are you going to do, then?" Chifuyu finally asked when they had finished their respective
explanations.

He drank a sip of the hot chocolate he had prepared, and put the cup on the coffee table before
turning his attention back to Takemichi, a worried gleam in his blue eyes that he was trying so hard
to keep open. The drink had left two brownish whiskers at the corner of his lips, and Takemichi
couldn't help but smile slightly.

"I don't know," he breathed, looking down at the cup he was holding in his hands. A slight foam
had formed above the steaming liquid, whose sweet smell comforted his nostrils. "I didn't think I'd
end up in 2010. I didn't think... I didn't think I'd have this little time left."

Chifuyu nodded silently, before taking another sip. Takemichi, on the other hand, simply watched
the steam coming out of it without ever bringing the cup to his lips. The situation he was in was
going to make his mission much more difficult, and once again he regretted his dismal failure on
his previous return. It was one thing to reach Mikey when he was living peacefully in the dojo, it
was another to reach him when he was the head of the most powerful gang in the capital, with an
army of men ready to send him to hell at the slightest sign from their leader.

"You're not planning to go there, are you?" Chifuyu asked worriedly.

Takemichi sketched a resigned smile.

"Do I really have a choice?"

"But come on, this is crazy!" Chifuyu exclaimed, abruptly putting his cup back on the table.

"I know," Takemichi replied in a whisper. "I know."

Of course from the outside, it probably didn't make any sense. Of course his plan was risky,
dangerous, desperate even. But it was all he had.

The slim hope that the 2010 Mikey hadn't completely fallen apart yet, the crazy bet that he'd rather
keep living than see him die.

"I guess no matter what I tell you, you won't change your mind, right?" Chifuyu sighed.

Takemichi nodded slowly, and Chifuyu sighed again while letting his back fall against the couch.

"Damn it, Takemitchy, you're hopeless..."

He pulled the towel out of his hair, which was now practically dry, letting his black strands fall
casually around his face. Takemichi gave him a slight smile.

"You would have done the same thing, right?"

Chifuyu looked down, a wistful glint in his eye.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Probably."

They both knew this probably was nothing but a disguised of course.

They finished their drinks in silence, lost in their respective thoughts.

"We should contact the others," Chifuyu finally said, and Takemichi found in this we a comfort he
wouldn't even have dared to wish for. "We need a plan. An angle of attack. We can't afford to show
up at the Bonten gates without any prior preparation. "

He had traded his resigned look for the determined one he wore when strategizing.

"We need information. Who the main members of the gang are, where their quarters are, even the
store where Mikey usually goes to buy food, anything that can help us in any way. "

Takemichi silently nodded. Chifuyu had always been quick-witted when it came to getting out of
difficult situations. He always had an idea in mind, sometimes so far-fetched that Takemichi
wondered where he could have found it, but he had to admit that his ingenuity and intuition had
gotten them out of trouble more than once. Once again, he was relieved to have him along.

"And for that, the more of us there are, the more effective we'll be." To back up his words, he
grabbed his smartphone lying next to him and began typing on his screen with a speed and agility
that left Takemichi speechless. "I'm sending a message to the others asking them to come here
tomorrow."

Takemichi clenched his fists. Tomorrow. It was already far too late.

"But..."

"Don't worry," Chifuyu reassured him while cutting short his protests. "We'll find a solution, I
promise."

He put his phone back down beside him and gave him a soothing look, to which Takemichi
responded with a hint of a smile. However, this was not enough to calm the fear that was gradually
gaining on him, to stabilize his heartbeat that was becoming more and more uncontrollable as the
seconds passed before his helpless eyes.

"What if..." he stammered, "what if they don't want to help us...?"

Chifuyu didn't let it bother him. Putting an arm around Takemichi's shoulders, he shook him
affectionately as his smile widened even more.

"Then the first division will handle the mission! The captain and his vice-captain, just like the old
days! Brings back memories, doesn't it? "

Takemichi couldn't believe his eyes and ears. Since Baji's death, Chifuyu had always lived for two,
smiled for two, and never gave up. He wondered how he managed to be strong enough to now be
able to smile for three.

"Chifuyu, I..."

That was all he managed to say.

"Don't worry," Chifuyu resumed, tightening his fingers against his shoulder. "I won't let you down.
We're partners, right? "

At these words, Takemichi couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks once more. He
placed his hand on Chifuyu's as his sobs fell back on the room and the sun rose behind the
towering skyscrapers.

"Thank you, Chifuyu," he whispered. "Thank you for everything."

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

June 27, 2010

"Is everyone served?"

Takemichi nodded slowly, blowing on the hot cup of tea in his hands. Chifuyu nodded in return,
and after a quick look around the table to make sure no one had been forgotten, he walked away to
his kitchen to put the kettle back in its place. He came back a few moments later, a bunch of
industrial cakes in his hands, which he put on the table before sitting down on the sofa next to
Takemichi.

Compared to the day before - well, the morning to be exact, since they had gone to bed around
6am, Chifuyu's living room was much more crowded. Mitsuya and Hakkai had squeezed in with
them on the couch; Inui, Kazutora, Pah-chin and Peh-Yan had moved the four chairs that were
normally around the table to group them around the living room; Angry and Smiley had brought
folding stools; and Draken, the last to arrive, had settled on the sofa's armrest next to Takemichi.
Everyone was sipping the tea offered by Chifuyu without a word and the silence was only
disturbed by Daisy, their host's black cat, who was squeaking her plastic mouse from time to time.

"Well," Chifuyu finally sighed, making all the gazes converge on him. "Let's not waste any more
time, and let's get straight to the point."

Under the eyes of their friends, sometimes intrigued, sometimes bored, he began his explanation.
Before the others arrived, they had agreed that Chifuyu would be the one to speak, and Takemichi
was very relieved about this decision. He knew he couldn't have stopped his voice from trembling,
the tears from rolling down his cheeks, and his thoughts from scattering like soap bubbles blown
away by the wind.

"If I have gathered you here, it is for a very specific reason," Chifuyu began in a calm voice.
"Takemichi has... we've decided to go rescue Mikey."

Immediately, Draken let out a deep sigh of exasperation.

"Tsss," he breathed, rolling his eyes, "I should have known better." He abruptly got up from the
armrest he was sitting on, under Takemichi's stunned gaze, and walked away towards the
apartment entrance without a backward glance. "Sorry Takemitchy but if that's all you have to say,
I'm leaving. I don't want to deal with this guy anymore."

With that, he opened the front door and closed it behind him with a dull slam, which seemed to
echo for long seconds in the silence of the room. No one dared to open their mouths anymore, and
even Daisy had dropped her plastic mouse.

Takemichi watched the door Draken had disappeared through with bewildered eyes. He couldn't
believe it. How could he, Mikey's oldest friend, turn his back on him like that? And most of all, if
Draken refused to help them, how could they expect anything from the others? As doubt and
despair settled in his mind, he felt an unpleasant sensation lodge in the pit of his stomach. A feeling
he knew all too well. Fear. This throbbing fear, which starts from a simple thought and then
spreads in his blood like the deadliest of poisons, which distils into each of his cells until they are
completely paralyzed.

No, he raged inwardly while clenching his fists , pull yourself together, damn it!

