DCL Module2

Willow Creek Association UK & Ireland
in partnership with EQUIP and United Christian Broadcasters
DEVELOPING
COURAGEOUS
LEADERS
Module 2
Winning with People
Welcome to the Developing Courageous Leaders (DCL) programme.
This programme is designed to inspire and challenge you to grow in your leadership skills,
bringing together the best of training materials from EQUIP and Willow Creek Association
(WCA):
 EQUIP Million Leaders Mandate (MLM) Training presentations and notes

 WCA Conference presentations and process tools
 WCA Audio Training and Messages
Acknowledgements
Special thanks go to the partnership of EQUIP and United Christian Broadcasters (UCB) for
the provision of the first class MLM notes and video presentations. Together with the WCA
material they blend into a powerful resource tool from the combined experiences
of highly recognised Christian leaders.
I encourage you be a part of the leadership process, to learn it, to live it and pass it on to
others.
Graeme Paris
Executive Director
WCA UK & Ireland
2 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

DCL Meditation and Inspiration Media and Notes © Willow Creek Association
DCL Instruction Media and Notes © EQUIP Million Leaders Mandate Volume 2
About the Willow Creek Association
The Willow Creek Association (WCA) exists to maximize the life-transformation effectiveness
of local churches. It does this by stirring up and calling out the core leadership of churches
around the world, encouraging them to follow their “holy discontent” as they build life-
changing communities of faith. It then equips these leaders with next-step solutions to
impact spiritual transformation of their people, their communities, and the world.
Over the past 18 years, the WCA has developed a respected history of excellence and
innovation in serving local churches and their leaders. In that time, the WCA has inspired
and trained more than one million church leaders and has created and distributed millions
of church resources into tens of thousands of churches representing more than 90
denominations.
Visit: www.willowcreek.org.uk | www.willowcreek.com
Acknowledgements
Special thanks to Tom Atema, EQUIP, and Bill Partington, United Christian Broadcasters, for
their assistance and for the provision of the first class Million Leaders Mandate notes and
video presentations.
Visit: www.iequip.org | www.ucb.org.uk
Many thanks also to Chris Hollies of Leadership First, based in Belfast, for his passion
regarding leadership, and the help he has provided to the team at WCA UK & Ireland in
developing some of the process tools in this manual.
Visit: www.leadershipfirst.co.uk

Module 2 Contents
GETTING STARTED ..................................................................................................................................................................... 5
OPENING THOUGHT AND PRAYER ................................................................................................................................................. 7
LESSON 1: THE RIGHT TO HAVE FOLLOWERS .................................................................................................................. 8

2.1 GOD’S GREATEST DREAM ..................................................................................................................................................... 9
2.1 TWO COMMON WAYS LEADERS GAIN INFLUENCE WITH PEOPLE ................................................................................................ 12
2.1 GAINING THE RESPECT OF OTHERS ....................................................................................................................................... 13
2.1 BUILDING RESPECT IN YOUR LEADERSHIP ............................................................................................................................... 14
2.1 THE CAUSE: IT’S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE .................................................................................................................................... 22
LESSON 2: ARE WE PREPARED FOR RELATIONSHIPS? ................................................................................................... 26

2.2 FORGIVE OUR DEBTS ......................................................................................................................................................... 27
2.2 THE LENS PRINCIPLE .......................................................................................................................................................... 30
2.2 THE MIRROR PRINCIPLE ..................................................................................................................................................... 33
2.2 THE PAIN PRINCIPLE .......................................................................................................................................................... 35
2.2 THE HAMMER PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................... 37
2.2 THE ELEVATOR PRINCIPLE ................................................................................................................................................... 38
2.2 LEADERSHIP BY THE BOOK ................................................................................................................................................... 40
LESSON 3: ARE WE WILLING TO FOCUS ON OTHERS? ................................................................................................... 44

2.3 FULL POTENTIAL OF A SPIRIT-FILLED LIFE ............................................................................................................................... 45
2.3 THE BIG PICTURE PRINCIPLE ................................................................................................................................................ 48
2.3 THE EXCHANGE PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................. 50
2.3 THE LEARNING PRINCIPLE ................................................................................................................................................... 52
2.3 THE CHARISMA PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................. 53
2.3 THE NUMBER 10 PRINCIPLE ................................................................................................................................................ 54
2.3 THE CONFRONTATION PRINCIPLE ......................................................................................................................................... 56
2.3 RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE .................................................................................................................................................. 58
LESSON 4: CAN WE BUILD MUTUAL TRUST? ................................................................................................................ 62

2.4 LIFE-RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS .......................................................................................................................................... 63
2.4 THE BEDROCK PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................... 66
2.4 THE SITUATION PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................. 68
2.4 THE BOB* PRINCIPLE ......................................................................................................................................................... 70
2.4 THE APPROACHABILITY PRINCIPLE ........................................................................................................................................ 72
2.4 THE FOXHOLE PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................... 73
2.4 JESUS: UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL ......................................................................................................................................... 75
LESSON 5: ARE WE WILLING TO INVEST IN OTHERS? .................................................................................................... 80

2.5 LIVING WITH AN ATTITUDE OF COMMUNITY ............................................................................................................................ 81
2.5 THE GARDENING PRINCIPLE ................................................................................................................................................ 84
2.5 THE 101 PERCENT PRINCIPLE .............................................................................................................................................. 86
2.5 THE PATIENCE PRINCIPLE .................................................................................................................................................... 88
2.5 THE CELEBRATION PRINCIPLE............................................................................................................................................... 89
2.5 THE HIGH ROAD PRINCIPLE ................................................................................................................................................. 91
2.5 EMPOWERING THE LEADERS AROUND YOU ............................................................................................................................ 93
LESSON 6: CAN WE CREATE A WIN-WIN RELATIONSHIP? ............................................................................................. 98

2.6 LIVING EXCELLENT LIVES RELATIONALLY ................................................................................................................................. 99
2.6 THE BOOMERANG PRINCIPLE ............................................................................................................................................. 102
2.6 THE FRIENDSHIP PRINCIPLE ............................................................................................................................................... 104
2.6 THE PARTNERSHIP PRINCIPLE............................................................................................................................................. 106
2.6 THE SATISFACTION PRINCIPLE ............................................................................................................................................ 108
2.6 LEAVING A LEGACY .......................................................................................................................................................... 110
CLOSING THOUGHT AND PRAYER .............................................................................................................................................. 115

Getting Started
About the Course
The course is available ON DEMAND online, allowing you to study at your own pace.
This course contains six lessons containing 13 hours of video and audio training. Notes are
provided in this manual for you to follow along.
Space is provided for you to make your own notes.
Each lesson is made up of three sections:

 Meditation – to prepare the student in heart, mind and soul (Willow Creek Messages)
 Instruction – to train and equip the student (EQUIP Training)
 Inspiration – to envision the student (Willow Creek Conferences)
Finding Your Way to the Course Online

Access to the full course requires a WCA login. This is provided with your membership. If
you are unsure of your login, please call WCA on 023 8071 0295 or send an email to
info@willlowcreek.org.uk
1. The course is housed on the ‘Lead & Learn’ website.

http://www.willowcreekevents.org.uk/.
2. Login under ‘LOGIN STATUS’ at the top right of the page.
3. You will be automatically re-directed to the DCL main page.
4. You can select the relevant module under the heading ‘ACCESS THE PROGRAMME
BELOW’
5. Once inside your chosen module, select the lesson heading you require.

Symbols in the Manual
In your manual there are symbols provided to facilitate your study:
PLAY MEDIA (VIDEO OR AUDIO)
Online video session – watch the relevant section.
Video =
20 minutes
This is provided to help you plan your study time. The time given is the minimum
requirement for the video/audio. You should factor in extra time for personal/group study
and reflection.
DISCUSSION
Discussion questions are provided to enable you to process what you have seen, read or
heard. You will benefit by taking time to discuss these questions with others.
NOTES
Please take notes – this is your workbook and we believe you will benefit more by
‘personalising’ your development as a leader.
ASSESSMENT AND APPLICATION
The heart icon will be seen where time is provided for personal reflection and response.

Opening Thought and Prayer
The purpose of education is perhaps more about discovery than knowledge.
Lord, as I approach this material,

Help me to see myself as you see me,
Not as I want to be seen.

Lesson 1: The Right to Have Followers
Module 2
Winning with People

Meditation
2.1 God’s Greatest Dream
Message by John Ortberg
Audio =
32 minutes
PLAY AUDIO
John begins with Genesis 1 and 2 and identifies three main observations. First, God created
human beings to bask in His community and live in His love. Second, God created the
universe so that this community would have a wonderful place to live. Third, human beings
are the climax of God’s creation. People matter to God.
NOTES

NOTES

Read Genesis 1:1. John suggests that these words are among the most controversial words
ever written. Take a few moments to consider the incredible truth contained within these
words and offer your adoration to God.
John made three observations about God’s greatest dream:
1. ‘Why did God create anything in the first place?’ Reflect on this question. John suggests
that God’s aim in human history is the creation of an inclusive community of loving
persons with Himself at their centre. Is that your aim and ambition as a leader?
2. God wanted His community to have a wonderful place to live. Take some time, be it
now or on another occasion, to delight in what God has made. Maybe you might need
to put some time in your diary and go to a place within His creation to better enable
you to delight and worship Him.
3. The climax of creation is the creation of human beings. John suggests that we were
created to add value to what God has made through our work. In what ways are you
adding value to your family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, church etc?
Finish this time with thanksgiving to our creator God, whose dream was a loving community
of human beings on planet earth with Himself at the centre- what an incredible vision!

Instruction
“Conduct yourself with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of every opportunity. Let
your speech always be seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should
respond to each person.”
Colossians 4:6-7
2.1 Two Common Ways Leaders Gain Influence with People
This leadership notebook is all about relationships. The best leaders handle relationships
well and earn their right to be followed by others. They don’t assume people will
automatically submit to them. They demonstrate character, competence and chemistry with
others and people follow because they want to, not because they have to do so.
Video =
PLAY VIDEO 12 minutes
1. Positional Power – This is demonstrated when leaders use their title and position to get
others to follow. This is unhealthy leadership.
2. Personal Power – This is demonstrated when leaders exercise healthy relational skills to
earn their right to lead. This is healthy leadership.
When leaders possess “personal power” it simply means they refuse to rely on external
reasons to get people to do something. It is their presence, and more importantly, the
presence of the Holy Spirit inside of them, that wins the hearts of others and inspires them
to follow.
If you require a title for someone to listen to you, something isn’t healthy about your
leadership. Leaders should always offer more than a title or position to motivate people to
act. So, how do leaders do this?
DISCUSSION
 Can you think of examples of how people of influence motivate and mobilise others
without using a title?

2.1 Gaining the Respect of Others
Video =
18 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
The primary foundation for leadership involves trust and respect. The silent questions every
follower asks of a leader are:
1. Do I trust you?
2. Do I respect you?
However, even when people answer, “yes” to these two important questions, leaders must
understand the issue goes deeper. When leaders dig deeper, they may discover why more
people do not follow them.
1. When people respect you as a friend, they love you.

2. When people respect you as a person, they admire you.
3. When people respect you as a leader, they follow you.
Often a pastor will mistake the love that people show him on Sunday. They shake his hand
and tell him what a wonderful sermon he preached that day. However, when times are
tough and commitment is necessary to follow his vision, people may hesitate. Why? They
love him as a friend or admire him as a person, but they don’t respect him as a leader. They
don’t believe he can take them to the fulfilment of that vision. Consequently, they refuse to
commit themselves.
Reasons Why Many Leaders Haven’t Earned the Respect of People
1. They think their status or title guarantees respect.

