It’s Not

JUST What
You Eat.
It’s WHEN
You Eat.
The Ultimate Guide to
Intermittent Fasting!

15751

Go to MensHealth.com/IFGuide to Learn More!

 LIFE
34 ......THE 10 COOLEST HOT DOGS
39 SECR ETS TO A
................................
BETTER SA L A D
45 .......................... BUZZ CU TS TH AT
LOOK SH A R P
49 ....................................... NO-SW E AT
SU MMER THR E A DS

APART,
ALONE,
AND TOTALLY J
U ST B E FO R E C OVI D -1 9

CONNECTED
How one man’s adventure in
completely immersive, highly
socialized solitude holds lessons
for us all. BY JOSHUA DAVID STEIN
came and made egg salad of
the world, I took the princi-
pled, but in retrospect foolish,
step of removing myself from all
social media. The world had be-
come too mediated by screens.
So I dumped my smartphone for
a dumb one; deleted Instagram,
Twitter, and Facebook; forswore
Google Calendar for an old-fash-
ioned day planner; and vowed to
live my life face-to-face.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ERIC ROSATI MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 31

 LIFE
It has not gone as planned. So I embarked
on a self-isolated journey to see if virtual
connectivity can bring us together.
Could screens be my savior? If I couldn’t
be together with anyone, could we at least
be together-ish? And now, as we all emerge
into a different world, what’s the best way
for all of us and our new avatars to live
in peace?
THE FIRST FEW DAYS
Early on, I staved off existential worry
with a superficial one about losing my six-
pack. Thankfully, the Workout from Home
Movement is having a moment. There’s
Mirror and Tonal and others with ener-
getic names like Tempo and FightCamp.
I chose the familiar if upgraded version of
an old college pastime with a rowing ma-
chine called the Hydrow.
Hydrow combines the theology of bike-
based Peloton—there is a fitness god; you
must follow this god’s workout edicts—
with the maniacal difficulty of indoor row-
ing, also called erging. When it arrived, my
first workout was a quick 30-minute row
in the canals around Miami Beach. Sunny
climes in such dark times seemed profane,
yet there was something uplifting about
moving in unison with someone, even if
they were on a screen and prerecorded.
Graham M. Jones, Ph.D., an anthropol-
ogy professor at MIT who studies culture
and technology, understands. “In a time
when we’re spending a lot of time alone . . . I
think bodies moving in harmonious mo-
tion is a powerful engine for human sense
of intersubjective connectedness,” he
says. Also, it was hell on my lats.
AS THE DAYS
BECAME WEEKS . . .
All human interaction now took place
through the same 13-inch window on
my laptop. I became very familiar with
THE MVP SERVICES FOR
POST-QUARANTINE LIFE
Social isolation pushed us all to adapt and find
new ways to stay connected. Here’s your MH guide
to what’s worth continuing in order to create a
new (and virtually improved) normal.
32 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
my mom’s chin. Conversations with my AS THE WEEKS BECAME
kids—Auggie, who is six, and Achilles, MONTHS . . . 
who is eight—consisted of small talk while Before the virus, a common trope on
my ex held her phone up to them and they Hinge and Tinder was “I’m not looking
stared into their iPads. “Hey, Daddy!” for a pen pal.” Now we were all pen pals by
they said, then returned to building vast default. Former flames had been reaching
Minecraft worlds. out, goaded by a mixture, I imagine, of
Unfortunately, I had a lot of angst. For- death-doorstep regret (maybe I was the
tunately, I had a therapist. Anyone who has one?) and boredom. I’d been WhatsApping
been in therapy knows the rituals: Couch with an ex living in Belgium. Thanks to
means safe space; neutral landscape the time difference, I’d wake up to steamy
means I can talk about my father. Skype shots from Bruges.
therapy, however, is different. With a few I also scheduled a Zoom Hinge date with
beeps and boops, Julia, my therapist, was Svetlana, a Russian lady I’d met IRL once
in my bedroom and I was in her . . . den? for coffee, back in the days when one did
Most of the 45-minute session involved that kind of thing. After a few chirps, I
some variant of “Can you believe this found myself peering at her on my screen.
shit?” As I closed the laptop, it occurred to She drank wine and did her nails. I drank
me I hadn’t really let down my guard for the Dalmore and watched while eagerly await-
entire session. It reminded
me of a phrase I’d read
about. In 2004, John Suler,
Ph.D., of Rider University,
coined the term “online
disinhibition effect” to de-
scribe some freewheeling
actions. “[People] loosen
up, feel less restrained, and
express themselves more
openly,” he wrote. This was
due to six factors, including
asynchronous communica-
tion (it’s not in real time),
invisibility (you can’t see
me), and anonymity (you
don’t know me).
But my emotional reluc-
tance was likely related to
another Suler finding: The
Internet minimizes our
sense of status and author-
ity. Therapists. Celebrities.
Late-night talk-show hosts.
We are just human beings
looking through screens at
one another. Maybe that’s
not such a bad thing.
FITNESS
15 Seconds of FitTok Fame
Amazing feats of fitness are all over
Real-Time Virtual Workouts
Apps that let you tune in live add
the customizable video-sharing app more encouragement and account-
TikTok. Try: TikTok, free. Download it to gawk; ability. Try: Peloton, $13/month. The original
stay to upload and participate with your own crowd-pleaser is more essential than ever
(safe!) spin on the fitness challenges.  with boot camps, stretching, and meditation.

ing Suler’s online disinhibition effect—
maybe we’d skip steps and get racy—but,
if anything, felt more constrained.
A chat with psychiatrist and MH advisor
Gregory Scott Brown, M.D., drove home
why. “We rely on human touch and cues
for how to behave,” he says. “Interacting
purely online takes those away from us.” I
could sext an ex because we’d already seen
each other naked. My new digital fling,
though flirty, stayed chaste. Incidentally,
Pornhub traffic in my household spiked.
I craved actual contact. So one morn-
ing, I tuned in to a live Hydrow workout
led by Nick Karwoski, a chiseled golden-
retriever type, both Adonis and Super Op-
timist. “Joshuadavidstein,” he said when I
joined. “Full name, bro. I like it.” I blushed
on my rower but thrilled at being seen, and
pulled harder than I had in weeks.
Later that day, my kids came over for the
first time. We hung out on the couch and I
realized how much I missed their skinny
legs and their now-longer hair and rough-
housing and just being there to cuddle,
even if they sometimes rebuffed me.
AS THE MONTHS BECAME
MORE MONTHS . . .  found it harder than ever to meditate. Now
I’d been living mostly on protein shakes,
black beans, and tuna melts. (My farts
were the worst; on the other hand, only I
was there to smell them.) Thankfully, with
all the money I had saved by not doing any-
thing, I could afford some help. I ordered a
Thermomix TM6, a German-made every-
thinger. It braises. It sautes. It chops and
has a score of other features, including
Cookidoo, an app with a recipe-sharing
“community” associated with it. I signed
up immediately. I used to be leery of such
Courtesy brand (vibrator)
things, but I’ll take what I can get.
One day, I selected a recipe for creamy
tomato soup and turned the dial to blend.
Then I tuned in to a Facebook Live about
no-knead bread making. The lady, named
SEX/DATING
Remote-Controlled Sex Toys
Send your loved one some sweet
vibrations to show you’re thinking
about them. Try: Lovehoney Desire
Panty Vibrator, $125. One of many
discreet partner-powered options.
Lynette, walked me through
making hot cross buns. Even if I
didn’t have anyone to eat with, I
had a friend with whom to cook.
This knob-twisting cookery
felt like cheating. But the tomato
soup was damn good, and my
buns, when they emerged from
my oven, were tight. Soon I was
outsourcing every thing from
chocolate chip cookies to pizza
dough to my little sidekick. The
meal-prep community offered
more support. Someday, perhaps,
I’ll wean myself off their sugges-
tions and freestyle.
While Auggie occupied himself
on the Hydrow, Achilles helped
me in the kitchen on the Thermomix. It
wasn’t the same as having a picnic in the
park, but somehow I felt our universe was
getting a little bigger than the four walls of
my apartment.
AS THE MONTHS BECAME
OUR NEW WORLD . . .  meditation session, a robotic German sous
In the beginning of the quarantine, when
I needed the most mental stability, I had
that isolation had lost its novelty, reflec-
tive stillness beckoned again.
Like most houses of worship, my local
Zen center offers Zoom morning ser-
vices. So instead of rowing, some days I
practiced stillness, knowing that in other
parts of the world, others were sitting with
me. If the chatter of fear and anxiety filled
my mind, I’d nod to those thoughts and
let them leave. After each closing chant,
I’d shut the laptop and spend some time
contemplating what’s called pratītyasa-
mutpāda, or interdependent arising. So-
cial distancing had left me more aware
of both my aloneness and my connec-
tion with others than I’d ever felt before.
Whether it was Nick on the river or Julia
THERAPY
On-Demand Shrink Sessions
Virtual therapy from your own
couch or bed can be rewarding,
and there’s less wait time. Try: Talkspace,
prices vary. Trade messages or a video
call with licensed therapists 24/7.
LIFE
SOME SCREENS
OBSCURE THE TRUTH.
SOME SCREENS
REVEAL IT.
on Skype, Svetlana on Zoom or my mom’s
chin on FaceTime, these pixels shaped a
real community. It was all I had.
Have screens saved me? Have they
screwed me? Neither, really. They’ve
been a mirror in which my own strengths
and frailties have been reflected. It took
months in isolation, a teleconferenced
chef, and a fancy rowing machine for me
to realize we are all in the same boat.
As I tentatively reenter the physical
world, I’m staying virtually attached as
a reminder of who I want to be out there.
The Hydrow isn’t going anywhere. Live-
streams can remind you that there are so
many others pulling together. The Ther-
momix will keep on purring, but I hope
to have Svetlana over for hot cross buns. I
promise I’ll talk to my mom as much as I do
now—we’re both happier for it—and that
when I visit Julia in her office, I’ll hug the
pillow and spill my guts.
Some screens obscure the tr uth.
Some screens reveal it. The best are like
windows. They are meant to be opened
and climbed through, out into a new
world full of old friends, more together-
ish than ever.
ENTERTAINMENT
Next-Level Friendships
Online hangouts have gotten an up-
grade with Zoom-enabled multiplayer
game modes. Try: Jackbox modules, prices
vary. Download party packs to turn a group call
into a virtual game night.
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 33
 LIFE

TOP
1 2
TURN DOWN THE TEMP STUFF AND TOP
Searing heat burns and splits the Transfer the rested
skin of hot dogs before the insides hot dogs to the toasted

DOGS
warm through. Instead, preheat buns. Then pile or
your grill to medium low. Then add spoon on the topping
your franks, close the grill lid, and combos that follow.
cook, turning them every minute Don’t skimp: You
or so, until browned and plump, 5 to shouldn’t see more
7 minutes. Then remove the dogs than the ends of the
and allow them to rest for 2 minutes dogs. Each recipe
(during which time you can grill your makes 2 servings.
buns till crisp, about 30 seconds). Scale up to feed more.

BRING THE backyard heat

with this surefire two-step
recipe to grill a plumper
dog. Then try out these ten
incredible sets of toppings
that go far beyond.
BY MATTHEW KADEY, R. D.

BLT
2 chopped cooked
bacon strips
+
⅓ cup chopped
tomato
+
½ cup shredded
lettuce
+
¼ cup sliced
dill pickle

34 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRISTOPHER TESTANI

 BEET IT Hawaiian
Guac
Burrito-
esque
½ cup grated
beet ½ cup guacamole ½ cup refried
+ + beans
½ cup grated ½ cup diced +
carrot pineapple 2 tsp minced
+ + chipotle peppers
1″½ Tbsp ¼ cup diced in adobo sauce
horseradish red onion +
+ + 2 tsp fresh
1 Tbsp cider ⅛ tsp cayenne lime juice
vinegar +
+ 1 minced
1 tsp sugar garlic clove

PESTO THAI SLAW HOME

RUN
AIOLI 1 cup shredded
slaw mix 1 Tbsp grainy
⅓ cup + Dijon mustard
mayonnaise 1 Tbsp creamy +
+ peanut butter 1 Tbsp white-wine
2 Tbsp + vinegar
sun-dried 2 tsp soy sauce +
tomato + 2 tsp maple syrup
pesto 2 tsp rice vinegar +
+ + 2 Tbsp chopped
1 tsp lemon 1 tsp Sriracha shallots
zest + +
1 tsp fish sauce 2 Tbsp chopped
sage

CORN
DOG God
½ cup fresh ⅓ cup plain
corn kernels
+ + verde
⅓ cup chopped ¼ cup crumbled +
roasted red feta 2 Tbsp
pepper +
+ seeds
⅓ cup halved dill
Food styling: Simon Andrews. Prop styling: Carla Gonzalez-Hart.

+
cherry tomatoes + ¼ cup chopped
+ cilantro
¼ cup chopped +
cilantro + ¼ tsp cumin
+ 1 tsp fresh
½ chopped
jalapeño
+
1 sliced scallion
+
2 tsp fresh
lemon juice LEADERS You could fill a baseball stadium with all the mealy-textured, sodium-clogged, lacking-in-
snap packaged hot dogs at the supermarket. Two options that are actually worth relishing:
of the Teton Waters Ranch’s Bun Length Uncured Hot Dogs and Applegate’s Great Organic
Uncured Beef Hot Dogs. Both are meaty and delicious, as well as uncured, which means
DOG PACKS they’re made with natural nitrates, like celery powder, not fake ones.

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 35

 m
6-WEEK
SWEAT
OFF
MensHealth.com/SweatOff
15740
 LIFE

When Chains GO GREEN

Salad-centric restaurants are growing like wild dandelion greens
across the country. (Hot ingredient: wild dandelion greens!) Here’s how to
raid their menus to DIY a bowl that’s all good. BY BRITTANY RISHER

MAD GREENS
WHERE: AZ, CO, TX

YOU’RE HAVING: PANCHO VILLA

At Mad Greens, you can double
your greens for just a buck more.
Do it with this salad to balance
all the quinoa, roasted corn,
spiced pumpkin seeds, avocado,
southwestern chicken, and cilantro
chili lime dressing. 782 calories,
WHERE: CA, MA, NY
44g protein, 54g carbs (12g
fiber), 55g fat
YOU’RE HAVING: TUNA NICOISE
Seared ahi tuna, tomatoes, pota-
DIY HACK: This spot infuses its toes, capers, green beans, egg,
dressings with heat, dusts peppery
olives, baby greens, and a sherry
spice over its pecans, and features
vinaigrette. It’s a formidable post-
a piri-piri spice rub on its shrimp
workout meal, with enough protein
and tofu. To add heat at home, lean
to help rebuild your muscles.
on ingredients like pickled jala-
650 calories, 32g protein, 17g
peños, chili powder, and hot sauce.
carbs (6g fiber), 51g fat

DIY HACK: This salad chain drops

a dollop of hummus into one of its
salads—and it works. Hummus is
creamy, like a dressing, yet strong
enough in flavor to stand up to bit-
ter arugula, char-grilled chicken,
or even that seared ahi tuna.
Just SALAD
WHERE: FL, IL, NJ, NY, NC, PA

SALADWORKS YOU’RE HAVING: CHIPOTLE

WHERE: AZ, CO, GA, IL, MD, MN, NY, PA, TN, TX COWBOY SALAD
It’s a romaine grilled-chicken salad,
YOU’RE HAVING: BENTLY SALAD but fired up with pepper jack cheese,
It’s a powerlifter’s chef salad: ham, roasted turkey, egg, black beans, avocado, crunchy onions,
tomatoes, and provolone on romaine and iceberg lettuce and a chipotle vinaigrette (tortilla
with green-goddess dressing. 560 calories, 60g protein, chips optional). 590 calories, 33g
20g carbs (8g fiber), 32g fat protein, 32g carbs (13g fiber), 38g fat

DIY HACK: Do your crunches.

DIY HACK: Roasted vegetables make salads awesome. Just Salad has all kinds of crunchy
Batch-cook some: Set your oven to 400°F. Toss a bunch
toppings: roasted pumpkin seeds,
of roughly chopped Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, and
Courtesy brands

roasted almonds, wontons. There’s

onions onto a baking sheet with oil, salt, and pepper. Roast
a world beyond croutons. Explore it.
till tender. Cool. Pop onto greens at will. You can even roast
cherry tomatoes for your at-home version of the Bently.

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 39

TURKEY...ON THE GRILL?!
30
Look, you can stick to chicken if you want, but turkey is so much meatier than that
other bird when cooked over open flame. Plus, its savory flavor can stand up to
hearty spices that’ll make you look forward to leftovers. These quick-cooking
10 kebabs provide more than 30 grams of muscle-nourishing protein. Two simple sides
deliver the 10 grams of fiber you need to stay full. BY PAUL KITA AND JENNIFER NICKLE

40 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRISTOPHER TESTANI

 3 0 G THE PROTEIN
1 0 G THE FIBER
Three ounces of roasted turkey breast (the type from a whole bird, not
Each of these sides contains
deli meat) contain 26 grams of protein and only 125 calories. The same the 10 grams of fiber you need
amount of thigh meat has 24 grams of protein and 140 calories. If you’re to feel full. Plus, they’re
wondering, that’s roughly equal to chicken.

BU Y IT C OOK IT Spiced Turkey Kebabs

Buy turkey with a WHAT YOU’LL NEED 1. In a large bowl, minutes, turning
“100% organic” add the turkey, every 3 minutes to
2 LB SKINLESS,
seal. An organic BONELESS TURKEY onion, cumin, cori- grill evenly on all
label ensures that BREAST, CUT INTO
1½-INCH CUBES ander, cinnamon, sides. Transfer to
the animal was olive oil, 2 tsp salt, a serving platter.
1 LARGE RED ONION,
raised without the CUT INTO LARGE and 1 tsp pepper. Garnish with mint
PIECES
use of antibiotics Toss well, cover, and leaves, sliced pep-
2 TBSP GROUND
or growth hor- CUMIN refrigerate for at pers, and lemon
mones and given 1 TSP GROUND least 30 minutes or wedges. Makes 6 In a pot over medium-high heat,
only organic feed CORIANDER
1 TSP GROUND up to 1 day. skewers add 2 Tbsp olive oil and 4 minced
devoid of con- garlic cloves. Cook, stirring, until fra-
CINNAMON
taminants, such 2. Preheat your grill PER SKEWER: grant, about 2 minutes. Stir in 3 cups
1 TBSP OLIVE OIL
as fecal matter to high. Thread the 225 calories, 37g canned precooked lentils, 1 (28 oz)
¼ CUP LOOSELY
(see!). Try to avoid PACKED FRESH turkey and onion protein, 7g carbs can chopped tomatoes, and ½ tsp
MINT LEAVES, salt. Reduce the heat to medium;
buying turkey that FOR GARNISH pieces equally onto (1g fiber), 5g fat simmer till thickened, 15 to 25 min-
looks gray or slimy ¼ CUP SLICED 6 skewers. Grill over utes. Garnish with ¼ cup chopped
and smells sulfu- RED HOT PEPPERS, high heat until nicely fresh cilantro. Makes 5 servings
FOR GARNISH Per serving: 230 cals, 12g protein,
rous—all signs of 6 LEMON WEDGES, charred and cooked 35g carbs (11g fiber), 6g fat
degradation. FOR GARNISH through, about 12

UP GR A DE IT The turkey kebabs taste great on their own. But if you have
the time and want them to taste even better, here are three
easy ways to do just that.

I F YO U H AV E . . .

5 15 1
MINUTES MINUTES HOUR
Food styling: Simon Andrews. Prop styling: Carla Gonzalez-Hart.

Garnish with pomegranate
arils. Cut a whole pomegran-
ate in half lengthwise. Hold
one half over a bowl, the cut
side facing down in your
palm, turned upward. Using a
wooden spoon, firmly slap the
outer skin repeatedly until
the arils start to dislodge from
the pith. (Yes, this is fun.)
Want more 30/10 meals in your life? You’re covered with 30 of them at
MensHealth.com/30-10.
Make a quick yogurt-based
sauce. In a blender or food
processor, blend 1 cup
washed fresh herbs (parsley,
mint, and/or cilantro),
1 cup plain yogurt, and
2 garlic cloves. Season to
taste with salt and lemon
juice. Serve as a dip for
the kebabs.
Make your own hot sauce. In
a pot over low heat, stir ½ cup
olive oil, ¼ cup sliced red chiles,
2 Tbsp tomato paste, 1 tsp
smoked paprika, and 1 tsp salt.
Cook, stirring occasionally,
until the flavors meld, about 30
minutes. Transfer to a blender
or food processor, add 2 Tbsp
white vinegar, and blend.
In a large bowl, stir together 1
(28 oz) can chickpeas (rinsed and
drained), 1 cup thawed frozen peas,
½ cup chopped walnuts, ½ cup
chopped dried figs, ½ cup chopped
fresh parsley, 2 Tbsp lemon juice,
and 2 Tbsp olive oil. Season to taste
with salt. Makes 4 servings
Per serving: 335 cals, 10g protein,
37g carbs (10g fiber), 19g fat

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 41

 LIFE

Vodka and Vodka is not good hand sanitizer, but it

is good hot-weather drinking. It’s more
versatile than gin, cleaner tasting than
rum, and less TEQUILA than tequila.

CH I L L
Especially these unsung bottles, each
paired to a purpose: sipping straight, on
ice, and in cocktail form. BY CAREY JONES

NEAT:
SNOW LEOPARD
This Polish vodka has an almost creamy texture.
Credit a base of spelt (that’s right, not potato), an
ancient grain that delivers a surprisingly bold flavor
with no afterburn. Keep a bottle stashed in your
freezer for summer-evening sipping. $30

ON THE ROCKS:
ST. GEORGE ALL PURPOSE
As the ice melts in your glass, the water opens up
some of the subtle flavors of your vodka. That’s why
rocks are best suited for more complex spirits, like this
one, which is made with pears from northern Califor-
nia. Your first sip (slightly sweet and strong) will taste
different from your last (slightly floral and clean). $29

IN A COCKTAIL:
HAKU
If you’ve tasted the glory of a whisky from the Japa-
nese distillery Suntory, well, now it’s making vodka.
As it does with its whiskies, Suntory distills this spirit
from rice and filters it through bamboo charcoal,

Food styling: Simon Andrews. Prop styling: Carla Gonzalez-Hart. Jason Tinacci (St. George). Courtesy brands (remaining bottles).
producing a soft, clean vodka that heightens the
flavors of whatever you throw at it. $26

HAKU COBBLER
If you want something
that goes down as easy as
a vodka soda but with a
lot more going on, try this
drink from Marlowe John-
son, beverage director
of Flowers of Vietnam in
Detroit. It’s fresh, thanks
to cucumber and berries,
but also deliciously dry
due to a little dry sherry.
Use whatever LaCroix
flavor you like—Johnson
recommends hibiscus,
but grapefruit works, too.
3 CUCUMBER SLICES
5 RASPBERRIES
PINCH OF SALT
1½ OZ HAKU VODKA
½ OZ SIMPLE SYRUP*
½ OZ FINO SHERRY (TIO PEPE
IS A GREAT BRAND)
L A CROIX OR OTHER
SPARKLING WATER
In the bottom of a tall glass,
muddle the cucumber,
raspberries, and salt. Add
the vodka, simple syrup,
and sherry. Fill the glass
with ice and pour in the
LaCroix to fill. Stir briefly
and serve. Makes 1 drink

*Equal parts sugar and hot water, stirred until dissolved 

42 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPH BY CHRISTOPHER TESTANI

 A few tips on walnuts, snacking and

how to keep your spices dry

when your mouth is watering

Discover a new BBQ-seasoned walnut

snack, a trick to protecting your spices
from moisture and hundreds of recipes
made with heart-healthy* California
walnuts at walnuts.org.

Per one ounce serving.

*California walnuts are certified by the American Heart Association.® Heart-Check food certification does not apply to
recipes unless expressly stated. See heartcheckmark.org/guidelines. Supportive but not conclusive research shows that
eating 1.5 ounces of walnuts per day, as part of a low saturated fat and low cholesterol diet and not resulting in increased
caloric intake, may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease. (FDA) One ounce of walnuts offers 18g of total fat, 2.5g So Simple. So Good.®
of monounsaturated fat, 13g of polyunsaturated fat including 2.5g of alpha-linolenic acid – the plant-based omega-3.
NO MATTER WHAT THE DAY BRINGS
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Depend® Guards and Shields
are built to protect.
Comfortable protection
for leaks big or small
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a man's body
Unnoticeable protection
that fits in your underwear

Get a sample at Depend.com

THE ONLY THING STRONGER THAN US, IS YOU.™

®/™ Trademarks of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. or its affiliates. © KCWW
 LIFE

Now
What?
Mow it? Grow
it out? Go
crazy with it?
Here’s how to
manage your
COVID crop.
BY GARRETT MUNCE

KEEP IT GROW IT HAVE FUN WITH IT

DECIDE ON YOUR STYLE:
When in doubt, ask a bar-
ber what they recommend
based on your head and
face shape (virtually or IRL). Maybe keep
it a little longer on top; maybe it should be
one length all around, like on Zayn Malik,
pictured here. Pick your style and go with it.
GET ON SCHEDULE: To keep a buzz fresh,
you want to maintain it. This could mean
cutting it every week, says Axe master
barber Pedro Rosario, on your own or in the
barbershop. Areas like your neckline are
the first to look unruly. If you can, ask a bar-
Getty Images (head). Helen Green (illustrations).
MANAGE THE
PROPORTIONS:
Ideally, get the sides
faded by a pro every
two weeks “to push more strength into
the top,” says barber Doug Paster. (Ryan
Reynolds has it down.) If it’s DIY, start with a
number-four guard on the sides and work
your way to a lower number. Once you’re
happy, get it cut every four to six weeks.
INTRODUCE TEXTURE: When your hair
is long enough to lift up, ask your barber to
add texture by cutting it with scissors. This
can help camouflage problem areas, like
DABBLE IN COLOR:
Frank Ocean and Justin
Bieber have taught us that
a buzz offers the perfect
low-risk time to go bold. “The stakes are low
when you have a half inch of hair on your
head,” says Paster. It’s easier to bleach or dye
short hair, so if you’ve ever been dye-curious,
a buzz cut is your chance to experiment.
ADD IN A PATTERN: You can also play with
cutting in designs, or “if you’re not confident
in your fading skills, shave down the sides
but leave a blunt line on top [for a] Euro-
soccer-player vibe,” says Paster. If you mess

ber to cut it in, then trim it at home using a thinning spots and cowlicks. Add definition up or don’t like it, going back to square one is
clipper with no guard. with a texture paste to get a similar effect. as simple as buzzing it off again.

NO MATTER Whether you’re shearing yourself like a sheep or just trying to maintain
your crop between barber visits, using the proper tool is essential. Invest
WHAT, USE in a hair clipper with multiple-length guards that’s powerful and can
THE RIGHT better cut through a variety of hair textures. The Wahl Elite Pro High
Performance Hair Clipper Kit ($60) is professional grade but specifi-
TOOLS! cally designed for home use.
 PROMOTION

E XCLUS IV ELY AT
 LIFE

NO
S W E AT
SUMMERSeven ways to
KEEP COOL when
UPGRADE YOUR POLO
Some shirts make you
feel as if you’re drown-
it’s hot outside. ing in sweat, but this
moisture-wicking cotton
polo from Banana Republic
dries fast and feels good.
Plus it’s anti-odor, so it
kills any sign of BO.

Performance polo shirt ($60) by

Banana Republic; sunglasses ($200),
DB Eyewear by David Beckham.

TRY TECH CHINOS

If you must wear pants,
go for something with
stretch—so you’ll have
a close fit without them
hugging your skin
uncomfortably when
the temp soars—like
this pair from J. Crew.

Tech pants ($80) by J. Crew;

sneakers ($75) by New Balance.

PHOTOGRAPHS BY BEN WATTS MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 49

 LIFE

KEEP YOUR
GOODS DRY
Hit the gym or go for a
swim with these board
shorts from Rhone,
built with spandex and
THE TALENT
Keoni Hudoba nylon so they’re quick
is a cofounder drying and won’t feel
and creator of damp and sticky during
Cyc Fitness and a the day ahead.
chief instructor at
Barry’s Bootcamp.
A Hawaii native, Tank ($30) by Adidas; shorts
($98) by Rhone; sneakers by Nike.
he knows a thing
or two about sur-
viving the heat.

COOL JACKET REQUIRED

Transition in comfort
from an afternoon
barbecue to a night-
time rager with this
ultralight track jacket
from Ben Sherman.

Jacket ($99) by Ben Sherman;

Khaki Navy Scuba Auto
watch ($745) by Hamilton;
sunglasses ($200), DB Eyewear
by David Beckham.