He had promised himself not to let fear overtake him anymore, never to let it prevent him from
reaching his goal. Today would be no exception. Today, more than ever, he refused to let fear get
the better of him. He would convince Draken, no matter what, there was no way he would give up.

No way he would give up on Mikey.

He exchanged a quick glance with Chifuyu, who nodded in approval of his silent plan, and rushed
out of the apartment.

"Draken, wait! " he shouted as he ran towards the stairwell, almost catching his feet in the carpet
laid on the pantry.

Takemichi raced down the five floors of the building, skipping steps two at a time to buy time, the
few decisive seconds that would allow him to catch up with Draken before he got on his
motorcycle and disappeared into the distance. When he finally reached the ground floor, his breath
short and his lungs on fire, his silhouette was already fading through the glass doors at the entrance
to the building. Without taking time to catch his breath, he rushed after him.

"Draken!" he called again as he followed him down the alley. "Please... wait..."

Breathlessness made his voice hoarse and his words erratic, but he didn't care. Draken finally
stopped and turned his head towards him, looking noticeably annoyed.

"What do you want, Takemitchy?" he growled. "I've already given you my answer."

Takemichi hurried to join him, forcing his wobbly legs to keep moving despite themselves. Damn,
how long had it been since this body had exercised?

"Draken..." he gasped as he reached him, his heart pounding and his hands in his lap. "Please...
Listen to me... In the future, he..."

Draken burst into a mirthless laugh, which shook his head slightly and rippled his usual now black-
dyed braid.

"Well what?" he quipped, rolling his eyes. "He's become a criminal, right? No kidding, we
wouldn't have guessed that!"

His gaze had hardened and the anger that emanated from him was palpable, almost tangible, so
much so that Takemichi could almost have grabbed it with his hands to give it shape. He gritted his
teeth.

"Draken..." he tried, "I..."

"Mikey's made his choice, Takemitchy!" Draken exploded, cutting short his attempt at
appeasement. "What do you think we did after you left? You think we didn't try? You think we
didn't try to hold him back, to make him stay on the right side? Nobody forced him to create this
gang, if he's where he is it's only because he wanted to! "

Takemichi lowered his eyes. He could feel in his friend's words all the bitterness he had
accumulated during these four years, the guilt too; and this latent anger, towards himself, but also
towards Takemichi, this anger that said you weren't even there, so who are you to judge me?

Nobody. He was nobody. Of course Draken had every right to be angry, Chifuyu had explained to
him that he and Mikey had had a violent argument several years before. Of course he had every
right to want nothing to do with that, and of course Takemichi had no right to hold him back.

But he had to try anyway. No matter how selfish it was, no matter how much he overstepped his
rights. He had no choice.

Deep down he knew he couldn't bear another failure. This was his last attempt, his last chance, his
last shot before he broke into a million pieces.
He had to succeed. Whatever it took.

"No, that's not true," he tried to argue, "he..."

"Open your eyes dammit!" Draken cut him off.

The calm that usually characterized him seemed to have completely disappeared. His features were
hardened, colder, witnessing the rage that was rising in him and threatening to explode, and
Takemichi suddenly felt quite insignificant in the face of his icy fury.

"What's the point of saving someone who doesn't want to be saved?" Draken resumed, and his
question was more rhetorical than a real interrogation. "It's useless, it's a lost cause! He didn't want
to get back into the line and chose the path of delinquency? Fine, good for him! He's old enough to
take responsibility for his choices. "

He clenched his fists, glowering and jaws contracted, without giving Takemichi time to argue
further.

"We've all become respectable people, it's out of question to risk everything to cross swords with
the most influential gang in the capital, and all this for what? For the sweet eyes of someone who
voluntarily kicked us out of his life? No thanks, I'll pass. I'm done with this bullshit."

With these words, he turned and walked away towards his motorcycle which was patiently waiting
for him on the building's parking. Without thinking, Takemichi caught him by the sleeve of his
jacket. What more did he have to lose anyway?

"No... No, you don't understand..." he breathed, deliberately keeping his eyes down. If he met
Draken's gaze, he feared he would be struck down on the spot without even being able to finish his
sentence. "If we don't do something, Mikey won't become a criminal, he'll..."

He paused, without even meaning to. It was as if the word refused to pass his lips, as if he,
Takemichi, was trying to keep it buried in his throat to prevent it from coming out, to prevent it
from becoming real. Yet he had no choice. It was already real anyway. And the only way to stop it
was to face this reality that terrorized him more than anything else.

"He's going to die, Draken," he finally whispered. "In ten days."

At these words, Draken froze. He stopped walking and remained silent for a few moments, a few
seconds so heavy that Takemichi almost forgot to breathe. Then, he suddenly pulled his arm out
and sighed before resuming his walk

"As if," he said, sarcastic. "This guy is invincible, even alone against a whole gang he wouldn't
lose, so I can't see how anyone could have managed to kill him."

Takemichi clenched his fists.

"He wasn't killed," he huffed.

Draken didn't seem to hear him. Or at least, if he did, he acted as if the words hadn't reached him.
Takemichi didn't let himself be discouraged. He was weak, he couldn't fight, he spent his time
crying, and he wasn't particularly smart either. His only quality was that he never gave up. The
only thing he was good at was persevering, even when all seemed lost, even when the situation
seemed completely hopeless.

So that's what he did. Persevere. Because that's all he could do.

"He wasn't killed," he resumed, in a louder, more determined voice. "He..."

Once again the words struggled to pass his lips, and once again he forced them out, out into the
light, because he was ready to do anything even if it meant burning his throat and tearing his heart
out and ripping his vocal cords.

"He killed himself, Draken..." His voice broke. "He jumped off his fucking balcony, from the top of
his fucking tower, do you really think he would have done that if he was living the life he
wanted?!"

In front of him, Draken had once again stopped walking. His fists clenched suddenly, hard, so hard
that Takemichi could not help but take a step back.

"Well, he should have thought about it before, then," he finally said bitterly, without even turning
around. "It's his problem now, not mine, not ours, and not yours either. We've all become
respectable people, we've all moved on, and you should do the same."

Takemichi clenched his teeth, vainly trying to contain the tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
It couldn't be true. It had to be a lie, a bad joke, someone was going to pop out of the bushes any
second with a camera to congratulate him on the catch, because it couldn't be the reality, right,
Draken couldn't really have said that?

"You're lying..." he muttered. He tried to sound convinced, but he couldn't stop his hesitation from
showing in the tremors in his voice. "You're lying, right? You've been friends since childhood, you
can't stop caring about him like that, you can't..." His voice broke again in a quiet sob. "You can't
give him up like that..."

Draken slowly turned to him in exasperation.

"So what?" he exclaimed, once again seeming offended by Takemichi's words. "Even if that was
the case? Even if I still cared about him, what would you suggest? Go ring the doorbell of the
Bonten with cookies and a big smile asking to see Mikey? Hell this is a gang, Takemitchy, a real
gang, with real criminals, not a charity! "

Takemichi let out a nervous laugh, tinged with bitterness. Of course he knew, of course he was
aware of how dangerous his plan was. But then again, what else could he do?