2. They think that age or experience guarantees respect.
3. Their need to be accepted by others is greater than their need to be respected by them.
Before we venture any further into this notebook, let’s build a foundation of respect in our
leadership. Then, the relational skills we’ll discuss in future lessons will take on greater
meaning and value.

2.1 Building Respect in Your Leadership
PLAY VIDEO Video =

28 minutes
NOTE:
Pause the video
1. Respect Yourself and Others at each of the 7
points
It all begins with self-respect. Once you possess this, you have the capacity to Point 1 =
offer genuine respect to others. A famed psychologist wrote, “Don’t always try 14:35 minutes
to be popular. It isn’t possible for everyone to like you. It’s far more important
for you to like yourself. And when you respect yourself, strangely, you get more respect than
if you court it from others.” The price tag the world puts on us is just about identical to the
one we put on ourselves.
Respect for myself means…
 I understand who I am in Christ.

 I appreciate my talents and gifts God has given me.
 I usually do well with my work.
 I do not take every failure or criticism personally.
Respect for others means…
 I am careful not to hurt anyone’s self-respect or their sense of dignity.

 I am able to see each person as someone created and gifted by God.
 I can see past the faults of others and see their needs and their potential.
 I attempt to treat everyone I meet as though they are very important.
PAUSE VIDEO FOR DISCUSSION
 Do you generally show respect to others or fail to show respect to others? Why?
 Give some examples of how you show respect to others.

2. Exceed the Expectations of Others
Point 2 =
RESUME VIDEO (14:35) 2 minutes
Leaders are different than followers in that they expect more than others do. They lead the
way in putting forth effort and require their team to perform with excellence. They raise the
bar. They set standards. They are not willing to simply get by with an attitude that says,
“That’s good enough.” They push for improvement. This may upset some people initially,
but in the end, it causes others to respect the leader.
Jesus spoke of this when He taught His disciples to:
• Walk the extra mile.

• Give others your coat not just your shirt.
• Turn the other cheek if someone hits you.
How to exceed the expectation of others:
• Set high personal standards.

• Know the expectations of others.
• Fulfil those expectations and go further.
• Finish each task or project, and then ask, “What more could be done to surprise
everyone?”
• In what ways do you exceed the expectations of others as a leader?

3. Stand Firm on Your Convictions and Principles
Point 3 =
Strong convictions precede great actions. Leaders understand that if they submit to
pressure from peers, they move down to their level. If they stand up for their beliefs, they
invite others up to that level. If you move with the crowd, you’ll get no further than the
crowd. Leaders must know what’s right and take a stand.
Truths that Effective Leaders Know as They Lead People:
• You must learn to separate opinions from convictions.

• You cannot be an effective leader if you don’t know what you believe.
• You must model the way and lead by example to gain respect.
• Only if you are willing to die for something are you really fit to live.
• What are your top convictions?
• For what do you take a stand?

4. Possess a Maturity that’s Well Beyond Your Age and Experience
Point 4 =
2.5 minutes
RESUME VIDEO (18:05)
Let’s face it. One universal promoter of respect is when someone displays a maturity that far
exceeds their years and experience. When leaders display wisdom or initiative beyond their
age, they win the confidence and respect of people. Keep in mind there is such a thing as
“relative maturity.” This means young children can be mature for their age. For example, we
might say, “That boy is very mature for a five-year-old.” In this principle, we are talking
about leaders showing maturity beyond their age or level of experience.
Five Marks of Maturity:
1. Responsibility – Maturity doesn’t come with age; it comes with acceptance of

responsibility.
2. Confidence – Nothing convinces others like a confident spirit. People follow confident
people.
3. Consistency – People do what people see. They forget your sermons, but follow your
footsteps.
4. Character – A person who has the ability to make decisions based upon principles and
values.
5. Security – People look for security, and a secure leader provides a secure environment.
• What marks of maturity do you display? Which ones do you lack?

5. Experience Success in Your Career, Family and Personal Life
Point 5 =
John Maxwell’s oldest definition of success is, “When those who are closest to me love and
respect me the most.” Respect comes not only from results in your ministry, but it comes
when people see the other dimensions of your life and see a well-rounded success. Success
is hollow if you win at your job, but lose your family or your health.
To Gain Respect as a Leader, Success Must Be…
• In family, career and personal life.

• Noticed by others without the leader calling attention to it.
• Where are you the strongest and the weakest in the following areas: Personal Life /
Family Life / Career Success?

6. Contribute to the Success of Others
Point 6 =
1 minute
Leaders who gain respect are the ones who constantly add value to others. People follow
them because they believe they are better for doing so; they always benefit. Alan Loy
McGinnis said,
“There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being—to
help someone succeed.”
We add value to others when we truly value them.
• What do you do specifically that adds value to others?

7. Think Ahead of Others
Video =
3.5 minutes
Those who lose in life focus on what they are going through. Those who win, focus on what
they are going to. Leaders need to look ahead to the future and see a better tomorrow.
They are a source of hope for everyone.
Leaders Who Gain Respect:
• Think bigger than others do. They can see more.

• Think beyond what others do. They can see further.
• Think before others do. They can see beforehand.
DISCUSSION
• What prevents you from seeing ahead and thinking bigger?
In summary, this lesson has been about gaining personal influence with people. It’s about
earning your right to be followed, rather than demanding it because someone owes you
their submission. Good leaders should seldom have to demand that someone follow. Their
life demonstrates such competence, character and chemistry with others that people
respect them and want to follow.
Reviewing the seven characteristics of building respect as a leader:
1. Respect yourself and those who work with you.

2. Exceed the expectations of others.
3. Stand firm on your convictions and principles.
4. Possess a maturity well beyond your age and experience.
5. Experience success in your career, family and personal life.
6. Contribute to the success of others.
7. Think ahead of others.

Assessment:
From the above seven characteristics of a respected leader, which do you believe you do
naturally? In which ones do you need improvement?
Application:
Reflect and list one action step you can take to grow in your personal influence.

Inspiration
2.1 The Cause: It’s All About People
Conference Session by Bill Hybels
Video =
41 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Outline of Session
 Always in the mind

 Knowing the Father’s heart
 Understanding eternal realities
 Seeing the potential in people
NOTES

NOTES

DISCUSSION
1. Personal reflection: Write down one key insight that you can personally take away.
2. Bill stated that “It’s all about people, it’s all that matters.” To what extent do you agree
or disagree with that statement?
3. Bill emphasised that it was people who occupied the mind of Christ and he offered
three reasons as to why this might be. He then issued challenges for each. Give
consideration to these.
Reasons Challenge
1. Jesus knew His Father’s  Jesus demonstrated a radical inclusivity. Describe

heart better than what would happen if we as individuals, leaders
anyone ever had. and churches became increasingly inclusive?
 Do you share the Father’s heart in this regard?
2. Jesus understood  Bill stressed that the longer that we walk with God
eternal realities better and get to know His heart, the clearer we should
than anyone else ever be getting about impending eternal realities. Is
did. that your experience?
 How might we ‘get off mission’ in our leading of
others? What can we do to avoid those pitfalls?
3. Jesus saw the potential  Jesus demonstrated an irrepressible optimism for

in people better than people, because of the power of God. How would
anyone else ever did. you ‘rate’ your levels of optimism, or faith, both
personally and corporately as a leader in a local
church? How might you seek to increase these?

4. Bill says that you can tell a lot about a person by what is occupying their thoughts.
 Take a moment to reflect personally – what occupies the larger percentage of your
thoughts these days? Where would people ‘rank’ in your thinking?
 Why not finish this session with prayer suited to your response. If you are working with
others, share your honest responses and pray for each other, and ask that God would
enlarge your heart for people.

Lesson 2: Are We Prepared for
Relationships?
Module 2
Winning with People

Meditation
2.2 Forgive Our Debts
Audio =
43 minutes
PLAY AUDIO
The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 18 forces its listeners to deal with three striking
questions concerning the king and his servants. Jesus says that the king lent his servant
10,000 talents. In Jesus’ day, Rome only collected 600 talents in taxes from Judea and
Samaria each year, making 10,000 talents comparable to something like a zillion dollars in
today’s currency! There is no other way to account for such a gift outside of the king’s
staggering generosity. A slave that would squander a zillion dollar loan without provision for
his day of reckoning must have been a character of unbelievable folly and selfishness. So,
how could this king of provision also be the king of settling accounts? He was surely a king
who was committed to justice and proper bookkeeping. The parable is a metaphor for our
relationship with the true King in Heaven. His provisions are even more generous than the
king’s in the story, and just like the servant, we have squandered what He has given to us.
There will be a time when our sins will need to be accounted for, so we pray, “Forgive our
debts as we forgive our debtors,” in the Lord’s Prayer. And God has promised to forgive us
our sins through the blood of Jesus Christ, so why would we not extend that same grace to
others?
NOTES

NOTES

Read the passage that John expounded – Matthew 18:23-35. Take a few moments to reflect
and ponder for yourself both the significance and personal application from this. Use the
following questions to help direct your thoughts and to listen to what God has to say to you
through His Word.
 Do you extend grace to others, in your thoughts, words and deeds, or have you got
used to living in a culture of unforgiveness?
 Are you clear as to what Jesus is saying in this passage to those who have been shown
grace?
 Do you understand grace? When it is given to you, how do you respond?
 You are the biggest debtor you know, so withholding grace from another is unthinkable
in God’s Kingdom. Who are your debtors and who needs your forgiveness? Don’t wait,
but act on whom God has brought to mind.
Finally take a moment to give thanks to your Heavenly Father, for we owe everything to
grace, which has come from Him.

Instruction
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in
your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’;
and look, a plank is in your own eye?”
Matthew 7:3-4
As faith-based leaders who desire to lead in a way that pleases God, we cannot separate
healthy leadership from healthy relationships. Relationships are the currency of God’s
Kingdom. In this notebook, (Winning With People) you will study several “people principles”
that have helped leaders connect with people over the centuries. We believe they are
timeless and universal. Beginning in this lesson, we will study biblical examples of each
principle.
Let’s begin with the “Readiness Question,” Are we prepared for relationships? Many
Christian leaders catch a vision and jump immediately into fulfilling that vision, without
considering how to profile it for others. They fail to spend time and energy on how to enlist
other people in the vision. Consequently, many leaders diminish their results, failing to
include others by failing to use good people skills. Let’s examine these principles.
2.2 The Lens Principle:

Who We Are Determines How We See Others.
Video =
9 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
This is where the relationship journey begins. Leaders must understand that their
perspective on people is determined by who they are themselves. More than any other
factor, predisposition toward others impacts how they turn out as people and how our
relationship will be with them.
A traveller nearing a city asked an old man seated by the road, “What are people like in this
city?” The old man replied, “What were they like where you came from?” “Horrible,” the
traveller reported. “They were mean, untrustworthy, and detestable in all respects.” The old
man just smiled and said, “Ah, you will find them the same in the city ahead.”
Soon after, another traveller stopped to inquire about the people in the city. Again the old
man asked him about the people where he was from. “They were honest, industrious, and
friendly,” came the reply. The old man responded, “That’s exactly how you’ll find the people
here.”

The old man was very wise. He knew that the way people see others is a
reflection of themselves.
• If I am a trusting person, I will see others as trustworthy.

