Dear Future Self

I write this letter in darkness, hoping by the time you read this letter a light of
therapy will have dawned in your life. Today I write to you informing you about one
of the biggest mistakes that I made and I regret. Letting go of a loved one.

I remember the first day I saw her, her smile was the only thing shining bright in the
room. I was lonely, sad and heartbroken but seeing her was a therapy on it’s own. It
was during the time when I was trying to endure the pain the first love of my life had
inflicted on me.

It was at Maponga building and the year was 2016 when I first saw the girl who
would later on inflict a different kind of pain in my life. A sweet pain. We never
spoke for a full year, I did not stalk her and the year went.The following year was
when I finally got her number and that was when the friendship began. I don’t know
why I am narrating this story to you because I know you know everything and so I
won’t bother finishing. Life happened. I lost her. I regretted. But right now, I am
fixing things and I deeply implore you and ask you to forgive me for wasting my
time thinking about her.

Loving her was not a mistake. Loving her came as a lesson and losing her a bigger
lesson not to forget. In life we meet people who will truly love us for who we are and
not what we have. At the same time, we can meet people who won’t forgive us for
being silly and full of insecurities that are founded on nothing. We will meet people
who will make us dream more and yet at the same time they will become dreams to
us more. Do I miss her ? Maybe. But I am healing. I am better and going forward,
backward never but only forward.

I am grateful for the museum and the walks past the park and around town but right
now there is nothing that I can do and it is what it is. I find therapy in these letters. I
won’t lie to you but I still feel something for her. I am afraid of meeting her. She has
never showed me anger or deep hatred. I love her. What is love though if it’s not
accepted? I don’t know. I have been taught by experience. Great.

As I write this letter, please note that I have deleted all her pictures. I hope you will
thank me for this. My prayer life is not that good. Apologize to God for me for these
days. I deeply regret what I am doing but I thank God you found a friendship in the
Holy Spirit.

Thank you for forgiving me.

Yours lovingly

Past Self. (21/02/20)