"I know it sounds silly, even completely foolish," he admitted. "But if Mikey did this... it's to
protect us. To protect all of our futures." He remained silent for a few moments as he searched for
his words. Draken didn't move. "I know deep down he doesn't want that. He just thinks it's the only
option he has left."

"And? Can you think of a better option?" Draken retorted. "In all the futures you've seen, is there a
single one where Mikey turned out well? "

Takemichi looked down. He remembered Atsushi's smile, Hina's trembling lips, Naoto lying on the
ground beside him, the gun pointed at his temple, the tears in the corner of Mikey's eyes and his
hand in his and no, of course not, of course he wasn't happy in any of those futures. That was
precisely why Takemichi had come back.

Because that simple thought was unbearable.

"No," he finally whispered. "But I'll make sure to change that."

He swallowed hard, and slowly raised his head to plant his gaze in Draken's.
"Even if I have to go alone, even if I have to face the entire Bonten. I'll create this future. "

"You won't be alone."

Takemichi suddenly turned around. Chifuyu was standing behind him, hands in his jacket pockets
and a confident smile on his face.

"I already told you, didn't I, partner?" he continued. "Even if it's just the two of us, we'll get that
idiot back. So don't worry about it. "

Draken raised an eyebrow, appalled.

"But have you two completely snapped or what?" He turned away from Takemichi to walk towards
Chifuyu, who didn't flinch. "And you, do you really think you're helping him by encouraging him
in this kind of delusion?"

"Yes, precisely," Chifuyu retorted, unimpressed. "It's for Takemitchy that I'm doing this, not for
Mikey. I don't want... I don't want him to live his whole life with the regrets of what he didn't do. "

"You..."

Chifuyu didn't give him time to continue his sentence.

"And for Baji too. Baji gave his life to protect Mikey, so..." He swallowed, and clenched his fists
against the too-long sleeves of his jacket. "I'd be ashamed, I'd be ashamed to meet him again and
have to tell him that I gave up on him."

Draken remained silent. His dark eyes watched Chifuyu without a word, and his features had
relaxed slightly, as if he were really reconsidering.

"I won't force you to do anything, you're free to leave if you want and you'll never hear about this
again," Chifuyu continued with a hard look in Takemichi's direction. "But think about it. Think
about what you would be most likely to regret. "

He grabbed Takemichi's wrist and turned on his heels, dragging him towards the building with a
last wave in Draken's direction.

"Think about what, more than anything else, you can't afford to lose."

With that, he lowered his hand and continued forward, without a backward glance. Takemichi
followed him hesitantly, not being able to stop himself from throwing a few looks over his
shoulder. Draken stood still, arms flailing, watching them walk away without trying to catch up or
return to his vehicle.

"Chifuyu..."

He gave him a worried look, but Chifuyu kept his determined expression.

"Don't worry, Takemitchy. With or without his help, we'll get through this." He let go of his wrist
to unlock the building's door. "You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.
Especially when it's a friend. "

Takemichi looked down. His friend was right, he had been selfish, he shouldn't have insisted so
much to Draken.

"But you know..." Chifuyu sketched a slight smile as he flicked the handle. "Personally, I couldn't
 look at myself in a mirror if I let Mikey down, even after all he's done."

Takemichi frowned, not understanding what he was getting at.

"So Draken..."

"Wait!"

He turned around abruptly. Behind him, Draken was walking briskly up the aisle, his eyes resigned
and his jaws contracted.

"Wait..." he repeated. "I'm coming with you. "

Takemichi's gaze turned to Chifuyu, who was watching the scene with a satisfied smile.

"Draken, him," he muttered, "would send the glass flying into a thousand pieces."

Takemichi nodded silently, incredulous, as Draken joined them in the lobby of the building without
giving them a glance. The three of them walked up to Chifuyu's apartment without a word,
climbing the stairs to the fifth floor with only the sound of their footsteps on the worn tile floor.
The weight in Takemichi's chest had eased slightly, but it was still heavy.

They had nine days left to save Mikey, nine days to find a way to stop him from doing what he was
going to do, nine days to change the future that terrorized him.

And even with Draken's help, he couldn't help but feel it was far too short.

Chapter End Notes

Hiiiii !

Another long and unexpected chapter (I guess this is gonna become the norm for this
fic aha) with TakeFuyu friendship again because I love them so much I can't help it.
:')) I hope you enjoyed it!

I wanted to thank all the persons who took the time to comment, from the bottom of
my heart. I had a huge period of doubt concerning this story, and my writing style in
general, and you guys really helped me to be more confident about it and to realize
that I can do things my way and it would still be good. This story means a lot to me, I
really love it, and it makes me so happy to see there are people who enjoy it too, who
even cried with it and, in the future, will smile with it too (or at least I hope so aha).

So thank you again, and see you next week for TakeMikey reunion! (YES FINALLY)
(It will only be at the very end of the chapter BUT it will be there I swear :'))

Since there, take care! ❤

Asturya
PS : I edited the tags yesterday so that you will be more able to know what to expect
with this story, and I'm working on a new summary too ! I've already gathered a few
ideas but it isn't finished yet, hopefully it will be in a few weeks :'))
 7 | Finding (you)
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Chapter 7 | Finding (you)

July 2010

The nine days that preceded the fateful date of July 6 passed even faster than expected.

As soon as he came back to Chifuyu's apartment, Takemichi called his parents, who had apparently
returned from their diplomatic mission in Spain, to tell them that he would spend the rest of the
week at his friend's place. He didn't feel like going home and explaining to them why he couldn't
eat more than half of his dinner, nor could he bear the weight of his fears alone without anyone to
hold on to. On the opposite, Chifuyu's presence on the bed next to his futon brought him a
comforting relief, and was probably the only reason why he could still sleep at night.

Once Draken was on board, all of the former Toman members agreed to take part in their plan.
They pooled all the information they had, but it was very little. Only a few members of the Bonten
were known such as Koko who, according to Inui, had joined the gang at its creation. They also
didn't know where Mikey's apartments were located. With the money Koko had accumulated, the
Bonten owned many towers in the capital, each in a different district. For four days, they split up
into small groups to investigate these different places, looking for any clue that might indicate
Mikey's presence in any of them. All in vain. The former Toman's leader was nowhere to be found,
like a mirage that would disappear when approached too closely.

On the first of July, half of the time they had already passed, and they still had no further
information. Like every night since the beginning of their investigation, they had gathered in
Chifuyu's apartment to review their progress and, like every night, no one had any new information
to provide. The enthusiasm and determination of the first day was beginning to unravel slowly,
Pah-Chin was getting impatient, the twins were getting tired of the many sleepless nights, and
Mitsuya was less and less present because of the family life he had to take care of too.

The parenthesis began to close, each one prepared to resume the course of his life while saying to
themselves that it was okay, that at least they had tried, that they had done their best and that they
couldn't do anything more anyway. Takemichi, however, refused to give up. Because, unlike them,
he knew what would happen if they failed. He had seen it. With his own eyes.

So he made a promise to himself, once again.

Until Mikey was safe, he wouldn't give up.

"I know where to find the information we need," he said to Chifuyu on the evening of July 1, after
everyone else had gone home.

Lying in his futon, he was staring at the ceiling without really seeing it, lost in his thoughts. On the
nearby bed, Chifuyu turned to him, still holding his shojo in his hand, and gave him a questioning
look.
"Hmm?"