• If I am a critical person, I will see others as critical.
• If I am a caring person, I will see others as compassionate.
Biblical Case Study: Nabal and Abigail (I Samuel 25:1-42)
As David and his men prepared to pass through Nabal’s property, David sent a few men
ahead to ask Nabal if he could spare anything, such as food, wool or drinks. This was a fair
question. David was known as the protector of the land, the one who had defeated Goliath
and the Philistines, and was anointed by Samuel as the future king. Despite all this, Nabal
refused. Although he was a wealthy man, he refused to give them anything and insulted
them as he sent them away. Why did he treat a man like David this way?
Nabal’s Failure:
Nabal may have had no idea what he was really doing. His self-awareness was low. He was
so caught up in his own little world; his leadership skills were almost non-existent. Look at
his symptoms:
1. He grew wealthy and satisfied; he didn’t think he needed to build relationships (v.2).
2. He became selfish and distrustful of others (v.3).
3. He neither gave nor received encouragement; he was numb to good attitudes (v.6).
4. He forgot how others had blessed him in the past; he only counted losses (v.7-8).
5. He belittled people and forgot their names; his insecurity prevented generosity (v.10).
6. He saw no reason to help others; he suffered from self-centred motives (v.11).
7. He was only interested in building his own “kingdom”—not God’s Kingdom (v.11).
Abigail’s Success:
Nabal’s wife, Abigail, heard about this mistreatment, and she knew David would retaliate.
She approached relationships completely opposite to her husband. She ran toward David
and won him over, so that he didn’t react to Nabal’s foolishness. David left in peace. Abigail
displayed these characteristics:
1. Risky initiative
2. Emotional security
3. Genuine humility
4. Personal responsibility
5. Selfless attitude
6. Generous spirit
7. Forthright approach
8. Quick wit
9. Eternal perspective
10. Kind affirmation

DISCUSSION
• Are you a negative or positive person?
• What is your perception of others?

2.2 The Mirror Principle:
The First Person We Must Examine Is Ourselves.
Video =
8 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Coping with difficult people is always a problem, especially if the difficult person happens to
be you. When leaders fail to practice the “Mirror Principle,” they sabotage their own work
and don’t even know it. Before healthy leaders decide to act, they take a hard look at their
own life. They take care of their blind spots and character flaws, knowing that people will
reflect their leadership. This is simply “self leadership.”
Biblical Case Study: David (II Samuel 11-12)
Many consider King David as the greatest king in the history of Israel. Jesus was even called
“the Son of David.” However, David failed to practice the “Mirror Principle” (2 Samuel 11).
Neglect became sin, which multiplied into more sin, affecting Bathsheba and Uriah. Adultery
led to deception, which led to the murder of Uriah. Sadly, David still was blind to his need
for repentance. David required someone from his inner-circle, the prophet Nathan, to
confront him and lead him out of his mess (2 Samuel 12). By watching David’s failure (2
Samuel 11) we notice five common abuses of power that leaders face today:
• Drifting away from those disciplines we still demand in others (v.1).

• Believing that others owe us, we shamelessly use them (v.2-3).
• Attempting to fix things up rather than make things right (v.6).
• Refusing to accept the fact we could be blindly out of God’s will (v.11).
• Believing that people in our way are expendable (v.14).
The Mirror Test
People who are unaware of who they are and what they do, often damage relationships.
Consider the following truths that every leader must understand:
1. The first person I must know is myself (self-awareness).

2. The first person I must get along with is myself (self-image).
3. The first person to cause me problems is myself (self-honesty).
4. The first person I must improve is myself (self-improvement).
5. The first person that can make a difference is myself (self-responsibility).
6. The first person I must lead is myself (self-leadership).

The Apostle Paul wrote, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on
someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself,
because you who pass judgment do the same things” (Romans 2:1)
DISCUSSION
• Have I examined myself and taken responsibility for who I am?

2.2 The Pain Principle:
Hurting People Hurt People and Are Easily Hurt by Them.
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7 minutes
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This is one of the most important principles leaders must understand. It doesn’t take a
psychiatrist to see that many people are hurting today. So many people are lonely. They are
damaged emotionally or physically, they are needy, and they are crying out to fill the
vacuums they feel inside of them. Leaders understand that often when people attack or
criticise them, they are really displaying their own hurt. Like a wild animal backed into a
corner, they lash out in fear and anger over their own pain. Unfortunately, leaders are the
ones who often get blamed for this pain since they are the ones responsible for the
organisation.
Consider these four truths:
• There are many hurting people.

• Those hurting people often hurt people.
• Those hurting people are often hurt by people.
• Those hurting people often hurt themselves.
Biblical Case Study: King Saul (1 Samuel 18:6-29)
King Saul recognised David as a mighty warrior, a valuable team member, an obedient
servant, a favoured man and an effective leader. He also saw David as a potential successor
and threat. Things didn’t get better when Saul heard the Israelite women comparing the two
and David was seen as superior. Saul’s insecurity and fear drove him to turn against David.
He lost sight of what was best for the country. Notice Saul’s symptoms:
• Suspicion (v.9)
• Attempted murder (v.11)
• Fear (v.12)
• Insecurity (v.15-16)
• Conspiracy (v.13, 17)
Dealing with Hurting People
1. Don’t take it personally: Be gracious.

2. Look beyond the person for the problem: Be insightful.
3. Look behind the situation: Be thoughtful.
4. Do not add to their hurt: Be proactive.
5. Help them find help: Be helpful.

DISCUSSION
• Have I been hurt by someone?
• Do I understand the hurt behind their action?

2.2 The Hammer Principle:
Never Use a Hammer to Swat a Fly Off of Someone’s Head.
Video =
8 minutes
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One of the easiest traps for a leader to fall into is to exaggerate a situation. Because we are
human, we can get caught up emotionally in our problems and overreact to them. You
might call this swatting a fly with a hammer. Leaders must work hard to respond to
situations and people with the appropriate emotion and resolve. Leaders who are steady,
wise and objective win the trust of others. In fact, leaders who practice this steady
behaviour have a calming effect on followers. When leaders fail to practice this, they forfeit
some of their influence. This is exactly what happened to King Rehoboam in the Old
Testament.
Biblical Case Study: Four Examples of People in the Bible unnecessarily using “hammers” -
overreacting!
• Joseph’s brothers in leaving him in a pit to die (Genesis 38:20-27)

• King David sent Uriah to the battlefront to die (II Samuel 11:14-27)
• Herod the King executing infant males (Matthew 2:1-18)
• Pilate executing an innocent defendant, Jesus (Matthew 27:11-26)
In order to respond with wisdom, try practicing the following principles:
• Total Picture – Don’t jump to conclusions, but listen to gain a big picture perspective.
• Timing – When you act may be as important as taking the right action.
• Tone – People often respond to our attitudes more than our words.
• Temperature – Make sure the problem and the reaction match.
DISCUSSION
• Would others say you overreact to small issues in your organisation?

2.2 The Elevator Principle:
We Can Lift People Up or Take Them Down in Relationships.
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11 minutes
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In every relationship we have, we are either adding value or consuming value. We are
preoccupied with giving to others or receiving from others. For the leader, it is imperative
that we add value to others. We must be consumed with giving and lifting others up. A
noted psychologist said, “The world is starving for appreciation. It is hungry for compliments.
But somebody must start the ball rolling by speaking first.” This is the job of the leader. Lift
others up. Believe the best about them. Encourage and empower them.
Biblical Case Study: Jonah and the People of Nineveh (Jonah 4:1-11)
Jonah is a classic failure in this principle. While he did preach repentance to the people of
Nineveh, he didn’t do it from his heart. When God forgave their sin and didn’t punish them,
Jonah got angry. He wanted justice not mercy. He had no intention of making his ministry to
Nineveh redemptive. When God told Jonah to minister to the people in that city, he turned
and ran in the other direction. Jonah teaches us the consequences of refusing to encourage
and serve others because of being consumed with one’s own personal agenda. (Jonah 1):
• We miss the privilege of partnership with God (v.1-3).

• Our choice damages more people than we know (v.4).
• We become hardened and desensitised to the tragedies we cause (v.5-8).
• We lose both integrity and trust (v.9-10).
Taking Others to a Higher Level
Leaders who take others to a higher level have some common characteristics:
• Leaders who lift others commit themselves to daily encouragement.

• Leaders who lift others know the small difference that separates hurting from helping.
• Leaders who lift others understand that life is not a rehearsal. It all matters.
DISCUSSION
• Would others say that you lift them up or take them down?

Assessment:
Evaluate yourself: Are you weak in any of these five preparation areas? Which ones are your
strongest and weakest areas?
Application:
After reviewing the area where you most need to grow, list an action step or two that you
could take to improve in this area.

Inspiration
2.2 Leadership by the Book
Conference Session by Ken Blanchard
Video =
52 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Outline of Session
 Your focus as a leader

 Jesus as a leader
 The four domains of leading like Jesus:
1. Heart
2. Head
3. Hands
4. Habits
NOTES

NOTES

DISCUSSION
2. Ken asked, “What are you focusing on as a leader and what are you getting others to
focus on?” Take a few moments to personally and honestly reflect on this. Then discuss
with others your response.
3. Ken explained that Jesus’ leadership is one of servanthood. Read Matthew 20:25 -28. In
the light of this passage, what does Jesus’ words, “not so with you” mean to you and
your leading of others?
Consider the diagram below, where would you put yourself on the line at this time? If it
is wealth, power and status, then you are more likely to be on the left-hand side of the
scale. If it is generosity with your time, talent and treasure, your serving of others and
your depth of loving relationships, then you are more to the right hand-side.

4. Ken listed four particular domains to help us consider how we might develop as servant
leaders. For each of the four how would you rate your current situation as a leader on
a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is the best possible state and 1 is the exact opposite?
For each of the four scales answer the following:
 If you are not at 1, what got you to where you are currently on the scales?
 Where would you like to be on each of the scales (be realistic) and what does that
look like for you?
 What is the next step on each scale and describe what that may look like for you?
What can you do to achieve that?
5. In considering leadership models, have you fully examined Jesus? If not, how might you
further study Christ as your role model for leadership?

Lesson 3: Are We Willing to Focus on Others?
Module 2
Winning with People

Meditation
2.3 Full Potential of a Spirit-Filled Life
Audio =
38 minutes
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Jesus was born as a human being and underwent all the trials and triumphs a human would.
But Jesus had something else: He had the Holy Spirit indwelling in Him. In fact, the secret to
Jesus’ power in His life and ministry is that He lived in utter reliance on a partnership with
the Holy Spirit. Every moment of His life, Jesus’ partnership with the Spirit anointed Him.
But the Spirit’s work didn’t end with Jesus. After Jesus was resurrected, the Holy Spirit was
sent to earth again, but this time to anoint us, the believers in Jesus Christ. It is the same
Spirit that anointed the Apostles on the day of Pentecost that can anoint us if we allow Him.
NOTES

NOTES

John asked a question that requires some thinking… ‘What is the potential of a human life
when lived in full submission to the guidance and empowering of the Holy Spirit?’ Make a
few ‘bullet points’ on paper that define what you believe such a life may look like.
John quoted Bill Hybels, when he said that the difference between spirituality and carnality
is about five seconds. Reflect on some of those moments in your own life when you have
been acutely aware of this choice. Is there something now, that you know that when
presented with that ‘five second window’, you choose the lesser path? Ask God for His
guidance and empowerment and pray that simple prayer, ‘Spirit give me wisdom’ when
faced with such choices in the future.
Finish by thanking God that you do have a mission from Him….and that you can be an
‘experiment’ to find out what a life may look like fully submitted to Him.

