THE WORST THING THAT I HAD DONE

I’ve always thought that I am a bad girl. My whole life was full with doing rough
things, like fighting. I was very good at all this. However, I had since stopped being
rough since an incident, which I think was the worst thing I have ever done in my life.
The incident got me thinking, and I regret it so much that sometimes it makes me
want to run away from home and from people who knows me. But what happened
has already happened and now there is no use of crying over spilt milk.

Three years ago, I was 13 years old and I was a very happy girl. I was doing
what I wanted to do. I did not care about what people talked about me. For me, they
were not good enough like me. My mother was very kind and gentle. Even though,
there were many times I broke her heart, she was never angry with me. However, at
that time, I got a new sister, so my mother could not longer give much attention to
me anymore. I envied my sister from the day she was born. I thought that because
she was pretty and was more important, everybody gave her more attention to her,
including my mother. I felt very lonely. Since that day onwards, I started to hate my
own sister.

Years had gone by but I’ve never stopped hating my sister. I used to bully her
so terribly. Whatever she gets, there must be one for me. Sometimes when my
mother went to the kitchen or went out, I will do bad things to her. I slapped her until
she cried. I did not know why I hate her very much, maybe because she got more of
my mother’s attention. After all, I am also my mother’s daughter, so why couldn’t she
give the same attention to me? Now I know it was because I’m already big girl, but at
that time I could not think like that, I was immature and all I wanted was attention. I
became a deeply emotional girl. In school I started to have discipline problem. I
always skipped the class, loitered in the toilet with my friends and bullying the naive
students.

One day I got into trouble: I was called by the discipline teacher. I knew what I
have done. A few days before, some of my male friends and I had stolen the car tyre
that belongs to my teacher. The reason was because the teacher had punished my
friend because he did not bring his bookwork that day. He slapped my friend in the
middle of class and everyone looked at him. I knew what he felt, as that was very
embarrassing.
 So, on that day, l was suspected to have stolen the car tyre. In that room,
there were only me, the headmaster, the discipline teacher, the victimized teacher,
my mother and my father. They all discussed about me. My mother looked at me with
a sad face. After the teacher told my family about my wrongdoings, my mother came
near to me. I thought my mother must be on my side, but I was wrong. Pang!!! My
mother slapped me and then holding my father’s hand, she got out from the room,
leaving me like that. I felt so bad at that time.

Because of the cases, I was suspended for 2 weeks. I was forced to stay at
home with my sister. At home, my mother did not care about me. I was so angry with
my mother’s response and I released my anger onto my little sister. I went to her,
slapped her, and pinched her until she cried. I was panicked, because if my mother
heard her crying, I would be scolded. So to make her quiet I smothered her face with
a pillow. After a few minutes, my little sister stopped moving. I felt so scared, I called
my mother loudly. She came and she was shoked. She took my sister to the hospital
and left me at home.

My little sister was gone that day. Even though 5 years had passed, but this
incident had never left my mind. Now, my mother had forgiven me. Since that day, I
stopped doing bad things and I always tried to be there for my mother.