Takemichi took a few seconds before answering. He had thought of this solution many times
before, since the very first day. It came back regularly in his mind, taking root in the slightest
doubt, the slightest hesitation, however he had always put it aside. It wasn't that it wasn't relevant,
quite the opposite. It was simply that it terrified him.

"I'm going to..." he began in a hesitant voice, before pausing again. Chifuyu had put his book down
and was watching him in silence, waiting patiently for him to gather his words. "I'm going back to
the future."

He didn't like the idea at all. First of all, because he was afraid that he would not be able to go back
to the past again. He was afraid that the handshake with Chifuyu would not work again, that he
would be propelled back to another year, or even that something would have happened during
those four days that would make it impossible to contact Chifuyu before the fateful date. The other
reason, however, was much less glorious and much less avowed. He was afraid to see Hina again.
He was afraid to see Hina again and to have to tell her that once again he had given up on their
wedding to go look for Mikey. Because deep down he knew she would forgive him everything and
that hurt even more.

She deserved better than that.

She deserved better than him.

"Shall we do this tomorrow?" Chifuyu simply suggested, without comment. He had probably
already thought about it on his own, but had never mentioned the idea for Takemichi's sake. It was
just like him. He gave him a friendly smile before resuming his reading. "If you can avoid waking
me up in the middle of the night again, that would be better for me."

Takemichi let out a slight laugh at the memory, and mentally thanked him for not asking more
questions.

"If I can save myself the trouble of being bombarded by your dirty socks, that would suit me too,"
he teased him in return.

At these words, Chifuyu gave him a falsely threatening look accompanied by a mischievous smile.

"Be careful what you say, Takemitchy," he warned him. "I've got a laundry basket full to the brim
to shut you up if I need to."

"You're bluffing," Takemichi retorted point-blank.

Chifuyu raised an eyebrow, and his smile widened even more.

"Wanna bet?"

They remained silent for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter together. Once they calmed
down, they turned off the light and Takemichi wrapped himself in his blanket, his heart suddenly a
little lighter.

Yes, staying with Chifuyu was definitely a good idea.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

 July 2, 2018

Fortunately for Takemichi, his return trip to the future went smoothly. He met Chifuyu again in the
early morning to gather more information about the night of the tragedy, anything that could help
him to prevent what had happened. Together they scoured the internet archives, looking for
newspaper articles reporting the events or news clips covering the incident. Luckily, the case had
been reported by the major local and even national media. After all, Takemichi thought, the most
influential gang leader in Tokyo didn't die every day.

It was difficult to go through the articles. The sight of Mikey's name associated with words like
death, decease, suicide, turned his stomach and made him want to close the computer so he would
never have to see them together again. He thought he had come to terms with it, but seeing those
words side by side on the bright screen still seemed completely incoherent, completely
meaningless. He forced his gaze to stop on them however, to take the time to read them, to
decipher them, without trying to escape or dodge them. He forced his eyes to scan the blackened
lines of standardized characters, no matter how unbelievable the words and phrases they formed.

Chifuyu had offered to do it for him, but Takemichi had gently shaken his head and declined. They
had very little time, he couldn't afford to be a dead weight.

Within a few hours, they managed to gather more information than they had found in four days in
the past. They were able to determine the location of the tower from which Mikey had jumped - an
imposing building in the heart of Marunouchi - and the approximate time of the accident - shortly
before midnight on the night of July 6-7, according to the estimates of the forensic experts sent to
the scene. That night, the Bonten had gone to fight a battle of rare violence against the second most
influential gang in Tokyo, the Wolhaisong, in order to regain control over the northern part of the
capital. However, in the absence of their charismatic leader, the fight was much harder than
expected and the Bonten suffered many losses, which greatly handicapped them for the future.
They tried to revive themselves after the accident, but without Mikey, the gang was only a shadow
of its former self, and died out a few months later.

Before going back to 2010, Takemichi forced himself to visit Hina to apologize for what he was
doing. He didn't regret anything. But that was the least he could do, wasn't it? When he had woken
up in 2018, he had immediately noticed the brand new ring that adorned his finger, this time made
of real silver and without any scratches. The mere sight of it was enough to trigger an immense
wave of guilt, and he had consciously avoided looking at it for the entire morning.

Like the previous time, Hina was infinitely understanding. She took him in her arms and tenderly
stroked his hair, whispering to him that it didn't matter, that he could take all the time he wanted,
that she would always wait for him and that they would just have to organize an even bigger
wedding in this new future, with their special guest this time. Takemichi didn't answer anything,
just nodded his head against her shoulder while letting his tears fall against the fabric of her
flowery dress. A part of him would almost have preferred that Hina reject him. That she would get
angry, that she would blame him, that she would finally treat him like the unworthy and
irresponsible cad that he was, destroying once again the common future that was waiting for them
to chase someone else. He would have almost preferred her to hate him, it would have saved him
the pain of hating himself.

Instead, he was condemned to carry his own burden. He had no regrets, once again. But it didn't
make it hurt any less.
When Hina pressed her lips to his one last time, just before he took Chifuyu's hand to return to the
past, he felt his heart split sharply in two, like a tear between the two ventricles. One part would
remain forever in that aborted future, along with Hina and all those he had left behind. The other,
however, would go with him to 2010, where was the one he had sworn not to lose again, the one he
couldn’t afford to lose again.

Maybe, he thought as the light flash imprinted on his closed eyelids, maybe it had never really left.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

July 2010

Armed with this new information, Takemichi and the rest of the group had no trouble identifying
the building from which Mikey would jump on the night of July 6-7. However, no matter how
many times they took turns standing behind the hydrangea bush that faced the tower from across
the street, not once did they see Mikey. On several occasions, Takemichi wanted to get into the
Bonten's quarters to get him back, since he obviously had no intention of leaving. However,
Draken and Chifuyu prevented him from doing so, arguing that it was too dangerous, that as long
as the other members of the gang were present, their infiltration had no chance of success. He
therefore resolved, with bad grace, to wait hidden behind the foliage, overwhelmed by a terrible
feeling of powerlessness.

Finally, after several days of fruitless waiting, night fell on July 6, 2010. That evening, the rain
crashed on the pavement like a meteorite fall, forcing drivers to activate their windshield wipers
and passers-by to take out their brightly colored umbrellas. When the sun disappeared behind the
skyscrapers, Takemichi had already been there for several hours. His black raincoat pulled up to
his chin, hood folded over his head to protect himself from the rain, he was waiting, crouched
behind the flowery bush, for the bulk of the Bonten forces to leave the building to fight the
Wolhaiksong. Next to him, the rest of the group stood ready as well, with serious faces and
determined looks. Sensing his growing concern, Chifuyu put his hand on his forearm in an attempt
to soothe him, and gave him a reassuring smile to which Takemichi tried to respond as best he
could. From the corner of his eye, he frantically scanned the second hand of his watch as it
continued to run, unperturbed despite the tension in the air.

Wait for me, Mikey. I'm coming for you.

❅─────── •°☼°• ───────❅

Takemichi was not even surprised to find blood mixed with his saliva when he spat on the marble
floor of the Bonten hall. He had been smelling the metallic aftertaste in his mouth for some time
now - seconds, minutes, hours? He didn't know. He didn't even know how long he had been there.