CHOOSE A BETTER
DRESS SHIRT
When you need to dress up, try this J. Crew oxford,
made with a fabric that actively cools your skin
and transfers sweat away from your body.

Lightweight Coolmax shirt ($65) by J. Crew; pants ($98) by Banana

Republic; sunglasses ($260) by Boss; Lake Huron Shinola Monster
watch ($1,250) by Shinola.

50 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 FIND THE PERFECT SHELL
Stay dry without feeling
as if you’re trapped in
a sweat lodge with this
super-breathable, storm-
proof Rhone anorak.

Tech Twill anorak ($148) by Rhone.

GET SHORT WITH

YOUR SHORTS
With an eight-inch
inseam and built-
in stretch, these
Wranglers are a more
casual and versatile
version of your favor-
ite running shorts.
Styling: Ted Stafford.

All Terrain Gear shorts ($29) by

Wrangler; Flex Deck sneakers
($75) by Sperry.
 LIFE
COOL DAD
The French Disconnection
I wanted to move to France. With my two boys. Twins. Who didn’t
know the language. Then the fun (and spanking!?) began.
BY BILL BUFORD
THE MOST telling day of my life as a fa-
ther (as opposed to the most frightening,
which was when I learned that my wife,
Jessica Green, was pregnant not with one
creature but with two, or the most mov-
ing, which was when the two creatures,
George and Frederick, were born) was
Friday, December 12, 2008. That was the
day we left our home in New York City and
moved to Lyon, France. My wife, a fluent
French speaker, was already there. She
had secured an apartment and furnished
it with a truckload of IKEA furniture.
She had even found an English-speaking
sitter so that she and I might slip out on
our own in our new city.
Lyon is in the east of the country and
about halfway between Paris and the
Mediterranean (i.e., near nothing that
any of us knew), and we were moving
there so that I could learn about French
cooking for a book project. I would like
to say that we were also there for Jessica,
a wine scholar and a teacher, but that’s
52 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
not true. I would like to say that we were
also there for the boys, so that they might
learn French. But that’s not true either.
We were there for me, and we all hoped
that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for
everyone else. I don’t want to labor my
indifference. I adored my sons. But I was
also a New York dad, busy guy in a busy
city, and I was determined, dammit, to
master French cuisine in France.
Then on that telling day, the boys car-
sick from a panicky dash to the airport, we
missed our flight. There wasn’t another
one for three days. Even I, never known
for my punctuality, was aware that you
don’t miss the flight to the country you’re
moving to with your children, and where
your wife, after much work on your behalf,
is waiting. It seemed symptomatic (and,
well, it was). There were more mishaps,
and we eventually wound up alone in a new
city, closed down for Christmas, without
knowing if the boys could be enrolled
in school. Young Frederick, surveying
the empty streets outside our very cold
dwelling, asked innocently, “Where are
the friends?” I felt, not for the first time,
the unexpected burden of being a father:
that I was too irresponsibly selfish to raise
miniature human beings.
The city’s attitude toward toddlers
surprised us. On the second day, Fred-
erick was smacked by a taxi driver for
putting his feet on a car seat. Children
were spanked in public—angrily, on the
subway, at a birthday party, at church.
When we finally got the boys into a
school, the attitude wasn’t so different.
A fellow student was lifted out of his
seat by his throat. George was slapped
in the face because he couldn’t stand in
a straight line. Their peers, too, could
be a little aggressive. One day, several of
them—outsiders, much picked on, and
therefore too ready to fight—pinned a boy
to the ground, told him not to squirm or
he would be sorry, and cut off his eye-
lashes with a pair of scissors.
Changes came slowly and—surprisingly
even if appositely enough—were expressed
through eating. “I had the most amazing
lunch today,” George said. “There was une
salade with the most delicious sauce.”
Frederick’s new favorite was beets. The
school canteen—three courses, no second
course until the first one was finished,
every item in the French repertoire, with
a sauce, and no repeats (a proposition so
radical that I am compelled to repeat it:
no repeats!)—had already accomplished
more in teaching our children how to eat
than we could ever imagine doing. On
the boys’ fourth birthday, and over my
ferocious objections, Jessica, inspired
by where we found ourselves, instituted
a practice of family dinners together:
abysmal, messy fart-fêtes to start but soon
intimate and looked-forward-to daily
events. They continue to this day (the boys
are almost 15), a refuge from adversity and
a confirmation of our intimacy.
Bonding—that’s the word I find myself
wanting to use. We broke routines, we
became foreigners, and the effect brought
us closer. Fashioned in our adversity,
our family became
+ bonded, including
Bill Buford is the (some of the time)
author of Among the
Thugs, Heat, and his the oblivious,
latest, Dirt, out now. selfish father.
ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS DANGER

WEIGHT LOSS
HOW TO LOSE
WEIGHT FAST
SMART
NEED TO DROP SOME
POUNDS? TAKE IT OFF
WITH A MORNING SHAKE.
BY CHRIS HANSEN
Being a trainer, bodybuilder, and nutrition
expert means that companies frequently
send me their products and ask for my stamp
of approval. Most of the time I dive into re-
search, test the product out, and send the
company honest feedback. Sometimes, how-
ever, I refuse to give the product a try, because
frankly, the ingredients inside aren’t real food.
And I’d rather drink diesel fuel than torture
my body with a chemical concoction.
Like my father always said, “What you put
inside your body always shows up on the
outside.”
One protein shake that I received, that will
remain nameless, was touted as ‘the next big
shake’ but really had a list of gut destroying
ingredients. Everywhere I read I saw harmful
artificial ingredients, added sugars, synthetic
dyes, preservatives and cheap proteins; the
kind of proteins that keep you fat no matter
how hard you hit the gym, sap your energy
and do nothing for your muscles.
Disappointed after reviewing this “new”
shake, I hit the gym and bumped into my fa-
vorite bodybuilding coach. This guy is push-
ing 50, has the energy of a college kid, and is
ripped. So are his clients.
While I firmly believe that the gym is a no-
talk focus zone, I had to ask, “Hey Zee, what
protein shake are you recommending to your
clients these days?”
Zee looked at me, and shook his head.
“Protein shakes are old news and loaded with
junk. I don’t recommend protein shakes, I
tell my clients to drink INVIGOR8 Superfood
Shake because it’s the only all natural meal re-
ADVERTISEMENT
placement that works and has a taste so good
that it’s addicting.”
Being skeptical of what Zee told me, I de-
cided to investigate this superfood shake
called INVIGOR8.
Turns out INVIGOR8 Superfood Shake has
a near 5-star rating on Amazon. The creators
are actual scientists and personal trainers
who set out to create a complete meal re-
placement shake chocked full of superfoods
that—get this—actually accelerate how quick-
ly and easily you lose belly fat and builds even
more lean, calorie burning muscle.
We all know that the more muscle you
build, the more calories you burn. The more
fat you melt away the more definition you get
in your arms, pecs and abs.
The makers of INVIGOR8 were deter-
mined to make the first complete, natural,
non-GMO superfood shake that helps you
lose fat and build lean muscle. The result is
a shake that contains 100% grass-fed whey
that has a superior nutrient profile to the
grain-fed whey found in most shakes, me-
tabolism boosting raw coconut oil, hormone
free colostrum to promote a healthy immune
system, Omega 3, 6, 9-rich chia and flaxseeds,
superfood greens like kale, spinach, brocco-
li, alfalfa, and chlorella, and clinically tested
cognitive enhancers for improved mood and
brain function. The company even went a
step further by including a balance of pre and
probiotics for regularity in optimal digestive
health, and digestive enzymes so your body
absorbs the high-caliber nutrition you get
from INVIGOR8.
While there are over 1000 testimonials
on Amazon about how INVIGOR8 “gave me
more energy and stamina” and “melts away
abdominal fat like butter on a hot sidewalk”,
what really impressed me was how many
customers raved about the taste. So I had to
give it a try.
When it arrived I gave it the sniff test. Un-
like most meal replacement shakes it smelled
like whole food, not a chemical factory. So far
so good. Still INVIGOR8 had to pass the most
important test, the taste test.
And INVIGOR8 was good. Better than
good. I could see what Zee meant when he
said his clients found the taste addicting.
I also wanted to see if Invigor8 would help
me burn that body fat I’d tried to shave off for
years to achieve total definition.
Just a few weeks later I’m pleased to say,
shaving that last abdominal fat from my mid-
section wasn’t just easy. It was delicious.
Considering all the shakes I’ve tried I can
honestly say that the results I’ve experienced
from INVIGOR8 are nothing short of aston-
ishing.
A company spokesperson confirmed an
exclusive offer for Men’s Health readers: if you
order INVIGOR8 this month, you’ll receive
$10 off your first order by using promo code
“MEN10” at checkout. If you’re in a rush to
burn fat, restore lean muscle and boost your
stamina and energy you can order INVIG-
OR8 today at www.drinkInvigor8.com or by
calling 1-800-958-3392.
 LIFE
QUARANTINING WAS ROUGH ON
MY MARRIAGE. AS TWO FULL-TIME
CAREER PEOPLE WORKING FROM
HOME, WE FOUGHT EVERY DAY. IT
FELT LIKE A WAKE-UP CALL. DO WE
NEED THERAPY?
—JOHN, Boston, MA
I’m not surprised you clashed!
Spending extra time together
(read: 24 hours a day on the same
couch) isn’t always a good thing.
Relationships thrive on a little
separation—it makes you hungry
to be together again. As the world
heals and changes, so will your
views on your marriage. Maybe
you’ll look back and feel proud of
the hardship you faced together.
Maybe you’ll realize you want dif-
ferent things. In the meantime,
try reconnecting in a way that
reminds you why you fell in love:
You could surprise her with take-
out from her favorite restaurant.
Or start a joint workout challenge
together. Or wake up early and
make her breakfast in bed. And
whatever the case, a therapist is
never a bad idea. If you can’t see
ASK HER ANYTHING someone IRL, try a therapy app
like Talkspace or BetterHelp.
I think I want to be dominated
WHAT ARE THE BEST SEX TOYS
during sex, but I’m a little THAT DON’T MAKE ANY NOISE?
I’M SCARED MY ROOMMATES CAN
embarrassed to try it. How HEAR ANYTHING THAT VIBRATES.
—CHASE, Cleveland, OH
can I test the waters? There’s a whole world of com-
pletely silent, nonvibrating toys
—ERIC, New Haven, CT out there, such as G-spot wands,
butt plugs, and anal beads. But if
Did you binge Billions in quarantine? You don’t need
it’s a vibrator you’re after, I highly
to visit a sex dungeon to explore your submissive side; recommend the Bullet from Le
start by venturing into “power play” with just your Wand and the Bender from Un-
bound Babes. The Bullet is small,
imagination. Try role-playing in which you’re the
unobtrusive, and surprisingly
servant to your partner’s king or queen. Simply asking powerful given how quiet it is.
for permission to touch them (or yourself) puts the The Bender is also quiet, and it
boasts a movable arm to hit those
reins in your partner’s hands. If they’re into it, level up
hard-to-reach sensitive spots.
with some wrist restraints, like furry handcuffs or a Pro tip? Plug in a white-noise
silk tie from the closet.  machine so you and your partner
54 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
YOUR EXPERT
Naomi Piercey
answers your
questions about
sex and relation-
ships that
Google can’t.
don’t have to hold your breath
(although that’s kind of hot, too).
WE HAD TO POSTPONE OUR WED-
DING BECAUSE OF COVID-19. MY
FIANCÉE WANTS IT TO BE THE SAME
AS WE ORIGINALLY PLANNED, BUT
NOW IT FEELS TOO EXTRAVAGANT
TO ME. IS IT A MISTAKE TO TRY TO
TALK HER OUT OF A BIG WEDDING?
—LAWRENCE, Albany, NY
Holding on to the original plans
may be your fiancée’s attempt to
take back control after a virus got
to dictate her wedding date. But
if the big wedding seems overly
braggadocious in a postpandemic
world, bring it up. Talk about how
the world has changed—your
loved ones might have lost their
jobs; their budgets might be
tighter—and you want to update
your celebration to reflect that.
Give her space to soak in your sug-
gestions; she’s had a lot of time
to dwell on each of the details, so
changes might seem daunting.
I WAS LAID OFF A FEW MONTHS AGO
AND MY WIFE BECAME THE SOLE
BREADWINNER OF OUR FAMILY, SO
I’M NOW IN CHARGE OF HOUSE-
WORK. HOW CAN I SHIFT INTO MY
NEW ROLE WITHOUT RESENTING IT?
—PAUL, Los Angeles, CA
There’s no getting around it:
You’ll have to suck it up and do
the chores. The good thing is that
you’ll be running the command
center, and having a little control
(even if it’s just over dust bust-
ing) can help alleviate resent-
ment. Carve out a chunk of the
day to work on finding a new job,
Bryan Regan (bear). Kyle Hilton (Piercey).
and in the meantime, focus on
the upsides of stay-at-home-dad
life, like mastering new recipes
and middle-school algebra prob-
lems. I know it sounds cheesy, but
years from now you might look
back and appreciate having this
quality time with the kids.

HEALTH
Why you should
say YES to CBD
Everyone feels the hurt as you age,
but CBD can help you deal with it.
Life really does fly by. Before I knew it, my 40s
had arrived, and with them came some new gifts
from dear ol’ Mother Nature—frequent knee
pain, stress, low energy and sleeplessness. Now,
I’m a realist about these things, I knew I wasn’t
going to be young and resilient forever. But
still, with “middle-age” nearly on my doorstep, I
couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened. That is
until I found my own secret weapon. Another gift
from Mother Nature.
It began a few months back when I was
complaining about my aches and pains to
my marathon-running buddy, Ben, who is
my same age. He casually mentioned how
he uses CBD oil to help with his joint pain.
He said that CBD has given him more focus
and clarity throughout the day and that his
lingering muscle and joint discomfort no
longer bothered him. He even felt comfortable
signing up for back-to-back marathons two
weekends in a row this year.
That made even this self-proclaimed skeptic
take notice.
But I still had some concerns. According to one
study in the Journal of the American Medical
ADVERTISEMENT
Association, 70% of CBD products didn’t
contain the amount of CBD stated on their
labels. And, as a consumer, that’s terrifying!
If I was going to do this, I needed to trust the
source through and through. My two-fold
research process naturally led me to Zebra CBD.
First, I did a quick online poll—and by that,
I mean I posed the CBD question on my
Facebook page. Call me old fashioned but I
wanted to know if there were people whom I
trusted (more than anonymous testimonials)
who’ve had success using CBD besides my
buddy. That is how I found out that Zebra CBD
has a label accuracy guarantee which assures
customers like me what is stated on the label is
in the product.
Secondly, I wanted cold hard facts. Diving
deep into the world of CBD research and
clinical studies, I came across Emily Gray
M.D., a physician at the University of
California at San Diego (UCSD) Medical
School and Zebra CBD's medical advisor
who is researching the effects of CBD. Dr.
Gray wrote “early results with CBD have
been promising and we have a lot of research
underway now. I’ve had several patients
using CBD with good success. It’s important
that you know your source of CBD and how
to use it properly.”
After hearing it from the doctor’s mouth, I
returned to my online poll and was amazed
by the number of close friends and family who
were already on the CBD train. Apparently, I
was the only one without a clue! And funny
enough, a couple of friends who commented
were using the same brand as my buddy—
Zebra CBD. There was no consensus as to why
they were using CBD, but the top reasons given
were for muscle & joint discomfort, mood
support, sleep support, stress and headaches, as
well as supporting overall health & wellness.
Eventually, even the most skeptical of the
bunch can be won over. With a trusted CBD
source in mind, I decided to try it.
When I viewed Zebra CBD’s selection online,
I was impressed by its array of products,
including CBD oils called tinctures, topicals,
chewable tablets, mints and gummies. After
reading on their website that all their products
are made with organically-grown hemp, I
ordered... and it arrived within 2 days!
The first product I tried was the rub. Now this
stuff was strong. Immediately after rubbing it
on my knee, the soothing effects kicked in. It
had that familiar menthol cooling effect, which I
personally find very relieving. And the best part
is, after two weeks of using it, my knee pain no
longer affected my daily mobility.
The Zebra Mint Oil, on the other hand, had a
different but equally positive effect on my body.
To take it, the instructions suggest holding the
oil in your mouth for about 30 seconds. This
was simple enough, and the mint taste was,
well, minty. After about 15 minutes, a sense of
calm came over my body. It's hard to describe
exactly; it's definitely not a "high" feeling. It's
more like an overall sense of relaxation—a chill
factor. Needless to say, I’ve really enjoyed the oil.
While it hasn’t been a catch-all fix to every one
of my health issues, it has eased the level and
frequency of my aches. And it sure doesn’t
seem like a coincidence how much calmer and
more focused I am.
All-in-all, CBD is one of those things that you
have to try for yourself. Although I was skeptical
at first, I can say that I’m now a Zebra CBD fan
and that I highly recommend their products.
My 40s are looking up!
Also, I managed to speak with a company
spokesperson willing to provide an exclusive
offer to Men’s Health readers. If you order this
month, you’ll receive $10 off your first order
by using promo code “Health10” at checkout.
Plus, the company offers a 100% No-Hassle,
Money-Back Guarantee. You can try it yourself
and order Zebra CBD at ZebraCBD.com.
 MIND
SELF-IMPROVEMENT
GETS
REBOOT
Patrick Dossett, a former Navy SEAL,
and Blake Mycoskie, the socially con-
scious founder of Toms, have teamed
Dan Salinger/Trunk Archive
up to create Madefor, a self-care
start-up to help you reach your full
potential. The hook: You have to do
the hard work. BY JOSH OCAMPO
59 ........... BR AIN-BOOSTING TOOLS
60 ............... MAN VS. SLEEP DEMON
62 .......................... C A LLING
B.S. ON
SPIR IT UA L HE A LING
A
E
VERY YEAR, Blake Mycoskie, 44, and a bunch of his
guy friends go on a surf trip. It’s a time to catch up, take
stock, shoot the shit. In 2017, they hit Mexico, where
they spent a week riding waves off the coast of Baja. One
night, during a round of Imagine you won the lottery and you no
longer had to work for money; how would you spend your time?
one answer struck a chord with Mycoskie. Patrick Dossett, 40, a
program manager at Google and a former Navy SEAL, said he’d
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 57
 MIND

use what he had learned as a SEAL to

encourage others to achieve more. “I want
to help people realize their true poten-
tial,” he said.
Dossett had served as a SEAL for almost
a decade. In 2011, just a month after
he left the Navy, several of his former
teammates were shot down in a helicopter
and killed. “After you spend any period of
time in the SEAL teams, you’re going to
feel broken and beat down,” he says. “And
I didn’t know what I wanted.” That year,
he attended several of his teammates’
funerals and worked as a surf guide/medic
at a surf camp in Indonesia, and in 2012,
he enrolled in the Wharton School at
the University of Pennsylvania. Dossett
intended to apply some of the lessons from
his time with the SEALs to a business, but
he wasn’t sure what he wanted to create.
Dossett says much of the training
required to become a SEAL is men-
tal—you learn to adapt and change your
thinking, and to see that you’re capable
SELF-HELP IS ON THE WAY: Blake Mycoskie (left) and Patrick Dossett
of more than you thought possible. You
founded a program to help people change their habits for the better.
also learn to focus on what’s in front of
you, something he picked up during “hell
week,” the brutal five-plus-day training
camp all SEALs must endure. “Trying
to process the entire week at once is and kids suffered, and I started to resent NOT LONG after the surf trip, Mycoskie
overwhelming,” he says. “Those who Toms and all of the years that I had given and Dossett made a plan. Mycoskie would
are most successful, myself included, to it,” he says. After eight years, he sold put up the funds, and Dossett would leave
tackle the week one step at a time.” That half of his equity to Bain Capital, which Google to study human behavior and
lesson—how to change the small things in valued the company at $625 million. explore how to package best health prac-
your day-to-day life to make big-picture Despite his résumé and bank balance, tices into a self-help business. Their quest
changes—stuck with him. Dossett landed success and global recognition couldn’t to find answers led Dossett to Andrew
at Google in 2013, but he yearned for what solve the major problems he faced: Huberman, Ph.D., an associate professor
the Navy gave him: a sense of mission and what to do next, how best to continue of neurobiology at Stanford University
a desire to serve the greater good. helping people, how to be happier. “I School of Medicine, in the summer of
Dossett’s ambitions would have likely felt like I had checked all the boxes 2017. At the time, much of Huberman’s
remained a side project or an unspoken and had done everything my parents, research centered on the concept of neural
goal, except that in saying them out loud to society, and books had told me to do,” plasticity, our brains’ ability to change
Mycoskie, a family friend, he was talking he says. Mycoskie was diagnosed with in response to stimuli and thus learn and
to someone who could actually make them mild depression in 2015, but with all grow. Huberman explained that behav-
happen and was used to helping others. he had going for him, he felt as if he ioral change can come about in two ways:
Courtesy subjects (Mycoskie and Dossett). Getty Images (matches).

In 2006, Mycoskie founded Toms Shoes,
its name shorthand for Tomorrow’s Shoes,
its goal to get a pair of shoes to children
in need around the world with each pur-
chase. Soon Toms espadrilles became a
totem of well-dressed virtue, ubiquitous
among brunch enthusiasts and hungover
millennials. As Toms—and Mycoskie’s
one-for-one model—turned into a phe-
nomenon, he was lauded for doing well
while doing good, but he began to sacrifice
his own mental health for the company’s
growth. “My relationships with my wife
didn’t have the right to be depressed.
“I felt a void,” he says. “I was ashamed
because I felt like I didn’t want to admit
to being depressed.” Mycoskie started a
social-entrepreneurship fund and
spent the next two years on a decom-
pression sabbatical, dabbling in differ-
ent kinds of self-optimization. That’s
why that night in Baja, Dossett’s answer
resonated. The über-practical ex-SEAL
and the Big Thinking do-gooder decided
to try to create a self-help brand that
would serve people—and make money.
all at once, in a high-intensity scenario
(like a bad case of food poisoning that
turns you off oysters forever), or as the
result of small, incremental change. He
argued that for people to realize their full
potential in life, they often require the
latter. “The true way to change things is
more like a staircase,” he says. “You take
one step every day or couple of days, and
slowly-ish, you arrive at the top.”
You’ve probably heard some version
of this before, and so had Mycoskie and
Dossett. But based on their research and

58 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

discussions over two years with neuro-
scientists, psychiatrists, and exercise
scientists from Harvard, Stanford, and
the National Institutes of Health, they
concluded that maybe change really was
that simple. With Huberman and seven
other expert advisors, the duo developed
an evidence-based program consisting
of ten 21-day challenges. Each challenge
involves a process of attention, reward,
and reinforcement. Some are what you’d
expect: “foundational practices” like fuel,
sleep, hydration, breathing, and motion.
Others are squishier: connection, grati-
tude, vision, clarity, and nature. Each one
arrives in the mail, in a “kit” that contains
the details of the challenge, a physical
tool (like a water bottle with beads to keep
track of your consumption or a timer that
measures the length of your breathing
exercises), and a booklet that explains the
science. The timing, too, is intentional.
Three weeks is short enough to keep some-
one’s attention but long enough to see a
benefit from one’s effort.
These challenges don’t just help people
forge deeper connections or habitualize
better hydration. The meta goal is for
users to develop a “positive growth mind-
set,” a term coined by Stanford psychol-
ogist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., that means
you believe your talents can be cultivated
through effort and strategizing. The idea
is that if everything is in place, including
your hydration, sleep, and exercise, you
can tackle what’s next and ideally excel
at it. Madefor—its name comes from the
notion that through change, you unlock
your potential and discover what you’re
made for—launched in beta in June 2019,
enrolling more than 1,300 members.
brazen messaging; some men’s brands
seem to argue that happiness in life can
be achieved through sexual fulfillment.
Hims, a wellness site and online pharmacy,
aspires to create a “handsome, healthy
you” through pills for erectile dysfunction
(in addition to ones that will help fix other
apparent problems plaguing guys, like
performance anxiety, hair loss, and acne).
It relies on this language to heighten your
expectations for overnight fixes.
Mycoskie and Dossett want Madefor to
be the exact opposite of that. “There’s no
bullshit,” Mycoskie says. “There are no spe-
cial promises that this is going to change
your life tomorrow.” And unlike dozens of
other programs, Madefor is designed to be
tech-free—there are no digital wearables,
no online manuals—save for a private Face-
book group for members. Huberman says
there are benefits to going analog in a world
full of people glued to their smartphones.
“There’s a richness to analog interactions
that’s amplified now that we’re all digitally
wired,” he says. “When you do something
in analog, it’s salient, it stands out, and it’s
all the more powerful.”
With Madefor, simplicity isn’t cheap,
but having skin in the game can help
you commit to a program like this, says
Christine Whelan, Ph.D., a clinical
professor of consumer science at the
University of Wisconsin-Madison. And
there’s definitely skin: You pay $750 for
the ten-month plan or $95 for month-
to-month. But Mycoskie the entrepre-
neur has met Mycoskie the philanthro-
pist, and the company offers deeply
discounted “scholarship” memberships
to qualified applicants.
This past spring, Madefor quietly
reached the public amid quarantine.
Dossett says the beta participants and
those who’ve signed up since its launch
report that they feel calmer, healthier,
and happier and that their relationships
have improved. Some have lost weight,
even though that’s not a goal. And during
the coronavirus pandemic, the program
has also provided its members with a
surprising lifeline. “We’re helping people
realize they have the ability to exert con-
trol in powerful ways,” says Dossett.
In a time of so much uncertainty,
maybe this is the right moment for a box
to arrive at your door with one thing you
can control, one thing you can work on
to help you get closer to the life you want.
Madefor’s founders don’t expect every
challenge to be revelatory for everyone.
Even they admit that there are a few habits
they’ve stuck with and a few they’ve let
go. And that’s part of the deal. As much
as it’s about boxes and rest and gratitude,
Madefor is about understanding yourself
and how to get better at being you.

THEY HAD plenty of competition.

App stores are loaded with options that
promise to help Americans fix whatever it
is they think they’re doing wrong. (Sleep,
fitness, life, love: If you’re doing it, there’s
an “expert” who’ll tell you you’re doing it
wrong and some kind of paid app that’s
meant to help you get better at it.) The
entire market for self-care (and its more
bullish cousin, self-optimization) is built
on insecurities, real and imagined, and
the men’s segment is especially fraught,
given the stigma that persists among
men around having conversations about
their mental health. Consequently, self-
care for men is often masked in urgent,
 MIND

tions, often of spectral intruders. (Some peo-

ple even experience sexual abuse or pleasure

ONE NIGHT at the hands of their sleep demons, perhaps

when I was 16, because REM is also associated with auto-
I woke up and realized that I couldn’t matic erectile activity and increased vaginal
try to induce them regularly
for fun, self-improvement, or
move. I couldn’t speak. I could barely blood flow for no clear reason. Hence, incubi, introspection.
breathe. I was already panicking succubi, alien probes.) The idea isn’t as outlandish
when I noticed a figure, wreathed in But I’m part of a smaller subset who, due as it might seem. University
shadows, moving toward the foot of to various underlying biological or psycho- of Adelaide sleep researcher
my bed—out of my line of sight. That’s logical issues, experience recurrent sleep a nd lucid- drea ming g uide
when the whispers started, all around paralysis—up to once per week in my case, Denholm Aspy, Ph.D., has for
me. Then I felt hands moving up from frequently featuring the same assailant. years helped people learn to
the foot of my bed, groping me through After more than a decade of research, lucid dream, in some cases
the covers, harder the further up my experimentation, and terror, I found a mix of to overcome severe, recurrent
legs they reached, as the whispers exercise, meditation, and sleep-hygiene dil- nightmares by confronting
got louder, until suddenly everything igence that helped lower the frequency of my their torments in this safe
stopped and I bolted upright, sweat- episodes. By my mid-20s, I got them down space, then demystifying, dom-
ing, screaming, and searching for a to one or two per year. But in early 2020, as I inating, or dispelling these
now-vanished intruder. faced a series of new life stresses, my strate- demons. He tells me I should
That was my first experience with gies started to fail. I told a friend that I was be able to do the same thing by
sleep paralysis, a condition in which seeing my shadow demon multiple times a slipping from sleep paralysis
a sudden awakening from REM sleep week and that it was driving me mad. With- directly into a lucid dream. “You
causes an inability to move or speak. out missing a beat, she asked, “Why not just can have a conversation,” he says,
An episode can last from a few seconds take control and fuck your sleep demon?” in which you ask the demon,
to a few minutes but feels much, much That was her f lip way of turning me “ ‘What are you here to teach me?
longer. It’s usually terrifying, no mat- on to the idea of treating sleep paraly- How can I make peace with you?
ter how many times it’s happened to you sis by learning to lucid dream, or regain What do you need?’ With night-
before, because your brain is struggling awareness and control while dreaming. mares, once people have that
to react to paralysis while in a confused Most of us have had this sort of dream resolution or dialogue, many are
state of blended consciousness, between at least once accidentally—you know, reporting that they no longer have
dreaming and waking. An estimated that uncanny feeling of suddenly real- those recurring nightmares any-
8 percent of people experience sleep izing, Oh, this isn’t real life. I’m dream- more.” It sounds fantastical. But
paralysis at least once in their lifetime, ing right now. But a small group of it also sounds deliciously subversive. So, of
usually when something disrupts their enthusiasts, known as oneironauts, course, I’ve been trying it.
sleep patterns. The vast majority of For decades, oneironauts have used lucid
sleep-paralysis episodes come with a side dreaming to treat sleep paralysis and the
of auditory, visual, and tactile hallucina- anxiety it can cause. They have a ton of tech-
niques for initiating a lucid dream, such as
“reality testing,” with which you train your-
self to regularly ask, Am I awake or dream-
ing? and to perform scheduled checks of
ordinary objects like clocks and mirrors,
which often distort within dreams, during
waking hours. (Think Leo’s spinning top
in Inception.) The hope is that these meta-
cognitive checks become so automatic that
you’ll do them in your dreams as well, real-
ize you are in fact dreaming, and be able to
take control from there. But oneironauts
suggest there’s only one technique relevant
to my needs: wake-initiated lucid dream-
ing, or WILD, a method codified by lucid-

e e x perience with dream researcher Stephen LaBerge, Ph.D.

ar disor It entails jumping straight from a waking
tm g— a n d t dered
h i n h e m state into REM sleep while keeping your
’s nig sleep agica
l thinking conscious mind active. Unfortunately, for
an gh t fix it. BY MARK most it’s one of the hardest techniques to
e m
st mi HAY
master, given the difficulty of holding on
On at ju to conscious awareness while transition-
th ing into REM sleep.