Instruction
“Therefore, however you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the
prophets.”
Matthew 7:12
All human beings have a desire to connect with other people. It doesn’t matter how young
or old, introverted or extroverted, rich or poor, learned or uneducated they happen to be.
We are social creatures, designed for relationships. Our motivation may be love or
loneliness, the need for acceptance, or the need for fulfilment.
It may simply be the desire to succeed. Whatever the reason, we are all motivated to
experience life in community, not in isolation. This requires us to connect with others.
So how do we do it? How does a leader connect with other people? The simple answer is to
stop thinking about ourselves and our own agenda and begin focusing on others. This is why
the “connection question” is so important. In order to increase your ability to connect with
people, we will examine six people principles that answer the connection question: “Are we
willing to focus on others?”
2.3 The Big Picture Principle:

The Entire Population—With One Small Exception—Is Made Up of Others.
Video =
Albert Einstein said, “A person first starts to live when he can live outside of himself.” Most
people, including leaders, have a difficult time living outside of their own little world.
Christian leaders can hide behind the excuse that they are “doing God’s work” so it must be
more important than anything else. Unfortunately, this can be a disguise for selfishness. The
fact is we are concerned about it because it is what WE are doing at the moment. In order to
break out of that mould, leaders must collect three tools:
 Perspective – The ability to see the big picture, beyond your own self-interests.
 Maturity – The stable condition that comes with experience, wisdom and selflessness.
 Responsibility – The willingness to steward the well-being of a person, task or group.

Biblical Case Study: Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonian Empire (Daniel 4:1-37)
A classic illustration of a leader who failed to practice this principle is King Nebuchadnezzar
of Babylon. After his armies captured the citizens of Israel, this king selected the best young
Israelite men and began pressuring them to submit to whatever he wanted. In fact, the
entire Babylonian population became arrogant and presumptuous. They ruled that portion
of the world for many years. King Nebuchadnezzar proved himself to be one of the most
arrogant leaders in history. God had to deal with him in a most unusual way: God drove him
from his position and into the wilderness to live like an animal. He remained there until he
fully recognised God as the supreme ruler of the world. He had to learn submission,
relinquish control and become teachable. By Daniel 4:36-37, King Nebuchadnezzar was a
different leader. Note how he developed a big picture perspective:
• Grateful Words – He expressed appreciation and blessing for God’s grace and mercy.
• Teachable Perspective – He acknowledged he didn’t know it all and listened to others.
• Humble Heart – He expressed humility regarding his own importance and power.
DISCUSSION
• Do I have a hard time putting others first?

2.3 The Exchange Principle:
Instead of Putting Others in Their Place, We Must Put Ourselves in Their Place.
Video =
Success can bring many things: power, privilege, fame and wealth. Sadly, as many leaders
rise in their position, they become forgetful of the place they came from. As we travel the
world, our EQUIP team has observed that many leaders abuse those under them.
Leadership becomes a power trip. Often the greater the poverty in a country the greater the
abuse. This is not the biblical model for leadership.
Jesus, the Ultimate Leader, was born in a stable. He never felt He was too important to
serve the poor or disabled. In fact, He often ate meals with the lowest people of society.
Although He is the Perfect Leader, His goal was not to put people in their place, reminding
them of how imperfect they were. It was quite the opposite. He put Himself in their place.
He walked where they walked, interacted in their everyday language and suffered what they
suffered (Hebrews 4:15). Why do leaders today fail to practice this? It’s simple. We naturally
do not see ourselves and others from the same perspective. And, when we fail to see things
from the perspective of others, we fail in our relationships.
Biblical Case Study: Abigail and David’s Army (I Samuel 25:18-35)
We’ve already noticed in our last session that Nabal and his wife Abigail handled
relationships in a completely different fashion. Notice how Abigail chose to respond to
David and his army, after Nabal offended David and endangered his entire family. She
possessed a leader’s perspective:
• A Leader’s Head: She understood people. Abigail knew how to appeal to David in order
to accomplish her goal.
• A Leader’s Heart: She loved people. Abigail assumed the role of a servant, submitting
to both David and her husband.
• A Leader’s Hand: She helped people. Abigail gave David and his men what they needed.
She added value to them, saving her own life.

How to Practice the Exchange Principle:
1. Leave “your place” and visit “their place” in order to see their viewpoint. The best way
to keep from stepping on people’s toes is to put yourself in their shoes.
2. Check your attitude. When you don’t want to change, you look for differences in others;
when you’re willing to change, you look for similarities.
3. Ask others what they would do in your situation. The key with this principle is empathy.
Sometimes it’s best to simply ask others what they think.
DISCUSSION
• Do I work to see things from other people’s point of view?

2.3 The Learning Principle:
Each Person We Meet Has the Potential to Teach Us Something.
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6 minutes
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Effective leaders never stop growing. Whether we continue learning or not has less to do
with who is teaching us and more to do with how teachable we are. We can learn from
anyone, good or bad. The fact is we can learn things in unlikely places and from unlikely
people. However, only a teachable spirit will allow us to capitalise on this reality.
Biblical Case Study: Naaman and His Servant (II Kings 5:1-14)
Naaman was a great military leader during his day. He had won the respect of his king.
Sadly, he suffered from the dreaded disease of leprosy. When he learned about the prophet
Elisha, he decided to go and inquire of him to see if he could heal him. He was disappointed
when he arrived. Rather than an impressive meeting with the prophet, Naaman received
instructions from a household servant. He struggled with his pride. He had faulty
expectations. He wasn’t teachable. Much like many leaders today…
• He wanted a quick fix.

• He expected special treatment.
• He held certain assumptions about a solution.
• He grew angry about perceived unfair treatment.
• He rejected the solution at first.
How to Learn From Others
It took another servant to convince Naaman to follow the instructions to wash in the Jordan
River. When he did, he was completely healed. It pays to become teachable. Here are some
suggestions for leaders today:
• Value people.
• Identify People’s Uniqueness and strengths.
• Ask questions.
DISCUSSION
• Do I approach people with the desire to learn from them?

2.3 The Charisma Principle:
People Are Interested in the Person Who Is Interested in Them.
It has been said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other
people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” The idea is
simple. If you want to connect with others, focus on them, not on yourself. This is what
charisma is about. This simple phrase should be a guide to all leaders: People don’t care how
much you know until they know how much you care. This requires listening, outward focus,
an inquiring mind and a desire to help people see how they add value to others.
Video =
Biblical Case Study: Jonathan (I Samuel 18:1-4; 20:1-42)
Jonathan and David’s relationship in I Samuel is a vivid example of this kind of focus.
Jonathan loved David as much as he loved himself (I Samuel 18:1). Jonathan was a partner
to David, helping him to become king. Notice these characteristics that Jonathan possessed;
they enabled him to connect with David:
1. Jonathan was available and dependable: He made time for David’s needs (I Samuel
18:1-4). He was a person David could count on at any time (I Samuel 18:5-17).
2. Jonathan was vulnerable and responsible: He took risks in order to protect and ensure
David’s future (I Samuel 18:18-33). He was committed to do what was right, even if it
hurt him (I Samuel 18:34-42).
How to Build Your Charisma
• Become genuinely interested in other people.

• Smile often.
• Remember that a person’s name is important to them.
• Be a good listener.
• Sincerely make the other person feel important.
DISCUSSION
• Do I usually focus on others and their interests or my own?

2.3 The Number 10 Principle:
Believing the Best in People Usually Brings the Best Out of People.
Video =
7 minutes
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People generally respond to the expectations they sense a leader has of them. In other
words, they will live up to or down to the expectations they believe a leader has of them.
This is why we must believe the best about everyone we lead. Leaders should put an
imaginary number “10” on everyone’s forehead. All people have potential and can become
the person God intended them to be. It often takes a leader, however, to bring out the best
in those people. Let’s look at a biblical case study of this truth.
Biblical Case Study: Barnabas and John Mark (Acts 15:36-39; 2 Timothy 4:11)
Barnabas was such a leader in the New Testament. His name means: Son of Encouragement.
He gave his money, his time, his encouragement and his belief to others even when those
people showed little signs of great potential. For instance, John Mark was a young man who
travelled with Paul and Barnabas on a mission trip. Due to fear and immaturity, John Mark
quit and returned home. Paul refused to take him on another trip. He didn’t want to give
this man a second chance. Barnabas, however, saw potential and took John Mark under his
wing until he flourished. Years later, Paul was in prison and realised the value of John Mark
and even asked for him to be sent to the prison to help him (2 Timothy 4:11).
How was Barnabas able to do this?
• He saw potential that others didn’t see.

• He extended grace when others felt none was deserved.
• He found opportunities for people to experience results and success.
Truths about the Number 10 Principle:
• Our disappointment in a few people should not stop us from believing in people.
• A trusting heart is emotionally healthy. Don’t become a distrustful leader.
• We behave in light of our beliefs. Cultivate a healthy faith and optimism in others.

“Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already
was what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
DISCUSSION
• Do I believe the best about others?

2.3 The Confrontation Principle:
Caring for People Must Precede Confronting People.
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9 minutes
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Conflict and confrontation are part of the territory of leadership. Unfortunately, no one likes
this part. Consequently, many leaders choose one of two poor reactions. One extreme is
they flee from any sign of confrontation. They want to be liked so much; they cannot bear
confronting someone and potentially making them angry. The other extreme is that leaders
can become so resentful themselves at a person or situation that they eventually erupt, and
the confrontation is neither healthy nor redemptive. Leaders must understand that conflict
is neutral and inevitable. It can be a positive experience if love precedes the confrontation.
Biblical Case Study: Nathan and David (2 Samuel 12)
We learn from the prophet Nathan as he confronted King David after his sin with Bathsheba:
• Nathan had been listening to God (v.1).

• Nathan knew David’s circumstances (v.1-6).
• Nathan was objective in his perspective (v.7-8).
• Nathan understood the root issues (v.9-12).
• Nathan saw the ultimate cause and effect of David’s sin (v.14).
A Roadmap for Healthy Confrontation:
• Confront a person with care for that person.

• First seek understanding, not necessarily agreement.
• Agree on an action plan.
DISCUSSION
• Do I care enough to confront the right way?

Assessment:
Which of these connection principles do you practice best? Which one is your weakest?
Application:
List a step you should take to improve in connecting with others.

Inspiration
2.3 Relational Intelligence
Conference Session by John Ortberg
Video =
39 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Outline of Session
 Reading the signs

 Five important signs:
1. Please listen
2. Involve me
3. Some assembly required
4. Out of focus
5. Inspire me
NOTES

NOTES

DISCUSSION
2. John suggests that the number one reason why a leader may fail is due to a lack of
emotional intelligence. How do you respond to this statement? Do you agree or
disagree?
3. John explained five signs that followers are sending leaders all the time. These are
shown below. Against each one some relevant points are listed. Consider these and
discuss together with others in your group as to how you might help each other to
improve your relational intelligence.
The Sign Key points
1. Please listen  Stop talking.

 Listen to words and hearts.
 Listen to the Holy Spirit.
 Take time to listen.
 Don’t give direct report leadership to more people
than you can listen to really well.
2. Involve me  Everybody wants to be involved.

 People tend to drift toward passivity if you let
them.
 Keep reminding people that their involvement is
significant and necessary.
 Ownership is emotional, so engage with people at
an emotional level.
3. Some assembly required  Every leadership team comes with this label and it
is never easy.
 Effective leaders become experts at reading the
presence of unresolved conflict in a team.
 Constantly monitor the relational temperature of
the team.
 Give time to build community.

