7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM Async BCOM -Shubham Tantia * 7 step model - techniques for people who are passionate for results but not willing to using threats, lies, manipulative. For honest and respectful people. For people who want Great results and great ships «assertive without being aggresive * considerate without being taken adv of * Sharing - expressing objectives, thoughts, emotions, ideas and recos in a direct and sensitive way so that we reach the results = + sometimes the person is held back so did not achieve objective for communicating «sometimes said in the worng situation but came across as rude «sharing authentically, accurately and effectively that max your chances of being heard * Listening - hear things that other people might not + answer to what is imp for someone, why are they saying / not saying what they are saying / nots saying hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 at7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM * Understanding - confirming if we get where others are coming from and they get where we are coming 4m «we might not have understood other people if we interpret as per our beliefs * understanding does not indicate agreeing * Questions - skillful use of questions helps us get a clearer understand root cause without defensiveness. Helps us create options. The more options we have - the more chances that all parties might agree to one option * Requests - ask for help, delegate, share expectations. When people dont do as we had requested thats because our upfront convo wasnot up to the mark * Saying no - say no that minimizes the chance of damaging the rship * Managing agreements - how to handle the process and what to do if you /others break their commintments. How to hold people accountable to their commitments and best ways of doing that Sharing * advice is any sentence that starts with you should / you shouldn't - message coveyed ( know more than you) «advice works only when you do know more than someone and they agree that you are the expert * eg giving accounts advice; not when you give advice to a peer in a diff division + Diff- * Sharing starts with - I believe etc * You have been late 3 times - fact, hard to dispute. (fact). lam beginning to think you are not concerned (cant say that you are not concerned directly cause that might be wrong) * Sharing (no one can tell you what you feel is not a fact or anything) - use | think /| feel /| believe * what the facts are + what you are thinking or feeling © Why is that hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 2a7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM * Judgement * you are lazy / inconsiderate / selfish. * Cause here it is not mentioned how you are feeling and putting a label on them * people react negatively to this * Ex- prof to his wife * you should do t - advice * you dont care - judgement * I feel happy when you play with kids - feedback * Ex- to subordinate * your performance is not upto the mark - judgement + Lam dissapointed with your work - feeback (is imp) * When you think that the way you see a situation is the only correct way then you'll give advice and might feel receiving unsolicited advice Listening (all 4 should match, if they don't - there is something imp that is not being said) - listening can only help us hypothesis, best way is to build a rship that they can trust us 1. words - which are unusual, unique, stand out * sure - confidence «sort of - much less certain * switch of words indicates in the tumor interview that at an emotional level, they haven't done their best but at an intellectual level - they've done their best; can be slip of tongue too so not make conc| based on 1-2 words but look for patterns, 2. emotions - amusement 3. body language + breaks eye contact - sad (doesnt want anyone to see sadness; doesnt want sympathy / pity) hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 aan7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM 4, intension (After putting all 3 elements together) «why / why not is he saying / not saying «doesnt like to be too happy or sad * every time he has strong emotions, he says anyway and moves on «doesnt want to accept praise * We can direct convo masterfully when we Isten properly ‘en empathetically and non judgementaly - used | see, instead of poor you (pity) - he might close up; if he says it's not so bad - then he'll thing Mr Rogers doesn't understand; cheers him subtley - help other people * Superpower / extravision - connect or trust building with peopl * Keep listening to people who are close to you - listen for 5 mins everyday (for building your ability) - any convo - 1 day to the words; one day to emotions; one day body lang; then intention - put all together Understanding * when you summarize someone else's point of view so that he says yes - that’s what | am trying to say * wife cannot say - my career is not imp (she might feel that this might make him defensive and agree to her point of view); she should summarize by saying that he wants her to stay with the baby cause it is best when compared to any substitute «if she accuses - he might say is the baby not imp? which is not what the wife is saying - she is saying that both are possible * our own beliefs come in the middle at times and we think that we can manipulate people and make them feel guilty but becomes a huge block # Sales and finance - dont attack someone; just summarise what they say and ask for an exception * We get impatient at times as we listen as we think that they might think we are agreeing + make sure that the both parties have understood each other. Without this no agreement can be reached + Summarise your understanding of a conflicting view hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 aan7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM Questions * Quality of questions determines quality of answers you get which determines the quality of decisions you make and which determines the quality of your life hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 