60 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH ILLUSTRATION BY KOT YNSKI

 fragile, vanishing if you’re too
excited. Trying to fly or have sex
with a dream being, Aspy says,
are two of the most common
lucid-dreaming fantasies and
two of the most common ways
people get too worked up and
booted out of lucidity. This
lack of control is frustrating.
It’s like living as a lagging
game avatar.
Getting stuck at this point
wouldn’t matter if I only
wanted to neutralize the
terror and anxiety of sleep
paralysis. Sleep scientists
tell me that repeatedly
overcoming my fear in the
moment could slowly over-
ride my automatic reac-
tion to episodes, turning
them into benign or even
pleasant experiences, like
a good mushroom trip. But
I’m after a full, controlled
lucid dream, because, I’ve
come to realize, I want a
shot at confronting my
demon on my own terms
more than any other pos-
sible outcome. That’s why
I went down this path so
One of the last stages some WILDers paralysis.) With practice, my thoughts readily at my friend’s suggestion.
experience before entering a lucid slowly grew firmer and my breaths more Aspy thinks I need to work on sta-
dream is the onset of REM paralysis measured until I was able to focus on them bilizing my dreams. He tells me to try
while they’re still awake. Which is basi- more than the fear. But that calming effect to clap my dream hands together as soon
cally sleep paralysis without instinctual just sent me back to sleep without main- as I realize I’m dreaming and rub them
terror. So from a WILDer’s perspective, taining my conscious awareness. vigorously for about 20 seconds to fill
waking up in a sleep-paralysis episode is So I added another layer of focus—on my mind with a sense of sensation and
like jumping straight to the edge of a lucid my right big toe (taking a cue from Uma control. I’ll do this the next time I have
dream. Provided you can overcome the fear Thurman in Kill Bill: Volume 1). A tat- an episode, whenever that is. But that
and confusion of sleep paralysis in order to tooist taught me how to do this years ago might not be the right trick for me.
fully harness the state, that is. during a 12-hour sitting. In the clarity of Finding the perfect individualized
This is easier said than done, given how deep breathing, you can zero in on minute formula to make any lucid-dreaming
primal and all-consuming the fear within sensations in one body part and through method click can take months of work,
an episode can be. Oneironauts and sleep- that focus block out other stimuli, such as and maintaining the ability to escape
paralysis researchers have outlined mind- pain or fear. When fully awake, you might from sleep paralysis into a controlled
fulness tactics for tackling this fear. And it occupy your mind with a simple task, dream takes constant practice.
took me several tries to get them to work. It e.g., slowly wiggling your toe. But in sleep I’ve waited years, though, for a
was a slow process of waking up to the instan- paralysis, you have to find other ways of shot at staring down my demon. And
taneous, blaring Klaxons of fear that signal I’m keeping your mind active, like trying to maybe all I need is one solid lucid
in sleep paralysis and immediately, forcefully vividly imagine the rest of your body spin- dream to gain as much power over
thinking, You are having an episode, while tak- ning around the axis of said toe. It’s both it as it’s long had over me. So what’s
ing deep breaths, five seconds in and five sec- a distracting and an engrossing fantasy. a few more months of spinning
onds out. (This can be challenging if you are Just the trick for a calm, conscious slide around my right big toe in the mid-
also having trouble breathing as part of the sleep back into full REM sleep. dle of the night?
Yet once I reenter a full sleep state, I can
achieve awareness but not control. This is
common no matter which path you take into
a lucid dream. Control is often elusive and

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 61

 SOUL T R A DERS
Ruth Garner (Elsey). Robyn Leonie Photography (Goodman). Getty Images (Brand). Shutterstock (remaining).
Breath control, forest retreats, self-care everything. Spirituality is
hotter than ever as a marketable commodity. Our cynic WILL SELF
tries really hard to find a higher plane of consciousness.

A
COUPLE YEARS ago, I went on a
three-day mindfulness retreat on
Holy Isle, off the coast of Scotland,
where the Kagyu Samye Ling Tibetan Bud-
dhist monastery has an outpost.
I’m a man nearing the end of my sixth
decade. Things are starting to malfunc-
tion. I was diagnosed with a myeloid blood
disease in 2011, and while the symptoms
(and the side effects of the medication)
aren’t that egregious, they have syner-
gized with the aging process to make
everything physical feel just that much
more difficult. What I need at this time of
my life is vitality.
On Holy Isle, a monk gathered us
together on the beach and asked us to
choose a pebble. He told us to imagine that
the stone contained within it all the psy-
chic and physical woes that afflicted us.
Then we were to hurl the stone of misfor-
tune as far as we could into the sea.
No way! I protested internally. No way
am I going to surrender all my resent-
ments and traumas and aches and pains
so easily! Dammit! My “mindfulness” had
turned into a bad attitude.
But I’ve come to see the monk as a pos-
itive beacon of low-cost sincerity when
set beside the obvious boondoggles of the
“wellness” industry (worth more than
$4 trillion worldwide as of 2018), an indus-
try that has gone way beyond mindfulness
and down a slippery slope to far more per-
nicious hocus-pocus, such as crystal dan-
gling, horoscopy, and Goop’s vaginal eggs.
To invert the science-fiction writer
Arthur C. Clarke’s dictum—“Any suffi-
ciently advanced technology is indistin-
guishable from magic”—we might say
that in a world where such innovations
have become commonplace, magic starts
to appear credible once again. But can
I actually get something from all this
stone-throwing magic?

62 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH ILLUSTRATION BY RYAN OLBRYSH


BREATHE IN
I start with yoga. But fancy yoga. Now, I’ve
done enough pranayama (breath control)
during meditation to know one thing about
it: In common with inhaling or ingesting
psychoactive substances, it can get you
pretty damn high. I assume, however, get-
ting monged is probably not the point.
London-based Hannah Goodman orig-
inally trained as a yoga teacher before
becoming involved in conscious breath
work, a technique stemming from holo-
tropic practices first developed by psy-
chotherapists. “I was watching television
when I saw a shocking statistic about male
suicides,” she recalls. Wanting to help, she
began putting together workshops, called
Brothers Breathwork, in which she could
“hold a space for guys to come and breathe
together.” Read my way: release stress and
some toxic masculinity.
Personally, I figured that one of the most
toxically masculine environments to be
found would be in the boardroom, and
indeed, Goodman’s brand Grounded Life
offers sessions that are specifically aimed
at anxious executives in stressful occu-
pations. She went on to discuss working
in Ubud, the cultural center of Bali, with
“burned-out CEOs who have reached the
top and not found it fulfilling.”
Enlightenment for the 1 percent, in
other words. This hardly seemed that
spiritual to me—more on the Goopy side
of things. I needed a guru at my level.
BUY INTO THE BRAND
Someone who would presumably feel the
same way about alternative therapies being
hijacked by the plutocrats is Russell Brand.
In recent years, the wild-haired come-
dian, actor, and Katy Perry ex has turned
his attention to good works. In 2017, he
published Recovery: Freedom from Our
Addictions, which aims to apply the
insights he gained from practicing the
12-step program to the problems every-
one faces in our contemporary consum-
erist world. “These sages are right: The
material world is an illusion and its trea-
sures all too temporal,” Brand writes. But
that doesn’t mean you have to live like a
stone-throwing monk. “It just means you
can never quench your spiritual craving
through material means.”
I caught up with Brand through the very
material means of a long-distance phone
call. “Consumerism is addiction at a col-
lective level,” he tells me. “While we’re
always checking our profiles on social
media, it’s a compulsion.” He goes on: “It’s
integral to what I’m talking about that we
all recognize ourselves as human beings
that are flawed. It’s the only way we’ll
obtain any relief.” Step one, I gather.
I don’t doubt Brand’s sincerity in all
this for a moment. Nonetheless, his talk of
“interfacing with higher consciousness”
can seem not only too much but also a little
passé. Plus, it’s still being offered to me at
full price. On to the next one.
RETREAT, RETREAT, RETREAT
Eddy Elsey is a young man of 29 who’s
already done a four-year apprenticeship
to a shaman and now runs an outfit called
Street Spirituality. It’s a tribal-life-in-
a-couple-days experience, including a
wilderness initiation, a fire workshop, a
dandelion ceremony, and a sweat lodge.
Elsey concedes that what brought him
to healing—as with Brand—were his own
troubles. “I suffered chronic anxiety,
panic attacks,” he says. “I felt I was at the
mercy of my own thoughts. I was mixed
up in the rave scene for quite a while, and
while ecstasy helped me in one way—by
opening my heart up to other people—it
also left me with a lot of problems.”
Elsey went into therapy, then trained—
like Goodman—as a yoga instructor before
finding a shaman, with whom he began
“working with the spirits of nature, work-
ing with the drum and with psychedelics.”
I appreciate Elsey’s conviction. I do. But
once again, I’m skeptical.
I can’t really see how a weekend’s worth
of activities can make people who work in
the financial-services industry swap Wall
Street for a more sustainable lifestyle.
Just as I can’t see how reading Brand’s
book will purge us of our obsessions and
compulsions. Or how huffing and puffing
with Goodman will truly reconnect us
with our vital being.
The confusion with all this is where it
lies between a mere palliative and a true
philosophy. And when something that
should be free—breathing, anonymous
groups, nature retreats—comes with a
price, I might as well begin looking around
for some pebbles to hurl into the sea.
MIND
SPIRITUAL HEALING
Despite our cynic’s conclusions,
not all mystical-sounding remedies
are without merit! But which are
supported by science?
01 BREATH WORK
The sell: These simple, focused
breathing exercises offer time for
self-reflection. Improved oxygen flow
also boosts energy and, depending
on whom you ask, creativity.
The science: Studies show that deep
(that is, diaphragmatic) breathing can
improve focus and emotional control.
HEALING SCORE: 4/5
02 SINGING BOWLS
The sell: When played, these Tibetan
bowls reverberate with a deep, rich
tone, which promotes relaxation,
reduces pain, and rebalances your
body’s energy systems.
The science: The Journal of Evidence-
Based Integrative Medicine linked
singing-bowl meditation to enhanced
well-being, but that’s likely just the
benefit of, er, meditation.
HEALING SCORE: 2/5
03 SWEAT LODGES
The sell: These ceremonies promise
to purify your body and heal your soul.
The science: A study in JAMA Internal
Medicine determined that sauna use
(two to seven days per week) is linked
to multiple heart and brain benefits,
including decreased risk of cardio-
vascular disease. Cap your sweat
sessions at 20 minutes.
HEALING SCORE: 4/5
04 AYAHUASCA
The sell: As a tea, this hallucinogenic
plant delivers the sort of revelations
you’d achieve after a year in therapy.
The science: A study in Psycholog-
ical Medicine found that it reduced
depressive feelings and improved
problem solving. More research is
needed before we understand why.
HEALING SCORE: 2/5
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 63
 It’s Not
JUST What
You Eat.
It’s WHEN
You Eat.
The Ultimate Guide to
Intermittent Fasting!

15751

Go to MensHealth.com/IFGuide to Learn More!

 LIFE
34 ......THE 10 COOLEST HOT DOGS
39 SECR ETS TO A
................................
BETTER SA L A D
45 .......................... BUZZ CU TS TH AT
LOOK SH A R P
49 ....................................... NO-SW E AT
SU MMER THR E A DS

APART,
ALONE,
AND TOTALLY J
U ST B E FO R E C OVI D -1 9

CONNECTED
How one man’s adventure in
completely immersive, highly
socialized solitude holds lessons
for us all. BY JOSHUA DAVID STEIN
came and made egg salad of
the world, I took the princi-
pled, but in retrospect foolish,
step of removing myself from all
social media. The world had be-
come too mediated by screens.
So I dumped my smartphone for
a dumb one; deleted Instagram,
Twitter, and Facebook; forswore
Google Calendar for an old-fash-
ioned day planner; and vowed to
live my life face-to-face.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ERIC ROSATI MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 31

 LIFE
It has not gone as planned. So I embarked
on a self-isolated journey to see if virtual
connectivity can bring us together.
Could screens be my savior? If I couldn’t
be together with anyone, could we at least
be together-ish? And now, as we all emerge
into a different world, what’s the best way
for all of us and our new avatars to live
in peace?
THE FIRST FEW DAYS
Early on, I staved off existential worry
with a superficial one about losing my six-
pack. Thankfully, the Workout from Home
Movement is having a moment. There’s
Mirror and Tonal and others with ener-
getic names like Tempo and FightCamp.
I chose the familiar if upgraded version of
an old college pastime with a rowing ma-
chine called the Hydrow.
Hydrow combines the theology of bike-
based Peloton—there is a fitness god; you
must follow this god’s workout edicts—
with the maniacal difficulty of indoor row-
ing, also called erging. When it arrived, my
first workout was a quick 30-minute row
in the canals around Miami Beach. Sunny
climes in such dark times seemed profane,
yet there was something uplifting about
moving in unison with someone, even if
they were on a screen and prerecorded.
Graham M. Jones, Ph.D., an anthropol-
ogy professor at MIT who studies culture
and technology, understands. “In a time
when we’re spending a lot of time alone . . . I
think bodies moving in harmonious mo-
tion is a powerful engine for human sense
of intersubjective connectedness,” he
says. Also, it was hell on my lats.
AS THE DAYS
BECAME WEEKS . . .
All human interaction now took place
through the same 13-inch window on
my laptop. I became very familiar with
THE MVP SERVICES FOR
POST-QUARANTINE LIFE
Social isolation pushed us all to adapt and find
new ways to stay connected. Here’s your MH guide
to what’s worth continuing in order to create a
new (and virtually improved) normal.
32 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
my mom’s chin. Conversations with my AS THE WEEKS BECAME
kids—Auggie, who is six, and Achilles, MONTHS . . . 
who is eight—consisted of small talk while Before the virus, a common trope on
my ex held her phone up to them and they Hinge and Tinder was “I’m not looking
stared into their iPads. “Hey, Daddy!” for a pen pal.” Now we were all pen pals by
they said, then returned to building vast default. Former flames had been reaching
Minecraft worlds. out, goaded by a mixture, I imagine, of
Unfortunately, I had a lot of angst. For- death-doorstep regret (maybe I was the
tunately, I had a therapist. Anyone who has one?) and boredom. I’d been WhatsApping
been in therapy knows the rituals: Couch with an ex living in Belgium. Thanks to
means safe space; neutral landscape the time difference, I’d wake up to steamy
means I can talk about my father. Skype shots from Bruges.
therapy, however, is different. With a few I also scheduled a Zoom Hinge date with
beeps and boops, Julia, my therapist, was Svetlana, a Russian lady I’d met IRL once
in my bedroom and I was in her . . . den? for coffee, back in the days when one did
Most of the 45-minute session involved that kind of thing. After a few chirps, I
some variant of “Can you believe this found myself peering at her on my screen.
shit?” As I closed the laptop, it occurred to She drank wine and did her nails. I drank
me I hadn’t really let down my guard for the Dalmore and watched while eagerly await-
entire session. It reminded
me of a phrase I’d read
about. In 2004, John Suler,
Ph.D., of Rider University,
coined the term “online
disinhibition effect” to de-
scribe some freewheeling
actions. “[People] loosen
up, feel less restrained, and
express themselves more
openly,” he wrote. This was
due to six factors, including
asynchronous communica-
tion (it’s not in real time),
invisibility (you can’t see
me), and anonymity (you
don’t know me).
But my emotional reluc-
tance was likely related to
another Suler finding: The
Internet minimizes our
sense of status and author-
ity. Therapists. Celebrities.
Late-night talk-show hosts.
We are just human beings
looking through screens at
one another. Maybe that’s
not such a bad thing.
FITNESS
15 Seconds of FitTok Fame
Amazing feats of fitness are all over
Real-Time Virtual Workouts
Apps that let you tune in live add
the customizable video-sharing app more encouragement and account-
TikTok. Try: TikTok, free. Download it to gawk; ability. Try: Peloton, $13/month. The original
stay to upload and participate with your own crowd-pleaser is more essential than ever
(safe!) spin on the fitness challenges.  with boot camps, stretching, and meditation.

ing Suler’s online disinhibition effect—
maybe we’d skip steps and get racy—but,
if anything, felt more constrained.
A chat with psychiatrist and MH advisor
Gregory Scott Brown, M.D., drove home
why. “We rely on human touch and cues
for how to behave,” he says. “Interacting
purely online takes those away from us.” I
could sext an ex because we’d already seen
each other naked. My new digital fling,
though flirty, stayed chaste. Incidentally,
Pornhub traffic in my household spiked.
I craved actual contact. So one morn-
ing, I tuned in to a live Hydrow workout
led by Nick Karwoski, a chiseled golden-
retriever type, both Adonis and Super Op-
timist. “Joshuadavidstein,” he said when I
joined. “Full name, bro. I like it.” I blushed
on my rower but thrilled at being seen, and
pulled harder than I had in weeks.
Later that day, my kids came over for the
first time. We hung out on the couch and I
realized how much I missed their skinny
legs and their now-longer hair and rough-
housing and just being there to cuddle,
even if they sometimes rebuffed me.
AS THE MONTHS BECAME
MORE MONTHS . . .  found it harder than ever to meditate. Now
I’d been living mostly on protein shakes,
black beans, and tuna melts. (My farts
were the worst; on the other hand, only I
was there to smell them.) Thankfully, with
all the money I had saved by not doing any-
thing, I could afford some help. I ordered a
Thermomix TM6, a German-made every-
thinger. It braises. It sautes. It chops and
has a score of other features, including
Cookidoo, an app with a recipe-sharing
“community” associated with it. I signed
up immediately. I used to be leery of such
Courtesy brand (vibrator)
things, but I’ll take what I can get.
One day, I selected a recipe for creamy
tomato soup and turned the dial to blend.
Then I tuned in to a Facebook Live about
no-knead bread making. The lady, named
SEX/DATING
Remote-Controlled Sex Toys
Send your loved one some sweet
vibrations to show you’re thinking
about them. Try: Lovehoney Desire
Panty Vibrator, $125. One of many
discreet partner-powered options.
Lynette, walked me through
making hot cross buns. Even if I
didn’t have anyone to eat with, I
had a friend with whom to cook.
This knob-twisting cookery
felt like cheating. But the tomato
soup was damn good, and my
buns, when they emerged from
my oven, were tight. Soon I was
outsourcing every thing from
chocolate chip cookies to pizza
dough to my little sidekick. The
meal-prep community offered
more support. Someday, perhaps,
I’ll wean myself off their sugges-
tions and freestyle.
While Auggie occupied himself
on the Hydrow, Achilles helped
me in the kitchen on the Thermomix. It
wasn’t the same as having a picnic in the
park, but somehow I felt our universe was
getting a little bigger than the four walls of
my apartment.
AS THE MONTHS BECAME
OUR NEW WORLD . . .  meditation session, a robotic German sous
In the beginning of the quarantine, when
I needed the most mental stability, I had
that isolation had lost its novelty, reflec-
tive stillness beckoned again.
Like most houses of worship, my local
Zen center offers Zoom morning ser-
vices. So instead of rowing, some days I
practiced stillness, knowing that in other
parts of the world, others were sitting with
me. If the chatter of fear and anxiety filled
my mind, I’d nod to those thoughts and
let them leave. After each closing chant,
I’d shut the laptop and spend some time
contemplating what’s called pratītyasa-
mutpāda, or interdependent arising. So-
cial distancing had left me more aware
of both my aloneness and my connec-
tion with others than I’d ever felt before.
Whether it was Nick on the river or Julia
THERAPY
On-Demand Shrink Sessions
Virtual therapy from your own
couch or bed can be rewarding,
and there’s less wait time. Try: Talkspace,
prices vary. Trade messages or a video
call with licensed therapists 24/7.
LIFE
SOME SCREENS
OBSCURE THE TRUTH.
SOME SCREENS
REVEAL IT.
on Skype, Svetlana on Zoom or my mom’s
chin on FaceTime, these pixels shaped a
real community. It was all I had.
Have screens saved me? Have they
screwed me? Neither, really. They’ve
been a mirror in which my own strengths
and frailties have been reflected. It took
months in isolation, a teleconferenced
chef, and a fancy rowing machine for me
to realize we are all in the same boat.
As I tentatively reenter the physical
world, I’m staying virtually attached as
a reminder of who I want to be out there.
The Hydrow isn’t going anywhere. Live-
streams can remind you that there are so
many others pulling together. The Ther-
momix will keep on purring, but I hope
to have Svetlana over for hot cross buns. I
promise I’ll talk to my mom as much as I do
now—we’re both happier for it—and that
when I visit Julia in her office, I’ll hug the
pillow and spill my guts.
Some screens obscure the tr uth.
Some screens reveal it. The best are like
windows. They are meant to be opened
and climbed through, out into a new
world full of old friends, more together-
ish than ever.
ENTERTAINMENT
Next-Level Friendships
Online hangouts have gotten an up-
grade with Zoom-enabled multiplayer
game modes. Try: Jackbox modules, prices
vary. Download party packs to turn a group call
into a virtual game night.
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 33
 LIFE

TOP
1 2
TURN DOWN THE TEMP STUFF AND TOP
Searing heat burns and splits the Transfer the rested
skin of hot dogs before the insides hot dogs to the toasted

DOGS
warm through. Instead, preheat buns. Then pile or
your grill to medium low. Then add spoon on the topping
your franks, close the grill lid, and combos that follow.
cook, turning them every minute Don’t skimp: You
or so, until browned and plump, 5 to shouldn’t see more
7 minutes. Then remove the dogs than the ends of the
and allow them to rest for 2 minutes dogs. Each recipe
(during which time you can grill your makes 2 servings.
buns till crisp, about 30 seconds). Scale up to feed more.

BRING THE backyard heat

with this surefire two-step
recipe to grill a plumper
dog. Then try out these ten
incredible sets of toppings
that go far beyond.
BY MATTHEW KADEY, R. D.

BLT
2 chopped cooked
bacon strips
+
⅓ cup chopped
tomato
+
½ cup shredded
lettuce
+
¼ cup sliced
dill pickle

34 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRISTOPHER TESTANI

 BEET IT Hawaiian
Guac
Burrito-
esque
½ cup grated
beet ½ cup guacamole ½ cup refried
+ + beans
½ cup grated ½ cup diced +
carrot pineapple 2 tsp minced
+ + chipotle peppers
1″½ Tbsp ¼ cup diced in adobo sauce
horseradish red onion +
+ + 2 tsp fresh
1 Tbsp cider ⅛ tsp cayenne lime juice
vinegar +
+ 1 minced
1 tsp sugar garlic clove

PESTO THAI SLAW HOME

RUN
AIOLI 1 cup shredded
slaw mix 1 Tbsp grainy
⅓ cup + Dijon mustard
mayonnaise 1 Tbsp creamy +
+ peanut butter 1 Tbsp white-wine
2 Tbsp + vinegar
sun-dried 2 tsp soy sauce +
tomato + 2 tsp maple syrup
pesto 2 tsp rice vinegar +
+ + 2 Tbsp chopped
1 tsp lemon 1 tsp Sriracha shallots
zest + +
1 tsp fish sauce 2 Tbsp chopped
sage

CORN
DOG God
½ cup fresh ⅓ cup plain
corn kernels
+ + verde
⅓ cup chopped ¼ cup crumbled +
roasted red feta 2 Tbsp
pepper +
+ seeds
⅓ cup halved dill
Food styling: Simon Andrews. Prop styling: Carla Gonzalez-Hart.

+
cherry tomatoes + ¼ cup chopped
+ cilantro
¼ cup chopped +
cilantro + ¼ tsp cumin
+ 1 tsp fresh
½ chopped
jalapeño
+
1 sliced scallion
+
2 tsp fresh
lemon juice LEADERS You could fill a baseball stadium with all the mealy-textured, sodium-clogged, lacking-in-
snap packaged hot dogs at the supermarket. Two options that are actually worth relishing:
of the Teton Waters Ranch’s Bun Length Uncured Hot Dogs and Applegate’s Great Organic
Uncured Beef Hot Dogs. Both are meaty and delicious, as well as uncured, which means
DOG PACKS they’re made with natural nitrates, like celery powder, not fake ones.

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 35

 m
6-WEEK
SWEAT
OFF
MensHealth.com/SweatOff
15740
 LIFE

When Chains GO GREEN

Salad-centric restaurants are growing like wild dandelion greens
across the country. (Hot ingredient: wild dandelion greens!) Here’s how to
raid their menus to DIY a bowl that’s all good. BY BRITTANY RISHER

MAD GREENS
WHERE: AZ, CO, TX

YOU’RE HAVING: PANCHO VILLA

At Mad Greens, you can double
your greens for just a buck more.
Do it with this salad to balance
all the quinoa, roasted corn,
spiced pumpkin seeds, avocado,
southwestern chicken, and cilantro
chili lime dressing. 782 calories,
WHERE: CA, MA, NY
44g protein, 54g carbs (12g
fiber), 55g fat
YOU’RE HAVING: TUNA NICOISE
Seared ahi tuna, tomatoes, pota-
DIY HACK: This spot infuses its toes, capers, green beans, egg,
dressings with heat, dusts peppery
olives, baby greens, and a sherry
spice over its pecans, and features
vinaigrette. It’s a formidable post-
a piri-piri spice rub on its shrimp
workout meal, with enough protein
and tofu. To add heat at home, lean
to help rebuild your muscles.
on ingredients like pickled jala-
650 calories, 32g protein, 17g
peños, chili powder, and hot sauce.
carbs (6g fiber), 51g fat

DIY HACK: This salad chain drops

a dollop of hummus into one of its
salads—and it works. Hummus is
creamy, like a dressing, yet strong
enough in flavor to stand up to bit-
ter arugula, char-grilled chicken,
or even that seared ahi tuna.
Just SALAD
WHERE: FL, IL, NJ, NY, NC, PA

SALADWORKS YOU’RE HAVING: CHIPOTLE

WHERE: AZ, CO, GA, IL, MD, MN, NY, PA, TN, TX COWBOY SALAD
It’s a romaine grilled-chicken salad,
YOU’RE HAVING: BENTLY SALAD but fired up with pepper jack cheese,
It’s a powerlifter’s chef salad: ham, roasted turkey, egg, black beans, avocado, crunchy onions,
tomatoes, and provolone on romaine and iceberg lettuce and a chipotle vinaigrette (tortilla
with green-goddess dressing. 560 calories, 60g protein, chips optional). 590 calories, 33g
20g carbs (8g fiber), 32g fat protein, 32g carbs (13g fiber), 38g fat

DIY HACK: Do your crunches.

DIY HACK: Roasted vegetables make salads awesome. Just Salad has all kinds of crunchy
Batch-cook some: Set your oven to 400°F. Toss a bunch
toppings: roasted pumpkin seeds,
of roughly chopped Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, and
Courtesy brands

roasted almonds, wontons. There’s

onions onto a baking sheet with oil, salt, and pepper. Roast
a world beyond croutons. Explore it.
till tender. Cool. Pop onto greens at will. You can even roast
cherry tomatoes for your at-home version of the Bently.