Obviously, their infiltration into the Bonten's main tower hadn't gone as planned. They had waited
for the majority of the gang to leave the building, in an orderly procession of long white coats that
fluttered in the wind and almost glowed when a flash of lightning illuminated the night. As
expected, Mikey wasn't among them. They had waited a few minutes before approaching, as a
precaution. Then, when they were sure that no one would come out or turn back, they came out of
their hiding place to reach the tower, barely protected from the rain by their black raincoats.

Entering the building was easy. They had spotted a service door in the back, hidden by the trees,
which they had no trouble breaking through. After checking that no welcoming committee was
waiting for them inside, they entered what must have been the kitchens, without a sound, armed
only with their flashlights.

"That's strange, there's no alarm," Mitsuya had noticed.

"Good for us," Pah-Chin had retorted, "It'll make our job easier."

Maybe they should have listened to Mitsuya, Takemichi thought in retrospect. Maybe they should
have been more careful. Because when they reached the lobby, where the elevator to the top floor
was located, the lights came on suddenly, one after the other, their dim glow reverberating on the
shiny floor. Men came out of the shadows, greedy looks, predatory smiles, cracking their knuckles
against their clenched fists that protruded from the sleeves of their long white coats. A dozen,
twenty, thirty, forty? Takemichi couldn't even count them. No matter how many they knocked to
the ground, it was as if new ones kept appearing at every moment to replace those who were now
out of the race.

"Are you okay, Takemitchy?"

Chifuyu had just joined him behind the recess where he had sheltered while he caught his breath.
He watched Takemichi with worried eyes, his gaze lingering on the bruise that was probably
starting to form on his left temple, on the blood that was escaping from his lip, or on the way he
was holding his arm with his hand as if to keep it from falling apart.

"Yeah," he articulated. "Don't worry about it."

Chifuyu nodded slowly, looking reassured. He was doing much better than Takemichi, barely out
of breath, no trace of a blow or injury marring his skin. Despite the four years that had passed since
the Toman's disbanding, he retained his old reflexes, using his quickness and agility to take down
opponents far more powerful than he. The rest of the group, too, was doing well. Draken was
definitely their best card, as his natural strength and imposing build made him an excellent fighter,
but the others were not to be outdone. Mitsuya and Hakkai were a very effective duo, just like in
the Toman days, as well as the Kawata twins who had lost none of their legendary coordination.
They were all fighting with energy and determination, without giving up despite the opponents
who kept coming from who knows where.

Takemichi looked down at his trembling hands, stained with blood he didn't even know where it
came from. Was it his own? Was it the blood of an opponent he'd hit when he got into the fray? He
didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore. His gaze was constantly caught by the hands of his
watch that continued to turn and the time that continued to advance while he was still stuck there,
on the first floor, facing opponents who continued to stream in a parade that seemed endless. It was
11:06 p.m., and he felt like Mikey was still as far away as the day he'd returned in 2010.

"We need to change our strategy," he said to his teammate, verbalizing his thought as it formed in
his mind. "We're not getting anywhere right now, we've been in this damn hall for almost half an
hour and we haven't moved an inch. We have to find a way to get to the elevator, even if we can't
beat all these guys. "

"You're right," Chifuyu agreed. "After all, we're not here to screw the Bonten, but to find Mikey."
Takemichi nodded silently, returning his attention to the luxurious elevator that sat at the back of
the room, still guarded by two henchmen who prevented anyone from approaching it. On top of
that, their destination was literally at the other end of the room, and they still had to cross the entire
battlefield if they wanted to hope to reach it.

The more he looked at those two metal doors, the more he felt they were moving away, as if every
passing second caused a rift in space-time. The more time went by, the more he felt the anxiety
settle in the pit of his stomach, the fear of failing once again, of not being able to find Mikey in
time and losing him forever.

The mere thought made him break out in a cold sweat, yet he couldn't stop it from spinning in his
mind like a waking nightmare that would come back to haunt him.

"Let's try a breakthrough," Chifuyu suggested. Takemichi turned his eyes to him, drawn out of his
thoughts. His teammate was analyzing the scene with a serious, determined look, while rubbing his
thumb over his chin. "We can't afford to waste any more time, we have to get to the elevator, and
now."

"But what about the guards?" Takemichi objected, frowning. "What about all the other Bonten
members? I don't think they'll let us through so easily."

It wasn't that he hadn't thought of this solution, on the contrary, but no matter how much he
thought about it he couldn't see to what extent it was really possible. Chifuyu put a hand on his
shoulder, as if to sweep away his doubts, a confident smile on the corner of his lips.

"I'll cover you, don't worry," he affirmed. "And Draken and the others are already keeping the
Bonten busy."

Takemichi nodded silently. Despite their numerical inferiority, the former members of the Toman
stood proudly against their opponents, but he knew that this was only temporary, a precarious
balance that could be reversed at any moment. He couldn't afford to be a dead weight, to stand by
while others took the risks for him. Chifuyu was right. He had to act, and fast.

"All you have to do," Chifuyu said, "is get on the elevator and get to Mikey as quickly as possible."

Takemichi turned abruptly to him, suddenly realizing that his teammate hadn't planned to go with
him.

"But... what about you?"

Chifuyu burst out laughing.

"Hey, I'm not made of sugar, who do you think I am? Four years may have passed, but I'm still the
former vice-captain of the Toman's first division. You can trust me, I'll have your back. "

Amusement gave way to determination on his face as he turned back to the battlefield, suddenly
looking more serious.

"And we'll all get out of here in one piece," he breathed. "With Mikey."

Takemichi nodded.

Wait a little longer, Mikey, he thought. I won't be long.

Beside him, Chifuyu removed his hand from his shoulder and rolled up his sleeves, grinning,
before extending his fist toward him.

"You ready, partner?" he inquired.

Takemichi returned his smile and came to join his fist with his own.

"More than ever."

Then, after a discreet nod of agreement, they dashed side by side into the battlefield the hall had
become.

The blows rained down around them like drops on the asphalt outside the building. Takemichi did
his best to dodge them as best he could, sometimes just barely, sometimes too barely to avoid the
fist that hit his chest or his face. Once again, the metallic taste of blood began to spread in his
mouth, oozing on his tongue and poisoning his taste buds. He forced himself to swallow despite his
disgust and to continue his breakthrough without stopping, without even taking the time to catch
his breath, because time was against them and he couldn't afford to lose any more minutes, any
more seconds.

A hand closed firmly on his wrist. Takemichi turned around quickly, to find himself facing
Chifuyu who dragged him towards the elevator without wasting a moment, agilely sliding between
the figures that were moving in front of them.

"Draken!" he shouted into the scrum of white and black cloaks. "Cover us!"

In the middle of the crowd, a face crowned with a black braid turned to them, and nodded in
approval. Takemichi wanted to answer him, but Chifuyu was already dragging him along, and
Draken quickly disappeared behind the sea of bodies that were mingling with each other.

After a crossing that seemed to last a second as well as an eternity, they finally reached the
elevator. The two guards who were protecting the entrance rushed towards them to block their
way, but Chifuyu threw himself in front of Takemichi to prevent them from reaching him.