The Sign Key points
4. Out of focus  People drift and lose clarity about the core values
and their prime contribution.
 Signs of drift: stagnation; busy but not productive;
values slippage; complaining.
 Good leaders develop appropriate accountability
re the use of time.
5. Inspire me  The human spirit wants to be inspired,

encouraged and motivated.
 People have become discouraged by the pressures
of life and have forgotten their dreams.
 Something better is coming!

Lesson 4: Can We Build Mutual Trust?
Module 2
Winning with People

Meditation
2.4 Life-Restoring Relationships
Audio =
32 minutes
PLAY AUDIO
Relationships can either be energising or draining. Nothing breathes life into us or depletes
us like our interactions with other people. We have to take advantage of those life-giving
people and make relationships with them a priority. We need them to help shape our soul
and form our character. But how do we deal with those “life-draining” people? The Bible
mentions three ways to do so: have patience with them, let go of the need to change them
and do not judge them. See them as how God sees us, accept them as how God accepts us,
and bear with them as how God bears with us. He may transform a draining relationship
into an energising relationship.
NOTES

NOTES

Difficult people - Consider for a few moments those people who you might consider life-
draining. Use the parameters John shared to help, as follows:
 Such people tend to make you feel less energised after being with them.
 They generate within you an increased level of self-criticism.
 You experience anxiety or become irritated when you hear their voice.
 You may hold imaginary conversations with them, when they are not there, about the
things you would like to say to them.
 You may go out of your way to avoid them.
If you can identify anyone in your life at the moment that has any of the above affects on
you, ask God to grant you patience and that He would change you (as opposed to them) and
that He would help you see beyond the 'difficulty factor' and learn to see them more as a
person.
Life- giving people - Take up John's challenge to identify such people in your life and to
make your relationship with them a priority. To help identify them, consider the following
criteria that John shared:
 You look forward to being with them.

 You feel free to be yourself when with them.
 Merely by being with them, makes you want to change and to honour God.
 You sense an increased level of energy after being with them.
Why not, after identifying who these people might be in your life, let them know? Consider
writing to them and letting them know the positive impact they make upon your life.
How might you maximise your relationship with such people?
Finally give thanks to God for them.

Instruction
“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars
of a castle…A man of many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than
a brother.”
Proverbs 18:19, 24
Why do many relationships fail? Some marriages that begin with great passion and hope
come to a bitter end. Likewise, friendships that people hope will last a lifetime can still falter
and die. Ministries that begin with promise can fade, and successful business partnerships
can come to a disastrous termination. Why? The reasons for such breakdowns are many,
but the cause that outweighs them all is broken trust.
Remember: relationships are the currency of God’s Kingdom. If we fail at these, we fail
spiritually (I John 4:20). The people principles we will examine in this lesson all answer the
question: “Can we build mutual trust?”
2.4 The Bedrock Principle:

Trust Is the Foundation of Any Relationship.
Video =
12 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
This principle is where the relationship journey begins with people. Leadership operates on
the basis of trust. Without trust, you may have employees, but you don’t really have
followers. Whether they know it or not, people ask these trust questions of their leader: Do
I trust you? Are you trustworthy? Can we build mutual trust?
Three Truths about Trust:
1. Trust begins with myself. If you are not honest with yourself, you will not be capable of
honesty with others. Self-deception is the enemy of relationships. Become a trusting
and trustworthy person, and it will impact others.
2. Trust cannot be compartmentalised. If you cannot trust a person at all points, you
cannot trust them at any point. There is no such thing as business ethics. We are either
ethical people or we are not; we can’t be ethical in one place and not in another.

3. Trust works like a bank account. We must keep making deposits if we
want the account to grow. As leaders earn trust, it is like having “change in their
pockets.” This helps a leader when adversity comes. People innately trust them.
Biblical Case Study: Samson (Judges 13:1-16:31)
Samson is a heartbreaking example of a leader who failed to follow “The Bedrock Principle.”
Samson could have been one of Israel’s greatest leaders, but when all was said and done, he
turned out to be one of the worst. In terms of his relationship with God and the leadership
of his people, look at Samson’s life and you see a pattern of negative behaviour that spells
trouble. Like Samson, leaders who are eroding the ground of trustworthiness in
relationships and leadership will usually show one or more of the following traits:
1. Failure to deal with character weaknesses.

2. Uses deception to try to protect himself.
3. Uncontrolled temper.
DISCUSSION
 Are any of these signs of trouble present in your life?
 What corrective measures will you take?

2.4 The Situation Principle:
Rarely Let the Situation Mean More than the Relationship.
Video =
11 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Leaders must determine what’s most important to them. Sadly, many leaders ignore the
high value of people and relationships. They choose to focus on projects over people.
Sometimes they will prioritise results at the expense of relationships. Effective leaders don’t
make this mistake. They recognise that people are their most appreciable asset when they
are loved and developed. Successful leaders don’t allow the situation at any moment to
become more important than the relationship. (To clarify, there are some rare exceptions to
this rule as in an abusive marriage relationship). As a rule, the question for all of us is: when
tough times come, what will be more important to us: the situation or the person?
The Key Rule to Follow: Determine to always try to first value people more than situations.
How Can I Keep The Situation in Proper Perspective in Tough Times?
1. Do I see the big picture or just the bad picture? In tough times, remind yourself of why
that relationship is so important in the first place
2. Do I communicate the big picture along with the bad one? Our temptation is to focus on
a disappointing situation rather than remembering the value of a person.
3. Is this a onetime situation or a frequently repeated one? A recurring, damaging

situation will require both parties in a relationship to commit to improvement.
4. Do I make too many situations a life or death issue? Leaders must choose their battles.
How often do you get tense or upset?
5. Do I show my unconditional love during difficult situations? There is no time when a

person needs grace more than in a failure or a difficult situation.

Biblical Case Study: Paul and Philemon (Philemon 1:1-25)
The story is about a slave, Onesimus, who escaped from Philemon. Paul led Onesimus to
Christ and desired to have Onesimus remain with him. However, Paul decided that his
relationship with Philemon was so important that he should not keep Onesimus with him
without the consent of Philemon. Paul honoured his friendship with Onesimus without
violating his relationship with Philemon. Paul believed that Philemon would receive
Onesimus, not as a slave, but as a beloved brother. His actions were motivated by love for
both men. Christian love works like this:
1. Seeks the welfare of others (v.10-11).

2. Deals honestly with others (v.12-14).
3. Bears the burdens of others (v.18).
4. Believes the best of others (v.21).
DISCUSSION
 Do you allow the circumstances of life to cause you to place relationships at a lower
priority than they should be?
 Do you allow the pressures of life to cause you to neglect relationships with your
family?

2.4 The Bob* Principle:
When Bob Has a Problem with Everyone, Bob Is Usually the Problem.
*Note: When teaching this lesson, use a name common to that particular culture.
Video =
12 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
This is a relationship truth that was discovered years ago. Consider this example: If Bob has
problems with Paul, and Bob has problems with Elizabeth, and Bob has problems with John,
and Bob has problems with Sam, then Bob is usually the problem!
Sometimes the reason a person has so many issues with others is because they are the
problem, not the others. Yet, these problem people seldom blame themselves for the
problems they face. They always seem to look outward, fixing the blame on someone else.
Consequently, problems just seem to follow these people around.
How Do You Recognise a “Bob?”
1. Bob is a problem carrier. Like a contagious disease, these people carry a “virus” that
magnetically attracts negative situations.
2. Bob is a problem finder. It takes talent to fix problems; not to find them. Bob has eyes
to see them everywhere.
3. Bob is a problem creator. These people seem to generate problems wherever they go.
4. Bob is a problem receiver. Other people seem to know that Bob is a safe place to
gossip, complain and insult others.
Biblical Case Study: Herod and the People of Israel (Acts 12:1-23)
King Herod is a good example of a bad leader. He was driven by his ego, just as his
grandfather and father were. Herod was the surname of a family of Jewish rulers who
served under the Roman Empire. Herod the Great is the one who had the babies killed after
Jesus was born. Herod Antipas is the one who had John the Baptist beheaded. Acts 12 refers
to Herod Agrippa I, the grandson of Herod the Great. (Herod Agrippa II is the king Paul spoke
to in Acts 25-26.) In this chapter, problems follow Herod around everywhere he goes.
You could almost create a résumé on him, giving examples of what not to do as a leader
from this chapter:
1. He mistreated his own citizens, executing innocent people (v.1-2). He unjustly ordered
Jewish believers arrested in order to harass them. He had James executed.
2. He made decisions based on popularity (v.3).When he saw it pleased the Jews to kill
James, he had Peter arrested too.

3. He acted irrationally in difficult times (v.19). He was reactionary and went
to extremes when things went sour. He killed 16 guards.
4. He harboured anger toward others (v.20). He remained angry toward outside ethnic
groups and looked for ways to get even.
5. He sought power out of insecurity (v.20). He enjoyed controlling others, and he
especially loved people being at his mercy.
6. He projected an infallible image (v.21-22). He was plastic. He loved wearing his royal
garb and being worshiped by people.
7. He was blinded by his ego, and it later killed him (v.23). He lived in an unreal world, and
he couldn’t see how his ego sabotaged his leadership.
How to Respond to a “Bob”
1. Respond with a positive comment: Don’t join Bob in his negative view. See the bright
side.
2. Show your concern for someone being criticised: Don’t judge their motives or heart.
Express belief in them as a person.
3. Ask Bob to think before he speaks: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
4. Encourage steps to a resolution: When Bob criticises, persuade him to talk to the
person, not about them.
5. Keep Bob away from others: When possible, prevent Bob from exposure to people;
isolate the problem.
DISCUSSION
 Am I a “Bob?” If so, what do I need to do to change? If not, how do I treat “Bob” in my

organisation?

2.4 The Approachability Principle:
Being at Ease with Ourselves Helps Others Be at Ease with Us.
Video =
7 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
There is no greater relationship gift we can give to others than putting them at ease. Good
leaders are secure and don’t project an “untouchable” image. Even a leader who is famous
can be authentic and approachable.
Here are some important questions: Can the people closest to you talk to you about nearly
anything? Do those who don’t know you feel at ease approaching you? When was the last
time someone brought you bad news? What was your reaction?
Biblical Case Study: Rebekah and Abraham’s Servant (Genesis 24:1-66)
Abraham instructed his oldest servant to find a wife for Isaac. The servant travelled to
Mesopotamia as Abraham had instructed him. The servant made his camels kneel down
outside the city by a well of water at evening time. He waited for the women of the city to
come draw water, and he prayed for a favourable response when he asked a young woman
for a drink. When he, a total stranger, approached Rebekah and asked for a drink of water,
she responded with kindness and generosity. How easy it would have been for Rebekah to
ignore the stranger’s request for a drink. She certainly could have given him a quick drink
and continued on her way. But she engaged him in conversation and went the extra mile to
provide water for a group of thirsty camels. As a result of her approachability, her life
changed in ways she could not imagine. As Isaac’s wife, she would become a part of the
lineage of the Messiah.
DISCUSSION
 Are you approachable?
 Do your associates feel free to bring you bad news, to disagree with your point of view,
to question you about something you did wrong?
 Are you prone to moodiness?