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 39

TURKEY...ON THE GRILL?!
30
Look, you can stick to chicken if you want, but turkey is so much meatier than that
other bird when cooked over open flame. Plus, its savory flavor can stand up to
hearty spices that’ll make you look forward to leftovers. These quick-cooking
10 kebabs provide more than 30 grams of muscle-nourishing protein. Two simple sides
deliver the 10 grams of fiber you need to stay full. BY PAUL KITA AND JENNIFER NICKLE

40 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHRISTOPHER TESTANI

 3 0 G THE PROTEIN
1 0 G THE FIBER
Three ounces of roasted turkey breast (the type from a whole bird, not
Each of these sides contains
deli meat) contain 26 grams of protein and only 125 calories. The same the 10 grams of fiber you need
amount of thigh meat has 24 grams of protein and 140 calories. If you’re to feel full. Plus, they’re
wondering, that’s roughly equal to chicken.

BU Y IT C OOK IT Spiced Turkey Kebabs

Buy turkey with a WHAT YOU’LL NEED 1. In a large bowl, minutes, turning
“100% organic” add the turkey, every 3 minutes to
2 LB SKINLESS,
seal. An organic BONELESS TURKEY onion, cumin, cori- grill evenly on all
label ensures that BREAST, CUT INTO
1½-INCH CUBES ander, cinnamon, sides. Transfer to
the animal was olive oil, 2 tsp salt, a serving platter.
1 LARGE RED ONION,
raised without the CUT INTO LARGE and 1 tsp pepper. Garnish with mint
PIECES
use of antibiotics Toss well, cover, and leaves, sliced pep-
2 TBSP GROUND
or growth hor- CUMIN refrigerate for at pers, and lemon
mones and given 1 TSP GROUND least 30 minutes or wedges. Makes 6 In a pot over medium-high heat,
only organic feed CORIANDER
1 TSP GROUND up to 1 day. skewers add 2 Tbsp olive oil and 4 minced
devoid of con- garlic cloves. Cook, stirring, until fra-
CINNAMON
taminants, such 2. Preheat your grill PER SKEWER: grant, about 2 minutes. Stir in 3 cups
1 TBSP OLIVE OIL
as fecal matter to high. Thread the 225 calories, 37g canned precooked lentils, 1 (28 oz)
¼ CUP LOOSELY
(see!). Try to avoid PACKED FRESH turkey and onion protein, 7g carbs can chopped tomatoes, and ½ tsp
MINT LEAVES, salt. Reduce the heat to medium;
buying turkey that FOR GARNISH pieces equally onto (1g fiber), 5g fat simmer till thickened, 15 to 25 min-
looks gray or slimy ¼ CUP SLICED 6 skewers. Grill over utes. Garnish with ¼ cup chopped
and smells sulfu- RED HOT PEPPERS, high heat until nicely fresh cilantro. Makes 5 servings
FOR GARNISH Per serving: 230 cals, 12g protein,
rous—all signs of 6 LEMON WEDGES, charred and cooked 35g carbs (11g fiber), 6g fat
degradation. FOR GARNISH through, about 12

UP GR A DE IT The turkey kebabs taste great on their own. But if you have
the time and want them to taste even better, here are three
easy ways to do just that.

I F YO U H AV E . . .

5 15 1
MINUTES MINUTES HOUR
Food styling: Simon Andrews. Prop styling: Carla Gonzalez-Hart.

Garnish with pomegranate
arils. Cut a whole pomegran-
ate in half lengthwise. Hold
one half over a bowl, the cut
side facing down in your
palm, turned upward. Using a
wooden spoon, firmly slap the
outer skin repeatedly until
the arils start to dislodge from
the pith. (Yes, this is fun.)
Want more 30/10 meals in your life? You’re covered with 30 of them at
MensHealth.com/30-10.
Make a quick yogurt-based
sauce. In a blender or food
processor, blend 1 cup
washed fresh herbs (parsley,
mint, and/or cilantro),
1 cup plain yogurt, and
2 garlic cloves. Season to
taste with salt and lemon
juice. Serve as a dip for
the kebabs.
Make your own hot sauce. In
a pot over low heat, stir ½ cup
olive oil, ¼ cup sliced red chiles,
2 Tbsp tomato paste, 1 tsp
smoked paprika, and 1 tsp salt.
Cook, stirring occasionally,
until the flavors meld, about 30
minutes. Transfer to a blender
or food processor, add 2 Tbsp
white vinegar, and blend.
In a large bowl, stir together 1
(28 oz) can chickpeas (rinsed and
drained), 1 cup thawed frozen peas,
½ cup chopped walnuts, ½ cup
chopped dried figs, ½ cup chopped
fresh parsley, 2 Tbsp lemon juice,
and 2 Tbsp olive oil. Season to taste
with salt. Makes 4 servings
Per serving: 335 cals, 10g protein,
37g carbs (10g fiber), 19g fat

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 41

 LIFE

Vodka and Vodka is not good hand sanitizer, but it

is good hot-weather drinking. It’s more
versatile than gin, cleaner tasting than
rum, and less TEQUILA than tequila.

CH I L L
Especially these unsung bottles, each
paired to a purpose: sipping straight, on
ice, and in cocktail form. BY CAREY JONES

NEAT:
SNOW LEOPARD
This Polish vodka has an almost creamy texture.
Credit a base of spelt (that’s right, not potato), an
ancient grain that delivers a surprisingly bold flavor
with no afterburn. Keep a bottle stashed in your
freezer for summer-evening sipping. $30

ON THE ROCKS:
ST. GEORGE ALL PURPOSE
As the ice melts in your glass, the water opens up
some of the subtle flavors of your vodka. That’s why
rocks are best suited for more complex spirits, like this
one, which is made with pears from northern Califor-
nia. Your first sip (slightly sweet and strong) will taste
different from your last (slightly floral and clean). $29

IN A COCKTAIL:
HAKU
If you’ve tasted the glory of a whisky from the Japa-
nese distillery Suntory, well, now it’s making vodka.
As it does with its whiskies, Suntory distills this spirit
from rice and filters it through bamboo charcoal,

Food styling: Simon Andrews. Prop styling: Carla Gonzalez-Hart. Jason Tinacci (St. George). Courtesy brands (remaining bottles).
producing a soft, clean vodka that heightens the
flavors of whatever you throw at it. $26

HAKU COBBLER
If you want something
that goes down as easy as
a vodka soda but with a
lot more going on, try this
drink from Marlowe John-
son, beverage director
of Flowers of Vietnam in
Detroit. It’s fresh, thanks
to cucumber and berries,
but also deliciously dry
due to a little dry sherry.
Use whatever LaCroix
flavor you like—Johnson
recommends hibiscus,
but grapefruit works, too.
3 CUCUMBER SLICES
5 RASPBERRIES
PINCH OF SALT
1½ OZ HAKU VODKA
½ OZ SIMPLE SYRUP*
½ OZ FINO SHERRY (TIO PEPE
IS A GREAT BRAND)
L A CROIX OR OTHER
SPARKLING WATER
In the bottom of a tall glass,
muddle the cucumber,
raspberries, and salt. Add
the vodka, simple syrup,
and sherry. Fill the glass
with ice and pour in the
LaCroix to fill. Stir briefly
and serve. Makes 1 drink

*Equal parts sugar and hot water, stirred until dissolved 

42 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPH BY CHRISTOPHER TESTANI

 A few tips on walnuts, snacking and

how to keep your spices dry

when your mouth is watering

Discover a new BBQ-seasoned walnut

snack, a trick to protecting your spices
from moisture and hundreds of recipes
made with heart-healthy* California
walnuts at walnuts.org.

Per one ounce serving.

*California walnuts are certified by the American Heart Association.® Heart-Check food certification does not apply to
recipes unless expressly stated. See heartcheckmark.org/guidelines. Supportive but not conclusive research shows that
eating 1.5 ounces of walnuts per day, as part of a low saturated fat and low cholesterol diet and not resulting in increased
caloric intake, may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease. (FDA) One ounce of walnuts offers 18g of total fat, 2.5g So Simple. So Good.®
of monounsaturated fat, 13g of polyunsaturated fat including 2.5g of alpha-linolenic acid – the plant-based omega-3.
NO MATTER WHAT THE DAY BRINGS
Designed to fit a man’s body,
Depend® Guards and Shields
are built to protect.
Comfortable protection
for leaks big or small
Cup-like shape to fit
a man's body
Unnoticeable protection
that fits in your underwear

Get a sample at Depend.com

THE ONLY THING STRONGER THAN US, IS YOU.™

®/™ Trademarks of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. or its affiliates. © KCWW
 LIFE

Now
What?
Mow it? Grow
it out? Go
crazy with it?
Here’s how to
manage your
COVID crop.
BY GARRETT MUNCE

KEEP IT GROW IT HAVE FUN WITH IT

DECIDE ON YOUR STYLE:
When in doubt, ask a bar-
ber what they recommend
based on your head and
face shape (virtually or IRL). Maybe keep
it a little longer on top; maybe it should be
one length all around, like on Zayn Malik,
pictured here. Pick your style and go with it.
GET ON SCHEDULE: To keep a buzz fresh,
you want to maintain it. This could mean
cutting it every week, says Axe master
barber Pedro Rosario, on your own or in the
barbershop. Areas like your neckline are
the first to look unruly. If you can, ask a bar-
Getty Images (head). Helen Green (illustrations).
MANAGE THE
PROPORTIONS:
Ideally, get the sides
faded by a pro every
two weeks “to push more strength into
the top,” says barber Doug Paster. (Ryan
Reynolds has it down.) If it’s DIY, start with a
number-four guard on the sides and work
your way to a lower number. Once you’re
happy, get it cut every four to six weeks.
INTRODUCE TEXTURE: When your hair
is long enough to lift up, ask your barber to
add texture by cutting it with scissors. This
can help camouflage problem areas, like
DABBLE IN COLOR:
Frank Ocean and Justin
Bieber have taught us that
a buzz offers the perfect
low-risk time to go bold. “The stakes are low
when you have a half inch of hair on your
head,” says Paster. It’s easier to bleach or dye
short hair, so if you’ve ever been dye-curious,
a buzz cut is your chance to experiment.
ADD IN A PATTERN: You can also play with
cutting in designs, or “if you’re not confident
in your fading skills, shave down the sides
but leave a blunt line on top [for a] Euro-
soccer-player vibe,” says Paster. If you mess

ber to cut it in, then trim it at home using a thinning spots and cowlicks. Add definition up or don’t like it, going back to square one is
clipper with no guard. with a texture paste to get a similar effect. as simple as buzzing it off again.

NO MATTER Whether you’re shearing yourself like a sheep or just trying to maintain
your crop between barber visits, using the proper tool is essential. Invest
WHAT, USE in a hair clipper with multiple-length guards that’s powerful and can
THE RIGHT better cut through a variety of hair textures. The Wahl Elite Pro High
Performance Hair Clipper Kit ($60) is professional grade but specifi-
TOOLS! cally designed for home use.
 PROMOTION

E XCLUS IV ELY AT
 LIFE

NO
S W E AT
SUMMERSeven ways to
KEEP COOL when
UPGRADE YOUR POLO
Some shirts make you
feel as if you’re drown-
it’s hot outside. ing in sweat, but this
moisture-wicking cotton
polo from Banana Republic
dries fast and feels good.
Plus it’s anti-odor, so it
kills any sign of BO.

Performance polo shirt ($60) by

Banana Republic; sunglasses ($200),
DB Eyewear by David Beckham.

TRY TECH CHINOS

If you must wear pants,
go for something with
stretch—so you’ll have
a close fit without them
hugging your skin
uncomfortably when
the temp soars—like
this pair from J. Crew.

Tech pants ($80) by J. Crew;

sneakers ($75) by New Balance.

PHOTOGRAPHS BY BEN WATTS MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 49

 LIFE

KEEP YOUR
GOODS DRY
Hit the gym or go for a
swim with these board
shorts from Rhone,
built with spandex and
THE TALENT
Keoni Hudoba nylon so they’re quick
is a cofounder drying and won’t feel
and creator of damp and sticky during
Cyc Fitness and a the day ahead.
chief instructor at
Barry’s Bootcamp.
A Hawaii native, Tank ($30) by Adidas; shorts
($98) by Rhone; sneakers by Nike.
he knows a thing
or two about sur-
viving the heat.

COOL JACKET REQUIRED

Transition in comfort
from an afternoon
barbecue to a night-
time rager with this
ultralight track jacket
from Ben Sherman.

Jacket ($99) by Ben Sherman;

Khaki Navy Scuba Auto
watch ($745) by Hamilton;
sunglasses ($200), DB Eyewear
by David Beckham.

CHOOSE A BETTER
DRESS SHIRT
When you need to dress up, try this J. Crew oxford,
made with a fabric that actively cools your skin
and transfers sweat away from your body.

Lightweight Coolmax shirt ($65) by J. Crew; pants ($98) by Banana

Republic; sunglasses ($260) by Boss; Lake Huron Shinola Monster
watch ($1,250) by Shinola.

50 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 FIND THE PERFECT SHELL
Stay dry without feeling
as if you’re trapped in
a sweat lodge with this
super-breathable, storm-
proof Rhone anorak.

Tech Twill anorak ($148) by Rhone.

GET SHORT WITH

YOUR SHORTS
With an eight-inch
inseam and built-
in stretch, these
Wranglers are a more
casual and versatile
version of your favor-
ite running shorts.
Styling: Ted Stafford.

All Terrain Gear shorts ($29) by

Wrangler; Flex Deck sneakers
($75) by Sperry.
 LIFE
COOL DAD
The French Disconnection
I wanted to move to France. With my two boys. Twins. Who didn’t
know the language. Then the fun (and spanking!?) began.
BY BILL BUFORD
THE MOST telling day of my life as a fa-
ther (as opposed to the most frightening,
which was when I learned that my wife,
Jessica Green, was pregnant not with one
creature but with two, or the most mov-
ing, which was when the two creatures,
George and Frederick, were born) was
Friday, December 12, 2008. That was the
day we left our home in New York City and
moved to Lyon, France. My wife, a fluent
French speaker, was already there. She
had secured an apartment and furnished
it with a truckload of IKEA furniture.
She had even found an English-speaking
sitter so that she and I might slip out on
our own in our new city.
Lyon is in the east of the country and
about halfway between Paris and the
Mediterranean (i.e., near nothing that
any of us knew), and we were moving
there so that I could learn about French
cooking for a book project. I would like
to say that we were also there for Jessica,
a wine scholar and a teacher, but that’s
52 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
not true. I would like to say that we were
also there for the boys, so that they might
learn French. But that’s not true either.
We were there for me, and we all hoped
that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for
everyone else. I don’t want to labor my
indifference. I adored my sons. But I was
also a New York dad, busy guy in a busy
city, and I was determined, dammit, to
master French cuisine in France.
Then on that telling day, the boys car-
sick from a panicky dash to the airport, we
missed our flight. There wasn’t another
one for three days. Even I, never known
for my punctuality, was aware that you
don’t miss the flight to the country you’re
moving to with your children, and where
your wife, after much work on your behalf,
is waiting. It seemed symptomatic (and,
well, it was). There were more mishaps,
and we eventually wound up alone in a new
city, closed down for Christmas, without
knowing if the boys could be enrolled
in school. Young Frederick, surveying
the empty streets outside our very cold
dwelling, asked innocently, “Where are
the friends?” I felt, not for the first time,
the unexpected burden of being a father:
that I was too irresponsibly selfish to raise
miniature human beings.
The city’s attitude toward toddlers
surprised us. On the second day, Fred-
erick was smacked by a taxi driver for
putting his feet on a car seat. Children
were spanked in public—angrily, on the
subway, at a birthday party, at church.
When we finally got the boys into a
school, the attitude wasn’t so different.
A fellow student was lifted out of his
seat by his throat. George was slapped
in the face because he couldn’t stand in
a straight line. Their peers, too, could
be a little aggressive. One day, several of
them—outsiders, much picked on, and
therefore too ready to fight—pinned a boy
to the ground, told him not to squirm or
he would be sorry, and cut off his eye-
lashes with a pair of scissors.
Changes came slowly and—surprisingly
even if appositely enough—were expressed
through eating. “I had the most amazing
lunch today,” George said. “There was une
salade with the most delicious sauce.”
Frederick’s new favorite was beets. The
school canteen—three courses, no second
course until the first one was finished,
every item in the French repertoire, with
a sauce, and no repeats (a proposition so
radical that I am compelled to repeat it:
no repeats!)—had already accomplished
more in teaching our children how to eat
than we could ever imagine doing. On
the boys’ fourth birthday, and over my
ferocious objections, Jessica, inspired
by where we found ourselves, instituted
a practice of family dinners together:
abysmal, messy fart-fêtes to start but soon
intimate and looked-forward-to daily
events. They continue to this day (the boys
are almost 15), a refuge from adversity and
a confirmation of our intimacy.
Bonding—that’s the word I find myself
wanting to use. We broke routines, we
became foreigners, and the effect brought
us closer. Fashioned in our adversity,
our family became
+ bonded, including
Bill Buford is the (some of the time)
author of Among the
Thugs, Heat, and his the oblivious,
latest, Dirt, out now. selfish father.
ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS DANGER

WEIGHT LOSS
HOW TO LOSE
WEIGHT FAST
SMART
NEED TO DROP SOME
POUNDS? TAKE IT OFF
WITH A MORNING SHAKE.
BY CHRIS HANSEN
Being a trainer, bodybuilder, and nutrition
expert means that companies frequently
send me their products and ask for my stamp
of approval. Most of the time I dive into re-
search, test the product out, and send the
company honest feedback. Sometimes, how-
ever, I refuse to give the product a try, because
frankly, the ingredients inside aren’t real food.
And I’d rather drink diesel fuel than torture
my body with a chemical concoction.
Like my father always said, “What you put
inside your body always shows up on the
outside.”
One protein shake that I received, that will
remain nameless, was touted as ‘the next big
shake’ but really had a list of gut destroying
ingredients. Everywhere I read I saw harmful
artificial ingredients, added sugars, synthetic
dyes, preservatives and cheap proteins; the
kind of proteins that keep you fat no matter
how hard you hit the gym, sap your energy
and do nothing for your muscles.
Disappointed after reviewing this “new”
shake, I hit the gym and bumped into my fa-
vorite bodybuilding coach. This guy is push-
ing 50, has the energy of a college kid, and is
ripped. So are his clients.
While I firmly believe that the gym is a no-
talk focus zone, I had to ask, “Hey Zee, what
protein shake are you recommending to your
clients these days?”
Zee looked at me, and shook his head.
“Protein shakes are old news and loaded with
junk. I don’t recommend protein shakes, I
tell my clients to drink INVIGOR8 Superfood
Shake because it’s the only all natural meal re-
ADVERTISEMENT
placement that works and has a taste so good
that it’s addicting.”
Being skeptical of what Zee told me, I de-
cided to investigate this superfood shake
called INVIGOR8.
Turns out INVIGOR8 Superfood Shake has
a near 5-star rating on Amazon. The creators
are actual scientists and personal trainers
who set out to create a complete meal re-
placement shake chocked full of superfoods
that—get this—actually accelerate how quick-
ly and easily you lose belly fat and builds even
more lean, calorie burning muscle.
We all know that the more muscle you
build, the more calories you burn. The more
fat you melt away the more definition you get
in your arms, pecs and abs.
The makers of INVIGOR8 were deter-
mined to make the first complete, natural,
non-GMO superfood shake that helps you
lose fat and build lean muscle. The result is
a shake that contains 100% grass-fed whey
that has a superior nutrient profile to the
grain-fed whey found in most shakes, me-
tabolism boosting raw coconut oil, hormone
free colostrum to promote a healthy immune
system, Omega 3, 6, 9-rich chia and flaxseeds,
superfood greens like kale, spinach, brocco-
li, alfalfa, and chlorella, and clinically tested
cognitive enhancers for improved mood and
brain function. The company even went a
step further by including a balance of pre and
probiotics for regularity in optimal digestive
health, and digestive enzymes so your body
absorbs the high-caliber nutrition you get
from INVIGOR8.
While there are over 1000 testimonials
on Amazon about how INVIGOR8 “gave me
more energy and stamina” and “melts away
abdominal fat like butter on a hot sidewalk”,
what really impressed me was how many
customers raved about the taste. So I had to
give it a try.
When it arrived I gave it the sniff test. Un-
like most meal replacement shakes it smelled
like whole food, not a chemical factory. So far
so good. Still INVIGOR8 had to pass the most
important test, the taste test.
And INVIGOR8 was good. Better than
good. I could see what Zee meant when he
said his clients found the taste addicting.
I also wanted to see if Invigor8 would help
me burn that body fat I’d tried to shave off for
years to achieve total definition.
Just a few weeks later I’m pleased to say,
shaving that last abdominal fat from my mid-
section wasn’t just easy. It was delicious.
Considering all the shakes I’ve tried I can
honestly say that the results I’ve experienced
from INVIGOR8 are nothing short of aston-
ishing.
A company spokesperson confirmed an
exclusive offer for Men’s Health readers: if you
order INVIGOR8 this month, you’ll receive
$10 off your first order by using promo code
“MEN10” at checkout. If you’re in a rush to
burn fat, restore lean muscle and boost your
stamina and energy you can order INVIG-
OR8 today at www.drinkInvigor8.com or by
calling 1-800-958-3392.
 LIFE
QUARANTINING WAS ROUGH ON
MY MARRIAGE. AS TWO FULL-TIME
CAREER PEOPLE WORKING FROM
HOME, WE FOUGHT EVERY DAY. IT
FELT LIKE A WAKE-UP CALL. DO WE
NEED THERAPY?
—JOHN, Boston, MA
I’m not surprised you clashed!
Spending extra time together
(read: 24 hours a day on the same
couch) isn’t always a good thing.
Relationships thrive on a little
separation—it makes you hungry
to be together again. As the world
heals and changes, so will your
views on your marriage. Maybe
you’ll look back and feel proud of
the hardship you faced together.
Maybe you’ll realize you want dif-
ferent things. In the meantime,
try reconnecting in a way that
reminds you why you fell in love:
You could surprise her with take-
out from her favorite restaurant.
Or start a joint workout challenge
together. Or wake up early and
make her breakfast in bed. And
whatever the case, a therapist is
never a bad idea. If you can’t see
ASK HER ANYTHING someone IRL, try a therapy app
like Talkspace or BetterHelp.
I think I want to be dominated
WHAT ARE THE BEST SEX TOYS
during sex, but I’m a little THAT DON’T MAKE ANY NOISE?
I’M SCARED MY ROOMMATES CAN
embarrassed to try it. How HEAR ANYTHING THAT VIBRATES.
—CHASE, Cleveland, OH
can I test the waters? There’s a whole world of com-
pletely silent, nonvibrating toys
—ERIC, New Haven, CT out there, such as G-spot wands,
butt plugs, and anal beads. But if
Did you binge Billions in quarantine? You don’t need
it’s a vibrator you’re after, I highly
to visit a sex dungeon to explore your submissive side; recommend the Bullet from Le
start by venturing into “power play” with just your Wand and the Bender from Un-
bound Babes. The Bullet is small,
imagination. Try role-playing in which you’re the
unobtrusive, and surprisingly
servant to your partner’s king or queen. Simply asking powerful given how quiet it is.
for permission to touch them (or yourself) puts the The Bender is also quiet, and it
boasts a movable arm to hit those
reins in your partner’s hands. If they’re into it, level up
hard-to-reach sensitive spots.
with some wrist restraints, like furry handcuffs or a Pro tip? Plug in a white-noise
silk tie from the closet.  machine so you and your partner
54 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
YOUR EXPERT
Naomi Piercey
answers your
questions about
sex and relation-
ships that
Google can’t.
don’t have to hold your breath
(although that’s kind of hot, too).
WE HAD TO POSTPONE OUR WED-
DING BECAUSE OF COVID-19. MY
FIANCÉE WANTS IT TO BE THE SAME
AS WE ORIGINALLY PLANNED, BUT
NOW IT FEELS TOO EXTRAVAGANT
TO ME. IS IT A MISTAKE TO TRY TO
TALK HER OUT OF A BIG WEDDING?
—LAWRENCE, Albany, NY
Holding on to the original plans
may be your fiancée’s attempt to
take back control after a virus got
to dictate her wedding date. But
if the big wedding seems overly
braggadocious in a postpandemic
world, bring it up. Talk about how
the world has changed—your
loved ones might have lost their
jobs; their budgets might be
tighter—and you want to update
your celebration to reflect that.
Give her space to soak in your sug-
gestions; she’s had a lot of time
to dwell on each of the details, so
changes might seem daunting.
I WAS LAID OFF A FEW MONTHS AGO
AND MY WIFE BECAME THE SOLE
BREADWINNER OF OUR FAMILY, SO
I’M NOW IN CHARGE OF HOUSE-
WORK. HOW CAN I SHIFT INTO MY
NEW ROLE WITHOUT RESENTING IT?
—PAUL, Los Angeles, CA
There’s no getting around it:
You’ll have to suck it up and do
the chores. The good thing is that
you’ll be running the command
center, and having a little control
(even if it’s just over dust bust-
ing) can help alleviate resent-
ment. Carve out a chunk of the
day to work on finding a new job,
Bryan Regan (bear). Kyle Hilton (Piercey).
and in the meantime, focus on
the upsides of stay-at-home-dad
life, like mastering new recipes
and middle-school algebra prob-
lems. I know it sounds cheesy, but
years from now you might look
back and appreciate having this
quality time with the kids.