"Go for it!" he shouted at him while skillfully dodging a blow. "Go ahead, don't mind me!"

Takemichi nodded and reluctantly pressed the call button. Fortunately, the elevator was already on
the ground floor, and the doors opened almost immediately after his finger left the icy metal. With
his heart pounding, he stepped into the cage, and pressed the button indicating the fifty-ninth and
final floor of the building with a trembling hand. He barely had time to exchange a last glance with
Chifuyu when the sliding doors closed in front of him, trapping him in the tiny cabin that began to
rise, rise, rise as the lights indicating the floor numbers turned on and off one after the other.

Only then did he take the time to take a deep breath. As he passed the eighteenth floor, the tension
accumulated in his muscles seemed to relax all at once, and he had to catch himself by the mirror
that adorned the back of the cabin to keep from fainting. Under the blazing lights, his reflection
looked so battered that he almost didn't recognize himself. His bleached hair was completely
matted, stained with blood that had begun to dry between his sticky locks. A bruise had actually
formed on his left temple where a heavy blow had been dealt to him, and his lower lip, swollen and
bloody, seemed to have almost doubled in size.

He looked down, his fists clenched.

He didn't look like a hero. He had never done, and never would. He was weak, a poor fighter, often
dull-witted and prone to making bad decisions. He wasn't a savior, and if his life had been a movie,
he probably wouldn't have been the main character. No one would have bet on him, not even
himself, even less himself.

Yet here he was, in this elevator cab, watching the floors go by before his frantic eyes, counting the
seconds that still separated him from Mikey with a growing apprehension, because even if he
would never have bet on himself, he was now the only one who could save him and that scared
him.

Worse than this.

He was literally terrified.

He was afraid of failing once again, of not being able to save him, because he was not a hero,
because he was only him, Takemichi Hanagaki, an ordinary boy who found himself by chance
mixed with extraordinary people. He was afraid that he would not be up to the mission he had
entrusted to himself and that he would have to bear the consequences of another failure, because
deep down he knew he couldn't handle it. The blue eyes with trembling pupils reflected in the
mirror seemed as fragile as a crystal vase, a damaged and cracked sculpture that would only stand
up miraculously and threaten to break into a thousand pieces at the slightest gust of wind.

He was terrified, yet he had no choice but to try, because he was the only one who could succeed.

He was the only one who could still save Mikey.

With that thought, the doors opened on the fifty-ninth floor corridor, as the last light finally went
out and an artificial voice announced his arrival at his destination. Without wasting a second,
Takemichi dashed out of the cabin and started running on the anthracite carpet, opening all the
doors he could find, hoping to find Mikey. In vain. Luxurious lounges and high-end rooms
followed one another without a trace of the ex-Toman leader. When he broke the ninth door with a
violent shoulder blow, it was already 11:37 p.m., and Mikey was still nowhere to be found. A
stabbing pain began to grip his arm, but he ignored it, leaving the empty room as quickly as he had
entered while gritting his teeth.

There was only one door left to open.

If Mikey wasn't behind it, then it was over.

A part of him wished never to open it, to leave it forever closed like Schrödinger's cat box, so that
Mikey would never really be alive but never really dead either, so that he would never have to face
this reality that terrified him to the core. But he couldn't, he couldn't do that, because this illusion
was far from enough, because he wanted him to be alive, because he needed him to be alive, and
the only way to do that was to go through that damn door.

He took a deep breath, and pulled the handle. The door was not locked and opened in total silence.

Takemichi hardly dared to look inside.

He felt as if his heart would explode, as if his blood would rush out of his veins and his legs would
give out at any moment.

Clenching his jaws, he forced his gaze into the room. The apartment was huge, luxurious, probably
four or five times the size of his own. A black leather sofa faced a gigantic flat screen, while a
king-size bed stood on the other side of the room, covered with scattered blankets.
 However, it was neither the luxury nor the pomp of the place that caught Takemichi's attention.

In front of him, through the glass sliding door that opened onto the balcony, a figure stood barefoot
on the railing in the pouring rain.

A figure he knew all too well, a figure he would have recognized anywhere.

Takemichi's body moved on its own, and he dashed towards him.

"Mikey!" he called in a trembling voice, distorted by the terror that had seized him upon seeing
him so close to the void.

The figure turned slowly toward him. Black hair fluttered in the wind, revealing a sunken face and
large dark eyes that, when they landed on him, seemed to swallow him whole.

For a few seconds, he said nothing, and time seemed to stand still.

Then his lips began to move, slowly, without the slightest sound being audible through the drops
that crashed violently on the metal balcony. But Takemichi didn't need that to understand what he
was saying. He had seen his lips pronounce this word so many times that he would have
recognized it among a thousand, in their unique way of livening up, in their manner of joining and
distancing when pronouncing this name.

His name.

"Takemitchy?"

His heart began to beat so hard he couldn't even hear the rain.

Chapter End Notes

Hiiiii !

Finally they met! I was so impatient for this chapter and for their reunion you can't
imagine! I know these are only crumbles, and the real reunion will begin in the next
chapter, but I really like this scene, and I hope you liked it too, and also liked the rest
of the chapter! Action scenes are not what I prefer writing (those who follow me on
twitter saw the struggle lmao) so I hope I managed to nail this challenge before
returning straight back to my comfort zone :'))

Anyway, now this fic is finally a TakeMikey story so we're gonna see more of them
(like, A LOT, I am so so so impatient), thank you for staying with me for all this time,
and I hope it will be worth the wait! ❤

See you next week-end for the next chapter and since then, take care! Don't forget to
tell me your thoughts on comments, or you can also dm me on twitter if you prefer (I
fixed the issue lmao), I have a looong car ride on Monday (I'm not the driver ofc) so
please keep me busy :')))

Love you all

Asturya

PS: If you recognized the reference for the rival gang's name, you have all my
consideration :')) (And yeah, of course the Bonten couldn't do anything against Urek
Mazino without Mikey, it was a lost fight even before it started)
 8 | Catching (you)
Chapter Notes

TW : Suicide attempt (I updated the tags btw), it's POV Mikey, of course he won't die
but it will still be painful. Please read to your own discretion.

I imagined my 2010 Mikey to look like the shoulder-long black haired Mikey (from
the Manila future I think), but you're free to imagine him as you want :'))

With this, I wish you a good reading!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Chapter 8 | Catching (you)

When his name echoed through the storm, Mikey thought at first that he had dreamed it.

Standing on the railing, his eyelids closed, he was enjoying one last time the caress of the wind on
his cheeks, the exhilarating sensation of feeling his hair scatter on each side of his face without any
shackles, as if freed from gravity. Around him the rain continued to fall with big drops, crashing on
the balcony, on his clothes, on his spread arms and on the skin of his face which had become so
cold that it had started to burn. It was pounding on his temples and rumbling in his ears, chasing
the voices that were screaming in his head to replace them by something else, by another sound
this time more dull, more regular, almost melodious. It was as if the rain was whispering in his ear,
caressing his mind with enchanting words and sweet phrases that plunged him into a peaceful state
that he hadn't known in far too long.

He felt serene. Ready to go, to leave everything behind. Only the cold metal against his bare feet
still connected him to reality, the sad reality from which he would soon be delivered. A slight smile
on his lips, he wondered if he too would feel like defying gravity for a fraction of a second.