2.4 The Foxhole Principle:
When Preparing for Battle, Dig a Foxhole Big Enough for a Friend.
Video =
7 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
We face many battles in life, and the “foxholes” we inhabit come in many shapes and sizes:
our home, the organisation we work in, our communities where we live, a sports team or a
fellowship group. These are places where we develop close relationships with others. When
life gets tough, we have companions who face those times with us. Recent research
demonstrates why this is important:
*Foxholes Without Friends Are Unhealthy:
1. If you isolate yourself from others, you are two to three times more likely to die an
early death.
2. If you isolate yourself from others, you are more likely to contract terminal cancer.
3. If you are isolated, you significantly increase your chances of emotional stress and
depression.
*Statistics from California Department of Mental Health
Facts about Foxhole Friends:
1. Few in number.
2. Provide strength before and during a battle.
3. See things from the same perspective.
4. Make a difference in our lives.
5. Love us unconditionally.
Biblical Case Study: Paul and Barnabas (Acts 9:26-27)
When Saul (later to be known as Paul) arrived in Jerusalem after his conversion, the disciples
were afraid of him and refused to accept him as a disciple. However, Barnabas befriended
him and became his advocate before the disciples. Barnabas was willing to take a risk by
standing shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart with Paul, the same man who had stood by
and approved the stoning of Stephen. Because the apostles had utmost confidence in the
integrity of Barnabas, they decided to take a chance on Paul. Barnabas was a foxhole friend
because:
1. He believed in Paul before anyone else did.

2. He endorsed Paul’s leadership to other leaders.
3. He helped Paul reach his full potential.

DISCUSSION
 Am I a friend that others depend on during difficult times?
 Have I been “in the foxhole” with a friend, colleague or family member?
Assessment:
Based on these five principles, do you foster or diminish trust in your relationships?
Application:
What is one relationship in which you need to build trust? What will you do to strengthen
that trust?

Inspiration
2.4 Jesus: Up Close and Personal
Video =
47 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Outline of Session
 Jesus – a remarkable leader

 Leadership characteristics and Jesus
NOTES

NOTES

DISCUSSION
2. Bill went through a number of books that have influenced him regarding leadership and
suggested that Jesus has fulfilled every key characteristic of leadership. What did you
think of Bill’s approach in considering Jesus as the most remarkable leader that ever
lived?
Which ‘book’ (point) resonated the most with you and why?
3. Consider a leadership book you have read. Share with the others a key concept from
this book and as to how Jesus may have demonstrated this in His life.
4. A table has been produced below, listing ten of the titles that Bill mentioned, together
with a key concept presented in each book concerning leadership. Discuss together
examples from the life of Jesus that embody these concepts. Then consider on a scale
of 1 to 10, where 10 is the best possible state and 1 the exact opposite, where you are
personally in regard to each aspect of leadership under discussion. What could you do
to progress to the next step for each?

Title of book Key leadership Life of Jesus Your own current rating
characteristic from 1 – 10 and your
next step
On Becoming a Leader Visionary
The Wisdom of Teams Team builder
The Motivating Team Leader Motivator
Leading Change Change manager
The Power of Strategic Thinking Strategist
Jack – Straight from the Gut Mentor
The Thing in the Bushes Deals with all issues
The Paradox of Success Balanced in the light of

success
Loving God Lover of God and people
Servant Leadership Servant of others
Good to Great Humble

5. Bill completed this session with a challenge, to not only honour Jesus as the ultimate
leader, but in light of this, to suggest that we ought therefore to want to be like Him.
To what extent do you want to be like Jesus in relation to your leadership?
What one step could you take to pursue that ambition?

Lesson 5: Are We Willing to Invest in Others?
Module 2
Winning with People

Meditation
2.5 Living with an Attitude of Community
Video =
38 minutes
PLAY AUDIO
You can choose one of the two ways to go through life. You can choose to embrace people
and live in community with an open heart or you can choose to exclude God and people and
do life on your own. Living for yourself is a one-way ticket to loneliness, misery, and
embitterment. However, when you live with others, you learn to serve and celebrate with a
loving heart. Accept people as flawed human beings. Choose to build people up instead of
entering into competition and comparison with them. Share your time and resources with
others and discipline yourself to pay attention to them.
NOTES

NOTES
John said that you are not here by yourself, because there are many who have touched you
throughout your life and helped to shape the way you are today. Take a few moments to be
still and ask God to bring to mind those who have had a positive touch on your life. Perhaps
note down their names on paper and give thanks to God for these people.
John unpacked four particular points, and asked whether we choose to embrace or exclude
people. For each of these four points consider to what extent you are a community builder.
1. Do we choose to accept people or do we choose to judge?
2. Do we choose to enter into competition with people or do we choose to build people

up?

3. Do we choose to share what we have or do we choose to withhold it?
4. Do we choose to look, listen and pay attention to people or do we choose to ignore?
After having reflected on these ask that God's Spirit will search your heart to reveal areas
where He wishes to grow within you a larger heart for community. What actions do you
need to take today as a result of what God has shown you?

Instruction
“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds…
Let us encourage one another.”
Hebrews 10:24-25
In the previous three lessons we have focused on three key questions:
1. Are we prepared for relationships?

2. Are we willing to focus on others?
3. Can we build mutual trust?
When we have learned to faithfully practice the “people principles” related to the above
questions, we will have laid the foundation for strong and meaningful relationships.
However, if we stop here, we will miss the best part of relationships. This brings us to a
vitally important investment question: Are we willing to invest in others?
So many people invest in things that will fade away. So what can you invest in that will last?
People! When it comes right down to it, is there anything else that really matters in this
world compared to people? Once you’ve gotten to know people, learn to invest in them.
The best relationships are always the result of unselfish giving. The following five people
principles offer insights on some of the most important ways we can invest in relationships.
2.5 The Gardening Principle:

All Relationships Need Cultivation.
Video =
For a garden to grow and flourish, it takes time, care and cultivation. If a garden is
neglected, it will soon wither and die. Relationships are the same way: cultivate a
relationship and it will grow; neglect a relationship and it will die. Whether it’s as a spouse,
parent, friend or leader, you can cultivate a healthy, growing relationship by focusing on
these ideas:
1. Commitment – The foundation of a relationship is trust, and trust is fostered by a

mutual commitment to the relationship.
2. Communication – Often a relationship will begin with easy communication, deepen

with difficult communication, and will be sustained with intentional communication.

3. Concern for the well-being of the other person – Strive to put the other
person’s desires before your own.
4. Build memories together – Shared experiences bring lasting connection between

people.
5. Experience growth together – Growing together helps keep a relationship fresh and
strong.
Biblical Case Study: Moses and Joshua (Exodus 17, 24 and Numbers 27)
Moses and his assistant, Joshua, enjoyed a long relationship. For four decades, in good times
and bad, their relationship became ever stronger. Moses invested faithfully in Joshua.
1. He gave Joshua encouragement. When Moses commanded Joshua to choose some

men and fight the Amalekites, he stood on a hill with the rod of God in his hand,
supporting the fighting army (Exodus 17:8-13).
2. He gave Joshua his time. Moses continually invested in Joshua over the years.
3. Moses gave Joshua opportunities for growth. When he went to the mountain to meet
with God, he took Joshua with him (Exodus 24:12-13).
4. Moses gave Joshua his loyalty. He set up Joshua to succeed by inaugurating him in front
of the Israelites (Numbers 27:12-23).
DISCUSSION
 How are you investing in the most significant relationships in your life?

2.5 The 101 Percent Principle:
Find the 1 Percent We Agree On and Give It 100 Percent of Our Effort.
Video =
7 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Sometimes building relationships can be difficult. How do you connect with people when
you seem to have nothing in common with them? Most people have many things in
common. Occasionally, we encounter someone who seems different in every way, but even
the most diverse people can find a commonality. Once they find it, they need to focus 100
percent of their effort on this point of agreement. The greater the differences, the more
important it is to focus on what they agree on, and the greater the effort they need to give
it. The benefits are numerous.
1. You build a foundation for a relationship.

2. You prevent unnecessary conflict.
3. You prevent making an enemy.
4. You make the best of a difficult situation.
5. You gain a potential friend.
Biblical Case Study: Peter Defends God’s Inclusion of Gentiles (Acts 10:1-11:24)
Some of the leaders of the early church felt that God’s redemptive grace was for Jews only.
The disagreement was strong and there was potential for a major church split when the
leaders received word that Peter had shared the Gospel with Cornelius and other Gentiles.
Upon Peter’s return to Jerusalem after his ministry to the Gentiles, there was a major
confrontation. Peter focused on the one issue on which he and all the leaders agreed: the
ministry of the Holy Spirit in the life of a genuine believer. He declared: “The Holy Spirit fell
upon them, as upon us at the beginning” (Acts 11:15). The leaders replied, “Then God has
also granted to the Gentiles repentance to life” (Acts 11:18). The process that was followed
is outlined as such:
1. Conflict (Acts11:2-3)
2. Common ground (Acts 11:15-17).
3. Continued relationship (Acts 11:18).
4. Growing loyalty (Acts 11:20-24).

DISCUSSION
 Think of an important relationship in your life that really needs major improvement.
Upon what one thing can you and the other person agree?
 How can you use that common ground as a springboard for improving the relationship?

2.5 The Patience Principle:
The Journey with Others Is Slower than the Journey Alone.
Video =
4 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Relationships require connection with people and patience with people. The desire of every
leader should be to connect with people and to take them with him or her on a growth
journey to reach their maximum potential. This will require a great deal of patience. Just
about everyone would agree that patience is a good quality. We admire it and desire it.
Those of us who need it most are least inclined to cultivate it; however, here are some steps
you can take to become a more patient person in relationships:
1. Understand that it takes time and energy to build a strong relationship.

2. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Be sensitive to how they feel.
3. Remember that everyone has problems.
4. Acknowledge your own imperfections.
5. Never forget that all relationships have their difficult moments.
Biblical Case Study: Joshua and the Israelites (Joshua 1:10-8:35)
After the death of Moses, the Lord instructed Joshua to lead the Israelites across the Jordan
and into the land of promise. If Joshua had entered the Promised Land alone, the trip could
have been completed very quickly. But Joshua was responsible for taking a host of people
with him into the Promised Land. The “Patience Principle” was practiced repeatedly:
1. Clear instructions had to be given (Joshua 1:10-12).

2. Time was needed for preparation (Joshua 1:11).
3. Joshua waited for everyone to cross the river (Joshua 3:17).
4. Israel’s defeat at Ai was a major setback (Joshua 7:6-7).
DISCUSSION
 How can you change your attitude or actions to make you less impatient and better
able to stay connected with others?

2.5 The Celebration Principle:
The True Test of Relationships Is Not Only How Loyal We Are
When Friends Fail, But How Thrilled We Are When They Succeed.
Video =
6 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
This principle is sometimes difficult to understand. It seems strange that friends would stick
with us in our failures, but abandon us if we are more successful than they are. There is
powerful truth in this statement from John Maxwell: “Average people do not want others to
go beyond average.” Mediocrity desires company. It wants no one to succeed greatly!
When your friends enjoy great success, can you rejoice and celebrate with them? Do you
pray daily for their success? This may well be the greatest relationship test of a leader. How
do you learn to celebrate with others who enjoy great success instead of ignoring or even
undermining them? Here are some principles to remember:
1. The joy of an accomplishment is diminished when no one celebrates with you. Add joy
by celebrating with others.
2. People can readily identify with failure, but they sometimes have a hard time
connecting with success. If they don’t identify with success, they may resent it.
3. What hinders people from success often keeps them from celebrating others’ success.
People’s weaknesses, such as emotional insecurity, a scarcity mind-set or petty
jealousy, prevent them from rejoicing with others.
4. People who celebrate with you become lifelong friends. There is no friend like a friend
who will remain loyal when you surpass his level of success.
Biblical Case Study: King Saul and David (1 Samuel 18: 5-16)
The army of Israel under King Saul cowered in fear of the giant, Goliath. No one, not even
the king, would fight Goliath. Up stepped David, the shepherd boy. He courageously, in the
name of the Lord God, destroyed the giant! When the army of Israel saw that Goliath was
dead, they pursued the Philistines and won a great battle. As Saul and David were returning
home from the tremendous victory over the Philistines, the women of the city came out to
welcome King Saul. The women danced and sang, saying, “Saul has slain his thousands, and
David his ten thousands.” The Bible records that Saul became very angry because of the
words of the women. He was enraged with jealousy.