HEALTH
Why you should
say YES to CBD
Everyone feels the hurt as you age,
but CBD can help you deal with it.
Life really does fly by. Before I knew it, my 40s
had arrived, and with them came some new gifts
from dear ol’ Mother Nature—frequent knee
pain, stress, low energy and sleeplessness. Now,
I’m a realist about these things, I knew I wasn’t
going to be young and resilient forever. But
still, with “middle-age” nearly on my doorstep, I
couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened. That is
until I found my own secret weapon. Another gift
from Mother Nature.
It began a few months back when I was
complaining about my aches and pains to
my marathon-running buddy, Ben, who is
my same age. He casually mentioned how
he uses CBD oil to help with his joint pain.
He said that CBD has given him more focus
and clarity throughout the day and that his
lingering muscle and joint discomfort no
longer bothered him. He even felt comfortable
signing up for back-to-back marathons two
weekends in a row this year.
That made even this self-proclaimed skeptic
take notice.
But I still had some concerns. According to one
study in the Journal of the American Medical
ADVERTISEMENT
Association, 70% of CBD products didn’t
contain the amount of CBD stated on their
labels. And, as a consumer, that’s terrifying!
If I was going to do this, I needed to trust the
source through and through. My two-fold
research process naturally led me to Zebra CBD.
First, I did a quick online poll—and by that,
I mean I posed the CBD question on my
Facebook page. Call me old fashioned but I
wanted to know if there were people whom I
trusted (more than anonymous testimonials)
who’ve had success using CBD besides my
buddy. That is how I found out that Zebra CBD
has a label accuracy guarantee which assures
customers like me what is stated on the label is
in the product.
Secondly, I wanted cold hard facts. Diving
deep into the world of CBD research and
clinical studies, I came across Emily Gray
M.D., a physician at the University of
California at San Diego (UCSD) Medical
School and Zebra CBD's medical advisor
who is researching the effects of CBD. Dr.
Gray wrote “early results with CBD have
been promising and we have a lot of research
underway now. I’ve had several patients
using CBD with good success. It’s important
that you know your source of CBD and how
to use it properly.”
After hearing it from the doctor’s mouth, I
returned to my online poll and was amazed
by the number of close friends and family who
were already on the CBD train. Apparently, I
was the only one without a clue! And funny
enough, a couple of friends who commented
were using the same brand as my buddy—
Zebra CBD. There was no consensus as to why
they were using CBD, but the top reasons given
were for muscle & joint discomfort, mood
support, sleep support, stress and headaches, as
well as supporting overall health & wellness.
Eventually, even the most skeptical of the
bunch can be won over. With a trusted CBD
source in mind, I decided to try it.
When I viewed Zebra CBD’s selection online,
I was impressed by its array of products,
including CBD oils called tinctures, topicals,
chewable tablets, mints and gummies. After
reading on their website that all their products
are made with organically-grown hemp, I
ordered... and it arrived within 2 days!
The first product I tried was the rub. Now this
stuff was strong. Immediately after rubbing it
on my knee, the soothing effects kicked in. It
had that familiar menthol cooling effect, which I
personally find very relieving. And the best part
is, after two weeks of using it, my knee pain no
longer affected my daily mobility.
The Zebra Mint Oil, on the other hand, had a
different but equally positive effect on my body.
To take it, the instructions suggest holding the
oil in your mouth for about 30 seconds. This
was simple enough, and the mint taste was,
well, minty. After about 15 minutes, a sense of
calm came over my body. It's hard to describe
exactly; it's definitely not a "high" feeling. It's
more like an overall sense of relaxation—a chill
factor. Needless to say, I’ve really enjoyed the oil.
While it hasn’t been a catch-all fix to every one
of my health issues, it has eased the level and
frequency of my aches. And it sure doesn’t
seem like a coincidence how much calmer and
more focused I am.
All-in-all, CBD is one of those things that you
have to try for yourself. Although I was skeptical
at first, I can say that I’m now a Zebra CBD fan
and that I highly recommend their products.
My 40s are looking up!
Also, I managed to speak with a company
spokesperson willing to provide an exclusive
offer to Men’s Health readers. If you order this
month, you’ll receive $10 off your first order
by using promo code “Health10” at checkout.
Plus, the company offers a 100% No-Hassle,
Money-Back Guarantee. You can try it yourself
and order Zebra CBD at ZebraCBD.com.
 MIND
SELF-IMPROVEMENT
GETS
REBOOT
Patrick Dossett, a former Navy SEAL,
and Blake Mycoskie, the socially con-
scious founder of Toms, have teamed
Dan Salinger/Trunk Archive
up to create Madefor, a self-care
start-up to help you reach your full
potential. The hook: You have to do
the hard work. BY JOSH OCAMPO
59 ........... BR AIN-BOOSTING TOOLS
60 ............... MAN VS. SLEEP DEMON
62 .......................... C A LLING
B.S. ON
SPIR IT UA L HE A LING
A
E
VERY YEAR, Blake Mycoskie, 44, and a bunch of his
guy friends go on a surf trip. It’s a time to catch up, take
stock, shoot the shit. In 2017, they hit Mexico, where
they spent a week riding waves off the coast of Baja. One
night, during a round of Imagine you won the lottery and you no
longer had to work for money; how would you spend your time?
one answer struck a chord with Mycoskie. Patrick Dossett, 40, a
program manager at Google and a former Navy SEAL, said he’d
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 57
 MIND

use what he had learned as a SEAL to

encourage others to achieve more. “I want
to help people realize their true poten-
tial,” he said.
Dossett had served as a SEAL for almost
a decade. In 2011, just a month after
he left the Navy, several of his former
teammates were shot down in a helicopter
and killed. “After you spend any period of
time in the SEAL teams, you’re going to
feel broken and beat down,” he says. “And
I didn’t know what I wanted.” That year,
he attended several of his teammates’
funerals and worked as a surf guide/medic
at a surf camp in Indonesia, and in 2012,
he enrolled in the Wharton School at
the University of Pennsylvania. Dossett
intended to apply some of the lessons from
his time with the SEALs to a business, but
he wasn’t sure what he wanted to create.
Dossett says much of the training
required to become a SEAL is men-
tal—you learn to adapt and change your
thinking, and to see that you’re capable
SELF-HELP IS ON THE WAY: Blake Mycoskie (left) and Patrick Dossett
of more than you thought possible. You
founded a program to help people change their habits for the better.
also learn to focus on what’s in front of
you, something he picked up during “hell
week,” the brutal five-plus-day training
camp all SEALs must endure. “Trying
to process the entire week at once is and kids suffered, and I started to resent NOT LONG after the surf trip, Mycoskie
overwhelming,” he says. “Those who Toms and all of the years that I had given and Dossett made a plan. Mycoskie would
are most successful, myself included, to it,” he says. After eight years, he sold put up the funds, and Dossett would leave
tackle the week one step at a time.” That half of his equity to Bain Capital, which Google to study human behavior and
lesson—how to change the small things in valued the company at $625 million. explore how to package best health prac-
your day-to-day life to make big-picture Despite his résumé and bank balance, tices into a self-help business. Their quest
changes—stuck with him. Dossett landed success and global recognition couldn’t to find answers led Dossett to Andrew
at Google in 2013, but he yearned for what solve the major problems he faced: Huberman, Ph.D., an associate professor
the Navy gave him: a sense of mission and what to do next, how best to continue of neurobiology at Stanford University
a desire to serve the greater good. helping people, how to be happier. “I School of Medicine, in the summer of
Dossett’s ambitions would have likely felt like I had checked all the boxes 2017. At the time, much of Huberman’s
remained a side project or an unspoken and had done everything my parents, research centered on the concept of neural
goal, except that in saying them out loud to society, and books had told me to do,” plasticity, our brains’ ability to change
Mycoskie, a family friend, he was talking he says. Mycoskie was diagnosed with in response to stimuli and thus learn and
to someone who could actually make them mild depression in 2015, but with all grow. Huberman explained that behav-
happen and was used to helping others. he had going for him, he felt as if he ioral change can come about in two ways:
Courtesy subjects (Mycoskie and Dossett). Getty Images (matches).

In 2006, Mycoskie founded Toms Shoes,
its name shorthand for Tomorrow’s Shoes,
its goal to get a pair of shoes to children
in need around the world with each pur-
chase. Soon Toms espadrilles became a
totem of well-dressed virtue, ubiquitous
among brunch enthusiasts and hungover
millennials. As Toms—and Mycoskie’s
one-for-one model—turned into a phe-
nomenon, he was lauded for doing well
while doing good, but he began to sacrifice
his own mental health for the company’s
growth. “My relationships with my wife
didn’t have the right to be depressed.
“I felt a void,” he says. “I was ashamed
because I felt like I didn’t want to admit
to being depressed.” Mycoskie started a
social-entrepreneurship fund and
spent the next two years on a decom-
pression sabbatical, dabbling in differ-
ent kinds of self-optimization. That’s
why that night in Baja, Dossett’s answer
resonated. The über-practical ex-SEAL
and the Big Thinking do-gooder decided
to try to create a self-help brand that
would serve people—and make money.
all at once, in a high-intensity scenario
(like a bad case of food poisoning that
turns you off oysters forever), or as the
result of small, incremental change. He
argued that for people to realize their full
potential in life, they often require the
latter. “The true way to change things is
more like a staircase,” he says. “You take
one step every day or couple of days, and
slowly-ish, you arrive at the top.”
You’ve probably heard some version
of this before, and so had Mycoskie and
Dossett. But based on their research and

58 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

discussions over two years with neuro-
scientists, psychiatrists, and exercise
scientists from Harvard, Stanford, and
the National Institutes of Health, they
concluded that maybe change really was
that simple. With Huberman and seven
other expert advisors, the duo developed
an evidence-based program consisting
of ten 21-day challenges. Each challenge
involves a process of attention, reward,
and reinforcement. Some are what you’d
expect: “foundational practices” like fuel,
sleep, hydration, breathing, and motion.
Others are squishier: connection, grati-
tude, vision, clarity, and nature. Each one
arrives in the mail, in a “kit” that contains
the details of the challenge, a physical
tool (like a water bottle with beads to keep
track of your consumption or a timer that
measures the length of your breathing
exercises), and a booklet that explains the
science. The timing, too, is intentional.
Three weeks is short enough to keep some-
one’s attention but long enough to see a
benefit from one’s effort.
These challenges don’t just help people
forge deeper connections or habitualize
better hydration. The meta goal is for
users to develop a “positive growth mind-
set,” a term coined by Stanford psychol-
ogist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., that means
you believe your talents can be cultivated
through effort and strategizing. The idea
is that if everything is in place, including
your hydration, sleep, and exercise, you
can tackle what’s next and ideally excel
at it. Madefor—its name comes from the
notion that through change, you unlock
your potential and discover what you’re
made for—launched in beta in June 2019,
enrolling more than 1,300 members.
brazen messaging; some men’s brands
seem to argue that happiness in life can
be achieved through sexual fulfillment.
Hims, a wellness site and online pharmacy,
aspires to create a “handsome, healthy
you” through pills for erectile dysfunction
(in addition to ones that will help fix other
apparent problems plaguing guys, like
performance anxiety, hair loss, and acne).
It relies on this language to heighten your
expectations for overnight fixes.
Mycoskie and Dossett want Madefor to
be the exact opposite of that. “There’s no
bullshit,” Mycoskie says. “There are no spe-
cial promises that this is going to change
your life tomorrow.” And unlike dozens of
other programs, Madefor is designed to be
tech-free—there are no digital wearables,
no online manuals—save for a private Face-
book group for members. Huberman says
there are benefits to going analog in a world
full of people glued to their smartphones.
“There’s a richness to analog interactions
that’s amplified now that we’re all digitally
wired,” he says. “When you do something
in analog, it’s salient, it stands out, and it’s
all the more powerful.”
With Madefor, simplicity isn’t cheap,
but having skin in the game can help
you commit to a program like this, says
Christine Whelan, Ph.D., a clinical
professor of consumer science at the
University of Wisconsin-Madison. And
there’s definitely skin: You pay $750 for
the ten-month plan or $95 for month-
to-month. But Mycoskie the entrepre-
neur has met Mycoskie the philanthro-
pist, and the company offers deeply
discounted “scholarship” memberships
to qualified applicants.
This past spring, Madefor quietly
reached the public amid quarantine.
Dossett says the beta participants and
those who’ve signed up since its launch
report that they feel calmer, healthier,
and happier and that their relationships
have improved. Some have lost weight,
even though that’s not a goal. And during
the coronavirus pandemic, the program
has also provided its members with a
surprising lifeline. “We’re helping people
realize they have the ability to exert con-
trol in powerful ways,” says Dossett.
In a time of so much uncertainty,
maybe this is the right moment for a box
to arrive at your door with one thing you
can control, one thing you can work on
to help you get closer to the life you want.
Madefor’s founders don’t expect every
challenge to be revelatory for everyone.
Even they admit that there are a few habits
they’ve stuck with and a few they’ve let
go. And that’s part of the deal. As much
as it’s about boxes and rest and gratitude,
Madefor is about understanding yourself
and how to get better at being you.

THEY HAD plenty of competition.

App stores are loaded with options that
promise to help Americans fix whatever it
is they think they’re doing wrong. (Sleep,
fitness, life, love: If you’re doing it, there’s
an “expert” who’ll tell you you’re doing it
wrong and some kind of paid app that’s
meant to help you get better at it.) The
entire market for self-care (and its more
bullish cousin, self-optimization) is built
on insecurities, real and imagined, and
the men’s segment is especially fraught,
given the stigma that persists among
men around having conversations about
their mental health. Consequently, self-
care for men is often masked in urgent,
 MIND

tions, often of spectral intruders. (Some peo-

ple even experience sexual abuse or pleasure

ONE NIGHT at the hands of their sleep demons, perhaps

when I was 16, because REM is also associated with auto-
I woke up and realized that I couldn’t matic erectile activity and increased vaginal
try to induce them regularly
for fun, self-improvement, or
move. I couldn’t speak. I could barely blood flow for no clear reason. Hence, incubi, introspection.
breathe. I was already panicking succubi, alien probes.) The idea isn’t as outlandish
when I noticed a figure, wreathed in But I’m part of a smaller subset who, due as it might seem. University
shadows, moving toward the foot of to various underlying biological or psycho- of Adelaide sleep researcher
my bed—out of my line of sight. That’s logical issues, experience recurrent sleep a nd lucid- drea ming g uide
when the whispers started, all around paralysis—up to once per week in my case, Denholm Aspy, Ph.D., has for
me. Then I felt hands moving up from frequently featuring the same assailant. years helped people learn to
the foot of my bed, groping me through After more than a decade of research, lucid dream, in some cases
the covers, harder the further up my experimentation, and terror, I found a mix of to overcome severe, recurrent
legs they reached, as the whispers exercise, meditation, and sleep-hygiene dil- nightmares by confronting
got louder, until suddenly everything igence that helped lower the frequency of my their torments in this safe
stopped and I bolted upright, sweat- episodes. By my mid-20s, I got them down space, then demystifying, dom-
ing, screaming, and searching for a to one or two per year. But in early 2020, as I inating, or dispelling these
now-vanished intruder. faced a series of new life stresses, my strate- demons. He tells me I should
That was my first experience with gies started to fail. I told a friend that I was be able to do the same thing by
sleep paralysis, a condition in which seeing my shadow demon multiple times a slipping from sleep paralysis
a sudden awakening from REM sleep week and that it was driving me mad. With- directly into a lucid dream. “You
causes an inability to move or speak. out missing a beat, she asked, “Why not just can have a conversation,” he says,
An episode can last from a few seconds take control and fuck your sleep demon?” in which you ask the demon,
to a few minutes but feels much, much That was her f lip way of turning me “ ‘What are you here to teach me?
longer. It’s usually terrifying, no mat- on to the idea of treating sleep paraly- How can I make peace with you?
ter how many times it’s happened to you sis by learning to lucid dream, or regain What do you need?’ With night-
before, because your brain is struggling awareness and control while dreaming. mares, once people have that
to react to paralysis while in a confused Most of us have had this sort of dream resolution or dialogue, many are
state of blended consciousness, between at least once accidentally—you know, reporting that they no longer have
dreaming and waking. An estimated that uncanny feeling of suddenly real- those recurring nightmares any-
8 percent of people experience sleep izing, Oh, this isn’t real life. I’m dream- more.” It sounds fantastical. But
paralysis at least once in their lifetime, ing right now. But a small group of it also sounds deliciously subversive. So, of
usually when something disrupts their enthusiasts, known as oneironauts, course, I’ve been trying it.
sleep patterns. The vast majority of For decades, oneironauts have used lucid
sleep-paralysis episodes come with a side dreaming to treat sleep paralysis and the
of auditory, visual, and tactile hallucina- anxiety it can cause. They have a ton of tech-
niques for initiating a lucid dream, such as
“reality testing,” with which you train your-
self to regularly ask, Am I awake or dream-
ing? and to perform scheduled checks of
ordinary objects like clocks and mirrors,
which often distort within dreams, during
waking hours. (Think Leo’s spinning top
in Inception.) The hope is that these meta-
cognitive checks become so automatic that
you’ll do them in your dreams as well, real-
ize you are in fact dreaming, and be able to
take control from there. But oneironauts
suggest there’s only one technique relevant
to my needs: wake-initiated lucid dream-
ing, or WILD, a method codified by lucid-

e e x perience with dream researcher Stephen LaBerge, Ph.D.

ar disor It entails jumping straight from a waking
tm g— a n d t dered
h i n h e m state into REM sleep while keeping your
’s nig sleep agica
l thinking conscious mind active. Unfortunately, for
an gh t fix it. BY MARK most it’s one of the hardest techniques to
e m
st mi HAY
master, given the difficulty of holding on
On at ju to conscious awareness while transition-
th ing into REM sleep.

60 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH ILLUSTRATION BY KOT YNSKI

 fragile, vanishing if you’re too
excited. Trying to fly or have sex
with a dream being, Aspy says,
are two of the most common
lucid-dreaming fantasies and
two of the most common ways
people get too worked up and
booted out of lucidity. This
lack of control is frustrating.
It’s like living as a lagging
game avatar.
Getting stuck at this point
wouldn’t matter if I only
wanted to neutralize the
terror and anxiety of sleep
paralysis. Sleep scientists
tell me that repeatedly
overcoming my fear in the
moment could slowly over-
ride my automatic reac-
tion to episodes, turning
them into benign or even
pleasant experiences, like
a good mushroom trip. But
I’m after a full, controlled
lucid dream, because, I’ve
come to realize, I want a
shot at confronting my
demon on my own terms
more than any other pos-
sible outcome. That’s why
I went down this path so
One of the last stages some WILDers paralysis.) With practice, my thoughts readily at my friend’s suggestion.
experience before entering a lucid slowly grew firmer and my breaths more Aspy thinks I need to work on sta-
dream is the onset of REM paralysis measured until I was able to focus on them bilizing my dreams. He tells me to try
while they’re still awake. Which is basi- more than the fear. But that calming effect to clap my dream hands together as soon
cally sleep paralysis without instinctual just sent me back to sleep without main- as I realize I’m dreaming and rub them
terror. So from a WILDer’s perspective, taining my conscious awareness. vigorously for about 20 seconds to fill
waking up in a sleep-paralysis episode is So I added another layer of focus—on my mind with a sense of sensation and
like jumping straight to the edge of a lucid my right big toe (taking a cue from Uma control. I’ll do this the next time I have
dream. Provided you can overcome the fear Thurman in Kill Bill: Volume 1). A tat- an episode, whenever that is. But that
and confusion of sleep paralysis in order to tooist taught me how to do this years ago might not be the right trick for me.
fully harness the state, that is. during a 12-hour sitting. In the clarity of Finding the perfect individualized
This is easier said than done, given how deep breathing, you can zero in on minute formula to make any lucid-dreaming
primal and all-consuming the fear within sensations in one body part and through method click can take months of work,
an episode can be. Oneironauts and sleep- that focus block out other stimuli, such as and maintaining the ability to escape
paralysis researchers have outlined mind- pain or fear. When fully awake, you might from sleep paralysis into a controlled
fulness tactics for tackling this fear. And it occupy your mind with a simple task, dream takes constant practice.
took me several tries to get them to work. It e.g., slowly wiggling your toe. But in sleep I’ve waited years, though, for a
was a slow process of waking up to the instan- paralysis, you have to find other ways of shot at staring down my demon. And
taneous, blaring Klaxons of fear that signal I’m keeping your mind active, like trying to maybe all I need is one solid lucid
in sleep paralysis and immediately, forcefully vividly imagine the rest of your body spin- dream to gain as much power over
thinking, You are having an episode, while tak- ning around the axis of said toe. It’s both it as it’s long had over me. So what’s
ing deep breaths, five seconds in and five sec- a distracting and an engrossing fantasy. a few more months of spinning
onds out. (This can be challenging if you are Just the trick for a calm, conscious slide around my right big toe in the mid-
also having trouble breathing as part of the sleep back into full REM sleep. dle of the night?
Yet once I reenter a full sleep state, I can
achieve awareness but not control. This is
common no matter which path you take into
a lucid dream. Control is often elusive and

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 61

 SOUL T R A DERS
Ruth Garner (Elsey). Robyn Leonie Photography (Goodman). Getty Images (Brand). Shutterstock (remaining).
Breath control, forest retreats, self-care everything. Spirituality is
hotter than ever as a marketable commodity. Our cynic WILL SELF
tries really hard to find a higher plane of consciousness.

A
COUPLE YEARS ago, I went on a
three-day mindfulness retreat on
Holy Isle, off the coast of Scotland,
where the Kagyu Samye Ling Tibetan Bud-
dhist monastery has an outpost.
I’m a man nearing the end of my sixth
decade. Things are starting to malfunc-
tion. I was diagnosed with a myeloid blood
disease in 2011, and while the symptoms
(and the side effects of the medication)
aren’t that egregious, they have syner-
gized with the aging process to make
everything physical feel just that much
more difficult. What I need at this time of
my life is vitality.
On Holy Isle, a monk gathered us
together on the beach and asked us to
choose a pebble. He told us to imagine that
the stone contained within it all the psy-
chic and physical woes that afflicted us.
Then we were to hurl the stone of misfor-
tune as far as we could into the sea.
No way! I protested internally. No way
am I going to surrender all my resent-
ments and traumas and aches and pains
so easily! Dammit! My “mindfulness” had
turned into a bad attitude.
But I’ve come to see the monk as a pos-
itive beacon of low-cost sincerity when
set beside the obvious boondoggles of the
“wellness” industry (worth more than
$4 trillion worldwide as of 2018), an indus-
try that has gone way beyond mindfulness
and down a slippery slope to far more per-
nicious hocus-pocus, such as crystal dan-
gling, horoscopy, and Goop’s vaginal eggs.
To invert the science-fiction writer
Arthur C. Clarke’s dictum—“Any suffi-
ciently advanced technology is indistin-
guishable from magic”—we might say
that in a world where such innovations
have become commonplace, magic starts
to appear credible once again. But can
I actually get something from all this
stone-throwing magic?

62 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH ILLUSTRATION BY RYAN OLBRYSH


BREATHE IN
I start with yoga. But fancy yoga. Now, I’ve
done enough pranayama (breath control)
during meditation to know one thing about
it: In common with inhaling or ingesting
psychoactive substances, it can get you
pretty damn high. I assume, however, get-
ting monged is probably not the point.
London-based Hannah Goodman orig-
inally trained as a yoga teacher before
becoming involved in conscious breath
work, a technique stemming from holo-
tropic practices first developed by psy-
chotherapists. “I was watching television
when I saw a shocking statistic about male
suicides,” she recalls. Wanting to help, she
began putting together workshops, called
Brothers Breathwork, in which she could
“hold a space for guys to come and breathe
together.” Read my way: release stress and
some toxic masculinity.
Personally, I figured that one of the most
toxically masculine environments to be
found would be in the boardroom, and
indeed, Goodman’s brand Grounded Life
offers sessions that are specifically aimed
at anxious executives in stressful occu-
pations. She went on to discuss working
in Ubud, the cultural center of Bali, with
“burned-out CEOs who have reached the
top and not found it fulfilling.”
Enlightenment for the 1 percent, in
other words. This hardly seemed that
spiritual to me—more on the Goopy side
of things. I needed a guru at my level.
BUY INTO THE BRAND
Someone who would presumably feel the
same way about alternative therapies being
hijacked by the plutocrats is Russell Brand.
In recent years, the wild-haired come-
dian, actor, and Katy Perry ex has turned
his attention to good works. In 2017, he
published Recovery: Freedom from Our
Addictions, which aims to apply the
insights he gained from practicing the
12-step program to the problems every-
one faces in our contemporary consum-
erist world. “These sages are right: The
material world is an illusion and its trea-
sures all too temporal,” Brand writes. But
that doesn’t mean you have to live like a
stone-throwing monk. “It just means you
can never quench your spiritual craving
through material means.”
I caught up with Brand through the very
material means of a long-distance phone
call. “Consumerism is addiction at a col-
lective level,” he tells me. “While we’re
always checking our profiles on social
media, it’s a compulsion.” He goes on: “It’s
integral to what I’m talking about that we
all recognize ourselves as human beings
that are flawed. It’s the only way we’ll
obtain any relief.” Step one, I gather.
I don’t doubt Brand’s sincerity in all
this for a moment. Nonetheless, his talk of
“interfacing with higher consciousness”
can seem not only too much but also a little
passé. Plus, it’s still being offered to me at
full price. On to the next one.
RETREAT, RETREAT, RETREAT
Eddy Elsey is a young man of 29 who’s
already done a four-year apprenticeship
to a shaman and now runs an outfit called
Street Spirituality. It’s a tribal-life-in-
a-couple-days experience, including a
wilderness initiation, a fire workshop, a
dandelion ceremony, and a sweat lodge.
Elsey concedes that what brought him
to healing—as with Brand—were his own
troubles. “I suffered chronic anxiety,
panic attacks,” he says. “I felt I was at the
mercy of my own thoughts. I was mixed
up in the rave scene for quite a while, and
while ecstasy helped me in one way—by
opening my heart up to other people—it
also left me with a lot of problems.”
Elsey went into therapy, then trained—
like Goodman—as a yoga instructor before
finding a shaman, with whom he began
“working with the spirits of nature, work-
ing with the drum and with psychedelics.”
I appreciate Elsey’s conviction. I do. But
once again, I’m skeptical.
I can’t really see how a weekend’s worth
of activities can make people who work in
the financial-services industry swap Wall
Street for a more sustainable lifestyle.
Just as I can’t see how reading Brand’s
book will purge us of our obsessions and
compulsions. Or how huffing and puffing
with Goodman will truly reconnect us
with our vital being.
The confusion with all this is where it
lies between a mere palliative and a true
philosophy. And when something that
should be free—breathing, anonymous
groups, nature retreats—comes with a
price, I might as well begin looking around
for some pebbles to hurl into the sea.
MIND
SPIRITUAL HEALING
Despite our cynic’s conclusions,
not all mystical-sounding remedies
are without merit! But which are
supported by science?
01 BREATH WORK
The sell: These simple, focused
breathing exercises offer time for
self-reflection. Improved oxygen flow
also boosts energy and, depending
on whom you ask, creativity.
The science: Studies show that deep
(that is, diaphragmatic) breathing can
improve focus and emotional control.
HEALING SCORE: 4/5
02 SINGING BOWLS
The sell: When played, these Tibetan
bowls reverberate with a deep, rich
tone, which promotes relaxation,
reduces pain, and rebalances your
body’s energy systems.
The science: The Journal of Evidence-
Based Integrative Medicine linked
singing-bowl meditation to enhanced
well-being, but that’s likely just the
benefit of, er, meditation.
HEALING SCORE: 2/5
03 SWEAT LODGES
The sell: These ceremonies promise
to purify your body and heal your soul.
The science: A study in JAMA Internal
Medicine determined that sauna use
(two to seven days per week) is linked
to multiple heart and brain benefits,
including decreased risk of cardio-
vascular disease. Cap your sweat
sessions at 20 minutes.
HEALING SCORE: 4/5
04 AYAHUASCA
The sell: As a tea, this hallucinogenic
plant delivers the sort of revelations
you’d achieve after a year in therapy.
The science: A study in Psycholog-
ical Medicine found that it reduced
depressive feelings and improved
problem solving. More research is
needed before we understand why.
HEALING SCORE: 2/5
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 63
Ph

It took a global pandemic to slow down the actor-producer-

businessman (a little). But despite all his success, the one-man brand
and poster boy for dad muscle has a lot more to prove.

July • August 2020 65 MEN’S HEALTH

T-shirt by Velva Sheen;
jeans by AG; sneakers by
Air Jordan; sunglasses
by Porsche Design;
watch by Hermès.

