Name : Aulia Shafira

Student Number : 1813042013

Class : A
Subject : English Syntax

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The previous correlation analyses regarding a relationship between numbers of revisions on form,
content and organization had indicated a relationship between both content and organization revisions and
achievement. However, the Multiple Regression analysis showed that the variables other than that of form
revisions were not considerably effective in explaining the average essay score. To sum up, using the
combined feedback model did not cause a disadvantage for the experimental group as they revised on
form and organization as much as the control group did and although they made fewer content revisions,
content revisions were not found to be highly effective on average essay score.
It could be concluded in relation with these findings that students benefit from a combination of
peer and teacher feedback as much as they do from teacher feedback only.

Note :

 Red for Participant

 Blue for Process
 Green for Circumstances

1. List of cohesive device being employed to connect the information :

 Pronoun :
 It (in the paragraph 2)
 Conjunction :
 And
 However
 Between
 Although.
2. Conclude whether the paragraph is cohesive or not
In my opinion, paragraph one is not cohesive because in first sentence we can see the subject
disscussion is about the correlation analyses while in the second sentence the subject of disscussion is
about the multiple analysis. But, in the next sentence explain more about two sentences before. Paragraph
2 is the conclusion of the paragraph 1. So, paragraph 2 is cohesive to paragraph 1.
3. Clarify how the author enjoys the cohesive device to connect information
Paragraph 1 is not cohesive because the subject in every sentences is different. In the first
sentence, the subject is the correlation analyses. Meanwhile, in the second sentence, the subject is the
multiple analaysis. I think the author should explain more about the correlation analyses first in detail to
make the paragraph cohesive. After that, the author can disscuss more about the multiple analysis in the
next paragraph and disscuss more about the disadvantages. So, it can make the paragraph complex and
detail.