sat7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM * How to ask ques skilfully * Types of questions + How to use them © How to not use them «Types of questions ‘© Why questions © root cause of diff probs and how things fit together «5 whys - Japanese technique ‘* why questions can come out as accusatory - why didnt you do this? ‘* you might want to understand the problem but at times why questions might lead to excuses due to perceived attack * alternative - non why questions - what do you think SHILLWAL WHAT boyou THINK. —— HOW = 10 Go aBouT DOING THIS... WHO sare THE BEST PEOPLE FOR THIS... WHEN powe WANT TO ROLL THIS OUT... WHICH sovutions Do You THINK ARE THE BEST. * Non why questions + all about finding the soins, no blame * Be careful not to overuse why questions - why questions can be useful to understand problem * Open vs close questions ‘* Open questions + how do you think we can achieve sales tgt? - many answers * are important as you become senior & probs are complicated and strategic hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 eat7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM + relevant when coaching more experienced peope * acquire much more info * do you think we should hire him vs what do you feel are the pros and cons of hiring him * more engagement, ownership, buy-in, enthu in subordinates; allowing you to leverage their capabilities + Close questions © very narrow range of questions * eg have we achieved sales tgt - yes/no/idk. ‘© who is work on this task? * better for establishing facts or when we are moving fwd to action «many busy / action oriented managers dont focus on open questions * Leading ques vs genuine ques ‘* leading ques - already decided the answer - dont you think this is a little impratical? (‘not really a ques but a fact) - designed to put other person on the backfoot - person feels manipulated and soon they check out of the convo + sometimes leading questions can be asked when there is a theoretically correct answer; if overdo - shut down leading ques * people sometime ask this as they are afraid of offending others © genuine ques - * what do you feel got in the way this year? how could you improve? vs do you really think you did the best this yr? + Summary hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 ran7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM pee TE, CAREFUL with WHY questions... CONSCIOUS oF oP En / cLosED QUESTIONS... AASIK soLuTion ORIENTED QUESTIONS THAN GIVE SOLUTIONS... * Would you pl do xx by yy? - ifyes, commitment. Most breakdowns happen HONESTesitaginc ano GENUINE auestions * For best delivery - best request must be there 7 elements 1. explicit request - for commitment, explicit request is imp. Without explicit req,, there is no commitment. Translate your expectations into agreements 2. open listener - not when someone is distracted or you just send a text. hear them out, so that they feel they've been understood then they will be open to doing what you said. If you feel, someone is not listening to you - stop ~ listen to them 3. context - why is the request imp. For eg. please send a report by Spm as | have a meeting at 5:15 and I need to go through 4, unambiguous - for less experienced team members would not mean clean up presentation - it would mean proper font, formatting, spell check, pg noing etc 5. check understanding - ask more open questions? rather than do A. for eg how are you planning to do this? challenges? - you you listen, you'll get an understanding on if they are clear on 6. Deadline - never urgency, dont call lots of things urgent. Give clear deadlines. dont follow up every hr - its their job to get it done 7. Option to say no - if there is no option - no commitment - forcing someone to say yes does not mean a commitment. You cant rely on the forced yes Commitment is not the same as target - target is aspirational - you might manipulate by making a tgt seem like a commitment hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 ant7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM Saying no ‘+ dont give in to force cause then your boss will give you more stringent timelines than reqd next time if you are not able to meet deadlines - you might already believe that he has a low opinion cause last time you had not delivered and you agree. NExt time - bigger buffer. - you lose your confidence, your boss' trust and the trust of your subordinates; forget about health, hobbies ‘+ We are afraid that we might be seen as incompetent, lazy etc if we say no + You have to lear to say no to be successful and have a happy personal life * Warren buffet says no to most investments © 3. ways * "yes - no - yes” technique - anytime you say no to something, you say yes to something else (first yes). You say no to the request and are not rejecting the person. Don't say ill try etc cause people might interpret it asa yes. * First yes * eg mom's birthday - no to boss for office; you say yes to your mom - remember that * ifyou say no to salary hike - you say yes to more profits * ifyou say no to promotion of a subordinate - you say yes to harder work + no to unrealistic timeline - yes to work life balance which keeps best people in your team * Second yes - yes to the relationship -counter offer so that the other feels like you are trying to give a soln even though you have other priorities its my moms birthday so Saturday wont be possible but can | come in at 8am and complete the work on Monday by 12pm? (Or the client is looking for a summary page - if that's the case Ill send it today itself - and will send the full report by wednesday) © "Yes - and" technique hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 917rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM + cane cut the deadline by 10 days? - yes we can do that AND in order to do that we need to add 2 more people to the budget and a budget of overtime * this is a no to the original request ‘* Just say no - only person who cant say no is a slave - if i ask someone ona