MARK
WAHLBERG
IS LETTING
ITGO.
IT’S MAY 1, and Wahlberg has been sheltering at home for 39 days
with his wife, Rhea Durham; his two daughters, Ella, 16, and Grace,
10; his two sons, Michael, 14, and Brendan, 11; and the family’s new
addition, a Pomeranian named Champ who has nearly 80,000 fol-
lowers on Instagram and rules the house. The actor-producer-busi-
nessman, who once caused a disturbance on the Internet with a post
about how he starts each day at 2:30 A.M. and schedules everything
in 15-minute increments, rolls out of bed around 9:00. He eats a veg-
etarian breakfast, often plant-based sausage with a sweet-potato
patty and avocado, washed down with three juice shots: greens, tur-
meric, and apple-cider vinegar with raw garlic and ginger. “Everyone
hates it, because when I start burping, it smells like a restaurant.”
He finally heads down to his basement gym at 10:30 A.M. “That’s
usually like my midafternoon lunchtime,” he says. “I’m still
training five days a week, but now my wife is with me. I feel like
I’m a human alarm clock. I’m pushing her to get down there. . . .
The rest of the day, I’m eating more and drinking more wine than
I normally would.” We’re on a Zoom video call, and Wahlberg is
sitting at the desk in his home office. He is in quarantine casual—
sweatpants, a red T-shirt, bed head—fancied up with a crucifi x on
a chain. “I’m just maintaining until I get the word that we might be
going back to work. Then I’ll get super disciplined again.”
That discipline switch has been dialed up to 11—for the past
30 years—and it’s helped Wahlberg earn a unique place in our
cultural memory and imagination. As Marky Mark, he rapped
into our collective consciousness, buff and shirtless, with “Good
Vibrations,” which hit number one in 1991. A year later, he helped
make showing your underwear waistband a thing, posing in noth-
ing but his Calvin Klein sport trunks. We didn’t really expect
to see him again, but then he started acting. At fi rst he popped
up in minor roles, but he steadily earned bigger parts, shifting
from gritty dramas to action blockbusters to raucous comedies.
Often Wahlberg played characters who were larger than life yet
still relatable. He’s the porn star with performance anxiety. He’s
Optimus Prime’s buddy on Earth. He’s the Navy SEAL who sur-
vives a mission that kills his team. He’s the guy who fights with
his best friend, a talking teddy bear.
In his spare time, Wahlberg stayed busy. He turned
his early-career shenanigans into a hit TV show, Entou-
rage, and created his first television-and-film production
company. He is also a part owner of a burger chain, a gym
chain, a supplement line, and a Chevy dealership. In July,
he will launch an athleisure brand called Municipal. All
this while raising four kids and being the most famous
Catholic other than the pope. We’ve tracked his progress
since 2005, having put him on the cover of Men’s Health
six times—more than anyone else. It’s because he has big
movies and big arms (and he sells well), but also because
Wahlberg’s story shows how a flawed man who spent time
in prison as a teenager can fi x himself and keep trying to
become a better man. In his case, fitness has served as a
guardrail on that journey.
Now Wahlberg faces the challenges of juggling all his
multiplatform projects and the demands of marriage and
parenthood. Just looking at his schedule is exhausting.
Even he says he works like a psychopath and has a boot-
camp existence. Part of the appeal of getting older used to
be that you could stop reinventing—you could slow down,
settle in—and finally be yourself. You were good enough.
At 49, he’s still going at it, and so are more and more of us. The
idea of good enough isn’t always good enough. Then again, “good
enough” was never good enough for Mark Wahlberg, which is why
he’s Mark Wahlberg and not Vanilla Ice.
WAHLBERG’S RULE NO. 4:
START IN THE GYM
IT MAY seem shallow to lead off a story on Wahlberg by talking about
his body, but muscle first led him into trouble, then helped him
escape it. I ask if prison—where at age 16 he spent 45 days, in 1988,
after pleading guilty to felony assault for beating up two men—is
where he started strength training. “No, I started doing it before,
knowing that it’d be in my best interest to be as fit and as strong as
possible,” he says, referring to the muscle he needed as a street tough
in the Boston neighborhood of Dorchester. “I wasn’t going off to foot-
ball camp.” But prison is where he realized training and prayer could
give his life structure: pray, lift, eat, sleep, repeat. Focusing on his
fitness and faith, and the discipline that comes with those things,
pushed him to make better choices and helped him be happier.
Wahlberg pivots to tell a story about how he’s trying to pass
that gym discipline down to his children. “You know, it’s funny,
because my kids came down to the gym today after the workout
and my two sons are super athletic, but they’re like, ‘Oh, Dad,
you’re a try-hard. You know, all you want to do is be buff.’ I said,
‘You should be training right now, too. You’re going to want to be
in shape later.’ ” Even in quarantine, on a relaxed schedule, he’s
staying fit, but his approach has changed from that of his 20s.
In those days, his training emphasized mirror muscles, with
iconic results. See: the Herb Ritts–shot Calvin Klein ads from 1992.
More than a decade later,a 2005 Men’s Health cover story noted,
“Wahlberg hits the iron hard, but in the simplest ways. He picks
two or three body parts to focus on for 30 minutes five days a week.”
“My head was hard,” he says, referring to his old regimen. “A lot of
people that I worked out with would be amazed where my focus is
with my training now: No more isolation movements. It’s got to be
fully functional.” He also spends more time stretching with a foam
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 67
Tank by Calvin Klein
Underwear; jeans by
AG; chain necklace
by Tom Wood.
roller or TRX, targeting his “quads and hammies, the psoas, all the
uncomfortable stuff that takes stress away from my back.”
The training he did at 10:30 was a “big, functional F45-
style workout,” he says, referencing the Australian-based gym
chain known for group classes that combine strength, mobility,
and cardio. (See “Build Hollywood Muscle,” page 71.) Last year,
Wahlberg became a part owner of F45, which has more than 800
franchises in the U. S. He says he went to a class and “fell in love
with the workouts.” He was struck by the scalability—an older
overweight newbie was doing the same workout as a college ath-
lete—and the upbeat, communal vibe. The people were inspiring
one another, and it seemed like a saner, safer version of CrossFit.
He’s also a part owner of Performance Inspired, a supplement
company he founded in 2016 with a former GNC executive. It’s
a fitness and wellness play, with training and recovery products
made with high-quality natural ingredients. Compared with
brands that make wild marketing claims with images of XXXL
bodybuilders, it’s basic (but in a good way).
Wahlberg admits that he gets obsessed with new workouts and
diets, partly because he’s had to put on or take off weight for roles.
“The fun thing about my job is that it’s constantly forcing me to
challenge myself and change,” he says. His record low weight was
137 pounds, for The Gambler in 2014. “I was 138 pounds for Boogie
Nights [in 1997] and I had to beat that number,” he says. “I went on a
liquid diet for six weeks and did 200 rounds of jump rope every day.”
His heaviest was 212 pounds, for Pain & Gain in 2013.
68 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
Currently he’s eating a plant-based diet five days a week that
makes it easy to keep his weight close to his quarantine target of
around 180 pounds. Wahlberg was in London last year fi lming
Infinite, a 2021 sci-fi thriller directed by Antoine Fuqua. He was
doing the Full Wahlberg—waking up at 2:30 A.M. to train, eating
every two and a half hours—but “by the time I went to work, I was
just tired.” He consulted his doctor, who suspected he had leaky-
gut syndrome and put Wahlberg on a bone-broth cleanse and
then a steamed-vegetable diet. Soon he was feeling much better,
and because he’s “a creature of habit,” he leaned into plant-based
eating, supplementing with lots of plant-based protein shakes.
He goes wild on the weekends, adding “a little pasta and fish.”
“Between work, I want to grow and evolve and be in the best possi-
ble shape for life,” he says. “That’s being strong, mobile, flexible,
no inflammation, feeling good.”
WAHLBERG’S RULE NO. 11:
TAKE SMART RISKS AT WORK
THE MOST dramatic reinvention in Wahlberg’s career was play-
ing Dirk Diggler, a well-endowed porn star, in Boogie Nights. “It
was a risky move: With my background, with Calvin Klein, was it
just me being exploited?” he says. “It was cool to be tough or edgy,
but it wasn’t really cool to be vulnerable. It was also liberating.”
It’s not clear if he’s talking about acting or real life, but it applies to
both. Paul Thomas Anderson’s film demonstrated that Wahlberg
 could handle meaty roles with emotional depth I ask if he can imagine taking a risky role, like Dirk Diggler,
and that he was leaving behind the chest-beating now. He pauses, then starts talking about Good Joe Bell, a movie
machismo of the old neighborhood. He was skinny, he recently shot with director Reinaldo Marcus Green that was
fumbling, with doofus hair, and he had to say lines written by the Brokeback Mountain team. It’s based on the true
like “I just can’t get it hard. I just can’t. I’m sorry.” story of Jadin Bell, a 15-year-old who was bullied for being gay and
It turned out there was more to Wahlberg than took his own life. His dad, Joe, played by Wahlberg, vows to walk
crotch grabbing and an eight-pack. across America to raise awareness for Jadin. “I’m playing a very
Other directors took note, and soon Wahlberg conflicted, complex individual. But I think that makes it more
was working with David O. Russell, Tim Burton, relatable to the people that we really want to change and to open
and Martin Scorsese. Wahlberg, like fellow Bos- their eyes and their hearts to accepting people no matter where
ton royalty Tom Brady, has always felt he’s had they come from or what their preference in any aspect of their life
something to prove. (For the record, he says he is, whether it be sexual, religion, any of those things. There’s a lot
wishes Brady all the best in Tampa Bay. “Tom won of people who don’t get it, unless they see somebody like them and
six championships and was two plays from win- they put themselves in those shoes.”
ning eight. If it’s Tampa versus the Patriots in the Back in 2005, Wahlberg told Men’s Health he looked at his acting
Super Bowl, I want the Patriots.”) Brady was the career like an athlete does and that there was a short window of
199th draft pick; Wahlberg was typecast as a rap- peak performance—he alluded to six years. He’s now more than
per and model. Brady still taps into those feelings double that, and he’s stretching that window by embracing new
to motivate himself every game; kinds of roles. He reaches across his desk and
Wahlberg sees every movie as a shows me a black binder with Uncharted writ-
chance to prove he belongs. ten on it. “I was attached to a movie for a decade
“I was willing to work harder called Uncharted, which is based on the video
than everybody else,” he says. Rapid game, playing Nathan Drake,” he says. “This is
“You do whatever it takes to
become the part. So that means if Fire the actual script. Cut to now and I’m playing the
old guy. Yeah. Tom Holland is Nathan Drake!
you got to go to a SEAL boot camp There are certain people who kind of try to hold
for two weeks or you got to go on a KILLER ABS EXERCISE on to youth, and you have these kinds of weird
fishing boat and hunt for tuna.” TRX Superman: Your movies where older guys are paired up with
That applies to comedy as well. “I feet in the TRX, you younger actresses, and we all know how unfair
do a pushup and a tuck,
don’t practice pratfalls in my liv- that is. I’m more driven now than ever before,
and then you do a full
ing room to see if I can be funny, extension back. and I’m also more comfortable in my own skin.”
but I have the same approach. I The secret to Wahlberg’s constant reinven-
want to be the character and play FAVORITE ARMS MOVE tion may be that there’s no secret at all—it’s just
it as real as possible.” Just as Brady relies on his Standing single-leg curl the only way he knows, and to not hustle, to not
on a Bosu. So I’m firing
game smarts over physical gifts, Wahlberg has a the core and everything. wake up at graveyard hours or have six full-time
psychological edge, too. “I felt like I had an advan- No more isolated moves. jobs, would somehow be a betrayal of his code.
tage because of my real-life experience, which Plus, he’s worked relentlessly to earn his cur-
allowed me to tap into things that other people MEAL YOU COOK FOR rent status, and now he’s more able to choose
would have to use techniques and things that they
YOUR FAMILY the projects he really wants to do, which is
Steak and white
learned in theater school to be able to do.” As with asparagus. something we all aspire to. And there’s his ego.
his physical training, he’s found a method that “When people come into this business, you look
works, and he tinkers with it for each new role. WHAT YOU DRINK WITH IT at the Hollywood issue every year in Vanity Fair
Given the success Wahlberg has had in dif- Red wine. Sometimes and they anoint the Next Guy, right?” he says.
with my wine friends, I
ferent genres—his three highest-grossing pour a Château Latour or a “A lot of those guys didn’t become The Guy.
domestic movies are the action blockbuster Pétrus and a gem from the There’s only a handful. I’m The Guy who is still
Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014), the Santa Ynez Valley [in Cali- around, still doing it, you know?” It’s not meant
comedy Ted (2012), and the drama The Perfect fornia]. Few can taste the as a flex, more as an observation, but it’s a flex.
difference, but one bottle
Storm (2000)—I ask if he has three favorites. It’s
is very expensive [$2,000]
not an ego-stroking exercise but meant to probe and the other is $35. WAHLBERG’S RULE NO. 33:
what’s closest to his heart. After a long pream-
ble, noting that every movie is a group effort and BOOK YOU’RE READING THINK BIG PICTURE
there’s no individual credit, he says (here’s the Warren Buffett and the
“IT’S ONE thing to have a career and wake up
Interpretation of Financial
heavily condensed version): “Three is tough, but Statements. every day thinking, Okay, what’s the next job?”
I gravitate toward the true stories. Boogie Nights Wahlberg told us in his 2010 MH cover story.
[1997], Lone Survivor [2013], and The Fighter KARAOKE “But I want to build something that can last for-
[2010].” It’s revealing because it shows how he’s Never done it. If I had the ever, something that my kids could venture into
courage, I’d do one of my
balanced personal preferences with more mar- if they’re interested.” That was when he was still
own old songs. The only
ketable options, and it speaks to his affi nity for one people would want to just an actor. Wahlberg’s reinvention as a busi-
men who do dangerous jobs. hear is “Good Vibrations.” ness guy follows his tactics as an actor—trust

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 69


his own experience. With his production companies, Closest
to the Hole and Unrealistic Ideas, that means shows Wahlberg
either lived or would watch: Entourage, Boardwalk Empire,
Ballers, and McMillion$, the HBO show about the McDonald’s
Monopoly-game scam. With Performance Inspired and F45,
it means supplements he takes and workouts he does. With
Wahlburgers, it means food he wants to eat (now including the
Impossible plant-based burger). “I have to live it, and it has to be
a direct extension of who I am,” he says.
Wahlberg’s next venture is Municipal, an online clothing
brand somewhere between Lululemon and Supreme that he’s
creating with CEO Harry Arnett, who previously worked at the
golf company Callaway. “The goal is versatility: It’s the clothes
you wear 95 percent of the time in the gym, at home, at work,”
says Arnett. “It’s orientated around the inclination to move, lit-
erally and as a metaphor.” But because Wahlberg is baked into
the identity of the brands, he has to stay relevant and keep star-
ring in big movies to drive growth.
It’s telling that Wahlberg has said the actor who most inspires
him is Paul Newman, because of his philanthropy and business
smarts. He’s thinking Big Picture. “All the success and all the
things that I achieved, guess what?” he says. “You can’t take it
with you. There’s no luggage racks on a hearse, right? What do
you do with it? How do you make the most change and move the
needle in the most ways? I didn’t have to look any further than out
my window where I grew up. I didn’t have to say, ‘Is there a crisis
in the world that I can get involved with—you know, rain forests,
animals, and all this stuff ?’ ” That’s why he supports the Boys
& Girls Clubs of America through his foundations and why his
businesses have philanthropic components.
70 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
T-shirt by Buck Mason;
watch by Hermès.
That Wahlberg’s upbringing is so different from his own kids’
is intimately wound up in what motivates him and who he says
his hero is: his dad, Donald Wahlberg, a Korean War veteran
and truck driver who delivered school lunches. Wahlberg was
introduced to film through his dad, who showed a teenage Mark
Styling: Ted Stafford and Samantha McMillen. Hair: Cheryl Daniels. Makeup: Allan Apone. Production: Emily Pando/Crawford & Co.
old gangster movies starring guys like Steve McQueen, James
Cagney, and John Garfield. “It was so pivotal in so many ways.
My dad worked hard just to put food on the table. He showed me
what hard work looks like, and I knew what it smelled like when
I sat with him in the yard. He was sitting in his garden and he
wouldn’t flick cigarette ashes onto the yard, because that was the
only home he’d ever owned. He would flip them in his pant cuffs.”
Wahlberg is trying to inspire that same blue-collar work ethic
in his kids, but from his Beverly Hills chateau with a swimming
pool and a basketball court. “I’m sitting across from my son,
just yesterday, having this conversation, and I’m like, ‘Dude, if
you don’t work hard in school right now, you will regret it later.
You always give it 110 percent, then you’ll never have to live with
regret.’ I’m speaking from experience. I’ve got to instill that
ethic; if you want to make something happen, the only way to do
that is to roll up your sleeves and do the work.”
It’s obviously something he’s wrestling with, because he fur-
rows that famous brow and keeps talking. “What I want to give
them is the drive and desire to find out what they’re passionate
about and go and be the best version of themselves. Maybe one
will want to go into acting; others may want to take over one of
these companies that we’re building. And one may say, ‘I want
to be a professional skateboarder.’ ”
He continues, “My faith and all that weighs heavy on me, too, in
a good way, to inspire them. I don’t force them to go to church with
 me every Sunday. And this is the first time I haven’t gone since felt. Sharing that loss with my friend, I was trying to just remind
my wife has known me in 19 years. They know that it’s the most him that even if you live to 150, life is short. But I have a fi rm
important thing for Dad, like that’s how he starts his day, every belief that there is a better place and there is a heaven, and that
day. So hopefully those things will rub off on them.” his dad and my dad were sitting there introducing themselves
Wahlberg takes the responsibility seriously. In 2010, he spent and that if we do the right thing in life, then we have that—so
35 hours at the dermatologist, lasering off his tattoos—Bob celebrating his life and all that stuff. We just both had a nice little
Marley, the rosary beads, and the one of Sylvester the Cat with cry, shedding happy tears for the guys who meant so much to us.”
Tweety Bird in his mouth, which he got when he was 17 to cover Not long after, my time is up and he has another call, but before
up the shamrock tattoo he gave himself when he was 12—to set that, his kids are pushing to get in a game of hoops. It’s a Friday
a better example. He did add a tiny new tattoo on his ring finger afternoon, and there’s the weekend with fi sh and pasta on the
on Valentine’s Day in 2016. “It’s my wife’s name, Rhea,” he says. menu, virtual mass, and hang time with Champ to look forward
“She says it’s the best gift I ever gave her. When I’m away or work- to, as Mark Wahlberg works on the mostly serious but sometimes
ing and can’t wear my ring, she is still with me.” funny business of being better than good enough.
Having a daughter made Wahlberg see women through a differ-
ent lens. “My firstborn being a girl completely changed me,” he BEN COURT is an executive editor at Men’s Health.
says. “I have friends with only boys and
they’ll be like, ‘Check that out’ or ‘Look
at her,’ and I’ll say, ‘Dude, have some
respect; that’s somebody’s daughter.’ ”
From Marky Mark to proud #girldad,

BUILD
One of Mark Wahl-
it’s not a small step. It’s a giant leap.
berg’s favorite routines
One thing his kids don’t follow his is a 60-minute F45
lead on is crying during movies. He’s a
famous crier, and I ask how he got to a HOLLYWOOD session called Holly-
wood, a 27-station HIIT
place where he’s comfortable tearing
up in front of his children. “It’s real
life, dude,” he says. “There are many,
MUSCLE workout. It involves
40-on, 15-off intervals.
Go to F45challenge
many times when my kids will tell me, .com for the full circuit.
Don’t have an hour? Do
‘Dad, whatever you do, don’t cry.’ But
2 rounds of this Holly- STEP TRAINER SHUFFLE
I tell them there’s nothing wrong with
wood-inspired circuit. Stay on the balls
crying, with conveying those kinds of of your feet!
emotions. When I watch a movie that
feels real and emotional, it just gets me;
it gets me every time.”
Wahlberg brings up his dad again
at the end of our interview, when I ask
when was the last time he cried. It wasn’t
at Donald’s funeral back in 2008; it was
actually just the previous day, recall-
ing how a dear friend’s father had been
in the hospital for six weeks and had
just passed away. Because of the pan-
1 INCHWORM TO SQUAT PULSE PLANK
demic, the son wasn’t allowed to visit.
10 MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS Keep your Brace your abs and
But he had written a letter to his dad Walk out to pushup position, chest up! your glutes!
and emailed that letter to Wahlberg, then tighten your core.
saying he was feeling depressed. So
Wahlberg FaceTimed him.
“I’m sitting in my bathroom looking
at this picture of my dad with my old-
est son, knowing that my youngest son
never met my dad and my youngest girl
never met my dad. And thinking about
mortality, thinking about my mom,
Ben Mounsey-Wood (illustrations)

who just took a terrible fall, and I had

snuck home to see her. Even though
she had busted her teeth, her mouth,
5 BURPEES TO V-UP ICE SKATER
and her eye, she was in great spirits,
10 HIGH-KNEES Keep your legs as Start slowly;
even with what’s going on in the world. Drive your knees up above your straight as possible. pick up speed as you go.
There’s this uncertainty that I’ve never hips on every high-knee rep.

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 71

Rock-star abs and arms:
Daniel Murakami lifting
real free weights near
Murrieta, California.

72 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

SUMMER HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE SEASON TO GET OUTSIDE—WAY OUTSIDE.
Beyond your basement or garage or backyard or wherever you’ve been cooped up,
sweating away #noexcuses. Now’s the time to put that homegrown muscle to
use and go off-road. Not just for the nature buzz, although that’s part of it. Wind and
water deliver the thrill of unpredictability while tough terrain requires
different muscles and the chance to really engage your mind. You need to tune in,
not zone out. This is your summer guide to a wild, fun fitness adventure.

FE ATU R IN G. . .

1. B U I L D N AT U R A L - B O R N M U S C L E | Daniel Murakami

2. G L I D E O V E R G R AV E L | Le o Ro dgers

3. R U N U P ( A N D D O W N ) M O U N TA I N S | Jim Walmsley

4. S W I M I N O P E N WAT E R | Ryan Utsumi

PHOTOGRAPH BY PETER BOHLER

GET WILD!

Logging gains:
Training with
awkwardly shaped
objects builds
total-body
strength, says A N I E L M U R A K A M I , 33, spent
Murakami. years dominating deadlifts,
bench presses, and squats. Then
five years ago, he walked up to
a boulder field near his home
in Murrieta, California, braced his core,
and tried to lift a huge rock. Nothing hap-
pened . . . except a change in Murakami’s
training philosophy. If he couldn’t lift
anything outside the gym, was gym train-
ing really working? “I wanted farm-boy
strength,” he says, “and that was best
achieved through unconventional means.”
So Murakami, a certified trainer who
had worked in various gyms for more than
a decade, rethought everything. He’d mas-
tered bodybuilding, powerlifting, body-
weight training, and Olympic lifts. But he
shifted gears, first exploring the origins of
strongman training in the late 1800s, then
going even further back in history to study
how ancient Chinese warriors trained. That
led him, in 2018, to create Human Strong
Training, a California-based strength
workout program inspired by nature.
Murakami still works with actual bar-
bells on most days, but on occasion he
pushes clients (and himself) through shoul-
der presses and cleans using jagged rocks,
uneven tree trunks, and anything else he
finds in the wild. “The symmetrical, linear
box we put movement in doesn’t necessarily
translate to the chaos of life,” he says.
Nature replicates that chaos, delivering
uneven loads and imbalanced surfaces
that hot-wire your nervous system, forcing
oft-neglected stabilizing muscles (think
rotator cuffs) into action and challenging
your core muscles, too. (Hello, abs!) “There
is a certain ‘strength IQ’ we gain from
training with these organic loads that offer
much-needed complexity,” Murakami

BUILD
says. “It’s not just the weight that prevents
you from lifting it. It’s the awkwardness.”
Nothing exemplifies this better than
rocks. They were used as training tools

NATURAL-BORN
by Chinese weightlifters as far back as
the 1300s. (Translation: way, way before
Concept2 anything.) “Every single one is
a complex riddle that requires a different

MUSCLE
How lifting rocks, flipping tree stumps, and sprinting on
sand increase your strength IQ. BY EBENEZER SAMUEL, C.S.C.S.
solution,” Murakami says. “The weight
is a mystery. The right grip must be found
and the weight distribution adjusted for in
real time. Every rock is an opportunity.”
These six moves from Murakami involving
rocks, trees, and sand will help you see those
opportunities, too.

74 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH PHOTOGRAPH BY PETER BOHLER

 GROUND-TO-OVERHEAD ROCK LIFT
Build total-body strength: Hinge your torso for-
ward, get your hands under the base of a heavy
rock, and brace your core. Deadlift it to your thighs,
then squat and let the rock settle on them. Roll it up
your torso to your shoulder, then shift your hands’
position one at a time until both are beneath it,
and press it overhead. Let it drop to the ground.
(It’s a rock, no biggie.) That’s 1 rep; do 3 sets of 5.
A note on reps: As a rule, keep heavy lifts to 3 to 5
reps and medium ones to 8 to 10.

ROCK AND ROW

Fire up your lats and forearms: Hinge your torso
forward and place your hands under a rock.
Tighten your core. Pull the rock toward your
chest, squeezing your shoulder blades. Lower
it slowly back to the ground. That’s 1 rep; do 5
sets of 10.

Spin master:
LOG ZERCHER SQUAT Leo Rodgers riding

GLIDE
Challenge your legs and core: Get your arms in Grinduro in
Quincy, California.
under a medium log, holding it in the crooks of
your elbows. Stand with your feet shoulder width
apart. Keeping your elbows and chest up, core

OVER GRAVEL
tight, bend at the knees and hips, lowering your
torso until your thighs are parallel to the ground.
Stand back up. That’s 1 rep; do 3 sets of 8 to 10.

STUMP FLIP Riding on dirt lets you explore new terrain and
Build explosive power: Stand beside a heavy find the outer limits of your fitness. BY PETER FLAX
dislodged tree stump. Squat down beside it and
get your hands underneath it. Brace your core.
Push the stump up and away from your body, EO RODGERS is shredding down a sandy, abandoned railway
using the leverage from your legs to flip it. Run line not far from downtown St. Petersburg, Florida. Rodgers,
around to the other side 35, has got a huge smile on his face—and not only because
and repeat. That’s 1 rep; he just hucked off a foot-high curb and landed cleanly. He’s
do 10 sets of 3 to 5.
doing the thing that he loves: riding bikes. More specifically,
he’s enjoying the kind of cycling that he loves the most: gravel riding,
SAND SPRINT GEAR UP: a discipline that’s quietly experiencing a major upswing. 
Rodgers has spent nearly his whole life here in the Tampa area, but

Upgrade your agility:
While barefoot in the
s a n d, s p rint fo r 1 0
seconds, focusing on
speed and lifting your
knees high. Walk back
and repeat. Do 10 sets.
GORILLA HOPS
Ignite your core and
shoulders: Get on all
fours in the sand, core
tight, hands shoulder
width apart. Hop your
feet forward, just out-
side your hands, keep-
Ronnie Romance (Rodgers)
GLOVES
this sort of riding has taken him on adventures around the country—
on dirt paths through forested knolls in Georgia and desert land-
Gloves protect your
scapes in New Mexico and endless farmland in Kansas. He’s held his
hands from flinty
rocks and painful own competing in serious races (with jokey names) like Dirty Kanza
splinters. Outdoor and Grinduro that are won by top pros.
Research’s Splitter Anyone who rides with him can’t help but notice two things: He’s
Work goat-leather fast as shit and has only one leg. As a teenager, he was a swaggering
gloves are tough motorcycle rider who had a life-changing crash late one Saturday
but also tactile, so
night in 2007. Out with friends, he did a wheelie while going more
you can grip with
precision. $55;
than 100 miles per hour. It was the type of trick he’d pulled off many
outdoorresearch.com times before, but this time he went down—launching over a guard-
rail and slicing his left thigh before landing in a river. Doctors saved
his life but could not save his leg. After two weeks in an induced
coma, he woke up to a new reality. 

ing your butt low. Move After some tough rehab and existential homework (“I had to ask
your hands forward,
myself, Why am I even here?” he admits), the daredevil discovered a
extending your legs as
you do so. That’s 1 rep;
way to find action and meaning on a different kind of bike. One day in
do 3 sets of 20. 2010, he brushed the cobwebs off his high school bicycle. With prac-
tice, he learned how to mount and dismount it even with one leg and

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 75

GET WILD!

found he could power it with his right leg if he used a clipless pedal.
“It was like being back on a motorcycle, only I was the motor,” he
says. Now Rodgers’s life revolves around bicycles: He works at a
Tampa bike shop, leads rides around the area, and has earned a
national championship in Paralympic track cycling. “The bike is a
lot of things to me, my transportation, my toy, and my prosthetic,”
he says. “But most of all it’s my tool—it helps me feel free.”

RUN UP
That freedom, the wanderlust to pedal down unpaved roads,
draws Rodgers to gravel. “Getting out there and getting lost—
that’s part of the point,” he says. “I fell in love with gravel right
away—the way you have to use all your skills.” Gravel adventures
combine the speed of road riding with
the technical challenges of moun-
(AND DOWN)
MOUNTAINS
tain biking. Because the surfaces can
range from packed dirt to deep sand,
riders must adapt. “The terrain forces
GEAR UP:
you to develop skills that also give you
confidence on the road,” he says.
Be ready to sweat; gravel riding is
not easy. Rodgers says it’s an organic
BIKE
Wider tires, disc
Turn boring training runs into wild
scavenger hunts. BY LISA JHUNG
brakes, and a carbon
mix of high-intensity interval work
frame help smooth
with traditional aerobic exercise. the chatter of gravel
“You’re riding along and have to and ensure greater
power through little sections,” he control and comfort.
says. “That’s especially true at races, Canyon’s Grail CF SL
where you get to blow yourself up 7.0 has all those fea-
while you have fun—and then there tures, so you can ride
longer and happier.
are beers at the end.” Use these four
$2,499; canyon.com
tips to get rolling.

START WAFFLING
Carry tasty snacks that evoke the sport’s
sweetest European traditions: perfor-
mance waffles. Honey Stinger, Gu, and
UnTapped make nutritionally sound
treats in flavors including gingersnap,
campfire s’mores, and maple.
UPGRADE YOUR BAG AND TIRES
Be prepared for minor repairs and changing weather. A frame bag,
like Revelate Designs’ Tangle, offers space for snacks, tools, and a
rain slicker. To limit punctures, go with a durable tire like Panaracer’s
GravelKing Plus. It comes in a 28c size that fits on most road bikes.  waterfall and would run the routes like a scavenger
LOOK AT A MAP
If you’re unsure how to find primo unpaved roads, check out
gravelmap.com, which has a curated interactive database of thou-
sands of user-generated routes in all 50 states. The staff at your local
bike shop probably also knows the best trails in the area.  minutes, 28 seconds) and the 42-mile Grand Canyon
TRUST YOUR SPEED
When faced with tricky terrain, there’s a natural instinct to squeeze
your brake levers hard. Don’t. Typically, maintaining momentum is
the safest and surest way to pedal through thick sand and over roots,
rocks, and other obstacles.  might have a sense of adventure and find that trail
Y E A R A F TE R graduating from the Air
Force Academy, where he was a stand-
out track and cross-country runner,
Jim Walmsley picked up a hiking book.
It was 2013, and he was living in Great
Falls, Montana, within striking distance of Glacier
National Park and Helena National Forest. “I’d figure
out routes that ended at a lake, a mountaintop, or a
hunt,” he says. “I didn’t know trail running was a
sport at that time, but I liked the sense of adventure.”
Fast-forward seven years and the 30-year-old
holds records for many top trail events, including the
Western States 100-Mile Endurance Run (14 hours, 9
Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim trail (5 hours, 55 minutes, 20
seconds). He even cranks out insanely fast miles on
road, finishing 22nd at the Olympic Marathon Trials
in February with a 2:15:05 in his debut (5:10 per mile).
Chances are you’re no Walmsley, but like him, you
running scratches that itch.