So when he heard his name echoing in the night, he couldn't help but burst out laughing. Despite
the four years that had passed, he would have recognized this voice anywhere. This voice that was
slightly deeper, slightly louder, but in the end always with the same inflections, the same way of
insisting on the first syllable of his name and then dragging on the last one as if to make it last
longer; this voice that seemed so real but yet wasn't, this voice that resonated in his head - because
it could only come from there, couldn't it? - accompanied by a single question that kept repeating
itself over and over again: Why?

Why, of all people on Earth, did the Universe have to use Takemichi's voice to torment him in his
last moments? Why, when he had secretly hoped to see him again for all these years, did this God
he didn't even believe in anymore have to give him the illusion of his presence only when it was
too late?

The light laughter that escaped Mikey's lips was no longer a laugh, as it was tinged with so much
bitterness. He scanned the horizon, looking for an answer to his questions in the dark clouds above
him, but it was in vain. Even the storm had momentarily fallen silent, as if to tell him that there was
simply no answer. God was looking for entertainment and Mikey was nothing but his puppet, one
of many marionettes he would have chosen, one of many toys he would play with for a while
before throwing away and choosing another.

Without even bothering to wipe the rain from his face, Mikey gave a bitter smile. This was cruel.
Even for someone like him.

It was cruel to try to enlist him in a new illusion, to lure him into a new hope just when he had
finally given up hoping, cruel to keep him chasing a mirage only to watch him fall, cruel to lull him
with honeyed lies that only bogged him down further in the abyss he was already swallowed by.

He didn't want to see Takemichi. Not here, in this apartment that testified to the person he had
become; not now when he was nothing but a shadow of his former self, standing on his railing,
soaked to the bone, with a face so hollowed out that he was probably unrecognizable. He had
waited, for long, so long, too long, but it was too late now. He had crossed the line of no return a
long time ago, and this injustice twisted his stomach and crushed his heart into a thousand pieces,
reminding him at the same time that he still had one.

He didn't want to see him but, like every time he heard his voice, every time he thought he
recognized the particular inflection of his hesitant tone in the crowd or the rain, he couldn't help
but turn around despite himself. His body moved without his consent and his face turned towards
the voice, slowly, very slowly, as if he was afraid of what he would discover.

He didn't even know if he was more afraid that Takemichi was really there, or that he wasn't.

His apartment gradually revealed itself before his eyes. The sofa on which he used to doze during
the day, the television that he kept perpetually on without ever watching it, the unmade bed in
which he turned and turned for hours without ever finding sleep. The door, previously closed and
now wide open, and in front of it, a figure rushing towards him on trembling legs, his blond hair
stained with blood sticking to his face, and his eyes, his ever so blue eyes staring at him with the
purest terror he had ever seen, like a ship lost in the middle of a raging ocean.

Mikey's eyes widened, and his heart began to thump inside his chest. He tried to look away, to
escape from the illusion but he couldn't, it was as if his body didn't even obey him anymore.
Takemichi's gaze locked with his and suddenly he was paralyzed, hypnotized, like a moth drawn to
the flames even though he knew they would only burn him.

No, that's impossible , he tried to reason with himself.

Takemichi couldn't be there. The present Takemichi was probably spending the evening with Hina,
watching a movie while exchanging smiles, and the future Takemichi was undoubtedly doing the
same, probably even married by now, in a big house, cradling his first born with a labrador at his
feet. No, there was no way Takemichi was standing in front of him, not here, not now.

It was impossible.

Yet he couldn't stop his lips from moving, from saying his name with uncertain breath, probably
inaudible because of the rain but it didn't matter, because Mikey didn't care if he got an answer or
not, because he almost preferred never to get any, for because if he did, it would mean Takemichi
was real and that was the last thing he wanted.

Takemichi's mirage stopped just short of the sliding glass window, and Mikey held his breath. His
heart was still racing in his chest, and he knew it wasn't because of the storm or the void at his feet.
Leaning against the wall to catch his breath, legs wobbling and cheeks flushed, Takemichi didn't
look away from him, and the more Mikey looked at him, the more his gaze lingered on his facial
features, and the more real he seemed to be. How could he, with his foggy mind and uncertain
memory, recreate so faithfully the shape of his jaw, redraw with so much accuracy the curve of his
lips, the unique blue of his eyes? It was impossible. But it was just as impossible that he was there,
in front of him, and this paradox was beginning to give him a headache.

With great caution, he turned around completely towards Takemichi, taking care not to
inadvertently slip on the railing. Deep down he knew it was a mistake, that he should have jumped
now, without waiting, because if it turned out that Takemichi was really in front of him it would be
even harder, because if Takemichi was really real it would hurt even more.

He knew it for certain.

So why, why, why, why, why ?

As soon as his feet began to move on the soaked railing, Takemichi's voice rose again, a cry of
despair that echoed for long seconds between the bones of his skull.

"Mikey, no!"

Once again, Mikey's heart missed a beat. This illusion was far more convincing than any other he
had encountered before. Takemichi's voice seemed to be doing more than just arising in his head, it
was as if he was really hearing it, as if it was really vibrating between the drops that were crashing
around him, as if it was real, as if Takemichi was real, and a shiver of horror ran down his skin and
chilled his blood to the last capillary.

"You're not real," Mikey said without taking his eyes off him.

He didn't even know if these words were waiting for an answer or were simply meant to reassure
him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Takemichi exclaimed, his eyebrows furrowed. "Of course
I'm real!"

His arm left the wall and he took a step forward through the sliding glass window. As soon as he
stepped outside, his hair immediately became soaked with rain and began to stream down his face.
Mikey could now make out things he hadn't noticed before, the bruise that was forming on his
temple, the purplish color his lower lip was turning, or his jaw that looked squarer, more angular
than the last time he'd seen it.

"You're not real," he repeated.

His voice was less firm, more hesitant, and he hated himself for it.

Takemichi took another cautious step, his eyes dark with fear, as if he were approaching a wild
beast that might pounce on him at any sudden movement; and Mikey felt his throat go dry all at
once, his heart clench as if caught in a vice, and his stomach twist, twist, twist until his breath was
cut off.

It was far too real for him to have imagined, the truth was so vivid, so blatant that it flashed at him
and burned in his retinas, even as he tried to close his eyes.

That's why I didn't want you to come. I didn't want you to look at me with those eyes.

He didn't want to see Takemichi. Not here. Not now. Not in the pouring rain that looked like
fireworks but didn't light up anything. Not on this metal balcony that made him miserable.

"Don't go any further," he said, not even surprised to hear no emotion in his own voice.

Takemichi frowned and slowed his pace without stopping. Fear was still gaining ground in the blue
of his eyes, and Mikey cursed his inability to look away once again. He didn't want to see it. Didn't
want to see that fear, not in Takemichi's eyes, not when he was looking at him.

It was more than he could bear.

"Not a single step closer," he repeated, raising his voice to give himself confidence. "Or I jump."