date and she says no? - no reason might be reqd * prices that might have to be paid when you say no - there is always a choice. Feeling that you are not allowed to say no reduces self esteem # Saying no to a target is not reqd - no commitment - its aspirational - saying no to a target which you are not sure of is playing safe. * Ifyou say no, be sure to prove that it is not possible - so that it does not affect your credibility - do homework first Managing agreements & Holding people accountable «the sign of a great team is not one that keeps all it's commitments cause that is sign of having safe tgts sign of great team is if you mange your agreements - sign of a great team is one in which members manage their agreements - if uk for sure you cant satify a request - say no ‘* Ifyou are not sure if you can - say let me check and Ill get back by XX time - if you dont mention a time there is uncertainty and they might think you are procrastinating If you feel commitment is breaking - be sure to let them know right away and ask if you can renegotiate Ifyou dont need something to be done - inform them as soon as uk about it to save wastage of effort HOLDING SOMEONE ACCOUNTABLE - process of handling convos with people who have broken commitment (doesnt mean shouting, firing ete here) * check if you actually have a broken agreement - ask the perosn if he missed a call? ‘= if itis established that there was a broken agreement - understand why / the reason with 100% empathy (don't cut them off) - listening and hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 so7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM understanding does not mean agreement ‘© Why did you not inform me? - * ifthe reason is genuine, allright * if the answer is not reasonable - point out that a agreement was broken and share consequences of the broken agreement and how you feel in this regard. Ask them to make up if reqd * deeper discussion to identify the root cause - lot of open questions and coaching * if you feel youve found solns to the underlying breakdown - make agreements that both of you feel will be honored * ifyou see that someone if making repetitive mistakes without due care - terminate their employment * What you need to do bé this? + Keep your own commitments to create that culture ‘+ make complete and proper requests * have honest and empathetic convos even if people are uncomfortable to hold people accountable if they dont honor agreements * Ifafter all this and coaching, situation doesn't improve - termination of employment (Step of last resort - if all other steps have been followed - this wont be reqd) is the best. Might be emotionally draining in the short term but always best working with people whom you can trust for delegating - use https://forms.office.com/Pages/ResponsePage.aspx?id=|CXjecENxk- 2EaBmEMUEThMLVTAGBEILNEX20- ddxhFUME1 RUERJVZAzMTAJUKSETIHTDdGQkdRWiQIQCNOPWcu Leadership effectivesness Why hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 wer7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM * trust and credibility so that people choose to follow you + you might force people but people did not get forced by Gandhi, people would not lose jobs if they didnt follow Gandhi but did * Gandhi * compelling vission - buy into th vision © more integrity? * clarity of thought + introspection - life experience into learning * What is important? ‘+ What is not? + what people value - clarity - conviction - integrity under pressure - commitment - results - credibility - ability to inspire others * all areas of life - health, finances, etc hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 yar7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM * Principles of leadership effectiveness + clarity - what you want, why it's imp, prices required, time frame - * run Skm in 30 mins to be reliable earner sore legs - by 30th dec honesty «honest look - things are not as good - under pressure we can blame externalities + ownership - what they can do abt it * looking at choices available to all * people will give you what you want if you give them what they want - win win - understand objectives and constraints of stakeholder - who and how to get people on board? commitment * hardworking? - work till midnight - no not this + it means ill give you the report on friday - if they do what they say they would do - committed - commitment = results even if there is corona © win win Clarity * What do | want and what will | do? * By when do I want to make it happen? * What prices am i willing to pay? * why is it important? Warning flag - only for imp things, not for wasteful things - use these only on things important for you + I dont know - all right ifits related to objective clarity, externalities or the future © but not for things within ur control or within you * I dont know how | feel about him - hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 sa7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM sometimes due to fear - * want to be with him but how he feels abt me - clarity © dont love him but im afraid that itl hurt him- clarity ‘getting in the way - fear of rejection / judged - a stranger is within us - crates a mask * Being vague * defn of superficiality - want a nice job ‘* but not when I want to be the MD of unilever by 40 + Using qualifiers * I.guess, maybe - | guess that's nice * no stranger here to integrate - strange to accept * Do | want to go on a journey where i cant be challenged ? - ans cannot be IDK * dont need to look outside - | want xxxx - what youll go specifically to make it happen @ Ill try - lack of confidence - © use | want - | will do this to help in this - show them the emails - if not convinced xxx use | will - for something within my control - answer how also - how will | do? ‘* from 6pm to 7pm Il spend time with my kids # Prices reqd ‘* I should go to the gym - no clarity p- this leads to guilt and then negative consequences * Ihave to gym to the gym - we forget why are we doing it? * [cant cause we havent identified the prices - [cant - stay in my comfort zones - you always can do possible things © this is fine as a kid - but for leaders you have to know - | have not decided on it hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 aia7rearea2t Ase BOM i Thave to Twill £) (rrrssure) Twon't Carty on | Psereqared 2 4 Ishould Tean’t 2) ny I WANT A SOIWILLDOB BY TIME C I'M WILLING TO PAY PRICE D BECAUSE WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME IS E Honesty * About what the facts are * Keep interpretations seperate * Listening to emotions - if we suppress and keep doing, others will start criticising * Listen to feedback - not necessarily accepting Results - whether succeeded or failed without minimizing - neither overreacting or underreacting * Self awareness - how all this fits together * change beliefs - do things differently to change results * change the way we loom at things hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 ss217rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM Petree Self awareness cycle + We all have beliefs + how we look at things + 3 sources * personal experiences * info we receive - books etc * surroundings - society, culture etc + we need beliefs to make decisions swiftly. For eg my legs will be strong to support me hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 se7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM * beliefs help interpretation * aggressive bully bosses - you think they are selfish ‘new boss - asks to work on weekend - you might think here we go again and feel angry etc (interpretation generates emotions - demotivated, angry. Thoughts - check naukri.com, sensations - BP rise) ‘* Demotivation results in being irritated, being lazy, not motivated - work quality, interaction with others ‘this leads to micromanagement and the cycle continues if first few bosses are helful then you might feel its imp - great output - happy - praises you - cycle continues + initial beliefs result in a chain of events - and beliefs become stronger and stronger and become reality * some beliefs become helpful - for eg | am good at accounts * Forgot words in morning assembly - then dont speak in public + Helpful beliefs help us, distorting dont - distoring result in anger, frustration etc * We cant change the reality but can change the beliefs «We slow down when we change the beliefs - for eg honest and straightforward * Question beliefs in 4 spec situations «new situation is completely diff from past - for eg promotion, become a parent - old beliefs need to change ‘* negative experiences consistently * critical feedback - lot of people give ‘* not producing results that you want to * change distorting beliefs, what are empowering belief ? Reality the things that are out of our control © for eg gravity «in corp world - bosses determine appraisal (cant change) hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 arias7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM YQu PUSHY AAGEP LS EACEINAEBAlng - you'll be upset and resent (people might think that you are closed to feedback) «we can navigate easily after accepting acceptance does not mean resignation ‘accept corona but don't think that you cannot protect people Choosing interpretations * Reality vs interpretation + Reality - tangible, measurable, demonstrable, provable, objective «interpretations can be diff * London person calling India's winter hot vs us feelings - cognitive error * Colleague calling me aggressive with the client - cant say no (was not a statement of objective reality - if we interpret it as that) © we say no, they say yes - we keep arguing «interpretations might be helpful or not * best to choose the interpretation which suits you best © eg mother asking to to take care (might interpret as being irresponsible, actually she might be concerned) * difficult to change the first interpretation but takes conscious effort «statement of reality - assertion - New Delhi is cap of India «statement of interpret - declaration - he is smart etc (not neutral) hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 sat7rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM People who make mistakes are stupid! ay Beliefs (objective) hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 s927rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM “Goodthing he pointed itout.. Everybody makes mistakes... ts} Emotions * Greatest champions display and harness emotions + but we mostly suppress negative emotions + We loose the ability to listen to emotions - every emotion helps you with their messages © Em ion of frustration helps you work harded if you listen to it * if you ignore it keeps on building up and either you explode or collapse * emotions are part of navigation system * listen to emotions - get a handle on what is generating it + emotion helps us with if something is working or not (emotion are first warning for us) * next warning when others start criticising us * Guilt - inconsistent with our own principles * anger - someone might be acting in a way that is crossing my boundary * resentment - have a convo abt something / forget and forgive + anxiety - something is happening that I should need to plan * dissapointment - what is imp to me «dont punch someone etc - that happens after some time of suppressing emotions hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 201287rearea2t ‘Asyne BOM «Only not overreact if you learn how to respond quickly «respond quickly if you understand your emotions «experience an emotion, listen and act so that it goes away How to create value from feedback * coach isnt better, nadal's uncle doesnt have experience * coaches bring an external perspective - as we can see players do something wrong (not because we are better but cause we are observing them) Each one of us are like xs in boxes(Xs consistent with each other) © feedbacks are like Os we react to feedback by dismissing them just keep Os in seperate box - What if? - think abt them - hitpsscaring-wakeboard-889.noton site/Async-SCOM-4efo2aSaacb40¢099269e50059026c2 228