76 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 Run with a view:
Jim Walmsley
running on a trail near
Sedona, Arizona.

GEAR UP:

SHOES
ing obstacles, but also glance down directly in front of
FORGET ABOUT PACE you to target your foot strikes. Use your arms more as a
Walmsley’s advice for trail-running newbies is simple. counterbalance, especially when descending.
Traction in the form
“Pick places you want to go, that inspire you to get out
of multidirectional
the door,” he says. Even if it’s a ribbon of dirt around
Central Park, or up to the top of the local hill you’d nor-
USE TRAILS AS PORTALS TO ADVENTURE rubber lugs on your
soles can keep you
mally only hike. Set realistic expectations: Your per-mile When choosing routes, decide what you’re craving:
upright on gravel, wet
time on a trail won’t equal what you run on road. That’s TRANQUILITY? Run a trail to a lake or next to a river.
grass, and slippery
fine; you’re still making massive fitness gains. QUIET? Choose a route in dense woods.
rocks. The Hoka One
ACHIEVEMENT? Run to the top of something.
One Torrent 2 delivers
A REBOOT? Choose a rocky, rooty, or twisty trail that
BUT FIND CHALLENGING TERRAIN forces you to be present and think about your footing
superior traction and
cushioning. $120;
“Make a purposeful attempt to get on trails that chal- instead of your work/relationship/money/etc.
hokaoneone.com
lenge you,” says Walmsley. That can mean super-rocky
terrain that forces you to work on foot placement while
strengthening your core muscles, or hilly terrain that NEVER BE BORED AGAIN
taxes your cardiovascular system. Or eventually both, While you run, try ticking these items off a mental check-
as you gain confidence. It’s okay to power-hike on list (and feel free to create your own list based on your
ascents. Run descents carefully and deliberately, but local surroundings):
avoid tensing up. Spot a four-legged animal (chipmunk, squirrel,
Hoka One One (Walmsley)

deer, raccoon, cat in a window, etc.)

AVOID FACE-PLANTING TOO MUCH
“Know that even the best trail runners in the world fall,”
says Walmsley. “We get caught off guard by sniper rocks.
It happens.” Scan a few yards down the trail for upcom-
Hear a bird chirping (and put words to its chirp)
Smell a flower (or pine needle; aaah, nature)
Spot a tree that looks like a human
Spot a human that looks like a tree (a shirtless,
bearded man will do)

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 77

 SWIM IN
OPEN WATER
YAN UTSUMI, 41, had been drenched in the turquoise
blue and calm of southern California pools since he
started swimming competitively at age five. “But in
2001, after 15 years of chlorine and coaches on the pool
deck, I was done with all that,” he says.
What the investment-management professional didn’t know
was that he wasn’t done with swimming. Ten years later, a move
to San Francisco gave him access to the bay, “and I started pick-
ing up swimming as a way to get active again.” Free of sets and
clocks—“all the things I was done doing,” he says—“I felt freer to
swim wherever I wanted to, for however long I wanted to.”
Utsumi loved what San Francisco Bay served up: cold water,
challenging chop, and “no two days that are ever the same,” even
if you’re swimming the exact same route. “I loved the thought pro-
cess required when swimming outdoors—How long can I swim at
this temperature? What are the currents doing? Are there seals?
And I loved answering the question Can I swim from A to B?”
78 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
When your pool has no ends, you have
greater freedom but need a different kind
of discipline. BY MARTY MUNSON
“However long” stretched from two hours to six hours to eight,
and within a year—in 2016—Utsumi swam the English Channel
(11 hours). He topped that by completing the “triple crown” of
open-water swimming, adding the circumnavigation of Manhat-
tan (7:17) and the Catalina Channel (11:06) in 2017. He’s now four
down in the Oceans Seven challenge, the open-water swimming
equivalent of the Seven Summits. He’s already booked to attempt
the fifth, the Cook Strait (nine to 12 hours) in New Zealand in 2022.
The Brits call open water “wild swimming,” and what draws
so many people like Utsumi isn’t just the chance to experience
nature from a totally different perspective. It’s the skills open
water requires of you—swimming ability, yes, but also adaptabil-
ity and grit. You’ve got to learn to plan, and you’ve got to plan to
not be able to follow your plan. “It’s unsettling and exciting that
you can’t control it,” says Utsumi. For him, the fun starts in rough
water, but plenty of open-water swims are held in calmer seas,
lakes, and rivers, which is your best way to try wild swimming.
PHOTOGRAPHS BY CODY PICKENS

Bay watch:
Ryan Utsumi
training in his
home pool, San
Francisco Bay.
START IN THE SHALLOWS
Check with local authorities that the lake/river/ocean is safe for swim-
ming, or go to meetup.com to find a local open-water swimming club.
“Your first open-water swim will be an adventure,” says Utsumi. “The
water temperature will be different than a pool. The clarity will be dif-
ferent. You may feel anxious, which can make you tired more quickly.”
So wear a silicone cap (to stay warm), get a pair of goggles with a wide
field of vision (like the Roka R1), and stick to the shallows at first. Stay
where you can stand, and swim parallel to shore. Look up and forward
frequently to ensure you’re not drifting.
DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH
As soon as you put your face into the water, exhale. If you get out of
breath really quickly while open-water swimming, it’s likely because
you’re not exhaling enough, not because you’re not inhaling enough.
Many swimmers take little sips of air in with each stroke and never
exhale. That makes you feel anxious, out of breath, and exhausted.
Let it out. It’s magic. Treading water to gather yourself is also okay.
GET WILD!
ADJUST YOUR RHYTHM
“I try to match my stroke tempo with the chop. This might mean
speeding up when I’m swimming in short-interval waves or length-
ening my stroke in longer, rolling waves,” says Utsumi. Swimming in
rough water is like running in an earthquake—you don’t really know
where the “ground” is going to be. You have to learn to be okay with
that and accept that your stroke will misfire and that you’re going to
get a mouthful of water now and then. Change the tempo of your
stroke, your breathing, and maybe even your attitude. Open-water
swimmers love the unpredictability (most of the time) and appreciate
how it trains you for the rest of your life.
SHUT OUT CRITTERS
Although he’s been bumped by harbor seals and swum with dolphins,
Utsumi prefers murky waters where he can’t see what’s swimming
around him, as opposed to a place like Hawaii, where you can see
everything. “The only way to get over worrying about critters is to
know that you’re swimming around them and that in most cases,
they’re not going to affect you or your swimming.”
GEAR UP: Tracking distance in
WATCH
open water is tricky
without a watch. The
Garmin Swim 2 has a
GPS to do that, plus it monitors heart
rate and gives you pacing alerts, all in
extra-large numbers that you can see
through goggles. $200; garmin.com
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 79
 The best multitool for ANY OUTDOOR OUTING is common sense. But sometimes what seems like
the smartest move can be a painful or deadly mistake. Take the MH ULTIMATE SURVIVAL QUIZ
to spot your fails and fix them before they happen, so you’ll ace any unexpected pressure test.

BY CHRIS DIXON | ILLUSTRATIONS BY MIKE REDDY

80 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 1
YOU’VE BEEN STOMPING AROUND
POISON IVY, OAK, OR SUMAC. THE BEST
WAY TO PREVENT A RASH IS TO:
A Rinse your skin with rubbing alcohol.
B Scrub the area with a mix of one part bleach, one part water.
C Wash your skin with soap and water.
ANSWER: A OR C
All three of these plants contain a sticky,
invisible oil called urushiol. Getting it
off within 30 minutes of exposure will
prevent the oil from chemically bonding
with your skin, lessening the itchy, oozy
misery. Don’t overthink cleanup and
turn to bleach: That shouldn’t be used
on skin. Soap and water do the trick, as
KNOW YOUR LEAVES
Poison
Ivy
Poison
Oak
HOW TO MAKE A TOURNIQUET
1. Apply the wrap a few inches above
the wound, but never on a joint.
2. Tie half of the knot; place a sturdy
straight object, such as a stick,
across it; then finish the knot. This
is your windlass.
3. Use the windlass to screw the tourni-
quet down tight enough to stop the
bleeding, like the valve on a spigot.
4. It will still hurt like hell, but don’t ease
up on the pressure until the victim
reaches professional medical help.
long as the soap contains a degreasing
agent, as in dishwashing liquid.
Rubbing alcohol can also remove
urushiol, so carry alcohol wipes when
camping or hiking if you can’t wash
immediately. With either remedy,
rinse your skin thoroughly and avoid
scrubbing, as this can irritate the skin.
Poison
Sumac
2 ON YOUR FOOT.
YOUR FRIEND FELL AND
NOW HIS ARM OR LEG IS
SPURTING BLOOD.
TO MAKE A TOURNIQUET,
YOU SHOULD GRAB WHICH
OF THE FOLLOWING?
A A thin wrap, like an electrical cord,
shoelace, or guitar string.
B A wider wrap—a sturdy strip of fabric,
like a ratchet strap, or even a rash guard
or a long sleeve from a shirt.
ANSWER: B
Despite what you might have seen in ac-
tion films, any rope that makes your mus-
cles pop out more isn’t actually helpful.
If your tourniquet is less than an inch
and a half wide, it will dig into the skin,
cause mind-bending pain, and not stop
the bleeding. If there’s no lever or wind-
lass to wind it tight, it won’t work, either.
Use the tips at left to make one like a pro.
MEN’S HEALTH
3
YOU’RE IN THE
MIDDLE OF A HIKE
OR TRAIL RUN
AND DEVELOP A
NICKEL-SIZED—OR
BIGGER—BLISTER
YOU SHOULD:
A Pop it, then bandage it up.
B Leave it be, tighten your
shoes, and carry on.
C Lubricate the spot with lotion
or petroleum jelly to keep the
friction down.
ANSWER: A
Friction from a rubbing shoe
is what creates a painful, an-
noying, and infection-prone
blister. Slathering the spot
with lotion or petroleum jelly
won’t help—it rubs off and
leaves the area moist and ripe
for worse blisters. Prevent
pain and trouble by punctur-
ing the blister gently around
the periphery to drain the
liquid, leaving the blister’s
“roof” intact. Bandage it to
avoid further rubbing—even
duct tape can do in a pinch.
/ July • August 2020 81
 5 IF YOU DON’T HAVE AN AED, OR THE AED DIDN’T
ROUSE THE PERSON, HOW LONG SHOULD YOU
PERFORM CPR ON SOMEONE WHO’S UNCONSCIOUS?
3 TIPS FOR CPR
A Until an emergency responder arrives.
CPR can double or even
B Until the situation becomes too unsafe to continue. triple a person’s chance of

4
C Answer A or B. survival. If you haven’t had
formal CPR training, at least
D Ten minutes. After that, there’s no use. do this hands-only version
(after calling 911), recom-
mended by the American
ANSWER: C Heart Association:

YOUR FRIEND HAS Don’t ever stop CPR
SEVERE CHEST PAIN because you think it’s
hopeless, says Pauline
AND COLLAPSES ON Meekins, M.D., an emer-
THE TENNIS COURT. THE gency-room physician
FIRST THING YOU SHOULD in Chico, California.
“I had one woman in her
DO IS FIND AND HOOK THEM
20s come in,” she says.
UP TO A NEARBY AED. “She was blue. ‘Dead.’ I
worked on her for 31
minutes and she eventu-
ally left the hospital just
fine.” What that means
for you: “No layperson
should ever stop CPR.
Not unless you’re in a
fire, on a sinking boat,
or EMS gets there.”
1. Place the heel of one hand
in the center of the chest.
Place the other on top of it
and interlace your fingers.
2. Keeping your arms straight,
push down hard and fast.
3. Aim for about 100 to 120
compressions a minute,
or as fast as the beat in
“Stayin’ Alive.”

A True B False

YOU MAKE A BAD CAST

6
ANSWER: B
AEDs (automated external
defibrillators) are all over
public spaces these days. These
remarkable little comput-
ers—marked with the letters
AED—deliver a powerful elec-
tric shock to the heart. Some
are mounted on the wall in a
suitcase-like container; others
are built into walls behind glass
doors. But grabbing one isn’t
the first thing you should do. In-
stead, confirm that the person
is unconscious and unrespon-
sive by shouting at and shaking
them. Next, call 911 and check
for breathing and a pulse. If you
can’t find a pulse, operate the
AED using the process below.
HOW TO USE AN AED
1. Grab and prepare the AED;
place the pads as directed
by the machine.
2. From there, an AED does
most of the rest for you.
Power it up and follow the
instructions or voice
prompts. Then stay clear
of the victim once the AED
cycle starts, especially if
they’re wet. The device
first checks the heart’s
activity and then delivers
its jolts accordingly. If no
jolt is needed, it won’t
deliver one but may tell
you to administer CPR.
ANSWER: C
AND IMPALE A FRIEND WITH Remember that a barb is designed to keep
the hook in a violently shaking fish; it’s not
YOUR BARBED FISHHOOK. supposed to slide out easily. Just yanking
TO REMOVE IT, YOU SHOULD : it backward will do a ton of damage. The
string method (see Fig. 1) counters that;
A Apologize for the new piercing, then
pressing down ensures that the barb
push until the tip comes out of the skin,
won’t grab more skin on the way back out.
snip off the barb, and back it out.
If the hook is all the way through, option
B Leave it in until you can see a doctor.
A works, but the
C Apply pressure downward and apology better be
forward to release the barb, tie a great. See a doc if
string to the base of the J, and pull it out. it’s in a tricky spot,
D Just yank it out backward. like a tendon. FIG. 1
7 A THUNDERSTORM POPS UP WHILE YOU’RE HIKING
OR CAMPING. YOU SHOULD:
A Shelter under a tree.
B Stand at the edge of a hiking shelter or beneath a cliff.
C Lie flat in an open area, praying that the storm will pass.
D None of the above.
ANSWER: D
Lightning is attracted to the tallest objects, so your
instinct to just take cover can go wrong fast. If you’re
under a shelter or cliff, move way back to reduce the
chance of a strike channeling through you. The best
move: Stay in the open, keep your feet together, and
crouch down, wrapping your arms around your knees.
Keep your head low to minimize your target area.
(If you have a foam pad, stand on top of it.) If there’s
time, double back to the car, as long as it has a hard top.
It’s one of the safest temporary shelters around.

82 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 10
SHAAAARK!
YOU’RE APPROACHED OR
BUMPED IN THE WATER.
WHICH OF THESE THINGS
SHOULD YOU NOT DO?

A Yell loudly.
B Punch it in the nose, claw
its gills, and gouge its eyes.
C Churn wildly to scare it away.

8
D Swim away.

ANSWER: C
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF BEING PULLED OUT Making a scene might give
TO SEA IN A RIP CURRENT, YOU SHOULD: some land-based predators
Sources: Owen James Burke, U. S. Coast Guard master captain and fishing guide; Pauline Meekins, M.D., Chico, California–based emergency-room physician; Andrew Nathanson, M.D., professor

pause, but in the water it’s

of emergency medicine at Brown University and author of Surf Survival; Justin Sempsrott, of Lifeguards Without Borders; David Shiffman, Ph.D., interdisciplinary marine-conservation biologist

sign language for “wounded

A Swim as hard as you can to try to get back to shore.
animal,” which means easy
B Flip on your back and float until the current lessens.
prey, also known as “lunch.”
C Swim parallel to the shore until the current peters out. If you spot a shark nearby, first
D Answers B and C. try to swim smoothly and
steadily away. If it engages,
ANSWER: D it may be time to try target-
Your instinct may be to sprint for Eventually you’ll reach calmer ing all the sensitive areas (B).
Yelling isn’t a proven way to
and researcher; D. J. Struntz, of North American Rescue; Angel Yanagihara, Ph.D., of the University of Hawaii’s Pacific Biosciences Research Center.

shore. But swimming against the
current will only exhaust you. In-
stead, try to swim parallel to shore,
and be aware that the current might
carry you out a bit. If you get tired,
you can back-float to save energy.
water further out and be able to
look back at where the waves are
breaking—that’s where you want
to go. Chart your path of least resis-
tance to shore (which might be
a diagonal, not a straight line).
scare sharks, but when a great
white reportedly latched on
to New Zealand surfer Nick
Minogue’s surfboard and arm
earlier this year, he punched
the animal in the eye and
yelled, “Fuck off !” And. It. Did.

9 THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO

TO TAME A JELLYFISH STING IS:

ANSWER: A deactivate them. Other

THE NUMBER-ONE RULE
OF BOATING SAFETY
Wear a life jacket! Falls into
the water are among the
most common causes of
A Swear like hell (SWEARING OPTIONAL) folk remedies are bunk, boating fatalities. We asked
while flushing A jellyfish sting doesn’t with the exception retired U. S. Coast Guard
it with vinegar. just hurt; it keeps of one: Research has rescue swimmer Shannon
B Swear like hell, radiating. Rinsing it off found that vinegar Scaff what gives. His re-
then pee on it. with the first available sponse was a USCG canon:
can deactivate the
“Thou shalt not urinate
C Rub sand, baking liquid will likely make stinging cells (nema- over the side of the boat.”
soda, or meat things worse: Water tocysts) of nearly every Combine holding on to
tenderizer on the site. discharges unreleased kind of jellyfish. Then something besides a railing,
microscopic stinging immerse the wound in a rocking boat, diverted at-
D Douse it with
tention, and maybe alcohol
cold water. capsules (there are hot water (110° to 115°F, and you see the problem.
plenty), and urine a little hotter than a If you’ve really gotta go, be
isn’t acidic enough to shower) for 45 minutes. attached to the boat by
some means other than your
own grip, and make sure
CHRIS DIXON has done tireless aquatic research for Men’s Health and for someone’s got your back.
The Ocean: The Ultimate Handbook of Nautical Knowledge (forthcoming).

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 83

THE TAO OF
JOCKO
THE RETIRED U. S.
NAVY SEAL WANTS
TO BRING MMA-
STYLE JIU-JITSU
(AND LIFE LESSONS)
TO THE MASSES.
BUT ARE THE MASSES
TOUGH ENOUGH
TO TAKE IT?

By MICHAEL J. MOONEY
Photographs by BENEDICT EVANS
84 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
WE WEREN’T ACTUALLY GRAPPLING.
I
WASN’T ON this adventure alone. As
soon as I arrived, I met Pete Roberts,
Jocko’s business partner and the
This was purely for demonstration purposes. Still, it founder of Origin, the Maine-based
gi-manufacturing company that
all happened so fast. One second I was kneeling there, hosts the camp. Roberts, 40, has a
hunched over Jocko Willink, this hulking beast of a shaved head and 250 or so pounds
poured over a six-foot-five frame. (He was
man. A second later, I could feel the strong tug on the a tight end at the University of Maine.) He
collar of my martial-arts-style gi and the powerful whip gave me a crisp white gi and pointed me to
of his legs—and then suddenly I was on my back, staring my cabin. When I told him I was nervous,
he gave me a sweaty hug and assured me
up at the ceiling. I was told this move is called a scissor that the jiu-jitsu community is like “one
sweep. ¶ There is no shortage of popular podcasters and big family.”
At lunch on the first afternoon, I met
best-selling authors offering men advice on how to live Jesse Beddingfield, a 42-year-old single
a more fulfilling life. The lineup includes Jordan Peter- father from North Carolina who owns a
plumbing company. He sported a long
son, Ph.D. (the “crisis of masculinity” psychologist), Viking beard and wore an Iron Maiden
Tim Ferriss (the efficiency and psychedelics expert), compression shirt.Like many of the camp-
ers, he listens to Jocko Podcast and seemed
Joe Rogan (the pot-smoking, comedic every- “The Path is the only way to get where you on an unselfconscious journey toward self-
man), and, of course, Jocko. Though they are going. STAY ON IT.” His books break improvement. He’d been doing jiu-jitsu for
all regularly ruminate on what it means to down approaches to leadership that apply about eight months, minus time off due to
be a modern man, only one is a retired U. S. to both the battlefield and the boardroom. a horrific-sounding groin injury.
Navy SEAL and the clear bet in a fight. His weekly podcast, simply dubbed Next, I met Andrey Koltsov, who was
Jocko is the warrior sage. At age 48, he Jocko Podcast, consists of hours-long about to turn 24. The camp was a birth-
provides the stern encouragement and discussions about topics that range from day present to himself. Born in Belarus,
blunt advice many of us never received modern warfare tactics to diet and work- Koltsov grew up in New York and works
from our fathers. A lot of people are look- out strategies to the literary stylings in IT in Manhattan. He started jiu-
ing for a successful, healthy, happy life, of William Shakespeare and Cormac jitsu about a year ago, competes in rucking
but the idea of what exactly makes a good McCarthy. (Jocko was an English major in events, and has no apparent body fat.
man is more complicated than ever. Jocko college. It’s not rare for him to reference “I really want to see what I can accom-
seems to simplify everything. Listen to Blood Meridian.) He espouses axioms like plish with my time on this planet,” he told
him for long enough and you’re likely to “Discipline equals freedom” and “All your me. “What can I be?”
hear guidance on every aspect of life, excuses are lies”—all about the infinite Most of the campers were men, but there
from work habits to workout regimens to rewards of well-flexed willpower. were at least a dozen women as well as a few
relationships. As technology offers us the Through such unwavering dispatches, couples, like Eddie and Tami Nantz, lean
chance to binge-watch television while Jocko has built a considerable fan base. He’s vegetarians in their 40s who’d arrived from
someone delivers food to our door, Jocko a first-name-famous lifestyle guru to mil- Indiana. Their eight-year-old son trains,
tells us that some rewards come from lions of people who buy his books and listen too, although the camp doesn’t have a chil-
understanding struggle, not avoiding it. to his podcast. Many of those fans also buy dren’s component—yet. This trip was part
Being physical is part of that lesson. his supplements and branded clothing. of their anniversary gift to each other, so
That’s how I ended up sprawled on the pad- And about 450 of the most devoted attend they’d arranged for a private cabin.
ded mats inside a field house at a luxury this annual jiu-jitsu camp with him. People We’d all signed up to study the austere
summer camp in rural Maine last year. from all walks of American life pay $1,000 art of controlled aggression in a place
Jocko has the broad shoulders and chest of a each for a four-day session—or $1,800 for known as Camp Laurel. Its 160-acre cam-
comic-book hero and a square jaw to match. eight days—in which they sleep in cabins, pus is located deep in the forest, with doz-
Conversely, I’m in my late 30s and . . . not eat camp food, and train for several hours a ens of wooden cabins along a placid lake.
that. While Jocko is a black belt in jiu-jitsu day with Jocko and his entire team of black- The first evening, there was a two-hour
who’s trained consistently for more than belt instructors. training session. The white belts were told
20 years, at this point I had been taking jiu- Like a lot of Americans, I could definitely to partner off, so I paired up with Bedding-
jitsu lessons for exactly a day and a half. use more discipline in my life. When Jocko field. Then a team of instructors showed us
If you’ve never heard of Jocko—well, said I could write about the camp, I wasn’t a few different guard escapes—techniques
let’s start with the fact that he wakes up expecting to participate. But he encouraged to help neutralize an opponent’s legs when
around 4:30 A.M. just about every day and me to gain some personal perspective. So grappling. Beddingfield was gentle and
posts a photo of his watch to Twitter with there I was, tumbling through the air over patient as we alternated wrapping our legs
motivational messages like “IT’S ON” and over, never completely sure where I was around each other’s waist. “It’s only weird
and “ANNIHILATE THIS WEEK” and going to land or what I’d be looking at next. if you make eye contact,” he joked.

86 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 JOCKO’S WORLD
Clockwise from top left: Retired U. S. Navy SEAL and
lifestyle guru Jocko Willink; writer Michael J. Mooney on his
back while focusing on control; instructors Echo Charles
and Jocko share fight moves; techniques are demonstrated
and discussed during an evening session at the camp.

J
OCKO GREW up in small-town New
England, and from the moment he
learned the job existed, he wanted
to be a commando. He joined the
Navy straight out of high school in
1990, discovered jiu-jitsu shortly
thereafter, and eventually served
eight years on active duty as a Navy SEAL.
In 2006, he deployed to the Iraqi city of
Ramadi with SEAL Team 3 as commander
of Task Unit Bruiser, which included
“American Sniper” Chris Kyle. Jocko
was honored with both a Silver Star and
a Bronze Star for his service. (He also
earned his degree while enlisted.)
After he retired from the Nav y in
2010, Jocko cofounded Echelon Front, a
management-consulting f irm, w ith
another retired SEAL, Leif Babin. Over
the past decade, the duo have built their
own small-business empire. In 2015,
Jocko and Leif wrote Extreme Owner-
ship, a best-selling leadership guide full
of lessons from combat that might apply
to business. They followed that up with
the 2018 book The Dichotomy of Leader-
ship, explaining the balance required in so
many parts of life.
Jocko has penned “field manuals” that
share more life-conquering, pragmatic
skills. He’s also written four children’s
books, starting with Way of the Warrior
Kid, which chronicles a “wimpy” fifth
grader’s transition into a strong, healthy,
disciplined young man. (The Nantzes’ son
reads them voraciously.)
Jocko Podcast averages more than a
million downloads a week. That helps move
T-shirts with his famous taglines, a line of
beverages—teas and all-natural energy
drinks—plus branded supplements and a
spoken-word album of short motivational
speeches. And he cofounded a gym called
Victory MMA and Fitness in his current
home of San Diego.