Takemichi stopped abruptly. The rain that streamed down his face mingled with the tears that
began to run down his reddened cheeks, with the blood that stained his trembling hands and soaked
hair; it fell between them like an impassable wall and at that moment, Takemichi seemed further
away than he had ever been. The storm lit up his eyes and illuminated his skin, making him
brighter and more luminous than ever while Mikey sank into ever darker, darker clouds in which
Takemichi could never reach him, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't belong with Mikey. He
had never belonged with Mikey, and he had been naive to believe it.

But that was over now. It was time to come back down to earth.

"Mikey..." Takemichi stammered in a trembling voice. "I beg you... Don't do this..."

Mikey ignored his plea.

Leave. Leave, leave, leave, leave , he wanted to say.

"You're the Takemitchy from the future, right?" he asked instead.

It was more of a rhetorical question than a real interrogation, but he couldn't help but ask anyway.
His lips moved of their own accord while his body refused to move, while his eyes remained fixed
in Takemichi's, trapped, unable to escape.

Even his own person was no longer obeying him, and it was becoming pathetic.

Takemichi stood still for a few seconds, then nodded slowly, without saying a word. Another flash
of lightning lit up the sky, yet none of them looked away for even a single second. Around them
the air became heavy, making every breath difficult, and Mikey pretended to believe it was
because of the storm.

"Why?"

The words escaped his lips without him being able to hold them back, without him even knowing
if he really wanted an answer. The fear he read in Takemichi's eyes was already enough, was
already too much, an answer in itself and not the one Mikey would have liked to hear. Not that
another alternative would have been enough to save him, he had crossed the line for too long
already. But he wished he could have read something else into his eyes, something other than fear.
Something other than guilt, something other than compassion, something other than a pity that
repulsed him and that he didn't want, that he had never wanted.

He wanted Takemichi to look at him the way he used to. But that was impossible. Not here, not on
this soaked balcony swept by the storm, not under these drops of rain that looked like fireworks but
were not. Not now, it was too late and Mikey knew it all too well, it was too late and he had no
right to regret it. Not when it was his fault.
"I don't want to...," Takemichi stammered.

He brought his hands to his face and awkwardly wiped his eyes, chasing away the tears and drops
that blocked his vision momentarily before they were replaced by new ones a fraction of a second
later. This time, he made no move to stop them. His jaws clenched abruptly, his eyelids closed, and
his fingers clutched at his soaked hair on either side of his skull, as if he were trying to escape a
nightmare, as if he were trying to silence a scream that existed only in his head.

"I don't want..." he repeated, his voice pale. "I don't want a future where you're not here..."

His fingers contracted further, closing over his sticky locks, and he bit his lip to stifle a sob.

"I promised you— I promised to save you..."

Mikey shook his head slowly, as if that would be enough to shut him up.

Stop.

"I don't want to lose you again..."

Stop. Don't say that. Don't act like I'm so important to you.

If I was so important you would have stayed.

Takemichi let his arms fall back down his body and looked up at him, eyes bathed in tears in which
the inertia of fear mingled with the energy of despair, like two storms crashing against each other
in a raging sky, and Mikey almost could’ve found it beautiful if it didn't hurt so much.

"Then I'll save you..." His voice broke. "Whatever it takes..."

Stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop acting like it's not already too late.

Mikey wanted to look away but his body wouldn't let him, as if it wanted to force him to face the
consequences of his actions, to look straight into the despair he was about to cause, the despair he
had already caused, because that was all he had ever been good for anyway.

That's why he wanted it all to stop.

He didn't want his loved ones to suffer because of him, for Takemichi to suffer because of him, he
didn't want to drag him down and have to carry the weight of his downfall on his conscience.
Takemichi was shining like a million stars, but Mikey was just a black hole destined to swallow
him whole if he ever got too close.

"It's too late, Takemitchy," he stated regretfully, with a resigned smile.

He wanted his suffering to end. He was tired of being in pain, tired of being alone, tired of this
storm raging in his head that he couldn't control, of being afraid of what he would eventually need
to silence it for even a few hours.

He was tired of fighting this enemy he couldn't even see.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

He wished things could have gone differently. But of all the options he had left, this was the best
one. For once in his life, he wanted to be able to protect those he cared about. For once, he didn't
want to be the one who stays.

"No, Mikey..."

Takemichi had started shaking his head frantically, as if showing his disagreement with reality
could be enough to make it change. His eyes were now filled with terror and tears, and the hand he
was holding out to him was shaking so hard that Mikey wondered how he was still managing to
hold it in place.

"Please don't do this..."

A rumble sounded in the moonless sky and a flash of lightning lit up the night a final time, making
Takemichi's face shine one last time as he took a hesitant step in his direction and Mikey knew it
was time, he had to do it now, because if he let Takemichi take another step he would be unable to.

"Please," he asked in a breath, in one last request, one last smile to keep up appearances. "Forget
about me."

Then he closed his eyes, and let himself fall backwards.

Under his feet the icy metal was slowly disappearing, replaced by the air that seemed almost warm
in comparison and the rain that was starting to drip on his arch. The void was cutting off his breath,
turning his guts inside out and twisting his stomach, but it was nothing compared to the rest,
nothing compared to Takemichi's voice screaming his name from his balcony, and even though he
tried to pretend it wasn't affecting him, he couldn't stop his heart from bursting into a thousand
pieces.

Please don't , he couldn't help thinking. Please remember me. Don't let me become a vulgar
memory carried away by the wind. I wanted to mean something.

To mean something to you.

He knew it was for the best. By doing this he would save everyone, by disappearing he would
guarantee everyone he loved a bright and happy future. But deep inside, somewhere in the foggy
limbo of his troubled mind, he couldn't help but wonder bitterly why it had to be this way.

Why, in order not to be the one who stays, he had to be the one who leaves.

As the void took him, a hand closed around his wrist and his fall was abruptly stopped. Mikey's
eyes widened, blinking away the water that covered his eyelashes as his body continued to sway,
gently, from left to right, at the end of Takemichi's arm. In his chest his heart was beating so hard it
hurt and he couldn't help thinking why, why Takemichi, why do you always have to make things so
complicated?

Why, after leaving me alone, are you now unable to let me go?

For lack of being able to raise his eyes towards him, Mikey's gaze met his own reflection deformed
by the rain in the metal that covered the building, this reflection that disgusted him and that he had
been desperately fleeing for years. He hadn't seen it for a long time, yet he wasn't even surprised by
his hollowed-out face, nor by the black rings that highlighted his eyes, his empty eyes looking like
a bottomless abyss which would swallow everything that came too close to him. And he thought
yes, that's why I didn't want to hope anymore.

Hope only made him fly high before crashing him down in a thousand pieces.
Chapter End Notes

Hiiii!

You thought it was gonna get better as soon as Takemichi would be there? Well, it
isn't :')) Or at least, not this soon. I think it would have been too easy for him to simply
show himself to fix all the problems, and he is progressively realizing it too. Our boy
still has a lot of work if he wants to save Mikey :'))

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway despite the pain. It was hard and
sometimes painful to write, but I regret nothing, I wanted this chapter to be this way
:'))) I just expected it to be longer but I've been very busy lately and I couldn't write I
much as I'd have wanted, so I had to cut it into two parts. Tell me what you thought
about it!

See you next week for the next chapter, and thank you again for all your support ❤

Asturya

PS : I made a new summary! Hope it will allow to understand better the point of the
story!

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!