Good Quotation

Temporal Analysis done

Include Current IAS Officers

examples to complete Temporal
analysis

1
destroy

Not Needed

Give More Examples

Eg. Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
Barack Obama'

To become a

2
 Good Point. Include eg. of RTI

Give examples of Transparent Civil servants

like Ashok Khemka, Anil Swarup

Good

Overall suggestions: Improve Grammar, Include more examples, Do not repeat sentences with
similar meanings, Write short sentences and improve the logical flow. Address the issue of
success of democracy due to above points

3
 Quote not very relevant to the topic
You can start with an anecdote like Trump leaving Paris treaty or Indian
states not taking responsibility of cleaning river water but want their
shares

Good

No one comes forward.

4
 have
s

ly

Mention which survey

Give more solutions

5
 Good point

Overall Evaluation: Improve Grammar, You have written problems for 2 pages and solutions for 1
page which is not the ideal way ahead. Include more solutions. Including quotation is good but
only when it is relevant.