Saul failed to understand the following key leadership principles:
1. My success can only be achieved with others.

2. My weaknesses can only be strengthened by others.
3. My influence can only be compounded through others.
4. My legacy can only be left for others.
DISCUSSION
 Do you have trouble celebrating the success of others?
 Can you identify reasons why you hesitate to celebrate the success of others?
 What would you like to start doing differently to help others celebrate?

2.5 The High Road Principle:
We Go to a Higher Level When We Treat Others Better than They Treat Us.
Video =
4 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
There are three roads we can travel in dealing with others. We can take…
• The low road – where we treat others worse than they treat us.
• The middle road – where we treat others the same as they treat us.
• The high road – where we treat others better than they treat us.
The low road damages relationships and alienates others from us. The middle road may not
drive people from us, but it won’t attract them to us either; it is reactive rather that
proactive and allows others to set the agenda for our lives. The high road helps to create
positive relationships and attracts others to us; it sets a positive agenda with others that
even negative people find difficult to undermine.
The high road is always the road less travelled. It requires thinking and acting in ways that
are not natural or common. Those who take the high road become instruments of grace to
others. High road people have several things in common.
Those who take the high road…
1. Understand that what happens to me is not as important as what happens within me.
They refuse to let others control their actions.
2. Commit themselves to travel the high road at all times. They do not allow circumstances
to dictate their actions.
3. Extend grace to others. They see their own imperfections and their need for grace and
understanding.
4. Refuse to see themselves as victims. They choose to serve others.
BECAUSE THE HIGH ROAD IS UPHILL, NO ONE TRAVELS IT BY ACCIDENT.
Biblical Case Study: David and Saul (1 Samuel 24:1-22)
When we examined the “Celebration Principle,” we observed that Saul refused to celebrate
David’s success. Not only did Saul become very angry, he soon began a campaign to take
David’s life. Saul lived in relentless pursuit of David. I Samuel 24 describes an occasion when
Saul is trying to destroy David. The Bible explains that Saul enters a cave where David and
his men are hiding. King Saul becomes an easy target. This is David’s opportunity to return
evil for evil, but David practices the “High Road Principle”. He treats Saul better than Saul
has been treating him.

1. David has an opportunity to choose the low road (v.3).
2. David encounters pressure to travel the low road (v.4).
3. David is tempted to travel the low road (v.4).
4. David rejects the low road (v.7).
5. David declares that he will always follow the high road. (v.12, 22)
DISCUSSION
• Why is it difficult to take the high road with someone who is taking the low road with
you?
• What does holding a desire for revenge do to a person emotionally, physically and
spiritually?
• Do you agree that taking the high road brings out the very best in you?
Assessment:
Review the five people principles related to the investment question. In which of these
principles are you the weakest?
Application:
As you think about the principle with which you struggle the most, what are steps you can
take to more effectively practice this principle?

Inspiration
2.5 Empowering the Leaders Around You
Conference Session by John Maxwell
Video =
37 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Outline of Session
 Belief in people
 Three essentials of leadership
 E.M.P.O.W.E.R.
NOTES

NOTES

DISCUSSION
2. John stated that you can’t empower people without a belief in them. He said he puts a
10 on everyone’s head he meets. Who are you currently believing in and who believes
in you?
3. Raising up leaders is one of the three vital signs of a church. How is your church doing
currently at raising up leaders? Discuss where you are being deliberate at doing this.
How might you improve upon this – what is the next step?

4. John used the word E.M.P.O.W.E.R. as a means of alliteration. For the first letter ‘E’ he
discussed evaluating the people around you and perhaps more importantly, yourself.
To help self-evaluate John listed 10 questions, reproduced below. Work through this list
individually, using the scaling method, where 10 represents a response of ‘ I always do
this’ and 1 represents ‘I never do this’.
Empowering other: A Self-evaluation Your rating

from 1 – 10
1. Do I believe in people and believe they are an organisation’s most

appreciable asset?
2. Do I feel that team leadership can accomplish more than

individual leadership?
3. Do I pray for potential leaders and quickly assimilate them into my

organisation?
4. Do I desire to raise others above my own level of leadership?
5. Do I invest time in people that have leadership potential?
6. Do I enjoy watching others get credit for what I have taught

them?
7. Do I allow the freedom of personality and process, or do I have to

be in control?
8. Do I give my influence publicly as much as possible to potential

leaders?
9. Do I plan to have others take my present position?
10. Do I hand the leadership baton off to a team mate and truly cheer
them on?
Consider, which aspects are you perhaps weaker in? If not at 1 in these, what has got
you to where you are on the scale and what is the next step for you?

5. The alliteration of E.M.P.O.W.E.R. looks like this (see table below). For each letter
identify one thing as a team/church you could do to see the principle actioned in your
context.
E.M.P.O.W.E.R. One idea to help develop

each?
E Evaluate the people around you (Acts 6 – with the 7

‘tests’)
M Model for others – empowerment is visual.
P Pray over them – be open and transparent to receive

grace and gifts from others.
O Open your heart to people – become vulnerable.
W Walk alongside people – take the journey with them
E Express your belief in them.
R Release them – to reach their God-given potential.
6. John finished this session with a heartfelt prayerful reading of Ephesians 3:14 from the
Message. Read through this passage and pray it for each member on your team.
“My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who
parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute
strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door
and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able
to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach
out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights!
Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.”

Lesson 6: Can We Create a Win-Win
Relationship?
Lesson 6
Can We Create a Win-Win
Relationship?
Meditation
2.6 Living Excellent Lives Relationally
Audio =
43 minutes
PLAY AUDIO
At the heart of relational excellence is promise-making and promise keeping. Our marriages,
families, friendships, businesses, churches, and nations are all built on promises. We like to
pledge our sacred honour, but sometimes we toss it aside for the sake of convenience or to
avoid pain. God, however, has raised the standards for covenant making. He has pledged to
us a sacred vow and is unswervingly faithful, even though we continually violate our end of
the bargain. We must challenge ourselves to pursue God’s excellent standards of covenant
keeping by honouring our commitments and by keeping our word.
NOTES

NOTES

Promise making and promise keeping lies at the heart of relational excellence.
Read Malachi 2 and consider God's standard on covenantal excellence. Ask that God would
search your heart now to help you assess the extent to which you are keeping your
covenants, especially in the areas below.
John considered the following four areas in particular:
1. Marriage - is built on a promise. If you are married then how is your promise today?
Are you honouring your vows?
2. Parent - child relationship. How are your relationships with your parents and your
children?
3. Friendship. How are you doing with your promises of truth, loyalty and care toward
your friends?
4. Commercial / financial covenants. Are you establishing your business on faith and
trust? Have you been hurt and betrayed by others, and if so, are you placing integrity
above all else in every aspect of your business? Is your word your bond?
These are all serious in God's eyes. "Guard yourself in spirit and do not break faith," were
the words Malachi used. Imagine if all relationships were marked by this standard? Will you
dare to let God set the standard and become an excellent covenant keeper?
Bring your response to God.

Instruction
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for
he has no one to help him up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Every relationship has the potential to be a win-win connection. When both parties enter
into a relationship with an investment mind-set (discussed in the previous lesson), a win-win
relationship is often the result. Such a relationship adds value to both parties. If both parties
sustain a giving attitude and both are having their needs met, then the relationship can
become something truly special. As long as both parties experience consistent wins in areas
they value, they develop synergy.
The Synergy Question: Can We Create a Win-Win Relationship?
Synergy can be defined as combined or cooperative action that often increases each other’s
effectiveness. Synergy is the result of win-win relationships. The only way to build a positive,
long-lasting, synergistic relationship is to make sure everybody wins! The following people
principles answer the question, “Can we create a win-win relationship?”
2.6 The Boomerang Principle:

When We Help Others, We Help Ourselves.
Video =
Many people want to make “withdrawals” from their relationships without first making
“deposits.” They desire to invest as little as possible in a relationship while receiving a huge
return. Such lopsided relationships will never last. On the other hand, those who invest
generously in their relationships, often receive more from others than they are able to give.
When we add value to people, many desire to add value back to us. A giver’s approach to
life is the key: always focus on what you can give to the relationship. Where do you stand on
giving to others? There are three kinds of people when it comes to giving:
1. Takers - They receive and never give.

2. Traders - They receive first and then give back.
3. Investors - They give and then receive.

People who invest in others have some things in common. They…
1. Understand that people are of great value.

2. Practice the principle of sowing and reaping.
3. Believe that helping others is pleasing to God.
4. Focus on the investment, not the return.
Biblical Case Study: The Virtuous Wife (Proverbs 31:10-31)
The virtuous wife, described in Proverbs 31, is a beautiful example of a generous giver who
faithfully invests in others. Because of her giver’s approach to life, she is called trustworthy,
industrious, resourceful, compassionate, and highly respected.
1. She brings honour to her husband (v.11-12).

2. She provides for her children (v.15).
3. She cares for the needy (v.20).
4. Her words are full of kindness and wisdom (v.26).
5. She receives honour and respect from her husband, children and others (v.28-31).
DISCUSSION
 Do you tend to be a taker, trader or investor?
 What is your plan for intentionally investing in others?

2.6 The Friendship Principle:
All Things Being Equal, People Will Work with People They Like;
All Things Not Being Equal, They Still Will.
Video =
13 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
John Maxwell has often said, “People won’t go along with you if they can’t get along with
you.” To put it another way, people want to take life’s journey with other people they like
and enjoy being around. They prefer to be with true friends. A true friend…
1. Sees you at your worst but never forgets your best.

2. Thinks you are a little bit more wonderful than you really are.
3. Can talk with you for hours or be with you in complete silence.
4. Celebrates your success with you.
5. Tells you the truth at all times.
6. Sticks with you when all others forsake you.
One leader states it this way: “A true friend is one who hears and understands when you
share your deepest feelings. He supports you when you are struggling; he corrects you,
gently and with love, when you err; and he forgives you when you fail. A true friend prods
you to personal growth, stretches you to your full potential. And most amazing of all, he
celebrates your successes as if they were his own.”
You cannot sustain a deep friendship with everyone. But you can be a friendly, kind,
supportive person to everyone you meet. You can treat every person as an individual, not
simply a “contact” or a name on a list.
There are three keys to this process.
1. Develop knowledge about people. Learn as much as possible about different

personality types.
2. Develop your service skills. Learn how to effectively serve others.
3. Develop your listening skills. Learn how to listen with understanding and genuine
concern for others.