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 87

 JIU-JITSU
ACCORDING
TO JOCKO
In any situation, there’s
a way to take advantage.
Here are five ways the
black belt dominated our
intrepid reporter.
Much of what’s taught in MMA gyms
in America is Brazilian jiu-jitsu , a spe-
cific adaptation developed over the past
century that emphasizes ground fighting
and the ability to use leverage to defeat an
opponent who may be bigger and stron-
ger. The combat-based art traces its roots
back to Japan around 900 years ago to a
close-combat technique that combined a
variety of grappling approaches, includ-
ing throws, holds, traps, and joint locks.
For Jocko, it’s one big metaphor for life.
“Jiu-jitsu is a simple, straightforward,
practical representation of the Way,” he
says in a promotional video for the camp.
“It has offense. It has defense. It has flank-
ing. It has conservation of energy. It has
deception. You can use that for combat,
tactical situations. You can also use it in
business. You can use it in interactions
I
with other human beings.”
KN OW IT sounds like a cliché, but
on the second day, I woke up sore
in places I’d never felt before: the
muscles on the outsides of my hips,
the insides of my armpits, the area
where my groin meets my quads.
Jocko and Echo Charles, his cohost
on the podcast, taught the first white-belt
class of the day. Echo, who looks like he
could be an NFL linebacker, explained
the basic concepts of Brazilian jiu-jitsu as
people jotted down notes or took out their
smartphones to record.
“Jiu-jitsu is fighting,” he said in a calm
voice. “When I fight this guy, I want to win.
88 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
SCISSOR SWEEP
Jocko controls Michael’s arm with a
same-side grip and breaks his posture
with a collar grip. As Jocko slides his
knee across Michael’s belly, he pulls
him forward, disrupting his balance.
Michael can’t stop it.
The first goal of jiu-jitsu, if you’re fighting
a guy, is to bring him to the ground.”
Using Jocko as his hypothetical oppo-
nent, Echo went through the fundamen-
tal offensive positions once someone is on
the ground: “mount,” when you’re on top of
your opponent, straddling the torso; “side
mount,” when you’re perpendicular to
your opponent, pinning from the top and
side; and “take the back,” when you’re con-
trolling your opponent from behind (you
can fully control someone and that person
can’t even see you).
“If ‘mount’ is like the golden castle of
positions,” Echo said, “ ‘take the back’ is
the diamond room inside that castle.”
The white belts laughed. Jocko, still
seated on the mat, smiled and shook his
head. Part of his allure is that he gener-
ally remains ultraserious, so when he’s
imparting wisdom, it’s impossible to tell
if he’s also messing with you.
“I was going to tell you that human
beings are predatory animals,” Jocko
deadpanned. “That’s why we have eyes in
the front of our heads. That’s why we can
attack forward. That’s why our arms go
forward. Because we’re predatory animals
that are meant to stalk and kill.”
When we paired off, I drilled with Bed-
dingfield again. Jocko walked around the
mats with his tattered black belt resting
loosely at his waist. I was struggling with
“shrimping,” a basic escape maneuver, so
he got down and demonstrated it solo, as
though countering an invisible opponent.
After sparring, many of us seemed open
HIP TOSS TO ARM LOCK
From the standing position, Jocko
loads Michael on his hip for a judo
throw. Jocko maintains the arm grip as
Michael falls, then sits into a straight
arm lock. The only move that Michael
has left is to quickly tap out.
to new tests. During the day, some peo-
ple would meet behind the cafeteria and
plunge into ice baths to practice calming
breathing exercises. At night, various
campers sat on the docks to stare up at
the starry sky while performing Wim Hof
meditations, which to the untrained prac-
titioner (that would be me) looks a lot like
hyperventilating until you hallucinate.
During one break, Roberts and Jocko
offered campers a tour of the Origin fac-
tory, located in a sprawling warehouse
in nearby Farmington. Three years ago,
when Jocko first visited the mostly empty
building, he and Roberts shared a vision:
a fleet of factories paying fair wages across
the country, making gis, jeans, hoodies,
leather boots, and more.
So far there’s just one, but it’s running
at full throttle. One wall features a poster
of George Washington wearing an Ori-
gin gi while riding a massive rattlesnake.
Jocko’s plans to remake America don’t
end with manufacturing, either. One day
he’d like to open his own school of new
fundamentals, where students are taught
everything from literature and American
T
history to jiu-jitsu and car maintenance.
HE MORE I trained, the more I
realized that jiu-jitsu is a sort of
mental competition. More than a
few people compared it to chess.
The infinitely changing puzzle of
move and countermove is what
makes it so compelling. Jocko
agreed to demonstrate a few of his favorite
STEP OVER TO LEG LOCK
Jocko capitalizes on Michael’s poor
defense and steps over for a straight
leg lock. This uses Jocko’s body as the
fulcrum and Michael’s ankle as the end
of the lever. But the lock itself is the
extended immobilized leg.
moves after dinner one night. That’s how
I ended up in the field house, in front of a
small crowd, getting thrown all over.
He showed me a total of seven moves,
some more than once. We started with a
quick, powerful hip-bump sweep: Jocko
hooked my leg with his foot, then rolled
me from my knees onto my back in one
smooth, unstoppable motion. Then came
the scissor sweep, during which I could
feel his legs essentially flinging me over
onto the mat. It felt like jumping into the
middle of the teacup ride at Disney World.
Even when I knew what was coming, the
gym quickly turned into a giant blur. At
one point, I could see my own hand swing-
ing gracelessly through the air, extended
by centrifugal force as my entire body
spun sideways. The main thing I mastered
was how to tap out for mercy, but the small
group of campers was incredibly jealous of
O
my experience.
N T H E L A S T morning, Jocko
and Echo taught the white-belt
class again. The lesson covered
transitioning from a hip-bump
escape (shifting someone off
you with the power of your hips)
to a guillotine choke (using your
arms to encircle an opponent’s neck) to
an arm bar (a hold that hyperextends an
opponent’s elbow). This time I drilled with
Koltsov, the IT worker. Three days in, I
was slowly starting to understand some of
the physics involved. I could see the basic
elements of deception and strategy.
MOUNTED ARM LOCK
Jocko starts from a dominant mounted
position. As Michael pushes him away,
he exposes himself to a straight arm
lock. With a quick post on Michael’s
chest, Jocko can swing his legs around
and finish the arm lock.
Jocko took a moment to explain his
intense, enduring affi nity for jiu-jitsu to
the entire group. He said it’s full of chal-
lenges: injuries, humbling encounters,
moments of mental exhaustion, times
when it’d be easier to quit. Life, he pointed
out, is the same way. “You’re gonna have
ups and downs in your life. Things are
gonna go wrong. You’re gonna lose busi-
ness. You’re gonna lose jobs. You’re gonna
break up. What you do is you keep moving
forward. No matter what, you keep mov-
ing forward.” He concluded: “Jiu-jitsu is
representative of life. If you stay humble
and you stay on the Path, you will end up
achieving your goals. That will happen.”
When he talks, it’s easy to imagine men
following Jocko into battle. After dinner
that last night, everyone gathered in the
field house. We were allowed to ask Jocko,
or any of the other instructors, anything.
Most of the questions were questions about
life disguised as questions about martial
arts. One man asked Jocko how to make
time to train now that he’s married.
Jocko told him that life is about balance
but that he had to make it a priority. He
said he used to do jiu-jitsu with his wife—
until she got pregnant. The crowd laughed.
Jocko remained straight-faced as usual.
Beddingfield raised his hand and asked
Jocko how to get kids to love jiu-jitsu. Jocko
told the group that he’d made a mistake
trying to get his own children to love it.
He pushed them to compete against older,
bigger kids. He wanted them to learn from
losing. Ultimately, he said, it was too much
HELICOPTER ARM LOCK
Jocko places his feet on Michael’s hips,
pushing him into an airborne posi-
tion. Once his opponent is “floating,”
Jocko uses his feet to direct Michael
to the mat while pulling his arm into a
straight arm-lock submission.
and he had to back off and change the pri-
ority on the jiu-jitsu mats. “You’ve got to
make it fun,” he said.
Roberts opened up the floor to whoever
wanted to roll. Everyone got a chance to
grapple with the masters in order to learn
their own lessons about the craft. Then
suddenly it felt like, well, the last day of
camp. I said goodbye to Beddingfield and
Koltsov and the Nantzes. Several times
I was asked, “Did you catch the bug?” I’d
already started researching jiu-jitsu gyms
in my neighborhood.
Around midnight, most of the campers
had migrated across the campus, over to
the cafeteria for some late-night snacks.
Roberts eventually pulled out a bottle of
Pappy Van Winkle he’d bought at a char-
ity auction. There were toasts. After most
people went to bed, about ten of us headed
to the lake under the stars.
Roberts was there, as well as Jocko, even
though the time was quickly approaching
when he’d usually post his morning watch
photo. When Jocko fi nally left to catch a
flight, the rest of us stuck around, talking.
About jiu-jitsu, and its power to unite peo-
ple and shape lives. About life in general
and what we expect from ourselves. How
do you balance the professional and the
personal? How do you live in the moment
but stay prepared for an uncertain future?
As morning dawned, the next step at
least looked clear: more jiu-jitsu.
MICHAEL J. MOONEY also writes for GQ, The
Atlantic, and Texas Monthly.
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 89
 ANDRÉ, the Curious One

Sex, Hugs &

“Throbbing Boners”:

INSIDE A

NOLAN, the Idealist

BROM BOOK
JASON, the Founder

MIKE, the Skeptic

 ALEJANDRO, the Thrill Seeker

WHAT
HAPPENS
when you create a
real-life rah-rah

BROTHERHOOD
of men fully
committed to
reading LUSTY
fiction—and then
actually start
talking about it?

C LU B BY JASON ROGERS

SHAY, the Enthusiast

MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 91

 Inside a

BROMANCE
B O O K C LU B

“GUYS, FINALLY, A NIPPLE!”

sure up? It’s not just that nearly 39 million
copies of romance books were sold in
2019. Over the past half century, they’ve
become the urtext of countless date-night
TV shows and movies, too.
We all lean closer to our laptop screens, eager to hear My wife’s been messing up my Netflix
queue for years with films like The Kiss-
what Alejandro’s going to say next. The 36-year-old ing Booth and To All the Boys I’ve Loved
start-up founder is six-foot-four, with broad shoulders Before—both based on young-adult ro-
mance novels. Toss in subgenre cine-
and thick black hair cropped short into something matic hits like How to Be Single (chick
lit), The Fault in Our Stars (a YA “love
like a quarantine buzz cut. “WHY DID IT TAKE THIS story” even though the hero meets a bit-
LONG,” he asks, gripping a thick stack of pages in a ter end), Crazy Rich Asians (more chick
lit), and the Fifty Shades of Grey series
dog-eared paperback, “TO GET TO THE REAL SEX?” (erotica, erotica, and more erotica) and
you begin to understand the inestimable
grip this genre holds on our collective
The half dozen of us on the video call dynamics of male-female relationships perception of love. The first three Fifty
howl with laughter, our heads bobbing have changed. Shades novels are the top three best-
up and down in the Zoom gallery like Romance novels offer a different world- selling books of the past decade.
the teleconference version of an all-guy view. So what happens when you ask your One day last year I spotted something
Brady Bunch. After more than 30 min- friends to read about love and sex and then new from Romancelandia that didn’t stir
utes on the call, I finally sigh with relief actually talk about it with one another? I up those old feelings of angst. It was called
and take a deep swig of my IPA. Most of hoped the answer would be the creation The Bromance Book Club, the first of a
these guys hadn’t met before, and our of something fun and repeatable, a sort masculinity-themed series by Lyssa Kay
whole encounter was starting to feel more of sexual support group that deepened Adams. The cover showed an image of a
like a LinkedIn networking event than friendships and that I genuinely looked regular guy with a romance novel surrepti-
the strange but necessary beast I’d envi- forward to attending. To find out, I formed tiously poking out of the back pocket of his
sioned: a bunch of beer-swilling, mostly the first—and as far as I knew only—Ro- jeans. It’s about a Major League Baseball
straight dudes committed to exploring mance Book Club for Men. player who saves his marriage after join-
the steamy world of bodice-ripping novels Not everyone on the call seemed espe- ing a group of guys who read romance nov-
with the same intensity we give to discuss- cially excited about it from the start. “It els on the sly. It’s sort of like a Fight Club
ing politics or sports. actually gave me some body issues read- for romantic fiction (“The first rule of this
We’d represent the opposite of terri- ing about all these hard abs and stuff,” says book club: You don’t talk about book club,”
ble locker-room talk, using the books as Shay, a 37-year-old Israeli TV producer the description reads), and as bro-ey as the
a springboard to (hopefully) share more who just moved to the U. S. and lives with characters seemed with their fights, their
about what was bothering us in our own his American husband. “I kid you not, I bad jokes, and at least one guy’s incessant
lives. For me, it couldn’t have come at a bet- started working out more at home.” farting, they also shared vulnerable mo-
ter time. I’d noticed that when life stressed I used to feel the same way. For years ments that felt real. Like how it feels to
me out, I would often dodge my wife’s hugs I’d tried to ignore the novels my Italian choke back tears over something terrible,
and ignore her advice. Once, when she grandma devoured like spoonfuls of gnoc- only to be more ashamed that someone has
asked me what else I wanted to do in the chi. But every so often, when passing a seen you crying.
bedroom, I simply responded, “The nor- box of bargain books or a Walmart check- For a guy who spent years struggling
mal stuff,” in a way that made it seem as if out stand, I’d spot a man on a glossy cover with performance anxiet y and erec-
I didn’t care at all. whose hedonistic poise—something I tile dysfunction—something that still
Being too closed off was causing prob- completely lacked—commanded my at- causes occasional intimacy issues for me
lems in my marriage, and at least a couple tention. You know the kind I mean. Boun- today—that left one question: Why didn’t
of the friends I’d invited into this group tifully pectoraled and beautifully locked. a club like this actually exist, especially
had hinted at their own troubles. Part of Often leaning toward a swooning woman considering that more and more men are
the problem is that culturally our entire who luxuriates in the sweet nothings he’s reading romance novels? According to a
view of what makes men strong feels out- whispering in her ear. 2017 poll by NPD BookScan, men now ac-
dated. Men—at least all the ones I know— And I’d get this gnawing feeling in my count for 18 percent of romance readers.
seem emotionally illiterate, and we’re stomach. If these Herculean hulks were Another survey shows that in 2017 we con-
all struggling to connect with our part- the type of guy who whisked women off to stituted almost one third of all listeners
ners in a world where the fundamental fantasy land, how could I possibly mea- to erotic audiobooks.

92 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH

 So I called a bunch of different guys I
knew and formed a group of men, most
of us old enough to have life partners and
car payments but young enough to be sur-
prised by some of the complications of ro-
mantic commitments. In a meta move, I
decided that our all-male book club would
read about Adams’s all-male book club, in
which protagonist Gavin Scott harnesses
steamy lessons from the club’s assigned
reading and . . . again, it’s so meta, but you
get the point.
Couples IRL inevitably have some is-
sues. Perhaps you’re talking past each
other, or sex is going from weekly to
monthly, or you sense some simmering
resentment. Maybe you’re tired of feeling
like you’re alone in that. Maybe you wish
you’d gotten the invite.
T
RADITIONALLY, MEN and women
have both enjoyed sexual storytell-
ing, but with one big difference.
“Women want to feel the story and men
want to see it,” wrote an erotic author who
goes by “Average Don Juan” late last year.
That division went mainstream in 1972
as the romance industry took off, along-
side the Golden Age of Porn. This was
the same year the blockbuster romance
novel The Flame and the Flower, by Kath-
leen E. Woodiwiss, hit shelves and Deep
Throat arrived in movie theaters. Even
at more than 500 pages, the novel sold 2.3
million copies in its fi rst
four years of publication,
though it was also unapol-
YOUR
ogetically rapey, as were
many of its early bodice-
ripper counterparts.
ROMANCE
That changed with the
rise of feminism, and the
READING
books continue to evolve,
w ith today’s romance
novels often featuring
mutual respect between
partners. The Bromance
Book Club, for instance,
has passages that not only
LIST
Romance expert and
read as sexual how-tos but
also model healthy be- university librarian Steve
haviors, like prioritizing Ammidown offers five book
your partner (“You’re in recommendations for guys
charge . . . I surrender to new to the genre.
your pleasure,” goes one
line) and reaffirming consent (“If we’re
going too fast for you, we can take things
slower,” Gavin says. “You set the pace. I
promise I won’t push you”).
The book, like many these days, has an
approachable, non-Fabio cover and an ob-
viously manly subplot (baseball!), which
may partly explain how guys like me can
get pulled in. To qualify for the genre, a
book must meet two criteria: a central love
story and an emotionally satisfying end-
ing. These rules are so immutable that at
least one publisher’s website sounds like a
late-night infomercial: “All the romance
you’re looking for with an HEA/HFN. It’s
a promise!” (That’s “happy-ever-after/
happy-for-now.”)
Steve Ammidown, the manuscript ar-
chivist at Bowling Green State Univer-
sity’s Browne Popular Culture Library,
which holds the country’s preeminent ro-
mance collection, says the genre’s overall
popularity has allowed authors to build
brands that follow mainstream trends.
“Romance is its own entity, but contained
within are dozens of subgenres—detec-
tive, sci-fi, historical, just to name a few,”
he says. If you enjoy George R. R. Martin
but want even more heat, he recommends
Kresley Cole. If you prefer James Patter-
son, try Jayne Ann Krentz. (See “Your Ro-
mance Reading List,” below.)
In the several months after I discovered
Adams’s book, it inspired me to explore
these new worlds, and I devoured every-
1.
NAKED IN DEATH
(from the In Death series)
AUTHOR: J. D. Robb (Nora Roberts)
SUBGENRE: Futuristic suspense
romance
READS LIKE: Blade Runner meets
Law & Order
HEAT LEVEL:
thing from a romantic thriller set in North
Carolina (murder, mystery, and sex all
around) to an Amish romance in Pennsyl-
vania Dutch Country (Christmas, farm-
ing, and no sex to be found). When I began
texting friends about the book club, most
responded immediately. They seemed in-
terested, or at least curious.
I still had no idea how to run a reading
group, so I called author Nick Arvin, who
runs his own all-male (although far less
racy) book club. He suggested planning
a fun meeting by not planning too much.
“Ours is kind of a free-for-all,” he says.
That chaos supposedly serves a pur-
pose. “Talking about the books acts sort
of like a gateway drug,” he assures me. “It
gets the group comfortable talking about
their feelings about stuff that’s less per-
sonal, so that at some point you can take
that next step and make it more personal.”
T
HE FIRST meeting never quite rose
to the occasion. When the corona-
virus hit, we decided to move our
meetup online, which meant splitting the
full group of a dozen guys into two chapters
that met separately. To encourage sharing,
I made it clear that no last names would be
used in this story. But given the distance
and the fact that you can’t really cross-talk
on Zoom, idle chitchat about “throbbing
boners” immediately felt awkward and
ungainly, not at all what I’d had in mind.
2.
THE UNSUNG HERO
(from the Troubleshooters series)
AUTHOR: Suzanne Brockmann
SUBGENRE: Contemporary
SEAL/military romance
READS LIKE: The A-Team
meets 24
HEAT LEVEL:
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 93
 Inside a
BROMANCE
B O O K C LU B
As my friend Faisal, a 30-year-old
banker from Kuwait, unwittingly pre-
dicted just 20 minutes into that first ses-
sion, “I like the concept of the bromance
book club as a means for emotionally inept
men to come together, but I think we can
all honestly admit that men don’t neces-
sarily interact in that way.”
As the minutes pass during our second
group’s meeting, though, the chemistry is
different. Alejandro, for instance, is my
neighbor, and we see each other enough
that every interaction is already casual.
“This is actually my second romance
novel,” he tells the group. Later in the call,
he admits that his wife gave him a couple
and told him to pay attention to a few very
specific parts.
The knotted muscles in my neck finally
begin to relax. Maybe I just needed to get
my bromance sea legs, but the night has
started to feel different. Unstructured,
relaxed, fun. When was the last time one
of my friends told me about his fantasy
life? Let me think about that. Yeah, never.
“I had an issue with the fact that the
book equates success in the bedroom with
making the heroine come,” adds Nolan,
a 30-year-old e-commerce exec, who mo-
ments earlier joked about what it’s like
to hear a gravelly audiobook narrator de-
scribe the rigidity of a plunging cock.
“Why do you think that’s unhelpful?”
asks André, a 27-year-old former pro track
athlete now studying public policy.
3. 4.
HEROINE COMPLEX AN EXTRAORDINARY UNION
(from the Heroine Complex series) (from the Loyal League series)
AUTHOR: Sarah Kuhn AUTHOR: Alyssa Cole
SUBGENRE: Superhero romance SUBGENRE: Historical romance
READS LIKE: The Devil Wears (Civil War)
Prada meets Shazam! READS LIKE: Mr. & Mrs. Smith
HEAT LEVEL: meets Glory
HEAT LEVEL:
94 July • August 2020 / MEN’S HEALTH
“Because there are a lot of women that
can have intimate and vulnerable sex even
if they don’t climax,” Nolan says, “and for
that to be considered a failure feels like a
losing setup to begin with.” We all nod sup-
portively as the conversation rumbles on.
We’re getting closer to how Bromance
author Lyssa Kay Adams encouraged her
fictional guys to connect. Adams, who is
46, uses a pen name to ensure privacy. She
spent two decades as a journalist before
becoming a romance writer—her subge-
nre is “sports romance,” in part because
the sports world gave her a chance to chal-
lenge the value of “hypermasculine” jocks
in a way that could appeal both commer-
cially and emotionally to both sexes.
Bromance is Adams’s fourth book and
the first in a trilogy that features the book-
club members having to support one an-
other on various adventures. (The second
installment, Undercover Bromance, is al-
ready on store shelves.) It’s been optioned
by Netflix, but Adams never expected any-
one to form a similar group in real life. “If
you’re going to start one, that would make
my day,” she told me when I was still in the
early stages of planning my group. Weeks
later, she reported hearing of another
group forming among guys in Germany
and seemed thrilled to be maybe making
a difference in her readers’ lives.
“I think one of the saddest things that
we strip away from men and boys is the
ability to be emotionally available with
5.
THE WARLORD WANTS FOREVER
(from the Immortals After Dark series)
AUTHOR: Kresley Cole
SUBGENRE: Fantasy/paranormal
romance
READS LIKE: Game of Thrones
meets Buff y the Vampire Slayer
HEAT LEVEL:
their friends,” she says. “Once we start
seeing books and movies modeling new
kinds of masculinity and new modes of
communication between intimate part-
ners, it becomes less scary in real life.”
Back in our meeting, there’s a growing
debate over whether Gavin Scott is truly a
bad husband or needs to “grow a pair” and
stand up to his wife, Thea, who criticizes
him. The verdict: Team Thea. Gavin ar-
rived in the marriage with his own prob-
lems but never worked to correct them.
My friend Mike, a 38-year-old who man-
ages production on TV shows, has been
relatively quiet thus far. But from the gri-
mace on his face, it’s clear he’s been stew-
ing on a thought for some time. Finally he
says that the “machine lover” transforma-
tion that Gavin undergoes feels like the
adult version of what happens in a Disney
princess movie. Not all our hang-ups dis-
appear so easily. Or as the result of book-
club meetings.
“Personally, I don’t think the answer
that women are looking for is a guy who
goes all night,” Mike says. “Because with
this stuff, there’s one word that keeps com-
ing to mind. It’s fiction.”
W
HEN SOMEONE in the group
asks what I took away from the
book, I feel comfortable shar-
ing the truth. It fundamentally changed
the way my wife and I communicate in the
bedroom. “In the past I was
like a little mouse—you know,
my lips were zipped and I might
grunt a bit,” I say. “But the idea
of dirty talk was really, really
uncomfortable for me.”
I tell them how I spent
nearly a decade unwinding
my own performance issues.
After years of therapy and the
discovery of a hormone imbal-
ance, I finally edged my way
into recovery. But for a long
time, talking during sex felt
like something only confident
g uys did—yes, Fabio-t y pe
stuff—because my body so of-
ten failed to respond.
For that rea son, Gav in
Scott’s rugged good looks and
eight-pack abs might have ran-

kled some of us, even though he struggles
with a stutter and the inability to please
his wife. But if you’re annoyed with al-
phas, you’re also thinking about them all
wrong. “When it comes to romance novels,
the problem lies in mistaking the superfi-
cial aspects of the hero’s attractiveness
for what actually makes him this hero-
ine’s hero, which is how he behaves when
he screws things up, or gets called out, or
needs to apologize,” says Eric Selinger,
Ph.D., the (yes, male) executive editor of
the Journal of Popular Romance Studies.
I tell the guys how reading a scene in
which the hero learns to say to his wife, “I
love the way you taste” helped me change
my own behavior. I never wanted to say,
“I’m so hard!” only to find that, 30 seconds
later, I wasn’t. The porn I watched only
contributed to that problem because each
guy in those movies seemed to be talking
in a way that made him appear more pow-
erful and in charge of the whole experi-
ence. That wasn’t me, either.
But Gavin’s phrase was something I
could actually hear myself saying with a
straight face. After trying out a few hon-
est variations, I realized it wasn’t so much
about what I said but how I said it. Saying
“I really want to come, but I won’t” isn’t
macho or poetic, but my wife still grabbed
me tighter, raked her fingernails across
my back, and heightened the intimacy
between us because I wasn’t holding any-
thing back.
“So what does it taste like?” asks Shay,
circling back to Gavin Scott’s comment.
“Like, pineapple?”
“Not pineapple,” I say.
“I haven’t had the pineapple varietal, ei-
ther,” adds Nolan, who then mentions the
excitement he feels when he remembers
to tell his partner all the things he loves
about her.
In fact, the more romance I’ve read, the
more it has improved not just the quality
of sex I have with my wife but also the fre-
quency. I find that I’m treating my wife
differently in little in-between moments.
Touching her playfully as she scrambles
some eggs. As the day goes on, those mo-
ments stack on top of each other, so that by
the time we go to bed, being intimate just
feels like a natural extension of the day.
At one point, my gains and the gains
of the guys in the fictional fiction club
I REALIZED IT WASN’T SO
MUCH ABOUT WHAT I SAID
BUT HOWI SAID IT.
seemed to overlap. One of Adams’s Bro-
mance characters, who is Russian, tells
the group in broken English about how
reading romance novels showed him that
he “need to be better job of speaking her
language.” As an only child and introvert,
I’m much less reliant on physical touch.
But it’s the single most important thing to
make my wife feel seen. And these books
helped remind me that the moments when
I least wanted to give it to her were the ones
when she probably needed it most.
Other passages reinforced things I al-
ready knew but was glad to see refreshed.
Yes, the bedroom techniques were good
(He “worked two fingers in her. In and out.
In time with his tongue”), but so were the
parts about how most men struggle with
vulnerability (“We think we’re not sup-
posed to feel things and cry and express
ourselves”).
Social psychologist Justin Lehmiller,
Ph.D., a Kinsey Institute research fellow,
the author of the book Tell Me What You
Want, and an MH advisor, believes that
reading romance novels can potentially
contribute to men feeling more emotion-
ally and sexually fulfilled. Research from
York University shows that male and fe-
male college students who read fiction
(including romance) tended to view gen-
der roles less stereotypically, an openness
that might translate to the bedroom.
“I think the more outlets and options we
have for achieving sexual fulfillment, the
more flexible we are in terms of how we’re
able to gratify our needs,” Lehmiller says.
For every shirtless Fabio, there are an
increasing number of more approachable
archetypes, including a raft of new heroes
who are black, Afro-Latinx, or queer. “Now
more than ever, men are starting to see
characters who they might actually like to
be or personally relate to, instead of a ri-
diculous gendered stereotype,” says indie
author Nenia Campbell, who runs the coed
Unapologetic Romance Readers book club
on Goodreads.
After a couple of hours, I tell the guys in
our group that we should probably wrap
it up and ask who wants to do this whole
thing again. “Fuck it, let’s keep going,”
Alejandro says without hesitation. Nolan’s
in, too, and so is André.
“Yeah, the next one’s going to be spic-
ier,” I say before suggesting Beautiful
Stranger, which tells the fling-to-love
story of a finance whiz exploring exhibi-
tionism in New York City. “Lots of public
sex, so rest assured, plenty of nipple.”
Mike agrees, and so does Shay, except
Shay’s not done yet. “We didn’t talk about
the heroine’s sister,” he says. When he
jumps up from the computer to go turn off
a TV in the other room, it’s clear that he’s
gotten a little too comfortable. He’s been
streaming in his underwear, and the group
erupts at the sight of his black boxer briefs.
Two hours later and we’re all still
talking, one of us half naked, everyone
equally exposed.
JASON ROGERS is a former Olympian who
writes about modern masculinity.
MEN’S HEALTH / July • August 2020 95
METROGRADES

BE S T
L ONGE V I T Y

1. SAN JOSE, CA
2. OAKLAND, CA
3. SAN DIEGO, CA
4. HONOLULU, HI
5. SIOUX FALLS, SD
6. BURLINGTON, VT
7. SAN FRANCISCO, CA

THIS MONTH
8. AURORA, CO

America’s Longevity Hubs

9. BRIDGEPORT, CT
10. ANAHEIM, CA
There’s more to life than, well, living it. While “longevity” usually means the same thing
as “life span,” neither of those terms truly captures living life to its fullest. So we established
a set of criteria to measure just that. We included life expectancy (obviously) but also
well-being scores, access to healthy foods, and the percentage of residents with Alzhei- WOR S T
mer’s/dementia or depression. That means our analysis of the U. S. cities with the best—and L ONGE V I T Y
worst—longevity accounts for physical and mental health (doctors have called this “health
span”), as well as financial health. In short: HERE ARE THE CITIES WHERE PEOPLE
LIVE THE LONGEST AND HAVE A REALLY, REALLY GOOD TIME DOING IT. 91. LUBBOCK, TX
92. BATON ROUGE, LA
93. RICHMOND, VA
SAN JOSE SIOUX FALLS BURLINGTON
CALIFORNIA SOUTH DAKOTA VERMONT
94. MEMPHIS, TN

Maybe it’s all the biohacking Yup, Sioux Falls. The city This ski-slash-college town 95. PHILADELPHIA, PA
going on in Silicon Valley? rated high in our healthy- had the second-lowest
San Jose snagged the top food score, which consid- prevalence of Alzheimer’s and 96. LITTLE ROCK, AR
spot for life expectancy (84.6 ered access to quality food dementia. One possible factor:
years on average, compared
with Detroit’s 75.3), access to
as well as the ability to afford
it. (Living in a “food desert”
the University of Vermont Med-
ical Center’s Memory Program,
97. OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
healthy food, and well-being, is associated with a higher a clinic that evaluates, diag-
which included variables like risk of obesity and premature noses, and treats age-related 98. TULSA, OK
purpose, community, and a death.) Credit Sioux Falls’ memory disorders. Burling-
network of friends. Like, real
friends. A 2019 review found
seven area farmers markets,
one of which has been
tonians also ranked high for
their well-being and access
99. INDIANAPOLIS, IN
that when older adults spend running for more than 100 to healthy food, both of which
time with buddies, it contrib- years. An eighth, Dakota may help prevent age-related 100. DETROIT, MI
utes to health. Fresh, is online only. cognitive decline.
METHODOLOGY To determine our rankings, we
weighted the data from city- and state-level Gallup
To see where your city ranks, go to MensHealth.com/longevitycities. polling, the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services,
and county health assessments from the Robert Wood
Johnson Foundation and the University of Wisconsin
S T O P B Y N E X T M O N T H F O R A M E R I C A’ S H A P P I E S T C I T I E S . Population Health Institute.

Men’s Health (ISSN 1054-4836) Vol. 35, No. 6 is published 10 times per year, monthly except combined issues in January/February and July/August and when future combined issues are published that count as two issues as indicated
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