Biblical Case Study: David and His Mighty Men (2 Samuel 8:15-18; 23:8-38; 1 Chronicles
12:1-40)
David had many things going for him: talent, humility, courage and vision. However, one of
his greatest qualities, second only to his heart for God, was his ability to build and maintain
deep and lasting friendships.
The top leaders of his army and his administration were also loyal and trusted friends.
Shortly after David defeated Goliath, he found himself on the run from Saul. He was hated
and hunted, but everything began to change for David because of his friendship with
Jonathan. From that moment on, David’s success was in direct proportion to the friendships
he established and the people who surrounded him. Some of his friends were misfits when
he first befriended them. Others were strong when they came to David, yet he made all of
them even better. David, a “giant killer” as a youth, developed and led them to become
giant killers. We see several characteristics in these deep friendships David developed.
1. David mentored them. He invested time and energy in their personal and professional
growth.
2. David inspired them. His personal example of devotion to God and to his nation called
them to greatness.
3. David elevated them. He trusted them and empowered them to reach their full
potential.
4. David’s friends added value to him. They served him faithfully.
5. David’s friends were loyal to him. They were willing to die for him.
6. David and his friends achieved success together.
DISCUSSION
 Have you developed any deep and lasting friendships?
 What do you need to do to develop or strengthen your friendships?
 Do you agree that true friends are people who bring out the best in you?
 How do you bring out the best in your friends, and how do they bring out the best in
you?

2.6 The Partnership Principle:
Working Together Increases the Odds of Winning Together.
Video =
15 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
This principle is crucially important to leaders who desire to make a major difference.
Ministry partnerships are often formed in the hearts of spiritually mature men and women
who trust each other and desire to make a maximum impact for the Kingdom of God.
Ministry partners commit their very best to each other for as long as it takes to accomplish a
mutually agreed upon mission. Partnerships take a shared vision from a dream to a reality.
When individuals work together, the likelihood of significant accomplishment is greatly

enhanced. The same is true with organisations. Partnerships should be formed for the
following reasons:
1. Effectiveness – The greater the effectiveness, the greater the results.

2. Efficiency – The greater the efficiency, the better the use of resources.
3. Empowerment – The greater the empowerment, the greater the mobilisation of
people, gifts and abilities.
There are some key principles in all successful partnerships:
1. Partnerships are about multiplication.

2. Partnerships are built upon trust.
3. Partnerships are formed to accomplish a shared goal or vision.
4. Partnerships always involve a growth process.
5. Partnerships are formed around the strengths of each partner.
6. Partnerships require investment on the part of each partner.
7. Partnerships require commitment, communication, generosity, flexibility and focus on
the big picture.
Biblical Case Study: Peter and John (Luke 9:46-50; 22:24-34; Acts 3:1)
It was not unusual for the disciples to argue about which of them would be greatest when
Jesus established His Kingdom. Each of them wanted to be “Number One.” While all twelve
of the disciples participated in these debates, it would seem that Peter and John would have
been the most likely to think of themselves as the “greatest.” After all, they seem to be the
two key leaders in almost every situation, and Jesus is constantly trying to instruct them
about genuine servant leadership. It is interesting to note the word “together” in the Acts 3
passage. It is just one word, but seems to have great significance in this situation. Peter and
John are actually doing something together, and there is no indication that the old rivalry
still exists. In the aftermath of Pentecost, Jesus’ prayer for unity in John 17 has been
answered, at least in the lives of Peter and John.

In the Christian community, partnership does the following:
1. Multiplies the effectiveness of ministry.

2. Unifies the Body of Christ.
3. Purifies the motives of leaders.
4. Testifies to the world of our oneness in Christ.
5. Intensifies our commitment to one another.
6. Satisfies the heart of God.
DISCUSSION
 Dream for a moment. How could forming a successful partnership impact your life,
family, organisation, or church?
 What strengths do you bring that could add value to a potential partnership?

2.6 The Satisfaction Principle:
In Great Relationships, the Joy of Being Together Is Enough.
Video =
10 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Is there anything more rewarding than spending time with someone with whom you have a
great relationship? Isn’t it true that whenever you have a joyful experience in life, the joy is
more than doubled if you can share it with a friend? There are four factors that help to
create the right climate for relationships where simply being together is enough:
1. Shared memories create a bonded relationship that lasts.

2. Learning together creates a committed relationship that grows.
3. Mutual respect creates a healthy relationship that becomes stronger.
4. Unconditional love creates a safe environment for a relationship to deepen.
Biblical Case Study: Jesus and His Church (John 14: 1-23; 15:15)
Our relationship with Christ is the most important of all. Isn’t it wonderful to know that He
delights in having a relationship with us! He has paid a great price to make this possible, and
He wants us to be with Him forever and forever! Think about it:
1. He desires that we spend all eternity with Him (John 14:3).

2. He returned to heaven expressly to prepare a place for us to be with Him (John 14:2).
3. He is the way that we gain entrance into the place He is preparing (John 14 4-6).
4. The Spirit of Christ abides with us now and always (John 14:16, 23).
5. He calls us His friends (John 15:15).
Jesus loves the believers unconditionally and simply wants a relationship with us. We can
learn from Jesus’ example how to sustain strong relationships.

DISCUSSION
 Think about people you know personally who have sustained a good relationship for
more than twenty years. (It can be any kind of relationship, such as a married couple,
business partners, ministry associates, or friends.) What do they do to keep the
relationship strong?
 What can you learn from them?
Assessment:
How effective are you at developing win-win relationships?
Application:
Think of at least one struggling relationship in your life that needs to become a win-win.
What steps can you take to create synergy in this relationship?
Take a few minutes and review your six action items from the “Application” section of each
lesson. Pray that the Lord would help you grow as a leader and win with people.

Inspiration
2.6 Leaving a Legacy
Video =
54 minutes
PLAY VIDEO
Outline of Session
 What are you leaving as a legacy?

 The Apostle Paul’s legacy – Acts 20
 Five things Bill wishes to leave as a legacy
NOTES

NOTES

DISCUSSION
2. Bill said that you are not going to lead what you are currently leading forever. So what
kind of legacy do you want to leave?
3. Read through Acts 20:17 – 21:13. In addressing the elders, Paul reflects on his time with
the church at Ephesus. Consider the points or principles that Bill drew out from Paul’s
speech. To help consider each point, work through the list in the table below, and using
the scaling method, where 10 represents the best possible expression of the principle
and 1 a complete absence in your leadership, assess yourself.
Paul’s leadership legacy to the church at Ephesus Your rating

from 1 – 10
v.18 – The ‘be with’ principle of leadership. How up close and personal
are you with the people you seek to lead?
v.20 –Defining reality. How clear are you on what your church is known
for? Have you found out the truth and clearly defined it and
communicated it?
v.21 – Preaching the gospel. Is the gospel being regularly proclaimed in

your services? Take out a calendar and reflect back over a period and
ask, how many weeks did you feature the gospel in your services?
v.22 and 23 – The mettle test. How prepared are you for hardships when
seeking to lead self-sacrificially?
v.24 – Agenda priorities. To what extent are you able to set your agenda
aside and prioritise God’s agenda for your life?
v.32 – Point of authority. How clear is it to those outside of your church

just exactly what your church is based upon?
v.33 and 34 – Serving versus receiving. To what extent are you able to
stay on the servant side of the equation? Are you giving more than you
are taking?

Paul’s leadership legacy to the church at Ephesus Your rating
from 1 – 10
v.35 – Being an example. To what degree are you being an example and
a model – in regards to the way in which you treat your body; your
relationships; your building of teams?
Ch.21 v.13 – To die for. To what depth is your resolve?
In the points/principles where you scored yourself lower, try to imagine what the next
step might look like for you and as to how you will reach that. Set yourself one goal for
the next month or so which you could work at to help you move toward that next step.
Ask for someone (a leadership coach perhaps) to help you in this.
4. Bill shared the five aspects of the legacy that he would wish to leave behind. These are:
Bill’s legacy: Your legacy:

To leave behind a congregation To leave behind a congregation / ministry /
that.... organisation that...
1. ...understands and knows the

spiritual gift of leadership.
2. ...is brimming with developing

and emerging leaders, both men
and women.
3. ...has a crystal clear set of vision

and values.
4. ...understands that the church is

the hope of the world.
5. ...is known and is long

remembered for its love.
Take a few moments to quietly reflect and consider the legacy you would like to leave. It
doesn’t matter as to which area of ministry or service you might be in. Simply think about
what you would like to leave one day as a legacy to that ministry, church or organisation.
In the right hand column above make a note of up to five if you are able.

5. Bill completed this session by reflecting on what the prevailing dynamic
might be at this time in your church. He emphasised the importance of love and stated
that hard-heartedness is something which perhaps hurts God’s heart the most.
When you consider your own church, how might you describe the current prevailing
dynamic? On a scale of 1 – 10, how prevalent is love at this time? How might you seek
to develop a culture of love in your church?

Closing Thought and Prayer
Leadership has to be as much about grace as it does about skill.
Lord, AS I am UNDERSTANDING more and more that I am a sinner

saved by YOUR ALL-SUFFICIENT grace,
MAY IT BE THAT YOUR GRACE IS THE SUFFICIENCY for my leadership.


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Willow Creek Association UK & Ireland

in partnership with EQUIP and United Christian Broadcasters

 EQUIP Million Leaders Mandate (MLM) Training presentations and notes

2 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

Visit: www.willowcreek.org.uk | www.willowcreek.com

Visit: www.iequip.org | www.ucb.org.uk

3 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

LESSON 1: THE RIGHT TO HAVE FOLLOWERS .................................................................................................................. 8

LESSON 2: ARE WE PREPARED FOR RELATIONSHIPS? ................................................................................................... 26

LESSON 3: ARE WE WILLING TO FOCUS ON OTHERS? ................................................................................................... 44

LESSON 4: CAN WE BUILD MUTUAL TRUST? ................................................................................................................ 62

LESSON 5: ARE WE WILLING TO INVEST IN OTHERS? .................................................................................................... 80

LESSON 6: CAN WE CREATE A WIN-WIN RELATIONSHIP? ............................................................................................. 98

CLOSING THOUGHT AND PRAYER .............................................................................................................................................. 115

About the Course

Each lesson is made up of three sections:

Finding Your Way to the Course Online

1. The course is housed on the ‘Lead & Learn’ website.

5 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

In your manual there are symbols provided to facilitate your study:

PLAY MEDIA (VIDEO OR AUDIO)

Online video session – watch the relevant section.

ASSESSMENT AND APPLICATION

6 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

Lord, as I approach this material,

7 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

8 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

9 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

10 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

John made three observations about God’s greatest dream:

11 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

2.1 Two Common Ways Leaders Gain Influence with People

12 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

1. When people respect you as a friend, they love you.

Reasons Why Many Leaders Haven’t Earned the Respect of People

1. They think their status or title guarantees respect.

13 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

PLAY VIDEO Video =

Respect for myself means…

 I understand who I am in Christ.

Respect for others means…

 I am careful not to hurt anyone’s self-respect or their sense of dignity.

PAUSE VIDEO FOR DISCUSSION

 Give some examples of how you show respect to others.

14 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

Jesus spoke of this when He taught His disciples to:

• Walk the extra mile.

How to exceed the expectation of others:

• Set high personal standards.

PAUSE VIDEO FOR DISCUSSION

• In what ways do you exceed the expectations of others as a leader?

15 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

Truths that Effective Leaders Know as They Lead People:

• You must learn to separate opinions from convictions.

PAUSE VIDEO FOR DISCUSSION

• What are your top convictions?

• For what do you take a stand?

16 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk

Five Marks of Maturity:

1. Responsibility – Maturity doesn’t come with age; it comes with acceptance of

PAUSE VIDEO FOR DISCUSSION

• What marks of maturity do you display? Which ones do you lack?

17 Developing Courageous Leaders Module 2 | www.willowcreekevents.org.uk